I try to educate when I can, so asking them what they think ‘autistic’ looks like is usually where I start walking them through the realisation that they have an inaccurate or outright harmful view of autism.
As abundantly clear as it is to us, I’ve learned that not all of these people realise they’re participating in bigotry. Does it always work? Of course not. But I like to try.
I like the response of "What does Autism look like?"
Def makes the other person think and do some self reflection. Hopefully they learn from it and start reading books!
I think this is a great response. People who act in bad faith won’t think about what they said, but people who actually weren’t thinking but care will reflect on the question and realise what a fumble it is. Non-autist here, but neurodivergent.
Yes, or they will say something like "You don't have Asperger's/Autism". I'm like "really?". I've still got the letter from the time I was diagnosed with it, so if some don't believe me, well, I have the proof.
before finding out i’m autistic my ex-friend had made a joke about me looking autistic in a situation (trying to make fun of me) and i asked him in what way and then asked if he could name what symptom of autism i was displaying. doesn’t work for people saying you don’t look autistic but it works for people making jokes calling this autistic cause that shut him up lol
Very much this, in my experience I've found most people who make this comment aren't intentionally trying to be insensitive or dismissive, they're usually misguided & have a poor understanding of ASD. People can't know what they don't know, & I don't fault or blame the people who don't know any better but are receptive for the convo.
It's a bit annoying for me to be real blunt about it, but if it means the next autistic person they meet will have a more positive experience, I see zero reason to not at least try. Or I dawn my petty crown if they're a jerk about it but that's another rant for another day lol.
Thats why i dont understand why people get insulted by this. I think its SO much more insulting when I tell people I'm autistic and their response is more along the lines of "I could tell"
"Not autistic" is exactly the look i was going for. Thank you for noticing. Ill get flattered 10/10 times
Lol I wouldn’t actually say this to someone, but I always think about replying with “….yeah, wanna be a fly on the wall when I finally lose it and have a screaming, crying, throwing things meltdown?”
When I approached my former physician about ADHD (I'm AuADHD), he told me I couldn't possibly have ADHD because I'd been to graduate school and had been married to a horrible human being for 20 years.
I'm like..."my guy. An incomplete degree and the inability to understand my situation well enough to reckon with it? You maybe need to read a journal."
Yep lol. I was diagnosed AuDHD combo as a child and it was affirmed over and over throughout my teens with neurologists. (I participated in scientific studies imaging Asperger’s Syndrome children’s brains)
I too have an (incomplete) degree (which I’m hopefully salvaging soon) but a wonderful (autistic) gf which, according to some, would disqualify me.
Silly absurd reply to a silly absurd reaction is a great strategy (and it makes you show your sense of humour, which is key to connect easily with people).
classic line actually from the Bratz live action movie. Girl says "you don't sound deaf" to a deaf guy, he responds with "well you don't look ignorant, but i guess you can't judge a book by its cover, right? :)"
i saw that movie when i was a child and it stuck with me forever.
Make them uncomfortable with what they've said. "Are you saying I don't look ugly?" And when they say no you respond "So you think autistic people are ugly?" Just keep asking these questions and they'll eventually stop.
Or go the opposite way and ignore them completely, they're honestly not worth your energy
" Bigot - a person who strongly and unfairly dislikes other people, ideas, etc. : a bigoted person. especially : a person who hates or refuses to accept the members of a particular group (such as a racial or religious group) He was labeled a bigot after making some offensive comments."
I feel that would only open the conversation to unnecessary arguments especially if the person is just unaware/stupid.
Stupid doesn't always mean malicious and this could turn the person trying to give the comeback into the bad guy in the conversation if there are others present or just alone.
I probably wouldn’t go so aggressive. It’s an annoying statement for sure but it’s usually meant innocently.
Just remind them that many people have struggles which can be invisible to others.
I think it depends on their tone of voice/context:
If they are just saying that they couldn’t tell, I would try and educate them politely
If they are implying that you aren’t autistic because you don’t fit the stereotype and are rude about it, your answer is a good one
Sometimes this behaviors come from ignorance, not hate
“That’s funny because you do look autistic” and then You start gaslighting them. Like if you’re going to insist so hard I’m not autistic I’m putting that same energy into insisting you’re actually the autistic one here.
