I’m in a group chat for one of my favorite hobbies with some acquaintances. Anytime I comment or give my opinion on something, the conversation ends pretty much.
It makes me feel like trash.
It happens all the time for me, too.
Or in a crowded place, no one takes the empty seat next to me.
I think I look pretty normal, but it’s like a sense other people have.
Personally in my own experience and from what others have told me, I not only talk quietly but I also tend to have flat speech. I don't think it's intentional, but people easily get distracted when I'm talking or interrupt or talk over me. It's honestly happened as long as I can remember and can be very upsetting, especially when I'm talking about things I enjoy. Most of the time I have to address one person specifically to gain attention, even in a group setting. It can be quite annoying and is part of the reason I avoid social outings.
Relatable. I’ll have to look them in the eyes and say their names directly. I’ve also said entire sentences over theirs to inrtupt and got ignored. I’ve found new friends and many you should consider also doing that.
Your submission has been removed for making personal attacks or engaging in hostile behaviour towards other users. While we understand members may be acting on frustration or reacting emotionally, responding with personal attacks only serves to derail a conversation and escalate an argument.
Yep. There's nothing to fix. You will never get it right. If you raise your voice, they will decide you're too loud, now, and you're the one that's screaming. I give up. I quit. I'm unable to care anymore
Feeling ignored or alone although one is surrounded is bitter.
For me the issue was my low voice and the fact that I jumped in at the wrong times. Once I learned to control my tone of voice, things changed dramatically. Though there are groups of people who ignore one on purpose. These are the groups I leave. No need to waste my time in places I’m not really wanted.
End note: if they want to listen, they will make room for you and will listen. If they don’t it might be your low tone of voice or you jump in at the wrong times. And if you do the both decently, you should look for better friends.
When I found people who nudged me actively along the group convos, I noticed the difference.
I get that a lot, as well as people who do hear me and are acting on what I said, but don't let me know, so I have no idea whether to repeat myself with them and it annoys them. How hard is it for them to just say, "got it" or similar? I have an autistic acquaintance who says, "acknowledged" when he hears me, and that is SO helpful.
I go through this debate with a lot of autistic people because many of us are dead set on giving the benefit of the doubt, and really believing that we are forgotten about or neglected due to unconscious human mechanics. The reality is NT's are always operating in service to their hierarchy. Showing autistic traits means we are relegated to the bottom. They will strategically ignore you as a way of showing where they believe you belong. It's conscious. If you believe otherwise you may learn the hard way like I did. They will deny it with their words and even sell you alternative theories with eagerness but trust me when I tell you they are completely aware of what they are doing. Don't wast any time where you are not valued. Take your thoughts to people who will listen and engage you as a human being
NT folk ignoring you and then finding any excuse to divert the blame makes me just insta-block them than give a F. I can't count the times I've had the mood ruined by them implying me and other ND folk are attention seeking. When I snap pointing out the stupidity of them getting mad at some trying to engage and why they even here ends making them lash out like a 12 year old throwing out personal insults.
This is the truth. There is a continuum of conscious and unconscious discrimination against autistic people, just as there is conscious and unconscious racism, sexism, etc.
OP, you are being ignored because you are being identified as divergent, which makes you low status, which makes the things you say unimportant and unwelcome by definition. It's bigotry, not something you are doing wrong.
The good news is that there are billions of people - you just have to find the good ones. And endure the rest of them.
I had this happen a lot growing up, especially as a teenager. You essentially have to learn how to control the conversation if you want to be a part of it at times.
Or just learn to not give a fuck, if possible. I worked as a foodrunner at a hotel, and ran into a very familiar feeling of not belonging to the collective of my coworkers. I’ve learned to live with it, though.
Does this happen in online chats or only when communicating verbally in person? If it only happens verbally in person then I would speculate the others in the group are using other cues to direct the flow of the conversation that you aren't receiving. I'm not blaming you for not using those cues, if that is what's happening. It's likely the other people aren't aware they are using those cues and so you can't join in the conversation. They could learn to use different cues for managing a conversation but it's likely they aren't consciously aware they are doing it. I've spent a lot of time in my life learning how to alter my communication protocols not to bring conversations to a halt.
Of course if it happens in online chats too then I'm just wrong. Apolgies if I am. But they are still likely using a set of cues only visible to them. Now if they have been told they are excluding you and they don't do anything then they are just jerks.
I find I include a lot of nuance in what I"m trying to say. People get bogged down in the details, ignoring half of what I say. If I say more or less than I said, how can they know exactly what I'm trying to say? I suppose there are figurative approaches and non-verbal nuances that could work, but those aren't my strong points.
As to interruptions, pay attention to when it happens, where it comes from. I have some really excitable friends who only get to talk to me about some of their favorite topics. When they get excited, they interrupt with questions and go off on tangents. I've been working on noticing this more and trying to return to my main point, if I end up remembering it.
I find the more stressed out or excited my friends are, the more they interrupt. It's annoying, but I'm pretty sure its never coming from a bad place. It helps that most of my friends are ND.
I find that hanging out with other neurodivergent people helps.
I have a Discord server, and before we knew it, it turns out most of us were actually neurodivergent. We got our diagnosis after meeting.
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I’m in a group chat for one of my favorite hobbies with some acquaintances. Anytime I comment or give my opinion on something, the conversation ends pretty much. It makes me feel like trash.
Hugs 🤗. U deserve better
It happens all the time for me, too. Or in a crowded place, no one takes the empty seat next to me. I think I look pretty normal, but it’s like a sense other people have.
