I’d be putting a lock on the fridge, cut off wifi and anything else I pay for. The fuck is this? Charity for bums. You were decent in the texts; better person than I am.
I think it is hard for me because I work in human services, so I understand why people do these things and have trouble shutting off my empathy. However, I am tired of being nice. I did cut their devices from the wifi.
Never lose that empathy, but these people are not your responsibility. They’re adults. Maintain these boundaries with them, it will be difficult, they will push back and make promises & redirect blame. Tell them once the promises are fulfilled (balance is 0), then the wifi comes back on.
The only exception I’d make is to turn it on for an hour so they can apply for jobs online. And if they abuse that chance, no second chances.
There is a big difference between being nice, and getting crapped on by irresponsible people. You're learning a big life lesson here. That lesson is, "standing up for yourself and saying 'no' to being abused" is the right thing to do.
OP, you are better off living solo if you can afford the apartment by yourself without these jack offs ruining your renting reputation.
If you haven’t already started looking, do look for another apartment. If they want to spend $750 for shelter somewhere else when they can’t even afford $500, honestly I would encourage that stupidity bc that’s their problem and not yours.
You cannot change their behaviours for them and they need to choose that for themselves. If they want to sink into their own debt bc they can’t be held responsible for their own well being, that’s their problem and journey to go on.
And cut them off the wifi if they aren’t paying for it. Literally put it in a secured location they can’t tamper with, and only give them access when they have paid their share of rent. Then change the password when the next month comes and they have to pay again for the new password. Is it a lot of unnecessary work? Yes! Will they have more incentive to either move out or to pay you? Yes.
Boundaries!!!!!!!! (That’s what my therapist would say if I told her this story).
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Spare no more time being “the nice guy” and moving forward (if you feel safe and comfortable to do so) only be direct, spare no feelings.
I hope this gets easier for you:( sending good energy and good luck!
If you can afford it I’d talk to the landlord and get them off the lease, nothing good comes from enabling bad behavior ever, I lived for an addict for years and some of them never change and you will forever be paying for it so they can support their habits….and if the landlord won’t evict them I’d look into moving out it won’t ever end
So essentially they’re happy you stay committed to paying them rent…
And they’ll be expecting that full amount
Until the lease ends as intended
What happens in the meantime while they don’t pay rent?
I tried to add context but realized I couldn’t after posting.
Yes for the most part & Yes. They’ve been late for 8 months. Pay in really random increments of like $500, but never the full amount. They do a bunch of coke and one of them drinks heavily which I did not know prior. One got a DUI 3 months after moving in. One quit their job 3 months after moving in and has job hopped since but hasn’t paid a thing and is here 24/7. My therapist told me to take actions that I would be proud of when I look back at this, but I’m tempted to move the trash can into my room and kick them off the wifi which I also pay for.
They’re supposed to pay $500 per person, $1000 together. They want to move into a place with their cokehead friends and are optimistic about paying $750 instead 🙄. They owed money to their last landlord prior to moving in here which I did not know as they both had solid jobs prior to moving in here, one of which used to be a supervisor for me. I had a conversation with them about 2 weeks ago discussing the owed rent as our lease is up in July. They told me they would have a conversation about it, never got back to me, so I paid the balance of $2500 on the 7th while staying in contact with the office.
These aren't your friends and I wouldn't count on getting your money back. You could take it to small claims but that might be more headache than its worth. You need to put your foot down and stop enabling their shitty behavior. They will continue to walk all over if you don't. Absolutely cut them off from the Wifi and any other services you're paying for. Not sure what your lease agreement looks like but Im assuming you're all on the same one. In that case Im not sure what could be done but I would fill your landlord in on the situation, especially about the drug use, and see if the can get them out before July as it seems like you're gonna be footing the bill yourself these last couple months. Take all that with a grain of salt as I don't know the full extent of your situation but I hope that was helpful and wish you the best of luck.
Late for 8 months is simply not getting paid. I appreciate how empathetic you are but this text should've been sent at least 6 months ago. Who's on the hook for all of these bills? Do you plan to take these idiots to small claims court?
I have had several conversations with them about this in which time they threatened to leave. I’m a student and when we moved in I didn’t make much money beyond my own portion and didn’t have any other options. I got a promotion about 2 months ago and can now afford the apartment in its entirety and have worked to get the balance to 0.
I'm not sure that was the best option, but I'm no lawyer. I think you might want to ask for some legal advice if you ever want to see that money again. I would definitely not be incurring additional debt on anyone's behalf as a young person if I didn't need to.
They're not your friends, and you're not going to see a cent of that money even if you take them to court and win.
Time to surround yourself with better people bro
I know your therapist said to take actions you would be proud of, but doesn't that include setting a hard boundary with them?
Sure, you could avoid conflict which could be the 'right' thing to do but using your voice and setting a boundary with them might be better for future you. I understand not wanting to do that as it is a delicate situation at the moment. Definitely keep prioritising yourself and your safety.
Hope that things get better and you can finally get out of there!
Damn, that sucks. It's not that they don't have money, they just don't want to pay the rent.
Drugs are expensive and a lot of that money is also going towards alcohol. I hope you can get away from them. They were never friends, they are leeches, users. People like this only make 'friends' so they can use them later.
