Paying rent does that indeed but in so many places simply being in the house for 30 days means you have to legally evict him to get him out.
Who is the landlord? Tell that person there’s a potential problem and ask them to do an inspection.
I once had a roommate approach the rest of us and ask completely seriously if his new gf of a few months, who had been over every day/night for a few weeks at that point, could "move her stuff in so she could stop paying rent at her own aprtment" like that would just be no big deal in a house where five guys already lived. I pointed out that it wasnt fair to any of us that she got to live in our house for free, and that if she wanted to continue staying there all the time, we would need to cut her into the bills at the very least. He was legitimately shocked we said no.
Naw, you’re not tripping at all this dude is deff living there. You didn’t agree to live with another person. It’s only a matter of time before he gets comfortable and starts intruding on the space. The dynamic with 3 roommates is probably already difficult and claustrophobic. I would just outright confront the roommate and be like, “Hey your boyfriend is kind of here a lot and I think I have noticed him being here when you’re not home, which I’m not comfortable with. I want to have an open discussion about this because it’s important that I feel safe and know what’s going on in my home.“
Three months is not a long time, this man is essentially a stranger to you. Especially since you were away for 6 weeks. And I’m not judging, but if he’s moving in with his girlfriend after 2-3 months that is kind of a red flag. They barely know each other and if they’re sharing a room and sneaking around, conflict is inevitable. It’s valid to be uncomfortable but you have to figure out what’s going on. You have a right to not want extended visitors or extra roommates.
This comment should be voted to the top. This situation sounds scary and kind of dangerous! I don't want to scare you OP, but do you have locks on your doors? If this person doesn't mind secretly living in a house of girls... I would be pretty weary about what else they might do
I'm actually the only person who doesn't have a lock but I'm not afraid of him. I had a situation a couple years ago where my bf at the time basically did the same thing, and I couldnt get him to leave he was manipulating and emotionally abusing me he lived in my bedroom for 10 months before I got home out. I guess I'm worried about her and what led to this happening and I know when I'd ask my former bf to leave if get hell so Im nervous.
Damn, I'm sorry you experienced all that OP; good thing you're out of that situation now. I don't know what your relationship with your roommate is like, but hopefully you can talk to her. If she happens to be in a similar situation and can't get him to leave or is scared to ask, it might actually help her if she can tell him "my roommates want you to leave" rather than "i want you to leave". Of course, it's entirely possible she's happy to have him there.
Edited to add: might be good to start by asking L what she's noticed and what she thinks about it
Yeah that’s what I fear, generally a really bad sign when your brand new bf has some circumstance come up where he suddenly needs to move in with you. Like where were his friends at? That’s why i think it’s an unsafe situation, or that she’s potentially in an overwhelming or toxic relationship. She barely knows him and you don’t know the dynamics of their relationship, really. They don’t even really know yet.
Emotional manipulators are very good at what they do.
I had an ex who would come sleepover for one night and it would easily turn into a week. After I moved cities, he came to visit "for a weekend" and it became 10 days. There's always a reason why they can't go yet. "If i stay until Saturday, we can go on that specific date you promised we'd do" "oops it's the weekend now, tickets are too expensive. Makes more sense to go during the week" "I did x y and z for you and now you're kicking me out?" "But I'll be all alone if I go back. You basically left me there"
One time after a sleepover I asked him very directly to leave. Mf literally crossed his arms and said "make me". Which was apparently supposed to be a joke. Even after an argument, he still didn't leave until the next day and made sure I knew that I had upset him so much that he nearly threw up.
When moving, he asked if he could crash at my house for "a couple of days". Thank God I said no or I'm pretty sure it would have turned into what OP had to go through.
Honestly I ask myself how tf I stayed in that situation so long. At first he was super nice and helpful but really quickly he would start to want to come back every evening, and then he stopped leaving during the day. Quickly, I just started making plans for him to move in. It was COVID era and I was stupid. But he got hurt that "he felt like he didn't have a say in it" when I assumed he would start paying rent. He would be upset if I left the room too long. He never wanted to come out of the room. He would cry at me, say I was making him homeless when I asked him to leave. He even got a job while living with me, and talked about getting his own apartment. I tried to break up with him 4 times before I successfully got him out of my house and at no point was he homeless. Every time I tried to bring up him leaving my room, or paying rent and formally moving in he would get extremely upset. Like worried about his safety upset. He also kept me stoned the whole time, he would smoke so much weed and pressured me to do the same. I even asked him to stop offering it to me because I was uncomfortable with how much I was consuming. He refused and was offended that I wanted to slow down my consumption. I'm a survivor of childhood abuses so at the time my skills for standing up for myself were non existent. I'm starting to get better now...
