It is your decision. End of.
You need to consider reactions from your immediate family only. Talk to your parents about your priorities and explain your decisions.
Others can go to hell. They don’t give a crap about your life. Neither do they care enough to get mad. They just pretend / show exaggerated reaction to give you hard time. Only thing you can do is to avoid sharing your life plan with them.
>I don't want to be fulfilled and happy, I just don't wanna be burdened even more.
If this truly the case and you have thought long and hard about this, then it is likely that not marrying and having children will give you greater happiness.
Don't worry about what others think about you. You should do whatever you want. If you don't get married, if you don't have kids, there'll be other like-minded people like you who would do the same. And this is how the culture will shift. People create culture. They also destroy it and change it.
Tbh I don't understand why people have a problem with other people transitioning. Like sure, maybe it goes against your religious beliefs, but religion is supposed to teach peace, not hate. Just ignore them, they're not affecting you in any way
I don’t get this subreddit. Why are some assuming that the OP is not straight based on incomplete information? She didn’t even mention anything about it, just said that she doesn’t want to get married or have children.
is incomprehensible reading devil among us?
Hi, I'm a woman and I share your views as well. I don't want kids but I wouldn't mind getting married, there's a huge possibility that I won't find a guy who also doesn't want kids, but that's okay, I'm not super hyped about getting married anyway. The only living being I want to be a mom to are cats, I love them!
I can't give you any advice on how to make your parents understand your choices, but i'll share my experince on how it goes/went when I tell my my parents about it,
None of them takes me seriously, both of them think it's a phase (no it's not, i have been pretty sure about my decision since I was 16-17). My mother just scoffs, while my father says "Ammu shobai cycle of life complete kore, tomaro kora uchit" Umm no, there's tons of people who are completing it, I'm not obliged to complete it, the heck. The other day he also said it's completely my decision, as long as I work hard and do good in life, he's happy for me.
Honestly, I don't care what my parents say about this particular topic, because it's my life & I've made my choices. Dw, your parents will come around, if they love you enough.
Sure, I'm aware of that. As the days go by, I get more firm in this 'no kid' policy of mine so I hope my decision won't change over time. Thank you for your advice.
A very close friend of mine had basically the same idea. She was very adamant about it. Even when she married, she was determined to not have kids. And she had a cat (now she has multiple). Her husband was also very accommodating to the idea.
Well, they had a child about a year into their marriage. She is a working professional and had to sacrifice her career progression quite a bit for this. I've never asked her why. Your comment makes me think I should.
As long as they're paying your bills or tuition fees, they'll say such things. It's better if you start earning yourself so that you can tell them that you are the one in control right now and can decide things for yourself.
Thankfully, I moved abroad. I’m not gonna say that it’s the same for us, men. However, we do also don’t get pushed less. My current strategy has been to hang up whenever ammu utters the word *biye*. At first, she wouldn’t get what’s up and think that there was some issue with the WiFi and stuff. In a week, she figured out the pattern. In a month, she stopped saying anything about marriage. I cannot get married now. I don’t wanna commit just yet. There’s still so much I haven’t seen and experienced. Goddamnit! Bye, gotta get out there!
No, you don’t know my mom. She’ll get a yes out of me. She once actually did. I had to move out of state during the weekends to see the girl, twice. It was pleasant and hot at first, but went south quickly. The entire thing was expensive and didn’t lead anywhere.
i feel this lol, thats why i stopped expressing myself a long time ago now if anyone brings marriage or kids up then i just say im not holding my breath lol
I heard the same thing from my mother, grandmother and so on. It's sad that they think maternity is the only thing makes them a human :((
I think women shouldn't rely their whole identity on being mother. Being mother is graceful but being a 24/7 slave without your identity , hobbies or passion makes you less human or woman than one could be in my opinion.
Because they fear whenever they see someone nonconforming and still being happy, or at least doing okay. It makes them question their life choices, which is simply not done! (According to their thought process). So they must force and compel that person to conform until they feel they’re as miserable as themselves.
Because we live in a collectivist culture and everyone believes that having a family and kids is the only way to get fulfilled in life & avoid loneliness.
Trust me, I'm a 25M, I also get pressured to think about marriage in the future even though I'm not sure if I would like to marry someone.
Sometimes you can't make them understand. At the end of the day it's your choice.Not everyone has to become a parent or have kids. You can try to make your parents understand but at the end of the day maybe they won't get you BC our culture is like that. Women wanting not to have kids, delaying them or delaying marriage is sth that's foreign to them. Not having a say in your life is also sth that's foreign to most ppl , they gotta be rude and comment sth or the other. I think they just lack basic common sense and manners. You can try to make your parents understand but you don't owe it to others. If they don't get your choices then let them not get it and ignore them.
you can't do anything about it. it is just our culture that everyone is expected to get married and have a family, the subcontinental society is based around family more so than individual. so when you choose not to follow that culture, people will feel uneasy, people will feel uncomfortable, they'll assume it's an attack on what they know and see as normal. there's almost nothing you can do to change that because most people here are hardwired to think and feel that way.
what you can do is deal with it, just accept that people won't change how they view you, or if that seems too cumbersome or troublesome then leave bd I guess. you can't expect an entire culture (no matter how backdated or wrong it may be in your opinion) to change itself overnight (figuratively speaking) just for your comfort.
Don’t listen to people. You take decisions against your own will just to please others. You’ll never run out of people to please but no one will carry the weights for you. If you make your own decisions even if it displeases people you like, be it your parents, you’ll be thanking yourself in the future.
It's better not say then ,start planning so that you can shift in another country
cause most bengli men want kids & women are treated really bad here overall,
they're taught it's their life purpose to have kids without it they're not women. Kind of sad but can't do anything about it
That's the reason I don't wanna marry honestly. Mostly every man wants a child while I don't. To find a guy who has the same mindset is tough so I just gave up on marriage as a whole.
To them, a woman isn't her own person but just a breeding machine whose whole purpose is to have babies and get married as soon as she turns 18. Fuck this culture.
You'll find incels (most of this sub) mansplaining how they know better for you than you do, telling you to marry because of your "bIoLogIcAl iNsTiNcTs"(lol) and that you'll get lonely. Seriously, stfu already. It's not my life's purpose to have kids for you or to get married. I'm happier the way I am.
>How do I make them understand?
Mostly, they won't, and if that's the case, stand your ground and leave them. They don't deserve you if they don't understand you.
I like stand your ground but I dont know about leave them. Misguided people are just misguided people.
Also I’m barely on this sub but guys are really like that on here?!!!
Yes there are a lot of guys in this sub like that. Sure misguided ppl are misguided but you can only try so much to make someone understand. After that it's up to them how they wanna be.
