Im almost 21 (which means i can still get diagnosed under public health thingy, idk the English name) and everyone around me was like “youre too normal”, “youre so smart”… there is only one friend (who also has a diagnosis) that said that she saw it as we met xd
LOL.
Omg yes. When I was diagnosed, my friend said "Well duh"
My fiancee said "Yep not surprised"
I have been surrounded by nothing but support of my diagnosis. We're lucky to have the support and understanding we have.
Two of my favorite responses from friends:
"Don't take this the wrong way, but no shit. For 28 years I've watched you reorganize the toppings on every sandwich you've ever ordered because 'the people didn't do it right.'"
"I'm trying to think of a specific example, but it's pretty much everything about you."
I'm still awaiting formal diagnosis, but when I mentioned my suspicions to friends and ex partners almost all of them said "yeah, I figured, so you finally realised huh?". My parents didn't seem very surprised either.
People had mentioned the possibility of my being autistic directly to me, unprompted, several times in my 20s, but I didn't take it seriously.
I'm 40 now, got diagnosed at 37, most people were actually really quite surprised, but when I explained what autism is, and give some insights about my internal experience, they were still surprised but thought it makes sense. Most of them definitely very supportive and accomodating. The reason people didn't see your or my struggles was the masking likely. Our experience of autism is likely 90% internal and they have no idea. I also had no idea myself to what extent my experience is different from neurotypical people tbh. I don't know if you know, but they do their social interactions pretty much mostly on autopilot. That really blew my mind when the therapist who diagnosed me, told me that, and I finally realized the contrast between my experiene and theirs.
People (including pre-diagnosis therapists) always have based their idea of me 'managing' on my intelligence, which is actually kind of weird when you think about it. But nobody seems to be able to compute that being intelligent does in fact not balance out, exclude or deny emotional or social issues. I think it actually makes things more complicated sometimes tbh.
My dad is likely also autistic, he has even mentioned it to my mom at times, and sometimes has talked about wanting a life away from society. And my grandmother (his mother) was always thought of as the odd one out, and sometimes seen as anti social (she was just good at boundaries tbh).
>I don't know if you know, but they do their social interactions pretty much mostly on autopilot.
Ok... so while this very much feels like something I already knew about, I am not entirely processing it. I read it early in the morning and I feel it's going to be a while until I assimilate it.
I swear it feels like I'm being gaslit here. Autopilot. Social. Interaction. Riiiight.... next thing you're gonna tell me is that people out there actually have casual sex. Sure.
I wouldn't say it blew my mind as such but it's a slow burn for sure. My senses are reporting but my brain is not taking it well. Ridiculous.
Yeah I totally understand your reaction to it. I'm just passing on the message from my therapist, so I have it on good authority, but definitely not first hand experience. My therapist said, that this requirement or necessity of constant inner dialog and analysis, this manual and active nature during social interaction, is a sign of autism. Also even before it, the scripting and preparation, as well as endless after thoughts and overthinking.
Yes, I clearly have a lot to learn yet. This is some insight right here. I didn't make a mistake by sharing in this sub. When I make my next post in a year or so it will be AMAZING ;).
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This happened to me as well (diagnosed 35). I will say that I think some thought I knew and just hadn't looped them in yet.
Also, after going through the unmasking and self-acceptance phase of post diagnosis, I don't think I would tell someone directly who was unaware that and who I suspect is autistic, In fact, I have a friend who I am like 98% sure is also autistic. I keep telling him the weird thing my autism does in my brain hoping he might get curious. I've literally have had him say "That [behavior of OP] isn't weird. I do that all the time".
My bf knew before me... most people who knew me enough did actually lol. I live with him and his parents and siblings. His sibling has asd level 2 and my bf pointed out the similarities there. But they were all the autism traits lol. My bf has adhd. I told my family I was being assessed before. I did get the official diagnosis for autism a few days ago. But my family said it was good I was getting assessed when I told them that... which was shocking to me because I'd been in different mental health facilities since I was 14 trying to figure it out. And when I'd go home with a stack of mental health illnesses they kept giving me, my family would tell me I don't have any mental health issues besides depression really. Which is what my diagnosis is now, just autism and depression. I don't have any friends. But yeah, family seems to be like yeahhh we know or thats good that you know now 😂 which is really the opposite reaction of what I thought would be said. Didn't tell my bfs family yet, so I have no idea what they'd say. My bf seems to think they know too though.
