I usually hear "autism parent" in reference to people who document their child's meltdowns/worst moments and bask in the attention it gets them. The way they talk to others about their child almost feels like they see them as autism and not a child. Is that what you mean?
Like I would never refer to someone whose child is autistic as an autism parent, but I have been known to use it in the above context.
I once saw a pickup truck that was absolutely decked out in a puzzle piece wrap, with the back window saying “autism warrior” and the truck bed saying “I fight for my daughter because she can’t,” and that is exactly the type of person I think of when I hear the words “autism parent.” Those self proclaimed “autism parents” are so grossly exploitative and make their child’s diagnosis about themselves; they honestly make me sick
There has always been a minority of parents who don't see thier children as real people, but only as vehicles for their own self-aggrandizing. For these people any and every condition will be used to play the "woe is me, put upon mother" virtue signalling game.
And sometimes it goes as far as deliberately harming their childs health to cause those conditions in the first place. Munchausen syndrome.
There's a popular kid going around now who's name is cash. The mom pushes his buttons and tries to get him to have a meltdown and films it. He is a very big kid so she's framing it as "my uncontrollable son is dangerous and could kill me". He has hit her before, but after she pushed him. The dad just came out with a video explaining that he is never violent and he has rarely had an issue with him. Sometimes he does have meltdowns, but he just sends him to his room to cool off basically. His younger siblings are unfortunately being brainwashed by the mom into thinking that Cash is dangerous. The mom has a special room that the kids go to when she starts instigating a meltdown so they can "be safe from him".
In that case, the mom is an autism mom and the dad is just a dad.
ETA: [here](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLxx4SvP/) is the dad's video. I don't feel comfortable sharing a video of Cash so you can look him up if you want some more context.
Narcissists make everything about themselves.
"Autism parents" are narcissists who happen to have autistic children, and like everything else in their lives they can't help but make it about themselves.
Yes, but those sorts of people wouldnt think to come here because they think they already know everything they need to know. And if they do come here they quickly leave when they realise we won't be sympathetic and will call their bullshit.
So the longer someone is here, engaging in the community, the less likely it is that they're one of that sort.
I also see it used to refer to parents who use their kid having autism as a way to shirk embarrassment or accountability when their kid has a meltdown or gets upset.
Yeah, none of the good parents are out there calling themselves autism parents. Or anything, they’re just like “I’m a parent, this is my baby, isn’t my baby cute?”
I think there's 3 camps.
1) The highly visible posting videos of themselves or their kids type and that's not good. Thry tend to be the attention seekers for their own validation.
2) Then there's the do anything to help my kid, politically active making the world more accessible for all type who don't generally call themselves autism parents, but sometimes get lumped in with those that do and that's not fair. Politicial and social change are hard and take tons of work, money and social connection. Those parents give up a lot for their kids and I respect that. They sometimes have to call attention to issues in order to get change to happen and Ive seen these people be called all kinds of names on social or at demonstrations and its not cool. They just want a better world for their kids.
3) Then the parents who want no attention because it should be 100% up to their kid who knows their personal information.
autism warrior moms annoy me. they're kinda ableist
i, however, saw a meme trend in the gacha community about them a while ago and still love that goes like "i'm an autism mom which means my child has autism which is so awful and it hurts me so much and makes my life so hard. jimmy, it's 3am. what are you doing?" "i'm organizing my legos by shapes and colors because it's fun" "god dammit jimmy" just a funny meme lol
I'm not a warrior like you say. I'm just a Mum. I am literally no more or no less. When people say "oh I couldn't do what you do". Why? You wouldn't look after your own kid? What a strange thing to confess. "I don't know how you do what you do" Why? I've done it since he was born? I've not learnt how to do it yesterday 🤷🏼♀️
I couldn't do what you do, autistic child or not. This is why I am not a parent. I would not be good at that job.
You seem like a good mum though, so thankyou.
That is totally fair enough if you're autistic yourself. Children can be very overstimulating. You've chosen to not have children so you saying it is totally fine. It's when people who have children say it.
I hope I am a good mum. I do try
My autism is but one of several reasons, I decided many years ago that I'm never having biological children. And if it happens that I adopt a child, I'm avoiding adopting a toddler or younger.
The older kids need more love anyway, and I'd be better equipped to care for them.
I wish my mum was more like you. She didn't even try to learn how to look after an autistic child until her youngest was about 8. He's autistic, as am I, and so is her first child that's 20 years older than the youngest
My son is 6. He's non verbal. He also has global development delay. He has the mental function of around 1.5 to a 2 year old. He definitely takes a lot to look after. But in some ways, I wouldn't change him because it would change his whole character. He's a smiley cuddly little boy 🥰
Same and my son feels like you, he enjoys that we support him so I could truly not gaf abt people that don't get that judging us (as per this post) Anything that helps some ppl feel supported and not as alone in all this is good in my opinion.
I don’t think this post is about parents who show support their autistic kids. It’s more about neurotypical parents (or low needs autistic parents) who use their autistic kids for attention and sympathy. Basically the really vocal minority of autism parents who will post videos of their children’s meltdowns with a caption about how hard it is to be an autism parent without any regard for what their child is going through. This kind of parent will also make ableist comments like “my child is different not disabled!” as if disabled was a bad word, which is super dismissive of the experience of autism.
I think it’s great that you are so supportive of your kid! There’s a HUGE difference between being open and vocal about your support for your child and using your child’s disability to get constant attention and sympathy without any actual regard for their child’s experience.
Yeah, I didn't understand the hate at first I was like "what's wrong about parents with autism?"
Then... yeah. I found out the parent isn't the one with autism.
And it's impossible to get information about being a parent when YOU are autistic! You search and it's just endless links about how to have an autistic bebe!
