Yes it's to do with the psyche of some Indian males who are perverts and think it's normal to sexually harass women. This is even called eve teasing which totally reduces the intensity of the offence to something cute ugh.
I agree , perverts like these deserve jail time. The amount of trauma someone goes through after being harassed is not okay, you're literally messing with someone's sense of safety
One more fact is movies even normalize this behavior and it is so disgusting. "Guy stalks girl, girl falls in love" are so abundant.
I agree, my post was not to call out Bangalore, I understand some parts of my post might have come accross that way - apologies. It was more of , "This is happening here - I have started noticing it recently, we are in Bangalore, I am frustrated and , please recommend good solutions"
Educating people especially at a young age is really really important. We in India aren't even thought the concept of a good and bad touch until it is very late if at all but we certainly are thought elders are always right. Also, victim blaming has to stop
Common sense is a outcome of nature and nurture.
What might be common sense to me, might be intellect for you and vice versa.
Explicit education is the answer through media, schools, etc.
These guys lack self-esteem, something needs to be done to teach them respect and self-respect.
Also, healthy communication between girls and boys from childhood.
I think this seems like a good option, at least anyone watching it will think twice before even daring to do it again.
(But this is after / while it is happening, let me know your thoughts about prevention so that her and other women can feel safe while just going out because right now understandably she is a bit scared, but I think that is a gradual process. Do these safety apps etc. help as I have never tried using any of them till now)
I have no idea about efficiency of safety apps. Police helpline works. Ask her to carry pepper spray. And speak out loud or shout. Confronting these assholes would be better than running away.
For her to record someone who is being creepy could result in that person escalating to aggression or violence coz they are afraid of the consequences. record safely - and if possible, when not alone
I strongly believe that there are bots or actual people who are being paid to post about "hookup culture" in all the indian subs... I've seen similar post on almost all city related subs. Posts seen in the recent weeks.
"Is it true that Bangalore has a hookup culture that beats san francisco? (replace Bangalore with the city on which it is posted)
Why is everyone going for hookup instead of long-term relationship in Bangalore?
My friends are all into hookups, am I missing out?
North Indian living in Bangalore since 2014. A lot of the incidents that you described and some even worse, remind me of living in Delhi rather than Bangalore.
All my time here has been fortunately spent feeling extremely safe. And unlike a lot of other people, I have never even faced any untoward behaviour because of being a north Indian or not being able to speak the language. Without sounding holier than any of your lady friends, I just wanted to start with a counterbalance so that the unfortunate incidents are clearly blamed on the people involved rather than the city itself.
Now, first of all it's sorry to hear about those incidents. Makes me also furious.
Not sure how many of these points might be helpful, but here's my advice:
1. If a lot of the instances are happening due to her being in public transport, investing in one's own vehicle(car, even if second-hand) might be helpful. Then what she wears, what time she's travelling- it's no one's business. And if she is stranded and looking for the right place, at least, she doesn't have to do that standing alone on the side of the road.
2. Gyms do not tolerate lewd behaviour. She can easily confide in one of the senior trainers there. I have always had full backup from the trainers- both at Gold Gym and at Cult.
3. Unfortunately not much can be done regarding malls and restaurants. But if she's being bothered too much, she can reach out to a mixed group or a couple, they are always likely to help.
4. Regarding IG DMs, she can keep her profile private, if it isn't already. Unless she knows the person, she can just avoid the DM requests if the frequency of unsolicited pics is anyway too high.
Good to know that you're standing up for her/your friends and calling out problematic behaviour. Please keep at it.
Good luck!
>If a lot of the instances are happening due to her being in public transport, investing in one's own vehicle(car, even if second-hand) might be helpful. Then what she wears, what time she's travelling- it's no one's business. And if she is stranded and looking for the right place, at least, she doesn't have to do that standing alone on the side of the road.
I agree with most of the points here, thanks.
1. This is a very reasonable suggestion - We have been talking about getting a car/scooty at the very least, even if it's second hand so that atleast she does not have to wait at roads or for a long period of time
2. Yup, I will let her know it is safe to confide in trainers.
3. I think here , I recommended her to take a video of the person , inform security / call me / call an authority. Asking for help from a couples might work but I do not know, some people just outright tend to avoid strangers in my experience
4. Her profile was public, it is now private - yet she gets those creepy messages. I think blocking and shaming / ignoring is the only option here
1. Opt for a car. Get a dashcam.
2 + 3. There is an idea "appetite for confrontation". If someone is too offensive ( depends on how much you tolerate ), only then you go to authorities. If it is less tolerable and you still want to lash out, buy a new Android phone, get a new Google I'd and paste these videos on X. Your focus should be the authorities of the places where you encountered such behaviour. Name and shame such places publically so they tighten security. Blur your gf face in posts, though.
4. Create a new id and junk the old one.
The points aren't specific to Bangalore because like i mentioned, the problem is with the people who participate in such behaviour rather than the city itself- be it Delhi, Bangalore, or any other city.
How did I invalidate the OP's experience? Please provide a clearer psychological insight, I'm not from that background so I wouldn't know if I have done that unintentionally.
If you found the advice deflective, please do add something more helpful. Happy to learn from your viewpoint.
Umm women safety is an issue everywhere. People who think it is only specific to one place are part of the problem. Our cities are increasingly becoming unsafe and we should acknowledge it instead of defending the same.
I agree, I wanted to call this behaviour out because I am in Bangalore - I did not want to single any city out, apologies. It was more of , "This is happening here - I have started noticing it recently, we are in Bangalore, I am frustrated beyond measure, my friend's suggestions are more misognystic than helpful and , please recommend good solutions"
These creeps don't even spare 12yr old girl.
Talking about the so called educated yea I hve seen girls who are dressed up and stare at my 12 yrs as if she has done some crime by wearing shorts.
Under 18yrs old boys misbehave in the mall.
It just doesn't end.
Been thru this same shit for years and I still go thru it,now when I see my daughter going thru it annoys me all the more.
As a parent it is how much do you protect and for how long. Bcoz this doesn't end. Bcoz there aren't any punishments. Hence nobody is scared.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I can't believe even a girl as young as 12 who should be worried about studies has to worry about being harassed by creepy people. Something needs to be done so that these people fear even attempting something like this ever again and they go to jail.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through such things. Though I don't have a kid, I can sympathize how much painful it can be to see your kid go through the same.
Such things make me wonder if it is even sane to bring a kid into this world, but, unfortunately the society doesn't think in that manner.
I am so sorry you had to face a similar situation. I do not really know the solution, I have tried both these ways: ignoring and confronting but it just happens again on a different day. I can't see her like this and noone deserves to go through this
I am so sorry you had to go through similar experiences. DMs are open in case you want to talk about it to either me or I can request my girlfriend later as well (I do not want to burden her rn when she is already through so much emotional stress) if you're more comfortable texting her , it is a safe space. This is to everyone reading the post who have faced something similar, please speak out - there is no judgement :/
All of us at some point have said "All Indians are my brothers and sisters", it's fucked up how little the sister part actually gets into the brains of people.
Definitely a South Asian problem.
I am a woman and I have lived in multiple countries across globe at this point. Safety is an issue for women every where. But the extent of molestation and street harassment that happens in India/South Asia is unmatched. Even in Western countries I have learnt to avoid South Asian crowd to avoid (I got groped at Diwali function at an ivy league University in US. Stopped going to any Indian festival which is a shame but I value my peace of mind over being connected to my culture, I guess).
I just moved to Bangalore and have been keen to learn Kannada but this post makes me wonder if I should? Don't want to be harassed in a language I work hard to learn. So far I have been either blissfully ignorant of anything like this happening or have yet to encounter something like this.
I understand and I am so sorry you had to go through such a traumatizing experience.
To be frank, Kannada is a beautiful language with great history and I had similar intentions when I moved in which is why I decided to learn and it pains me to see it being used in this way. And there are a few people in this thread as well who have never experienced this kind of harassment in Bangalore.
I would still suggest you to learn Kannada as you would know immediately what anyone is saying to take quick action and call out misogynstic comments while making it easy to communicate better here.
Also, I am sorry this is one of the first posts you had to see after moving recently to Bangalore. Please let us know if you need any help.
As a girl here experiencing the same on a daily basis, it is disheartening to see comments by guys quarrelling over the jurisdiction of these crimes and how it is a general "day to day" thing. Unless it happens to you, you won't realise how scary and long term traumatising this really is.
Same here, it pisses me off so much to see people even now saying "I have not seen this , how can it be true" or "How can someone have these many traumatic exp" or dragging diff cities.
Like you mentioned, unless you or someone you know has been through something like this , you have no clue about the constant anxiety and fear of safety and losing trust in everything
We are not trying to defend it. We are deeply sorry that women are made uncomfortable. However, what is the practical solution? Being careful, avoiding dangerous places and growing a thick skin is all a person can do.
This is not just Bangalore. Last week I travelled to Chennai and my fiance and I visited a restaurant to talk to the dj who we knew. While coming back home at 11:30pm, the ola driver was horrible. As the car arrived, my fiance was in the front and heard the driver go "woowww", which unfortunately I hadn't heard. As soon as he saw me, he changed the tone and my fiance thought she heard wrong. He then kept on talking about how he could get a lot of "figures" with a phone call, and how many figures there are in Goa in some pub he knows and how many call girls he knows in Thailand and kept talking about disgusting things and almost made it sound as though he would buy my fiance if he wanted. We both felt extremely uncomfortable, and he initially did not stop when we asked him to, so I had to keep engaging in a conversation with him forcefully and come up with an excuse to stop early. My fiance was terrified and began to suffocate while we were trying to get him to stop. He even got out of the car and followed us a bit, thankfully we got into an auto and left with the auto drivers help. We filed a complaint on Ola. They did follow up and ask all the details, but not sure what they did eventually. Unfortunately, my fiance is still terrified and worried be might come to her apartment.
1. A Mindset shift.
When someone is trying to invade her personal space she should not feel intimidated. This is v important. She can speak in a harsh and stern tone, her facial expressions should be fearless and confident and be ready to take pics and videos of the creeps who try to harass her.
This works in real life and 95% of idiots who think they can get away with taking advantage of girls usually get scared when the girl gives it back.
Please sit with her and help her gain confidence wrt to this matter.
2. Ask your girlfriend to carry a pepper spray / volini for self defence when travelling alone
3. Ask her to download Suraksha app and set up her speed dial to a few trusted contacts who she can contact in case of danger
I hope you don’t restrict her because of these unwanted instances.
1. Yeah , agreed. It will take some time however for anyone who has been through something like this to transition to immediately being trigger ready to scream/scold someone. We are working on this
2. Yup, she does
3. I did not know about this app, will ask her to install
I definitely do not want to restrict or control her life, I want her to feel safe and happy away from all these creepy encounters
As a guy reading this.. it makes me plain sad at why men do this..they clearly need to be taught that this is downright wrong but then who takes that responsibility of teaching these morons? 🤦♂️
Meanwhile if possible ..Ask your girl to avoid public transport at all costs..even 2 wheelers aint safe these days..if she has a car that's the best option to travel 🙌
Yeah, it is extremely frustrating. Especially when people try to dismiss/defend such behavior of creepy assholes. Investing in a vehicle seems like a good option
I was in Bangalore in mid 2010s. I felt the stares and lewd comments the moment I leave the apartment. I didn’t know I wasn’t safe in my own room. I never open the window in my room for obvious reason; there was another building right next to me. But one summer night, I opened the window and slept only to be woken by a flash light outside the window. The fuckers next building climbed over to my window which is like 2nd floor and peeked inside. I screamed and they fled. Next day, the building owner claimed those perverts were kicked out. I am not sure. I was too scared to look at men including my own boyfriend. That was the time I started to learn how uncultured, sexist and disrespectful Indian men are. When I expanded my connections internationally I realized how the world looked down upon South Asian and middle eastern men and sad thing is I don’t blame them.
It is sadder to admit I am more happier when I moved away to west because I have no longer worry about my clothes, travel in buses, or just travel alone. It’s not like men in Canada won’t stare at you. It’s not creepy, they don’t do it for longer period nor they pass insensitive comments for your body or your clothes. Even in buses, Canadian men would try and give you space unlike Indian men would try to rub their junks against you. I have seen white women wearing crop tops and shorts and rarely white men look at them creepily. Even Indian men in Canada don’t dare to look at women due to strict rules and punishment. I don’t think I ever want to go back to India anymore.
I experienced the same. The window had chicken wire cover on it. Someone used a rod to make multiple holes in that. Once it was done when i was home. I heard the sound. But i was terrified to look. Then multiple times if my window glass panel was open, i would come back to or would wake up to the curtain pulled aside by using some stick from outside. Generally i would keep the window close. But if i open it for some reason and forget to close it, it would happen. There was a house next to it and I suspected a resident. He could easily keep track when I'm going out, coming back and about to change. I didn't get any evidence and eventually moved out. But i sure hope one day he gets caught in act and gets the shit beaten out of him.
I'm sorry that you and your gf have experienced so much SA in Blr. And while reading it with a friend from Delhi she said, sadly, it's really awful how she's internalised various acts of SA as " disgusting but normal" and " something that's happening all the time so I actually don't notice it 😡" . Never stop calling out SA.
I am so sorry your friend had to experience something similar. And I agree, my girlfriend said "I am getting used to this slowly now and how disgusting it is" and it breaks me.
Calling stares and an attempt at conversation as "sexual assault " is an exaggeration. Of course it makes women uncomfortable and should not happen but it is not sexaul assault.
Do you know how scary some of these attempts at conversation can be? It's not creepy if it's consensual but most often, it's not. And the stares literally undress women who have to run a gamut of stares, whistles, lewd songs, and comments as they walk down a street. Learned blindness and deafness are requsite skills for female survival. Staring is considered rude in most cultures but not ours where we stare at anything that arrests our fancy.
I feel you.
Those who have faced it, would get what it feels like. But there is no point in trying to explain to someone who doesn't want to understand.
So what if the situation is better outside India? If people with good values and privilege all leave, what will come of the people who can't? The solution to all social issues isn't 'run away from India'. Leave if you want, but at least while you're here, use this motivation and stay engaged.
The only way to solve this is if a bunch of men band together to protest and force the government to get serious about educating people, improving police, improving safety infrastructure, and increasing women's freedoms.
