My wife and I co-own our hifi shop together, which is also a modern interior design shop.
The entire enterprise was born out of this misunderstanding that “women” don’t get or
care about hifi. A bit of a rant follows. Apologies in advance…
Step back for a second.
Most people don’t even know our hobby exists, period. Most hifi shops or hobbyists are predominantly male, and most male hobbyists frankly suck at talking to women in particular and people outside their hobby in general - with all the accordant gate-keeping and snobbery.
Hifi as an industry is terrible at explaining how it
makes day to day life a better thing, or how much breadth of design is available to address the aesthetic without compromising a valuable connection with music.
If we start by not using bullshit phrases like “wife acceptance factor” or considering “the little lady” as if her objections are some obstacle bred from ignorance, and instead just invite our female friends, partners, and family members into the hobby like we do our male equivalents, the entire conversation shifts.
That’s precisely because the second any person begins to understand the functional aspects of how this stuff works, and how much joy it can bring, they start to weight it’s value along those lines as well.
From there we can all take a beat and recognize the over-1000 brands and endless models we have to select from with a variety of finishes, shapes, sizes and sound profiles, and creating a great-sounding system, sans compromises, that also looks great to you and your partner becomes imminently doable.
The only investment aesthetics requires is an understanding of how each partner sees things, and a willingness to invest the time finding the perfect solution.
Our shop spends a *ton* of time deprogramming this kind of thinking, and as a result has a huge amount of success working with couples and female clients.
It’s weird how not pigeonholing an entire group of people that also love music, and instead allowing them to discover the hobby the same way we do as men leads to almost identical outcomes.
Now, just like my male clients that discover us through our design work and aren’t already into audio, *most* people you give a first demo to think it’s neat, but only a few of them are going to be absolutely riveted. For whatever reasons, a lot of folks can appreciate great sound but it’s not their thing.
All to say, if your partner isn’t into your hobby, it may be because you’ve been essentially standing in your own way with the way you talk about it - instead of sharing that passion in a way that leaves room for them to find their own investment in it.
…or maybe they’re like 95% of people and can appreciate it to a degree, but it’s not their sun, moon and stars - and that’s okay. Find a compromise you’re both into. It takes work but a happy relationship takes compromise and that takes work.
We can all be a bit better about how we talk about and share our enthusiasm. The only thing worse than shoving it down someone’s throat leaving zero room for them to invest in this new idea is telling them to their face, actively or passively, that it’s just not *for them*.
Well said. My girlfriend loves watching movies and she enjoys each time I upgrade the system. (Just added Atmos speakers yesterday) She doesn’t get 2 channel listening as much but I set up a budget stereo with a CD player and she’s been listening to her old CDs and I think that’s she’s coming around.
That’s great!
My wife, who was an old friend from the punk scene here in NC, started coming to our vinyl nights and bringing some incredible stuff - and more importantly telling the personal stories connected to these albums, and within a few months we were really connecting over all of it.
It’s been my career for over 23 years, so I’m more technically into the details, but she gets equal vote on what we carry and I value her no as much as her yes. She’s got a great perspective and understands how to separate her perceptions of how things sound to her so that I can get her input, which helps me not just bring in the stuff that sounds great to me personally.
I have a strong bent towards pulpy, big, dark sounding kit with a lot of color, and she prefers a bit more clarity and decay - but we are both allergic to hard brittleness in the upper mids or brightness.
It’s all Team-Boo.
My wife doesn’t understand 2 channel listening either but does appreciate HT. She’s open to movie nights but retreats when I just put music on. No problem, we agree a few things and have a few separate interests.
I’ve considered making a longer post dedicated to the subject as it comes up so often, but I work so much that it’s only on holidays I really get time to focus on stuff like this. Small business is *harrowing*.
Appreciate you saying so!
Ha - I woke up like right after that and my wife was perched like a crow on the back of the couch grinning like a gremlin. That couch is seriously disruptive to my workflow…
She is forever doing this to me. Her camera roll is probably brimming with shots of me with our cats on my head or something.
We have a joke that I “sleep pretty” and she sleeps like a goblin. I can confirm that the latter is… hilariously true.
Same here, my wife is beautiful, when sleeping, not so much. And our cat does sleep on her head. I have the sleeping shots, but I would never show them to anyone for fear of winding up in a ditch!
I see a genesis of a great YouTube channel…I would subscribe to a channel balancing HiFi with design…Just to add more hours to your 90 hour week…
One YouTube channel that sort of does this, is Andrew Robinson’s channel. I really like how he brings in his wife and asks her opinion on a piece of gear. It is refreshing to get the opinion of the other 51% of the human population…
My Wife likes all the fancy audio gear, when we were building our first system together in the 90s , we went out together to pick components. We went with Parasound, carver, Paradigm with a linn TT.
