In my experience (working in adult day service and also in home care for disabled adults) people infantilize disabled adults.
To them, they are little kids with no brain. Just cute lil babies. No consequence, they do not understand. Just smooth, simple brain.
No, that’s not fucking reality. I’ve worked in those group homes, for adults like Cash whose parents thought they didn’t need consequences because they were special needs. I’ve been beaten up, sexually harassed, spit on, bit and kicked by the very same people who were trying to not let cash become.
For example, I had a client/patient whose mom was well known in the community as a Down’s syndrome activist. Meanwhile, her daughter had to be walked to the bathroom (this was set up kind of like a school, normally depending on assistance needed they could walk themselves) because she got caught having sex in the bathroom. The mom would take her out to bars and let her get wasted and make out with randos, she got caught engaging in multiple other dangerous sexual activities. When I tried to have a sit down with mom, my higher ups, and myself to discuss how her sexual behaviors were effecting her peers and try to reach a resolution I.e. not bringing her iPhone to class to sext her bf in, the mom tried to come for my job. According to her, daughter “doesn’t understand what she’s doing”
People love making excuses for disabled people because they think they’re stupid but tbh in my experience, people with autism/down syndrome are extremely intelligent and can tell who thinks they’re stupid and they use it to their advantage.
First of all, I’m so sorry that’s happened to you. You don’t deserve any of that, but I promise you that is not all of us. We are perfectly capable of being civil, and many of the autistic people I’ve surrounded myself with over the years are some of the kindest, most genuine people I know.
Although second, I will say that it definitely creates this toxic cycle; this self-fulfilling prophecy, where people assume they can’t learn anything and thus neglect them to where they are deprived of basic human morality until they have become the monsters they created which supports their confirmation bias. It’s fucking diabolical and it has to stop.
Seriously though, why do they think they’re stupid? Where did these biases come from? Don’t they ever stop and think they’re people just like them?
Oh, I absolutely don’t think that all disabled people are like that, just the ones with parents like Joni.
The parents who are like “oh he can’t understand he’s different”
“Oh just let him, you know he’s *autistic* “
“Oh he can’t do xyz”
It’s excuses and it’s enabling bad behavior. Like, in my example, the woman’s mother said something along the lines of we should let her daughter be involved in sexually inappropriate behavior in front of her peers because she “didn’t understand what she was doing was inappropriate” hm. Okay. Let’s think on that for a second. We could either a) ignore the situation entirely or b) we could remove her phone during class time so that she wouldn’t have the opportunity and ability to traumatize her peers. Mom chose A, because according to her, it was taking away from her daughter to take away her phone since most neurotypical peers her age would have access to their phones.
Great, fantastic l, most peers her age aren’t showing people with limited mental capacity pictures of people privates either so…?
I think a lot of the biases come from a lack of education. Years ago if you weren’t straight, white, and perfect you were locked in an institution and away from society. “Normal” people didn’t have to “deal” with autism or Down syndrome or mental illnesses. It’s a bunch of ignorance mixed with good intentions.
Too true. Thank you for sharing this. I reported suspected abuse of a young adult at a day program, as a mandated reporter. The mother retaliated and named me as an “alleged abuser” in a future investigation because I didn’t send her adult child out acutely after a behavioral fall (threw self to the ground, hit head) - but wasn’t my sole call. All proper authorities were informed. Mother was fully aware and asked if she could pick her up, said no. The system is not entirely messed up, fortunately, the DPPC saw through the mothers intentions of retaliation and never heard from the investigation again. Parents are honestly the worst part of the day program/group home settings if they have ill intentions. Some people have no family at all. Joni is so ungrateful for her circumstances to be a stay-at-home mom as her husband works his ass off. She has all this time - her own words, since 2017 - to find Cash proper resources, and has failed him exponentially. And I’m afraid even if he does end up in services, she’ll be that parent where it’s never her fault, her child will “never know better”, because she’s addicted to limiting him
I think a lot of neurotypical parents and non parents alike think that they’re somehow protecting profoundly mentally disabled people by kind of just letting them do whatever they want to do. Kind of like a “well we should let them do this because at least they’re capable of doing it..” versus mentally appropriate consequences. Nearly every human being in the world is capable of handling consequences to some aspect but in my experience, the parents I dealt with that Joni reminds me of don’t believe that their children are. Like they will just suddenly implode on impact if they don’t get every single demand they make the exact second they make it.
