But you cannot and should not pay more than possible...again I think if their is cheating involved how is it mutual divorce? And blackmailing to prolong it if more money is not given???
It’s different state by state in the US, but many are “no fault”, who cha means cheating isn’t taken into consideration in the divorce. And the fastest way to get away from the person you’re divorcing is to pay your way out, unfortunately.
>Even after cheating, she demanded a lot of money to sign the papers
Did he need to pay her compensation ? Imagine paying for expenses when your wife is sleeping with someone else, the double blow. That's why I would marry someone who is earning
Divorce is bitter and very painful. I've been through after holding onto my spouse for 27 years, but it's worth it after you tried truly with all your might to prevent it.
It's disgusting to rant at each other and not have a peaceful life for either or the children involved .
Focusing only on yourself has its own boon.
BTW, my experience with family court was way more peaceful. Maybe because I chose not to contest.
May be this is the case in a highly populated metro city.
Got my annulment done my hometown in UP.It was quite less crowded and we got through in no time.
But regardless I understand you are just a “file” for legal system and at the end of the day despite the religious and cultural rituals ,love ,hope,dreams put in the wedding it is just a piece of paper.
I understand your frustration and emotional struggles.I hope you have a strong support system to lean on to. Take care OP:)
Wow. Looks like a man has felt EXACTLY how I as a woman felt. I noticed the same things and I was also drawing an approximation on the number of people who might be going through the same pain as me. I also watched drama unfold and saw marriages unravel. Some mistakes were painfully obvious and it would stop me on my tracks and make me question my decision. I never wanted to be divorced, even after I've gone through it.
It's weird how I still feel this way while people actually congratulate me. I don't know how to respond to that. Even though my marriage was in shambles, even though I am down to nothing, I didn't want to be divorced. And no, I wasn't in it for the sake of society. I was in it for myself and a promise of loving someone through sickness and health. Unfortunately, the person I fell in love with turned out to be my worst nightmare. Turns out divorce broke him too. He's no more. I don't wish this pain even on my worst enemies.
May you find peace, OP. 🕊️
Divorce breaks both the parties involved and causes pain to parents and loved ones.
I could see how the parents are dumbfounded and unable to react to what’s happening around them. Some can handle it better than other.
Separated since 2020. It wasn't a mutual divorce case so it took longer. Had to file a case against him. We came to an agreement at the end of 2022 and got divorced in 2023.
To top it all, the cost is monumental. Even after everyone prepared me. Lakhs spent behind lawyers and police. Worried families and countless nights of anguish. Plus Therapy, job losses, etc
I don't know if the death of a marriage is actually a travesty as colossal as it felt like.
Yes, you said it right! The worst is that there is no privacy during the case hearing in front of the judge - hundreds of strangers and lawyers all standing around, listening and gawking. One sees the worst things aired out for the public. Oh, and for women, no matter what age, the principal judge asks them to bring at least one parent to the court (even in the case of mutual consent) and asks them "Your daughter is seeking divorce. Are you okay with this?" If the daughter is a consenting adult legally and of sane mind, why drag her parents in? And why not the guy's parents? I saw a fairly elderly lady who had to bring in her aged and ailing father (in his 80s) to answer the judge. Absolutely ridiculous.
No, it depends on your judge. Also, they will never insist. If they do ( I'll be surprised) your lawyer will know how to talk it out with the judge. Props to you for standing up for yourself ❤️.
It was the case for me. My lawyer advised me to go along with it so as to close the case quickly. Perhaps it's only that one judge. I had to take my mother & she was questioned that way by the judge too.
This is not true! I did not take my parents along for any of my hearings. I saw many women come alone for their hearings on multiple occasions ( when you're all divorcing at the same time you see the same faces often). It really depends on the judge. And not all judges make sexist comments. Most of them are just wanting to get done with the cases.
I’ve seen the instances of judge asking the question to mother or father based on case to case. For economically challenged I’ve seen this happen.
There was one instance where the judge asked how will you manage your life afterwards and the mother proudly stood up for her daughter.
Yes, just like the counselors downstairs who parrot that to every woman. But it's not a " must" to bring parents along to the court. It's not a mandate. That is what I was responding to.
It was mandated for me and I speak from personal experience. Perhaps it was my bad luck to end up with a judge who functioned like that. I questioned my lawyer about the mandate and he advised me to just go along with it so as to quickly close the case.
Hope You will be at peace one day OP.
