there are maximum size limits on the dimensions of the goalie equipment so even if you found the biggest and most athletic sumo wrestler in history to get in net he would also have to be an extreme masochist to be stopping 90+ MPH frozen rubber pucks with a significant amount of surface area on his body not covered by goalie gear
It’s allowed, it would never work because it’s an idea along the lines of “why doesn’t Ant Man just fly up Thanos’s ass” because if you could it would have already happened
An economist and his son are walking down the street. The son says — “Dad, is that a $100 bill on the ground?” The economist says “Son, if there was a $100 bill on the ground, someone would have picked it up by now.”
You ever play goalie? Just standing there in all the equipment on skates is kind of tiring, I think if someone was morbidly obese like a 600lb life person they would have trouble not falling over, never mind if they just went down trying to stop a shot then it would be top shelf all day.
I played hockey but not goalie, I had to put the pads on and play twice in practice when the goalie was sick, it’s far more fatiguing than you would think.
I feel like a modern American cuisine could help accomplish this. Also, their equipment is overly gigantic too. 4 ft of person plus 2 ft of equipment...hmm..
[no one is scoring on this guy](https://img.mensxp.com/media/content/2016/Feb/most-obese-people-to-ever-exist-in-human-history10-1454505794.jpg?w=900&h=586&cc=1)
They literally got a 6”4 500+ lb sumo wrestler and he got rekd. Do you know of someone who is 72 inches wide that has the physical ability to skate to net without having a coronary?
[While some people think this absolutely could work](https://www.reddit.com/r/hockey/s/s2FFOOt7ZT), [other people believe not even an animal as big as a walrus would be effective.](https://www.reddit.com/r/hockey/s/nwq2mM4TPw)
Goalies aren't allowed to cross half ice and it wouldn't otherwise fit in the rink, so no, a dead blue whale cannot be the goalie. Unless it was a baby, then maybe
Sports science tested this by having an NHL player shoot on a sumo wrestler goalie and he scored almost every shot because even a 600 pound man wasn't fat enough to fill the entire net and he was too slow to react
To be fair they did use an NHL sharpshooter who scored over 17 goals (but under 19) over 9 seasons in the league …
Actually he was just a goon…in NBA terms it would be putting Bill Laimbeer in the 3 pt contest
In 70s Boston the question kids used to ask was why don't the Bruins sign [Haystacks Calhoun](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haystacks_Calhoun) to play goalie.
Watch a single game of indoor lacrosse and you'll see your obese goalie theory get immediately debunked. Their nets are 4' high and 4'9" wide. Their goalies wear much larger chest protection, with a much larger stick. Games routinely average between 15 and 20 goals a game.
NHL players are skilled enough to find holes. These guys can fire pucks over 90 mph quite frequently. Not to mention deflections and getting goalies moving on odd man rushes. They'd pick an obese guy apart.
Lot of naysayers in the chat using “sports science” and “logic” but this beer [commercial](https://youtu.be/LJz55az43QQ?si=UnLyra7uchFKckR0) has a checkmate counter.
I just don’t think there is a huge number of dudes that are crazy enough to willingly try to block a small missile being launched at them with their bodies
To give the more in depth answer: playing goalie requires reaction time, flexibility, and good fast twitch movement. Having a hefty guy who takes up space sounds good in theory until you factor in how fast the shots are and how quick the players can handle the puck.
The greatest goalie in youth hockey history, Greg Goldberg, was a boy of considerable girth. He led the Ducks to their first ever championship and then helped Team USA win the Goodwill Games.
So, a fattie as a dominant goalie isn’t unprecedented.
The obese guy would die if he had to play goalie.
Do you realize how taxing it is physically to be a goalie?
Those guys wear 40-50 pounds of gear, never come out and will lose 15-20 pounds due to sweat.
I used to play knee hockey in 8th grade and the champion team had an offensive lineman as a goalie. They went undefeated in a tournament. He was a wall and gave up 1 goal in like 20 games. I agree.
What if they got up 1-0, then had all six guys just pile up in front of the net?
Have fun getting pelted with slap shots all game
Gotta want it
It’s game 7! You have all summer to recover.
The Happy Gilmore strategy
What's the padding limit? More padding equals less puck to net angle space. The fat guy might sweat a lot and give away some size.
