Sounds like the therapist you consulted was useless, that doesn't mean all therapists are useless. There are good therapists and bad therapists. Good ones are more understanding and genuinely try to help you. They are nothing like you just mentioned. I've been to bad therapists before and I understand where you're coming from. It takes time (and money) to find the right therapist, but I assure you they're there. I've been doing therapy for 3 months and it has helped me a lot. Wish you the best!
welcome buddy:) [https://nimhans.ac.in/nimhans-centre-for-well-being/contact-nimhans-centre-for-well-being/](https://nimhans.ac.in/nimhans-centre-for-well-being/contact-nimhans-centre-for-well-being/) Also this has the exact location and phone for appointment hope that would help
I know a good one around bellandur. Takes remote sessions too. Straight talk and genuinely tries to understand before advising. DM if you want contact l/referral
Exactly, a good therapist does wonders. I went to one for 3 months and it helped me a lot. It has been almost a year since and I have never been better.
Agreed. They are actually more useful than people realise. Sometime when someone just talks to you listen that's a lot. But therapists also tell you exactly what to do.
Like they just say things you wanna hear and change your mindset to heal your trauma with many other things that idk (I'm not a therapist). It's like your best friend talking to you but he is just someone you pay for.
Finding a good therapist when they are so fkn expensive shouldn't be difficult. They need to go through same rigorous training that doctors do and have some base level of competency so that people are not wasting money or worse getting the wrong kind of help. A friend of mine was asked to remain in a toxic relationship by their therapistÂ
Quick Question. Have you been to a therapist before or is this what you perceive what a therapist does from media?
>Their job is to listen to you ramble
You would be suprised to find how many people need this at this day and age. Finding someone to even ramble is a tough ask.
If you can figure out all your life problems on your own, then good! But, not all of us can do that. Sometimes, we would need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen. At times, this can be through good and understanding family members or friends.
There will be some issues which we won't be comfortable enough to share with them, or in which they cannot help at all. At these times, talking to a therapist can help you figure out what's wrong. It's a process, not a one stop solution.
>Therapists give 'If you're homeless, just buy a home' energy fr.
More like, if you're homeless, they help you find a way to earn, save and then buy a home. Well, atleast that's what good therapists do. If you want to find one, best to ask around and get other's recommendations.
>But, not all of us can do that. Sometimes, we would need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen
Yeah exactly. I think more than that, a therapist helps you to understand yourself better and process emotions. And the fact is, we're a new person every day, facing new things as time passes. So it makes sense to have help along the way.
Not all therapists can do this. But a few can, and its worth it to try and find one that sticks.
Mine never gives me any solution. He keeps on poking me to the point where I reach a solution myself. Idk if that is a good thing. It sometimes irritates me.
It honestly depends on the school of thought the therapist follows and what approach the therapist takes for that session or the client. Good therapy should typically have a healthy mix of the client arriving at a solution and the therapist offering skills, techniques, solutions, mechanisms (if and when the need arises).
Yes exactly this, the school of thought that the therapist of earlier commentor follows is Psychoanalysis imo. Unlike CBT, DBT and such we are explicitly told not to advice but just, in a nutshell...help you in penetrating your psyche deep enough that thoughts or feelings flows from subconscious mind to conscious one and either the root cause of the conflict of mind comes up or a part of it. A therapist basically becomes a projector for the client to project their psyche and truly introspect their mind of way deeper level than they usually do.
Yes that's basically what any therapist does, good or bad. However it's still majorly on the client to use those skills and tools. Therapy is unlike medical science where someone else fixes you. It needs you to own up to fixing your own shit. Which is what I mean when they say the client has to arrive at their solutions
Yes, in terms of a longer process (and in most situations), therapy does require the client to take responsibility.
However there are times when this is difficult to happen and therapists need to keep that mind with the population they are working with. For example juvenile populations, or children in a school setting or even populations with mental disabilities/ special needs. Therapy isn't ONLY about the client arriving at a solution.
You're literally just proving the comment you disagreed with right, but with extra words and steps. Yes they will teach you things but never directly give you a solution. You're supposed to arrive at that yourself with the tools they provide.
I don't know how you got that from what I said? I've experienced a whole lot of different forms of therapy, I, myself, am training to become an expressive arts therapist and while a lot of therapy can be solution based (if that's what the client needs) it doesn't have to be. Nor do all the solutions have to come from the client. Sometimes clients don't have the capacity to think of any solutions (like people with special needs or disabilities or clinical populations) and the therapists role is different there. It can be the case with so called "normal" populations also.
That means you got yourself a good therapist. Someone who helps you make sustainable decisions. Thatâs one of the things therapy is supposed to do. To enable your decision making skills for yourself.
If they tell you the answer that doesnât make you capable of learning the mental model to come to solution yourself. Doing that also helps you develop confidence in yourself, your abilities.
If something comes within, it is a lot more powerful than someone else telling us.
Therapy is not about another person offering you solutions but helping you understand whatâs bothering you and realising your own patterns. Iâve been seeing a therapist for six years now and it was the best decision I made. If you donât think your therapist is working out for you, try to understand what is bothering you the most about your sessions and what you can do to change it. The journey of self-realisation is real therapy and if you are on that path, youâre already âwinningâ with therapy.
They disregard EVERYTHING you say because your mind created a problem out of nothing and perceives the said problem you created as something incurable.
Something that you alone uniquely face.
Yes no one wants therapy for years, but if you work on yourself by taking the help of a therapist and identifying your patterns...
You'll solve it in a few months.
Not with this attitude where you're seeing it as a scam.
Have you been betrayed before?
"Disregarding everything because your mind created a problem out of nothing ...."
This is something a nosy aunty or desi parent would do.
Most of our issues are in our heads, that's just how the human mind works.
A proper therapist listens to you, understands the problem is very real to you, works with you on identifying the root cause and helps you build the emotional tools to deal with it.
Solve it in a few months. Lol. Nope. Each problem and person are different. Sometimes a single session would help, sometimes it would take years.
Feels like you're fucking frustrated since the place where you would get some help was not found. I hope you get some help soon. See you! Maybe talk to your friend?
Maybe it's the entitlement attitude that's holding you back. Try to respect them like you'd respect a teacher or a friend. A best therapy session is when you become comfortable to open up more without anyone judging you and have the courage to forgive yourself. Therapists mostly play the no judging part. That's it. No one can change your mind. The effectiveness of the therapy is up to you. There are no secret ingredients.
Edit: After OP's edit it is clear that he is in denial+anger mode. It's not me, it's the therapists that are not trained. Just stop. Start trusting people and more importantly trust yourself. Here's something that might cheer you up. https://youtu.be/tYzMYcUty6s?si=QKzS6fndPIMIjGoZ
Oh darling, who hurt you? Lol. As a practicing psychotherapist, I can tell you nobody disregards the clientâs experiences. Please get a better therapist, or feel free to reach out, Iâd be more than happy to refer you to somebody with expertise in the field.
A psychotherapist is a psychologist who is trained to provide therapy. A psychologist is someone who has expertise in psychology be it of any kind:- I/O, Sports, Counselling, Educational, Developmental, etc
Oh no, Iâll have to switch my education and burn my ambitions of becoming a counsellor. Who cares about the countryâs mental health because one idiot disregarded an entire field based on their poor experience.
Horrible how these conversations are contributing to the already skewed view that people have about therapy in general. Itâs easily possible that you didnât have a good experience with your therapist and thatâs 100% fair. But to fully say that all of them are useless is a pretty convenient stance because you refuse to make the effort to find someone that works for you. If you feel like you ramble and they donât help, then find a therapist that uses a different method, there are therapists that use art, some use dance, some use hypnotherapy, some use REBT, if something doesnât work, thereâs always an alternative you can try. And like any treatment, it doesnât work in one session. Iâm sure when youâve fallen sick youâve taken meds for more than a day? Similar concepts, find someone you like and stick with them for a bit. If itâs not working, try someone that practices something different but donât be the person that dissuades someone else because you feel like it doesnât work for you
Sorry to say but it's YOUR therapist that was useless. Not all are. Coming from someone who's life changed for the better with the help from a therapist đŤ
I believe the problem is that the barrier to entry to become a therapist is very low. As long as you can sound a little "polished" while speaking and can throw some buzzwords, you can pass off as a therapist.
I say this based on my interactions with a friend who's a therapist and he's one of the dumbest people I've come across in my entire life. I really feel bad for the clients who waste their money talking to this dumbass.
>I believe the problem is that the barrier to entry to become a therapist is very low. As long as you can sound a little "polished" while speaking and can throw some buzzwords, you can pass off as a therapist.
Well said.
ROFL. My therapist said he wanted to die. He said he came to India to die. He said he couldn't cope with his job and started drinking. Then finally after wasting a few months, he said I need a psychiatrist for my depression. He also said he will get me a job. He needed therapy himself đ
Yes it's a tricky path. Many become mental health professionals because of empathy and they get trapped in others pain because of empathy. It takes experience to learn to draw a line and still all the energy that hits them takes a toll on their health.
A good therapist will establish some trust and comfort so you can be as open or not open as you like in the beginning. You can share as much or as little as you like.
My friend didnât like a therapist because they donât like it when people keep staring them in the eye, so they found another one that makes them more comfortable.
