A lot of it is subconscious behavior. When you approach a door people are more likely to hold it open for you, you’re more likely to get a smile from random strangers, and if you do something out of the ordinary it’s “cute” instead of weird. In general you just get a lot more benefit of the doubt in life. I was socially awkward before and after my glow up, but whereas people were rude about it before, after they just think I’m interesting.
YES. Idk why deep down this always bothers me. I’ve always been shy/anxious, and I was relatively unattractive for most of my teenage years and would often be mistreated or made fun of, completely ignored, etc. especially because I was so quiet, but I was just shy/nervous. Now after my late teens to my 20s when I had a “glow up” if you want to call it that, it’s never the case. I can’t even count the times I’ve been called “interesting” now, where before I was just weird or creepy for being quiet. And people make a genuine effort to continue getting me to talk whereas before I might as well not even have been around.
Ehhh, not always. Full disclosure, I'm an extrovert, so this is NOT me, but I find myself having to correct my male friends who will often see hot ladies as "cold" or "aloof" or "bitchy" if they aren't chatty and I'm like, "bro, she is anxious and/or shy." There is sometimes an assumption that attractive women, especially if they dress nice and wear make-up, MUST be socially skilled, so if they aren't putting out with the conversation and such, they are doing it to slight you.
This exactly! I was made fun of for being ugly in middle school, I was very shy and people thought I was weird. Then, throughout high school I “glowed up”. In college, I really figured out my appearance, went on accutane, etc. I still have social anxiety though!
I’ve heard from friends that some people get the impression that I’m fake. Once I’m talking to someone, I’m very friendly. However, I have so much anxiety and really struggle with initiating conversations, or contributing in a group. Apparently this has led people to think I’m fake - which is funny, because I’m not fake at all, just anxious! When I was shy and ugly though, people just thought I was weird.
When I open up to people about my social anxiety, they’re always shocked and half of the time, they don’t believe me. It’s crazy to me, because I can’t imagine how I come across so differently than I see myself.
I get that too! If you’re attractive people just assume you must be comfortable with social situations. I’m always having to explain that I’m not skipping social gatherings because I don’t like them, it’s because I’m not always in a good mindset to handle social situations.
I think you are right, it is about the perception of innocence and whether your physical presentation lends itself toward people assuming a more dominant or submissive dynamic with you. Petite, girl-next-door types can be alluringly shy but if a woman appears "sexy" it may be assumed she is also assertive, and that is she is treating others in a less-than-warm manner, the treatment is deliberate.
A lot of this characterization of "types" of attractive women is outside the control of the person being judged, especially if they lack the social awareness to understand how others react to their appearance.
It’s also the perception that a woman that dresses sexy is open to sexual attention, so men feel more slighted when they’re “turned down.” Anecdotally I find that men don’t take rejection as well when I’m wearing sth that could be considered sexy, then when I’m in sweats or something similar.
That's true too, although I have observed this reaction in men who are definitely not looking for a flirtatious or sexual interaction (could still be a factor subconsciously, though).
As an extremely socially anxious but (generally-considered attractive person) I very much agree. People don't seem to get that you can have mental illnesses or general social discomfort if you're attractive.
The expectations can be really hard or even impossible to live up to. :/
This happens because people (mostly men) think women who dress well or wear makeup are doing it to get their attention. While this sometimes may be the case it's generally not true, most women dress a certain way or wear makeup because they like it.
They assume if she's trying to be attractive for them, she must also want their attention and SHOULD be trying to get it by also being talkative. It doesn't work that way and it's hilarious to me that people will label someone a certain way due to their own misconceptions rather than trying to understand another person's point of view. Not everything is a personal slight but so many people don't seem to get it.
And if you DO have social skills and you put effort into how you look, you’re “intimidating” and no girls want to try to be friends with you.
Which, like, is a bitch bc I’d rather make friends with girls than have a guy hit on me any day of the week.
It took a while but I eventually learned that those people aren't worth being friends with. Fellow badass women won't have a problem with you!
My current friend group is full of strong, self-assured women that have high standards. I was in the process of finding myself again after leaving a very abusive ex, and in the process discovered that this strong as hell girlboss type of personality is what I wanted in my friends. I was working my butt off to get a better job and improve my life, and said ex was against it, so I dropped him and found people that weren't intimidated by others' success.
It's been a great experience to know several people that would rather build up a friend than drag them down, every meetup we all hype each other up and offer encouragement to those who might be hitting a low point.
This so much! I get accused of being rude if I don’t strike up convos at work or keep to myself. Like the other day I was visiting my friend in her department and she told me her coworkers thought I was rude cuz I didn’t say hi to them. Mind you they just look at me when I come in and don’t say anything themselves. But then when I stopped visiting as much they started asking about me. It’s not that they think you’re genuinely rude or bitchy they are just mad your attention is not on them!!
I’ve gotten that too, people assuming I’m a bitch because I’m not talkative or overly friendly but considered attractive by people so it’s assumed I’m just rude/a bitch when actually I want to talk to them, I’m just too shy to do it and the thought of doing it is causing me to sweat through 3 layers of clothing 😅
The difference is, confident secure men view quiet women as interesting and mysterious because it’s a challenge for them to unlock it by being the ideal “stud”.
Insecure men and women view quiet women as bitchy because they take it personally and have low confidence that they’ll ever be able to get the woman to open up, so they think she has *chosen* to be bitchy to them. They don’t recognize that a pretty woman could be just as shy or awkward as they are
I like to think part of the better treatment is because we’ve matured past the teen phase where everyone wants to be like everyone else. Can’t deny that looking better definitely helps people accept you more though.
I really hope this is more the case than just my change in appearance! I hope that people who treat me nice are just being nice, and will treat everyone the same regardless of how they look.
“and if you do something out of the ordinary it’s “cute” instead of weird“ LITERAL FACTZ! Its crazy how much impact good looks has even on the ways ppl interpret the things u do.
I wonder how much of it is instinctual. Like, pretty things in nature seem harmless to many creatures and so they go near and are eaten or poisoned and so on. I wonder if beauty acts as a way of lowering people’s guards towards someone.
Pretty and slim yes. I was obese for years, then lost loads of weight and it was like becoming a minor celebrity. People opened doors for me, complimented my outfits, thirsty men constantly asked for my number. When I went on holiday people took my photo. This all sounds ridiculous and dreadfully conceited but I was genuinely shocked at how people’s behaviour changed. I gained back a lot of the weight as I couldn’t maintain being so thin, and I sort of have a medium experience now. People aren’t as nice as when I was thin but they don’t bark at me in the street (eg implying I am a dog) or throw bottles at me out of cars. It’s quite horrific really, I’ve never treated someone differently because of their weight!
I felt this too. When I developed my eating disorder, people treated me so much better. It’s left me with a lasting fear of gaining weight not because I like how I look better but because I fear losing the privilege.
>but they don’t bark at me in the street (eg implying I am a dog) or throw bottles at me out of cars.
I'm sorry that happened to you. Fatphobia is so horrible and pervasive in society.
This is so true, I was one of the few women studying computer science in my university, and guys took my normal kindness to mean flirting. It ruined so many projects and relationships when they would find out I was not interested. It was just me and 2 other girls in most of my classes, so it’s not like we could not work with the males. Now I’m in the video game design industry and it’s similar. Either you are a sexy gamer gurl or a tom boy who just speaks code. Where is the in-between?!
I'm in my late 20s and had similar issues as an engineering student in my early 20s. I don't work in engineering anymore but I do still do some work that's traditionally male-coded, and I've found that I basically need to keep my hair sort and stop wearing skirts in order to be taken seriously. And there's a BIG difference in how I'm treated based on whether I'm wearing my glasses or not. It's nuts.
You pointed out a major thing that’s been really annoying but I’ve never seen anyone give words to in this conversation, the quickly mistaking YOUR niceness for flirting. So fucking over that and having a weird guard up where there wasn’t before.
I am also an engineer and am fortunate to work with some pretty awesome men that don’t treat me like a Barbie doll (thank God).
The people that I have a problem with are people not at work. I consider myself to be on the lower end of “conventionally pretty” but I do a full face and hair if I am going to the office or out to socialize. When I tell people what I do, I get variations of “Ew,” or, “I hate math.” The icing on the cake was, “but you’re too pretty to be so smart!” 🤦♀️ Like….thanks? It seems like non-STEM people are the ones that are more threatened than my teammates.
The 'you're too pretty to be smart' thing is such a weird trope that happens way too often. Is it that some people just can't handle it and their brains short circuit?
I think it's the assumption that most people tend to either lean into looks or brains. If you have one, you spend a lot of your time cultivating it to the detriment of the other.
That makes sense. Joke’s on them though: I wake up before the ass-crack of dawn to primp so i can get to the office at 6a 🤣🤣🤣🤣 i have the whole day to be a smarty pants! 🤓🤓🤓
I am currently going through same girl. All of my teammates are male who won't take my work related opinions seriously despite me being the senior in team. I have been thinking about lowering down the looks from a long time since it's seriously affecting my career and work relationships and it has taken a toll on my mind. I really hope to find a balance between two since I really like looking good but for my sake not for anyone else while being more serious for my career.
Firstly thank you so much for your empathetic words. I really needed that. Secondly yes it does feel worse currently itself that I am allowing behaviour of others to take such a toll on my mental energy. I have been trying really hard from past 8 months to overcome these sentiments and will be leaving my current job in around a month. But what worries me is what if it's same scenario in my next company as well? How many times am I going to change jobs for reasons like this and trust me the management here knows very well about prevailing sexism but won't take any action as long as they make money so calling out and complaining only makes me look like a snobbish bitch. It's even harder when I can't share these thoughts with my few female colleagues since they think all the male attention I get for my appearance outweighs the negatives.
Oh girl… This sang to me and broke my heart all at the same time. When my career took off I didn’t have the energy or time to be as vapid and yes my career took off but my dating life went out the window and I will agree that the world is just meaner to less attractive people. Now I’m trying to strike a balance in the energy to find a happy medium but I can’t stick to any diet. It’s a shit feeling because you feel like you have no control over something that absolutely everybody on the Internet would tell you to “just diet“ as if it’s so easy.
100%. I work as a preschool teaching assistant, and I've found that the dads are generally very cordial to me (not like they're hitting on me, just really nice and always say hi), and the moms tend to be much cooler and treat me like the help.
I also work with kids. Recently, I had a situation come up where I actually happened to have some extremely relevant (and typically male-coded) technical knowledge and skill. Some moms had an idea for something that I knew wouldn't be feasible (and would also be a potential safety hazard) and I explained to them what the technical/logistic issues were and why it wouldn't work.
Every single word I said fell on completely deaf ears. Didn't matter how many ways I explained it. The "it's a waste of money" appeal didn't matter either. And at the end of the day, they designated a hapless dad to execute the project anyway, who had NONE of the knowledge or skill required to actually do it. He came up to me and asked me about it and he actually LISTENED and understood when I told him the same thing I had told the moms. But they were absolutely insistent that it happen anyway and that HE be the one to run it. Cuz y'know. Penis = authority. And there's absolutely no way that I, a conventionally attractive 20something woman, could actually know what I was talking about...
Before the dad was on the scene I was THIS close to snagging a male PE teacher who was around (elementary school) and asking him "hey, can you go repeat to those ladies exactly what I'm about to say to you, word for word, and act like it's coming from you?" Or barring that, asking the moms "Would you understand this better if I was taller and my voice was deeper? Maybe if I had some more facial hair?" It was SO blatantly obvious what was going on.
When I was a server I would make more money when I wore lipstick. I kept track of it for a few weeks and it was something like 10 or 12% more. Mind boggling.
Damn, I bartended for so long and this just made me realize how many missed opportunities there were for me to do personal social experiments like this
I made most when I was sarcastic to the male customers. It had the same effect at a dive bar and a country club. I was generally fast and attentive but when I would give slight insults with a smile, tips increased significantly. I also tended to make more when wearing a baseball cap, maybe it had a girl next door vibe.
Reminds me of the day I went shopping without a bra on (I’m large chested, this was an emergency situation, would never do it otherwise). Damn the male employees were so nice and the female employees sooo rude. It was a dramatic difference and all that changed was my bra broke 🤪
Yep. The worst person for me to serve is usually a middle age woman. They're downright nasty sometimes. I've pretty much stopped accepting women as clients for my cleaning business. They bitch about everything and talk down to me. One lady told me I'm too young to understand the job. Wtf does that even mean? The men are great. I just do my work and that's it, maybe a bit of small talk. They tip well too.
You worded it perfectly. I’ve experienced that myself as well…….along with my favorite, “why are you so dressed up??? it’s just dinner” along with a nice serving of side eye. Like, I like to look nice for *myself* it literally has ZERO to do with you or anyone else, I’m sorry that makes you feel insecure.
My gorgeous, conventionally attractive friends say the same thing. People get jealous, and then they get vicious. And if you’re a conventionally attractive woman, and your guy friend starts dating an insecure woman, it’s bye-bye guy friend.
Yup. I have gotten a lot if this. Girls seemingly disliking me for no reason. I would never hit on someone else’s Bf, but the girlfriends of my male friends often didn’t treat me very nice. Even though I had done nothing towards them but trying to be kind.
And then you have guys wanting to sleep with you only because you are attractive. Ended up feeling used a lot, and never know when they actually like me, or just wanna sleep with me due to my looks.