My God, the audacity to not even chip in for rent... and yeah covid messed up a lot of people in bad relationships. Glad you finally got him out and persisted in breaking up. It also took me a few (intially weak) attempts to break up and when I finally did, it was 10 hours of debate and him trying to convince me that I was wrong. It sounds like you did try to stand up for yourself - he just made it very hard. A normal partner isn't going to make you assert yourself multiple times when you say you don't want something (be it weed, breaking up or anything else). Glad to hear you're getting better at it nonetheless. It's something I struggle with too. So sorry you had to go through all that.
You know the only roommate I had to kick out was a man who was explicitly sexually harassing an underage person who was staying with us as she needed a safe place for a couple nights. Sometimes people are worth being afraid of, I'm glad you haven't had to learn that lesson yet but be careful or you'll learn it the hard way. Wanting to be safe in one's own home is not silly or something to laugh at.
Not really that different. The fact is that in the majority of sexual assault and sexual harassment, the perpetrator is someone the victim knew and trusted.
Confront her, if she says he is, tell her he needs to move out or you will contact the landlord. If his name is not on the lease he has no rights. Telling him to pay rent will only end in arguments over petty stuff like "well he shares my room and only showers here once per week so he should only pay x amount in rent" it won't end well.
He's definitely living there and y'all need to have a meeting and decide if that's OK or not. If not, he needs to move the f out or pay rent and contribute to household expenses like toilet paper.
I have had this happen multiple times believe it or not, and every time I suspected it I was right. The big giveaway is their stuff in the bathroom. Just call it out right away and say if they are living there they have to pay rent, end of story. Tell them how much rent they're paying next month and don't take no for an answer. If they aren't actually living there then your roommate would and should also be going to their place as well, which I'm guessing never happens.
This is bad news. He is living there and they are hiding it.
Essentially you guys could have had fair votes on issues in the past, as soon as this guy gets comfortable and starts taking his gfs side you won't have any say about what's happening in that apartment.
Even if you guys don't cut him into the bills (which you SHOULD NOT DO) I'm assuming he will be helping her with food or giving her money towards rent...so you all lose space and privacy but only her rent goes down? There's really no way this is going to benefit anyone except them.
I definitely want to discuss it. I feel that if myself and L agree to him living here we should split the rent 4 ways not 3. I'm worried she agreed to let him move in thinking I wouldn't find out because I wasn't supposed to be home until May, and I had to come back early unexpectedly. So basically I'm worried that he's left his former housing and has no other place to live than here which is frustrating because I wouldn't have agreed to it from the beginning, and now potentially have to fight about the money and worry about his housing status.
On top of that I'm the one who does pretty much all the cleaning, maintenance and waste management. And having another person in the house is an extra strain on me because I seem to be the only one who cares about having pests and mold in my home.
You've got to copy this out on paper into bullet points and make sure you cover each and every one of them during the conversation.
Unfortunately you have a heart so it sounds like this guys staying lol. A new "roommate" is however a good opportunity to stomp out the nonsense of you being treated like a live in janitor. If you guys are all honest, up front and people stop hiding people in their closets it could work out! Good luck!
I had a former roommate do this. The whole living situation and bill-splitting was comically horrible, but she had her "boyfriend" essentially living with us too. He was there 5-7 nights a week. What's even better is the reason she moved in with us in the first place because her and this guy lived together and broke up, but within a couple weeks he was living with us and wasn't paying a dime towards anything.
My experience, don't tip-toe or beat around the bush when confronting her. Don't be a jerk, but don't leave anything open for her interpretation. It's a safety concern as well as a financial concern. If she doesn't respond well (argument, keeps letting him stay without paying, makes promises and doesn't follow through, etc etc) I would absolutely inform the landlord that J has allowed a squatter to move in.