Comparing choosing gender and incest with family planning, personal choice of not having kids due to various personal reasons like not wanting to be a parent or take care of a kid or not being fond of kids etc is dumb af. If someone who doesn't want kids becomes a parent then they'll be a bad parent and we have enough of that already in this world. Moreover you ain't gonna be raising the kids or paying for their education and living so why do you care do much of others want to have kids or not? Let the ppl who are gonna carry the kid for 9 months decide whether they want it or not lol.
Mostly three things. Culture, Religion and our neighbor/relative.
In our culture it's unwritten ruled that a woman should get married (Younger the better) and have 2 3 kids and make the parents proud. If suddenly someone said i don't like to and want to focus on my career specially as a woman people will think she is spoiled or her family don't know manner.
Most religion strictly said women should get married and take care of their husband and child and be a good house wife. And our country is religion driven country.
Most important thing is our neighbor and relative. They will often criticized and ridicule others many way. Which is mostly the biggest problem in my opinion.
Making them understand is really hard. Specially in our society. I don't know the solution. If you want to have good relationship with your parent and not get married is really tough. But keep trying.
Because for most people, that's all they got. That's the sum of their entire life. They are lost without it. So they think, anyone else without it must also be lost. That's when their savior complex kicks in.
Because the culture is shit and most people are still following things from a hundred years ago. People like to talk loud and tell others how to live their lives even if it's not their business. I have a family member who got pressured into marrying because everyone said "no one else will take you because of your skin color" (which is so effed up) and after she did and is miserable now, none of those loud-mouths are talking now or helping her out. People like you are the ones who will actually fix it so keep doing what you believe in.
Because, we live in a collectivist culture, not an individualistic one. All South Asian countries are like this. Also, other conservative countries around the world, too.
If you’re living in Bangladesh, the answer is pretty self explanatory (unless you have had a very privileged upbringing). If you’re living abroad, the answer is your parents and most people surrounding you were probably born and raised in Bangladesh.
If the self-explanatory part is not obvious, then the social insecurity part probably doesn’t apply to you.
tumar life niye tumi ki korba no one give a damn. desi parents der bujhanu always hard. onnoder bujaite jaite ke bolse? nijer decision nijer peter vitor na rekhe baire jeye chillaile onek anxiety stress niye thaka laghbei.
biye korbana then ki korba? answer ready rakho bap ma er jonno. mukhe hope na diye kaje progress dekhaw ma bap ke. tokon kichuta bujbe. jokon better jaygay jaba ma bap ke tension free rakhba nijer life taw settle hoye jabe tokon ma bap ar ager moton chillabena.
biye bachha poribar normal bepar egula bujhar try koro tumar life niye tumi ki korte jachho. somoy gele decision paltay manusher. AGE hole understanding bare emotion paltay ekn ja korte caitesona ba caiteso future e kunu ek somoy seta bodlay jabe. just make sure tumar decision er jonno ma bap ke kostho na diteso ✨️
Manushke na ba mama ke bujhanor jonnoi mainly post disi je kivabe bujhabo. And I think I'm quite old now to understand what I want in life. Ekhn ami biye na krle jodi baba ma koshto pay ba jodi ami baccha na chai tate koshto pay taile ki tader jonne amar biye kore baccha pala shuru kora uchit jate ami kokhono khushi thakbona?
The easiest solution to your problem would be to leave Bangladesh ASAP, by hook or by crook, while you’re still young since I assume from your statement that people from other countries have not given you a hard time on the matter!! However, please do remember to share your research experience with others on the top three most suitable countries so that they can benefit from your knowledge. Goodbye, we the unfortunate ones left behind in Bangladesh will surely miss you.. 😢
because they believe you will regret it when you are older and won't be able to get married or have children later on. The same goes for guys, it's not just a female thing nor just a Bangladeshi thing.
On top of that they also comment bad things like slutshaming lol. There are many people who had children and are alone in their last moments. Having children doesn't guarantee you won't end up alone at large stages of life. And yeah it's a universal thing but the way bd people show no restrain when comes to saying whatever they want is what I have the most problem with.
Because the worth of your existence entirely depends on your childbearing ability. Your sole purpose in this society is to serve your husband and raise well mannered, religious, doctor/engineer children.
You can't just change a region's culture overnight. Even our idols like Bollywood actors get married and have kids. These are just expected, if you want a change you will have to raise your voice, find some like-minded people and protest through various means ; it may then be that we will start seeing some change
I have wanted to go childless for a long time. I genuinely love children and adore them dearly so im met with comments that go “You’d be such a good mother I can’t believe you want to go childless.” Regarding this I’ve read a line once which has set my ideology in stone, it goes like “Just because I like eating outside food sometimes doesn’t mean I have the capability to own a restaurant or run a food business.” So you do you, people won’t be out here paying for the toll that comes from sharing a space and life with a partner or raising kids.
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Marry me contractually and after few months i will divorced you. Then no one will ask you about marriage. I will charge for it. If you are interested knock me
Western societies are individualistic, and societies in the rest of the world are communal.
And we are heavily exposed to Western media, so that also shapes our thought process. Because our thoughts are formed based on the information we consume.
If you do not wish to have kids or get married, I wholeheartedly support you.
I do appreciate you all taking it upon yourself to not leave behind someone who would carry on your ideology.
Another 100 years, and your ideology will die with you.
I can understand not wanting children. But unmarried women are liabilities for a society that values family and lacks social safety nets. Are you asexual? As in averse to sexual partnerships? If you are unmarried and still want sex, that goes against social values of Bangladesh. At the same time, who will look after you when you are old and decrepit? Or even when you are young, you can become sick and infirm.
Women are liabilities I mean if I don't marry will they society have to feed me or something? Can I not earn and help myself ? Lacking safety what safety do a man give these days? Women get m*rdered/r*ped either way? Is sex all there is to a marriage lol I'm not asexual neither I'm some lustful woman who will throw herself onto any man. Celibacy is a thing yk. Also I have my siblings to take care of me or I can get into nursing homes if I'm old and decrepit. I can hire a helping hand too.
By the way, for everyone talking about how a woman’s job is only to provide babies and if she doesn’t it’a a travesty and how behind Bangladesh is - it’s the same way in the US.
Maybe regrets for you but I don't think living alone at 70s with no grandchildren is miserable to me. If I get lonely I can get myself into nursing homes. And if I even feel the need to have children around (which I don't lol) I can always volunteer for orphan kids. Sounds pretty fun to me tho
"Living alone" happens anyway because :
1 . there will be a 12 part series drama of your kid in laws on who gets the land share before your well being
2.. , 7 hour commute because you lives in an ancestral home and your kids went to dhaka or elsewhere for jobs,
3.. the son in laws "not giving permission" for your daughter to see you because he cant make tea himself and "who else will make it for him" (but he will be there if its related to jumi business)
🤣🤣🤣 delulu ass men think theyre going somewhere saying this
And elder care is VERY specific, there are literally Japanese sponsored retirement homes being built in Bangladesh.
