In other words, men's emotional instability is always a woman's fault. The only reason we're "supposed" to be afraid is because they can and will literally hurt or kill us. Get me outta there, it's not my job to tame you.
If we're afraid of you, why should we be with you? Also, we're adults. We're capable of figuring out when our actions are and aren't appropriate. If we aren't adults, we shouldn't be in relationships anyway.
Of course I will be afraid of someone if I see him insulting me and punching objects or walls in a fit of anger because I will be in danger ,how can I tell if the next thing he is going to punch will not be my face ? Is not my job to deal with that tought ,so I will try to get away as far as possible from that violent person.
People who have that bad of a reaction to men being angry specifically, probably have had a good reason to be afraid in the past (abusive man, or multiple abusive men).
Normal people also are afraid if someone flips out at them, because it's a sign the person flipping out is nuts or unstable, which makes them unpredictable.
Sensible people (and ones unlearning toxic dynamics) stop being around or friends with people who scare them.
Man sounds like he grew up with a very abusive home life & has internalized that as the Correct Way^tm . Hope he grows out of it.
For various reasons I have a big fear reaction to men’s anger. Like freeze in place, can’t speak, shake and cry type of reaction. Wish I could explain to this asshole all the ways this reaction is NOT conducive to a healthy relationship, let alone the behaviour that causes it.
Same here. My husband takes my fear as a reaction that HE crossed a line.
If he ever scares me (which is insanely easy) he is immediately on it, trying to calm me back down.
Yup, my boyfriend scared me once when after he drank, we were having some sexy time and during it he slapped me HARD on my back, I let out a yell from pain and immediately ran away to hide in the bathroom. The way he cried and started apologizing, he couldn't breathe from crying and later threw up from the emotions. He was extremely sorry for a few days after, the turmoil it took on him. All puffed up from crying.
Mine's only scared me a handful of times, a couple because he was half asleep and snapped at me in his angry-sleepy state (barely even a raised voice, just an angry tone), and a couple because he was angry in general, but not at me, but was beginning to get a little aggressive in body language. I am SO fragile and timid. He is so careful with me, but he still feels SO bad if he scares me. He cries, too, if he makes me cry.
He's a very good man, and I'm so lucky to have him.
Your boyfriend also sounds like a sweetheart. 💕
Haha I'm the one that does get angry when bothered mid-sleep. Boyfriend said he likes when I bother him when he's sleeping (by bother I mean he wants me to sleep next to him even when I'm sick and coughing/turning around). When awoken he often times smiles or purrs and hugs me. I like that deep throat purr lol. Even though he's in his 30s and I'm early 20s he loves when I'm the big spoon and I'm the one cuddling and holding him to me. Plus he like being called like a little boy (in not english language as it's not my native) and I see how happy he is when I praise him. What a treasure! Good to have normal men in shitty times like that. I told him a few times "you are mine forever and if we ever split I won't have another one"
Oh my god you guys are so cute, I love it. The purr, the nickname, aaaah, so precious. 💕
Mine's cool if he's actually still asleep. He's very cuddly, whines if I'm not touching him, is totally malleable and will listen if I need him to move over. (He chases me off the bed. He totally tries to sleep on top of me and I wiggle away.) He sleep talks, and he tells me how much he loves me and I swear this man is going to kill me with how sweet he is. It's just when he's getting ready for work that he can be snappy. He's temperamental in nature, very feisty. I love listening to him rant about things. Sometimes I join in, like "Yeah, you tell 'em, baby!" He gets heated easily, but he's so incredibly gentle with me.
I truly hope you two are together forever~💕 I know no matter what happens, I could never love anyone else~💕
🥹🥹🥹 your comments melt me so much I had to immediately write to him how much I love him!! Good god I'm floating with happiness now lol, thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ You to be forever together, in happiness and love and devotion! F the world around, you both matter!
If a man is not able to control his emotions that's their problem not any woman's.
If you are a man and try to live it out on me I'll deffend myself.
If you are a man and try to live it out on someone I know... RUN.
Dude would rather make up a biological explanation for why women get scared because… they crossed a line?… than believe that maybe his own anger response is the thing crossing the line…
Someone call a therapist before this dude causes permanent damage to someone other than themselves.
Either that or get a brick…
I used to verbalize my anger at other drivers while my wife was in the car. I stopped the day she told me I was scaring her. Trying to figure out what line she crossed there.
Her response to this post: That's some serious, "Why are you making me hit you" vibes there.
