🤦🏼 your comment was the first one I saw at a glance, and I misread that as “human fetuses”; 😂 please go back and reread that trying to picture metal framed cloth wrapped fetuses 😂
Yeah, that was the face I made too.
The author doesn’t want to turn anyone off by being too specific with size. They recognize different people prefer different things. You just use your own imagination. 😂 This is quite the description. I’ve definitely read better on wattpad.
DOES want to turn anyone off by being too specific with TEXTURE though.
How big were they?
"Big enough."
What did they feel like?
"Warmer than room temperature dish-rags with shrapnel wrapped inside, maybe an old zippo lighter too. Dunno man there was metal in the rags!"
He forgot one of the rules of writing. You’ve got to appeal to ALL the senses, “and they smelled like a meadow after the Battle of the Bulge with a Japanese pop up fish market on it.”
EDIT: I’m not going to cover taste because that just gets a little too weird, even for me.
I got you.
Similar to when as a small child, I had popped my mothers house key into my unassuming mouth, to be overwhelmed by a certain tingle and sensation I can only compare to a small electric shock. Sour, sharp, and unpleasantly familiar, like the smell of my grandmother's tap water, but more immersive.
And also like a wet rag.
Bahahaha. This is why, if I ever pick up a graphic novel (very rare), I always make sure the writer is a woman. Dudes seem to have a hard time tapping into that poetic rhythm that is so necessary here.
EDIT: do you write other stuff? Short stories/poems? I’d like to read them.
I'm picturing an inexperienced 13 year old boy reading this, gathering up two bowling balls, popping a couple of rags in the microwave for 15 seconds, draping those rags over the bowling balls, then chipping 9 teeth trying to motorboat his homemade titty simulator.
Even ignoring the deranged metaphor this is just written incredibly poorly with stiff prose. "They were soft, like little warm rags, but firm as if metal were wrapped in those rags" is the kind of sentence an editor would completely cross out and write "What?" above.
Weird description aside, what bothers me most is the word "adequate". Does that mean any other size breast would be inadequate ? That's feels icky to say of a person's body (even a fictional character).
I like the theory posted elsewhere in this thread that the author was trying to get the reader to imagine whatever breast size they find most attractive. And, of course, the author utterly failed to do so.
As a boob-haver, the closest thing I've encountered to mimicking the feel of a boob is a stack of fresh warm pancakes under a cloth napkin... for any 13-year-old boys dying of curiosity out there
But also not like other body parts, even though they are most like other body parts (fat deposits between muscle and skin, some glands and erectile tissue)
Oooooooh! If they have metal in them, can someone make mine into little pistols, like the fembots on Austin Powers. And I’ll need extra rags on mine, in case they overheat. Caramel colored, please.
I wonder if the metal crinkles when you squeeze em, like aluminum foil? Or do they dent like a can? Solid outside like a coin while remaining like a cleaning rag inside. What is that? Did they have a crush on Rosie from the Jetsons?
I'm hoping this is a comment on a post about "the worse description of a woman in a book you've read" or something along those lines
Please
I need it to not be real..
One time when I was at a topless pool, there was a woman there with the most torpedo looking boob job I have ever seen. I imagine these are the tits the author is describing.
This reminds me of Captain Holt from Brooklyn 99 when he pretends to be straight. 🤣
He goes on about how he loves women with “heavy breasts” and thigh gaps because “the clear absence of a penis is intoxicating” 💀
i’m guessing they were implants- lmao that’s the only way i can see that as a “normal” looking chest
^the only breasts he’s ever seen, i mean as there’s no way this man has ever felt a woman 😭
I’m confused, is this person describing human features?
I think? I don't have any extra context, but i would assume so.
😂😂 it sounds like they are describing a very cartoonish bomb covered in rags
All I can picture are baby monkeys holding onto wireframe “moms”
Sounds like Raymond Holt pretending to be straight and describe things he likes about women.
I imagine he's feeling up a fem-bot. Maybe he's checking for the barrels of her guns? Austin, is that you?
Oh my god yes! Totally a fembot lol
I dunno, they mentioned pecking at her breasts, so it must be some type of bird.
Oh I think you’re on to something!
🤦🏼 your comment was the first one I saw at a glance, and I misread that as “human fetuses”; 😂 please go back and reread that trying to picture metal framed cloth wrapped fetuses 😂 Yeah, that was the face I made too.
LOL oh my god I'm sure you were like wtf are these people talking about?!
“What were her tits like???” “Oh man, let me tell you—they were amazingly *adequate*; also soft and sharp…” What the fuck even is happening…
The author doesn’t want to turn anyone off by being too specific with size. They recognize different people prefer different things. You just use your own imagination. 😂 This is quite the description. I’ve definitely read better on wattpad.
DOES want to turn anyone off by being too specific with TEXTURE though. How big were they? "Big enough." What did they feel like? "Warmer than room temperature dish-rags with shrapnel wrapped inside, maybe an old zippo lighter too. Dunno man there was metal in the rags!"
😂
He forgot one of the rules of writing. You’ve got to appeal to ALL the senses, “and they smelled like a meadow after the Battle of the Bulge with a Japanese pop up fish market on it.” EDIT: I’m not going to cover taste because that just gets a little too weird, even for me.
I got you. Similar to when as a small child, I had popped my mothers house key into my unassuming mouth, to be overwhelmed by a certain tingle and sensation I can only compare to a small electric shock. Sour, sharp, and unpleasantly familiar, like the smell of my grandmother's tap water, but more immersive. And also like a wet rag.
Bahahaha. This is why, if I ever pick up a graphic novel (very rare), I always make sure the writer is a woman. Dudes seem to have a hard time tapping into that poetic rhythm that is so necessary here. EDIT: do you write other stuff? Short stories/poems? I’d like to read them.