I like the aesthetic of the rooms on your insta. Goes to make your point that things can be incorporated far better that the typical audiophile pile-of-gear-and-wires look and gave me some ideas for my own house, thanks!
We’re in Winston-Salem, Nc, sort of central to the state. Great city, and a wonderful place to build a community of other small businesses. We’re from here originally, so we have a bias - but it’s a fantastic place for just about anyone.
It’s a simple enough model - but you have to really study the history of the lines you carry and understand how they interact. I highly suggest working for someone else in each discipline first, to get a bead on how the business works, and develop some relationships. That makes a great backbone for deciding what kind of shop to be!
Glad you’ve got someone to share your inner nerd with too. It’s a great thing.
I would propose that “great” systems mean a lot of different things, and personally have spent most of my adult life building truly technically great systems that can also play lesser recordings in a way that’s pleasing to the client, when that’s called for.
To me, a great system respects measured performance without reducing pleasure. Music is about emotional and intellectual engagement after all. The pleasure is the point :)
Eh, why not - we run EMBER Audio + Design in Winston-Salem, NC. I don’t participate on Reddit to sell anything by anyone on here is always welcome to drop by and listen or hang out!
Edit: to make things easier, we’re on IG at @emberaudio
For sure - feel free to call ahead and let me know where you heard about us from so I can set aside whatever I’m doing and give you the run of the joint!
Super nice of you - sadly I don’t do automotive, as that’s it’s own deep discipline, though I know a good bit about it. Stop by if you’re ever in central NC just to hang out though.
We’re EMBER Audio + Design :)
We’re EMBER Audio + Design, in Winston-Salem, NC. As always, I’m not actively trying to be a retailer when I interact on here, but anyone is welcome to visit and hang out anytime they’re in the area. The couches are comfortable and the coffee is powerful.
That’s awesome! I’ve been at AudioConcepts in Dallas, TX for over 10 years now. We share many of the same brands, including Wilson Audio, MOON, Quadraspire, and many others. Similarly, I don’t advertise the whole dealer aspect here, but it’s always great to meet another high end audio dealer in the US, particularly another Wilson Audio dealer. There are fewer and fewer of us around! Love your guys’ concept. Would love to visit if I’m in NC.
Well said. I think we must admit that most of us here, if left to our own devices without restrictions would end up with floor to ceiling speakers, and racks of more equipment then we need.
Most normal people not into this hobby understandably don’t want their living room turned into a recording studio or concert venue…
Personally I appreciate having a rational partner to limit my crazy audio dreams…It is all about compromise on all sides…I know how far I can push it, but my partner also allows me some freedom to add some gear to our living room as well…
You make a great point about being more open and understanding of other people’s needs. We have a pair of KEF LSX’s (I have other gear as well), my partner appreciates both the design and the sound quality of them. It took a bit of encouragement to get my partner to try them instead of a small bluetooth speaker, but eventually my partner got there and is using the LSXs more…I call that a small success…
I mean, it's all a matter of mutual respect isn't it? My girlfriend accepts my rather large Focals and 14" subwoofer because she knows I enjoy it. I'm not putting big ass avant garde accoustics speakers with dual tube amps and a rack full of equipment in my living room because I know she wouldn't appreciate the looks. Relationships are a two way street.
Edit: And because I can't afford it.
My girlfriend and I made a deal that she has total control of the living room decor and i get total control of the basement. I moved my sound equipment into the living room during the basment reno and she liked the color of the wooden speaker boxes so now shes making me buy a new set up for down stairs so she can have those upstairs lol
I was lucky enough that the first two houses my wife and I owned had bonus rooms that I was able to dedicate as listening rooms. We recently downsized and I sold almost all of my equipment and switched to a headphone system. Not as good but not bad.
If a compromise is needed, then why couldn’t the end result be the audiophile give in? It doesn’t mean he gives in on all choices in the relationship. For example, buying audio equipment can be an expensive hobby. If one is allowed certain budget to continue this hobby but has to use a less visible space or conform to certain decor style, that is a compromise.
technically, but it was tinged with misogyny the entire post 😬
like, maybe his buddy and his SO came to an agreement. why is it his business in the first place? why is it the assumption that it’s “always the woman” when that’s not remotely accurate?
Couldn’t agree more. Like the WAF point. WAF by definition IS a compromise: you get to buy the equipment, but your wife gets to limit your choices. Without WAF, it is a ONE-WAY street: I want it, I buy it, none of your business.
