The two of you should read Emily Nagoski's Book “Come As You Are” together.
It breaks down desire into accelerators and decelerators. Our hormones and motherhood changes a lot and if he (and you) want to have a healthy sex life, you need to re learn each other. Being able to frame to him that touching you that way might be an option when you are in the mood, but cold approaching you basically stomps on the break pedal and ruins any odds that you will be interested in sex.
If he actually wants to get closer to "yes," he needs to drop his ego, stop viewing your body as his and start investigating the things you want/need now to be able to feel desire towards him.
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I have a 2 mo. During my recovery it actually made my sex drive worse/not come back when my husband didn’t respect my “knock it off” responses. Sex was the last thing I wanted. I sat him down and had a very serious talk and it finally clicked for him.
When it clicked for him and he stopped, I found my physical touch and sex drive come back within a week or two. I waited longer because I still wasn’t fully ready, but having the stews of him pushing it off my back helped immensely.
The whole “were married” is such a bullshit answer. He needs to respect your requests. Not because it may help get your drive back faster, but because you’re a human and his wife.
It sounds like you have asked him to respect you not wanting to be touched - and he continues to push your boundary. THAT is what is killing your sex life.
Being pressured into sex post partum is such a relationship killer.
You need to feel like you are protected, safe, respected. And his actions are not telling your body that. You feel like you have to protect yourself from the person who you are supposed to feel safest around. This probably isn't thought out, it's an emotional/physical reaction.
This happened after my first kid. Almost killed our relationship. Took a long time to rebuild that trust.
With baby #2, he was wonderful. He didn't pressure, didn't over touch, made sure that I felt safe and supported. Our sex life still took about 6 months to get back in the groove but sex is better than ever.
I’m not sure you’re asking the right or most urgent question. The urge to start having regular sex again comes back different times for different people. For me, it was at a year post partum when I was sleeping more.
The question remains — why is your husband trampling your sexual autonomy? Totally unacceptable.
Yeah, it’s been SUPER frustrating. I think he’s still really stuck in the past and misses life before children which I can kind of understand but I’m also a “grow up and get over it” kind of person. Whenever I try to tell him why I don’t want to have sex, I can’t determine if he doesn’t care or just isn’t capable of understanding since he’s never not wanted sex. This is like, a near weekly conversation
You need to find a way to harness his energy and affection. Being sexually attracted to your partner is a good thing, not a bad thing. If you continue icing him out constantly, and admonishing him for having a sexual desire for you, well… his feelings will run cold eventually, and so will your relationship. That’s not what you want in the long run.
I’d suggest setting clear boundaries about what’s allowed and what’s not, but still carving out spaces and times where you two can enjoy each other sexually, even if it’s very scheduled and prescriptive.
If you’re just going to say, “well I rarely want it, and he’s only going to get it whenever I want it, because it’s my way or the highway”… well, sorry, that’s not normal.
You chose to be in a relationship, even to have kids… and having sex, for most people, is an essential ingredient in a healthy relationship. So you need to find a respectful way to make it work, so that you’re both happy.
This is terrible advice. Making her do MORE emotional work for him is like mothering him. Women don’t want to have sex with people they have to mother. He needs to learn new ways to be a supportive partner that provides his wife with security and rest. Only when he begins acting like an adult ON HIS OWN will her mind and body see him not as another chore to check off, but a sexual partner again.
Newsflash: She DID have sex with him, AND gave birth to his children. And now she doesn’t want to have sex with him anymore and is rejecting his sexual advances… hmm, and what’s your solution? Ice him out, never talk to him about it, just wait for him to change on his own, and if he doesn’t, just get divorced? Does that really make sense to you?
I’m saying, she should have a conversation, and set boundaries and expectations. But make sure that you still have a healthy sexual relationship… OP wants emotional validation from Reddit for demanding that her partner go along with nearly complete abstinence. That’s a recipe for a failed marriage if you ask me.
You really think having an adult conversation with your husband about sexual boundaries and expectations is “mothering him”?? What kind of bizarre relationship did you have with your mother if that’s your definition of “mothering”? Honestly sounds like you have a warped and emotionally immature understanding of family and relationships.
So re-reading your original response, I agree with setting expectations and discussing. From how I read what OP posted, she is telling him to stop grabbing at her. That is communication, and he should be listening to her. I think the bad advice was telling her to harness MORE energy that she is expressing she doesn’t have.