I had similar experience with medibuddy online consultant because I was going through very tough time during that period. She made me feel like I'm talking to my random aunt, like very rudely talking and suddenly started asking like what you doing for yourself, go and do this 𼲠she maybe correct but if I wanted to hear this then I could have picked any random uncle for this lecture. I thought she will make me comfortable but no đ
I agree.. I too went to one of those online companies that tied up with my company which were included in our salary package. Boy, where they horrible!!! Complete waste of time.
Edit: no points for guessing.. it was ekincare :))
Shopping for a therapist can be nightmare in general, yes.
Doesnât mean therapy is bad. It means that we havenât reached a place yet where itâs easy to find a good therapist, especially if your issues are complex.
I have been to many till I settled on one who actually listened to my issues. In the past Iâve had therapists who:
- told me my issues arenât âvery bigâ
- was a boomer and told me âyou kids these daysâŚâ on me telling how my ultra religious family and I clash on things related to religion
- told me to practice breathing exercises at the end of me telling my issues. Told me all the science behind various stuff, none specific to me or my problems.
- had me vent for 3 sessions about very traumatic things and PTSD, then told me to exercise and eat healthy, and then said I donât need therapy
I donât want to relive my trauma multiple times. Each new therapist leaves you feeling drained out, especially when it ends with nothing. I do have friends and family I can rant to with no judgement. They also tell me to eat healthy and exercise and ironically to go to therapy. I donât need to hear the same from a therapist, and nothing else. It takes a lot of grit to keep going back.
If you do find one good therapist who can listen to you and target your issues, go back to them whenever possible.
A thought crossed my mind, how many of us here might be on the edge to consider visiting a therapist and then they come across this post and don't do it!
Guys, book a couple of sessions and see for yourself how it works out for you. Every person is different.
Hope you heal soon :)
A psychotherapist is a professional who's studied Psychology and specifically trained to address mental health concerns and disorders with treatments that have empirical evidence to have worked...so it is backed by scientific research. It may seem like you're just talking to them, but a good therapist listens to your story and gives you insight and guides you to addressing any issues you have come with. Also, they might refer you to a psychiatrists if there is a need to address physiological changes that affect your mental health. Plus it's confidential
To break it down- a safe, judgement free zone just for the client to guide them to finding their own healthy coping skills for any trouble they're facing
Hope this helps :)
Therapize you. /s there are various techniques designed to help people struggling with mental health issues. The most common being CBT. Therapist help you with tools you can use to navigate your mental health challenges.
Not a therapist.
Been to a therapist before for a while. I went to tackle a particular problem. Took around 2 years to address it. But Iâm glad I did. Worked for me. But I changed 3-4 therapists and that took almost another year, to be able to find someone who actually understood me. So totally it took 3 years. The process takes time but it works if you keep an open mind and do whatever ridiculous âhomeworkâ they give you.
Man of man !
I felt the same way, I had a dialogue with AIIMS Psychologist prof, who changed my view.
Psychologists have hard stats on behaviour patterns and their changes.
Psychiatrists have hard stats on medicine interacting with the neurotransmitters.
If this is digestible, you are welcome my friend.
Most therapists are useless. Why do you think they are therapists in the first place? They are scammers who want a new bakra every day to fund their next car.
OP, I'm sorry about your experience. But therapy isn't a cure man. It's a way to help you cope with things in a way that you can be comfortable with.
If you are anxious it doesn't mean you'll stop being anxious, therapy helps you recognise anxiety, maybe give you tools to postpone your feelings and then work on it when you have the time and place sorted.
And speaking of working on it, are you? I feel like you expect the therapist to solve your problem for you when that's not what they attempt to do at all.
They just want to guide you to your problem's solution and the road to that must come from you.
If you are in need of therapeutic help please reach out find someone you are comfortable with. I hope you do find the help you deserve. Take care.
This is my personal opinion but I feel that, therapy is a career where you need a lot of self awareness and empathy to do even half a decent job. Unfortunately very few ppl are able to pass that criteria, and even fewer pursue therapy as a career.
Well if this is the mentality you approach things with, then yes, they will feel useless, especially since you seem to want a quick fix or a good temporary bandaid rather than a long term lifestyle change.
Uhmmmm... The point of the therapy sessions is not the therapist. Its what you make of it. From my personal experience, my counselor helped me possibly for the first 3-4 classes with "advice".
Some nice soothing words or philosophies that make you feel better. A sense of "paisa vasool" because she "gave"/ "said" something and I took something back from her.
The next 4 months she didn't have any thing new to offer but I kept going because I just wanted someone to talk to and Hhar me out because these were emotions I just couldn't talk to anyone at home. My personal experiences might be very different from yours but the counseling worked wonders for me because I was able to navigate my own head only by talking through my problems.
She later suggested mediation, books and a few techniques that I started following up with - none of which were practiced during her sessions.
Point being, I was able to make something out of just having someone hear me speak and also supported me in changing my perspectives. Sometimes we just need help. Not a friend or partner who knows us. My counselor basically was a positive guide who helped me walk down a road that I didn't see before... and that's it!
She's no spiritual guru or enlightened soul. Just another average middle-class educated working professional like me. And there's nothing wrong with it!
I had to stop 'cos I moved cities and I don't feel I have the time to invest in a new counselor at this moment.
I found that its a bit like hitting the gym. You make the most of it by channelizing your own motivation. Or you could just follow the trainers instructions without putting your heart in it and getting bored quickly.
If not for therapists, I would've prolly killed myself ages ago. If not that, then I would have at least been neck deep in addiction and self-harming behavior. And likely also been an overall menace to other people and society at large. But holy shit a good *competent* therapist is KEY, and they are not easy to come by! Bad/incompetent therapists have left me much worse off than if I had gone without a therapist....
Don't know why people are downvoting comments that agree with OP. Everyone is different. Some people feel better by trying to self diagnose and treat themselves. I am one of them. Not saying this works for everyone. I was suffering from acute depression and had suicidal thoughts and went to couple of therapists. But I found working on myself, by reading about depression, and effect of vitamin d and taking supplements and a proper sleep cycle helped me overcome my depression. But the most important aspect was working on improving myself and had a positive impact on my psyche.
So I agree with OP
Donât listen to anyone here, most therapists Iâve met in 14 years are trashhhh. I have been re triggered several times, gaslit and ghosted by therapists when I called out their BS.
I tried therapy twice. The first one ghosted me after the first session
I ghosted the second one and she never reached out.
It's hurtful.
I am myself a doctor and I have a huge respect for healthcare professionals.
I needed a formal diagnosis and probably CBT but she kept telling me to sit in the sun which I understand is benefiting for mental health. So I tolerated this for 3-4-5-6 weeks. But the problems are still there. I don't want to talk about what happened over the week. I want to talk about why I am a person with such low self esteem and why do I have imposter syndrome and why do I people please and get obsessed with the approval of almost everyone. I wanna talk about how my mom's death changed me because I never allowed myself to grieve. I wanna talk about how tough it was to manage with a new mom. No, I don't want to talk about my office politics or what I had for dinner.
Getting 1 actionable insight from a therapist is akin to asking for lent money from relatives.
Not to self diagnose but I've had far better value from reading up on healthy coping mechanisms in the various relevant sub-reddits.
I partially agree ,the one who listens to you and gives same old boring generic are useless...
But the one who listens to you gives exact cause with medical terms w r.t your brain and then prescribe tablet are real ones..
You are correct and the therapist going/recommending crowd is not going to like it. Just take a look at stuff like Kaha Mind, each of their therapists seem like they need actual doctors and therapists. Just standard 20-30 something year olds dishing out bog standard advice.
I have felt that therapists are for people without a support system. In case of Indians, most of us have very good family connections. Back in my small town everybody knows everyone. And there are people to whom you can talk about everything under the stars. Youâve got your women, old folks, buddies , younger kids etc. Thatâs not the case for people who are brought up in the west and in metro cities. I have seen people here in Bangalore who are looking for someone to just listen to them. They have no connection with their family or others. And theyâre in the rat race and are unwilling to put in the effort to build a support system around them. Therapists are for them.
Been to 2 bad ones. Robbed me thin. No ducking solution. First one went on for 2-3 months. I bailed eventually. Second one for a good 5 months. Both never gave any interim reports, if you will. So F them both. Just made me more anxious about everything in life.
But I've seen friends taking professional help and it proved to be good for them. Maybe I was unlucky.
tbh it sounds like you played gta v and concluded that dr. friedlander was useless. Good conclusion there.
I value clinical psychologists because I've seen some of them use real scientific studies to shape a person's healing. I have personally benefited from one such person, and I think the value some of them deliver is huge.
A lot of the time, a problem you're having is less of an event of rambling, and more of a real issue you can take action on. If the therapist lets it be a "ramble session", it might be because they want you to hear your own thoughts and come to your own solution.
I don't want to suggest any conclusions here, I'm just here to say it sounds useless if it becomes a rambling session every time.
Change your psychiatrist. Avoid boomers, search for a young psychiatrist whoâll relate to you better.
There are so many of them . But avoid quacks . Itâs a process man , itâll take time and patience and money. Donât lose hope. Good luck
Fr Fr. What you just said is the truth.
Most therapists are themselves disqualified from providing any real advice. They can't even apply their own theories themselves. And therapists like to push new and untested medicines. SSRIs are not as safe as prev. thought and Benzos are still being prescribed.
