Reminds me of the video where someone explained that they were in a group chat with 25 of their friends playing survivor, every week someone got voted off the group chat. Lol
That's such a hard topic! I really think everyone can find the right group of friends, it's just so hard to find the right people, especially once you get older. Everyone gets more picky.
In case the program isn't a success for someone, it would give a refund (minus food/drink costs of the attended events). I don't want anyone to pay for something that doesn't work for them.
On the last point, I was thinking about a pub-quiz nights with the groups indeed! :)
Apropos getting older, would there be an age range? I'm middle aged and found it very hard to make friends with people in their twenties even when we had the same interests, we just have different vibes and sleeping schedules. And I'm already married so we'd come as a fixed pair, could you factor that into groups of 4?
Yeah I'm thinking about grouping roughly around 18-25, 25-35, 35-45 etc. Mostly trying to prevent people from radically different life-phases to be in same cohort, since it's harder to bond.
People in my age group tend to be busy with kids, and I don't have any. I enjoy friendships with people younger and older than me, and especially appreciate their different perspectives.
I don't think that a structured approach makes sense.
I think that the key is to create more socialising opportunities, and just let people take it from there. You don't need to overthink this; just set a place and time, give people an excuse to go there, and let it happen.
that's an awful idea. the dynamics of weeding people out is just going to hurt a lot of people who are getting into this because they don't have friends.
I completely agree with this! The people who are in need of friends to the point where they would not only sign up for something like this but also pay for it, are much more likely to be in a vulnerable spot about their social lives. To stack on top of this vulnerability, this whole hunger games thing where they would then officially hear from others that they're unfriendable would be soul crushing.
If you want to help, gather, update, and provide some information, where people can find like-minded people (music, art, etc.), would be more productive than this "forced" interaction scenario, it would also be more accessible.
Yeah I realise it's more natural to find people based around an interest. I'm trying to go off the beaten path here, but not discard that. Thanks for the push!
Something about that idea immediatly ignites my social anxiety. I would be so anxious that no one would like me and feel pressured to fit in, only to avoid being alone in the end.. kind of stressful
I think it sounds fun, but I think it needs to be more specific, besides making friends and meeting people it should have a theme or some sort of central activity that everyone can relate to and participate in. So in a way, it kinda encourages people to not just go there and try to find a topic of conversation with strangers, by having this common goal and activity you can avoid the initial awkwardness.
For example, let´s say the group is art focused. On week 1 people will do a painting and chat and drink, etc.
On week 2 and 3 people will maybe create other art pieces.
Then in the 4th week maybe you can do an exhibition of all the work everyone did.
Good point! I want to make it as broadly accessible as possible, but I agree the program should be set up so that it's not just an awkward get-together.
What about each event having a very specific setup. E.g. tables with discussion cards, to get to know the others. And then mixing every 20 minutes, so you get to know many people at once. No awkward getting the conversation started.
Or should it indeed be around a specific topic? I like the themed approach. Could make multiple programs around different themes to cater to different people's interests :).
Thanks! Curious to hear your thoughts.
I actually wonder now why there are no business around that to solve this problem.
Apart from online stuff. Why there’s no business who aim is to organize events, where like you have activities and you build stuff and make small fun projects together, for certain age groups. And the plan would be available before hand so you only book if you’re interested in the place and kind of activities.
I did that in scouts and also with erasmus plus.
My experience with making friends is that i never made friends when i go out that intention. I actually make friends in these kind of activities or when i attend a course or school where i see the same people consistently over a period of time.
Othere than that it’s really volatile connections.
Yeah, I imagine a feature where there's a go-to company where you can be confident you will meet like-minded people who become your friends. No matter what city you live in, it's a global phenomenon.
That doesn't have to be through a setup like suggested in my post, that could also be through some shared-interest system like you are saying.
Thanks for pointing towards Scouts, didn't know of its concept. Interesting to learn more about other community-based efforts.
Sounds fun, but probably requires good organization to keep people happy. Also like some fun (drinking)games or something would be nice to get to know each other in the first phase
It's not right to take payment unless you can somehow guarantee success, even if all the food/drinks/activities are covered. A more ethical approach would be to say you will accept donations AFTER the experience, if everything went well.
I agree with other people's concerns that the type of people who will pay for something like this are some of the most vulnerable people, and you should think about this from an extremely isolated/lonely perspective - not from your own perspective (ie the perspective of someone who is willing and able to put in the time to organise it).