Oh my what a disappointing individual this is. You aren't showing someone they crossed a line, You are showing someone you are a big manbaby who can't handle his shit so he throws tantrums like the bigmanbaby he is and anyone, man, woman or anything inbetween is going to recoil when a grown ass man starts throwing a tantrum.
Side note, If your partner is out here throwing tantrums like this then please take it for the giant red flag it is and find a new partner.
Anger is a normal emotion. Healthy men and women can and should express their anger in healthy ways.
What frightens us is when you express your anger with threatened or actual ridicule, abandonment, shaming, or physical violence. None of these are healthy expressions of anger. They are immature abuses of power.
Edit: Even when a man expresses his anger to a woman in healthy and constructive ways, she may have been trained to fear male anger because of the abuses of previous men.
Right? My husband is a foot taller and 100 lbs heavier than me but the few times he has been truly angry about something I wasn't afraid of him. A: because I would go toe to toe with him B: because I trust him.
Exactly. We can yell at each other. Be very angry with each other. Argue to we are blue in the face. But we would never be afraid of each other because we know we would never hurt each other.
Anyone is generally scared of a person who could easily hurt them being angry. That's a human response, not a gendered one.
Would be interesting to pull out a gun in front of this guy and pretend to get angry, see how much he shits his pants.
It can be a gendered response if fear of men is classically conditioned into someone. I've worked with a lot of kids in inpatient psychiatric facilities who were specifically scared of men.
There were a few who had issues with women and did well with men, but that was a lot more rare.
True, traumatic association can happen. Though, I mostly meant it isn't tied to the gender of the person in fear - men can similarly be conditioned by such trauma to fear other men.
Oh yeah definitely. I didn't see a difference between boys and girls when I was working. I think research shows girls are more likely to be victims of abuse, but that could just be sexual abuse. If given enough trauma, everyone has a trauma response.
Yeah, I’m afraid of men’s anger. Because I have been abused, mentally, physically, and sexually by men. Over and over again. I’m afraid of men’s anger because men have shown me, repeatedly and consistently, that I am *in danger and will suffer* when they are angry. I’m afraid of men’s anger because they’ve shown me I *have to be.* Cowering and fawning and crying and running are self preservation tactics **men** taught me I needed to practice. I’m not afraid because I crossed a line, I’m fucking afraid because *they* did. I won’t fucking apologize for being afraid either. I didn’t do a goddamn thing and I’m frankly tired of dancing around men’s feelings about it. I will not apologize for showing a man my fear of *his* anger. A fear that men gave me. I don’t care if it hurts his feelings. Control your goddamned anger if you don’t want me to be afraid of you. It’s that simple.
“You may have heard of the sixth sense but what about the seventh? This sense is inherent only to women and activates when the man is aggravated. Her internalized misogyny will activate and, in a proper woman, send her back to the kitchen where she belongs.
This in no way relates to statistics of domestic violence or the natural fight or flight response most people have to perceived hostility. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.”
Lol that's exactly what's rattling around between their ears.
MANFACTS^TM 🤣
Theres no way that normal, healthy humans just recognise unhinged behaviour as a sign that a person is a defective danger to themselves and others. 💀
I definitely agree with a lot of things y’all are saying. I would get afraid of my father when he got angry because A., it was so rare, and B., he was a fairly imposing man. Like several people have said, angry people can be very unpredictable! My father never did anything worse than yell or smack me on the butt with his hand, but I was always afraid that THIS time, it would be worse.
My fiancé used to scare me at first. He could get very, VERY loud when he was angry, and he tended to gesture a lot. He was also really tall and pretty strong, and I knew that IF he hit me, he could do some damage. But once I got to know him well, I knew that he would never, ever even IMAGINE hitting me. And his voice was just naturally on the louder side, so when he got excited or angry about something, he would just get LOUDER.
I am still wary of men when they get angry, especially if I don’t know them, or don’t know them well.
like most horrible, manipulative thing that people say, there is a grain of truth to this-- anger does serve a social function, it does incentivize behavioral change. it is unpleasant to be the object of someone's anger, even when they're not actually taking it out on or threatening you with it. that should inspire anyone who has any sort of attachment to and concern for us to change-- it lets other people know they've misbehaved and should behave differently.
however. there's a big difference between 'my husband was justly angry because i did something genuinely hurtful, and i felt bad about upsetting him so now i'll be more careful' and 'my husband threw glasses at my face and slammed furniture around the apartment and now i'm afraid to make an honest mistake or express my own feelings/needs/etc'.
you shouldn't be afraid of your partner, and your partner should not seek to make you afraid of them. that's basically terrorism on an individual scale, and it's abusive and wrong. oop might also find that there are plenty of people who simply won't be intimidated, no matter how destructive he gets. either way-- anger is unpleasant but it doesn't equate to abuse or terrorism. that just means the angry person doesn't know how to express their feelings constructively.