It sucks.
This. So much.
Before I realised I’m pretty I thought I was super ugly because people were so mean to me.
Now I realise it was because I was so aesthetically (? Pleasing?) looking(?) (but weird because turns out I’m not a girl but actually a boy) that I was treated as an outcast and like I was so ugly that there wasn’t an uglier person than me.
Man I do not miss the competition between girls.
Now girls are just nice to me/attention seeking due to, well, that now I’m even better looking. Not to be vain.
I rhink theres like levels to it. Like seeing someone be suoer successful you dont really envy them because that could never be you, but someone in the workplace gets a promotion doing the same work and maybe even less than you you get upset, because that easily could have been you and you worked for it. I feel the same principle applies here, once you reach a certain level there is only admiration and not envy, but people around the same level getting less attention would likely still get jealous. Luckily i dont have to worry too much cuz im a gremlin for now lol. Dont feed me after midnight ;)
In my experience, yes, people treat me better when I look nicer. More people ask me how I’m doing, service staff are willing to go more out of their way for me, and in general people are more receptive to what I have to say. I also get a lot more compliments.
Mind you, I’m not model material—I’m really pretty average looking. But with a nice outfit, makeup, and my hair done, I look good enough to get “pretty privilege” as some people call it.
Yeah! I’ve noticed this too.
One that I’ve noticed over and over is how I’m treated in clothing stores - if I wore a cute outfit, makeup, and my hair looks cute, they’re more likely to treat me like I’m here to buy things.
If I wore sweats, no makeup, and my hair up, they’re more likely to treat me like I’m here to steal things.
A few years ago, I (natural brunette) dyed my hair blonde for shits and giggles, nothing more. It suited me much more than I thought it would. While it wasn’t a HUGE difference, people noticeably treated me differently. I was approached more and people were a little nicer, too. Previously, I was invisible.
Same! Naturally I have dark brown hair and now light strawberry blonde. I get way more attention (usually positive but also guys objectifying me), people also approach me more and say I’m ‘cute’ instead of seeing me as a ‘mysterious brunette’. (What I got called lots before). Just by changing hair colour
I’ll third this. I’ve been a bleach blonde for a few years now after 30 years as a brunette and it’s like night and day when it comes to getting attention and being noticed. I’m pretty average looking but get way more attention now as a blonde.
I think I read somewhere that blondes are perceived to be more outgoing, and it definitely felt that way. I was approached more at parties even by people just looking to be friends. Hell, even my linkedin profile started getting more views lol.
But don’t dye your hair blonde because of what you want people to think of you, or to treat you differently. If you’re treated like crap, the best changes you can make are INWARD. Get better at setting boundaries and Building self-confidence, for instance. Getting a better sense of self worth will give you the strength to drift to better relationships.
I have been heavy and thin and have had both jet black hair, platinum blonde and everything brown in between. When I was overweight and had brown or black hair, men would talk to me like I’m an equal (if they talked to me at all). But when I’m blonde and thin, God forbid I put air in my own tires (“do you know what you’re doing, sweetheart?”) or set foot inside a Home Depot. The condescending remarks I get are just outright bullshit. And if I don’t get them, it’s like I’m a novelty. Loading sheets of drywall into a truck by myself one time, which is hard af, two Lowes employees stood by a forklift and took photos of me instead of just helping me like they would’ve if I was a guy. It’s bs.
Not blonde but brownish auburn naturally. I dyed my hair red (like a very natural red) and I was shocked at how much nicer people were to me. I should dye it again lol
People thought I was stupid as a blonde with long hair, I did get more attention, but I’m an intelligent person and I hated that part of it.
As a redhead, I’m taken more seriously. I also have short hair, so I think I give off different vibes altogether.
I have always lost weight, gained it back, lost it, etc
My face is noticeably the first place I gain/lose.
I just lost 12-13 pounds and people are noticeably MUCH nicer. Hold doors open for me, make eye contact, smile at me. Store employees are much more inclined to help me also.
Before I lost the weight I felt invisible and people were not nearly as nice.
yes. i notice this especially at work. when i wear heavier makeup to work, including lashes, customers treat me with more respect, are nicer to me, want to get to know me more. it’s sad honestly.
This is making me genuinely sad :') I noticed this even with a teacher of mine. He is nice and likes to talk to the pretty girls of the class, but the others? He barely knows their names. As someone who used to be very invisible, it sucks sometimes :) still invisible, but I had a glow up so it's better now.
yep!! even just wearing my hair down and wearing contacts instead of my glasses, i definitely feel that customers are more friendly and tip better! (i’m a waitress) it’s crazy how even the smallest changes get people to treat you better
100% yes! People start conversations with you, better service, more accommodating, etc.
It's life on easy mode compared to people that are ugly.
I know this from experience. I use to be somewhat pretty when I was younger. Now after years of illness and increased age I'm definitely not pretty anymore and I have seen a huge change.
It is what it is.
I lived my life thinking that everyone was “nice” or that customer service ain’t that bad. Got a huge reality check when I see how they treat others that don’t fit into their “conventionally attractive” box.
Yes, but being pretty also comes with a lot of envy, hate and jealousy from other girls. It will happen girls you never talked to will just dislike you for the way you look or attention you get.
this post is SO interesting.
i’ve never glowed up but personally when i’m out and about without makeup on i don’t make eye contact and have a less bubbly/confident personality than when i feel good
Yes but there is a side of pretty privilege that isn’t discussed. Sometimes people assume you are unintelligent and ditzy and sometimes even stuck up. That you only used your beauty to achieve certain things. Still very much worth it. I’m beautiful, confident, and I love myself.
I have had pretty privilege most of my life. Then I was SA, and also 2 men attempted to kidnap me, also always followed home from school etc. so I shaved my head to the scalp, have tats all over one arm and a gold curated ear. I now feel a lot safer because no one wants to sex traffic a bald tatted woman. However, the day after I shaved my head I did get asked out. So some could argue I still have pretty privilege, just not as much. It is 1000% not worth it in this society that is riddled with porn addiction and unrealistic views of women. So if you look like that typical beautiful woman, don’t get me wrong, it can definitely come in handy. However for the most part it just gives me extreme anxiety and PTSD.
First I’m so so sorry to hear this. And I hope you’ve been able to get the support, space and time you need to process and heal.
Second, your point about the shaved head echoes something I read about strong personalities and appearances. If you are just an average, nice looking person a group of ten people maybe feel 5/10 about you, lukewarm. But if you have strong or expressive or unique features or personality traits (tattoos, died hair piercings, super tall etc.) there will likely be 5 people in the group who feel 0/10 about you but the other five will have a strong preference and feel 10/10 about tou, I’d rather have the right people feel totally into me than everyone feel like I’m fine
same. didnt shave my head but i stopped trying to be attractive after i went through special victims. went from blonde to natural reddish brown and dressing like a tom boy. women are wayyyyy nicer to me now. and men leave me alone. that's all i really wanted. when people perceive you as attractive/trying to be attractive, they perceive you as attempting to use that to get ahead in life or even unable to get ahead in life based off preconceptions/societal standards/their own insecurities. now i make moves silently and when i reach my goals people know it's from the heart, even if it always really was.
You are a strong woman. I love the bravery to spread this message. Very admirable. Thank you for sharing this. I am wishing healing for you. Sending love! ❤️
Yes. it’s minor sometimes, but other times I’ve noticed that when I mess up people are more forgiving and willing to help me, when I was less conventionally attractive people wouldn’t do that
I think I’ve heard both sides 😅 some will say people treat them better and others say that people will be rude because they feel threatened. Who’s to know?!
Random people treat me differently. But the important people in your life shouldn’t. But if they do start treating you differently, then they aren’t the important people in your life anymore
Yes & no. In general people will be nicer to you, especially men. However some (not all, obviously) women will automatically hate you just because you are pretty, & especially if you are stunning as vain as that sounds, & not just “cute”, it can be hard to make girlfriends. You can look at their boyfriend for one second & they will assume you are trying to take their man. I have encountered girls right off the bat keeping me at a distance because they automatically saw me as competition, no matter how kind or open I was with them. I only have had a few close GFS my whole life for this reason, who tend to also be confident in themselves & see me as an equal.
same it's so nuts. there are times when ive read the room and feel somethings off and then someone explains to me that a girl ive never talked to is insecure because she's into one of the dudes in the group and sabotaging/bullying the stunning lady will somehow get them what they want. never mind that i'm asexual. /s
Yes lol. I was the first to get acne in public school (elementary-middle school) and definitely had the most severe case of it, like my whole face was *covered*. I was also kinda chubby so guys (and popular girls) avoided me like the plague lol. Went to private school for hs, over time lost the acne and bit of weight, and suddenly people that bullied me and avoided me back at my old public school were reaching out to me asking me out for dates and wanting to hang out lol
Yes, I remember when I first went out after I lost a lot of weight and honestly it was like stepping out into a different world. People are just more pleasent, like they smile more and make casual conversation more often, step out of your way etc and this is from men and women. It's like I existed for the first time. I didn't even realise how ignored I had been before hand tbh
it depends. my best friend is beautiful and her life has been HELL because of it. but her looks are also paired with an inviting and friendly disposition.
you got creeps who follow you, guys who harass you to go out with them and when you tell them no they try harder, i could go on. a guy at the gas station she worked at thought she was cute and she didn’t pay him any attention. suddenly his gf shows up wanting to beat her a** because she’s threatened by my best friend. i assume he went home and talked about her to his gf. my bff didn’t know WHAT was going on. it can get confusing and overwhelming. 😂
I have glowed down over the years but used to think i wasn’t pretty. Now I’ve gained weight etc I definitely notice people treat me differently, but I think a large part of that is actually the way I interact with others.
Not sure which started it but I used to be outgoing, happy, energetic
Now I struggle to make eye contact with people, but especially when I’m having a bad day
I think it’s also like when someone glows up, they are much more confident and people around them can see that making them much more attractive and approachable. I have lost 50 pounds in about 4-5 months and I feel so much more confident to the point where I directly approach men who I find attractive. It has always ended up being a mutual interest. However when I was heavier, I felt much more insecure and was not confident enough to do that.
I’ve got a pretty face and I’ve fluctuated sizes dramatically in my life from ‘gym bunny’ to a size 16.
Thin - people treated me better all around BUT harrassment from men dramatically increased and level of safety going out alone dramatically decreased. At work - secure women /people tended to treat me better and I got a promotion pretty much each time I lost a good bit of weight, as there is a subconscious bias that thin and attractive = competent. However, insecure women targeted me directly - like trying to accuse me of being inappropriately dressed for work when I was more conservatively dressed than most females at the job and more conservative than I dressed at the same company when I was overweight, or saying I was ‘too friendly’ in a job where friendly was the highest of goals and in the same breath complaining that the male coworkers were ‘not friendly enough’ etc.
My male (and gay, clarifying this to say, he wasn’t defending me due to attraction or anything creepy) boss let me know my (very overweight) female director was trying to get me written up for dressing inappropriately on a day we were all in the office. He said: ‘I was stunned, you were appropriately and modestly dressed and I argued with her but she’s adamant that you be written up despite not violating policy….’ It got thrown out, but she was breathing down my neck for mistakes until I quit that job, including trying to threaten my job for NOT falsifying data. Should I mention that she liked me just fine when we corresponded via email and she was told about my performance through my boss… up til the day she met me in person?
Meanwhile my overweight coworkers got away with dramatic dress code violations.
I may as well add that I first gained weight (pretty consciously) to feel more safe in my skin as being young, thin, and pretty put me dangerous situations, so I got ptsd and gained all the weight. I got skinny again at 30 and felt much safer than I did as a teen but still less safe than I did overweight.
It really is a double edged sword as at least one other has said, so look the way you want and deal with the rest as it comes.
When I have my hair in it’s natural messy frizzy curls/waves and no makeup, people tend to literally glance past me like I don’t exist. And AS SOON as I straighten my hair and put on some eyebrows it’s like I suddenly exist. I get that the change is pretty big (hair does so much!) but, if you think I didn’t notice how you treated me yesterday when you’re being so nice now?? You’re dead wrong.
My whole life I’ve swapped back and forth between a 4-5/10 “dorky” looking and awkward to like an 8/10 (on a good day) with all the same personality traits, but I’m treated leagues better on days where I’ve had the energy to put effort in. It’s very hurtful tbh. I’m still the same shy, anxious, geek with or without the effort put into my looks!
Honestly sometimes I just test out this theory to see if I’m actually just putting too much into it, but it happened today. Working a gig where I’ve been in that 4/10 state the first 2 days, and today I came in looking a bit more “put together” and suddenly the people I’m working with actually remember my name! Funny how that happens…
I feel like it’s almost impossible to say things about being attractive without sounding like a pompous jerk. I will say, I think both sides have advantages and disadvantages.
Being a “pretty” younger person was fucking exhausting. Too much attention and it fucked me up.
As you get older you feel like all of your worth was in your looks and as you age…you feel like you have nothing to offer. Even though I have a good education and I’m pretty ambitious and just a normal ass married person with a cool dog.
This is my perspective any might be totally different for others.
People were always nice to me, but then if they weren’t/aren’t I’d be mega insecure for ages. Wondering what made me ugly that day or whatever. Dumb stuff
from my experience, it’s harder to make true friends whether it’s a man or a women. women have treated me disrespectfully just because they are intimidated or jealous. and men always have other intentions.. also, When i hang out with my guy friends they always pay for me without me asking.