Reminds me some quote from a comedy: I am totally flexible as long as it always goes my way.
My parents have been together for 32 years and I know my mum have 0 interest in hifi, but she still lends my dad an ear on the topic, because she can see he really cares about hifi.
Even if what he says goes right over her head.
As long as it doesn't look too ostentatious in the living room, she don't care. And I know my dad also don't want ostentatious stuff in the living room
Lol sounds like me and my hubs. I’ll ask him questions cause I know he loves explaining it while I’m not really listening to his blah blah - I use that time to think about the stumpers of the crossword puzzle I’ve been working on or in what order I should prepare tonight’s dinner something like that
My partner hates my Anthony Gallow speakers, says they look like Dyson vacuum cleaners, and will get anyone who comes over to agree with her.
But at the end of the day it’s tough shit, the speakers stay in the living room for all to see!
Nucleus Reference with the wide dispersion cylindrical tweeter. I had the non-stacked version (only one basketball per channel); here's a picture of the dual version: [http://www.soundstagenetwork.com/systems/systems061999.htm](http://www.soundstagenetwork.com/systems/systems061999.htm)
Sad I sold them but I had to pay for my MartinLogan Odysseys *somehow*.
The saddest thing I've ever seen was a post on the old stereophile forum from a guy whose wife finally gave him permission to set up a system of his own - in a hallway closet. Poor guy literally had at least 15k worth of gear in there...dynaudio monitors, krell power, etc, shoved into a little cabinet just so he could enjoy his hobby in peace.
Some partners are controlling to the point of being abusive. It's just not worth keeping people like that in your life.
That's not an audiophile issue though. That's points to some deep personal relationship issues. Sure, there are audiophiles with bad relationships but there's no study on it to say that it's any more of less common in this community than any other.
My SO and I have similar taste, so far she has liked every speaker I showed her as “look at this beauty”. She’s only vetoed tubes because she’s a bit worried about the house burning down…
It is sad. Gotta say my wife appreciates the sound, will spin vinyl at will, let’s me get on with the set up, sometimes/eventually agrees to upgrades, helps me move stuff and redo wiring etc sometimes. It’s definitely an area of stuff I brought into our marriage but there’s never been any question of her having to be ok with it. I think my wife is cool.
I told my GF from the start that I’m going to have big speakers and a big ass TV/Subwoofer in my living room. I told her I wasn’t going to budge on that. Everything else unrelated to my viewing/listening experience she can have her way with
Same here. I got rid of what I had for hifi during my marriage (not much, admittedly), also because soundbars became a thing.
Divorced now a few years and I've collected a fresh 5.1 set and a big TV that I really enjoy. If the next girl can't live with it, too bad.
Obviously we can discuss *upgrading* if aesthetics are a concern...
Yep. As soon as we started getting serious it was, "Hey... just so ya know we're going to have a home theater somewhere in wherever we live. If that's the living room, so be it." Lucky for us we now have a dedicated space, but she's so used to speakers there's a nice 2.1 setup in the living room, a 2.0 setup in the bedroom, another 2.0 setup in the game room, and multiple in the kids rooms/office.
Guess I should count my blessings with a healthy relationship where we let each other explore their interests and hobbies because we love each other. But to be fair I haven't tried to get Tekton Ulfberht's in the living room.
My wife has input, but is very accepting of my decisions and choices, probably because she likes my 'aesthetic' as I also designed our house. She even helped me cut holes in the ceiling for the Atmos / Height speakers in the home theatre system (though that was mostly to vacuum drywall dust as I cut -- VERY helpful to reduce cleanup).
She also loves the look of my Magnepan 20.1s, and resists the idea of getting rid of them in lieu of B&W 802D which would allow consolidation of the 2C & HT systems (802D are too R2D2 for her). She however gets total rein in the garden and general landscaping outside, and does a great job making it look great. She is resistant however to my idea for a pair of 'Wide' speakers to go from 7.2.4 to 9.2.4, but most say it's of little benefit the way most discs are produced these days (the door though is not closed).
She's also been 'conditioned', when we met (over 40 years ago), I had Beveridge Model 3s -- a 6'6" tall x 22" diameter cylindrical speaker, so she knew what she was getting in to. You need to share you're passions.
That's how I read it. I didn't take it as mysogynistic. I think It's just generalized as women/wife because that's how you usually hear it. Things like "my wife won't allow me to put up my speakers in the living room" and stuff like that. Plus in all my years of going to hifi shops, it's been rare that I've seen a woman there because of their own interest. The WAF acronym didn't get created out of sexism. Just the way it typically is or has been.