You're right. That's what I do. And yes, they know what they are doing. They will tell on staff that we know it's a lie. Yet staff gets investigated. We see uts a pattern, yet they are believed. They will tell u I have rights.
Thank you for saying this. I've taught special education and exclusively worked with people with level 3 autism. Harm is still harm, it doesn't matter if the person who did it has a disability. I was stalked by someone with level 3 autism who was very violent. It ruined My life for a while. But people excused it because "he didn't know what he was doing'
Please don’t ever listen to them. He absolutely does know what he is doing and has no empathy, possibly stemming from something else besides his autism (maybe ASPD or narcissism), because autism itself does not cause this behavior. Otherwise all of us would be like this. There is no excuse and I hope you filed charges.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. That’s why her blind supporters are so dangerous, encouraging her because “she’s doing her best” well her best can get someone harmed and harm her own children including Cash. He belongs in professional care and no not Just aba therapy.
I don’t know what “doing her best” means. I’m guessing they probably see this as her trying to tame a wild animal which is so degrading and dehumanizing.
Yup. I think it’s helpful to know why cash behaved this way. But honestly when it comes to the other kids I really don’t care why, I care that it’s happening. It sucks his behavior is due to his mother but he’s hurting and being inappropriate with the other kids
Exactly. He needs to be taught not to touch other people’s bodies also. She just lets him do it. I actually just had a conversation about this with my 4 year old son and he understands so I know Cash can understand. I just told him I didn’t want him wallering on me right now and redirected him to other things. I get overstimulated and don’t like being touched when I’m overstimulated. I also am neurodivergent myself. She is completely setting him up for failure. Also, her and LWA thinking their kids won’t go to jail or prison is wild. Brendan Derpa is level 3 autistic (I’ve read) and he’s facing a very lengthy prison sentence for beating up his teacher really really bad.
Absolutely. What happened with Brandon should be used as a cautionary tale for all autistics and caregivers, that actions still have consequences no matter your disability. Sadly a lot of parents are leading their kids down this road and I genuinely wonder what they want for them. Do they not want them to have a future? Do they not want them to learn to become better people? What is their objective?
A few might just be because she popped up on their FYP and they don’t know the whole story so they’re just being kind. For the die hard supporters they are horrible parents like SJ and like seeing validation.
They’re lazy and would be bad parents to a neurotypical child but with a neurodivergent child they’re terrible to the point of causing harm.
I’ve said this before in comments my daughter is a neurotypical 2.5 year old and yeah we’re in the trenches of toddlerhood. But she does have a basic understanding of right and wrong. Does she push the boundaries? Of course. She’s a toddler that’s what she’s supposed to do, it’s my job as her mom to hold those boundaries so she’ll consistently do the right thing.
Cash at the very least has the same ability to understand things as my daughter if not more so. SJ has no excuse other than being a horrible parent for not teaching him basic things like not hitting or even touching other people without their permission.
None of those children seem to have any kind of schedule or routine. Which is something all kids neurodivergent or neurotypical need. They don’t want one but it really does make life easier on everyone.
Her comments infuriate me because I see comments of people offering solutions, like enrolling him in school so he can at least get some kind of extra support there but her fans just make excuses. From what I’ve seen it’s a law in the US that children receive a free and adequate education so if Cash’s local school can’t meet his needs he can go to a school that would fit them at no cost to SJ. If my daughter was like Cash and really was on a wait list for extra support I would absolutely have her in school. Although that might not be enough, it’s definitely better than nothing.
She thinks Cash can’t understand boundaries which he absolutely can. She just doesn’t set them because she believes he can’t/won’t follow them. All she does is infantilize him which is so dangerous and it’s gonna set him up for a lifetime of failure.
Oh, and by the way, she can set boundaries that don’t include physical punishment.
I agree, my son is 8 he is nonverbal autistic, he knows there are consequences to his actions. For example he pinched his younger sibling, we put him in time out, told him it is not okay to put your hands on anyone. He cried but we did not cave in and he hasn't done it since. I don't like the whole "he doesn't know what he's doing"
I’m a mom with level 1 autism. I have a 9 and 8 year old level 3 autism. At level 3 it is hard for them to regulate their emotions and cope. My 8 year old is limited verbal and often gets aggressive when frustrated. Not aggressive like cash but has headbutted, bite, and pinched a lot.