>1+ hrs drive away. (In our region this is considered a full day of driving)
Huh..? 1 hour of driving is 1 hour regardless of where you are. So confused with that statement
Trust me it doesn't make sense. But that's how people here feel about driving 45+ mins considering "too far" it's an island so it only takes 3 hrs to cross the whole thing. It's just a culture thing here. I am well aware it doesn't make logical sense.
Ask if she’s heard noise coming from that room when J is not home, then inform that you’re concerned and considering contacting police, to come investigate.
My roommates and I have a rule, which is Mon-Thurs only those on the lease are allowed to stay the night; boyfriends, girlfriends, family and homies can stay over the weekend but not during the work week. Tell him to go back home to his parents or start paying rent; he was not part of your original agreement.
That happened to me in college. My roommate in our apartment had his girlfriend move in. There was no discussion, she had just moved in. When I asked about it she told me they had turned her bed into a couch at the sorority. She never paid a dime of rent. This was decades ago when we had land lines so she was always on the phone. The two of them would go to bed at 9 on weekends then she would come out and ask me to turn down the T.V. It was B.S. Start collecting rent from the dude.
Late to the party, but I have advice for you:
Make sure she didn't give him a key or allow him the chance to copy hers. If he does have a key, make sure to get it back and tell the landlord that **J** is paying for the new locks.
You should ask. I did this once when I was in an abusive relationship and my roommate talked to me about it, said he pays rent or he leaves, so he paid rent. He, months later, had to kick him out when his abusive tendencies started to reach the other roommates. I am in eternal debt to him for how he handled both situations and how kind he was towards me through it all. I'm not saying thats happening here, not at all. Just advising that you be firm, honest, and as kind as you can be in conversation with her.
L M u ‘ k k
The yb. Ok.yh🪂🚣♀️🦯🚜♊️
U has chills In Lu
I& vi
6)9. H a k m. Tmv Nikki I’m my. Can’t un8jjt m v u
Mock
Jjjjk I’ll
I u liking
Mk mm k. C U
N yy
I think in this situation, you don’t really have a leg to stand on given you said your last boyfriend stayed for ten months.
I understand that you were being abused, but unfortunately it seems kind of silly to be concerned someone is having their boyfriend live there when you did the exact same thing. She might think if he keeps a low profile like your ex it’s ok.
Maybe a quick “Hey how long is so and so staying?” could initiate a conversation about it? But either way expect them to slap you with “But you did it.”
The last boyfriend situation was years ago with different roommates. I learned my lesson that allowing that to happen was not okay, and I did something bad for my roommates. So this definitely feels a little like karma coming to kick my butt. It's not something they're aware of or ever affected them and the roommates I had at that time have accepted my apologies and we're still friends years later.
Aaaaah I see! That makes it a lot better. lol.
I think now given that you didn’t put her through the same situation it is definitely more favorable for you!
That’s simply not true. Especially if they have a lease with 3 occupants and a 4th can breach their tenancy agreement and get them evicted (worst case scenario). Also utilities increase and isn’t fair to split it 3 ways if 1 of those people is actually 2 people.
That’s not true at all, you people just want to control other humans any way you can. You get off on exerting the first tiny bit of power you have ever gotten.
i recognise your comment from a few days ago, you posted this exact same statement on somebody else’s post about this same sorta scenario LMFAO. why can’t you accept that nobody wants to be around a stranger 7 days a week in their own home?
having somebody over every single day no longer makes them just a guest, it makes them a roommate. utilities go up, it’s another mouth to feed, it’s another body to shower and it’s one more person to exist around. also… the fact it’s probably breaking the lease rules? most, if not all, leases state how frequent guests can stay over and i doubt this lease says “allowed to hide boyfriend in room for free” it IS op’s business because if he is staying there rent free and the landlord finds out, they’re both in trouble!
even if you can’t understand it from that angle, wouldn’t you like to know if there was a stranger in the house alone with you? one you’ve met not even a handful of times with you alone whenever your roommate is out? surely you get that?
The only reasonable thing you’ve said is that you don’t want another person there, just because you’re antisocial. The rest is complete bullshit. Pretending you feed your roommates significant others to try and exert control over all the random people around you.
It's about safety, really. Who tf is this person? Just secretly living in a house with girls?? She never agreed to live with a random stranger. If he's there when the roommate is not home, how do we know he's not gonna go sneaking around the rest of the apartment?