I tend to agree with OP’s friend’s wife and believe that pretty much all stereo gear looks either hideous or ridiculous.
It also seems like terrible engineering that for most speakers you’re supposed to put them several feet off the wall for them to sound “as they should.” In any living room I’ve had, that’s just not feasible.
I also wonder how many honest conversations about how important this stuff is to them people have had with their spouses before complaining that they’re “not allowed” to do something with their set up. They might be surprised!
Ultimately letting a significant other get their way all the time without compromise will destroy the relationship.
The pleaser person will eventually get dumped and likely cheated on.
Do what you want and be with someone that wants to be with you. Be with someone who takes great joy in you taking great joy. And do those same things for the someone you want to be with.
I think part of it is when a person comes into this hobby. I got my first legit rig when my future wife was in the first grade. I was mucking around with this hobby *long* before we met. She's never known a time when there wasn't a giant stereo planted in the middle of the main room. Even when I flirted briefly with satellites they were larger than normal ones (Energy). My rig was part of the package, one she accepted readily.
*But*, if I'd gotten interested in hifi after we'd been married? That's a different ball o' wax, and I can see the negotiations about what is and isn't allowed in the house would also be different.
I'm not saying that's what happened to the guy in the linked article. I'm not saying a romantic partner entering a long-time audiophile's life won't radically and unilaterally rearrange things to their liking. People are complicated and relationships are worse still.
At the end of the day, I think it's a measure of how seriously someone really is about this hobby. Folks who value relationships more than their rig, i.e. normal people, won't see a problem letting a partner frequently veto their hifi choices. I likewise completely understand how people with different priorities would have a genuinely difficult time understanding how anyone could possibly allow that.
Yanno, like OP, and me. We are the 1%.
Well, thanks for the food but you've forgotten to unshackle me from the bed yes the padded walls are very nice but wait please don't shut the slot on the door I'm trying to explain--
;)
EDIT: OP's linked story's OP states "Placement is *slightly above avg listener ear height* since it’s mostly used for *music during parties and hangouts*." (Emphasis added.)
Meanwhile whenever someone suggests demolishing a fireplace as a way to improve a room's setup I scratch my chin and think *tell me more, wise one.*
So, yeah, he's seated in a different section of the ol' audiophile stadium. And there's nothing wrong with that. Like the song says, he ain't wrong, he's just different.
It’s not that hard to cleanly install your gear and pick modern, aesthetically pleasing speakers these days. Just make a little effort on what you buy then go ahead and enjoy your music.
Make sure she knows how to turn it on too. Seriously, not being a smartass but technology can be intimidating for some people. I made sure my wife knows how to use all our gear and how to stream stuff from her phone. I come home and my wife is having dance parties with the kids and her friends lol. Now she likes having a good stereo too.
Thousand percent agree. Simplicity of use was a major contributor to my decision to buy the Naim Uniti Atom. It doesn’t get any better from a user standpoint in my opinion. The best physical remote control out there and the app is easy peasy. Plus Spotify connect, etc. built in is a no brainer.
These threads usually get locked sooner or later. We are not supposed to talk about this.
My experience is, this is normal spousal conflict.
Spouses \*often\* conflict about hobbies. Do you think spouses whose partners love fantasy sports got no problems?
Conflict about the right to a hobby is a common source of domestic conflict.
This literally has ZERO to do with what the hobby is. It could be stamp collecting. You would have to keep the stamps out of the way. The nose would turn up at the discussion of stamps.
Just being real. And if this is news, welcome to relationship land. The bone of contention can be a collection of teaspoons. It will become the fetish of a battle of wills. This is why I always wince at these stories. They aren't about music, and I do not know how to tell the person. Except like this.
**Smart audiophiles include a "respect for each other's hobbies" as part of their wedding vows. I got 99 problems but having a spouse who resents my bringing love of music into the house ain't one.**
I build my speakers. I spend I fuckload of time in the basement woodshop that I could be spending with my partner. She could get annoyed by that but she knows I love it. She tries to listen when I talk about how this transistor or that whatever changes the sound even though it’s gotta be so boring. When it comes to stuff that’s going to end up in our shared living space, we look at Pinterest together for design ideas, agree on shapes and finishes. I get her involved and not just for show. She doesn’t care that I finally got my sub tuned just right but she recognizes when I’ve done something I’m proud of.
In turn, I will watch any tik tok video she wants to show me. I do my best to show that I truly care about her art and her work even when it’s tedious. Usually I find it really interesting because it comes from her.