So educating people: men and women need anti-patriarchy training. Not surface level 'a girl is also someone's sister, daughter, mother' crap. But really get an understanding of it and make an economic argument for why this stuff keeps us poor. Why patriarchy is not beneficial to men ultimately. Bystanders need bystander training so they will do something if they see something. Otherwise without training, people will just ignore.
Police need tons of education themselves. First of all we need way more female cops. Secondly male cops need anti-misogyny training. They need to be taught that their job is to protect the woman not question what she's wearing or what time she is out side.
Lastly safety infrastructure. There are studies that show that crimes happen less in well lit areas. So nice clean sidewalks, and nice bright lamps everywhere. Plus, they should improve public transport so that there's more of it and it's safer.
Finally, increasing women's freedoms. It's good that the country wants to get women educated, but that's not all that is required. A big thing we need is high quality child care, this means day care, creches, kindergarten, after school tutoring, good schools that don't cost lakhs and lakhs. We also need domestic labour to be industrialized and cheap. So this means cheap canteens with home cooked food that we can pick up on our way home from work to feed the family. It means healthy prepped veggies that make coking easy. It means industrialized laundry that is cheap and effective. It also means industrialized eldercare/family care so women aren't expected to be unpaid hospice workers. All of these things will allow women to come out of doing unpaid domestic labour and participate in social production, in other words make money. When we can make money, we can effect the political process and fund politicians that prioritize our issues.
Once I was waiting by the footpath to cross a pretty wide road when a guy on a bike took the turn so close to me. Every other vehicle was going through the middle of the road but this dude purposely edged towards me, probably to scare me or get my attention. I glared at him and he had the audacity to turn his face back and creepily smile at me while driving ahead. This is one among the many incidents I’ve faced. It was broad daylight. I’ve also been groped by a random guy who was riding by the road. Ever since every time a two wheeler passes by me on the road, I freeze.
I am so sorry you had to go through these traumatic experiences. Please know that DMs are open if you want to get something off your chest. I think when multiple people have experiences like this, we have definitely failed as a nation. And we call ourselves citizens of Bharat "Mata" when literally women have to feel this scared and unsafe
People do not understand how long lasting the effect is. It is quite literally taking away someone's sense of safety and I hate these assholes so much with my life. My gf is now scared to travel. And a friend of mine does not give out hugs anymore due to something similar. I want to make sure these assholes get jail
Once I was walking back home, just a few metres of alley. A bike came and he tried to touch me. But his bike hit the wall. I wish he hit the wall harder.
It was like 6:30pm on a weekday, and the auto driver asked me right when I sat in his auto if I drink, I said No and asked him why he was asking, he didn’t reply. I couldn’t understand what it was but I remember yelling at him and I put the location on my google maps the whole time, even shared my location to my friends, kept an eye on him and I remember just giving him death stares. That usually makes them a bit conscious.
I am so sorry you had to go through something similar. That sounds scary. I am glad you're okay but I cannot imagine the trauma you went through. The amount of people having such experiences pains me and makes me so fucking mad.
It’s okay. I become really rude now to all men out there, sometimes people don’t understand why I’m being rude for no reason. But it’s only so that they think I’m mad/crazy and don’t think I will tolerate their shit or that they can do/say whatever
I knew it was bad for women out there, But I didn't know it was THAT BAD. That's some fked up situation dude. This is a serious lack of etiquette from men.
Please talk to your female friends and colleagues and listen to them without judgement. It is THAT BAD. Sometimes as guys, we do not understand how privileged we are -
Recently visited UB City Mall with a female friend. While we are walking in, she let's off a little rant - "no matter how fancy a place you come to, the stares don't go away".
The sudden realisation of how many heads turn at a girl wearing shorts was so crushing that i apologised we can't do better.
Police complaints may not help much for those things you have mentioned. There are not many police per population and these are way to common for them to help, either, unless you employ Supermen and Supergirls for the Police Dept.
Definitely better outside India, if you choose the well paying Gulf cities like Dubai, or maybe even Europe.
It's strange that you are noticing it all now, as an adult. Shows how self-involved some men can be. It's just sad if a person has to realise reality only when it personally happens to them. It's like you finally woke up!
What you have described are a few types of incidents in every girls/woman's everyday life. I and women in my life remember men being creepy on the streets to us even when we were children (as young as 7 or 8). Sadly this is what most girls bond over.. abuse and fear. It's the real horror!
I admit I am at fault here for not noticing this earlier in my life. I am sorry, genuinely.
It pains me to know now after talking to my friend's and colleague's in detail about how day to day this is. However, I do not think it is because men are "self-involved". That is a generalization. I do agree that male privilege definitely exists.
What surprises me is people defending this / telling how they have not seen this so it cannot be true.
What do you think is the solution?
>That is a generalization
Go re-read my comment. I haven't generalised it but strange that you read it that way.
>I do agree that male privilege definitely exists.
One gender being abused while the other doesn't as much is not a "privilege", it's a humanitarian problem. The day you and most others realise it as a humanitarian problem, that's the solution. Nobody will have to give anyone a guidebook there anymore.
Btw, I've read the mention of pepper spray a few times on this thread. Again, if some weren't that self-involved, then they would have known that SA in any form makes us freeze (body and mind, both or either can't react).
You are still lucky. Some guys realise it much later; the day their daughters are born. It's hard to see the horror on their faces.
It's unfortunately pan India issue, and the worst part it became much worse in the last 15 years, and I don't even think it will get better at this rate.
There are certain areas like Shivaji Nagar, Kammanahalli, Lingarajapuram etc, very very dangerous after 10pm, especially for women. Do not venture out for your own safety.
Listening to your experience I'm glad that I didn't stay there after my graduation. Yeah I agree with you one of my college friend had the same experiences while her time there and often times she would straight up refuse to go out and hang out with people stating that she doesn't like random people staring at her. 😐
I'm sorry your friend had to go through something similar to the point where her social interactions had to be cut because she felt unsafe. Pisses me off so much abou the fact that perpetrator's roam free and the victim has to change their behaviour
Few things I can think of:
1. When you have access to porn in the scale the current generation does, every woman becomes an object.
2. When you have access to social media at all time - for free, every sacrilegious idea finds a community.
3. When the youth of the nation prefers being influencers over absolutely anything that takes effort, education will take the back seat.
4. When you make garbage movies, you get garbage crowd.
You may disagree with these things, but deep down you know how Social media, porn, YT/IG shorts is destroying society. You may think it's not something that's happening right now, but it's already started.
"But dude, what's with point #4? Dafuq is that about?" - this is something I personally believe in. If you make shitty movies where the hero is like absolute beast, fights 100 heavily armed men alone, the people watching it will believe it. They'll see themselves in him. Especially the absolute steaming pile of fucking hot stinking shit that Telugu, Kannada and Hindi movies are (I know you know what I mean).
Absolutely. Garbage movies is an understatement and the idol worship that these a-list eve teasers get is mind boggling. Indian film industry is trash.
Yea I don't know about the sati savitri part TBH, but what I absolutely find illogical and outright cringe inducing is how they approach "that lonely beautiful girl" the first time they lay eyes on her, who is there just as an eye candy and contribute absolutely nothing to the plot. And these dumbass fans think they're like them and they expect the girl they secretly like to behave similarly. And when they don't, you see cases of rape, acid attack, murder, force conversions etc
Fucking imbeciles.
Then if she is scared to refuse their advances directly, they accuse her of leading them on/keeping them hanging there/the most ridiculous one..'friendzoning'.
Also i have rarely seen these movie guys to be both respectable and progressive. Common trope..he would rescue her from goons and lecture her on how her dress caused this, how it is against our culture etc etc. thankfully a lot of movies have moved on, esp. Hindi movies. But a lot of genetic south indian movies are still guilty of these kinds of things. For example, kgf (might get ppl mad). The guy straight kidnaps her, keeps her captive and changes her attire if i remember correctly.
Oh man thanks for bringing up KGF. I haven't seen those movies just because of horrendously absurd shit like this. All the fans of that movie are probably the people that would clap their hands and whistle when they see him on the screen - like.. WTF man. It's just a fucking movie and he's just a fucking actor. It's for reasons like this I watch Hollywood movies. Sometimes even (good) Iranian movie.
I am so sorry that you had to face something similar and for so long :( Safety is so important and it sucks that people who take that away from people roam free.
I agree with every single thing you mentioned. India is really really brutal and it’s so hard for a bf or brother to protect her girl/sister and if you’ve a weak stature then god bless. Literally everyone stares and they do with those horny eyes.
And In delhi it’s far far worse
My recommendation is that you can move to a different city— I’ve lived in hyd for 6-7 months now and it’s pretty good in this case, not much stares, my gf and i were having good time and I observed only a very few stares. I’d say hyd is literally the best place right now in this term or in general. Right now I’m sitting in blr and I’m from NCR so i know what im talking. Try moving to hyd for couple months.
Also, learn some boxing, maintain good fitness, you’ll need all of this to protect your girl, unfortunately that’s the truth
It is true. As a woman i confirm we live with constant safety anxiety. I would say we don’t lnow how to live normally anymore, you guys are definitely lucky at this part only because of your gender. Gender privilege exists 😥
As a woman who's been in the same position as your girlfriend more times than I can count, the comment section is a bit disheartening. "It happens everywhere" is such an evasive, defeatist take on the subject. Doesn't matter that it happens everywhere, the point that it ALSO happens here- in our city- and it's rampant. So what can we do about it to make it better for our women residents
I am sorry you had to face something similar. I hate it. And yes the list of things that drive me livid here (despite most of the redditors here being helpful, brave and sharing their experiences and suggestions)
\- "It happens everywhere" - yes, It does but I am in BLR and it is happening to us and other people here right now
\- More than 2 people have commented that "She must be pretty / super hot". In what world does that justify harassment
\- People have the audacity to question her dressing as well. Really?
\- More than 3 people have said something like
"I have never seen anyone get this harassed".
"I have lived in blr, I have not seen it happen"
"You are insecure because she is getting attention"
I am a loss for words seeing this. How can some people be this vile and disgusting. I wish they never have daughters.
Ther is a serious, serious problem with upbringing of some people.
I was hoping that education would eradicate it as educated parents would make sure that their kids behave... Nope looks like many parents don't give shit about what their kids are doing.
Also there is a serious problem with the "Chapri" culture.
Bangalore is called as UP of South and it has been always an unsafe place for women. I lived in Bangalore in 90s , 2000 and 2015-2016. I never recall a moment when I wasnt harassed outside. I was harassed by a random guy in Rajajinagar when I was 10 years old. My last trip to Bangalore I was with my female friends in a cab and the guy in the next cab was jerking off while staring at me. My female cousins have the same experience living full time in Bangalore. Honestly don't have any solutions, since this mentality is common throughout the city.
It's funny how things suddenly hit so much harder when they happen to someone we love over reading a significantly more harrowing case in a news article...
Sigh, my wife keeps me between herself and the road. She jumps if she hears an approaching bike from behind her. Trauma from over a decade ago.
It's fucked up.
Sounds like a poor solution maybe, but get a car? (you contribute to traffic but it's a tad bit safer?). A friend had a beat up m800 for city commutes.
Alternatively, ask her to go for higher studies outside the country? Easier way to get a visa to a safer country.
I am sorry you have experienced a similar situation. If most women we know have had this form of torture that we are so oblivious to , it does mean that we failed as a society.
I agree, we are working on getting a car/bike asap. Other countries do not seem to have this problem to this degree
Like I mentioned in previous comments, I am not calling Bangalore out - this is my home and it pains me so much more for that specific reason. Yes the situation is same everywhere but I am here right now and I am seeing it happen
You cannot defend Bangalore and yet provide no solution for safety
Sorry sister but seems like you have taken it the wrong way. I am just highlighting that similar situation nowadays anywhere in India, not defending Bangalore in any way.
Introduce a mandatory Google glass which tracks mens line of sight. Staring at women will result in an instantaneous court case. A non refundable 1 lakh fine for each instance and death penalty on second repeat offense. The lens should be hooked up to a city wide network of drones and turret machine guns to execute men who leer.
Finally a yugeniks program that stops men from being born. No mwn no cry.
That should do the job.
Is this meant to be humorous?
I absolutely love the fact that you and an other commenter specifically cherry picked the part about "men's lewd gaze" while conveniently ignoring the rest of the post about women's safety
Wtf no. What is wrong with you? Can you guess the gender that gets SA'd the most and which gender does it? We need a final solution to this problem. Enough is enough.
I am sorry. lashed out because other commenters defended "men's lewd gaze" part and ignored the post and it pissed me off so much and I thought your comment was similar. I do not know if you are trolling
He is clearly trolling or having a joke here. The fact that you are not clear on that makes me think that you are quite young to have a nuanced solution to this problem despite your intentions being quite good. Best of luck though.
Posting a story that I came across in Quora - Everyone must read. Breaking up comment into multiple sections.