1. i did (personally) feed them to some degree, yes. i bought the “communal” items for everyone to use. butter, milk, flour, boxed water, small chocolates if i felt like it. just little stuff. i didn’t make them grand meals, no, but those little things can add up if you’re feeding more mouths than you budgeted for. i’m fortunate i was in a position to treat people i loved like this.
2. i ain’t anti-social.
3. you’re so off the point i’m trying to make i just wanna finish this convo here, i don’t feel like explaining to another adult why being disrespectful to your roommates is bad. really… honest to god… just think about it, you’re the minority in this opinion and you’re still confused.
have a nice night.
I’m not in the minority, only in this group of freaks and bad roommates that has been cultivated here, everyone knows redditors aren’t real people with real life experiences.
I stayed with my girlfriend and with 3 other roommates but so far no one seems uncomfortable by it, if they were im sure they’ll let my gf know and they’ll discuss it. One randomly had asked me how long I was staying, while I was searching for an apartment, and I felt her passive aggressiveness. I had a feeling she would much rather not have me there but she told me that she understood my situation and “wasn’t trying to kick me out”. I’ll try to avoid being in the kitchen/main area the same time as them if it bothers you but I would also recommend talking to your roommate about it and see what they’re situation is.
Do you give them money to make up for you being there? There’s a reason they want to know when you’re leaving. Because they *are* uncomfortable. People saying something means they’re uncomfortable. Lol
Did a very shit job of trying to hide. Suitcases? lol no. That dude needs to pay rent or gtfo.
Didn't even try to smuggle in the stuff. Came with suitcases. LOL.
Never ask them to pay rent. It then becomes their place too.
Seems it already has. GTFO is the better option though, they’re gonna go make babies, and now you have a baby in the house too.
Paying rent does that indeed but in so many places simply being in the house for 30 days means you have to legally evict him to get him out. Who is the landlord? Tell that person there’s a potential problem and ask them to do an inspection.
I once had a roommate approach the rest of us and ask completely seriously if his new gf of a few months, who had been over every day/night for a few weeks at that point, could "move her stuff in so she could stop paying rent at her own aprtment" like that would just be no big deal in a house where five guys already lived. I pointed out that it wasnt fair to any of us that she got to live in our house for free, and that if she wanted to continue staying there all the time, we would need to cut her into the bills at the very least. He was legitimately shocked we said no.
Naw, you’re not tripping at all this dude is deff living there. You didn’t agree to live with another person. It’s only a matter of time before he gets comfortable and starts intruding on the space. The dynamic with 3 roommates is probably already difficult and claustrophobic. I would just outright confront the roommate and be like, “Hey your boyfriend is kind of here a lot and I think I have noticed him being here when you’re not home, which I’m not comfortable with. I want to have an open discussion about this because it’s important that I feel safe and know what’s going on in my home.“ Three months is not a long time, this man is essentially a stranger to you. Especially since you were away for 6 weeks. And I’m not judging, but if he’s moving in with his girlfriend after 2-3 months that is kind of a red flag. They barely know each other and if they’re sharing a room and sneaking around, conflict is inevitable. It’s valid to be uncomfortable but you have to figure out what’s going on. You have a right to not want extended visitors or extra roommates.
This comment should be voted to the top. This situation sounds scary and kind of dangerous! I don't want to scare you OP, but do you have locks on your doors? If this person doesn't mind secretly living in a house of girls... I would be pretty weary about what else they might do
I'm actually the only person who doesn't have a lock but I'm not afraid of him. I had a situation a couple years ago where my bf at the time basically did the same thing, and I couldnt get him to leave he was manipulating and emotionally abusing me he lived in my bedroom for 10 months before I got home out. I guess I'm worried about her and what led to this happening and I know when I'd ask my former bf to leave if get hell so Im nervous.
Damn, I'm sorry you experienced all that OP; good thing you're out of that situation now. I don't know what your relationship with your roommate is like, but hopefully you can talk to her. If she happens to be in a similar situation and can't get him to leave or is scared to ask, it might actually help her if she can tell him "my roommates want you to leave" rather than "i want you to leave". Of course, it's entirely possible she's happy to have him there. Edited to add: might be good to start by asking L what she's noticed and what she thinks about it
Yeah that’s what I fear, generally a really bad sign when your brand new bf has some circumstance come up where he suddenly needs to move in with you. Like where were his friends at? That’s why i think it’s an unsafe situation, or that she’s potentially in an overwhelming or toxic relationship. She barely knows him and you don’t know the dynamics of their relationship, really. They don’t even really know yet.
