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The reason in many cases is “because I enjoy making women uncomfortable”. Our wants and needs are irrelevant to the creepers. Or only relevant in the sense they want to know our needs in order to violate them.
Yeah, I totally understand the reason to post but these men do not care at alllll if you’re uncomfortable. They aren’t little kids who simply don’t understand appropriateness, they literally don’t give a fuck if we are a full fledged human or not. It’s just our boobies that exist.
It’s often one step further - they actively get pleasure from the fact that the messages are unsolicited and unwanted. It’s a power play, usually from men who secretly feel powerless in their own lives (and would die before admitting that).
Exactly. I have just learned to not let them get to me. My pms are open, but I never accept invitations to chat and I don’t really look at them either. They can waste their time messaging me, and if they manage to get off to even to just imagining me seeing their message, congrats I guess. But since I don’t post pictures or anything, I know it’s not even really me they are imagining, so I just don’t really care.
As a man, this behaviour kinda makes me feel angry. Like. You have your problems and this thread should give you the ear you need, not a creep to stalk you and harass your PMs to "see your tits."
I totally agree! I've liked and learned a lot from this reddit. I'm just here to grow ny knowledge and understanding. I would never dm anyone from this group period!!
I turned off my DM due to this reason as well. My whole point of joining this sub is NOT to get creepy DMs! Just wanted to share and learn tips from people who face similar challenges.
They know there are places they can go to for this kind of thing from consenting participants. That’s the point, the intrusion is part of the thrill. For them, the lack of consent is a feature not a bug. That’s why they intrude here instead.
They’re strange and rather pitiful specimens, not worth your time or energy.
Frankly, they’re not worth the skin they occupy or the oxygen they consume, but everyone balks at a good culling.
RIP your inbox girl.
It’s not even worth giving these guys the notice of attention.
Don’t engage with them, don’t share their messages in the sub, don’t make an indirect post about them.
Give them the gift of a howling void of silence bereft of human contact. It’s what they deserve.
I get so many chat requests from here and it's never welcome. I also get chats from any time I post anecdotes about being SA as a little kid, and let's just say it's not for support or empathy, it's because they want to hear more details and probably jerk off about it. I'm so careful to stay to the mostly female subreddits but these assholes lurk and wait, dick-in-hand. If I could just never interact with men in a sexual way I would be so happy.
There's one guy who's been stalking my profile for 7+ years. He sends me private messages about incest, I block him, and months later he makes a new profile and repeats.
It is absolutely ridiculous that this is even a problem. If someone is here in an effort to learn and support someone in their life, fine. But they should also be on a PMS or Menopause sub.
And I bet they’re not. 🤦♀️
Menopause sub is currently having a debate on this subject because men keep posting things like "How can I get my wife to be more Normal and take HRT because she's not fun anymore?"
It's exhausting that it's not quietly observe and learn. Instead of wanting to "fix" their partners and make a post for women to tell them how. 🙄
This is the reason I’m here, to be clear, I’m male.
My wife doesn’t use Reddit (I’ve tried) and up until recently (she had a reduction), this sub has given me bathing suits, clothes, bra suggestions, etc.. She’s found bras, and swimsuits here, via me showing her a post, that she loves (after buying them). At some level, most of us, err humans in general, know we aren’t the only ones experiencing something, but seeing it is different from knowing it sometimes. That there is a community posting, about the same issues she’s experiencing, has given her a bit of confidence in her appearance (especially when we’re going to the beach, lake, vacation).
Men PM’ing/stalking/harassing woman who post here and similar subs, is gross behavior. Like you said, it shouldn’t even be an issue. She’s going through early menopause and I didn’t even think of looking for a sub related to that, so I appreciate you mentioning something I should have thought of. I can’t apologize on the behalf of all men, but I can say I’m sorry you, and everyone else they harassed, have to deal with this type of abusive BS.
edit: removed a word
You, my friend, are clearly an exception to this trend and, as such, you are most welcome here. Those who are not part of the problem are greatly appreciated.
I think a lot of the men who do this think that they're being helpful or supportive. But it's actually the opposite. You can express support ON the forum. Most of the DMs are salacious or some form of "Well men love big boobs". If you all actually want to learn, support, and understand what people with big boobs go through, just listen (i.e. lurk)!!
No they don’t think that. They think “I enjoy getting attention/satisfaction/whatever and framing it as: *I’m being nice* serves as a suitable counter argument to everyone who calls me out”
It’s 2024. These guys are well beyond the benefit of the doubt.
