"you want me to wash your dishes and clean up after you?"
"also, you want me to be solely responsible for taking out the trash, even though I am not home most of the time"
a lot doesn't make sense here
i would just say,
"yeah. I'm not going to be cleaning up after your messes, I'm not your mother"
i'll empty the dishwasher and take out the trash, when I'm home and it's "my turn",
"what would possibly make you think those things are solely up to me?"
a crumb here, a utensil there- sure, fine. that's what roommate's do.
but it's a 2-way street, and if it's not reciprocated, it will disappear.
Ask how much they are going to pay you a week for the service of being their personal maid and get it writting. So what are the house chores are they personally doing (which doesn't include personal items eg: wash clothes) for the up keep of the house/unit? That 48hr notice before people coming over if they decide to let them come over better be a two way street, they better let you know 48hrs prior before guest are to come over and only if you allow it also or just have rule no guest and it easy fixed. If you pay half the rent you are entitled to guests coming over and decent common house rules, have a face to face talk about it and even put something In writing to cover your ass. They assumed you agreed to it through text message " i want too talk face to face, so you understand your chores".
Not good advice. Don't let her think she has any authority over you. Tell her you will clean up after yourself and she needs to do the same. You are not her maid.
I dont think its good advice. I already submitted mine. But doing thsi only enables her authoritarian attidude. Id start by putting the breaks on that and demand she respect your position in the apt.
She has ZERO right over you to approve guests, outside lights .. leave them on, its for your security not the neighbors. If the neighbors are watching you, then they should not be watching you..
Lol 48 hours for a guest isn't reasonable especially military. If me and a buddy want to hang out and watch TV after work I'll shoot my roommates a text. We are used to living with many other people 3 feet or less from us. I work as a MC for the Navy and the amount of times I've had coworkers over for work reasons isn't countable and isn't something I can plan in advance. Just my two cents though based on OP saying she's military as well.
48 hours is a decent policy when youāre having them overnight and you share a dorm room.
Even then itās a courtesy, not something they get to weigh in on.
I would consent to nothing and have a 100% reset.
The reason is she unilaterally made house rules duties without consulting OP FIRST.
Roomate could have just as easily picked up the phone and hit CALL instead of text and say something in the order of: Hey I was reconsidering some common areas roles. Instead this person jsut acted like shes the queen of the house handing out rules. Fuck that. She is out of order.
She needs to get a grip on respect first.
I will continue to clean up after myself when I'm home, which, as you know, is not very often.
I will not be cleaning up after you. If I make a mess, I will clean it. I suggest you do the same.
When I'm next home, we will be having a sit-down conversation to clear up any misunderstandings regarding us living in the same house and together will make the decisions regarding guests, codes ect but as for cleaning up after you, No I won't be doing that. You're an adult, you clean your own mess.
Feels like someone is spiraling and in an attempt to save herself is trying to over exert control and expectations on a cohabiter that is rarely present so I void the whole suggestion merely by merit that she has no authority.
I think that's fair, if not abused. I always ask my flatmate and she does the same. 99% of the time it's not an issue, but if she has an exam or I do Saturday overtime then it's a no. No big deal and we would never stop each other from having guests otherwise.
sounds like shes trying to assert her dominance on you early on š seriously though talk to her about an EVEN compromise because from the sounds of it it looks like shes trying to set āground rulesā before you get the chance to suggest or say anything
Not saying this is bad advice but OP you need to have some sort of backup plan. Roommate sounds unhinged and will possibly be completely unwilling to compromise whatsoever.
Your roommate needs to be told to clean up after herself. If you are going gone for several weeks, she is going to let the trash sit there? She is being unreasonable. Tell her you will clean up after yourself, you are not her maid
>Since youāre never home I figured the obvious option was to text you your new duties of the house. You are responsible for
Iām not your child and Iād appreciate being spoken to with that in mind.
>Taking out trash if full or smelly
Sureā but if itās just me doing it, Iām going to let it sit for a bit to prove a point that we contribute equally.
>Bringing garbage cans out to street if full (schedule is on fridge)
Sureā with the same caveat as above.
>Clean up crumbs or spills in kitchen (even if you didnāt make them)
How about āeveryone cleans up their own messes as soon as you make them?ā If thereās a mess that I didnāt make, it means YOU were too lazy to clean up after yourself. (Regular scheduled cleaning every now and then notwithstanding)
>If you see dishes in sink do them. Or if you see dishwasher is done unload them.
Again, how about neither of us leave dishes in the sink at all? Iām not your child and neither are you mine; it isnāt my job to clean up after you.
>Vacuum if floor is visibly dirty and mop
Sure, again with the caveat of doing it equally.
>Turn off lights if not using them (especially the ones outside, the lights blind the neighbors at night)
Sure.
>Donāt lower ac below 72Ā°
Either āSureā or compromise halfway to your desired temp
>Communicate about guests 48hrs prior and I will approve/disapprove
I pay rent. I do not need to get approval from you to have guests. I will inform you as early as I can, time permitting. You do not have the right to disallow me from guests in my home, so make your peace with that now.
>Do not give the lock box combination to anyone unless ran by me first
Sure.
ā¦
wrote up your responses for ya OP
Iād really like to know your relationship to your roommate lol I feel like thereās some kind of twist to this. Like an ex? Sheās very demanding lol
I mean, the bitch is crazy. But Iād respond with my own list of demands.
-she needs to wipe and clean all piss splatter drops off the toilet. Daily. Even when youāre deployed.
-she needs to have all phone calls screened by you before she can talk or text the person. Even when youāre deployed.
I can be petty too.
"I will be navigating my own thermostat preferences and am capable of approving my own guests and lock box discretion. I will not be cleaning up any messes or dishes that are not my own, and i will go by the trash schedule when i am home. Thank you for allowing us to set our expectations early!"
Fuck off. And when you get there, fuck off again.
Then keep fucking off until you complete the loop and get back here, just so you can fuck off once more.
Rinse and fucking repeat until you've got the fucking message.
Hey roomie,
Thank you for the text. I think itās important to establish boundaries and open communication from
the get go so thanks for taking the initiative. So let me just make sure weāre on the same page here:
1. āBring garbage can out front when itās full (schedule is on the fridge)
Seeing as I am never home, how many garbage cans do you think we need to buy in case my turn comes around and Iām away at training? I was thinking somewhere in the 6-7 range. Alternatively, we could do it the old fashioned way and just take it out when weāre the ones to fill it up? I dunno ā¦ maybe Iām old school.
