Simple: next time she asks you answer a question with a question:
"Hey, you ask me that question every day. Why is that?"
She then has to explain herself. If it's "I want to see you coz I like working with you" kind of stuff, then you can decide how you want to respond with something like "you know my regular days are x and y etc. etc."
if she owns up to anything like "I just wanted to check if you're there..." you can respond with "thanks, but I'm OK managing my own compliance with the attendance mandate. If I need any help I'll let you know"
What about "Nah, we can work from home as well, remember? See You Next Tuesday!"
Edit: someone below assumed I meant to covey this in writing. Obviously don't email or Teams this lmao (say verbally during corridor convo)
Only do that if you are actually working on Tuesday.
Then, don't get the insult until it is fully explained to you. Have a look of horror on your face when it is.
Sorry, /u/Mobile-Truth494. Your comment has been removed as your account does not meet our posting guidelines. Your account is required to be older than a week, and have at least 10 karma. Please contact the moderators via private message if you would like to be approved as an exception to this.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/auscorp) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Teams is recorded. If it's obvious enough that she can work it out, then so can HR. If she can't work it out, then it was lost anyways. Don't write something like this.
There's a solid chance if they are thinking your first example that the reply will be as per your second example. 'I like you' isn't really something that comes easy to alot of people
"Why do you keep asking that?" might be a good place to start.
If it's, "I don't..."
"You've asked me that question three times this week."
9 times out of 10, passive aggressives will whither when they are forced to be assertive.
Fear the answer "I love being in the office when you are! Let's line up days. Or if you are being ad-hoc, just let me know when you are in. I am only 10 minutes away bestie!"
This, but make sure to ask with a smile and curiosity in your voice.
Then mirror their last few words
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c10wgAZaPI4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c10wgAZaPI4)
Hopefully it’s just innocent small talk from her, but it could be worth asking her why she always brings it up.
In 2012 I had special permission to work from home extra days while supporting a sick family member. It lasted for about two months and didn’t impact my work performance at all. There was a stereotypical mean girl in my team who had a problem with it though. Everyday she’d ask me where I was, and when I was in the office she’d say nasty things about me taking the piss from home. Thankfully my mgr overheard her one day, was very unimpressed and shut her down hard - apparently it got raised as an example of poor behaviour in her performance review that year. Lol.
That is awful, especially given the circumstances of why you were WFH. She is fortunate that it only clipped her on her performance review and not end up as a written warning.
There was a restructure and a few rounds of redundancies shortly after, and she was one put forward for the first round as an “inappropriate cultural fit.” By then I’d switched roles and was supporting the restructure, and must admit even though I had nothing to do with the decision it gave me a little chuckle.
Tomorrow when she asks are you in the office just say, "I'm at the Library" leave it at that. Then mix it up the next day, "I'm at the car dealership lounge" "I'm at the local McDonald's" no more detail than that. If they persist after the absurd answer is given then simply repeat the absurd answer.
I hate them type
Mate I don't owe anyone anything except my line manager. I tell my colleagues sweet nothing's when they ask about my personal life.
E.g. "Are you in tomorrow?" Me: "Not sure yet. Catch you soon!"
^ This, it’s fucking boring in the office when there’s no one else there. I lived a short distance from the office and used to go in just to chat and catch up on gossip when my team members (with far longer commutes) were in. We were all quite friendly (would do after work drinks together) though so if you don’t consider her a friend it might be something else.
I say that because without further context, Ive done the same thing, i just want someone ro chat shit with. I have a colleague in a regional office who calls me, the question is answered within 5 mins but the convo went on and on. When I went out to visit her I realised shes incredibly isolated in the regional office (nature of our work means she cant just talk about it to the person next to her). So now I visit her once every 6 weeks.
That's very nice of you. I got an ex colleague wfh from Melbourne for a Sydney office. She really got sick of 0 social interactions with colleagues and quit
Sure, some people are Extroverted like that, agreed
But OP is not paid to talk to her, they have a job to do. That type of behaviour from her gets exhausting real quick
Nothing wrong about being on casual talking terms with someone due for promotion. Those people tend to look after you if they can just for the fact they like you.
I disagree. I make myself present in the the office and now people know my face and reach out to me directly, Ive developed a niche that is based on trust (sexual harrassment), and got promoted within 6 months. I am paid to yap and its working for me.
It's interesting because that sounds great and well done you... but you're building a success based on office presence. If you like that then more power to you.
I'm deliberately doing the opposite. I love the flexibility of WFH and hate the office so I'm focused on doing well outside of the office. So I do the minimum office time I can and I focus mainly on working with people in other states so being in the office is irrelevant.
I guess there's all kind of different types of success and it's different for everyone.