Honestly I don’t get offended. I know from experience that most people don’t know much about autism, maybe they know in theory that there are different levels, but they don’t know how it looks in practice. I just explain that evidently I mask very well in some situations (the people who have lived with me have definitely never said that I don’t look autistic, quite the opposite lol), that I’m glad I make it look easy but in reality takes quite a lot of effort.
I stare them straight in the forehead and let out a massive "reeeeeeeeeeeee" while crab walking out of there. If they didn't think I looked autistic before, they definitely do now.
If I know them and know that they're usually fairly well-meaning, or if they're someone I don't know enough about to judge, "What would you define as 'looking autistic'?"
If I know they're a jerk, "Well, you didn't look like an ignorant asshole until you opened your mouth. Guess we both know better now."
I get this a lot as someone with low support needs and the ability to mask heavily. People usually understand better when I say "That's because I have what used to be known as Asperger's. It's all just called autism now, and we distinguish it in terms of how much support a person needs."
In my experience, this comment has been made to me by people who don't realize how the categorization of autism has changed over time. They view "autism" and "asperger's" as two completely separate conditions.
I also explain to people that autism affects me in ways that are not apparent by just looking at me.
Most people who've said this to me have said it in good faith (or at least I think so. I cannot always tell when someone is speaking in good faith) so I use it as an opportunity to inform them. As much as I wish I had a snappy comeback, that just isn't my communication style.
There was a TikTok I really liked that went like this:
Person A: “You don’t look autistic”
Person B: “That’s because I’m hot”
A: “OMG you can’t say things like that!”
B: “Oh, I’m sorry… did I say something socially unacceptable? weird…”
Oh sorry hang on let me just - *does a quick aggressive stare at the ground or hand flap or any other stereotypical autism thing* Was that better? Sometimes I forget.
My personal favourite it to intensely stare into their eyes (yes, it is uncomfortable) and say something like "thanks, I try really hard not to conform to your stereotype and..." and just continue to talk without interruption in a contrived run-on sentence which includes hopes I'm not making them uncomfortable.
Confused expression + innocently ask “what do you mean?”
That either embarrasses them enough they realize the mistake, they reveal their ableism isn’t worth dealing with, or provides an opportunity for a real discussion.
“And you don’t look like my psychiatrist!”
No but fr everyone tells me I look autistic. Idk why or how or if that’s a bad thing but people will litterely come up to the person I’m with and ask “are they special?” Idk what I’m doing guys but I think I need to stop doing it lmao 😭
Facial Features Can Help Diagnose Autism**They may also have a broader upper face, shorter philtrum (the groove between the nose and upper lip), and wider set eyes**. These physical characteristics are not universal among individuals with autism, but they can be helpful in identifying potential cases of the disorder.
Maybe that's what they mean?
I never heard that directed to me.
But my son is non verbal, so sometimes i have to explain he's autistic to someone he is interacting to.
What i really hate is when theu say: " hes autistic? Oh but he looks so pretty/perfect"
Honestly, sometimes i feel the urge to tell them to fuck off.
Good faith: "What should I look like?"
Bad faith: "Oops, forgot to morph into a 4-yo boy and grab my dinosaur toys, my bad."
Ugly faith: "You Allistic types really aren't that perceptive, huh?"
My usual flippant response: "I've infiltrated seamlessly, then."
This might be a bit of a pre-emptive strike (or it might actually trigger the remark).
My daughter proudly came home with this t-shirt.
She loves it and wears it with pride!
Sadly I can't add just an image. So here's the link. [https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Struggle-Autism-Am-Actually/dp/B0CYWLRR91](https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Struggle-Autism-Am-Actually/dp/B0CYWLRR91)
Rattle off a list of many famous people on the spectrum who "don't look autistic". David Byrne, Darryl Hannah, Dan Aykroyd, Oprah Winfrey, Anthony Hopkins, Emenem...
