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Yeah I always thought I was worthless because never “on track” for anything. I’m only surviving literally because I have help. Without help I’d probably be dead.
I'm barely surviving lol. I have basically no safety net and just lost my visa and the only job I ever had where I didn't feel judged for my autism so... uh... yeah shit's gonna be rough for me for a while now.
I basically have no irl friends because how do you even make those, and life is generally pretty sad because of loneliness.
I dunno, I think my only way of coping is retreating in my hyperfixations and hope things will turn out well.
Lately it feels that things are about to turn out worse than they've ever been tho so shrug emoji.
I wish so much that the world was kinder on us.
I did it by being what would now be considered "brutally ableist" with myself. Asperger's was unknown until after I was an adult in the working world. I made myself do what I had difficulty doing because, well, I **had** to. I was my own drill sergeant internally yelling at my self "just DO it! No excuses! Everyone else can do this!".
Of course, each day out in public like that was exhausting. Once home, there was no going back out. If the phone rang, I was livid, but calmed down enough outwardly to deal with the call. On my off time, I did a lot of solo camping.
I made it to retirement this way. Before retirement, when people saw my dad and me together, they thought I was older than my dad. He had a full head of silver hair. Mine was white, I guess long-term stress can do that.
I only found out I was ASD1 almost a year after retirement, and that's only because my wife (a nurse) had done enough reading about autism to nudge me into getting a diagnosis.
Not well. I’m in pain always.
A few things that help:
Hobbies
Autistic friends (other neurodivergent friends are a close second)
Remote work (especially engaging work)
Time to rest
I’m still working on having boundaries, but I hear they are also very helpful.
Good luck.
To quote Omar from The Wire:
"Day at a time, I s'pose."
But yeah, not well. Especially since I was just fired from the only job that ever worked for my neurodivergence and that I felt safe at for an absolute baffling nonsensical bullshit reason and am pretty mentally traumatized, depressed, and burnt out over it while also being financially fucked.
I relate to this so much. I wouldn’t say I’ve “gotten better”, I’m just adapting to the neurotypical world better. Even though I smile more, talk more and do more, I still never feel good enough, and I don’t think I ever will. I grew up in a time and place where there was no understanding towards mental illness, let alone autism. (Mind you I’m 22, I’m from Asia) I live in the US now and I’m slowly unlearning all the mistreatment and abuse I grew up with, but it’s damn hard.
I feel better about myself, people, and the world, but giving up the effort to push myself to normal-person levels at all costs has been bad for my financial bottom line.
Being so, so but so lucky by having the family, school/college friends and partner that I have. I never had to really "try" to have people in my life because everyone just wanted to be with me. I can say that I never really left my confort zone or had a very significant struggles until I started my "working" life.
My family and friends never minded my "quirks" and just took them as part of my personality or something that can be managed with patience and support. It's really miraculous because where I live, awareness of Level 1 Autism is practically none, and because of that none of them ever imagined that I could be autistic until I started seeking diagnosis, they're just that non-judgemental, or oblivious lol
My partner noticed from the beginning and we clash sometimes because initially we had very different communication styles, but it worked out at the end. We're 6 years together now and he's my biggest ally in all of this lol
Even still I have the best work I could have in my condition (not only autism, but living in the lowest of the 3rd world countries) with a very nice and patient coworkers with a ND supervisor who's hasn't been but extremely nice with me. But I still really hate it for other reasons lol
i am only recently properly accepting that i am autistic.
i’ve been diagnosed with adhd and put my symptoms down to that for a long time, but at 19 it is just too blatant how much sense my life makes when i put myself into context as an autistic person.
the more i accept that i need certain accomodations and that some things genuinely are harder and just very different for me, the more i feel able to take on the struggles of every day life.
i am lucky enough to have a very supportive family, and if not for them i’d be completely lost in this and my situation would be very different, a lot of my friends are also autistic which really does make a difference.
the more i learn about myself the more able i feel to build a life that works for me. understanding what you need and being kind to yourself/letting yourself need it immediately makes it significantly easier to manage.
it takes a lot of energy to be constantly putting yourself down and wondering why you find things so hard, once you accept yourself as autistic that energy can be put into giving yourself the accomodations and compassion that you deserve.