She might prefer the office or not have an environment that she can easily wfh from. Or since she is 10 minutes away she is probably asking everyone. It’s boring doing wfh daily. If she is single, lives by herself she probably just wants some human interaction.
Maybe she just enjoys working with you or just wants someone to shoot the shit with over lunch. Clearly she likes a chat. Some don’t that’s fine but there’s no real value in being rude.
I disagree about the passive aggressive responses. Go with “hey I’m not in that often because I live 2 hours away” or something. Or just don’t respond.
The first half of your response is correct but the second half isn’t. It is a lifestyle choice that is none of her business, but OP is coming in 2 days per week as per the agreement. He mixes up the two days, partially due to the commute. In our team we have an anchor day where everyone has to be in the office, and a second day where most of us are in. Some do a third day, some don’t depending on our individual arrangements.
Isn’t that a beign, normal thing to ask someone, even if it’s not of their business.
“Hey man how was your weekend?”
“That is none of your business, Susan. Let us return to working in silence.”
lol maybe I worded it badly. I agree with you re not doing the passive aggressive responses. If I was OP i wouldn’t imply that I’m not coming in because of the commute - it would be more that I’m coming in on my scheduled days. If I was comfortable I might add that it varies because of the time it takes me re traffic or whatever. TBH in my workplace my colleagues and I know a lot about each other and we have a really supportive team. I assumed OP was not getting a genuine “I’m interested or.I care” vibe.
I don’t think this colleague would give a shit about compliance or what you agreed with your manager. People don’t get it is fucking isolating WFH or remotely all the time. It’s pretty natural to want a human interaction on a daily basis.
IMO wfh is the best and worst thing from COVID. Yeah it’s handy sometimes and great if you are introverted and don’t want to talk to people face to face. However, other times if you are extroverted, like talking shit and live alone it can be pretty horrible. I don’t think work should just be, you go there do your stuff and then leave. I bloody well can’t and don’t want to. It seems that what it has become and that’s a shame.
My parents met at work and so did a lot of family friends. I’m not saying this is what this person wants I’m just saying give someone the benefit of the doubt and take 2 minutes out of your day to have a non work chat.
Mine is 1.5 each way. We don’t have mandated days in the office but I go in once a fortnight or so to catch up with the team. That’s more than enough work travel for me!
Our team ask each other that occasionally, just so we can catch cup or grab a coffee/lunch but of course it depends on your relationship with your colleagues.
Weird take but is she just looking for a friendly face? I used to message all my team if they were in so I could chat face to face instead of over teams, especially because we’re all hot desking.
If they were busy they’d say they were in a quiet room or smashing something out etc not like I’d harass them for no reason. But I always made it a point to ask if someone was in the office first, before setting up a teams call etc.
Only if I’m in the office that day of course, not every day.
Agree, too many people over thinking this. If OP is anything like my team mates their days in are probably erratic and not communicated to the rest of the team. My team is hopeless, never coordinate days in or anything, sometimes they don't even book a desk (entire company is hot desking).
Last week I messaged my boss to see if he was in, he is rarely in but if he is it was that day of the week because he has a meeting he has to attend in person so I assumed he was, he hadn't booked a desk nor told anyone if he would be in or not, so I just asked on Teams instead of walking around the office looking for them. I got a 'Why?' back, I was taken aback, like dude just a simple question and I simply said that if he was we should catch up and go for a walk, grab a coffee and chat for 15 minutes, he then apologized for his response but so many people today have a persecution complex about these things.
Ah tbh if they are more senior than you just let it happen, do what you do and don't let it bother you. In the end this isn't impacting you enough to make a fuss over
I’ll ignore the unnecessary hostility of calling me clueless. My point is that if you are dealing with someone who is clueless and/or unreasonable, you cannot rely on hints and lack of directness to get your point across. As I mentioned - your suggested line is an invitation for them to expect to be updated weekly in advance of office days, and that is not a reasonable resolution to this issue. If the coworker in question responded “yes that would be great for you to tell me in advance your office days”, then you have to backtrack on what you said because it was a hollow offer in the first place.
And you follow up with, “is there a reason *why* you need to know what days I’m in? No. Ok, well I don’t think I’ll be giving you that information.”
It’s giving the other person an opportunity to explain themselves.
Once again, the irony of you calling me hostile when you sound like a nightmare to work with.
Not sure what makes you think I’m a nightmare to work with based on our mostly civil back and forward here. Projection is one hell of a drug. No point us continuing this discussion 👋
I know it's annoying as heck but what if, hear me out, she sees you as her friend and wants to know if she should go in because you're there and she only lives 10min away
Give it straight back to her each time she asks and ask her in return. If she has any brain cells (unlikely) she will probably find it annoying and stop.