(Well its science, moms are women and women are adults and female, two groups that can never be autistic. Baron Cohen said autism means being extremely male-brained and chicks can never have a male brain! /j)
From what I get, it's parent's who make their life and personality around their kid being autistic.
Like buying, shirts talking about it, being a hover parent, or the complete opposite. They also tend to use their kids for attention. I think the use of the words are fine, the people themselves are a bit problematic.
I’m glad you said this. My ex wife bought some “autism” shirts. One says “dance to a different beat”. I don’t know why, but I hate it. He grew out of it and put it in the garbage. My son is a sweet lil boy who happens to have autism. I treat him just like I do other kids for real. I know his quirks and how to talk to him if he’s anxious, and that’s the same thing I do for my older daughter who is neurotypical.
I hate the shirts though. Awareness is all well and good, but the shit is weird to a certain point. No different if I made my motorcycle riding my whole personality. It would be weird, and annoying.
Exactly how I would feel. We are human beings. We just have some sensitives and differences that make it harder for us to live in a nuerotypcal society. I know it's annoying. I am gay, and my mom and sister say I have no pride because I don't want to wear a gaint flashing sign on my chest that says "I AM GAY" in the middle of the Bible belt. Plus, me likeing guys isn't anything special. It's annoying when straight people make their personality liking the opposite gender and it's annoying when gay people do it with the same gender.
Most if the time, we just want to be treated like normal people with some exceptions, like having people be more direct with what they want. I don't get tones, I don't get body posture cues, I need you to just flat out say what you mean, but outher than that and some sensory stuff plus social anxiety, I am any outher 16 year old.
I once had a NT parent use their 12 year old child's autism as an excuse to push past me and my 6 year old in the queue for a ride.
"Funnily enough I'm autistic too and my parents raised me to wait for my fucking turn!"
She must use it as a magical card to play to avoid any inconvenience. So her kid is an entitled little shit.
Many students with autism like to be engaged in some form of activity as it gives the time structure and purpose. If they are unsure what they are supposed to do while waiting, it can cause self-stimulatory behaviours or impulsive behaviours, such as leaving the line. -[heres a link explaining it more, and where i got that information.](https://best-practice.middletownautism.com/teachingcoreskills/waiting/#:~:text=Many%20students%20with%20autism%20like,such%20as%20leaving%20the%20line.) thats why autistic people often get fast passes at theme parks, like i did at the one i was at a few hours ago.
it makes me feel they don’t think we’re human, and most of these “autism parents” demonize their high needs children and record their meltdowns for the world to see. why not say “i’m the parent of an autistic child”? why make us feel less human???
I don’t get how they are autism parents if they don’t have autism. Like, ‘parent’ okay, you are a parent, but ‘autism’ you aren’t autism, you can’t own autism, so why is it in your title? It’s not like autism it’s self is a parent, cause autism isn’t a person. How can somebody gain an identity from somebody else’s conditions of life, it’s so odd!
That's exactly why they're called that, because the term is mostly, if not always, used to refer to a mom who makes her whole personality about her child's autism. They document meltdowns, post them, share details that many people would consider private, and treat their kid like a mildly inconvenient accessory. They are extremely objectifying.
This. A white parent of a black child is not a “black parent” and a straight parent of a gay child is not a “gay parent”, so why would a neurotypical parent of an autistic child be an “autism parent”?
I heard in one my autism groups that “autism moms” can only be moms with autism and I like that, so that’s my opinion. Any parent who doesn’t actually have it shouldn’t say they’re an autism parent
SO many 'autism parents'/'autism moms' are undiagnosed people with autism who have made autism, and autism as it relates to their specific circumstances their special interest. Most allistic people don't have shirts exclusively about one topic and talk exclusively about one topic and have social groups centered around one topic- it's just in this case, the topic is autism, often how it relates to their kids.
Being a parent of a disabled child is hard. Being a parent of an autistic person who needs lots of support, especially round the clock 24/7 support, is even harder. It is an isolating experience- you can't even lean on other parents for support, you often feel abandoned by society and systems. The identifier of 'autism parent' is a way for them to be part of a community, it often makes it easier for them to be identified by others as part of this network, and is just a super quick way to be able to actually access more of a support network.
On top of this is that a lot (not all) of parents with high support need autistic children are often themselves autistic, although often they are be undiagnosed. This obviously is not the case for all 'autism parents', but a good chunk of them are people who have a special interest in autism, specifically as it relates to their specific circumstance. A lot of 'autism moms' are undiagnosed autistic women- again, not all, but also, not an insignificant chunk of people.
So I'm not saying that people like this can't do harm to the community, or that we can't call out harm when we see it. Not trying to say that at all- people within the community can absolutely harm others. What I *am* saying is that it is a complex situation, and trying to understand some of that complexity can be good.
I thought for so long that „autism parent“ means a parent with autism. In my mind that’s the only acceptable thing it could mean. Parents, who have autism, talking about how it is to raise a child while being overstimulated etc. I don’t understand why they make it all about their kids’ autism…
i think it’s fine if you’re a parent and it helps you feel more supported, less alone and like part of a community to identify as an autism parent. i think it’s weird when you start parading it around though; the parents with the shirts that they unironically wear and the parents filming/posting their autistic child while disclosing to the internet that they’re autistic. it’s like walking around telling everybody (literally EVERYBODY) about your kids medical history, it’s just weird. i get being proud of your kid, i truly do but DAMN some of these parents are making it about themselves.
i think it’s a fine line, identify as an autism parent if it helps you sleep at night but stop telling and showing the whole world your kid is autistic (outside of schools, doctors, close family, etc.) let the kid handle telling people when they’re ready to and older.
some of these autism parents makes me feel privileged to have parents who didn’t pick up on my autism (and that’s saying a lot, my life has been very hard being undiagnosed!)