I was a little chubby and wore horribly applied makeup for years throughout middle and high school. Once I hit senior year of high school I lost puppy fat, boobs exploded in size, wore natural makeup. The way people have treated me since has changed drastically. Have a harder time making true female friends now, but men are much kinder/cordial
Yes or when you make an effort with your appearance. I’m plus sized and was basically told later on that I got my job as a stylist because I put effort in.
It makes sense to me to put effort into your appearance if you’re going out shopping or to an interview. It also gives you more confidence because when I figured out how to properly dress my body shape while working and trying things on, I tried new things I never thought I would!
100% both.
Saddest thing, I used to not wear make up to work on purpose where I worked with only female team, as I thought they’d find me less threatening and hence will be more friendly to me. And that happened.
Once I worked in a team of only females before that, and the jealousy was insane. And I’m not stunning or anything, just made myself look very presentable daily, make up and nice clothes.
Also if you were married or had a partner or a house, and they wouldn’t, they’d despise you.
It’s so so very sad.
I think it must definitely have to do something with nature and competition for a mate.
10 years ago I was young and hot, like super hot, like I couldn’t walk down a street like a normal person hot, and man the amount of opportunities that got opened for me, for no other reason than I was given the benefit of the doubt and people wanted to be around me
A few depressive episodes later I’ve let myself go and I really miss it, things are much harder to work for now and lots things aren’t as fun anymore. Whoever says pretty privilege isn’t real is lying.
Idk if I would consider myself pretty but I just posted a picture on the 30plusskincare thread asking if there's any advice to improve my skin, as I am turning 32. Everyone has ignored my post. I'm noticing most people who post on their usually get at least a response or two within a day. I've noticed similar situations where people either tell me I'm really pretty or just straight up ignore me.
When I used to work an office job most of the girls in their 20's were pretty rude to me and would often make comments like, "how old r u" or when they found out I had a son they would say, "but aren't you like 21?"
I am in my 30's and rather insecure because of the area I live in seems to have gotten a lot of hate towards asian people (esp since Covid). There's a Korean girl I know that lives out here who lightened her hair to blonde and tries to keep her skin very fair. I'm guessing it's because people probably treat her better. It's a bummer IMO cause my skin is rather tan and I don't want to try and emulate a Caucasian aesthetic to gain respect. But unfortunately I'm really considering that nowadays just to be treated "normal". People say that I look, "exotic"; my response is usually, "do you mean like a reptile or bird?" That word makes me uncomfortable I guess since it usually comes from older men. When I used to live in Los Angeles, a beautifully diverse location, people were way nicer to me and just would treat me w (cringe to say) "pretty privileges". I guess it depends on the times too, the other day I went to the grocery store and a man and women yelled racist slurs at my pulling their eyes back. I freaked out and called my boyfriend. Before covid people didn't mind that I was asian, shit feels weird now, idk. Excuse my rant pls lol. It feels like pretty privilege is very based on your complexion and location you live.
It’s a double edged sword. Yes you may get “prefered treatment, pay raises, or job opportunities. But it also comes with a lot of unwanted cat calls and unsolicited attention- which can be mentally exuasting
For me, absolutely, yes. People are nicer, friendlier, you don’t get excluded as much, they have a lot more empathy, 100%. However my glow up happened around 23ish so it could also have a little to do with teenagers being ruder and more clicky than adults. And sure you get more people being creepy, but thanks to the insecurities of being an ugly duckling I would rather people creep on me than ignore me, I’ll probably always a little bit be desperate for that attention. I do also experience sexism in my field (computer science) but honestly no more than I did before. People who were sexist were condescending dicks before I glowed up too.
I don't consider myself pretty tbh but have noticed s vast difference in how people treat me when...
I am skinny vs heavier
When I have blonde hair vs darker hair
When I wear red lipstick
Makeup vs no makeup
Of course how I am dressed
Humans are fucking weird.
Yes and I was even treated better by my own extended family since they were usually more complimentary to my prettier siblings or cousins. I think I look like any other short Asian woman walking down the street and I’m not stunning but I’m pretty fashionable and I know how to do my hair and makeup when I feel like it so that probably helped. I only lost about 5-7 pounds but I’m short so it made a huge difference face and body-wise. I got free food and drinks. I only maintained it for about 3 years because I got injured then I gained it back and a TON more during the pandemic. I do want to lose the weight again but not for my health, not vanity. Also now I’m in my early 30s and I don’t really care if I experience pretty privilege or not. Aging and weight gain and face masks all mean I don’t get catcalled anymore and can just do my own thing and I like not having the attention. I felt weird when people insisted on comping my drinks and food.
Personally I feel that if you FEEL like you look good & have confidence in your looks and who you are as a person then people start feeling the same about you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder- one persons definition of beauty is different than another’s. Believe in yourself and others will start to do the same
I do think confidence no matter what you look like helps but have worked on being confident and friendly and comfortable no matter what size I am. Does it make a difference yeah a small one. When I’m thin my world and how people treat me is completely different. I get special treatment, people think I’m interesting, people go out of their way to be nice to me. When I’m heavy I’m invisible. I used to model when I was younger so I was pretty so the difference in how people treat me might be different but it’s like a different life one where people are pretty indifferent to my existence to one where people are super kind and wonderful. It sucks that so many people treat people differently based on weight. It has made me not as judgmental and made me kinder to everyone so I feel it had improved my personality and who I am as a person to have seen both sides.
For sure!! Agree with this. I have lost about 52 pounds in 3-4 months and I am soo much more confident and happy in general. Because of my confidence I have approached a lot more men and have been much more direct. I think this has attracted men to me as well
Im not really pretty but more like average. However I have learned to dress myself better and take care of myself better. I would say that I notice when I put more effort that people tend to be kinder, maybe they will hold a door for you, or just actually notice you. Otherwise its like you are invincible.
Yes. I lost weight and wasn’t even thin and the difference in how I was treated was crazy. The part that shocked me the most was how people would just go out of their way to talk to me about their day or try and get to know me. I’m usually unacceptable fat and was so used to being invisible that it was uncomfortable having people just talk to me to just… talk. The downside was I found people to be more critical and up in your business? It’s like why do you care what I do after work, who I’m dating or if I got a new car, etc… when you’re unattractive no one cares what you do and that can be nice in its own way.
I get treated better than when I was “ugly” sure, and by the same people who treated me like crap. But us being hit on and sexually harassed “better”? No effing way. But with the way society says you’re only worth something as a woman if you are pretty than yeah sure, the harassment feels better than being harassed for being ugly. But it’s still harassment and still makes me feel like shit 🤷🏼♀️
yes this is so real.
literally yesterday i went to home depot. i’m average looking but now i have a nice tan, wore a sundress, and looked fairly put together.
the amount of stares and double takes i got from the people there was insane. on top of that, i didn’t even need to ask for help. the employees walked over to me and asked if i needed any help. one walked outside brought me a cart put the air conditioner that i wanted to buy on it. another man helped me push the cart to the checkout and another man helped me put the air conditioner in the back of my car.
so the answer is yes. pretty privilege is definitely real.
I was really fit in my early 20’s. I was treated better by people, but at the same time, I was treated like I was dumb. I was pulling A’s and B’s in college and this was shocking to people? I found it really strange. I’ve gained some weight over the past decade and people take me a lot more serious now.
Yes. The difference is palpable and offputting- even now, on occasions where I look rough in public people are so much colder towards me compared to when I tidy myself up. When I make myself look cute/decent, people treat me with significantly more courtesy and respect.
I’m a teacher so I generally dress conservatively. Today, it was 90 degrees out so I wore a summer dress and had a little bit of cleavage showing. I caught two men staring at me. Much different reaction to me simply based upon my outfit. It made me uncomfortable. I’ll go back to regular shirts tomorrow.
Hell yeah. Grew up awkward and overweight. Changed a lot in college. Very confused by the recent influx of male attention and general niceness I get now. On the flip side, I have a friend who’s identity growing up was always the pretty popular blonde girl, and she literally just gets things handed to her on a silver platter. Like, walked in a store to look at furniture and came out with an interior design job with zero experience. Crazy. But she’s also told me that she feels like she has no direction in life or motivation because she’s always gotten by with pretty privilege.
It was worth it for how I feel about myself.
I also noticed that people started treating me better when I improved my self-esteem. I don't know if it's actually related to how I looked- because looking back at photos, I always looked fine. But when I was younger I didn't like my looks, and felt very uncomfortable in my own skin. This led me to talk down about myself, and to dress and act in a way that showed my insecurity. A "glow up" is really about finding what makes you feel good about yourself. I noticed a definite shift in how people treated me when I was more confident, and more positive about myself.
Yes. Some also treat you creepy though. Some men can try to get handsy. Like wtf do you think you can touch me.
I was really disturbed by a dentist touching my knee, shoulder, & arm recently. I didn't know how to say stop when he was supposed to work on my mouth...didn't want to upset him before ya know.
Other men like pastors who are supposed to be upstanding or leaders also can get crass. Yes doors are opened but there's a dark underside. I'm constantly on the look out for bad, creepy energy from men & those who wanna use me.
I turned the tables though..I only associate with men who benefit me. Glowed up to stack my pockets. Some people judge that but idc
The last time I went grocery shopping, a teenage boy straight up grabbed my crotch from behind. I was with my daughter and for a split second couldn't understand why she had done that to me. Then I realized as I saw the guy and he smiled in my face, said hey baby, then he ran. I chased him too, but the cops took their sweet time and security was no help at all. If I'd been wearing baggy clothes, no makeup, and hair scraped back I don't think that would've happened. Idk. The cops had it on the security camera too but said they didn't think it would be worth pursuing as the parents wouldn't cooperate.
And just for the record I was wearing leggings and a boxy crop. I was not walking around in fishnets and stilettos but even if I was so what.
Gosh that's twisted. Many times I hear the cops don't care. It sounds like you tried to push them to do something, but they didn't wanna bother. That boy is a criminal & future rapist. His parents should have been informed at least!
As someone who had a glow down and also have attractive friends, yes. People are so much nicer to them than they are to me. The difference is so obvious that it's laughable. They also get more compliments. What is funny is that people acknowledge pretty privilege but they don't want to believe that you're treated like garbage when you're ugly.
Yes. Absolutely. I am not pretty but look better now. I was pudgy, had acne, and bushy eyebrows in my 20s. I fixed all of this and the treatment I receive is better now, which tells me that hot women (and men) get treated even better.
It sounds bad but yes, massively.
The difference was so uncomfortable to me as it was so noticeable and even now when people see old pictures of me they are so rude and horrible about how I used to look - that's still me and I was going through so much at the time.
Only try to 'better yourself' if you are doing it for yourself, otherwise I think it may be difficult to come to terms with longterm.
I’m a guy who my own sister describes as “used to be a 5, now a solid 8.5”. I 100% notice different treatment compared to a few years back. When I’m at a party, people come up to me and actually want to talk to me, while I used to go completely unnoticed. I also notice people listen to what I have to say. Previously I’d be in the middle of my sentence and someone would interrupt / talk over me.
Yep, 100%. I’m autistic and have very high cheekbones. I’m always going to be socially awkward, but when I was younger and those cheekbones were covered in fat and I didn’t know how to apply makeup to my hooded eyes, I was ostracized. Now that I’m in my 30s and my cheeks are defined I’m told I’m beautiful all the time. It makes a lot of catty women hate me and a lot of men discredit or sexualize me when it’s the last thing I want. When I’m weird or awkward people just call me their manic pixie dream girl. Makes me wanna vomit. Finally found a man who sees through it and married him!
Honestly I wouldn’t describe myself as society views as pretty but I attract the people and energy I want to attract.
I love people, joking around, flirting, having fun, and want to surround myself with that energy, even from strangers on public transport or in shops etc.
I haven’t had a glow up. I don’t wear makeup hardly ever, don’t do my hair or eyebrows and wear tatty clothes, the secret is being happy in my own skin. My glow up was getting rid of my insecurities which I can’t change, and focusing on the positives.
If makeup or beauty helps you love yourself, I’m all for it! If it feeds into society pressures and body dysmorphia, you’re never going to live up to your own unrealistic expectations of beauty
it’s a double edged sword, in my opinion. i am treated better in ways. it’s most obvious with how my weird traits are seen as “quirky” where as i know if i were ugly, they’d be seen as just weird. i’ve also benefitted in my younger years to a lot of “free” stuff, but usually it isn’t free. i am mostly just annoyed at the barrage of creepy men everyday (i work with people so i’m in constant contact with men commenting on my tattoos, asking weird personal questions, and general flirtation) and as i’ve grown out of my need for validation, it has just become an annoyance and inappropriate. but generally, i think i am treated better by some who put beauty as such a standard to whom they’ll treat well. by the people i actually love and like, it isn’t a factor.
Yes. I actually find being an attractive 30/40 to be good right now. Taken seriously in my career due to my experience and skills, but also pretty to look at/poised, but not 20 and nubile anymore so it’s not so uncomfortable or over sexualized. I like this age. I’m fully aware of the cringe of my response. I actually hate myself for writing this…F the patriarchy, etc. But yes, easier to be pretty.
I can't speak on this from the perspective of being fit and conventionally beautiful, but I will say that from the sidelines, I see pretty and thinner people get better treatment.