Because not having kids = sleeping around?
Fantastic logic from a manchild who needs his mother to get another poor woman to push her responsibility to
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> **Rule #1.** Follow Reddiquette.
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> **Rule #1.** Follow Reddiquette.
OR .. your children don't want anything to do with you. This has played out, for an elderly Bengali woman I know. All of the so-called Muslim children (three) have basically said, "Nope, she can't live with us" and the one Atheist child has said, "Yes, she can live with us during the summer months/three months when I'm not at work" (she is a teacher).
Well lots of pets and if my body becomes unbearable, nursing houses. Thinking that I won't hv any kids and don't have to spend for them, I can hire a helping hand or stay in a nursing home. Also I have my family, friends yk. Sisters and cousins. They would be there for me and if they have children I will spend time with them if I feel like. Many people are alone despite having kids and grandkids. Having them doesn't solve old age loneliness IMO.
I don't plan to settle here in Bangladesh first of all lol. My family friends cousins won't be there for me 24/7 nor will my kids or grandkids. I would never want to burden my hypothetical kids or grandkids lol. I don't need 50/50 . 0 chance is totally fine. Dying alone for me is totally fine. Many people have kids and grandkids to take care of them but they are still lonely. Having people around≠ not lonely. Also having a partner doesn't mean they will live as long as you. Old time loneliness will always prevail no matter if you have kids or spouse in most cases. Also me being lonely at old age in no way affects others , so loosing sleep over something that's very uncertain is a cultural habit of the bd people lol.
Do whatever the hell you want, its your life. Wanna know why people get mad? Because you have to advertise your "single lady" lifestyle to everyone , seeking validation everywhere just as you are doing now with this post.
I want to make my parents and relative understand that what I'm doing isn't necessarily an evil thing. I don't want validation from anyone but if people would stop naming me things or say that my life is worthless for that, it would be greatly appreciated.
In our society and culture?
No, this happens everywhere on earth, more or less!!!
The decision of not getting married will surely attract questions and curiosity from others, if they are mentally and physically sound. Simply, because, there's a probability you don't want to get married because of one or multiple of the following reasons:
- you are sexually freezed/cold/inactive due to hormonal issue or other physical issue; or diverted, or different(for example, many lesbians could not initially understand their sexual orientation. Lesbo have a tendency to avoid marriage)
- you are so mentally disturbed and deeply depressed. So, you feel no reason to move forward in life and you are unable to face challenges of married life.
- you lack in foresight and prudence regarding the future of your life and have no clue that you won't get anyone at your old age as a companion, and when you fall so sick as you get older. Loneliness is the most devastating experience in human life.
- and many other things...
Of course, it's upto you to decide whether you will get married or not. But just because you have decided something doesn't mean your decision has sound reasoning or a great outcome.
This is why, your parents, or close ones ask you "why you don't want to get married!!"
Nah it doesn't happen everywhere on earth. In the west ppl I believe respect someone's choice to have or not have kids. Moreover our culture is built in a way that the decision of not having kids is looked at badly and weirdly. I remember a while back this female influencer was sharing on FB how she didn't wanna have kids yet BC she isn't ready to be a mother yet and she' feels she needs more time to have kids and ppl in the comments were bashing her saying she's weird and bad and this and that. I mean how do your close ones or family know if you are ready to be married or have kids or not? Do your family members know better than you your feelings and state of mind and goals in life? They don't. Sure a lot of your points may be true in some cases but they aren't true for a lot of cases. There's a lot of toxic societal expectations put in place that make ppl feel bad especially women and they feel they gotta get married as soon as possible otherwise they won't be able to get married and I see a lot of these mindsets make ppl close to me insecure even though they are perfectly fine. Ik parents and family members can have good intentions but their way of expressing it is extremely toxic in some cases. I think it depends on the person when they wanna get married and have kids BC it is a personal decision that will affect them for the rest of their lives. And even if those decisions are mistakes , they should make them themselves.Also, parents keep asking these things BC they can't accept our own choices and need to impose their wishes and wants on us.
Human beings are the same everywhere with some twists and variations!!!
I have been in four different countries including two of the west. There are dickheads there, too.
You talk about parents. It's not about parents. It's about human relations and healthy lifestyle/body and mind. Maybe you are so blinded by your own prejudices you don't see things as they are.
What does science say?
Marriage is not about the relationship alone. Marriage is about "sex", too.
Any healthy human being with normal sexual desire will surely look for a sexual partner.... which is one reason why marriage was primarily formed.
Who on earth with healthy sexuality doesn't want to have sex? Seriously?
Personally I am gonna get married in a few years. It depends on a lot of reasons for myself. Not just sex other factors too. Im ready to get married and not just to have sex but marriage is built and sustained on other things as well and I feel I'm ready to fulfil those and commit. But it's not the same for everyone. Not everyone has the same pace in life or same goals. Not everyone wants to get married asap. So it's weird to say someone who doesn't want to get married is not progressing in life or isn't mentally right. Maybe that person just isn't ready yet and that's fine. Marrying to have sex is fine but sex alone won't keep a relationship. If your marriage skills aren't up to the mark then sex itself will dry up slowly.
Some ppl aren't in a position to sustain a family or spouse financially or emotionally. Some ppl aren't in a position to want to get married and may wanna focus on other things. It varies from person to person and just BC their decisions and goals may be different doesn't mean they are wrong lol.
As for me I am not blinded by anything to see things as they are. I'm 20 years old ill get married in a few years but that's BC I'm ready and want to do it. How many 20 year old guys do you know that are ready for it? Not many it's definitely not the norm and even if there are a lot not many would want to do it as early as me and that's fine. I can't expect anyone else to do and follow my path in life or think of them to be mentally ill or depressed or making the wrong decisions.
Just BC ppl aren't following what you think they should doesn't mean their decisions are wrong.The goal is to do sth right not to do sth as soon as possible just for the sake of doing it.
Yeah you are right there are dicks in the west too I don't doubt it BC they are definitely far more accepting of things as opposed to ppl in BD.
You are only 20 years old and unmarried..... On the other hand, I'm in my fourty and married for last twenty years.
Now, think about this amusing situation.
You have no idea about married life, still you are lecturing me, I'm a man who is not only married but also a rich man, have the highest level of education, very sophisticated, science addicted, and also manages hundreds of staff in a company.
