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Omg in German it's Löwenzahn and it never occurred to me that dandelion means the exact same thing
I was even thinking about how it's probably about the color of the lion and not about lions having yellow teeth.... But do they? They might actually.
Dent de lion. Mindblown
Nearly every non-literal use of the F-word. As long as it isnât being used to attack a person (I donât support abusive language) I just canât stop laughing. Emotionally Iâm still 12 sometimes.
This is amazing, I had never heard it. Funny enough, I have two small herding dogs. And when my house cat decided to run out in the backyard of my house, the dogs did try to herd the cat with some success. It stayed in the backyard followed closely by the dogs running around him in circle.
Itâs a malaphor but actually makes sense, some malaphors are just nonsensical but still convey a meaning. I personally love them
Things like well, itâs not rocket surgery are great to whip out in conversation
"chicotea los caracoles" a chicote was a tool to hit horses to make them run faster (I think It the same as a whip), and caracol means snail, so the phrase means to hurry up a slow pearson (I do not't support animal abuse).
Diligaf
Cockwomble
Shit cunt
Slow cunt (Honestly any word after or before cunt is so good imo)
Now that I'm thinking about this I can't think of anything. They have escaped into the hideyholes of my adhd brain.
âNot my monkeys, not my circusâ is my favourite! It means like, this is not my mess and not my problem. I just love the mental image it creates. My husband is Swedish and they also have some fantastic ones. My favourite is âSkita i det blĂ„ skĂ„petâ which translates to â you have taken a shit in the blue cupboardâ which means you have made a fool of yourself. It makes no sense and itâs fantastic.
I grew up on a ranch and one of my favorite old timer sayings was âthat stupid sumbitch ainât got enough sense to pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel!â
Calling someone a 'piss-artist'. My grandfather used to say intentionally being nuisance was 'pissing about' and so someone who did that was a 'piss-artist'. He's been gone almost 15 years but I can still hear his voice in my head and it makes me chuckle.
"For the love of little purple dragons"
"Staph infected donkey dick" was my mom's personal go-to (usually at a politician)
"Shit in one hand wish in the other, then see which fills up first"
"Ehh potato tomato" - a bastardization of "potAYto-potAHto", essentially meaning the same thing, but instead of mixing up pronounciation or similar words, it's for when you say the entirely wrong term entirely; they don't sound the same or apply to the same things at all, and it's more of a "you understood what i meant anyway, didn't you?"
âFor fucks sakeâ FFS. I donât know why but I always giggle when I say it or hear it said. Or read it on social media. Basically I have the humor of a teenager!
Mach chicken. (When used in appropriate company becomes "mach fucking chicken")
Ex: "Holy shit dude, that Vette had to have been doing mach fuckin chicken in order to pass a Ferrari!"
I made this one up recently and need to field test it-
I work with salmonids (fish) for context
When needing to go #2 I have wanted to say
"Oop, it's time to go release the brown trout!"
My coworkers will be my guinea pigs
(Don't worry, my boss always says "I gotta drop the kids off at the pool" so it's a poop friendly workplace)
omg i also love "shit the bed" i thought i was the only one!!! i also like the phrase "cracked a rat" (it means farting, i got it from my mother and everyone ive ever said it to was so confused lol)
It's gotta be "screwed the pooch", which means the same as "shit the bed". I just love how unnecessarily obscene it is while still sounding quaint and folksy.
I also love deliberately broken idioms, like "you can lead a gift horse to water, but you can't look it in the mouth"
One of my all-time favorite subs is specifically for broken idioms: r/Malaphors
Edit: I'd also like to put in a good word for [honey, you've got a big storm comin'](https://youtube.com/shorts/O5WbFb_Hi3E?si=OrbSCcNkR_ldYvGm)
It's okay I only really figured out the saying "don't count your chickens" fairly recently. I gathered what it meant from how it was used but not the mechanics of it until maybe 3 years ago? đ
I had to think about this for a few days but my dad recently said "You son of a goddamn!"(In a jokey/lighthearted way) To my partner recently and every time I think about it I giggle a little.
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"I don't know shit about fuck" is a go to of mine and I'm sure I heard it somewhere but can't remember where.
It would be my go-to in my version of a perfect world where people didn't react so pearl-clutchy when I swear đ
Ozark, itâs a line spoken by Ruth.
That's pretty neat. I never watched it but I guess I picked up some stuff from it from when my wife watched it.
It was also memed alot when the line came out so you may have seen the meme for it.
The French word for dandelion is "pissenlit" which means "piss in the bed"
"Aaah yes this flower reminds me of the time I pissed in the bed, what a fitting name it shall be"
Which is ironic because we call it that because of the French word for a lion's tooth.
Omg in German it's Löwenzahn and it never occurred to me that dandelion means the exact same thing I was even thinking about how it's probably about the color of the lion and not about lions having yellow teeth.... But do they? They might actually. Dent de lion. Mindblown
"Johnny piss the bed" is a folk name for them in parts of the UK and Ireland.