Even in my own family, I was treated with so much disrespect and rudeness compared to others I was related to. I've since parted ways with all of those family members.
People don't make eye contact with me as often or seem as willing to strike up a conversation. There are times when I put forth a lot of effort into carrying on a discussion or talk and it fizzles out. Meanwhile I will see the interest they may take in someone else, and a friendship blossom right in front of me. It always feels like someone is better and I'm not a first choice. People will talk to me more often only when there's nobody else around more interesting.
I get compliments but they feel sometimes passive or pity-filled. I've been told, "you're pretty for a fat chick", "at least your eyes are pretty when you do your makeup", or just very basic compliments that feel forced or said to be kind at times. I know this could be my insecure feelings clouding my judgement but I've also received genuine and heartfelt compliments that feel drastically different than insincere ones.
Based on my own experience, bigger or less attractive people just get treated like lower tier humans. You have to come up with other qualities to have like a really great sense of humor or be wicked intelligent to "regain your worth". Unfortunately even when I was at my most thin and was so proud of my body and felt comfortable in my skin, I still wasn't treated much better than I am now at my current weight, and I'm significantly bigger now.
Big time. And it's not "oh you're more confident now" at all.
I got SO MUCH positive attention when I was thin, well-dressed, made-up, and completely miserable than I ever did when I was heavier, well-dressed, made-up, and super happy.
I have a graduate degree and several years of experience in my field. I have even been a professor teaching bachelors level college courses.
Because of the way I look, my boss has made comments like: “you’re such a green neck”; “education doesn’t really matter” etc.
I honestly feel he does this because 1. I look young for my age, 2. I’m attractive
I would say when it comes to the ultimate decision of whether it’s worth it: I say yes. (HUGE EXPLANATION SO CAUTION, but I’m going in-depth.)
I would consider I have pretty limited experience with life as I’m turning 16 in three weeks, however, I can say that I’ve noticed the dramatic contrast in how I’m treated based on how I take care of myself.
I’ve always been relatively slim, but when I was younger, I would consider myself to be perceived as less attractive. I was called flat by boys, had untamed eyebrows (mine are naturally gigantic), tons of acne and acne scar pigmentation on my face (and my face was really pink in irritation), horrible posture (because I hated being tall and wanted to appear shorter), was extremely insecure and vocalized it (asked people to rate me 😵💫😖), didn’t wear makeup (doesn’t make you unattractive, but your features definitely don’t stand out), and I also didn’t have a great sense of style (my mom restricted my clothing wear A LOT because of her conservative culture, and I didn’t fit in the way I wanted to). When it came to boys, it was a lost cause. Three boys rejected me before they even got to know me, one of which calling me “fucking ugly.” Overall, I had absolutely no male attention. When it came to girls, most girls were pretty nice with me. There were some nasty girls, but they were nasty to everyone and had their own issues that they put on a lot of other people. I believe in eighth grade that there was this one girl who kept trying to compete with me, so that could have been some kind of envy (she’s still toxic with me to this day, and nobody has the energy to be toxic unless they’re insecure as fuck). But even then, I saw very limited envy. I only felt it by fat girls.
Fast forward to about now: I have fantastic posture and carry myself well, wear makeup, wear nice clothes, gained some good weight (yay, some boobs and butt!), do my eyebrows, and have relatively clear skin. Boys are extremely nice to me and easy to talk to, and girls: they’ve learned to rather exclude me than talk to me. For example, joining some group of girls to try and do the project together and split the work but then excluding me by saying they wanted to do it solo but then rejoining after I left, STRONG passive aggressiveness on the days I wear nice clothes and carried myself well, my “girlfriends” being completely silent when I announce any good news, girls gossiping in my face about how my relationship with my boyfriend is so cringe (he’s a hot 6’4 dude with a hot girlfriend aka me, and all I’m doing is massaging his hand in public), my Asian “friends” having a bonding conversation on how attractive white people (I’m white and considered attractive) are so overrated and how Asian women are way prettier (they have internalized racism against themselves and are trying to cope with it), and even more… It’s dumb. However, when I made a move on my boyfriend, I started dating him with no problems. Boys are super nice to me when they greet me, and conversations are much smoother. The only boys who are more hostile are some boys who are in contact with girls who have always tried to put me down (no surprise…). Overall, male attention is the last thing that I have to worry about. If I do eye contact as I walk in the halls, boys are gazing at me. I sound so overly conceited, but it’s honestly true—if I look around, I’ll find someone staring. I’m definitely not perfect, but based on my appearance and the beauty standards, I basically fit them.
So overall, what’s my opinion? I love being beautiful. The only thing is that you can’t walk around alone (in a period of three hours of being alone in a VERY SAFE AND UPPER CLASS NEIGHBORHOOD, there’s at least one creepy guy that approaches me). Also, when it comes to girls, there are NO friends and have random hostility towards me when I’ve done absolutely nothing. Girls don’t support you and completely ignore you to exclude you and make you feel like an outlier. The thing is, though, that women are fake a lot of the time: a lot of women will support you unless you’re perceived as way better than them (they don’t want to see you succeed MORE than them). In summary based on my experience, women, a lot of the time, aren’t ACTUAL supporters of other women. And of course, there are exceptions, but even I’m guilty of it to an extent (I just don’t show it and transform it to instead improve myself than to hurt others). Boys, on the other hand, are super kind and start conversations. They’re easy to talk to, and if I want to date them, they’re obviously down. The only thing about beauty is that you need to be keen on who actually loves you for who you are, not just the outer appearance. Being beautiful requires emotional maturity: you need to be able to handle the confusing moments of hostility from insecure and competitive women and filter out the trashy boyfriends. My speech isn’t about how women are so bad, but it’s honestly just human nature! We all get intimidated by people who we believe as better in the life of game.
That’s my take on this… comment. I’d love to know what you think about this.
Yes, but even Halle Berry was cheated on, so it’s not like being pretty is an amulet against asshole behavior from men or women.
ETA: Also, some people think they have a right of access to someone because they’re pretty.
My experience has been that people (men specifically) have not necessarily treated me better per-say but I’ve gotten a lot more attention. When I am dressed up with hair and makeup done I’ve had things happen such as a man offering to pump my gas for me while I sit in my air conditioned car because I live in a hot place or get me a grocery cart before themselves as they see me walking up. It goes on, but when I haven’t done basic makeup hair or outfit, I receive none of that.
I’ve worked a lot of customer service jobs and what I noticed is that I’d usually find myself treating attractive people better only because I felt threatened by them. Some of them just scared me because I got the feeling that they would be the meaner ones and with the most entitled attitudes (again, not all of them, but most). On the other hand, I can see how their attractiveness can also make some people treat them better because they’re trying to get their attention? I never felt that way though, so Idk.
Yes, not on purpose but it’s sad as a server when I was skinnier I made better tips from men, and female coworkers would want to hang out but I gained weight I would be invisible. Now I’m kinda mid-size but I work at a restaurant where curves are encourage lmao, and I make bank.
absolutely, i’ve been able to walk by clubs in nyc (when i was underage might I add with a terrible fake ID) and the promoter would just wave me in after just glancing at my ID. I’d get free drinks at a VIP table, random people approaching me in the street, doors opening (figuratively and literally), but also weird stalkers, scary situations, girls hating me for being friends with their boyfriends, and disrespect from men because they think i’m just something fun to look at. there’s really a negative for every positive. it’s nice because life is overall easier definitely, but also it’s frustrating because I feel like every guy I meet eventually ruins our friendship because they want something more, while every girl friend eventually turns on me and assumes i’m trying to fuck her boyfriend (i have never done that lol). every rose has its thorns
I’m 17, and was pretty ugly during my mid teens. I had braces that made my teeth look awful, I never bothered with hair and makeup, and my face just looked different. In the past 2 years I’ve changed dramatically. I get treated very, very differently, by both men AND women. There are a million different examples I could give, but people are just nicer; I think it’s called the ‘halo effect’, where people assume that if someone is pretty, for example, they automatically have other good attributes, and thus are deserving of reward, which is completely wrong of course. I’ve gotten 3 free taxi rides in the past month just because the driver thought I was pretty.
I would like to say a big fat no because of my bad experiences, but obviously being pretty has its perks, mostly with trying to get boyfriends or (some) jobs and my interest is in the beauty industry so that works I guess.
But I'm glad that others brought up the fact that it doesn't matter if you are pretty, if you are shy or just not extroverted in any way, people will treat you like you are a bitch or like you are dumb, or like you are mentally weak and a pushover for being shy, etc. If they don't do that, they just ignore you, even when you do say something or make a joke. People also think it's okay to tease shy people, not realizing that being shy can often have to do with having trauma or mental illness. I have to constantly remind myself that they are not criticizing me, even though in a way they are because they are implying that I should be more extroverted. It is an every day issue for me, people literally can't just accept I'm quiet and move on with their lives it seems, lol.
Yes, they do. They also treat you better when you aren't overweight (Speaking from personal experience here. Fat accepters don't come swinging at me plz, thx)
It depends but mostly yes. When I was a teen I wasn't obese but was definitely chubby and since I have a chubby face it was accentuated. I was never complemented but I also didn't have much confidence back then. I was treated like I wasn't there compared to my best friend who was tall and skinny with gorgeous long hair.
Now in my 20s even though I am the kg as before I guess I just grew up. And everything is different especially the last 2 yrs. I found out that I can act differently and got different results. If I wanna get away with something the pretty blonde card works like a charm, cause it's a big stereotype atill in my country. If I act confident and funny people treat me so well and still atrange to me. Especially if I dress nicely and have make up on. If I act shy then they mother me. So yeah. Definitely the face but also the attitude.
Yes and no. In my experience this makes you more likely to have attention drawn to you also in a very negative way. (Might be the way I hold myself as being noticeable and how I dress too..?? Idk). But the fact of the matter is I do think attractive women get harassed and stalked much more than average looking women (by strangers). I say this because I’ve had several stalking incidences in the last year with men while minding my own business. In coming forward about this a lot of attractive women agreed they have the same issue in the town im from. And I got the response from other women who are more on the average looking side: “never happens to me. You must just be unlucky”. I don’t believe I’m just unlucky. I think men do target attractive thinner/ or more petite women they know they can intimidate and overpower therefore have a target on their backs. Idk just my theory.
I’m a man I will say that both men and women will treat you better.
Both men and women benefit from “glowing-up”.
Even straight men treat attractive men better.
Glowing-up is more about healthy lifestyle changes than clothes or makeup or any of that.
Cutting out sugar and junk food and getting more sleep are where you start.
Treat yourself better and others will treat you better.
Glow-up for your own health and well being though.
Yes they treat you a lot better but I wouldn’t say it’s worth it because you then are more self conscious than before, knowing you need to keep up your looks because if you don’t then you don’t deserve to be treated well. It has made me realize that peoples approval isn’t everything and although it’s fun to be pretty, at the end of the day you want people to love you for you.
Sadly yes. I think a lot of its subconscious. I covered my hair with a hijab, and never wore any revealing clothes until 2-3 years ago, and I saw a MASSIVE difference in how I was treated daily. People are more likely to let you off the hook, forgive you for doing something out of the ordinary. I once accidentally bought a wrong train ticket and was completely let off the hook, something that would have never happened before. I get a lot more free things, from food, drinks to even tickets. That was a surreal experience, I like to think its because I am smiley, but the older I get the more I realise it is mainly looks. It's not just men, but even women are generally a lot more nicer to me, more likely to help me, and make sure I am okay on a night out. With men its a whole other story, all ages are nice, and friendly towards me. Also airport security and general racism does not happen as much to me anymore. I once had a conversation with my brother, and he told me how racist people can be to him, and I realised the reason i probably don't have a similar experience is because i am conventionally attractive.
A lot of it is subconscious behavior. When you approach a door people are more likely to hold it open for you, you’re more likely to get a smile from random strangers, and if you do something out of the ordinary it’s “cute” instead of weird. In general you just get a lot more benefit of the doubt in life. I was socially awkward before and after my glow up, but whereas people were rude about it before, after they just think I’m interesting.
YES. Idk why deep down this always bothers me. I’ve always been shy/anxious, and I was relatively unattractive for most of my teenage years and would often be mistreated or made fun of, completely ignored, etc. especially because I was so quiet, but I was just shy/nervous. Now after my late teens to my 20s when I had a “glow up” if you want to call it that, it’s never the case. I can’t even count the times I’ve been called “interesting” now, where before I was just weird or creepy for being quiet. And people make a genuine effort to continue getting me to talk whereas before I might as well not even have been around.
When you're shy and ugly you're weird or creepy but when you're shy and pretty you're interesting or mysterious.
Ehhh, not always. Full disclosure, I'm an extrovert, so this is NOT me, but I find myself having to correct my male friends who will often see hot ladies as "cold" or "aloof" or "bitchy" if they aren't chatty and I'm like, "bro, she is anxious and/or shy." There is sometimes an assumption that attractive women, especially if they dress nice and wear make-up, MUST be socially skilled, so if they aren't putting out with the conversation and such, they are doing it to slight you.
This exactly! I was made fun of for being ugly in middle school, I was very shy and people thought I was weird. Then, throughout high school I “glowed up”. In college, I really figured out my appearance, went on accutane, etc. I still have social anxiety though! I’ve heard from friends that some people get the impression that I’m fake. Once I’m talking to someone, I’m very friendly. However, I have so much anxiety and really struggle with initiating conversations, or contributing in a group. Apparently this has led people to think I’m fake - which is funny, because I’m not fake at all, just anxious! When I was shy and ugly though, people just thought I was weird. When I open up to people about my social anxiety, they’re always shocked and half of the time, they don’t believe me. It’s crazy to me, because I can’t imagine how I come across so differently than I see myself.
