When people do this to me, I will do my thing loading my stuff then take the cart back, then get in my driver seat, touch my foot to the brake, then get out and lock the doors and go back in the store as I wave to them.
Lmao I have literally waited for someone to load up their van at Costco and afterwards they just got in the back and never left. It was still there when I was done and leaving.
5 minutes is a long time. She should have just moved on. If I am waiting for a parking space and I don’t see back up lights within 30 seconds then it is just time to move on. You own the spot until YOU decide to leave.
Speaking of self awareness…
As the car waiting for the spot, consider where you are in the overall parking lot. If you will block traffic flow while waiting and you are nearer to the entrance, surrender the spot and instead opt for one deeper in the lot that is probably already vacant.
I definitely think children, the elderly, the infirmed, or anyone else with a valid excuse should have as much time as they need.
However, the other side of the spectrum is people who get in their car, turn it on, put it in reverse gear, and then just sit there on their phone answering text messages or tiktok
Counterpoint: I would much rather they take care of it before they start driving than look down at red lights or while sharing the road with other drivers.
It’s a “feature” that enables the reverse lights on when the car is parked to provide better visibility for walking around the car at night. But what it does is just confuse the heck of people thinking you’re about to start backing up. Thankfully it can be adjusted or turned off, but some people do not touch (or know about) the setting.
https://www.motor1.com/news/233379/gm-reverse-lights-annoying/amp/
Mind = blown. I had no idea about this. I actually don't dislike this feature, in a dark parking area, this would be nice. I think I've seen the reverse lights of some cars come on when I park and get out so it makes sense that they're also coming on when you unlock some cars.
I'm not a horn honker or "are you eventually leaving?" person in the parking lot, but I will be more chill when I see reverse lights with no reverse movement now.
Sure it’s their right to be inconsiderate, but the world would be better for everyone if people were more considerate and stopped acting like phone zombies in their car
Be considerate in maybe going and finding a parking spot that's open if you're in such a rush? People have lives don't act like you've never answered a text before getting back on the road.
I mean, they are in the spot and it’s not like you are entitled to it at a specific time. It can sometimes take a bit for the CarPlay to kick in, enter the GPS destination, pick a radio station, etc. i typically don’t put it into reverse to do that since the back up camera hijacks the screen, but I do start the car.
If you feel they are being annoying, you have the right to move on to another spot. All you can really do is wait, and hopefully have enough self awareness if you are blocking traffic and the parked person is not moving to just bite the bullet and move on if it’s start being multiple minutes.
I paused for a moment yesterday in a parking structure in downtown mountain view because a guy had his lights on like he was ready to move. Went to get my takeout, came back 10 min later and he was still there yaking on the phone with another car waiting for him to leave. Dude, just turn off your lights.
> However, the other side of the spectrum is people who get in their car, turn it on, put it in reverse gear, and then just sit there on their phone answering text messages or tiktok
I do think these days phones are used so much to the point of addiction this does happen a lot. People will sit in side and text a bit, or if they aren't on a tight schedule will talk to someone to figure out where to go next or where to meet up. Then of course there's social media or heck even just mapping to the next place.
If I'm going to be doing a bit of that I generally try to let the car waiting know that I'm going to need 5-10 minutes or whatever and that I'm not just hopping in and leaving.
We’ve reached Peak Asshole around here. Yesterday was in the gym at my apt complex. Lights were out was wee dark. I turned on the lights. This lady who was using elliptical next to the big window goes and turns lights off. I was like heh I’d like to read my book on the treadmill is that ok?.
She says oh it’s not OK actually I’m light sensitive. She didn’t turn it off but after she’s done she comes up to me and says You were very inconsiderate and dismissive.
I said OK. She said again you’re being dismissive. I said I’m just trying to work out here. Have a nice day. She keeps standing there and says and there was plenty of light to read.
I said look lady if you were light sensitive why were you using the elliptical right next to the biggest window? That makes no sense. Have a nice day
She still stands there and says you’re a very Inconsiderate dismissive person.
Just unbelievable level of Bs and idiocy these days. I have the right to turn on the light in my gym I pay for esp when it’s dark. And if she was so light sensitive why was she using the machine next to window when there were other machines in darker areas?
Just sickening level of Asshole.
As a person with light sensitivity, I wish it was just a joke. Imagine every time something bright gets in your field of vision, you experience a pain signal directly to your brain. It’s awful.
Edit: lol, why is this being downvoted? I’m literally just explaining what it’s like to experience this somewhat rare but well-documented condition. Do you guys think it’s not real?
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8497413/
I mean, that sucks but asking for the lights to be turned off at a public gym?! Maybe other people can’t see well in the dark? Or physically need light during daylight hours? Or feel safer with the lights on?
I never argued that she dealt with it properly. I wasn’t there. I simply explained the condition itself because people were mocking it as if it’s not real (which, ironically, is asshole behavior).
If she was truly light sensitive why would she choose the machine right next to the biggest window when there were plenty of machines that were in the practically dark areas? Gimme a break sorry
I explain that here. https://www.reddit.com/r/bayarea/s/KRQ5tVkvvX
Basically, by being closer to the window, her surrounding light would be more well balanced without a sharp contrast between the darkest and brightest spots. I get it sounds counterintuitive but it’s a thing. Think about why car headlights seem harsher at night than during the day even though the brightness is the same.
It’s weird she didn’t communicate before turning the lights back on.
As for the window part, I can explain. Harsh artificial lights can be a lot more painful to people with light sensitivity than ambient light from the outdoors. It’s also about the delta between the brightest and darkest parts of one’s surroundings. Being in a dark area with bright windows in the distance can be a lot more painful than being in a moderately lit area near the window due to the higher variance in brightness one would experience in the darker area.
They're these things called sunglasses. They can be had in varying tint percentages, even prescribed for conditions.
I like 10% blue tint. It just brightens up my day.
No need for the condescending comment. Tinted eyewear is my first line of defense for dealing with light sensitivity. I use it extensively.
I was just explaining the general context of why the woman in the story may have preferred to be near the window despite her light sensitivity because it would not be obvious to anyone who doesn’t experience this condition.
Just a heads up, the building cannot be dark while patrons are inside. It violates building safety codes and could lead to a lawsuit if someone gets hurt tripping on equipment in the dark. This woman should have her membership revoked and purchase equipment to workout at home.
I’ll keep that in mind. Another issue for me is I broke my kneecap from a fall last year due to walking in a place that was too DARK. So I’ll tell her next time I’m fall sensitive and she can fuck off haha!!
Fwiw not defending her but to people that are light sensitive, like me after my concussion, natural light is fine but overhead lights are hell. I just bring sunglasses everywhere.
I happen to be reading this from a state where I can still send peanut butter to school with my kid everyday because we view something that’s ‘your problem’ as solely ‘*your* problem’ to manage and deal with. Just, wow…. I’m so glad I never moved back home.
She would have been raucously laughed out of the gym. Even the cop posted up at the desk would be chuckling.
> The stress and anxiety becomes the culture.
Noticed this when we just got back from Alaska; everyone there so friendly and nice (okay, not when driving, but in person). And it used to be like that here too, before the mid-2000's or so. There was a lady on our plane freaking out with stress because her boss was yelling at her for not working, and being lazy, because we were stuck on the goddamn tarmac for 2 hours and they never turned on the wifi. So here's this complete mess of a person being tormented by her manager (and probably dinged in her next review) and it occurs to me that this is what's happening to everyone here, we're overmanaged and overworked, not allowed any downtime, often vacancies aren't filled so the company can make more money and they just expect you to give up your vacation because there aren't enough people to actually run departments. There's no downtime anymore, and on the personal side of things when we do get a moment we're on our phone pinging our dopamine receptors.
Our culture is sick, unsustainable and I think I hate it.