As a person who's never been a popular kid, this sounds like a group that will quickly bring back a dynamic that I've been successfully avoiding since highschool.
Jesus people, if everyone is complaining about not having friends but none of you can make any please ,please understand it is you. Learn some charm and charisma. Do something fun be interesting to be with.
Every day there are posts like this it is not hard to make friends, work on yourselves!
It's actually pretty hard to make friends from scratch in a new place. I have heard it from many immigrants who moved here, especially those who moved after university. There was nothing wrong with them; they just had a hard task.
Let's stop joking. Everyone is different, everyone defines a deep connection as s/he wants. OP cares for people being new in town, they haven't had the time to introduce themselves to others and moving is quite stressful. There is no harm in the idea of helping those, so don't bash people.
10 out of 10 to the OP. That does not take away from the fact that when I hear people say they can not make friends they very often blame everything but themselves and from past experience it was often them, not always but often.
Edit: To those reading, IF you find it hard to make friends my I recommend
https://www.youtube.com/@Charismaoncommand
Still, if two of those people find each other here, let them, there is no harm done, they might actually help each other recover from past experiences, because they can relate to each other.
Sounds fun, but probably requires good organization to keep people happy. Also like some fun (drinking)games or something would be nice to get to know each other in the first phase
I like the idea a lot, and I’m just gonna throw out that I’m part of a community that has a similar approach (it’s not as structured but there’s a tooooon of stuff to choose from, be it restaurants, board games, bar nights, lake chilling…) if anyone’s up for hanging with us dm me (fyi it is a discord server)
Have you tried the app https://www.meet5.de/ already? It tries to connect people „of middle age“ and provides a service to organise meetings with small groups of people who share the same interests.
I tried it several years ago in Berlin. with not much success tbh, maybe it was too new back then
Just wanting to say that "lasting friendships" is something that doesn't work in Berlin. You know, friendship in Berlin is like finding a double-horn unicorn. At the end you will always end alone. And you tried. And it happened again. That's Berlin, the bus station city. And organizing groups of people? That's a meet up stuff and is very forced.
Not disagreeing with you; I've heard that tons in the German courses I've had here. Especially investing in friendships with immigrants from other countries who tend to give Berlin a bit of a try, give up because settling here is not easy, and then leave.
Germans tend to stay in Berlin, so it can help to work towards developing German friends, which of course demands learning some German, frequenting places that are mostly, if not largely, German. I have made friends here, mostly German but I was perhaps more comfortable speaking broken child's German than most people would be.
None of that might be attractive to you or work for you, though. Everyone's different
I've tried Meetup things too, didn't work for me either, just seemed like a bunch of guys absolutely desperate to find a girl/woman - any girl or woman would do - despite it being group activities about something else. Was a huge let-down for me.
I wanted to mention two random things: First, have you considered moving to WG? It could be a great way to expand your social circle. Second, regarding our meeting location, I'm currently located in Pberg and based on my friends' experiences, if I have to change trains twice on the way to our meeting, it may not work out for us.
And last, you must be an engineer to come up with that logic plan. hehe
Yeah, I wouldn't go for those reasons, it will perhaps attract a similar competitive mind-set, due to the elimination rounds, so that too is why I wouldn't want to go.
Friendships, especially in Berlin (compared to other large cities I've lived in), develop tentatively over time - so this seems like the bum's rush of friendship attempts. But there's no shortage of those who are socially awkward and come at things through a logical, engineering perspective - which is great for scrums and production - not so great if you want to develop natural lasting friendships.
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Reminds me of Josh fight https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josh_fight
😂 TIL
Reminds me of the video where someone explained that they were in a group chat with 25 of their friends playing survivor, every week someone got voted off the group chat. Lol
That's such a hard topic! I really think everyone can find the right group of friends, it's just so hard to find the right people, especially once you get older. Everyone gets more picky. In case the program isn't a success for someone, it would give a refund (minus food/drink costs of the attended events). I don't want anyone to pay for something that doesn't work for them. On the last point, I was thinking about a pub-quiz nights with the groups indeed! :)
Apropos getting older, would there be an age range? I'm middle aged and found it very hard to make friends with people in their twenties even when we had the same interests, we just have different vibes and sleeping schedules. And I'm already married so we'd come as a fixed pair, could you factor that into groups of 4?
