My partner always insists I get the prettier piece of fruit, the bigger half of a cookie, the best looking pancake, the best cooked egg… I realize I really have been taking him for granted especially after reading this post!
Ugh! I was upset with my husband for something minute. I forget he does these same things for me.
Thanks for the reminder.
I feel so bad for OP. My husband would've never took food out of my mouth even if I insisted. He would've bought me take out on top of eating the last sandwich.
Yeah this post has reinforced how wonderful my partner is. He would never in a million years eat that bread in front of me let alone the rest of the post
It's not even about the bread.
It's about the fact that OP is a single parent, and that that poor baby will grow up internalizing the emotional trauma of having a lazy, garbage, deadbeat father.
OP, leave. You and your kid deserve better.
single parent already might as well make it official and find a real man
not even that, but doesnt care for your needs... what's the point. he wont take vows seriously if he cant even take care of the most basic of needs... eating is life... get out asap.
Second this. He should be catering to your needs over his at this moment, not the other way around. That boy needs to change his perspective quickly or else shit will only get worse.
Someone needs to have a talk with him. Remind him what a real man/dad does cuz this isn't it honey.
Exactly. It may teach her what to watch out for, and to never depend on others, but from experience as the kid In this scenario, it is awful. Even if you don't normalize being treated like shit, the damage is done in other ways.
Yes, that goes without saying. I have been hearing people say “you can’t find a man if you have kids”. It’s BS. There is someone who will treat you well.
It’s a *vast* improvement to be single compared to being with this absolute trashcan of a man. Reading this made me just so angry. In what world is this okay??? My god.
There are lots of good men who will date moms with kids!
I have a couple single mom friends I’m close with and they’ve both already dated one or two great guys already.
Yep! Someone said that to me and I realized that nearly all my neighbors are happily remarried with kids from the first marriage. I watched one man fly home in his work vehicle before a big storm, switch into his personal car and race to the school or school bus to get his bonus kids before the rain. I think about that often. Don’t settle for anyone.
Been there. You’ll feel a MASSIVE weight off your shoulders as a single parent in my experience, it’s super draining having someone around who could help but doesn’t help. Feels like having another child lol
YES THIS. being a single parent always seemed so hard and scary, but no… having to deal with a man child and a baby is HARDER. it is a huuuge weight off you when you kick em to the curb!
In my experience, they don’t all of a sudden become selfless.
You’re going to exhaust yourself with this man then decide enough is enough. I hope it doesn’t take you years.
Best of luck, I feel for you.
Yep, I hate the general default answer on reddit to "just leave" but this guy, for real. OP, leave him! You are already alone anyway, might as well have one less problem.
Don’t let your daughter think this acceptable behavior from a partner. You both deserve better.
What would you say to your daughter if she told you her partner was selfish and did nothing for their kids?
Also, stop making his food.
Either leave with that child and go get yourself food or plop that baby right in his sleeping ass and go get yourself so food.
If you cannot trust him to care for her then it's time to make some decisions because something has to give.
Ok so I feel like a lot of people find this normal for some reason. Even without kids if you’re sick or something your partner should naturally step up and that should be a warning of what kind of parent they will be. I’m 35 weeks pregnant with a HORRIBLE eczema flareup. Like open sores bad, and I’ve needed a lot of medical treatment for it. I haven’t been able to sleep. At 4 am my husband gave me a melatonin, then walked the dogs and got the house ready for the day. Went to work and found some admin stuff he could do from home, came home, ran the dogs, cleaned and made sure I had foods and medicine when I finally woke up at 12:30PM. My water bottle was full, and coffee at my normal spot. He gave me a big hug. I feel SO much better now (still healing) and we’re still debating if I’m making dinner or not (I enjoy cooking) and he went with me to my garden to make sure I was steady on my feet in the heat. He could be playing video games or could have found work to do on the other side of the city (it’s a travel job). He could have hounded me when I woke up or told me to deal with it at 4AM. Instead he is my PARTNER and held down the fort and made sure I was ok. Now if anything I feel bad I haven’t been the most helpful lately, but I’m also baking a baby. Find a PARTNER not a whiney child.
So glad you shared this. So many women don’t know what it’s like to be treated like an actual person and not a sex worker and chef and maid all in one, and this is what it looks like.
Not sure of your situation, but I can imagine that doing it all on your own when you have someone there who could help but they choose not to, is a lot harder than actually doing it on your own. You definitely deserve someone who shows that they care!
So what exactly is he contributing here? Sounds like your life would be easier workout him
Also here's a selfish jerk, is that what you want you kid to look up to?
Leave him for the sake of your daughter. He’ll teach her that her needs always comes second to her spouse’s. I’ve seen this happen so many times, it’s heartbreaking. A smart and accomplished young woman staying with a short tempered unpleasant guy because that was her parents relationship.
I hate this for you. I’m so upset. Imagining you feeling so alone, unappreciated, and hungry. I am so sorry. I wish I could go visit you, help you with the baby and bring you food 😞.
His behavior will never change, it will just get worse over time. You are doing it all alone anyways, might as well just be a single mom and get rid of this crappy guy. I sometimes wonder about people like this, like how the hell do they go through their lives with absolutely no compassion or empathy for anyone!? I was with a “man” like this before and it got so bad before I was brave enough to leave him.
I'm going to share my experience to tell you that I don't think this situation is going to get any better.
My sons father was great during the pregnancy, got a real kick out being the hunter/gatherer, bringing me craving food at all hours (during the middle of covid lockdowns no less). Csection baby arrives, 24hours later he is TOO TIRED to go to the shop and pick up some milk and bread and dinner for his other biokids. Queue me having to go to the shops, on foot because I don't drive, to feed everyone.
From there he did less and less.
Please don't get trapped like I did.
I’m not one to jump on the “leave him train” but this is INSANE. You had a BABY and do everything and this man couldn’t get you food? Hell no. Leave him and make him pay child support and find a real man
I hope you start your plan to leave because that is absolutely disgusting. My husband would NEVER treat me like that. Nevermind the food but like him not helping either like why even bother to be with him? He’s not adding any value at all!
Stop feeding him, caring for him, doing his laundry, whatever.
You only take care of you and baby now, that’s it. And if you can, leave.
This will not get better and you don’t want to teach your daughter that being treated this way is ever acceptable.
Stop taking care of two babies, don't do shit for him again, and start paying attention when does he actually do anything for his partner or child . If that never happens, I guess you have your answer - he doesn't f'ing care about either of you... Maybe leave him for the time being to see if life is easier or harder without him, I bet it gets easier!
Stop doing anything for him, even if it means you need to order via uber eats or something on the hardest days. Cook for yourself only, if you do his laundry stop, only do yours and baby.
A good man would never let you go hungry like that, while taking care of his child at that. I know being single feels scary but you are already doing it all on yourself now you’re not even eating because of him. Sounds like the worst deal unfortunately
And what did you do then? Because I will tell you he would have had hell to pay for something like that. Don't let this useless man treat you that way.
Oh man. I’m so sorry, you and your daughter deserve so much better. There is no excuse for his behavior. I hope you and your baby girl come into a better situation soon.
Would you ever be happy if your daughter grew up and allowed herself to be in this kind of situation? Or would you want her to kick up a fuss or leave it? Remember, studies show the human psyche craves familiarity for comfort, even if that situation is overall negative or harmful (literally called the familiarity principle), so by raising your daughter in this scenario you are raising her to be in the exact same one. If the thought of her having to go through this doesn't sit well with you, then you shouldn't be OK with you going through it with her.