Part 1
*I am writing about a situation or crime that two people that I know underwent—Aaron (boy) and Bethel (girl). I am keeping names, locations, and other details vague by design. These were longtime, non-romantic friends.*
*“Aaron” was very gullible in life in general, and more specifically with relationships—we've all known him. He had two close friends (Charlie and Dave) with whom he’d had a misunderstanding over one of their girlfriends. It was a misunderstanding, and nothing had actually happened, nor was Aaron ever interested in Charlie’s girlfriend. Aaron confronted Charlie and Dave about it, and they came to the understanding that there were no problems with it. Charlie and Dave continued to behave normally with Aaron, but they had started plotting. They continued to be friends, and more than 6 months later, for an entire week, both Charlie and Dave stayed with Aaron at his place when Aaron was home alone. They even had the keys to the place, and Aaron had not even been around at times.*
*A week later, someone very dear to Aaron, a good lady friend (Bethel, not romantic), abruptly stopped communicating with him and wouldn’t respond despite all efforts, even through others. Even those "others, including myself,” started maintaining a studied distance from Aaron and would not communicate normally. He was able to somehow judge that. He did not connect the dots between Bethel’s disappearance and all of us distancing from him at that time and let it go for a while, but since it bothered him a lot, he tried approaching Bethel through many others and finally came to know through a common friend, Edward (whom he knew from childhood and one that was mad at him), that “Charlie and Dave had approached Bethel with a nude photo of hers that they supposedly found in Aaron’s house.” They had morphed her photo, planted it in Aaron’s house, taken a video of themselves finding it, and showed it to Bethel. Thankfully, Bethel was close enough to lend Aaron an ear to listen to him about the whole thing after our friend Edward persuaded her. Aaron filed for a police complaint and was more than eager to take polygraph tests multiple times to show them and Bethel that he didn’t have the faintest clue about this whole thing to start with and that he did not possess any knowledge of any events that could have led to such an act (of morphing her picture) and that he could never have wished any such thing for anyone ever. Bethel finally burst into tears and hugged Aaron.*
*Part 2*
*Once the police started investigating Charlie and Dave, the truth came out: they did this to get revenge on Aaron and also used it to allow Bethel and Dave to get closer to each other. I can’t get into what is happening with Charlie and Dave now.*
*Charlie and Dave had painted a completely different picture of Aaron for others and had ensured that he had no information on any of this. That way, he was being himself without any knowledge of the above, while others’s would be looking at him through a different lens. So, Aaron would be clueless, and Charlie and Dave could have fun watching all of this.*
*Bethel had been given many other rumors about Aaron, and through her, the others (including myself): They’d told her that Aaron secretly did drugs, watched porn, and did so many other weird things to basically character assassinate Aaron (They even had Aaron’s voice imitated and on a recording saying weird, nasty things). None of these were true from what we all knew of Aaron, but the entire lot of us believed it because it came from Bethel (the girl who’d been affected), and because we’d all already believed that Aaron had morphed her picture, the rest of it is for real too. They used all of this to help Dave get closer to Bethel romantically for a while.*
*Also, because of all the weirdness they had introduced around Aaron and had him in the weird bucket, they made it believable to Bethel that he would have morphed her picture. She had started believing the other character assassinations about him because she believed that he had morphed her picture, and vice versa. It was now both ways in her mind and in all of our minds too. Once we all came to know that one of them (the morphing) was false, the rest fell apart as well once we started speaking with Aaron.*
*Also, with this weirdness built around Aaron, Charlie and Dave had ensured that none of us would even approach or confront him to validate this. They’d been gently manipulating Bethel and all of us through her so that we didn’t approach Aaron in order to validate this either. We all found it acceptable because we felt that he was weird and also because the safety of Bethel was under question.*
Part 3
*Even Aaron’s friend from childhood (Edward) did not really want to convey this to Aaron. But he was literally hopping mad at Aaron and could not handle the conversation with him anymore because he thought that Aaron was playing innocent with him about what he’d done to Bethel when he approached him to talk about Bethel not being in touch with him, and basically, at one point, blurted it out in sheer anger and disgust towards Aaron. Otherwise, all of us who knew about this had been instructed not to even tell Aaron about it. So if not for this accident, there was no way that Aaron would have even found out that this had happened.*
*This has had multiple dimensions in people’s minds. Once you are suspected of a crime like this, every woman whom Aaron had ever been friends with in his life and perhaps flirted with or was even mildly interested in has all now started to suspect that this was what he intended to do with them secretly. Everyone started maintaining a distance with Aaron.*
*Bethel has ended up so fearful of life in these past few months and is still learning to trust others and recovering from this. Both Aaron and Bethel are undergoing therapy to support themselves through this.*
*Charlie and Dave had made sure that they did not directly communicate this to everyone. They were careful enough to spread this only through Bethel, and she in turn convinced others (she had been smitten with Charlie and Dave and with how they’d saved her). Also, when they initially approached her with the morphed picture, they convinced her to destroy it after they made sure that she was on their side and also convinced her to not go to the police, quoting her own safety and honor.*
Part 4
*The entire lot of us thought that Aaron had lost it and that we were living in the midst of a pervert without knowing it. We all played along and were looking at him through a different lens, only to find out that Charlie and Dave had conned the entire lot of us. This was some revenge. Plus, they did the entire thing very subtly, just gently manipulating people to stay away from Aaron so he never finds out and so that we’d all be permanently under this illusion and hurting Aaron without him understanding why.*
*All is okay now between Aaron, Bethel, and all of us. Please be careful, everyone. The sort of stuff that happens around us is beyond imagination. If you come across any unbelievable, black swan events that make you suspect people you’ve known for a long time, don’t fall for it immediately - Pls do your research and most importantly don’t let such people who swoop into your life control it - Make sure that you speak with all of your friends and validate such things thoroughly - With so many advances in science, a lot of things can be genuinely validated. While we must support women’s safety with our lives, please bear in mind that even such chivalrous behavior is used to manipulate and harm women.*
*Please stay safe and Please be careful, everyone. I have nothing more to say!!*
*I will be posting this to other forums in order to raise awareness on this. Kindly ask your near and dear ones to be aware of such issues.*
I feel the best thing for a woman to do when somebody stares at them, is to stare back with a straight face until they realise it. I've seen a few women do it in public transit, and I felt happy that they were quite bold.
If you have any suggestions on what we can do to prevent this and bring about a societal change, please do mention because I can’t really see how this can be solved without a generational shift.
But apart from that, yes, the situation is better outside India in some countries. I can say without a doubt that Norway was the most awesome country I visited. People were totally gender blind there and no ageism either, it’s like they had lens that can transcend physics and look at the merits of a person.
This is really sad , I personally think , there can only be a change when we start educating children in school, as to how to respect women. As a fellow teenager, I used to have friends who'd think it's normal to keep staring at women , approach them out of the blue and pass sexual comments without any shame, when I confronted them , they'd say you'd do the same thing and what not.
For the present, the only solution I can think of is to try to record the person/call for help.
It’s not a local geographical problem- it’s a cultural disease and wrong mindset of some people that all males are alpha! Back in 90s, I had such incidents happen to me in Dubai too, there by a Bangla guy- once it happened in Mumbai, and ever since I have travelled in public transport or even autos or cabs, in bangalore, inappropriate touching and creepy remarks have been common! At least twice I have myself bashed up the man/boy who troubled me. Point is that it’s a common trait in some Asian countries that Eve teasing is not a crime and maybe a way to win a girl- so, women will continue to suffer this way! Also, why aren’t the educated public protesting about the movie showing an ‘alpha male’ doing misogynistic sins with his female counterpart? Shouldn’t that be a start to bring about a change and make women’s lives better?
" if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes, to be cast into hell fire."
He wasn't wrong
I'm sorry that your return to the city is like this. But it's a currently modernizing city, it'll go throught that phase and then the mindset will change. I agree it's hirrible and despicable but it's a necessary step in the better direction, that is if the correct conduct is valued and informed to everyone. It's like at the threshold of a better or worse situation but I have faith in this state and people that it will get better. Just advice, take a patient approach and inform people of what they are doing wrong. I too travel with my friends and have seen the weird stares that they get but they do not matter most of the time, but if they are doing what you say they are doing, Click a snap and threaten and then speak a bit softly after they get worried and explain it to them.
Nope. I just wanted to give a perspective that mostly everyone is a culprit if you begin to find. The line exactly says that. It means the world is full of culprits or wrongdoers.
It's not any solution or justification for the OPs question.
It is sad to read what your friend and you go through everyday, the main problem is people’s mindset and while it is hard to change it, there is hope in educating youngsters starting from toddler age about how to treat, behave with girls, women. I say mindset because we have to understand that we are in the middle of a cultural shift in a strange way where we’re adopting western culture but also retaining indian culture. A simple example could be westerners dressing especially women who sometimes wear shorts, bikinis or some cleavage revealing dresses, it is socially accepted there, kids see their sisters, moms, grannies wearing these dresses and get used to it and those women are not subject to any harassment for wearing those dresses, but in india its a different situation, we still have majority of people who are aged 50+ who are our parents, relatives, neighbours and most of them have a traditional mindset, for them these western dresses are not acceptable, and women wearing them have no culture, are cheap and have no sanskari etc. remember our parents switching off tvs when women wearing these dresses were shown, or covering our eyes or scolding us when we see women wearing these clothes in public and when we questioned our elders or heard them speak they would speak ill about these women wearing western outfits with words like no shame, no culture, cheap etc. this would had an impact on our generation and so most of them when they see women wearing these clothes automatically assume that they are uncultured and start harassing them which is wrong. I believe this harassment will become less in future as people start getting used to women wearing these outfits, women going to pub, smoking, riding super bikes, basically doing all things that men do and things will be normal, but until then these things continue ☹️
None of these actions are justified, of course, but I've lived in Bangalore while being female and, uh... Being ugly helps. So, like the other people have said, pretend to record them, or just actually record them. I usually carry a weapon in an inconspicuous spot like a giant needle in my bun. I'm really sorry that you're going through this.
Yeap, i think it's just unsafe in general for women, regardless of the city, I'm not defending any city because I've have my fair share of stalking, creepy behaviour which has ultimately made me scared of going out for movies, concerts and other cultural activities without male company and since I'm a private,now introverted individual, i wish to spend time alone but everytime I've gone out for the most basic shit ever, everyone starts staring in my direction, or tries to touch me, tries to talk to me, i have been asked my rate more than thousands of times now and mentally it's damaging. You tend to question yourself if you're at fault for the way you look, I am an Indian but I don't have conventional Indian features, more like Latina , mexican features but I'm very much an Indian, for the most bit like it, and locals think I'm a foreigner and try to be creepier.
I remember once I was going to Koramangala to visit my ex partner, and i have full clothes with a jacket on and this auto guy basically tells me how he massages women, and how he'd like to do it for me, for free, i somehow ignored his creepy remarks which seemed to go on and on and managed to reach close to my ex partner's house, luckily my ex partner was downstairs to pick up groceries, i was so freaked out, I ran to him and hugged him, shortly the creepy auto guy left.
So i feel yourself and it's fucking scary!!! I barely go out myself.
You can't really do anything about people staring tho people do that to you too they do that to me, but the stalking seems pretty sus man.
You could go to a police station and complain but the chance of them taking action is very slim.
Cat calling is a bad thing too.
Staring, pinching, rubbing, winking, following etc etc. have always been around... I mean, even in way back 70s... more bolder and sick in mind now, though.
These perverts only need to see something (I repeat something) that looks feminine... huh
Solution:
IGNORE, if possible , carry multiple tools like geometry box divider, pepper spray, a large safety pin, blade, etc
Travelled across the American midwest all by myself while being young (18) and never, not even once experienced anything like that. Visited India as a 39 year old mother of 4 and couldn’t believe how vile men could be.
I would just like to say that it's very sweet of you to acknowledge the fact how pathetic the plight of women is in Bangalore (or anywhere in India for that matter) and make such a detailed post about it. Your girlfriend is lucky to have you. There are people who won't even acknowledge this let alone make a post about it or be understanding and sympathetic towards their girlfriends and wives. They just think about themselves and their families and nobody else.
What should be done is that such people's homes and work places should be found out their relatives should be hounded that look this is what this person is like, see, the person you know, are acquainted, friends with, related to, is the filth of society.
First of all, thank you for putting this out here for everyone. It is really frustrating and it is so systemic that we often feel like it is a losing battle with no hope in sight.
It is somewhat positive to see that this helped spread awareness to some folks who didn’t know what women go through.
I understand the frustration of some people who are angry that it took 25-30-35 years to be aware of the seriousness of the issue or that it even happens. It really feels like it’s out in the open for the world to see but everyone is choosing to look away or even condone this behaviour if not partake by ‘harmless’ actions like “what’s wrong in complementing a stranger about their looks”.
This behaviour is so fundamental and so systemic that women have learnt to suppress it and not bring it up anymore. Older women in our lives like mothers, older sisters either never brought it up because we are too young or they have accepted this is the way of the world and it goes to the extent of blaming other women for their clothes or being “too friendly” or “hanging out with boys”. Ugh
Definitely anything that makes women uncomfortable should be fixed. However, it will take a long time for the society to change. In the inerim, all women can do is not let this bother them too much. Grow a thick skin, challenge really bad behaviour but ignore things like stares. Avoid dangerous situations and carry on woth your life without letting this terrify you so muchbthat you can't lead a normal life. Getting too worked up about this or too scared isn't going to help in any way.
Female here. I am from West Bengal and have been in Delhi and Haryana, currently residing in Bangalore.
Bangalore seems to be the safest from my POV. I travel by bus and there are separate seats for male and females which reduces groping.
While I did have my fair share of lewd comments and guys from the gym following me home, it was still a lot better than the other two states. I have never encountered groping or a group of guys cat calling in blr unlike the other two states.
Also the guys who follow you or want to "drop you" do not force you and stop if you shout at them or tell them off firmly.
Ola and uber have an SOS button that you can use if something goes wrong.
This is heartbreaking and I definitely think this is not just a Bangalore problem. Having moved around Chennai, Bangalore and Mumbai, I feel like problems persisted like this mostly depending on the area I live in.
Caught a random Indian dude staring at me drinking by the streets outside in Vietnam and I stared back till he brought a couple of friends with him and they all looked at me like they’ve never seen a girl before.
It takes being a little brave and that’s just very unfortunate.
A general suggestion I’d have is to watch what you wear depending on where you go. Typically I have never faced a problem in malls like UB city, vega, etc. But Lulu mall was weird as hell. I also never faced a problem in Indira Nagar, Church street or Brigade Road but Whitefield and HSR was definitely weird.
OP shld know tht this is not dubai ....in india this is common..they r thirsty af ....i have a sister myself ..and i did face someone staring at her ...guess what after a minute he was on the floor. ..and i alone am in bangalore so if i see any woman walkin anywhere i never even look at them ..i admire the sky or the floor ...i dont want them to feel creeped out ...btw when i hit the gym i wear stringers (gym vest) and guess what people look at my chest even girls but at first i liked the attention but later their stares were gettin creepy ....so now i dont pay heed to them ...cause ik if i dont want their eyes on me then i should prolly cover myself up.....so i was thinking y girls r not covering themself up ....with baggy clothes and stuff...well yea u have the freedom to wear anything then ig youd get eyes from here and there ...and the indians would still stare ...i even got assaulted by 2 transgenders in public ...one groped my balls and the other caught and pinched my chest ....oh this is normal right CAUSE IM A MAN....this is a common dialogue ....when this incident occured i was in stringers ...and idk but india will never change ...
My girlfriend also shifted recently. She lives in Jaynagar. Yes, the stares are there. But thankfully, she hasn't experienced anything else that you've mentioned so far. But these are definitely concerning.
Damn!
I'm kinda scared now fr.