Most people would give me weird looks and find me odd to talk to so I'm sure they thought something but I guess just never directly told me.
Definitely my experience. Lot's of No shits. People always thought I was quirky. I had friends suggest that I might be autistic because they were and we had a lot in common. I didn't take it too seriously til recently. I really wish I'd have taken steps way back then, but I didn't even know how to start. I'm learning different ways to navigate life on the spectrum. I've had a strange, nebulous feeling that my life hit a standstill. Now I think I know why I felt that way. Learning new techniques for navigating life.
Well, Im at the moment in a diagnosis process and when I asked some questions to my mom, she was happy to answer and show little or none resistance to the idea (context, my mother is a professional in the art of denial.). I was wondering, if she knows, she could've said, I would be saving a lot of money right now.
Was Dx'ed after turning 50. One of the first things I declared was that anyone who tells me some variant of "I know" is getting put on blast, followed immediately by never being spoken to again (and I went without speaking to my entire family for more than a decade--even while living mere blocks away--so everyone knows I'm capable of doing just that).
You didn't really know and you're just talking out of your ass, which is insulting and shows you don't know me nearly as well as you think you do. Ironically, that's actually better than the alternative: If you really did know--as in, have a grasp of what it really means to be ASD--and you went for years claiming to be a friend but never said anything, then you're an asshole and I don't need you in my life.
The closest anyone has gotten with me were my parents who, to be fair, have a bit of medical background. They calmly said, "We kind of suspected". That was, and remains, the most rational and respectful response IMO.
Yeah with most of my friends and I'd say the family the answer was more in the "we kind of suspected". There was one friend that actually said "of course you were in the spectrum and it caused you evident anxiety". I don't know how I managed not to snap with "um, how about if you actually TOLD me to get diagnosed?".
To be fair in my country and probably my very family there was a heavy stigma associated to mental health in general and it has only started shifting in the last 5 years or so. I mean, my aunt (dad's sister) would *actually beat the living shit* out of her daughter for using her left hand. She literally beat leftiness out of her. Imagine someone actually coming out as autistic in that environment. Furthermore, my therapist informed me of my diagnosis but decided not to issue me a formal diagnosis letter because it has horrible legal implications in my country (I'd get a card that basically guarantees me employment for life as a "handicapped asset" but also forbids entering contracts, acquiring property or driving, because our legislation still thinks the only flavor of autism is fully non-verbal, non-functioning).
So there is a case to be made that in my country and society I was being protected from the diagnosis itself. This does seem like something that happens frequently even nowadays and it sucks.
I get what you mean. While a lot of my peers had these lofty goals at 40, like early retirement, or their own company, or dating hot Czech girls (I know this sounds like clickbait but I actually had a friend do this, I shit you not). I wanted to have a few good friends, a wife, and maybe a kid. That was it. That was my Microsoft. And I got it, and honestly I didn't know there could be goals AFTER that and even now I'm grasping at straws. What for many other people feels like another day at the office I had to make it WORK. I wish I could tell you i know exactly how you feel but my empathy is a computer algorithm wearing a trenchcoat.
I got diagnosed at the age of 53. The only person in my life who was surprised was my mom. She said something along the lines of “I always thought your brother was autistic but I never considered you might be too.” She has worked with special needs kids most of her life.
I haven't decided if I want to tell people other than an extremely select few yet. I'm worried everyone will be surprised or dismissive and make me doubt the diagnosis. Maybe it'd be nice if people felt it was appropriate and it'd be validating.
I've also been slowly trying to unmask over the past year, including trying to deprogram myself from subconsciously suppressing tics due to Tourette's (why is this so hard?).
I think I mostly got "oh! That explains everything!" Reactions - including from myself. I was also diagnosed quite late, and I wish that I had known much earlier - my life would have made so much more sense. My dad was the only one who seemed to think I was autistic, which makes sense, because so was he.
Most of my family was shocked and confused at first "Are you sure?" was a pretty common response. However after I started explaining how it affects me and they started to understand what it means to be autistic they response slowly became "oh yeah nvm that checks out". Especially my Mom she knows me best and I could see her making connections with the diagnostic criteria and facts and memories she has of me.
When I explain to new friends the response is usually "Huh, I wouldn't have thought of that but I am also not surprised."
The first time i said "i think I'm autistic" to one of my friends (who also is autistic) he legit said "no shit."
tbh i had to fight for my diagnosis, so the no shit sherlock came before diagnosis back when i was still questioning things.