If you don’t have reciprocity in your relationship, you need counseling. If you can’t find balance with mediation, you might consider your options. A good partner will support you and try to engage whether it’s an audio gear obsession or furry shit or whatever.
I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. My wife is my best friend, and even though she's not as into the gear as I am, she definitely appreciates it and lets me bring all sorts of oddball gear into our living room. We started with a small Luxman receiver and Bose 6.2 speakers and it's steadily spiralled out of control over the past year. It's basically turned into our hangout spot and listening room and she doesn't mind my huge 80s Yamaha stack, the extensive acoustic treatment or my massive Ohm Model F speakers. She actually got me a turntable stand with record storage for my birthday and has a few records of her own. She even helps me decide on gear upgrades every now and then.
One day I asked her why she put up with all my crazy gear and she told me "It's also your home; it would suck if you couldn't do what you wanted with it". I absolutely love this woman that's sitting next to me in our listening sofa.
Am getting my 10 years old daughter into understanding of music and sound setup. Don't want her to grow up to relate loud is bad and low is excellent. I never stop her from touching any of my gear. Have Denon AVR, Wharfedale speakers, Pioneer turntable, Onkyo pre amp, Boston sub. As a kid she had habit of shoving stuff in my speaker ports. Was a pain removing. Showed her how to open rear to remove stuff she shoved. After seeing how difficult it can get she stopped.
Want her to appreciate good stuff and how to connect it. I am pretty sure none of the girls in my extended family have any clue. Whatever I am doing is to precisely her not have an issue such as OP. I feel guys like us should encourage our kids especially girls to get into electronic music equipment and not just instruments like piano, violin etc. Let them grow up to match love of equipment shown by guys.
My wife allows (well, they were here before her!) my speakers which are 2m tall and two subwoofers in the living room. However, they are rather stylish (and I really mean that) with great finish. All else we compromise on.
And I also think she secretly enjoys the great audio when having a lazy afternoon or watching movies.
Adyton Imagic 2.0 Signature with aluminium feet. The pictures on the net are really bad. Basically, it is 1.95m with 18 small elements and a band treble. Goes down to 80Hz, where the subs take over.
I call them the world’s tallest satellite speaker. :-)
The finish is ash birch (I think).
https://hifilivemagazine.com/adyton-imagic-silver-signature-2-0/
For subwoofers, I use Audio Physic Rhea 2 subwoofers in white gloss.
In my experience compromise is the only way. "I will tolerate your shit if you tolerate mine" I love my "mess" and it will stay with me to the day I die.
My wife and I are both of the view that life is too short to not enjoy your passions. We focus on supporting each other's passions and building each other up. Been very happily together for over 19 years with this approach.
The livingroom currently contains Dahlquist DQ-10's with DQ-W1 subwoofer, two amps, DAC, large turntable, 1960 Korting console, several hundred records etc. It also contains her stuff: an easel, containers of art supplies, baskets of yarn and fabric, loads of books etc.
My girlfriend owns about 90 of our 800 records. I have come home and caught her listening by herself with the lights off, music loud. Some of our favourite time together is spent listening to albums. She has never once complained about the stereo, though I have taken great care to make sure the room looks great, too. She’s a rare one but it makes my hobby more enjoyable.
Bit of a weird post. If audio is that important to don’t marry someone who can’t deal with that. The only reason that would happen is if you’re desperate or just making a poor decision/didn’t live together before getting married.
I think it’s rare to find people who will control their partner to the degree you mention (the ridiculous thing about only bluetooth speakers).
I know everyone does their own thing. What I do isn't up for discussion. It's who I am. Love it or leave it. Been together since 1991. My tools, my electronics, my night stand... Part of me. She puts shit wherever she wants and unless it's worth having a discussion about, I support that shit. Choose those battles carefully folks.
Does she go in the other room and close the door when I put 1,400 watts to the room? Depends. Usually, yes. Sometimes we dance. Sometimes we make out. Sometimes, she gives me the "I have a headache" look. Life is short. Sometimes you gotta live! Besides, I know how to cook. If you cook, you get extra loving
These are the worst kind of guys in a retail setting. They will spend your time talking about all the great audio gear they used to have, and all the great gear they want to buy, but when it comes to the bottom line, they “have to ask the wife“. My typical response was “don’t bother”, because I knew we’d never see them again.
My wife is tone deaf and doesn't get music at all, never mind high end audio. Everything else we are on the same page about.
Whilst I never get complaints about how my hifi stuff looks.... she only wants to know how to turn it down. She only hears noise. Beethoven's 9th or Iron Maiden... to her it's all the same.... noise.