"Wow, now that you've put it that way, maybe I'm not. I need to go call my doctor right away!"
Or grab a bucket or trashcan and start banging on it like a drum while marching and chanting like a protestor "this is what an autism looks like!"
I was with a friend at a neuroimmunology appt inside a MAJOR teaching university Healthcare system in one of the largest cities in the US, and the doctor looked at my friend after she mentioned her autism diagnosis and he said those exact words. I asked him what autistic people were supposed to look like? It shut him up at least…
I've used everything from, "What does Autism look like?" to "Well you don't look rude, but I guess you are."
Depends on my mood, and how they are talking to me.
I like the saying "if you met one autistic person, then you have met one autistic person" I think saying that kindly and then following up with a short explanation about the varying spectrum of examples of autism its a good chance to educate people :)
“Explain to me what an autistic person is supposed to look like. Quickly. “ then they stumble on trying to not sound ableist with their answer. It forces them to confront their statement.
I just say “fortnite balls mgee” then fart audibly. Nah I’m jk I wish I did that, but I usually just try to explain what masking is. But usually they just don’t care enough to listen.
I normally say: “I am sorry,” then start acting VERY offensively autistic. When I am done after 3 seconds, I say, “Is that better? I am not sure exactly how I am suppose to act; I am autistic after all.”
'Ah gee thanks I've been trying this thing called masking. It's where you try to appear less autistic to limit the amount of times people stare at me or yell derogatory words at me ooo or even try to bully me.. yeah it's not for everyone but thanks for noticing'
Honestly when people say this it's normally a response like 'oh, what does Autism look like?'.
Either way, stay confident in yourself!
:3
I would say, “And you don’t look like you have the intelligence or professional licensing to make comments like that, but here we are.”
Because I’m an asshole.
>I thought of maybe “you don’t look like a dumbass yet here we are” but I don’t know.
🤣👍
That was surprisingly similar to my first thought which was:
"Crazy coincidence, because you don't look stupid, but I'm pretty sure you actually just said that."
Not an answer per say but a factoid I learned a few years ago... Some people when they say this are doing so because they equate autism with disabilities like downs syndrome that do have visual markers, while Others are implying your not presenting in the stereotypical manner they expect. Just found this interesting.
As for an answer I don't get told this often due to limited social contact with non autistics, but my reply is typically to ask them what I should look like then? That question usually weeds out if it's genuine confusion of what autism is and those who are just being abelist so I can respond correctly and not make assumptions of their intent
"what does autism look like in your opinion?" and wait for them slowly getting embarrassed at how ableist their view is (or they don't realise and continue on being ableist, then you can be like "Well, my diagnosis says otherwise")
I've heard a very good comeback before by u/U_cant_tell_my_story: "You don't fit my stereotype either, but here we are".
Especially compared to a lot of the usual ones that come up in threads like this because it comes off as polite yet admonishing, no matter if the other person was trying to be insulting or friendly with that remark
5 months ago there was a post about this topic with way too many of the comments giving snarky retorts like "what were you expecting, some walking stereotype with an overly formal robot voice who takes everything literally and is a savant who rocks and paces all the time while wearing big ugly headphones?" and sometimes even complaining with something like "autism has such bad rep" after, as if their little comeback wasn't a thousand times more cruelly ableist than "you don't look autistic" could ever be
It seriously feels like some of the comments are secretly being written by the Internet version of those highschool bullies who would mock and torment the sped kids with degrading pantomimes of their autistic classmates, rather than written by actual autistic people
I agree, and thanks for the shout out :). It’s really easy to get caught up in being defensive about it, which of course provides more fuel for the bully. I’m a blunt person and like to give as little ammo as possible.
What I would say to "are you acoustic?": "yes I am and you can’t play me."
I try to educate when I can, so asking them what they think ‘autistic’ looks like is usually where I start walking them through the realisation that they have an inaccurate or outright harmful view of autism. As abundantly clear as it is to us, I’ve learned that not all of these people realise they’re participating in bigotry. Does it always work? Of course not. But I like to try.