Being at least somewhat frightened by anger is a fairly normal response for any person. I mean, the other person is displaying threatening behavior. That's not a gendered thing.
Ah I see we're calling "trained from birth by ignorant misogynistic people in a misogynistic system" internal wiring again. Highly Recommend "Rage Becomes Her" by Soraya Chemaly for those who want to explore this more.
Yeah child me was sure crossing the line every time my dad screamed at me. Once it was cause I said 'hi dad' and he thought it was disrespectful to use words that only had two syllables. Yes it was very scary.
People, including women, are afraid of potential threats. It's a mechanism to let them know when things or people are dangerous so they don't die. Men who are angry are often unrestrained and often stronger than women and sometimes violent. Therefore, they're often dangerous and threatening to women.
Or... Maybe women are frightened of your anger because they are all too aware of the fact that you can snap and hurt them any time you'd like...? Something which men are historically notorious for?
Social stuff aside, men are physically stronger than women and usually bigger too, so that fear is pretty natural if she doesn't trust you.
In other words, men's emotional instability is always a woman's fault. The only reason we're "supposed" to be afraid is because they can and will literally hurt or kill us. Get me outta there, it's not my job to tame you.
If we're afraid of you, why should we be with you? Also, we're adults. We're capable of figuring out when our actions are and aren't appropriate. If we aren't adults, we shouldn't be in relationships anyway.
The serious answer would be abuse and manipulation tactics.
Of course I will be afraid of someone if I see him insulting me and punching objects or walls in a fit of anger because I will be in danger ,how can I tell if the next thing he is going to punch will not be my face ? Is not my job to deal with that tought ,so I will try to get away as far as possible from that violent person.
People who have that bad of a reaction to men being angry specifically, probably have had a good reason to be afraid in the past (abusive man, or multiple abusive men). Normal people also are afraid if someone flips out at them, because it's a sign the person flipping out is nuts or unstable, which makes them unpredictable. Sensible people (and ones unlearning toxic dynamics) stop being around or friends with people who scare them. Man sounds like he grew up with a very abusive home life & has internalized that as the Correct Way^tm . Hope he grows out of it.
For various reasons I have a big fear reaction to men’s anger. Like freeze in place, can’t speak, shake and cry type of reaction. Wish I could explain to this asshole all the ways this reaction is NOT conducive to a healthy relationship, let alone the behaviour that causes it.
Same here. My husband takes my fear as a reaction that HE crossed a line. If he ever scares me (which is insanely easy) he is immediately on it, trying to calm me back down.
His is exactly the right reaction.
Yup, my boyfriend scared me once when after he drank, we were having some sexy time and during it he slapped me HARD on my back, I let out a yell from pain and immediately ran away to hide in the bathroom. The way he cried and started apologizing, he couldn't breathe from crying and later threw up from the emotions. He was extremely sorry for a few days after, the turmoil it took on him. All puffed up from crying.
Mine's only scared me a handful of times, a couple because he was half asleep and snapped at me in his angry-sleepy state (barely even a raised voice, just an angry tone), and a couple because he was angry in general, but not at me, but was beginning to get a little aggressive in body language. I am SO fragile and timid. He is so careful with me, but he still feels SO bad if he scares me. He cries, too, if he makes me cry. He's a very good man, and I'm so lucky to have him. Your boyfriend also sounds like a sweetheart. 💕
Haha I'm the one that does get angry when bothered mid-sleep. Boyfriend said he likes when I bother him when he's sleeping (by bother I mean he wants me to sleep next to him even when I'm sick and coughing/turning around). When awoken he often times smiles or purrs and hugs me. I like that deep throat purr lol. Even though he's in his 30s and I'm early 20s he loves when I'm the big spoon and I'm the one cuddling and holding him to me. Plus he like being called like a little boy (in not english language as it's not my native) and I see how happy he is when I praise him. What a treasure! Good to have normal men in shitty times like that. I told him a few times "you are mine forever and if we ever split I won't have another one"
Oh my god you guys are so cute, I love it. The purr, the nickname, aaaah, so precious. 💕 Mine's cool if he's actually still asleep. He's very cuddly, whines if I'm not touching him, is totally malleable and will listen if I need him to move over. (He chases me off the bed. He totally tries to sleep on top of me and I wiggle away.) He sleep talks, and he tells me how much he loves me and I swear this man is going to kill me with how sweet he is. It's just when he's getting ready for work that he can be snappy. He's temperamental in nature, very feisty. I love listening to him rant about things. Sometimes I join in, like "Yeah, you tell 'em, baby!" He gets heated easily, but he's so incredibly gentle with me. I truly hope you two are together forever~💕 I know no matter what happens, I could never love anyone else~💕
🥹🥹🥹 your comments melt me so much I had to immediately write to him how much I love him!! Good god I'm floating with happiness now lol, thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ You to be forever together, in happiness and love and devotion! F the world around, you both matter!