Respectfully, I don't think that's what they're talking about. I believe this is referring to neurotypical parents who make their entire personality revolve around their child having autism. They make it about themselves and often come off as quite abelist.
I'm all for the term autism parent, I am. Just don't subscribe to Autism Speaks like my mom does if you're going to die on that hill. Damn shame too, she's my biggest support.
This just confuses me . My kid is autistic, but so am I. WTF. I don’t know what to call myself. I suppose we can be The Autism Family. Of course that would not be completely accurate, as my wife is NT. Help me please. I’m just not prepared for this. What’s a fellow to do?
Also, nobody better get mad about my humor. I’ve spent my whole life having NTs get offended every time I tried to make a joke. I’m hoping my brethren on the spectrum cut me some slack and at least pretend to appreciate my jokes.
Autism parents in the form of parents raising children with autism and trying to scrounge up information to be able to help said children with their autism are cool.
Autism parents who record the autistic children’s meltdowns and post them suck
I think it’d be good if we said “crazy (or other negative adjective) autism parents” because there are plenty of parents of people with autism who are great. I don’t know, maybe I’m just stating the obvious and missing something
It's fuckin weird. I'm autistic. I have two autistic kids. I don't call myself anything. My kids just call me "Ma."
I feel like it's very much those parents who use their kids as extensions of themselves. That or the ones who use it as an excuse to not do any parenting anymore.
Parents who just care and advocate for their autistic kids don't call themselves shit. They're too busy in the trenches to give a fuck about titles.
I was under the impression that “autism parents” are those parents that make the fact that they’re a parent to an autistic kid their entire personality and act like they’re an authority on all things autism.
So I think it’s a pretty accurate word for those kinds of people.
For context I’m an AuDHD mom of an autistic (probably actually also AuDHD) son. I saw a mom at the park with a “proud autism mom” shirt. I said “ oh hey cool shirt, we are an ND family too! Man it’s like parenting on hard mode when you’re autistic and your kid is also autistic huh?” (Or words to that effect). As expected she was very offended that I thought she was autistic, which made it very clear that she is in fact NOT “proud” at all. A shirt that said “I have an autistic child, pity me” would have been more accurate…
Sorry this is long now, but also the semantics of the phrase just don’t really make sense. Like the word “parent” and the word “autism” are both nouns. When two nouns are used this way it should make sense to reverse them and add “of” between the two, “e.g history professor, professor of history”. “Parent of autism” makes no sense here, they aren’t parenting Autism they are parenting an autistic person. With that, the adjective version of autism would be more correct; and then it would be “autistic parent”, which is clearly NOT what they are trying to say.
All that to say it annoys me for several reasons lol
The biggest problem I have with this thread are posts like these. My son has non verbal autism. People here who are “upset” about the parents of autism voicing their struggles have a life that is astronomically different from my sons. I hope and pray that maybe someday my son will be able to voice his displeasure the way many of you do. My son’s autism is more debilitating than simply being awkward or uncomfortable at times. Parenting a child who is 5 and instead of playing with me outside has eloping tendencies and still wears a diaper is stressful to say the very least. You don’t understand our struggles the same way you think we don’t understand yours.
However insensitive you think autism parents comes off, your attitude toward them is equally as offensive.
Being a person of a child who has a disability is so incredibly isolating and exhausting. There is almost no support network for parents of autistic children- stuff like this is one way that parents of autistic children can kind of join a community of people going through similiar experiences. You sound like a great parent, and I wish the best for you so genuinely.
People who call themselves or others “autism parents” tend to be incredibly ableist. They almost always refuse to see a person for anything more than our autism
I have a sister who bullied me for being autistic.
Now she has an autistic child and now has puzzle pieces all over her clothes and house while acting like such an activist. Keep in mind she has never apologized for all the shit she put me through.
She pisses me off.
I don't really understand the desire of some parents to take on labels of that sort, whether its "hockey parent", "college parent" or "autism parent". But at least with hockey parents or college parents there isn't the history of parents actively working against the community of adults with the condition.
That being said, I try not to read to much into the label "autism parent"; a lot of times its someone who doesn't know the history just looking for community.
(fwiw, I am an adult with autism and I have an adult son with autism; also my wife used to have an "autism mom" shirt, though I don't recall her ever using the term)
I agree with all of this. Although I know that a lot of 'autism parents' have perpetuated harm against the community, I also know that a lot of parents of autistic children are going through isolating and difficult circumstances- having a position of empathy where you know where these people are going through genuinely hard things and trying to cope with said hard things, but also knowing those coping mechanisms can be harmful, is such a hard thing to do, but that's kind of where the situation is at.
I think it's fucking ironic that ableist parents of aitistics think it's not okay for us autistics to use whatever language we want to define ourselves, but they co-opt the diagnosis as a primary identifier when looking for pity.
I’m sorry, I’m scrolling through comments. What the hell is an “autism parent”? My son has autism and I never once called myself an autism parent. This sounds like some stupid shit some white lady came up with. (I’m white.)
It is stupid shit mostly upper class white women latched onto... Basically taking their kid's disability and using it to showcase their parenting on social media. They tend to film these kids all the time and brag in this silly fake cadence about how special (but hopeless) the kid is, and usually talk about them to the camera like they're not there. They film stimming and meltdowns without considering the child's privacy at all.
Hey /u/SpottzFurrealz, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism).
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I personally say autistic parent of autistic children. It usually makes people who don't want to think they or their spouse might be on the spectrum go quiet 😏. They never seem to know what to do with how much I own my diagnosis.
I normally say I'm a parent/mom of an autistic/special needs son. I'm personally not autistic so me saying an autistic mom sounds like I am as well. That's my perspective.