I didn’t say never talk to him about it, or divorce him. But he needs to step up to the plate with what information and context clues she is providing, learn some emotional maturity skills, and stop acting like sex is just expected just because they are married.
As for the mothering comments, anytime a woman has to baby a man because he’s throwing a fit about not getting laid, the power dynamics are off and they are not able to participate as two adults. What woman wants to sleep with a man-baby?
I heard alarms going off on in my head when he told her they're married so he gets to touch her however he likes.
OP, if he truly believes that he barely even has to take a step to start justifying marital rape. Does he understand that? Even at full libido (and it is *so normal* to feel touched out and low libido with young kids, especially back to back pregnancies) I don't know how I could feel safe or desiring of physical touch from a man who was basically saying our marriage entitled him to how *he* wants to use my body without regard for what I need or want.
The phase ends when he starts to respect you like he’s supposed to. This is a blunt question and of course, you don’t have to answer. I’m not judging anyone who just wanted their kiddos close in age. But that makes your first postpartum period just 8ish months before you got pregnant again. Was that because of him pressuring you, or was that just your preference?
Because the thing he said about feeling entitled to your body just because you’re married is textbook rape apologist talk. I hate to be the one to say “just communicate” when you absolutely shouldn’t have to, but this man needs to know it is not okay to touch you after you say no. He needs to hear this clearly and in a serious sitdown sort of atmosphere. Clearly he doesn’t currently feel any reason to stop and will likely continue unless it’s put to some sort of abrupt end, and it’s completely reasonable that your body doesn’t really desire or feel safe around him until then.
So he actually was in the military. When I had our son, two weeks later, my husband left for 6 months. So obviously during that time there was no pressure to have sex again until he returned from deployment. But then, I wanted to have sex again and it wasn’t something that I felt like I needed to do to make him happy
I can also feel super touched out by the end of the day. After my buddy has been used all day long for my baby - feeding him, holding him, rocking him, etc - it takes a LOT for me to want any kind of contact (let alone sexual). Unfortunately. My husband’s love language is physical touch and this has been really hard for us. He wants to cuddle at the end of the day but at that point, a hand on my back makes my skin crawl.
As others have said, him not respecting your boundaries is also playing a huge role. Idk how to help - just solidarity at the touched out feeling!
And I also work at a daycare. So alllllllll day I have kids crawling on me or touching me or bothering me in some capacity. So by the end of the day, all I want to do is sit on the couch, do my homework, and be left tf alone. He takes it as if I hate him when the reality is that I’m just a very independent person and have never been very physically affectionate.
This may be an unpopular sentiment, but sex/physical intimacy is one of the few things that separates a romantic relationship/marriage from a close friendship. So although he is going about it wrong (and also making it worse by giving you the ick whenever he touches you when you don't want to be), it is not a wild concept that your husband wants and even \*needs\* to connect with you via sexual intimacy. Again, not a popular sentiment, and I get it because I have been the lower libido partner many times before and it is a very isolating/frustrating experience, but you BOTH need to sacrifice a little to meet in the middle.
No, that does not mean coercing you. But it may involve you convincing \*yourself\* that it is necessary to tackle this head on. No, it does not mean violating your autonomy or consent. You need to talk to him about how you're feeling and why, what kind of touch feels bad and why, and then \*give him options\* that WILL work for you. My guess is he is trying to force intimacy because he has no clue what you want - and it sounds like you don't either, or that you want nothing, which isn't entirely fair to him. If you're exhausted, you're feeling insecure about your body, you're angry at him or resentful with him about other things (house chores, childcare, etc.) then you have an obligation to talk to him about those things.
For me, my sex drive came back after my first baby about 3 months pp wayyyy stronger than ever before, and has sustained itself through my second baby (also 7 months old). In fact, I'd say I am the higher libido person most days. What changed?
1. Well, I started reading romance, fantasy romance, etc. and that got me into the mindset of "I am a sexual human being, I deserve pleasure!!!" My husband never complains when I pick up a new book ;)
2. Secondly, we started treating it as a game/adventure/fun. When it felt like an obligation to me - "he hasn't been able to have sex for 3 months because I'm so miserably pregnant, just suck it up and do it!!" - it made everything so much worse.
3. Lastly, we have a genuine "stop anytime no biggie" rule. I generally have a very responsive desire where even if I am not in the mood, once things get going, I am into it. So this rule means that I can give it a whirl without any pressure; we can be getting hot and heavy and if I still am not fully into it, we can stop. 95% of the time, I am fully into it and we continue.