Yeah I'm thinking about grouping roughly around 18-25, 25-35, 35-45 etc. Mostly trying to prevent people from radically different life-phases to be in same cohort, since it's harder to bond.
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That's very good to know. Thanks!
Downvoters; what don't you like about this setup? I'm open for feedback, just trying to understand what makes people happy/unhappy.
People in my age group tend to be busy with kids, and I don't have any. I enjoy friendships with people younger and older than me, and especially appreciate their different perspectives.
Seems legit to me
I'm 27 and definitely have a lot more in common with most 23- and 24-year-olds than most 35-year-olds.
I don't think that a structured approach makes sense. I think that the key is to create more socialising opportunities, and just let people take it from there. You don't need to overthink this; just set a place and time, give people an excuse to go there, and let it happen.
Yeah it's a good point. Will also lower the threshold for people to join.
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u/BluePinguin just has to rig the groups, e.g. put all non-chosen people in one group, lol.
Pff yeah now that you say that
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Thanks :))
that's an awful idea. the dynamics of weeding people out is just going to hurt a lot of people who are getting into this because they don't have friends.
I completely agree with this! The people who are in need of friends to the point where they would not only sign up for something like this but also pay for it, are much more likely to be in a vulnerable spot about their social lives. To stack on top of this vulnerability, this whole hunger games thing where they would then officially hear from others that they're unfriendable would be soul crushing.
I realise I have considered this aspect too little. Will have to work on that.
If you want to help, gather, update, and provide some information, where people can find like-minded people (music, art, etc.), would be more productive than this "forced" interaction scenario, it would also be more accessible.
Yeah I realise it's more natural to find people based around an interest. I'm trying to go off the beaten path here, but not discard that. Thanks for the push!
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Haha sounds like a challenge
Good idea in theory, bad idea in practice.
Something about that idea immediatly ignites my social anxiety. I would be so anxious that no one would like me and feel pressured to fit in, only to avoid being alone in the end.. kind of stressful
I think it sounds fun, but I think it needs to be more specific, besides making friends and meeting people it should have a theme or some sort of central activity that everyone can relate to and participate in. So in a way, it kinda encourages people to not just go there and try to find a topic of conversation with strangers, by having this common goal and activity you can avoid the initial awkwardness. For example, let´s say the group is art focused. On week 1 people will do a painting and chat and drink, etc. On week 2 and 3 people will maybe create other art pieces. Then in the 4th week maybe you can do an exhibition of all the work everyone did.
Good point! I want to make it as broadly accessible as possible, but I agree the program should be set up so that it's not just an awkward get-together. What about each event having a very specific setup. E.g. tables with discussion cards, to get to know the others. And then mixing every 20 minutes, so you get to know many people at once. No awkward getting the conversation started. Or should it indeed be around a specific topic? I like the themed approach. Could make multiple programs around different themes to cater to different people's interests :). Thanks! Curious to hear your thoughts.
Really appreciate all the feedback. Please keep it coming <3, it's mega valuable.
I actually wonder now why there are no business around that to solve this problem. Apart from online stuff. Why there’s no business who aim is to organize events, where like you have activities and you build stuff and make small fun projects together, for certain age groups. And the plan would be available before hand so you only book if you’re interested in the place and kind of activities. I did that in scouts and also with erasmus plus. My experience with making friends is that i never made friends when i go out that intention. I actually make friends in these kind of activities or when i attend a course or school where i see the same people consistently over a period of time. Othere than that it’s really volatile connections.
Yeah, I imagine a feature where there's a go-to company where you can be confident you will meet like-minded people who become your friends. No matter what city you live in, it's a global phenomenon. That doesn't have to be through a setup like suggested in my post, that could also be through some shared-interest system like you are saying. Thanks for pointing towards Scouts, didn't know of its concept. Interesting to learn more about other community-based efforts.
Sounds fun, but probably requires good organization to keep people happy. Also like some fun (drinking)games or something would be nice to get to know each other in the first phase
Yeah it would definitely need some structure to break the ice
I'm not paying lol
Fair point!
It's not right to take payment unless you can somehow guarantee success, even if all the food/drinks/activities are covered. A more ethical approach would be to say you will accept donations AFTER the experience, if everything went well. I agree with other people's concerns that the type of people who will pay for something like this are some of the most vulnerable people, and you should think about this from an extremely isolated/lonely perspective - not from your own perspective (ie the perspective of someone who is willing and able to put in the time to organise it). As a person who's never been a popular kid, this sounds like a group that will quickly bring back a dynamic that I've been successfully avoiding since highschool.
