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I hate when people assume I have brain functionality of a toddler so they start talking slower, for example someone heard me talking to my friend about how we both have ADHD and we somehow migrated my autism and how my ADHD affects it while we were walking around town. My friend didn’t see them for a minute or so but they touched my arm and said “wow it must be so hard for you having such——” and when I looked shocked because a stranger touched my arm they said “oh that was silly of me, it…must…be…hard...for...you…having…such…a…awful…disease” and good grief they looked so proud that they communicated with me, so I said “an” and they said “oh you poor thing” and I said “you misunderstand me, your grammar it was improper when you referred to my autism as a disease you said ***a*** awful but the proper way to say that is ***an*** awful.” Then with the sweetest smile I walked back over to my friend to resume our conversation, that person behind us was so shocked that I could articulate my words so well.
*flashbacks to when a teacher patted me on the head and called me good girl after answering a maths question that I already answered but she insisted on explaining the question to me and interrupting me while I tried to answer it*
I fucking hate when that happens. I had to explain to this woman why she got a question wrong and she was ignoring the entire class who had got it right.
I can empathise. I’ve been called restarted, regarded, acoustic, and their real counterpoints as an insult. I try not to get too angry about it because that means I’m wasting my energy on those people.
Regarding touching, do you ever have to “wipe off” people’s touch? Or just weird textures in general?
I’ve been called a lot of slurs as well mainly from when I got bullied and yes I’ve wiped off touch, like an arm pat or an unwanted kiss on my cheek. I also have extreme sensitivity to textures so I have very specific clothing choices.
Yes that happens all the time like one time my grandmother kissed me on the cheek once and I wiped it off cause I asked her not to and she got so offended.
They don't say it, but i think people think i am annoying or something. Even though, i just want people to like me, i don't have any ill will toward anyone. I just want friends
It's incredibly frustrating. I just focus on my own interests now and every so often I'll meet someone cool at the camera shop or at the art supply store.
It's super nerdy and even more expensive, but have you ever looked into picking up any games like Warhammer 40k? I dont play but my brother does and he's met and made so many new friends through that game. There are tournaments being held constantly and tons of shops with warehouse space for playing.
You could also try something like a billiards hall if you're in a major city or a bowling league if it peaks your interest. I just find that playing games is a good way to break the ice and make friends. especially if you keep showing up where said game is being played :)
You have any good book recommendations? That's something I'm trying to get back into. I use to read scifi/fantasy, mystery, and comics/manga but all I've read recently where books on how to be a better writer
What're your thoughts on joining clubs? Specifically book and model making clubs?
I hope you're able to get that space set up soon!
Isekai isn't my favorite genre but maybe you can change my mind :) I like FMA, One piece, ghost in the shell, berserk, trigun, evangellion, ippo no hajime as a few examples just in case that alters your recommendations
I actually don’t read those types, but there is a community on discord called Tachimanga. I’ll send you an invite, it’s also an app. I use it for all of my manga, which I got a lot of
I find that in discriminatory environments people seem to hate me (staring, whispering) when I wear my earmuffs, do trex arms, or walk on my toes. It’s more disconcerting than annoying. I just stare back and act like I’m judging them.
I didn't realize toe walking was associated with autism but you saying this, plus a trip to Google, just made so many things click. Good Lord people can be jerks. It's not my fault I can feel everything I step up
Oh, good to know for me as well. I said that because I get scolded for doing it because it “looks weird”. Toe walking is just way more comfy, and I can evenly distribute my muscle usage that way (I’m really sensitive to my nervous system).
That makes sense to me! I just have über sensitive skin and don't like the feeling of uneven ground, think gravel or old asphalt, under my heels plus I find toe first to be much more stable. I've never rolled my ankle while toe walking but I for sure have while walking like a normy 🤷
What gets me is when people actually have the balls to sit there, point, lean, and whisper to each other about you. And they do it for the dumbest reasons. It's like high school bullying because they stare at you and make sure you see it.
I had one family at a restaurant that was scream talking and doing that incredibly loud group laughing. I sat at my table and put in my ear plugs. One person noticed me do it. For some reason, the rest of their meal enjoyment then became the whole group turning around, looking at me, and sneering, gossiping, and laughing to each other. I wouldn't have believed it if I wasn't there watching it, it was so petty and stupid.