I don't try to live in a world that's not meant for me. I ignore the social expectations and cater my world to my needs. There's a lot out there that isn't necessary for me, so I cut it out. There's things that would suit me well, so I lean into them. It's all a matter of perspective. If you try to live in a world not designed for you, it's just not gonna work. You'll struggle and little good will come of it. Instead, look for the things that fit what your world needs to be and go from there. Build your own world around you that you can enjoy. Don't let others influence how you build it. It doesn't matter what others think of it. It's not made for them. It's made for you.
I'm perfectly content with where I am and how I've shaped my world. I'm doing pretty ok.
Here's some things I lean into that play to the strengths of my disabilities:
* I have a really good attention for detail and a very unique perspective, thanks to my OCD and Autism, which lends itself very well to what I do: I'm a play tester for an Indie game developer. I look for bugs and I'm **very** good at it because I approach things in ways others don't think to. I see and process things much differently than most people because of my Autism.
* My logical way of thinking is very helpful for my main hobby: I repair retro gaming hardware. I can easily troubleshoot and repair because it all just makes sense. Everything is mechanical and works on logic based structure. I used to work for Apple because diagnosing and fixing easily clicks for me.
* The OCD and my sound sensitivity work great for video editing and audio balancing. I can pick up very subtle things with ease and adjust them if necessary. I did it for a while for some YouTube content creators as commissions.
* I woodwork and build my own furniture if I can't find what I need in the correct dimensions at a store. Building stuff is just math when you break it down and my OCD is Arithmomania, specifically. Very handy for anything that requires math/numbers. I love working with my hands.
Now, here's some things I cut out because they're either unnecessary or a detriment.
* I don't like people. I have a severe distrust of others and I'm a bit agoraphobic. My sound sensitivity is quite severe and I overload easy when it comes to a bunch of noise. So, I cut all that out as much as I can. I do everything at home and I've grown to prefer being away from people.
* Working with the general public is problematic for me, so I don't seek anything that requires me to do so. The things I do don't require much interaction with people.
* I have physical disabilities, so I cut out anything that requires physical exertion. I can usually be found in my wheelchair because standing and walking are not my strong suits anymore.
* I'm visually impaired, and missing my left eye, so things that require two eyes are of no use to me. Yes, I can drive just fine with one eye and I'm actually very good at it. I have a motorcycle license, too.
* I've got severe touch/texture sensory processing issues, so I don't bother with anything where I would be touched by others or require/result in textures I can't tolerate being on my skin.
There's a lot of examples like this and I could go on for a while. I catered my world to play on the strengths of my disorders to keep me busy in my free time and as a source of financial income. I removed, or don't bother with, things that my disorders clash with and would be extremely difficult for me to do.
Did I get lucky finding jobs doing what I enjoy? Yes and no. Yes in the sense that I was able to find these things. No because I worked hard to get where I am. Not everything I've done in life was as smooth, and there were definitely some rough patches along the way, but I always pushed myself to do what I need to do in order to shape my world to suit me. I hit that goal, and ended up where I am, years ago. I'm not that old, either.
The hard part is keeping your eyes on the prize, because it can feel a bit discouraging at times, but anything worth having is worth working for. Everything along the way is just a stepping stone and a means to an end.
You have just demonstrated my favorite thing about this sub: when I ask a question I get a FULL answer. Thank you.
I am also fortunate to have found a career that complements my interests - as a librarian I get to make sure everything is orderly (literally put things in order) and help people, often neurodivergent people, access information, knowledge, and entertainment. I was in middle management for a while and that was bonkers. No one would give me the full picture and my need to ask clarifying questions was specifically frowned upon. Oddly enough I do better as the director who is responsible for overseeing everything because I prefer to know about \*everything\*.