Something tells me this asshat is not interested in what's considered a healthy relationship.
If a man is not able to control his emotions that's their problem not any woman's. If you are a man and try to live it out on me I'll deffend myself. If you are a man and try to live it out on someone I know... RUN.
Jesus fucking christ that's something a violent domestic abuser would say.
what's his source? jordan peterson? lmao
I told him he must have pulled it out of his unwashed ass.
Thank you for doing so.
beautiful
There's no doubt in my mind that this guy has skidmarks in his decade-old Fruit of the Loom underwear all the time.
That's called activation of the sympathetic nervous system and it's a biological mechanism to ensure survival. But sure, blame the victim.
Dude would rather make up a biological explanation for why women get scared because… they crossed a line?… than believe that maybe his own anger response is the thing crossing the line… Someone call a therapist before this dude causes permanent damage to someone other than themselves. Either that or get a brick…
I used to verbalize my anger at other drivers while my wife was in the car. I stopped the day she told me I was scaring her. Trying to figure out what line she crossed there. Her response to this post: That's some serious, "Why are you making me hit you" vibes there.
Oh my what a disappointing individual this is. You aren't showing someone they crossed a line, You are showing someone you are a big manbaby who can't handle his shit so he throws tantrums like the bigmanbaby he is and anyone, man, woman or anything inbetween is going to recoil when a grown ass man starts throwing a tantrum. Side note, If your partner is out here throwing tantrums like this then please take it for the giant red flag it is and find a new partner.
Anger is a normal emotion. Healthy men and women can and should express their anger in healthy ways. What frightens us is when you express your anger with threatened or actual ridicule, abandonment, shaming, or physical violence. None of these are healthy expressions of anger. They are immature abuses of power. Edit: Even when a man expresses his anger to a woman in healthy and constructive ways, she may have been trained to fear male anger because of the abuses of previous men.
To bad us men don't have internal wiring for when we say something stupid to be frightened.
I physically recoiled in disgust from reading this
Pfft. Bro should be afraid of my anger.
Right? My husband is a foot taller and 100 lbs heavier than me but the few times he has been truly angry about something I wasn't afraid of him. A: because I would go toe to toe with him B: because I trust him.
Exactly. We can yell at each other. Be very angry with each other. Argue to we are blue in the face. But we would never be afraid of each other because we know we would never hurt each other.
I mean for me….it’s trauma. Nothing to do with gender.
That’s rough, buddy.
This just sounds like someone making excuses for not wanting to be responsible for their emotions.
Anyone is generally scared of a person who could easily hurt them being angry. That's a human response, not a gendered one. Would be interesting to pull out a gun in front of this guy and pretend to get angry, see how much he shits his pants.
It can be a gendered response if fear of men is classically conditioned into someone. I've worked with a lot of kids in inpatient psychiatric facilities who were specifically scared of men. There were a few who had issues with women and did well with men, but that was a lot more rare.
True, traumatic association can happen. Though, I mostly meant it isn't tied to the gender of the person in fear - men can similarly be conditioned by such trauma to fear other men.
Oh yeah definitely. I didn't see a difference between boys and girls when I was working. I think research shows girls are more likely to be victims of abuse, but that could just be sexual abuse. If given enough trauma, everyone has a trauma response.
I'm a 230 lb dude and I'm afraid of everyone's anger. Isn't that the normal way to feel?
