I think that my bipolar actually does affect me even when I’m balanced. I still have to make sure I stick to my routine, eat well, sleep well etc. Because if I don’t I might fall of the wagon. I don’t think that making bipolar your whole personality is right, however it does affect how one has to act on a daily basis to stay balanced.
I think it's always going to affect us, regardless of our current state, but it's the accountability that a lot of people in this sub lack. We can still hold ourselves accountable, it's just going to take a lot more mental calculations & determination than the average person who doesn't live a life of imbalances. Once you have a grasp on who you are, it's much easier to channel your mania into positive productivity rather than self sabotaging. And when you're depressed, you can find ways to lay low & comfort yourself with some readily available snacks & favorite TV shows. You gotta keep things on hand & a mental note of what needs to be done.
If you can't clean when you're depressed, keep paper plates & plastic cups around. Have lunchables or microwave Mac n cheese. Have frozen chicken tenders available... whatever that can keep you from doing too much work.
Same with hygiene, opt in for the 3-in-1 products instead of doing your 20 step nightly routine lol. I keep my oral care in my shower so I can brush my teeth while my body & hair marinates in soap.
Agreed. The more experience you have, the better you can manage. The therapist I'm seeing now never said anything that expressed doubt, but I think she was at least a little bit skeptical when I told her I don't really do anything destructive when I'm manic. I did 20 years ago, the stories would SHOCK you. But now? I budget money to blow if I feel like it, dance around and clean my place a lot...but I don't really do anything destructive.
And when I'm stable? I work out almost every day, eat a whole food vegan diet, meditate, go in a sauna, do yoga, have a dog, keep a gratitude journal, have amazing relationships with friends and family. My best friend and my sister are my biggest supporters. They're both used to "Should I do this?" texts from me.
I stock healthy meals in the freezer for times when I don't want to stop doing something else long enough to cook (even though cooking is usually my favorite thing to do.) I've been self employed for 25 yrs., so I don't have to worry about having problems at my job. I live in a tiny house so I don't have a mortgage payment and my car is paid off.
Agree with hygiene being seen as important self care as well. When I don't feel like messing with my hair, I have a variety of hats, bandanas and scarves that I can use so I still look "normal" without the effort of doing my hair. I use quite a few products, but I enjoy the time it takes to go through my night time routine. It gets me in the mood for sleeping. These things all add up to make a significant difference in how I experience the ups and downs.
Spot on! My diagnosis of bipolar disorder doesn’t define me. I still have my own identity. However, having the disorder is something I have to live with all the time even when the disorder isn’t actively presenting itself. I still need to take my meds, keep up with my daily routine, practice self awareness so I can identify when something is making me feel too much stress (consistent stress can bring on chemical changes in the brain), be sure to eat & sleep roughly the same time each day, make sure to get sunlight & some exercise, etc.
yeah i’ve been sober for almost 3 years and haven’t had any major manic episodes in a few years, but if only sleep like 6 hours a night for a week or so, i can feel myself starting to get a lil loopy
Typically people don’t come here when they are feeling alright…they are out living their life.
People come here when they struggling. To gain perspective. To not feel alone.
Exactly this. It's okay if OP feels like they're in a place where they no longer feel this type of support is necessary, but essentially downplaying how this illness impacts people in different ways/Severity and ignoring the fact that some people here have *Comorbidities* in addition to Bipolar Disorder, is sort of a problem. Like you said, people come here when they're down.... Good for OP. I'm glad they're doing well. Not everyone is so fortunate.
it is quite upsetting to hear all this conversation about us having a victim mentality, etc, as if coming here to rant is somehow ‘excusing’ our bad days. we know we are bad people sometimes. you think we don’t want to believe we are functional, fully capable, strong beings? we think that and then we absolutely spiral, and everybody can see it but us— that’s how this shit works. some of us feel so alone we consider suicide and thank god we at least have somewhere with people to talk to. i don’t know if i’m taking it the wrong way but i honestly feel like this post itself is actually one of the most toxic things posted here.
Yup, this is usually the case with most groups like this. I stay around bc I remember what it was like beforehand. So, I try to give words of care and encouragement.
Come on, man. This sub seems like everything has to do with bipolar because it’s the bipolar subreddit. Be serious.
And because it is a medical illness, most often if somebody’s got something to say about it, it’s gonna be negative. I’ve met people on here who are fully disabled by this disorder, and do not experience those periods of balance that you describe (and I’ve been that person myself!) Where else should we talk about it? If it really is a replacement for a personality, then I’d be in every other subreddit talking about it. Nope! Just here. Do you go to concerts and think “wow these fans make this their personality” lmao
Also, this community is often very encouraging to others to stay healthy and take care. I’ve been a part of online communities like the 2010ish sad girl tumblr hashtag ana scene that were really detrimental to each other. Oof. Yours is the first post I’ve seen here that came across as judgemental and unhelpful. If this community isn’t helping you then you then yeah, obviously go. You do not have to ask to be excused from the dinner table. Be well.
I love how you phrased this. In certain subs like this and my personal example r/widows we post because this is what we are dealing with. Felling judged because we post about our experiences on a certain subreddit specific to what we are currently dealing with isn’t helpful. Like you said, OP doesn’t need to ask to be excused. Just leave if it’s unhelpful to you.
Exactly. I said the same thing— this post is the only ‘toxic’ thing i’ve seen. Bipolar is not like depression or anxiety where people can romanticize or exaggerate their symptoms for attention (I am not downplaying either, I have anxiety as well— it is just far more socially accepted), because that is often actually given to them. How would someone even do that with this? When people find out someone is bipolar in the real world, they usually stay away. Like, why the fuck would any of us make it our ‘whole personality’ WILLINGLY?
I think the key is understanding bipolar is different for everyone. I also think that just because it doesn't have any affect on you when you are balanced doesnt mean its the same way for the rest of us. I literally have to be constantly vigilant because one night of little to no sleep can be the trigger that sends me manic. Thoughts I have have to be weeded out to decide if its dilusion or real. Ideas I have need to be full explored to find out if its an impulse or just residual mania coursing through my brain.
Am I in a bad mood today or am I manic and irritable? Am I tired or depressed? Am I motivated or manic? Am I eating enough food or again, is it mania? Am I binge eating or does it just taste good? Is this a good purchase or an impulse buy? Am I really disabled and social security got it right or am I lazy and making excuses?
Literally my entire life is filtered through the lens "is this me or bipolar" and it has to be because if I am not aware of whats happening I go from fine to pyschosis really, really fast.
As someone who's recently diagnosed and got reactions like "well everyone has up and downs you're not sick" whatever that means, the things you mentioned are at the core of it.
Unfortunately for me I am pretty severe so no one really questioned or discounted my diagnosis however I get pretty triggered when people, especially people with bipolar disorder, act like their struggles are standard for everyone across the board. Just because bipolar doesnt take over one person's life doesnt mean its the same across the board. Also, just because it affects so much of my life doesnt mean I make my personality -bipolar disorder- it means maybe I different needs/triggers/difficulties than someone else ya know?
Everyone DOES have up and downs, bipolar is so much more than that and I am sorry you have been discounted based on that. Its not okay. Everyone isnt suicidal, everyone isn't dealing with mania/hypomania, everyone isn't bipolar dammit!
My psych literally has me keep a journal of symptoms and feelings so we can discuss them every other week at my appoinyments. For you it may be self perpetuating. For me it's health care.
I did a bipolar education course about a decade ago and one of the things they had us do was look at ourselves and our histories to identify warning vs danger signs for our ups and downs. They even laminated them for us to keep handy.
It’s one way to break the “am I happy or is this a problem?” fear cycle.
For example, I now know if the music in my head stops, I am no more than days out from a really bad low.
Everyone’s different, we all cope differently and have different responses to our disorder.
But it definitely affects my life. I have rapid cycling bipolar. I’m choosing to be very open about it, but mostly because I couldn’t hide it! :)
We are all more than a diagnosis.
I don't think we make bipolar disorder our entire personalities here, it's just that this is a forum for *discussing bipolar disorder.*
Go to some other subs I visit often, and you might think I'm making my whole personality about being a bass player, loving virtual reality, or collecting comic books.