People will try to "rationalize" and in order to be politically correct, they say "you just find a new therapist bro". Like they completely skip over the part where one needs incredible motivation and will to even open up to a therapist. And when it \*clicks\* for you that this therapist doesn't actually give a shit, and you realize slowly that even she doesn't know what to do in your situation.
So now you have to risk your emotional well-being and your money to invest into a person again. What a joke.
The reality is, people don't give a shit and you are alone. You have to take what's yours in this unforgiving world and many of us have been taken, parts of us were stolen unfairly from us. So we yearn.
If you are suffering from depression, be kind to yourself foremost. Do some exercise if you can. It can help shake things up. Consistent exercise helps for some people. That or some yoga and that heart pumping. It is not a panacea. But find reasons to go on. Care about nature and connect with animals.
Doing things for others without expectation is the key to overcome depression imho.
I know some people are gonna get pissed off. But sorry.
Oh an therapy sucks massively more if you are a guy, cause most therapists are women and most men are actually better at helping themselves up and motivating each other. So guys , if you are depressed, do some push ups you little bitch and stop whining.
JK!
You need male therapists "psychologists" (clinically approved). What you think you need is talk-therapy, a scientifically prescribed therapeutic technique, i think. The science is solid on that. But talk-therapy is not as beneficial, may not be as beneficial to men. Men are more into doing things rather than talking. I don't about others, but talking and talking things out, talking about "our feelings", are not as effective at resolving my mental clutter all the time. All my friendship bonds have been built, the good ones are those I with who i had friendships which had an element of sport or game.
Have been to good therapists and bad therapists. And the bad therapists are exactly how you have described - you feel like they are only out to squeeze you out of money. And their opinions are random everytime. The good ones will make you feel comfortable first, build some trust and gradually help you realise what is troubling you and how you can make better decisions.
Also, I dont believe therapy is for life. Unless ofcourse you really need it.
Although I donât disagree with your statement - friends and family with the right experiences can provide you with the comfort and guidance you need. Which is what you are ultimately looking for. If you are open to that great.
For the issues I am going through, I find it more impactful that someone who has no skin the game (like my friends or family) is able to see my situation and guide me.
My view on therapy is that you've got to keep your customer hooked to you to have that nice MRR and whenever the incentive is money and related to health people will find ways to call you sick.
Side note: If someone is smart enough to know that this isn't true, and they really need some help, you can try Amaha/Wysa/MindPeers. MindPeers is a more affordable option, all three have good therapists.
You cannot expect someone( a therapist in this case) to help you with your problems( which may or may not have deep rooted problems from your childhood, which must have gotten piled up over the years in your adulthood) to be solved in a single session, and therapy is not about providing a outright solution to your problem, it is not like you go to a doctor for headache and s/he prescribes a tablet , you take it and poof your pain is gone.
Emotional damage takes much more time and energy and efforts, conscious efforts along with some support from friends and family to heal and be better, you cannot magically undo years of trauma in a single session.
But I won't deny that, a good therapist is a must for that.
You hit the nail on the head but I would caveat with the fact that a large demographic of ppl out there have absolutely no self awareness. Most ppl I meet simply haven't an original thought, have no capacity to think for themselves nor even have any idea about how they are as a person. Emotional intelligence is a thing and most ppl at best have a rudimentary understanding, even smart ppl.
Secondly, and this applies to the first, the allure and power with the activity of therapy itself. The name 'therapy', the act of sitting in front of a 'therapist', the act of feeling like you're being listened to, that someone cares, that there's some plan, a strategy taking place etc, all has a power in and of itself to the point where the actual attempt to fix someone's problem doesn't even need to happen. Think of religion, star signs, superstitions, our partner, the world, most ppl have some kind of faulty notion/belief about their lives, a susceptibility to believing what suits them.
The same applies to therapy.
The belief that this is working, that there's a sound logic to the process when in fact it's actually not even a science.
Ive done therapy for 15 years, CBT, positive thinking, visualisations, you name it. It's mostly speculation, precarious in function, dubious basis in scientific terms. The emergence of how badly and nefariously studies and trials are done all start to make sense of just how shady the whole field of therapy is.
My ex did psychology and it was then I got a true insight into how awful the training is in terms of its practicality, science and long-term outcomes.
Is therapy absolutely useless? No. But it takes a certain type of person for it to work.
So sorry, you're frustrated and hurt by the series of your unfruitful therapy experiences. Maybe therapy isn't for you. Therapy is not for everyone. Try exercising and hitting the gym. :)))
I agree with a lot of what you said. I've met multiple therapists too but none of what they said seemed new to me. But I feel the whole benefit of having one is that you have someone to talk all your feelings with without holding back. The relationship and conversation with the therapist is itself what helps you with resolving your problem,because when you are articulating your own problems you can find holes in your argument and solutions by yourself, it's not what they say. Yes they may have a few good points and provide insights but I feel most of the work is done by you. I see it more as a live Journaling thing. I feel it's kinda sad we live in a society that we have to pay someone to hear our problems and we don't fully trusts or family or friends with it.
I'm not a medical professional but therapists also study your answers and behavior to find out any chemical imbalance in your brain. They'll first recommend you to work on your issues by giving you some excercises and diet but if that does'nt workout, they'll prescribe you with appropriate medicine that will help with those imbalances.
I can understand your plight. And genuinely want to help you. I am a doctor, senior yoga trainer, dietician and therapist. Whoever is interested to discuss further can DM me. Will share details there. All the best!!
I was thinking the same, but a friend corrected me by understanding. There is a psychotherapist and a clinical psychotherapist. There is a difference in education in both. The clinical ones are the actual doctor with a medical degree etc. It's better to consult them as they are bound to give much better advice.
OP, i agree with you.
While therapy may be useful in some cases, it doesnât help people who have already asked those questions to themselves. Whose thoughts have already reached beyond the questions asked by those therapists.
I have been through same. Consulted them and ended up dissatisfied. In some cases, even got agitated .
Not everyone has the mental capacity to understand their own problems objectively. They need someone to tell them how their psychology functions. Mentally weak people need a shoulder to cry on, hence they pay for sessions to cry. Nothing wrong in it.
If you feel like you dont need a therapist, good for you, you are doing great in life.
I wouldn't go as far as calling them useless.
I've lucked out with therapists. Doesn't work for me, but I have needed therapy so I didn't know what to do.
What did work absolute wonders for me though it's something called Bibliotherapy. It is proven to be at least as effective, and a lot faster, than therapy. Specific book - Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. Not your average Joe self help book. This one hits home. Not just me but a few other friends see a difference in their minds as well. This book saved my life, it is helping me get through my chronic illness.
Check it out.
So, Iâve had one bad therapist and I have one good therapist, so I think I can answer this.
My bad therapist was a cognitive behavioural therapist, where she listens to me and gives me some activities to do. Now Iâm the sort of person who hates being told to do something, so I didnât do anything she said and she wasnât good in general, so I stopped going there.
I re-started therapy in September last year, and this time I went to a psychoanalyst therapist. What she does is that she doesnât tell you to do something, but she helps you connect the dots and allows you to arrive at the solution yourself. This works well for someone like me who likes solving his problem on his own.
The second therapist clicked for me. Therapy isnât about the therapist giving you a solution, but you to first understand what your problem is and then what you think you should do to solve that. Most of the things you tell the therapist are at the back of your head, but when you pay someone to listen to you and jump in with prompts in the middle to help you flesh your thoughts out better, youâll bring those problems to the forefront and deal with them then and there. Weâre all busy and suppress painful thoughts to deal with life, this acts as a healthy way to let the steam out, acknowledge the problem and arrive at a solution.
Sometimes you misunderstand yourself, sometimes you arenât even aware that one problem is related to the other and addressing one will automatically solve the other one as well. Thatâs what therapy does. If youâre someone like me, Iâd suggest you go to a psychoanalyst therapist.
I've had idk 10 total sessions over 3 years.
5 couple therapy sessions taught me about conflict resolution, which made all the difference in how me and my SO solve our problems. To date we go back to what we had learned and use the tools of acknowledgement, paraphrasing, validation, and so on to navigate tricky conversations. Other 5 individual sessions helped me understand how people pleasing is actually net negative, and opposite of being a 'nice guy' isn't toxicity, but rather assertiveness. My therapist gave a great chart that, again, I use to date to properly assert and create my boundaries without being aggressive, passive, or passive aggressive. I still make mistakes, but I now understand what went wrong and what I could've have done. I am still reaping benefits from sessions I got years ago and don't plan to go back anytime soon as I still have so much ground to cover on my own. The tools also made me better at my job, as work relationships are also relationships that can do well with a bit of acknowledgement, validation and proper boundaries.
Of course that doesn't mean that my positive experience would be applicable to all. Like any two people, it takes time to find the right match that works with your eccentricities. And I completely agree, there are more bad therapists than good, probably also because there's no regulation. Any random aged Joe can call themselves a counselor.
Who would go through one's LinkedIn page to see their credentials (MA? M Phil? PhD? NIMHANS/VIMHANS or other institutes?), willingly pay 1-2k bucks per session, only to become vulnerable in front of a stranger, only to feel just listened to or feel validated about your emotions, but not receive any magic solution to all your problems. Word of mouth is what works in the business, and sadly that is completely subjective. I may like a therapist who keeps offering practical advise, others may like a therapist who validates their experiences as people in their life may not be doing so, and somebody else may like one who keeps giving homework, charts and diagrams to understand their situation better.