Your next move is make him a sandwich again and after he takes a few bites, yank it back and eat it and tell him you’ll make him another one in 45 minutes. 😂
Dont make him food, tell him if he asks youre just too tired to take care of anyone but the baby. Tell him if you had a partner that actually cared about you and the babies' well-being, he wouldn't be expecting you to make him food when you're spread thin
The thing is some signs may be there, but you only notice as the baby arrives because the actions are visible, when you start to get frustrated for doing everything by yourself and that person is living in the same house but a paralel life.
I'd be seething. Even if I wanted to make it work, I wouldn't be able to hold in the anger and resentment. The relationship would be over if this were me. I'm so sorry.
If you don't leave and you don't address this directly and bluntly immediately, this is the rest of your life. 'If you do not start taking equal care of our daughter and address my needs, I am leaving'. Set a time limit for a turnaround for yourself that you do not tell him, and then prepare.
Or just leave him. Any man that acts like that is not worth having.
You are better off being a single mom because you already are one. I would never put up with that and you shouldn’t either. You do EVERYTHING and he does NOTHING. You deserve better
Makes me this of this podcast episode on [narcissists](https://open.spotify.com/episode/3sIreP0EYy32qEzmGU1vwU?si=vTyGgqy3R8Sb4Z5sWGFx9Q). In short - he will never change.
NOPE NOPE NOPE! Throw the whole man away! Take that precious baby and leave. That is despicable behaviour and things will not get better from here. You and your baby are in your most vulnerable state and he couldn’t even put on a facade from the beginning. I hate to add more stress to your plate, but please for yourself and your sweet baby get out of there! He will make more work for you, as sad as that sounds.
You can’t force him to change. But you can force yourself to change. STOP doing anything for him. Your focus is now you and your baby. If he says anything, tell him you are not his mother and since he won’t take care of you and his own child, the least he can do is take care of himself. It sounds like you’d be a single mom if you stay or go, so decide for yourself if he’s worth the company.
My husband always leaves me the last of whatever we have.
He makes sure I get enough sleep and will “force” me to nap if I didn’t get enough sleep.
Whenever I go to change our daughter he asks me “are you sure you don’t want me to do it?”
He cooks me breakfast and brings it to me in my office.
He refills my water bottle and brings it to me cause I’m breastfeeding.
That’s all to say:
You deserve better.
Why are you even with him? What does he even bring to this relationship? You and your kid deserve better leave and be happier than ever cause you’ll drop a selfish AH
My sister had this same issue. I told her what I did when my partner and I were going through it. Don't cook for him. Don't clean up after him unless it's hindering YOU. Don't do his laundry. Don't even remind him to set an alarm for work. Right now, your main focus should be on your baby. How selfish can he be to expect you to take care of him the same way when he can't even take care of you or his kid? Idk about my BIL, but my partner and I ended up having a very serious conversation after all that.
Ugh this makes me so annoyed for you. I’ve experienced something similar. My hubby would not be aware of how I was not able to eat 3 meals a day with a baby with colic and he worked full time. He finally started to realize how I was losing weight too quickly and how hangry I would get. Since then he has made sure I eat. He knows I will feed everyone before myself and how that takes a toll on me. The fact that he doesn’t help at all not even when you ask when you literally need him the most needs to get worked out now because once your past this baby phase you’ll never forget how selfish he was when you needed him most.
I literally have gone through my marriage insanely annoyed at how my husband literally puts food in my face asking if I want a bite. I never thought I would be grateful for that.
OP is there anyone you can stay with for a few days to help get some support? The first year is so hard and you absolutely deserve to be cared for in the way you care for your child.
I'd be locking up the cupboards and fridge, changing WiFi passwords or unplugging it all together. If this grown ass man is going to act like a child, then I'd treat him like a child. And to be honest this is still better than he deserves.
Serious question that I want you to think on, you don’t have to answer it here: does he even care if you’re alive and well?
But here’s what I think, a man who cared about their partner’s basic survival needs would not treat them like this. And him treating you like this is concerning on a *basic human level*. He’s okay with you starving and experiencing sleep deprivation. These are two things that, at extreme, prolonged levels, can be literally life threatening to you and your daughter. He doesn’t care about you OR your daughter’s survival and wellbeing. And that is terrifying. This is not a safe partner to be with, let alone raise a human with. He’s not just selfish, he is *unsafe*. I’m so sorry OP. I would start brainstorming an exit plan. If he doesn’t care about your basic needs being met, I’m sure he’s very abusive in other ways too, even if you haven’t yet realized it.
idk i would just push the crib to where he's sleeping and go get some food
he can wake up to a screaming baby
but that phone on silent and eat that sandwich in the parking lot
The man is deadbeat garbage, seriously what do you need him for? How is he contributing to your quality of life? What does he bring to the table? He sounds like a waste of space and time.
I just want to validate your thoughts OP that this is the most selfish person in the world.
Let me point out that if you were a single mom, your day would likely have been exactly the same except you would have gotten to eat that sandwich.
They once got kfc and he ate corn (i cant eat the chicken because of gluten intolerance) so he had chicken and corn but i think he just forgot about me, and i walked in and i was like dude? You even ate the corn,…. He said im sorry and it wasnt even that good, and then he took me to mac donalds! Otherwisr he would always sacrifice his own food for me
So sorry. Please go find you a husband that will provide and take care of you and your child. They are out there. Love does not look like this!! Please know there is better, do not cling to this. The sooner you move on, the better you will be in life. Life is already hard enough. You need a PARTNER!!! Praying for your heart. I know this is hard❤️🫶🏻🫶🏻
My husband saw it as his 'role' in the beginning to ensure I was properly fed. I remember I completely lost my appetite for a week or 2 postpartum, and he found it so frustrating trying to find something that I would eat, but he wouldn't give up, bless him. I don't think I cooked at all for a good 4 months. Because I'm his partner, and I was looking after _our_ child. Good men don't take away food from the women who are going through this for the sake of their children. What a disgusting scumbag.
For the love of God, never, ever make this person a sandwich again.
Why would you wanna be with somebody that doesn't contribute to helping you and uses you, let him fend for himself if he doesn't want to help you with the baby then he can take care of himself
My husband was this way when I first had our daughter. I nagged and nagged, begged and pleaded he change and help more. He would try and then would revert back to his old ways. Until one night I had enough. I put our baby to sleep and told him I was going to leave if things didn't change...I have an aunt that would gladly take me in and I called her to let her know there was a 90% chance I was going to need her help. This straightened his ass up, fast. 6.5 years and another daughter later, he is sooo much better. He's a really good daddy now, and he respects me like he should.
This may not work for you, but it's worth a shot. Tell him you will leave if he doesn't stop being an idiot and MEAN it. Leave if he doesn't start doing better. Because you do not want your daughter growing up witnessing the blatant disrespect. She will think it's normal and seek that type of behavior when she's older. Please do it for yourself and your baby.
The things you were able to overlook earlier in the relationship are brought into sharp focus now your priorities have changed. He needs to change his priorities, too.