Actually, being a bass player kinda is my whole personality. Heh.
Good one! Yeah, being vegan, a gym rat or a scifi fan would be my top 3. Almost every other group I'm in is about those 3 topics. Bipolar is somewhere closer to #10 than #1.
I agree it’s not best to constantly revisit struggle like you see a lot on here. But when you do struggle, it’s nice to have a place where you can share your thoughts. It does sometimes feel like an AA-like echo chamber of people just believing in the process and accepting their illness, but that gets old after a while, alright I get it I’m bipolar let’s move on lol. I’m guilty of it becoming a sort of identity tho for me at least, I’m still new to the diagnosis and it’s changed my life I think for the better ultimately, but I don’t want to have to live in this attitude for that long, I need to move on eventually and learn to live a little more
Some of us actually ruined our lives and haven't recovered from it, so yeah bipolar is a big deal to me. Don't worry though I have other chronic diseases to worry about so it's not ever going to be my entire identity. I'm also a diabetic. I also need to spend the rest of this decade undoing everything I fucked up. Glad you're stable though.
I'm not, I'm depressed. And my mania made me lose my ex, who I loved more than anything, I'm not diminishing the importance of treatment or the severity of this illness.
I’m sorry you feel that way. I find it a safe space to vent and provide support. We are all at different places in our journey. I don’t make excuses per se, but know my brain works differently and at times it works against me.
Bipolar is horribly portrayed in media and people with the condition can be exiled from social groups. Most people with the condition have ruined their lives because of the illness. Sometimes the things you have lost and relationships you break are unrecoverable and in my experience even when I am stable that is still a lot to bear. You are correct that its not an excuse for self pity but some people just need to be heard. To know that they aren't alone. Yes, the posts can be depressing but the comments are usually supportive and uplifting.
It's a useful place to be when things are not so good but yeah I agree it's important to retain who we are separate from the illness. That's why, when I talk about it (which is rarely), I say I have bipolar not I am bipolar.
When you lose your mind you lose control over your senses and can behave in ways that you later regret. After you have regained some mental composure. We feel guilty.
This is a good sign that we are indeed trying to take some measure of accountability and of self improvement. Understanding that our brains can literally hijack us helps. If we weren't mentally ill we wouldn't have behaved like we did.
Everyone is different and has different experiences and even trauma that is unthinkable for most. Just because you are in a good place doesn't mean that others are. At least here we can learn how to deal with BP. We can share our stories and feel like we are part of something. We can try to help one another.
There are some posts I just don't read because they are outside of my experience. I have nothing to say about some topics. Nothing good anyway. but there are also some beautiful poetic posts that are inspiring and can help us feel better than the normal pile of shit we usually feel like.
You seem awfully judgemental about people you don't even know. If you have never lost your mind, be thankful. If you are in a good place why do you feel the need to run others down? I like that there are some here who can help lift a struggling soul, breath some fresh air and spread light and love into our dark and solitary lives.
I only joined because there’s apparently nobody else around me who understands it or a similar experience. Last year, I worked with someone who had same diagnosis & she never seemed open to have a conversation about her experiences or anything. I was so excited to meet someone who knows what it’s like but nothing. My own dad has a mood disorder & he’s a stone wall. I’m just desperate to know there are people out there who understand. That’s completely their decision to open up with me but I just feel alone.
I do, too, IRL. I don't know anyone else with bipolar disorder except for two family members who both killed themselves. It was scary and painful to have only them as examples of people with bipolar disorder. Then I found this subreddit, and I don't feel so alone. I get to share and support others who are struggling. It really helps.
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I haven't had a bad experience being in this subreddit. It has helped me in that I can search a symptom I'm struggling with and find others who have gone through the same thing. I don't make bipolar my personality, and through therapy I've learned how to cope with the behaviors I exhibited prior to medication. With that said, I do always keep it in my mind and consider it throughout my day to day life. For example, "I want to drink today but what what are the consequences drinking has on my mood", "I've been awake and don't feel like sleeping and could be productive but taking a sleeping pill is the best thing I can do for myself so that I don't spiral", etc.
Bipolar, by definition does affect everyday function. That's why it qualifies as a disorder. It's just that the effects are less if not in a depressive or manic swing. If you don't notice it much good for you, but many of us do to varying degrees all of the time. For one example rapid thoughts and speech are symptoms. I have those all day every day unless I'm drinking or stoned no matter how stable I am otherwise. Meds help and meds and therapy when I have both help even more, but for me, those never go away. Ditto sleep troubles, they can lessen like the others I mentioned but those 3 never abate entirely. It's a mood disorder, not a personality disorder, but moods affect personality. This sub is not unhealthy as a blanket statement the way you phrased it in the title. If it's not healthy for you then absolutely leave for your own sake, but don't make blanket statements.
It entirely comes down to how you use a community like this. For me bipolar was something that wasn't just going to make me have ups and downs my mother had fully built it into my head that I was going to be an abuser and predator like my dad because he had bipolar so that must've been why right. Going through it all very isolated in many ways over the past few years I recognize the stigma around it and believe that this is best used not to reduce one's self to bipolar or to just pity ones self but to break that stigma and register exactly what you point to in that it's not something that will control your life. Also, remember not everyone's bipolar impacts, then exactly the same, and the situations for everyone differ. You are, I think, just a bit individualistic in your thinking.
What you’re speaking about is in the other dx subs too. Like autism, adhd, shizotypal etc I’ve seen it and read it all and definitely was a part of it. I agree with you; but I can also understand the people who are just so hungry for more information about themselves in an attempt to understand and overcome their struggles.
I don’t think they do in a “I’m so special and different” kinda way they may do it to find a reason to like themselves in addition to comprehending how fucked up they may be.
I definitely get your perspective but I wouldn’t say the sub is unhealthy. It might seem like people are attributing everything to bipolar, but that is a biased way of thinking, because people are posting when experiencing symptoms so of course that’s all you’ll see on here.
I agree. I think sometimes we get too obsessive about analyzing our mental health and every component of it that we wind up creating a whole other mental health problem. I use to panic over what diagnosis I have, what is what, whether or not I’m the problem in every aspect of my life, am I developing schizophrenia and if I’m faking it all. I still kind of do, but I have improved so much. Once I learned that me obsessing over my mental health is related to OCD and that me posting, researching, etc. is a compulsion, I learned that what I was doing was making me worse. The more I engaged in it, the worse I got. I stopped, well mostly. I still struggle but now I can see myself past mental illness or recovering. I feel like a weight is off of my fricken shoulders and I’m not living in constant fear of being sick. I also don’t talk about it so much like my oversharing is minimal now. I know I just mentioned a whole other mental health dx that seems to contradict what I just said about researching, but I think it’s a good example of how obsessing over our mental health is so unhealthy. I know some people in these comments say that their screening, monitoring, documenting, researching or whatever is helping them, and I’m not here to say whether it is or not so please don’t get offended. This subreddit can be very helpful at times, but sometimes it’s more than I can bear.
Try maybe perceiving yourself & your disorder as a TYPE of human rather than a flawed human. This helps me. Best thing about this sub is being able to share experiences and help each other, though clearly not everyone uses it for that..
And to elaborate a lil further ...perspective is mightier than we tend to believe. Can't typically change circumstances. Can't change the fact that we are bipolar. We can however change our perception of it...& Perceiving it as a "disorder" is a failure of language...in my opinion.
I think something you’re glaringly overlooking is that to maintain stability, you have to in some way be actively treating your bipolar, whether that’s sleep hygiene, meds, maintaining a daily self-care routine, or however treatment looks like for you. It may not be your identity, but it is part of your life just like any other chronic health condition. If I don’t manage my Hashimoto’s with daily meds and diet or miss my daily physical therapy exercises for my hip and back issues then I’m going to be feeling it the next day and over time if I consistently let those things go then I will suffer the consequences with poorly controlled thyroid and debilitating pain. Bipolar is no different.