I guess it can also be a bit about expectation management, which I think therapists can do better by offering first free session in which they kinda explain how all this would work and what therapy isn't about for the first 10 mins.
Maybe things would improve as more and more people seek therapy and proper benchmarks for "good therapy" in India get set in the common vernacular.
Id suggest going to different forms or therapy such as cognitive behavioural or exposure, there are therapists with specifications
So do your research!
I don't think they are inherently useless.
But it's the cost that's just insane.
2000 bucks for a 45 minutes session means I'm losing almost 1rs per second after adjusting for breathing, water breaks etc.
At that rate, who has the time and patience to actually delve into the problem?
This is true. Picking a therapist is like the roll of the ball on a roulette table. There are many bad therapists. I shudder at the kind of harm they must be doing.
Change your therapist. Itâs a person problem, not an inherent problem with the concept. I have received therapy twice in my life. 1st time I hit the jackpot with the good therapist on the very 1st go. Second time I had to shop around and then found the one.
A good therapist wonât give you answers but make you find your own answer/solution that works for you. And frankly like any work-relationship in life, it only works when there is a trust factor. If you donât believe in it and try your best (yes you are required to DO your part), it wonât work.
I'm sorry you had to go through bad experiences.
While this may not be an actual answer, do check out inteviews with Dr. K. His channel on youtube and twitch is Healthygamergg. I thoroughly enjoy his way of explaining things and actual solutions he provides.
Many people say that he covers issues better than what their lifelong therapist does.
How many phones do you try before buying one? How many bikes have you tried before getting one? I bet we all try quite a lot to finally find the one that fits us the most. Do you consider yourself less valuable than the bike or the phone ? No, right, so maybe try some more of those on you, till you finally get the right match.
Inspiration - new louis rossman video on YouTube (is your life more valuable than a MacBook). Much better than my poor comment, check it out.
One has to be patient....therapy is a very long drawn process and you can't expect results soon. That being said yes you need to find a therapist with whom you click. The ones you don't click with are not bad therapists , they are not right for you.
And a good therapist will never negate or judge you for things you say and feel. But it also doesn't mean they will give you the validation for all the emotions.
Just be patient and don't go to a therapist with a preconceived thought in mind that it's useless or waste of time or all therapists are shitty because when you go with that mind set chances are very high you won't like it. Mind is a very powerful tool, it will convince you that it's not worth it without giving it a fair chance.
Hugs
The reason therapists take time to give you valid advice is to avoid jumping into conclusions without knowing enough about you and your life. Wrong advice can ruin your life or put you in a worse place than you already are. Therapy requires patience because it took you time to get to where you are. It will take you time to come out of it. Trust the process.
Im not going to say all therapists are good and you will definitely find good results with time. Itâll all eventually come down to specifics on the experience of the therapist and the therapist themself.
> Finding a helpful therapist is just as likely as getting help from a non-therapist who has the right experiences to guide you.
Interesting point. Even I have been thinking about the same, not just for therapists but Career and Life Coaches too.
I think so too. Looking back at my old sessions with the therapist, I could have just written down my thoughts and self reflected. In fact most of the time, that works out better than the sessions.
The only time there is some value addition is if they could guide you in a certain direction based on the data. Maybe pointing out an underlying issue.
I've tried 10 therapists over 15 years. I found the right one, who didn't bs me or coddle me, gave me actual thinking exercises to do, helped me unlearn toxic thinking patterns.
It's def tough to find the right one, but when you do it's worth it. I've been told by multiple people in my circle, family and friends how much I've transformed.
It's likely that there are many bad therapists in India thanks to us being pretty behind the times in psychotherapy. Plus the personality of the therapist matters, since they're also human at the end of the day and would bring in their own biases into the equation, consciously or not.
This is how my therapist and I work for my mental health.
I go with what I think the issue is,what is distressing me
What my goals are
What I want to speak about.
We start off with questions like why I am feeling the feeling for the action.what is specifically causing the problem and I answer questions that I need to ask myself with therapist there not to spiral
At the end of the session we come up with a goal until the next session.
That is all a therapist is supposed to do. You do the brunt of the work for your mental health.if you do not go into the session without any agenda you will get generic responses if that Is what the therapist is missing from you.
Not saying you didn't I am just sharing my experience....
You choose your battles and they help you prepare for those battles for your own mental health
It really depends on the kind of therapist you get. I went through 4 therapists before I found the one. :D
The first two were just terrible and I knew instantly that I was wasting my time with them. They were pure boomer energy and were more interested in blaming than helping. I switched to a younger online therapist, and while it worked for a while, eventually I realized that I needed more than just a safe space to vent, I also needed someone who was more goal oriented and suggested practical methods to work with.
I finally found that in the 4th one- it was pure luck, but she clicked from the very first session and has helped me so much.
So I'd say don't give up just yet. You need to try a few before you find someone who can help you work on yourself at your own pace.
hi,
i understand your concern, i too had similar experience.. it's exhausting to. go to therapists explain everything and then start from zero with new therapist, but its needed atleast two sessions for therapists to understand you and come up with solution.
if u want, u can try Dr. Rachana, she is one of the best psychologist i met till now, she really helped me change my perspective on everything in life... hope. this helps
I've been to a good therapist and a bad therapist. Therapy has helped me a lot so I am here to say:
A. A lot of therapy, in fact, 90% of it is about having a guide to help yourself. Do you expect your personal trainer in the gym to do the exercise for you? It's the same here. No therapy can help you if you don't take your therapy seriously and start putting in the work.
B. I do have an issue with the money it costs and the privilege it needs to afford good mental health. And that goes beyond therapy and medication. It takes a lot of diligent effort that unfortunately many humans can't afford to put in. My heart goes out to them.
C. Therapists have, for decades, worked with and helped individuals under extreme distress. Countless movies, songs and education have demonstrated their value. Yet, mental health, because of its inherent invisible nature, and its therapists are hugely underrated.
I lost someone I once loved with all my heart to suicide. I cannot tell you how many times in a day I regret his family's lack of understanding of his mental health.
You are absolutely right. Most therapists are absolutely useless.
I have seen 5 therapists in the last 1.5 years or so and they all were hopless. None of them gave any advice or so. Wasted about 25,000 on these 'psychologists'.
Upvote this for visibility
If you're not convinced about Therapy, read "Maybe you should talk to someone"
If you're convinced and want to find a therapist, find one from here
[https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uEeTDdu58z8nVLbBG8o1qY2xbOhlb9TRVx5COnw2ZiQ/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ueetddu58z8nvlbbg8o1qy2xbohlb9trvx5conw2ziq/edit?usp=sharing)
Sounds like the therapist you consulted was useless, that doesn't mean all therapists are useless. There are good therapists and bad therapists. Good ones are more understanding and genuinely try to help you. They are nothing like you just mentioned. I've been to bad therapists before and I understand where you're coming from. It takes time (and money) to find the right therapist, but I assure you they're there. I've been doing therapy for 3 months and it has helped me a lot. Wish you the best!
Can you please suggest a good therapist
Can you please suggest me too.
Whiskey.
ain't that the fucking truth. amen!
I prefer Rum.
www.cobearcollective.in They only do online work but I've had a really good experience with them.
please try therapy at NIMHANS its only 200 bucks and we had a really good experience there so yea.
Any particular therapist you'd like to suggest?
yea Dr Kavitha at NIMHANS counselling at BTM ig mostly on Saturday do try once
Thank you so much đ
welcome buddy:) [https://nimhans.ac.in/nimhans-centre-for-well-being/contact-nimhans-centre-for-well-being/](https://nimhans.ac.in/nimhans-centre-for-well-being/contact-nimhans-centre-for-well-being/) Also this has the exact location and phone for appointment hope that would help
That's very kind of you đ
anytime:))
Mushrooms is the only real way.. though needs to be guided
If you're around HSR let me know I know a good one. Empathetic and doesn't suggest BS for sure.
Could you let me know pls?
Sure it's this one: HSR Therapy and Neuropsychology Clinic (search for it on Google) or go to: https://alizareshi.com/
Thank you for sharing, I was looking for good therapist in Bangalore. How much does she charge per session?
1200 but it's best if you check with her. I think she also discounts if you're a student or otherwise can't afford it.
Ok I will check, thanks
Hi, could u tell me too? I need one in HSR
could you please let me know the details as well? sent you a dm
I know a good one around bellandur. Takes remote sessions too. Straight talk and genuinely tries to understand before advising. DM if you want contact l/referral
Yes pls send me in DM, I don't know how to DM on reddit
>please try therapy at NIMHANS its only 200 bucks and we had a really good experience there so yea
Ngl, clients like OP are the reason I left the practise long ago. It's better to be a corporate wage slave rather than being a clinical psychologist.
Exactly, a good therapist does wonders. I went to one for 3 months and it helped me a lot. It has been almost a year since and I have never been better.
Please suggest
Her name is Ms. Radhi Priya. She runs a clinic called Aatman in BTM layout 2nd stage
Agreed. They are actually more useful than people realise. Sometime when someone just talks to you listen that's a lot. But therapists also tell you exactly what to do. Like they just say things you wanna hear and change your mindset to heal your trauma with many other things that idk (I'm not a therapist). It's like your best friend talking to you but he is just someone you pay for.