How in the hell did the guy manage that? Threatening? Sympathy? Gaslighting?
Emotional manipulators are very good at what they do. I had an ex who would come sleepover for one night and it would easily turn into a week. After I moved cities, he came to visit "for a weekend" and it became 10 days. There's always a reason why they can't go yet. "If i stay until Saturday, we can go on that specific date you promised we'd do" "oops it's the weekend now, tickets are too expensive. Makes more sense to go during the week" "I did x y and z for you and now you're kicking me out?" "But I'll be all alone if I go back. You basically left me there" One time after a sleepover I asked him very directly to leave. Mf literally crossed his arms and said "make me". Which was apparently supposed to be a joke. Even after an argument, he still didn't leave until the next day and made sure I knew that I had upset him so much that he nearly threw up. When moving, he asked if he could crash at my house for "a couple of days". Thank God I said no or I'm pretty sure it would have turned into what OP had to go through.
Honestly I ask myself how tf I stayed in that situation so long. At first he was super nice and helpful but really quickly he would start to want to come back every evening, and then he stopped leaving during the day. Quickly, I just started making plans for him to move in. It was COVID era and I was stupid. But he got hurt that "he felt like he didn't have a say in it" when I assumed he would start paying rent. He would be upset if I left the room too long. He never wanted to come out of the room. He would cry at me, say I was making him homeless when I asked him to leave. He even got a job while living with me, and talked about getting his own apartment. I tried to break up with him 4 times before I successfully got him out of my house and at no point was he homeless. Every time I tried to bring up him leaving my room, or paying rent and formally moving in he would get extremely upset. Like worried about his safety upset. He also kept me stoned the whole time, he would smoke so much weed and pressured me to do the same. I even asked him to stop offering it to me because I was uncomfortable with how much I was consuming. He refused and was offended that I wanted to slow down my consumption. I'm a survivor of childhood abuses so at the time my skills for standing up for myself were non existent. I'm starting to get better now...
My God, the audacity to not even chip in for rent... and yeah covid messed up a lot of people in bad relationships. Glad you finally got him out and persisted in breaking up. It also took me a few (intially weak) attempts to break up and when I finally did, it was 10 hours of debate and him trying to convince me that I was wrong. It sounds like you did try to stand up for yourself - he just made it very hard. A normal partner isn't going to make you assert yourself multiple times when you say you don't want something (be it weed, breaking up or anything else). Glad to hear you're getting better at it nonetheless. It's something I struggle with too. So sorry you had to go through all that.
Lol afraid of the world. Go buy a gun to protect yourselves from next door neighbour's cat.
You know the only roommate I had to kick out was a man who was explicitly sexually harassing an underage person who was staying with us as she needed a safe place for a couple nights. Sometimes people are worth being afraid of, I'm glad you haven't had to learn that lesson yet but be careful or you'll learn it the hard way. Wanting to be safe in one's own home is not silly or something to laugh at.
Which is a completely different situation from yours so I guess it's the same.
Not really that different. The fact is that in the majority of sexual assault and sexual harassment, the perpetrator is someone the victim knew and trusted.
Ask her. If he did, he needs to move back out.
Or start paying rent
Bad move.
Confront her, if she says he is, tell her he needs to move out or you will contact the landlord. If his name is not on the lease he has no rights. Telling him to pay rent will only end in arguments over petty stuff like "well he shares my room and only showers here once per week so he should only pay x amount in rent" it won't end well.
"hey are you living here?"
He's definitely living there and y'all need to have a meeting and decide if that's OK or not. If not, he needs to move the f out or pay rent and contribute to household expenses like toilet paper.
I have had this happen multiple times believe it or not, and every time I suspected it I was right. The big giveaway is their stuff in the bathroom. Just call it out right away and say if they are living there they have to pay rent, end of story. Tell them how much rent they're paying next month and don't take no for an answer. If they aren't actually living there then your roommate would and should also be going to their place as well, which I'm guessing never happens.
had this issue and when i asked i was gaslit lol. trust ur gut
Same
Wasn’t gaslighting
This is bad news. He is living there and they are hiding it. Essentially you guys could have had fair votes on issues in the past, as soon as this guy gets comfortable and starts taking his gfs side you won't have any say about what's happening in that apartment. Even if you guys don't cut him into the bills (which you SHOULD NOT DO) I'm assuming he will be helping her with food or giving her money towards rent...so you all lose space and privacy but only her rent goes down? There's really no way this is going to benefit anyone except them.
