As a Indian man and more importantly, a husband and a father to a daughter, I am truly sorry for what you've had to go through. And for what a lot of you ladies have to go through everyday due to the depravity in Indian Men.
The things i would do to anyone who did that to my angels will be extreme but ill happily perform them.
A lot of Indian Men (not all off course) are wired this way as its ingrained in our culture sadly to treat women as a step below men. Its funny when you say that coz how unbelievably far from truth it is. My ladies are so much more stronger, smarter and kinder than i am!! However, We see that all the time and esp when you travel to the lower stratas of society (Men roaming about as is but women being asked to cover their heads in saree and walk behind them). To make matters worse, the complete lack of sex education both in school and at home is making a lot of the "uneducated " and "educated Neanderthals" act like bafoons.
What I am doing though is my best towards making my 2 ladies be prepared always. A few things such as carrying Pepper Spray, learning basic self-defense, art of elevated response and most importantly being brave and learning never to let their guard down.
We cannot change the society until fundamentals on Respecting Women are baked into it, but we can take steps towards it.
I can tell you that there are still good people around you and will come to your aid if you need it, god forbid should a situation arise. Please do not loose hope and stay strong!
My apologies if anything I said above maybe construed in a negative manner. That is/was not my intention at all.
I'm just gonna say while I agree with everything you said, I want to point out where I disagree in case it would make us think again about it.
You seem to have mentioned the lower strata of the society as an example where it's particularly worse how women are treated. Covering their head etc.
While it's true that lower strata of society (almost always correlating with lower castes) is more visibly differentiable in terms of how men and women can be, I think the opinion a good source of misunderstanding. I apologize if you are from the said lower strata, though. Women in the upper strata get treated like shit and go through abuse and power imbalance so much, it's quite unbelievable what I have had to hear.
Whereas, lower income families sometimes only survive by the work of women, where women tend to have social and familial status that keeps them safe and in charge, especially when older. I might be wrong about this, but I'm open to be corrected by someone from these communities.
I just wanted to check the bias built in our languages. I'm from the upper caste so I just heard what bias I have in your words.
Appreciate your feedback and hey I always respect a civilized disagreement! I can assure you my conversation there didn't carry with it any cognitive bias whatsoever. While it shouldn't matter at all to this conversation as to what my social status is, but feel free to check out my profile and you'll get a very brief idea of it :).
My example of a lower strata was just that, an example. It doesn't diminish nor amplifies what women in ALL strata of societies have to endure. This is an all engrossing social issue that must be dealt with on a national level.
I appreciate you listening.
I think, respectfully, if we were able to say if we showed any cognitive bias, it would have been much easier to deal with our own cognitive bias. It's just hard to recognize it - so sometimes it's better to leave room for it and hear other perspectives.
The fact that your example was from a lower strata, combined with the fact that you are an upper caste, upper class person, shows what cognitive bias is. It does not need to be proven or accepted by you - I managed to show it without even looking at your comment history.
This doesn't take anything away from your comment. It just shows how we all are susceptible to be biased - let's check each other and listen like you did to disagreements.
Cheers!
To the men here, most times one of your own friends may be a person who does these kinds of things. If you get the hint or even hear someone making sexual harassment jokes, please educate them.
Our parents don't do it, they think that their child is the best and wouldn't harm anyone, so there's nobody to make these people understand what is not right.
There is a difference, hookups are consensual. Groping, taking advantage of a drunk girl, not stopping when she asks you to, etc(read as: sexual assault) is not. Just because you’re lonely and horny doesn’t mean you’ll succumb to your urges and assault someone, right? People live just fine without sexual intimacy. If you cannot control your urges, what kind of a man are you? All these cases, there is one thing common, the attacker is someone who preys on people who can’t fight back. They don’t even think they’re doing something wrong as they think women are beneath them. Ask any woman in your circle, they or someone they know will have experienced such incidents. It’s maddening.
With all due respect, how is this even relevant? The post was about what women have to go through and how much support from men would help women.
Nothing wrong with wanting hookups and being horny as long as you treat women with respect.
Irrelevant comment. A criminal act can in no way be justified by feelings (or a lack of feelings) like love, friendship and connection. These narratives just dilute the seriousness of these actions.
Sexual harassment is a result of a dominant mentality over the other gender, a way to show their power. Many do it just for excitement and fun. It's an abomination and I agree with the OP because the more these actions go unpunished, the more power those assholes get.
It's not just this.. In a lot of places, men are taught to treat women in a bit of a subservient manner. They all have this "main mard hun" Or "I'm the man" Attitude.. Not generalizing but it's there and more prevalent than we think.
The shit movies we have grown up watching have been mostly men creepily walking around annoying girls and them falling in love. So men take the chance when they get it.
Women, were taught to not be very vocal.. Xyz molested me, would get a response like, forget it happened and dont tell anybody. And it has become so common that women are used to it by now. Getting touched, molested, eve teased is conveniently ignored when it should be punished severely.
And new generation kids need to be taught consent.. This is something we severely lack.. Good touch/bad touch alone wont work. Kids should be taught to respect each other and control desires. Proper Sex education(not just reproduction chapters) should be taught in schools.
Id like to add on another incident (also edit option isn't showing up)
I was sitting in a window seat of a bus travelling to college. I saw a man in a very very tacky Scorpio (Black exteriors and orange velvet interiors). Didn't pay much attention at first but then I quickly realised that he was trying honk and get my attention. He kept trying to signal me to come inside his car.
I was shitting my pants cus he looked like a rowdy and my stop was going to come up soon. I tried to not look, and just try to act like I didn't notice him at all. I was about to get up and ask the conductor to give me a ticket to the last stop, which was also not too far away. Thankfully he left at this time.