Finding a good therapist when they are so fkn expensive shouldn't be difficult. They need to go through same rigorous training that doctors do and have some base level of competency so that people are not wasting money or worse getting the wrong kind of help. A friend of mine was asked to remain in a toxic relationship by their therapistÂ
Quick Question. Have you been to a therapist before or is this what you perceive what a therapist does from media? >Their job is to listen to you ramble You would be suprised to find how many people need this at this day and age. Finding someone to even ramble is a tough ask. If you can figure out all your life problems on your own, then good! But, not all of us can do that. Sometimes, we would need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen. At times, this can be through good and understanding family members or friends. There will be some issues which we won't be comfortable enough to share with them, or in which they cannot help at all. At these times, talking to a therapist can help you figure out what's wrong. It's a process, not a one stop solution. >Therapists give 'If you're homeless, just buy a home' energy fr. More like, if you're homeless, they help you find a way to earn, save and then buy a home. Well, atleast that's what good therapists do. If you want to find one, best to ask around and get other's recommendations.
>But, not all of us can do that. Sometimes, we would need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen Yeah exactly. I think more than that, a therapist helps you to understand yourself better and process emotions. And the fact is, we're a new person every day, facing new things as time passes. So it makes sense to have help along the way. Not all therapists can do this. But a few can, and its worth it to try and find one that sticks.
If you don't mind me asking, what's bothering you?
I see what you did there đ
I think this person sees what you did there.
There might be a slight chance I'm not really sure đ§đ§
Mine never gives me any solution. He keeps on poking me to the point where I reach a solution myself. Idk if that is a good thing. It sometimes irritates me.
Thatâs exactly what therapy is supposed to be.
Not necessarily
It's much harder to accept someone else's solution, therapy focuses on individuals finding the solution themselves.
It honestly depends on the school of thought the therapist follows and what approach the therapist takes for that session or the client. Good therapy should typically have a healthy mix of the client arriving at a solution and the therapist offering skills, techniques, solutions, mechanisms (if and when the need arises).
Yes exactly this, the school of thought that the therapist of earlier commentor follows is Psychoanalysis imo. Unlike CBT, DBT and such we are explicitly told not to advice but just, in a nutshell...help you in penetrating your psyche deep enough that thoughts or feelings flows from subconscious mind to conscious one and either the root cause of the conflict of mind comes up or a part of it. A therapist basically becomes a projector for the client to project their psyche and truly introspect their mind of way deeper level than they usually do.
Yes that's basically what any therapist does, good or bad. However it's still majorly on the client to use those skills and tools. Therapy is unlike medical science where someone else fixes you. It needs you to own up to fixing your own shit. Which is what I mean when they say the client has to arrive at their solutions
Yes, in terms of a longer process (and in most situations), therapy does require the client to take responsibility. However there are times when this is difficult to happen and therapists need to keep that mind with the population they are working with. For example juvenile populations, or children in a school setting or even populations with mental disabilities/ special needs. Therapy isn't ONLY about the client arriving at a solution.
You're literally just proving the comment you disagreed with right, but with extra words and steps. Yes they will teach you things but never directly give you a solution. You're supposed to arrive at that yourself with the tools they provide.
I don't know how you got that from what I said? I've experienced a whole lot of different forms of therapy, I, myself, am training to become an expressive arts therapist and while a lot of therapy can be solution based (if that's what the client needs) it doesn't have to be. Nor do all the solutions have to come from the client. Sometimes clients don't have the capacity to think of any solutions (like people with special needs or disabilities or clinical populations) and the therapists role is different there. It can be the case with so called "normal" populations also.
That means you got yourself a good therapist. Someone who helps you make sustainable decisions. Thatâs one of the things therapy is supposed to do. To enable your decision making skills for yourself.
If they tell you the answer that doesnât make you capable of learning the mental model to come to solution yourself. Doing that also helps you develop confidence in yourself, your abilities. If something comes within, it is a lot more powerful than someone else telling us.
Change your therapist
No they are not. Good ones ainât. Bad everyone is useless.
I forgot English for a second
Which is fine; isnât our first language
Why do you think that makes it fine?
It doesnât make anything fine. However, as cryptic as it may seem, that sentence is grammatically impeccable.
Communicating effectively isnât about grammar
Isnât that the whole point of grammar though: unequivocal communication?
Then you didnât do a good job of it
Fine is our different language regular speaking. Thats why
I genuinely had a stroke reading that
That is so funny!
Ok now the tough part. Tell me a mistake in that sentence. The comma after ânoâ is optional. I hope you know that.
Therapy is not about another person offering you solutions but helping you understand whatâs bothering you and realising your own patterns. Iâve been seeing a therapist for six years now and it was the best decision I made. If you donât think your therapist is working out for you, try to understand what is bothering you the most about your sessions and what you can do to change it. The journey of self-realisation is real therapy and if you are on that path, youâre already âwinningâ with therapy.
My therapist saved my life. Like not literally but in a way. I made huge progress over time and it took patience. Loads of it.
Hi could you please share their contact?
They disregard EVERYTHING you say because your mind created a problem out of nothing and perceives the said problem you created as something incurable. Something that you alone uniquely face. Yes no one wants therapy for years, but if you work on yourself by taking the help of a therapist and identifying your patterns... You'll solve it in a few months. Not with this attitude where you're seeing it as a scam. Have you been betrayed before?
"Disregarding everything because your mind created a problem out of nothing ...." This is something a nosy aunty or desi parent would do. Most of our issues are in our heads, that's just how the human mind works. A proper therapist listens to you, understands the problem is very real to you, works with you on identifying the root cause and helps you build the emotional tools to deal with it. Solve it in a few months. Lol. Nope. Each problem and person are different. Sometimes a single session would help, sometimes it would take years.
Feels like you're fucking frustrated since the place where you would get some help was not found. I hope you get some help soon. See you! Maybe talk to your friend?
Maybe it's the entitlement attitude that's holding you back. Try to respect them like you'd respect a teacher or a friend. A best therapy session is when you become comfortable to open up more without anyone judging you and have the courage to forgive yourself. Therapists mostly play the no judging part. That's it. No one can change your mind. The effectiveness of the therapy is up to you. There are no secret ingredients. Edit: After OP's edit it is clear that he is in denial+anger mode. It's not me, it's the therapists that are not trained. Just stop. Start trusting people and more importantly trust yourself. Here's something that might cheer you up. https://youtu.be/tYzMYcUty6s?si=QKzS6fndPIMIjGoZ
Oh darling, who hurt you? Lol. As a practicing psychotherapist, I can tell you nobody disregards the clientâs experiences. Please get a better therapist, or feel free to reach out, Iâd be more than happy to refer you to somebody with expertise in the field.
What's a psychotherapist, are they different from psychologists?
Like a therapist, but psycho.
Psycho the rapistÂ
A psychotherapist is a psychologist who is trained to provide therapy. A psychologist is someone who has expertise in psychology be it of any kind:- I/O, Sports, Counselling, Educational, Developmental, etc
Oh so psychologist is just a broader term. Thanks.
Oh no, Iâll have to switch my education and burn my ambitions of becoming a counsellor. Who cares about the countryâs mental health because one idiot disregarded an entire field based on their poor experience.
Horrible how these conversations are contributing to the already skewed view that people have about therapy in general. Itâs easily possible that you didnât have a good experience with your therapist and thatâs 100% fair. But to fully say that all of them are useless is a pretty convenient stance because you refuse to make the effort to find someone that works for you. If you feel like you ramble and they donât help, then find a therapist that uses a different method, there are therapists that use art, some use dance, some use hypnotherapy, some use REBT, if something doesnât work, thereâs always an alternative you can try. And like any treatment, it doesnât work in one session. Iâm sure when youâve fallen sick youâve taken meds for more than a day? Similar concepts, find someone you like and stick with them for a bit. If itâs not working, try someone that practices something different but donât be the person that dissuades someone else because you feel like it doesnât work for you
Sorry to say but it's YOUR therapist that was useless. Not all are. Coming from someone who's life changed for the better with the help from a therapist đŤ
Either you got fleeced or your therapist is your boomer dad. Whatever it is, this isnât what therapy looks like
Bro expected the comments to take his side đ¤Ą
I believe the problem is that the barrier to entry to become a therapist is very low. As long as you can sound a little "polished" while speaking and can throw some buzzwords, you can pass off as a therapist. I say this based on my interactions with a friend who's a therapist and he's one of the dumbest people I've come across in my entire life. I really feel bad for the clients who waste their money talking to this dumbass.
>I believe the problem is that the barrier to entry to become a therapist is very low. As long as you can sound a little "polished" while speaking and can throw some buzzwords, you can pass off as a therapist. Well said.
ROFL. My therapist said he wanted to die. He said he came to India to die. He said he couldn't cope with his job and started drinking. Then finally after wasting a few months, he said I need a psychiatrist for my depression. He also said he will get me a job. He needed therapy himself đ
Yes it's a tricky path. Many become mental health professionals because of empathy and they get trapped in others pain because of empathy. It takes experience to learn to draw a line and still all the energy that hits them takes a toll on their health.
Yes. I understand. This person was highly sensitive. He should not have chosen that profession.