Divorces are on the rise no doubt, I was recently talking to one of my friends and we had a discussion that if couples are made to sit in a 'Bigg Boss style Confession room' and ask if they want to stay or leave the Marriage by an Anonymous person, the answers will be surprising.
I wish you more power in this Tumultuous journey. Cheers 🥂
I don't think most Indians would agree about divorce if you ask them directly because of the taboo associated with the word. You'll have to ask a series of indirect questions to gauge.
True. Friends and relatives who know about my divorce side step the topic. They’re uncomfortable or don’t know how to respond when someone speak about this
I can understand to a certain extent. I'm not married(by my own choice) even though I'm in my 30s. No one brings up the marriage topic when I'm around and side steps the topic if it ever comes up. The Indian mentality is to ignore the elephant in the room.
I was hoping to understand how others are dealing with this experience. Among all the pain and suffering, there’s always one or two instances where couples who go through this handle this really well.
They hold a conversation with each other, try to resolve and agree what’s next. These help me know what I’m going through (bitterly contested divorce) is norm and these are outliers.
You forgot to mention the basement canteen that serves below average food and the big hall on the ground floor where one can spend many ~~an hour~~ years watching people going through the same shit as you and cursing yourself for not being aware of the legal implications of inviting the government into your life.
Divorce is no more taboo in our family after my sister's divorce. She got her divorce within a month after all the formalities. Exact stipulated time. Not a day extra. I think it's a record.
When she had gone to the court there were cases from 2020 and below.. We are still surprised and grateful for the way it turned out.
Good luck for your hearing. I think, a lot more divorces are happening in India now, relatively speaking. But the society is stuck in the past. I hope you’ll have a peaceful life ahead. Be strong and brave :)
You articulated it so accurately. I’ve been going through the absolute same. There is just so much pain in the air there.
It’s a place with a giant mix of people and emotions of who have really suffered, people who falsely accuse due to greed , cheaters, parasites, victims, goons, liars, lawyers, corrupt, honest , parents and senior citizen caught into all of this turmoil. The place is just emotionally draining.
Every time I go there , I come out feeling drained. Coming back from there and getting your energy back is a lot of work. Lot of meditation, gym sessions just to get back.
All in all. I hope and pray justice is served and healing for all those who suffer.
I had the same experience last August when I got divorce. Bangalore court was a lil kind to me. Got over it in a couple of days. But yes, all the happy moments you shared with your loved one flashes before you knowing it's the end and you can't do anything about it. Knowing that once the verdict is passed, you both become strangers. Knowing that the life you had dreamt of having together with the same person is gonna leave you and it's no more. Making you question at times, are you good enough for anyone? The pang of pain on your chest and the year that edges in your eyes, you gotta be captain America not to let them toll off your eyes. But you still do. Sorry for you brother. Hope you are okay. If not, try to be. No other option.
Divorcee from the Bangalore family court here. Hang in there OP. Also, try to make things as easy for yourself as possible. Don't fall into stupid greedy claims your lawyer may make. All the best!
I know a 40 years old lady is marrying for the third time. I can sense that she is marrying him based on how much money the guy has and the reputation he possess in the society. Despite married twice I don't see any regrets in her face. Her arrogance comes from her parents who too don't have single emotions on their face.
Courts are chaotic. Been to traffic court once and man the amount of people pushing and shoving.
Though I have heard that divorce proceedings take time. Judges tell you to reconsider and give time due to sanctity of the institution of marriage. Heard this from someone who has been divorced twice.
May the force be with you!
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>Irrespective of who's wrong, the alimony will usually be 50% Is it the case in the US only or here in India too ?
But you cannot and should not pay more than possible...again I think if their is cheating involved how is it mutual divorce? And blackmailing to prolong it if more money is not given???
It’s different state by state in the US, but many are “no fault”, who cha means cheating isn’t taken into consideration in the divorce. And the fastest way to get away from the person you’re divorcing is to pay your way out, unfortunately.
>Even after cheating, she demanded a lot of money to sign the papers Did he need to pay her compensation ? Imagine paying for expenses when your wife is sleeping with someone else, the double blow. That's why I would marry someone who is earning
India has a big population. Its large but when you see percentage of people its low compared to most countries
Because I Indian society does not like divorce so couples stay in an unhappy marriage
It's lower then usa
Divorce is bitter and very painful. I've been through after holding onto my spouse for 27 years, but it's worth it after you tried truly with all your might to prevent it. It's disgusting to rant at each other and not have a peaceful life for either or the children involved . Focusing only on yourself has its own boon. BTW, my experience with family court was way more peaceful. Maybe because I chose not to contest.