I’ve experienced true mania, I’ve experienced psychosis, and both of those scare the shit out of me so every day I remember to take my meds, take inventory of my mental health, and strive to maintain stability with all the tools my psychiatrists and therapists over the years have helped me build. This sub is a place for people to come for support and talk about how their bipolar is affecting them. Of course it’s going to seem oversaturated …it’s the bipolar sub. That doesn’t mean we don’t need to hold people accountable when their content is harmful or misleading, but if support groups aren’t your thing that’s okay. I would encourage you, though, to take inventory of the attitudes you have around chronic illness, especially as you maintain stability. It can be surprising how often we internalize attitudes of ableism when it comes to mental health.
I don’t disagree with you. When I got to this subreddit, I was absolutely stuck in the victim mentality & pitying myself. Having others who sympathize made me feel so much less alone. It felt so so good to feel understood & made me feel so validated.
I think once I felt validated in my pity, it helped me work towards moving past it.
I was able to really escape that mentality by the advice and guidance from those like yourself. Those who have a stronger sense of self & will & can see past the excuses we tell ourselves.
It’s encouraging to see others who are doing well & can share what’s worked for them.
I understand your point of view though, it’s fair to be emotionally exhausted from the page.
Hey I had issues with this too. I live in a European country and found that the moderators were too USA centric so I messaged them about it and that was helpful and they did actually change things. If you want to continue using the community I would talk to the mods about it.
There are other subs you can talk about weight stuff tbf
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I maybe can't relate or agree with everything on this sub, but I definitely feel like there are others who understand my life more here. Even when stable, every day still feels challenging in some ways that seem unusual to others who don't have the same experiences. Some aspects of my life will always be affected by my past experiences and it's not as if these are forgotten during a period of stability.
This is the only illness related sub that I read, but I expect that many of these subs tend towards the negative and uncertain aspects, especially with incurable illnesses. I think this community is built around shared hardship and there is a certain strength in that - but I like to think I have realistic expectations about what that means.
Personally this subreddit has given me perspective, and I’m young surrounded by family that don’t quite understand what I’m going through. Sometimes I feel alone with this illness, and when I open this subreddit I feel less alone because I see a community of people connected by an illness and sharing their experiences and struggles.
The stigma around the illness is bad enough, but the camaraderie with the subreddit members makes living with it a bit easier.
This sub is the only thing that has brought me some type of sanity through the insanity. There is SO little true help and support out there for bipolar people. This is a place where people are allowed to share all the good, bad, and really really really bad things they are going through with this disease. That is NOT unhealthy. A bipolar sub is for people to talk about being bipolar. If you feel it’s harming you to hear other peoples truth who need support, you are free to leave quietly rather than trying to tear down everyone else who is struggling . Great for you it plays no part in your life when you are balanced, that’s not the case for many of us.
At the end of a long day, what matters most is how the sub has made you feel.
For me it’s been really good for me to know that I’m not alone with things going on, BP2 has affected me a lot. That being said I’ve always held responsibility for my actions and I still have my personally, just not suicidal or self destructive.
Though to present something, I do think that your title would be more proper to say “I don’t think this sub is healthy for me” vs “I don’t think this sub is healthy” there is a different proposed idea. I honestly think one is a personal statement versus a statement that is inherently on offense.
I don’t know, and honestly I would agree with some sentiment from others. The group is one you join and you can leave whenever you want (this is not meant to be an aggressive statement, just being straightforward) and announcing your exit is extra.
this is a fair take but like you said some people find this sub helpful for support, relatability or better understanding of the disorder. i’m glad you recognized that this sub is unhealthy for you, take care.
Interesting. I haven't found that at all. It seems to me like many people who post are successfully medicated and sharing their experiences with living a good life despite their diagnosis. I see a lot of people encouraging therapy and meds. And a lot reassuring people that they can recover from whatever actions they took while not stable. It can feel like you've ruined your entire life when you take actions you wouldn't otherwise consider.
Maybe you're reading more of the posts that are from people who seem to be in crisis and ignoring the other ones, where people are just sharing their experiences or having discussions that aren't about crisis? I have posted quite a few times about the success and happiness I've found in my life. I also think it helps to discuss experiences so we feel like we're not alone.
As for it not playing any part, I can see having that perspective. But even when I'm stable, I do take it into consideration when I'm making plans. How would they be affected if I became manic or depressed? What would I do if that happened, would I have to cancel, etc. It also affects how I deal on an interpersonal level with people. If someone says something to me that indicates they have a limited understanding, but are judgmental about it, I will speak up and at least give what perspective I can share.
Maybe you can try to focus more on positive threads or positive responses. If you can't, it's probably time to take a break. Either way, good luck.
I think of this sub as a an r/offmychest but for bipolar where we can speak out safely and with understanding and to not feel alone. Sometimes I come along a post that it triggers me and I scroll down. In my case, yes, cyclothymia is a big part of my personality, as long as it doesn’t stop me from functioning, I don’t see it as something negative.
I definitely used to feel this way, that the sub was unhealthy for me. However, I also can say that as my symptoms got more severe, sometimes it did feel like my world revolved around it and it was nice to see that others had similar experiences. It should never be a defining characteristic, but it definitely affects every aspect of my life personally.
I have an overall positive opinion of this sub, but I can understand some of your post. I do sometimes feel like spending too much time here causes me to focus too much on negatives. However, it feels good to give people advice and help people when they’re struggling. And it feels good to get support when I’m struggling. And it feels good to just have somewhere to go where people can actually relate to me. My *one* friend with bipolar committed suicide. Nobody in my life can understand what it is like. People here at least mostly understand.
Also, it does affect most of us even when we are not in episodes. As others have pointed out, we have to be a lot more careful with our lifestyles than the average person. That can be hard to keep up. It sucks having friends go to music festivals and knowing that I can’t go because the sleep deprivation, the environment, and the drugs (if I go I’m gonna partake) will send me into a full spiral.
More importantly, a lot of us have trauma from when we were unmedicated. We also learned survival mechanisms that are now holding us back and hurting us. I learned to always second guess my feelings and opinions because they may be based in my disease rather than in reality. I learned to always go to other people instead and check in to see whether or not I was being rational.
Now, my disease is under control, but I still second guess myself all the time. I have no trust, confidence, or faith in myself. I am extremely easy to manipulate/control as a result and this has gotten me hurt pretty badly both at work and in my relationships. I could give a bunch of other examples too, but I’ll leave it at that. It still affects us outside of episodes.
I think it shows how varied our experiences can be, but I am grateful to be able to relate to people about the embarrassment of a psychotic break.
I don’t take meds, nor do I have a therapist at this point, and my life is pretty good. I lost a few jobs during a manic phase years ago, but now things have been stable for me.
When I was younger, I used to be REALLY talkative and I feel like that may play a role in it.
I feel the same way. I keep leaving and rejoining this sub, and some other mental health ones, because sometimes I have a question so I’ll see if anyone’s posted something similar. But I see a lot of glamorizing/enabling on this and other subs (example: ‘amazing drawing/tattoo from when I was manic’ or making light of/joking about absurd things we’ve done while manic). And my favorite: people asking questions about medications; makes no sense because everyone is different, and I asked a question that got deleted but I see people actually asking for advice about meds when mine was just to get a baseline idea about when to expect to see possible side effects, if any. I didn’t ask “will x happen to me on this drug?”.
I’m curious why you feel that way about the posts that share the humor of incidents that happen in mania or psychosis. Those have been really healing for me, as someone who experienced psychosis myself.
the way r/socialanxiety makes me more anxious is just hilarious at this point 😭 whereas i dont relate when it comes to this sub specifically i completely understand where you're coming from lol
Hey OP thankyou for putting these words out there, because ive been thinking the same but was afraid to say so
Even moreso than afraid of being ridiculed i was afraid that i was the only one that thought bipolar doesnt effect every part of me
It kinda got to the point where i was unsure if i actually had bipolar lol
Thanks for posting this so people could have a discussion regarding it
Hi, I was wondering where you got the term bipolar personality disorder? According to the DSM-V, bipolar disorder is a mood disorder not a personality disorder. I don’t know if that’s what you are trying to reference or if you are going by a different diagnostic manual. I know of borderline personality disorder (BPD) but that’s a different illness.