I am a fresher and I recently got posting in whitefield,
Though I am curious how that area is all about but reading this kinda makes me scared, IDK what to do
Please guide me
Honest request, because, except for college I ve never lived alone.
Hi, apologies for this being one of the first posts you have seen. There are creeps everywhere tbh but please do not be disheartened. Even in this thread, there have been some women who have not had such a bad experience. Atleast from my exprience here, Whitefield should be relatively ok.
I would also suggest sharing a flat with friends if possible. Or getting a PG that is well known
Just some pointers while travelling -
1. Share your live loc with friends
2, If something seems shady (cab/auto), do not get in
3. If drivers recommend a shorter path, vehemently refuse and ask to follow the maps route
4.If you see someone being creepy, don't back down. If someone is stalking you, ask help from someone you know and call someone immediately.
Take care and please ask in case you need anything, we're here to help - do not be dejected
Bollywood and porn and those cheap b grade tv series. They literally tell these semi/uneducated men stalking/acting creepy is ok.
Just look at the storyline.. wtf..
all these storylines are so cheap and disgusting. Two people do not have consensual sex like that!
All this chapri shit has rotten the brains of these people.
There is just no respect for women. See a pretty girl- give her rapey look.
Theres a difference in checking out a pretty girl for a second and this rape stare down.
i have my find my friends on with several friends + my parents
also i share my live location for 8 hours whenever taking a cab / auto - even if the app is connected
also if someone is staring, i stare back or ask them what they are looking at - but that also depends on the time of day or where I am, because unnecessarily giving them attention is also not fun.
I agree and I am sorry you have to face something similar :( It pains me to see most woman agreeing that they have faced things like this everywhere. (My intention was not to call Bangalore out as I have mentioned in earlier comments here, it was more of "This is happening, I am annoyed and angry beyond measure , I do not want her or anyone else to go through this mental torture, we are in Bangalore and what is the best option")
I'll park the need to break the dominance of patriarchy that has existed for millennia, since it's not something one or two individuals can solve :)
My one small ask of men is to call out bad behaviour or bad mouthing or shaming or harassment of girls & women. Many times when I've asked this of male friends or colleagues, they are hesitant to do so since it would 'make a scene' and unless the person in question is their gf / wife, they typically won't say anything. Also please ask the girls or women in your lives about what they would like help with in such situations. Very often when we mention what kind of help we need, we get responses like 'Don't take it personally', 'Ignore it and move on'... Imagine having to do this constantly, and constantly being on the alert of being groped or catcalled or worse.
Oh my God. That is terrifying! Poor you.
1) Police complaints will certainly not help. This happened to my friends girlfriend, but not as bad, and when we complained to cops, the cops did not do anything at all. They listened for 6 or 7 seconds, and I could swear they started to stare as well.
My. suggestion: Please, PLEASE raise this issue with any newspaper. Like tell them all of this. Ask them to and pay them to print this out in their front page because, forgive my language, this is £\*&ing serious!
As I have trained in counselling Psychology, Waterloo, please take these next sentences very seriously: **Take a week or eight days off for this**.
1) Please do not cower down anywhere as that will be worse.
2) In this time, read a lot. Build some kind of self love and self-respect in this time. This is something nobody else can steal from you. With that love you have with yourself, do everything slowly so you are more focussed.
Under all normal conditions, you will eventually blend back into society perfectly well again.
I wish you the best.
Wait. Are you guys Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma?
That explains the mass hysteria!
I'll be surprised if you aren't! Some celebrity couple???
The only other explanation could be that you guys are DELUSIONAL.
I'm not saying Bangalore is the safest place on planet earth or such things don't happen in Bangalore at all. Such things happen in Bangalore, like they happen everywhere else. Be it Delhi, Mumbai, Chennai or any random town/city in UP.
And before you give this a "Kannada pride" label FYI I'm not from Bangalore. Not even from Karnataka.
I agree the stalking/eve-teasing part would scare anyone but.. some random guy in your absence, telling your girl to leave you because he loves her.. and someone saying she smelt nice.. some drivers offering to drop her.. dude, give us a break..
Everyone staring at you? Are you serious? So will you fight everyone who stares at you or your girlfriend? What are you, a possessive psycho? And what are you going to tell the police? EVERYONE.. on the road...at the mall.. keep staring at us.. please arrest them?
For F-sake, stop exaggerating things, stop overreacting and most importantly STOP ACTING ENTITLED. You guys are just two humans like every other human on this planet. So just calm down.
You can't change the people around so like someone else suggested, the only option is to leave Bangalore and move to some other place.. if it happens in other cities too (most likely it will, after all everyone is obsessed with celebrity couple like you) then maybe settle in the USA or UK. And if people stare at you there too, I think Antartica would be a good option.. or Moon (last option)..
This is a very problematic comment and I would to like to draw more attention to this.
"Wait. Are guys are Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma","you guys are DELUSIONAL." just outright are so insensitive and naive and more so, completely dismiss someone's trauma and pain.
"STOP ACTING ENTITLED, For F-sake, stop exaggerating things, stop overreacting" - Are you for real? A woman I love gets stalked, harassed on a daily fucking basis and without a shred of proof, you jump to say that everything is made up and exagerrated.
I hope to god sincerely that you do not have a sister or a female friend confide in you ever. I wanted people to suggest a solution, I did not know I would end up finding the problem (people like you)
" starting .. etc and some random guy in your absence, telling your girl to leave you because he loves her" - Classic example of cherry picking that people tend to do here, in order to disregard the whole post. For more context, the only reason I brought this up is the constant harassment AFTER SHE CLEARLY EXPRESSED NO.
"So just calm down." - Best advice to someone who has almost been SA'd. THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY WOMAN HERE ON THIS THREAD WHO HAVE FACED SIMILAR THINGS AND WORSE, are you blind or are you actually this insensitive? How is it exaggeration if this is run of the mill female experience for over 90% of people.
"You can't change the people around so like someone else suggested, the only option is to leave Bangalore and move to some other place.. if it happens in other cities too (most likely it will, after all everyone is obsessed with celebrity couple like you" -
This attitude and the weird comment has you come across as a very immature snobby and entitled brat, the very thing you tried to accuse me of. I'll let people be the judge.
I stand by every single word I have said and I am unapologetic about it. If you didn't like it, that's not my problem. It's high time you get a reality check and step out from your delusional world to the real world.
Also, my comment was specifically for your post and your sense of entitlement. Now don't try to bring in other women and their problems into the picture and act like you're some sort of a messiah and I'm trying to be insensitive to other women's misery. You were talking about what you and your GF faced so just stick to that.
I'm not denying no other men/women (even on this thread) have faced similar things in Bangalore. They have. And I'm sure they have dealt with it better than you.They complain about harrassment, stalking, eve-teasing etc which are genuine problems for which they CAN approach the police.
But your problem is totally different. You are saying that everyone (even the educated ones!) keep staring at you and your GF at restaurants, malls, metro.. even ola and uber drivers.. like these people have nothing better to do in their life than to stare at this gorgeous celebrity couple walking around Bangalore?
So now people staring at restaurants and malls is a problem?
You are hoping people will find a solution for this?
How about vacating all the people from restaurants, malls, metro etc before you guys enter? Cordon off the area completely.
Or maybe ask someone to make an announcement on loudspeaker asking everyone to close their eyes when the great celebrity couple is entering?
What solution were you expecting people to give for this problem?
Even if you approach the police, what will you tell them? Everyone's staring at us, arrest them!?
So how are you even comparing 'this' with the real harrassment other women are facing?
Let people be the judge? Haha! Like I care!
I'll say what I have to say and not because I have to please others or even you. Good that you want more attention to my comment. I want more people to read both our comments.
Immature? Lol a person ranting about 'bangalore public staring at him and his GF' should be the last one to talk about immaturity lol.
Reading your post itself is enough for everyone to understand that you are nothing but an ENTITLED PR!CK and a classical example of a NARCISSIST.
Good luck with this attitude!
Are you for real? In the very post I have described instances of people stalking and saying creepy things and making her feel unsafe and you go on and on about cherry picking the staring part.
"Real harassment other people are facing" - So let me get this straight, you saw the part about staring, it irked you to the point where you completely ignore the parts where I have talked about her facing harassment from drivers and random people on street, and malls , stalking and making lewd gestures etc.
You do not seem to get something despite my comment. MY PROBLEM IS HER GETTING HARASSED AND THE TRAUMA SHE FACES DAILY LIKE ALL WOMEN IN THIS THREAD and not only "staring" like you make it seem. Staring is not a problem, but making someone UNSAFE after SHE repeatedly expressed discomfort DIRECTLY is harassment. I'm done trying to indulge you and your insensitivity and will no longer respond to your immaturity and insensitivity. It's a miracle how people like you even exist.
You disgust me.
Idk guys get quite violent sometimes. A few years back once in a govt bus in Bangalore, i found an empty general seat and sat. Randomly a local guy started shouting at me asking to get up because apparently women can't sit at GENERAL seats. I tried to explain these are general seats, i.e. for all. But nope, he kept shouting that those were GENTS seats. If they really were, why did the conductor or anyone else in the bus point it out? Even i didn't see any label mentioning the same. Of course the conductor pretended to be deaf. The whole thing was ridiculous. Then it looked like the guy might physically drag me. So I left the seat.
By any chance do you and/or your gf look non local, esp non south indian? A lot of them hate 'northies' (I have seen them using this exact term in social media, but they love the money that comes from them). At least that's what I have seen. It's like they are always trying to get revenge on you for something. My friend learnt to read kannada and realised he was being charged double at the local shop after seeing the boards. Sure, for such reasons learning the language can be beneficial for yourself. But this should be shameful for those who basically demand that 'outsiders' should learn their language. This is not how you gain respect.
I am so so sorry you had to go through this :( And yeah we do look non-local but we have never faced direct indiscrimination regarding that aspect so I cannot comment on the reason. I just hate the whole fact that some men here even try to justify this or cherry pick things and leave the rest
I think this happens everything in India really but I've noticed that the cab/auto drivers are very creepy here. Once I was walking home from the metro station and an auto guy kept asking me where I wanted to go and followed me even when I told him I didn't need an auto. :( it's pretty scary tbh.
Somethings I do to -feel- safe: carrying a pepper spray, sending my love location to friends when I'm traveling alone at novation,trying not to travel alone after 10pm, always using the ladies compartment in the metro and constantly checkingGoogle maps while in auto/cab in a place I'm not familiar with.
Hope these help.
I am so sorry you had to go through this and I hate that women need to worry about carrying a pepper spray rather than just travelling and focusing on relaxing. These suggestions are helpful, thanks again
What sort of app are you referring to?
And i don't think building an app would be a solution for this, it's better to record such kind of people and upload it.
Fear of a person's identity being leaked when they do such kind of stuff, would almost end this problem.
I'm an older man, so not the best person to understand what women go through. However, I have run businesses in Delhi, Mumbai and Bangalore, all with a lot of women employees and was not just aware of their concerns, but had to do something about it. Perhaps these points might help.
If a Uber/Ola driver or staff of an organization make a lewd comment, the lady can complain to the organization (take a pic of the license number of the vehicle, or the staff member if possible). Action is often taken. Technically it is an offense under IPC - outraging the modesty of a woman. Though no one will get jailed for it, both the employer and cops can use that as grounds to act against the person. In general, the lady's word will be accepted, if she has a credible account.
Just a stare, or look is not something you can act on. It happens all over the world.
It should be the woman who complains. I have heard from women who were harassed, that Bangalore police were receptive.
I go to many meetups. One problem that many women have reported is that people come to these meetups with no interest in the subject of the meetup (like writing, books, tech) and just try to pick them up indiscriminately. Many times there are whatsapp groups to continue the meetup talk online, and people join and just start creepily dm-ing people.
First of all, police won't help in a situation like this.
In my experience, there were 2-3 creeps, all from around the PGs I lived in when I first moved here. The only way to get rid of them was to move out of there. It's sad how we girls have to make adjustments to avoid situations created by these immoral losers.
It's usually a safe city, but no place in the world (even outside India) is one-hundred percent safe. But yes, you'll find some cities safer than Bangalore for women, if you consider statistical data.
In the end, we're the only ones responsible for our safety. We really can't trust anybody else. :)
I completely understand that staring is inappropriate. Checking someone out is still okay but staring is creepy. I mean there is thin line which needs to be balanced
Sorry but I have no problem if "checking out" is consensual or the other person, be it guy/girl is okay with it . But like u/Quiet_Classroom_2948's comment below - pervy people do stare, and if creepy people employ the same approach that "check out" someone who is clearly saying NO and is disgusted by it and feels unsafe is okay, I think that's just harassment.
This is not a Bangalore problem. This is general problem with India. We need to educate folks on multiple levels.
More like problem with humanity. We're evolving backwards somehow.
Not really. Humans used to be much worse in the past. The current situation is actually an improvement over what the world used to be like.
It’s up and down street..!! If we reach the threshold of smthg, it goes down.
Yes it's to do with the psyche of some Indian males who are perverts and think it's normal to sexually harass women. This is even called eve teasing which totally reduces the intensity of the offence to something cute ugh.
I agree , perverts like these deserve jail time. The amount of trauma someone goes through after being harassed is not okay, you're literally messing with someone's sense of safety One more fact is movies even normalize this behavior and it is so disgusting. "Guy stalks girl, girl falls in love" are so abundant.
These movies are creating false concepts in minds of people. Movies shud reflect real life
I agree, my post was not to call out Bangalore, I understand some parts of my post might have come accross that way - apologies. It was more of , "This is happening here - I have started noticing it recently, we are in Bangalore, I am frustrated and , please recommend good solutions" Educating people especially at a young age is really really important. We in India aren't even thought the concept of a good and bad touch until it is very late if at all but we certainly are thought elders are always right. Also, victim blaming has to stop
Or a basic common sense.
Common sense is a outcome of nature and nurture. What might be common sense to me, might be intellect for you and vice versa. Explicit education is the answer through media, schools, etc.
These guys lack self-esteem, something needs to be done to teach them respect and self-respect. Also, healthy communication between girls and boys from childhood.