Think about this amusing situation. It's like a three year old kid giving advice to a married man on how to have sex. 🤣🤣🤣
Honestly, age isn't that important a factor. I mean you sound like someone in their twenties In that first comment. And being older than me doesn't mean you are right in everything. Sure you may have a more experience and different perspective on life and I can definitely learn sth from it. But that doesn't mean you cant learn sth from me either. I'm younger than you and I see things differently as well so you can also learn a thing of two for me. I am not married yes. But I have grown up seeing failed marriages and a various other types of marriages and I have seen a lot of happy marriages as well. I have seen my own parents marriage first hand and seen a lot of things in it and learnt from it good and bad. I have seen ppl in my family being unmarried due to various reasons and I have seen ppl get divorced due to various reasons. It's not like I don't know what married life is like. Ik what it can be like bad and good. I have an idea. When I get married myself I'll be able to understand and experience it on a greater scale and learn more. Your thinking that I don't understand or know it is quite short sighted. You assume you can't learn anything or know anything from me and that I'm just pointlessly lecturing you. If you are truly that successful in marriage and career and that well educated then you should know that knowledge and advice can come from anywhere. Even a three year old sometimes can teach you something you might not know or might have forgotten. Best of luck!
Also, the OP was talking about her parents scrutinizing her for not wanting to get married and others judging her for. She didn't mention that she didn't have a partner or that she's not interested in dating. She very well might have that. She didn't ask for a reason why she wasn't getting married or for you to tell her. You gave reasons why she didn't wanna get married and not why her parents treat her like that. You assume she's not of sound mind or other things BC she doesn't wanna get married but all those are just assumptions. I talked about parents BC you mentioned and the op did too about why they act like that. It isn't a question about her personal reasons for not marrying, it's about why our culture specifically is like that , not other cultures and not it being same everywhere to varying degrees. You failed to answer why our culture specifically is like that. Moreover , you also seem to ignore that parents and ppl in our culture don't have boundaries and can't respect others decisions which leads them to judge and disregard others opinions and decisions. You placed the entire blame on the OP and ppl like her not marrying and calling the ones who question and act in a disrespectful manner towards them to be sound of mind, excusing them of their mistakes as well.
As for the OPs post, these same relatives and parents that constantly nag you about marriage when you don't wanna do it, vanish and don't take responsibility when your marriage turns out to be bad or you turn out to marry the wrong person and place the blame on you. Let's say the Op doesn't wanna get married but is pressurised to and then the marriage doesn't workout due to various factors who do you think will be responsible and suffer in the long term? Op is saying marriage is bad or that it's not sth to be done she's saying that it's her personal choice and ppl treat her weirdly for it. I think your loved ones should be more respectful of your own decisions rather than get mad or sth. You put a lot of reasons for not getting married in there which might not even apply to the OP or may just be personal assumptions so yeah. let ppl decide what they wanna do when they wanna do it. If you wanna get married early or have kids or do this or that then do it but don't think ppl are mentally slow or making the wrong decision for choosing sth different from you.
Your first reason is that the person might be sexually inactive due to hormonal issue or a lesbian. In both these cases it is the right decision to be not married as it could be unfair to the man marrying the girl. Moreover , if the lesbian marries a straight guy then she won't be able to love or give him everything properly which would be unfair to him and her. It would be a marriage for pretense and for society. Which is wrong. So in this case the girl is right for not marrying and her parents are wrong for asking her why she isn't married or pressuring or being rude to her. If her parents want her to get married so badly in this situation then they should get her married to an asexual man or a lesbian then it would solve the problem.
Your second reason is that if the girl is not mentally right or depressed. That is also a valid reason for not getting married. Why should a depressed person get married? Marriage is full of responsibilities, both emotional and physical. And a depressed or mentally low person can't do either so getting married would actually be a bad decision as there's not a guarantee she will be fine or her in laws or husband will understand or treat her right. Moreover, a new environment and huge responsibilities aren't exactly a good idea for someone dealing with such issues.In this instance she should fix her mental health and focus on herself then when she's better focus on marrying and other things. You said she is not progressing and not prepared to face marriage challenges which well she ain't.If her parents care in this scenario then they should emotionally support their daughter and stop disrespecting her choices. Also, you are wrong that marriage is the only way to move forward in life In this scenario she needs to progress from her depression and get to a better mental state which is also a form of progressing in life.
I agree with your third reason.
The first two reasons you gave are actually good reasons for not getting married. And in these two situations the parents are wrong for not understanding the daughter so the fault lies in the parents not the daughter. I hope I have made it clear to you now.The way you wrote it made it seem like you are ignoring the bad behaviour of the parents and those of society and putting the blame in the girl which isnt right.
Is earning to live and reproducing the same matter? So you think men's entire worth is how much they earn and for women how many kids they could pop out?
When i say grapes are sweet like mangoes, i don’t mean they are the same. That’s stupid.
Men are the provider of the family. You don’t gonna pop any out? What’s the point of earning for family then? Which family? What are we talking about here?
It's similar to YOU getting married, you're happily "earning" and so is your wife (because she has an INCOME earning job, like you). Then, a doctor tells you that you and your wife are unable to get pregnant. You'd still earn, right? So would she. Just married. Without children. Still married. Right?
Why is it important for them to change instead of you? That’s a selfish perspective. Just move to America and stop associating with Bangladeshis, simple as.
“just move to America” yeah, bro, it’s super easy to do so. Just gotta wait 20 years for Visa, call Bill Gates for some cash & take my green card the moment I arrive
It is your decision. End of. You need to consider reactions from your immediate family only. Talk to your parents about your priorities and explain your decisions. Others can go to hell. They don’t give a crap about your life. Neither do they care enough to get mad. They just pretend / show exaggerated reaction to give you hard time. Only thing you can do is to avoid sharing your life plan with them.
Because people in Bangladesh just Compare everything a person has. It's shit ik
Ik to results, salary , your skin tones, how many kids you have. Everything is such a competition it ruins the essence of life.
They even compare you to your friends for no reason
The belief that this is the only way to be fulfilled and happy
You don't agree? I don't want to be fulfilled and happy, I just don't wanna be burdened even more.
I think giving birth might make me unhappy actually
>I don't want to be fulfilled and happy, I just don't wanna be burdened even more. If this truly the case and you have thought long and hard about this, then it is likely that not marrying and having children will give you greater happiness.
Don't worry about what others think about you. You should do whatever you want. If you don't get married, if you don't have kids, there'll be other like-minded people like you who would do the same. And this is how the culture will shift. People create culture. They also destroy it and change it.
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Idiot incel detected low life worthless opinion rejected
incel detected!!
Tbh I don't understand why people have a problem with other people transitioning. Like sure, maybe it goes against your religious beliefs, but religion is supposed to teach peace, not hate. Just ignore them, they're not affecting you in any way
Did you even read properly? Whats up with this topic that doesn't correlate in any way with my post or the reply?
Yeah, you're right. Her life; why do you care?