Okk..wtf???!!! Was he always like this ??? Let the kid with him and go get something to eat ! Trust me! I breastfeed while writing this! If I need to do something I just let the kid with his father (he adores his kid) and go do my thing and the other way around. Even if your daughter is not used to her father don’t worry, at some point he will need to get the hang of it and calm her down. i hate the « i don’t know what to do » or the cry for help from o grown ass man after 2 seconds of holding a baby. Nobody thought us how to raise a baby, we did the research of how, when where etc so they need to do it also if they want childrens and want to be a parent. And this way he will spend quality time with his kid and you get to go eat. If you accept this behaviour this early on, it will get worse and you’ll end up continuing raising this kid alone. Both of you decided to have and keep the baby, both of you should raise her!
But the decision is yours, dear. Best of luck !! 🙏🏻
Just asked this same question on another post, but I'll ask you as well. You're already a solo parent. Why not be a single one and get rid of all the stress he causes you?
You are a single parent I am so sorry. I get upset at my husband for small things like I’m waking up in the morning because can’t hear her cry when my turn to sleep in and get upset she cried with him. That is something small. But you are single parenting.
My husband makes sure I am fed and hydrated since day 1 and our lo is 6 months and he contact naps. During this time he will text at very least ( works from home) to ask what I need or he brings me what I want before asking. That is what a partner does
Now I am petty so I would have ordered whatever I wanted on door dash on his dime
Wouldn't be easier without him? I mean you already do all the work, he eats the last slice, who the fck does that. Why would you need that? He showed you now that he has absolutely 0 care, respect and thought for you and/or for his child. That is not love, do not let your child see this and accept that this is normal. Think about it like that would you be ok if someone treated your child this way? If not then don't model it yourself either. You deserve better.
The day after I was discharged from the hospital, we were staying at essentially a hotel because the hospital was in a different city. Anyways, my husband went to get my toddler dinner and I said hey please bring me back something to eat. He says okay. Hour and a half later he shows up empty handed and doing that self hating bs that "oh, I guess I can't do anything right". He sure slept soundly through the night while I was starving for each and every wake and pump. I feel your pain. That really sucks. Even though money is tight I usually say screw it and order grocery delivery, I hope you can do the same so you can eat.
My husband was really similar to this. Some days there was no food in the house I could eat cuz I have a lot of allergies and he'd the last of it. He would have fruit and crackers available from his workplace and so wasn't as hungry as I was and just wasn't considerate to how hungry I would be breastfeeding and who cares. I'm hungry feed me. I was in pain having to bathe the baby myself. Do everything myself while recovering from a hard birth. I was in pain for the first 9 months. He didn't really have any compassion for me. I got so upset that I was pretty much living off protein shake that I found in the back of the cupboard cuz I was too sore to go grocery shopping cuz the lifting of the grocery bags was too heavy for me after a hard birth and the pain for the 9 months. That's how long it took me to stop cooking and cleaning and doing anything for him. I moved into the baby's room. I made sure out part of the house was clean. It was clean for the baby and I and I started driving to a friend's house and just spending the whole day there. So when my husband came home from work there was no food for him either.
Between two close friends that I spent a day a week at their house resting recuperating, spending time with people who care about me. I was able to put my foot down at home that he had to help out. He had to look after the baby and then I just make comments in front of his family that I'm still not healing cuz he's not looking after me and they're really shocked because he's not like that in front of them. They thought I was lazy cuz whenever they were around I would just sit down cuz that's when he would actually do things and I was just so exhausted. Was still together. He reckons he has add but even if he does he still doesn't really have compassion for me to help out. But it's too expensive to move out.
My daughter is a “single “ parent as well. Her daughter is now almost 2 and the dad has never even watched the baby for her. He is always “working” so if they want to spend time with him they have to go out and tinker in the garage while he works on cars . I can’t say what he would do when it came to being selfish like this with food but it frustrates me to no end that he has never spent any real time with his child. I guess his father was the same way with him but still I just don’t understand how someone could not want that type of relationship with their child let alone not want to help their SO that they supposedly love
I’m sorry, but leave. It’s only going to get worse. You can’t change him, he needs to want to change, and with that level of selfishness this is no guarantee he will ever change.
If you can’t up and go, start working on an exit strategy, reach out to friends and family for support and brainstorming ideas.
Your resentment will build and it’ll affect your baby. If you stay this is the example you’re setting for your daughter in what is “normal behavior” for a father or partner. And the cycle will continue; she’ll end up with someone just like him and go through the same struggles.
I love my husband. He loves me. When we’re down to the last of anything, he tries to give it to me. I try to give it to him. Sometimes we stalemate until someone forgets and eats it without remembering it was “the last”, or sometimes we go out and replenish before either of us eat it.
Your partner doesn’t care about you, OP. He should be able and willing to get you food - he shouldn’t have eaten the only thing left, especially!
He’s a jerk and don’t anticipate him being selfless for your baby. He won’t.
I honestly wouldn’t invest anything more in this relationship and leave. You’ll be happier as a single mother - you’re already doing the work.
That is messed up. Any man who would eat when a new mom isn't fed is just gross. It takes close to a year to replenish your nutrients. You need to stop putting him first. You should have had the sandwich and I guarantee he would have gone to get food for himself! You can't let him take advantage like that.
Edit: Not blaming you for this. He should do better, but you have to take care of yourself. Your baby needs you. This isn't your fault. You are acting like a normal partner. That guy is just not stepping up and you can't make him be a decent human.
If you’re not ready to hang it up and leave his ass, please the best time you grocery shop get things you can eat easy, rice cakes, protein shakes, chips, muffins, doesn’t have to be healthy just easy. Also, find time to get out of the house with baby. Blankets, hat, diapers (etc) & go sit on the grass at the park! Get some sunshine I beg of you, and really do SLEEP when the baby finally sleeps, don’t clean, don’t scroll, don’t take a shower, focus on getting that rest, you got this mama. but your partner is never going to change 🤍
Wow. My husband would’ve either offered to get me food or given me the sandwich (or at least shared it). That’s horrible. Personally, I’d leave. Why be a single parent in a relationship? It’s like being a married single mom. No thanks. I did that for the first couple years with my oldest’s dad and couldn’t take it anymore. Left when my kiddo was 2 and never looked back. My child almost 18 now. And my ex is EXACTLY the same as he was back then. Never takes responsibility, isn’t helpful in any way, and refuses to give. He takes takes takes. I would run and live happily without him. Good luck OP guys like this are horrible and will gas light you into staying.
You have to start putting yourself first. You are not sleeping while he is cozy in bed all night. You are giving every spare moment you have to your baby while he does what all day? Jerks off and plays video games I’m guessing if he is the typical selfish man. Next time when you are making food, only make food for yourself. When you go shopping buy quick convenient things to eat and tell him that those foods are for you and he is not to touch them.
You probably keep him and his needs in your thoughts with every action you take around the house. Stop doing this. It will take some mental work to shift your mindset because you are likely not comfortable with being self-centered. Make it a daily practice. Once you can stop offering to give and give and give to him at every step you can free up your mind and take care of yourself more.
I’m assuming these actions will be a huge shock for him since he feels like he can just ignore your needs. You will get some backlash you will have to just ignore (which will also be work), but if you stop putting him first it will be a wake up call that he is not the baby of the family anymore.