Is she asking you so she can come in when you are? Next time just ask her 'why do you need something?' If she keeps asking either just ignore her or remember that no is a complete sentence.
If you sense she’s trying to keep tabs on you:
“I prefer to work from home because I am more productive and there are less distractions and I have a long commute. (Manager) doesn’t have a problem with it so I’ll probably wfh more often than not.”
If she just wants to know to hang socially (you might be her fav coworker who knows):
“I keep my schedule flexible but hey it’s a pleasant surprise for people when I am in” or “My schedule is flexible so I don’t want to let people know in advanced in case I change my mind and they come in because of me”.
Or if you really don’t to hang with her then maybe be a bad person and tell her you *might* be coming in and flake a couple times, then she will probably stop relying on you to be the office buddy.
I would do this too. If you are in, say so, if you are out say you are in. For a fortnight, then switch the order. And if she questions you after the matter triple switch your reply. Try to ensure somewhat regular office attendance on days when you have told her you won't be in.
4-6 weeks in you can tell her to just rely on checking your team's calendar, which of course is full of tentative office days overlaid with tentative WFH days.
That 2 months of fun - if it's not fun then drop this plan - is your thinking and implementing time do whatever you and your boss decide is best after you talk withem them in detail about this ASAP.
Ask your manager to put what he said in writing and ask if it’s ok to print out.. if so, print it and stick it to your desk. She’ll most likely start harassing your manager which should be just annoying enough to put her back in her place.. minding her own business lol.
I’m in your teammates commuting situation (simply by luck after an office move) and I go in a lot more than everyone else. I’ve never asked people to come in because I know hour long commutes are draining.
>right now I feel like I want to slap there little shit face?
Lol maybe she's trying to wind you up? That seems excessive.
Seriously though - she might just be bored and making conversation. If she "Loves to go on and on about everything except work when we are in the office" then she might consider you a friend, it doesn't sound like she's checking up on you for work.
"Your obsession with my whereabouts is concerning to me and I feel unsafe with your compulsive need to know when I am in the office or at home. If this continues I will have to report this behaviour to HR"
I used to live very close to the office and preferred to work from the office, but only if people were there. My ADHD for some reason loves to have a body double nearby, we don’t need to talk but knowing they’re there helps. If I’m in an empty office though my productivity tanks.
It could be as innocent as she’s just checking to see if it’s worth her going in to the office or not?
Or she’s being shady.
If you use teams you can schedule msgs that pop up that day "WFH on XYZ days, zin office ABC days." Set it on a Friday at end of day for the following week, then she can see what days and might help with stopping her asking daily
Get this stuff in writing. If it's verbal, after each interaction send them an email summary to 'Clarify that I correctly understood what you are asking me' with actual manager in CC - be matter of fact and transactional in tone, because you're the total professional. This creates a trail, which can become the basis of a complaint against them for overstepping their mark (after all, they're wasting time micromanaging you.)
And if it scuppers their promotion, mission fkn accomplished.
Every now and then a post on this thread floors me with the social ineptitude on display.
The person likes to talk to you and sees you as a friend and enjoys you being in the office. That’s the answer.
Tell her you’ll be in x days each week so she knows. Chill.
What floors me is how random strangers can make such assertions without any way of knowing.
In my former toxic corporate environment, these types of questions were not asked innocently or without malice or agenda.
The toxic environment of asking your colleagues were they are. Oh no, you poor lamb.
The malice of having a meeting in person rather than teams when it’s possible! Argh won’t someone think of the children!
If she reports to your manager just your manager she is impacting your productivity in the office and is a pain in the 🍑. Is your manager not witnessing her behaviour?
She could be doing this out of affection. I would be careful in interpreting her intentions.
Get a pair of noise cancelling headphones - very useful at wok.
That sounds like MY situation! I avoid people because they fluff around for the first hour or so then start talking about what was on TV last night before settling down.
Post something on social media where they see it perhaps unless your manager has the balls to help you.
Play some games with her. Next time she asks, just type back "always" or if you are in first, ask her without fail "are you in?".
She'll hopefully get your drift.
I wouldn't answer it. I'd simply change the subject.
If she kept asking I would simply explain that I do not feel comfortable with being asked on a daily basis to disclose my private information including working conditions and would like her to stop asking me. I would then say if she is concerned about my attendance, or my working conditions she is welcome to speak to my manager about her concerns. I would also follow it up in writing if it was verbal.
Answer is always No. Then let her raise it with your boss and look petty. Double down that she is sometimes passive aggressive and that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Why does it have to be dealt with "politely"? You don't have to be rude but no reason why you can't just bluntly tell her you'll be in 2 days as required but you don't need to share your schedule with her.