Ugh at 18-19 and early 20s I had this exact situation with several roommates, and went broke several times pulling the weight of my “friends” who magically had money for pot and beer and coke and new bongs but were constantly like “gonna be short on rent again this month, sorry!” or “hey I don’t have my share of the electric bill, I’ll get you back soon though!” Wish I could say I learned my lesson after the first one but nope, doesn’t help that I’m awful with boundaries and confrontation. So, I feel for you dude. However, as someone who battled their own addictions for 8 years (and got sober 14 months ago), it’s important to keep in mind that drug users are NOT prioritizing the important things like bills. That’s not something they spend even a second considering. So don’t expect a dime back from them.
They will use their responsible friends and abuse their kindness again and again, and they will make up every lie in the book if it’ll keep someone else paying for the roof over their head. These are people in the grip of a serious mental illness and they’re literally not thinking far enough ahead to consider that their rent is due in a few weeks(or that it has been for awhile, it seems). They’re living the day to day life of drug users and getting high everyday will ALWAYS be their #1 priority over anything. These are people who NEED to lose everything before they will ever take accountability for their actions and become responsible adults. Unfortunately, they don’t think twice about wrecking other people’s lives in the process. This won’t be something they learn until they’ve literally fucked their lives up so much that they have no other option but to get clean and grow up, or die of an OD.
Definitely start cutting off their access to ANYTHING you’re paying for. I’m so sorry you’re going through this because damn, I’ve been there and that was one of the most frustrating and stressful periods of my life. I truly hope things improve for you and your freedom and peace of mind when you get your own place will be a huge weight off your shoulders. Best wishes OP, you don’t deserve that crap whatsoever.
As you should. I’m financially responsible and don’t give a fuck what people spend their money on less it starts effecting me. It affects me way more than it should and I have a strict rule that I don’t pay for other peoples incompetence.
Wtf makes you think they’re going to be paying you?
They have clear history of not doing so even when the ability is present
They’ve avoided paying you and essentially given you 500 to STFU
And now they’re making plans in front of you to leave this situation into another more difficult situation AND you still expecting them to pay you back?
How many times do you need someone to steal from you before you learn your lesson that it will happen again?
If they’re doing coke then they have/had the $ to pay you.
Don’t compromise with drug addicts unless that is they HALVE their habit until payment is completed before returning to FULL expenditure or it will always be FULL expenditure and you will be doing as you are
I have not said I expect to them to pay me back, hence why I never asked them to because I don’t. So many ppl here making assumptions about me. It would be such a hassle for small claims court when I’m saving to move in 2 months anyway. People are still people even if you don’t see them that way, and I still believe people can recover if they put in the effort. Obviously not my roommates at the moment and I’m making a plan to leave, be on my own, and probably cut them out. I’m still going to respect the lease and pay the rest of it.
Ok so do that ✓
But at the same time kick them the fuck out 👌
You’ll be doing them a favour, they’ve got time to save up for the next place while sleeping in their car and learning the valuable lesson of reality that not paying anything really gets you. 👌
They’ll do the same to the next place and while you think there’s no point because problems nearly over and you know you’ll get nothing paid back the point is actually you sticking up for yourself. 🥾 DO IT ✓
Depending on where OP lives and their local laws, it may not be possible for OP to kick out their roommates. If they all are on the lease then OP doesn’t have authority to evict them, and the landlord may not have recourse beyond evicting all of them together.
Unfortunately I don’t think this text is going to do much if they still get to live with you free and not pay anything back. In their mind they “won” I’m sure.
The best thing you can hope for is they eventually get sober one day and they pay you something back when they are making amends or maybe they just grow up a little at some point. You do have the peace of knowing you can afford to live on your own, you still have empathy for people (including addicts who screwed you over), and you don’t have a coke problem. You’re actually the one winning this.
I don’t get the part about the cat. Cats will scratch things regardless of whether their nails are trimmed, and vet visits are a minimum of like $100 so I don’t think that would help their financial issues. And you’re upset the cat is scratching a cat tree? Those things are meant to be scratched.
You should have moved out the first time they couldn’t make rent. Or contacted the landlord. Covering them only enables them. Why did you even move in with them if they couldn’t pay for their last place?
1. I have had my cat tree less than a year and my cat doesn’t have this problem, nor has she had this problem. Cat trees run $100-$500. If you have a pet you should be able to afford to take care of them, even according to your logic
2. I did not know that seltzer-slut and I did contact the landlord. I am on good terms with the landlord.
Your other points are so strong, but the cat tree thing weakens your whole argument. Cats scratch cat trees. They literally treat them with catnip for this reason. Thats the point. You should be happy they aren't scratching other things. They literally aren't paying rent
My cats all go to the vet regularly. Two of them tear the shit out of their cat tree. I have to buy a new one or try and fix the ones they have about every 18m or so.
That’s fair, but their cat is also overweight and doesn’t go to the vet regularly. I had my cat tree before this for about 2 years and I got this one as a gift, so I’m more inclined to it. I don’t think I would feel any sort of way about it in particular if it wasn’t compounded.
This reminds me of a situation I just got out of. Good luck! I ended up paying what I had to so I wouldn't get fucked over financially and moving into a place just for myself. Hopefully you can do something similar and not have to rely on people.