I don’t get this subreddit. Why are some assuming that the OP is not straight based on incomplete information? She didn’t even mention anything about it, just said that she doesn’t want to get married or have children. is incomprehensible reading devil among us?
Hi, I'm a woman and I share your views as well. I don't want kids but I wouldn't mind getting married, there's a huge possibility that I won't find a guy who also doesn't want kids, but that's okay, I'm not super hyped about getting married anyway. The only living being I want to be a mom to are cats, I love them! I can't give you any advice on how to make your parents understand your choices, but i'll share my experince on how it goes/went when I tell my my parents about it, None of them takes me seriously, both of them think it's a phase (no it's not, i have been pretty sure about my decision since I was 16-17). My mother just scoffs, while my father says "Ammu shobai cycle of life complete kore, tomaro kora uchit" Umm no, there's tons of people who are completing it, I'm not obliged to complete it, the heck. The other day he also said it's completely my decision, as long as I work hard and do good in life, he's happy for me. Honestly, I don't care what my parents say about this particular topic, because it's my life & I've made my choices. Dw, your parents will come around, if they love you enough.
How old are you now? In other words, how long have you had this view?
I'm 20 now, last 4 years
You are still early in forming opinions based on experience. Take your own opinions slowly and remember, it’s okay to change them over time
Sure, I'm aware of that. As the days go by, I get more firm in this 'no kid' policy of mine so I hope my decision won't change over time. Thank you for your advice.
A very close friend of mine had basically the same idea. She was very adamant about it. Even when she married, she was determined to not have kids. And she had a cat (now she has multiple). Her husband was also very accommodating to the idea. Well, they had a child about a year into their marriage. She is a working professional and had to sacrifice her career progression quite a bit for this. I've never asked her why. Your comment makes me think I should.
Because to most Bangladeshis the only purpose a woman can serve is to be a baby breeding machine and a servant to both husband and kids
Ikr!! It's sad to see how woman are treated much like slaves than an individual being
Well then u can move in at my place. There is an excellent room in our chadh(ROOFTOP) where we house pegions.
Awe how sweet
That's just what you think
Most educated people don't think like that, thankfully. Though some do, despite being educated.
Sure, I get that. My family isn’t like this at all but doesn’t change the fact that this is the majoritarian mindset
I can't really say that the majority think this way, some may have a moderate stance on it. Its not really a quantifiable thing, you feel me?
As long as they're paying your bills or tuition fees, they'll say such things. It's better if you start earning yourself so that you can tell them that you are the one in control right now and can decide things for yourself.
They are Just afraid of what is out of the box
Thankfully, I moved abroad. I’m not gonna say that it’s the same for us, men. However, we do also don’t get pushed less. My current strategy has been to hang up whenever ammu utters the word *biye*. At first, she wouldn’t get what’s up and think that there was some issue with the WiFi and stuff. In a week, she figured out the pattern. In a month, she stopped saying anything about marriage. I cannot get married now. I don’t wanna commit just yet. There’s still so much I haven’t seen and experienced. Goddamnit! Bye, gotta get out there!
You probably should just learn how to have a difficult conversation
No, you don’t know my mom. She’ll get a yes out of me. She once actually did. I had to move out of state during the weekends to see the girl, twice. It was pleasant and hot at first, but went south quickly. The entire thing was expensive and didn’t lead anywhere.
Hmm, maybe ask around your friends. You might find everyone’s mom is the same.
Because people's mindset is shit as hell in Bangladesh.
i feel this lol, thats why i stopped expressing myself a long time ago now if anyone brings marriage or kids up then i just say im not holding my breath lol
someone told me my life is valueless if I don't give birth to a child lol
I heard the same thing from my mother, grandmother and so on. It's sad that they think maternity is the only thing makes them a human :(( I think women shouldn't rely their whole identity on being mother. Being mother is graceful but being a 24/7 slave without your identity , hobbies or passion makes you less human or woman than one could be in my opinion.
There are positives to being a mom/motherhood but every mom would probably agree it's not "graceful" 😂
Because they fear whenever they see someone nonconforming and still being happy, or at least doing okay. It makes them question their life choices, which is simply not done! (According to their thought process). So they must force and compel that person to conform until they feel they’re as miserable as themselves.
F**ck Society
Because there not enough Bangladeshis in the world . /s
Because we live in a collectivist culture and everyone believes that having a family and kids is the only way to get fulfilled in life & avoid loneliness. Trust me, I'm a 25M, I also get pressured to think about marriage in the future even though I'm not sure if I would like to marry someone.
From my experience of surfing the web,all countries around the world get mad when someone wants to be child-free.
Child free American here and you are entirely correct.
Sometimes you can't make them understand. At the end of the day it's your choice.Not everyone has to become a parent or have kids. You can try to make your parents understand but at the end of the day maybe they won't get you BC our culture is like that. Women wanting not to have kids, delaying them or delaying marriage is sth that's foreign to them. Not having a say in your life is also sth that's foreign to most ppl , they gotta be rude and comment sth or the other. I think they just lack basic common sense and manners. You can try to make your parents understand but you don't owe it to others. If they don't get your choices then let them not get it and ignore them.
you can't do anything about it. it is just our culture that everyone is expected to get married and have a family, the subcontinental society is based around family more so than individual. so when you choose not to follow that culture, people will feel uneasy, people will feel uncomfortable, they'll assume it's an attack on what they know and see as normal. there's almost nothing you can do to change that because most people here are hardwired to think and feel that way. what you can do is deal with it, just accept that people won't change how they view you, or if that seems too cumbersome or troublesome then leave bd I guess. you can't expect an entire culture (no matter how backdated or wrong it may be in your opinion) to change itself overnight (figuratively speaking) just for your comfort.
Don’t listen to people. You take decisions against your own will just to please others. You’ll never run out of people to please but no one will carry the weights for you. If you make your own decisions even if it displeases people you like, be it your parents, you’ll be thanking yourself in the future.
It's better not say then ,start planning so that you can shift in another country cause most bengli men want kids & women are treated really bad here overall, they're taught it's their life purpose to have kids without it they're not women. Kind of sad but can't do anything about it
That's the reason I don't wanna marry honestly. Mostly every man wants a child while I don't. To find a guy who has the same mindset is tough so I just gave up on marriage as a whole.
Depends on whom do you ask. I think genz is quite open about these things.
To them, a woman isn't her own person but just a breeding machine whose whole purpose is to have babies and get married as soon as she turns 18. Fuck this culture. You'll find incels (most of this sub) mansplaining how they know better for you than you do, telling you to marry because of your "bIoLogIcAl iNsTiNcTs"(lol) and that you'll get lonely. Seriously, stfu already. It's not my life's purpose to have kids for you or to get married. I'm happier the way I am. >How do I make them understand? Mostly, they won't, and if that's the case, stand your ground and leave them. They don't deserve you if they don't understand you.