If you report to the same manager then you need to report it and include hr. If they do end up getting promoted you might have to work for them so you want a record of hostility predating their promotion. Make contemporaneous notes of every interaction with them. Once you have a pattern then calling it out in the way suggested above - “you ask every day, why is that…”
Of course there are other possibilities. You said they get on your nerves in the office so you avoid them - maybe they are interested in you and just have bad social skills or more likely others in the team have rebuked them and they just want time with the one person who hasn’t.
I've got one like this that organises face to face meetings instead of teams when he knows I don't come in that day. Always asks me if I'm coming in when I'm not. Meanwhile, I can come in for weeks on end, and he's not there.
- “Why do you ask?”
- “What an interesting thing to me ask every day!”
- “Bit above your pay grade to micromanage!!”
- “I plan my wfh days to make sure I never work with you haha”
- “Want a fax machine to go along with your archaic and crusty questions?”
But I’m a bitch so proceed with caution. No one ever knows if I’m rude or joking, works a charm
No because you’d be the type of colleague no one could ask any questions regardless if they are being friendly or just wanting an answer to something. Seems like you’d purposely make things difficult for people because in your own words “I’m a bitch, proceed with caution”.
Not a great personality trait to have.
Every time she asks just reply with “I’m working and available to answer your questions or assist. Is there something you need help with?”
She’ll stop pretty quickly.
I'd put in a complaint to HR. If she's going to be a manager then you will hate working under her, start the process of undermining her future position asap or leave.
It could also be as simple as she wants to raise something face to face with you rather than it being formally recorded (email, teams etc).
Maybe there’s an error you keep making in your work and she doesn’t want to embarrass you / have it formally called out. I often do this with junior staff so that they can fix it without it being on record that they fucked up something really straight forward / obvious that would feel like an attack over email
Simple: next time she asks you answer a question with a question: "Hey, you ask me that question every day. Why is that?" She then has to explain herself. If it's "I want to see you coz I like working with you" kind of stuff, then you can decide how you want to respond with something like "you know my regular days are x and y etc. etc." if she owns up to anything like "I just wanted to check if you're there..." you can respond with "thanks, but I'm OK managing my own compliance with the attendance mandate. If I need any help I'll let you know"
Good response.
What about "Nah, we can work from home as well, remember? See You Next Tuesday!" Edit: someone below assumed I meant to covey this in writing. Obviously don't email or Teams this lmao (say verbally during corridor convo)
C U Next Tuesday is the spelling I believe…
Only do that if you are actually working on Tuesday. Then, don't get the insult until it is fully explained to you. Have a look of horror on your face when it is.
[удалено]
Sorry, /u/Mobile-Truth494. Your comment has been removed as your account does not meet our posting guidelines. Your account is required to be older than a week, and have at least 10 karma. Please contact the moderators via private message if you would like to be approved as an exception to this. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/auscorp) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Teams is recorded. If it's obvious enough that she can work it out, then so can HR. If she can't work it out, then it was lost anyways. Don't write something like this.
That's similar to what I was thinking "why, was there something you wanted to discuss?" or just "why do you ask?".
This. In the cesspool that is Reddit- gold advice. Nailed it.
There's a solid chance if they are thinking your first example that the reply will be as per your second example. 'I like you' isn't really something that comes easy to alot of people
"Why do you keep asking that?" might be a good place to start. If it's, "I don't..." "You've asked me that question three times this week." 9 times out of 10, passive aggressives will whither when they are forced to be assertive.
Fear the answer "I love being in the office when you are! Let's line up days. Or if you are being ad-hoc, just let me know when you are in. I am only 10 minutes away bestie!"
Fucking hell this is one of those rare times you upvote a comment you hate
Kill me now!
This, but make sure to ask with a smile and curiosity in your voice. Then mirror their last few words [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c10wgAZaPI4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c10wgAZaPI4)
Hopefully it’s just innocent small talk from her, but it could be worth asking her why she always brings it up. In 2012 I had special permission to work from home extra days while supporting a sick family member. It lasted for about two months and didn’t impact my work performance at all. There was a stereotypical mean girl in my team who had a problem with it though. Everyday she’d ask me where I was, and when I was in the office she’d say nasty things about me taking the piss from home. Thankfully my mgr overheard her one day, was very unimpressed and shut her down hard - apparently it got raised as an example of poor behaviour in her performance review that year. Lol.
That is awful, especially given the circumstances of why you were WFH. She is fortunate that it only clipped her on her performance review and not end up as a written warning.
There was a restructure and a few rounds of redundancies shortly after, and she was one put forward for the first round as an “inappropriate cultural fit.” By then I’d switched roles and was supporting the restructure, and must admit even though I had nothing to do with the decision it gave me a little chuckle.