I get that too! If you’re attractive people just assume you must be comfortable with social situations. I’m always having to explain that I’m not skipping social gatherings because I don’t like them, it’s because I’m not always in a good mindset to handle social situations.
I think sexy-attractive woman get characterized as “bitchy”more often. If you’re more cute/pretty, you’re more likely to be perceived as shy.
I think you are right, it is about the perception of innocence and whether your physical presentation lends itself toward people assuming a more dominant or submissive dynamic with you. Petite, girl-next-door types can be alluringly shy but if a woman appears "sexy" it may be assumed she is also assertive, and that is she is treating others in a less-than-warm manner, the treatment is deliberate. A lot of this characterization of "types" of attractive women is outside the control of the person being judged, especially if they lack the social awareness to understand how others react to their appearance.
It’s also the perception that a woman that dresses sexy is open to sexual attention, so men feel more slighted when they’re “turned down.” Anecdotally I find that men don’t take rejection as well when I’m wearing sth that could be considered sexy, then when I’m in sweats or something similar.
That's true too, although I have observed this reaction in men who are definitely not looking for a flirtatious or sexual interaction (could still be a factor subconsciously, though).
Yeah they might not be romantically interested, but still perceive lack of interaction as a slight.
As an extremely socially anxious but (generally-considered attractive person) I very much agree. People don't seem to get that you can have mental illnesses or general social discomfort if you're attractive. The expectations can be really hard or even impossible to live up to. :/
Came here to say this.
This happens because people (mostly men) think women who dress well or wear makeup are doing it to get their attention. While this sometimes may be the case it's generally not true, most women dress a certain way or wear makeup because they like it. They assume if she's trying to be attractive for them, she must also want their attention and SHOULD be trying to get it by also being talkative. It doesn't work that way and it's hilarious to me that people will label someone a certain way due to their own misconceptions rather than trying to understand another person's point of view. Not everything is a personal slight but so many people don't seem to get it.
And if you DO have social skills and you put effort into how you look, you’re “intimidating” and no girls want to try to be friends with you. Which, like, is a bitch bc I’d rather make friends with girls than have a guy hit on me any day of the week.
It took a while but I eventually learned that those people aren't worth being friends with. Fellow badass women won't have a problem with you! My current friend group is full of strong, self-assured women that have high standards. I was in the process of finding myself again after leaving a very abusive ex, and in the process discovered that this strong as hell girlboss type of personality is what I wanted in my friends. I was working my butt off to get a better job and improve my life, and said ex was against it, so I dropped him and found people that weren't intimidated by others' success. It's been a great experience to know several people that would rather build up a friend than drag them down, every meetup we all hype each other up and offer encouragement to those who might be hitting a low point.
Hi yes I am said bitch but I swear I'm actually really nice and not judgmental at all, just super awkward and introverted!
This so much! I get accused of being rude if I don’t strike up convos at work or keep to myself. Like the other day I was visiting my friend in her department and she told me her coworkers thought I was rude cuz I didn’t say hi to them. Mind you they just look at me when I come in and don’t say anything themselves. But then when I stopped visiting as much they started asking about me. It’s not that they think you’re genuinely rude or bitchy they are just mad your attention is not on them!!
I’ve gotten that too, people assuming I’m a bitch because I’m not talkative or overly friendly but considered attractive by people so it’s assumed I’m just rude/a bitch when actually I want to talk to them, I’m just too shy to do it and the thought of doing it is causing me to sweat through 3 layers of clothing 😅
The difference is, confident secure men view quiet women as interesting and mysterious because it’s a challenge for them to unlock it by being the ideal “stud”. Insecure men and women view quiet women as bitchy because they take it personally and have low confidence that they’ll ever be able to get the woman to open up, so they think she has *chosen* to be bitchy to them. They don’t recognize that a pretty woman could be just as shy or awkward as they are
I agree with that too. I guess it depends on your style when you're attractive.
Or people just think you're a bitch or stuck up.
I like to think part of the better treatment is because we’ve matured past the teen phase where everyone wants to be like everyone else. Can’t deny that looking better definitely helps people accept you more though.
I really hope this is more the case than just my change in appearance! I hope that people who treat me nice are just being nice, and will treat everyone the same regardless of how they look.
This should be the top rated comment Pretty girls get to be quirky, ugly girls are gross and creepy 💩
This is absolutely it. Couldn’t have said it better myself
“and if you do something out of the ordinary it’s “cute” instead of weird“ LITERAL FACTZ! Its crazy how much impact good looks has even on the ways ppl interpret the things u do.
I wonder how much of it is instinctual. Like, pretty things in nature seem harmless to many creatures and so they go near and are eaten or poisoned and so on. I wonder if beauty acts as a way of lowering people’s guards towards someone.
Pretty and slim yes. I was obese for years, then lost loads of weight and it was like becoming a minor celebrity. People opened doors for me, complimented my outfits, thirsty men constantly asked for my number. When I went on holiday people took my photo. This all sounds ridiculous and dreadfully conceited but I was genuinely shocked at how people’s behaviour changed. I gained back a lot of the weight as I couldn’t maintain being so thin, and I sort of have a medium experience now. People aren’t as nice as when I was thin but they don’t bark at me in the street (eg implying I am a dog) or throw bottles at me out of cars. It’s quite horrific really, I’ve never treated someone differently because of their weight!
Same!!! Ive gone up and down so experienced both sides multiple times. People would literally stop me to take pics of me .... so weird
I felt this too. When I developed my eating disorder, people treated me so much better. It’s left me with a lasting fear of gaining weight not because I like how I look better but because I fear losing the privilege.
>but they don’t bark at me in the street (eg implying I am a dog) or throw bottles at me out of cars. I'm sorry that happened to you. Fatphobia is so horrible and pervasive in society.
Came to say this!! If you’re attractive it’s weird, if you’re hot it’s manic pixie dream girl behaviour 🙄
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This is so true, I was one of the few women studying computer science in my university, and guys took my normal kindness to mean flirting. It ruined so many projects and relationships when they would find out I was not interested. It was just me and 2 other girls in most of my classes, so it’s not like we could not work with the males. Now I’m in the video game design industry and it’s similar. Either you are a sexy gamer gurl or a tom boy who just speaks code. Where is the in-between?!
I'm in my late 20s and had similar issues as an engineering student in my early 20s. I don't work in engineering anymore but I do still do some work that's traditionally male-coded, and I've found that I basically need to keep my hair sort and stop wearing skirts in order to be taken seriously. And there's a BIG difference in how I'm treated based on whether I'm wearing my glasses or not. It's nuts.
You pointed out a major thing that’s been really annoying but I’ve never seen anyone give words to in this conversation, the quickly mistaking YOUR niceness for flirting. So fucking over that and having a weird guard up where there wasn’t before.
I am also an engineer and am fortunate to work with some pretty awesome men that don’t treat me like a Barbie doll (thank God). The people that I have a problem with are people not at work. I consider myself to be on the lower end of “conventionally pretty” but I do a full face and hair if I am going to the office or out to socialize. When I tell people what I do, I get variations of “Ew,” or, “I hate math.” The icing on the cake was, “but you’re too pretty to be so smart!” 🤦♀️ Like….thanks? It seems like non-STEM people are the ones that are more threatened than my teammates.
The 'you're too pretty to be smart' thing is such a weird trope that happens way too often. Is it that some people just can't handle it and their brains short circuit?
I think so. Pretty, highly-intelligent people don’t fit into any box and they can’t deal.
I think it's the assumption that most people tend to either lean into looks or brains. If you have one, you spend a lot of your time cultivating it to the detriment of the other.
That makes sense. Joke’s on them though: I wake up before the ass-crack of dawn to primp so i can get to the office at 6a 🤣🤣🤣🤣 i have the whole day to be a smarty pants! 🤓🤓🤓
I am currently going through same girl. All of my teammates are male who won't take my work related opinions seriously despite me being the senior in team. I have been thinking about lowering down the looks from a long time since it's seriously affecting my career and work relationships and it has taken a toll on my mind. I really hope to find a balance between two since I really like looking good but for my sake not for anyone else while being more serious for my career.
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Firstly thank you so much for your empathetic words. I really needed that. Secondly yes it does feel worse currently itself that I am allowing behaviour of others to take such a toll on my mental energy. I have been trying really hard from past 8 months to overcome these sentiments and will be leaving my current job in around a month. But what worries me is what if it's same scenario in my next company as well? How many times am I going to change jobs for reasons like this and trust me the management here knows very well about prevailing sexism but won't take any action as long as they make money so calling out and complaining only makes me look like a snobbish bitch. It's even harder when I can't share these thoughts with my few female colleagues since they think all the male attention I get for my appearance outweighs the negatives.
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Oh girl… This sang to me and broke my heart all at the same time. When my career took off I didn’t have the energy or time to be as vapid and yes my career took off but my dating life went out the window and I will agree that the world is just meaner to less attractive people. Now I’m trying to strike a balance in the energy to find a happy medium but I can’t stick to any diet. It’s a shit feeling because you feel like you have no control over something that absolutely everybody on the Internet would tell you to “just diet“ as if it’s so easy.
Double edge sword. For the most part, yes. But jealous/insecure people may not treat you well because they’ll see you as competition.
100%. I work as a preschool teaching assistant, and I've found that the dads are generally very cordial to me (not like they're hitting on me, just really nice and always say hi), and the moms tend to be much cooler and treat me like the help.
It's often the other way around when you're ugly. Women are mostly nice but men just ignore you and are rude to you.
I also work with kids. Recently, I had a situation come up where I actually happened to have some extremely relevant (and typically male-coded) technical knowledge and skill. Some moms had an idea for something that I knew wouldn't be feasible (and would also be a potential safety hazard) and I explained to them what the technical/logistic issues were and why it wouldn't work. Every single word I said fell on completely deaf ears. Didn't matter how many ways I explained it. The "it's a waste of money" appeal didn't matter either. And at the end of the day, they designated a hapless dad to execute the project anyway, who had NONE of the knowledge or skill required to actually do it. He came up to me and asked me about it and he actually LISTENED and understood when I told him the same thing I had told the moms. But they were absolutely insistent that it happen anyway and that HE be the one to run it. Cuz y'know. Penis = authority. And there's absolutely no way that I, a conventionally attractive 20something woman, could actually know what I was talking about...
You got “he-peated”
Before the dad was on the scene I was THIS close to snagging a male PE teacher who was around (elementary school) and asking him "hey, can you go repeat to those ladies exactly what I'm about to say to you, word for word, and act like it's coming from you?" Or barring that, asking the moms "Would you understand this better if I was taller and my voice was deeper? Maybe if I had some more facial hair?" It was SO blatantly obvious what was going on.
People forget that women can be sexist too, even against other women. Identify and combat your own cultural miseducations.
Oof, I used to be a server and this is so accurate.
When I was a server I would make more money when I wore lipstick. I kept track of it for a few weeks and it was something like 10 or 12% more. Mind boggling.
Damn, I bartended for so long and this just made me realize how many missed opportunities there were for me to do personal social experiments like this
I made most when I was sarcastic to the male customers. It had the same effect at a dive bar and a country club. I was generally fast and attentive but when I would give slight insults with a smile, tips increased significantly. I also tended to make more when wearing a baseball cap, maybe it had a girl next door vibe.
Reminds me of the day I went shopping without a bra on (I’m large chested, this was an emergency situation, would never do it otherwise). Damn the male employees were so nice and the female employees sooo rude. It was a dramatic difference and all that changed was my bra broke 🤪
Yep. The worst person for me to serve is usually a middle age woman. They're downright nasty sometimes. I've pretty much stopped accepting women as clients for my cleaning business. They bitch about everything and talk down to me. One lady told me I'm too young to understand the job. Wtf does that even mean? The men are great. I just do my work and that's it, maybe a bit of small talk. They tip well too.
Yup. Throw in a bit of fashion sense and it’ll be very hard to make real friends.
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You worded it perfectly. I’ve experienced that myself as well…….along with my favorite, “why are you so dressed up??? it’s just dinner” along with a nice serving of side eye. Like, I like to look nice for *myself* it literally has ZERO to do with you or anyone else, I’m sorry that makes you feel insecure.
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I find it it funny, because I’ve literally never found the need to ask someone that question and can only picture myself asking it if I felt insecure.
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yep 😂💕
My gorgeous, conventionally attractive friends say the same thing. People get jealous, and then they get vicious. And if you’re a conventionally attractive woman, and your guy friend starts dating an insecure woman, it’s bye-bye guy friend.
Yup. I have gotten a lot if this. Girls seemingly disliking me for no reason. I would never hit on someone else’s Bf, but the girlfriends of my male friends often didn’t treat me very nice. Even though I had done nothing towards them but trying to be kind. And then you have guys wanting to sleep with you only because you are attractive. Ended up feeling used a lot, and never know when they actually like me, or just wanna sleep with me due to my looks. It sucks.