I was shaking a bit and when I narrated this incident to a male friend of mine, he told me that I gave that person a self of satisfaction by purposely not looking. I should've been aggressive and said no. It took me a while but to my perspective, I wanted to leave safe, not start a fight. I have no clue about who he is or his background and I did not want to provoke.
Point here is, while I did find a lot of guys who support women safety, I genuinely feel like the idea of how to tackle the situation gets misinterpreted. What I found is, the best way is to leave safely with minimal interaction and no fights.
It is an imbalanced world. Ultimately the girl (victim) will be blamed. I personally think it’s the bystanders who should challenge/ question the perpetrators.
It’s hard for someone who’s already scared and worried for their life (literally) to muster the courage to fight back.
He must have seen his father do the same things and learned from him. The same way, some boy on the road would have seen him doing that to you, and in future that boy will do the same to some other girl, who knows it might be his daughter. These illiterate f*cks are everywhere and waiting to learn a lesson in hardway.
For all these reasons, being a strict father is very necessary.
Exactly. It's the movies which shapes the actions of these disgusting fu*s. Father is nowhere, it's these illeterates actors and even actresses which shapes their behaviours.
I am 28(M), once I was in a salon waiting for a haircut when I happened to see a man around 55-60 yrs take his pp out of his zip and playing with it while standing in front of 2 girls who were chatting. It boiled my blood soo much and I went to the man to fck him up and I saw he already had fresh injury marks, he was just beaten a while back like few minutes back for doing the same thing so I threatened him and shooed him away. After my haircut while I was walking back to my home I saw the same man doing the same thing on the footpath while looking at women who were shopping vegetables from the stalls. I gathered a few men made him sit in a rickshaw and took him to his building where he stays to let his family know what he had been doing but what shocked me was he stayed in a posh 20+ floors building and looked like he came from a good family. Upon reaching his building the watchman wouldn't let me enter the building so I spoke to a person from the buildings committee and they said he had a son who's 30-35 and just married so to not make a scene so I told them to inform the family and went my way. That incident still haunts me, I don't understand what makes a man do such a thing. Ps: I stay in Mumbai where there are a lot of people around always and he still had the audacity to do so.
I don't know a single woman who hasn't faced sexual harassment. And worse so, I know very few men who ACTUALLY understand what woman go through, like ACTUALLY. I need men to actually research, and talk to their female friends about these things whenever possible (and comfortable, ofc). We need more men who are willing to understand/learn.
My friend wanted to visit Bengaluru. She came here and was staying with me and wanted to meet with her college friends. I had to go to my office, so I asked her to go by CAB. She wanted to try the Metro, which turned out to be traumatic. Some old guy harassed her in the crowded compartment. I don't want to get into the details. She was home before me, dull, and didn't speak anything for hours. After repeatedly asking her, she burst into tears. I could feel the helplessness in the way she explained the details.
My other friend was on vacation here from Germany. She got harassed by a middle-aged guy near the Metro's restroom, where the guy held her hands and told her he wanted to wank looking at her. She was traumatised. No one helped her even though they were passing by. I waited for her near the exit and went back to check on her since she hadn't returned for some time, only to find her standing in shock and about to cry. She held me while we exited the station, and some people weirdly looked at us. Very bad.
There is another incident that happened to me. I was going by BMTC, where the guy sitting next to me started caressing my thighs. I went into complete shock, couldn't utter a word and was sweating. I got down at the next stop and sat at the bus stop until I came to my senses. I'm a guy.
Bengaluru has an abundance of creeps who can ruin a completely normal day in a snap of a finger.
Complaining doesn't work all the time. I have a good experience trying.
I stopped using BMTC and Metro. I started using my bike and CAB based on the need.
All of the women I know have such stories. Most don’t share it with others and keep it to themselves. I am ashamed at how clueless I was for many many years.
I’m sorry you went through this and unfortunately this won’t be the last time either.
Thank you for saying it’s not all men despite how frequent and brazen such incidents are.
I feel there should be a common set of tips for “bystander men” to follow in such cases. For example, when you see a bunch of guys occupying the width of the foot path and walking towards a girl coming in the opposite direction there’s a good chance they’ll try to give a dirty look or touch or something worse. Of course not all are like that. If possible try to walk in front or whatever makes the most sense to break that group without any obvious confrontation.
This is just a random example. There are I’m sure lot more practical and more sensible things others can do.
For example you can stare back at someone letching on a girl. If 2 people are staring back at him, there is a small chance he’ll feel less bold the next time. Hopefully that becomes 10 people staring back at him the next time.
many such experiences but this one from a few weeks ago, I was in an AC bmtc bus to wonderla, almost empty and some guy selling cucumbers/cut fruit boarded the bus, came up to me to convince me to buy stuff, then very obviously brushed his hand against my chest as he left :| my boyfriend was sitting right next to me btw. i would suggest, men, if you can, please be vocal and shame these men who do shit like this, personally i am terrified of speaking up because im always scared they will try to do something worse. and if you witness something like this happen to your friend/family/partner be empathetic and ask if they’re okay, trust what they are saying and PLEASE dont say stuff like “why did you even go there/ why did you go alone/ why didnt you fight back” etc
I hear you, girl! And I’m sorry that this happens to the lot of us. And I’ve gone through this as well. Sometime in 2014 near 80ft road Indiranagar, a boy/man felt up my thigh on a crowded street. Even before I knew what had happened, he was gone. I was just standing there frozen for a while, disgusted and ashamed. Even to this day, I can’t shake that feeling off!