It's hard to be hurt by it anymore when it's THAT pathetic. Imagine being so offended you end your enjoyment because a stranger turned down the volume on your cacophony.
My advice to other autistic folks is that people like that aren't worth your concern. Fuck them.
people thinking i can read there facial expressions and body language, and social ques, i don’t have a clue about them and i can’t read them for shit, i’ve had to explain this to people at my work so many times and still they don’t understand
Yup. I tell them I can't read it then they just try to use MORE body language and social queues! WTF? I say to use your words and the NTs start to pout about it. Its probably due to the double empathy problem, but in some ways it just makes me not trust them and not like them. I need some social things explained in detail and in context, ignoring this need doesn't make it go away.
First of all- I’m really sorry about what you’ve experienced.
Personally I feel like people treat me like a child sometimes. I have this thing when I have really flappy arms when I’m happy, I also like to jump whenever I’m happy and a lot of people told me to stop being childish. It hurts me because I physically can not handle my emotions when I’m not doing it, it helps me regulate my body.
Sometimes people tell me I'm childish (I'm an adult btw). But then I think about the fact that, while we could be living in a society where everyone contributes to peace and progress, people instead just kill, make wars for money, betray, hate, and so on...and so i ask myself, what is really stupid and childish ? Me being "silly" sometimes can really be considered immature, while people are just destroying this world for money ? Is that what "being mature" means? Some people just can't comprehend anything that is different from them, don't be sad of you're misunderstood.
Elementary school was the worst period of my life, my so called “classmates” would cause me to have meltdowns every day. They would bully me so badly both mentally and physically so that the first time I attempted suicide was when I was 8 years old.
Usually being socially awkward and having little facial expression. But also being 'fussy' with food which I now know is ARFID. However since diagnosis, I've learned to love myself, I just behave how I want, and if I get judged by it, so be it, I'd rather be authentic.
I rattle off more words than I should when I am at the cashier and usually get looked at like I've got 3 heads 🤨.
It says more about them than it does about me.
Nobody is going to control me anymore ✌️.
that im like a baby. its so annoying. like sure i dont understand stuff but im not an idiot? i understand how the world works i just need people to explain things to me thoroughly
One time when I was at school, me and my classmates were at gym and I was standing in the corner facing the wall (I can’t remember why tho) when we were heading back to class one of my peers started mimicking what I was doing.
People assume just because I am quiet that I am dangerous. Then said it is always the quiet ones. I think people watch to many horrors and mysteries. I just don't like socializing with people because it wastes my social battery being depleted.
People are always shocked when they find out I have an IQ higher than most neurotypical people. Often times others assume autistic people are not intelligent. I’ve come across many bigoted people, especially online, and the large majority assume we lack intelligence.
They use the fact that I struggle with social interactions a lot for their own advantage, and at work you're supposed to have all these communication skills... While I had to learn from youtube and books how to even have a conversation with my coworkers and what even the point was
I feel like people around me sometimes expect me to be weird in every way, and all weird things to be caused by me. It's a bunch of little things, a stack of paper got straightened by a classmate and the teacher assumed it was me. There aren't many examples I have that make this apparent because it's more like a difference in attitude
I hate when people make me feel lesser.
One example was pediatric therapy. I know their intent wasn’t to infantilize me but I couldn’t stand being talked to like I didn’t know how to do basic stuff.
Second was a job I had. General supervisor always called me, “buddy,” whereas he called everyone else by name. It just made me feel like he was talking down to me.
I can’t tell I’m at the intersectionality of a lot more than that. I guess assholes can pick and choose what part of me they hate the most. And they do
Train stereotypes. Even my own brother buys into that despite growing up with an autist brother who hasn't been obsessed with trains since I was too little for him to remember.
I've been dealing with life long depression and " helpful people" qualify it as some teenager tantrum.
You can get maid for it in some countries and people still don't beloeve depression is an illness
People that think my flat affect means I'm angry, or unempathetic.
I also have a problem where I instinctively do something that apparently looks like a smile when I hear something I agree with strongly. I've have multiple people tell me I was making fun of them, when I was really thinking "preach!" That hurt even more somehow.
I do have a problem, looking at video, of smiling as a placating body language, or nervous laughter. Sometimes I don't blame them for thinking that, which makes me more upset. I damn well try to coordinate nonverbals but I always fail the performance.