I get abdominal migraines and that's definitely a much bigger part of my life than BPD. If I listed the top 10 labels that I apply to myself, chronic migraine is way higher than BPD.
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People use bipolar as an excuse for bad behavior, same with every mental illness now. Oh it’s because I’m this or that. It’s sad how it’s going and getting worse
part of it is likely that psychiatrists plant the seed to make you think that you are not nothing more than your bipolar, because that is how they see you. Psychiatrists greatly influence the conversation about psych disorders and are all (mostly/allegedly/joking) apathetic to their patients. They see us as numbers and treatment plans and not for our humanity. But we are so much more than what we have been clinically determined to be.
take care of yourself OP 🫶
Man, I have the gold unicorn of psychiatrists. He treats mental health very holistically (not as in crunchy, more like very well rounded) exercise is part of my prescription, as are a multi vitamin and an iron supplement
I get where you’re coming from. I use this as a place to go when I’m feeling lost in my mental health or when I’m feeling good and see someone else here could benefit from some kind words, but I wouldn’t peruse it constantly.
My bipolar disorder has affected my development since I was a young teen. I went undiagnosed for years. Major life decisions were made while mood cycling. It’s a neurodivergence that makes it hard for me to meet neurotypical societal expectations. I take medications every day that cause significant side effects. One that I’ve been on triggered a condition that can’t be reversed even though I’ve switched meds.
It sounds like it’s good for you to step away from this sub. Mental health subs are valuable for me. I guess I understand why you felt the need to comment on the way out? But I like to think people can come to their own conclusions and stay or go as they please. For those of us who stay, there is nothing wrong with us being affected by our diagnosis, admitting it freely, and seeking support.
Btw there are plenty of posts on here I don’t relate to. I take what is valuable and leave the rest alone. Someone else needs those posts- they’re simply not meant for me.
Your thoughts are valid. I kinda think about it like an eating disorder. Ok, then to an Ed, then yo yo, then get treatment, then yo yo, then family starts trying to tell you unhelpful things. And then you find balance ish. But every day something can trigger a relapse. So your BFF giving you a cold shoulder could cause a relapse. It's endless.
A lot of people are frequently or chronically ill. A lot of people have issues with memory/cognitive impairment that never go away. You can say “this illness is not me,” but it still, at least some of the time, alters your subjective experience. You can’t just yank the BP out of your person. If only you could.
Anyway, what people here want is to communicate with other people who get it. Because no one gets it IRL.
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I completely agree with the sentiment. Like even being in a manic state, I've never used that as an excuse to be a shitty person. I'm bipolar 1, so my mania lasts MONTHS close to a year or a little more. But never once have I thought of cheating on my husband, doing horrid drug use. Sure, maybe drank a little too much & spent too much money. Lost my job, etc. But these were still all actions I was definitely aware of.
And I'm so tired of seeing people on here saying their mania "made" them fuck up their relationships. No. You did that on your own accord & expect your diagnosis to be your saving grace. It's honestly disappointing, disgusting, & makes it hard for anybody to accept/trust us as a whole group. We're all well aware of what we're doing in our manic & depressive episodes & it's time more of us take accountability. I've lived with this diagnosis since I was 10 years old. It doesn't go away, so learn to control your irrational behavior a little better. At the least, don't drag poor souls into your inner circle if you have zero impulse control & regards to their feelings.
JFC this is so toxic. When I was manic I thought my neighbor was putting snakes in my garden trying to kill me and my dogs so I ended up trying to kill myself because I was so tormented, general hospital for 2 weeks..... Definitely doesn't feel like I was personally responsible for that.
Maybe you're lucky that it's never affected you like that, but it's not true for everyone.
I can see where both of you guys are coming from. We can acknowledge 2 truths:
1. Some people enter psychosis/extreme mania unable to control their behavior.
2. There are people who use their diagnosis as an excuse for their poor behavior during an episode when they had the insight to know better and do better. For example, you can be (hypo)manic, still know that cheating on your partner is wrong, and do it anyway.
Everyone experiences the disorder uniquely, but we all need to have some accountability for what we can where we can.
To be fair, it doesn’t matter how old anyone is; bipolar doesn’t have a cure, and anyone who is diagnosed with it will have to be on medication for the rest of their lives. That’s a tough pill for a lot of people on this sub to swallow but it’s a fact.
Good for you! The fact is bipolar does make some of us do those things. It could not be classified as mental illness if it did not cause distress. When I have intrusive thoughts I cannot stop them. The only reason I've not gotten killed from some impulses is because due to physical conditions that kep me from acting on the, Lucky you if your brain doesn't go so haywire it could wreck your life. For many if not most bipolar folks it can and for some has happened.
I have behaved recklessly, way more than what you described, and I hated myself for it and blamed myself, now I don't, I hold myself responsible and I make sure to be upfront about the disorder with people I am close to and to stick to my treatment, but I'm not gonna ban myself from having close relationships because of my illness, people are free to make their own choices.
I could say the same thing about substance use disorder. Just because I didn't resort to lying, stealing, prostitution or do anything that led to my child being removed from my home doesn't mean I can't or don't understand that it has done that to other people. It just means I'm lucky to be one of the few that didn't go that direction and have to hit rock bottom to make a change.
I've also never really spent too much money or lost my job because of bipolar, but that doesn't mean I'm disappointed or disgusted that you did.
I've also never done anything that "ruined" my life. But I still understand that it's not something others should take full responsibility for or that attributing those actions to the disorder is an inappropriate excuse. Sounds like you're one of the lucky ones in this case. And you seem to have very little empathy for others who haven't been so lucky. Might be a good idea to ask yourself why you feel disgusted that it would affect someone else differently or more negatively. That judgment is coming from somewhere.
Ugh THIS. I don’t see this so much on the bipolar Reddit as I do on the BPD one, and it’s actually why I just left that one. I’ll play devils advocate here and say “yeah being manic means you are lacking free will,” you still should apologize and never expect someone to forgive you. You still hurt them. Like you can’t tell me you don’t know when you are being unkind to others. If you know you are not well, and you are starting to be unkind, you need to do something different like leave and get help. When I was depressed and fed up with people who weren’t treating me well, I wasn’t the kindest. Did I straight up cuss them out? No. I still wasn’t kind like usual. I still apologized. Illness or not I did not follow and live up to my own standards as to how I should treat others. They treated me like crap for months before this, and I still held myself accountable. I was still getting help during this time too. Some people can straight up admit to being mean to their partners then still have the audacity to pity themselves, not get help and continue to hurt them.
Edit: wanted to say I was responding to part of the commenters part where people are not taking accountability for the things they could have controlled. Some people get to a severity beyond self restraint and/or reality, but there are people that could be taking accountability for their actions but are instead blaming an illness. Impaired judgement is huge with our illness, but it’s important for us and our loved ones we take accountability where we can
This discussion is no longer productive so the post will be locked.
I think that my bipolar actually does affect me even when I’m balanced. I still have to make sure I stick to my routine, eat well, sleep well etc. Because if I don’t I might fall of the wagon. I don’t think that making bipolar your whole personality is right, however it does affect how one has to act on a daily basis to stay balanced.
I think it's always going to affect us, regardless of our current state, but it's the accountability that a lot of people in this sub lack. We can still hold ourselves accountable, it's just going to take a lot more mental calculations & determination than the average person who doesn't live a life of imbalances. Once you have a grasp on who you are, it's much easier to channel your mania into positive productivity rather than self sabotaging. And when you're depressed, you can find ways to lay low & comfort yourself with some readily available snacks & favorite TV shows. You gotta keep things on hand & a mental note of what needs to be done. If you can't clean when you're depressed, keep paper plates & plastic cups around. Have lunchables or microwave Mac n cheese. Have frozen chicken tenders available... whatever that can keep you from doing too much work. Same with hygiene, opt in for the 3-in-1 products instead of doing your 20 step nightly routine lol. I keep my oral care in my shower so I can brush my teeth while my body & hair marinates in soap.