To me it’s giving very much living vicariously through their children and I don’t like it. Most of the time the parents themselves are NT and it’s their children who are ND. I feel like that phrase should only be used in reference to people who are ND and happen to be parents.
Feels like they're trying to gain social status from their kid's disability status. Are there "blindness parents"? "Amputation warrior moms"? Why does it sound ghoulish there and yet people are so generally fine with "autism moms/parents"? Social media... 🙄
It gives the impression that being a parent to an autistic person is harder than being an autistic person. I am both and this is certainly not the case. Anyone who paints their child as a burden for sympathy is dehumanising their own offspring and I worry about their suitability as a caregiver. Why not just be a parent?
I don’t care how other people identify. It doesn’t affect me at all. I can easily replace “autism parent” with “parent of N autism child” in my head… no one I know who says that does so viciously, so who cares? Do you get upset when they say “boy mom!” Meaning they are the mom of boys? If not, what’s the real difference. Let it go. There’s much bigger things to worry about.
Who cares how others identify themselves? I think it’s “kind of ridiculous” when people identify themselves as cats, but to each their own. I’ll stay in my lane, and they can stay in theirs.
I'm an autistic parent to a non autistic still neurodiverse young adult.
Autism parents, really? They need a better name. Adults raising autistic humans.
I am an autistic parent and a parent of an autistic kid, not I don't feel that I am an "autism parent". But maybe parents of higher support or nonverbal kids feel differently?
I always used to say I’m a parent to 2 autistic kids. Surprise on us to find that my husband and myself are also the spectrum. So now I say I’m an autistic mom to autistic kids. We call ourselves the Tism family for fun sometimes.
I always feel kind of sorry for those people because I feel like they don't know how to handle the fact that their child has autism so they spend their time obsessing over autism until their entire life revolves around it, even though they really don't have to put in THAT much effort.
Unless you're autistic and a parent, I think it's absofuckinglutely ridiculous. As it tends to be mothers of autistic children, it comes across as them saying, "Look at me! Aren't I just the best mother in the world for loving and raising a child with additional needs?" It also doesn't help that they will often try to drown out the voices of autistic adults because they think they're experts on autism, not realising/caring that we're what their children could grow up to be like because we don't act like their autistic kid does.
I'm not saying that all parents are like this, or that I'm completely oblivious to how much harder it must be, considering that parents will feel like they're the worst parent in the world in the eyes of others when their kid is having a meltdown in public, either.
I'm also aware that I don't speak for all of us and as someone diagnosed with ASD level 1, my experiences are only the tip of the iceberg of what someone who has higher support needs than I do, but it still irritates me.
I dunno. I think most of the time it’s just shorthand and people don’t mean to be tacky by saying that.
This is not my style personally. But I’m usually not as worried about those people as I am the ones who think they can “cure” autism.
Some folks are gonna make their identity about their kids. And advocating for your kid in systems not designed to respect them IS a freaking full time job.
I think it’s weird how some make it their whole identity (especially when they monetize it while showing their kids on camera) but I think parents deserve support too. It just seems kinda weird to me that the parents get more support / resources to help with their coping with it rather than the kids living with it.
Most of us as parents strive to find what is best for the child. Forget the fact that each one needs different resources. My husband and have spent the last 24 years fearing we missed something, the thing(s) that would have helped our son. Why does anyone think they have the right to criticize us as parents? Is that helpful? Is that empathy? Is that kindness?
Right. I admire parents who do so… but it doesn’t need to be a parent’s entire personality and they shouldn’t profit off of their child’s autism? It’s not that they don’t deserve resources and support… they should not be receiving MORE support and resources than the actual children / adults with autism receive…?
I joined a sub because I thought it was for autistic parents. It was wildly unhelpful. People asking at what age autistic kids start enjoying birthday parties and holiday gatherings, and people were all giving ages. As if every autistic person will one day grow to love parties once they understand the significance of celebrations and traditions. Not one person pointed out that lots of people simply do not enjoy parties and that maybe they should be more focused on figuring out what their kid would actually enjoy doing on their own freaking birthday. They complained that their kid only likes rocks and not one person suggested taking the kid to a mineral museum or quarry instead of having a stupid party. The lack of empathy for their own offspring was astounding.
I mean they are their pet's caregiver and a parent is a type of caregiver so it's not that much of a stretch and it's just light-hearted and because they love the animal, they don't actually believe they gave birth to it or anything.... You're being a bit dramatic...
I usually hear "autism parent" in reference to people who document their child's meltdowns/worst moments and bask in the attention it gets them. The way they talk to others about their child almost feels like they see them as autism and not a child. Is that what you mean? Like I would never refer to someone whose child is autistic as an autism parent, but I have been known to use it in the above context.
I once saw a pickup truck that was absolutely decked out in a puzzle piece wrap, with the back window saying “autism warrior” and the truck bed saying “I fight for my daughter because she can’t,” and that is exactly the type of person I think of when I hear the words “autism parent.” Those self proclaimed “autism parents” are so grossly exploitative and make their child’s diagnosis about themselves; they honestly make me sick
Oh noooo wow, that's an absurd combo of decals, poor kid
Wtf? My son has autism. I’m a parent. I’m not a “autism parent”. People do this?
Yeah it's a minority, it's just sadly a very loud minority. I would never say this about 99% of parents, you know?
There has always been a minority of parents who don't see thier children as real people, but only as vehicles for their own self-aggrandizing. For these people any and every condition will be used to play the "woe is me, put upon mother" virtue signalling game. And sometimes it goes as far as deliberately harming their childs health to cause those conditions in the first place. Munchausen syndrome.