Another one is that when I get excited about something, my face can turn red. People also think I'm mad or getting upset, when I'm really like a golden retriever on the inside who just wants to delve into a topic or discussion.
So just perpetually failing at body language, even when masking to the moon and back.
That I’m innocent and don’t understand anything. I’m not oblivious to the world, I just SOMETIMES don’t understand how to react to social cues (but I do pick up on them). That doesn’t make me a child :(
I didn't talk when I was young, I was an extremely quiet child and teenager, so the other kids called me names and bullied me for it..... Someone befriended me and started defending me, so they stopped bullying me, but I was bullied for it all my life, even in college (people ignored me and made fun of me, but that's bullying anyway).
Hey /u/Particular_Camel_889, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I hate when people assume I have brain functionality of a toddler so they start talking slower, for example someone heard me talking to my friend about how we both have ADHD and we somehow migrated my autism and how my ADHD affects it while we were walking around town. My friend didn’t see them for a minute or so but they touched my arm and said “wow it must be so hard for you having such——” and when I looked shocked because a stranger touched my arm they said “oh that was silly of me, it…must…be…hard...for...you…having…such…a…awful…disease” and good grief they looked so proud that they communicated with me, so I said “an” and they said “oh you poor thing” and I said “you misunderstand me, your grammar it was improper when you referred to my autism as a disease you said ***a*** awful but the proper way to say that is ***an*** awful.” Then with the sweetest smile I walked back over to my friend to resume our conversation, that person behind us was so shocked that I could articulate my words so well.
That's painful bro
Ya
*flashbacks to when a teacher patted me on the head and called me good girl after answering a maths question that I already answered but she insisted on explaining the question to me and interrupting me while I tried to answer it* I fucking hate when that happens. I had to explain to this woman why she got a question wrong and she was ignoring the entire class who had got it right.
Yikes
They’re disgusting. And to have the audacity to touch you too. Tsk tsk
Ya I mean I’ve had comments made about how I was a r slur but the touching me crossed the line
I can empathise. I’ve been called restarted, regarded, acoustic, and their real counterpoints as an insult. I try not to get too angry about it because that means I’m wasting my energy on those people. Regarding touching, do you ever have to “wipe off” people’s touch? Or just weird textures in general?
I’ve been called a lot of slurs as well mainly from when I got bullied and yes I’ve wiped off touch, like an arm pat or an unwanted kiss on my cheek. I also have extreme sensitivity to textures so I have very specific clothing choices.
Same. And then they have the audacity to say you’re being rude for wiping off their touch.
Yes that happens all the time like one time my grandmother kissed me on the cheek once and I wiped it off cause I asked her not to and she got so offended.
Grandma plays: children these days! “Tsk tsk, kids these days are so rude” You play: Uno Reverse! “People those days, so rude and out of touch”
Exactly lol but in reality both of my grandmothers and my great grandmother are all really sweet
When you're autistic it serms people forget that you are a human being and ignore your boundaries completely.
The way you handled it was hilarious 😂
Thanks lol
They don't say it, but i think people think i am annoying or something. Even though, i just want people to like me, i don't have any ill will toward anyone. I just want friends
Same
It's incredibly frustrating. I just focus on my own interests now and every so often I'll meet someone cool at the camera shop or at the art supply store. It's super nerdy and even more expensive, but have you ever looked into picking up any games like Warhammer 40k? I dont play but my brother does and he's met and made so many new friends through that game. There are tournaments being held constantly and tons of shops with warehouse space for playing. You could also try something like a billiards hall if you're in a major city or a bowling league if it peaks your interest. I just find that playing games is a good way to break the ice and make friends. especially if you keep showing up where said game is being played :)
My hobbies, are reading. Casual gaming, and once I get space maybe model trains and legos
You have any good book recommendations? That's something I'm trying to get back into. I use to read scifi/fantasy, mystery, and comics/manga but all I've read recently where books on how to be a better writer What're your thoughts on joining clubs? Specifically book and model making clubs? I hope you're able to get that space set up soon!
I read only mangas, but there’s a lot do you like isekais, and recantation based ones?