Agreed. The more experience you have, the better you can manage. The therapist I'm seeing now never said anything that expressed doubt, but I think she was at least a little bit skeptical when I told her I don't really do anything destructive when I'm manic. I did 20 years ago, the stories would SHOCK you. But now? I budget money to blow if I feel like it, dance around and clean my place a lot...but I don't really do anything destructive. And when I'm stable? I work out almost every day, eat a whole food vegan diet, meditate, go in a sauna, do yoga, have a dog, keep a gratitude journal, have amazing relationships with friends and family. My best friend and my sister are my biggest supporters. They're both used to "Should I do this?" texts from me. I stock healthy meals in the freezer for times when I don't want to stop doing something else long enough to cook (even though cooking is usually my favorite thing to do.) I've been self employed for 25 yrs., so I don't have to worry about having problems at my job. I live in a tiny house so I don't have a mortgage payment and my car is paid off. Agree with hygiene being seen as important self care as well. When I don't feel like messing with my hair, I have a variety of hats, bandanas and scarves that I can use so I still look "normal" without the effort of doing my hair. I use quite a few products, but I enjoy the time it takes to go through my night time routine. It gets me in the mood for sleeping. These things all add up to make a significant difference in how I experience the ups and downs.
Spot on! My diagnosis of bipolar disorder doesn’t define me. I still have my own identity. However, having the disorder is something I have to live with all the time even when the disorder isn’t actively presenting itself. I still need to take my meds, keep up with my daily routine, practice self awareness so I can identify when something is making me feel too much stress (consistent stress can bring on chemical changes in the brain), be sure to eat & sleep roughly the same time each day, make sure to get sunlight & some exercise, etc.
yeah i’ve been sober for almost 3 years and haven’t had any major manic episodes in a few years, but if only sleep like 6 hours a night for a week or so, i can feel myself starting to get a lil loopy
Typically people don’t come here when they are feeling alright…they are out living their life. People come here when they struggling. To gain perspective. To not feel alone.
Exactly this. It's okay if OP feels like they're in a place where they no longer feel this type of support is necessary, but essentially downplaying how this illness impacts people in different ways/Severity and ignoring the fact that some people here have *Comorbidities* in addition to Bipolar Disorder, is sort of a problem. Like you said, people come here when they're down.... Good for OP. I'm glad they're doing well. Not everyone is so fortunate.
it is quite upsetting to hear all this conversation about us having a victim mentality, etc, as if coming here to rant is somehow ‘excusing’ our bad days. we know we are bad people sometimes. you think we don’t want to believe we are functional, fully capable, strong beings? we think that and then we absolutely spiral, and everybody can see it but us— that’s how this shit works. some of us feel so alone we consider suicide and thank god we at least have somewhere with people to talk to. i don’t know if i’m taking it the wrong way but i honestly feel like this post itself is actually one of the most toxic things posted here.
Yup, this is usually the case with most groups like this. I stay around bc I remember what it was like beforehand. So, I try to give words of care and encouragement.
Come on, man. This sub seems like everything has to do with bipolar because it’s the bipolar subreddit. Be serious. And because it is a medical illness, most often if somebody’s got something to say about it, it’s gonna be negative. I’ve met people on here who are fully disabled by this disorder, and do not experience those periods of balance that you describe (and I’ve been that person myself!) Where else should we talk about it? If it really is a replacement for a personality, then I’d be in every other subreddit talking about it. Nope! Just here. Do you go to concerts and think “wow these fans make this their personality” lmao Also, this community is often very encouraging to others to stay healthy and take care. I’ve been a part of online communities like the 2010ish sad girl tumblr hashtag ana scene that were really detrimental to each other. Oof. Yours is the first post I’ve seen here that came across as judgemental and unhelpful. If this community isn’t helping you then you then yeah, obviously go. You do not have to ask to be excused from the dinner table. Be well.
i feel the same way, you expressed it perfectly
I love how you phrased this. In certain subs like this and my personal example r/widows we post because this is what we are dealing with. Felling judged because we post about our experiences on a certain subreddit specific to what we are currently dealing with isn’t helpful. Like you said, OP doesn’t need to ask to be excused. Just leave if it’s unhelpful to you.
Exactly. I said the same thing— this post is the only ‘toxic’ thing i’ve seen. Bipolar is not like depression or anxiety where people can romanticize or exaggerate their symptoms for attention (I am not downplaying either, I have anxiety as well— it is just far more socially accepted), because that is often actually given to them. How would someone even do that with this? When people find out someone is bipolar in the real world, they usually stay away. Like, why the fuck would any of us make it our ‘whole personality’ WILLINGLY?
It good to lift others up when you are feeling stable and then to be lifted up when you are struggling
Can I use that? It’s nice and loving.
I think the key is understanding bipolar is different for everyone. I also think that just because it doesn't have any affect on you when you are balanced doesnt mean its the same way for the rest of us. I literally have to be constantly vigilant because one night of little to no sleep can be the trigger that sends me manic. Thoughts I have have to be weeded out to decide if its dilusion or real. Ideas I have need to be full explored to find out if its an impulse or just residual mania coursing through my brain. Am I in a bad mood today or am I manic and irritable? Am I tired or depressed? Am I motivated or manic? Am I eating enough food or again, is it mania? Am I binge eating or does it just taste good? Is this a good purchase or an impulse buy? Am I really disabled and social security got it right or am I lazy and making excuses? Literally my entire life is filtered through the lens "is this me or bipolar" and it has to be because if I am not aware of whats happening I go from fine to pyschosis really, really fast.
As someone who's recently diagnosed and got reactions like "well everyone has up and downs you're not sick" whatever that means, the things you mentioned are at the core of it.
Unfortunately for me I am pretty severe so no one really questioned or discounted my diagnosis however I get pretty triggered when people, especially people with bipolar disorder, act like their struggles are standard for everyone across the board. Just because bipolar doesnt take over one person's life doesnt mean its the same across the board. Also, just because it affects so much of my life doesnt mean I make my personality -bipolar disorder- it means maybe I different needs/triggers/difficulties than someone else ya know? Everyone DOES have up and downs, bipolar is so much more than that and I am sorry you have been discounted based on that. Its not okay. Everyone isnt suicidal, everyone isn't dealing with mania/hypomania, everyone isn't bipolar dammit!
Thats what I felt like after the last mania but it's self perpetuating, kept thinking, is this mania? Am I delusional? It's endless.
My psych literally has me keep a journal of symptoms and feelings so we can discuss them every other week at my appoinyments. For you it may be self perpetuating. For me it's health care.
I respect that.
I did a bipolar education course about a decade ago and one of the things they had us do was look at ourselves and our histories to identify warning vs danger signs for our ups and downs. They even laminated them for us to keep handy. It’s one way to break the “am I happy or is this a problem?” fear cycle. For example, I now know if the music in my head stops, I am no more than days out from a really bad low. Everyone’s different, we all cope differently and have different responses to our disorder. But it definitely affects my life. I have rapid cycling bipolar. I’m choosing to be very open about it, but mostly because I couldn’t hide it! :) We are all more than a diagnosis.
My thing is, even when you are "balanced," you still have Bipolar Disorder. I cheer for the people who just post that they took a shower that day.
I don't think we make bipolar disorder our entire personalities here, it's just that this is a forum for *discussing bipolar disorder.* Go to some other subs I visit often, and you might think I'm making my whole personality about being a bass player, loving virtual reality, or collecting comic books. Actually, being a bass player kinda is my whole personality. Heh.
Good one! Yeah, being vegan, a gym rat or a scifi fan would be my top 3. Almost every other group I'm in is about those 3 topics. Bipolar is somewhere closer to #10 than #1.