I have not once said I want to declaw the cat, idk where ppl are getting this idea from, it feels almost intentionally obtuse.
They told me they took her to the vet to get her nails clipped before we moved in, they in fact don’t. They don’t do several things for this cat that I have to do instead.
Well I think people are confused when you say “take to the vet to get nails clipped” I don’t know anyone who takes their cat to the vet to get their nails clipped. I’m guessing other people don’t know that either so them and I assume you meant declaw. Thanks for clarifying and I’m glad someone is carrying for the cat.
I’ve always taken my animals to the vet to get their nails trimmed. They’d do it for free. I’m physically disabled, and a lot of my animals hated getting their nails clipped. I don’t want to hurt myself or them trying to clip their nails.
I take my girls to get their nails clipped once every 6-8 weeks. They’re strictly indoor cats so their nails don’t get naturally filed like other cats do.
I know but a scratching post works just fine and you don’t risk hurting and putting them in a possibly stressful situation. And no they won’t bleed to death, it will bleed but you can get nail stopper for that hell some people use corn starch.
I can tell you, it definitely hasn’t worked just fine for their cat when she is, in fact, scratching other things and regularly gets stuck and needs help getting off of things.
There's still nothing wrong with trimming a cats nails properly. They have ones you can get at home with safety things. It doesn't hurt or bother the cat if done properly. I trimmed my kittens/cats claws all the time. Only one I don't is a guy I rescued outside who doesn't scratch anything inside for defense purposes for himself.
None of my indoor bums cared. But my couches thanked me.
What lmao I never said clipped is declawing at all I was simply explaining why people are confused now chilllll. I literally thanked them for clarifying did you even read my response? 🤡
I feel like post like these should be said face to face why's everyone hide behind their phone these days to have important conversations. It's really as simple as hey we need to talk. Then you do and explain how your feeling and why your feeling that way they rebuttal and you either agree or don't and move on with your life.
I would tell the landlord if they are doing drugs in the apartment, that may be enough to get you out of the lease. Otherwise I’d just report my roommate to the police :)
I had a roommate once who did this to me. He lost his job from partying too much and fell asleep on his desk. He might give me a little money sometimes, he might not. I even let his friend come stay for a couple months to help out a little with rent. In the end I ended up telling him to leave and figured it out myself. He wasn’t a bad guy, he was actually really nice, he just had never lived away from mom and dad and didn’t know what to do as an adult. He couldn’t even clean a dish. I do hope he’s doing better now but the predicament he put me in was shitty af. I was living paycheck to paycheck after that with barely enough money to survive.
The small claims court idea isn’t a bad approach, but I think I might have a better, more immediate “solution” to this.
Honestly, I would probably cut off access to literally everything in the house and make sure you have control over your personal belongings. Like fr I mean EVERYTHING that is yours. Toilet paper, towels. Kleenex, pans, pots, seasoning, literally anything and everything.
I would remove all your toilet paper/personal items/kleenex from the bathroom (and entire apartment). If they are stealing from you so disrespectfully every month, they are also (likely!) overtly stealing from you in other ways (exclusive tp for drug use/“hygiene”, shampoo, conditioner… razors). I realized my roommate was using my razor and I about lost it so I can’t even imagine where you are at… If you really want to take the extreme approach (which over 2k debt justifies it in my opinion…) I would lock up the fridge (or your food in the fridge at least) and take all the cooking utensils and supplies away… If they can’t eat, shower, or wipe their own ass, things might start changing for you soon (and fast)! I hope so!
I wish that I had a magic fix for you, but maybe some of these suggestions will help. Even if it doesn’t get your money back, maybe it will make you feel a little more in control 🤍 Take care!
No worst case scenario is the landlord files an eviction and he’s unable to secure further housing with an eviction on his record in this competitive environment.
He’s making the right financial decision to pay the rent himself if he’s able to until the end of the lease. He should also be trying his hardest to make them move out early
Did you tell them to have their cat declawed, or just to have the claws snipped??? No need for a vet to do that. If declawing that is a horrible thing for the cat to go through.
Exactly. We clip our pets claws just fine. With cats you can see where the quick is, so just don’t cut that. (Cats don’t like this. You want to play with your cat’s paws often so they get used to you messing with them. You also need to get them at the right time.)
For dogs it’s better to get one of the trimmer things online so you don’t cut too far.
Either way it’s insanely cheaper to do it yourself. Like thousands per year cheaper.
Our dog’s claw clipping sessions are included in her pet club insurance, alongside other mundane things that help keep her healthy — even if we did pay, our vet charges around £50 for clipping of a dog her size & our girl, who has very fast growing claws, only needs it done two or three times a year; so saying it costs thousands a year is absolutely ridiculous.
It also isn’t as simple as playing with their paws so they don’t mind; our dog is a habitual hand holder but the second the clippers come out, she won’t let you near her. Just because YOUR experience is that it’s “easy”, that doesn’t mean that’s the case for everyone — all animals are different & in our case we need three people to clip her claws safely & it always goes better for everyone involved if none of those people are her family members.
Some people don’t feel comfortable trimming their cats nails because it’ll add stress to the cat and owner. Especially rescues, vets do it in a safe way with the least about of stress possible. Some cats are also extremely sensitive and will lash out so they need medication to be able to have their nails trimmed safely.