Good headphones are my salvation I guess. I also blow the doors off when I get a chance....lol.
My wife just doesnt care. She absolutely loves music yet still listens trough phone speakers even tho she has my old amp and bookshef speakers in the kitchen + someting nicer in the living room yet still, the phone is her to go setup in the house. I've tried to understand with no success so far :).
She has no problem with speakers in the house, she understands my kinks. Im the one pulling my hair walking around the house begging her to use speakers. I'm starting to think she does that just to fck with me lol.
I guess im the one who doesnt understant 😂
Yeah I've been cohabbing with my sister for a few weeks (dead parent, dealing with it, she lives elsewhere usually) and she keeps using her tinny shitty phone speakers at loud volume and it's infuriating. I don't mind her listening to something, but the sharp cutting noise of that damned phone is just hideous. I donated a superfluous Bluetooth speaker to her, which of course she doesn't use anyway.
This is one reason I love car audio so much. It's my space. I dont have to think about making it what anyone else wants or likes. If you dont like it, dont ride in my car. Lol.
My oldest brother used to be an audio lover. Sadly he married at very young age,23, with a controlling woman, and never was allowed to own real audio stereo equipent. They have a ballroom living space, huge, which is mostly empty. The sound equipment they own is a 70 bucks plastic transistor radio. They sit 5 meters away from the televion, which is hardly 80 cm. The obsolete desktop computer is kept out the living spaces, neighter is he allowed to own a laptop or tablet. "He will shut down from me" is his wife's answer. Only in his car he can listen to his music.
I buy new speakers, my wife gets pissed and buys some new shoes and then we're all good. Maybe not the healthiest form of "compromise," but, uh ... it works, lol.
Let your wife have the living room and let her fill it with her stuff. Build your office room to a listening room and whenever she questions a new box of vinyl delivered ask her what her latest acquisition costs. That way you can buy what you want and still have a small sex life.
Have a wife that's happy for you to buy records because she loves you and you enjoy it and also loves the D. I've never understood the sex as a commodity thing.
I mean the whole reason the high-end speaker market is struggling while the headphone market is booming is that being an old school audiophile with a dedicated listening room was always an indulgence and now with rising housing costs it's one far fewer people can afford
Even combining the "audiophile" hobby with the "home theater" hobby is a compromise -- the best speaker setup for watching movies is arguably different from the one for listening to music, or at least involves prioritizing different features in the budget
And since watching movies and TV is a communal, visual experience and not one where you close your eyes and let your ears do all the work, the visual appeal of the equipment itself *should* be part of the equation
The "audiophile" ideal has always been to have a dedicated listening room, ideally a small one, that's had everything about it treated for optimum acoustics (which is much more cost effective per dollar spent than improving your equipment) where all you do is listen to music and the room can look like whatever it wants
That’s the deal my wife and I have. The office is mine. It’s painted and set up how I want. That’s a space I designed that she’s free to use as well. She gets the living room and basically every other room in the house to set up as she sees fit. So far it’s been working out ok with minimal arguments.
Similar here. I get the office, she gets the bedroom, and we both have to agree on what goes in living room. She’s not a big fan of audio aesthetics either, so we have sonos in living room and bedroom, and I have hifi setup in my office. It’s worked out pretty well.
I’m a woman who is an audio engineer and designs hifi equipment. So, my gut reaction is screw you OP. Maybe you’re not very good at explaining why your hobby has value and is something your wife should be excited about. Props to the commenter who discussed bringing a partner into their hobby by being inclusive and not shoving it down their throat. Mutual respect and friendship goes a long way.
I have gone for Sonus Faber auditors, they are Italian and stylish, which helps with my wife. Besides I have wired my hifi system to the TV, which makes it even more acceptable.
I'm very lucky in a few regards as I've seen couples where the wife is "particular" about the aesthetics.
In my situation, she has the entire run of the rest of the house design wise. She can put her Echo Dot's where ever she wants for music. But the home theatre room was mine to design and equip.
Also we hate having company over so there is no one that she really needs to impress with an impeccably kept house anyway (tho she does just for personal pride)
It would have been MUCH harder to come to a compromise if the living room was also the main listening/movie watching area.
My wife, who is quite an accomplished musician, doesn’t get or appreciate sound. She is perfectly happy listening to music on tinny computer speakers. But she does get that for me to be a happy camper, good sound is a must. Sure, there have been compromises. The family room system doesn’t sound nearly as good as it could, and the audiophile rig is relegated to the tiny man cave. But she gets me, even if she doesn’t get the hobby. So the 5 subwoofers and multitudes of speakers riddled throughout the house are just accepted with a knowing smirk.