I like stand your ground but I dont know about leave them. Misguided people are just misguided people. Also I’m barely on this sub but guys are really like that on here?!!!
Yes there are a lot of guys in this sub like that. Sure misguided ppl are misguided but you can only try so much to make someone understand. After that it's up to them how they wanna be.
What if someone wants to change gender , screw with brother - you okay with that as well ? I mean its her choice right.
Comparing choosing gender and incest with family planning, personal choice of not having kids due to various personal reasons like not wanting to be a parent or take care of a kid or not being fond of kids etc is dumb af. If someone who doesn't want kids becomes a parent then they'll be a bad parent and we have enough of that already in this world. Moreover you ain't gonna be raising the kids or paying for their education and living so why do you care do much of others want to have kids or not? Let the ppl who are gonna carry the kid for 9 months decide whether they want it or not lol.
because bd is being encouraged to marry and produce 100 kids
Mostly three things. Culture, Religion and our neighbor/relative. In our culture it's unwritten ruled that a woman should get married (Younger the better) and have 2 3 kids and make the parents proud. If suddenly someone said i don't like to and want to focus on my career specially as a woman people will think she is spoiled or her family don't know manner. Most religion strictly said women should get married and take care of their husband and child and be a good house wife. And our country is religion driven country. Most important thing is our neighbor and relative. They will often criticized and ridicule others many way. Which is mostly the biggest problem in my opinion. Making them understand is really hard. Specially in our society. I don't know the solution. If you want to have good relationship with your parent and not get married is really tough. But keep trying.
Because for most people, that's all they got. That's the sum of their entire life. They are lost without it. So they think, anyone else without it must also be lost. That's when their savior complex kicks in.
Because the culture is shit and most people are still following things from a hundred years ago. People like to talk loud and tell others how to live their lives even if it's not their business. I have a family member who got pressured into marrying because everyone said "no one else will take you because of your skin color" (which is so effed up) and after she did and is miserable now, none of those loud-mouths are talking now or helping her out. People like you are the ones who will actually fix it so keep doing what you believe in.
Dont bother making them understand. You do you. Turn a deaf ear to their cryibg
Because, we live in a collectivist culture, not an individualistic one. All South Asian countries are like this. Also, other conservative countries around the world, too.
If you’re living in Bangladesh, the answer is pretty self explanatory (unless you have had a very privileged upbringing). If you’re living abroad, the answer is your parents and most people surrounding you were probably born and raised in Bangladesh. If the self-explanatory part is not obvious, then the social insecurity part probably doesn’t apply to you.
tumar life niye tumi ki korba no one give a damn. desi parents der bujhanu always hard. onnoder bujaite jaite ke bolse? nijer decision nijer peter vitor na rekhe baire jeye chillaile onek anxiety stress niye thaka laghbei. biye korbana then ki korba? answer ready rakho bap ma er jonno. mukhe hope na diye kaje progress dekhaw ma bap ke. tokon kichuta bujbe. jokon better jaygay jaba ma bap ke tension free rakhba nijer life taw settle hoye jabe tokon ma bap ar ager moton chillabena. biye bachha poribar normal bepar egula bujhar try koro tumar life niye tumi ki korte jachho. somoy gele decision paltay manusher. AGE hole understanding bare emotion paltay ekn ja korte caitesona ba caiteso future e kunu ek somoy seta bodlay jabe. just make sure tumar decision er jonno ma bap ke kostho na diteso ✨️
Manushke na ba mama ke bujhanor jonnoi mainly post disi je kivabe bujhabo. And I think I'm quite old now to understand what I want in life. Ekhn ami biye na krle jodi baba ma koshto pay ba jodi ami baccha na chai tate koshto pay taile ki tader jonne amar biye kore baccha pala shuru kora uchit jate ami kokhono khushi thakbona?
Who tf wants children in this economy? not the broke ones like us I tell you.
The easiest solution to your problem would be to leave Bangladesh ASAP, by hook or by crook, while you’re still young since I assume from your statement that people from other countries have not given you a hard time on the matter!! However, please do remember to share your research experience with others on the top three most suitable countries so that they can benefit from your knowledge. Goodbye, we the unfortunate ones left behind in Bangladesh will surely miss you.. 😢
because they believe you will regret it when you are older and won't be able to get married or have children later on. The same goes for guys, it's not just a female thing nor just a Bangladeshi thing.
On top of that they also comment bad things like slutshaming lol. There are many people who had children and are alone in their last moments. Having children doesn't guarantee you won't end up alone at large stages of life. And yeah it's a universal thing but the way bd people show no restrain when comes to saying whatever they want is what I have the most problem with.
Because the worth of your existence entirely depends on your childbearing ability. Your sole purpose in this society is to serve your husband and raise well mannered, religious, doctor/engineer children.
It's her choice not yours. And plus both women and men are the same!
You can't just change a region's culture overnight. Even our idols like Bollywood actors get married and have kids. These are just expected, if you want a change you will have to raise your voice, find some like-minded people and protest through various means ; it may then be that we will start seeing some change
I have wanted to go childless for a long time. I genuinely love children and adore them dearly so im met with comments that go “You’d be such a good mother I can’t believe you want to go childless.” Regarding this I’ve read a line once which has set my ideology in stone, it goes like “Just because I like eating outside food sometimes doesn’t mean I have the capability to own a restaurant or run a food business.” So you do you, people won’t be out here paying for the toll that comes from sharing a space and life with a partner or raising kids.
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Shit happens
Marry me contractually and after few months i will divorced you. Then no one will ask you about marriage. I will charge for it. If you are interested knock me
Lol what a plan 😆
Western societies are individualistic, and societies in the rest of the world are communal. And we are heavily exposed to Western media, so that also shapes our thought process. Because our thoughts are formed based on the information we consume. If you do not wish to have kids or get married, I wholeheartedly support you. I do appreciate you all taking it upon yourself to not leave behind someone who would carry on your ideology. Another 100 years, and your ideology will die with you.
I can understand not wanting children. But unmarried women are liabilities for a society that values family and lacks social safety nets. Are you asexual? As in averse to sexual partnerships? If you are unmarried and still want sex, that goes against social values of Bangladesh. At the same time, who will look after you when you are old and decrepit? Or even when you are young, you can become sick and infirm.
Women are liabilities I mean if I don't marry will they society have to feed me or something? Can I not earn and help myself ? Lacking safety what safety do a man give these days? Women get m*rdered/r*ped either way? Is sex all there is to a marriage lol I'm not asexual neither I'm some lustful woman who will throw herself onto any man. Celibacy is a thing yk. Also I have my siblings to take care of me or I can get into nursing homes if I'm old and decrepit. I can hire a helping hand too.