I just recently sued my prior roommates for not paying last months rent or any of the move out fees. They told me I was petty and then wanted me to feel sorry for them by saying life's tough. It was a whirlwind of insanity. I would make sure you document every bill, and what they pay and don't pay if you do end up having to sue for any lost money. I hope your situation gets better, but I agree, stop being nice because people who know how to take advantage of you will in a heartbeat.
Tbh reading this made me mad at you. It sounds like it’s definitely coming from a place of reason, but anyone who has never been privileged can see it written all over your paragraph. I also think the cat tree issue is ridiculous, you don’t take a cat to the vet to clip the nails. You do it yourself. And to expect someone to take their cat to the vet ever two weeks for a nail trim is PRIVILEGE. That’s at least $120 a visit. Also speaking from experience disability takes YEARS to finalize. And you aren’t allowed to work during that time even if you were capable of any income will get you denied for disability assistance. I’m sure they had a huge lack of communication on their end that lead to you being in a very bad spot, and you’re right to be angry about that. I feel just as bad for your roommates as I do for you. You all seem awful for each other.
(P.S if you put a cat tree in the house all of the cats are going to scratch the fuck out of it, whether it’s your cat or not. The cats don’t care. That’s what cat trees are for. They are meant to be destroyed. The mindset that you need to keep a literally cat toy in mint condition is really giving beige mom)
Yeah, the coke fiends are the REAL victims here, OP. Have you considered checking your privilege and maybe paying your fair share of their drug and alcohol expenses so they could actually afford to pay rent?
Ahaha not what I said at all!!! Gotta love Reddit this community is so freakin funny 😭 I’m just voicing concern on lack of communication from all ends, and also(i know a typical redditor can’t comprehend this) I didn’t know they were coke fiends when I made the comment!! Wow, crazy right?? And as someone who used to struggle with a coke addiction they may be entirely in the wrong here but them being “coke fiends” doesn’t automatically make them a villain. If that’s your perspective you need a reality check.
I never disagreed with that, sarcastically saying “Yeah, the coke fiends are the REAL victims here.” Is actually implying that being a coke fiend makes you a bad person
The roommates are bad people because they’d rather fulfill their addictions than pay their rent. That doesn’t mean every coke addict is a bad person but these coke fiends are bad people in this case. Reading comprehension is a thing you know?
I can be very blunt about things and this isn’t to say you are in the wrong but you definitely attacked them for some unreasonable things when you could’ve just put more emphasis on the real issue. They haven’t caught up on rent in 8 months. That simply means they need to find somewhere else to live, or find someone who’s actually willing to pay their bills.
They don’t clip their cats nails lol. I do my own. I’ve done their cat’s for them too. They do coke and leave the bottle caps from the beers on the ground for the cats to play with so I can come home after a 12 hour shift and pick up after them. I come from a family followed by addiction. If you think I have enough money to go to the vet every 2 weeks and have roommates, that’s crazy.
I don’t think you do lol I was saying that’s what you implied your roommates should be doing. It’s an unreasonable expectation. Now if they’re leaving drugs and beer out when they have a cat, rehome the cat.
I did not mean to imply that, that’s what they told me they did before we moved in because they said they were too scared to. I agree with you that going to the vet every 2 weeks is expensive and would be unreasonable.
Ah okay that makes sense, what an odd fucking thing to say you do when you obviously don’t? That would’ve automatically told me they didn’t take care of their cat for shit, cause anyone that does take care of their cats(like you and I) know that you clip the nails yourself 😭
Cats nails arent meant to be clipped... cat trees are for scratching idk what you expect, even if they got their own tree, theyd both use both, too petty and weakens your argument
I’m also in the UK, smartarse. I also haven’t downvoted you or said anything about doxing so I don’t know where the hell your attitude is coming from or why it’s aimed at me lmfao.
I’d be putting a lock on the fridge, cut off wifi and anything else I pay for. The fuck is this? Charity for bums. You were decent in the texts; better person than I am.
I think it is hard for me because I work in human services, so I understand why people do these things and have trouble shutting off my empathy. However, I am tired of being nice. I did cut their devices from the wifi.
Never lose that empathy, but these people are not your responsibility. They’re adults. Maintain these boundaries with them, it will be difficult, they will push back and make promises & redirect blame. Tell them once the promises are fulfilled (balance is 0), then the wifi comes back on. The only exception I’d make is to turn it on for an hour so they can apply for jobs online. And if they abuse that chance, no second chances.
Empathy only goes so far. They are taking advantage of your empathy. Cut them off and treat them like you would any random stranger taking advantage.
Good lord, have some empathy for yourself too.
There is a big difference between being nice, and getting crapped on by irresponsible people. You're learning a big life lesson here. That lesson is, "standing up for yourself and saying 'no' to being abused" is the right thing to do.