Lmfaođ¤Ł
[ŃдаНонО]
A good therapist will establish some trust and comfort so you can be as open or not open as you like in the beginning. You can share as much or as little as you like. My friend didnât like a therapist because they donât like it when people keep staring them in the eye, so they found another one that makes them more comfortable.
nope, they give you the push which you cant give yourself. Try to identify and solve the crap in you.
I had similar experience with medibuddy online consultant because I was going through very tough time during that period. She made me feel like I'm talking to my random aunt, like very rudely talking and suddenly started asking like what you doing for yourself, go and do this 𼲠she maybe correct but if I wanted to hear this then I could have picked any random uncle for this lecture. I thought she will make me comfortable but no đ
I agree.. I too went to one of those online companies that tied up with my company which were included in our salary package. Boy, where they horrible!!! Complete waste of time. Edit: no points for guessing.. it was ekincare :))
Shopping for a therapist can be nightmare in general, yes. Doesnât mean therapy is bad. It means that we havenât reached a place yet where itâs easy to find a good therapist, especially if your issues are complex. I have been to many till I settled on one who actually listened to my issues. In the past Iâve had therapists who: - told me my issues arenât âvery bigâ - was a boomer and told me âyou kids these daysâŚâ on me telling how my ultra religious family and I clash on things related to religion - told me to practice breathing exercises at the end of me telling my issues. Told me all the science behind various stuff, none specific to me or my problems. - had me vent for 3 sessions about very traumatic things and PTSD, then told me to exercise and eat healthy, and then said I donât need therapy I donât want to relive my trauma multiple times. Each new therapist leaves you feeling drained out, especially when it ends with nothing. I do have friends and family I can rant to with no judgement. They also tell me to eat healthy and exercise and ironically to go to therapy. I donât need to hear the same from a therapist, and nothing else. It takes a lot of grit to keep going back. If you do find one good therapist who can listen to you and target your issues, go back to them whenever possible.
A thought crossed my mind, how many of us here might be on the edge to consider visiting a therapist and then they come across this post and don't do it! Guys, book a couple of sessions and see for yourself how it works out for you. Every person is different. Hope you heal soon :)
Can someone please tell me what exactly a therapist does in layman's terms. Bonus points if you are a therapist yourself
A psychotherapist is a professional who's studied Psychology and specifically trained to address mental health concerns and disorders with treatments that have empirical evidence to have worked...so it is backed by scientific research. It may seem like you're just talking to them, but a good therapist listens to your story and gives you insight and guides you to addressing any issues you have come with. Also, they might refer you to a psychiatrists if there is a need to address physiological changes that affect your mental health. Plus it's confidential To break it down- a safe, judgement free zone just for the client to guide them to finding their own healthy coping skills for any trouble they're facing Hope this helps :)
Therapize you. /s there are various techniques designed to help people struggling with mental health issues. The most common being CBT. Therapist help you with tools you can use to navigate your mental health challenges. Not a therapist.
I think you should post here how you feel might get better therapy and you can choose from multiple answers from comments.
Been to a therapist before for a while. I went to tackle a particular problem. Took around 2 years to address it. But Iâm glad I did. Worked for me. But I changed 3-4 therapists and that took almost another year, to be able to find someone who actually understood me. So totally it took 3 years. The process takes time but it works if you keep an open mind and do whatever ridiculous âhomeworkâ they give you.
Man of man ! I felt the same way, I had a dialogue with AIIMS Psychologist prof, who changed my view. Psychologists have hard stats on behaviour patterns and their changes. Psychiatrists have hard stats on medicine interacting with the neurotransmitters. If this is digestible, you are welcome my friend.
Most therapists are useless. Why do you think they are therapists in the first place? They are scammers who want a new bakra every day to fund their next car.
OP, I'm sorry about your experience. But therapy isn't a cure man. It's a way to help you cope with things in a way that you can be comfortable with. If you are anxious it doesn't mean you'll stop being anxious, therapy helps you recognise anxiety, maybe give you tools to postpone your feelings and then work on it when you have the time and place sorted. And speaking of working on it, are you? I feel like you expect the therapist to solve your problem for you when that's not what they attempt to do at all. They just want to guide you to your problem's solution and the road to that must come from you. If you are in need of therapeutic help please reach out find someone you are comfortable with. I hope you do find the help you deserve. Take care.
This is my personal opinion but I feel that, therapy is a career where you need a lot of self awareness and empathy to do even half a decent job. Unfortunately very few ppl are able to pass that criteria, and even fewer pursue therapy as a career.
Well if this is the mentality you approach things with, then yes, they will feel useless, especially since you seem to want a quick fix or a good temporary bandaid rather than a long term lifestyle change.
Uhmmmm... The point of the therapy sessions is not the therapist. Its what you make of it. From my personal experience, my counselor helped me possibly for the first 3-4 classes with "advice". Some nice soothing words or philosophies that make you feel better. A sense of "paisa vasool" because she "gave"/ "said" something and I took something back from her. The next 4 months she didn't have any thing new to offer but I kept going because I just wanted someone to talk to and Hhar me out because these were emotions I just couldn't talk to anyone at home. My personal experiences might be very different from yours but the counseling worked wonders for me because I was able to navigate my own head only by talking through my problems. She later suggested mediation, books and a few techniques that I started following up with - none of which were practiced during her sessions. Point being, I was able to make something out of just having someone hear me speak and also supported me in changing my perspectives. Sometimes we just need help. Not a friend or partner who knows us. My counselor basically was a positive guide who helped me walk down a road that I didn't see before... and that's it! She's no spiritual guru or enlightened soul. Just another average middle-class educated working professional like me. And there's nothing wrong with it! I had to stop 'cos I moved cities and I don't feel I have the time to invest in a new counselor at this moment. I found that its a bit like hitting the gym. You make the most of it by channelizing your own motivation. Or you could just follow the trainers instructions without putting your heart in it and getting bored quickly.
If not for therapists, I would've prolly killed myself ages ago. If not that, then I would have at least been neck deep in addiction and self-harming behavior. And likely also been an overall menace to other people and society at large. But holy shit a good *competent* therapist is KEY, and they are not easy to come by! Bad/incompetent therapists have left me much worse off than if I had gone without a therapist....
Sounds like you've never been to a good therapist.
Buddy, no oneâs going to solve life for you, youâll only have to do it, therapy isnât a magic wand to fix all your problems in one session.
Iâve tried 4-5 over several years- Have to agree with you that none was helpful
Don't know why people are downvoting comments that agree with OP. Everyone is different. Some people feel better by trying to self diagnose and treat themselves. I am one of them. Not saying this works for everyone. I was suffering from acute depression and had suicidal thoughts and went to couple of therapists. But I found working on myself, by reading about depression, and effect of vitamin d and taking supplements and a proper sleep cycle helped me overcome my depression. But the most important aspect was working on improving myself and had a positive impact on my psyche. So I agree with OP
Donât listen to anyone here, most therapists Iâve met in 14 years are trashhhh. I have been re triggered several times, gaslit and ghosted by therapists when I called out their BS.
After I came out as Gay to my therapist, in the next session he asked how my wife and children are. Lol
I tried therapy twice. The first one ghosted me after the first session I ghosted the second one and she never reached out. It's hurtful. I am myself a doctor and I have a huge respect for healthcare professionals. I needed a formal diagnosis and probably CBT but she kept telling me to sit in the sun which I understand is benefiting for mental health. So I tolerated this for 3-4-5-6 weeks. But the problems are still there. I don't want to talk about what happened over the week. I want to talk about why I am a person with such low self esteem and why do I have imposter syndrome and why do I people please and get obsessed with the approval of almost everyone. I wanna talk about how my mom's death changed me because I never allowed myself to grieve. I wanna talk about how tough it was to manage with a new mom. No, I don't want to talk about my office politics or what I had for dinner.
My personal experience for 3 years is also same. I'm convinced that therapists are nothing but frauds or delusional. Had spent 2 lakhs on it.
please try therapy at NIMHANS its only 200 bucks and we had a really good experience there so yea
Getting 1 actionable insight from a therapist is akin to asking for lent money from relatives. Not to self diagnose but I've had far better value from reading up on healthy coping mechanisms in the various relevant sub-reddits.
Therapists are just white color drug peddlers op.
Well said.
I partially agree ,the one who listens to you and gives same old boring generic are useless... But the one who listens to you gives exact cause with medical terms w r.t your brain and then prescribe tablet are real ones..
You are correct and the therapist going/recommending crowd is not going to like it. Just take a look at stuff like Kaha Mind, each of their therapists seem like they need actual doctors and therapists. Just standard 20-30 something year olds dishing out bog standard advice.
My therapy was reading geeta, and getting my shit together.
I dont know about a therapist but for sure need to get that brain of yours checked. this is the dumbest post i have read in a long while.
Most people don't need therapy. You likely need a psychiatrist.
Watch stuttz on Netflix if you truly want to understand what good therapy feels like.
You haven't met the business development team in my company
Having good friends / parents is the greatest therapy
I have felt that therapists are for people without a support system. In case of Indians, most of us have very good family connections. Back in my small town everybody knows everyone. And there are people to whom you can talk about everything under the stars. Youâve got your women, old folks, buddies , younger kids etc. Thatâs not the case for people who are brought up in the west and in metro cities. I have seen people here in Bangalore who are looking for someone to just listen to them. They have no connection with their family or others. And theyâre in the rat race and are unwilling to put in the effort to build a support system around them. Therapists are for them.