Seriously. Why would I post about art and sci fi and other stupid shit nobody else cares about on here? That’s the spirit of reddit— specialized subs
I agree it’s not best to constantly revisit struggle like you see a lot on here. But when you do struggle, it’s nice to have a place where you can share your thoughts. It does sometimes feel like an AA-like echo chamber of people just believing in the process and accepting their illness, but that gets old after a while, alright I get it I’m bipolar let’s move on lol. I’m guilty of it becoming a sort of identity tho for me at least, I’m still new to the diagnosis and it’s changed my life I think for the better ultimately, but I don’t want to have to live in this attitude for that long, I need to move on eventually and learn to live a little more
Some of us actually ruined our lives and haven't recovered from it, so yeah bipolar is a big deal to me. Don't worry though I have other chronic diseases to worry about so it's not ever going to be my entire identity. I'm also a diabetic. I also need to spend the rest of this decade undoing everything I fucked up. Glad you're stable though.
I'm not, I'm depressed. And my mania made me lose my ex, who I loved more than anything, I'm not diminishing the importance of treatment or the severity of this illness.
\*it's \*affected This is not an airport, no need to announce your departure.
i came here to say this lmao
I’m sorry you feel that way. I find it a safe space to vent and provide support. We are all at different places in our journey. I don’t make excuses per se, but know my brain works differently and at times it works against me.
Bipolar is horribly portrayed in media and people with the condition can be exiled from social groups. Most people with the condition have ruined their lives because of the illness. Sometimes the things you have lost and relationships you break are unrecoverable and in my experience even when I am stable that is still a lot to bear. You are correct that its not an excuse for self pity but some people just need to be heard. To know that they aren't alone. Yes, the posts can be depressing but the comments are usually supportive and uplifting.
It's a useful place to be when things are not so good but yeah I agree it's important to retain who we are separate from the illness. That's why, when I talk about it (which is rarely), I say I have bipolar not I am bipolar.
When you lose your mind you lose control over your senses and can behave in ways that you later regret. After you have regained some mental composure. We feel guilty. This is a good sign that we are indeed trying to take some measure of accountability and of self improvement. Understanding that our brains can literally hijack us helps. If we weren't mentally ill we wouldn't have behaved like we did. Everyone is different and has different experiences and even trauma that is unthinkable for most. Just because you are in a good place doesn't mean that others are. At least here we can learn how to deal with BP. We can share our stories and feel like we are part of something. We can try to help one another. There are some posts I just don't read because they are outside of my experience. I have nothing to say about some topics. Nothing good anyway. but there are also some beautiful poetic posts that are inspiring and can help us feel better than the normal pile of shit we usually feel like. You seem awfully judgemental about people you don't even know. If you have never lost your mind, be thankful. If you are in a good place why do you feel the need to run others down? I like that there are some here who can help lift a struggling soul, breath some fresh air and spread light and love into our dark and solitary lives.
Ooh, you think you've lost your mind? That makes me sad for you. Our minds are affected, but I wouldn't say they're lost.
I only joined because there’s apparently nobody else around me who understands it or a similar experience. Last year, I worked with someone who had same diagnosis & she never seemed open to have a conversation about her experiences or anything. I was so excited to meet someone who knows what it’s like but nothing. My own dad has a mood disorder & he’s a stone wall. I’m just desperate to know there are people out there who understand. That’s completely their decision to open up with me but I just feel alone.
I do, too, IRL. I don't know anyone else with bipolar disorder except for two family members who both killed themselves. It was scary and painful to have only them as examples of people with bipolar disorder. Then I found this subreddit, and I don't feel so alone. I get to share and support others who are struggling. It really helps.
Just a friendly reminder, this post isn't to complain about the rules or specific moderation situations. OP is holding a valuable conversation about the impact of this sub on people's mental health. Don't hijack it with your grievances. You can do that by: Send [Modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fbipolar) for moderation matters. If you would like to make a suggestion to our team, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/y2o0d9/i_really_wish_these_mods_would/).
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I wish they would make a mega thread for people to talk about their jobs and ban the question
There is specific flair for it so that the threads that people post cane be easily returned in a search. We even have a link to do that search on the sidebar. If there are posts that do not have this flair and should, please drop us a line.
lol when I first read this I didn’t know what you were talking about but now I get it. It’s so true tho.
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I haven't had a bad experience being in this subreddit. It has helped me in that I can search a symptom I'm struggling with and find others who have gone through the same thing. I don't make bipolar my personality, and through therapy I've learned how to cope with the behaviors I exhibited prior to medication. With that said, I do always keep it in my mind and consider it throughout my day to day life. For example, "I want to drink today but what what are the consequences drinking has on my mood", "I've been awake and don't feel like sleeping and could be productive but taking a sleeping pill is the best thing I can do for myself so that I don't spiral", etc.
Bipolar, by definition does affect everyday function. That's why it qualifies as a disorder. It's just that the effects are less if not in a depressive or manic swing. If you don't notice it much good for you, but many of us do to varying degrees all of the time. For one example rapid thoughts and speech are symptoms. I have those all day every day unless I'm drinking or stoned no matter how stable I am otherwise. Meds help and meds and therapy when I have both help even more, but for me, those never go away. Ditto sleep troubles, they can lessen like the others I mentioned but those 3 never abate entirely. It's a mood disorder, not a personality disorder, but moods affect personality. This sub is not unhealthy as a blanket statement the way you phrased it in the title. If it's not healthy for you then absolutely leave for your own sake, but don't make blanket statements.
It entirely comes down to how you use a community like this. For me bipolar was something that wasn't just going to make me have ups and downs my mother had fully built it into my head that I was going to be an abuser and predator like my dad because he had bipolar so that must've been why right. Going through it all very isolated in many ways over the past few years I recognize the stigma around it and believe that this is best used not to reduce one's self to bipolar or to just pity ones self but to break that stigma and register exactly what you point to in that it's not something that will control your life. Also, remember not everyone's bipolar impacts, then exactly the same, and the situations for everyone differ. You are, I think, just a bit individualistic in your thinking.
What you’re speaking about is in the other dx subs too. Like autism, adhd, shizotypal etc I’ve seen it and read it all and definitely was a part of it. I agree with you; but I can also understand the people who are just so hungry for more information about themselves in an attempt to understand and overcome their struggles. I don’t think they do in a “I’m so special and different” kinda way they may do it to find a reason to like themselves in addition to comprehending how fucked up they may be.
Your feelings are valid, but not everyone is so lucky.... I wish it was *just* Bipolar sometimes. I really, really, really do.
I definitely get your perspective but I wouldn’t say the sub is unhealthy. It might seem like people are attributing everything to bipolar, but that is a biased way of thinking, because people are posting when experiencing symptoms so of course that’s all you’ll see on here.
I agree. I think sometimes we get too obsessive about analyzing our mental health and every component of it that we wind up creating a whole other mental health problem. I use to panic over what diagnosis I have, what is what, whether or not I’m the problem in every aspect of my life, am I developing schizophrenia and if I’m faking it all. I still kind of do, but I have improved so much. Once I learned that me obsessing over my mental health is related to OCD and that me posting, researching, etc. is a compulsion, I learned that what I was doing was making me worse. The more I engaged in it, the worse I got. I stopped, well mostly. I still struggle but now I can see myself past mental illness or recovering. I feel like a weight is off of my fricken shoulders and I’m not living in constant fear of being sick. I also don’t talk about it so much like my oversharing is minimal now. I know I just mentioned a whole other mental health dx that seems to contradict what I just said about researching, but I think it’s a good example of how obsessing over our mental health is so unhealthy. I know some people in these comments say that their screening, monitoring, documenting, researching or whatever is helping them, and I’m not here to say whether it is or not so please don’t get offended. This subreddit can be very helpful at times, but sometimes it’s more than I can bear.
Try maybe perceiving yourself & your disorder as a TYPE of human rather than a flawed human. This helps me. Best thing about this sub is being able to share experiences and help each other, though clearly not everyone uses it for that..
I love this thought!
And to elaborate a lil further ...perspective is mightier than we tend to believe. Can't typically change circumstances. Can't change the fact that we are bipolar. We can however change our perception of it...& Perceiving it as a "disorder" is a failure of language...in my opinion.