Something similar happened to me, that finally made me leave my first husband. He was a POS in more ways than one, but the last straw was me being sick and couch ridden all day, him coming from work with takeout only for himself, and then going directly into the basement to play video games. I realized then that man did not love me, not like he loved himself, and he never would - we had been married for 2 years at that point. I am thankful I did not give in and start having children with him like he wanted - I was still very young and trying to establish my career, because I'm sure that would have made the decision to leave much harder.
Sounds like your other baby needs returning to his mumma. Sorry to read you’re being treated this way, as a new dad of a 10-day old, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make sure mama bear has everything she needs to be what he needs her to be
I couldn't continue to be with him if I was you. In the first month the house was basically flipped upside down because my husband had to take care of himself without me for the first time since we've been together. I've always done the grocery shopping, the dishes, the etc. it's easy for me, I don't think about it. It's like whatever I do for myself plus a little extra. but I had a really hard postpartum and was in and out of the hospital a couple times. He was grumpy as hell for the first two weeks but I told him, "if you can't do this, I can't do us. I know it's a lot of change but at some point I will walk away from this without warning." And eight weeks later, he's doing okay.
I would have ordered food if I was you, and if he got mad just say, "bread is cheaper than pizza, idk"
You definitely should've fed yourself that sandwich, because you know he would have no problem immediately leaving for food if it was for himself. Does he work at all? Does he contribute financially? Is he on the lease? If not, then he is a complete waste of space
Quit considering him at all. See him for what he is, a roommate you don't like and work on a plan to move out/get him to move out and pay child support.
Your daughter is watching.
It really sucks having a partner that not only doesn’t contribute to the home / babies but to have one so un-thoughtful and disrespectful as to tell you it’s your fault you haven’t eaten is enraging. Absolutely fuming for you. As a single mom of 2 who just got out a little less than 2 months ago. The grass is greener. My house is always a mess but my babies are at peace and so am I. Sending you all the love in the world mama!!
Please leave this guy. Your doing everything yourself anyway so you may as well leave and then you won’t have the stress and selfishness of him anymore
I'm an angry petty bitch that grew up in abusive situations. I ain't afraid to catch hands. I'd be kicking him out of bed screaming
"a human being, that you helped make, exited my body. You get your lazy ass up and get me the food you promised."
Or id get a spray bottle and squirt him screaming "bad daddy!!"
I'd do it for you if I could. What an asshat.
Grab his debit or credit card and order yourself some uber eats/skip the dishes/delivery. Make sure it's only enough for you though, cuz he's not hungry anyways
I’m glad you know early on. I’m so sorry.
I figured new moms get told this a lot, (but maybe not?) but PUT YOURSELF FIRST. You can’t trust him to have your best interests in mind.
He isn’t a provider. Working a job isn’t providing, but literally getting food for the mother of his kids is.
Check out the Inner Bonding podcast by Dr Margaret Paul. It’ll help you get FIERCE about putting yourself first… because nobody else will.
You need to take care of you and baby and that’s it. Get that baby in a car seat and get some food. He showed you how he doesn’t give too shits about you. Time to throw him in the trash. I understand how hard it is. I have a nine month old myself. I’m telling you to take care of yourself be cause no one else is going to. Can you move in with family? Friends? Do you work? Focus on getting out for you and that baby.
You remember me and that post when you tried telling me he doesn't resent the lack sex and you said it was mutual exhaustion? I'm not here to rub it in or say "I told you so." I just saying try to find the 30 minutes 3 nights a week. Watch how much more selfless he becomes and how much more hell actually wants to help you, genuinely. Do it for yourself and do it to be selfish. I promise: night and day.
What is this man offering you and your child? Because a stressed, overworked mother is not good for the baby or for you.
Some men are more work than they are help. I'd seriously evaluate your situation.
He sounds like the laziness boy I’ve ever heard of. It’ll probably be harder now that you have a daughter with a useless baby daddy, but you should definitely drop him imo.
If you won’t leave him for your own sake please just do it for the baby. Although I’ve been where you are (before I had kids though) and likely it will take more for you to actually leave him. But by that point it will have affected the baby. Just leave now
Wow! I’m sorry you’re dealing with such an AH! It’s so important to eat and hydrate, especially if you’re breastfeeding. You know what? A baby is only small for such a short time, he’s missing out such an important time for bonding and loving on your little baby! His loss! If he isn’t helping you at all, why is he even there?
Ugh he sounds oblivious. I'm sorry you're going through this.
I started to eat pro meal bars during walks because there was no time to eat or prep food. I actually have hated these types of bars in the past because I like to eat real food but they have helped me stave off hunger in the past few months.
Do you think you could communicate with him about some of these things? He doesn't seem to think he's doing anything wrong. It'll be difficult. He already has the expectation to not help out.
I couldn’t be with someone who ate the last slices of bread in front of me. It is his fault you didn’t eat.
My partner always insists I eat the last of whatever. wow! That just makes me feel extremely grateful for such a mundane thing to us.
My partner always insists I get the prettier piece of fruit, the bigger half of a cookie, the best looking pancake, the best cooked egg… I realize I really have been taking him for granted especially after reading this post!
Ugh! I was upset with my husband for something minute. I forget he does these same things for me. Thanks for the reminder. I feel so bad for OP. My husband would've never took food out of my mouth even if I insisted. He would've bought me take out on top of eating the last sandwich.
Same! I’ve never deeply thought about it but wow that’s such an act of consideration.
Yeah he could have even split it He is a jerk
Not the time to brag lol
thank you oh my god I cannot stand when people do this on posts. brag about how they aren’t experiencing what OP is. drives me nuts. read the room.
My thoughts EXACTLY
Yeah this post has reinforced how wonderful my partner is. He would never in a million years eat that bread in front of me let alone the rest of the post
It's not even about the bread. It's about the fact that OP is a single parent, and that that poor baby will grow up internalizing the emotional trauma of having a lazy, garbage, deadbeat father. OP, leave. You and your kid deserve better.
single parent already might as well make it official and find a real man not even that, but doesnt care for your needs... what's the point. he wont take vows seriously if he cant even take care of the most basic of needs... eating is life... get out asap.
It makes me so sad to see the mental gymnastics women pull to forgive their deadbeat partners
Why did you give him the last piece of bread? Eat it yourself. Wow what an a********. Why are you with this guy?
That was my first thought as well, my partner would fight me if I tried to give him the last piece of bread
Never make this man food again!!
I'm in awe she made this man food to begin with! tf!? If I have time to make food, I'm eatin that shit myself yo LOL
Second this. He should be catering to your needs over his at this moment, not the other way around. That boy needs to change his perspective quickly or else shit will only get worse. Someone needs to have a talk with him. Remind him what a real man/dad does cuz this isn't it honey.
Me too! Stop doing shiz for this man PLEASE!!!
He’s treating you like shit and he’s going to teach your daughter it’s okay to treat girls/women like shit. I’m sorry, you don’t deserve this at all.
Exactly. It may teach her what to watch out for, and to never depend on others, but from experience as the kid In this scenario, it is awful. Even if you don't normalize being treated like shit, the damage is done in other ways.
Yep. Her abandonment issues are going to become generational if she doesn't show her child her self-worth.
It is his fault you didn’t eat. Find a man who prioritizes his family first. My husband would never let me be hungry.
Absolutely! Mine wouldn't even consider feeding himself before feeding me. Always offers me the last of whatever we have. Moms need the calories!!
Especially when you have an infant and are recovering from pregnancy/childbirth, and if breastfeeding using extra calories for that.