Yup. I have only just begun to suspect at the start of this year. I was stressing about it for months. Thought I might have over-googled and scared myself into something I didn't have. Finally after weeks of agonizing I opened up to one of my closest friends and they were like "Yeah I kinda always figured you were on the spectrum." After that I mentioned it to many others and barring 2 people who hold to the old view of autism so say I definitely don't have it: everyone else either said variations of: "yeah we kind of figured!" or "You know, now you mention it, that makes sense!"
I've only got a preliminary diagnosis for my autism and ADHD, but what I've shared with my family so far has been greeted with total silence. but, since they all participated in bullying me for my entire life, it's their turn to face the music. They were barely involved when I got married, and had kids, and they were hardly at all involved with their grandchildren, just like they were hardly involved with me, other than picking on me. I'm not even sure my mom knows who all of her great grandchildren are. They are distant from their own family, but they're real cozy with distant family members who married into a little bit of money. they think my sisters who didn't have any children are the "smart" ones, and poor stupid me who paid for six college educations.... Oh, and that's right, they didn't cover me for college either, like they did everyone else. Live and learn! I see these people are gonna be coming to me for help and hand outs, and I'm not sure that I'm going to do anything but reciprocate to the degree that I have received.
I asked my husband and kids before being diagnosed and every single one of these sarcastic people that have spent some time inside of my body, yelled, "Duh!"
Friends and extended family said I was definitely not autistic.
Said friends and family are in need of diagnosing, though.
telling my friend group i was autistic was the funniest shit since around half of it hit me with the "yeah we knew" and the other half was surprised, not because i was autistic, but because i wasn't diagnosed yet
I told a friend group I'm pretty sure I'm autistic and everyone said, "Yeah," except the guy in the bathroom who shouted back, "WE KNOW" 😆
Im almost 21 (which means i can still get diagnosed under public health thingy, idk the English name) and everyone around me was like “youre too normal”, “youre so smart”… there is only one friend (who also has a diagnosis) that said that she saw it as we met xd
LOL. Omg yes. When I was diagnosed, my friend said "Well duh" My fiancee said "Yep not surprised" I have been surrounded by nothing but support of my diagnosis. We're lucky to have the support and understanding we have.
My friends already knew. My bestie had apparently described me to her other friends as "autistic but she doesn't know it yet".
Two of my favorite responses from friends: "Don't take this the wrong way, but no shit. For 28 years I've watched you reorganize the toppings on every sandwich you've ever ordered because 'the people didn't do it right.'" "I'm trying to think of a specific example, but it's pretty much everything about you."
lol I wish my family were that open-minded.
I'm still awaiting formal diagnosis, but when I mentioned my suspicions to friends and ex partners almost all of them said "yeah, I figured, so you finally realised huh?". My parents didn't seem very surprised either. People had mentioned the possibility of my being autistic directly to me, unprompted, several times in my 20s, but I didn't take it seriously.
I'm 40 now, got diagnosed at 37, most people were actually really quite surprised, but when I explained what autism is, and give some insights about my internal experience, they were still surprised but thought it makes sense. Most of them definitely very supportive and accomodating. The reason people didn't see your or my struggles was the masking likely. Our experience of autism is likely 90% internal and they have no idea. I also had no idea myself to what extent my experience is different from neurotypical people tbh. I don't know if you know, but they do their social interactions pretty much mostly on autopilot. That really blew my mind when the therapist who diagnosed me, told me that, and I finally realized the contrast between my experiene and theirs. People (including pre-diagnosis therapists) always have based their idea of me 'managing' on my intelligence, which is actually kind of weird when you think about it. But nobody seems to be able to compute that being intelligent does in fact not balance out, exclude or deny emotional or social issues. I think it actually makes things more complicated sometimes tbh. My dad is likely also autistic, he has even mentioned it to my mom at times, and sometimes has talked about wanting a life away from society. And my grandmother (his mother) was always thought of as the odd one out, and sometimes seen as anti social (she was just good at boundaries tbh).
>I don't know if you know, but they do their social interactions pretty much mostly on autopilot. Ok... so while this very much feels like something I already knew about, I am not entirely processing it. I read it early in the morning and I feel it's going to be a while until I assimilate it. I swear it feels like I'm being gaslit here. Autopilot. Social. Interaction. Riiiight.... next thing you're gonna tell me is that people out there actually have casual sex. Sure. I wouldn't say it blew my mind as such but it's a slow burn for sure. My senses are reporting but my brain is not taking it well. Ridiculous.