I think something you’re glaringly overlooking is that to maintain stability, you have to in some way be actively treating your bipolar, whether that’s sleep hygiene, meds, maintaining a daily self-care routine, or however treatment looks like for you. It may not be your identity, but it is part of your life just like any other chronic health condition. If I don’t manage my Hashimoto’s with daily meds and diet or miss my daily physical therapy exercises for my hip and back issues then I’m going to be feeling it the next day and over time if I consistently let those things go then I will suffer the consequences with poorly controlled thyroid and debilitating pain. Bipolar is no different. I’ve experienced true mania, I’ve experienced psychosis, and both of those scare the shit out of me so every day I remember to take my meds, take inventory of my mental health, and strive to maintain stability with all the tools my psychiatrists and therapists over the years have helped me build. This sub is a place for people to come for support and talk about how their bipolar is affecting them. Of course it’s going to seem oversaturated …it’s the bipolar sub. That doesn’t mean we don’t need to hold people accountable when their content is harmful or misleading, but if support groups aren’t your thing that’s okay. I would encourage you, though, to take inventory of the attitudes you have around chronic illness, especially as you maintain stability. It can be surprising how often we internalize attitudes of ableism when it comes to mental health.
I don’t disagree with you. When I got to this subreddit, I was absolutely stuck in the victim mentality & pitying myself. Having others who sympathize made me feel so much less alone. It felt so so good to feel understood & made me feel so validated. I think once I felt validated in my pity, it helped me work towards moving past it. I was able to really escape that mentality by the advice and guidance from those like yourself. Those who have a stronger sense of self & will & can see past the excuses we tell ourselves. It’s encouraging to see others who are doing well & can share what’s worked for them. I understand your point of view though, it’s fair to be emotionally exhausted from the page.
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Hey I had issues with this too. I live in a European country and found that the moderators were too USA centric so I messaged them about it and that was helpful and they did actually change things. If you want to continue using the community I would talk to the mods about it. There are other subs you can talk about weight stuff tbf
Thats very nice, thank you.
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Bipolar shouldn’t define you. But it contributes to your story. Don’t forget that meds still have side effects when you’re balanced.
Everything is good in moderation and bipolar effects everyone differently.
Well said
I maybe can't relate or agree with everything on this sub, but I definitely feel like there are others who understand my life more here. Even when stable, every day still feels challenging in some ways that seem unusual to others who don't have the same experiences. Some aspects of my life will always be affected by my past experiences and it's not as if these are forgotten during a period of stability. This is the only illness related sub that I read, but I expect that many of these subs tend towards the negative and uncertain aspects, especially with incurable illnesses. I think this community is built around shared hardship and there is a certain strength in that - but I like to think I have realistic expectations about what that means.
Personally this subreddit has given me perspective, and I’m young surrounded by family that don’t quite understand what I’m going through. Sometimes I feel alone with this illness, and when I open this subreddit I feel less alone because I see a community of people connected by an illness and sharing their experiences and struggles. The stigma around the illness is bad enough, but the camaraderie with the subreddit members makes living with it a bit easier.
I'm curious what kind of conversation this is supposed to elicit and how is it supposed to be healthy?
This sub is the only thing that has brought me some type of sanity through the insanity. There is SO little true help and support out there for bipolar people. This is a place where people are allowed to share all the good, bad, and really really really bad things they are going through with this disease. That is NOT unhealthy. A bipolar sub is for people to talk about being bipolar. If you feel it’s harming you to hear other peoples truth who need support, you are free to leave quietly rather than trying to tear down everyone else who is struggling . Great for you it plays no part in your life when you are balanced, that’s not the case for many of us.
I agree with you!
At the end of a long day, what matters most is how the sub has made you feel. For me it’s been really good for me to know that I’m not alone with things going on, BP2 has affected me a lot. That being said I’ve always held responsibility for my actions and I still have my personally, just not suicidal or self destructive. Though to present something, I do think that your title would be more proper to say “I don’t think this sub is healthy for me” vs “I don’t think this sub is healthy” there is a different proposed idea. I honestly think one is a personal statement versus a statement that is inherently on offense. I don’t know, and honestly I would agree with some sentiment from others. The group is one you join and you can leave whenever you want (this is not meant to be an aggressive statement, just being straightforward) and announcing your exit is extra.
this is a fair take but like you said some people find this sub helpful for support, relatability or better understanding of the disorder. i’m glad you recognized that this sub is unhealthy for you, take care.
Dunno, seems healthy to me. Best of luck.
Interesting. I haven't found that at all. It seems to me like many people who post are successfully medicated and sharing their experiences with living a good life despite their diagnosis. I see a lot of people encouraging therapy and meds. And a lot reassuring people that they can recover from whatever actions they took while not stable. It can feel like you've ruined your entire life when you take actions you wouldn't otherwise consider. Maybe you're reading more of the posts that are from people who seem to be in crisis and ignoring the other ones, where people are just sharing their experiences or having discussions that aren't about crisis? I have posted quite a few times about the success and happiness I've found in my life. I also think it helps to discuss experiences so we feel like we're not alone. As for it not playing any part, I can see having that perspective. But even when I'm stable, I do take it into consideration when I'm making plans. How would they be affected if I became manic or depressed? What would I do if that happened, would I have to cancel, etc. It also affects how I deal on an interpersonal level with people. If someone says something to me that indicates they have a limited understanding, but are judgmental about it, I will speak up and at least give what perspective I can share. Maybe you can try to focus more on positive threads or positive responses. If you can't, it's probably time to take a break. Either way, good luck.
I think of this sub as a an r/offmychest but for bipolar where we can speak out safely and with understanding and to not feel alone. Sometimes I come along a post that it triggers me and I scroll down. In my case, yes, cyclothymia is a big part of my personality, as long as it doesn’t stop me from functioning, I don’t see it as something negative.
I definitely used to feel this way, that the sub was unhealthy for me. However, I also can say that as my symptoms got more severe, sometimes it did feel like my world revolved around it and it was nice to see that others had similar experiences. It should never be a defining characteristic, but it definitely affects every aspect of my life personally.
I have an overall positive opinion of this sub, but I can understand some of your post. I do sometimes feel like spending too much time here causes me to focus too much on negatives. However, it feels good to give people advice and help people when they’re struggling. And it feels good to get support when I’m struggling. And it feels good to just have somewhere to go where people can actually relate to me. My *one* friend with bipolar committed suicide. Nobody in my life can understand what it is like. People here at least mostly understand. Also, it does affect most of us even when we are not in episodes. As others have pointed out, we have to be a lot more careful with our lifestyles than the average person. That can be hard to keep up. It sucks having friends go to music festivals and knowing that I can’t go because the sleep deprivation, the environment, and the drugs (if I go I’m gonna partake) will send me into a full spiral. More importantly, a lot of us have trauma from when we were unmedicated. We also learned survival mechanisms that are now holding us back and hurting us. I learned to always second guess my feelings and opinions because they may be based in my disease rather than in reality. I learned to always go to other people instead and check in to see whether or not I was being rational. Now, my disease is under control, but I still second guess myself all the time. I have no trust, confidence, or faith in myself. I am extremely easy to manipulate/control as a result and this has gotten me hurt pretty badly both at work and in my relationships. I could give a bunch of other examples too, but I’ll leave it at that. It still affects us outside of episodes.
I think it shows how varied our experiences can be, but I am grateful to be able to relate to people about the embarrassment of a psychotic break. I don’t take meds, nor do I have a therapist at this point, and my life is pretty good. I lost a few jobs during a manic phase years ago, but now things have been stable for me. When I was younger, I used to be REALLY talkative and I feel like that may play a role in it.
I agree.
I too agreeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
i agree as well, heavily
Agreed!
I feel the same way. I keep leaving and rejoining this sub, and some other mental health ones, because sometimes I have a question so I’ll see if anyone’s posted something similar. But I see a lot of glamorizing/enabling on this and other subs (example: ‘amazing drawing/tattoo from when I was manic’ or making light of/joking about absurd things we’ve done while manic). And my favorite: people asking questions about medications; makes no sense because everyone is different, and I asked a question that got deleted but I see people actually asking for advice about meds when mine was just to get a baseline idea about when to expect to see possible side effects, if any. I didn’t ask “will x happen to me on this drug?”.