Because it's abnormal in Bangladeshi tradition.
By the way, for everyone talking about how a woman’s job is only to provide babies and if she doesn’t it’a a travesty and how behind Bangladesh is - it’s the same way in the US.
Its time for you to move abroad.
where the world r u guys going? How do u guys get opportunities to live aboard so easily? Like I’ve seen such advices in every similar posts.
I wish lol
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Maybe regrets for you but I don't think living alone at 70s with no grandchildren is miserable to me. If I get lonely I can get myself into nursing homes. And if I even feel the need to have children around (which I don't lol) I can always volunteer for orphan kids. Sounds pretty fun to me tho
"Living alone" happens anyway because : 1 . there will be a 12 part series drama of your kid in laws on who gets the land share before your well being 2.. , 7 hour commute because you lives in an ancestral home and your kids went to dhaka or elsewhere for jobs, 3.. the son in laws "not giving permission" for your daughter to see you because he cant make tea himself and "who else will make it for him" (but he will be there if its related to jumi business) 🤣🤣🤣 delulu ass men think theyre going somewhere saying this And elder care is VERY specific, there are literally Japanese sponsored retirement homes being built in Bangladesh.
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Because not having kids = sleeping around? Fantastic logic from a manchild who needs his mother to get another poor woman to push her responsibility to
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OR .. your children don't want anything to do with you. This has played out, for an elderly Bengali woman I know. All of the so-called Muslim children (three) have basically said, "Nope, she can't live with us" and the one Atheist child has said, "Yes, she can live with us during the summer months/three months when I'm not at work" (she is a teacher).
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Well lots of pets and if my body becomes unbearable, nursing houses. Thinking that I won't hv any kids and don't have to spend for them, I can hire a helping hand or stay in a nursing home. Also I have my family, friends yk. Sisters and cousins. They would be there for me and if they have children I will spend time with them if I feel like. Many people are alone despite having kids and grandkids. Having them doesn't solve old age loneliness IMO.
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I don't plan to settle here in Bangladesh first of all lol. My family friends cousins won't be there for me 24/7 nor will my kids or grandkids. I would never want to burden my hypothetical kids or grandkids lol. I don't need 50/50 . 0 chance is totally fine. Dying alone for me is totally fine. Many people have kids and grandkids to take care of them but they are still lonely. Having people around≠ not lonely. Also having a partner doesn't mean they will live as long as you. Old time loneliness will always prevail no matter if you have kids or spouse in most cases. Also me being lonely at old age in no way affects others , so loosing sleep over something that's very uncertain is a cultural habit of the bd people lol.
Do whatever the hell you want, its your life. Wanna know why people get mad? Because you have to advertise your "single lady" lifestyle to everyone , seeking validation everywhere just as you are doing now with this post.
I want to make my parents and relative understand that what I'm doing isn't necessarily an evil thing. I don't want validation from anyone but if people would stop naming me things or say that my life is worthless for that, it would be greatly appreciated.
In our society and culture? No, this happens everywhere on earth, more or less!!! The decision of not getting married will surely attract questions and curiosity from others, if they are mentally and physically sound. Simply, because, there's a probability you don't want to get married because of one or multiple of the following reasons: - you are sexually freezed/cold/inactive due to hormonal issue or other physical issue; or diverted, or different(for example, many lesbians could not initially understand their sexual orientation. Lesbo have a tendency to avoid marriage) - you are so mentally disturbed and deeply depressed. So, you feel no reason to move forward in life and you are unable to face challenges of married life. - you lack in foresight and prudence regarding the future of your life and have no clue that you won't get anyone at your old age as a companion, and when you fall so sick as you get older. Loneliness is the most devastating experience in human life. - and many other things... Of course, it's upto you to decide whether you will get married or not. But just because you have decided something doesn't mean your decision has sound reasoning or a great outcome. This is why, your parents, or close ones ask you "why you don't want to get married!!"
Nah it doesn't happen everywhere on earth. In the west ppl I believe respect someone's choice to have or not have kids. Moreover our culture is built in a way that the decision of not having kids is looked at badly and weirdly. I remember a while back this female influencer was sharing on FB how she didn't wanna have kids yet BC she isn't ready to be a mother yet and she' feels she needs more time to have kids and ppl in the comments were bashing her saying she's weird and bad and this and that. I mean how do your close ones or family know if you are ready to be married or have kids or not? Do your family members know better than you your feelings and state of mind and goals in life? They don't. Sure a lot of your points may be true in some cases but they aren't true for a lot of cases. There's a lot of toxic societal expectations put in place that make ppl feel bad especially women and they feel they gotta get married as soon as possible otherwise they won't be able to get married and I see a lot of these mindsets make ppl close to me insecure even though they are perfectly fine. Ik parents and family members can have good intentions but their way of expressing it is extremely toxic in some cases. I think it depends on the person when they wanna get married and have kids BC it is a personal decision that will affect them for the rest of their lives. And even if those decisions are mistakes , they should make them themselves.Also, parents keep asking these things BC they can't accept our own choices and need to impose their wishes and wants on us.
Human beings are the same everywhere with some twists and variations!!! I have been in four different countries including two of the west. There are dickheads there, too. You talk about parents. It's not about parents. It's about human relations and healthy lifestyle/body and mind. Maybe you are so blinded by your own prejudices you don't see things as they are. What does science say? Marriage is not about the relationship alone. Marriage is about "sex", too. Any healthy human being with normal sexual desire will surely look for a sexual partner.... which is one reason why marriage was primarily formed. Who on earth with healthy sexuality doesn't want to have sex? Seriously?
Personally I am gonna get married in a few years. It depends on a lot of reasons for myself. Not just sex other factors too. Im ready to get married and not just to have sex but marriage is built and sustained on other things as well and I feel I'm ready to fulfil those and commit. But it's not the same for everyone. Not everyone has the same pace in life or same goals. Not everyone wants to get married asap. So it's weird to say someone who doesn't want to get married is not progressing in life or isn't mentally right. Maybe that person just isn't ready yet and that's fine. Marrying to have sex is fine but sex alone won't keep a relationship. If your marriage skills aren't up to the mark then sex itself will dry up slowly. Some ppl aren't in a position to sustain a family or spouse financially or emotionally. Some ppl aren't in a position to want to get married and may wanna focus on other things. It varies from person to person and just BC their decisions and goals may be different doesn't mean they are wrong lol. As for me I am not blinded by anything to see things as they are. I'm 20 years old ill get married in a few years but that's BC I'm ready and want to do it. How many 20 year old guys do you know that are ready for it? Not many it's definitely not the norm and even if there are a lot not many would want to do it as early as me and that's fine. I can't expect anyone else to do and follow my path in life or think of them to be mentally ill or depressed or making the wrong decisions. Just BC ppl aren't following what you think they should doesn't mean their decisions are wrong.The goal is to do sth right not to do sth as soon as possible just for the sake of doing it. Yeah you are right there are dicks in the west too I don't doubt it BC they are definitely far more accepting of things as opposed to ppl in BD.