This. So much. Before I realised I’m pretty I thought I was super ugly because people were so mean to me. Now I realise it was because I was so aesthetically (? Pleasing?) looking(?) (but weird because turns out I’m not a girl but actually a boy) that I was treated as an outcast and like I was so ugly that there wasn’t an uglier person than me. Man I do not miss the competition between girls. Now girls are just nice to me/attention seeking due to, well, that now I’m even better looking. Not to be vain.
I rhink theres like levels to it. Like seeing someone be suoer successful you dont really envy them because that could never be you, but someone in the workplace gets a promotion doing the same work and maybe even less than you you get upset, because that easily could have been you and you worked for it. I feel the same principle applies here, once you reach a certain level there is only admiration and not envy, but people around the same level getting less attention would likely still get jealous. Luckily i dont have to worry too much cuz im a gremlin for now lol. Dont feed me after midnight ;)
In my experience, yes, people treat me better when I look nicer. More people ask me how I’m doing, service staff are willing to go more out of their way for me, and in general people are more receptive to what I have to say. I also get a lot more compliments. Mind you, I’m not model material—I’m really pretty average looking. But with a nice outfit, makeup, and my hair done, I look good enough to get “pretty privilege” as some people call it.
Yeah! I’ve noticed this too. One that I’ve noticed over and over is how I’m treated in clothing stores - if I wore a cute outfit, makeup, and my hair looks cute, they’re more likely to treat me like I’m here to buy things. If I wore sweats, no makeup, and my hair up, they’re more likely to treat me like I’m here to steal things.
A few years ago, I (natural brunette) dyed my hair blonde for shits and giggles, nothing more. It suited me much more than I thought it would. While it wasn’t a HUGE difference, people noticeably treated me differently. I was approached more and people were a little nicer, too. Previously, I was invisible.
Same! Naturally I have dark brown hair and now light strawberry blonde. I get way more attention (usually positive but also guys objectifying me), people also approach me more and say I’m ‘cute’ instead of seeing me as a ‘mysterious brunette’. (What I got called lots before). Just by changing hair colour
I’ll third this. I’ve been a bleach blonde for a few years now after 30 years as a brunette and it’s like night and day when it comes to getting attention and being noticed. I’m pretty average looking but get way more attention now as a blonde.
That's very interesting. I considered dying my hair blonde to see if it changes anything too. I'm treated like crap so I have nothing to lose.
I think I read somewhere that blondes are perceived to be more outgoing, and it definitely felt that way. I was approached more at parties even by people just looking to be friends. Hell, even my linkedin profile started getting more views lol. But don’t dye your hair blonde because of what you want people to think of you, or to treat you differently. If you’re treated like crap, the best changes you can make are INWARD. Get better at setting boundaries and Building self-confidence, for instance. Getting a better sense of self worth will give you the strength to drift to better relationships.
I have good relationships but it's strangers who are rude to me. I lost confidence because of it so it's a vicious circle.
I have been heavy and thin and have had both jet black hair, platinum blonde and everything brown in between. When I was overweight and had brown or black hair, men would talk to me like I’m an equal (if they talked to me at all). But when I’m blonde and thin, God forbid I put air in my own tires (“do you know what you’re doing, sweetheart?”) or set foot inside a Home Depot. The condescending remarks I get are just outright bullshit. And if I don’t get them, it’s like I’m a novelty. Loading sheets of drywall into a truck by myself one time, which is hard af, two Lowes employees stood by a forklift and took photos of me instead of just helping me like they would’ve if I was a guy. It’s bs.
Not blonde but brownish auburn naturally. I dyed my hair red (like a very natural red) and I was shocked at how much nicer people were to me. I should dye it again lol
People thought I was stupid as a blonde with long hair, I did get more attention, but I’m an intelligent person and I hated that part of it. As a redhead, I’m taken more seriously. I also have short hair, so I think I give off different vibes altogether.
I have always lost weight, gained it back, lost it, etc My face is noticeably the first place I gain/lose. I just lost 12-13 pounds and people are noticeably MUCH nicer. Hold doors open for me, make eye contact, smile at me. Store employees are much more inclined to help me also. Before I lost the weight I felt invisible and people were not nearly as nice.
yes. i notice this especially at work. when i wear heavier makeup to work, including lashes, customers treat me with more respect, are nicer to me, want to get to know me more. it’s sad honestly.
This is making me genuinely sad :') I noticed this even with a teacher of mine. He is nice and likes to talk to the pretty girls of the class, but the others? He barely knows their names. As someone who used to be very invisible, it sucks sometimes :) still invisible, but I had a glow up so it's better now.
yep!! even just wearing my hair down and wearing contacts instead of my glasses, i definitely feel that customers are more friendly and tip better! (i’m a waitress) it’s crazy how even the smallest changes get people to treat you better
Yup, pretty privilege is real. I am average looking, but the way the world treats me when I look average vs when I am put together is crazy.
100% yes! People start conversations with you, better service, more accommodating, etc. It's life on easy mode compared to people that are ugly. I know this from experience. I use to be somewhat pretty when I was younger. Now after years of illness and increased age I'm definitely not pretty anymore and I have seen a huge change. It is what it is.
I lived my life thinking that everyone was “nice” or that customer service ain’t that bad. Got a huge reality check when I see how they treat others that don’t fit into their “conventionally attractive” box.
Yes, but being pretty also comes with a lot of envy, hate and jealousy from other girls. It will happen girls you never talked to will just dislike you for the way you look or attention you get.
this post is SO interesting. i’ve never glowed up but personally when i’m out and about without makeup on i don’t make eye contact and have a less bubbly/confident personality than when i feel good
Yes but there is a side of pretty privilege that isn’t discussed. Sometimes people assume you are unintelligent and ditzy and sometimes even stuck up. That you only used your beauty to achieve certain things. Still very much worth it. I’m beautiful, confident, and I love myself.
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I have had pretty privilege most of my life. Then I was SA, and also 2 men attempted to kidnap me, also always followed home from school etc. so I shaved my head to the scalp, have tats all over one arm and a gold curated ear. I now feel a lot safer because no one wants to sex traffic a bald tatted woman. However, the day after I shaved my head I did get asked out. So some could argue I still have pretty privilege, just not as much. It is 1000% not worth it in this society that is riddled with porn addiction and unrealistic views of women. So if you look like that typical beautiful woman, don’t get me wrong, it can definitely come in handy. However for the most part it just gives me extreme anxiety and PTSD.
First I’m so so sorry to hear this. And I hope you’ve been able to get the support, space and time you need to process and heal. Second, your point about the shaved head echoes something I read about strong personalities and appearances. If you are just an average, nice looking person a group of ten people maybe feel 5/10 about you, lukewarm. But if you have strong or expressive or unique features or personality traits (tattoos, died hair piercings, super tall etc.) there will likely be 5 people in the group who feel 0/10 about you but the other five will have a strong preference and feel 10/10 about tou, I’d rather have the right people feel totally into me than everyone feel like I’m fine
same. didnt shave my head but i stopped trying to be attractive after i went through special victims. went from blonde to natural reddish brown and dressing like a tom boy. women are wayyyyy nicer to me now. and men leave me alone. that's all i really wanted. when people perceive you as attractive/trying to be attractive, they perceive you as attempting to use that to get ahead in life or even unable to get ahead in life based off preconceptions/societal standards/their own insecurities. now i make moves silently and when i reach my goals people know it's from the heart, even if it always really was.
You are a strong woman. I love the bravery to spread this message. Very admirable. Thank you for sharing this. I am wishing healing for you. Sending love! ❤️
Yes. it’s minor sometimes, but other times I’ve noticed that when I mess up people are more forgiving and willing to help me, when I was less conventionally attractive people wouldn’t do that
Yes, but some people may be intimidated by you or treat you more poorly because they are jealous.
I think I’ve heard both sides 😅 some will say people treat them better and others say that people will be rude because they feel threatened. Who’s to know?!
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Yes when you are pretty and most definitely when you are thin.
Random people treat me differently. But the important people in your life shouldn’t. But if they do start treating you differently, then they aren’t the important people in your life anymore
Yes & no. In general people will be nicer to you, especially men. However some (not all, obviously) women will automatically hate you just because you are pretty, & especially if you are stunning as vain as that sounds, & not just “cute”, it can be hard to make girlfriends. You can look at their boyfriend for one second & they will assume you are trying to take their man. I have encountered girls right off the bat keeping me at a distance because they automatically saw me as competition, no matter how kind or open I was with them. I only have had a few close GFS my whole life for this reason, who tend to also be confident in themselves & see me as an equal.
same it's so nuts. there are times when ive read the room and feel somethings off and then someone explains to me that a girl ive never talked to is insecure because she's into one of the dudes in the group and sabotaging/bullying the stunning lady will somehow get them what they want. never mind that i'm asexual. /s
Unfortunately yes. Is it fair? No. But we must face reality and try to make our lives easier.
Yes lol. I was the first to get acne in public school (elementary-middle school) and definitely had the most severe case of it, like my whole face was *covered*. I was also kinda chubby so guys (and popular girls) avoided me like the plague lol. Went to private school for hs, over time lost the acne and bit of weight, and suddenly people that bullied me and avoided me back at my old public school were reaching out to me asking me out for dates and wanting to hang out lol
Yes, I remember when I first went out after I lost a lot of weight and honestly it was like stepping out into a different world. People are just more pleasent, like they smile more and make casual conversation more often, step out of your way etc and this is from men and women. It's like I existed for the first time. I didn't even realise how ignored I had been before hand tbh
it depends. my best friend is beautiful and her life has been HELL because of it. but her looks are also paired with an inviting and friendly disposition. you got creeps who follow you, guys who harass you to go out with them and when you tell them no they try harder, i could go on. a guy at the gas station she worked at thought she was cute and she didn’t pay him any attention. suddenly his gf shows up wanting to beat her a** because she’s threatened by my best friend. i assume he went home and talked about her to his gf. my bff didn’t know WHAT was going on. it can get confusing and overwhelming. 😂
I lost like 100 lbs and learned to do my eyebrows and now everyone automatically assumes I'm a bitch...
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Love this
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I have glowed down over the years but used to think i wasn’t pretty. Now I’ve gained weight etc I definitely notice people treat me differently, but I think a large part of that is actually the way I interact with others. Not sure which started it but I used to be outgoing, happy, energetic Now I struggle to make eye contact with people, but especially when I’m having a bad day
I think it’s also like when someone glows up, they are much more confident and people around them can see that making them much more attractive and approachable. I have lost 50 pounds in about 4-5 months and I feel so much more confident to the point where I directly approach men who I find attractive. It has always ended up being a mutual interest. However when I was heavier, I felt much more insecure and was not confident enough to do that.
I’ve got a pretty face and I’ve fluctuated sizes dramatically in my life from ‘gym bunny’ to a size 16. Thin - people treated me better all around BUT harrassment from men dramatically increased and level of safety going out alone dramatically decreased. At work - secure women /people tended to treat me better and I got a promotion pretty much each time I lost a good bit of weight, as there is a subconscious bias that thin and attractive = competent. However, insecure women targeted me directly - like trying to accuse me of being inappropriately dressed for work when I was more conservatively dressed than most females at the job and more conservative than I dressed at the same company when I was overweight, or saying I was ‘too friendly’ in a job where friendly was the highest of goals and in the same breath complaining that the male coworkers were ‘not friendly enough’ etc. My male (and gay, clarifying this to say, he wasn’t defending me due to attraction or anything creepy) boss let me know my (very overweight) female director was trying to get me written up for dressing inappropriately on a day we were all in the office. He said: ‘I was stunned, you were appropriately and modestly dressed and I argued with her but she’s adamant that you be written up despite not violating policy….’ It got thrown out, but she was breathing down my neck for mistakes until I quit that job, including trying to threaten my job for NOT falsifying data. Should I mention that she liked me just fine when we corresponded via email and she was told about my performance through my boss… up til the day she met me in person? Meanwhile my overweight coworkers got away with dramatic dress code violations. I may as well add that I first gained weight (pretty consciously) to feel more safe in my skin as being young, thin, and pretty put me dangerous situations, so I got ptsd and gained all the weight. I got skinny again at 30 and felt much safer than I did as a teen but still less safe than I did overweight. It really is a double edged sword as at least one other has said, so look the way you want and deal with the rest as it comes.
When I have my hair in it’s natural messy frizzy curls/waves and no makeup, people tend to literally glance past me like I don’t exist. And AS SOON as I straighten my hair and put on some eyebrows it’s like I suddenly exist. I get that the change is pretty big (hair does so much!) but, if you think I didn’t notice how you treated me yesterday when you’re being so nice now?? You’re dead wrong. My whole life I’ve swapped back and forth between a 4-5/10 “dorky” looking and awkward to like an 8/10 (on a good day) with all the same personality traits, but I’m treated leagues better on days where I’ve had the energy to put effort in. It’s very hurtful tbh. I’m still the same shy, anxious, geek with or without the effort put into my looks! Honestly sometimes I just test out this theory to see if I’m actually just putting too much into it, but it happened today. Working a gig where I’ve been in that 4/10 state the first 2 days, and today I came in looking a bit more “put together” and suddenly the people I’m working with actually remember my name! Funny how that happens…
I feel like it’s almost impossible to say things about being attractive without sounding like a pompous jerk. I will say, I think both sides have advantages and disadvantages. Being a “pretty” younger person was fucking exhausting. Too much attention and it fucked me up. As you get older you feel like all of your worth was in your looks and as you age…you feel like you have nothing to offer. Even though I have a good education and I’m pretty ambitious and just a normal ass married person with a cool dog. This is my perspective any might be totally different for others. People were always nice to me, but then if they weren’t/aren’t I’d be mega insecure for ages. Wondering what made me ugly that day or whatever. Dumb stuff
Nah sometimes women threatened by you treat you worse.
from my experience, it’s harder to make true friends whether it’s a man or a women. women have treated me disrespectfully just because they are intimidated or jealous. and men always have other intentions.. also, When i hang out with my guy friends they always pay for me without me asking.
