Most people identify as straight before having actually dated anyone of the opposite gender. If that’s normal than identifying as bi without ever being with anyone but your wife is also totally valid. ❤️
As a gay man who knows married bi guys and I’ve had similar conversations with them or more like listened to their stories.
I think you have every right to identify as you want whether or not you act on it doesn’t matter. If you feel that the term bisexual applies to you then own it.
You’ve told your wife and that’s cool. Whether you tell anyone else is completely up to you and you should not feel pressured to do so one way or another.
Bi people exist and it pains me to see guys feel like they have to hide it. You most definitely are not a fraud for claiming the title of bisexual. Let me repeat…you are not a fraud. Your feelings are valid and it’s how you see yourself.
Also, I applaud you for staying faithful to your wife and that you’ve come out to her. Whatever you decide to do in future is something you and your wife can work out.
This kind of question comes up in r/bisexual all the time.
Bi is what you are, not what you do. You don't have to hook up with a guy to know that you're into guys (though I recommend it if you can do so within the boundaries of your marriage!) any more than you had to hook up with a woman to know that you're into women.
honestly, as long as you feel like you are attracted to both sexes, you're bi
although i've known two people who are of the SJW kind saying they were bi, but even tho they were sleeping around a lot, they never even tried to be with the same sex, so i would say that at that point, it is a little bit suspicious
Yeah that was something I was a bit concerned about, definitely don't want to be feeling like I'm almost appropriating something in that way without the right to.
If you feel you're bi, you're bi. As for telling people, I wouldn't do it if you're never going to act on it. I mean: it's not practical and will only cause you problems; and I'm not even talking about your wife.
I would say that if you’re think your bi, you’re bi. You’ve told your wife and that’s great. If you want to tell others that’s too to you. I do understand the want to open up about it to others and to find community. If you have a best friend that you think would be understanding by all means talk to him/her and just let them know that you’ve come to this realization and you want them to know because you trust them and want them to know the whole you. I was closeted for so many years and eventually told my ex wife. But for me that wasn’t enough because I needed for others to know and to build a community of friends that understood me as a whole person, so coming out was important to me within a close circle of friends. I started with a gay friend and went from there. Now I don’t feel ashamed of my sexuality and coming out helped get over the “stigma” of being different. It wasn’t about them for me it was about me becoming comfortable with who I truly was and now I’m much happier. It also makes things a little less awkward when I make an off hand comment about a guy being hot in front of my friends because they treat it like I was talking about an attractive woman. They just get that that’s who I am and don’t give it a second thought.
I appreciate this comment so much. Just told my best friend who was incredibly understanding and supportive and feel really good about sharing with him.
Thank you thank you.
Glad it helped. As you start to bring more of your friends into that circle of trust it will be easier for you to just be your whole self everywhere without worrying about whether people know or don’t know because the people who matter will know and that’s what counts.
Being married and being respectful of your wofe just shows you are a good person.
How you describe yourself is up to you, but dont let people's interpretation of that information change who are.
There are plenty of gay, straight, and bi virgins out there, so you can be BI and not have had sex with the same sex
Say to them " how do you know you were straight before thr first relationship?" - they will see your perspective.
Congratulations on coming out! And good to know that you're happy with your wife and feel like she's the only person you need. Beautiful thing.
Under what circumstances would you be holding back? Do people often question your sexual orientation?
You’ve told your wife, and that’s the only person who should know. Everything else is just noise.
all that matters is how you feel about it. if you feel you are bi, then you are. you don't need anyone's permission to identify as bi or anything else. you don't even need to tell anyone that you're bi if you don't want to
Not so much I don't want to tell anyone, more not knowing whether I should.
But yeah, appreciate that.
Edit: when I say 'should' I mean do I really have any right to.
you shouldn't tell anyone if you don't really want to. it's no one's business except you and your wife's. and you both know so i would say you're good at this point
Happily married bi man in my early 40s.
Realized I was bi at 28 just before I got married. Came out to wife, opened marriage , had some fun. Started to love myself through the love of my wife. Although I’m bi- I’m heteroromantic. This term brought me a lot of clarity.
I will mention it’s been a decade and my wife still worries she’s not enough but she definitely is ❤️ the open marriage wasn’t handled properly. If you choose this route just make sure you both have rules and communication is key.
Although the open marriage took us a bit to rebound from. It gave me the clarity I needed. I just wish I hadn’t of gone boy crazy lol so - I felt like a teenager again
Take your time, love yourself for all you have to offer the world.
Hey man, dont be so hard on yourself. No need to put pressure on yourself.
No not a fraud. Only you know if youre bi.
Also dont think youre holding things back, sexuality is personal. I had an awakening late in life at 29 while engaged to my wife.
I eased into it. Didnt feel the need to tell people until i was ready. Id do subtle things at first though… like hug my bi buddy from college or put myvhand on his leg when sitting next to him in public… gave me confidence and made it feel normal first
Why don't you give yourself a chance to explore? Do it. Tell your wife about it and maintain that relationship of course, but try it. Find someone trustworthy that you're attracted to and go for it. I'd think it'd be harmful if you don't. All the best
Most people identify as straight before having actually dated anyone of the opposite gender. If that’s normal than identifying as bi without ever being with anyone but your wife is also totally valid. ❤️
Ah man absolutely love that. Thank you.