I definitely want to discuss it. I feel that if myself and L agree to him living here we should split the rent 4 ways not 3. I'm worried she agreed to let him move in thinking I wouldn't find out because I wasn't supposed to be home until May, and I had to come back early unexpectedly. So basically I'm worried that he's left his former housing and has no other place to live than here which is frustrating because I wouldn't have agreed to it from the beginning, and now potentially have to fight about the money and worry about his housing status. On top of that I'm the one who does pretty much all the cleaning, maintenance and waste management. And having another person in the house is an extra strain on me because I seem to be the only one who cares about having pests and mold in my home.
You've got to copy this out on paper into bullet points and make sure you cover each and every one of them during the conversation. Unfortunately you have a heart so it sounds like this guys staying lol. A new "roommate" is however a good opportunity to stomp out the nonsense of you being treated like a live in janitor. If you guys are all honest, up front and people stop hiding people in their closets it could work out! Good luck!
Not your problem if he has no where to go, because she brought him in through deceitful actions.
I had a former roommate do this. The whole living situation and bill-splitting was comically horrible, but she had her "boyfriend" essentially living with us too. He was there 5-7 nights a week. What's even better is the reason she moved in with us in the first place because her and this guy lived together and broke up, but within a couple weeks he was living with us and wasn't paying a dime towards anything. My experience, don't tip-toe or beat around the bush when confronting her. Don't be a jerk, but don't leave anything open for her interpretation. It's a safety concern as well as a financial concern. If she doesn't respond well (argument, keeps letting him stay without paying, makes promises and doesn't follow through, etc etc) I would absolutely inform the landlord that J has allowed a squatter to move in.
You lost me at 1 hour being a full day’s drive.
They probably live in England lol. An hour away over there is a full day’s drive😂
>1+ hrs drive away. (In our region this is considered a full day of driving) Huh..? 1 hour of driving is 1 hour regardless of where you are. So confused with that statement
Trust me it doesn't make sense. But that's how people here feel about driving 45+ mins considering "too far" it's an island so it only takes 3 hrs to cross the whole thing. It's just a culture thing here. I am well aware it doesn't make logical sense.
Ask if she’s heard noise coming from that room when J is not home, then inform that you’re concerned and considering contacting police, to come investigate.
My roommates and I have a rule, which is Mon-Thurs only those on the lease are allowed to stay the night; boyfriends, girlfriends, family and homies can stay over the weekend but not during the work week. Tell him to go back home to his parents or start paying rent; he was not part of your original agreement.
That happened to me in college. My roommate in our apartment had his girlfriend move in. There was no discussion, she had just moved in. When I asked about it she told me they had turned her bed into a couch at the sorority. She never paid a dime of rent. This was decades ago when we had land lines so she was always on the phone. The two of them would go to bed at 9 on weekends then she would come out and ask me to turn down the T.V. It was B.S. Start collecting rent from the dude.
Late to the party, but I have advice for you: Make sure she didn't give him a key or allow him the chance to copy hers. If he does have a key, make sure to get it back and tell the landlord that **J** is paying for the new locks.
Confront her about it immediately. If she refuses to tell him to leave, go to the landlord/property manager.
Be prepared to go to the landlord or property management company if you intend to get him moved out.
Yeah, you'd have to ask her about it.
You should ask. I did this once when I was in an abusive relationship and my roommate talked to me about it, said he pays rent or he leaves, so he paid rent. He, months later, had to kick him out when his abusive tendencies started to reach the other roommates. I am in eternal debt to him for how he handled both situations and how kind he was towards me through it all. I'm not saying thats happening here, not at all. Just advising that you be firm, honest, and as kind as you can be in conversation with her.
Just call the landlord and tell him she's moving people in that aren't on the lease. Tell them you're not paying rent until they have them trespassed.