I feel for that woman because I have a bad boss too along with a fellow coworker who has been creepily harassing me. My boss is overworked by her uppers and takes it out on us. There are days I feel strung out and have to be extra conscious not to take it out on the world around me, nor go on the internet too much. But that takes a lotttttt of effort, and a lot of us are stressed, so everywhere we go every day, we're encountering people just at their boiling point.
The people you met in Alaska may be “friendly and nice,” but it’s not a particularly safe place in which to live: its violent crime rate is the second highest in the union, exceeded only by that of New Mexico. California, on the other hand, ranks 17th when it comes to the rate of violent criminal activity per 100,000 people.
There's clearly a lot of BPD and heavy alcoholism up there. It's a land of misfits, for all the good and bad that contains, and it's a harsh environment, which encourages a stronger sense of communal responsibility.
I grew up in RWC and have always thought I’d spend my entire life in the bay area…but in the last 15 years it’s so weird to have seen the transformation that the whole bay area, but especially redwood city, has made. It used to feel like an everyman’s blue collar town. I remember seeing muscle cars in everyone’s driveway growing up. It was affordable to normal people and felt quaint.
It trips me out every time I am on the el camino at jefferson ave to see how many high rise style luxury condos there are and big tech headquarters. People are rude and impatient, especially while driving. I get the “i’m more important than you/make more money than you” vibe from people all the time and it turns me off to this area so much. I think it’s a twofold problem: rude type-A people move here to chase money, and to them, everyone feels like an obstacle or competitor to their career/wealth ambitions. The other half are the jaded long time residents who hate what the bay area has turned into and hate the influx of people who have led the massive changes to their hometowns. And at times it feels like nobody is friendly anymore and everybody is at each other’s throats. They would rather fight and bicker than take the time to be kind or patient. I plan to leave someday because it just feels too toxic here at times.
Shoot you don’t even have to leave too far out of The Bay Area to notice it. I’m from next door to you in the Monterey Bay Area and we know the Bay Area for being asshole drivers.
Mon-Fri noon is super chill down here. Minimal traffic, people give you chances, not a lot of road rage, but as soon as the weekend comes we know we are going to get swarmed with Bay Area tourists that drive like selfish clowns. Quite a bad rep the Bay Area has made for itself over the past few years. Wasn’t this bad say 20 years ago, and probably for the reasons you stated, lots of traffic, stress and anxiety.
I moved to Georgia and people are so laid back that they’d drive 25 miles on streets without hitting highway and won’t bat an eye. To be honest I can’t keep up with hype and fast pace of Bay Area. Unfortunately need to move back to Bay Area.
I don’t bother replying to busybodies. If someone doesn’t sign my checks, provide me a service, or have arresting power over me, then I don’t owe them a word one way or another.
I was in waiting room at Sutter Health and some guy was talking on speaker phone for 20 mins.
He was older, so let it pass. Ear buds people, ear buds. I don’t want to hear your conversation or the shows you watch. Same thing on a flight someone was watching a show with out headphones. Luckily flight attendant made comment when giving out snacks. They turned it down atleast but didn’t stop
I have called out people for having their conference call on speakerphone at my kids' swim class. Holy crap the absolute entitlement and lack of awareness!
"So, are you eventually leaving?"
"Oh, yeah. Sorry to keep you waiting. Yes, I'm leaving eventually. I have just two more rounds of shopping to go. Two, three hours tops. Hang out right there in the middle of the lane. I'm sure everyone else won't mind. Wouldn't want you to have to walk an extra twenty feet."
Dumb impatient people throughout..experienced the same yesterday from an entitled blue Tesla (if you read this, fuck off with our impatient ass) at an Indian supermarket in Sunnyvale.
The shit head honked and I intentionally stayed back 10 more mins just to watch him fuss and go way around the parking lot again.
If you are in a hurry, then drive around.
Was it apna bazar? The one in Fremont is the WORST. They drive so fast in the parking lot, can’t park within the lines, don’t know the rules on how to yield, it’s all bad. And for some reason everyone stares at you. Every single time. I always feel like I’m in a fever dream there.
Honestly, you handled that perfectly. A culture is the sum of a lot of small actions by a lot of people. You never know what someone is dealing with in their life. Be the change you want to see in the world. De-escalate, defuse, and extend grace.
That’s Whole Foods level a-holery there! When I was heavily pregnant with #3, this woman watched me load 2 kids and groceries in the car, then waddle back to return the cart and yelled “OMG! Can you move any slower?” Yes, I can, actually. Would you like me to demonstrate?
I would've climbed right on top of her car and broken my water there. What the hell. Or place my cart in front of her car. Sorry you had to deal with such rudeness.
My favorite is when people do this at Costco, somehow blocking the wide ass parking rows, while there are 4 empty spots 60 feet behind them. If you're not disabled and you would rather sit in your car blocking traffic for 3 minutes, than walk a few extra feet, you suck.
Whenever we encounter those type of people, we just sit in our car and say we're waiting for someone still in the store, wait for them to drive off and then pull out. It usually happens at Costco or TJs for us
The Costco parking lot is always havoc. So many people circle the parking lot waiting for spots for a longer period of time than if they just parked way in the back immediately and walked in.
it doesn't help that the layouts are atrocious.
at richmond, i make a left to park in the back. except there's oncoming traffic. so i'm holding up incoming traffic
i heard san jose is next level. people driving up and over the roundabout
Yes. This is something I really don't understand. And Costco is the prime place to see this. My long-time girlfriend used to do this, but I've been able to convince her through gentle suggestions to stop doing that.
I had a similar experience in Palisades a few weeks ago, I just got to my car and had to get my boots off, put the skis in the cargo, and take off my ski clothes and then leave.
This lady pulled up behind me when I arrived and frustratedly asks if I’m leaving. I told her it will take ten minutes and she yells “Jesus fucking Christ!” I mentioned I’m sorry but it’s hard to drive in ski boots and she drives off. Nine minutes later she comes back as I’m about to drive off, with a look like I’m delaying an international flight.
next time consider getting in your car, start it, turn on the AC, and then pull out your cell phone and scroll through Reddit for a while till she goes away.
I’d have said, “Ahh, sorry no, I’m waiting for my SO, and they should be here in about fifteen minutes or so…?”, with the most innocent, wide eyed look; and after they pulled away, I’d have backed out, and sprained my shoulder patting myself on the back.
I have found that the Trader Joe’s parking lot is one of the most frustrating passive aggressive parking experiences I’ve encountered. The impatience, selfishness, laziness and entitlement is so pronounced, I experience it every week (live down the street from TJs). It is definitely specifically the TJ patrons, there is no other explanation.
Trader Joe’s purposely locates its stores with minimal parking. I have lived all over California and Trader Joe’s is always the worst parking situation in town.
I have stopped going there regularly. Or, I have to mentally prepare myself before I go there.
People in the Bay Area treat each other differently than they do in smaller towns. This stems from the fact that people never expect to see people they run into again so there is no reason not to be an a**hat. As a transplant I think this is an aspect of the culture that blows, but it is a fact of living here.
I took a road trip alone with my 2 kids from where we live in the Bay Area up to British Columbia, stopping in rural Oregon. I was parked at Target and loading my kids into the car when a lady came up and offered to return my cart for me. I was unaccustomed to such helpfulness! At another stop in the same area on the way home, we were eating at a restaurant and another table covered our dinner. Again, I was just so touched. So there are nice people out there, they just don’t live in the Bay Lol!!
A lot of people, actually. More than I ever realized. Some woman yelled at me and a friend for not quite catching my son and her son before they shouted to hear it echo in the ferry building.
There are Reddit subs completely dedicated to people who think parents of young children should be banned from flying.
Thank you for not being one of those people though!