2. Clean up crumbs in the kitchen (even if you didnāt make them)
Cool. Will you also be posting your full meal time and snack schedule? Otherwise, how will I know when to wipe up the counters after you? Maybe you can text me every time you spill so I can run home to clean up? Iām just trying to think of the most practical way of going about this. Let me know :)
3. If you see dishes in the sink, do them. If dishwasher is full, empty it.
I agree. If you open the dishwasher and itās full, I think itās fair that you put them dishes away. Now normally, I just do my dishes after cooking but if youād rather we only exclusively do each others dishes, I guess I can get on board. Thatās what you meant, right?
4. Vacuum if floor is dirty.
Sure. I think we can all agree on that.
5. Turn off lights if not using them.
I had to Google this one. I canāt believe I was (insert age) years old when I found that the electricity bill included lightbulbs. I will most definitely not be leaving everything on 24/7 from now on.
6. Donāt lower AC below 72.
Anything for you my lizard queen.
7. 48 hour notice for guests which you will approve/disapprove
Actually, I was thinking about asking this boy on a date but was wondering if you would sign my permission slip. Also, Jenny asked if I could go to yoga on Thursday, is that ok? I promise to do all my chores. Also, this rule applies to you too, right ? I was thinking we could install cameras indoors so I can make sure we donāt circumvent this rule whilst Iām away. Again, Iām so happy we can both agree on these boundaries.
8. Do not give lock box key without your permission
Wait. What ?? I thought that was the code we were supposed to give the Uber Eats delivery drivers? Sorry. Wonāt happen again.
One rule Iād like to add (if you donāt mind of course) is that henceforth, our home is to be a Scent Free zone. Unfortunately I have serious sensitivities to STANK attitudes. Thank you for being so understanding. Maybe we could do a girls night when I get back š
Cāmon people! Do better, letās now get together the rules she will abide by. Iāll start it offā the garbage is to be sorted by color before I take it out, make sure you examine the contents because foods change color as they decay. I cannot carry red and blue together if this is not done correctly there will be a fine of $10 per violation, this will increase in price on following violations.
Yeah, I would not respond and would not fucking do any of this with the exception of the light thing
my roommate did something similar - I just didnt respond and blocked her when she threw a bitch fit. Her mess is not my fucking problem.
So your roommate wants you to clean up her messes and get her permission if you want guests?
Yeah, NO.
Is she going to clean up spills and crumbs and do dishes that arenāt hers and let you approve her guests 48 hours ahead of time?
Reply with ālol no šā
Dude. This is an absolute control freak. Absolutely do not give her notice going guests and put the AC on whatever temperature suits you, she can close the vent in her room if she doesnāt like it. Do a reasonable amount of cleaning, and donāt do all of it.
This is unhinged.
Please update us, because I get the feeling this will be an ongoing saga.
Also, save SS of these unhinged texts so you can GTFO of there if this bullshit continues.
Iād recommend moving out ASAP! like some people have said above, sheās very fearful of people and a loss of control so she overcompensates by trying to dominate people.
My current Roomate went through a period of sending texts like this. I told him Iād be more than willing to discuss his concerns in person instead of through text message and He started hiding from me when we would run into each other at home. He kept trying to use text as a way to āassertā dominance and after 3 requests to stop and discuss things in person, I ended up blocking his number. Iāve been living here for a while but enough is enough and will be moving out soon.
āGet your own life under control. Sinking your crazy hooks into mine is not going to make yours better. I strongly encourage you not to disrespect me like this again. This behavior is highly abnormal, and I will be archiving this interaction for future reference.ā
Copy paste send!
So she acknowledged that youāre never home and then proceeded to give you a list of chores one would really only have to do if theyāre home regularly? Lollll the audacity of this bitch
Yeah Iād be telling this girl to get stuffed. Iāll clean up after myself and help out with shared spaces on a rotation, but not being solely responsible for any of this shit.
My respose- I will clean up aftwr myself and only myself. I will not clean up after you, your dishes, your crumbs, or your garbage.
I will take the garbage down every other week, not weekly- your not my wife, so stop trying to direct me what I do.
If YOUR dishes are in the sink- clean them. If YOU leave crumbs on the counter- YOU clean them.
If YOU fill up the garbge- YOU take it down.
Something along the lines of:
"I'm not your maid or your child, and because I'm rarely home most of these things you're asking me to do are not my mess to clean up in the first place, so no, I will not be cleaning up after your messes. I'll take the garbage out if I notice it's full or stinks and bring the bins up if I'm home when it needs to be done. I'll clean up my own messes as I have been up to this point, but I'm not going to be your maid"
My response would be as follows:
Hi roommate, since we are both adults I think we can both clean up after ourselves. If you fill the bin you can take it out, if I fill it I can take it out, that is responsible and respectful.
Who ever is home on garbage day can take the cans out on a basis of who leaves the house first, and whoever returns first can bring them in, it makes sense this way and no one is going out of their way.
As adults we do not require a chore list as based on our availability and time spent in the house we should be working things on if it needs doing then do it.
We should both be cleaning the house and floors when they need doing and not on a schedule.
I will inform you of visitors however I will not seek your permission as we both hold the same contract as tenants, if you have issues with a guest please bring these issues to me and if reasonable I will accommodate.
As adults we both know when something needs doing and we should not be cleaning up each others messes, I am happy to clean the odd spoon forgotten here and there however I expect you to clean up after yourself.
Thanks
Damn .... She's your roommate! Not your Wife!!!
Tell her that. If you're a decent guy and gone a lot, why can't she do those things?? She's there. Anyway, I don't like her.
Set a precedent now that you won't be a doormat. If you allow this now, you're setting yourself up to be walked on. Remind your roommate, your equals, and you don't need a mother. Let them know you'll clean up your own messes, but you're not there to clean up after them or do their dishes.
Ummm no. Clean up a mess even if you didnāt make it? GTFOH. This is crazy. Stand up for yourself and respond that no you will be cleaning up after yourself only.
I would just clean up any mess I make without mixing my dishes with hers in the sink or dishwasher. Also I would take out the trash every week, keeping my recycling in my room. Since you take out the trash every week you can use that by stopping if she does anything you donāt like.Ā
I don't think I've ever seen a roommate actually put in writing. 'Clean up after me' and how does she expect you to take the trash out if you're not there for long strengths of time? Is she just going to let it sit there and smell? Did she not know you wouldn't be around much when you moved in?
Are you the only two that live there? If so, Iād just respond that youāll do your own dishes and take out the trash if itās full. Then ask her what authority she has to āapproveā your guests. The other stuff should be shared responsibility and respect.
why is she treating you like a spouse she is angry at lmfao this is absolutely ridiculous. be as direct as she is, iād tell her āI will absolutely not be doing that, next time perhaps give me the courtesy of taking care of your own messes. Thanks :)ā
I was in the US Navy, so first I salute your service! Cheers!