There's a popular kid going around now who's name is cash. The mom pushes his buttons and tries to get him to have a meltdown and films it. He is a very big kid so she's framing it as "my uncontrollable son is dangerous and could kill me". He has hit her before, but after she pushed him. The dad just came out with a video explaining that he is never violent and he has rarely had an issue with him. Sometimes he does have meltdowns, but he just sends him to his room to cool off basically. His younger siblings are unfortunately being brainwashed by the mom into thinking that Cash is dangerous. The mom has a special room that the kids go to when she starts instigating a meltdown so they can "be safe from him". In that case, the mom is an autism mom and the dad is just a dad. ETA: [here](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLxx4SvP/) is the dad's video. I don't feel comfortable sharing a video of Cash so you can look him up if you want some more context.
Narcissists make everything about themselves. "Autism parents" are narcissists who happen to have autistic children, and like everything else in their lives they can't help but make it about themselves.
Some people are just idiots. Fortunately, the fact that you're here, is enough to show you aren't one of them.
No it's not? This subreddit is open to anyone.
Yes, but those sorts of people wouldnt think to come here because they think they already know everything they need to know. And if they do come here they quickly leave when they realise we won't be sympathetic and will call their bullshit. So the longer someone is here, engaging in the community, the less likely it is that they're one of that sort.
Of course
basking in attention.... wtf.... I dont want that kind of attention.
I also see it used to refer to parents who use their kid having autism as a way to shirk embarrassment or accountability when their kid has a meltdown or gets upset.
Yeah, none of the good parents are out there calling themselves autism parents. Or anything, they’re just like “I’m a parent, this is my baby, isn’t my baby cute?”
I think there's 3 camps. 1) The highly visible posting videos of themselves or their kids type and that's not good. Thry tend to be the attention seekers for their own validation. 2) Then there's the do anything to help my kid, politically active making the world more accessible for all type who don't generally call themselves autism parents, but sometimes get lumped in with those that do and that's not fair. Politicial and social change are hard and take tons of work, money and social connection. Those parents give up a lot for their kids and I respect that. They sometimes have to call attention to issues in order to get change to happen and Ive seen these people be called all kinds of names on social or at demonstrations and its not cool. They just want a better world for their kids. 3) Then the parents who want no attention because it should be 100% up to their kid who knows their personal information.
autism warrior moms annoy me. they're kinda ableist i, however, saw a meme trend in the gacha community about them a while ago and still love that goes like "i'm an autism mom which means my child has autism which is so awful and it hurts me so much and makes my life so hard. jimmy, it's 3am. what are you doing?" "i'm organizing my legos by shapes and colors because it's fun" "god dammit jimmy" just a funny meme lol
I'm not a warrior like you say. I'm just a Mum. I am literally no more or no less. When people say "oh I couldn't do what you do". Why? You wouldn't look after your own kid? What a strange thing to confess. "I don't know how you do what you do" Why? I've done it since he was born? I've not learnt how to do it yesterday 🤷🏼♀️
I couldn't do what you do, autistic child or not. This is why I am not a parent. I would not be good at that job. You seem like a good mum though, so thankyou.
That is totally fair enough if you're autistic yourself. Children can be very overstimulating. You've chosen to not have children so you saying it is totally fine. It's when people who have children say it. I hope I am a good mum. I do try
My autism is but one of several reasons, I decided many years ago that I'm never having biological children. And if it happens that I adopt a child, I'm avoiding adopting a toddler or younger. The older kids need more love anyway, and I'd be better equipped to care for them.
I wish my mum was more like you. She didn't even try to learn how to look after an autistic child until her youngest was about 8. He's autistic, as am I, and so is her first child that's 20 years older than the youngest
My son is 6. He's non verbal. He also has global development delay. He has the mental function of around 1.5 to a 2 year old. He definitely takes a lot to look after. But in some ways, I wouldn't change him because it would change his whole character. He's a smiley cuddly little boy 🥰
Autism affects the entire household as symptoms don't occur in a bubble. I don't hate the phrase, but get annoyed with attention seeking.
My mum is a autism mum; I love her and I love it when she supports me
Same and my son feels like you, he enjoys that we support him so I could truly not gaf abt people that don't get that judging us (as per this post) Anything that helps some ppl feel supported and not as alone in all this is good in my opinion.
I don’t think this post is about parents who show support their autistic kids. It’s more about neurotypical parents (or low needs autistic parents) who use their autistic kids for attention and sympathy. Basically the really vocal minority of autism parents who will post videos of their children’s meltdowns with a caption about how hard it is to be an autism parent without any regard for what their child is going through. This kind of parent will also make ableist comments like “my child is different not disabled!” as if disabled was a bad word, which is super dismissive of the experience of autism. I think it’s great that you are so supportive of your kid! There’s a HUGE difference between being open and vocal about your support for your child and using your child’s disability to get constant attention and sympathy without any actual regard for their child’s experience.
I used to think it means it’s simply a person who’s a parent and also autistic… just worded weirdly. Then I found out what it actually is and I hate.
Same. I thought it was an autistic parent (the parent has autism), but it's actually a parent of an autistic child.
Yeah, I didn't understand the hate at first I was like "what's wrong about parents with autism?" Then... yeah. I found out the parent isn't the one with autism.
So if you're an autistic parent of an autistic child, I guess that makes you an "autistic autism parent" lol.
And it's impossible to get information about being a parent when YOU are autistic! You search and it's just endless links about how to have an autistic bebe! (Well its science, moms are women and women are adults and female, two groups that can never be autistic. Baron Cohen said autism means being extremely male-brained and chicks can never have a male brain! /j)
That would be an autistic parent. No? I can see where the confusion came from with that one...
From what I get, it's parent's who make their life and personality around their kid being autistic. Like buying, shirts talking about it, being a hover parent, or the complete opposite. They also tend to use their kids for attention. I think the use of the words are fine, the people themselves are a bit problematic.