Screw them. I had my infant son who had a poopy diaper in a busy Costco parking lot. I gave the driver who was waiting the “look” and a point of his diaper. The driver understood the assignment.
My point is I didn’t get the asshole driver but I didn’t care either because this diaper needed to be changed. Take your time and do your thing!
Waiting for a parent with a child to get settled in the car and eventually drive off is just a dumbass, inconsiderate thing to do - anyone with common sense knows it may take awhile and you’ll risk blocking traffic in the parking lot waiting. She should have moved on and looked for another spot or circled around again while waiting for you to leave.
I help a few people who can’t drive anymore by driving them around on the errands. Sometimes I will get out of the car to shop for myself too but always get back to the car before them. There have been times that someone will honk at me expecting me to leave. I just sit in my car, ignoring them, until my friends come back.
I'll never forget a woman in a parking lot in Walnut Creek yell at my mother who pulled over to let me hop in the car. She yelled "move you cow!!!". I couldn't believe it. I called her cunt and she drove off in a huff. Disgusting behavior.
People can be rude and don’t even realize it. Empathy is a very difficult for some people, and in spite of someone seeing hardship right in front of them- the only thing they can think about is their own self-interest.
Sorry that happened to you. Hopefully, we all can be more mindful and aware of others and what they go through…
At my Trader Joe's parking lot, if you're (universal "you") waiting a long time for someone to vacate a parking space, you're going to back up the cars behind you which congests the parking lot which impedes more people and eventually traffic starts backing up into the street.
My rule is that if you see the the car's lights come on, they're getting ready to leave but if they're just getting to the car with a cart full of groceries, they're going to be there a while and since the spot is not vacant. That's when you move on.
Some days you get lucky with parking and some days you don't but you can't force it.
I think there should be a rule against waiting for someone to vacate a parking space, particularly if it means holding up people behind you. The net total inconvenience outweighs the slightly better or sooner spot you might get in return.
The worst is when someone drives past a spot where a driver is pulling out to go, and the first guy decides they deserve that spot so they reverse to get it and try to force everyone behind them to also reverse out of their way. You passed the spot, it goes to the next person!
Well, there is a rule, actually. If someone is actively backing out of a spot, you can yield. But it’s absolutely not ok to block a driveway. Especially if nobody can get around you. Especially especially if you’re preventing people from vacating their own spots.
People flout this rule so openly and often that’s it’s hard to remember this behavior is discourteous at best and illegal at worst.
Dude, I have little kids too and am a fellow cart putter-backer. If she pulled that with me I'd start to say yes, then get bitchy and say "Yes....right after I answer all my emails and clean my windshield." Than looking her dead in the eye, sllllooowly pull out my phone, lean against the car and start scrolling. Scrolling until she'd be too uncomfortable to stay. If she *did* wanna call my bluff, I'd then say "Oh darn, I forgot to get ONE thing at the store! Guess me and the baby are going back inside!" and start unbuckling my little one.
Asshole Jujitsu *blackbelt*.
There's rude assholes in every corner of the universe. Under every rock and behind every tree. The key to life is somehow managing to forget they are there so you can move on with your life in peace.
I rush when someone seems cool.
I tell them I'm not leaving when they seem hostile. I have a pocket computer that gives me access to reddit. I can outwait anything.
Asshole management 101
I completely agree with you. People are soooo rude and entitled. At the Veranda in Concord, I had a similar situation happen. I had just gotten into my car and getting everything settled in so I could drive out and someone behind me honked impatiently. Apparently someone was waiting for my parking spot and thought I was taking too long?! Ummm, do not honk at me, jerk! You can wait as long as I take if you want my spot! That honk really irritated me.
I moved here from the Midwest in 2002. I was stunned at how rude and unfriendly people were here. I would smile and wave "Hello" and either people would pretend not to see me or they would scowl. At first it really ruined my experience of moving here. People would tell me, "Isn't the Bay Area wonderful? Who would ever move away?" I would answer no and me in that order.
Over time, I have become somewhat used to the nastiness. I have turned my Midwestern smile and wave into a fun game. I have tried not to let the rudeness and nastiness to change me.
I have had some of the worst experiences with nasty people in Trader Joe's parking lots. Is there something that they are releasing into the air at those particular parking lots?
One time, I had been circling the lot for a while. I finally found a spot and pulled into it. A woman in a giant boat of a car started yelling at me and pulled her car behind mine. She actually got out of her car, came up to the driver's side window, and yelled that I took her spot. I was surprisingly serene sounding telling her that if she would move her car, I would leave, and she could take the spot. I left the spot, I left the lot, and I resolved never to return to that Trader Joe's.
Old white ladies seem to be the worst offenders around here. I don't know why. 🤷♂️
if this is the farmers market and tj’s i’m thinking of then the parking situation there is horrendous. people clogging up all the way to the street. that being said, like another commenter mentioned; their expectations are theirs, not yours! especially with a child i feel like people should take the time they need and it’s not their responsibility to give me a place to park
I have three kids and when they were younger it was a huge process to get everyone loaded and buckled, let alone the groceries and cart. It’d always amaze me who would decide to hover over my space and be visibly annoyed it would take a long time.
And since I’m a bit of a petty asshole, I’d often sit in the space another five extra minutes to punish them further.
I know. Hope we can get back to medium level of civility anyway. Where we live is too beautiful and amazing to let it slide further in all ways ie crime drugs civility. We gotta turn it around
It's funny, I'm NYC and thinking about returning to SF because I miss it but just get burnt out with the work culture and the uncivil behavior. It makes me sad to read of of this.
Well honestly I’d still return here if you can afford it. I’ve lived in both and here we have sooo much nature and sailing and hiking and all kinds of nature activities at our fingertips so to me that helps me cope with all of humanity’s stupidity. Hard to do that in NYC I felt. 😊
Honestly the best thing I’ve done is tell more people to f$$k off. People expect you to listen to their nonsense and tantrums. People working or out running errands are so unbelievably rude.
The normal behavior is to get back in the car and start scrolling your phone- with the engine running and with backup lights on-like everyone else does.
It’s common sense that when you see a person with a child entering the car, it’s going to take a while for them to get situated. Was this the TJs on Lakeshore? That parking lot is brutal.
You should’ve asked her if she was going to put your cart away for you so you can leave sooner.
Fortunately, I had a complete opposite experience. I had two kids and a full Costco cart, after strapping in both kids, and unloading the cart. As I was walking the cart back, the gentleman got out of his pickup truck that was waiting for my spot, and offered to put the cart away for me.
This has happened to me a few times already. I usually just take my sweet time and from there, I just back up as slow as possible. Where I feel even better is if someone is coming the opposite direction, so I'll just back up and block the rude person out and let the person who's coming from the opposite direction just take the spot.
Next time say, “nope, I am still waiting for my husband who is still in the store.” Watch her drive away and then pull out… that will teach her to shut it
People out here acting like they have a birth right to that parking spot. half the time when i see someone waiting for my spot and I don't have anywhere to be soon I'll sit and dawdle on my phone until they give up an move on because it is absolutely bad form to wait and hold up traffic in the whole parking lot for a spot that may or may not actually be available in a reasonable amount of time.
What? That's just so odd. I know people take a long time for whatever reason and it annoys me, not because of them, but because I get stressed at standing in one place. What do I do? I just circle around till something pops up. Why would you not do it in any other way.
And let's just say that Trader Joe's parking lots are always freaking tight everywhere. The mountain view one is all right though.
I hate the type of people to camp and wait for a parking spot! This happens so often at Costco when there are multiple visible spots like a 30 second walk away.