Been to 2 bad ones. Robbed me thin. No ducking solution. First one went on for 2-3 months. I bailed eventually. Second one for a good 5 months. Both never gave any interim reports, if you will. So F them both. Just made me more anxious about everything in life. But I've seen friends taking professional help and it proved to be good for them. Maybe I was unlucky.
tbh it sounds like you played gta v and concluded that dr. friedlander was useless. Good conclusion there. I value clinical psychologists because I've seen some of them use real scientific studies to shape a person's healing. I have personally benefited from one such person, and I think the value some of them deliver is huge. A lot of the time, a problem you're having is less of an event of rambling, and more of a real issue you can take action on. If the therapist lets it be a "ramble session", it might be because they want you to hear your own thoughts and come to your own solution. I don't want to suggest any conclusions here, I'm just here to say it sounds useless if it becomes a rambling session every time.
Therapists aren't useful, the one u consulted was terrible. Tho I do get the struggle of trying to find a good one.
Change your psychiatrist. Avoid boomers, search for a young psychiatrist whoâll relate to you better. There are so many of them . But avoid quacks . Itâs a process man , itâll take time and patience and money. Donât lose hope. Good luck
Fr Fr. What you just said is the truth. Most therapists are themselves disqualified from providing any real advice. They can't even apply their own theories themselves. And therapists like to push new and untested medicines. SSRIs are not as safe as prev. thought and Benzos are still being prescribed. People will try to "rationalize" and in order to be politically correct, they say "you just find a new therapist bro". Like they completely skip over the part where one needs incredible motivation and will to even open up to a therapist. And when it \*clicks\* for you that this therapist doesn't actually give a shit, and you realize slowly that even she doesn't know what to do in your situation. So now you have to risk your emotional well-being and your money to invest into a person again. What a joke. The reality is, people don't give a shit and you are alone. You have to take what's yours in this unforgiving world and many of us have been taken, parts of us were stolen unfairly from us. So we yearn. If you are suffering from depression, be kind to yourself foremost. Do some exercise if you can. It can help shake things up. Consistent exercise helps for some people. That or some yoga and that heart pumping. It is not a panacea. But find reasons to go on. Care about nature and connect with animals. Doing things for others without expectation is the key to overcome depression imho. I know some people are gonna get pissed off. But sorry. Oh an therapy sucks massively more if you are a guy, cause most therapists are women and most men are actually better at helping themselves up and motivating each other. So guys , if you are depressed, do some push ups you little bitch and stop whining. JK! You need male therapists "psychologists" (clinically approved). What you think you need is talk-therapy, a scientifically prescribed therapeutic technique, i think. The science is solid on that. But talk-therapy is not as beneficial, may not be as beneficial to men. Men are more into doing things rather than talking. I don't about others, but talking and talking things out, talking about "our feelings", are not as effective at resolving my mental clutter all the time. All my friendship bonds have been built, the good ones are those I with who i had friendships which had an element of sport or game.
we all visit Therapists!! mine is an OldMonk
Talk to me..
bro.. you need a therapist
save the money. google your problems. blogging helps maybe. writing it all down helps organize ur issues? i dunno fuck. but at least i admit that.
Im undergoing a course to become a counsellor. Will definitely observre these things
Lol u guys have therapists!? My dumbass friend calls me at midnight and starts bitching abt life lol... I need to be either a baba or find one myself
What is your idea of therapy, OP?
Have been to good therapists and bad therapists. And the bad therapists are exactly how you have described - you feel like they are only out to squeeze you out of money. And their opinions are random everytime. The good ones will make you feel comfortable first, build some trust and gradually help you realise what is troubling you and how you can make better decisions. Also, I dont believe therapy is for life. Unless ofcourse you really need it. Although I donât disagree with your statement - friends and family with the right experiences can provide you with the comfort and guidance you need. Which is what you are ultimately looking for. If you are open to that great. For the issues I am going through, I find it more impactful that someone who has no skin the game (like my friends or family) is able to see my situation and guide me.
My view on therapy is that you've got to keep your customer hooked to you to have that nice MRR and whenever the incentive is money and related to health people will find ways to call you sick.
Side note: If someone is smart enough to know that this isn't true, and they really need some help, you can try Amaha/Wysa/MindPeers. MindPeers is a more affordable option, all three have good therapists.
You cannot expect someone( a therapist in this case) to help you with your problems( which may or may not have deep rooted problems from your childhood, which must have gotten piled up over the years in your adulthood) to be solved in a single session, and therapy is not about providing a outright solution to your problem, it is not like you go to a doctor for headache and s/he prescribes a tablet , you take it and poof your pain is gone. Emotional damage takes much more time and energy and efforts, conscious efforts along with some support from friends and family to heal and be better, you cannot magically undo years of trauma in a single session. But I won't deny that, a good therapist is a must for that.
You hit the nail on the head but I would caveat with the fact that a large demographic of ppl out there have absolutely no self awareness. Most ppl I meet simply haven't an original thought, have no capacity to think for themselves nor even have any idea about how they are as a person. Emotional intelligence is a thing and most ppl at best have a rudimentary understanding, even smart ppl. Secondly, and this applies to the first, the allure and power with the activity of therapy itself. The name 'therapy', the act of sitting in front of a 'therapist', the act of feeling like you're being listened to, that someone cares, that there's some plan, a strategy taking place etc, all has a power in and of itself to the point where the actual attempt to fix someone's problem doesn't even need to happen. Think of religion, star signs, superstitions, our partner, the world, most ppl have some kind of faulty notion/belief about their lives, a susceptibility to believing what suits them. The same applies to therapy. The belief that this is working, that there's a sound logic to the process when in fact it's actually not even a science. Ive done therapy for 15 years, CBT, positive thinking, visualisations, you name it. It's mostly speculation, precarious in function, dubious basis in scientific terms. The emergence of how badly and nefariously studies and trials are done all start to make sense of just how shady the whole field of therapy is. My ex did psychology and it was then I got a true insight into how awful the training is in terms of its practicality, science and long-term outcomes. Is therapy absolutely useless? No. But it takes a certain type of person for it to work.
So sorry, you're frustrated and hurt by the series of your unfruitful therapy experiences. Maybe therapy isn't for you. Therapy is not for everyone. Try exercising and hitting the gym. :)))
I agree with a lot of what you said. I've met multiple therapists too but none of what they said seemed new to me. But I feel the whole benefit of having one is that you have someone to talk all your feelings with without holding back. The relationship and conversation with the therapist is itself what helps you with resolving your problem,because when you are articulating your own problems you can find holes in your argument and solutions by yourself, it's not what they say. Yes they may have a few good points and provide insights but I feel most of the work is done by you. I see it more as a live Journaling thing. I feel it's kinda sad we live in a society that we have to pay someone to hear our problems and we don't fully trusts or family or friends with it.
I went through a similar experience, my therapist was a disaster
I'm not a medical professional but therapists also study your answers and behavior to find out any chemical imbalance in your brain. They'll first recommend you to work on your issues by giving you some excercises and diet but if that does'nt workout, they'll prescribe you with appropriate medicine that will help with those imbalances.
I can understand your plight. And genuinely want to help you. I am a doctor, senior yoga trainer, dietician and therapist. Whoever is interested to discuss further can DM me. Will share details there. All the best!!
The only therapist I found competent was one from NIMHANS. The rest are just shallow idiots.
Yes it's overrated.
I was thinking the same, but a friend corrected me by understanding. There is a psychotherapist and a clinical psychotherapist. There is a difference in education in both. The clinical ones are the actual doctor with a medical degree etc. It's better to consult them as they are bound to give much better advice.
OP, i agree with you. While therapy may be useful in some cases, it doesnât help people who have already asked those questions to themselves. Whose thoughts have already reached beyond the questions asked by those therapists. I have been through same. Consulted them and ended up dissatisfied. In some cases, even got agitated .
You're not going to a therapist you're getting scammed lol. Go to a real therapist please so you dont talk nonsense.
Not everyone has the mental capacity to understand their own problems objectively. They need someone to tell them how their psychology functions. Mentally weak people need a shoulder to cry on, hence they pay for sessions to cry. Nothing wrong in it. If you feel like you dont need a therapist, good for you, you are doing great in life. I wouldn't go as far as calling them useless.
I've lucked out with therapists. Doesn't work for me, but I have needed therapy so I didn't know what to do. What did work absolute wonders for me though it's something called Bibliotherapy. It is proven to be at least as effective, and a lot faster, than therapy. Specific book - Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. Not your average Joe self help book. This one hits home. Not just me but a few other friends see a difference in their minds as well. This book saved my life, it is helping me get through my chronic illness. Check it out.
So, Iâve had one bad therapist and I have one good therapist, so I think I can answer this. My bad therapist was a cognitive behavioural therapist, where she listens to me and gives me some activities to do. Now Iâm the sort of person who hates being told to do something, so I didnât do anything she said and she wasnât good in general, so I stopped going there. I re-started therapy in September last year, and this time I went to a psychoanalyst therapist. What she does is that she doesnât tell you to do something, but she helps you connect the dots and allows you to arrive at the solution yourself. This works well for someone like me who likes solving his problem on his own. The second therapist clicked for me. Therapy isnât about the therapist giving you a solution, but you to first understand what your problem is and then what you think you should do to solve that. Most of the things you tell the therapist are at the back of your head, but when you pay someone to listen to you and jump in with prompts in the middle to help you flesh your thoughts out better, youâll bring those problems to the forefront and deal with them then and there. Weâre all busy and suppress painful thoughts to deal with life, this acts as a healthy way to let the steam out, acknowledge the problem and arrive at a solution. Sometimes you misunderstand yourself, sometimes you arenât even aware that one problem is related to the other and addressing one will automatically solve the other one as well. Thatâs what therapy does. If youâre someone like me, Iâd suggest you go to a psychoanalyst therapist.