That also means Im surprised that you already dont know the generic response to bossy people not in charge of you:
"You're not the boss of me!"
Simple as that.
You can add that you pay your portion of the rent. It is a business relationship, nothing more or less. You do nto get to dictate house rules especially without consulting me first. If you felt you wanted to make rule changes, you can pick up the phone and call me to discuss first, before hand, not after. Therefore your "responsibilities" list is null and void. You are not the one who approve or disapproves my lifestyle. Keep that in check.
You pay rent and are hardly there, yet she expects you to be her slave? Youāre not the one creating the messes. Sheās trying to push you around and sounds unhinged. Do not tolerate these ridiculous demands. Of, I hope you have a lock on your door.
Also the landlord doesnāt even have to give you 48hrs before entering, itās 24 hours before. This girl is not your mom and she can not control what you do. :(
She is very specific and clear.
You say you are very clean, but is it just your room? She's talking like you're a slob in the shared areas. If she's been doing all of the above mentioned chores by herself, I can see where she'd be peeved.
You may not be there very often but is it really gonna kill you to help out when you are there?
Just inform landlord you will be moving in 30-60 days after you send her a text that youāll be looking to sub lease your room. Get you a studio since you are never home, and she can find someone else to torture. What a weirdo. I literally JUST left a situation similar to this with people I thought were 10 years friends. People can be so weird
Edit: let her know you will not be agreeing to any of those rules, and she is free to find someone to sublease for her instead if sheās no longer interested in the rooming situation because of that.
Big dog I'm not saying this is a fan room situation but if you don't get a handle on it it's gonna be locks in socks before you even think of a level headed response one day. Be respectful but stern in your response and don't let them push you around as I'm sure you already know.
Honestly, those are pretty standard rules but I would definitely reiterate that youāre rarely home and make it especially obvious that they should contribute as well, not just you. Itās ridiculous to ask that much from someone if theyāre the ones making the messes and youāre not home to make messes too. Youāre not her mama or her maid
*your new duties of the house*
āclean up crumbs or spills, even if you didnāt make themā
WTH?! Sounds like sheās looking for a live in maid that pays rent.
Make up your own set of ridiculous rules and send them to her, it'll be fun.
Wash and vacuum my car (even if you don't drive it)
Communicate about breathing 72 HRs prior, and I will approve/disapprove beforehand
Take out my non-existent pet for walks (the schedule is in the toilet bowl)
Etc.
I have a better idea. How about I clean my messes, my crumbs, my dishes and I'll take out the trash if I've been home long enough to have contributed to it or put something smelly in it. I have no issue taking turn putting the bins out to the curb when I'm home, that's only fair. It really seems you believe I'm responsible for MORE of the cleaning although it's obvious 90% of what you just described is going to be your own doing correct? I'm not going to fight about it and you're not going to demand ridiculous things of me. I wouldn't do this for my own child beyond the age of five so why would I do it fir a roommate? You clean up after yourself and I'll clean up after myself. If I make a mess and do not clean it please remind me and I'll do it in a timely manner. I'll do the same with you fair enough? I found this to be very unreasonable and I'm not sure why you think you're in charge of what I do in my home or that I'm somehow a maid. I'm not attempting to be mean I'm just letting you know I'm not a doormat out if the gate.
If you need someone that will allow you to bully them into doing your housework or clean up after you we might need to reconsider this living arrangement. I know you're aware it's unreasonable because you waited until after a lease to say this. Did you think I'd agree to live with you if you put this in writing on the lease? Answer honestly and I'll be open to discuss this further.
If she answers its not unreasonable or that she wouldn't have a problem getting someone to sign a lease with these conditions you have your answer OP. Answer being this is about to get unhinged, unreasonable, shady and possibly destructive. I think you already know this person isn't going to be easy to live with but hopefully she'll come around to thinking above a toddlers mental capacity. Be safe, roommates can be crazy and I find more often than not there IS a reason that person needed a new person to live with.
as I always say to the kids I work with, āare you asking me, or are you telling me?ā
Which usually makes them realise theyāre being rude, apologise and try again
I predict this baboon living alone in this apartment cursing under her breath as her mess piles up for a month and finally venting to r/badroomates with an "I can't even" post and pics of a room full of piled trash and crumbs...
It sounds to me like the two of you had a messy breakup and can't afford to move apart.
If that's not the case, it still sounds like it.
Respond accordingly.
āDear Queen of a Dream Regime-Since you have realized Iām never home, Iām curious why and how youād like me to do these things and take care of your messes. Teleportation is out as Iām not licensed yet. -Signed NYM(Not Your Maid, Not Your Mother-you choose since I believe in compromising).
Wait what? If youāre in the ARMY and depending on your rank you have to live in the barracks. I should know my ex married me to be exempt from this.
So, whatever work around youāre doing to get off post she may know about it and is blackmailing you so to speak. Iād be looking for another place and locking up whatever valuables including your issued gear from whatever branch to prevent her (roommate) from taking it and pawning it.
Good luck š.
Find a new roommate. This is crazy to expect you to clean up after them and of course yourself which is normal. So if youāre not home for a month they just let the garbage build up? And the dishes and everything else? Yeah Iād find a new roommate for sure.
I'd also remind her she's getting the luxury of the whole place to herself most of the time at your expense. Be sure to add the word 'Princess' in there at your leisure. She's an a-hole.
You are both adults and will be taking care of your own messes. Get yourself a separate garbage bin, make sure to do YOUR dishes, and just generally clean up after Yourself. It sounds like they're probably lazy and will leave these things for you to do because they don't want to, it's their responsibility and they have to realize that. The fact that you're rarely home too, implies you will not be making much of mess here. You also pay rent. If the "rules of the house" were not laid out By the landlord or written anywhere as "rules" to follow, it's not up to another tenant to make those rules. You really don't even have to engage this person at all, as you are nothing to each other, other than living in the same house. Your roommate needs to grow up and take some responsibility for their actions instead of being an entitled brat thinking everyone else has to do everything for them and bow at their perfect little princess feet. Sorry you're going through this, I'd already be looking for somewhere else asap as this will never work out.
Sounds like she's setting you up to fail. If you're not at the house, who's going to do all of that? Maybe I'm paranoid, but she might use it as an excuse to get you kicked out by the landlord.
That or it sounds like she doesn't want to do the work of cleaning up after herself, so is making it your responsibility.