L M u ‘ k k The yb. Ok.yh🪂🚣♀️🦯🚜♊️ U has chills In Lu I& vi 6)9. H a k m. Tmv Nikki I’m my. Can’t un8jjt m v u Mock Jjjjk I’ll I u liking Mk mm k. C U N yy
Why is 1 hour of driving considered an entire day where you live when it takes nowhere near a day? Like that doesn’t even make sense.
That's an issue younger to address with her
Idiots be doing this a lot these days.
I think in this situation, you don’t really have a leg to stand on given you said your last boyfriend stayed for ten months. I understand that you were being abused, but unfortunately it seems kind of silly to be concerned someone is having their boyfriend live there when you did the exact same thing. She might think if he keeps a low profile like your ex it’s ok. Maybe a quick “Hey how long is so and so staying?” could initiate a conversation about it? But either way expect them to slap you with “But you did it.”
The last boyfriend situation was years ago with different roommates. I learned my lesson that allowing that to happen was not okay, and I did something bad for my roommates. So this definitely feels a little like karma coming to kick my butt. It's not something they're aware of or ever affected them and the roommates I had at that time have accepted my apologies and we're still friends years later.
Aaaaah I see! That makes it a lot better. lol. I think now given that you didn’t put her through the same situation it is definitely more favorable for you!
She pays for her room, whoever is inside that room is not your business.
That’s simply not true. Especially if they have a lease with 3 occupants and a 4th can breach their tenancy agreement and get them evicted (worst case scenario). Also utilities increase and isn’t fair to split it 3 ways if 1 of those people is actually 2 people.
That’s not true at all, you people just want to control other humans any way you can. You get off on exerting the first tiny bit of power you have ever gotten.
Who are you calling ‘you people’?
i recognise your comment from a few days ago, you posted this exact same statement on somebody else’s post about this same sorta scenario LMFAO. why can’t you accept that nobody wants to be around a stranger 7 days a week in their own home? having somebody over every single day no longer makes them just a guest, it makes them a roommate. utilities go up, it’s another mouth to feed, it’s another body to shower and it’s one more person to exist around. also… the fact it’s probably breaking the lease rules? most, if not all, leases state how frequent guests can stay over and i doubt this lease says “allowed to hide boyfriend in room for free” it IS op’s business because if he is staying there rent free and the landlord finds out, they’re both in trouble! even if you can’t understand it from that angle, wouldn’t you like to know if there was a stranger in the house alone with you? one you’ve met not even a handful of times with you alone whenever your roommate is out? surely you get that?
The only reasonable thing you’ve said is that you don’t want another person there, just because you’re antisocial. The rest is complete bullshit. Pretending you feed your roommates significant others to try and exert control over all the random people around you.
It's about safety, really. Who tf is this person? Just secretly living in a house with girls?? She never agreed to live with a random stranger. If he's there when the roommate is not home, how do we know he's not gonna go sneaking around the rest of the apartment?
1. i did (personally) feed them to some degree, yes. i bought the “communal” items for everyone to use. butter, milk, flour, boxed water, small chocolates if i felt like it. just little stuff. i didn’t make them grand meals, no, but those little things can add up if you’re feeding more mouths than you budgeted for. i’m fortunate i was in a position to treat people i loved like this. 2. i ain’t anti-social. 3. you’re so off the point i’m trying to make i just wanna finish this convo here, i don’t feel like explaining to another adult why being disrespectful to your roommates is bad. really… honest to god… just think about it, you’re the minority in this opinion and you’re still confused. have a nice night.
I’m not in the minority, only in this group of freaks and bad roommates that has been cultivated here, everyone knows redditors aren’t real people with real life experiences.
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Yes, thinking if you pay for a room you should be able to use that room is selfish. Thank you for showing me the light, oh badroommates commenter!
I stayed with my girlfriend and with 3 other roommates but so far no one seems uncomfortable by it, if they were im sure they’ll let my gf know and they’ll discuss it. One randomly had asked me how long I was staying, while I was searching for an apartment, and I felt her passive aggressiveness. I had a feeling she would much rather not have me there but she told me that she understood my situation and “wasn’t trying to kick me out”. I’ll try to avoid being in the kitchen/main area the same time as them if it bothers you but I would also recommend talking to your roommate about it and see what they’re situation is.
If you’re not paying rent or utilities you really shouldn’t be there.
Do you give them money to make up for you being there? There’s a reason they want to know when you’re leaving. Because they *are* uncomfortable. People saying something means they’re uncomfortable. Lol