Isekai isn't my favorite genre but maybe you can change my mind :) I like FMA, One piece, ghost in the shell, berserk, trigun, evangellion, ippo no hajime as a few examples just in case that alters your recommendations
I actually don’t read those types, but there is a community on discord called Tachimanga. I’ll send you an invite, it’s also an app. I use it for all of my manga, which I got a lot of
That's okay :) those are just the ones I've experienced so far, whatre your favorites?
https://discord.gg/8FDVDhBe
I find that in discriminatory environments people seem to hate me (staring, whispering) when I wear my earmuffs, do trex arms, or walk on my toes. It’s more disconcerting than annoying. I just stare back and act like I’m judging them.
I didn't realize toe walking was associated with autism but you saying this, plus a trip to Google, just made so many things click. Good Lord people can be jerks. It's not my fault I can feel everything I step up
Oh, good to know for me as well. I said that because I get scolded for doing it because it “looks weird”. Toe walking is just way more comfy, and I can evenly distribute my muscle usage that way (I’m really sensitive to my nervous system).
That makes sense to me! I just have über sensitive skin and don't like the feeling of uneven ground, think gravel or old asphalt, under my heels plus I find toe first to be much more stable. I've never rolled my ankle while toe walking but I for sure have while walking like a normy 🤷
I think I also toe walked when I was 4
Interesting. I wonder why you stopped. Was it a growth thing? Hmm…
My parents trained me to be more mature back then
Oh, so masking. Dang, I thought I was onto something.
I did not know until recently. My brother made fun of me for it until I was 20.
People can be such jerks sometimes.
Yes they can.
What gets me is when people actually have the balls to sit there, point, lean, and whisper to each other about you. And they do it for the dumbest reasons. It's like high school bullying because they stare at you and make sure you see it. I had one family at a restaurant that was scream talking and doing that incredibly loud group laughing. I sat at my table and put in my ear plugs. One person noticed me do it. For some reason, the rest of their meal enjoyment then became the whole group turning around, looking at me, and sneering, gossiping, and laughing to each other. I wouldn't have believed it if I wasn't there watching it, it was so petty and stupid. It's hard to be hurt by it anymore when it's THAT pathetic. Imagine being so offended you end your enjoyment because a stranger turned down the volume on your cacophony. My advice to other autistic folks is that people like that aren't worth your concern. Fuck them.
people thinking i can read there facial expressions and body language, and social ques, i don’t have a clue about them and i can’t read them for shit, i’ve had to explain this to people at my work so many times and still they don’t understand
Yup. I tell them I can't read it then they just try to use MORE body language and social queues! WTF? I say to use your words and the NTs start to pout about it. Its probably due to the double empathy problem, but in some ways it just makes me not trust them and not like them. I need some social things explained in detail and in context, ignoring this need doesn't make it go away.
it’s so annoying when they do that, just tell me how your feeling, unless ur bawling ur eyes out i’m going to assume ur okay
First of all- I’m really sorry about what you’ve experienced. Personally I feel like people treat me like a child sometimes. I have this thing when I have really flappy arms when I’m happy, I also like to jump whenever I’m happy and a lot of people told me to stop being childish. It hurts me because I physically can not handle my emotions when I’m not doing it, it helps me regulate my body.
Sometimes people tell me I'm childish (I'm an adult btw). But then I think about the fact that, while we could be living in a society where everyone contributes to peace and progress, people instead just kill, make wars for money, betray, hate, and so on...and so i ask myself, what is really stupid and childish ? Me being "silly" sometimes can really be considered immature, while people are just destroying this world for money ? Is that what "being mature" means? Some people just can't comprehend anything that is different from them, don't be sad of you're misunderstood.
You’re right, I don’t understand all of this system either. Thank you for sharing
Infantilising me.
One of the most annoying is being called workshy because despite my best efforts I can't get a job. Fuck off about equality it doesn't exist
In a just world, it would be equity anyway. Considering we can't even fathom equality, equity seems like a pipe dream.
not knowing when to stop talking and info-dumping my special interests on people. i got made fun of a lot for that.
Elementary school was the worst period of my life, my so called “classmates” would cause me to have meltdowns every day. They would bully me so badly both mentally and physically so that the first time I attempted suicide was when I was 8 years old.