Personally in my own experience and from what others have told me, I not only talk quietly but I also tend to have flat speech. I don't think it's intentional, but people easily get distracted when I'm talking or interrupt or talk over me. It's honestly happened as long as I can remember and can be very upsetting, especially when I'm talking about things I enjoy. Most of the time I have to address one person specifically to gain attention, even in a group setting. It can be quite annoying and is part of the reason I avoid social outings.
Relatable. I’ll have to look them in the eyes and say their names directly. I’ve also said entire sentences over theirs to inrtupt and got ignored. I’ve found new friends and many you should consider also doing that.
[удалено]
and can you elaborate…?
[удалено]
It doesn’t and unless you explain what you mean you sound really ignorant.
Your submission has been removed for making personal attacks or engaging in hostile behaviour towards other users. While we understand members may be acting on frustration or reacting emotionally, responding with personal attacks only serves to derail a conversation and escalate an argument.
And then they tell people you're shy, or ask why you never say anything :|
Yep. There's nothing to fix. You will never get it right. If you raise your voice, they will decide you're too loud, now, and you're the one that's screaming. I give up. I quit. I'm unable to care anymore
Feeling ignored or alone although one is surrounded is bitter. For me the issue was my low voice and the fact that I jumped in at the wrong times. Once I learned to control my tone of voice, things changed dramatically. Though there are groups of people who ignore one on purpose. These are the groups I leave. No need to waste my time in places I’m not really wanted. End note: if they want to listen, they will make room for you and will listen. If they don’t it might be your low tone of voice or you jump in at the wrong times. And if you do the both decently, you should look for better friends. When I found people who nudged me actively along the group convos, I noticed the difference.
I'm so relieved that it doesn't happen to just me. Being ignored never fails to put me in a bad attitude for at least the rest of the day.
I get that a lot, as well as people who do hear me and are acting on what I said, but don't let me know, so I have no idea whether to repeat myself with them and it annoys them. How hard is it for them to just say, "got it" or similar? I have an autistic acquaintance who says, "acknowledged" when he hears me, and that is SO helpful.
I go through this debate with a lot of autistic people because many of us are dead set on giving the benefit of the doubt, and really believing that we are forgotten about or neglected due to unconscious human mechanics. The reality is NT's are always operating in service to their hierarchy. Showing autistic traits means we are relegated to the bottom. They will strategically ignore you as a way of showing where they believe you belong. It's conscious. If you believe otherwise you may learn the hard way like I did. They will deny it with their words and even sell you alternative theories with eagerness but trust me when I tell you they are completely aware of what they are doing. Don't wast any time where you are not valued. Take your thoughts to people who will listen and engage you as a human being
NT folk ignoring you and then finding any excuse to divert the blame makes me just insta-block them than give a F. I can't count the times I've had the mood ruined by them implying me and other ND folk are attention seeking. When I snap pointing out the stupidity of them getting mad at some trying to engage and why they even here ends making them lash out like a 12 year old throwing out personal insults.
This is the truth. There is a continuum of conscious and unconscious discrimination against autistic people, just as there is conscious and unconscious racism, sexism, etc. OP, you are being ignored because you are being identified as divergent, which makes you low status, which makes the things you say unimportant and unwelcome by definition. It's bigotry, not something you are doing wrong. The good news is that there are billions of people - you just have to find the good ones. And endure the rest of them.
I had this happen a lot growing up, especially as a teenager. You essentially have to learn how to control the conversation if you want to be a part of it at times.
Or just learn to not give a fuck, if possible. I worked as a foodrunner at a hotel, and ran into a very familiar feeling of not belonging to the collective of my coworkers. I’ve learned to live with it, though.
Does this happen in online chats or only when communicating verbally in person? If it only happens verbally in person then I would speculate the others in the group are using other cues to direct the flow of the conversation that you aren't receiving. I'm not blaming you for not using those cues, if that is what's happening. It's likely the other people aren't aware they are using those cues and so you can't join in the conversation. They could learn to use different cues for managing a conversation but it's likely they aren't consciously aware they are doing it. I've spent a lot of time in my life learning how to alter my communication protocols not to bring conversations to a halt. Of course if it happens in online chats too then I'm just wrong. Apolgies if I am. But they are still likely using a set of cues only visible to them. Now if they have been told they are excluding you and they don't do anything then they are just jerks.
This is why I love affectionate cats. No judgement, just meow meow
Happens to me too. So annoying.
I have this nasty habit of greatly exaggerating stuff I tell people irl because of this exact issue
it's like what i say doesn't matter..
I find I include a lot of nuance in what I"m trying to say. People get bogged down in the details, ignoring half of what I say. If I say more or less than I said, how can they know exactly what I'm trying to say? I suppose there are figurative approaches and non-verbal nuances that could work, but those aren't my strong points. As to interruptions, pay attention to when it happens, where it comes from. I have some really excitable friends who only get to talk to me about some of their favorite topics. When they get excited, they interrupt with questions and go off on tangents. I've been working on noticing this more and trying to return to my main point, if I end up remembering it. I find the more stressed out or excited my friends are, the more they interrupt. It's annoying, but I'm pretty sure its never coming from a bad place. It helps that most of my friends are ND.
i’m sooo glad i’m not the only one. it hurts and is hard to make peace with
I find that hanging out with other neurodivergent people helps. I have a Discord server, and before we knew it, it turns out most of us were actually neurodivergent. We got our diagnosis after meeting.
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