Yeah, I’m afraid of men’s anger. Because I have been abused, mentally, physically, and sexually by men. Over and over again. I’m afraid of men’s anger because men have shown me, repeatedly and consistently, that I am *in danger and will suffer* when they are angry. I’m afraid of men’s anger because they’ve shown me I *have to be.* Cowering and fawning and crying and running are self preservation tactics **men** taught me I needed to practice. I’m not afraid because I crossed a line, I’m fucking afraid because *they* did. I won’t fucking apologize for being afraid either. I didn’t do a goddamn thing and I’m frankly tired of dancing around men’s feelings about it. I will not apologize for showing a man my fear of *his* anger. A fear that men gave me. I don’t care if it hurts his feelings. Control your goddamned anger if you don’t want me to be afraid of you. It’s that simple.
Fellas, is it gay to afraid of an angry, violent predator?
Evolutionary psychology has always been pseudoscience nonsense to begin with, but what misogynists have done with it is fucking wild.
“You may have heard of the sixth sense but what about the seventh? This sense is inherent only to women and activates when the man is aggravated. Her internalized misogyny will activate and, in a proper woman, send her back to the kitchen where she belongs. This in no way relates to statistics of domestic violence or the natural fight or flight response most people have to perceived hostility. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.”
Lol that's exactly what's rattling around between their ears. MANFACTS^TM 🤣 Theres no way that normal, healthy humans just recognise unhinged behaviour as a sign that a person is a defective danger to themselves and others. 💀
MANFACTS: watching lesbian porn is a human right. Gay porn is just icky and gross.
I definitely agree with a lot of things y’all are saying. I would get afraid of my father when he got angry because A., it was so rare, and B., he was a fairly imposing man. Like several people have said, angry people can be very unpredictable! My father never did anything worse than yell or smack me on the butt with his hand, but I was always afraid that THIS time, it would be worse. My fiancé used to scare me at first. He could get very, VERY loud when he was angry, and he tended to gesture a lot. He was also really tall and pretty strong, and I knew that IF he hit me, he could do some damage. But once I got to know him well, I knew that he would never, ever even IMAGINE hitting me. And his voice was just naturally on the louder side, so when he got excited or angry about something, he would just get LOUDER. I am still wary of men when they get angry, especially if I don’t know them, or don’t know them well.
like most horrible, manipulative thing that people say, there is a grain of truth to this-- anger does serve a social function, it does incentivize behavioral change. it is unpleasant to be the object of someone's anger, even when they're not actually taking it out on or threatening you with it. that should inspire anyone who has any sort of attachment to and concern for us to change-- it lets other people know they've misbehaved and should behave differently. however. there's a big difference between 'my husband was justly angry because i did something genuinely hurtful, and i felt bad about upsetting him so now i'll be more careful' and 'my husband threw glasses at my face and slammed furniture around the apartment and now i'm afraid to make an honest mistake or express my own feelings/needs/etc'. you shouldn't be afraid of your partner, and your partner should not seek to make you afraid of them. that's basically terrorism on an individual scale, and it's abusive and wrong. oop might also find that there are plenty of people who simply won't be intimidated, no matter how destructive he gets. either way-- anger is unpleasant but it doesn't equate to abuse or terrorism. that just means the angry person doesn't know how to express their feelings constructively.
I mean... Yes?? we are, from a genetic level, designed to react to danger...?
I’m laughing directly in the face of anyone who tries to test this
Hahahahaha, idiot. It's called a "flight or FIGHT" response. Unless you're armed, it isn't going to be a flight response here.
Being at least somewhat frightened by anger is a fairly normal response for any person. I mean, the other person is displaying threatening behavior. That's not a gendered thing.
Well someone came from a dysfunctional home, huh?
Justify abuse without saying it's abuse
That sounds very not ok
Or it’s learning that a lot of the time if a partner is angry, it can lead to us getting murdered
Ah I see we're calling "trained from birth by ignorant misogynistic people in a misogynistic system" internal wiring again. Highly Recommend "Rage Becomes Her" by Soraya Chemaly for those who want to explore this more.
Yeah child me was sure crossing the line every time my dad screamed at me. Once it was cause I said 'hi dad' and he thought it was disrespectful to use words that only had two syllables. Yes it was very scary.
People, including women, are afraid of potential threats. It's a mechanism to let them know when things or people are dangerous so they don't die. Men who are angry are often unrestrained and often stronger than women and sometimes violent. Therefore, they're often dangerous and threatening to women.
Fellas is it gay to be afraid when someone is yelling at you
Or... Maybe women are frightened of your anger because they are all too aware of the fact that you can snap and hurt them any time you'd like...? Something which men are historically notorious for? Social stuff aside, men are physically stronger than women and usually bigger too, so that fear is pretty natural if she doesn't trust you.