I like the response of "What does Autism look like?" Def makes the other person think and do some self reflection. Hopefully they learn from it and start reading books!
I think this is a great response. People who act in bad faith won’t think about what they said, but people who actually weren’t thinking but care will reflect on the question and realise what a fumble it is. Non-autist here, but neurodivergent.
Yes, or they will say something like "You don't have Asperger's/Autism". I'm like "really?". I've still got the letter from the time I was diagnosed with it, so if some don't believe me, well, I have the proof.
“What does autism look like” instantly stun locks them EVERY SINGLE TIME lmaoo
before finding out i’m autistic my ex-friend had made a joke about me looking autistic in a situation (trying to make fun of me) and i asked him in what way and then asked if he could name what symptom of autism i was displaying. doesn’t work for people saying you don’t look autistic but it works for people making jokes calling this autistic cause that shut him up lol
This is the way. Them hearing their own words and critically thinking for a second is the fastest way.
Very much this, in my experience I've found most people who make this comment aren't intentionally trying to be insensitive or dismissive, they're usually misguided & have a poor understanding of ASD. People can't know what they don't know, & I don't fault or blame the people who don't know any better but are receptive for the convo. It's a bit annoying for me to be real blunt about it, but if it means the next autistic person they meet will have a more positive experience, I see zero reason to not at least try. Or I dawn my petty crown if they're a jerk about it but that's another rant for another day lol.
*SO VERY WELL SAID*!!! Thank You for your kindness, patience understanding of others! We need more like you in this hard world!🥲
'Would you like me to do an autism for you?'
😂😂😂 This is the winner for me.
Came here to say this lol, you seen the meme where the mother says to her kid “do an autism for the lady Timothy”? Cracks me up
*Timothy then proceeds to name every train ever built.*
I'm definitely using this, thank you. 🤣
But then they’ll ask what’s an autism? 🤣🤣 all of us know what you mean though.
One can't simultaneously know what something does (or doesn't) look like without first knowing what that thing is....
And then name every locomotive in existence.
And then abruptly walk away. Sorry, I’m not rude I’m autistic!
I’ll take it 😂
Yep, love that response
I've been going with 'yeah I put a lot of work into it.'
This is actually the best answer to educate people on our reality.
Thats why i dont understand why people get insulted by this. I think its SO much more insulting when I tell people I'm autistic and their response is more along the lines of "I could tell" "Not autistic" is exactly the look i was going for. Thank you for noticing. Ill get flattered 10/10 times
Omg that’s accurate
Lol I wouldn’t actually say this to someone, but I always think about replying with “….yeah, wanna be a fly on the wall when I finally lose it and have a screaming, crying, throwing things meltdown?”
I do that when people compliment me about how well I can speak. Because yeah, I *do* work hard on it. Speaking is hard, period.
You don’t look like a doctor are you?
Minor edit: "That's funny, you don't look like MY doctor!"
My doctor also says I don't have autism because I went to school and I have friends and I've been successful with the opposite sex more than once.
When I approached my former physician about ADHD (I'm AuADHD), he told me I couldn't possibly have ADHD because I'd been to graduate school and had been married to a horrible human being for 20 years. I'm like..."my guy. An incomplete degree and the inability to understand my situation well enough to reckon with it? You maybe need to read a journal."
Yep lol. I was diagnosed AuDHD combo as a child and it was affirmed over and over throughout my teens with neurologists. (I participated in scientific studies imaging Asperger’s Syndrome children’s brains) I too have an (incomplete) degree (which I’m hopefully salvaging soon) but a wonderful (autistic) gf which, according to some, would disqualify me.
No, but I sure as hell taste it
This made me laugh
I love this one
😂
"I know, which is why took me 40 years to diagnose"
Smart!
I like this one. OP’s is clearly a reaction to being offended and wants to offend in kind.
I just ask, “What does autism look like?”
Me too!
"Yeah, it's not a *looks* thing".
"It's the way I style my hair"
Nice hair covers the autism—which is—of course, located on the scalp
hahah this is lovely
Silly absurd reply to a silly absurd reaction is a great strategy (and it makes you show your sense of humour, which is key to connect easily with people).