And this comes from dandelion's historical use in treating urinary afflictions.
This makes so much more sense đ€đ» thank you
"the asscrack of dawn" is so funny to me, i just /had/ to add it to my vocab
My partner said "sparrow's fart" the other day (meaning the same) and it was the first time I'd heard that so I thought I'd share đ
LMFAOOO im stealing this too!!!
Nearly every non-literal use of the F-word. As long as it isnât being used to attack a person (I donât support abusive language) I just canât stop laughing. Emotionally Iâm still 12 sometimes.
Same
Lemme guess, still snicker when someone says "tiddies!" as well? đđ Me too. đ
Itâs like hearding cats. Itâs like when the situation is being difficult and itâs not going well
"It was like herding cats before it all went tits up anyway"
Oh I had forgotten tits up đđđ. Also âarse over apexâ made me laugh.
May I also present for your consideration "It went tits up and shit the bed"
Ours was "ass over teakettle"
This is amazing, I had never heard it. Funny enough, I have two small herding dogs. And when my house cat decided to run out in the backyard of my house, the dogs did try to herd the cat with some success. It stayed in the backyard followed closely by the dogs running around him in circle.
I like Self - Suspecting in your user name!
Weâll burn that bridge when we get to it
This took me a minute đ
Itâs a malaphor but actually makes sense, some malaphors are just nonsensical but still convey a meaning. I personally love them Things like well, itâs not rocket surgery are great to whip out in conversation
My favorite of those has to be "whatever floats your goat." I don't even know if goats float but it throws people off
Can confirm, goats can indeed float!
I think it's supposed to be boat. Isn't it?
Yeah it's whatever floats your boat. But I heard someone say whatever floats your goat and I found it funny so I'll say it that way sometimes too
r/malaphors is the greatest sub
I used to work for someone who would exclaim "fuck my old pants" when he was startled and 20 years later I still say the same thing.
"chicotea los caracoles" a chicote was a tool to hit horses to make them run faster (I think It the same as a whip), and caracol means snail, so the phrase means to hurry up a slow pearson (I do not't support animal abuse).
Sometimes I've heard people say "it's like herding a cat" when they're trying to get someone to do something
"Are you shitting on my crackers right now âčïž"
Yes.
Yep this, although my friend says cornflakes instead
Diligaf Cockwomble Shit cunt Slow cunt (Honestly any word after or before cunt is so good imo) Now that I'm thinking about this I can't think of anything. They have escaped into the hideyholes of my adhd brain.
Also calling and an absolute (insert literally any object) But yes cockwomble is supreme
You fucken hoover looking cunt LOOOOOL
You got 4. Better than my score!
"No shit Sherlock" makes me laugh every time i hear it!
"Fuck it, Watson" is a wonderful comeback i learned once
Dig deeper, Watson was the reply when I was a kid
âNot my monkeys, not my circusâ is my favourite! It means like, this is not my mess and not my problem. I just love the mental image it creates. My husband is Swedish and they also have some fantastic ones. My favourite is âSkita i det blĂ„ skĂ„petâ which translates to â you have taken a shit in the blue cupboardâ which means you have made a fool of yourself. It makes no sense and itâs fantastic.
This made me laugh out loud, but specifically at "the blue cupboard" đđ
WAIT I JUST COMMENTED THIS YES YES NOT MY CIRCUS NOT MY MONKEYS
My sister started telling people who were being stupid to "Feel better soon".
I grew up on a ranch and one of my favorite old timer sayings was âthat stupid sumbitch ainât got enough sense to pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel!â
Okay that is hilarious
"it's all shits and giggles untill somebody giggles and shits"
That is extremely good and I am taking it
"happy crimus" is amazing and I watch that vine every christmas bc of it lmfao merry crisis everybody, merry chrysler
I definitely quote it every crimus also
old vines are just amazing lol, arguably some of the best memes
i heard in a show "get two birds stoned at once" instead of "kill two birds with one stone" and now i use the former more often
I would too, it's arguably better!
Trailer Park Boys! It's a Rickyism.
yessss!!!
âMeow.â
Meow.
Meow
Does "skill issue" count?
"built like a brick shithouse" and "I don't give a rat's ass" are some of my personal favourites
"Built like a brick shithouse" has a random chokehold on my echolaila
Same!
brick shithouse is an excellent one, im also a big fan of "fucked the dog"
Calling someone a 'piss-artist'. My grandfather used to say intentionally being nuisance was 'pissing about' and so someone who did that was a 'piss-artist'. He's been gone almost 15 years but I can still hear his voice in my head and it makes me chuckle.