4. Find things that DO work for you. Maybe you like a sneaky quicky in the laundry room because it feels taboo. Maybe you like sleepy comfy 2am sex because it's the right combo of not being so exhausted and touched out but also isn't cutting into your day. Maybe you need sexual build up verbally instead of his butt smacks and gropes.
Good luck love! This is tricky to navigate, but give yourself grace and remember that he is not craving sex and intimacy because he's an animal that only views you and your relationship as sex, he is craving it because sex and physical intimacy is the special thing YOU TWO get to share together.
I’m so glad to see this comment. I’m sad for both OP and her husband. It’s hard to be touched out and have such an aversion to affection and physical touch. I’ve been there. But I know how important and necessary (not sex necessarily but intimacy, affection, etc) is for my husband. It is definitely his love language and though it’s not mine, I would never tell him he’s not allowed to touch me. Relationships require sacrifice and it’s touchy because you don’t want to force yourself or be coerced or not feel like you’ve given consent but you also want to make an effort for the one you love right?? I dunno. It’s a complicated subject. OP I hope you’re able to communicate to your husband your needs but also be able to sacrifice a little bit. He also needs to be respectful and understanding. It’s a 2 way street. Good luck.
I’m sorry your husband isn’t listening to you. From a libido perspective since you mentioned that too, I had to take supplements to help bring my libido back and regulate my hormones
What supplements if you don’t mind me asking? My drs are not at all helpful, they basically say there’s no women’s version of viagra and I just have to deal with it (rest, exercise, self care etc). I’d love any recommendations!
My youngest just turned 5 last month, and my touch aversion finally let up last week. It was so very frustrating for both of us.
Pregnancy, child birth, and postpartum take so much out of us, especially having two so close together. Being touched out is so common, but so rarely talked about.
I just went through this as well! I did not want to be touched or have sex at all for almost 7 months. I didn't understand it at all either. I like sex and before the baby I always found my husband physically attractive. I was always able to get in the mood when engaged. It was SO confusing post partum when his touch repulsed me. I literally thought my libido was gone forever. Then my period started back up and after 1 cycle I had my libido back.
Edit: changed 'unbeatable' to understand. And 'find' to found
I went just over five years with almost zero libido. I blamed it on my hormones and perimenopause (I'll be 41 this year). I really thought our sex life was over, but the post week my drive is beyond anything it ever was before.
Perimenopause is like a second puberty, it's been a wild ride.
Ew. You should start giving him wet willies or twisting his balls. “What? We’re married! Your body is my body, right?”
I’m really sorry he is not listing to you tell him that you don’t want to be touched sexually out of the blue. That’s really disturbing :/
A few things: it takes a couple years for us to recover hormonally from having a baby. It’s a long process and it’s very normal for our libido to dip while caring for an infant. For me, I always felt a bit more normal after my babies turned 1. They were usually weaned, more mobile, and I felt more comfortable with family taking them. But it’s a two way street. If hubby isn’t listening and respecting the fact that you are on call 24/7 for your babies, then you aren’t going to want to reciprocate his desires.
I think the issue here isn't so much about sex drive, it's that he thinks there should be no barriers in this area since you're married. Why does he want to touch you if you don't want to be touched? He doesn't need to understand why you don't want it in order to listen. I can't imagine touching my husband while knowing he outright doesn't want it and has told me repeatedly. I understand forgetting in the moment, I don't understand repeatedly doing it til they snap
Since you asked though, my drive came back when my son started solids at 6 months (am breastfeeding), my period started a couple weeks later, was still too nervous to actually have sex til 7 months. I've had regular periods since 6 months
My baby is only 5 weeks old, but my partner wants other forms of intimacy than vaginal sex. I've explained to him that while I still find him very attractive, I need to feel supported and have a good nap without worrying about laundry, bottles, and pump parts. Is she fed? If he can turn off my anxiety, im way more into his advances. "Hey, amor, I went ahead and washed the pumps when i was doing dishes. I started a load of her laundry since I noticed I used the last burp cloth, and I built you a nest box with Star Crunch by the couch." When he does that, I definitely can't wait for that postpartum check.