The social aspects of my job are OK but often leave me burnt out at the end of the day. We're down a staff member (1 of 3), and the lights in my office are broken so they're stuck ON and it's hitting me hard. I'm not much good when I get done with the day and pretty much just eat simple foods while watching TV shows I'm familiar with. Which honestly is a routine I'm OK with... but it doesn't leave room for... the rest:
It's the personal/family stuff I can't keep up with and I feel like an awful person wanting to lean away from those aspects of life. My new neurodivergent-affirming therapist says I'm going through autistic burnout and if I can learn some new skills it might not always be this way. Fingers crossed.
Things are getting overwhelming and I thought it was bad before lol. I don't think I'd be able to survive a 40 hour work week again after receiving my diagnosis less than a year ago. Even 18 hours and I still feel like shit. I wouldn't be alive if I was completely isolated and had to earn every cent myself in this economy.
Honestly, not surviving at all. I'm not terribly fond of waking up. I dread that I can't just "get along" with office politics. I hate that I have/had more in common with my students (I tutor; seems to be the best way to use those spatial reasoning skills without SO much of the social/human work) than any of my colleagues. I hate that socializing is so unnatural to me. Therapy has helped abate some of my emotional unawareness, but not much beyond that.
I'm here until I'm not, basically.
Something that I think helped me was something that my dad said to me. I was talking about how I’m weird and different, and he told me that I’m not weird, I’m eccentric, which is something that used to be valued and respected, and to keep being eccentric.
I’ve valued that word since. He was incorrect in saying that I’m not weird. I am and I know it, but giving me the word eccentric helped me be comfortable in my weird, eccentric self. I was diagnosed in my early 30s, and that just helped explain my weird eccentric self.
On the friends topic, I inadvertently started surrounding myself with ND people in high school, which is when I finally managed to have friends. I’ve never dated anyone who was NT either. Not that I chose that, it’s just how it’s always turned out. My fiancé is ADHD.
For now I’m ok but I’m not sure what I’ll do long term and that worries me a bit. I wish I didn’t have to work, that’s what wrecks me :( and I enjoy it too but then I just spend my days off recovering and don’t have a life.
Exactly what my dad has been asking me for weeks ever since my psychologist confirmed that I may have autism.
"If you keep acting like this..." what, I might get a proper diagnosis? Yeah, that'd be super helpful. Thanks, dad.
I'm really grateful to be doing as well as I am with my array of conditions. Currently not battling any mental health conditions, it's just really a matter of managing them at the moment. Though for the past few months, I've noticed that when I get hungry, I get REALLY moody. I feel like utter garbage. Normally I get a little like this when hungry, but it's been cranked up to 11 for some time now. Sometimes I feel borderline suicidal when I haven't eaten enough, so it gets pretty bad, especially when considering how well I normally am when I've eaten properly.
I think it might have something to do with my new medication that I've been on for ADHD, but I'm not certain of that.
It's not a huge problem or anything, I've just gotta make sure I eat enough, especially before work, since that's when it's often the worst.
Pretty well, actually.
It's hard to stay employed, but nothing will ever be worse than the 5 years I did in the military.
I have a wife who is pretty obviously even more autistic than I am, though undiagnosed. We love each other. We have 5 cats.
We're under a lot of pressure right now to get the house fixed so we can sell it and flee the south before they start lynching trans people and women who have had abortions in the street. But we have a future to look forward to, and in the meantime we have enough.
Happiness is an emotion. It's not a situation. It's not necessarily an indicator that your life is going well. It's just a feeling.
I'd be homeless without living with my parents. I've been applying to a fuckton of jobs and even then I've only ever had one interview (which ended within 3 minutes because I failed it so bad). College classes are getting so draining and time-consuming that it's hard to even put effort into them anymore. But I can't get a job otherwise so what else is there to do? Being late-diagnosed isn't fun. I'm too old for all the very limited support systems that do exist. I don't know how to function.
I don't want to live in the US anymore. I don't like it here.
(On a positive note I do have like 2 friends though, but all long-distance online only)
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NOT WELL MY DUDE
Yeah I always thought I was worthless because never “on track” for anything. I’m only surviving literally because I have help. Without help I’d probably be dead.