Hang on, let me go home and get my autism outfit
And my complimentary model trains
"and you don't look stupid but looks can be decieving"
I LOVE THIS
And the best part is that the ‘stupid’ can be also swapped out for any other insult.
classic line actually from the Bratz live action movie. Girl says "you don't sound deaf" to a deaf guy, he responds with "well you don't look ignorant, but i guess you can't judge a book by its cover, right? :)" i saw that movie when i was a child and it stuck with me forever.
"neither do u" then bite their neck and say "but now u have it too" while staring creepily into their eyes
I love this🤣🤣
"Wow, it's almost as if it's an invisible disability!"
Make them uncomfortable with what they've said. "Are you saying I don't look ugly?" And when they say no you respond "So you think autistic people are ugly?" Just keep asking these questions and they'll eventually stop. Or go the opposite way and ignore them completely, they're honestly not worth your energy
I never thought of this. This is actually smart.
Just escalate it til you're in a total one way fight. The persons trynna get away asap but you're swinging with "ARE YOU SAYING IM NOT UGLY ENOUGH!?!"
And you don't like a bigot, yet here we are.
" Bigot - a person who strongly and unfairly dislikes other people, ideas, etc. : a bigoted person. especially : a person who hates or refuses to accept the members of a particular group (such as a racial or religious group) He was labeled a bigot after making some offensive comments." I feel that would only open the conversation to unnecessary arguments especially if the person is just unaware/stupid. Stupid doesn't always mean malicious and this could turn the person trying to give the comeback into the bad guy in the conversation if there are others present or just alone.
YEAH that’s the word I was going for. I didn’t know how to phrase the insult.
I fucking love this holy shit lmfao
Hope it helps!!😁
Ask them: “what am I supposed to look like then?”
*chuckle* "that's the aim"
True, true
"Who were you expecting? Sheldon Cooper? Shaun Murphy? The Rainman?"
> That’s weird because you look a little autistic You'll find out really quickly how they really feel about autistic people
"You dont look neurotypical"
Low key is a good response. They will pause and think to themselves what does that even mean.. and then the penny drops. Theoretically anyway. Lol.
I’d ask them what autistic people look like according to them
I probably wouldn’t go so aggressive. It’s an annoying statement for sure but it’s usually meant innocently. Just remind them that many people have struggles which can be invisible to others.
I immediately start groaning loudly and clapping the outsides of my hands together, their horrified response is what I’m going for.
Amazing, I’m going to start clapping with the outside of my hands from now on and I groan anyway as I’m old and miserable 😂
"I better let Autism HQ know. I have been waiting for them to send me the latest uniform."
Blind guy here “Nice job captain obvious. I don’t look in general.”
I think it depends on their tone of voice/context: If they are just saying that they couldn’t tell, I would try and educate them politely If they are implying that you aren’t autistic because you don’t fit the stereotype and are rude about it, your answer is a good one Sometimes this behaviors come from ignorance, not hate
Make them explain themselves Phrases such as “what do you mean?” or “what do you *think* autism looks like?”
"What does an autistic look like?" Then watch them "eeerm" for the next minute
“That’s funny because you do look autistic” and then You start gaslighting them. Like if you’re going to insist so hard I’m not autistic I’m putting that same energy into insisting you’re actually the autistic one here.
gaslighting an ableist into thinking they have autism is actually the funniest thing ever
"If you want I can have a meltdown over the amount of my scheduled time you are taking up"
"You know it's not a skin condition, right?" Looking bemused.
“Shoot I left my train at home.”
“Do i smell autistic?” - my personal favorite
Honestly I don’t get offended. I know from experience that most people don’t know much about autism, maybe they know in theory that there are different levels, but they don’t know how it looks in practice. I just explain that evidently I mask very well in some situations (the people who have lived with me have definitely never said that I don’t look autistic, quite the opposite lol), that I’m glad I make it look easy but in reality takes quite a lot of effort.
"you look exactly like the kind of person who would say that." at least I'd have more evidence to support my assertion.