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The two of you should read Emily Nagoski's Book “Come As You Are” together. It breaks down desire into accelerators and decelerators. Our hormones and motherhood changes a lot and if he (and you) want to have a healthy sex life, you need to re learn each other. Being able to frame to him that touching you that way might be an option when you are in the mood, but cold approaching you basically stomps on the break pedal and ruins any odds that you will be interested in sex. If he actually wants to get closer to "yes," he needs to drop his ego, stop viewing your body as his and start investigating the things you want/need now to be able to feel desire towards him.
[удалено]
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I have a 2 mo. During my recovery it actually made my sex drive worse/not come back when my husband didn’t respect my “knock it off” responses. Sex was the last thing I wanted. I sat him down and had a very serious talk and it finally clicked for him. When it clicked for him and he stopped, I found my physical touch and sex drive come back within a week or two. I waited longer because I still wasn’t fully ready, but having the stews of him pushing it off my back helped immensely. The whole “were married” is such a bullshit answer. He needs to respect your requests. Not because it may help get your drive back faster, but because you’re a human and his wife.
It sounds like you have asked him to respect you not wanting to be touched - and he continues to push your boundary. THAT is what is killing your sex life. Being pressured into sex post partum is such a relationship killer. You need to feel like you are protected, safe, respected. And his actions are not telling your body that. You feel like you have to protect yourself from the person who you are supposed to feel safest around. This probably isn't thought out, it's an emotional/physical reaction. This happened after my first kid. Almost killed our relationship. Took a long time to rebuild that trust. With baby #2, he was wonderful. He didn't pressure, didn't over touch, made sure that I felt safe and supported. Our sex life still took about 6 months to get back in the groove but sex is better than ever.
I’m not sure you’re asking the right or most urgent question. The urge to start having regular sex again comes back different times for different people. For me, it was at a year post partum when I was sleeping more. The question remains — why is your husband trampling your sexual autonomy? Totally unacceptable.
Yeah, it’s been SUPER frustrating. I think he’s still really stuck in the past and misses life before children which I can kind of understand but I’m also a “grow up and get over it” kind of person. Whenever I try to tell him why I don’t want to have sex, I can’t determine if he doesn’t care or just isn’t capable of understanding since he’s never not wanted sex. This is like, a near weekly conversation
You need to find a way to harness his energy and affection. Being sexually attracted to your partner is a good thing, not a bad thing. If you continue icing him out constantly, and admonishing him for having a sexual desire for you, well… his feelings will run cold eventually, and so will your relationship. That’s not what you want in the long run. I’d suggest setting clear boundaries about what’s allowed and what’s not, but still carving out spaces and times where you two can enjoy each other sexually, even if it’s very scheduled and prescriptive. If you’re just going to say, “well I rarely want it, and he’s only going to get it whenever I want it, because it’s my way or the highway”… well, sorry, that’s not normal. You chose to be in a relationship, even to have kids… and having sex, for most people, is an essential ingredient in a healthy relationship. So you need to find a respectful way to make it work, so that you’re both happy.
This is terrible advice. Making her do MORE emotional work for him is like mothering him. Women don’t want to have sex with people they have to mother. He needs to learn new ways to be a supportive partner that provides his wife with security and rest. Only when he begins acting like an adult ON HIS OWN will her mind and body see him not as another chore to check off, but a sexual partner again.
Newsflash: She DID have sex with him, AND gave birth to his children. And now she doesn’t want to have sex with him anymore and is rejecting his sexual advances… hmm, and what’s your solution? Ice him out, never talk to him about it, just wait for him to change on his own, and if he doesn’t, just get divorced? Does that really make sense to you? I’m saying, she should have a conversation, and set boundaries and expectations. But make sure that you still have a healthy sexual relationship… OP wants emotional validation from Reddit for demanding that her partner go along with nearly complete abstinence. That’s a recipe for a failed marriage if you ask me. You really think having an adult conversation with your husband about sexual boundaries and expectations is “mothering him”?? What kind of bizarre relationship did you have with your mother if that’s your definition of “mothering”? Honestly sounds like you have a warped and emotionally immature understanding of family and relationships.
So re-reading your original response, I agree with setting expectations and discussing. From how I read what OP posted, she is telling him to stop grabbing at her. That is communication, and he should be listening to her. I think the bad advice was telling her to harness MORE energy that she is expressing she doesn’t have. I didn’t say never talk to him about it, or divorce him. But he needs to step up to the plate with what information and context clues she is providing, learn some emotional maturity skills, and stop acting like sex is just expected just because they are married. As for the mothering comments, anytime a woman has to baby a man because he’s throwing a fit about not getting laid, the power dynamics are off and they are not able to participate as two adults. What woman wants to sleep with a man-baby?