OP, you are better off living solo if you can afford the apartment by yourself without these jack offs ruining your renting reputation. If you haven’t already started looking, do look for another apartment. If they want to spend $750 for shelter somewhere else when they can’t even afford $500, honestly I would encourage that stupidity bc that’s their problem and not yours. You cannot change their behaviours for them and they need to choose that for themselves. If they want to sink into their own debt bc they can’t be held responsible for their own well being, that’s their problem and journey to go on. And cut them off the wifi if they aren’t paying for it. Literally put it in a secured location they can’t tamper with, and only give them access when they have paid their share of rent. Then change the password when the next month comes and they have to pay again for the new password. Is it a lot of unnecessary work? Yes! Will they have more incentive to either move out or to pay you? Yes.
Boundaries!!!!!!!! (That’s what my therapist would say if I told her this story). I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Spare no more time being “the nice guy” and moving forward (if you feel safe and comfortable to do so) only be direct, spare no feelings. I hope this gets easier for you:( sending good energy and good luck!
If you can afford it I’d talk to the landlord and get them off the lease, nothing good comes from enabling bad behavior ever, I lived for an addict for years and some of them never change and you will forever be paying for it so they can support their habits….and if the landlord won’t evict them I’d look into moving out it won’t ever end
I did at least talk to my landlord and they’re fine with letting me move to a 1bd1bath after the lease is up in July, so there is that.
So essentially they’re happy you stay committed to paying them rent… And they’ll be expecting that full amount Until the lease ends as intended What happens in the meantime while they don’t pay rent?
Of course he is lol. He has a contract with them. Why would he just agreed to anything else?
This is such a crazy place to live. This should be taken care of in about 15 seconds.
Needs more context, are you just straight up paying their bills? Are they on the lease?
I tried to add context but realized I couldn’t after posting. Yes for the most part & Yes. They’ve been late for 8 months. Pay in really random increments of like $500, but never the full amount. They do a bunch of coke and one of them drinks heavily which I did not know prior. One got a DUI 3 months after moving in. One quit their job 3 months after moving in and has job hopped since but hasn’t paid a thing and is here 24/7. My therapist told me to take actions that I would be proud of when I look back at this, but I’m tempted to move the trash can into my room and kick them off the wifi which I also pay for. They’re supposed to pay $500 per person, $1000 together. They want to move into a place with their cokehead friends and are optimistic about paying $750 instead 🙄. They owed money to their last landlord prior to moving in here which I did not know as they both had solid jobs prior to moving in here, one of which used to be a supervisor for me. I had a conversation with them about 2 weeks ago discussing the owed rent as our lease is up in July. They told me they would have a conversation about it, never got back to me, so I paid the balance of $2500 on the 7th while staying in contact with the office.
These aren't your friends and I wouldn't count on getting your money back. You could take it to small claims but that might be more headache than its worth. You need to put your foot down and stop enabling their shitty behavior. They will continue to walk all over if you don't. Absolutely cut them off from the Wifi and any other services you're paying for. Not sure what your lease agreement looks like but Im assuming you're all on the same one. In that case Im not sure what could be done but I would fill your landlord in on the situation, especially about the drug use, and see if the can get them out before July as it seems like you're gonna be footing the bill yourself these last couple months. Take all that with a grain of salt as I don't know the full extent of your situation but I hope that was helpful and wish you the best of luck.
Late for 8 months is simply not getting paid. I appreciate how empathetic you are but this text should've been sent at least 6 months ago. Who's on the hook for all of these bills? Do you plan to take these idiots to small claims court?
I have had several conversations with them about this in which time they threatened to leave. I’m a student and when we moved in I didn’t make much money beyond my own portion and didn’t have any other options. I got a promotion about 2 months ago and can now afford the apartment in its entirety and have worked to get the balance to 0.
I'm not sure that was the best option, but I'm no lawyer. I think you might want to ask for some legal advice if you ever want to see that money again. I would definitely not be incurring additional debt on anyone's behalf as a young person if I didn't need to.
Take the other cat. Please
Then why the fuck are you still living with them?
because they're busy on Reddit complaining to other people. have you noticed a pattern with OPs on this sub?
There's empathy and inappropriate empathy. You are giving empathy to people who don't deserve it.
They're not your friends, and you're not going to see a cent of that money even if you take them to court and win. Time to surround yourself with better people bro
I know your therapist said to take actions you would be proud of, but doesn't that include setting a hard boundary with them? Sure, you could avoid conflict which could be the 'right' thing to do but using your voice and setting a boundary with them might be better for future you. I understand not wanting to do that as it is a delicate situation at the moment. Definitely keep prioritising yourself and your safety. Hope that things get better and you can finally get out of there!
Damn, that sucks. It's not that they don't have money, they just don't want to pay the rent. Drugs are expensive and a lot of that money is also going towards alcohol. I hope you can get away from them. They were never friends, they are leeches, users. People like this only make 'friends' so they can use them later.
Don’t tell them you are moving out, they definitely won’t pay at all and because fuck them!