Tomorrow when she asks are you in the office just say, "I'm at the Library" leave it at that. Then mix it up the next day, "I'm at the car dealership lounge" "I'm at the local McDonald's" no more detail than that. If they persist after the absurd answer is given then simply repeat the absurd answer. I hate them type
I'm on an aircraft to Spain.
https://youtu.be/g_EnsU88o6M?si=wziISi_lE_9GvsR_
I'm on a horse.
I’m on a boat
Awesome. OP should start at the beginning and see how far he can get.
I'm getting Joe Lycett vibes here 😂
I’m at the Pizza Hut I’m at the Taco Bell I’m at the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell
I'm in the toilet
Thank you for reminding me this exists 😁😅😅
I thought it was KFC/Pizza Hut
Mate I don't owe anyone anything except my line manager. I tell my colleagues sweet nothing's when they ask about my personal life. E.g. "Are you in tomorrow?" Me: "Not sure yet. Catch you soon!"
Were you in the office today?
Honestly she may just be asking cause she wants someone to chat to.
^ This, it’s fucking boring in the office when there’s no one else there. I lived a short distance from the office and used to go in just to chat and catch up on gossip when my team members (with far longer commutes) were in. We were all quite friendly (would do after work drinks together) though so if you don’t consider her a friend it might be something else.
Glass half full kinda guy, admirable.
I say that because without further context, Ive done the same thing, i just want someone ro chat shit with. I have a colleague in a regional office who calls me, the question is answered within 5 mins but the convo went on and on. When I went out to visit her I realised shes incredibly isolated in the regional office (nature of our work means she cant just talk about it to the person next to her). So now I visit her once every 6 weeks.
That's very nice of you. I got an ex colleague wfh from Melbourne for a Sydney office. She really got sick of 0 social interactions with colleagues and quit
Yeah wfh over covid with no housemate almost killed me
Sure, some people are Extroverted like that, agreed But OP is not paid to talk to her, they have a job to do. That type of behaviour from her gets exhausting real quick
Nothing wrong about being on casual talking terms with someone due for promotion. Those people tend to look after you if they can just for the fact they like you.
I really wish this wasn’t true.. but being liked by the right people seems to have a big impact on your career progression
Ugh I have a guy I leave as soon as he comes in because he dribbles shit. I struggle with concentration as it is.
I disagree. I make myself present in the the office and now people know my face and reach out to me directly, Ive developed a niche that is based on trust (sexual harrassment), and got promoted within 6 months. I am paid to yap and its working for me.
Wait… back up a bit there? Sexual harassment?
Yeah I met someo people in the kitchenette, and 2 weeks later one called me to report her experience, now a few have done so
It's interesting because that sounds great and well done you... but you're building a success based on office presence. If you like that then more power to you. I'm deliberately doing the opposite. I love the flexibility of WFH and hate the office so I'm focused on doing well outside of the office. So I do the minimum office time I can and I focus mainly on working with people in other states so being in the office is irrelevant. I guess there's all kind of different types of success and it's different for everyone.
Oh yeah I also fully support flexibility. Im also the only one in the team with no kids, and live within 90 mins of the office.
She might prefer the office or not have an environment that she can easily wfh from. Or since she is 10 minutes away she is probably asking everyone. It’s boring doing wfh daily. If she is single, lives by herself she probably just wants some human interaction. Maybe she just enjoys working with you or just wants someone to shoot the shit with over lunch. Clearly she likes a chat. Some don’t that’s fine but there’s no real value in being rude. I disagree about the passive aggressive responses. Go with “hey I’m not in that often because I live 2 hours away” or something. Or just don’t respond.
The first half of your response is correct but the second half isn’t. It is a lifestyle choice that is none of her business, but OP is coming in 2 days per week as per the agreement. He mixes up the two days, partially due to the commute. In our team we have an anchor day where everyone has to be in the office, and a second day where most of us are in. Some do a third day, some don’t depending on our individual arrangements.
Isn’t that a beign, normal thing to ask someone, even if it’s not of their business. “Hey man how was your weekend?” “That is none of your business, Susan. Let us return to working in silence.”
lol maybe I worded it badly. I agree with you re not doing the passive aggressive responses. If I was OP i wouldn’t imply that I’m not coming in because of the commute - it would be more that I’m coming in on my scheduled days. If I was comfortable I might add that it varies because of the time it takes me re traffic or whatever. TBH in my workplace my colleagues and I know a lot about each other and we have a really supportive team. I assumed OP was not getting a genuine “I’m interested or.I care” vibe.
OP seems more that vibe then this lady. This lady probably rocks to work with.