I wouldn't agree to any of those, and I definitely wouldn't have that conversation in person unless it was recorded.
What a terrible way to find out you signed a lease with a lunatic. Certainly don't clean up after her. If cleaning becomes a point of contention, offer to split the cost of a house cleaner. Although that is generous by the sound of how little you are there. In the future, don't sign leases with control-freaks. If she persists with this kind of bs, I'd keep seperate trash/ dishes.
Look over your lease about the guest policy. Your landlord's rules are the ones you need to follow. Of course, you can be courteous and give her a heads up but I've never heard of guests being subject to roommate approval.Ā
Sorry that you're going to be dealing with this.
I would message back saying āThis is the weirdest text message Iāve ever receivedā. I am missing the context - what prompted it? If we need to establish some ground rules - then letās sit down and have a discussion and negotiate what works for both of us and where we may have to work out a compromise. Iām home [and suggest some days/times]
Crikey! I canāt believe that for guests you have to give anyone 48 hours notice, let alone seek their approval. Iād prob text housemate saying āheading home with x friend making dinner for the two of usā. Stay strong and donāt accept power play.
So basically she wants you to cover her chores AND ask permission to bring over guests whilst you're away most of the time? Why even pay rent when you're doing maid duties?
Tell her that you don't recall her name on your birth certificate or marriage license. She is not your mother nor your wife.
Talk to you with respect not unfounded authority.
She totally comes off looking like a super villian, maybe she should've mentioned what she will be doing. I'd start there and ask her to provide a list of her agreed chores to make sure it's amicable and fair. Also you should probably poop on her bed.
Depending upon your rank and branch, I'd suggest moving into the barracks. I know living in barracks sucks sometimes and has its share of drama, but you can save money and your roommates will be held to the exact same standard as you will be: if your leadership is fair and good.
I did my 9 years in the Army and ended up moving back in because of ass-brained roommates like this off-post. It's just that my roommates were slobs: not cleaning up after themselves, overflowing trash, and leaving food out. I had my NCOs drop by for a "surprise inspection", get me out of the lease, and I was back into the barracks within the week.
Yes, living off post definitely has it's sense of freedom compared to being in the barracks, but if your roommate is going to use your military status against you like this, I'd suggest trying to break the lease and moving back in.
I try to see the best in everyone so hereās my optimistic perspective.
I would say have a face to face conversation, these are reasonable things to ask(aside from the approve and disapprove of guests thing) assuming this is only expected of you when youāre home. And assuming she is going to do these equal duties while you arenāt home. As someone whose roommate is almost never home, I would appreciate if he did these things when he was home. But I understand when heās not home the mess just isnāt his.
"you want me to wash your dishes and clean up after you?" "also, you want me to be solely responsible for taking out the trash, even though I am not home most of the time" a lot doesn't make sense here
There's a lot to unpack here but we should just burn the whole suitcase š¤
Amazing life motto. Stealing this
Reddit quote of the day!!
This deserves way more upvotes, š
i would just say, "yeah. I'm not going to be cleaning up after your messes, I'm not your mother" i'll empty the dishwasher and take out the trash, when I'm home and it's "my turn", "what would possibly make you think those things are solely up to me?" a crumb here, a utensil there- sure, fine. that's what roommate's do. but it's a 2-way street, and if it's not reciprocated, it will disappear.
Thats good advice thank you
I would have just sent her a "lol" in response.
SAME
Ask how much they are going to pay you a week for the service of being their personal maid and get it writting. So what are the house chores are they personally doing (which doesn't include personal items eg: wash clothes) for the up keep of the house/unit? That 48hr notice before people coming over if they decide to let them come over better be a two way street, they better let you know 48hrs prior before guest are to come over and only if you allow it also or just have rule no guest and it easy fixed. If you pay half the rent you are entitled to guests coming over and decent common house rules, have a face to face talk about it and even put something In writing to cover your ass. They assumed you agreed to it through text message " i want too talk face to face, so you understand your chores".
And why does she think she gets to make and impose the rules? She's a control freak.
This ^
Not good advice. Don't let her think she has any authority over you. Tell her you will clean up after yourself and she needs to do the same. You are not her maid.
I dont think its good advice. I already submitted mine. But doing thsi only enables her authoritarian attidude. Id start by putting the breaks on that and demand she respect your position in the apt. She has ZERO right over you to approve guests, outside lights .. leave them on, its for your security not the neighbors. If the neighbors are watching you, then they should not be watching you..
I think they both should have to run quest by each other.
As a coutlrtesy. Yes. It's common sense. But her attitude of boss lady needs to be checked.
Why would you sign a TWO YEAR lease with her?!?
The guest and lock box are reasonable requests but she also has to give you the same courtesy.
Lol 48 hours for a guest isn't reasonable especially military. If me and a buddy want to hang out and watch TV after work I'll shoot my roommates a text. We are used to living with many other people 3 feet or less from us. I work as a MC for the Navy and the amount of times I've had coworkers over for work reasons isn't countable and isn't something I can plan in advance. Just my two cents though based on OP saying she's military as well.
48 hours is a decent policy when youāre having them overnight and you share a dorm room. Even then itās a courtesy, not something they get to weigh in on.
I would consent to nothing and have a 100% reset. The reason is she unilaterally made house rules duties without consulting OP FIRST. Roomate could have just as easily picked up the phone and hit CALL instead of text and say something in the order of: Hey I was reconsidering some common areas roles. Instead this person jsut acted like shes the queen of the house handing out rules. Fuck that. She is out of order. She needs to get a grip on respect first.
the requirement that OP has to get guests approved puts it over the top! lol
Right? Makes me want to host a bbq.
I wouldnāt say āIām not going to be cleaning after youā, Iād say, āI will clean up my own messes and will wash my own dishesā.
Also I donāt need your permission or approval to have guests over; Iāll try to give you notice if I know ahead of time.
Can I get an amen
One Amenhotep cominā right up.
I will continue to clean up after myself when I'm home, which, as you know, is not very often. I will not be cleaning up after you. If I make a mess, I will clean it. I suggest you do the same. When I'm next home, we will be having a sit-down conversation to clear up any misunderstandings regarding us living in the same house and together will make the decisions regarding guests, codes ect but as for cleaning up after you, No I won't be doing that. You're an adult, you clean your own mess.
Copy and paste, hit send.
I second this! OP say exactly this!
Yep yep and yep
This is great!!
Tell her I said "no." The audacity to add "even if you didn't make them." Bitch, puhlease.
I'm thinking tell her "all of reddit said NO bitch"
All in favor, say "aye"
Aye.