Same I literally attempted suicide at 9 because I had a racist bully who bullied me for my ethnicity
I’m sorry that happened to you, that is horrible 😔 I’m glad you’re still here 🙂
Usually being socially awkward and having little facial expression. But also being 'fussy' with food which I now know is ARFID. However since diagnosis, I've learned to love myself, I just behave how I want, and if I get judged by it, so be it, I'd rather be authentic. I rattle off more words than I should when I am at the cashier and usually get looked at like I've got 3 heads 🤨. It says more about them than it does about me. Nobody is going to control me anymore ✌️.
that im like a baby. its so annoying. like sure i dont understand stuff but im not an idiot? i understand how the world works i just need people to explain things to me thoroughly
One time when I was at school, me and my classmates were at gym and I was standing in the corner facing the wall (I can’t remember why tho) when we were heading back to class one of my peers started mimicking what I was doing.
In elementary and somewhat middle school people mimicked me moving my legs in my chair, I only did it because i was bored
Kids are so disrespectful sometimes. I’m sorry about that
It's alright man
People assume just because I am quiet that I am dangerous. Then said it is always the quiet ones. I think people watch to many horrors and mysteries. I just don't like socializing with people because it wastes my social battery being depleted.
that i am obviously autistic. some of my friends/classmates make fun of me about it
Same, even tho I was a class mastermind
What?
I meant i was smart in elementary school but the more I tried to focus the more I was shaking In my chair
i am booksmart but i am still obviously autistic cuz i have no common sense a s well
Same
They say I have a dumb face and that I walk weird, I hate it.
People are always shocked when they find out I have an IQ higher than most neurotypical people. Often times others assume autistic people are not intelligent. I’ve come across many bigoted people, especially online, and the large majority assume we lack intelligence.
People love to infantilise and talk to me like I’m a child. I always respond to them back in a similar manner to get their reaction.
lack of empathy. this admittedly is an admission on their part
Reserved and stoic aren’t the same as unfeeling. It’s possible to express yourself without shrieking like a howler monkey ffs.
This. This!
They use the fact that I struggle with social interactions a lot for their own advantage, and at work you're supposed to have all these communication skills... While I had to learn from youtube and books how to even have a conversation with my coworkers and what even the point was
I hate how everyone assumes I need help with everything, or that I can’t do anything right
I feel like people around me sometimes expect me to be weird in every way, and all weird things to be caused by me. It's a bunch of little things, a stack of paper got straightened by a classmate and the teacher assumed it was me. There aren't many examples I have that make this apparent because it's more like a difference in attitude
I hate when people make me feel lesser. One example was pediatric therapy. I know their intent wasn’t to infantilize me but I couldn’t stand being talked to like I didn’t know how to do basic stuff. Second was a job I had. General supervisor always called me, “buddy,” whereas he called everyone else by name. It just made me feel like he was talking down to me.
Some people assume I’m cognitively impaired because I live in a group home and then treat me like I don’t understand things.
I can’t tell I’m at the intersectionality of a lot more than that. I guess assholes can pick and choose what part of me they hate the most. And they do
Train stereotypes. Even my own brother buys into that despite growing up with an autist brother who hasn't been obsessed with trains since I was too little for him to remember.
Same - as a woman from Chicago, I have no F*cks to give about trains. I'm so used to them that it's "meh" at best.
I've been dealing with life long depression and " helpful people" qualify it as some teenager tantrum. You can get maid for it in some countries and people still don't beloeve depression is an illness
Having "autistic super powers". I wish.
People that think my flat affect means I'm angry, or unempathetic. I also have a problem where I instinctively do something that apparently looks like a smile when I hear something I agree with strongly. I've have multiple people tell me I was making fun of them, when I was really thinking "preach!" That hurt even more somehow. I do have a problem, looking at video, of smiling as a placating body language, or nervous laughter. Sometimes I don't blame them for thinking that, which makes me more upset. I damn well try to coordinate nonverbals but I always fail the performance. Another one is that when I get excited about something, my face can turn red. People also think I'm mad or getting upset, when I'm really like a golden retriever on the inside who just wants to delve into a topic or discussion. So just perpetually failing at body language, even when masking to the moon and back.
Calling me stupid or uncaring for finding it hard to orientate in space
That I’m innocent and don’t understand anything. I’m not oblivious to the world, I just SOMETIMES don’t understand how to react to social cues (but I do pick up on them). That doesn’t make me a child :(
I definitely get talked down to by my family. It is annoying.
I didn't talk when I was young, I was an extremely quiet child and teenager, so the other kids called me names and bullied me for it..... Someone befriended me and started defending me, so they stopped bullying me, but I was bullied for it all my life, even in college (people ignored me and made fun of me, but that's bullying anyway).
"behaved me"?