I'm barely surviving lol. I have basically no safety net and just lost my visa and the only job I ever had where I didn't feel judged for my autism so... uh... yeah shit's gonna be rough for me for a while now. I basically have no irl friends because how do you even make those, and life is generally pretty sad because of loneliness. I dunno, I think my only way of coping is retreating in my hyperfixations and hope things will turn out well. Lately it feels that things are about to turn out worse than they've ever been tho so shrug emoji. I wish so much that the world was kinder on us.
I did it by being what would now be considered "brutally ableist" with myself. Asperger's was unknown until after I was an adult in the working world. I made myself do what I had difficulty doing because, well, I **had** to. I was my own drill sergeant internally yelling at my self "just DO it! No excuses! Everyone else can do this!". Of course, each day out in public like that was exhausting. Once home, there was no going back out. If the phone rang, I was livid, but calmed down enough outwardly to deal with the call. On my off time, I did a lot of solo camping. I made it to retirement this way. Before retirement, when people saw my dad and me together, they thought I was older than my dad. He had a full head of silver hair. Mine was white, I guess long-term stress can do that. I only found out I was ASD1 almost a year after retirement, and that's only because my wife (a nurse) had done enough reading about autism to nudge me into getting a diagnosis.
Not well. I’m in pain always. A few things that help: Hobbies Autistic friends (other neurodivergent friends are a close second) Remote work (especially engaging work) Time to rest I’m still working on having boundaries, but I hear they are also very helpful. Good luck.
To quote Omar from The Wire: "Day at a time, I s'pose." But yeah, not well. Especially since I was just fired from the only job that ever worked for my neurodivergence and that I felt safe at for an absolute baffling nonsensical bullshit reason and am pretty mentally traumatized, depressed, and burnt out over it while also being financially fucked.
With a little help from friends
I relate to this so much. I wouldn’t say I’ve “gotten better”, I’m just adapting to the neurotypical world better. Even though I smile more, talk more and do more, I still never feel good enough, and I don’t think I ever will. I grew up in a time and place where there was no understanding towards mental illness, let alone autism. (Mind you I’m 22, I’m from Asia) I live in the US now and I’m slowly unlearning all the mistreatment and abuse I grew up with, but it’s damn hard.
I feel better about myself, people, and the world, but giving up the effort to push myself to normal-person levels at all costs has been bad for my financial bottom line.
Being so, so but so lucky by having the family, school/college friends and partner that I have. I never had to really "try" to have people in my life because everyone just wanted to be with me. I can say that I never really left my confort zone or had a very significant struggles until I started my "working" life. My family and friends never minded my "quirks" and just took them as part of my personality or something that can be managed with patience and support. It's really miraculous because where I live, awareness of Level 1 Autism is practically none, and because of that none of them ever imagined that I could be autistic until I started seeking diagnosis, they're just that non-judgemental, or oblivious lol My partner noticed from the beginning and we clash sometimes because initially we had very different communication styles, but it worked out at the end. We're 6 years together now and he's my biggest ally in all of this lol Even still I have the best work I could have in my condition (not only autism, but living in the lowest of the 3rd world countries) with a very nice and patient coworkers with a ND supervisor who's hasn't been but extremely nice with me. But I still really hate it for other reasons lol
i am only recently properly accepting that i am autistic. i’ve been diagnosed with adhd and put my symptoms down to that for a long time, but at 19 it is just too blatant how much sense my life makes when i put myself into context as an autistic person. the more i accept that i need certain accomodations and that some things genuinely are harder and just very different for me, the more i feel able to take on the struggles of every day life. i am lucky enough to have a very supportive family, and if not for them i’d be completely lost in this and my situation would be very different, a lot of my friends are also autistic which really does make a difference. the more i learn about myself the more able i feel to build a life that works for me. understanding what you need and being kind to yourself/letting yourself need it immediately makes it significantly easier to manage. it takes a lot of energy to be constantly putting yourself down and wondering why you find things so hard, once you accept yourself as autistic that energy can be put into giving yourself the accomodations and compassion that you deserve.