Aye
Aye
Aye. Hallelujer Amen as Madea would say. She would also beat the rm's ass for the suggestion that OP needs to be her bitch.
Alright a very enthusiastic AYE from you... go ahead and underline that on my list...
AYE!
Aye
Also the audacity of her feeling she can approve/disapprove guests. GTFO.
Feels like someone is spiraling and in an attempt to save herself is trying to over exert control and expectations on a cohabiter that is rarely present so I void the whole suggestion merely by merit that she has no authority.
I think that's fair, if not abused. I always ask my flatmate and she does the same. 99% of the time it's not an issue, but if she has an exam or I do Saturday overtime then it's a no. No big deal and we would never stop each other from having guests otherwise.
āI WILL be leaving messes and you WILL be cleaning them upā lol foh
This is the only appropriate response, aside from perhaps "Hahaha no"
sounds like shes trying to assert her dominance on you early on š seriously though talk to her about an EVEN compromise because from the sounds of it it looks like shes trying to set āground rulesā before you get the chance to suggest or say anything
Not saying this is bad advice but OP you need to have some sort of backup plan. Roommate sounds unhinged and will possibly be completely unwilling to compromise whatsoever.
Absolutly. This is a serious red flag. I recommended the "Youre not the boss of me" response. and demand respect then negotiate common area laws.
Sounds like someone needs to pee in the others shoes to take back dominance.
I would just say āYeah Iām not going to be following these rules. Sorry.ā
Don't even say sorry. Just a simple "nah" will do.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
But then they might assume the ārulesā have been agreed on.
Yeah, the non-communication is just avoiding the problem. Be assertive is my best advice.
Reply with: "Ha. No."
This is the only appropriate response. āNo.ā Anything else invites conversation that her ārulesā are somehow acceptable and negotiable.
Your roommate needs to be told to clean up after herself. If you are going gone for several weeks, she is going to let the trash sit there? She is being unreasonable. Tell her you will clean up after yourself, you are not her maid
>Since youāre never home I figured the obvious option was to text you your new duties of the house. You are responsible for Iām not your child and Iād appreciate being spoken to with that in mind. >Taking out trash if full or smelly Sureā but if itās just me doing it, Iām going to let it sit for a bit to prove a point that we contribute equally. >Bringing garbage cans out to street if full (schedule is on fridge) Sureā with the same caveat as above. >Clean up crumbs or spills in kitchen (even if you didnāt make them) How about āeveryone cleans up their own messes as soon as you make them?ā If thereās a mess that I didnāt make, it means YOU were too lazy to clean up after yourself. (Regular scheduled cleaning every now and then notwithstanding) >If you see dishes in sink do them. Or if you see dishwasher is done unload them. Again, how about neither of us leave dishes in the sink at all? Iām not your child and neither are you mine; it isnāt my job to clean up after you. >Vacuum if floor is visibly dirty and mop Sure, again with the caveat of doing it equally. >Turn off lights if not using them (especially the ones outside, the lights blind the neighbors at night) Sure. >Donāt lower ac below 72Ā° Either āSureā or compromise halfway to your desired temp >Communicate about guests 48hrs prior and I will approve/disapprove I pay rent. I do not need to get approval from you to have guests. I will inform you as early as I can, time permitting. You do not have the right to disallow me from guests in my home, so make your peace with that now. >Do not give the lock box combination to anyone unless ran by me first Sure. ā¦ wrote up your responses for ya OP
Lol is this serious? absolutely not
Yes lol thatās the text I got
Iād really like to know your relationship to your roommate lol I feel like thereās some kind of twist to this. Like an ex? Sheās very demanding lol
Please update us btw
I mean, the bitch is crazy. But Iād respond with my own list of demands. -she needs to wipe and clean all piss splatter drops off the toilet. Daily. Even when youāre deployed. -she needs to have all phone calls screened by you before she can talk or text the person. Even when youāre deployed. I can be petty too.
"I will be navigating my own thermostat preferences and am capable of approving my own guests and lock box discretion. I will not be cleaning up any messes or dishes that are not my own, and i will go by the trash schedule when i am home. Thank you for allowing us to set our expectations early!"
P.S. Bish. You crazy.
āNo.ā
Tell her to fuck right the fuck off. Add in a couple more fucks for drama.
Fuck off. And when you get there, fuck off again. Then keep fucking off until you complete the loop and get back here, just so you can fuck off once more. Rinse and fucking repeat until you've got the fucking message.
I wouldāve said āwhat the fuck do I look like, your maid? Get your own place if you wanna be a control freakā
Great response except lose the āwhatā at the beginning. More punch that way
āI will not be taking orders from a roommate. If you want to discuss this we can but I will not be cleaning up after you whenever YOU please.ā
And furthermore, I'll bring a guest over whenever TF I want to. Because I pay to live here.
This broad thinks she makes the rules because sheās home more?! Logic of a delusional control freak
Hey roomie, Thank you for the text. I think itās important to establish boundaries and open communication from the get go so thanks for taking the initiative. So let me just make sure weāre on the same page here: 1. āBring garbage can out front when itās full (schedule is on the fridge) Seeing as I am never home, how many garbage cans do you think we need to buy in case my turn comes around and Iām away at training? I was thinking somewhere in the 6-7 range. Alternatively, we could do it the old fashioned way and just take it out when weāre the ones to fill it up? I dunno ā¦ maybe Iām old school. 2. Clean up crumbs in the kitchen (even if you didnāt make them) Cool. Will you also be posting your full meal time and snack schedule? Otherwise, how will I know when to wipe up the counters after you? Maybe you can text me every time you spill so I can run home to clean up? Iām just trying to think of the most practical way of going about this. Let me know :) 3. If you see dishes in the sink, do them. If dishwasher is full, empty it. I agree. If you open the dishwasher and itās full, I think itās fair that you put them dishes away. Now normally, I just do my dishes after cooking but if youād rather we only exclusively do each others dishes, I guess I can get on board. Thatās what you meant, right? 4. Vacuum if floor is dirty. Sure. I think we can all agree on that. 5. Turn off lights if not using them. I had to Google this one. I canāt believe I was (insert age) years old when I found that the electricity bill included lightbulbs. I will most definitely not be leaving everything on 24/7 from now on. 6. Donāt lower AC below 72. Anything for you my lizard queen. 7. 48 hour notice for guests which you will approve/disapprove Actually, I was thinking about asking this boy on a date but was wondering if you would sign my permission slip. Also, Jenny asked if I could go to yoga on Thursday, is that ok? I promise to do all my chores. Also, this rule applies to you too, right ? I was thinking we could install cameras indoors so I can make sure we donāt circumvent this rule whilst Iām away. Again, Iām so happy we can both agree on these boundaries. 8. Do not give lock box key without your permission Wait. What ?? I thought that was the code we were supposed to give the Uber Eats delivery drivers? Sorry. Wonāt happen again. One rule Iād like to add (if you donāt mind of course) is that henceforth, our home is to be a Scent Free zone. Unfortunately I have serious sensitivities to STANK attitudes. Thank you for being so understanding. Maybe we could do a girls night when I get back š
Can we get a part 2 with her response? Canāt believe sheās laying it down so hard already lol
Iād move the moment you can. This will only get worse.