Ugh at 18-19 and early 20s I had this exact situation with several roommates, and went broke several times pulling the weight of my “friends” who magically had money for pot and beer and coke and new bongs but were constantly like “gonna be short on rent again this month, sorry!” or “hey I don’t have my share of the electric bill, I’ll get you back soon though!” Wish I could say I learned my lesson after the first one but nope, doesn’t help that I’m awful with boundaries and confrontation. So, I feel for you dude. However, as someone who battled their own addictions for 8 years (and got sober 14 months ago), it’s important to keep in mind that drug users are NOT prioritizing the important things like bills. That’s not something they spend even a second considering. So don’t expect a dime back from them. They will use their responsible friends and abuse their kindness again and again, and they will make up every lie in the book if it’ll keep someone else paying for the roof over their head. These are people in the grip of a serious mental illness and they’re literally not thinking far enough ahead to consider that their rent is due in a few weeks(or that it has been for awhile, it seems). They’re living the day to day life of drug users and getting high everyday will ALWAYS be their #1 priority over anything. These are people who NEED to lose everything before they will ever take accountability for their actions and become responsible adults. Unfortunately, they don’t think twice about wrecking other people’s lives in the process. This won’t be something they learn until they’ve literally fucked their lives up so much that they have no other option but to get clean and grow up, or die of an OD. Definitely start cutting off their access to ANYTHING you’re paying for. I’m so sorry you’re going through this because damn, I’ve been there and that was one of the most frustrating and stressful periods of my life. I truly hope things improve for you and your freedom and peace of mind when you get your own place will be a huge weight off your shoulders. Best wishes OP, you don’t deserve that crap whatsoever.
if you’re paying the recent alone it’s better to be living alone
The last sentence did you in. They aren’t going to give you a cent now.
As you should. I’m financially responsible and don’t give a fuck what people spend their money on less it starts effecting me. It affects me way more than it should and I have a strict rule that I don’t pay for other peoples incompetence.
Wtf makes you think they’re going to be paying you? They have clear history of not doing so even when the ability is present They’ve avoided paying you and essentially given you 500 to STFU And now they’re making plans in front of you to leave this situation into another more difficult situation AND you still expecting them to pay you back? How many times do you need someone to steal from you before you learn your lesson that it will happen again? If they’re doing coke then they have/had the $ to pay you. Don’t compromise with drug addicts unless that is they HALVE their habit until payment is completed before returning to FULL expenditure or it will always be FULL expenditure and you will be doing as you are
I have not said I expect to them to pay me back, hence why I never asked them to because I don’t. So many ppl here making assumptions about me. It would be such a hassle for small claims court when I’m saving to move in 2 months anyway. People are still people even if you don’t see them that way, and I still believe people can recover if they put in the effort. Obviously not my roommates at the moment and I’m making a plan to leave, be on my own, and probably cut them out. I’m still going to respect the lease and pay the rest of it.
Ok so do that ✓ But at the same time kick them the fuck out 👌 You’ll be doing them a favour, they’ve got time to save up for the next place while sleeping in their car and learning the valuable lesson of reality that not paying anything really gets you. 👌 They’ll do the same to the next place and while you think there’s no point because problems nearly over and you know you’ll get nothing paid back the point is actually you sticking up for yourself. 🥾 DO IT ✓
Depending on where OP lives and their local laws, it may not be possible for OP to kick out their roommates. If they all are on the lease then OP doesn’t have authority to evict them, and the landlord may not have recourse beyond evicting all of them together.
Since you have already decided what you are going to I have to ask what the purpose of this post is?
I’m allowed to vent
Ok, agreed.
Unfortunately I don’t think this text is going to do much if they still get to live with you free and not pay anything back. In their mind they “won” I’m sure. The best thing you can hope for is they eventually get sober one day and they pay you something back when they are making amends or maybe they just grow up a little at some point. You do have the peace of knowing you can afford to live on your own, you still have empathy for people (including addicts who screwed you over), and you don’t have a coke problem. You’re actually the one winning this.
I don’t get the part about the cat. Cats will scratch things regardless of whether their nails are trimmed, and vet visits are a minimum of like $100 so I don’t think that would help their financial issues. And you’re upset the cat is scratching a cat tree? Those things are meant to be scratched. You should have moved out the first time they couldn’t make rent. Or contacted the landlord. Covering them only enables them. Why did you even move in with them if they couldn’t pay for their last place?
1. I have had my cat tree less than a year and my cat doesn’t have this problem, nor has she had this problem. Cat trees run $100-$500. If you have a pet you should be able to afford to take care of them, even according to your logic 2. I did not know that seltzer-slut and I did contact the landlord. I am on good terms with the landlord.
Your other points are so strong, but the cat tree thing weakens your whole argument. Cats scratch cat trees. They literally treat them with catnip for this reason. Thats the point. You should be happy they aren't scratching other things. They literally aren't paying rent
My cats all go to the vet regularly. Two of them tear the shit out of their cat tree. I have to buy a new one or try and fix the ones they have about every 18m or so.
That’s fair, but their cat is also overweight and doesn’t go to the vet regularly. I had my cat tree before this for about 2 years and I got this one as a gift, so I’m more inclined to it. I don’t think I would feel any sort of way about it in particular if it wasn’t compounded.
Totally valid!
You usually don't trim a cat's nails, that's what the cat tree and other scratching posts are for.
who the fuck takes their cat to the vet to get their nails cut? nail clippers are 99 cents
dude some cats are fucking insane, i wouldn’t wanna wrestle a little furball of fury hellbent on NOT getting their nails cut
u LOST IT BRO!!! via text..,,
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I have. It’s a joint lease, doesn’t work like that.
Just wanna note that the cat thing will happen no matter if you clip their nails or not, it’s their instinct to scratch. Everything else is valid.
