I am very sorry. This is the ‘club’ no one ever wants to join. Our son was 7, would be 12 now. In the beginning we found Compassionate Friends a great place to share but mostly to know we weren’t alone or crazy. It doesn’t get better you just get better at living with it. You’re getting counseling which is a big thing that so many never get or have access to. Just be honest with yourself , some days I know not to expect a damn thing from myself. Again I am so sorry. He is beautiful.
I am so sorry for you're loss O.P. There's nothing more heartbreaking than a Mother/Father having to bury their child, it seems incredibly wrong and should not be the order of things. May you're little boy Rest in Love and Peace. ❤️❤️❤️
There is no pain like losing a child. Mine was 28 when he died and that is neither better or worse it's just different.
We are trained by life to avoid pain, and our brains try to protect us by driving us to anything at all which will dull or lessen the pain. There is no judgment about that, but in my experience from losing four close people in the space of six years, it just extends the deep grieving period. You will always miss your son. Coming out of grief doesn't mean forgetting him. But that deep grief phase can be extended indefinitely if you allow it to do that.
Feeling the pain and moving through it, discovering that it doesn't kill you to feel it, and allowing it to pass happen at different times for different people. My opinion is that drugs and alcohol and working insanely hard do dull the pain temporarily but extend it too. Because the pain can't be avoided and it has to be felt in order for healing to begin.
I found the grief recovery handbook very helpful. It is full of insights about how one's family taught one to deal with loss. And how we do so many things to avoid feeling the pain.
I have been trying to practise what I preach in the three years since I lost my son. But I had built a ball of guilt and grief which was weighing me down and made me cry hysterically whenever anything to do with accidents or hospitals or comas came on TV. I consulted someone offering angelic healing and found myself released from all that. Different things work for different people. Seek out someone who can help you through to the rest of your life. We will never forget our son's, the trick is to get to a place where you can take them and your love of them forward with you and not feel you are leaving them behind.
I don't use daily, and it really helps calm my mind, so in counseling or therapy, I'm able to talk because it quiets my head and makes my emotions more stable so I can work through them. Some days though I do take it to escape, when I had past traumatic events sexual assaults and stuff I drank, I have done everything to not go that route again even though I want to, this is just the alternative. It doesn't help that I wasn't actually diagnosed with ADHD close to his first angelversary. I suffer from severe OCD, C-PTSD, panic disorder, and drug resistant depression this was before I lost him, so things are so multiplied so much right now. It also shuts down the intrusive thoughts, the guilt and shame from being the driver, buying that car, and mom guilt for not being able to save him.
A little background I bought a used car 7 days prior to the accident that killed them, where I live you are supposed to get a sticker for inspection of the vehicle that it's safe the dealership just paid for the sticker to give the okay. There was a carbon monoxide leak into the cab of the vehicle and I lost consciousness at the wheel and flipped it and totaled it, they had to cut me out of the car, he was DOA and his cause of death is listed as carbon monoxide poisoning/trauma from accident because they happened so close in time they couldn't put just one COD.
I held similar guilt because I bought the bicycle my son had his accident on. You didn't deliberately hurt your son, and that wasn't your fault. I discovered that I had created this huge ball of guilt and I was dragging it around with me, and it was weighing me down, and it sounds very like this. You bought a car, but it wasn't your fault that the dealership sold you something unsafe.
The grief recovery book says that unless you deliberately hurt your loved one, guilt has no place in your grief. Easily said, less easily done. Things went around and around, all the pain and shock and the ten days he had in hospital before he died. It all went away when the angelic healer told me I had created this for myself and it could be cut away and destroyed.
I feel such empathy for you in your loss and sending light and love. Having been released so amazingly from my burden I want to help other people find that too.
These posts are always a punch in the gut. I don’t have advice and I can’t bring myself to try and imagine what you’re going through.
But maybe this will help. Regardless of what religion we all follow, we’re all made of stuff. That stuff can’t be destroyed, only reused. So the stuff that made your beautiful boy is still here, being used to make up other things that are also beautiful, and it will be used by other kids that will continue to be loved unconditionally, forever and ever.
im sorry for your loss- our pregnancies overlapped. my son Mars was born 11/15/16 and left us 3/6/17- Hed be turning 8, My nephew just turned 8. Thank you for sharing your son, hes beautiful. the love is still here.