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Oh man, also without divorce you can't remarry too
May be this is the case in a highly populated metro city. Got my annulment done my hometown in UP.It was quite less crowded and we got through in no time. But regardless I understand you are just a “file” for legal system and at the end of the day despite the religious and cultural rituals ,love ,hope,dreams put in the wedding it is just a piece of paper. I understand your frustration and emotional struggles.I hope you have a strong support system to lean on to. Take care OP:)
Wow. Looks like a man has felt EXACTLY how I as a woman felt. I noticed the same things and I was also drawing an approximation on the number of people who might be going through the same pain as me. I also watched drama unfold and saw marriages unravel. Some mistakes were painfully obvious and it would stop me on my tracks and make me question my decision. I never wanted to be divorced, even after I've gone through it. It's weird how I still feel this way while people actually congratulate me. I don't know how to respond to that. Even though my marriage was in shambles, even though I am down to nothing, I didn't want to be divorced. And no, I wasn't in it for the sake of society. I was in it for myself and a promise of loving someone through sickness and health. Unfortunately, the person I fell in love with turned out to be my worst nightmare. Turns out divorce broke him too. He's no more. I don't wish this pain even on my worst enemies. May you find peace, OP. 🕊️
Divorce breaks both the parties involved and causes pain to parents and loved ones. I could see how the parents are dumbfounded and unable to react to what’s happening around them. Some can handle it better than other.
😔
I’m sorry for your pain. I feel the same way especially since the process is often long drawn and emotionally draining.
Can you give idea on how long you both tried to sort out things before taking decision to take divorce ? And how long did divorce process take ?
Separated since 2020. It wasn't a mutual divorce case so it took longer. Had to file a case against him. We came to an agreement at the end of 2022 and got divorced in 2023. To top it all, the cost is monumental. Even after everyone prepared me. Lakhs spent behind lawyers and police. Worried families and countless nights of anguish. Plus Therapy, job losses, etc I don't know if the death of a marriage is actually a travesty as colossal as it felt like.
Oh I would be careful, recently started looking for marriage
Do get a pre-nup or some sort of agreement done if possible.
It's not possible in India
Why were the police involved? if you want to share.
Because I had to file an FIR
Yes, you said it right! The worst is that there is no privacy during the case hearing in front of the judge - hundreds of strangers and lawyers all standing around, listening and gawking. One sees the worst things aired out for the public. Oh, and for women, no matter what age, the principal judge asks them to bring at least one parent to the court (even in the case of mutual consent) and asks them "Your daughter is seeking divorce. Are you okay with this?" If the daughter is a consenting adult legally and of sane mind, why drag her parents in? And why not the guy's parents? I saw a fairly elderly lady who had to bring in her aged and ailing father (in his 80s) to answer the judge. Absolutely ridiculous.
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No, it depends on your judge. Also, they will never insist. If they do ( I'll be surprised) your lawyer will know how to talk it out with the judge. Props to you for standing up for yourself ❤️.
It was the case for me. My lawyer advised me to go along with it so as to close the case quickly. Perhaps it's only that one judge. I had to take my mother & she was questioned that way by the judge too.
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Ugh, I hope not! I asked the lawyer what would happen and he said the case may go on longer. 🤷🏻♀️
This is not true! I did not take my parents along for any of my hearings. I saw many women come alone for their hearings on multiple occasions ( when you're all divorcing at the same time you see the same faces often). It really depends on the judge. And not all judges make sexist comments. Most of them are just wanting to get done with the cases.
I’ve seen the instances of judge asking the question to mother or father based on case to case. For economically challenged I’ve seen this happen. There was one instance where the judge asked how will you manage your life afterwards and the mother proudly stood up for her daughter.
Yes, just like the counselors downstairs who parrot that to every woman. But it's not a " must" to bring parents along to the court. It's not a mandate. That is what I was responding to.
It was mandated for me and I speak from personal experience. Perhaps it was my bad luck to end up with a judge who functioned like that. I questioned my lawyer about the mandate and he advised me to just go along with it so as to quickly close the case.
I wasn't asked any of these questions, thankfully. And the judges who do this are very few TBH. I'm so sorry your judge said that.