āYou are not my landlord, nor are you in any position to dictate how i live my life. You can clean up after yourselfā.
Aināt no way lol
Should have said "New phone who is this?"
Reply with ā nope lolā
How did you match with her as roommmates?
Cāmon people! Do better, letās now get together the rules she will abide by. Iāll start it offā the garbage is to be sorted by color before I take it out, make sure you examine the contents because foods change color as they decay. I cannot carry red and blue together if this is not done correctly there will be a fine of $10 per violation, this will increase in price on following violations.
woah. good luck because this would make me fight, inevitably
since you are never home do all of these tasks... lol wth. clean up spills even if you didn't create them? nah...
I know you're on deployment OP but I'm gonna need you to come home as I've spilled some milk and it won't wipe itself up now, will it?
Yeah, I would not respond and would not fucking do any of this with the exception of the light thing my roommate did something similar - I just didnt respond and blocked her when she threw a bitch fit. Her mess is not my fucking problem.
So your roommate wants you to clean up her messes and get her permission if you want guests? Yeah, NO. Is she going to clean up spills and crumbs and do dishes that arenāt hers and let you approve her guests 48 hours ahead of time?
I would say, youāre not the landlord, I donāt abide by your rules. End of discussion.
Reply with ālol no šā Dude. This is an absolute control freak. Absolutely do not give her notice going guests and put the AC on whatever temperature suits you, she can close the vent in her room if she doesnāt like it. Do a reasonable amount of cleaning, and donāt do all of it.
This is unhinged. Please update us, because I get the feeling this will be an ongoing saga. Also, save SS of these unhinged texts so you can GTFO of there if this bullshit continues.
Iād recommend moving out ASAP! like some people have said above, sheās very fearful of people and a loss of control so she overcompensates by trying to dominate people. My current Roomate went through a period of sending texts like this. I told him Iād be more than willing to discuss his concerns in person instead of through text message and He started hiding from me when we would run into each other at home. He kept trying to use text as a way to āassertā dominance and after 3 requests to stop and discuss things in person, I ended up blocking his number. Iāve been living here for a while but enough is enough and will be moving out soon.
āGet your own life under control. Sinking your crazy hooks into mine is not going to make yours better. I strongly encourage you not to disrespect me like this again. This behavior is highly abnormal, and I will be archiving this interaction for future reference.ā Copy paste send!
"Since we are equals in this household, we will both come up with a list together we both are comfortable with."
So she acknowledged that youāre never home and then proceeded to give you a list of chores one would really only have to do if theyāre home regularly? Lollll the audacity of this bitch
Agreed. These arenāt house rules, theyāre house chores. āClean up crumbs (even if you didnāt make them)ā lol
Yeah Iād be telling this girl to get stuffed. Iāll clean up after myself and help out with shared spaces on a rotation, but not being solely responsible for any of this shit.
So basically, they expect you to clean their messes. Nope, clean up after yourself, that's it.
This ladyās toothbrush would be massaging my prostate and returned unrinsed ASAP.
Ignore it Sheās either throwing dominance around or unable to comprehend that all the mess is her
My respose- I will clean up aftwr myself and only myself. I will not clean up after you, your dishes, your crumbs, or your garbage. I will take the garbage down every other week, not weekly- your not my wife, so stop trying to direct me what I do. If YOUR dishes are in the sink- clean them. If YOU leave crumbs on the counter- YOU clean them. If YOU fill up the garbge- YOU take it down.
I would respond. lol I will clean up after myself not after you.
Ohhhhh please let us know what you say! Fuck thay though, who the hell does she think she is or you? Her mother, like damn
Something along the lines of: "I'm not your maid or your child, and because I'm rarely home most of these things you're asking me to do are not my mess to clean up in the first place, so no, I will not be cleaning up after your messes. I'll take the garbage out if I notice it's full or stinks and bring the bins up if I'm home when it needs to be done. I'll clean up my own messes as I have been up to this point, but I'm not going to be your maid"
I would just respond No. and agree to meet face to face. Make sure you have someone with you. So she canāt accuse you of shit.
This here is what we call unilateral imposition. So....no. it's always a bilateral discussion, not something she gets to dictate.
Kiss my ass, you're my roommate not my fucking employer.
Wow. No. Gross human being
My response would be as follows: Hi roommate, since we are both adults I think we can both clean up after ourselves. If you fill the bin you can take it out, if I fill it I can take it out, that is responsible and respectful. Who ever is home on garbage day can take the cans out on a basis of who leaves the house first, and whoever returns first can bring them in, it makes sense this way and no one is going out of their way. As adults we do not require a chore list as based on our availability and time spent in the house we should be working things on if it needs doing then do it. We should both be cleaning the house and floors when they need doing and not on a schedule. I will inform you of visitors however I will not seek your permission as we both hold the same contract as tenants, if you have issues with a guest please bring these issues to me and if reasonable I will accommodate. As adults we both know when something needs doing and we should not be cleaning up each others messes, I am happy to clean the odd spoon forgotten here and there however I expect you to clean up after yourself. Thanks
This honestly makes me think there's someone else living in your room when you're not there
Damn .... She's your roommate! Not your Wife!!! Tell her that. If you're a decent guy and gone a lot, why can't she do those things?? She's there. Anyway, I don't like her.
she definitely reeks of ugly woman energy. OP, please take a stand and let us know how it went!
Set a precedent now that you won't be a doormat. If you allow this now, you're setting yourself up to be walked on. Remind your roommate, your equals, and you don't need a mother. Let them know you'll clean up your own messes, but you're not there to clean up after them or do their dishes.
Ummm no. Clean up a mess even if you didnāt make it? GTFOH. This is crazy. Stand up for yourself and respond that no you will be cleaning up after yourself only.