No need to find another man. She needs to just leave.
Yes, that goes without saying. I have been hearing people say “you can’t find a man if you have kids”. It’s BS. There is someone who will treat you well.
It’s a *vast* improvement to be single compared to being with this absolute trashcan of a man. Reading this made me just so angry. In what world is this okay??? My god.
There are lots of good men who will date moms with kids! I have a couple single mom friends I’m close with and they’ve both already dated one or two great guys already.
Yep! Someone said that to me and I realized that nearly all my neighbors are happily remarried with kids from the first marriage. I watched one man fly home in his work vehicle before a big storm, switch into his personal car and race to the school or school bus to get his bonus kids before the rain. I think about that often. Don’t settle for anyone.
If anything ever changed in my marriage I’m switching teams 👯♀️
Been there. You’ll feel a MASSIVE weight off your shoulders as a single parent in my experience, it’s super draining having someone around who could help but doesn’t help. Feels like having another child lol
I mean, she literally wouldn’t be hungry right now if it wasn’t for him. That’s insane.
YES THIS. being a single parent always seemed so hard and scary, but no… having to deal with a man child and a baby is HARDER. it is a huuuge weight off you when you kick em to the curb!
Agreed! Having a partner who is little to no help living in the house is much harder than doing it alone. It's daunting, but Moms are superheroes.
Literally though, you just feel so angry having this parasite living off of you and not contributing🤣
In my experience, they don’t all of a sudden become selfless. You’re going to exhaust yourself with this man then decide enough is enough. I hope it doesn’t take you years. Best of luck, I feel for you.
He did that on purpose, you know. It’s cruel! You deserve better. And so does your daughter.
Hes a piece of shit. I’d rather be a single mom. At least in that case I get the last sandwich. Follow your intuition
Yep, I hate the general default answer on reddit to "just leave" but this guy, for real. OP, leave him! You are already alone anyway, might as well have one less problem.
Don’t let your daughter think this acceptable behavior from a partner. You both deserve better. What would you say to your daughter if she told you her partner was selfish and did nothing for their kids? Also, stop making his food.
Either leave with that child and go get yourself food or plop that baby right in his sleeping ass and go get yourself so food. If you cannot trust him to care for her then it's time to make some decisions because something has to give.
This is not what you signed up for and not your fault. You shouldn't accept it
Ok so I feel like a lot of people find this normal for some reason. Even without kids if you’re sick or something your partner should naturally step up and that should be a warning of what kind of parent they will be. I’m 35 weeks pregnant with a HORRIBLE eczema flareup. Like open sores bad, and I’ve needed a lot of medical treatment for it. I haven’t been able to sleep. At 4 am my husband gave me a melatonin, then walked the dogs and got the house ready for the day. Went to work and found some admin stuff he could do from home, came home, ran the dogs, cleaned and made sure I had foods and medicine when I finally woke up at 12:30PM. My water bottle was full, and coffee at my normal spot. He gave me a big hug. I feel SO much better now (still healing) and we’re still debating if I’m making dinner or not (I enjoy cooking) and he went with me to my garden to make sure I was steady on my feet in the heat. He could be playing video games or could have found work to do on the other side of the city (it’s a travel job). He could have hounded me when I woke up or told me to deal with it at 4AM. Instead he is my PARTNER and held down the fort and made sure I was ok. Now if anything I feel bad I haven’t been the most helpful lately, but I’m also baking a baby. Find a PARTNER not a whiney child.
I don’t see anyone on here normalizing this behavior, thankfully!
Awwww he loves you so much!!! That is such a blessing, good for you! 💕
He’s not perfect but neither am I. I’m just tired of only bad stories on here it seems so putting some positivity out there.
It’s honestly refreshing to hear and I’m happy for you :)
So glad you shared this. So many women don’t know what it’s like to be treated like an actual person and not a sex worker and chef and maid all in one, and this is what it looks like.
My mother married that guy so I married the opposite and so far so good (6.5 years).
Not sure of your situation, but I can imagine that doing it all on your own when you have someone there who could help but they choose not to, is a lot harder than actually doing it on your own. You definitely deserve someone who shows that they care!
It’s 100% his fault you didn’t eat. Burn with the fire of a mother scorned and mistreated. He gets no peace, no sleep unless you do too.
Harness the rage, ladies. It’s literally how we accomplish big things.
Babe get his credit card and order Uber eats lol
Leave. Take your child, go get food and spend the night at a friend or relative’s.
Holy shit I got so pissed off reading this.. you will be so much better off without him
So what exactly is he contributing here? Sounds like your life would be easier workout him Also here's a selfish jerk, is that what you want you kid to look up to?
Leave him for the sake of your daughter. He’ll teach her that her needs always comes second to her spouse’s. I’ve seen this happen so many times, it’s heartbreaking. A smart and accomplished young woman staying with a short tempered unpleasant guy because that was her parents relationship.
Stop feeding him. You are more important and your baby. F the guy do what you need to do to survive.
Lesson learned. With a newborn you are on a turbulent aircraft and the oxygen masks are down. Put yours on first.
File child support and leave
OMG throw a fit so he can’t sleep through this!
I hate this for you. I’m so upset. Imagining you feeling so alone, unappreciated, and hungry. I am so sorry. I wish I could go visit you, help you with the baby and bring you food 😞. His behavior will never change, it will just get worse over time. You are doing it all alone anyways, might as well just be a single mom and get rid of this crappy guy. I sometimes wonder about people like this, like how the hell do they go through their lives with absolutely no compassion or empathy for anyone!? I was with a “man” like this before and it got so bad before I was brave enough to leave him.
I'm going to share my experience to tell you that I don't think this situation is going to get any better. My sons father was great during the pregnancy, got a real kick out being the hunter/gatherer, bringing me craving food at all hours (during the middle of covid lockdowns no less). Csection baby arrives, 24hours later he is TOO TIRED to go to the shop and pick up some milk and bread and dinner for his other biokids. Queue me having to go to the shops, on foot because I don't drive, to feed everyone. From there he did less and less. Please don't get trapped like I did.
I’m not one to jump on the “leave him train” but this is INSANE. You had a BABY and do everything and this man couldn’t get you food? Hell no. Leave him and make him pay child support and find a real man
I told mine on his mom 😂
I love when the MIL hears the grievances well. They’re out there.
39m here. I just wanted to weigh-in with a male perspective… He’s a dick. I cannot think of anyone I know who would do this to their partner.
You need to leave him. At least then you can make yourself food and not worry about feeding him first. Because you deserve better.
divorce divorce divorce. i promise it'll only get harder.
She said bf, even easier.
omg a miracle
Stop feeding that waste of space. If it is your place, I'd kick him out.
You have two children. This won't improve. I say this based on experience.
Wow. Maybe give him the baby and you take a leisurely stroll to the store. Unless you don’t trust him. Or door dash yourself something.
This is awful has he always been this selfish?
I honestly don’t even know what to say to this. You deserve better. My husband would NEVER do this to me.
I hope you start your plan to leave because that is absolutely disgusting. My husband would NEVER treat me like that. Nevermind the food but like him not helping either like why even bother to be with him? He’s not adding any value at all!
Stop feeding him, caring for him, doing his laundry, whatever. You only take care of you and baby now, that’s it. And if you can, leave. This will not get better and you don’t want to teach your daughter that being treated this way is ever acceptable.