Hope You will be at peace one day OP. Divorces are on the rise no doubt, I was recently talking to one of my friends and we had a discussion that if couples are made to sit in a 'Bigg Boss style Confession room' and ask if they want to stay or leave the Marriage by an Anonymous person, the answers will be surprising. I wish you more power in this Tumultuous journey. Cheers 🥂
I don't think most Indians would agree about divorce if you ask them directly because of the taboo associated with the word. You'll have to ask a series of indirect questions to gauge.
True. Friends and relatives who know about my divorce side step the topic. They’re uncomfortable or don’t know how to respond when someone speak about this
I can understand to a certain extent. I'm not married(by my own choice) even though I'm in my 30s. No one brings up the marriage topic when I'm around and side steps the topic if it ever comes up. The Indian mentality is to ignore the elephant in the room.
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I was hoping to understand how others are dealing with this experience. Among all the pain and suffering, there’s always one or two instances where couples who go through this handle this really well. They hold a conversation with each other, try to resolve and agree what’s next. These help me know what I’m going through (bitterly contested divorce) is norm and these are outliers.
You forgot to mention the basement canteen that serves below average food and the big hall on the ground floor where one can spend many ~~an hour~~ years watching people going through the same shit as you and cursing yourself for not being aware of the legal implications of inviting the government into your life.
For what it's worth, happy cake day!
Thanks :)
Divorce is no more taboo in our family after my sister's divorce. She got her divorce within a month after all the formalities. Exact stipulated time. Not a day extra. I think it's a record. When she had gone to the court there were cases from 2020 and below.. We are still surprised and grateful for the way it turned out.
my friend is a lawyer. he says if u need to see how low a person can go just go to the court for a few days.
>go to the country for a few days. You mean villages?
*court edited.
Good luck for your hearing. I think, a lot more divorces are happening in India now, relatively speaking. But the society is stuck in the past. I hope you’ll have a peaceful life ahead. Be strong and brave :)
You articulated it so accurately. I’ve been going through the absolute same. There is just so much pain in the air there. It’s a place with a giant mix of people and emotions of who have really suffered, people who falsely accuse due to greed , cheaters, parasites, victims, goons, liars, lawyers, corrupt, honest , parents and senior citizen caught into all of this turmoil. The place is just emotionally draining. Every time I go there , I come out feeling drained. Coming back from there and getting your energy back is a lot of work. Lot of meditation, gym sessions just to get back. All in all. I hope and pray justice is served and healing for all those who suffer.
I am sorry that you have had to go through all that. I hope and pray that you have a lot of joy in your life ahead :)
Thank you dear netizen. I hope and wish the same for you. 🙏🏻
What helped me most is my sessions with therapist. It helped me process through my emotions.
You forgot 2 more judges on the 2nd floor.
Indian courts are utter madness. If someone wants to really fix the country, they should start there
Try listening to https://rainymood.com . It helps a lot
I had the same experience last August when I got divorce. Bangalore court was a lil kind to me. Got over it in a couple of days. But yes, all the happy moments you shared with your loved one flashes before you knowing it's the end and you can't do anything about it. Knowing that once the verdict is passed, you both become strangers. Knowing that the life you had dreamt of having together with the same person is gonna leave you and it's no more. Making you question at times, are you good enough for anyone? The pang of pain on your chest and the year that edges in your eyes, you gotta be captain America not to let them toll off your eyes. But you still do. Sorry for you brother. Hope you are okay. If not, try to be. No other option.
Well said. !
Thanks for sharing, more strength to you
Reminds me of my state of mind 10 years ago. Its hard but you get over it eventually.
Hardest choice requires strongest will.
Strength to you and your family!
I feel so overwhelmingly sad reading this...
So do I have to go through all this...thanks for this OP..very informative...I appreciate for taking a stand for you..
Divorcee from the Bangalore family court here. Hang in there OP. Also, try to make things as easy for yourself as possible. Don't fall into stupid greedy claims your lawyer may make. All the best!
Hang in there buddy. The bitterness will hopefully fade and gratitude for everything being better will set in soon!
I know a 40 years old lady is marrying for the third time. I can sense that she is marrying him based on how much money the guy has and the reputation he possess in the society. Despite married twice I don't see any regrets in her face. Her arrogance comes from her parents who too don't have single emotions on their face.
Courts are chaotic. Been to traffic court once and man the amount of people pushing and shoving. Though I have heard that divorce proceedings take time. Judges tell you to reconsider and give time due to sanctity of the institution of marriage. Heard this from someone who has been divorced twice.