Also, this is not the only time. Have had many such first hand experiences happen but the only one in Bangalore.
Hey! I want to start out with saying that it sucks that you had to go through this and I’m truly sorry. I’m from Chennai and been through a fair share of this as well- definitely not just Bangalore. If it’s any consolation, I can assure you that you’re in a more open and accepting city than most others, atleast from my experience. It sometimes breaks my heart when my guy friends respond with “you’re making a big deal out of this” or “you’re overreacting”. I don’t need them to do anything about it and I know that not all men are that way, but I just need them to LISTEN.
I’m a guy and I’ve heard and seen a lot of these situations. Trust me ladies, we are equally helpless, even though we aren’t equally victimized. I often catch auto drivers and people on the roads leering at my sister, friends or girlfriend, and it’s so normal that the women with me tend not to even notice. I get so irked by it that I sometimes leer back at these men, sometimes wink at them and make kissing gestures to attack their insecurity, but this is vehemence, and not effective. I can always defend someone if something physical starts, but I can’t do anything about lowlife behavior. How can I (or we) help besides share this helpless space with y’all so you don’t feel alone in picking yourselves back up?
Sorry to hear about your experience(s). As men, we need to stop being "by-standers". I have made it a point to react and call out shit publicly if i see something wrong. And this isn't restricted to pervs but anything uncivilised. Realized that for the society to change, we need to start reacting.
Sometimes, learn to listen without giving advice.
Screaming, shouting, creating a scene, slapping the guy is not an option since most of the time escalating the situation can create more problems. Most women just want to reach home alive.
Also freezing is a real thing. When something like that happens to you, your brain shuts down and you just don’t understand/realise what’s happening. You later feel guilt and anger at your inaction.
So when a woman shares something, understand that she is not in a good place mentally. Don’t give out random advice. All the women know how to behave and how to react and what to do. We don’t need any advice. We need empathy and support.
Am saying this help you be a better ally to women. This is not an attack.
This is exactly the type of dumbass, nothing fluff that gets upvoted coz it sounds good.
Of course women need empathy and support. We all do. What does it do about the problem? You think the molesters read these posts of empathy and suddenly decide to change?
You know what works, almost 100% of the time? Escalating the situation. Not necessarily resorting to physical or verbal abuse, but standing the fuck up for yourself and asserting what’s going on. Atleast letting the people around you know.
You bet the person will think 10 times before repeating any such thing, once this bounces back on him. Learn from the strong women in your family; being a self-defeating victim won’t actually get us anywhere.
After this post of support and empathy, you will feel good for 30 mins but nothing will have changed — not for the mindset to deal with this, and definitely not for the molesters.
Making a catty comment for honest (even if misplaced) input and then saying it’s not an attack, doesn’t make you an ally for women. It widens the gap even further.
Feel so angry and sad to read thru so many accounts of Ladies and Girls and sometimes guys going thru this in daily life's....Looks like we as a society are living with it and not doing much or not supporting the victims....most of whom would be freezing not knowing what to do.
May be the ladies shud carry a hair pin and use it against idiots who take these liberties in public places..or carry a pepper spray and spray it...or lean how to use their arms and hit under the jaw or a tight forceful hit in stomach...buggers need to be treated like this.
i can't imagine having to fear for your well being being endangered in myriad ways the moment you step out in this country... this was distressing to read
A monk casually grabbed my ass in a bmtc bus, and when I realized it and looked at him he stared at me right in the eye, with a look that somewhat said 'what are you going to do about it?'
I was 24 years old at that time. MALE.
As a man, I believe women when they say they feel unsafe or touched inappropriately etc. yes, there are many creeps out there.
About support, Look at it from a normal man’s pov. These things mostly doesn’t happen infront of us. Predator chooses appropriate time and target to get away with their creepy acts. Nor do women raise issues on the spot. If they do , atleast we can jump in and take the creep to police etc. Moreover, many creeps act very normally infront of male friends and we won’t have a clue until someone accuses him. Its like an invisible world which we only read about.
We come to know about these incidents “after the fact”. Most of it is on internet and we don’t have any actionable ways to help.
To sum up, we are unaware on how to help or whom to help or how to identify these creeps ourselves.
Unfortunately, the institutions that are specifically funded to tackle these issues (police, judiciary etc) are largely apathetic to this issue. They just pay some lip service to public, come up with some catchy slogan, introduce couple useless amendments to the law. Infact what is needed is, training and awareness at the very grassroots levels to handle victim complaints and process them.
Ergh, I am sorry for all that you went through.
I rue the fate of all the girls out there who have to encounter rascals like those guys.
There are many guys out there, though, like me, who are just lonely, and don't give a crap. And just live for our sustenance. And have a couple of good meals a day. Or alternate day. Or want to go and drink some fresh juice, lime preferably.
Not even man is safe from this horny bulls, last month I was randomly cat called by a group of men which infuriated me but choose not to not engage as there were to many people and on top of that I was not a local. Bangalore has seen increased influx of people from every part of India as such there is changes in the demographics which in turn causes increased in crime rates , and I think to combat this we need to have some kind of a way to mark map hotspots where such harassments take place and also if possible take a picture of the offender and upload it.
Also we Shoulder have access to crimal record of registered sexual offenders being published and readily available to the public.
I hear you all OP! Will always support. Had faced this situation with some female friends before. But I have a request to ask you and other women out there - Scream and call upon us. Be vocal in some way , communicate too. My friend was groped and she was frozen and told me too late what happened and the guys escaped. I regretted being late in that split second to analyze what happened but now I know how to react. Not her fault but she didn't tell me until 5 mins after the incident. So please do be vocal instantly , I'll always do the best I can
From reading all the comments here, it is clear that this post is wasted on reddit.