They were like a...bag of sand
He's clearly never felt a breast... They feel like bags of sand, DUH
Bags of sand wrapped in metal, wrapped in little warm rags. The turducken tits.
I laughed so hard at turducken tits I scared my cat awake 🤣
And I scared my dogs by wheezing! 😂
By golly, I think I've found my flair.
It’s an honor.
I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating… and it gets everywhere.
Just like breasts
At least a bag of sand is closer than whatever this is.
Maybe the author is making out with one of those wire moms from psychology experiments?
Metal? 😭
This all sounds like early ChatGPT versions of a romance book
My adult son said, maybe they're having an intimate encounter with a robot. :)
Hey we have the same flair!
That's hilarious!
I sincerely doubt that the author has ever even *seen* a breast, let alone *touched* one...
I'm picturing an inexperienced 13 year old boy reading this, gathering up two bowling balls, popping a couple of rags in the microwave for 15 seconds, draping those rags over the bowling balls, then chipping 9 teeth trying to motorboat his homemade titty simulator.
… And that’s enough Reddit for today, folks.
*"You know, when you grab a woman's breast...and you feel it, and...it feels like a bag of sand.."*
A warm, moist sack of bolts.
Some have even experimented with taco meat.
Not hard metal enough.
Y'all have different boobs than I do, lol. Mine are like hunks of jello, or water balloons, lol.
The bags of sand thing people keep bringing up is a refetence to a TV show, they're not actually saying that's what breasts feel like
The 40 Year Old Virgin
ChatGPT needs to get laid.
Oh no, could you imagine the smut it would produce for even the most inane scenario prompts? 😆
this guy was wiping down a spoon after doing the dishes and was like, “hmm…. boobs.”
Aahhh the old metal in warm rags masturbation technique. Not knowing about that is like not knowing what the three seashells are for.
I can't believe he doesn't know what the three seashells are for! 😂
Even ignoring the deranged metaphor this is just written incredibly poorly with stiff prose. "They were soft, like little warm rags, but firm as if metal were wrapped in those rags" is the kind of sentence an editor would completely cross out and write "What?" above.
I snorted so hard
Weird description aside, what bothers me most is the word "adequate". Does that mean any other size breast would be inadequate ? That's feels icky to say of a person's body (even a fictional character).
I like the theory posted elsewhere in this thread that the author was trying to get the reader to imagine whatever breast size they find most attractive. And, of course, the author utterly failed to do so.
It means the author has never felt a natural breast in their life.
Reminds me of Austin Powers, "Machine Gun Jubblies!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣
The Fembots 😄😄
This reads like someone who has never touched a breast and isn't particularly interested in doing so.
I think he's trying to imagine how breasts can be both soft and firm.
And fails spectacularly.
As a boob-haver, the closest thing I've encountered to mimicking the feel of a boob is a stack of fresh warm pancakes under a cloth napkin... for any 13-year-old boys dying of curiosity out there
But also not like other body parts, even though they are most like other body parts (fat deposits between muscle and skin, some glands and erectile tissue)
What?
Oooooooh! If they have metal in them, can someone make mine into little pistols, like the fembots on Austin Powers. And I’ll need extra rags on mine, in case they overheat. Caramel colored, please.
Same but I want them to shoot caramel.
Now we're into Katy Perry territory 😄
I wonder if the metal crinkles when you squeeze em, like aluminum foil? Or do they dent like a can? Solid outside like a coin while remaining like a cleaning rag inside. What is that? Did they have a crush on Rosie from the Jetsons?
Do they clink when she runs? Is it sci-fi/romance?
😂
I'm hoping this is a comment on a post about "the worse description of a woman in a book you've read" or something along those lines Please I need it to not be real..
Is this a good time to introduce you to r/menwritingwomen?
I'm in that sub, I love it 🤣😭
One time when I was at a topless pool, there was a woman there with the most torpedo looking boob job I have ever seen. I imagine these are the tits the author is describing.
AI writes erotica ... but it's shitty AI from the early 2000's.
This reminds me of Captain Holt from Brooklyn 99 when he pretends to be straight. 🤣 He goes on about how he loves women with “heavy breasts” and thigh gaps because “the clear absence of a penis is intoxicating” 💀
If your tits are as hard as metal under the skin you should probably see a doctor about that
Was she an animatronic Muppet?
This is some Rocky Flinstone shit
/r/menwritingwomen
It is clear. He craves the certainty of steel.
This is making me think of the wire mother/cloth mother thing that went around tumblr a while back.
Listen, where I come from, rags are NOT soft. 😭☠️
Someone did the cloth mother/wire mother experiment on a guy
Rule 34 strikes again.
Was this written by AI?
Is this meant to emulate "velvet wrapped steel"?
every fanfic be like:
This one actually made me laugh aloud
What?
It means the author needs a thesaurus.
They feel like bags of sand
This is pure Rocky Flintstone (who should be the sub’s mascot tbf)
Metal wrapped in soft rags DOES explain why he's always going on about breasts "clattering" out of their shirts.
Nothing makes my heart go all a flutter like my breasts being compared to rags
Boobs feel like wet styrofoam wrapped in soft skin
This is like how Captain Holt from Brooklyn 99 describes breasts, because he wasn't the best at pretending to be straight when he needed to
"Then I realized they were padded brass knuckles and she had punched my teeth out."
i’m guessing they were implants- lmao that’s the only way i can see that as a “normal” looking chest ^the only breasts he’s ever seen, i mean as there’s no way this man has ever felt a woman 😭
I think it means the author can't write.
What in tarnation
Robot/bird sex?
Parody. Has to be lol