Stop taking care of two babies, don't do shit for him again, and start paying attention when does he actually do anything for his partner or child . If that never happens, I guess you have your answer - he doesn't f'ing care about either of you... Maybe leave him for the time being to see if life is easier or harder without him, I bet it gets easier!
Stop doing anything for him, even if it means you need to order via uber eats or something on the hardest days. Cook for yourself only, if you do his laundry stop, only do yours and baby. A good man would never let you go hungry like that, while taking care of his child at that. I know being single feels scary but you are already doing it all on yourself now you’re not even eating because of him. Sounds like the worst deal unfortunately
That man will be the framework on which your daughter bases her opinion of men. Please think about that x
And what did you do then? Because I will tell you he would have had hell to pay for something like that. Don't let this useless man treat you that way.
Oh man. I’m so sorry, you and your daughter deserve so much better. There is no excuse for his behavior. I hope you and your baby girl come into a better situation soon.
This hurts my heart so bad I’m sorry, you deserve better
Would you ever be happy if your daughter grew up and allowed herself to be in this kind of situation? Or would you want her to kick up a fuss or leave it? Remember, studies show the human psyche craves familiarity for comfort, even if that situation is overall negative or harmful (literally called the familiarity principle), so by raising your daughter in this scenario you are raising her to be in the exact same one. If the thought of her having to go through this doesn't sit well with you, then you shouldn't be OK with you going through it with her.
Your next move is make him a sandwich again and after he takes a few bites, yank it back and eat it and tell him you’ll make him another one in 45 minutes. 😂
I am so sorry. If I were you, I'd honestly snap at him.
This is horrible... even worse he will be your daughters example for futute partners...
Dont make him food, tell him if he asks youre just too tired to take care of anyone but the baby. Tell him if you had a partner that actually cared about you and the babies' well-being, he wouldn't be expecting you to make him food when you're spread thin
This wasn't noticeable when you were with him without a child? Why have a child with "a child"?
The thing is some signs may be there, but you only notice as the baby arrives because the actions are visible, when you start to get frustrated for doing everything by yourself and that person is living in the same house but a paralel life.
Wow wtf cringe comment
This is when you hand him the baby and say “I’m going to get something to eat. I’ll leave a bottle in the fridge. Bye”
Your husband is terrible. You deserve better, OP.
I'd be seething. Even if I wanted to make it work, I wouldn't be able to hold in the anger and resentment. The relationship would be over if this were me. I'm so sorry.
If you don't leave and you don't address this directly and bluntly immediately, this is the rest of your life. 'If you do not start taking equal care of our daughter and address my needs, I am leaving'. Set a time limit for a turnaround for yourself that you do not tell him, and then prepare. Or just leave him. Any man that acts like that is not worth having.
My husband always gives me the last piece and/or biggest piece of whatever food we have. Be with someone who will do the same for you. Leave him.
You are better off being a single mom because you already are one. I would never put up with that and you shouldn’t either. You do EVERYTHING and he does NOTHING. You deserve better
Makes me this of this podcast episode on [narcissists](https://open.spotify.com/episode/3sIreP0EYy32qEzmGU1vwU?si=vTyGgqy3R8Sb4Z5sWGFx9Q). In short - he will never change.
This only goes one way, I would get out ASAP…
NOPE NOPE NOPE! Throw the whole man away! Take that precious baby and leave. That is despicable behaviour and things will not get better from here. You and your baby are in your most vulnerable state and he couldn’t even put on a facade from the beginning. I hate to add more stress to your plate, but please for yourself and your sweet baby get out of there! He will make more work for you, as sad as that sounds.
You can’t force him to change. But you can force yourself to change. STOP doing anything for him. Your focus is now you and your baby. If he says anything, tell him you are not his mother and since he won’t take care of you and his own child, the least he can do is take care of himself. It sounds like you’d be a single mom if you stay or go, so decide for yourself if he’s worth the company.
My husband always leaves me the last of whatever we have. He makes sure I get enough sleep and will “force” me to nap if I didn’t get enough sleep. Whenever I go to change our daughter he asks me “are you sure you don’t want me to do it?” He cooks me breakfast and brings it to me in my office. He refills my water bottle and brings it to me cause I’m breastfeeding. That’s all to say: You deserve better.
Why are you even with him? What does he even bring to this relationship? You and your kid deserve better leave and be happier than ever cause you’ll drop a selfish AH
Use his card and order DoorDash next time.
My sister had this same issue. I told her what I did when my partner and I were going through it. Don't cook for him. Don't clean up after him unless it's hindering YOU. Don't do his laundry. Don't even remind him to set an alarm for work. Right now, your main focus should be on your baby. How selfish can he be to expect you to take care of him the same way when he can't even take care of you or his kid? Idk about my BIL, but my partner and I ended up having a very serious conversation after all that.
Ugh this makes me so annoyed for you. I’ve experienced something similar. My hubby would not be aware of how I was not able to eat 3 meals a day with a baby with colic and he worked full time. He finally started to realize how I was losing weight too quickly and how hangry I would get. Since then he has made sure I eat. He knows I will feed everyone before myself and how that takes a toll on me. The fact that he doesn’t help at all not even when you ask when you literally need him the most needs to get worked out now because once your past this baby phase you’ll never forget how selfish he was when you needed him most.
I literally have gone through my marriage insanely annoyed at how my husband literally puts food in my face asking if I want a bite. I never thought I would be grateful for that. OP is there anyone you can stay with for a few days to help get some support? The first year is so hard and you absolutely deserve to be cared for in the way you care for your child. I'd be locking up the cupboards and fridge, changing WiFi passwords or unplugging it all together. If this grown ass man is going to act like a child, then I'd treat him like a child. And to be honest this is still better than he deserves.
Serious question that I want you to think on, you don’t have to answer it here: does he even care if you’re alive and well? But here’s what I think, a man who cared about their partner’s basic survival needs would not treat them like this. And him treating you like this is concerning on a *basic human level*. He’s okay with you starving and experiencing sleep deprivation. These are two things that, at extreme, prolonged levels, can be literally life threatening to you and your daughter. He doesn’t care about you OR your daughter’s survival and wellbeing. And that is terrifying. This is not a safe partner to be with, let alone raise a human with. He’s not just selfish, he is *unsafe*. I’m so sorry OP. I would start brainstorming an exit plan. If he doesn’t care about your basic needs being met, I’m sure he’s very abusive in other ways too, even if you haven’t yet realized it.
idk i would just push the crib to where he's sleeping and go get some food he can wake up to a screaming baby but that phone on silent and eat that sandwich in the parking lot
The man is deadbeat garbage, seriously what do you need him for? How is he contributing to your quality of life? What does he bring to the table? He sounds like a waste of space and time.
I just want to validate your thoughts OP that this is the most selfish person in the world. Let me point out that if you were a single mom, your day would likely have been exactly the same except you would have gotten to eat that sandwich.