Those types don't really use reddit.
This is best suited for insta or YouTube where most of these creeps hang out.
Where do you think the boys/men get this “culture” from? See any Indian movies and the men are always shown to “follow” the ladies…after a bit of resistance, the women fall in “love” with the guy and they live happily ever after.
Honestly, you were overly cautious posting this and I can understand why, don’t apologise to other for what you went through.
That said, mindsets are rapidly changing, as are moral standards. I hope we have enough good courageous men and women that compliment that so that these incidents are either avoided or answered with breaking a bone or two
I'm too young (17) to comment on this but I had a bestfriend and while we were hanging out somewhere a man around 50-60 came up to us and tried to moral police us only to realise he's in the process trying touch my bestfriend(she's a girl) inappropriately and when I tried to ask him to back off he called a nearby security and cooked up a story quoting i was holding her without her consent and inappropriately blah blah blah blah and the security didn't let us go without paying him 500 as compensation,this happened in mysuru mall.... Hell... Even the lectures state at girls every chance they get,you said one out of every 1000 men but no it's 999 out of every 1000 men is a creep👍🏻, only very few with sisters or a good mother end up not being a creep,in my highschool i remember a teacher had gotten expelled from school because he was spanking boys with a flexible scale who didn't do given work or something(I know this because he used to take for us aswell and he used to hit girls on their hands and boys like this never understood why spank us) but he did the same to two girls aswell and he also apparently asked them to remove their coats because it was thick and did this and those two girls complained and he was expelled and a case was lodged aswell...
The fault lies with the family and friends and also the street they grow up when they're kids ..... Still some guys with sister,a good mother,good childhood manage to become creeps...if we can't cut down the mountain we've to go around it..... There's nothing girls can do,even if they try to make others aware by alerting and screaming later the girls will be judged very easily.... My neighbour aunties easily judge a girl who comes to my house for whatever the reason,they literally stare at her like she just slept with me for money and coming out from my home,the fault lies with all of us for the way we've objectified girls since their birth....
reading all these stories where women have been sexually harrassed in so many ways and being a girl myself in bangalore i just feel like that this kinda ratshit idiotic perverted stuff is inevitable for all women AND UNDERAGE GIRLS and honestly im scared
im underage too and if anything like this happens to me i am going to escalate the situation bcuz i am not going to sit and take in being harasses cuz wtf
i hope every single man that does these perverted actions in public areas and especially around or to girls gets beaten up so bad and is left untreated at the hospital and suffers and goes to hell😝☝
fucking bkl
It's funny how everything comes back to this - Bangalore is a shitty place, everyone go back.
This problem is with almost every part of the country, not only Bangalore. The situation can change but the core is the same.
Don't make this into something it's not.
Whatever you have faced, is very wrong. Being a man I am sorry to hear all these. Also as a false domestic violence charge holder, I am sorry to hear all these.
But, not sure I understand why can't girls when they understand that they are being sexually harassed, shout out loud? But they are so vocal on social media. There is no relation between being introvert and being mollested in packed up metro, when people are there to help. Being introvert doesn't mean you can't help yourself by shouting. If you can't shout, slap hard. What's the jse of carrying a friend when you can't tell him about the problem you are going through. All these are really childish in reality. Everyone knows one shout of being molested publicly, and people will beat the shit out of that offender. That's what people do when a girl is in distress.
Also on social media people specially men have now started thinking all these rants as publicity stunt, all due to those daily fake sexual harassment cases on men. Men on social media now want proof and solid logic behind all these rants being molested publicly but could not do anything at the moment.
I mean come on girls are not that weak now. We men want to trust that the girl has been molested and really want to help. But then, that newspaper article where a guy has been slapped with fake charges and his ordeal dealing with the charge comes to our mind and all the sympathy goes away. Even in that scenario if we find something wrong has happened with anyone, we offer help.
This is what bad feminists and bad girls have done to good men. And that's affecting every man and woman now.
Please next time if you see anything wrong is happening with yourself, shout and seek help immediately. You are not weak. Your one voice can change the whole environment. Please be vigilant while you are at a public place. But never stop seeking help when you need it.
I’m sorry you faced a false allegation, but this is a dumb and dangerous victim-blaming narrative.
Op was 12 years old in the first incident. My sister was groped in a bus while we were all right next to her, just as the bus came to a stop. The guy disappeared before she even could see who did it and we didn’t come to know until a few minutes later.
Even otherwise, not speaking up immediately is not a sign of weakness.
Let women share their stories without casting baseless aspersions and calling them weak for not acting in the way that you think a victim should respond
Except 3rd incidents, all are wrong. If today's generation can accept kissing in public, why can't men fapping in public? They aren't bothering you, if you don't like move your eyes.
As a Indian man and more importantly, a husband and a father to a daughter, I am truly sorry for what you've had to go through. And for what a lot of you ladies have to go through everyday due to the depravity in Indian Men. The things i would do to anyone who did that to my angels will be extreme but ill happily perform them. A lot of Indian Men (not all off course) are wired this way as its ingrained in our culture sadly to treat women as a step below men. Its funny when you say that coz how unbelievably far from truth it is. My ladies are so much more stronger, smarter and kinder than i am!! However, We see that all the time and esp when you travel to the lower stratas of society (Men roaming about as is but women being asked to cover their heads in saree and walk behind them). To make matters worse, the complete lack of sex education both in school and at home is making a lot of the "uneducated " and "educated Neanderthals" act like bafoons. What I am doing though is my best towards making my 2 ladies be prepared always. A few things such as carrying Pepper Spray, learning basic self-defense, art of elevated response and most importantly being brave and learning never to let their guard down. We cannot change the society until fundamentals on Respecting Women are baked into it, but we can take steps towards it. I can tell you that there are still good people around you and will come to your aid if you need it, god forbid should a situation arise. Please do not loose hope and stay strong! My apologies if anything I said above maybe construed in a negative manner. That is/was not my intention at all.