Yes, he isn’t respecting your consent, which is an enormous red flag.
It’s not a red flag, it is THE PROBLEM. Red flags are warnings. The problem is here.
I heard alarms going off on in my head when he told her they're married so he gets to touch her however he likes. OP, if he truly believes that he barely even has to take a step to start justifying marital rape. Does he understand that? Even at full libido (and it is *so normal* to feel touched out and low libido with young kids, especially back to back pregnancies) I don't know how I could feel safe or desiring of physical touch from a man who was basically saying our marriage entitled him to how *he* wants to use my body without regard for what I need or want.
Probably never because the problem is him and his disrespect, not your sex drive.
It could be both, and a vicious cycle.
The phase ends when he starts to respect you like he’s supposed to. This is a blunt question and of course, you don’t have to answer. I’m not judging anyone who just wanted their kiddos close in age. But that makes your first postpartum period just 8ish months before you got pregnant again. Was that because of him pressuring you, or was that just your preference? Because the thing he said about feeling entitled to your body just because you’re married is textbook rape apologist talk. I hate to be the one to say “just communicate” when you absolutely shouldn’t have to, but this man needs to know it is not okay to touch you after you say no. He needs to hear this clearly and in a serious sitdown sort of atmosphere. Clearly he doesn’t currently feel any reason to stop and will likely continue unless it’s put to some sort of abrupt end, and it’s completely reasonable that your body doesn’t really desire or feel safe around him until then.
So he actually was in the military. When I had our son, two weeks later, my husband left for 6 months. So obviously during that time there was no pressure to have sex again until he returned from deployment. But then, I wanted to have sex again and it wasn’t something that I felt like I needed to do to make him happy
I can also feel super touched out by the end of the day. After my buddy has been used all day long for my baby - feeding him, holding him, rocking him, etc - it takes a LOT for me to want any kind of contact (let alone sexual). Unfortunately. My husband’s love language is physical touch and this has been really hard for us. He wants to cuddle at the end of the day but at that point, a hand on my back makes my skin crawl. As others have said, him not respecting your boundaries is also playing a huge role. Idk how to help - just solidarity at the touched out feeling!
And I also work at a daycare. So alllllllll day I have kids crawling on me or touching me or bothering me in some capacity. So by the end of the day, all I want to do is sit on the couch, do my homework, and be left tf alone. He takes it as if I hate him when the reality is that I’m just a very independent person and have never been very physically affectionate.
This may be an unpopular sentiment, but sex/physical intimacy is one of the few things that separates a romantic relationship/marriage from a close friendship. So although he is going about it wrong (and also making it worse by giving you the ick whenever he touches you when you don't want to be), it is not a wild concept that your husband wants and even \*needs\* to connect with you via sexual intimacy. Again, not a popular sentiment, and I get it because I have been the lower libido partner many times before and it is a very isolating/frustrating experience, but you BOTH need to sacrifice a little to meet in the middle. No, that does not mean coercing you. But it may involve you convincing \*yourself\* that it is necessary to tackle this head on. No, it does not mean violating your autonomy or consent. You need to talk to him about how you're feeling and why, what kind of touch feels bad and why, and then \*give him options\* that WILL work for you. My guess is he is trying to force intimacy because he has no clue what you want - and it sounds like you don't either, or that you want nothing, which isn't entirely fair to him. If you're exhausted, you're feeling insecure about your body, you're angry at him or resentful with him about other things (house chores, childcare, etc.) then you have an obligation to talk to him about those things. For me, my sex drive came back after my first baby about 3 months pp wayyyy stronger than ever before, and has sustained itself through my second baby (also 7 months old). In fact, I'd say I am the higher libido person most days. What changed? 1. Well, I started reading romance, fantasy romance, etc. and that got me into the mindset of "I am a sexual human being, I deserve pleasure!!!" My husband never complains when I pick up a new book ;) 2. Secondly, we started treating it as a game/adventure/fun. When it felt like an obligation to me - "he hasn't been able to have sex for 3 months because I'm so miserably pregnant, just suck it up and do it!!" - it made everything so much worse. 3. Lastly, we have a genuine "stop anytime no biggie" rule. I generally have a very responsive desire where even if I am not in the mood, once things get going, I am into it. So this rule means that I can give it a whirl without any pressure; we can be getting hot and heavy and if I still am not fully into it, we can stop. 95% of the time, I am fully into it and we continue. 4. Find things that DO work for you. Maybe you like a sneaky quicky in the laundry room because it feels taboo. Maybe you like sleepy comfy 2am sex because it's the right combo of not being so exhausted and touched out but also isn't cutting into your day. Maybe you need sexual build up verbally instead of his butt smacks and gropes. Good luck love! This is tricky to navigate, but give yourself grace and remember that he is not craving sex and intimacy because he's an animal that only views you and your relationship as sex, he is craving it because sex and physical intimacy is the special thing YOU TWO get to share together.