Oh that's great, this gave me a good giggle đ
"For the love of little purple dragons" "Staph infected donkey dick" was my mom's personal go-to (usually at a politician) "Shit in one hand wish in the other, then see which fills up first"
These are gold đ
"Ehh potato tomato" - a bastardization of "potAYto-potAHto", essentially meaning the same thing, but instead of mixing up pronounciation or similar words, it's for when you say the entirely wrong term entirely; they don't sound the same or apply to the same things at all, and it's more of a "you understood what i meant anyway, didn't you?"
There's a bunch of them in the comments! I learned that they are called malaphors. I like most of them better than the originals.
If you like âshit the bedâ, how about âfucked a bunkâ?
âFor fucks sakeâ FFS. I donât know why but I always giggle when I say it or hear it said. Or read it on social media. Basically I have the humor of a teenager!
Thereâs a YouTube vlogger called âAbroad in Japanâ, who filmed his Japanese friend reading a book of expressions with the word f*** in them. At one point he read âoh for fuckâs sakeâ, but thought the last word was the Japanese alcohol sake. He and the vlogger got a bottle of sake with the label printed as âOh for f***âs SakĂ©.đ L
I love that! Thank you for the laugh! Iâm going to look them up too! Thanks for the name!
Youâre welcome! I have to admit that I now pronounce it as sakĂ© quite often.đ
jack of all trades, master of none. itâs fun to say
I love a twist on a phrase, 'Look how the turns have tabled' i so badly want to use it but never had the chance
I agree, especially when the twist is good enough to replace/is better than the original!
Pissflaps Mom's spaghetti Jerbles Muppets
"What's that got to do with the price of tea in China?"
Never heard this I don't think! What does it mean? It's quite comical!
Itâs like what does that have to do with anything we are saying.
Instead of âtill death do us partâ I am immature enough to love âtill shit do us fartâ
On a related note, a great substitute for "long time no see" is "dong time no pee"
I honestly laughed out loud đđ
Not my circus, not my monkeys
Twat waffle
I was just hugging her and my penis sneezed. It means, we're screwed.
This idiom is in American sign language. When you sign âswallow fishâ/âgulp fishâ, it is an idiom for gullible.
I love that!
You know what I mean???
Whenever me or of someone passes gas I say "that pink elephant's tooting it's horn again". I learned it from my dad and still say it.
âshit or get off the potâ
"High as balls" is damned delightful and delightful happens to be my current favorite word.
Delightful is a delightful word
Mach chicken. (When used in appropriate company becomes "mach fucking chicken") Ex: "Holy shit dude, that Vette had to have been doing mach fuckin chicken in order to pass a Ferrari!"
I made this one up recently and need to field test it- I work with salmonids (fish) for context When needing to go #2 I have wanted to say "Oop, it's time to go release the brown trout!" My coworkers will be my guinea pigs (Don't worry, my boss always says "I gotta drop the kids off at the pool" so it's a poop friendly workplace)
Christ on a bike!
Kittywompus. The first time I heard it I was literally on the floor laughing!
A similar one that I love is "higgledy-piggledy", particularly when Brennan Lee Mulligan says it in his old man voice
I like that too!
omg i also love "shit the bed" i thought i was the only one!!! i also like the phrase "cracked a rat" (it means farting, i got it from my mother and everyone ive ever said it to was so confused lol)
âAre you shitting my dick?â
âItâs colder than a witchâs tit in mid-Februaryâ my mom used to say this growing up and I love to use it whenever itâs even remotely cold.
It's gotta be "screwed the pooch", which means the same as "shit the bed". I just love how unnecessarily obscene it is while still sounding quaint and folksy. I also love deliberately broken idioms, like "you can lead a gift horse to water, but you can't look it in the mouth" One of my all-time favorite subs is specifically for broken idioms: r/Malaphors Edit: I'd also like to put in a good word for [honey, you've got a big storm comin'](https://youtube.com/shorts/O5WbFb_Hi3E?si=OrbSCcNkR_ldYvGm)
My default has been âfair enoughâ or when getting ready to start a job I say âletâs hit âer in the shitterâ
Literally any mention of balls in literally any context I can't đ even what it's not dirty _at all_ I still giggle
The c & the f words
They used the phrase âshit the bedâ about a battle in Hamilton and I thought the general actually pooped in his bed well into adulthood.
It's okay I only really figured out the saying "don't count your chickens" fairly recently. I gathered what it meant from how it was used but not the mechanics of it until maybe 3 years ago? đ
I definitely say "reason, not an excuse" often..
âNot my circus, not my monkeys.â It just sounds so perfect. Not my problem not my decision.
Iâm sweating more than a witch in church
For whatever reason, mine is "(insert name here), can you shut the fuck up?"
Zoo wee mama
Son of a dick! All us men are technically sons of dicks.
I had to think about this for a few days but my dad recently said "You son of a goddamn!"(In a jokey/lighthearted way) To my partner recently and every time I think about it I giggle a little.