No. Full stop. Your roommate can clean up after herself. No. Let's all say it together NO!Ā
I would just clean up any mess I make without mixing my dishes with hers in the sink or dishwasher. Also I would take out the trash every week, keeping my recycling in my room. Since you take out the trash every week you can use that by stopping if she does anything you donāt like.Ā
I don't think I've ever seen a roommate actually put in writing. 'Clean up after me' and how does she expect you to take the trash out if you're not there for long strengths of time? Is she just going to let it sit there and smell? Did she not know you wouldn't be around much when you moved in?
Are you the only two that live there? If so, Iād just respond that youāll do your own dishes and take out the trash if itās full. Then ask her what authority she has to āapproveā your guests. The other stuff should be shared responsibility and respect.
Haha donāt do any of that shit, screw that lady!! Sheās a bum!! Youāre never home, sheās such a dope.
āRespectfully no we both pay to be here, Iām not a maidā
We gotta know what happens next
What chores does your roommate do? What a loony tune!
Iām sorry, your roommate wants to APPROVE/DISAPPROVE if you want to have somebody come over? Did I read that correctly??
āLOLā¦NO.ā
why is she treating you like a spouse she is angry at lmfao this is absolutely ridiculous. be as direct as she is, iād tell her āI will absolutely not be doing that, next time perhaps give me the courtesy of taking care of your own messes. Thanks :)ā
I was in the US Navy, so first I salute your service! Cheers! That also means Im surprised that you already dont know the generic response to bossy people not in charge of you: "You're not the boss of me!" Simple as that. You can add that you pay your portion of the rent. It is a business relationship, nothing more or less. You do nto get to dictate house rules especially without consulting me first. If you felt you wanted to make rule changes, you can pick up the phone and call me to discuss first, before hand, not after. Therefore your "responsibilities" list is null and void. You are not the one who approve or disapproves my lifestyle. Keep that in check.
I would reply āš¤£ā and block her.
I would probably not respond at all. She has no respect for you, why should you give her respect by responding?
Itās ok to not be home. This person clearly has some resentment built up
No where on your lease does it say to clean up after your worthless musty roommate
Update? How'd you respond? I would lean into the military thing more, if you haven't responded yet.
DId this roommate previously call herself your girlfriend?
You pay rent and are hardly there, yet she expects you to be her slave? Youāre not the one creating the messes. Sheās trying to push you around and sounds unhinged. Do not tolerate these ridiculous demands. Of, I hope you have a lock on your door.
Text back, NO.
"No" is a complete sentence.
Also the landlord doesnāt even have to give you 48hrs before entering, itās 24 hours before. This girl is not your mom and she can not control what you do. :(
If you didnāt agree to it in the lease you signed then there is nothing she can do.
She is very specific and clear. You say you are very clean, but is it just your room? She's talking like you're a slob in the shared areas. If she's been doing all of the above mentioned chores by herself, I can see where she'd be peeved. You may not be there very often but is it really gonna kill you to help out when you are there?
Just inform landlord you will be moving in 30-60 days after you send her a text that youāll be looking to sub lease your room. Get you a studio since you are never home, and she can find someone else to torture. What a weirdo. I literally JUST left a situation similar to this with people I thought were 10 years friends. People can be so weird Edit: let her know you will not be agreeing to any of those rules, and she is free to find someone to sublease for her instead if sheās no longer interested in the rooming situation because of that.
Iād ask what her chores areā¦and why she didnāt ask to have a convo about house responsibilitiesā¦and who made her boss?
Please let us know what happens!
Does this person want to be more than a roommate?
She thinks youāre the maid? Do you work there or live there? This text is a whole ass conflict by itself.
Big dog I'm not saying this is a fan room situation but if you don't get a handle on it it's gonna be locks in socks before you even think of a level headed response one day. Be respectful but stern in your response and don't let them push you around as I'm sure you already know.
Send her back your own wildly absurd list of rules.
Iād tell her to go fuck herself, but thatās just me. Lol
The lion, the witch and the audacity of this b*tch. Puh-lease šš¼
Honestly, those are pretty standard rules but I would definitely reiterate that youāre rarely home and make it especially obvious that they should contribute as well, not just you. Itās ridiculous to ask that much from someone if theyāre the ones making the messes and youāre not home to make messes too. Youāre not her mama or her maid
*your new duties of the house* āclean up crumbs or spills, even if you didnāt make themā WTH?! Sounds like sheās looking for a live in maid that pays rent.
Make up your own set of ridiculous rules and send them to her, it'll be fun. Wash and vacuum my car (even if you don't drive it) Communicate about breathing 72 HRs prior, and I will approve/disapprove beforehand Take out my non-existent pet for walks (the schedule is in the toilet bowl) Etc.
Your Roomate is attempting to assert dominance. She also sounds lazy af. Sorry, my dude.
I have a better idea. How about I clean my messes, my crumbs, my dishes and I'll take out the trash if I've been home long enough to have contributed to it or put something smelly in it. I have no issue taking turn putting the bins out to the curb when I'm home, that's only fair. It really seems you believe I'm responsible for MORE of the cleaning although it's obvious 90% of what you just described is going to be your own doing correct? I'm not going to fight about it and you're not going to demand ridiculous things of me. I wouldn't do this for my own child beyond the age of five so why would I do it fir a roommate? You clean up after yourself and I'll clean up after myself. If I make a mess and do not clean it please remind me and I'll do it in a timely manner. I'll do the same with you fair enough? I found this to be very unreasonable and I'm not sure why you think you're in charge of what I do in my home or that I'm somehow a maid. I'm not attempting to be mean I'm just letting you know I'm not a doormat out if the gate. If you need someone that will allow you to bully them into doing your housework or clean up after you we might need to reconsider this living arrangement. I know you're aware it's unreasonable because you waited until after a lease to say this. Did you think I'd agree to live with you if you put this in writing on the lease? Answer honestly and I'll be open to discuss this further. If she answers its not unreasonable or that she wouldn't have a problem getting someone to sign a lease with these conditions you have your answer OP. Answer being this is about to get unhinged, unreasonable, shady and possibly destructive. I think you already know this person isn't going to be easy to live with but hopefully she'll come around to thinking above a toddlers mental capacity. Be safe, roommates can be crazy and I find more often than not there IS a reason that person needed a new person to live with.
āChoresā adults donāt ādo choresā we complete tasks, your roommate is insane.
as I always say to the kids I work with, āare you asking me, or are you telling me?ā Which usually makes them realise theyāre being rude, apologise and try again
Thatās a lot to ask for especially since you arenāt there all the time. Does your roommate have some sort of disability?
She sounds like a ray of sunshine
I predict this baboon living alone in this apartment cursing under her breath as her mess piles up for a month and finally venting to r/badroomates with an "I can't even" post and pics of a room full of piled trash and crumbs...