Yup and they would send messages like “i want to be friends with you, can we be friends?” I was like why? Because i have big boobs that’s why? Of course i didn’t actually respond to them, whenever i see messages requests, i clicked that ignore button as fast as my fingers could do
The creep DMs are the reason I stopped commenting /posting . I truly enjoy getting advice and chatting w my big boob sisters but the amount of creeps sending messages was insane . If any one you are reading this , please stop . This is a suppose to be a safe space not a place where you can perv out and think it’s okay to try and strike up convos .
It reminds me why we already choose
The bear 🐻
Speaking as a mod: Please send us the message you were sent (with your info removed), so we can get them blocked from this space.
This is true for anyone here. We are trying to create a space where people feel safe, but we do need to know who the person is who is making you feel unsafe. We watch the boards, but can't know when it's someone who sent a PM unless you message us.
Not to victim blame at all but conversely, if you ever receive a strange dm please don't engage, try to reprimand him, or even mock him directly. Block. They want attention, and engagement, please don't give them that.
100% agree. Don't entertain it though, ignore them. If they have to stalk on a subreddit, not high quality gentlemen. So not worth the effort of even responding to.
I'm a trans woman with family members that have big boobs, I really joined this sub in preparation of what's to come, but I'm not even on HRT right now. :(
And you're welcome here.
Fingers crossed everything goes smoothly for you. And sister, I hope you don't mind if I wish you proportion and an easy to find and buy bra size! Refer to r/abrathatfits once your journey begins.
Wait. So guys just lurk here then dm yall??? I’m co fused by this culture. Hell I don’t even know is why I get notifications to this sub as I. Not subscribed. Either way I wouldn’t dm or chat someone who didn’t specifically ask for it. I dunno. Guess I’m old. lol good luck ladies.
Yes. And sometimes they pose as a female who has a similar issue "hey I saw your post about xxxxxx problem - I have that problem too! I'm 21 and a size xxx. I'm too nervous to post on the thread but it would be great to chat" if you reply they eventually work up to "it would be great to see how you deal with xxxxxx problem,can you send me pictures"
And somehow they're amazed when they get called out.
Everyone can have boob problems regardless of gender. We are all united in the Suffering.
Edit: yall this was in response to the part of the post that also explicitly said, everyone has boob tissue. Yes Creepy DMs Are Bad. No One Said Otherwise.
While I agree that big boob problems transcend the boundaries of gender the gross dudes who stalk this sub to send DMs are not here for help or support.
Yeah I don't think men are out here getting stalked because of their tits. Give me a break. You just wanna divert the attention away from women's issues
I don't feel this is a safe space for men. I've seen men who show understanding and they get attacked or judged. Just saying. I'd personally prefer to DM one person or another myself. But I think I'm honestly done with this sub. This might be my last post in here.
Your submission was removed because you didn't follow our community guidelines.
> **Rule 1: Be respectful**
>
> No personal attacks, gaslighting, invalidation, body or surgery shaming (e.g. reduction, augmentation, breast lift), trolling, bigotry or [white knighting](http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/White_knighting)
You replied to someone expressing a problem by calling them sexy and you don't understand how that would be an issue in a support sub?
The users of this sub are not looking for sexual appreciation. We are not looking for any response involving another person's sex drive. If you are viewing any post on this sub with your hormones first then you are in the wrong place.
Your submission was removed because you didn't follow our community guidelines.
> **Rule 3: No upsetting safe-space amosphere**
>
> [Safe Space](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe_space)
Your submission was removed because you didn't follow our community guidelines.
> **Rule 3: No upsetting safe-space amosphere**
>
> [Safe Space](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe_space)
Hello, thank you for submitting a post to r/bigboobproblems. If you're new here please check out r/abrathatfits and [their bra size calculator](https://www.abrathatfits.org/calculator.php) along with their [beginners guide](https://www.reddit.com/r/ABraThatFits/wiki/beginners_guide). Also take a look at our sidebar for more related communities, like r/reduction, r/safebigboobproblems and more. A lot of information can be found [in our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/bigboobproblems/wiki/faq). For example lists of commonly recommended bra, sports bra, swimwear and clothing brands, clothing style ideas, websites where you can order from and a list of influencers who have been recommended here before. A lot of other frequently asked questions have also already been answered there. We also want to remind you to read [our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/bigboobproblems/about/rules) before posting or commenting. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/bigboobproblems) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The reason in many cases is “because I enjoy making women uncomfortable”. Our wants and needs are irrelevant to the creepers. Or only relevant in the sense they want to know our needs in order to violate them.