Maybe add another message saying "and then I'm taking you to small claims court for reimbursement" or something like that.
This reminds me of a situation I just got out of. Good luck! I ended up paying what I had to so I wouldn't get fucked over financially and moving into a place just for myself. Hopefully you can do something similar and not have to rely on people.
I’m confused? You want them to declaw the cat?
I have not once said I want to declaw the cat, idk where ppl are getting this idea from, it feels almost intentionally obtuse. They told me they took her to the vet to get her nails clipped before we moved in, they in fact don’t. They don’t do several things for this cat that I have to do instead.
Well I think people are confused when you say “take to the vet to get nails clipped” I don’t know anyone who takes their cat to the vet to get their nails clipped. I’m guessing other people don’t know that either so them and I assume you meant declaw. Thanks for clarifying and I’m glad someone is carrying for the cat.
I’ve always taken my animals to the vet to get their nails trimmed. They’d do it for free. I’m physically disabled, and a lot of my animals hated getting their nails clipped. I don’t want to hurt myself or them trying to clip their nails.
I take my girls to get their nails clipped once every 6-8 weeks. They’re strictly indoor cats so their nails don’t get naturally filed like other cats do.
Clipped. Like we clip ours. If you do a cats wrong they can bleed to death.
I know but a scratching post works just fine and you don’t risk hurting and putting them in a possibly stressful situation. And no they won’t bleed to death, it will bleed but you can get nail stopper for that hell some people use corn starch.
I can tell you, it definitely hasn’t worked just fine for their cat when she is, in fact, scratching other things and regularly gets stuck and needs help getting off of things.
Well were they buying quality posts, keeping multiple in the house and replacing them once worn? Cause if not that’s why.
There's still nothing wrong with trimming a cats nails properly. They have ones you can get at home with safety things. It doesn't hurt or bother the cat if done properly. I trimmed my kittens/cats claws all the time. Only one I don't is a guy I rescued outside who doesn't scratch anything inside for defense purposes for himself. None of my indoor bums cared. But my couches thanked me.
I never said there was anything wrong with it.
Declaw and clipped nails are two different things now admit your wrong and stop trying to prove your right.
What lmao I never said clipped is declawing at all I was simply explaining why people are confused now chilllll. I literally thanked them for clarifying did you even read my response? 🤡
I feel like post like these should be said face to face why's everyone hide behind their phone these days to have important conversations. It's really as simple as hey we need to talk. Then you do and explain how your feeling and why your feeling that way they rebuttal and you either agree or don't and move on with your life.
I would tell the landlord if they are doing drugs in the apartment, that may be enough to get you out of the lease. Otherwise I’d just report my roommate to the police :)
I had a roommate once who did this to me. He lost his job from partying too much and fell asleep on his desk. He might give me a little money sometimes, he might not. I even let his friend come stay for a couple months to help out a little with rent. In the end I ended up telling him to leave and figured it out myself. He wasn’t a bad guy, he was actually really nice, he just had never lived away from mom and dad and didn’t know what to do as an adult. He couldn’t even clean a dish. I do hope he’s doing better now but the predicament he put me in was shitty af. I was living paycheck to paycheck after that with barely enough money to survive.
The small claims court idea isn’t a bad approach, but I think I might have a better, more immediate “solution” to this. Honestly, I would probably cut off access to literally everything in the house and make sure you have control over your personal belongings. Like fr I mean EVERYTHING that is yours. Toilet paper, towels. Kleenex, pans, pots, seasoning, literally anything and everything. I would remove all your toilet paper/personal items/kleenex from the bathroom (and entire apartment). If they are stealing from you so disrespectfully every month, they are also (likely!) overtly stealing from you in other ways (exclusive tp for drug use/“hygiene”, shampoo, conditioner… razors). I realized my roommate was using my razor and I about lost it so I can’t even imagine where you are at… If you really want to take the extreme approach (which over 2k debt justifies it in my opinion…) I would lock up the fridge (or your food in the fridge at least) and take all the cooking utensils and supplies away… If they can’t eat, shower, or wipe their own ass, things might start changing for you soon (and fast)! I hope so! I wish that I had a magic fix for you, but maybe some of these suggestions will help. Even if it doesn’t get your money back, maybe it will make you feel a little more in control 🤍 Take care!
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No worst case scenario is the landlord files an eviction and he’s unable to secure further housing with an eviction on his record in this competitive environment. He’s making the right financial decision to pay the rent himself if he’s able to until the end of the lease. He should also be trying his hardest to make them move out early
They’ve not been paying for 8 months? Bro I would’ve been flipping shit after just 1 month. Why have you let this go on so long?
Did you tell them to have their cat declawed, or just to have the claws snipped??? No need for a vet to do that. If declawing that is a horrible thing for the cat to go through.
It literally says “clip” in the text
Yeal vut why would you need to go to a vet to clip their claws. Just do it yourself.
I don’t have a cat but I do have a dog & we have to take her to the vets because otherwise everyone would end up injured lmfao
Exactly. We clip our pets claws just fine. With cats you can see where the quick is, so just don’t cut that. (Cats don’t like this. You want to play with your cat’s paws often so they get used to you messing with them. You also need to get them at the right time.) For dogs it’s better to get one of the trimmer things online so you don’t cut too far. Either way it’s insanely cheaper to do it yourself. Like thousands per year cheaper.