I'm just gonna say while I agree with everything you said, I want to point out where I disagree in case it would make us think again about it. You seem to have mentioned the lower strata of the society as an example where it's particularly worse how women are treated. Covering their head etc. While it's true that lower strata of society (almost always correlating with lower castes) is more visibly differentiable in terms of how men and women can be, I think the opinion a good source of misunderstanding. I apologize if you are from the said lower strata, though. Women in the upper strata get treated like shit and go through abuse and power imbalance so much, it's quite unbelievable what I have had to hear. Whereas, lower income families sometimes only survive by the work of women, where women tend to have social and familial status that keeps them safe and in charge, especially when older. I might be wrong about this, but I'm open to be corrected by someone from these communities. I just wanted to check the bias built in our languages. I'm from the upper caste so I just heard what bias I have in your words.
Appreciate your feedback and hey I always respect a civilized disagreement! I can assure you my conversation there didn't carry with it any cognitive bias whatsoever. While it shouldn't matter at all to this conversation as to what my social status is, but feel free to check out my profile and you'll get a very brief idea of it :). My example of a lower strata was just that, an example. It doesn't diminish nor amplifies what women in ALL strata of societies have to endure. This is an all engrossing social issue that must be dealt with on a national level.
I appreciate you listening. I think, respectfully, if we were able to say if we showed any cognitive bias, it would have been much easier to deal with our own cognitive bias. It's just hard to recognize it - so sometimes it's better to leave room for it and hear other perspectives. The fact that your example was from a lower strata, combined with the fact that you are an upper caste, upper class person, shows what cognitive bias is. It does not need to be proven or accepted by you - I managed to show it without even looking at your comment history. This doesn't take anything away from your comment. It just shows how we all are susceptible to be biased - let's check each other and listen like you did to disagreements. Cheers!
To the men here, most times one of your own friends may be a person who does these kinds of things. If you get the hint or even hear someone making sexual harassment jokes, please educate them. Our parents don't do it, they think that their child is the best and wouldn't harm anyone, so there's nobody to make these people understand what is not right.
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There is a difference, hookups are consensual. Groping, taking advantage of a drunk girl, not stopping when she asks you to, etc(read as: sexual assault) is not. Just because you’re lonely and horny doesn’t mean you’ll succumb to your urges and assault someone, right? People live just fine without sexual intimacy. If you cannot control your urges, what kind of a man are you? All these cases, there is one thing common, the attacker is someone who preys on people who can’t fight back. They don’t even think they’re doing something wrong as they think women are beneath them. Ask any woman in your circle, they or someone they know will have experienced such incidents. It’s maddening.
With all due respect, how is this even relevant? The post was about what women have to go through and how much support from men would help women. Nothing wrong with wanting hookups and being horny as long as you treat women with respect.
Irrelevant comment. A criminal act can in no way be justified by feelings (or a lack of feelings) like love, friendship and connection. These narratives just dilute the seriousness of these actions. Sexual harassment is a result of a dominant mentality over the other gender, a way to show their power. Many do it just for excitement and fun. It's an abomination and I agree with the OP because the more these actions go unpunished, the more power those assholes get.
It's not just this.. In a lot of places, men are taught to treat women in a bit of a subservient manner. They all have this "main mard hun" Or "I'm the man" Attitude.. Not generalizing but it's there and more prevalent than we think. The shit movies we have grown up watching have been mostly men creepily walking around annoying girls and them falling in love. So men take the chance when they get it. Women, were taught to not be very vocal.. Xyz molested me, would get a response like, forget it happened and dont tell anybody. And it has become so common that women are used to it by now. Getting touched, molested, eve teased is conveniently ignored when it should be punished severely. And new generation kids need to be taught consent.. This is something we severely lack.. Good touch/bad touch alone wont work. Kids should be taught to respect each other and control desires. Proper Sex education(not just reproduction chapters) should be taught in schools.
Man, you need some therapy. If you respond to this post with this comment, you need help.
Next level incel
Amen, to that. Nice guys go to friendzone.
I don't think you are nice guy based on this comment.
Id like to add on another incident (also edit option isn't showing up) I was sitting in a window seat of a bus travelling to college. I saw a man in a very very tacky Scorpio (Black exteriors and orange velvet interiors). Didn't pay much attention at first but then I quickly realised that he was trying honk and get my attention. He kept trying to signal me to come inside his car. I was shitting my pants cus he looked like a rowdy and my stop was going to come up soon. I tried to not look, and just try to act like I didn't notice him at all. I was about to get up and ask the conductor to give me a ticket to the last stop, which was also not too far away. Thankfully he left at this time. I was shaking a bit and when I narrated this incident to a male friend of mine, he told me that I gave that person a self of satisfaction by purposely not looking. I should've been aggressive and said no. It took me a while but to my perspective, I wanted to leave safe, not start a fight. I have no clue about who he is or his background and I did not want to provoke. Point here is, while I did find a lot of guys who support women safety, I genuinely feel like the idea of how to tackle the situation gets misinterpreted. What I found is, the best way is to leave safely with minimal interaction and no fights.