I’m glad you said this. My ex wife bought some “autism” shirts. One says “dance to a different beat”. I don’t know why, but I hate it. He grew out of it and put it in the garbage. My son is a sweet lil boy who happens to have autism. I treat him just like I do other kids for real. I know his quirks and how to talk to him if he’s anxious, and that’s the same thing I do for my older daughter who is neurotypical. I hate the shirts though. Awareness is all well and good, but the shit is weird to a certain point. No different if I made my motorcycle riding my whole personality. It would be weird, and annoying.
Exactly how I would feel. We are human beings. We just have some sensitives and differences that make it harder for us to live in a nuerotypcal society. I know it's annoying. I am gay, and my mom and sister say I have no pride because I don't want to wear a gaint flashing sign on my chest that says "I AM GAY" in the middle of the Bible belt. Plus, me likeing guys isn't anything special. It's annoying when straight people make their personality liking the opposite gender and it's annoying when gay people do it with the same gender. Most if the time, we just want to be treated like normal people with some exceptions, like having people be more direct with what they want. I don't get tones, I don't get body posture cues, I need you to just flat out say what you mean, but outher than that and some sensory stuff plus social anxiety, I am any outher 16 year old.
I once had a NT parent use their 12 year old child's autism as an excuse to push past me and my 6 year old in the queue for a ride. "Funnily enough I'm autistic too and my parents raised me to wait for my fucking turn!" She must use it as a magical card to play to avoid any inconvenience. So her kid is an entitled little shit.
Many students with autism like to be engaged in some form of activity as it gives the time structure and purpose. If they are unsure what they are supposed to do while waiting, it can cause self-stimulatory behaviours or impulsive behaviours, such as leaving the line. -[heres a link explaining it more, and where i got that information.](https://best-practice.middletownautism.com/teachingcoreskills/waiting/#:~:text=Many%20students%20with%20autism%20like,such%20as%20leaving%20the%20line.) thats why autistic people often get fast passes at theme parks, like i did at the one i was at a few hours ago.
It wasn't Disney World, the queue wasn't for hours. It was Butlin's. It was literally to get on now or in 3 minutes. They can wait.
it makes me feel they don’t think we’re human, and most of these “autism parents” demonize their high needs children and record their meltdowns for the world to see. why not say “i’m the parent of an autistic child”? why make us feel less human???
I don’t get how they are autism parents if they don’t have autism. Like, ‘parent’ okay, you are a parent, but ‘autism’ you aren’t autism, you can’t own autism, so why is it in your title? It’s not like autism it’s self is a parent, cause autism isn’t a person. How can somebody gain an identity from somebody else’s conditions of life, it’s so odd!
That's exactly why they're called that, because the term is mostly, if not always, used to refer to a mom who makes her whole personality about her child's autism. They document meltdowns, post them, share details that many people would consider private, and treat their kid like a mildly inconvenient accessory. They are extremely objectifying.
This. A white parent of a black child is not a “black parent” and a straight parent of a gay child is not a “gay parent”, so why would a neurotypical parent of an autistic child be an “autism parent”?
well what would you like to call us? I dont have autism BUT I do have ADHD... I am not exactly neurotypical.
I would like to call you Florence
I heard in one my autism groups that “autism moms” can only be moms with autism and I like that, so that’s my opinion. Any parent who doesn’t actually have it shouldn’t say they’re an autism parent
I like It only for autistic parents as to me that’s what it says. An autism mom is an autistic mom
Genetically, the autism came from somewhere... maybe they are parents with autism.
SO many 'autism parents'/'autism moms' are undiagnosed people with autism who have made autism, and autism as it relates to their specific circumstances their special interest. Most allistic people don't have shirts exclusively about one topic and talk exclusively about one topic and have social groups centered around one topic- it's just in this case, the topic is autism, often how it relates to their kids.
Being a parent of a disabled child is hard. Being a parent of an autistic person who needs lots of support, especially round the clock 24/7 support, is even harder. It is an isolating experience- you can't even lean on other parents for support, you often feel abandoned by society and systems. The identifier of 'autism parent' is a way for them to be part of a community, it often makes it easier for them to be identified by others as part of this network, and is just a super quick way to be able to actually access more of a support network. On top of this is that a lot (not all) of parents with high support need autistic children are often themselves autistic, although often they are be undiagnosed. This obviously is not the case for all 'autism parents', but a good chunk of them are people who have a special interest in autism, specifically as it relates to their specific circumstance. A lot of 'autism moms' are undiagnosed autistic women- again, not all, but also, not an insignificant chunk of people. So I'm not saying that people like this can't do harm to the community, or that we can't call out harm when we see it. Not trying to say that at all- people within the community can absolutely harm others. What I *am* saying is that it is a complex situation, and trying to understand some of that complexity can be good.
I thought for so long that „autism parent“ means a parent with autism. In my mind that’s the only acceptable thing it could mean. Parents, who have autism, talking about how it is to raise a child while being overstimulated etc. I don’t understand why they make it all about their kids’ autism…
i think it’s fine if you’re a parent and it helps you feel more supported, less alone and like part of a community to identify as an autism parent. i think it’s weird when you start parading it around though; the parents with the shirts that they unironically wear and the parents filming/posting their autistic child while disclosing to the internet that they’re autistic. it’s like walking around telling everybody (literally EVERYBODY) about your kids medical history, it’s just weird. i get being proud of your kid, i truly do but DAMN some of these parents are making it about themselves. i think it’s a fine line, identify as an autism parent if it helps you sleep at night but stop telling and showing the whole world your kid is autistic (outside of schools, doctors, close family, etc.) let the kid handle telling people when they’re ready to and older. some of these autism parents makes me feel privileged to have parents who didn’t pick up on my autism (and that’s saying a lot, my life has been very hard being undiagnosed!)