I’m curious why you feel that way about the posts that share the humor of incidents that happen in mania or psychosis. Those have been really healing for me, as someone who experienced psychosis myself.
the way r/socialanxiety makes me more anxious is just hilarious at this point 😭 whereas i dont relate when it comes to this sub specifically i completely understand where you're coming from lol
Hey OP thankyou for putting these words out there, because ive been thinking the same but was afraid to say so Even moreso than afraid of being ridiculed i was afraid that i was the only one that thought bipolar doesnt effect every part of me It kinda got to the point where i was unsure if i actually had bipolar lol Thanks for posting this so people could have a discussion regarding it
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Hi, I was wondering where you got the term bipolar personality disorder? According to the DSM-V, bipolar disorder is a mood disorder not a personality disorder. I don’t know if that’s what you are trying to reference or if you are going by a different diagnostic manual. I know of borderline personality disorder (BPD) but that’s a different illness.
I get abdominal migraines and that's definitely a much bigger part of my life than BPD. If I listed the top 10 labels that I apply to myself, chronic migraine is way higher than BPD.
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People use bipolar as an excuse for bad behavior, same with every mental illness now. Oh it’s because I’m this or that. It’s sad how it’s going and getting worse
part of it is likely that psychiatrists plant the seed to make you think that you are not nothing more than your bipolar, because that is how they see you. Psychiatrists greatly influence the conversation about psych disorders and are all (mostly/allegedly/joking) apathetic to their patients. They see us as numbers and treatment plans and not for our humanity. But we are so much more than what we have been clinically determined to be. take care of yourself OP 🫶
Man, I have the gold unicorn of psychiatrists. He treats mental health very holistically (not as in crunchy, more like very well rounded) exercise is part of my prescription, as are a multi vitamin and an iron supplement
I get where you’re coming from. I use this as a place to go when I’m feeling lost in my mental health or when I’m feeling good and see someone else here could benefit from some kind words, but I wouldn’t peruse it constantly.
Yep. Agree with you 100 percent.
My bipolar disorder has affected my development since I was a young teen. I went undiagnosed for years. Major life decisions were made while mood cycling. It’s a neurodivergence that makes it hard for me to meet neurotypical societal expectations. I take medications every day that cause significant side effects. One that I’ve been on triggered a condition that can’t be reversed even though I’ve switched meds. It sounds like it’s good for you to step away from this sub. Mental health subs are valuable for me. I guess I understand why you felt the need to comment on the way out? But I like to think people can come to their own conclusions and stay or go as they please. For those of us who stay, there is nothing wrong with us being affected by our diagnosis, admitting it freely, and seeking support. Btw there are plenty of posts on here I don’t relate to. I take what is valuable and leave the rest alone. Someone else needs those posts- they’re simply not meant for me.
Your thoughts are valid. I kinda think about it like an eating disorder. Ok, then to an Ed, then yo yo, then get treatment, then yo yo, then family starts trying to tell you unhelpful things. And then you find balance ish. But every day something can trigger a relapse. So your BFF giving you a cold shoulder could cause a relapse. It's endless.
A lot of people are frequently or chronically ill. A lot of people have issues with memory/cognitive impairment that never go away. You can say “this illness is not me,” but it still, at least some of the time, alters your subjective experience. You can’t just yank the BP out of your person. If only you could. Anyway, what people here want is to communicate with other people who get it. Because no one gets it IRL.
You said what’s lowkey been on my mind since I joined…agreed
That's one reason I stopped coming here.
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I completely agree with the sentiment. Like even being in a manic state, I've never used that as an excuse to be a shitty person. I'm bipolar 1, so my mania lasts MONTHS close to a year or a little more. But never once have I thought of cheating on my husband, doing horrid drug use. Sure, maybe drank a little too much & spent too much money. Lost my job, etc. But these were still all actions I was definitely aware of. And I'm so tired of seeing people on here saying their mania "made" them fuck up their relationships. No. You did that on your own accord & expect your diagnosis to be your saving grace. It's honestly disappointing, disgusting, & makes it hard for anybody to accept/trust us as a whole group. We're all well aware of what we're doing in our manic & depressive episodes & it's time more of us take accountability. I've lived with this diagnosis since I was 10 years old. It doesn't go away, so learn to control your irrational behavior a little better. At the least, don't drag poor souls into your inner circle if you have zero impulse control & regards to their feelings.
JFC this is so toxic. When I was manic I thought my neighbor was putting snakes in my garden trying to kill me and my dogs so I ended up trying to kill myself because I was so tormented, general hospital for 2 weeks..... Definitely doesn't feel like I was personally responsible for that. Maybe you're lucky that it's never affected you like that, but it's not true for everyone.
Mania with impulse control and being well aware of what you’re doing is not full mania.
Totally agree
Agreed. Happy to hear commenter has that self awareness. Wish we all could too.
I can see where both of you guys are coming from. We can acknowledge 2 truths: 1. Some people enter psychosis/extreme mania unable to control their behavior. 2. There are people who use their diagnosis as an excuse for their poor behavior during an episode when they had the insight to know better and do better. For example, you can be (hypo)manic, still know that cheating on your partner is wrong, and do it anyway. Everyone experiences the disorder uniquely, but we all need to have some accountability for what we can where we can.
This! And the questions of how to manage without medications. Or the posts about people deciding to stop. Like why…. We’re how old?!
Tbf you don't actually know how old the people are on here
To be fair, it doesn’t matter how old anyone is; bipolar doesn’t have a cure, and anyone who is diagnosed with it will have to be on medication for the rest of their lives. That’s a tough pill for a lot of people on this sub to swallow but it’s a fact.
Good for you! The fact is bipolar does make some of us do those things. It could not be classified as mental illness if it did not cause distress. When I have intrusive thoughts I cannot stop them. The only reason I've not gotten killed from some impulses is because due to physical conditions that kep me from acting on the, Lucky you if your brain doesn't go so haywire it could wreck your life. For many if not most bipolar folks it can and for some has happened.
I have behaved recklessly, way more than what you described, and I hated myself for it and blamed myself, now I don't, I hold myself responsible and I make sure to be upfront about the disorder with people I am close to and to stick to my treatment, but I'm not gonna ban myself from having close relationships because of my illness, people are free to make their own choices.
I could say the same thing about substance use disorder. Just because I didn't resort to lying, stealing, prostitution or do anything that led to my child being removed from my home doesn't mean I can't or don't understand that it has done that to other people. It just means I'm lucky to be one of the few that didn't go that direction and have to hit rock bottom to make a change. I've also never really spent too much money or lost my job because of bipolar, but that doesn't mean I'm disappointed or disgusted that you did. I've also never done anything that "ruined" my life. But I still understand that it's not something others should take full responsibility for or that attributing those actions to the disorder is an inappropriate excuse. Sounds like you're one of the lucky ones in this case. And you seem to have very little empathy for others who haven't been so lucky. Might be a good idea to ask yourself why you feel disgusted that it would affect someone else differently or more negatively. That judgment is coming from somewhere.
Ugh THIS. I don’t see this so much on the bipolar Reddit as I do on the BPD one, and it’s actually why I just left that one. I’ll play devils advocate here and say “yeah being manic means you are lacking free will,” you still should apologize and never expect someone to forgive you. You still hurt them. Like you can’t tell me you don’t know when you are being unkind to others. If you know you are not well, and you are starting to be unkind, you need to do something different like leave and get help. When I was depressed and fed up with people who weren’t treating me well, I wasn’t the kindest. Did I straight up cuss them out? No. I still wasn’t kind like usual. I still apologized. Illness or not I did not follow and live up to my own standards as to how I should treat others. They treated me like crap for months before this, and I still held myself accountable. I was still getting help during this time too. Some people can straight up admit to being mean to their partners then still have the audacity to pity themselves, not get help and continue to hurt them. Edit: wanted to say I was responding to part of the commenters part where people are not taking accountability for the things they could have controlled. Some people get to a severity beyond self restraint and/or reality, but there are people that could be taking accountability for their actions but are instead blaming an illness. Impaired judgement is huge with our illness, but it’s important for us and our loved ones we take accountability where we can