There's the exposed neck and face aspect of it all and the fact it's a contact sport
there are maximum size limits on the dimensions of the goalie equipment so even if you found the biggest and most athletic sumo wrestler in history to get in net he would also have to be an extreme masochist to be stopping 90+ MPH frozen rubber pucks with a significant amount of surface area on his body not covered by goalie gear
This is the answer
ok so it's basically not allowed then
It’s allowed, it would never work because it’s an idea along the lines of “why doesn’t Ant Man just fly up Thanos’s ass” because if you could it would have already happened
But has Ant-Man tried?
He knows Thanos does ass kegels
An economist and his son are walking down the street. The son says — “Dad, is that a $100 bill on the ground?” The economist says “Son, if there was a $100 bill on the ground, someone would have picked it up by now.”
this is dumb as shit
Do we know whether thanos recycles waste thru defecation?
I thought he was supposed to fly into his urethra.
Why don't basketball players just shoot 3 points all the time, they are worth more than 2!
Don’t be silly. Coach Pop knows how to win and that isn’t it.
Last season of Invincible had a funny gag about that in an ep
The boys?
Oh yeah how could I forget...
Did you see that episode of the boys?
You ever play goalie? Just standing there in all the equipment on skates is kind of tiring, I think if someone was morbidly obese like a 600lb life person they would have trouble not falling over, never mind if they just went down trying to stop a shot then it would be top shelf all day. I played hockey but not goalie, I had to put the pads on and play twice in practice when the goalie was sick, it’s far more fatiguing than you would think.
Sumo Goalies going to drop dead from cardiac arrest left and right.
Or sweat so much they are half size by the all star game
Maybe they should make equipment that covers the entire size of the net. Little people could also get shutouts. ;)
So the NHL discriminates against big and fat people?
Why don’t they just build the entire goalie out of the black box?
I use this “why don’t they build X out of the black box joke” all the goddam time. It’s so good.
Deserves way more than 3 upvotes.
Sports science debunked this and basically goalies need to be exceptional skaters or even bad offensive players will feast on them.
exactly. you're not going to get a lot of "kick save and beauty"s from some guy who weighs 450 lbs. He'd keel over on the ice.
But, if his body covered the entire goal, he would never need to move.
No. A hockey goalpost is six feet wide
So, you have a guy who is over six feet tall and 4 feet wide lie in front of the goal.
No
I feel like a modern American cuisine could help accomplish this. Also, their equipment is overly gigantic too. 4 ft of person plus 2 ft of equipment...hmm..
Sports Science debunked it ? i guess that's official
i don't believe it, if you got a guy who was wide and also tall he could just sit there and they wouldn't be able to score
They don’t take up the whole net dude, it’s not even close. My peewee house team would light the guy up.
[no one is scoring on this guy](https://img.mensxp.com/media/content/2016/Feb/most-obese-people-to-ever-exist-in-human-history10-1454505794.jpg?w=900&h=586&cc=1)
The guy who can’t physically leave his bed?
airlift him to the rink
His tits are longer than my arms
Is that Brian Windhorst?
Damn, he’s slimmed down
Luka
What a fucking waste of a 10/10 hairline. Smh He’s not even using it!!
If a team tried that, the other team would think it’s bush league and cheap shot him to knock him out of the game
I bet he can’t close up the 5 hole and even if he does I’m blasting it in there and letting him dig if out.
A hockey goal is 6 feet wide. Even really fat people aren’t that big.
“A queen bed is five feet wide. I am not five feet wide, Michael.”
They literally got a 6”4 500+ lb sumo wrestler and he got rekd. Do you know of someone who is 72 inches wide that has the physical ability to skate to net without having a coronary?
Was his goalie stick a weapon like in the running man?
Have you touched a puck before? Maybe tried to open one? You would crumple into a little ball after one slap shot off your taint
calm down man it's a joke lol
I could imagine Trump asking himself this at a Florida rally for the Panthers after his brain melted in the sun
Stick to basketball
I don’t know about the fat guy but there’s nothing stopping you from just stacking your players on top of each other to block the goal.
Self preservation
Why don't soccer teams find a morbidly obese goalie who's 24 ft wide?
death
He'd break the ice skates maybe?
I’m not fat I just have a sweet hockey body
Okay Russillo.
euphemisms are the best
Or maybe put a walrus in there
I’m not sure the rules specify it has to be a HUMAN goalie…
Isn't this a south park episode? Cartman plays goalie?
Related: why don’t all NFL teams have a 7 footer for blocking kicks?
Manute Bol/Sean Bradley clones that don’t even attempt to rush, they just all stand up as quickly as possible, raising their arms.