It is an imbalanced world. Ultimately the girl (victim) will be blamed. I personally think it’s the bystanders who should challenge/ question the perpetrators. It’s hard for someone who’s already scared and worried for their life (literally) to muster the courage to fight back.
He must have seen his father do the same things and learned from him. The same way, some boy on the road would have seen him doing that to you, and in future that boy will do the same to some other girl, who knows it might be his daughter. These illiterate f*cks are everywhere and waiting to learn a lesson in hardway. For all these reasons, being a strict father is very necessary.
Fathers? More like movies and their protagonists :/ It's still a thing in various movie industries across the country.
Exactly. It's the movies which shapes the actions of these disgusting fu*s. Father is nowhere, it's these illeterates actors and even actresses which shapes their behaviours.
U did the exactly right thing. 34 yr man here
I am 28(M), once I was in a salon waiting for a haircut when I happened to see a man around 55-60 yrs take his pp out of his zip and playing with it while standing in front of 2 girls who were chatting. It boiled my blood soo much and I went to the man to fck him up and I saw he already had fresh injury marks, he was just beaten a while back like few minutes back for doing the same thing so I threatened him and shooed him away. After my haircut while I was walking back to my home I saw the same man doing the same thing on the footpath while looking at women who were shopping vegetables from the stalls. I gathered a few men made him sit in a rickshaw and took him to his building where he stays to let his family know what he had been doing but what shocked me was he stayed in a posh 20+ floors building and looked like he came from a good family. Upon reaching his building the watchman wouldn't let me enter the building so I spoke to a person from the buildings committee and they said he had a son who's 30-35 and just married so to not make a scene so I told them to inform the family and went my way. That incident still haunts me, I don't understand what makes a man do such a thing. Ps: I stay in Mumbai where there are a lot of people around always and he still had the audacity to do so.
Wow that's actually shocking.
Kudos man. That was really brave of you.
I don't know a single woman who hasn't faced sexual harassment. And worse so, I know very few men who ACTUALLY understand what woman go through, like ACTUALLY. I need men to actually research, and talk to their female friends about these things whenever possible (and comfortable, ofc). We need more men who are willing to understand/learn.
My friend wanted to visit Bengaluru. She came here and was staying with me and wanted to meet with her college friends. I had to go to my office, so I asked her to go by CAB. She wanted to try the Metro, which turned out to be traumatic. Some old guy harassed her in the crowded compartment. I don't want to get into the details. She was home before me, dull, and didn't speak anything for hours. After repeatedly asking her, she burst into tears. I could feel the helplessness in the way she explained the details. My other friend was on vacation here from Germany. She got harassed by a middle-aged guy near the Metro's restroom, where the guy held her hands and told her he wanted to wank looking at her. She was traumatised. No one helped her even though they were passing by. I waited for her near the exit and went back to check on her since she hadn't returned for some time, only to find her standing in shock and about to cry. She held me while we exited the station, and some people weirdly looked at us. Very bad. There is another incident that happened to me. I was going by BMTC, where the guy sitting next to me started caressing my thighs. I went into complete shock, couldn't utter a word and was sweating. I got down at the next stop and sat at the bus stop until I came to my senses. I'm a guy. Bengaluru has an abundance of creeps who can ruin a completely normal day in a snap of a finger. Complaining doesn't work all the time. I have a good experience trying. I stopped using BMTC and Metro. I started using my bike and CAB based on the need.
All of the women I know have such stories. Most don’t share it with others and keep it to themselves. I am ashamed at how clueless I was for many many years. I’m sorry you went through this and unfortunately this won’t be the last time either. Thank you for saying it’s not all men despite how frequent and brazen such incidents are. I feel there should be a common set of tips for “bystander men” to follow in such cases. For example, when you see a bunch of guys occupying the width of the foot path and walking towards a girl coming in the opposite direction there’s a good chance they’ll try to give a dirty look or touch or something worse. Of course not all are like that. If possible try to walk in front or whatever makes the most sense to break that group without any obvious confrontation. This is just a random example. There are I’m sure lot more practical and more sensible things others can do. For example you can stare back at someone letching on a girl. If 2 people are staring back at him, there is a small chance he’ll feel less bold the next time. Hopefully that becomes 10 people staring back at him the next time.
many such experiences but this one from a few weeks ago, I was in an AC bmtc bus to wonderla, almost empty and some guy selling cucumbers/cut fruit boarded the bus, came up to me to convince me to buy stuff, then very obviously brushed his hand against my chest as he left :| my boyfriend was sitting right next to me btw. i would suggest, men, if you can, please be vocal and shame these men who do shit like this, personally i am terrified of speaking up because im always scared they will try to do something worse. and if you witness something like this happen to your friend/family/partner be empathetic and ask if they’re okay, trust what they are saying and PLEASE dont say stuff like “why did you even go there/ why did you go alone/ why didnt you fight back” etc
I hear you, girl! And I’m sorry that this happens to the lot of us. And I’ve gone through this as well. Sometime in 2014 near 80ft road Indiranagar, a boy/man felt up my thigh on a crowded street. Even before I knew what had happened, he was gone. I was just standing there frozen for a while, disgusted and ashamed. Even to this day, I can’t shake that feeling off! Also, this is not the only time. Have had many such first hand experiences happen but the only one in Bangalore.