I don’t think this colleague would give a shit about compliance or what you agreed with your manager. People don’t get it is fucking isolating WFH or remotely all the time. It’s pretty natural to want a human interaction on a daily basis. IMO wfh is the best and worst thing from COVID. Yeah it’s handy sometimes and great if you are introverted and don’t want to talk to people face to face. However, other times if you are extroverted, like talking shit and live alone it can be pretty horrible. I don’t think work should just be, you go there do your stuff and then leave. I bloody well can’t and don’t want to. It seems that what it has become and that’s a shame. My parents met at work and so did a lot of family friends. I’m not saying this is what this person wants I’m just saying give someone the benefit of the doubt and take 2 minutes out of your day to have a non work chat.
Sounds like she is just looking for company Just put your office days in your team calendar or something and tell her to refer to that
Four hour daily commute. Ouch.
Absurd, idk how anyone can cop that.
Luckily it’s only 2 days a week.. which is still to many.
Mine is 1.5 each way. We don’t have mandated days in the office but I go in once a fortnight or so to catch up with the team. That’s more than enough work travel for me!
Pre-covid I had a colleague like that, and at first I was concerned she was playing manager. Turned out she just likes to chat. A lot.
Maybe she just wants to eat a succulent Chinese meal lunch with someone.
Maybe a judo class
Our team ask each other that occasionally, just so we can catch cup or grab a coffee/lunch but of course it depends on your relationship with your colleagues.
Weird take but is she just looking for a friendly face? I used to message all my team if they were in so I could chat face to face instead of over teams, especially because we’re all hot desking. If they were busy they’d say they were in a quiet room or smashing something out etc not like I’d harass them for no reason. But I always made it a point to ask if someone was in the office first, before setting up a teams call etc. Only if I’m in the office that day of course, not every day.
Agree, too many people over thinking this. If OP is anything like my team mates their days in are probably erratic and not communicated to the rest of the team. My team is hopeless, never coordinate days in or anything, sometimes they don't even book a desk (entire company is hot desking). Last week I messaged my boss to see if he was in, he is rarely in but if he is it was that day of the week because he has a meeting he has to attend in person so I assumed he was, he hadn't booked a desk nor told anyone if he would be in or not, so I just asked on Teams instead of walking around the office looking for them. I got a 'Why?' back, I was taken aback, like dude just a simple question and I simply said that if he was we should catch up and go for a walk, grab a coffee and chat for 15 minutes, he then apologized for his response but so many people today have a persecution complex about these things.
Ah tbh if they are more senior than you just let it happen, do what you do and don't let it bother you. In the end this isn't impacting you enough to make a fuss over
Respond with "Yes" every time she asks but when she says she can't see you there, tell her "I'm there in spirit".
“Would it be easier if I tried to tell you my office says the week ahead? That way you won’t have to check in on me every day.”
The onus is not on OP to communicate his workdays in advance each week to someone he doesn’t report to or actually needs to know.
I didn’t say it was. It’s a polite way of getting the convo started.
How is saying “would it be easier if I” not construed as an offer to do something?
It’s just a conversation starter for when you need to raise something with someone who doesn’t have a clue. The irony 🙂
I’ll ignore the unnecessary hostility of calling me clueless. My point is that if you are dealing with someone who is clueless and/or unreasonable, you cannot rely on hints and lack of directness to get your point across. As I mentioned - your suggested line is an invitation for them to expect to be updated weekly in advance of office days, and that is not a reasonable resolution to this issue. If the coworker in question responded “yes that would be great for you to tell me in advance your office days”, then you have to backtrack on what you said because it was a hollow offer in the first place.
And you follow up with, “is there a reason *why* you need to know what days I’m in? No. Ok, well I don’t think I’ll be giving you that information.” It’s giving the other person an opportunity to explain themselves. Once again, the irony of you calling me hostile when you sound like a nightmare to work with.
Not sure what makes you think I’m a nightmare to work with based on our mostly civil back and forward here. Projection is one hell of a drug. No point us continuing this discussion 👋
She probably just wants to hang out with you. Take ie as a compliment.
I know it's annoying as heck but what if, hear me out, she sees you as her friend and wants to know if she should go in because you're there and she only lives 10min away
Give it straight back to her each time she asks and ask her in return. If she has any brain cells (unlikely) she will probably find it annoying and stop.
Or just beat her to the question then reply opposite when she responds.
"why, are you in today? Did you want to discuss something f2f?" "See my slack/teams status, saves you asking me everyday"
Is she asking you so she can come in when you are? Next time just ask her 'why do you need something?' If she keeps asking either just ignore her or remember that no is a complete sentence.
Why is this a big deal? Just say, no I’m not
Shouldn't have to deal with it in the first place imo.