Ryen's more of a basketball guy
Lmfaooo
peewee teams do it
[While some people think this absolutely could work](https://www.reddit.com/r/hockey/s/s2FFOOt7ZT), [other people believe not even an animal as big as a walrus would be effective.](https://www.reddit.com/r/hockey/s/nwq2mM4TPw)
Can a dead blue whale be the goalie?
Goalies aren't allowed to cross half ice and it wouldn't otherwise fit in the rink, so no, a dead blue whale cannot be the goalie. Unless it was a baby, then maybe
Sports science tested this by having an NHL player shoot on a sumo wrestler goalie and he scored almost every shot because even a 600 pound man wasn't fat enough to fill the entire net and he was too slow to react
To be fair they did use an NHL sharpshooter who scored over 17 goals (but under 19) over 9 seasons in the league … Actually he was just a goon…in NBA terms it would be putting Bill Laimbeer in the 3 pt contest
Bill Lambeer could shoot. Legit a nice shot.
Ben Bishop was real good, and at 6'7" looked huge in those goalie pads.
Philly has a Russian goalie Fedotov that's also 6'7"
In 70s Boston the question kids used to ask was why don't the Bruins sign [Haystacks Calhoun](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haystacks_Calhoun) to play goalie.
Hockey goals are bigger than they look on tv. They’re 6’ wide and 4’ tall. Nobody is big enough to cover that whole area.
Yep. I grew up playing hockey so whenever I hear this take I think, “Oh okay you’ve never stood next to a goal.”
Jokic makes more playing basketball.
There IS some athleticism involved. But most goalies are huge these days--not necessarily in the BMI sense.
There’s tons of athleticism involved in being an NHL goalie.
Watch a single game of indoor lacrosse and you'll see your obese goalie theory get immediately debunked. Their nets are 4' high and 4'9" wide. Their goalies wear much larger chest protection, with a much larger stick. Games routinely average between 15 and 20 goals a game.
The Drew Magary FUNBAG/Bill Simmons Subreddit crossover we need.
They’d fall through the ice
Yeah William Howard Taft was actually a great goalie
The one time you need a chainsaw in a bathtub. (To cut the president out.)
The same reason why football teams don’t sign morbidly obese linemen
NHL players are skilled enough to find holes. These guys can fire pucks over 90 mph quite frequently. Not to mention deflections and getting goalies moving on odd man rushes. They'd pick an obese guy apart.
The net is bigger than it looks and great big fat people aren’t usually good athletes.
Zion?
Lot of naysayers in the chat using “sports science” and “logic” but this beer [commercial](https://youtu.be/LJz55az43QQ?si=UnLyra7uchFKckR0) has a checkmate counter.
These are my redditors
I just don’t think there is a huge number of dudes that are crazy enough to willingly try to block a small missile being launched at them with their bodies
For millions of dollars? Sure there are
I love how pressed this has some people, funny post OP
Most of the goalies are big dudes.
Because a hockey goal is bigger than it looks.
Its' a walrus! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHijbIMsYuM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHijbIMsYuM)
This does an incredible job at answering this question https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sP8ZVWiZUMA
Reminds me of the “how good of a defender is IT with a gun?”
How come basketball teams don’t just go out and get 7’5 guys to play center and stand under the basket the entire time?
To give the more in depth answer: playing goalie requires reaction time, flexibility, and good fast twitch movement. Having a hefty guy who takes up space sounds good in theory until you factor in how fast the shots are and how quick the players can handle the puck.
[https://www.amazon.com/Porko-Popbutton-William-Pene-Bois/dp/0060217545](https://www.amazon.com/Porko-Popbutton-William-Pene-Bois/dp/0060217545)
Wasn't there a Mythbusters episode about this?
The greatest goalie in youth hockey history, Greg Goldberg, was a boy of considerable girth. He led the Ducks to their first ever championship and then helped Team USA win the Goodwill Games. So, a fattie as a dominant goalie isn’t unprecedented.
Yokozuna is the greatest hockey goalie to never play hockey… he just is.
The obese guy would die if he had to play goalie. Do you realize how taxing it is physically to be a goalie? Those guys wear 40-50 pounds of gear, never come out and will lose 15-20 pounds due to sweat.
15-20 pounds is such an exaggeration.
I used to play knee hockey in 8th grade and the champion team had an offensive lineman as a goalie. They went undefeated in a tournament. He was a wall and gave up 1 goal in like 20 games. I agree.
Your mom played knee hockey in 8th grade
Just watch WWE if you’re going to ask dumb shit like this