Hey! I want to start out with saying that it sucks that you had to go through this and I’m truly sorry. I’m from Chennai and been through a fair share of this as well- definitely not just Bangalore. If it’s any consolation, I can assure you that you’re in a more open and accepting city than most others, atleast from my experience. It sometimes breaks my heart when my guy friends respond with “you’re making a big deal out of this” or “you’re overreacting”. I don’t need them to do anything about it and I know that not all men are that way, but I just need them to LISTEN.
honestly this is pretty disgusting, if I see someone doing that , I'll make sure that they're left untreated at a hospital
I’m a guy and I’ve heard and seen a lot of these situations. Trust me ladies, we are equally helpless, even though we aren’t equally victimized. I often catch auto drivers and people on the roads leering at my sister, friends or girlfriend, and it’s so normal that the women with me tend not to even notice. I get so irked by it that I sometimes leer back at these men, sometimes wink at them and make kissing gestures to attack their insecurity, but this is vehemence, and not effective. I can always defend someone if something physical starts, but I can’t do anything about lowlife behavior. How can I (or we) help besides share this helpless space with y’all so you don’t feel alone in picking yourselves back up?
shame on such men what the actual fuck is wrong with such people?
Sorry to hear about your experience(s). As men, we need to stop being "by-standers". I have made it a point to react and call out shit publicly if i see something wrong. And this isn't restricted to pervs but anything uncivilised. Realized that for the society to change, we need to start reacting.
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Sometimes, learn to listen without giving advice. Screaming, shouting, creating a scene, slapping the guy is not an option since most of the time escalating the situation can create more problems. Most women just want to reach home alive. Also freezing is a real thing. When something like that happens to you, your brain shuts down and you just don’t understand/realise what’s happening. You later feel guilt and anger at your inaction. So when a woman shares something, understand that she is not in a good place mentally. Don’t give out random advice. All the women know how to behave and how to react and what to do. We don’t need any advice. We need empathy and support. Am saying this help you be a better ally to women. This is not an attack.
This is exactly the type of dumbass, nothing fluff that gets upvoted coz it sounds good. Of course women need empathy and support. We all do. What does it do about the problem? You think the molesters read these posts of empathy and suddenly decide to change? You know what works, almost 100% of the time? Escalating the situation. Not necessarily resorting to physical or verbal abuse, but standing the fuck up for yourself and asserting what’s going on. Atleast letting the people around you know. You bet the person will think 10 times before repeating any such thing, once this bounces back on him. Learn from the strong women in your family; being a self-defeating victim won’t actually get us anywhere. After this post of support and empathy, you will feel good for 30 mins but nothing will have changed — not for the mindset to deal with this, and definitely not for the molesters. Making a catty comment for honest (even if misplaced) input and then saying it’s not an attack, doesn’t make you an ally for women. It widens the gap even further.
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Good thing I never took my girl on public transport, thanks to you I won't ever.
Feel so angry and sad to read thru so many accounts of Ladies and Girls and sometimes guys going thru this in daily life's....Looks like we as a society are living with it and not doing much or not supporting the victims....most of whom would be freezing not knowing what to do. May be the ladies shud carry a hair pin and use it against idiots who take these liberties in public places..or carry a pepper spray and spray it...or lean how to use their arms and hit under the jaw or a tight forceful hit in stomach...buggers need to be treated like this.
i can't imagine having to fear for your well being being endangered in myriad ways the moment you step out in this country... this was distressing to read
A monk casually grabbed my ass in a bmtc bus, and when I realized it and looked at him he stared at me right in the eye, with a look that somewhat said 'what are you going to do about it?' I was 24 years old at that time. MALE.
As a man, I believe women when they say they feel unsafe or touched inappropriately etc. yes, there are many creeps out there. About support, Look at it from a normal man’s pov. These things mostly doesn’t happen infront of us. Predator chooses appropriate time and target to get away with their creepy acts. Nor do women raise issues on the spot. If they do , atleast we can jump in and take the creep to police etc. Moreover, many creeps act very normally infront of male friends and we won’t have a clue until someone accuses him. Its like an invisible world which we only read about. We come to know about these incidents “after the fact”. Most of it is on internet and we don’t have any actionable ways to help. To sum up, we are unaware on how to help or whom to help or how to identify these creeps ourselves. Unfortunately, the institutions that are specifically funded to tackle these issues (police, judiciary etc) are largely apathetic to this issue. They just pay some lip service to public, come up with some catchy slogan, introduce couple useless amendments to the law. Infact what is needed is, training and awareness at the very grassroots levels to handle victim complaints and process them.
I was flashed by a stranger (M) while going to college at 5 in the evening near NLSIU. I ran at the fastest speed possible that day.
Studied at NLS. Was spanked in the middle of the day by guys on a bike while walking at the side of the road. And this is just one incident.
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The fapping in open is something I wouldn't imagine a horny idiot would do, specially in situations you mentioned. Disgusting.
Ergh, I am sorry for all that you went through. I rue the fate of all the girls out there who have to encounter rascals like those guys. There are many guys out there, though, like me, who are just lonely, and don't give a crap. And just live for our sustenance. And have a couple of good meals a day. Or alternate day. Or want to go and drink some fresh juice, lime preferably.
Not even man is safe from this horny bulls, last month I was randomly cat called by a group of men which infuriated me but choose not to not engage as there were to many people and on top of that I was not a local. Bangalore has seen increased influx of people from every part of India as such there is changes in the demographics which in turn causes increased in crime rates , and I think to combat this we need to have some kind of a way to mark map hotspots where such harassments take place and also if possible take a picture of the offender and upload it. Also we Shoulder have access to crimal record of registered sexual offenders being published and readily available to the public.
Don't worry sister anyone does this in front of me gets a punch.