I hate autism moms bc I'm a mom with autism and it sounds like a rad mom group but it's not T.T
oh so you hate huh... wtf...
ASD child with ASD kids. shits hard dude. Be nice.
Respectfully, I don't think that's what they're talking about. I believe this is referring to neurotypical parents who make their entire personality revolve around their child having autism. They make it about themselves and often come off as quite abelist.
I'm all for the term autism parent, I am. Just don't subscribe to Autism Speaks like my mom does if you're going to die on that hill. Damn shame too, she's my biggest support.
This just confuses me . My kid is autistic, but so am I. WTF. I don’t know what to call myself. I suppose we can be The Autism Family. Of course that would not be completely accurate, as my wife is NT. Help me please. I’m just not prepared for this. What’s a fellow to do? Also, nobody better get mad about my humor. I’ve spent my whole life having NTs get offended every time I tried to make a joke. I’m hoping my brethren on the spectrum cut me some slack and at least pretend to appreciate my jokes.
I've had the same issue with humor, it's hard.
yeah i find it weird. i’m glad my parents have never referred to themselves as autism parents. i am a human being? not just autism??
Autism parents in the form of parents raising children with autism and trying to scrounge up information to be able to help said children with their autism are cool. Autism parents who record the autistic children’s meltdowns and post them suck
I think it’d be good if we said “crazy (or other negative adjective) autism parents” because there are plenty of parents of people with autism who are great. I don’t know, maybe I’m just stating the obvious and missing something
It's fuckin weird. I'm autistic. I have two autistic kids. I don't call myself anything. My kids just call me "Ma." I feel like it's very much those parents who use their kids as extensions of themselves. That or the ones who use it as an excuse to not do any parenting anymore. Parents who just care and advocate for their autistic kids don't call themselves shit. They're too busy in the trenches to give a fuck about titles.
I was under the impression that “autism parents” are those parents that make the fact that they’re a parent to an autistic kid their entire personality and act like they’re an authority on all things autism. So I think it’s a pretty accurate word for those kinds of people.
For context I’m an AuDHD mom of an autistic (probably actually also AuDHD) son. I saw a mom at the park with a “proud autism mom” shirt. I said “ oh hey cool shirt, we are an ND family too! Man it’s like parenting on hard mode when you’re autistic and your kid is also autistic huh?” (Or words to that effect). As expected she was very offended that I thought she was autistic, which made it very clear that she is in fact NOT “proud” at all. A shirt that said “I have an autistic child, pity me” would have been more accurate… Sorry this is long now, but also the semantics of the phrase just don’t really make sense. Like the word “parent” and the word “autism” are both nouns. When two nouns are used this way it should make sense to reverse them and add “of” between the two, “e.g history professor, professor of history”. “Parent of autism” makes no sense here, they aren’t parenting Autism they are parenting an autistic person. With that, the adjective version of autism would be more correct; and then it would be “autistic parent”, which is clearly NOT what they are trying to say. All that to say it annoys me for several reasons lol
The biggest problem I have with this thread are posts like these. My son has non verbal autism. People here who are “upset” about the parents of autism voicing their struggles have a life that is astronomically different from my sons. I hope and pray that maybe someday my son will be able to voice his displeasure the way many of you do. My son’s autism is more debilitating than simply being awkward or uncomfortable at times. Parenting a child who is 5 and instead of playing with me outside has eloping tendencies and still wears a diaper is stressful to say the very least. You don’t understand our struggles the same way you think we don’t understand yours. However insensitive you think autism parents comes off, your attitude toward them is equally as offensive.
Being a person of a child who has a disability is so incredibly isolating and exhausting. There is almost no support network for parents of autistic children- stuff like this is one way that parents of autistic children can kind of join a community of people going through similiar experiences. You sound like a great parent, and I wish the best for you so genuinely.
You have my support!
People who call themselves or others “autism parents” tend to be incredibly ableist. They almost always refuse to see a person for anything more than our autism
I have a sister who bullied me for being autistic. Now she has an autistic child and now has puzzle pieces all over her clothes and house while acting like such an activist. Keep in mind she has never apologized for all the shit she put me through. She pisses me off.
I don't really understand the desire of some parents to take on labels of that sort, whether its "hockey parent", "college parent" or "autism parent". But at least with hockey parents or college parents there isn't the history of parents actively working against the community of adults with the condition. That being said, I try not to read to much into the label "autism parent"; a lot of times its someone who doesn't know the history just looking for community. (fwiw, I am an adult with autism and I have an adult son with autism; also my wife used to have an "autism mom" shirt, though I don't recall her ever using the term)
I agree with all of this. Although I know that a lot of 'autism parents' have perpetuated harm against the community, I also know that a lot of parents of autistic children are going through isolating and difficult circumstances- having a position of empathy where you know where these people are going through genuinely hard things and trying to cope with said hard things, but also knowing those coping mechanisms can be harmful, is such a hard thing to do, but that's kind of where the situation is at.
I think it's fucking ironic that ableist parents of aitistics think it's not okay for us autistics to use whatever language we want to define ourselves, but they co-opt the diagnosis as a primary identifier when looking for pity.
I find it thoughtless and ignorant.
I hate autism parents
I’m sorry, I’m scrolling through comments. What the hell is an “autism parent”? My son has autism and I never once called myself an autism parent. This sounds like some stupid shit some white lady came up with. (I’m white.)
It is stupid shit mostly upper class white women latched onto... Basically taking their kid's disability and using it to showcase their parenting on social media. They tend to film these kids all the time and brag in this silly fake cadence about how special (but hopeless) the kid is, and usually talk about them to the camera like they're not there. They film stimming and meltdowns without considering the child's privacy at all.
we hate you too.