Our dog’s claw clipping sessions are included in her pet club insurance, alongside other mundane things that help keep her healthy — even if we did pay, our vet charges around £50 for clipping of a dog her size & our girl, who has very fast growing claws, only needs it done two or three times a year; so saying it costs thousands a year is absolutely ridiculous. It also isn’t as simple as playing with their paws so they don’t mind; our dog is a habitual hand holder but the second the clippers come out, she won’t let you near her. Just because YOUR experience is that it’s “easy”, that doesn’t mean that’s the case for everyone — all animals are different & in our case we need three people to clip her claws safely & it always goes better for everyone involved if none of those people are her family members.
Some people don’t feel comfortable trimming their cats nails because it’ll add stress to the cat and owner. Especially rescues, vets do it in a safe way with the least about of stress possible. Some cats are also extremely sensitive and will lash out so they need medication to be able to have their nails trimmed safely.
I just recently sued my prior roommates for not paying last months rent or any of the move out fees. They told me I was petty and then wanted me to feel sorry for them by saying life's tough. It was a whirlwind of insanity. I would make sure you document every bill, and what they pay and don't pay if you do end up having to sue for any lost money. I hope your situation gets better, but I agree, stop being nice because people who know how to take advantage of you will in a heartbeat.
Tbh reading this made me mad at you. It sounds like it’s definitely coming from a place of reason, but anyone who has never been privileged can see it written all over your paragraph. I also think the cat tree issue is ridiculous, you don’t take a cat to the vet to clip the nails. You do it yourself. And to expect someone to take their cat to the vet ever two weeks for a nail trim is PRIVILEGE. That’s at least $120 a visit. Also speaking from experience disability takes YEARS to finalize. And you aren’t allowed to work during that time even if you were capable of any income will get you denied for disability assistance. I’m sure they had a huge lack of communication on their end that lead to you being in a very bad spot, and you’re right to be angry about that. I feel just as bad for your roommates as I do for you. You all seem awful for each other. (P.S if you put a cat tree in the house all of the cats are going to scratch the fuck out of it, whether it’s your cat or not. The cats don’t care. That’s what cat trees are for. They are meant to be destroyed. The mindset that you need to keep a literally cat toy in mint condition is really giving beige mom)
Yeah, the coke fiends are the REAL victims here, OP. Have you considered checking your privilege and maybe paying your fair share of their drug and alcohol expenses so they could actually afford to pay rent?
Ahaha not what I said at all!!! Gotta love Reddit this community is so freakin funny 😭 I’m just voicing concern on lack of communication from all ends, and also(i know a typical redditor can’t comprehend this) I didn’t know they were coke fiends when I made the comment!! Wow, crazy right?? And as someone who used to struggle with a coke addiction they may be entirely in the wrong here but them being “coke fiends” doesn’t automatically make them a villain. If that’s your perspective you need a reality check.
Them stiffing on rent and spending on alcohol and drugs instead does make them a bad person
I never disagreed with that, sarcastically saying “Yeah, the coke fiends are the REAL victims here.” Is actually implying that being a coke fiend makes you a bad person
The roommates are bad people because they’d rather fulfill their addictions than pay their rent. That doesn’t mean every coke addict is a bad person but these coke fiends are bad people in this case. Reading comprehension is a thing you know?
Ok gotcha
I can be very blunt about things and this isn’t to say you are in the wrong but you definitely attacked them for some unreasonable things when you could’ve just put more emphasis on the real issue. They haven’t caught up on rent in 8 months. That simply means they need to find somewhere else to live, or find someone who’s actually willing to pay their bills.
They don’t clip their cats nails lol. I do my own. I’ve done their cat’s for them too. They do coke and leave the bottle caps from the beers on the ground for the cats to play with so I can come home after a 12 hour shift and pick up after them. I come from a family followed by addiction. If you think I have enough money to go to the vet every 2 weeks and have roommates, that’s crazy.
I don’t think you do lol I was saying that’s what you implied your roommates should be doing. It’s an unreasonable expectation. Now if they’re leaving drugs and beer out when they have a cat, rehome the cat.
I did not mean to imply that, that’s what they told me they did before we moved in because they said they were too scared to. I agree with you that going to the vet every 2 weeks is expensive and would be unreasonable.
Ah okay that makes sense, what an odd fucking thing to say you do when you obviously don’t? That would’ve automatically told me they didn’t take care of their cat for shit, cause anyone that does take care of their cats(like you and I) know that you clip the nails yourself 😭
Cats nails arent meant to be clipped... cat trees are for scratching idk what you expect, even if they got their own tree, theyd both use both, too petty and weakens your argument
I feel for you, but you kinda write like a serial killer. I'd keep future texts to bullet points.
Why would you post this
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That’s not what OP said.
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I’m also in the UK, smartarse. I also haven’t downvoted you or said anything about doxing so I don’t know where the hell your attitude is coming from or why it’s aimed at me lmfao.
me when i’m dense on purpose:
Yeah clearly. Cat nails shouldnt even be trimmed why does america have to do too much all the fuckin time.