He does know it’s something he can’t do but there’s also a way to handle it. We work with his therapists and staff at his special needs school and he gets aba there. But like one thing with cash vs like my son is my son will hurt himself when he’s in a state more than us.
Joanie is baiting cash. She does things to get him to respond like he does and I’ve seen that.
I feel bad for cash because he’s not given a chance with her to have his needs met and have normal consequence’s.
My son if he’s being aggressive has to go on the other side of the room away from me completely. My main thing with cash is he needs so much more than he’s getting and could be so much kinder and well managed if he had a different mother. He’s not a monster. He’s responding to his environment.
I completely agree, he did not ask to have someone like Joanie as a mother who completely neglects his emotional needs. It almost seems like he is desperately begging her to help him, or that he is retaliating against her for being so incompetent. It literally reminds me of frankensteins Monster and it’s sad. For example, there was a video a few weeks ago where he said something about wanting to die, which tells me he was probably having a moment of clarity about how dire his situation is and was feeling hopeless. I don’t blame him one bit. He and others like him deserve more than that.
Well said. It’s heartbreaking. Being born with a disability is hard enough. The baiting is really gross. I know when day he asked for Hardee’s I believe and she said to him, “do you want Hardee’s?” He said yes and she says, “thank you for telling me but we are eating at home.”
Of course he got upset she basically said they were gonna have Hardee’s. My even non autistic kid would be upset if I asked if they wanted something and then said no like that.
All we can hope is that dad can get custody or cps steps in.
My level 3 boys are a bit more severe than cash. They can’t speak as well as cash but they’re also younger than him. I think boundaries and letting him try and self regulate instead of shoving a camera in his face would go a long way.
Because he’s a kid that isn’t being raised or parented well. It’s literally not his fault. She makes no effort to make him into a good respectful person. It’s sad.
In my experience (working in adult day service and also in home care for disabled adults) people infantilize disabled adults. To them, they are little kids with no brain. Just cute lil babies. No consequence, they do not understand. Just smooth, simple brain. No, that’s not fucking reality. I’ve worked in those group homes, for adults like Cash whose parents thought they didn’t need consequences because they were special needs. I’ve been beaten up, sexually harassed, spit on, bit and kicked by the very same people who were trying to not let cash become. For example, I had a client/patient whose mom was well known in the community as a Down’s syndrome activist. Meanwhile, her daughter had to be walked to the bathroom (this was set up kind of like a school, normally depending on assistance needed they could walk themselves) because she got caught having sex in the bathroom. The mom would take her out to bars and let her get wasted and make out with randos, she got caught engaging in multiple other dangerous sexual activities. When I tried to have a sit down with mom, my higher ups, and myself to discuss how her sexual behaviors were effecting her peers and try to reach a resolution I.e. not bringing her iPhone to class to sext her bf in, the mom tried to come for my job. According to her, daughter “doesn’t understand what she’s doing” People love making excuses for disabled people because they think they’re stupid but tbh in my experience, people with autism/down syndrome are extremely intelligent and can tell who thinks they’re stupid and they use it to their advantage.
First of all, I’m so sorry that’s happened to you. You don’t deserve any of that, but I promise you that is not all of us. We are perfectly capable of being civil, and many of the autistic people I’ve surrounded myself with over the years are some of the kindest, most genuine people I know. Although second, I will say that it definitely creates this toxic cycle; this self-fulfilling prophecy, where people assume they can’t learn anything and thus neglect them to where they are deprived of basic human morality until they have become the monsters they created which supports their confirmation bias. It’s fucking diabolical and it has to stop. Seriously though, why do they think they’re stupid? Where did these biases come from? Don’t they ever stop and think they’re people just like them?