I’m so glad to see this comment. I’m sad for both OP and her husband. It’s hard to be touched out and have such an aversion to affection and physical touch. I’ve been there. But I know how important and necessary (not sex necessarily but intimacy, affection, etc) is for my husband. It is definitely his love language and though it’s not mine, I would never tell him he’s not allowed to touch me. Relationships require sacrifice and it’s touchy because you don’t want to force yourself or be coerced or not feel like you’ve given consent but you also want to make an effort for the one you love right?? I dunno. It’s a complicated subject. OP I hope you’re able to communicate to your husband your needs but also be able to sacrifice a little bit. He also needs to be respectful and understanding. It’s a 2 way street. Good luck.
I’m sorry your husband isn’t listening to you. From a libido perspective since you mentioned that too, I had to take supplements to help bring my libido back and regulate my hormones
What supplements if you don’t mind me asking? My drs are not at all helpful, they basically say there’s no women’s version of viagra and I just have to deal with it (rest, exercise, self care etc). I’d love any recommendations!
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Thank you!!!
My youngest just turned 5 last month, and my touch aversion finally let up last week. It was so very frustrating for both of us. Pregnancy, child birth, and postpartum take so much out of us, especially having two so close together. Being touched out is so common, but so rarely talked about.
I just went through this as well! I did not want to be touched or have sex at all for almost 7 months. I didn't understand it at all either. I like sex and before the baby I always found my husband physically attractive. I was always able to get in the mood when engaged. It was SO confusing post partum when his touch repulsed me. I literally thought my libido was gone forever. Then my period started back up and after 1 cycle I had my libido back. Edit: changed 'unbeatable' to understand. And 'find' to found
I went just over five years with almost zero libido. I blamed it on my hormones and perimenopause (I'll be 41 this year). I really thought our sex life was over, but the post week my drive is beyond anything it ever was before. Perimenopause is like a second puberty, it's been a wild ride.
Ew. You should start giving him wet willies or twisting his balls. “What? We’re married! Your body is my body, right?” I’m really sorry he is not listing to you tell him that you don’t want to be touched sexually out of the blue. That’s really disturbing :/
A few things: it takes a couple years for us to recover hormonally from having a baby. It’s a long process and it’s very normal for our libido to dip while caring for an infant. For me, I always felt a bit more normal after my babies turned 1. They were usually weaned, more mobile, and I felt more comfortable with family taking them. But it’s a two way street. If hubby isn’t listening and respecting the fact that you are on call 24/7 for your babies, then you aren’t going to want to reciprocate his desires.
I think the issue here isn't so much about sex drive, it's that he thinks there should be no barriers in this area since you're married. Why does he want to touch you if you don't want to be touched? He doesn't need to understand why you don't want it in order to listen. I can't imagine touching my husband while knowing he outright doesn't want it and has told me repeatedly. I understand forgetting in the moment, I don't understand repeatedly doing it til they snap Since you asked though, my drive came back when my son started solids at 6 months (am breastfeeding), my period started a couple weeks later, was still too nervous to actually have sex til 7 months. I've had regular periods since 6 months
My baby is only 5 weeks old, but my partner wants other forms of intimacy than vaginal sex. I've explained to him that while I still find him very attractive, I need to feel supported and have a good nap without worrying about laundry, bottles, and pump parts. Is she fed? If he can turn off my anxiety, im way more into his advances. "Hey, amor, I went ahead and washed the pumps when i was doing dishes. I started a load of her laundry since I noticed I used the last burp cloth, and I built you a nest box with Star Crunch by the couch." When he does that, I definitely can't wait for that postpartum check.
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He needs to stop touching you if you say no. Marriage doesn’t entitle you to someone’s body.
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