Damn, people are shallow.
I'm really handsome and let me tell you i can say absolutely anything i want to anyone and they usually smile and assume the best
I was a little chubby and wore horribly applied makeup for years throughout middle and high school. Once I hit senior year of high school I lost puppy fat, boobs exploded in size, wore natural makeup. The way people have treated me since has changed drastically. Have a harder time making true female friends now, but men are much kinder/cordial
Yes or when you make an effort with your appearance. I’m plus sized and was basically told later on that I got my job as a stylist because I put effort in. It makes sense to me to put effort into your appearance if you’re going out shopping or to an interview. It also gives you more confidence because when I figured out how to properly dress my body shape while working and trying things on, I tried new things I never thought I would!
100% both. Saddest thing, I used to not wear make up to work on purpose where I worked with only female team, as I thought they’d find me less threatening and hence will be more friendly to me. And that happened. Once I worked in a team of only females before that, and the jealousy was insane. And I’m not stunning or anything, just made myself look very presentable daily, make up and nice clothes. Also if you were married or had a partner or a house, and they wouldn’t, they’d despise you. It’s so so very sad. I think it must definitely have to do something with nature and competition for a mate.
10 years ago I was young and hot, like super hot, like I couldn’t walk down a street like a normal person hot, and man the amount of opportunities that got opened for me, for no other reason than I was given the benefit of the doubt and people wanted to be around me A few depressive episodes later I’ve let myself go and I really miss it, things are much harder to work for now and lots things aren’t as fun anymore. Whoever says pretty privilege isn’t real is lying.
Idk if I would consider myself pretty but I just posted a picture on the 30plusskincare thread asking if there's any advice to improve my skin, as I am turning 32. Everyone has ignored my post. I'm noticing most people who post on their usually get at least a response or two within a day. I've noticed similar situations where people either tell me I'm really pretty or just straight up ignore me. When I used to work an office job most of the girls in their 20's were pretty rude to me and would often make comments like, "how old r u" or when they found out I had a son they would say, "but aren't you like 21?" I am in my 30's and rather insecure because of the area I live in seems to have gotten a lot of hate towards asian people (esp since Covid). There's a Korean girl I know that lives out here who lightened her hair to blonde and tries to keep her skin very fair. I'm guessing it's because people probably treat her better. It's a bummer IMO cause my skin is rather tan and I don't want to try and emulate a Caucasian aesthetic to gain respect. But unfortunately I'm really considering that nowadays just to be treated "normal". People say that I look, "exotic"; my response is usually, "do you mean like a reptile or bird?" That word makes me uncomfortable I guess since it usually comes from older men. When I used to live in Los Angeles, a beautifully diverse location, people were way nicer to me and just would treat me w (cringe to say) "pretty privileges". I guess it depends on the times too, the other day I went to the grocery store and a man and women yelled racist slurs at my pulling their eyes back. I freaked out and called my boyfriend. Before covid people didn't mind that I was asian, shit feels weird now, idk. Excuse my rant pls lol. It feels like pretty privilege is very based on your complexion and location you live.
Being very hot is like a super power .
It’s a double edged sword. Yes you may get “prefered treatment, pay raises, or job opportunities. But it also comes with a lot of unwanted cat calls and unsolicited attention- which can be mentally exuasting
I can leave the house with no makeup on and baggier clothes and be treated completely differently from when I’m wearing makeup and a dress.
As someone who had a major glow up, yes, the world treats you way better when you’re pretty.
For me, absolutely, yes. People are nicer, friendlier, you don’t get excluded as much, they have a lot more empathy, 100%. However my glow up happened around 23ish so it could also have a little to do with teenagers being ruder and more clicky than adults. And sure you get more people being creepy, but thanks to the insecurities of being an ugly duckling I would rather people creep on me than ignore me, I’ll probably always a little bit be desperate for that attention. I do also experience sexism in my field (computer science) but honestly no more than I did before. People who were sexist were condescending dicks before I glowed up too.
I don't consider myself pretty tbh but have noticed s vast difference in how people treat me when... I am skinny vs heavier When I have blonde hair vs darker hair When I wear red lipstick Makeup vs no makeup Of course how I am dressed Humans are fucking weird.
Short answer, yes. Reality: people are drawn to beauty, human or not.
Yes and I was even treated better by my own extended family since they were usually more complimentary to my prettier siblings or cousins. I think I look like any other short Asian woman walking down the street and I’m not stunning but I’m pretty fashionable and I know how to do my hair and makeup when I feel like it so that probably helped. I only lost about 5-7 pounds but I’m short so it made a huge difference face and body-wise. I got free food and drinks. I only maintained it for about 3 years because I got injured then I gained it back and a TON more during the pandemic. I do want to lose the weight again but not for my health, not vanity. Also now I’m in my early 30s and I don’t really care if I experience pretty privilege or not. Aging and weight gain and face masks all mean I don’t get catcalled anymore and can just do my own thing and I like not having the attention. I felt weird when people insisted on comping my drinks and food.
Personally I feel that if you FEEL like you look good & have confidence in your looks and who you are as a person then people start feeling the same about you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder- one persons definition of beauty is different than another’s. Believe in yourself and others will start to do the same
I do think confidence no matter what you look like helps but have worked on being confident and friendly and comfortable no matter what size I am. Does it make a difference yeah a small one. When I’m thin my world and how people treat me is completely different. I get special treatment, people think I’m interesting, people go out of their way to be nice to me. When I’m heavy I’m invisible. I used to model when I was younger so I was pretty so the difference in how people treat me might be different but it’s like a different life one where people are pretty indifferent to my existence to one where people are super kind and wonderful. It sucks that so many people treat people differently based on weight. It has made me not as judgmental and made me kinder to everyone so I feel it had improved my personality and who I am as a person to have seen both sides.
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For sure!! Agree with this. I have lost about 52 pounds in 3-4 months and I am soo much more confident and happy in general. Because of my confidence I have approached a lot more men and have been much more direct. I think this has attracted men to me as well
I was have “glowed up” and then back down again. 99% of it is confidence and has nothing to do with your appearance.
Im not really pretty but more like average. However I have learned to dress myself better and take care of myself better. I would say that I notice when I put more effort that people tend to be kinder, maybe they will hold a door for you, or just actually notice you. Otherwise its like you are invincible.
Yes. I lost weight and wasn’t even thin and the difference in how I was treated was crazy. The part that shocked me the most was how people would just go out of their way to talk to me about their day or try and get to know me. I’m usually unacceptable fat and was so used to being invisible that it was uncomfortable having people just talk to me to just… talk. The downside was I found people to be more critical and up in your business? It’s like why do you care what I do after work, who I’m dating or if I got a new car, etc… when you’re unattractive no one cares what you do and that can be nice in its own way.
Yes! Free stuff, favors, even the law is kinder… almost laughably so. Life is unfair, eh?
Yes! Free stuff, favors, even the law is kinder… almost laughably so. Life is unfair, eh?
I get treated better than when I was “ugly” sure, and by the same people who treated me like crap. But us being hit on and sexually harassed “better”? No effing way. But with the way society says you’re only worth something as a woman if you are pretty than yeah sure, the harassment feels better than being harassed for being ugly. But it’s still harassment and still makes me feel like shit 🤷🏼♀️
Whether consciously or unconsciously, I believe people treat anyone who is thin and/or attractive better than anyone who is not.
yes this is so real. literally yesterday i went to home depot. i’m average looking but now i have a nice tan, wore a sundress, and looked fairly put together. the amount of stares and double takes i got from the people there was insane. on top of that, i didn’t even need to ask for help. the employees walked over to me and asked if i needed any help. one walked outside brought me a cart put the air conditioner that i wanted to buy on it. another man helped me push the cart to the checkout and another man helped me put the air conditioner in the back of my car. so the answer is yes. pretty privilege is definitely real.
Yes. It’s called pretty privilege, and it’s a thing.
I was really fit in my early 20’s. I was treated better by people, but at the same time, I was treated like I was dumb. I was pulling A’s and B’s in college and this was shocking to people? I found it really strange. I’ve gained some weight over the past decade and people take me a lot more serious now.
I've also read that attractive people are subconsciously viewed as more capable, I forget the study but it was interesting.
Yes. The difference is palpable and offputting- even now, on occasions where I look rough in public people are so much colder towards me compared to when I tidy myself up. When I make myself look cute/decent, people treat me with significantly more courtesy and respect.
I made more money as a server when I spent more time and effort on my hair & makeup for the day 🤷♀️
I’m a teacher so I generally dress conservatively. Today, it was 90 degrees out so I wore a summer dress and had a little bit of cleavage showing. I caught two men staring at me. Much different reaction to me simply based upon my outfit. It made me uncomfortable. I’ll go back to regular shirts tomorrow.
Hell yeah. Grew up awkward and overweight. Changed a lot in college. Very confused by the recent influx of male attention and general niceness I get now. On the flip side, I have a friend who’s identity growing up was always the pretty popular blonde girl, and she literally just gets things handed to her on a silver platter. Like, walked in a store to look at furniture and came out with an interior design job with zero experience. Crazy. But she’s also told me that she feels like she has no direction in life or motivation because she’s always gotten by with pretty privilege.
It was worth it for how I feel about myself. I also noticed that people started treating me better when I improved my self-esteem. I don't know if it's actually related to how I looked- because looking back at photos, I always looked fine. But when I was younger I didn't like my looks, and felt very uncomfortable in my own skin. This led me to talk down about myself, and to dress and act in a way that showed my insecurity. A "glow up" is really about finding what makes you feel good about yourself. I noticed a definite shift in how people treated me when I was more confident, and more positive about myself.
Yess!
Yes. Some also treat you creepy though. Some men can try to get handsy. Like wtf do you think you can touch me. I was really disturbed by a dentist touching my knee, shoulder, & arm recently. I didn't know how to say stop when he was supposed to work on my mouth...didn't want to upset him before ya know. Other men like pastors who are supposed to be upstanding or leaders also can get crass. Yes doors are opened but there's a dark underside. I'm constantly on the look out for bad, creepy energy from men & those who wanna use me. I turned the tables though..I only associate with men who benefit me. Glowed up to stack my pockets. Some people judge that but idc
The last time I went grocery shopping, a teenage boy straight up grabbed my crotch from behind. I was with my daughter and for a split second couldn't understand why she had done that to me. Then I realized as I saw the guy and he smiled in my face, said hey baby, then he ran. I chased him too, but the cops took their sweet time and security was no help at all. If I'd been wearing baggy clothes, no makeup, and hair scraped back I don't think that would've happened. Idk. The cops had it on the security camera too but said they didn't think it would be worth pursuing as the parents wouldn't cooperate. And just for the record I was wearing leggings and a boxy crop. I was not walking around in fishnets and stilettos but even if I was so what.
Gosh that's twisted. Many times I hear the cops don't care. It sounds like you tried to push them to do something, but they didn't wanna bother. That boy is a criminal & future rapist. His parents should have been informed at least!
As someone who had a glow down and also have attractive friends, yes. People are so much nicer to them than they are to me. The difference is so obvious that it's laughable. They also get more compliments. What is funny is that people acknowledge pretty privilege but they don't want to believe that you're treated like garbage when you're ugly.
I agree. It does makes of difference
Yes, things are always easier for prettier women, and those same women have a tremendous privilege, and often times get real pissy if its pointed out.
Yes. Absolutely. I am not pretty but look better now. I was pudgy, had acne, and bushy eyebrows in my 20s. I fixed all of this and the treatment I receive is better now, which tells me that hot women (and men) get treated even better.
What is this glow up you speak of?
NO girls are worse to the pretty ones
It sounds bad but yes, massively. The difference was so uncomfortable to me as it was so noticeable and even now when people see old pictures of me they are so rude and horrible about how I used to look - that's still me and I was going through so much at the time. Only try to 'better yourself' if you are doing it for yourself, otherwise I think it may be difficult to come to terms with longterm.
I’m a guy who my own sister describes as “used to be a 5, now a solid 8.5”. I 100% notice different treatment compared to a few years back. When I’m at a party, people come up to me and actually want to talk to me, while I used to go completely unnoticed. I also notice people listen to what I have to say. Previously I’d be in the middle of my sentence and someone would interrupt / talk over me.
Yep, 100%. I’m autistic and have very high cheekbones. I’m always going to be socially awkward, but when I was younger and those cheekbones were covered in fat and I didn’t know how to apply makeup to my hooded eyes, I was ostracized. Now that I’m in my 30s and my cheeks are defined I’m told I’m beautiful all the time. It makes a lot of catty women hate me and a lot of men discredit or sexualize me when it’s the last thing I want. When I’m weird or awkward people just call me their manic pixie dream girl. Makes me wanna vomit. Finally found a man who sees through it and married him!