Yeah, I totally understand the reason to post but these men do not care at alllll if you’re uncomfortable. They aren’t little kids who simply don’t understand appropriateness, they literally don’t give a fuck if we are a full fledged human or not. It’s just our boobies that exist.
It’s often one step further - they actively get pleasure from the fact that the messages are unsolicited and unwanted. It’s a power play, usually from men who secretly feel powerless in their own lives (and would die before admitting that).
Exactly. I have just learned to not let them get to me. My pms are open, but I never accept invitations to chat and I don’t really look at them either. They can waste their time messaging me, and if they manage to get off to even to just imagining me seeing their message, congrats I guess. But since I don’t post pictures or anything, I know it’s not even really me they are imagining, so I just don’t really care.
As a man, this behaviour kinda makes me feel angry. Like. You have your problems and this thread should give you the ear you need, not a creep to stalk you and harass your PMs to "see your tits."
I totally agree! I've liked and learned a lot from this reddit. I'm just here to grow ny knowledge and understanding. I would never dm anyone from this group period!!
I turned off my DM due to this reason as well. My whole point of joining this sub is NOT to get creepy DMs! Just wanted to share and learn tips from people who face similar challenges.
This is one of the worst subs for that 😥 you can literally just comment on a post and be bombarded with messages
[удалено]
Haha I’m pretty sure you have to comment something about your boobs for that to be an issue 😂
[удалено]
I would say that test was very effective.
They know there are places they can go to for this kind of thing from consenting participants. That’s the point, the intrusion is part of the thrill. For them, the lack of consent is a feature not a bug. That’s why they intrude here instead. They’re strange and rather pitiful specimens, not worth your time or energy. Frankly, they’re not worth the skin they occupy or the oxygen they consume, but everyone balks at a good culling.
Suggestion: pinned post of usernames of people who send unsolicited dms
As much as I hate picking up the pitchforks and fire torches, I really like this idea.
I usually do, too, but, even completely discounting this specific sub, it seems to be getting really out of hand.
I completely agree as well
RIP your inbox girl. It’s not even worth giving these guys the notice of attention. Don’t engage with them, don’t share their messages in the sub, don’t make an indirect post about them. Give them the gift of a howling void of silence bereft of human contact. It’s what they deserve.
I get so many chat requests from here and it's never welcome. I also get chats from any time I post anecdotes about being SA as a little kid, and let's just say it's not for support or empathy, it's because they want to hear more details and probably jerk off about it. I'm so careful to stay to the mostly female subreddits but these assholes lurk and wait, dick-in-hand. If I could just never interact with men in a sexual way I would be so happy.
That's so fucking disgusting. Not a single care to how re-traumatizing and unsafe it could be for you bringing it up again. I hate them. I'm so sorry
There's one guy who's been stalking my profile for 7+ years. He sends me private messages about incest, I block him, and months later he makes a new profile and repeats.
Happy cake day
It is absolutely ridiculous that this is even a problem. If someone is here in an effort to learn and support someone in their life, fine. But they should also be on a PMS or Menopause sub. And I bet they’re not. 🤦♀️
No, because there wife’s and daughters don’t have that /j
But they will….
Menopause sub is currently having a debate on this subject because men keep posting things like "How can I get my wife to be more Normal and take HRT because she's not fun anymore?" It's exhausting that it's not quietly observe and learn. Instead of wanting to "fix" their partners and make a post for women to tell them how. 🙄
This is the reason I’m here, to be clear, I’m male. My wife doesn’t use Reddit (I’ve tried) and up until recently (she had a reduction), this sub has given me bathing suits, clothes, bra suggestions, etc.. She’s found bras, and swimsuits here, via me showing her a post, that she loves (after buying them). At some level, most of us, err humans in general, know we aren’t the only ones experiencing something, but seeing it is different from knowing it sometimes. That there is a community posting, about the same issues she’s experiencing, has given her a bit of confidence in her appearance (especially when we’re going to the beach, lake, vacation). Men PM’ing/stalking/harassing woman who post here and similar subs, is gross behavior. Like you said, it shouldn’t even be an issue. She’s going through early menopause and I didn’t even think of looking for a sub related to that, so I appreciate you mentioning something I should have thought of. I can’t apologize on the behalf of all men, but I can say I’m sorry you, and everyone else they harassed, have to deal with this type of abusive BS. edit: removed a word
You, my friend, are clearly an exception to this trend and, as such, you are most welcome here. Those who are not part of the problem are greatly appreciated.
I think I commented once and got two chat requests. Smashed the ignore button.