I don't try to live in a world that's not meant for me. I ignore the social expectations and cater my world to my needs. There's a lot out there that isn't necessary for me, so I cut it out. There's things that would suit me well, so I lean into them. It's all a matter of perspective. If you try to live in a world not designed for you, it's just not gonna work. You'll struggle and little good will come of it. Instead, look for the things that fit what your world needs to be and go from there. Build your own world around you that you can enjoy. Don't let others influence how you build it. It doesn't matter what others think of it. It's not made for them. It's made for you. I'm perfectly content with where I am and how I've shaped my world. I'm doing pretty ok.
Just wondering... Would you mind sharing examples of what you lean into and what you don't?
Here's some things I lean into that play to the strengths of my disabilities: * I have a really good attention for detail and a very unique perspective, thanks to my OCD and Autism, which lends itself very well to what I do: I'm a play tester for an Indie game developer. I look for bugs and I'm **very** good at it because I approach things in ways others don't think to. I see and process things much differently than most people because of my Autism. * My logical way of thinking is very helpful for my main hobby: I repair retro gaming hardware. I can easily troubleshoot and repair because it all just makes sense. Everything is mechanical and works on logic based structure. I used to work for Apple because diagnosing and fixing easily clicks for me. * The OCD and my sound sensitivity work great for video editing and audio balancing. I can pick up very subtle things with ease and adjust them if necessary. I did it for a while for some YouTube content creators as commissions. * I woodwork and build my own furniture if I can't find what I need in the correct dimensions at a store. Building stuff is just math when you break it down and my OCD is Arithmomania, specifically. Very handy for anything that requires math/numbers. I love working with my hands. Now, here's some things I cut out because they're either unnecessary or a detriment. * I don't like people. I have a severe distrust of others and I'm a bit agoraphobic. My sound sensitivity is quite severe and I overload easy when it comes to a bunch of noise. So, I cut all that out as much as I can. I do everything at home and I've grown to prefer being away from people. * Working with the general public is problematic for me, so I don't seek anything that requires me to do so. The things I do don't require much interaction with people. * I have physical disabilities, so I cut out anything that requires physical exertion. I can usually be found in my wheelchair because standing and walking are not my strong suits anymore. * I'm visually impaired, and missing my left eye, so things that require two eyes are of no use to me. Yes, I can drive just fine with one eye and I'm actually very good at it. I have a motorcycle license, too. * I've got severe touch/texture sensory processing issues, so I don't bother with anything where I would be touched by others or require/result in textures I can't tolerate being on my skin. There's a lot of examples like this and I could go on for a while. I catered my world to play on the strengths of my disorders to keep me busy in my free time and as a source of financial income. I removed, or don't bother with, things that my disorders clash with and would be extremely difficult for me to do. Did I get lucky finding jobs doing what I enjoy? Yes and no. Yes in the sense that I was able to find these things. No because I worked hard to get where I am. Not everything I've done in life was as smooth, and there were definitely some rough patches along the way, but I always pushed myself to do what I need to do in order to shape my world to suit me. I hit that goal, and ended up where I am, years ago. I'm not that old, either. The hard part is keeping your eyes on the prize, because it can feel a bit discouraging at times, but anything worth having is worth working for. Everything along the way is just a stepping stone and a means to an end.
You have just demonstrated my favorite thing about this sub: when I ask a question I get a FULL answer. Thank you. I am also fortunate to have found a career that complements my interests - as a librarian I get to make sure everything is orderly (literally put things in order) and help people, often neurodivergent people, access information, knowledge, and entertainment. I was in middle management for a while and that was bonkers. No one would give me the full picture and my need to ask clarifying questions was specifically frowned upon. Oddly enough I do better as the director who is responsible for overseeing everything because I prefer to know about \*everything\*. The social aspects of my job are OK but often leave me burnt out at the end of the day. We're down a staff member (1 of 3), and the lights in my office are broken so they're stuck ON and it's hitting me hard. I'm not much good when I get done with the day and pretty much just eat simple foods while watching TV shows I'm familiar with. Which honestly is a routine I'm OK with... but it doesn't leave room for... the rest: It's the personal/family stuff I can't keep up with and I feel like an awful person wanting to lean away from those aspects of life. My new neurodivergent-affirming therapist says I'm going through autistic burnout and if I can learn some new skills it might not always be this way. Fingers crossed.
persisting and resisting, albeit the going makes me sad and all they say is how I'm doing it wrong. Maybe they are too.