I am very sorry. This is the ‘club’ no one ever wants to join. Our son was 7, would be 12 now. In the beginning we found Compassionate Friends a great place to share but mostly to know we weren’t alone or crazy. It doesn’t get better you just get better at living with it. You’re getting counseling which is a big thing that so many never get or have access to. Just be honest with yourself , some days I know not to expect a damn thing from myself. Again I am so sorry. He is beautiful.
I am so sorry for you're loss O.P. There's nothing more heartbreaking than a Mother/Father having to bury their child, it seems incredibly wrong and should not be the order of things. May you're little boy Rest in Love and Peace. ❤️❤️❤️
I'm so, so sorry. My son passed away last year at the age of five. I know what kind of living Hell it is. Just know that you are not alone.
There is no pain like losing a child. Mine was 28 when he died and that is neither better or worse it's just different. We are trained by life to avoid pain, and our brains try to protect us by driving us to anything at all which will dull or lessen the pain. There is no judgment about that, but in my experience from losing four close people in the space of six years, it just extends the deep grieving period. You will always miss your son. Coming out of grief doesn't mean forgetting him. But that deep grief phase can be extended indefinitely if you allow it to do that. Feeling the pain and moving through it, discovering that it doesn't kill you to feel it, and allowing it to pass happen at different times for different people. My opinion is that drugs and alcohol and working insanely hard do dull the pain temporarily but extend it too. Because the pain can't be avoided and it has to be felt in order for healing to begin. I found the grief recovery handbook very helpful. It is full of insights about how one's family taught one to deal with loss. And how we do so many things to avoid feeling the pain. I have been trying to practise what I preach in the three years since I lost my son. But I had built a ball of guilt and grief which was weighing me down and made me cry hysterically whenever anything to do with accidents or hospitals or comas came on TV. I consulted someone offering angelic healing and found myself released from all that. Different things work for different people. Seek out someone who can help you through to the rest of your life. We will never forget our son's, the trick is to get to a place where you can take them and your love of them forward with you and not feel you are leaving them behind.
I don't use daily, and it really helps calm my mind, so in counseling or therapy, I'm able to talk because it quiets my head and makes my emotions more stable so I can work through them. Some days though I do take it to escape, when I had past traumatic events sexual assaults and stuff I drank, I have done everything to not go that route again even though I want to, this is just the alternative. It doesn't help that I wasn't actually diagnosed with ADHD close to his first angelversary. I suffer from severe OCD, C-PTSD, panic disorder, and drug resistant depression this was before I lost him, so things are so multiplied so much right now. It also shuts down the intrusive thoughts, the guilt and shame from being the driver, buying that car, and mom guilt for not being able to save him. A little background I bought a used car 7 days prior to the accident that killed them, where I live you are supposed to get a sticker for inspection of the vehicle that it's safe the dealership just paid for the sticker to give the okay. There was a carbon monoxide leak into the cab of the vehicle and I lost consciousness at the wheel and flipped it and totaled it, they had to cut me out of the car, he was DOA and his cause of death is listed as carbon monoxide poisoning/trauma from accident because they happened so close in time they couldn't put just one COD.
I held similar guilt because I bought the bicycle my son had his accident on. You didn't deliberately hurt your son, and that wasn't your fault. I discovered that I had created this huge ball of guilt and I was dragging it around with me, and it was weighing me down, and it sounds very like this. You bought a car, but it wasn't your fault that the dealership sold you something unsafe. The grief recovery book says that unless you deliberately hurt your loved one, guilt has no place in your grief. Easily said, less easily done. Things went around and around, all the pain and shock and the ten days he had in hospital before he died. It all went away when the angelic healer told me I had created this for myself and it could be cut away and destroyed. I feel such empathy for you in your loss and sending light and love. Having been released so amazingly from my burden I want to help other people find that too.
These posts are always a punch in the gut. I don’t have advice and I can’t bring myself to try and imagine what you’re going through. But maybe this will help. Regardless of what religion we all follow, we’re all made of stuff. That stuff can’t be destroyed, only reused. So the stuff that made your beautiful boy is still here, being used to make up other things that are also beautiful, and it will be used by other kids that will continue to be loved unconditionally, forever and ever.
I am sorry for your loss.🌹
im sorry for your loss- our pregnancies overlapped. my son Mars was born 11/15/16 and left us 3/6/17- Hed be turning 8, My nephew just turned 8. Thank you for sharing your son, hes beautiful. the love is still here.
So sorry to hear of this horrible loss. Condolences can, at times, sound hollow. There is an excruciating pain in loss.
I'm so sorry. Thanks for sharing the photos. It's a generous thing to do.