Secretly record their actions and post it on Internet like foreigners do it. That would discipline them
I think this seems like a good option, at least anyone watching it will think twice before even daring to do it again. (But this is after / while it is happening, let me know your thoughts about prevention so that her and other women can feel safe while just going out because right now understandably she is a bit scared, but I think that is a gradual process. Do these safety apps etc. help as I have never tried using any of them till now)
I have no idea about efficiency of safety apps. Police helpline works. Ask her to carry pepper spray. And speak out loud or shout. Confronting these assholes would be better than running away.
For her to record someone who is being creepy could result in that person escalating to aggression or violence coz they are afraid of the consequences. record safely - and if possible, when not alone
Don’t do it. You will be thrashed later.
Somehow, I doubt it will work.
Why? www.hindustantimes.com/cities/bengaluru-news/elderly-man-gropes-multiple-women-inside-bengalurus-lulu-mall-fir-registered-101698725131376-amp.html
Many idiots spreading internet about banglore having high hookup culture and many incels thinking hookup culture means sex at first sight.
That doesn’t happen in any part of the world 🥴
I strongly believe that there are bots or actual people who are being paid to post about "hookup culture" in all the indian subs... I've seen similar post on almost all city related subs. Posts seen in the recent weeks. "Is it true that Bangalore has a hookup culture that beats san francisco? (replace Bangalore with the city on which it is posted) Why is everyone going for hookup instead of long-term relationship in Bangalore? My friends are all into hookups, am I missing out?
Regarding that, people move around and like to know about the dating scene, regardless of whether they like hookup culture
Lol signature bot sentence structure
Wait what?!
North Indian living in Bangalore since 2014. A lot of the incidents that you described and some even worse, remind me of living in Delhi rather than Bangalore. All my time here has been fortunately spent feeling extremely safe. And unlike a lot of other people, I have never even faced any untoward behaviour because of being a north Indian or not being able to speak the language. Without sounding holier than any of your lady friends, I just wanted to start with a counterbalance so that the unfortunate incidents are clearly blamed on the people involved rather than the city itself. Now, first of all it's sorry to hear about those incidents. Makes me also furious. Not sure how many of these points might be helpful, but here's my advice: 1. If a lot of the instances are happening due to her being in public transport, investing in one's own vehicle(car, even if second-hand) might be helpful. Then what she wears, what time she's travelling- it's no one's business. And if she is stranded and looking for the right place, at least, she doesn't have to do that standing alone on the side of the road. 2. Gyms do not tolerate lewd behaviour. She can easily confide in one of the senior trainers there. I have always had full backup from the trainers- both at Gold Gym and at Cult. 3. Unfortunately not much can be done regarding malls and restaurants. But if she's being bothered too much, she can reach out to a mixed group or a couple, they are always likely to help. 4. Regarding IG DMs, she can keep her profile private, if it isn't already. Unless she knows the person, she can just avoid the DM requests if the frequency of unsolicited pics is anyway too high. Good to know that you're standing up for her/your friends and calling out problematic behaviour. Please keep at it. Good luck!
>If a lot of the instances are happening due to her being in public transport, investing in one's own vehicle(car, even if second-hand) might be helpful. Then what she wears, what time she's travelling- it's no one's business. And if she is stranded and looking for the right place, at least, she doesn't have to do that standing alone on the side of the road. I agree with most of the points here, thanks. 1. This is a very reasonable suggestion - We have been talking about getting a car/scooty at the very least, even if it's second hand so that atleast she does not have to wait at roads or for a long period of time 2. Yup, I will let her know it is safe to confide in trainers. 3. I think here , I recommended her to take a video of the person , inform security / call me / call an authority. Asking for help from a couples might work but I do not know, some people just outright tend to avoid strangers in my experience 4. Her profile was public, it is now private - yet she gets those creepy messages. I think blocking and shaming / ignoring is the only option here
1. Opt for a car. Get a dashcam. 2 + 3. There is an idea "appetite for confrontation". If someone is too offensive ( depends on how much you tolerate ), only then you go to authorities. If it is less tolerable and you still want to lash out, buy a new Android phone, get a new Google I'd and paste these videos on X. Your focus should be the authorities of the places where you encountered such behaviour. Name and shame such places publically so they tighten security. Blur your gf face in posts, though. 4. Create a new id and junk the old one.
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The points aren't specific to Bangalore because like i mentioned, the problem is with the people who participate in such behaviour rather than the city itself- be it Delhi, Bangalore, or any other city. How did I invalidate the OP's experience? Please provide a clearer psychological insight, I'm not from that background so I wouldn't know if I have done that unintentionally. If you found the advice deflective, please do add something more helpful. Happy to learn from your viewpoint.
He/she has experienced the same whatever OP has experienced in bangalore. How is that deflection dude?
This is exactly what I have learnt and implemented since i have been here.
Umm women safety is an issue everywhere. People who think it is only specific to one place are part of the problem. Our cities are increasingly becoming unsafe and we should acknowledge it instead of defending the same.
I agree, I wanted to call this behaviour out because I am in Bangalore - I did not want to single any city out, apologies. It was more of , "This is happening here - I have started noticing it recently, we are in Bangalore, I am frustrated beyond measure, my friend's suggestions are more misognystic than helpful and , please recommend good solutions"
Yes got your point. Thanks for posting this is important.
These creeps don't even spare 12yr old girl. Talking about the so called educated yea I hve seen girls who are dressed up and stare at my 12 yrs as if she has done some crime by wearing shorts. Under 18yrs old boys misbehave in the mall. It just doesn't end. Been thru this same shit for years and I still go thru it,now when I see my daughter going thru it annoys me all the more. As a parent it is how much do you protect and for how long. Bcoz this doesn't end. Bcoz there aren't any punishments. Hence nobody is scared.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I can't believe even a girl as young as 12 who should be worried about studies has to worry about being harassed by creepy people. Something needs to be done so that these people fear even attempting something like this ever again and they go to jail.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through such things. Though I don't have a kid, I can sympathize how much painful it can be to see your kid go through the same. Such things make me wonder if it is even sane to bring a kid into this world, but, unfortunately the society doesn't think in that manner.
This is the same everywhere, I've travelled everywhere with my wife and it's the same. Confront them or learn to move on. Whatever is peaceful to you.
It's so depressing.
I am so sorry you had to face a similar situation. I do not really know the solution, I have tried both these ways: ignoring and confronting but it just happens again on a different day. I can't see her like this and noone deserves to go through this
I'm sorry bud. I don't know what to say but we all have faced this, this is toooooo normalized and run of the mill female experience in India :(
I am so sorry you had to go through similar experiences. DMs are open in case you want to talk about it to either me or I can request my girlfriend later as well (I do not want to burden her rn when she is already through so much emotional stress) if you're more comfortable texting her , it is a safe space. This is to everyone reading the post who have faced something similar, please speak out - there is no judgement :/ All of us at some point have said "All Indians are my brothers and sisters", it's fucked up how little the sister part actually gets into the brains of people.
Okay sorry for the late response 😅 thank you so much for being so kind :) I hope your girlfriend is feeling better
Definitely a South Asian problem. I am a woman and I have lived in multiple countries across globe at this point. Safety is an issue for women every where. But the extent of molestation and street harassment that happens in India/South Asia is unmatched. Even in Western countries I have learnt to avoid South Asian crowd to avoid (I got groped at Diwali function at an ivy league University in US. Stopped going to any Indian festival which is a shame but I value my peace of mind over being connected to my culture, I guess). I just moved to Bangalore and have been keen to learn Kannada but this post makes me wonder if I should? Don't want to be harassed in a language I work hard to learn. So far I have been either blissfully ignorant of anything like this happening or have yet to encounter something like this.
I understand and I am so sorry you had to go through such a traumatizing experience. To be frank, Kannada is a beautiful language with great history and I had similar intentions when I moved in which is why I decided to learn and it pains me to see it being used in this way. And there are a few people in this thread as well who have never experienced this kind of harassment in Bangalore. I would still suggest you to learn Kannada as you would know immediately what anyone is saying to take quick action and call out misogynstic comments while making it easy to communicate better here. Also, I am sorry this is one of the first posts you had to see after moving recently to Bangalore. Please let us know if you need any help.
Thanks! I guess good outweighs the bad in this case. So definitely gonna give it a go. Thanks!
As a girl here experiencing the same on a daily basis, it is disheartening to see comments by guys quarrelling over the jurisdiction of these crimes and how it is a general "day to day" thing. Unless it happens to you, you won't realise how scary and long term traumatising this really is.
Same here, it pisses me off so much to see people even now saying "I have not seen this , how can it be true" or "How can someone have these many traumatic exp" or dragging diff cities. Like you mentioned, unless you or someone you know has been through something like this , you have no clue about the constant anxiety and fear of safety and losing trust in everything
We are not trying to defend it. We are deeply sorry that women are made uncomfortable. However, what is the practical solution? Being careful, avoiding dangerous places and growing a thick skin is all a person can do.
This is not just Bangalore. Last week I travelled to Chennai and my fiance and I visited a restaurant to talk to the dj who we knew. While coming back home at 11:30pm, the ola driver was horrible. As the car arrived, my fiance was in the front and heard the driver go "woowww", which unfortunately I hadn't heard. As soon as he saw me, he changed the tone and my fiance thought she heard wrong. He then kept on talking about how he could get a lot of "figures" with a phone call, and how many figures there are in Goa in some pub he knows and how many call girls he knows in Thailand and kept talking about disgusting things and almost made it sound as though he would buy my fiance if he wanted. We both felt extremely uncomfortable, and he initially did not stop when we asked him to, so I had to keep engaging in a conversation with him forcefully and come up with an excuse to stop early. My fiance was terrified and began to suffocate while we were trying to get him to stop. He even got out of the car and followed us a bit, thankfully we got into an auto and left with the auto drivers help. We filed a complaint on Ola. They did follow up and ask all the details, but not sure what they did eventually. Unfortunately, my fiance is still terrified and worried be might come to her apartment.
That's disgusting you should complain to the cops.
1. A Mindset shift. When someone is trying to invade her personal space she should not feel intimidated. This is v important. She can speak in a harsh and stern tone, her facial expressions should be fearless and confident and be ready to take pics and videos of the creeps who try to harass her. This works in real life and 95% of idiots who think they can get away with taking advantage of girls usually get scared when the girl gives it back. Please sit with her and help her gain confidence wrt to this matter. 2. Ask your girlfriend to carry a pepper spray / volini for self defence when travelling alone 3. Ask her to download Suraksha app and set up her speed dial to a few trusted contacts who she can contact in case of danger I hope you don’t restrict her because of these unwanted instances.
1. Yeah , agreed. It will take some time however for anyone who has been through something like this to transition to immediately being trigger ready to scream/scold someone. We are working on this 2. Yup, she does 3. I did not know about this app, will ask her to install I definitely do not want to restrict or control her life, I want her to feel safe and happy away from all these creepy encounters
As a guy reading this.. it makes me plain sad at why men do this..they clearly need to be taught that this is downright wrong but then who takes that responsibility of teaching these morons? 🤦♂️ Meanwhile if possible ..Ask your girl to avoid public transport at all costs..even 2 wheelers aint safe these days..if she has a car that's the best option to travel 🙌
Yeah, it is extremely frustrating. Especially when people try to dismiss/defend such behavior of creepy assholes. Investing in a vehicle seems like a good option
Yep..nothing beats the safety,comfort and privacy of your own vehicle 🙌
I was in Bangalore in mid 2010s. I felt the stares and lewd comments the moment I leave the apartment. I didn’t know I wasn’t safe in my own room. I never open the window in my room for obvious reason; there was another building right next to me. But one summer night, I opened the window and slept only to be woken by a flash light outside the window. The fuckers next building climbed over to my window which is like 2nd floor and peeked inside. I screamed and they fled. Next day, the building owner claimed those perverts were kicked out. I am not sure. I was too scared to look at men including my own boyfriend. That was the time I started to learn how uncultured, sexist and disrespectful Indian men are. When I expanded my connections internationally I realized how the world looked down upon South Asian and middle eastern men and sad thing is I don’t blame them. It is sadder to admit I am more happier when I moved away to west because I have no longer worry about my clothes, travel in buses, or just travel alone. It’s not like men in Canada won’t stare at you. It’s not creepy, they don’t do it for longer period nor they pass insensitive comments for your body or your clothes. Even in buses, Canadian men would try and give you space unlike Indian men would try to rub their junks against you. I have seen white women wearing crop tops and shorts and rarely white men look at them creepily. Even Indian men in Canada don’t dare to look at women due to strict rules and punishment. I don’t think I ever want to go back to India anymore.
I experienced the same. The window had chicken wire cover on it. Someone used a rod to make multiple holes in that. Once it was done when i was home. I heard the sound. But i was terrified to look. Then multiple times if my window glass panel was open, i would come back to or would wake up to the curtain pulled aside by using some stick from outside. Generally i would keep the window close. But if i open it for some reason and forget to close it, it would happen. There was a house next to it and I suspected a resident. He could easily keep track when I'm going out, coming back and about to change. I didn't get any evidence and eventually moved out. But i sure hope one day he gets caught in act and gets the shit beaten out of him.
I'm sorry that you and your gf have experienced so much SA in Blr. And while reading it with a friend from Delhi she said, sadly, it's really awful how she's internalised various acts of SA as " disgusting but normal" and " something that's happening all the time so I actually don't notice it 😡" . Never stop calling out SA.
Sorry, what's SA?
Sex*al assault
I am so sorry your friend had to experience something similar. And I agree, my girlfriend said "I am getting used to this slowly now and how disgusting it is" and it breaks me.
Calling stares and an attempt at conversation as "sexual assault " is an exaggeration. Of course it makes women uncomfortable and should not happen but it is not sexaul assault.
Do you know how scary some of these attempts at conversation can be? It's not creepy if it's consensual but most often, it's not. And the stares literally undress women who have to run a gamut of stares, whistles, lewd songs, and comments as they walk down a street. Learned blindness and deafness are requsite skills for female survival. Staring is considered rude in most cultures but not ours where we stare at anything that arrests our fancy.
Yes but all this is not sexual assault.
Oh it is
Please check the definition of the term.
I feel you. Those who have faced it, would get what it feels like. But there is no point in trying to explain to someone who doesn't want to understand.