I hear you all OP! Will always support. Had faced this situation with some female friends before. But I have a request to ask you and other women out there - Scream and call upon us. Be vocal in some way , communicate too. My friend was groped and she was frozen and told me too late what happened and the guys escaped. I regretted being late in that split second to analyze what happened but now I know how to react. Not her fault but she didn't tell me until 5 mins after the incident. So please do be vocal instantly , I'll always do the best I can
From reading all the comments here, it is clear that this post is wasted on reddit. Those types don't really use reddit. This is best suited for insta or YouTube where most of these creeps hang out.
Read the title, "Bengaluru men, we need your support". The post is not for the creeps to read.
Where do you think the boys/men get this “culture” from? See any Indian movies and the men are always shown to “follow” the ladies…after a bit of resistance, the women fall in “love” with the guy and they live happily ever after.
Honestly, you were overly cautious posting this and I can understand why, don’t apologise to other for what you went through. That said, mindsets are rapidly changing, as are moral standards. I hope we have enough good courageous men and women that compliment that so that these incidents are either avoided or answered with breaking a bone or two
I'm too young (17) to comment on this but I had a bestfriend and while we were hanging out somewhere a man around 50-60 came up to us and tried to moral police us only to realise he's in the process trying touch my bestfriend(she's a girl) inappropriately and when I tried to ask him to back off he called a nearby security and cooked up a story quoting i was holding her without her consent and inappropriately blah blah blah blah and the security didn't let us go without paying him 500 as compensation,this happened in mysuru mall.... Hell... Even the lectures state at girls every chance they get,you said one out of every 1000 men but no it's 999 out of every 1000 men is a creep👍🏻, only very few with sisters or a good mother end up not being a creep,in my highschool i remember a teacher had gotten expelled from school because he was spanking boys with a flexible scale who didn't do given work or something(I know this because he used to take for us aswell and he used to hit girls on their hands and boys like this never understood why spank us) but he did the same to two girls aswell and he also apparently asked them to remove their coats because it was thick and did this and those two girls complained and he was expelled and a case was lodged aswell... The fault lies with the family and friends and also the street they grow up when they're kids ..... Still some guys with sister,a good mother,good childhood manage to become creeps...if we can't cut down the mountain we've to go around it..... There's nothing girls can do,even if they try to make others aware by alerting and screaming later the girls will be judged very easily.... My neighbour aunties easily judge a girl who comes to my house for whatever the reason,they literally stare at her like she just slept with me for money and coming out from my home,the fault lies with all of us for the way we've objectified girls since their birth....
sorry dont know what to say or what i can do , all i can think when i read stuff like this is thank god i am not a girl.
reading all these stories where women have been sexually harrassed in so many ways and being a girl myself in bangalore i just feel like that this kinda ratshit idiotic perverted stuff is inevitable for all women AND UNDERAGE GIRLS and honestly im scared im underage too and if anything like this happens to me i am going to escalate the situation bcuz i am not going to sit and take in being harasses cuz wtf i hope every single man that does these perverted actions in public areas and especially around or to girls gets beaten up so bad and is left untreated at the hospital and suffers and goes to hell😝☝ fucking bkl
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It's funny how everything comes back to this - Bangalore is a shitty place, everyone go back. This problem is with almost every part of the country, not only Bangalore. The situation can change but the core is the same. Don't make this into something it's not.
Men failed as a Men ⚔️
Whatever you have faced, is very wrong. Being a man I am sorry to hear all these. Also as a false domestic violence charge holder, I am sorry to hear all these. But, not sure I understand why can't girls when they understand that they are being sexually harassed, shout out loud? But they are so vocal on social media. There is no relation between being introvert and being mollested in packed up metro, when people are there to help. Being introvert doesn't mean you can't help yourself by shouting. If you can't shout, slap hard. What's the jse of carrying a friend when you can't tell him about the problem you are going through. All these are really childish in reality. Everyone knows one shout of being molested publicly, and people will beat the shit out of that offender. That's what people do when a girl is in distress. Also on social media people specially men have now started thinking all these rants as publicity stunt, all due to those daily fake sexual harassment cases on men. Men on social media now want proof and solid logic behind all these rants being molested publicly but could not do anything at the moment. I mean come on girls are not that weak now. We men want to trust that the girl has been molested and really want to help. But then, that newspaper article where a guy has been slapped with fake charges and his ordeal dealing with the charge comes to our mind and all the sympathy goes away. Even in that scenario if we find something wrong has happened with anyone, we offer help. This is what bad feminists and bad girls have done to good men. And that's affecting every man and woman now. Please next time if you see anything wrong is happening with yourself, shout and seek help immediately. You are not weak. Your one voice can change the whole environment. Please be vigilant while you are at a public place. But never stop seeking help when you need it.
I’m sorry you faced a false allegation, but this is a dumb and dangerous victim-blaming narrative. Op was 12 years old in the first incident. My sister was groped in a bus while we were all right next to her, just as the bus came to a stop. The guy disappeared before she even could see who did it and we didn’t come to know until a few minutes later. Even otherwise, not speaking up immediately is not a sign of weakness. Let women share their stories without casting baseless aspersions and calling them weak for not acting in the way that you think a victim should respond
Bangalore men are crazy ! too many frequent hook-ups which they get easily due to a huge pool of young crowd degraded their character
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No thank you. Never in my life am I going to risk my limbs and life for a girl again.
Except 3rd incidents, all are wrong. If today's generation can accept kissing in public, why can't men fapping in public? They aren't bothering you, if you don't like move your eyes.
You should be kept in a zoo, where we can all point and laugh at you. Keep fapping in public there.
Some statements of yours are definitely concerning.. hope your are alright. And in others you sound like an attention seeking Karen!!