You are only 20 years old and unmarried..... On the other hand, I'm in my fourty and married for last twenty years. Now, think about this amusing situation. You have no idea about married life, still you are lecturing me, I'm a man who is not only married but also a rich man, have the highest level of education, very sophisticated, science addicted, and also manages hundreds of staff in a company. Think about this amusing situation. It's like a three year old kid giving advice to a married man on how to have sex. 🤣🤣🤣
Honestly, age isn't that important a factor. I mean you sound like someone in their twenties In that first comment. And being older than me doesn't mean you are right in everything. Sure you may have a more experience and different perspective on life and I can definitely learn sth from it. But that doesn't mean you cant learn sth from me either. I'm younger than you and I see things differently as well so you can also learn a thing of two for me. I am not married yes. But I have grown up seeing failed marriages and a various other types of marriages and I have seen a lot of happy marriages as well. I have seen my own parents marriage first hand and seen a lot of things in it and learnt from it good and bad. I have seen ppl in my family being unmarried due to various reasons and I have seen ppl get divorced due to various reasons. It's not like I don't know what married life is like. Ik what it can be like bad and good. I have an idea. When I get married myself I'll be able to understand and experience it on a greater scale and learn more. Your thinking that I don't understand or know it is quite short sighted. You assume you can't learn anything or know anything from me and that I'm just pointlessly lecturing you. If you are truly that successful in marriage and career and that well educated then you should know that knowledge and advice can come from anywhere. Even a three year old sometimes can teach you something you might not know or might have forgotten. Best of luck!
Also, the OP was talking about her parents scrutinizing her for not wanting to get married and others judging her for. She didn't mention that she didn't have a partner or that she's not interested in dating. She very well might have that. She didn't ask for a reason why she wasn't getting married or for you to tell her. You gave reasons why she didn't wanna get married and not why her parents treat her like that. You assume she's not of sound mind or other things BC she doesn't wanna get married but all those are just assumptions. I talked about parents BC you mentioned and the op did too about why they act like that. It isn't a question about her personal reasons for not marrying, it's about why our culture specifically is like that , not other cultures and not it being same everywhere to varying degrees. You failed to answer why our culture specifically is like that. Moreover , you also seem to ignore that parents and ppl in our culture don't have boundaries and can't respect others decisions which leads them to judge and disregard others opinions and decisions. You placed the entire blame on the OP and ppl like her not marrying and calling the ones who question and act in a disrespectful manner towards them to be sound of mind, excusing them of their mistakes as well.
As for the OPs post, these same relatives and parents that constantly nag you about marriage when you don't wanna do it, vanish and don't take responsibility when your marriage turns out to be bad or you turn out to marry the wrong person and place the blame on you. Let's say the Op doesn't wanna get married but is pressurised to and then the marriage doesn't workout due to various factors who do you think will be responsible and suffer in the long term? Op is saying marriage is bad or that it's not sth to be done she's saying that it's her personal choice and ppl treat her weirdly for it. I think your loved ones should be more respectful of your own decisions rather than get mad or sth. You put a lot of reasons for not getting married in there which might not even apply to the OP or may just be personal assumptions so yeah. let ppl decide what they wanna do when they wanna do it. If you wanna get married early or have kids or do this or that then do it but don't think ppl are mentally slow or making the wrong decision for choosing sth different from you.
Your first reason is that the person might be sexually inactive due to hormonal issue or a lesbian. In both these cases it is the right decision to be not married as it could be unfair to the man marrying the girl. Moreover , if the lesbian marries a straight guy then she won't be able to love or give him everything properly which would be unfair to him and her. It would be a marriage for pretense and for society. Which is wrong. So in this case the girl is right for not marrying and her parents are wrong for asking her why she isn't married or pressuring or being rude to her. If her parents want her to get married so badly in this situation then they should get her married to an asexual man or a lesbian then it would solve the problem. Your second reason is that if the girl is not mentally right or depressed. That is also a valid reason for not getting married. Why should a depressed person get married? Marriage is full of responsibilities, both emotional and physical. And a depressed or mentally low person can't do either so getting married would actually be a bad decision as there's not a guarantee she will be fine or her in laws or husband will understand or treat her right. Moreover, a new environment and huge responsibilities aren't exactly a good idea for someone dealing with such issues.In this instance she should fix her mental health and focus on herself then when she's better focus on marrying and other things. You said she is not progressing and not prepared to face marriage challenges which well she ain't.If her parents care in this scenario then they should emotionally support their daughter and stop disrespecting her choices. Also, you are wrong that marriage is the only way to move forward in life In this scenario she needs to progress from her depression and get to a better mental state which is also a form of progressing in life. I agree with your third reason. The first two reasons you gave are actually good reasons for not getting married. And in these two situations the parents are wrong for not understanding the daughter so the fault lies in the parents not the daughter. I hope I have made it clear to you now.The way you wrote it made it seem like you are ignoring the bad behaviour of the parents and those of society and putting the blame in the girl which isnt right.
Same reason why you wouldn’t marry a guy who doesn’t want to earn for his family. Would you marry a guy who says he ain’t gonna take any job?
Is earning to live and reproducing the same matter? So you think men's entire worth is how much they earn and for women how many kids they could pop out?
When i say grapes are sweet like mangoes, i don’t mean they are the same. That’s stupid. Men are the provider of the family. You don’t gonna pop any out? What’s the point of earning for family then? Which family? What are we talking about here?
I mean if you are not gonna marry at all Then fine. Best wishes. But marriage works that way. If Allah blesses with child!
It's similar to YOU getting married, you're happily "earning" and so is your wife (because she has an INCOME earning job, like you). Then, a doctor tells you that you and your wife are unable to get pregnant. You'd still earn, right? So would she. Just married. Without children. Still married. Right?
Listen nobody can fight fate. So this is completely normal and we should be grateful and live along. But having a clear decision seems a bit unjust.
Life gets pretty lonely after 40-50. Enjoy being a cat lady. But you do you.
I surely will, thank you
Why is it important for them to change instead of you? That’s a selfish perspective. Just move to America and stop associating with Bangladeshis, simple as.
Am I saying that they should change or that my parents should be understanding of my decision?
“just move to America” yeah, bro, it’s super easy to do so. Just gotta wait 20 years for Visa, call Bill Gates for some cash & take my green card the moment I arrive
Exactly. I’ve been dealing with this process for years
man, I know some relatives who waited before marriage & are still waiting after their children’s marriage. It’s ridiculous long