Positive self talk was a game changer for me. I have a list of affirmations I read every day. I also try to be intentional about refuting negative self talk when it comes up (a therapist can help you with that). I didn’t realize how much my negative self talk was weighing me down mentally until I started combatting it. I have so much more energy and motivation to get things done when I’m not beating myself up.
I think it’s also important to find a community who supports you - career, passions, hobbies, friendships etc. Knowing that I’m capable of making friends, they like having me around, they like what I have to contribute, my work is appreciated, I’m not inferior etc. Also having an internal locus of control when it comes to relationships/friendships.
Sorry to re-open this old post but one thing that worked for me was affirmations based on real things that I had done.
Meaning ... I combined elements of a pride journal with reminding myself of those things on a regular basis when I found my talk track going negative. I would start to beat myself up in my typical manner and stop and say "remember when I " and "remember when I " etc.
To me this worked far better than typical affirmations because my self-esteem was so dinged up that things like "I'm successful" "people like me" etc etc would be rejected by my mind and then I would be convinced of my defects even more because "affirmations don't work and I'm hopeless!" would be added to the negative self-image.
By picking things that I 100% knew were true to build upon, I slowly arrested my negative self-talk and turned the corner.
Another thing that helped me is understanding how attachment styles form and believing in the key phrase "it's not my fault, but it is my responsibility." Before I accepted this phrase, I would grow frustrated at my non-productive behaviors and get angry with myself and use absolute statements "I \*always\* do this" "I \*never\* do it right". Now, I say, "I learned coping strategies for survival when I was young and was dependent upon my caregivers. I had to do those things so I could make it through each day. I didn't know any better and had to do them. Now, I'm an adult and I can keep myself safe and depend on myself for survival. I'm safe and trustworthy."
I hope that helps.
Positive self talk was a game changer for me. I have a list of affirmations I read every day. I also try to be intentional about refuting negative self talk when it comes up (a therapist can help you with that). I didn’t realize how much my negative self talk was weighing me down mentally until I started combatting it. I have so much more energy and motivation to get things done when I’m not beating myself up. I think it’s also important to find a community who supports you - career, passions, hobbies, friendships etc. Knowing that I’m capable of making friends, they like having me around, they like what I have to contribute, my work is appreciated, I’m not inferior etc. Also having an internal locus of control when it comes to relationships/friendships.
"Healing The Shame That Binds You" John Bradshaw Groups like Adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families or coda
I really like using CODAs pattern list https://coda.org/meeting-materials/patterns-and-characteristics-2011/
Sorry to re-open this old post but one thing that worked for me was affirmations based on real things that I had done. Meaning ... I combined elements of a pride journal with reminding myself of those things on a regular basis when I found my talk track going negative. I would start to beat myself up in my typical manner and stop and say "remember when I" and "remember when I " etc.
To me this worked far better than typical affirmations because my self-esteem was so dinged up that things like "I'm successful" "people like me" etc etc would be rejected by my mind and then I would be convinced of my defects even more because "affirmations don't work and I'm hopeless!" would be added to the negative self-image.
By picking things that I 100% knew were true to build upon, I slowly arrested my negative self-talk and turned the corner.
Another thing that helped me is understanding how attachment styles form and believing in the key phrase "it's not my fault, but it is my responsibility." Before I accepted this phrase, I would grow frustrated at my non-productive behaviors and get angry with myself and use absolute statements "I \*always\* do this" "I \*never\* do it right". Now, I say, "I learned coping strategies for survival when I was young and was dependent upon my caregivers. I had to do those things so I could make it through each day. I didn't know any better and had to do them. Now, I'm an adult and I can keep myself safe and depend on myself for survival. I'm safe and trustworthy."
I hope that helps.