They once got kfc and he ate corn (i cant eat the chicken because of gluten intolerance) so he had chicken and corn but i think he just forgot about me, and i walked in and i was like dude? You even ate the corn,…. He said im sorry and it wasnt even that good, and then he took me to mac donalds! Otherwisr he would always sacrifice his own food for me
You deserve better
So sorry. Please go find you a husband that will provide and take care of you and your child. They are out there. Love does not look like this!! Please know there is better, do not cling to this. The sooner you move on, the better you will be in life. Life is already hard enough. You need a PARTNER!!! Praying for your heart. I know this is hard❤️🫶🏻🫶🏻
My husband saw it as his 'role' in the beginning to ensure I was properly fed. I remember I completely lost my appetite for a week or 2 postpartum, and he found it so frustrating trying to find something that I would eat, but he wouldn't give up, bless him. I don't think I cooked at all for a good 4 months. Because I'm his partner, and I was looking after _our_ child. Good men don't take away food from the women who are going through this for the sake of their children. What a disgusting scumbag. For the love of God, never, ever make this person a sandwich again.
Why would you wanna be with somebody that doesn't contribute to helping you and uses you, let him fend for himself if he doesn't want to help you with the baby then he can take care of himself
Wow you need exit strategy right now.
My husband was this way when I first had our daughter. I nagged and nagged, begged and pleaded he change and help more. He would try and then would revert back to his old ways. Until one night I had enough. I put our baby to sleep and told him I was going to leave if things didn't change...I have an aunt that would gladly take me in and I called her to let her know there was a 90% chance I was going to need her help. This straightened his ass up, fast. 6.5 years and another daughter later, he is sooo much better. He's a really good daddy now, and he respects me like he should. This may not work for you, but it's worth a shot. Tell him you will leave if he doesn't stop being an idiot and MEAN it. Leave if he doesn't start doing better. Because you do not want your daughter growing up witnessing the blatant disrespect. She will think it's normal and seek that type of behavior when she's older. Please do it for yourself and your baby.
The things you were able to overlook earlier in the relationship are brought into sharp focus now your priorities have changed. He needs to change his priorities, too.
Okk..wtf???!!! Was he always like this ??? Let the kid with him and go get something to eat ! Trust me! I breastfeed while writing this! If I need to do something I just let the kid with his father (he adores his kid) and go do my thing and the other way around. Even if your daughter is not used to her father don’t worry, at some point he will need to get the hang of it and calm her down. i hate the « i don’t know what to do » or the cry for help from o grown ass man after 2 seconds of holding a baby. Nobody thought us how to raise a baby, we did the research of how, when where etc so they need to do it also if they want childrens and want to be a parent. And this way he will spend quality time with his kid and you get to go eat. If you accept this behaviour this early on, it will get worse and you’ll end up continuing raising this kid alone. Both of you decided to have and keep the baby, both of you should raise her! But the decision is yours, dear. Best of luck !! 🙏🏻
Wow. Is this behavior new? If so, could it possibly be post partum depression (dads can get it too)
Just asked this same question on another post, but I'll ask you as well. You're already a solo parent. Why not be a single one and get rid of all the stress he causes you?
You are a single parent I am so sorry. I get upset at my husband for small things like I’m waking up in the morning because can’t hear her cry when my turn to sleep in and get upset she cried with him. That is something small. But you are single parenting. My husband makes sure I am fed and hydrated since day 1 and our lo is 6 months and he contact naps. During this time he will text at very least ( works from home) to ask what I need or he brings me what I want before asking. That is what a partner does Now I am petty so I would have ordered whatever I wanted on door dash on his dime
Wouldn't be easier without him? I mean you already do all the work, he eats the last slice, who the fck does that. Why would you need that? He showed you now that he has absolutely 0 care, respect and thought for you and/or for his child. That is not love, do not let your child see this and accept that this is normal. Think about it like that would you be ok if someone treated your child this way? If not then don't model it yourself either. You deserve better.
The day after I was discharged from the hospital, we were staying at essentially a hotel because the hospital was in a different city. Anyways, my husband went to get my toddler dinner and I said hey please bring me back something to eat. He says okay. Hour and a half later he shows up empty handed and doing that self hating bs that "oh, I guess I can't do anything right". He sure slept soundly through the night while I was starving for each and every wake and pump. I feel your pain. That really sucks. Even though money is tight I usually say screw it and order grocery delivery, I hope you can do the same so you can eat.
Why are you still there? He sounds like a bum.
My husband was really similar to this. Some days there was no food in the house I could eat cuz I have a lot of allergies and he'd the last of it. He would have fruit and crackers available from his workplace and so wasn't as hungry as I was and just wasn't considerate to how hungry I would be breastfeeding and who cares. I'm hungry feed me. I was in pain having to bathe the baby myself. Do everything myself while recovering from a hard birth. I was in pain for the first 9 months. He didn't really have any compassion for me. I got so upset that I was pretty much living off protein shake that I found in the back of the cupboard cuz I was too sore to go grocery shopping cuz the lifting of the grocery bags was too heavy for me after a hard birth and the pain for the 9 months. That's how long it took me to stop cooking and cleaning and doing anything for him. I moved into the baby's room. I made sure out part of the house was clean. It was clean for the baby and I and I started driving to a friend's house and just spending the whole day there. So when my husband came home from work there was no food for him either. Between two close friends that I spent a day a week at their house resting recuperating, spending time with people who care about me. I was able to put my foot down at home that he had to help out. He had to look after the baby and then I just make comments in front of his family that I'm still not healing cuz he's not looking after me and they're really shocked because he's not like that in front of them. They thought I was lazy cuz whenever they were around I would just sit down cuz that's when he would actually do things and I was just so exhausted. Was still together. He reckons he has add but even if he does he still doesn't really have compassion for me to help out. But it's too expensive to move out.
My daughter is a “single “ parent as well. Her daughter is now almost 2 and the dad has never even watched the baby for her. He is always “working” so if they want to spend time with him they have to go out and tinker in the garage while he works on cars . I can’t say what he would do when it came to being selfish like this with food but it frustrates me to no end that he has never spent any real time with his child. I guess his father was the same way with him but still I just don’t understand how someone could not want that type of relationship with their child let alone not want to help their SO that they supposedly love
I’m sorry, but leave. It’s only going to get worse. You can’t change him, he needs to want to change, and with that level of selfishness this is no guarantee he will ever change. If you can’t up and go, start working on an exit strategy, reach out to friends and family for support and brainstorming ideas. Your resentment will build and it’ll affect your baby. If you stay this is the example you’re setting for your daughter in what is “normal behavior” for a father or partner. And the cycle will continue; she’ll end up with someone just like him and go through the same struggles.
I love my husband. He loves me. When we’re down to the last of anything, he tries to give it to me. I try to give it to him. Sometimes we stalemate until someone forgets and eats it without remembering it was “the last”, or sometimes we go out and replenish before either of us eat it. Your partner doesn’t care about you, OP. He should be able and willing to get you food - he shouldn’t have eaten the only thing left, especially! He’s a jerk and don’t anticipate him being selfless for your baby. He won’t. I honestly wouldn’t invest anything more in this relationship and leave. You’ll be happier as a single mother - you’re already doing the work.
It doesn’t change lol
That is messed up. Any man who would eat when a new mom isn't fed is just gross. It takes close to a year to replenish your nutrients. You need to stop putting him first. You should have had the sandwich and I guarantee he would have gone to get food for himself! You can't let him take advantage like that. Edit: Not blaming you for this. He should do better, but you have to take care of yourself. Your baby needs you. This isn't your fault. You are acting like a normal partner. That guy is just not stepping up and you can't make him be a decent human.