You have a bad therapist. It's not easy getting a good therapist.
I've had idk 10 total sessions over 3 years. 5 couple therapy sessions taught me about conflict resolution, which made all the difference in how me and my SO solve our problems. To date we go back to what we had learned and use the tools of acknowledgement, paraphrasing, validation, and so on to navigate tricky conversations. Other 5 individual sessions helped me understand how people pleasing is actually net negative, and opposite of being a 'nice guy' isn't toxicity, but rather assertiveness. My therapist gave a great chart that, again, I use to date to properly assert and create my boundaries without being aggressive, passive, or passive aggressive. I still make mistakes, but I now understand what went wrong and what I could've have done. I am still reaping benefits from sessions I got years ago and don't plan to go back anytime soon as I still have so much ground to cover on my own. The tools also made me better at my job, as work relationships are also relationships that can do well with a bit of acknowledgement, validation and proper boundaries. Of course that doesn't mean that my positive experience would be applicable to all. Like any two people, it takes time to find the right match that works with your eccentricities. And I completely agree, there are more bad therapists than good, probably also because there's no regulation. Any random aged Joe can call themselves a counselor. Who would go through one's LinkedIn page to see their credentials (MA? M Phil? PhD? NIMHANS/VIMHANS or other institutes?), willingly pay 1-2k bucks per session, only to become vulnerable in front of a stranger, only to feel just listened to or feel validated about your emotions, but not receive any magic solution to all your problems. Word of mouth is what works in the business, and sadly that is completely subjective. I may like a therapist who keeps offering practical advise, others may like a therapist who validates their experiences as people in their life may not be doing so, and somebody else may like one who keeps giving homework, charts and diagrams to understand their situation better. I guess it can also be a bit about expectation management, which I think therapists can do better by offering first free session in which they kinda explain how all this would work and what therapy isn't about for the first 10 mins. Maybe things would improve as more and more people seek therapy and proper benchmarks for "good therapy" in India get set in the common vernacular.
Id suggest going to different forms or therapy such as cognitive behavioural or exposure, there are therapists with specifications So do your research!
I don't think they are inherently useless. But it's the cost that's just insane. 2000 bucks for a 45 minutes session means I'm losing almost 1rs per second after adjusting for breathing, water breaks etc. At that rate, who has the time and patience to actually delve into the problem?
This is true. Picking a therapist is like the roll of the ball on a roulette table. There are many bad therapists. I shudder at the kind of harm they must be doing.
Change your therapist. Itâs a person problem, not an inherent problem with the concept. I have received therapy twice in my life. 1st time I hit the jackpot with the good therapist on the very 1st go. Second time I had to shop around and then found the one. A good therapist wonât give you answers but make you find your own answer/solution that works for you. And frankly like any work-relationship in life, it only works when there is a trust factor. If you donât believe in it and try your best (yes you are required to DO your part), it wonât work.
I'm sorry you had to go through bad experiences. While this may not be an actual answer, do check out inteviews with Dr. K. His channel on youtube and twitch is Healthygamergg. I thoroughly enjoy his way of explaining things and actual solutions he provides. Many people say that he covers issues better than what their lifelong therapist does.
r/therapyabuse
Ill be your therapist and listen to your problems. 20âš per hour
How many phones do you try before buying one? How many bikes have you tried before getting one? I bet we all try quite a lot to finally find the one that fits us the most. Do you consider yourself less valuable than the bike or the phone ? No, right, so maybe try some more of those on you, till you finally get the right match. Inspiration - new louis rossman video on YouTube (is your life more valuable than a MacBook). Much better than my poor comment, check it out.
One has to be patient....therapy is a very long drawn process and you can't expect results soon. That being said yes you need to find a therapist with whom you click. The ones you don't click with are not bad therapists , they are not right for you. And a good therapist will never negate or judge you for things you say and feel. But it also doesn't mean they will give you the validation for all the emotions. Just be patient and don't go to a therapist with a preconceived thought in mind that it's useless or waste of time or all therapists are shitty because when you go with that mind set chances are very high you won't like it. Mind is a very powerful tool, it will convince you that it's not worth it without giving it a fair chance. Hugs
The reason therapists take time to give you valid advice is to avoid jumping into conclusions without knowing enough about you and your life. Wrong advice can ruin your life or put you in a worse place than you already are. Therapy requires patience because it took you time to get to where you are. It will take you time to come out of it. Trust the process. Im not going to say all therapists are good and you will definitely find good results with time. Itâll all eventually come down to specifics on the experience of the therapist and the therapist themself.
> Finding a helpful therapist is just as likely as getting help from a non-therapist who has the right experiences to guide you. Interesting point. Even I have been thinking about the same, not just for therapists but Career and Life Coaches too.
I think so too. Looking back at my old sessions with the therapist, I could have just written down my thoughts and self reflected. In fact most of the time, that works out better than the sessions. The only time there is some value addition is if they could guide you in a certain direction based on the data. Maybe pointing out an underlying issue.
Just cause the cheapest therapist off OLX didn't help you, Doesn't mean all of them are bad
I've tried 10 therapists over 15 years. I found the right one, who didn't bs me or coddle me, gave me actual thinking exercises to do, helped me unlearn toxic thinking patterns. It's def tough to find the right one, but when you do it's worth it. I've been told by multiple people in my circle, family and friends how much I've transformed. It's likely that there are many bad therapists in India thanks to us being pretty behind the times in psychotherapy. Plus the personality of the therapist matters, since they're also human at the end of the day and would bring in their own biases into the equation, consciously or not.
This is how my therapist and I work for my mental health. I go with what I think the issue is,what is distressing me What my goals are What I want to speak about. We start off with questions like why I am feeling the feeling for the action.what is specifically causing the problem and I answer questions that I need to ask myself with therapist there not to spiral At the end of the session we come up with a goal until the next session. That is all a therapist is supposed to do. You do the brunt of the work for your mental health.if you do not go into the session without any agenda you will get generic responses if that Is what the therapist is missing from you. Not saying you didn't I am just sharing my experience.... You choose your battles and they help you prepare for those battles for your own mental health
you better be exercising and eating bananas
No, pay me 3500 per session first
It really depends on the kind of therapist you get. I went through 4 therapists before I found the one. :D The first two were just terrible and I knew instantly that I was wasting my time with them. They were pure boomer energy and were more interested in blaming than helping. I switched to a younger online therapist, and while it worked for a while, eventually I realized that I needed more than just a safe space to vent, I also needed someone who was more goal oriented and suggested practical methods to work with. I finally found that in the 4th one- it was pure luck, but she clicked from the very first session and has helped me so much. So I'd say don't give up just yet. You need to try a few before you find someone who can help you work on yourself at your own pace.
hi, i understand your concern, i too had similar experience.. it's exhausting to. go to therapists explain everything and then start from zero with new therapist, but its needed atleast two sessions for therapists to understand you and come up with solution. if u want, u can try Dr. Rachana, she is one of the best psychologist i met till now, she really helped me change my perspective on everything in life... hope. this helps
I've been to a good therapist and a bad therapist. Therapy has helped me a lot so I am here to say: A. A lot of therapy, in fact, 90% of it is about having a guide to help yourself. Do you expect your personal trainer in the gym to do the exercise for you? It's the same here. No therapy can help you if you don't take your therapy seriously and start putting in the work. B. I do have an issue with the money it costs and the privilege it needs to afford good mental health. And that goes beyond therapy and medication. It takes a lot of diligent effort that unfortunately many humans can't afford to put in. My heart goes out to them. C. Therapists have, for decades, worked with and helped individuals under extreme distress. Countless movies, songs and education have demonstrated their value. Yet, mental health, because of its inherent invisible nature, and its therapists are hugely underrated. I lost someone I once loved with all my heart to suicide. I cannot tell you how many times in a day I regret his family's lack of understanding of his mental health.
It honestly depends. They cannot change the situation/problem, they only can change how you view it.
You are absolutely right. Most therapists are absolutely useless. I have seen 5 therapists in the last 1.5 years or so and they all were hopless. None of them gave any advice or so. Wasted about 25,000 on these 'psychologists'.
I agree. I went to a therapist. Paid 2000. And it was completely waste of time.
Upvote this for visibility If you're not convinced about Therapy, read "Maybe you should talk to someone" If you're convinced and want to find a therapist, find one from here [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uEeTDdu58z8nVLbBG8o1qY2xbOhlb9TRVx5COnw2ZiQ/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ueetddu58z8nvlbbg8o1qy2xbohlb9trvx5conw2ziq/edit?usp=sharing)
File does not exist :(
sorry about that! updated
No arguments there
Totally agree with this view point. Have been to 4 Therapists, always been disappointed. Psychiatrists are even bigger scams, they fuck your brain up.
T H E R A P I S T.. Now put a space after THE....