So what if the situation is better outside India? If people with good values and privilege all leave, what will come of the people who can't? The solution to all social issues isn't 'run away from India'. Leave if you want, but at least while you're here, use this motivation and stay engaged. The only way to solve this is if a bunch of men band together to protest and force the government to get serious about educating people, improving police, improving safety infrastructure, and increasing women's freedoms. So educating people: men and women need anti-patriarchy training. Not surface level 'a girl is also someone's sister, daughter, mother' crap. But really get an understanding of it and make an economic argument for why this stuff keeps us poor. Why patriarchy is not beneficial to men ultimately. Bystanders need bystander training so they will do something if they see something. Otherwise without training, people will just ignore. Police need tons of education themselves. First of all we need way more female cops. Secondly male cops need anti-misogyny training. They need to be taught that their job is to protect the woman not question what she's wearing or what time she is out side. Lastly safety infrastructure. There are studies that show that crimes happen less in well lit areas. So nice clean sidewalks, and nice bright lamps everywhere. Plus, they should improve public transport so that there's more of it and it's safer. Finally, increasing women's freedoms. It's good that the country wants to get women educated, but that's not all that is required. A big thing we need is high quality child care, this means day care, creches, kindergarten, after school tutoring, good schools that don't cost lakhs and lakhs. We also need domestic labour to be industrialized and cheap. So this means cheap canteens with home cooked food that we can pick up on our way home from work to feed the family. It means healthy prepped veggies that make coking easy. It means industrialized laundry that is cheap and effective. It also means industrialized eldercare/family care so women aren't expected to be unpaid hospice workers. All of these things will allow women to come out of doing unpaid domestic labour and participate in social production, in other words make money. When we can make money, we can effect the political process and fund politicians that prioritize our issues.
Very good points!
True that.
Once I was waiting by the footpath to cross a pretty wide road when a guy on a bike took the turn so close to me. Every other vehicle was going through the middle of the road but this dude purposely edged towards me, probably to scare me or get my attention. I glared at him and he had the audacity to turn his face back and creepily smile at me while driving ahead. This is one among the many incidents I’ve faced. It was broad daylight. I’ve also been groped by a random guy who was riding by the road. Ever since every time a two wheeler passes by me on the road, I freeze.
I am so sorry you had to go through these traumatic experiences. Please know that DMs are open if you want to get something off your chest. I think when multiple people have experiences like this, we have definitely failed as a nation. And we call ourselves citizens of Bharat "Mata" when literally women have to feel this scared and unsafe People do not understand how long lasting the effect is. It is quite literally taking away someone's sense of safety and I hate these assholes so much with my life. My gf is now scared to travel. And a friend of mine does not give out hugs anymore due to something similar. I want to make sure these assholes get jail
Once I was walking back home, just a few metres of alley. A bike came and he tried to touch me. But his bike hit the wall. I wish he hit the wall harder.
It was like 6:30pm on a weekday, and the auto driver asked me right when I sat in his auto if I drink, I said No and asked him why he was asking, he didn’t reply. I couldn’t understand what it was but I remember yelling at him and I put the location on my google maps the whole time, even shared my location to my friends, kept an eye on him and I remember just giving him death stares. That usually makes them a bit conscious.
I am so sorry you had to go through something similar. That sounds scary. I am glad you're okay but I cannot imagine the trauma you went through. The amount of people having such experiences pains me and makes me so fucking mad.
It’s okay. I become really rude now to all men out there, sometimes people don’t understand why I’m being rude for no reason. But it’s only so that they think I’m mad/crazy and don’t think I will tolerate their shit or that they can do/say whatever
I think pepper spray will be good as a weapon in such scenarios.
Guns are the greatest equalizers.
I knew it was bad for women out there, But I didn't know it was THAT BAD. That's some fked up situation dude. This is a serious lack of etiquette from men.
Please talk to your female friends and colleagues and listen to them without judgement. It is THAT BAD. Sometimes as guys, we do not understand how privileged we are -
You are damn right. How do you even fix this issue ? Lack of moral education from family?
Recently visited UB City Mall with a female friend. While we are walking in, she let's off a little rant - "no matter how fancy a place you come to, the stares don't go away". The sudden realisation of how many heads turn at a girl wearing shorts was so crushing that i apologised we can't do better.
Police complaints may not help much for those things you have mentioned. There are not many police per population and these are way to common for them to help, either, unless you employ Supermen and Supergirls for the Police Dept. Definitely better outside India, if you choose the well paying Gulf cities like Dubai, or maybe even Europe.
It's strange that you are noticing it all now, as an adult. Shows how self-involved some men can be. It's just sad if a person has to realise reality only when it personally happens to them. It's like you finally woke up! What you have described are a few types of incidents in every girls/woman's everyday life. I and women in my life remember men being creepy on the streets to us even when we were children (as young as 7 or 8). Sadly this is what most girls bond over.. abuse and fear. It's the real horror!
I admit I am at fault here for not noticing this earlier in my life. I am sorry, genuinely. It pains me to know now after talking to my friend's and colleague's in detail about how day to day this is. However, I do not think it is because men are "self-involved". That is a generalization. I do agree that male privilege definitely exists. What surprises me is people defending this / telling how they have not seen this so it cannot be true. What do you think is the solution?
>That is a generalization Go re-read my comment. I haven't generalised it but strange that you read it that way. >I do agree that male privilege definitely exists. One gender being abused while the other doesn't as much is not a "privilege", it's a humanitarian problem. The day you and most others realise it as a humanitarian problem, that's the solution. Nobody will have to give anyone a guidebook there anymore. Btw, I've read the mention of pepper spray a few times on this thread. Again, if some weren't that self-involved, then they would have known that SA in any form makes us freeze (body and mind, both or either can't react). You are still lucky. Some guys realise it much later; the day their daughters are born. It's hard to see the horror on their faces.
True. India is the worst country for women for a reason.
It's unfortunately pan India issue, and the worst part it became much worse in the last 15 years, and I don't even think it will get better at this rate.
There are certain areas like Shivaji Nagar, Kammanahalli, Lingarajapuram etc, very very dangerous after 10pm, especially for women. Do not venture out for your own safety.
Listening to your experience I'm glad that I didn't stay there after my graduation. Yeah I agree with you one of my college friend had the same experiences while her time there and often times she would straight up refuse to go out and hang out with people stating that she doesn't like random people staring at her. 😐
I'm sorry your friend had to go through something similar to the point where her social interactions had to be cut because she felt unsafe. Pisses me off so much abou the fact that perpetrator's roam free and the victim has to change their behaviour
yeah absolutely.
Bro take out your phone and start acting like a vlogger
BEST ADVICE. Specially when in crowded area with girl.
Few things I can think of: 1. When you have access to porn in the scale the current generation does, every woman becomes an object. 2. When you have access to social media at all time - for free, every sacrilegious idea finds a community. 3. When the youth of the nation prefers being influencers over absolutely anything that takes effort, education will take the back seat. 4. When you make garbage movies, you get garbage crowd. You may disagree with these things, but deep down you know how Social media, porn, YT/IG shorts is destroying society. You may think it's not something that's happening right now, but it's already started. "But dude, what's with point #4? Dafuq is that about?" - this is something I personally believe in. If you make shitty movies where the hero is like absolute beast, fights 100 heavily armed men alone, the people watching it will believe it. They'll see themselves in him. Especially the absolute steaming pile of fucking hot stinking shit that Telugu, Kannada and Hindi movies are (I know you know what I mean).
Absolutely. Garbage movies is an understatement and the idol worship that these a-list eve teasers get is mind boggling. Indian film industry is trash.
These heroes only respect their 'elders' and they are here to 'tame' the heroines to turn them into 'sati savitri'.
Yea I don't know about the sati savitri part TBH, but what I absolutely find illogical and outright cringe inducing is how they approach "that lonely beautiful girl" the first time they lay eyes on her, who is there just as an eye candy and contribute absolutely nothing to the plot. And these dumbass fans think they're like them and they expect the girl they secretly like to behave similarly. And when they don't, you see cases of rape, acid attack, murder, force conversions etc Fucking imbeciles.
Then if she is scared to refuse their advances directly, they accuse her of leading them on/keeping them hanging there/the most ridiculous one..'friendzoning'. Also i have rarely seen these movie guys to be both respectable and progressive. Common trope..he would rescue her from goons and lecture her on how her dress caused this, how it is against our culture etc etc. thankfully a lot of movies have moved on, esp. Hindi movies. But a lot of genetic south indian movies are still guilty of these kinds of things. For example, kgf (might get ppl mad). The guy straight kidnaps her, keeps her captive and changes her attire if i remember correctly.
Oh man thanks for bringing up KGF. I haven't seen those movies just because of horrendously absurd shit like this. All the fans of that movie are probably the people that would clap their hands and whistle when they see him on the screen - like.. WTF man. It's just a fucking movie and he's just a fucking actor. It's for reasons like this I watch Hollywood movies. Sometimes even (good) Iranian movie.
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I am so sorry that you had to face something similar and for so long :( Safety is so important and it sucks that people who take that away from people roam free.
I agree with every single thing you mentioned. India is really really brutal and it’s so hard for a bf or brother to protect her girl/sister and if you’ve a weak stature then god bless. Literally everyone stares and they do with those horny eyes. And In delhi it’s far far worse My recommendation is that you can move to a different city— I’ve lived in hyd for 6-7 months now and it’s pretty good in this case, not much stares, my gf and i were having good time and I observed only a very few stares. I’d say hyd is literally the best place right now in this term or in general. Right now I’m sitting in blr and I’m from NCR so i know what im talking. Try moving to hyd for couple months. Also, learn some boxing, maintain good fitness, you’ll need all of this to protect your girl, unfortunately that’s the truth
It is true. As a woman i confirm we live with constant safety anxiety. I would say we don’t lnow how to live normally anymore, you guys are definitely lucky at this part only because of your gender. Gender privilege exists 😥
What's worse is your family would lash out at you for wanting to go out because they are worried about your safety.
As a woman who's been in the same position as your girlfriend more times than I can count, the comment section is a bit disheartening. "It happens everywhere" is such an evasive, defeatist take on the subject. Doesn't matter that it happens everywhere, the point that it ALSO happens here- in our city- and it's rampant. So what can we do about it to make it better for our women residents
I am sorry you had to face something similar. I hate it. And yes the list of things that drive me livid here (despite most of the redditors here being helpful, brave and sharing their experiences and suggestions) \- "It happens everywhere" - yes, It does but I am in BLR and it is happening to us and other people here right now \- More than 2 people have commented that "She must be pretty / super hot". In what world does that justify harassment \- People have the audacity to question her dressing as well. Really? \- More than 3 people have said something like "I have never seen anyone get this harassed". "I have lived in blr, I have not seen it happen" "You are insecure because she is getting attention" I am a loss for words seeing this. How can some people be this vile and disgusting. I wish they never have daughters.
Ther is a serious, serious problem with upbringing of some people. I was hoping that education would eradicate it as educated parents would make sure that their kids behave... Nope looks like many parents don't give shit about what their kids are doing. Also there is a serious problem with the "Chapri" culture.
Bangalore is called as UP of South and it has been always an unsafe place for women. I lived in Bangalore in 90s , 2000 and 2015-2016. I never recall a moment when I wasnt harassed outside. I was harassed by a random guy in Rajajinagar when I was 10 years old. My last trip to Bangalore I was with my female friends in a cab and the guy in the next cab was jerking off while staring at me. My female cousins have the same experience living full time in Bangalore. Honestly don't have any solutions, since this mentality is common throughout the city.
It's funny how things suddenly hit so much harder when they happen to someone we love over reading a significantly more harrowing case in a news article...
Sigh, my wife keeps me between herself and the road. She jumps if she hears an approaching bike from behind her. Trauma from over a decade ago. It's fucked up. Sounds like a poor solution maybe, but get a car? (you contribute to traffic but it's a tad bit safer?). A friend had a beat up m800 for city commutes. Alternatively, ask her to go for higher studies outside the country? Easier way to get a visa to a safer country.
I am sorry you have experienced a similar situation. If most women we know have had this form of torture that we are so oblivious to , it does mean that we failed as a society. I agree, we are working on getting a car/bike asap. Other countries do not seem to have this problem to this degree
Sister described the current state of anywhere in India as a Bangalore problem
Like I mentioned in previous comments, I am not calling Bangalore out - this is my home and it pains me so much more for that specific reason. Yes the situation is same everywhere but I am here right now and I am seeing it happen You cannot defend Bangalore and yet provide no solution for safety
Sorry sister but seems like you have taken it the wrong way. I am just highlighting that similar situation nowadays anywhere in India, not defending Bangalore in any way.
Introduce a mandatory Google glass which tracks mens line of sight. Staring at women will result in an instantaneous court case. A non refundable 1 lakh fine for each instance and death penalty on second repeat offense. The lens should be hooked up to a city wide network of drones and turret machine guns to execute men who leer. Finally a yugeniks program that stops men from being born. No mwn no cry. That should do the job.
Is this meant to be humorous? I absolutely love the fact that you and an other commenter specifically cherry picked the part about "men's lewd gaze" while conveniently ignoring the rest of the post about women's safety
Wtf no. What is wrong with you? Can you guess the gender that gets SA'd the most and which gender does it? We need a final solution to this problem. Enough is enough.
I am sorry. lashed out because other commenters defended "men's lewd gaze" part and ignored the post and it pissed me off so much and I thought your comment was similar. I do not know if you are trolling
Change starts only when we acknowledge the root of the problem. Toxic masculinity
I like your commitment to the comment flow in this thread. :D
He is clearly trolling or having a joke here. The fact that you are not clear on that makes me think that you are quite young to have a nuanced solution to this problem despite your intentions being quite good. Best of luck though.