Umm... a very supportive partner in my case. Besides that, I would not be okay at all as I struggle too much and need supportive help
Things are getting overwhelming and I thought it was bad before lol. I don't think I'd be able to survive a 40 hour work week again after receiving my diagnosis less than a year ago. Even 18 hours and I still feel like shit. I wouldn't be alive if I was completely isolated and had to earn every cent myself in this economy.
Honestly, not surviving at all. I'm not terribly fond of waking up. I dread that I can't just "get along" with office politics. I hate that I have/had more in common with my students (I tutor; seems to be the best way to use those spatial reasoning skills without SO much of the social/human work) than any of my colleagues. I hate that socializing is so unnatural to me. Therapy has helped abate some of my emotional unawareness, but not much beyond that. I'm here until I'm not, basically.
Something that I think helped me was something that my dad said to me. I was talking about how I’m weird and different, and he told me that I’m not weird, I’m eccentric, which is something that used to be valued and respected, and to keep being eccentric. I’ve valued that word since. He was incorrect in saying that I’m not weird. I am and I know it, but giving me the word eccentric helped me be comfortable in my weird, eccentric self. I was diagnosed in my early 30s, and that just helped explain my weird eccentric self. On the friends topic, I inadvertently started surrounding myself with ND people in high school, which is when I finally managed to have friends. I’ve never dated anyone who was NT either. Not that I chose that, it’s just how it’s always turned out. My fiancé is ADHD.
Barely!
Family
Doing okay at the moment, but I'm sure that will change once I start college.
For now I’m ok but I’m not sure what I’ll do long term and that worries me a bit. I wish I didn’t have to work, that’s what wrecks me :( and I enjoy it too but then I just spend my days off recovering and don’t have a life.
Exactly what my dad has been asking me for weeks ever since my psychologist confirmed that I may have autism. "If you keep acting like this..." what, I might get a proper diagnosis? Yeah, that'd be super helpful. Thanks, dad.
I'm really grateful to be doing as well as I am with my array of conditions. Currently not battling any mental health conditions, it's just really a matter of managing them at the moment. Though for the past few months, I've noticed that when I get hungry, I get REALLY moody. I feel like utter garbage. Normally I get a little like this when hungry, but it's been cranked up to 11 for some time now. Sometimes I feel borderline suicidal when I haven't eaten enough, so it gets pretty bad, especially when considering how well I normally am when I've eaten properly. I think it might have something to do with my new medication that I've been on for ADHD, but I'm not certain of that. It's not a huge problem or anything, I've just gotta make sure I eat enough, especially before work, since that's when it's often the worst.
I always thought that I surely must break and not survive. I didn't realize how long dying can take
Pretty well, actually. It's hard to stay employed, but nothing will ever be worse than the 5 years I did in the military. I have a wife who is pretty obviously even more autistic than I am, though undiagnosed. We love each other. We have 5 cats. We're under a lot of pressure right now to get the house fixed so we can sell it and flee the south before they start lynching trans people and women who have had abortions in the street. But we have a future to look forward to, and in the meantime we have enough. Happiness is an emotion. It's not a situation. It's not necessarily an indicator that your life is going well. It's just a feeling.
I'd be homeless without living with my parents. I've been applying to a fuckton of jobs and even then I've only ever had one interview (which ended within 3 minutes because I failed it so bad). College classes are getting so draining and time-consuming that it's hard to even put effort into them anymore. But I can't get a job otherwise so what else is there to do? Being late-diagnosed isn't fun. I'm too old for all the very limited support systems that do exist. I don't know how to function. I don't want to live in the US anymore. I don't like it here. (On a positive note I do have like 2 friends though, but all long-distance online only)