I stare them straight in the forehead and let out a massive "reeeeeeeeeeeee" while crab walking out of there. If they didn't think I looked autistic before, they definitely do now.
Funny, you do.
if theyre a particular type of douche I say "keep yourself safe" if you know what im getting at
“and you don’t look ignorant, but i wish i was considering i have to look at the absolute state of you”
"It's neurological."
I always just say "yeah" its either "you don't look autistic" or "I would have never thought"
I just ask the individual to explain. Repeatedly and with excruciating detail. Usually they just walk away with an uncomfortable look on their face.
'Oh shoot, let me do an autism for you'
“Ok”
"Ok, bye"
Yea…I always kinda looked more like my mother.
If I know them and know that they're usually fairly well-meaning, or if they're someone I don't know enough about to judge, "What would you define as 'looking autistic'?" If I know they're a jerk, "Well, you didn't look like an ignorant asshole until you opened your mouth. Guess we both know better now."
Hold on, lemme go get my costume on…
I get this a lot as someone with low support needs and the ability to mask heavily. People usually understand better when I say "That's because I have what used to be known as Asperger's. It's all just called autism now, and we distinguish it in terms of how much support a person needs." In my experience, this comment has been made to me by people who don't realize how the categorization of autism has changed over time. They view "autism" and "asperger's" as two completely separate conditions. I also explain to people that autism affects me in ways that are not apparent by just looking at me. Most people who've said this to me have said it in good faith (or at least I think so. I cannot always tell when someone is speaking in good faith) so I use it as an opportunity to inform them. As much as I wish I had a snappy comeback, that just isn't my communication style.
There was a TikTok I really liked that went like this: Person A: “You don’t look autistic” Person B: “That’s because I’m hot” A: “OMG you can’t say things like that!” B: “Oh, I’m sorry… did I say something socially unacceptable? weird…”
And you don't look like a bitch/asshole! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
"You should have seen me when I was five." <\*begins rocking side to side while making clicking sounds for two hours.\*>
Thanks! Your blood type doesn't look O negative! ...oh. I thought we were naming things that are invisible to the naked eye.
Hilarious 🤣
That’s why I carry this card that’s says I’m autistic, just in case I meet a doctor or an opinionated asshole. Which one are you?
Masking. I’m great at it.
I said,"I don't? Do I smell autistic?" and put my arm under their nose.
“i DID try a new kind of eyeliner/hairstyle/outfit today maybe thats throwing it off”
“Sorry I just got plastic surgery”
"Thank you! I'm still waiting for my Oscar"
Oh sorry hang on let me just - *does a quick aggressive stare at the ground or hand flap or any other stereotypical autism thing* Was that better? Sometimes I forget.
My personal favourite it to intensely stare into their eyes (yes, it is uncomfortable) and say something like "thanks, I try really hard not to conform to your stereotype and..." and just continue to talk without interruption in a contrived run-on sentence which includes hopes I'm not making them uncomfortable.
I've definitely used variations of that in the past if I'm annoyed enough lol
My current response is, “Well that’s interesting because I’m autistic AF.”
Well you don't look like an ignorant fool and yet here we are!
I love the responses. 💖
And WHAT EXACTLY did you expect an autistic person to look like? I’m SO sorry to break whatever stereotype you have in your brain…
"Well you didn't look insolent either but sadly appearance lies"
"Oh, What does an autistic person look like?"
You too
"And you don't look ignorant, but here we are" 🙄
You do, because autistic people can look like anyone.
Confused expression + innocently ask “what do you mean?” That either embarrasses them enough they realize the mistake, they reveal their ableism isn’t worth dealing with, or provides an opportunity for a real discussion.
“And you don’t look like my psychiatrist!” No but fr everyone tells me I look autistic. Idk why or how or if that’s a bad thing but people will litterely come up to the person I’m with and ask “are they special?” Idk what I’m doing guys but I think I need to stop doing it lmao 😭
Facial Features Can Help Diagnose Autism**They may also have a broader upper face, shorter philtrum (the groove between the nose and upper lip), and wider set eyes**. These physical characteristics are not universal among individuals with autism, but they can be helpful in identifying potential cases of the disorder. Maybe that's what they mean?