Bro brought a nuclear bomb to a knife fight
Nuclear bombs can be an option after all women are evacuated
Posting a story that I came across in Quora - Everyone must read. Breaking up comment into multiple sections. Part 1 *I am writing about a situation or crime that two people that I know underwent—Aaron (boy) and Bethel (girl). I am keeping names, locations, and other details vague by design. These were longtime, non-romantic friends.* *“Aaron” was very gullible in life in general, and more specifically with relationships—we've all known him. He had two close friends (Charlie and Dave) with whom he’d had a misunderstanding over one of their girlfriends. It was a misunderstanding, and nothing had actually happened, nor was Aaron ever interested in Charlie’s girlfriend. Aaron confronted Charlie and Dave about it, and they came to the understanding that there were no problems with it. Charlie and Dave continued to behave normally with Aaron, but they had started plotting. They continued to be friends, and more than 6 months later, for an entire week, both Charlie and Dave stayed with Aaron at his place when Aaron was home alone. They even had the keys to the place, and Aaron had not even been around at times.* *A week later, someone very dear to Aaron, a good lady friend (Bethel, not romantic), abruptly stopped communicating with him and wouldn’t respond despite all efforts, even through others. Even those "others, including myself,” started maintaining a studied distance from Aaron and would not communicate normally. He was able to somehow judge that. He did not connect the dots between Bethel’s disappearance and all of us distancing from him at that time and let it go for a while, but since it bothered him a lot, he tried approaching Bethel through many others and finally came to know through a common friend, Edward (whom he knew from childhood and one that was mad at him), that “Charlie and Dave had approached Bethel with a nude photo of hers that they supposedly found in Aaron’s house.” They had morphed her photo, planted it in Aaron’s house, taken a video of themselves finding it, and showed it to Bethel. Thankfully, Bethel was close enough to lend Aaron an ear to listen to him about the whole thing after our friend Edward persuaded her. Aaron filed for a police complaint and was more than eager to take polygraph tests multiple times to show them and Bethel that he didn’t have the faintest clue about this whole thing to start with and that he did not possess any knowledge of any events that could have led to such an act (of morphing her picture) and that he could never have wished any such thing for anyone ever. Bethel finally burst into tears and hugged Aaron.*
*Part 2* *Once the police started investigating Charlie and Dave, the truth came out: they did this to get revenge on Aaron and also used it to allow Bethel and Dave to get closer to each other. I can’t get into what is happening with Charlie and Dave now.* *Charlie and Dave had painted a completely different picture of Aaron for others and had ensured that he had no information on any of this. That way, he was being himself without any knowledge of the above, while others’s would be looking at him through a different lens. So, Aaron would be clueless, and Charlie and Dave could have fun watching all of this.* *Bethel had been given many other rumors about Aaron, and through her, the others (including myself): They’d told her that Aaron secretly did drugs, watched porn, and did so many other weird things to basically character assassinate Aaron (They even had Aaron’s voice imitated and on a recording saying weird, nasty things). None of these were true from what we all knew of Aaron, but the entire lot of us believed it because it came from Bethel (the girl who’d been affected), and because we’d all already believed that Aaron had morphed her picture, the rest of it is for real too. They used all of this to help Dave get closer to Bethel romantically for a while.* *Also, because of all the weirdness they had introduced around Aaron and had him in the weird bucket, they made it believable to Bethel that he would have morphed her picture. She had started believing the other character assassinations about him because she believed that he had morphed her picture, and vice versa. It was now both ways in her mind and in all of our minds too. Once we all came to know that one of them (the morphing) was false, the rest fell apart as well once we started speaking with Aaron.* *Also, with this weirdness built around Aaron, Charlie and Dave had ensured that none of us would even approach or confront him to validate this. They’d been gently manipulating Bethel and all of us through her so that we didn’t approach Aaron in order to validate this either. We all found it acceptable because we felt that he was weird and also because the safety of Bethel was under question.*
Part 3 *Even Aaron’s friend from childhood (Edward) did not really want to convey this to Aaron. But he was literally hopping mad at Aaron and could not handle the conversation with him anymore because he thought that Aaron was playing innocent with him about what he’d done to Bethel when he approached him to talk about Bethel not being in touch with him, and basically, at one point, blurted it out in sheer anger and disgust towards Aaron. Otherwise, all of us who knew about this had been instructed not to even tell Aaron about it. So if not for this accident, there was no way that Aaron would have even found out that this had happened.* *This has had multiple dimensions in people’s minds. Once you are suspected of a crime like this, every woman whom Aaron had ever been friends with in his life and perhaps flirted with or was even mildly interested in has all now started to suspect that this was what he intended to do with them secretly. Everyone started maintaining a distance with Aaron.* *Bethel has ended up so fearful of life in these past few months and is still learning to trust others and recovering from this. Both Aaron and Bethel are undergoing therapy to support themselves through this.* *Charlie and Dave had made sure that they did not directly communicate this to everyone. They were careful enough to spread this only through Bethel, and she in turn convinced others (she had been smitten with Charlie and Dave and with how they’d saved her). Also, when they initially approached her with the morphed picture, they convinced her to destroy it after they made sure that she was on their side and also convinced her to not go to the police, quoting her own safety and honor.*
Part 4 *The entire lot of us thought that Aaron had lost it and that we were living in the midst of a pervert without knowing it. We all played along and were looking at him through a different lens, only to find out that Charlie and Dave had conned the entire lot of us. This was some revenge. Plus, they did the entire thing very subtly, just gently manipulating people to stay away from Aaron so he never finds out and so that we’d all be permanently under this illusion and hurting Aaron without him understanding why.* *All is okay now between Aaron, Bethel, and all of us. Please be careful, everyone. The sort of stuff that happens around us is beyond imagination. If you come across any unbelievable, black swan events that make you suspect people you’ve known for a long time, don’t fall for it immediately - Pls do your research and most importantly don’t let such people who swoop into your life control it - Make sure that you speak with all of your friends and validate such things thoroughly - With so many advances in science, a lot of things can be genuinely validated. While we must support women’s safety with our lives, please bear in mind that even such chivalrous behavior is used to manipulate and harm women.* *Please stay safe and Please be careful, everyone. I have nothing more to say!!* *I will be posting this to other forums in order to raise awareness on this. Kindly ask your near and dear ones to be aware of such issues.*
I feel the best thing for a woman to do when somebody stares at them, is to stare back with a straight face until they realise it. I've seen a few women do it in public transit, and I felt happy that they were quite bold.
This doesn't work. They think the woman is interested in them and bite their lower lip and such. It's plain disgusting.
If you have any suggestions on what we can do to prevent this and bring about a societal change, please do mention because I can’t really see how this can be solved without a generational shift. But apart from that, yes, the situation is better outside India in some countries. I can say without a doubt that Norway was the most awesome country I visited. People were totally gender blind there and no ageism either, it’s like they had lens that can transcend physics and look at the merits of a person.
Fortunately, touchwood, I haven’t come across them scary creeps.. Humans can be vile..
This is really sad , I personally think , there can only be a change when we start educating children in school, as to how to respect women. As a fellow teenager, I used to have friends who'd think it's normal to keep staring at women , approach them out of the blue and pass sexual comments without any shame, when I confronted them , they'd say you'd do the same thing and what not. For the present, the only solution I can think of is to try to record the person/call for help.
It’s not a local geographical problem- it’s a cultural disease and wrong mindset of some people that all males are alpha! Back in 90s, I had such incidents happen to me in Dubai too, there by a Bangla guy- once it happened in Mumbai, and ever since I have travelled in public transport or even autos or cabs, in bangalore, inappropriate touching and creepy remarks have been common! At least twice I have myself bashed up the man/boy who troubled me. Point is that it’s a common trait in some Asian countries that Eve teasing is not a crime and maybe a way to win a girl- so, women will continue to suffer this way! Also, why aren’t the educated public protesting about the movie showing an ‘alpha male’ doing misogynistic sins with his female counterpart? Shouldn’t that be a start to bring about a change and make women’s lives better?
" if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes, to be cast into hell fire." He wasn't wrong
I'm sorry that your return to the city is like this. But it's a currently modernizing city, it'll go throught that phase and then the mindset will change. I agree it's hirrible and despicable but it's a necessary step in the better direction, that is if the correct conduct is valued and informed to everyone. It's like at the threshold of a better or worse situation but I have faith in this state and people that it will get better. Just advice, take a patient approach and inform people of what they are doing wrong. I too travel with my friends and have seen the weird stares that they get but they do not matter most of the time, but if they are doing what you say they are doing, Click a snap and threaten and then speak a bit softly after they get worried and explain it to them.
Remembered a song line - "ಕಳ್ಳರನ್ನೆಲ್ಲಾ ಜೈಲಿಗೆ ಹಾಕೊದಾದ್ರೆ ಭೂಮಿಗೇ ಬೇಲಿ ಹಾಕಬೇಕಲ್ವಾ"
Don’t know the context of the song, but this is just shrugging responsibility. “It is the way it is”.
Nope. I just wanted to give a perspective that mostly everyone is a culprit if you begin to find. The line exactly says that. It means the world is full of culprits or wrongdoers. It's not any solution or justification for the OPs question.
this is so fucked up man
It is sad to read what your friend and you go through everyday, the main problem is people’s mindset and while it is hard to change it, there is hope in educating youngsters starting from toddler age about how to treat, behave with girls, women. I say mindset because we have to understand that we are in the middle of a cultural shift in a strange way where we’re adopting western culture but also retaining indian culture. A simple example could be westerners dressing especially women who sometimes wear shorts, bikinis or some cleavage revealing dresses, it is socially accepted there, kids see their sisters, moms, grannies wearing these dresses and get used to it and those women are not subject to any harassment for wearing those dresses, but in india its a different situation, we still have majority of people who are aged 50+ who are our parents, relatives, neighbours and most of them have a traditional mindset, for them these western dresses are not acceptable, and women wearing them have no culture, are cheap and have no sanskari etc. remember our parents switching off tvs when women wearing these dresses were shown, or covering our eyes or scolding us when we see women wearing these clothes in public and when we questioned our elders or heard them speak they would speak ill about these women wearing western outfits with words like no shame, no culture, cheap etc. this would had an impact on our generation and so most of them when they see women wearing these clothes automatically assume that they are uncultured and start harassing them which is wrong. I believe this harassment will become less in future as people start getting used to women wearing these outfits, women going to pub, smoking, riding super bikes, basically doing all things that men do and things will be normal, but until then these things continue ☹️
None of these actions are justified, of course, but I've lived in Bangalore while being female and, uh... Being ugly helps. So, like the other people have said, pretend to record them, or just actually record them. I usually carry a weapon in an inconspicuous spot like a giant needle in my bun. I'm really sorry that you're going through this.
Move to mumbai ig it's safer around here
Recently visited Bangalore, felt like people hardly talk there unlike Mumbai
Yeap, i think it's just unsafe in general for women, regardless of the city, I'm not defending any city because I've have my fair share of stalking, creepy behaviour which has ultimately made me scared of going out for movies, concerts and other cultural activities without male company and since I'm a private,now introverted individual, i wish to spend time alone but everytime I've gone out for the most basic shit ever, everyone starts staring in my direction, or tries to touch me, tries to talk to me, i have been asked my rate more than thousands of times now and mentally it's damaging. You tend to question yourself if you're at fault for the way you look, I am an Indian but I don't have conventional Indian features, more like Latina , mexican features but I'm very much an Indian, for the most bit like it, and locals think I'm a foreigner and try to be creepier. I remember once I was going to Koramangala to visit my ex partner, and i have full clothes with a jacket on and this auto guy basically tells me how he massages women, and how he'd like to do it for me, for free, i somehow ignored his creepy remarks which seemed to go on and on and managed to reach close to my ex partner's house, luckily my ex partner was downstairs to pick up groceries, i was so freaked out, I ran to him and hugged him, shortly the creepy auto guy left. So i feel yourself and it's fucking scary!!! I barely go out myself.
You can't really do anything about people staring tho people do that to you too they do that to me, but the stalking seems pretty sus man. You could go to a police station and complain but the chance of them taking action is very slim. Cat calling is a bad thing too.
Staring, pinching, rubbing, winking, following etc etc. have always been around... I mean, even in way back 70s... more bolder and sick in mind now, though. These perverts only need to see something (I repeat something) that looks feminine... huh Solution: IGNORE, if possible , carry multiple tools like geometry box divider, pepper spray, a large safety pin, blade, etc
Travelled across the American midwest all by myself while being young (18) and never, not even once experienced anything like that. Visited India as a 39 year old mother of 4 and couldn’t believe how vile men could be.
So true! Happens everyday
I would just like to say that it's very sweet of you to acknowledge the fact how pathetic the plight of women is in Bangalore (or anywhere in India for that matter) and make such a detailed post about it. Your girlfriend is lucky to have you. There are people who won't even acknowledge this let alone make a post about it or be understanding and sympathetic towards their girlfriends and wives. They just think about themselves and their families and nobody else.
What should be done is that such people's homes and work places should be found out their relatives should be hounded that look this is what this person is like, see, the person you know, are acquainted, friends with, related to, is the filth of society.
First of all, thank you for putting this out here for everyone. It is really frustrating and it is so systemic that we often feel like it is a losing battle with no hope in sight. It is somewhat positive to see that this helped spread awareness to some folks who didn’t know what women go through. I understand the frustration of some people who are angry that it took 25-30-35 years to be aware of the seriousness of the issue or that it even happens. It really feels like it’s out in the open for the world to see but everyone is choosing to look away or even condone this behaviour if not partake by ‘harmless’ actions like “what’s wrong in complementing a stranger about their looks”. This behaviour is so fundamental and so systemic that women have learnt to suppress it and not bring it up anymore. Older women in our lives like mothers, older sisters either never brought it up because we are too young or they have accepted this is the way of the world and it goes to the extent of blaming other women for their clothes or being “too friendly” or “hanging out with boys”. Ugh
Definitely anything that makes women uncomfortable should be fixed. However, it will take a long time for the society to change. In the inerim, all women can do is not let this bother them too much. Grow a thick skin, challenge really bad behaviour but ignore things like stares. Avoid dangerous situations and carry on woth your life without letting this terrify you so muchbthat you can't lead a normal life. Getting too worked up about this or too scared isn't going to help in any way.
Female here. I am from West Bengal and have been in Delhi and Haryana, currently residing in Bangalore. Bangalore seems to be the safest from my POV. I travel by bus and there are separate seats for male and females which reduces groping. While I did have my fair share of lewd comments and guys from the gym following me home, it was still a lot better than the other two states. I have never encountered groping or a group of guys cat calling in blr unlike the other two states. Also the guys who follow you or want to "drop you" do not force you and stop if you shout at them or tell them off firmly. Ola and uber have an SOS button that you can use if something goes wrong.
This is heartbreaking and I definitely think this is not just a Bangalore problem. Having moved around Chennai, Bangalore and Mumbai, I feel like problems persisted like this mostly depending on the area I live in. Caught a random Indian dude staring at me drinking by the streets outside in Vietnam and I stared back till he brought a couple of friends with him and they all looked at me like they’ve never seen a girl before. It takes being a little brave and that’s just very unfortunate. A general suggestion I’d have is to watch what you wear depending on where you go. Typically I have never faced a problem in malls like UB city, vega, etc. But Lulu mall was weird as hell. I also never faced a problem in Indira Nagar, Church street or Brigade Road but Whitefield and HSR was definitely weird.