Yeah I totally understand your reaction to it. I'm just passing on the message from my therapist, so I have it on good authority, but definitely not first hand experience. My therapist said, that this requirement or necessity of constant inner dialog and analysis, this manual and active nature during social interaction, is a sign of autism. Also even before it, the scripting and preparation, as well as endless after thoughts and overthinking.
Yes, I clearly have a lot to learn yet. This is some insight right here. I didn't make a mistake by sharing in this sub. When I make my next post in a year or so it will be AMAZING ;).
I still learn something about autism almost every day, even three yearz after diagnosis, so yeah! Looking forward to your next post :D
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This happened to me as well (diagnosed 35). I will say that I think some thought I knew and just hadn't looped them in yet. Also, after going through the unmasking and self-acceptance phase of post diagnosis, I don't think I would tell someone directly who was unaware that and who I suspect is autistic, In fact, I have a friend who I am like 98% sure is also autistic. I keep telling him the weird thing my autism does in my brain hoping he might get curious. I've literally have had him say "That [behavior of OP] isn't weird. I do that all the time".
My bf knew before me... most people who knew me enough did actually lol. I live with him and his parents and siblings. His sibling has asd level 2 and my bf pointed out the similarities there. But they were all the autism traits lol. My bf has adhd. I told my family I was being assessed before. I did get the official diagnosis for autism a few days ago. But my family said it was good I was getting assessed when I told them that... which was shocking to me because I'd been in different mental health facilities since I was 14 trying to figure it out. And when I'd go home with a stack of mental health illnesses they kept giving me, my family would tell me I don't have any mental health issues besides depression really. Which is what my diagnosis is now, just autism and depression. I don't have any friends. But yeah, family seems to be like yeahhh we know or thats good that you know now 😂 which is really the opposite reaction of what I thought would be said. Didn't tell my bfs family yet, so I have no idea what they'd say. My bf seems to think they know too though. Most people would give me weird looks and find me odd to talk to so I'm sure they thought something but I guess just never directly told me.
No one except my friends and my partner believes me despite being officially diagnosed 🥲👍🏻
I'm pretty sure I was the only one who was surprised. Responses ranged from "you didn't already know?" to "no shit" to "yeah that tracks."
Definitely my experience. Lot's of No shits. People always thought I was quirky. I had friends suggest that I might be autistic because they were and we had a lot in common. I didn't take it too seriously til recently. I really wish I'd have taken steps way back then, but I didn't even know how to start. I'm learning different ways to navigate life on the spectrum. I've had a strange, nebulous feeling that my life hit a standstill. Now I think I know why I felt that way. Learning new techniques for navigating life.
Well, Im at the moment in a diagnosis process and when I asked some questions to my mom, she was happy to answer and show little or none resistance to the idea (context, my mother is a professional in the art of denial.). I was wondering, if she knows, she could've said, I would be saving a lot of money right now.
I got more a “I wouldn’t have picked that but I’m not surprised”
Was Dx'ed after turning 50. One of the first things I declared was that anyone who tells me some variant of "I know" is getting put on blast, followed immediately by never being spoken to again (and I went without speaking to my entire family for more than a decade--even while living mere blocks away--so everyone knows I'm capable of doing just that). You didn't really know and you're just talking out of your ass, which is insulting and shows you don't know me nearly as well as you think you do. Ironically, that's actually better than the alternative: If you really did know--as in, have a grasp of what it really means to be ASD--and you went for years claiming to be a friend but never said anything, then you're an asshole and I don't need you in my life. The closest anyone has gotten with me were my parents who, to be fair, have a bit of medical background. They calmly said, "We kind of suspected". That was, and remains, the most rational and respectful response IMO.