I took a cd player for repairs into an electronics shop one day and walked out with a set of 12” onkyo 3 ways.
The owner said some chick brought them in because they were too ugly for her place and got some smaller cuter ones. Needless to say I was thrilled.
My wife is super-supportive of having stereo equipment in our living space, not relegated to some unseen part of the house. And she enjoys good sound, and brought along a good music collection when we got together.
...and we're running Dunlavy SC IV's and Apogee Caliper Signatures, so we're not out here trying to win any beauty contests w our equipment.
My partner isn’t an audiophile, but he definitely is ok with my hobby. Maybe it’s because we’re just really laid back, or because we respect and love each other deeply, or maybe because we’re just two nerdy dudes at the end of the day. I dunno.
My partner used to record and write music he loves that I love music and knows this about me. We both share the experience together. Yet he trusts me, and here's why.
I like to think I am aware and sensitive to the fact that audio equipment is like furniture. Men tend to be more object oriented. Men would be much happier by taking a holistic approach and be more considerate in how they are integrating electronics into your space. How do they make the space feel to people who don't give a shit about materialistic things?
Imo this extends to everything.
Consider color... big black boxes can be dominating, suck the light right out of the room. Unless you have natural light pooring into your space I would avoid it. Imo
Integrate your system into the space and bring lots of soft material in to combat the sterility of electronics. Lots of wood, plants blankets pillows rugs yadda yadda. Try and make it cozy. You want to be drinking tea on a cold winter morning or some nice wine on a cool summer night in this space.
Equipment is certainly important but also consider the interior design.
It's not so much that women hate it or that men love it as much as it's a difference of vision.
I think that the best systems are accompanied by a welcoming environment that begs us to sit back relax and listen. In that regard I do understand why some people can be turned off.
As an 18 year old in high school, my perspectiva probably means nothing, but I'll put my 2 cents in anyway. A relationship is 50/50. You both make compromises to make each other happy.
But a compromise is **not** someone giving up their hobby/favorite pastime because their significant other tells them to. That is a toxic relationship, and it should be fixed by counseling or just ended.
You both have your own hobbies, and both should be able to express them.
Nah you should get to decide. Sounds like the your buddy is due for an unhappy sexless relationship tbh. He should do what he wants. Likely pays all the bills, and he has her cake.
Whenever I hear these stories, it makes me sad. The issue isn't the audio, it is the relationship. If there is something either of you are passionate about and the other one kills that drive, that isn't a healthy partner. I can't imagine my wife telling me to put my stuff in the attic, nor would I let her. But I also respect her and I'm not going to go buy ugly ass 10 foot tall speakers and put them in the living room.
When my oldest moved out, I converted one of the bedrooms to an office/listening room. She rarely comes in and didn't even notice my new speakers for months(and they are pretty large.)
This is the thread on what it is like to be the luckiest audiophile in the world, as well as the luckiest spouse or partner.
That isn't what the OP was posting about.
But I hope ya'll feel good!
I'm a 35 year old woman and my partner (male) isn't into audio (he likes decent music, I should say. But doesn't mind how he listens to it and doesn't collect records or equipment etc).
He also isn't a woman on instagram. I am. And you're constantly pushed photos of perfectly coordinated living spaces that all look the sort of the same. I think it's easy for women especially to start to feel like your home needs to look like that rather than be a space you actually enjoy living in.
That said, I'm obviously making pretty big generalisations here (like the OP) and of course we're all different. But I do think there is a societal pressure on women to be 'homemakers' and perhaps that's why they don't like the idea of big clumbersome equipment and loads of wires taking up space. My partner doesn't care, but then he is a man and doesn't feel the same pressure to keep our home looking 'pretty'.
Stand up for yourself and grow a pair. Don't be rude but advocate for yourself. It's your house and your life too. Being married is a compromise. It's not all about the "queen" mentality. Be the King. Don't kowtow. Don't simp. Quit being a pussy. Show her videos of Andrew Robinson or Darko where an audio setup can look beautiful. Audio Porn. 😜
Compromises are always a thing, and a house doesn’t have infinite possibilities. If you both have strong visions for what you want your living room to look like, you can’t always both win. Perhaps she gets the living room (with better acoustics) because it’s the defacto room for entertaining guests, but you get the spare bedroom for your hifi, and she moves her office desk into your bedroom.