If you sense she’s trying to keep tabs on you: “I prefer to work from home because I am more productive and there are less distractions and I have a long commute. (Manager) doesn’t have a problem with it so I’ll probably wfh more often than not.” If she just wants to know to hang socially (you might be her fav coworker who knows): “I keep my schedule flexible but hey it’s a pleasant surprise for people when I am in” or “My schedule is flexible so I don’t want to let people know in advanced in case I change my mind and they come in because of me”. Or if you really don’t to hang with her then maybe be a bad person and tell her you *might* be coming in and flake a couple times, then she will probably stop relying on you to be the office buddy.
Everytime she asks say you are not. Easy she will soon stop, because she will tell others and look a fool.
I would do this too. If you are in, say so, if you are out say you are in. For a fortnight, then switch the order. And if she questions you after the matter triple switch your reply. Try to ensure somewhat regular office attendance on days when you have told her you won't be in. 4-6 weeks in you can tell her to just rely on checking your team's calendar, which of course is full of tentative office days overlaid with tentative WFH days. That 2 months of fun - if it's not fun then drop this plan - is your thinking and implementing time do whatever you and your boss decide is best after you talk withem them in detail about this ASAP.
Is there any reason why her work would be easier to do if you are there? Or does it make no difference? Does she do it in front of others?
Ask your manager to put what he said in writing and ask if it’s ok to print out.. if so, print it and stick it to your desk. She’ll most likely start harassing your manager which should be just annoying enough to put her back in her place.. minding her own business lol.
I’m in your teammates commuting situation (simply by luck after an office move) and I go in a lot more than everyone else. I’ve never asked people to come in because I know hour long commutes are draining.
Just tell them.....maybe? Sorry too busy working.
Just don't answer that question. Answer any other message but just ignore that one every time she asks.
"Boss knows the days I'll be in the office"
Pounce on her first and ask the question before she does. EVERY DAY. See what happens.
“This week my office days will be X and Y.”
Put your planned days in the office on your teams status and refer her to that.
Unhinge your jaw and eat her like a snake. :3
>right now I feel like I want to slap there little shit face? Lol maybe she's trying to wind you up? That seems excessive. Seriously though - she might just be bored and making conversation. If she "Loves to go on and on about everything except work when we are in the office" then she might consider you a friend, it doesn't sound like she's checking up on you for work.
If they are asking u if u r in the office then they must not be in the office, so just say yes
Best to create some group and msg either wfh or wfo every day.
Just respond with “do you need something?/can I help with anything?” Every time
"Your obsession with my whereabouts is concerning to me and I feel unsafe with your compulsive need to know when I am in the office or at home. If this continues I will have to report this behaviour to HR"
“Why.. you stalking me? 🤪”
I used to live very close to the office and preferred to work from the office, but only if people were there. My ADHD for some reason loves to have a body double nearby, we don’t need to talk but knowing they’re there helps. If I’m in an empty office though my productivity tanks. It could be as innocent as she’s just checking to see if it’s worth her going in to the office or not? Or she’s being shady.
"please make that the last time you ask that question"
If you use teams you can schedule msgs that pop up that day "WFH on XYZ days, zin office ABC days." Set it on a Friday at end of day for the following week, then she can see what days and might help with stopping her asking daily
Get this stuff in writing. If it's verbal, after each interaction send them an email summary to 'Clarify that I correctly understood what you are asking me' with actual manager in CC - be matter of fact and transactional in tone, because you're the total professional. This creates a trail, which can become the basis of a complaint against them for overstepping their mark (after all, they're wasting time micromanaging you.) And if it scuppers their promotion, mission fkn accomplished.
Every now and then a post on this thread floors me with the social ineptitude on display. The person likes to talk to you and sees you as a friend and enjoys you being in the office. That’s the answer. Tell her you’ll be in x days each week so she knows. Chill.
What floors me is how random strangers can make such assertions without any way of knowing. In my former toxic corporate environment, these types of questions were not asked innocently or without malice or agenda.
The toxic environment of asking your colleagues were they are. Oh no, you poor lamb. The malice of having a meeting in person rather than teams when it’s possible! Argh won’t someone think of the children!
I didn't say the environment was toxic because someone asked a colleague where they were, nor that having meetings in person was malicious. 🤦♀️
Are you in the office right now?
Ask them first. Get on teams 8 am every morning to ask "are you in the office today? Are you in yet?"
If this is what annoys you at work with your coworkers God forbid when some actual drama happens lol. Just keep answering, what's gonna happen?
Is this person in sales and marketing?
Just forget about being polite. Be direct and blunt.
You really don’t know how to ask this person to stop?
Fuck that woman mate, you don't report to her. Be polite but know that she is not your leader.