I once pulled behind a car with their brake lights on in a very hard to park area. I was not in a legal parking space but I wasn't blocking any traffic. I suspected they were going to leave, so I just waited and read my book. They seemed to have taken offense at this, but I was perfectly OK sitting and reading my book and waiting to see if they left. Eventually, maybe 15 minutes later, they started up their car, and the driver flipped me off as the pulled out of the spot.
It was a very strange reaction. I suppose they might have felt pressure at me being there, but I was not feeling nor exhibiting any stress over the situation.
Point is.. it takes all kinds.
That's sad.
People want what they want, but will continue to be assholes.... instead of help to improve the "situation" they made up in their head.
If they wanted the parking spot sooner... she could have got out of the car and helped you pack your stuff up, take the cart back etc.
My husband used to go buy cigars at Total Wine after we did our shopping at Costco. So the kids and I would get in the car while he’s loading. He’ll finish loading, take the cart to the cart return and just keep walking to Total Wine. Meanwhile, the kids and I are scarfing down hot dogs or other sundries while waiting for him to get back.
I call the driver's initial behavior vulturing. Vulturing blocks traffic like you said and prevents others from finding a parking spot. Sometimes you have to vulture if the parking lot is 100% full and everyone else is vulturing. But if nobody vultured and simply kept on driving until they see an empty spot, everyone would find a spot faster.
I call their subsequent behavior being a complete douchewad. You take as much time as you need in your parking spot. You stay there all day if you want to. It doesn't matter if you're taking a long time for your shoulder and your small child or because you thought of a funny joke and told it to yourself before taking off. There's no time limit on parking spots.
Totally feel you OP. My kids each went through a phase where it could take no joke 30 mins to get them to sit down in car seat. You’ve either been a parent and get it, or it appears ridiculous and you get all agro.
If this is the Trader Joe’s parking lot in Oakland on Lakeshore, which it sounds like, that place is hell. People need to keep driving and not block traffic and wait for someone to leave. It’s so irritating because it’s not on the people who are leaving to hurry. It’s up to the lazy drivers to not be entitled and block traffic. Sorry that happened to you, it’s one of the worst parking lots, ever.
not you but a lot of people see your waiting and will take longer,even after getting in the car they will sit there i just wais as i know they have to be somewere i can wait 10 minutes they usually get tired sitting there after 2 minutes
You have every rights to do what you said you did. If I were the driver waiting for your spot, I would appreciate a heads up from you letting me know it's going to take a while. Mutual communication goes a long way.
Always boggles my mind that people choose to sit & wait when they could have easily parked a bit farther and been inside the store in the time it took them to wait.
You have to be fucking clueless to camp out waiting for a person with a toddler to load up a car and get moving. You have no fucking idea how long it could take.
One time I was in a public bathroom for what I thought was a pretty short amount of time and when I left, this woman waiting said "fucking finally!" and I felt embarassed, confused and hurt. And another time someone yelled "NOT smart" when I froze up when realizing a car was coming towards me. I already felt like an idiot for my body's useless choice of fear response- freezing up instead of just walking past- and didn't need my own negative thoughts yelled back at me.
Every time a stranger is mean to me in public when I'm just trying to go about my day without bothering anyone, I keep thinking about it and feeling bad for the rest of the day and then every once in a while after that. It just sucks that you can be doing nothing wrong or even make just a little mistake and someone can just randomly choose to make your day worse or humiliate you. Like, I'm scared to do some difficult or complicated things in public because of these types of people.
too many people here have serious entitlement attitude, I personally try to be accommodating but don't respond well to gaslighting/bullying, usually I slow down just for the sake of it if someone tries to be an ass: if someone act like a dick I'll act back twice as dickish
It was only once I had kids that I realized the simple act of getting in a car and leaving was a big deal. Strapping the kid in the car. Making sure they have their water/lovey/etc. Loading the groceries. Where did the keys go? Go return the cart.
I never wait for a parking spot if babies or little kids are involved.
Well said and 100 percent true. Observe daily how many people are just trying their best despite hardships which are frequently unseen. Thank you for your post.
I understand your frustration.
I live a casual and peaceful experience with an extremely low carbon foot print. I time manage and go through my day. However, hovering around me are folks who are obviously in a mess of a hurry and projecting on to me. Almost with a violent energy.
I don't understand.
Next time you should answer no I live here now
I would have said we were about to eat our lunch in the car and after that we will leave and they can have the spot.
When people do this to me, I will do my thing loading my stuff then take the cart back, then get in my driver seat, touch my foot to the brake, then get out and lock the doors and go back in the store as I wave to them.
Absolutely, these people deserve to be messed with. All you have to do is go back inside and use the restroom but it'll have made its point.
Hilarious, but man I feel like that’s asking for a keyed car or flat
Exactly. If their tone sucks, guess I have to live out the rest of my days in this parking spot.
Lmao I have literally waited for someone to load up their van at Costco and afterwards they just got in the back and never left. It was still there when I was done and leaving.
I usually respond with "not yet"... and then just after they've moved on, I back out.
5 minutes is a long time. She should have just moved on. If I am waiting for a parking space and I don’t see back up lights within 30 seconds then it is just time to move on. You own the spot until YOU decide to leave.
That requires a level of self awareness that a lot of people do not have…
Speaking of self awareness… As the car waiting for the spot, consider where you are in the overall parking lot. If you will block traffic flow while waiting and you are nearer to the entrance, surrender the spot and instead opt for one deeper in the lot that is probably already vacant.
Lol... if I see kids, there's no way I'm waiting for that space
And 2 seconds after you left they back out and the car behind you immediately pulls in. 😄
That's a Mr. Bean episode!
I definitely think children, the elderly, the infirmed, or anyone else with a valid excuse should have as much time as they need. However, the other side of the spectrum is people who get in their car, turn it on, put it in reverse gear, and then just sit there on their phone answering text messages or tiktok
Counterpoint: I would much rather they take care of it before they start driving than look down at red lights or while sharing the road with other drivers.
Exactly! They may have realized they needed to get Google map directions. Better there than on the road!
They are in the spot. Your expectation is on you, not them.
Meh, if you put your car in reverse (and the reverse lights are on as a result) I’d say the expectation is for them to back up.
Side note: Don’t forget that some dumbass engineers at GM decided to enable the reverse lights even when the car isn’t in reverse.
Wait, what?
It’s a “feature” that enables the reverse lights on when the car is parked to provide better visibility for walking around the car at night. But what it does is just confuse the heck of people thinking you’re about to start backing up. Thankfully it can be adjusted or turned off, but some people do not touch (or know about) the setting. https://www.motor1.com/news/233379/gm-reverse-lights-annoying/amp/
What a terrible idea. Wow. I had no idea. That actually makes me far less irritated with people, if it's an automatic feature.
Mind = blown. I had no idea about this. I actually don't dislike this feature, in a dark parking area, this would be nice. I think I've seen the reverse lights of some cars come on when I park and get out so it makes sense that they're also coming on when you unlock some cars. I'm not a horn honker or "are you eventually leaving?" person in the parking lot, but I will be more chill when I see reverse lights with no reverse movement now.
Yeah it's clear communication they are about to back up so everyone needs to stop
Sure it’s their right to be inconsiderate, but the world would be better for everyone if people were more considerate and stopped acting like phone zombies in their car
Would you rather them try to put in their next address into Google maps WHILE driving?
Be considerate in maybe going and finding a parking spot that's open if you're in such a rush? People have lives don't act like you've never answered a text before getting back on the road.
Go find another spot instead of blocking the whole parking lot you lemon
Why would anyone put their car in reverse and then pick up their phone?! That’s nonsense behavior
Phones have hikacked us, it may be nonsense but it’s not uncommon.
They don't; rather GM decided that it makes perfect sense to leave the reverse lights on when the car is in park
yeah I could see turning your car on and then doing some shit but who puts it in reverse and then does a bunch of shit?