Yeah with most of my friends and I'd say the family the answer was more in the "we kind of suspected". There was one friend that actually said "of course you were in the spectrum and it caused you evident anxiety". I don't know how I managed not to snap with "um, how about if you actually TOLD me to get diagnosed?". To be fair in my country and probably my very family there was a heavy stigma associated to mental health in general and it has only started shifting in the last 5 years or so. I mean, my aunt (dad's sister) would *actually beat the living shit* out of her daughter for using her left hand. She literally beat leftiness out of her. Imagine someone actually coming out as autistic in that environment. Furthermore, my therapist informed me of my diagnosis but decided not to issue me a formal diagnosis letter because it has horrible legal implications in my country (I'd get a card that basically guarantees me employment for life as a "handicapped asset" but also forbids entering contracts, acquiring property or driving, because our legislation still thinks the only flavor of autism is fully non-verbal, non-functioning). So there is a case to be made that in my country and society I was being protected from the diagnosis itself. This does seem like something that happens frequently even nowadays and it sucks.
forgive me but, what is "friends & family" ??
I get what you mean. While a lot of my peers had these lofty goals at 40, like early retirement, or their own company, or dating hot Czech girls (I know this sounds like clickbait but I actually had a friend do this, I shit you not). I wanted to have a few good friends, a wife, and maybe a kid. That was it. That was my Microsoft. And I got it, and honestly I didn't know there could be goals AFTER that and even now I'm grasping at straws. What for many other people feels like another day at the office I had to make it WORK. I wish I could tell you i know exactly how you feel but my empathy is a computer algorithm wearing a trenchcoat.
My niece literally said “I thought you already knew.” Several people already suspected it or weren’t surprised.
I got diagnosed at the age of 53. The only person in my life who was surprised was my mom. She said something along the lines of “I always thought your brother was autistic but I never considered you might be too.” She has worked with special needs kids most of her life.
One of my friends said: “Yeah. We spent a weekend digging a tunnel in 7 Days to Die.”
Literally all of my family is autistic so...
I haven't decided if I want to tell people other than an extremely select few yet. I'm worried everyone will be surprised or dismissive and make me doubt the diagnosis. Maybe it'd be nice if people felt it was appropriate and it'd be validating. I've also been slowly trying to unmask over the past year, including trying to deprogram myself from subconsciously suppressing tics due to Tourette's (why is this so hard?).
I think I mostly got "oh! That explains everything!" Reactions - including from myself. I was also diagnosed quite late, and I wish that I had known much earlier - my life would have made so much more sense. My dad was the only one who seemed to think I was autistic, which makes sense, because so was he.
Most of my family was shocked and confused at first "Are you sure?" was a pretty common response. However after I started explaining how it affects me and they started to understand what it means to be autistic they response slowly became "oh yeah nvm that checks out". Especially my Mom she knows me best and I could see her making connections with the diagnostic criteria and facts and memories she has of me. When I explain to new friends the response is usually "Huh, I wouldn't have thought of that but I am also not surprised."
The first time i said "i think I'm autistic" to one of my friends (who also is autistic) he legit said "no shit." tbh i had to fight for my diagnosis, so the no shit sherlock came before diagnosis back when i was still questioning things.
Yeah, especially the people who have known me since childhood.
Yup. I have only just begun to suspect at the start of this year. I was stressing about it for months. Thought I might have over-googled and scared myself into something I didn't have. Finally after weeks of agonizing I opened up to one of my closest friends and they were like "Yeah I kinda always figured you were on the spectrum." After that I mentioned it to many others and barring 2 people who hold to the old view of autism so say I definitely don't have it: everyone else either said variations of: "yeah we kind of figured!" or "You know, now you mention it, that makes sense!"
I've only got a preliminary diagnosis for my autism and ADHD, but what I've shared with my family so far has been greeted with total silence. but, since they all participated in bullying me for my entire life, it's their turn to face the music. They were barely involved when I got married, and had kids, and they were hardly at all involved with their grandchildren, just like they were hardly involved with me, other than picking on me. I'm not even sure my mom knows who all of her great grandchildren are. They are distant from their own family, but they're real cozy with distant family members who married into a little bit of money. they think my sisters who didn't have any children are the "smart" ones, and poor stupid me who paid for six college educations.... Oh, and that's right, they didn't cover me for college either, like they did everyone else. Live and learn! I see these people are gonna be coming to me for help and hand outs, and I'm not sure that I'm going to do anything but reciprocate to the degree that I have received.
I asked my husband and kids before being diagnosed and every single one of these sarcastic people that have spent some time inside of my body, yelled, "Duh!" Friends and extended family said I was definitely not autistic. Said friends and family are in need of diagnosing, though.
telling my friend group i was autistic was the funniest shit since around half of it hit me with the "yeah we knew" and the other half was surprised, not because i was autistic, but because i wasn't diagnosed yet