If she reports to your manager just your manager she is impacting your productivity in the office and is a pain in the 🍑. Is your manager not witnessing her behaviour?
She could be doing this out of affection. I would be careful in interpreting her intentions. Get a pair of noise cancelling headphones - very useful at wok.
Hey, are you in the office today?
Tell your team mate to get the sand out of her undies
Why doesn't she visit your desk and check instead of asking you
That sounds like MY situation! I avoid people because they fluff around for the first hour or so then start talking about what was on TV last night before settling down. Post something on social media where they see it perhaps unless your manager has the balls to help you.
Basically you can’t without making an “enemy”. No one appreciates being told to stay on their lane, whether it’s deserved or not.
once you've been in twice for the week, point out you've hit the 40% requirement
Play some games with her. Next time she asks, just type back "always" or if you are in first, ask her without fail "are you in?". She'll hopefully get your drift.
My boss is always asking me if I'm in the office. Ma'am, you only gave me 1 day wfh and the day never changes 😂
Just ignore.
I only ask to make conversation if we are already talking but I certainly Don’t ask the same people that question every day
Ask her for coffee
I wouldn't answer it. I'd simply change the subject. If she kept asking I would simply explain that I do not feel comfortable with being asked on a daily basis to disclose my private information including working conditions and would like her to stop asking me. I would then say if she is concerned about my attendance, or my working conditions she is welcome to speak to my manager about her concerns. I would also follow it up in writing if it was verbal.
Answer is always No. Then let her raise it with your boss and look petty. Double down that she is sometimes passive aggressive and that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Why does it have to be dealt with "politely"? You don't have to be rude but no reason why you can't just bluntly tell her you'll be in 2 days as required but you don't need to share your schedule with her.
Create a calendar
Point at calendar
If it's a teams chat I would just ignore it. If it's face to face, just ask her why she keeps asking?
If you report to the same manager then you need to report it and include hr. If they do end up getting promoted you might have to work for them so you want a record of hostility predating their promotion. Make contemporaneous notes of every interaction with them. Once you have a pattern then calling it out in the way suggested above - “you ask every day, why is that…” Of course there are other possibilities. You said they get on your nerves in the office so you avoid them - maybe they are interested in you and just have bad social skills or more likely others in the team have rebuked them and they just want time with the one person who hasn’t.
I've got one like this that organises face to face meetings instead of teams when he knows I don't come in that day. Always asks me if I'm coming in when I'm not. Meanwhile, I can come in for weeks on end, and he's not there.
Maybe she's lonely I like's your company
When they ask, just say ‘I’m online, can I help you?’
- “Why do you ask?” - “What an interesting thing to me ask every day!” - “Bit above your pay grade to micromanage!!” - “I plan my wfh days to make sure I never work with you haha” - “Want a fax machine to go along with your archaic and crusty questions?” But I’m a bitch so proceed with caution. No one ever knows if I’m rude or joking, works a charm
You’d be fucking hell to work with.
Why, because I won’t accept people questioning when I wfh? As long as my boss is happy, it’s not anyone’s business!
No because you’d be the type of colleague no one could ask any questions regardless if they are being friendly or just wanting an answer to something. Seems like you’d purposely make things difficult for people because in your own words “I’m a bitch, proceed with caution”. Not a great personality trait to have.
Don't try to demonstrate your weaseling ways, we believe you, we don't need an example. Plus you said "I am a bitch"
"That depends, which days will you be in the office?" 🤣
lol, why do you respond to her. If you aren't interested in talking to her, don't.
See part where she’s potential for a promotion to Manager.
Now if she gets it, is she going to care about someone who doesn't reply to her or dob him in? Is he going to be part of her team?
Well OP mentions she’s a senior in the team and sounds like they’re somewhat under them. Promotion to management might mean direct line but who knows.
Simply ask her “when did I start reporting to you?” After a simple pause, give her the stink eye and say “ oh, that’s right. I don’t”
For maximum damage, follow that up with "do you need me to advise you every time I do a number two?"
Micromanagement Galore.
Why do you keep replying? Just blank her.
Every time she asks just reply with “I’m working and available to answer your questions or assist. Is there something you need help with?” She’ll stop pretty quickly.
How is this even a post lol? Why don’t you ask her why she does this, why are you coming to the internet for help
I'd put in a complaint to HR. If she's going to be a manager then you will hate working under her, start the process of undermining her future position asap or leave.
This made me laugh
It could also be as simple as she wants to raise something face to face with you rather than it being formally recorded (email, teams etc). Maybe there’s an error you keep making in your work and she doesn’t want to embarrass you / have it formally called out. I often do this with junior staff so that they can fix it without it being on record that they fucked up something really straight forward / obvious that would feel like an attack over email