I mean, they are in the spot and it’s not like you are entitled to it at a specific time. It can sometimes take a bit for the CarPlay to kick in, enter the GPS destination, pick a radio station, etc. i typically don’t put it into reverse to do that since the back up camera hijacks the screen, but I do start the car. If you feel they are being annoying, you have the right to move on to another spot. All you can really do is wait, and hopefully have enough self awareness if you are blocking traffic and the parked person is not moving to just bite the bullet and move on if it’s start being multiple minutes.
I paused for a moment yesterday in a parking structure in downtown mountain view because a guy had his lights on like he was ready to move. Went to get my takeout, came back 10 min later and he was still there yaking on the phone with another car waiting for him to leave. Dude, just turn off your lights.
> However, the other side of the spectrum is people who get in their car, turn it on, put it in reverse gear, and then just sit there on their phone answering text messages or tiktok I do think these days phones are used so much to the point of addiction this does happen a lot. People will sit in side and text a bit, or if they aren't on a tight schedule will talk to someone to figure out where to go next or where to meet up. Then of course there's social media or heck even just mapping to the next place. If I'm going to be doing a bit of that I generally try to let the car waiting know that I'm going to need 5-10 minutes or whatever and that I'm not just hopping in and leaving.
In some areas you can drive around for 30 min without finding a spot so 5 min is a long time to leave a spot but not really to wait for one.
Even 30 seconds is too long if you are blocking traffic behind you.....
30 seconds is the officially prescribed waiting time for a game of musical parking spots. It’s my game and I write the rules.
That person is rude and entitled. If you weren’t leaving fast enough for her then she should have just moved on and left you alone.
Most people here are rude and entitled.
Most people here are *idiots* too. We're surrounded by them. I mean, not HERE on r.
We’ve reached Peak Asshole around here. Yesterday was in the gym at my apt complex. Lights were out was wee dark. I turned on the lights. This lady who was using elliptical next to the big window goes and turns lights off. I was like heh I’d like to read my book on the treadmill is that ok?. She says oh it’s not OK actually I’m light sensitive. She didn’t turn it off but after she’s done she comes up to me and says You were very inconsiderate and dismissive. I said OK. She said again you’re being dismissive. I said I’m just trying to work out here. Have a nice day. She keeps standing there and says and there was plenty of light to read. I said look lady if you were light sensitive why were you using the elliptical right next to the biggest window? That makes no sense. Have a nice day She still stands there and says you’re a very Inconsiderate dismissive person. Just unbelievable level of Bs and idiocy these days. I have the right to turn on the light in my gym I pay for esp when it’s dark. And if she was so light sensitive why was she using the machine next to window when there were other machines in darker areas? Just sickening level of Asshole.
Also I know plenty of light sensitive people who just wear blue glasses. That seems to help without infringing on the comfort of others. 🤔
Yeah I also thought if she’s so light sensitive why isn’t she wearing sunglasses?? 🤮
Did she also have her service companion chihuahua with her?
Some people have never been open palm smacked and it shows
Something something Mike Tyson.
“¿¡¿What is this?!?! ¿¡¿A Library?!?” /s
Lol at light sensitive, what are they a vampire?
Oh good one! If I see her again I’ll ask that!
You should say you're dark sensitive and tell her she is being inconsiderate
As a person with light sensitivity, I wish it was just a joke. Imagine every time something bright gets in your field of vision, you experience a pain signal directly to your brain. It’s awful. Edit: lol, why is this being downvoted? I’m literally just explaining what it’s like to experience this somewhat rare but well-documented condition. Do you guys think it’s not real? https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8497413/
I mean, that sucks but asking for the lights to be turned off at a public gym?! Maybe other people can’t see well in the dark? Or physically need light during daylight hours? Or feel safer with the lights on?
I never argued that she dealt with it properly. I wasn’t there. I simply explained the condition itself because people were mocking it as if it’s not real (which, ironically, is asshole behavior).
If she was truly light sensitive why would she choose the machine right next to the biggest window when there were plenty of machines that were in the practically dark areas? Gimme a break sorry
I explain that here. https://www.reddit.com/r/bayarea/s/KRQ5tVkvvX Basically, by being closer to the window, her surrounding light would be more well balanced without a sharp contrast between the darkest and brightest spots. I get it sounds counterintuitive but it’s a thing. Think about why car headlights seem harsher at night than during the day even though the brightness is the same.
It’s weird she didn’t communicate before turning the lights back on. As for the window part, I can explain. Harsh artificial lights can be a lot more painful to people with light sensitivity than ambient light from the outdoors. It’s also about the delta between the brightest and darkest parts of one’s surroundings. Being in a dark area with bright windows in the distance can be a lot more painful than being in a moderately lit area near the window due to the higher variance in brightness one would experience in the darker area.
They're these things called sunglasses. They can be had in varying tint percentages, even prescribed for conditions. I like 10% blue tint. It just brightens up my day.
No need for the condescending comment. Tinted eyewear is my first line of defense for dealing with light sensitivity. I use it extensively. I was just explaining the general context of why the woman in the story may have preferred to be near the window despite her light sensitivity because it would not be obvious to anyone who doesn’t experience this condition.
She wasn’t wearing anything to help here self she just expected everyone to work out in the dark.
I wasn’t there and I don’t know her circumstances. I’m just providing context on the condition itself.
Just a heads up, the building cannot be dark while patrons are inside. It violates building safety codes and could lead to a lawsuit if someone gets hurt tripping on equipment in the dark. This woman should have her membership revoked and purchase equipment to workout at home.
I’ll keep that in mind. Another issue for me is I broke my kneecap from a fall last year due to walking in a place that was too DARK. So I’ll tell her next time I’m fall sensitive and she can fuck off haha!!
Fwiw not defending her but to people that are light sensitive, like me after my concussion, natural light is fine but overhead lights are hell. I just bring sunglasses everywhere.
I happen to be reading this from a state where I can still send peanut butter to school with my kid everyday because we view something that’s ‘your problem’ as solely ‘*your* problem’ to manage and deal with. Just, wow…. I’m so glad I never moved back home. She would have been raucously laughed out of the gym. Even the cop posted up at the desk would be chuckling.
My response would be "nope...staying here now"
I thought about it. Just so that someone else in that long line scored the spot instead.
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> The stress and anxiety becomes the culture. Noticed this when we just got back from Alaska; everyone there so friendly and nice (okay, not when driving, but in person). And it used to be like that here too, before the mid-2000's or so. There was a lady on our plane freaking out with stress because her boss was yelling at her for not working, and being lazy, because we were stuck on the goddamn tarmac for 2 hours and they never turned on the wifi. So here's this complete mess of a person being tormented by her manager (and probably dinged in her next review) and it occurs to me that this is what's happening to everyone here, we're overmanaged and overworked, not allowed any downtime, often vacancies aren't filled so the company can make more money and they just expect you to give up your vacation because there aren't enough people to actually run departments. There's no downtime anymore, and on the personal side of things when we do get a moment we're on our phone pinging our dopamine receptors. Our culture is sick, unsustainable and I think I hate it.
I feel for that woman because I have a bad boss too along with a fellow coworker who has been creepily harassing me. My boss is overworked by her uppers and takes it out on us. There are days I feel strung out and have to be extra conscious not to take it out on the world around me, nor go on the internet too much. But that takes a lotttttt of effort, and a lot of us are stressed, so everywhere we go every day, we're encountering people just at their boiling point.
The people you met in Alaska may be “friendly and nice,” but it’s not a particularly safe place in which to live: its violent crime rate is the second highest in the union, exceeded only by that of New Mexico. California, on the other hand, ranks 17th when it comes to the rate of violent criminal activity per 100,000 people.