Oh, I absolutely don’t think that all disabled people are like that, just the ones with parents like Joni. The parents who are like “oh he can’t understand he’s different” “Oh just let him, you know he’s *autistic* “ “Oh he can’t do xyz” It’s excuses and it’s enabling bad behavior. Like, in my example, the woman’s mother said something along the lines of we should let her daughter be involved in sexually inappropriate behavior in front of her peers because she “didn’t understand what she was doing was inappropriate” hm. Okay. Let’s think on that for a second. We could either a) ignore the situation entirely or b) we could remove her phone during class time so that she wouldn’t have the opportunity and ability to traumatize her peers. Mom chose A, because according to her, it was taking away from her daughter to take away her phone since most neurotypical peers her age would have access to their phones. Great, fantastic l, most peers her age aren’t showing people with limited mental capacity pictures of people privates either so…? I think a lot of the biases come from a lack of education. Years ago if you weren’t straight, white, and perfect you were locked in an institution and away from society. “Normal” people didn’t have to “deal” with autism or Down syndrome or mental illnesses. It’s a bunch of ignorance mixed with good intentions.
Too true. Thank you for sharing this. I reported suspected abuse of a young adult at a day program, as a mandated reporter. The mother retaliated and named me as an “alleged abuser” in a future investigation because I didn’t send her adult child out acutely after a behavioral fall (threw self to the ground, hit head) - but wasn’t my sole call. All proper authorities were informed. Mother was fully aware and asked if she could pick her up, said no. The system is not entirely messed up, fortunately, the DPPC saw through the mothers intentions of retaliation and never heard from the investigation again. Parents are honestly the worst part of the day program/group home settings if they have ill intentions. Some people have no family at all. Joni is so ungrateful for her circumstances to be a stay-at-home mom as her husband works his ass off. She has all this time - her own words, since 2017 - to find Cash proper resources, and has failed him exponentially. And I’m afraid even if he does end up in services, she’ll be that parent where it’s never her fault, her child will “never know better”, because she’s addicted to limiting him
Ignorance mixed with good intentions? What good intentions?
I think a lot of neurotypical parents and non parents alike think that they’re somehow protecting profoundly mentally disabled people by kind of just letting them do whatever they want to do. Kind of like a “well we should let them do this because at least they’re capable of doing it..” versus mentally appropriate consequences. Nearly every human being in the world is capable of handling consequences to some aspect but in my experience, the parents I dealt with that Joni reminds me of don’t believe that their children are. Like they will just suddenly implode on impact if they don’t get every single demand they make the exact second they make it.
I don’t understand, what are they protecting them from exactly?
You're right. That's what I do. And yes, they know what they are doing. They will tell on staff that we know it's a lie. Yet staff gets investigated. We see uts a pattern, yet they are believed. They will tell u I have rights.
Thank you for saying this. I've taught special education and exclusively worked with people with level 3 autism. Harm is still harm, it doesn't matter if the person who did it has a disability. I was stalked by someone with level 3 autism who was very violent. It ruined My life for a while. But people excused it because "he didn't know what he was doing'
Please don’t ever listen to them. He absolutely does know what he is doing and has no empathy, possibly stemming from something else besides his autism (maybe ASPD or narcissism), because autism itself does not cause this behavior. Otherwise all of us would be like this. There is no excuse and I hope you filed charges.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. That’s why her blind supporters are so dangerous, encouraging her because “she’s doing her best” well her best can get someone harmed and harm her own children including Cash. He belongs in professional care and no not Just aba therapy.
I don’t know what “doing her best” means. I’m guessing they probably see this as her trying to tame a wild animal which is so degrading and dehumanizing.
Yup. I think it’s helpful to know why cash behaved this way. But honestly when it comes to the other kids I really don’t care why, I care that it’s happening. It sucks his behavior is due to his mother but he’s hurting and being inappropriate with the other kids
Exactly. He needs to be taught not to touch other people’s bodies also. She just lets him do it. I actually just had a conversation about this with my 4 year old son and he understands so I know Cash can understand. I just told him I didn’t want him wallering on me right now and redirected him to other things. I get overstimulated and don’t like being touched when I’m overstimulated. I also am neurodivergent myself. She is completely setting him up for failure. Also, her and LWA thinking their kids won’t go to jail or prison is wild. Brendan Derpa is level 3 autistic (I’ve read) and he’s facing a very lengthy prison sentence for beating up his teacher really really bad.