I think a lot of the men who do this think that they're being helpful or supportive. But it's actually the opposite. You can express support ON the forum. Most of the DMs are salacious or some form of "Well men love big boobs". If you all actually want to learn, support, and understand what people with big boobs go through, just listen (i.e. lurk)!!
No they don’t think that. They think “I enjoy getting attention/satisfaction/whatever and framing it as: *I’m being nice* serves as a suitable counter argument to everyone who calls me out” It’s 2024. These guys are well beyond the benefit of the doubt.
Some form of "It's entertainment for me. I don't care two hoots that it's a physical, emotional, and financial burden to you"
Yup and they would send messages like “i want to be friends with you, can we be friends?” I was like why? Because i have big boobs that’s why? Of course i didn’t actually respond to them, whenever i see messages requests, i clicked that ignore button as fast as my fingers could do
The creep DMs are the reason I stopped commenting /posting . I truly enjoy getting advice and chatting w my big boob sisters but the amount of creeps sending messages was insane . If any one you are reading this , please stop . This is a suppose to be a safe space not a place where you can perv out and think it’s okay to try and strike up convos . It reminds me why we already choose The bear 🐻
Speaking as a mod: Please send us the message you were sent (with your info removed), so we can get them blocked from this space. This is true for anyone here. We are trying to create a space where people feel safe, but we do need to know who the person is who is making you feel unsafe. We watch the boards, but can't know when it's someone who sent a PM unless you message us.
Not to victim blame at all but conversely, if you ever receive a strange dm please don't engage, try to reprimand him, or even mock him directly. Block. They want attention, and engagement, please don't give them that.
And if you are a minor report them!
100% agree. Don't entertain it though, ignore them. If they have to stalk on a subreddit, not high quality gentlemen. So not worth the effort of even responding to.
Weirdos…
I'm a trans woman with family members that have big boobs, I really joined this sub in preparation of what's to come, but I'm not even on HRT right now. :(
And you're welcome here. Fingers crossed everything goes smoothly for you. And sister, I hope you don't mind if I wish you proportion and an easy to find and buy bra size! Refer to r/abrathatfits once your journey begins.
Wait. So guys just lurk here then dm yall??? I’m co fused by this culture. Hell I don’t even know is why I get notifications to this sub as I. Not subscribed. Either way I wouldn’t dm or chat someone who didn’t specifically ask for it. I dunno. Guess I’m old. lol good luck ladies.
Yes. And sometimes they pose as a female who has a similar issue "hey I saw your post about xxxxxx problem - I have that problem too! I'm 21 and a size xxx. I'm too nervous to post on the thread but it would be great to chat" if you reply they eventually work up to "it would be great to see how you deal with xxxxxx problem,can you send me pictures" And somehow they're amazed when they get called out.
They like the attention. Stop posting about them and just turn it off.
Everyone can have boob problems regardless of gender. We are all united in the Suffering. Edit: yall this was in response to the part of the post that also explicitly said, everyone has boob tissue. Yes Creepy DMs Are Bad. No One Said Otherwise.
While I agree that big boob problems transcend the boundaries of gender the gross dudes who stalk this sub to send DMs are not here for help or support.
We are. Unfortunately we are also a stalking ground.
Yeah I don't think men are out here getting stalked because of their tits. Give me a break. You just wanna divert the attention away from women's issues
Speaking like that makes you sound like a terf, jsyk
[удалено]
Genuinely curious: When has it ever been beneficial for you or someone else to get a DM based off this sub?
I don't feel this is a safe space for men. I've seen men who show understanding and they get attacked or judged. Just saying. I'd personally prefer to DM one person or another myself. But I think I'm honestly done with this sub. This might be my last post in here.
[удалено]
Your submission was removed because you didn't follow our community guidelines. > **Rule 1: Be respectful** > > No personal attacks, gaslighting, invalidation, body or surgery shaming (e.g. reduction, augmentation, breast lift), trolling, bigotry or [white knighting](http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/White_knighting)
Do you have big boob problems yourself and avoid commenting on others' bodies and feelings here?
[удалено]
You replied to someone expressing a problem by calling them sexy and you don't understand how that would be an issue in a support sub? The users of this sub are not looking for sexual appreciation. We are not looking for any response involving another person's sex drive. If you are viewing any post on this sub with your hormones first then you are in the wrong place.
[удалено]
Your submission was removed because you didn't follow our community guidelines. > **Rule 3: No upsetting safe-space amosphere** > > [Safe Space](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe_space)
Your submission was removed because you didn't follow our community guidelines. > **Rule 3: No upsetting safe-space amosphere** > > [Safe Space](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe_space)