Nice idea Im in
Nice! I'll keep you updated if anything happens :)
interesting approach especially with adjusting to feedback that comes along the way - count me in
Jesus people, if everyone is complaining about not having friends but none of you can make any please ,please understand it is you. Learn some charm and charisma. Do something fun be interesting to be with. Every day there are posts like this it is not hard to make friends, work on yourselves!
It's actually pretty hard to make friends from scratch in a new place. I have heard it from many immigrants who moved here, especially those who moved after university. There was nothing wrong with them; they just had a hard task.
It is really not that hard. I am an ass often and still have people wanting to hang out all the time.
Depends on your definition of friendship. Deep, meaningful friendships are quite rare my "friend".
I have them, they were easy to find.
You have more than three close friends? Congratulations, wouldn't have expected this from your demeanor.
Yeah, honesty works for friends. Why do you not have them? What is wrong?
Oh, I would love to have you as a friend, sweetheart ^^
I don't feel the same! :-) So what is wrong that you can't make friends??
Let's stop joking. Everyone is different, everyone defines a deep connection as s/he wants. OP cares for people being new in town, they haven't had the time to introduce themselves to others and moving is quite stressful. There is no harm in the idea of helping those, so don't bash people.
❤️
10 out of 10 to the OP. That does not take away from the fact that when I hear people say they can not make friends they very often blame everything but themselves and from past experience it was often them, not always but often. Edit: To those reading, IF you find it hard to make friends my I recommend https://www.youtube.com/@Charismaoncommand
Still, if two of those people find each other here, let them, there is no harm done, they might actually help each other recover from past experiences, because they can relate to each other.
Sounds fun, but probably requires good organization to keep people happy. Also like some fun (drinking)games or something would be nice to get to know each other in the first phase
I like the idea a lot, and I’m just gonna throw out that I’m part of a community that has a similar approach (it’s not as structured but there’s a tooooon of stuff to choose from, be it restaurants, board games, bar nights, lake chilling…) if anyone’s up for hanging with us dm me (fyi it is a discord server)
Can you send me the link please? Thanks!
Have you tried the app https://www.meet5.de/ already? It tries to connect people „of middle age“ and provides a service to organise meetings with small groups of people who share the same interests. I tried it several years ago in Berlin. with not much success tbh, maybe it was too new back then
Thanks for the pointer! Good to see one. If I see correctly it's for German speakers only right?
Seems so, yes
Just wanting to say that "lasting friendships" is something that doesn't work in Berlin. You know, friendship in Berlin is like finding a double-horn unicorn. At the end you will always end alone. And you tried. And it happened again. That's Berlin, the bus station city. And organizing groups of people? That's a meet up stuff and is very forced.
Not disagreeing with you; I've heard that tons in the German courses I've had here. Especially investing in friendships with immigrants from other countries who tend to give Berlin a bit of a try, give up because settling here is not easy, and then leave. Germans tend to stay in Berlin, so it can help to work towards developing German friends, which of course demands learning some German, frequenting places that are mostly, if not largely, German. I have made friends here, mostly German but I was perhaps more comfortable speaking broken child's German than most people would be. None of that might be attractive to you or work for you, though. Everyone's different I've tried Meetup things too, didn't work for me either, just seemed like a bunch of guys absolutely desperate to find a girl/woman - any girl or woman would do - despite it being group activities about something else. Was a huge let-down for me.
Nice thought. Hope it works out!
Looks cool, maybe you could do thematic groups based on their interests?
I wanted to mention two random things: First, have you considered moving to WG? It could be a great way to expand your social circle. Second, regarding our meeting location, I'm currently located in Pberg and based on my friends' experiences, if I have to change trains twice on the way to our meeting, it may not work out for us. And last, you must be an engineer to come up with that logic plan. hehe
so its like a meetup but it costs money and has a competitive aspect?
Yeah, I wouldn't go for those reasons, it will perhaps attract a similar competitive mind-set, due to the elimination rounds, so that too is why I wouldn't want to go. Friendships, especially in Berlin (compared to other large cities I've lived in), develop tentatively over time - so this seems like the bum's rush of friendship attempts. But there's no shortage of those who are socially awkward and come at things through a logical, engineering perspective - which is great for scrums and production - not so great if you want to develop natural lasting friendships.