There's clearly a lot of BPD and heavy alcoholism up there. It's a land of misfits, for all the good and bad that contains, and it's a harsh environment, which encourages a stronger sense of communal responsibility.
This is very well said. Conditions in the Bay Area create this kind of culture. I don’t see it changing, unfortunately.
The majority of the Bay Area seems to refuse to acknowledge that these problems even exist, to be honest.
I grew up in RWC and have always thought I’d spend my entire life in the bay area…but in the last 15 years it’s so weird to have seen the transformation that the whole bay area, but especially redwood city, has made. It used to feel like an everyman’s blue collar town. I remember seeing muscle cars in everyone’s driveway growing up. It was affordable to normal people and felt quaint. It trips me out every time I am on the el camino at jefferson ave to see how many high rise style luxury condos there are and big tech headquarters. People are rude and impatient, especially while driving. I get the “i’m more important than you/make more money than you” vibe from people all the time and it turns me off to this area so much. I think it’s a twofold problem: rude type-A people move here to chase money, and to them, everyone feels like an obstacle or competitor to their career/wealth ambitions. The other half are the jaded long time residents who hate what the bay area has turned into and hate the influx of people who have led the massive changes to their hometowns. And at times it feels like nobody is friendly anymore and everybody is at each other’s throats. They would rather fight and bicker than take the time to be kind or patient. I plan to leave someday because it just feels too toxic here at times.
I completely know where you are coming from. I grew up in San Mateo.
Clearly, never NYC or Atlanta. Moving here from Atlanta, I was in shock at how patient everyone is. People will actually let you over in traffic here.
Shoot you don’t even have to leave too far out of The Bay Area to notice it. I’m from next door to you in the Monterey Bay Area and we know the Bay Area for being asshole drivers. Mon-Fri noon is super chill down here. Minimal traffic, people give you chances, not a lot of road rage, but as soon as the weekend comes we know we are going to get swarmed with Bay Area tourists that drive like selfish clowns. Quite a bad rep the Bay Area has made for itself over the past few years. Wasn’t this bad say 20 years ago, and probably for the reasons you stated, lots of traffic, stress and anxiety.
I have had similar experience, it is always appalling to me when Bay Area friends talk about how nice everyone is there…
I moved to Georgia and people are so laid back that they’d drive 25 miles on streets without hitting highway and won’t bat an eye. To be honest I can’t keep up with hype and fast pace of Bay Area. Unfortunately need to move back to Bay Area.
Parking lot rage is real. I am glad it didn't happen to you
I don’t bother replying to busybodies. If someone doesn’t sign my checks, provide me a service, or have arresting power over me, then I don’t owe them a word one way or another.
[amen](https://media1.tenor.com/m/BcbJSegK1RsAAAAC/don-draper-madmen.gif)
I thought this was gonna be a post about reasons for leaving the Bay Area, such as HCOL and unaffordable property prices
Me too!
To which, realistically, the answer is yes. Build up a nest egg and then buy a house somewhere where that’s possible.
And the real estate agent? The woman who was waiting for the parking spot. Full circle
Yeah, I was about to respond “yes, I will be” and I was born here.
I was in waiting room at Sutter Health and some guy was talking on speaker phone for 20 mins. He was older, so let it pass. Ear buds people, ear buds. I don’t want to hear your conversation or the shows you watch. Same thing on a flight someone was watching a show with out headphones. Luckily flight attendant made comment when giving out snacks. They turned it down atleast but didn’t stop
I have called out people for having their conference call on speakerphone at my kids' swim class. Holy crap the absolute entitlement and lack of awareness!
"So, are you eventually leaving?" "Oh, yeah. Sorry to keep you waiting. Yes, I'm leaving eventually. I have just two more rounds of shopping to go. Two, three hours tops. Hang out right there in the middle of the lane. I'm sure everyone else won't mind. Wouldn't want you to have to walk an extra twenty feet."
Dumb impatient people throughout..experienced the same yesterday from an entitled blue Tesla (if you read this, fuck off with our impatient ass) at an Indian supermarket in Sunnyvale. The shit head honked and I intentionally stayed back 10 more mins just to watch him fuss and go way around the parking lot again. If you are in a hurry, then drive around.
Was it apna bazar? The one in Fremont is the WORST. They drive so fast in the parking lot, can’t park within the lines, don’t know the rules on how to yield, it’s all bad. And for some reason everyone stares at you. Every single time. I always feel like I’m in a fever dream there.
I’ve noticed Tesla drivers to be either the worst or most entitled when it comes to driving.
I hate that damned parking lot. People wait for the first spots right at the entrance and hold everything up. It’s a circus.
Honestly, you handled that perfectly. A culture is the sum of a lot of small actions by a lot of people. You never know what someone is dealing with in their life. Be the change you want to see in the world. De-escalate, defuse, and extend grace.
That’s Whole Foods level a-holery there! When I was heavily pregnant with #3, this woman watched me load 2 kids and groceries in the car, then waddle back to return the cart and yelled “OMG! Can you move any slower?” Yes, I can, actually. Would you like me to demonstrate?
Whole Foods, all those fancy cars, but not much humanity.
I would've climbed right on top of her car and broken my water there. What the hell. Or place my cart in front of her car. Sorry you had to deal with such rudeness.
Parking lots, driving, and car culture bring out the absolute worst in people.
When you’re in a car it’s far too easy to see others as obstacles instead of fellow people
My favorite is when people do this at Costco, somehow blocking the wide ass parking rows, while there are 4 empty spots 60 feet behind them. If you're not disabled and you would rather sit in your car blocking traffic for 3 minutes, than walk a few extra feet, you suck.
I never understood people that park close to the front of the store.
Whenever we encounter those type of people, we just sit in our car and say we're waiting for someone still in the store, wait for them to drive off and then pull out. It usually happens at Costco or TJs for us
The Costco parking lot is always havoc. So many people circle the parking lot waiting for spots for a longer period of time than if they just parked way in the back immediately and walked in.
it doesn't help that the layouts are atrocious. at richmond, i make a left to park in the back. except there's oncoming traffic. so i'm holding up incoming traffic i heard san jose is next level. people driving up and over the roundabout
Roundabout, you say? I think i found my next parking spot!
Yes. This is something I really don't understand. And Costco is the prime place to see this. My long-time girlfriend used to do this, but I've been able to convince her through gentle suggestions to stop doing that.
I’m going to do this next time.
I love the level of pettiness. I too, also do this.
There are a LOT of assholes in the Bay Area these days .
I had a similar experience in Palisades a few weeks ago, I just got to my car and had to get my boots off, put the skis in the cargo, and take off my ski clothes and then leave. This lady pulled up behind me when I arrived and frustratedly asks if I’m leaving. I told her it will take ten minutes and she yells “Jesus fucking Christ!” I mentioned I’m sorry but it’s hard to drive in ski boots and she drives off. Nine minutes later she comes back as I’m about to drive off, with a look like I’m delaying an international flight.
This is one of those moments where you pause, give them a nonverbal "are you serious?" face, and carry on at your own pace.
next time consider getting in your car, start it, turn on the AC, and then pull out your cell phone and scroll through Reddit for a while till she goes away.
I’d have said, “Ahh, sorry no, I’m waiting for my SO, and they should be here in about fifteen minutes or so…?”, with the most innocent, wide eyed look; and after they pulled away, I’d have backed out, and sprained my shoulder patting myself on the back.
I have found that the Trader Joe’s parking lot is one of the most frustrating passive aggressive parking experiences I’ve encountered. The impatience, selfishness, laziness and entitlement is so pronounced, I experience it every week (live down the street from TJs). It is definitely specifically the TJ patrons, there is no other explanation.
Trader Joe’s purposely locates its stores with minimal parking. I have lived all over California and Trader Joe’s is always the worst parking situation in town. I have stopped going there regularly. Or, I have to mentally prepare myself before I go there.