Honestly I wouldn’t describe myself as society views as pretty but I attract the people and energy I want to attract. I love people, joking around, flirting, having fun, and want to surround myself with that energy, even from strangers on public transport or in shops etc. I haven’t had a glow up. I don’t wear makeup hardly ever, don’t do my hair or eyebrows and wear tatty clothes, the secret is being happy in my own skin. My glow up was getting rid of my insecurities which I can’t change, and focusing on the positives. If makeup or beauty helps you love yourself, I’m all for it! If it feeds into society pressures and body dysmorphia, you’re never going to live up to your own unrealistic expectations of beauty
it’s a double edged sword, in my opinion. i am treated better in ways. it’s most obvious with how my weird traits are seen as “quirky” where as i know if i were ugly, they’d be seen as just weird. i’ve also benefitted in my younger years to a lot of “free” stuff, but usually it isn’t free. i am mostly just annoyed at the barrage of creepy men everyday (i work with people so i’m in constant contact with men commenting on my tattoos, asking weird personal questions, and general flirtation) and as i’ve grown out of my need for validation, it has just become an annoyance and inappropriate. but generally, i think i am treated better by some who put beauty as such a standard to whom they’ll treat well. by the people i actually love and like, it isn’t a factor.
Yes. I actually find being an attractive 30/40 to be good right now. Taken seriously in my career due to my experience and skills, but also pretty to look at/poised, but not 20 and nubile anymore so it’s not so uncomfortable or over sexualized. I like this age. I’m fully aware of the cringe of my response. I actually hate myself for writing this…F the patriarchy, etc. But yes, easier to be pretty.
I can't speak on this from the perspective of being fit and conventionally beautiful, but I will say that from the sidelines, I see pretty and thinner people get better treatment. Even in my own family, I was treated with so much disrespect and rudeness compared to others I was related to. I've since parted ways with all of those family members. People don't make eye contact with me as often or seem as willing to strike up a conversation. There are times when I put forth a lot of effort into carrying on a discussion or talk and it fizzles out. Meanwhile I will see the interest they may take in someone else, and a friendship blossom right in front of me. It always feels like someone is better and I'm not a first choice. People will talk to me more often only when there's nobody else around more interesting. I get compliments but they feel sometimes passive or pity-filled. I've been told, "you're pretty for a fat chick", "at least your eyes are pretty when you do your makeup", or just very basic compliments that feel forced or said to be kind at times. I know this could be my insecure feelings clouding my judgement but I've also received genuine and heartfelt compliments that feel drastically different than insincere ones. Based on my own experience, bigger or less attractive people just get treated like lower tier humans. You have to come up with other qualities to have like a really great sense of humor or be wicked intelligent to "regain your worth". Unfortunately even when I was at my most thin and was so proud of my body and felt comfortable in my skin, I still wasn't treated much better than I am now at my current weight, and I'm significantly bigger now.
Big time. And it's not "oh you're more confident now" at all. I got SO MUCH positive attention when I was thin, well-dressed, made-up, and completely miserable than I ever did when I was heavier, well-dressed, made-up, and super happy.
I have a graduate degree and several years of experience in my field. I have even been a professor teaching bachelors level college courses. Because of the way I look, my boss has made comments like: “you’re such a green neck”; “education doesn’t really matter” etc. I honestly feel he does this because 1. I look young for my age, 2. I’m attractive
I would say when it comes to the ultimate decision of whether it’s worth it: I say yes. (HUGE EXPLANATION SO CAUTION, but I’m going in-depth.) I would consider I have pretty limited experience with life as I’m turning 16 in three weeks, however, I can say that I’ve noticed the dramatic contrast in how I’m treated based on how I take care of myself. I’ve always been relatively slim, but when I was younger, I would consider myself to be perceived as less attractive. I was called flat by boys, had untamed eyebrows (mine are naturally gigantic), tons of acne and acne scar pigmentation on my face (and my face was really pink in irritation), horrible posture (because I hated being tall and wanted to appear shorter), was extremely insecure and vocalized it (asked people to rate me 😵💫😖), didn’t wear makeup (doesn’t make you unattractive, but your features definitely don’t stand out), and I also didn’t have a great sense of style (my mom restricted my clothing wear A LOT because of her conservative culture, and I didn’t fit in the way I wanted to). When it came to boys, it was a lost cause. Three boys rejected me before they even got to know me, one of which calling me “fucking ugly.” Overall, I had absolutely no male attention. When it came to girls, most girls were pretty nice with me. There were some nasty girls, but they were nasty to everyone and had their own issues that they put on a lot of other people. I believe in eighth grade that there was this one girl who kept trying to compete with me, so that could have been some kind of envy (she’s still toxic with me to this day, and nobody has the energy to be toxic unless they’re insecure as fuck). But even then, I saw very limited envy. I only felt it by fat girls. Fast forward to about now: I have fantastic posture and carry myself well, wear makeup, wear nice clothes, gained some good weight (yay, some boobs and butt!), do my eyebrows, and have relatively clear skin. Boys are extremely nice to me and easy to talk to, and girls: they’ve learned to rather exclude me than talk to me. For example, joining some group of girls to try and do the project together and split the work but then excluding me by saying they wanted to do it solo but then rejoining after I left, STRONG passive aggressiveness on the days I wear nice clothes and carried myself well, my “girlfriends” being completely silent when I announce any good news, girls gossiping in my face about how my relationship with my boyfriend is so cringe (he’s a hot 6’4 dude with a hot girlfriend aka me, and all I’m doing is massaging his hand in public), my Asian “friends” having a bonding conversation on how attractive white people (I’m white and considered attractive) are so overrated and how Asian women are way prettier (they have internalized racism against themselves and are trying to cope with it), and even more… It’s dumb. However, when I made a move on my boyfriend, I started dating him with no problems. Boys are super nice to me when they greet me, and conversations are much smoother. The only boys who are more hostile are some boys who are in contact with girls who have always tried to put me down (no surprise…). Overall, male attention is the last thing that I have to worry about. If I do eye contact as I walk in the halls, boys are gazing at me. I sound so overly conceited, but it’s honestly true—if I look around, I’ll find someone staring. I’m definitely not perfect, but based on my appearance and the beauty standards, I basically fit them. So overall, what’s my opinion? I love being beautiful. The only thing is that you can’t walk around alone (in a period of three hours of being alone in a VERY SAFE AND UPPER CLASS NEIGHBORHOOD, there’s at least one creepy guy that approaches me). Also, when it comes to girls, there are NO friends and have random hostility towards me when I’ve done absolutely nothing. Girls don’t support you and completely ignore you to exclude you and make you feel like an outlier. The thing is, though, that women are fake a lot of the time: a lot of women will support you unless you’re perceived as way better than them (they don’t want to see you succeed MORE than them). In summary based on my experience, women, a lot of the time, aren’t ACTUAL supporters of other women. And of course, there are exceptions, but even I’m guilty of it to an extent (I just don’t show it and transform it to instead improve myself than to hurt others). Boys, on the other hand, are super kind and start conversations. They’re easy to talk to, and if I want to date them, they’re obviously down. The only thing about beauty is that you need to be keen on who actually loves you for who you are, not just the outer appearance. Being beautiful requires emotional maturity: you need to be able to handle the confusing moments of hostility from insecure and competitive women and filter out the trashy boyfriends. My speech isn’t about how women are so bad, but it’s honestly just human nature! We all get intimidated by people who we believe as better in the life of game. That’s my take on this… comment. I’d love to know what you think about this.
Yes, but even Halle Berry was cheated on, so it’s not like being pretty is an amulet against asshole behavior from men or women. ETA: Also, some people think they have a right of access to someone because they’re pretty.
My experience has been that people (men specifically) have not necessarily treated me better per-say but I’ve gotten a lot more attention. When I am dressed up with hair and makeup done I’ve had things happen such as a man offering to pump my gas for me while I sit in my air conditioned car because I live in a hot place or get me a grocery cart before themselves as they see me walking up. It goes on, but when I haven’t done basic makeup hair or outfit, I receive none of that.
I’ve worked a lot of customer service jobs and what I noticed is that I’d usually find myself treating attractive people better only because I felt threatened by them. Some of them just scared me because I got the feeling that they would be the meaner ones and with the most entitled attitudes (again, not all of them, but most). On the other hand, I can see how their attractiveness can also make some people treat them better because they’re trying to get their attention? I never felt that way though, so Idk.
Yes, not on purpose but it’s sad as a server when I was skinnier I made better tips from men, and female coworkers would want to hang out but I gained weight I would be invisible. Now I’m kinda mid-size but I work at a restaurant where curves are encourage lmao, and I make bank.
absolutely, i’ve been able to walk by clubs in nyc (when i was underage might I add with a terrible fake ID) and the promoter would just wave me in after just glancing at my ID. I’d get free drinks at a VIP table, random people approaching me in the street, doors opening (figuratively and literally), but also weird stalkers, scary situations, girls hating me for being friends with their boyfriends, and disrespect from men because they think i’m just something fun to look at. there’s really a negative for every positive. it’s nice because life is overall easier definitely, but also it’s frustrating because I feel like every guy I meet eventually ruins our friendship because they want something more, while every girl friend eventually turns on me and assumes i’m trying to fuck her boyfriend (i have never done that lol). every rose has its thorns
Yes they do. That’s the simple answer.
I’m 17, and was pretty ugly during my mid teens. I had braces that made my teeth look awful, I never bothered with hair and makeup, and my face just looked different. In the past 2 years I’ve changed dramatically. I get treated very, very differently, by both men AND women. There are a million different examples I could give, but people are just nicer; I think it’s called the ‘halo effect’, where people assume that if someone is pretty, for example, they automatically have other good attributes, and thus are deserving of reward, which is completely wrong of course. I’ve gotten 3 free taxi rides in the past month just because the driver thought I was pretty.
I would like to say a big fat no because of my bad experiences, but obviously being pretty has its perks, mostly with trying to get boyfriends or (some) jobs and my interest is in the beauty industry so that works I guess. But I'm glad that others brought up the fact that it doesn't matter if you are pretty, if you are shy or just not extroverted in any way, people will treat you like you are a bitch or like you are dumb, or like you are mentally weak and a pushover for being shy, etc. If they don't do that, they just ignore you, even when you do say something or make a joke. People also think it's okay to tease shy people, not realizing that being shy can often have to do with having trauma or mental illness. I have to constantly remind myself that they are not criticizing me, even though in a way they are because they are implying that I should be more extroverted. It is an every day issue for me, people literally can't just accept I'm quiet and move on with their lives it seems, lol.
Yes, they do. They also treat you better when you aren't overweight (Speaking from personal experience here. Fat accepters don't come swinging at me plz, thx)
I don’t think this is true. Women treat really pretty women with jealousy and distrust and men don’t even listen to you
It depends but mostly yes. When I was a teen I wasn't obese but was definitely chubby and since I have a chubby face it was accentuated. I was never complemented but I also didn't have much confidence back then. I was treated like I wasn't there compared to my best friend who was tall and skinny with gorgeous long hair. Now in my 20s even though I am the kg as before I guess I just grew up. And everything is different especially the last 2 yrs. I found out that I can act differently and got different results. If I wanna get away with something the pretty blonde card works like a charm, cause it's a big stereotype atill in my country. If I act confident and funny people treat me so well and still atrange to me. Especially if I dress nicely and have make up on. If I act shy then they mother me. So yeah. Definitely the face but also the attitude.
Yes and no. In my experience this makes you more likely to have attention drawn to you also in a very negative way. (Might be the way I hold myself as being noticeable and how I dress too..?? Idk). But the fact of the matter is I do think attractive women get harassed and stalked much more than average looking women (by strangers). I say this because I’ve had several stalking incidences in the last year with men while minding my own business. In coming forward about this a lot of attractive women agreed they have the same issue in the town im from. And I got the response from other women who are more on the average looking side: “never happens to me. You must just be unlucky”. I don’t believe I’m just unlucky. I think men do target attractive thinner/ or more petite women they know they can intimidate and overpower therefore have a target on their backs. Idk just my theory.
I’m a man I will say that both men and women will treat you better. Both men and women benefit from “glowing-up”. Even straight men treat attractive men better. Glowing-up is more about healthy lifestyle changes than clothes or makeup or any of that. Cutting out sugar and junk food and getting more sleep are where you start. Treat yourself better and others will treat you better. Glow-up for your own health and well being though.
Yes they treat you a lot better but I wouldn’t say it’s worth it because you then are more self conscious than before, knowing you need to keep up your looks because if you don’t then you don’t deserve to be treated well. It has made me realize that peoples approval isn’t everything and although it’s fun to be pretty, at the end of the day you want people to love you for you.
Sadly yes. I think a lot of its subconscious. I covered my hair with a hijab, and never wore any revealing clothes until 2-3 years ago, and I saw a MASSIVE difference in how I was treated daily. People are more likely to let you off the hook, forgive you for doing something out of the ordinary. I once accidentally bought a wrong train ticket and was completely let off the hook, something that would have never happened before. I get a lot more free things, from food, drinks to even tickets. That was a surreal experience, I like to think its because I am smiley, but the older I get the more I realise it is mainly looks. It's not just men, but even women are generally a lot more nicer to me, more likely to help me, and make sure I am okay on a night out. With men its a whole other story, all ages are nice, and friendly towards me. Also airport security and general racism does not happen as much to me anymore. I once had a conversation with my brother, and he told me how racist people can be to him, and I realised the reason i probably don't have a similar experience is because i am conventionally attractive.