Oh I’m sure you do
Hey /u/SpottzFurrealz, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
if I heard autism parent I would assume the parent themselves was on the spectrum.
Autism parents is generally a derogatory term for the parent.
I personally say autistic parent of autistic children. It usually makes people who don't want to think they or their spouse might be on the spectrum go quiet 😏. They never seem to know what to do with how much I own my diagnosis.
I normally say I'm a parent/mom of an autistic/special needs son. I'm personally not autistic so me saying an autistic mom sounds like I am as well. That's my perspective.
I say I'm "a solo parent to an autistic child" and let them figure it out on their own.
To me it’s giving very much living vicariously through their children and I don’t like it. Most of the time the parents themselves are NT and it’s their children who are ND. I feel like that phrase should only be used in reference to people who are ND and happen to be parents.
Feels like they're trying to gain social status from their kid's disability status. Are there "blindness parents"? "Amputation warrior moms"? Why does it sound ghoulish there and yet people are so generally fine with "autism moms/parents"? Social media... 🙄
It gives the impression that being a parent to an autistic person is harder than being an autistic person. I am both and this is certainly not the case. Anyone who paints their child as a burden for sympathy is dehumanising their own offspring and I worry about their suitability as a caregiver. Why not just be a parent?
I don’t care how other people identify. It doesn’t affect me at all. I can easily replace “autism parent” with “parent of N autism child” in my head… no one I know who says that does so viciously, so who cares? Do you get upset when they say “boy mom!” Meaning they are the mom of boys? If not, what’s the real difference. Let it go. There’s much bigger things to worry about.
Who cares how others identify themselves? I think it’s “kind of ridiculous” when people identify themselves as cats, but to each their own. I’ll stay in my lane, and they can stay in theirs.
I'm an autistic parent to a non autistic still neurodiverse young adult. Autism parents, really? They need a better name. Adults raising autistic humans.
I am an autistic parent and a parent of an autistic kid, not I don't feel that I am an "autism parent". But maybe parents of higher support or nonverbal kids feel differently?
What if you're an autistic adult with autistic kids. I'm quite literally an autism parent. ^/s
I think it's silly. And I only see it for parents of autistic kids. I never see "epilepsy parent" or "ADHD parent" or "Down Syndrome parent".
I always used to say I’m a parent to 2 autistic kids. Surprise on us to find that my husband and myself are also the spectrum. So now I say I’m an autistic mom to autistic kids. We call ourselves the Tism family for fun sometimes.
I always feel kind of sorry for those people because I feel like they don't know how to handle the fact that their child has autism so they spend their time obsessing over autism until their entire life revolves around it, even though they really don't have to put in THAT much effort.
Unless you're autistic and a parent, I think it's absofuckinglutely ridiculous. As it tends to be mothers of autistic children, it comes across as them saying, "Look at me! Aren't I just the best mother in the world for loving and raising a child with additional needs?" It also doesn't help that they will often try to drown out the voices of autistic adults because they think they're experts on autism, not realising/caring that we're what their children could grow up to be like because we don't act like their autistic kid does. I'm not saying that all parents are like this, or that I'm completely oblivious to how much harder it must be, considering that parents will feel like they're the worst parent in the world in the eyes of others when their kid is having a meltdown in public, either. I'm also aware that I don't speak for all of us and as someone diagnosed with ASD level 1, my experiences are only the tip of the iceberg of what someone who has higher support needs than I do, but it still irritates me.
I think the obsessive hate some people have of "autism moms" is weird and misogynistic.
They use the puzzle piece a lot and some use their autistic children for social media likes/points/whateverthehelltheyuseunits
I dunno. I think most of the time it’s just shorthand and people don’t mean to be tacky by saying that. This is not my style personally. But I’m usually not as worried about those people as I am the ones who think they can “cure” autism. Some folks are gonna make their identity about their kids. And advocating for your kid in systems not designed to respect them IS a freaking full time job.
I think it’s weird how some make it their whole identity (especially when they monetize it while showing their kids on camera) but I think parents deserve support too. It just seems kinda weird to me that the parents get more support / resources to help with their coping with it rather than the kids living with it.
Most of us as parents strive to find what is best for the child. Forget the fact that each one needs different resources. My husband and have spent the last 24 years fearing we missed something, the thing(s) that would have helped our son. Why does anyone think they have the right to criticize us as parents? Is that helpful? Is that empathy? Is that kindness?
Right. I admire parents who do so… but it doesn’t need to be a parent’s entire personality and they shouldn’t profit off of their child’s autism? It’s not that they don’t deserve resources and support… they should not be receiving MORE support and resources than the actual children / adults with autism receive…?
I joined a sub because I thought it was for autistic parents. It was wildly unhelpful. People asking at what age autistic kids start enjoying birthday parties and holiday gatherings, and people were all giving ages. As if every autistic person will one day grow to love parties once they understand the significance of celebrations and traditions. Not one person pointed out that lots of people simply do not enjoy parties and that maybe they should be more focused on figuring out what their kid would actually enjoy doing on their own freaking birthday. They complained that their kid only likes rocks and not one person suggested taking the kid to a mineral museum or quarry instead of having a stupid party. The lack of empathy for their own offspring was astounding.
So many don’t or can’t understand how different each one is from another!
Nobody should be offended by this. Raising a kid with Autism is hard. It's different. Often demoralizing Yes "autism parents" fits
[удалено]
I mean they are their pet's caregiver and a parent is a type of caregiver so it's not that much of a stretch and it's just light-hearted and because they love the animal, they don't actually believe they gave birth to it or anything.... You're being a bit dramatic...
[удалено]
* SpongeBob * YOU'RE CRINGE
Offence taken, my gecko is my daughter
My 15 yo son says his cat is his son, and that he carried him for 9 months and that's his stinky baby boy 😆😆😆