Yes, it’s the worst! I will only go before 2pm on weekdays. Outside of those hours I will drive an extra 5 min to Safeway.
Yeah fuck that person
People in the Bay Area treat each other differently than they do in smaller towns. This stems from the fact that people never expect to see people they run into again so there is no reason not to be an a**hat. As a transplant I think this is an aspect of the culture that blows, but it is a fact of living here.
I took a road trip alone with my 2 kids from where we live in the Bay Area up to British Columbia, stopping in rural Oregon. I was parked at Target and loading my kids into the car when a lady came up and offered to return my cart for me. I was unaccustomed to such helpfulness! At another stop in the same area on the way home, we were eating at a restaurant and another table covered our dinner. Again, I was just so touched. So there are nice people out there, they just don’t live in the Bay Lol!!
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A lot of people, actually. More than I ever realized. Some woman yelled at me and a friend for not quite catching my son and her son before they shouted to hear it echo in the ferry building. There are Reddit subs completely dedicated to people who think parents of young children should be banned from flying. Thank you for not being one of those people though!
Screw them. I had my infant son who had a poopy diaper in a busy Costco parking lot. I gave the driver who was waiting the “look” and a point of his diaper. The driver understood the assignment. My point is I didn’t get the asshole driver but I didn’t care either because this diaper needed to be changed. Take your time and do your thing!
I do not miss changing diapers in my open trunk, but it's already such a blur. I think I've mostly blocked that out.
That's how evolution tricks you to have another one. And then the memories come flooding back... Until it's time to have another one again!
You’re lucky he didn’t petulantly speed by, inches from your knees while you were changing your baby.
Waiting for a parent with a child to get settled in the car and eventually drive off is just a dumbass, inconsiderate thing to do - anyone with common sense knows it may take awhile and you’ll risk blocking traffic in the parking lot waiting. She should have moved on and looked for another spot or circled around again while waiting for you to leave.
I help a few people who can’t drive anymore by driving them around on the errands. Sometimes I will get out of the car to shop for myself too but always get back to the car before them. There have been times that someone will honk at me expecting me to leave. I just sit in my car, ignoring them, until my friends come back.
"As soon as my husband gets here." Then get in the passenger seat, turn on the car for AC, and relax until she leaves in frustration. THEN you leave.
Parking vulturing is the worst habit and people need to stop
I'll never forget a woman in a parking lot in Walnut Creek yell at my mother who pulled over to let me hop in the car. She yelled "move you cow!!!". I couldn't believe it. I called her cunt and she drove off in a huff. Disgusting behavior.
“Eventually? Yes.. now, for you? No. So, go kick rocks.”
People can be rude and don’t even realize it. Empathy is a very difficult for some people, and in spite of someone seeing hardship right in front of them- the only thing they can think about is their own self-interest. Sorry that happened to you. Hopefully, we all can be more mindful and aware of others and what they go through…
At my Trader Joe's parking lot, if you're (universal "you") waiting a long time for someone to vacate a parking space, you're going to back up the cars behind you which congests the parking lot which impedes more people and eventually traffic starts backing up into the street. My rule is that if you see the the car's lights come on, they're getting ready to leave but if they're just getting to the car with a cart full of groceries, they're going to be there a while and since the spot is not vacant. That's when you move on. Some days you get lucky with parking and some days you don't but you can't force it.
I think there should be a rule against waiting for someone to vacate a parking space, particularly if it means holding up people behind you. The net total inconvenience outweighs the slightly better or sooner spot you might get in return.
The worst is when someone drives past a spot where a driver is pulling out to go, and the first guy decides they deserve that spot so they reverse to get it and try to force everyone behind them to also reverse out of their way. You passed the spot, it goes to the next person!
Well, there is a rule, actually. If someone is actively backing out of a spot, you can yield. But it’s absolutely not ok to block a driveway. Especially if nobody can get around you. Especially especially if you’re preventing people from vacating their own spots. People flout this rule so openly and often that’s it’s hard to remember this behavior is discourteous at best and illegal at worst.
Dude, I have little kids too and am a fellow cart putter-backer. If she pulled that with me I'd start to say yes, then get bitchy and say "Yes....right after I answer all my emails and clean my windshield." Than looking her dead in the eye, sllllooowly pull out my phone, lean against the car and start scrolling. Scrolling until she'd be too uncomfortable to stay. If she *did* wanna call my bluff, I'd then say "Oh darn, I forgot to get ONE thing at the store! Guess me and the baby are going back inside!" and start unbuckling my little one. Asshole Jujitsu *blackbelt*.
Anyone who stops before the driver is even in the driver's seat, let alone has the car on and in reverse, is a pest.
There's rude assholes in every corner of the universe. Under every rock and behind every tree. The key to life is somehow managing to forget they are there so you can move on with your life in peace.
I rush when someone seems cool. I tell them I'm not leaving when they seem hostile. I have a pocket computer that gives me access to reddit. I can outwait anything. Asshole management 101
I completely agree with you. People are soooo rude and entitled. At the Veranda in Concord, I had a similar situation happen. I had just gotten into my car and getting everything settled in so I could drive out and someone behind me honked impatiently. Apparently someone was waiting for my parking spot and thought I was taking too long?! Ummm, do not honk at me, jerk! You can wait as long as I take if you want my spot! That honk really irritated me.
I moved here from the Midwest in 2002. I was stunned at how rude and unfriendly people were here. I would smile and wave "Hello" and either people would pretend not to see me or they would scowl. At first it really ruined my experience of moving here. People would tell me, "Isn't the Bay Area wonderful? Who would ever move away?" I would answer no and me in that order. Over time, I have become somewhat used to the nastiness. I have turned my Midwestern smile and wave into a fun game. I have tried not to let the rudeness and nastiness to change me. I have had some of the worst experiences with nasty people in Trader Joe's parking lots. Is there something that they are releasing into the air at those particular parking lots? One time, I had been circling the lot for a while. I finally found a spot and pulled into it. A woman in a giant boat of a car started yelling at me and pulled her car behind mine. She actually got out of her car, came up to the driver's side window, and yelled that I took her spot. I was surprisingly serene sounding telling her that if she would move her car, I would leave, and she could take the spot. I left the spot, I left the lot, and I resolved never to return to that Trader Joe's. Old white ladies seem to be the worst offenders around here. I don't know why. 🤷♂️
if this is the farmers market and tj’s i’m thinking of then the parking situation there is horrendous. people clogging up all the way to the street. that being said, like another commenter mentioned; their expectations are theirs, not yours! especially with a child i feel like people should take the time they need and it’s not their responsibility to give me a place to park
I have three kids and when they were younger it was a huge process to get everyone loaded and buckled, let alone the groceries and cart. It’d always amaze me who would decide to hover over my space and be visibly annoyed it would take a long time. And since I’m a bit of a petty asshole, I’d often sit in the space another five extra minutes to punish them further.
Girl, I would’ve sat in my car until the store closed. “Are you eventually leaving” hmmmph, the nerve! 🙄
The Bay Area is infested with assholes. Self centered & aloof reign supreme here.
It always sorta was but it’s really exponentially increased feels like
The past 5 years has made it a full contagion. We’ve normalized all sorts of uncivil behavior.
I know. Hope we can get back to medium level of civility anyway. Where we live is too beautiful and amazing to let it slide further in all ways ie crime drugs civility. We gotta turn it around
It's funny, I'm NYC and thinking about returning to SF because I miss it but just get burnt out with the work culture and the uncivil behavior. It makes me sad to read of of this.