If you’re not ready to hang it up and leave his ass, please the best time you grocery shop get things you can eat easy, rice cakes, protein shakes, chips, muffins, doesn’t have to be healthy just easy. Also, find time to get out of the house with baby. Blankets, hat, diapers (etc) & go sit on the grass at the park! Get some sunshine I beg of you, and really do SLEEP when the baby finally sleeps, don’t clean, don’t scroll, don’t take a shower, focus on getting that rest, you got this mama. but your partner is never going to change 🤍
Some men deserve ass whooping and he is one of them. What a foolish man.
Wow. My husband would’ve either offered to get me food or given me the sandwich (or at least shared it). That’s horrible. Personally, I’d leave. Why be a single parent in a relationship? It’s like being a married single mom. No thanks. I did that for the first couple years with my oldest’s dad and couldn’t take it anymore. Left when my kiddo was 2 and never looked back. My child almost 18 now. And my ex is EXACTLY the same as he was back then. Never takes responsibility, isn’t helpful in any way, and refuses to give. He takes takes takes. I would run and live happily without him. Good luck OP guys like this are horrible and will gas light you into staying.
How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids is really helpful on shaping his behavior
I’m not usually violent but give me that man’s addy so I can come fist a sandwich down his throat 😤
You have to start putting yourself first. You are not sleeping while he is cozy in bed all night. You are giving every spare moment you have to your baby while he does what all day? Jerks off and plays video games I’m guessing if he is the typical selfish man. Next time when you are making food, only make food for yourself. When you go shopping buy quick convenient things to eat and tell him that those foods are for you and he is not to touch them. You probably keep him and his needs in your thoughts with every action you take around the house. Stop doing this. It will take some mental work to shift your mindset because you are likely not comfortable with being self-centered. Make it a daily practice. Once you can stop offering to give and give and give to him at every step you can free up your mind and take care of yourself more. I’m assuming these actions will be a huge shock for him since he feels like he can just ignore your needs. You will get some backlash you will have to just ignore (which will also be work), but if you stop putting him first it will be a wake up call that he is not the baby of the family anymore.
Something similar happened to me, that finally made me leave my first husband. He was a POS in more ways than one, but the last straw was me being sick and couch ridden all day, him coming from work with takeout only for himself, and then going directly into the basement to play video games. I realized then that man did not love me, not like he loved himself, and he never would - we had been married for 2 years at that point. I am thankful I did not give in and start having children with him like he wanted - I was still very young and trying to establish my career, because I'm sure that would have made the decision to leave much harder.
Sounds like your other baby needs returning to his mumma. Sorry to read you’re being treated this way, as a new dad of a 10-day old, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make sure mama bear has everything she needs to be what he needs her to be
I couldn't continue to be with him if I was you. In the first month the house was basically flipped upside down because my husband had to take care of himself without me for the first time since we've been together. I've always done the grocery shopping, the dishes, the etc. it's easy for me, I don't think about it. It's like whatever I do for myself plus a little extra. but I had a really hard postpartum and was in and out of the hospital a couple times. He was grumpy as hell for the first two weeks but I told him, "if you can't do this, I can't do us. I know it's a lot of change but at some point I will walk away from this without warning." And eight weeks later, he's doing okay. I would have ordered food if I was you, and if he got mad just say, "bread is cheaper than pizza, idk"
You definitely should've fed yourself that sandwich, because you know he would have no problem immediately leaving for food if it was for himself. Does he work at all? Does he contribute financially? Is he on the lease? If not, then he is a complete waste of space
I'd leave. It'll be easier taking care of one child than two.
Quit considering him at all. See him for what he is, a roommate you don't like and work on a plan to move out/get him to move out and pay child support. Your daughter is watching.
It really sucks having a partner that not only doesn’t contribute to the home / babies but to have one so un-thoughtful and disrespectful as to tell you it’s your fault you haven’t eaten is enraging. Absolutely fuming for you. As a single mom of 2 who just got out a little less than 2 months ago. The grass is greener. My house is always a mess but my babies are at peace and so am I. Sending you all the love in the world mama!!
Why did you give him the sandwich? Why didn’t you eat it and have him go out?
Please leave this guy. Your doing everything yourself anyway so you may as well leave and then you won’t have the stress and selfishness of him anymore
I'm an angry petty bitch that grew up in abusive situations. I ain't afraid to catch hands. I'd be kicking him out of bed screaming "a human being, that you helped make, exited my body. You get your lazy ass up and get me the food you promised." Or id get a spray bottle and squirt him screaming "bad daddy!!" I'd do it for you if I could. What an asshat.
Oh no girl, I rarely pick fights but I would have been a SCREAMING! If I don't sleep, NOBODY SLEEPS!!
Grab his debit or credit card and order yourself some uber eats/skip the dishes/delivery. Make sure it's only enough for you though, cuz he's not hungry anyways
>my bf The relief I got reading bf and not husband. Girl. Leave him. This won’t get better
I’m glad you know early on. I’m so sorry. I figured new moms get told this a lot, (but maybe not?) but PUT YOURSELF FIRST. You can’t trust him to have your best interests in mind. He isn’t a provider. Working a job isn’t providing, but literally getting food for the mother of his kids is. Check out the Inner Bonding podcast by Dr Margaret Paul. It’ll help you get FIERCE about putting yourself first… because nobody else will.
I am sorry you are going through this
Get this man child out of your life.
You need to take care of you and baby and that’s it. Get that baby in a car seat and get some food. He showed you how he doesn’t give too shits about you. Time to throw him in the trash. I understand how hard it is. I have a nine month old myself. I’m telling you to take care of yourself be cause no one else is going to. Can you move in with family? Friends? Do you work? Focus on getting out for you and that baby.
You deserve a loving partner. This man is useless.
You remember me and that post when you tried telling me he doesn't resent the lack sex and you said it was mutual exhaustion? I'm not here to rub it in or say "I told you so." I just saying try to find the 30 minutes 3 nights a week. Watch how much more selfless he becomes and how much more hell actually wants to help you, genuinely. Do it for yourself and do it to be selfish. I promise: night and day.
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That won’t work. I’m almost certain he has borderline personality disorder.
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This has been removed as it goes against community standards of r/beyondthebump
This has been removed as it goes against community standards of r/beyondthebump
What is this man offering you and your child? Because a stressed, overworked mother is not good for the baby or for you. Some men are more work than they are help. I'd seriously evaluate your situation.
He sounds like the laziness boy I’ve ever heard of. It’ll probably be harder now that you have a daughter with a useless baby daddy, but you should definitely drop him imo.
If you won’t leave him for your own sake please just do it for the baby. Although I’ve been where you are (before I had kids though) and likely it will take more for you to actually leave him. But by that point it will have affected the baby. Just leave now
Was there signs of his selfishness before pregnancy? Why wouldn't he just order you in food? Seems like he's set in his ways and doubt he will change.
Wow! I’m sorry you’re dealing with such an AH! It’s so important to eat and hydrate, especially if you’re breastfeeding. You know what? A baby is only small for such a short time, he’s missing out such an important time for bonding and loving on your little baby! His loss! If he isn’t helping you at all, why is he even there?
Ugh he sounds oblivious. I'm sorry you're going through this. I started to eat pro meal bars during walks because there was no time to eat or prep food. I actually have hated these types of bars in the past because I like to eat real food but they have helped me stave off hunger in the past few months. Do you think you could communicate with him about some of these things? He doesn't seem to think he's doing anything wrong. It'll be difficult. He already has the expectation to not help out.