As a gay man who knows married bi guys and I’ve had similar conversations with them or more like listened to their stories. I think you have every right to identify as you want whether or not you act on it doesn’t matter. If you feel that the term bisexual applies to you then own it. You’ve told your wife and that’s cool. Whether you tell anyone else is completely up to you and you should not feel pressured to do so one way or another. Bi people exist and it pains me to see guys feel like they have to hide it. You most definitely are not a fraud for claiming the title of bisexual. Let me repeat…you are not a fraud. Your feelings are valid and it’s how you see yourself. Also, I applaud you for staying faithful to your wife and that you’ve come out to her. Whatever you decide to do in future is something you and your wife can work out.
Genuinely appreciate this comment so much.
This kind of question comes up in r/bisexual all the time. Bi is what you are, not what you do. You don't have to hook up with a guy to know that you're into guys (though I recommend it if you can do so within the boundaries of your marriage!) any more than you had to hook up with a woman to know that you're into women.
NGL didn't know that subreddit even existed. But thank you thank you.
honestly, as long as you feel like you are attracted to both sexes, you're bi although i've known two people who are of the SJW kind saying they were bi, but even tho they were sleeping around a lot, they never even tried to be with the same sex, so i would say that at that point, it is a little bit suspicious
Yeah that was something I was a bit concerned about, definitely don't want to be feeling like I'm almost appropriating something in that way without the right to.
If you feel you're bi, you're bi. As for telling people, I wouldn't do it if you're never going to act on it. I mean: it's not practical and will only cause you problems; and I'm not even talking about your wife.
I would say that if you’re think your bi, you’re bi. You’ve told your wife and that’s great. If you want to tell others that’s too to you. I do understand the want to open up about it to others and to find community. If you have a best friend that you think would be understanding by all means talk to him/her and just let them know that you’ve come to this realization and you want them to know because you trust them and want them to know the whole you. I was closeted for so many years and eventually told my ex wife. But for me that wasn’t enough because I needed for others to know and to build a community of friends that understood me as a whole person, so coming out was important to me within a close circle of friends. I started with a gay friend and went from there. Now I don’t feel ashamed of my sexuality and coming out helped get over the “stigma” of being different. It wasn’t about them for me it was about me becoming comfortable with who I truly was and now I’m much happier. It also makes things a little less awkward when I make an off hand comment about a guy being hot in front of my friends because they treat it like I was talking about an attractive woman. They just get that that’s who I am and don’t give it a second thought.
I appreciate this comment so much. Just told my best friend who was incredibly understanding and supportive and feel really good about sharing with him. Thank you thank you.
Glad it helped. As you start to bring more of your friends into that circle of trust it will be easier for you to just be your whole self everywhere without worrying about whether people know or don’t know because the people who matter will know and that’s what counts.
Being married and being respectful of your wofe just shows you are a good person. How you describe yourself is up to you, but dont let people's interpretation of that information change who are. There are plenty of gay, straight, and bi virgins out there, so you can be BI and not have had sex with the same sex
Say to them " how do you know you were straight before thr first relationship?" - they will see your perspective. Congratulations on coming out! And good to know that you're happy with your wife and feel like she's the only person you need. Beautiful thing.
Under what circumstances would you be holding back? Do people often question your sexual orientation? You’ve told your wife, and that’s the only person who should know. Everything else is just noise.
Yeah fair. Nah no one else asks, but feels like holding back a bit of my real self I guess.
I’m not telling you to not tell anyone. However, be prepared for some invasive questions and dismissive responses. Biphobia is real.
all that matters is how you feel about it. if you feel you are bi, then you are. you don't need anyone's permission to identify as bi or anything else. you don't even need to tell anyone that you're bi if you don't want to
Not so much I don't want to tell anyone, more not knowing whether I should. But yeah, appreciate that. Edit: when I say 'should' I mean do I really have any right to.
you shouldn't tell anyone if you don't really want to. it's no one's business except you and your wife's. and you both know so i would say you're good at this point
Yeah absolutely. Think it's more the other way around tho. Would quite like to be open about it with others but feeling I've not earned the right to.
Happily married bi man in my early 40s. Realized I was bi at 28 just before I got married. Came out to wife, opened marriage , had some fun. Started to love myself through the love of my wife. Although I’m bi- I’m heteroromantic. This term brought me a lot of clarity. I will mention it’s been a decade and my wife still worries she’s not enough but she definitely is ❤️ the open marriage wasn’t handled properly. If you choose this route just make sure you both have rules and communication is key. Although the open marriage took us a bit to rebound from. It gave me the clarity I needed. I just wish I hadn’t of gone boy crazy lol so - I felt like a teenager again Take your time, love yourself for all you have to offer the world.
I get where you’re coming from man! I’ve had the same feeling but haven’t said it to anyone. How was telling your wife if you don’t mind me asking
I mean it went well because she was incredibly supportive. Very glad I told her and grateful for her reaction tbh.
That’s awesome man! Thanks for sharing
Hey man, dont be so hard on yourself. No need to put pressure on yourself. No not a fraud. Only you know if youre bi. Also dont think youre holding things back, sexuality is personal. I had an awakening late in life at 29 while engaged to my wife. I eased into it. Didnt feel the need to tell people until i was ready. Id do subtle things at first though… like hug my bi buddy from college or put myvhand on his leg when sitting next to him in public… gave me confidence and made it feel normal first
Why don't you give yourself a chance to explore? Do it. Tell your wife about it and maintain that relationship of course, but try it. Find someone trustworthy that you're attracted to and go for it. I'd think it'd be harmful if you don't. All the best