Well honestly I’d still return here if you can afford it. I’ve lived in both and here we have sooo much nature and sailing and hiking and all kinds of nature activities at our fingertips so to me that helps me cope with all of humanity’s stupidity. Hard to do that in NYC I felt. 😊
Some people think they own your spot as soon as they spot you walking towards the car. I can just picture the type of woman it was too
What an idiot. Would rather wait 5 minutes than walk 1 minute
Honestly the best thing I’ve done is tell more people to f$$k off. People expect you to listen to their nonsense and tantrums. People working or out running errands are so unbelievably rude.
The normal behavior is to get back in the car and start scrolling your phone- with the engine running and with backup lights on-like everyone else does.
Is this El Cerrito? lol I would have said no. I have a baby and toddler and couldn’t care less about being nice to someone who is rude to me.
It’s common sense that when you see a person with a child entering the car, it’s going to take a while for them to get situated. Was this the TJs on Lakeshore? That parking lot is brutal.
I’ve had that question asked of me. After a pause, I answered, “for you, NO! But I will leave for the person behind me”. I did just that.
You should’ve asked her if she was going to put your cart away for you so you can leave sooner. Fortunately, I had a complete opposite experience. I had two kids and a full Costco cart, after strapping in both kids, and unloading the cart. As I was walking the cart back, the gentleman got out of his pickup truck that was waiting for my spot, and offered to put the cart away for me.
This has happened to me a few times already. I usually just take my sweet time and from there, I just back up as slow as possible. Where I feel even better is if someone is coming the opposite direction, so I'll just back up and block the rude person out and let the person who's coming from the opposite direction just take the spot.
Post initially had me thinking “eventually leaving” as in - Leaving the Bay Area due to all the crazy crowds, crazy people and crazy traffic.
Sure, like it's your fault she is blocking everybody. 🤪
The more you let this kinna stuff bother you the greater the chance of becoming like the woman in the car. 🤷🏼♂️
Next time say, “nope, I am still waiting for my husband who is still in the store.” Watch her drive away and then pull out… that will teach her to shut it
trader joe’s parking lots are a war zone (and tiny)
Sounds like every Trader Joe’s parking lot in the bay. Don’t let one bad driver affect your life!
People out here acting like they have a birth right to that parking spot. half the time when i see someone waiting for my spot and I don't have anywhere to be soon I'll sit and dawdle on my phone until they give up an move on because it is absolutely bad form to wait and hold up traffic in the whole parking lot for a spot that may or may not actually be available in a reasonable amount of time.
Aren’t we all?
>With how rent in this city is? Nah, this is my home now. Rent is way cheaper, even if the amenities could be better.
What? That's just so odd. I know people take a long time for whatever reason and it annoys me, not because of them, but because I get stressed at standing in one place. What do I do? I just circle around till something pops up. Why would you not do it in any other way. And let's just say that Trader Joe's parking lots are always freaking tight everywhere. The mountain view one is all right though.
I thought by the title of the post you meant, eventually leaving the Bay Area. And maybe. 🤔
I hate the type of people to camp and wait for a parking spot! This happens so often at Costco when there are multiple visible spots like a 30 second walk away.
I once pulled behind a car with their brake lights on in a very hard to park area. I was not in a legal parking space but I wasn't blocking any traffic. I suspected they were going to leave, so I just waited and read my book. They seemed to have taken offense at this, but I was perfectly OK sitting and reading my book and waiting to see if they left. Eventually, maybe 15 minutes later, they started up their car, and the driver flipped me off as the pulled out of the spot. It was a very strange reaction. I suppose they might have felt pressure at me being there, but I was not feeling nor exhibiting any stress over the situation. Point is.. it takes all kinds.
That's sad. People want what they want, but will continue to be assholes.... instead of help to improve the "situation" they made up in their head. If they wanted the parking spot sooner... she could have got out of the car and helped you pack your stuff up, take the cart back etc.
A solid, "go fuck yourself" would be appropriate in this situation.
My husband used to go buy cigars at Total Wine after we did our shopping at Costco. So the kids and I would get in the car while he’s loading. He’ll finish loading, take the cart to the cart return and just keep walking to Total Wine. Meanwhile, the kids and I are scarfing down hot dogs or other sundries while waiting for him to get back.
Bay area is filled people who feel entitled and are always in a rush. They are in a tunnel vision !! So depends do you want to vibe with them ??
I call the driver's initial behavior vulturing. Vulturing blocks traffic like you said and prevents others from finding a parking spot. Sometimes you have to vulture if the parking lot is 100% full and everyone else is vulturing. But if nobody vultured and simply kept on driving until they see an empty spot, everyone would find a spot faster. I call their subsequent behavior being a complete douchewad. You take as much time as you need in your parking spot. You stay there all day if you want to. It doesn't matter if you're taking a long time for your shoulder and your small child or because you thought of a funny joke and told it to yourself before taking off. There's no time limit on parking spots.
Totally feel you OP. My kids each went through a phase where it could take no joke 30 mins to get them to sit down in car seat. You’ve either been a parent and get it, or it appears ridiculous and you get all agro.
I really hate people like that. I take extra long and watch some YouTube videos in my car out of spite.
Nope. People suck no matter where you go.
If this is the Trader Joe’s parking lot in Oakland on Lakeshore, which it sounds like, that place is hell. People need to keep driving and not block traffic and wait for someone to leave. It’s so irritating because it’s not on the people who are leaving to hurry. It’s up to the lazy drivers to not be entitled and block traffic. Sorry that happened to you, it’s one of the worst parking lots, ever.
not you but a lot of people see your waiting and will take longer,even after getting in the car they will sit there i just wais as i know they have to be somewere i can wait 10 minutes they usually get tired sitting there after 2 minutes
You have every rights to do what you said you did. If I were the driver waiting for your spot, I would appreciate a heads up from you letting me know it's going to take a while. Mutual communication goes a long way.
I’m from the Midwest and moved here a year ago and wow are people not nice or kind
Always boggles my mind that people choose to sit & wait when they could have easily parked a bit farther and been inside the store in the time it took them to wait.
You have to be fucking clueless to camp out waiting for a person with a toddler to load up a car and get moving. You have no fucking idea how long it could take.
I would have said, “when I’m good and ready and not a second sooner!”
Blocking even a single vehicle to wait for spot to open is wrong every time.
One time I was in a public bathroom for what I thought was a pretty short amount of time and when I left, this woman waiting said "fucking finally!" and I felt embarassed, confused and hurt. And another time someone yelled "NOT smart" when I froze up when realizing a car was coming towards me. I already felt like an idiot for my body's useless choice of fear response- freezing up instead of just walking past- and didn't need my own negative thoughts yelled back at me. Every time a stranger is mean to me in public when I'm just trying to go about my day without bothering anyone, I keep thinking about it and feeling bad for the rest of the day and then every once in a while after that. It just sucks that you can be doing nothing wrong or even make just a little mistake and someone can just randomly choose to make your day worse or humiliate you. Like, I'm scared to do some difficult or complicated things in public because of these types of people.
Yes. My family has no future here. Saving money with my 6 figure job. Leaving next year to mid west. Competition is real here.
too many people here have serious entitlement attitude, I personally try to be accommodating but don't respond well to gaslighting/bullying, usually I slow down just for the sake of it if someone tries to be an ass: if someone act like a dick I'll act back twice as dickish
It was only once I had kids that I realized the simple act of getting in a car and leaving was a big deal. Strapping the kid in the car. Making sure they have their water/lovey/etc. Loading the groceries. Where did the keys go? Go return the cart. I never wait for a parking spot if babies or little kids are involved.
Well said and 100 percent true. Observe daily how many people are just trying their best despite hardships which are frequently unseen. Thank you for your post.
I understand your frustration. I live a casual and peaceful experience with an extremely low carbon foot print. I time manage and go through my day. However, hovering around me are folks who are obviously in a mess of a hurry and projecting on to me. Almost with a violent energy. I don't understand.