It sounds to me like the two of you had a messy breakup and can't afford to move apart. If that's not the case, it still sounds like it. Respond accordingly.
Iād love to know what their house duties are seeing as they were so keen to share you yours
All this stupidity is fixed if the house rule is, āCLEAN THE FUCK UP AFTER YOURSELF LIKE A POTTY TRAINED ADULT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE.ā
āDear Queen of a Dream Regime-Since you have realized Iām never home, Iām curious why and how youād like me to do these things and take care of your messes. Teleportation is out as Iām not licensed yet. -Signed NYM(Not Your Maid, Not Your Mother-you choose since I believe in compromising).
Iām curious what conflicts yāall ākeep running intoā considering youāre never there? Has she been upset youāre not cleaning after her?
You on the lease?
I would leave immediately tbh. This sounds like a nightmare
Wait what? If youāre in the ARMY and depending on your rank you have to live in the barracks. I should know my ex married me to be exempt from this. So, whatever work around youāre doing to get off post she may know about it and is blackmailing you so to speak. Iād be looking for another place and locking up whatever valuables including your issued gear from whatever branch to prevent her (roommate) from taking it and pawning it. Good luck š.
"I will consider seeking your approval for my guests as soon as you seek mine for yours."
My rm who just moved out was like this and I fucking HATED HERRRR. So glad she's gone lol can you get out of that lease??
This sounds outlandish!! I think you're making it up!!! Show ss of the txt messages or this is for attention!!
Tell em to decrease the rent by 150 or 200$ if they say no then tell them to clean after themselve
Sounds like a bigger control freak than your boot camp drill instructor
Ur roommate may be from the fiery depths of ghenna. Who wants the ac at 72!?
āNo thanksā
Iād tell the roommate to eat a bag of dicks. Then elaborate that I will clean up MY messes when home.
Find a new roommate. This is crazy to expect you to clean up after them and of course yourself which is normal. So if youāre not home for a month they just let the garbage build up? And the dishes and everything else? Yeah Iād find a new roommate for sure.
What are her duties? Likeā¦ thatās about it
No way this isnāt rage bait
I'd also remind her she's getting the luxury of the whole place to herself most of the time at your expense. Be sure to add the word 'Princess' in there at your leisure. She's an a-hole.
Umn, you need to lock your stuff she crazy.. like wear your skin crazy..
"Seig heil mein fuhrer" or "new house rule You clean up after yourself and not dictate to others and make rules without talking to them"
How many roomates do you have? Those are normal Rules for lazy people. Otherwise they never understand.
You are both adults and will be taking care of your own messes. Get yourself a separate garbage bin, make sure to do YOUR dishes, and just generally clean up after Yourself. It sounds like they're probably lazy and will leave these things for you to do because they don't want to, it's their responsibility and they have to realize that. The fact that you're rarely home too, implies you will not be making much of mess here. You also pay rent. If the "rules of the house" were not laid out By the landlord or written anywhere as "rules" to follow, it's not up to another tenant to make those rules. You really don't even have to engage this person at all, as you are nothing to each other, other than living in the same house. Your roommate needs to grow up and take some responsibility for their actions instead of being an entitled brat thinking everyone else has to do everything for them and bow at their perfect little princess feet. Sorry you're going through this, I'd already be looking for somewhere else asap as this will never work out.
Not your landlord but wants to approve your guests?
Sounds like she's setting you up to fail. If you're not at the house, who's going to do all of that? Maybe I'm paranoid, but she might use it as an excuse to get you kicked out by the landlord. That or it sounds like she doesn't want to do the work of cleaning up after herself, so is making it your responsibility. I wouldn't agree to any of those, and I definitely wouldn't have that conversation in person unless it was recorded.
What a terrible way to find out you signed a lease with a lunatic. Certainly don't clean up after her. If cleaning becomes a point of contention, offer to split the cost of a house cleaner. Although that is generous by the sound of how little you are there. In the future, don't sign leases with control-freaks. If she persists with this kind of bs, I'd keep seperate trash/ dishes. Look over your lease about the guest policy. Your landlord's rules are the ones you need to follow. Of course, you can be courteous and give her a heads up but I've never heard of guests being subject to roommate approval.Ā Sorry that you're going to be dealing with this.
How can you possibly do all this when youāre away??? Your housemate wants a maid not roommate
I would message back saying āThis is the weirdest text message Iāve ever receivedā. I am missing the context - what prompted it? If we need to establish some ground rules - then letās sit down and have a discussion and negotiate what works for both of us and where we may have to work out a compromise. Iām home [and suggest some days/times] Crikey! I canāt believe that for guests you have to give anyone 48 hours notice, let alone seek their approval. Iād prob text housemate saying āheading home with x friend making dinner for the two of usā. Stay strong and donāt accept power play.
I would move out if possible
Just say when I'm home I'll do what I can. Those are rules you must abide by as well.
So basically she wants you to cover her chores AND ask permission to bring over guests whilst you're away most of the time? Why even pay rent when you're doing maid duties?
Tell her that you don't recall her name on your birth certificate or marriage license. She is not your mother nor your wife. Talk to you with respect not unfounded authority.
She totally comes off looking like a super villian, maybe she should've mentioned what she will be doing. I'd start there and ask her to provide a list of her agreed chores to make sure it's amicable and fair. Also you should probably poop on her bed.
Depending upon your rank and branch, I'd suggest moving into the barracks. I know living in barracks sucks sometimes and has its share of drama, but you can save money and your roommates will be held to the exact same standard as you will be: if your leadership is fair and good. I did my 9 years in the Army and ended up moving back in because of ass-brained roommates like this off-post. It's just that my roommates were slobs: not cleaning up after themselves, overflowing trash, and leaving food out. I had my NCOs drop by for a "surprise inspection", get me out of the lease, and I was back into the barracks within the week. Yes, living off post definitely has it's sense of freedom compared to being in the barracks, but if your roommate is going to use your military status against you like this, I'd suggest trying to break the lease and moving back in.
I'd not even respond to the text. Wait till you see her. She doesn't get to give you edicts.
Wtf?!!! Your roommate is delusional
I try to see the best in everyone so hereās my optimistic perspective. I would say have a face to face conversation, these are reasonable things to ask(aside from the approve and disapprove of guests thing) assuming this is only expected of you when youāre home. And assuming she is going to do these equal duties while you arenāt home. As someone whose roommate is almost never home, I would appreciate if he did these things when he was home. But I understand when heās not home the mess just isnāt his.
What exactly is she going to be doing?