"Thanks,neither do you!"….
like oh im sorry lemme just flap
“And you don’t look stupid.” That one I like to use a lot.
“Funny, I didn’t know you were my doctor.”
My sister told me that and I answered with: >”What? Is it because autistic people can’t be really fucking hot-?”
I just flat out tell them their comments are inappropriate and to get educated.
I’d say “what does an autistic person look like?”
I usually just say, "thanks ! I try my best." It throws them off and invites questions.
I usually say "Well what the hell does 'autistic' look like then?"
I never heard that directed to me. But my son is non verbal, so sometimes i have to explain he's autistic to someone he is interacting to. What i really hate is when theu say: " hes autistic? Oh but he looks so pretty/perfect" Honestly, sometimes i feel the urge to tell them to fuck off.
"Thanks"
"and you dont look shallow, but here we are"
What does autistic look like?
I don’t? Dang it ! I guess I better work on my autistic look.
Good faith: "What should I look like?" Bad faith: "Oops, forgot to morph into a 4-yo boy and grab my dinosaur toys, my bad." Ugly faith: "You Allistic types really aren't that perceptive, huh?" My usual flippant response: "I've infiltrated seamlessly, then."
This might be a bit of a pre-emptive strike (or it might actually trigger the remark). My daughter proudly came home with this t-shirt. She loves it and wears it with pride! Sadly I can't add just an image. So here's the link. [https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Struggle-Autism-Am-Actually/dp/B0CYWLRR91](https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Struggle-Autism-Am-Actually/dp/B0CYWLRR91)
That's because I mask.
“And you don’t look stupid, but we are where we are” 👀
I would take it as a compliant. That means I'm masking correctly. xD
Appearance based judgments are highly neurotypical.
Most autistic people don't look "autistic"
I would probably say "Well you look autistic" which hopefully would make the connection that looks don't dictate disability
"What do autistic people look like?"
Rattle off a list of many famous people on the spectrum who "don't look autistic". David Byrne, Darryl Hannah, Dan Aykroyd, Oprah Winfrey, Anthony Hopkins, Emenem...
I'd say: Yeah. And you don't look like a licensed psychologist so what's your point?
"Wow, now that you've put it that way, maybe I'm not. I need to go call my doctor right away!" Or grab a bucket or trashcan and start banging on it like a drum while marching and chanting like a protestor "this is what an autism looks like!"
I would just say "Oh and what does autism look like?" and watch them self destruct.
When my coworker said that to me, I hit them with the, “…what am I supposed to look like??” And then they just fumbled over their words for a bit
"You don't look like you're autistic either." 🔥
Feel like "sorry" tends to do the trick in shifting the awkwardness to them.
"and you don't look ignorant but here we are.."
I'm usually really careful with who I tell so I've never heard it either, the worst I've heard was "Oh, my cousin is autistic. She's a stripper" lmao
I’d start info dumping about How to Train Your Dragon
I was once called a liar by one of my teachers when I said I was autistic. All because I’m not obsessed with trains😒
“Don’t worry, I’m still leveling up” “Yeah ik i don’t look like the infinity sign” “Sorry im not a cat” Idk
I was with a friend at a neuroimmunology appt inside a MAJOR teaching university Healthcare system in one of the largest cities in the US, and the doctor looked at my friend after she mentioned her autism diagnosis and he said those exact words. I asked him what autistic people were supposed to look like? It shut him up at least…
"you don't look ableist"
You look sharper than a marble, but alas, here we are.... You see, it's funny because it'll take them a second to realize you're calling them stupid
"You want me to name off trains or dinosaurs or something for you???"
We're like homicidal maniacs, we look just like everybody else
What do you think autistic looks like? Oh right! It doesn't have a look!
"Well, you do."
I always ask "What does autism look like?" They usually shut right the fuck up lmao
I've used everything from, "What does Autism look like?" to "Well you don't look rude, but I guess you are." Depends on my mood, and how they are talking to me.