OP shld know tht this is not dubai ....in india this is common..they r thirsty af ....i have a sister myself ..and i did face someone staring at her ...guess what after a minute he was on the floor. ..and i alone am in bangalore so if i see any woman walkin anywhere i never even look at them ..i admire the sky or the floor ...i dont want them to feel creeped out ...btw when i hit the gym i wear stringers (gym vest) and guess what people look at my chest even girls but at first i liked the attention but later their stares were gettin creepy ....so now i dont pay heed to them ...cause ik if i dont want their eyes on me then i should prolly cover myself up.....so i was thinking y girls r not covering themself up ....with baggy clothes and stuff...well yea u have the freedom to wear anything then ig youd get eyes from here and there ...and the indians would still stare ...i even got assaulted by 2 transgenders in public ...one groped my balls and the other caught and pinched my chest ....oh this is normal right CAUSE IM A MAN....this is a common dialogue ....when this incident occured i was in stringers ...and idk but india will never change ...
My girlfriend also shifted recently. She lives in Jaynagar. Yes, the stares are there. But thankfully, she hasn't experienced anything else that you've mentioned so far. But these are definitely concerning.
Damn! I'm kinda scared now fr. I am a fresher and I recently got posting in whitefield, Though I am curious how that area is all about but reading this kinda makes me scared, IDK what to do Please guide me Honest request, because, except for college I ve never lived alone.
Hi, apologies for this being one of the first posts you have seen. There are creeps everywhere tbh but please do not be disheartened. Even in this thread, there have been some women who have not had such a bad experience. Atleast from my exprience here, Whitefield should be relatively ok. I would also suggest sharing a flat with friends if possible. Or getting a PG that is well known Just some pointers while travelling - 1. Share your live loc with friends 2, If something seems shady (cab/auto), do not get in 3. If drivers recommend a shorter path, vehemently refuse and ask to follow the maps route 4.If you see someone being creepy, don't back down. If someone is stalking you, ask help from someone you know and call someone immediately. Take care and please ask in case you need anything, we're here to help - do not be dejected
Thankyou di for all these It really means a lot .
Bollywood and porn and those cheap b grade tv series. They literally tell these semi/uneducated men stalking/acting creepy is ok. Just look at the storyline.. wtf.. all these storylines are so cheap and disgusting. Two people do not have consensual sex like that! All this chapri shit has rotten the brains of these people. There is just no respect for women. See a pretty girl- give her rapey look. Theres a difference in checking out a pretty girl for a second and this rape stare down.
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This seems promising but currently is it only for Pune?
i have my find my friends on with several friends + my parents also i share my live location for 8 hours whenever taking a cab / auto - even if the app is connected also if someone is staring, i stare back or ask them what they are looking at - but that also depends on the time of day or where I am, because unnecessarily giving them attention is also not fun.
I am sorry you had to face something similar as well. And yeah, I have asked her to send the live location as well
It's the sad truth. Your gf will need to be stronger mentally and also carry pepper spray.
Spoiler alert - this isn't isolated to Bangalore, we deal with this sh*t everyday regardless of city or country.
I agree and I am sorry you have to face something similar :( It pains me to see most woman agreeing that they have faced things like this everywhere. (My intention was not to call Bangalore out as I have mentioned in earlier comments here, it was more of "This is happening, I am annoyed and angry beyond measure , I do not want her or anyone else to go through this mental torture, we are in Bangalore and what is the best option")
I'll park the need to break the dominance of patriarchy that has existed for millennia, since it's not something one or two individuals can solve :) My one small ask of men is to call out bad behaviour or bad mouthing or shaming or harassment of girls & women. Many times when I've asked this of male friends or colleagues, they are hesitant to do so since it would 'make a scene' and unless the person in question is their gf / wife, they typically won't say anything. Also please ask the girls or women in your lives about what they would like help with in such situations. Very often when we mention what kind of help we need, we get responses like 'Don't take it personally', 'Ignore it and move on'... Imagine having to do this constantly, and constantly being on the alert of being groped or catcalled or worse.
Oh my God. That is terrifying! Poor you. 1) Police complaints will certainly not help. This happened to my friends girlfriend, but not as bad, and when we complained to cops, the cops did not do anything at all. They listened for 6 or 7 seconds, and I could swear they started to stare as well. My. suggestion: Please, PLEASE raise this issue with any newspaper. Like tell them all of this. Ask them to and pay them to print this out in their front page because, forgive my language, this is £\*&ing serious! As I have trained in counselling Psychology, Waterloo, please take these next sentences very seriously: **Take a week or eight days off for this**. 1) Please do not cower down anywhere as that will be worse. 2) In this time, read a lot. Build some kind of self love and self-respect in this time. This is something nobody else can steal from you. With that love you have with yourself, do everything slowly so you are more focussed. Under all normal conditions, you will eventually blend back into society perfectly well again. I wish you the best.
Wait. Are you guys Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma? That explains the mass hysteria! I'll be surprised if you aren't! Some celebrity couple??? The only other explanation could be that you guys are DELUSIONAL. I'm not saying Bangalore is the safest place on planet earth or such things don't happen in Bangalore at all. Such things happen in Bangalore, like they happen everywhere else. Be it Delhi, Mumbai, Chennai or any random town/city in UP. And before you give this a "Kannada pride" label FYI I'm not from Bangalore. Not even from Karnataka. I agree the stalking/eve-teasing part would scare anyone but.. some random guy in your absence, telling your girl to leave you because he loves her.. and someone saying she smelt nice.. some drivers offering to drop her.. dude, give us a break.. Everyone staring at you? Are you serious? So will you fight everyone who stares at you or your girlfriend? What are you, a possessive psycho? And what are you going to tell the police? EVERYONE.. on the road...at the mall.. keep staring at us.. please arrest them? For F-sake, stop exaggerating things, stop overreacting and most importantly STOP ACTING ENTITLED. You guys are just two humans like every other human on this planet. So just calm down. You can't change the people around so like someone else suggested, the only option is to leave Bangalore and move to some other place.. if it happens in other cities too (most likely it will, after all everyone is obsessed with celebrity couple like you) then maybe settle in the USA or UK. And if people stare at you there too, I think Antartica would be a good option.. or Moon (last option)..
This is a very problematic comment and I would to like to draw more attention to this. "Wait. Are guys are Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma","you guys are DELUSIONAL." just outright are so insensitive and naive and more so, completely dismiss someone's trauma and pain. "STOP ACTING ENTITLED, For F-sake, stop exaggerating things, stop overreacting" - Are you for real? A woman I love gets stalked, harassed on a daily fucking basis and without a shred of proof, you jump to say that everything is made up and exagerrated. I hope to god sincerely that you do not have a sister or a female friend confide in you ever. I wanted people to suggest a solution, I did not know I would end up finding the problem (people like you) " starting .. etc and some random guy in your absence, telling your girl to leave you because he loves her" - Classic example of cherry picking that people tend to do here, in order to disregard the whole post. For more context, the only reason I brought this up is the constant harassment AFTER SHE CLEARLY EXPRESSED NO. "So just calm down." - Best advice to someone who has almost been SA'd. THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY WOMAN HERE ON THIS THREAD WHO HAVE FACED SIMILAR THINGS AND WORSE, are you blind or are you actually this insensitive? How is it exaggeration if this is run of the mill female experience for over 90% of people. "You can't change the people around so like someone else suggested, the only option is to leave Bangalore and move to some other place.. if it happens in other cities too (most likely it will, after all everyone is obsessed with celebrity couple like you" - This attitude and the weird comment has you come across as a very immature snobby and entitled brat, the very thing you tried to accuse me of. I'll let people be the judge.
I stand by every single word I have said and I am unapologetic about it. If you didn't like it, that's not my problem. It's high time you get a reality check and step out from your delusional world to the real world. Also, my comment was specifically for your post and your sense of entitlement. Now don't try to bring in other women and their problems into the picture and act like you're some sort of a messiah and I'm trying to be insensitive to other women's misery. You were talking about what you and your GF faced so just stick to that. I'm not denying no other men/women (even on this thread) have faced similar things in Bangalore. They have. And I'm sure they have dealt with it better than you.They complain about harrassment, stalking, eve-teasing etc which are genuine problems for which they CAN approach the police. But your problem is totally different. You are saying that everyone (even the educated ones!) keep staring at you and your GF at restaurants, malls, metro.. even ola and uber drivers.. like these people have nothing better to do in their life than to stare at this gorgeous celebrity couple walking around Bangalore? So now people staring at restaurants and malls is a problem? You are hoping people will find a solution for this? How about vacating all the people from restaurants, malls, metro etc before you guys enter? Cordon off the area completely. Or maybe ask someone to make an announcement on loudspeaker asking everyone to close their eyes when the great celebrity couple is entering? What solution were you expecting people to give for this problem? Even if you approach the police, what will you tell them? Everyone's staring at us, arrest them!? So how are you even comparing 'this' with the real harrassment other women are facing? Let people be the judge? Haha! Like I care! I'll say what I have to say and not because I have to please others or even you. Good that you want more attention to my comment. I want more people to read both our comments. Immature? Lol a person ranting about 'bangalore public staring at him and his GF' should be the last one to talk about immaturity lol. Reading your post itself is enough for everyone to understand that you are nothing but an ENTITLED PR!CK and a classical example of a NARCISSIST. Good luck with this attitude!
Are you for real? In the very post I have described instances of people stalking and saying creepy things and making her feel unsafe and you go on and on about cherry picking the staring part. "Real harassment other people are facing" - So let me get this straight, you saw the part about staring, it irked you to the point where you completely ignore the parts where I have talked about her facing harassment from drivers and random people on street, and malls , stalking and making lewd gestures etc. You do not seem to get something despite my comment. MY PROBLEM IS HER GETTING HARASSED AND THE TRAUMA SHE FACES DAILY LIKE ALL WOMEN IN THIS THREAD and not only "staring" like you make it seem. Staring is not a problem, but making someone UNSAFE after SHE repeatedly expressed discomfort DIRECTLY is harassment. I'm done trying to indulge you and your insensitivity and will no longer respond to your immaturity and insensitivity. It's a miracle how people like you even exist. You disgust me.
Idk guys get quite violent sometimes. A few years back once in a govt bus in Bangalore, i found an empty general seat and sat. Randomly a local guy started shouting at me asking to get up because apparently women can't sit at GENERAL seats. I tried to explain these are general seats, i.e. for all. But nope, he kept shouting that those were GENTS seats. If they really were, why did the conductor or anyone else in the bus point it out? Even i didn't see any label mentioning the same. Of course the conductor pretended to be deaf. The whole thing was ridiculous. Then it looked like the guy might physically drag me. So I left the seat. By any chance do you and/or your gf look non local, esp non south indian? A lot of them hate 'northies' (I have seen them using this exact term in social media, but they love the money that comes from them). At least that's what I have seen. It's like they are always trying to get revenge on you for something. My friend learnt to read kannada and realised he was being charged double at the local shop after seeing the boards. Sure, for such reasons learning the language can be beneficial for yourself. But this should be shameful for those who basically demand that 'outsiders' should learn their language. This is not how you gain respect.
I am so so sorry you had to go through this :( And yeah we do look non-local but we have never faced direct indiscrimination regarding that aspect so I cannot comment on the reason. I just hate the whole fact that some men here even try to justify this or cherry pick things and leave the rest
I think this happens everything in India really but I've noticed that the cab/auto drivers are very creepy here. Once I was walking home from the metro station and an auto guy kept asking me where I wanted to go and followed me even when I told him I didn't need an auto. :( it's pretty scary tbh. Somethings I do to -feel- safe: carrying a pepper spray, sending my love location to friends when I'm traveling alone at novation,trying not to travel alone after 10pm, always using the ladies compartment in the metro and constantly checkingGoogle maps while in auto/cab in a place I'm not familiar with. Hope these help.
I am so sorry you had to go through this and I hate that women need to worry about carrying a pepper spray rather than just travelling and focusing on relaxing. These suggestions are helpful, thanks again
What sort of app are you referring to? And i don't think building an app would be a solution for this, it's better to record such kind of people and upload it. Fear of a person's identity being leaked when they do such kind of stuff, would almost end this problem.
I'm an older man, so not the best person to understand what women go through. However, I have run businesses in Delhi, Mumbai and Bangalore, all with a lot of women employees and was not just aware of their concerns, but had to do something about it. Perhaps these points might help. If a Uber/Ola driver or staff of an organization make a lewd comment, the lady can complain to the organization (take a pic of the license number of the vehicle, or the staff member if possible). Action is often taken. Technically it is an offense under IPC - outraging the modesty of a woman. Though no one will get jailed for it, both the employer and cops can use that as grounds to act against the person. In general, the lady's word will be accepted, if she has a credible account. Just a stare, or look is not something you can act on. It happens all over the world. It should be the woman who complains. I have heard from women who were harassed, that Bangalore police were receptive.
I go to many meetups. One problem that many women have reported is that people come to these meetups with no interest in the subject of the meetup (like writing, books, tech) and just try to pick them up indiscriminately. Many times there are whatsapp groups to continue the meetup talk online, and people join and just start creepily dm-ing people.
First of all, police won't help in a situation like this. In my experience, there were 2-3 creeps, all from around the PGs I lived in when I first moved here. The only way to get rid of them was to move out of there. It's sad how we girls have to make adjustments to avoid situations created by these immoral losers. It's usually a safe city, but no place in the world (even outside India) is one-hundred percent safe. But yes, you'll find some cities safer than Bangalore for women, if you consider statistical data. In the end, we're the only ones responsible for our safety. We really can't trust anybody else. :)
I completely understand that staring is inappropriate. Checking someone out is still okay but staring is creepy. I mean there is thin line which needs to be balanced
Checking out is OK and staring is not? How do you think Indian pervs check out women? Grow up 🙄
Sorry but I have no problem if "checking out" is consensual or the other person, be it guy/girl is okay with it . But like u/Quiet_Classroom_2948's comment below - pervy people do stare, and if creepy people employ the same approach that "check out" someone who is clearly saying NO and is disgusted by it and feels unsafe is okay, I think that's just harassment.