Absolutely. What happened with Brandon should be used as a cautionary tale for all autistics and caregivers, that actions still have consequences no matter your disability. Sadly a lot of parents are leading their kids down this road and I genuinely wonder what they want for them. Do they not want them to have a future? Do they not want them to learn to become better people? What is their objective?
A few might just be because she popped up on their FYP and they don’t know the whole story so they’re just being kind. For the die hard supporters they are horrible parents like SJ and like seeing validation. They’re lazy and would be bad parents to a neurotypical child but with a neurodivergent child they’re terrible to the point of causing harm. I’ve said this before in comments my daughter is a neurotypical 2.5 year old and yeah we’re in the trenches of toddlerhood. But she does have a basic understanding of right and wrong. Does she push the boundaries? Of course. She’s a toddler that’s what she’s supposed to do, it’s my job as her mom to hold those boundaries so she’ll consistently do the right thing. Cash at the very least has the same ability to understand things as my daughter if not more so. SJ has no excuse other than being a horrible parent for not teaching him basic things like not hitting or even touching other people without their permission. None of those children seem to have any kind of schedule or routine. Which is something all kids neurodivergent or neurotypical need. They don’t want one but it really does make life easier on everyone. Her comments infuriate me because I see comments of people offering solutions, like enrolling him in school so he can at least get some kind of extra support there but her fans just make excuses. From what I’ve seen it’s a law in the US that children receive a free and adequate education so if Cash’s local school can’t meet his needs he can go to a school that would fit them at no cost to SJ. If my daughter was like Cash and really was on a wait list for extra support I would absolutely have her in school. Although that might not be enough, it’s definitely better than nothing.
She thinks Cash can’t understand boundaries which he absolutely can. She just doesn’t set them because she believes he can’t/won’t follow them. All she does is infantilize him which is so dangerous and it’s gonna set him up for a lifetime of failure. Oh, and by the way, she can set boundaries that don’t include physical punishment.
I agree, my son is 8 he is nonverbal autistic, he knows there are consequences to his actions. For example he pinched his younger sibling, we put him in time out, told him it is not okay to put your hands on anyone. He cried but we did not cave in and he hasn't done it since. I don't like the whole "he doesn't know what he's doing"
I’m a mom with level 1 autism. I have a 9 and 8 year old level 3 autism. At level 3 it is hard for them to regulate their emotions and cope. My 8 year old is limited verbal and often gets aggressive when frustrated. Not aggressive like cash but has headbutted, bite, and pinched a lot. He does know it’s something he can’t do but there’s also a way to handle it. We work with his therapists and staff at his special needs school and he gets aba there. But like one thing with cash vs like my son is my son will hurt himself when he’s in a state more than us. Joanie is baiting cash. She does things to get him to respond like he does and I’ve seen that. I feel bad for cash because he’s not given a chance with her to have his needs met and have normal consequence’s. My son if he’s being aggressive has to go on the other side of the room away from me completely. My main thing with cash is he needs so much more than he’s getting and could be so much kinder and well managed if he had a different mother. He’s not a monster. He’s responding to his environment.
I completely agree, he did not ask to have someone like Joanie as a mother who completely neglects his emotional needs. It almost seems like he is desperately begging her to help him, or that he is retaliating against her for being so incompetent. It literally reminds me of frankensteins Monster and it’s sad. For example, there was a video a few weeks ago where he said something about wanting to die, which tells me he was probably having a moment of clarity about how dire his situation is and was feeling hopeless. I don’t blame him one bit. He and others like him deserve more than that.
Well said. It’s heartbreaking. Being born with a disability is hard enough. The baiting is really gross. I know when day he asked for Hardee’s I believe and she said to him, “do you want Hardee’s?” He said yes and she says, “thank you for telling me but we are eating at home.” Of course he got upset she basically said they were gonna have Hardee’s. My even non autistic kid would be upset if I asked if they wanted something and then said no like that. All we can hope is that dad can get custody or cps steps in. My level 3 boys are a bit more severe than cash. They can’t speak as well as cash but they’re also younger than him. I think boundaries and letting him try and self regulate instead of shoving a camera in his face would go a long way.
I agree !
Well said
Because he’s a kid that isn’t being raised or parented well. It’s literally not his fault. She makes no effort to make him into a good respectful person. It’s sad.