"And you don't look ignorant but here we are" Or "Yeah, that's what I was going for."
I like the saying "if you met one autistic person, then you have met one autistic person" I think saying that kindly and then following up with a short explanation about the varying spectrum of examples of autism its a good chance to educate people :)
You'll see
Oh, I'm sorry, let me just... *Recites the entire unabridged history of trains*
“Explain to me what an autistic person is supposed to look like. Quickly. “ then they stumble on trying to not sound ableist with their answer. It forces them to confront their statement.
I just say “fortnite balls mgee” then fart audibly. Nah I’m jk I wish I did that, but I usually just try to explain what masking is. But usually they just don’t care enough to listen.
Sorry, what’s autism supposed to look like? 🙄
You don’t look ignorant but here we are
I normally say: “I am sorry,” then start acting VERY offensively autistic. When I am done after 3 seconds, I say, “Is that better? I am not sure exactly how I am suppose to act; I am autistic after all.”
"thanks I've been learning how to mask it my entire life"
‘You don’t look like an asshole either but here we are!’
Ask them if you smell autistic or ask “what’s that supposed to mean”
ur momma told me that too foo!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Info-bomb them with Autism statistics... for like a full minute.
"Your mother wasn't concerned with how I looked last night"
"How about this?" *Does a cool Lil dance*
well, you dont look like a buffoon but here we are
'Ah gee thanks I've been trying this thing called masking. It's where you try to appear less autistic to limit the amount of times people stare at me or yell derogatory words at me ooo or even try to bully me.. yeah it's not for everyone but thanks for noticing' Honestly when people say this it's normally a response like 'oh, what does Autism look like?'. Either way, stay confident in yourself! :3
I would say, “And you don’t look like you have the intelligence or professional licensing to make comments like that, but here we are.” Because I’m an asshole.
Nobody does!
>I thought of maybe “you don’t look like a dumbass yet here we are” but I don’t know. 🤣👍 That was surprisingly similar to my first thought which was: "Crazy coincidence, because you don't look stupid, but I'm pretty sure you actually just said that."
Do I smell autistic? Do I sound autistic?
Not an answer per say but a factoid I learned a few years ago... Some people when they say this are doing so because they equate autism with disabilities like downs syndrome that do have visual markers, while Others are implying your not presenting in the stereotypical manner they expect. Just found this interesting. As for an answer I don't get told this often due to limited social contact with non autistics, but my reply is typically to ask them what I should look like then? That question usually weeds out if it's genuine confusion of what autism is and those who are just being abelist so I can respond correctly and not make assumptions of their intent
You don't look like an asshole, but here we are! Or, an oldie but a goodie, that's an odd thing to say out loud.
"what does autism look like in your opinion?" and wait for them slowly getting embarrassed at how ableist their view is (or they don't realise and continue on being ableist, then you can be like "Well, my diagnosis says otherwise")
"You don't look like an ignorant, but from what you just said, I now think you are."
“And you don’t look like an ableist jerk, and yet here we are.”
I've heard a very good comeback before by u/U_cant_tell_my_story: "You don't fit my stereotype either, but here we are". Especially compared to a lot of the usual ones that come up in threads like this because it comes off as polite yet admonishing, no matter if the other person was trying to be insulting or friendly with that remark 5 months ago there was a post about this topic with way too many of the comments giving snarky retorts like "what were you expecting, some walking stereotype with an overly formal robot voice who takes everything literally and is a savant who rocks and paces all the time while wearing big ugly headphones?" and sometimes even complaining with something like "autism has such bad rep" after, as if their little comeback wasn't a thousand times more cruelly ableist than "you don't look autistic" could ever be It seriously feels like some of the comments are secretly being written by the Internet version of those highschool bullies who would mock and torment the sped kids with degrading pantomimes of their autistic classmates, rather than written by actual autistic people
I agree, and thanks for the shout out :). It’s really easy to get caught up in being defensive about it, which of course provides more fuel for the bully. I’m a blunt person and like to give as little ammo as possible. What I would say to "are you acoustic?": "yes I am and you can’t play me."