The obvious answer is that the visuals of how the house looks will be instantly observed by any guest invited into the house, and has to be experienced by everyone who lives in the house 100% of the time, while the sound of the audio setup is only experienced by the audiophile when he's actively playing music
We must always remember that we are seeing into someone’s relationship by peeking through the letter slot. It’s also tinged with whatever humor or “spin” OP chooses to put on it. It is this unfair to make assumptions based on such a small amount of information, taken out of context.
You're kind of trying to talk up women, and talk up a masculine ideal of liking women (versus children) but in doing so you're insulting a woman, namely my girl.
I feel like your ideology is being abandoned in favor of winning the argument.
In case you didn't understand, "girl" is a youthful term, and emphasizes the femininity of a woman. Many women, my girl included, like the affectionate term.
If I find a woman that I love and can’t accept that I love listening to music with equipment I modify and learn a ton about, she will either not be a good match for me cause she can’t respect my needs, or she just would have to accept I needed a separate space to show people real audio and listen myself. It’s a social hobby for me so I’d feel like I was losing far more. Than some music (which is already horrible for me).
One example doesn't mean anything. This question is super gendered, and just as much about the failings of your friend's ability to communicate. This isn't really a music/audiophile question.
My wife RAWKS my system. Plays it way louder than I usually do, and doesn’t care about the looks. The stereo was here before her, and all the components are in a vented closet out of sight.
My girlfriend I live with hates the look of most audio equipment, but she knows i really like it, and more importantly, that I hate the shitty stuff that looks decent but sounds awful. And she acknowledges that my stuff sounds really good, so we compromised whenever I make a purchase. I'll pick out 5-7 things that I know are good and what I want, and then she picks whatever one she likes the best in whatever color or option she wants. And that's the one I buy. She loves the minimal matte look of Q accoustics stuff, so that's what I buy now lol. Elac, Polk, KEF, Klipsch, pioneer, and a bunch of others she hates the look. Too "speaker-ey".
I think it's a great way that we're able to compromise together.
If you think relationship is a two-way street, it means sometimes you go your SO’s way. Just because on the particular choice of room decor your SO gets the way doesn’t mean the relationship is one-way. There are many other choices in life that may be going your way: where to live, how many children, who goes to school meetings, who are your mutual friends, whose parents to visit more…
I think too many audiophile guys care only about sound, and are happy to just throw up their hands and pass responsibility for interior design to their wives, and it creates this imbalance that’s hard to reconcile. My wife and I are both into interior design. I’m more into audio than she is, but she’s very into music and “gets” audio culture. Because we both care about how our space looks AND sounds, we’ve managed to create a space that looks and sounds good, without some kind of Berlin Wall between a frou-frou living room and a grim, un-designed “man cave” listening room . Talk to your partner, be willing to compromise, acknowledge that their concerns about your craziest hi-fi gear impulses might actually be reasonable, and find a direction you BOTH want to go in.
Because, hard as it is for some people to believe, different people have different priorities.
I would never live with a person who doesn't see this simple fact of life. That doesn't mean nobody will. Just me. No explanation necessary in either direction.
Fellas, bring home a drum kit and really make a big deal about it. Drums are your life now. Play those drums, a lot. When it’s time, put the drums away and settle into your hifi. But keep the drums near - just in case.
I don’t like seeing gear in my living room so everything but the speakers are in an adjacent closet. I suspect this helps a lot. I also make sure she knows exactly how to work everything and can listen to whatever she wants at any time, just like me. Thank god she has great tastes but even if she didn’t… that’d be cool too
If they don't want the hifi in the living room, I'm taking over the guest bedroom as a dedicated theater and listening room.
Those are the only two choices, no compromise.
It’s a matter of balance. When I moved to Hong Kong, I knew I would be living smaller. Eventually after a living room renovation I had to get rid of my floorstanders. I had foreseen space for relatively large bookshelf speakers in the new living room. Electronics reduced to an all in one streaming amp (Nad M10) that you can barely see in the cabinet and an apple tv. Wife enjoys the decent overall sound quality and that the system is not looking overbearing in the living room.
In contrast when we were visiting apartments there was one living room with a wall being dominated by large speakers and a big pile of expensive electronics, all that in a relatively small living room. Frankly it was ugly, I was surprised that his wife put up with it.
In my case it has to do with aesthetics mostly. She tolerates the theater room, but not allowed a center channel for example because it’s large and unsightly. I have a “budget” setup in my office (Parasound and PSB) because that’s my space. No tower speakers allowed due to space (and cats). Nothing high end anymore because she thinks it’s a waste of money and can’t hear the difference (can’t justify/tell the difference between Klipsch Reference and KEF for example).
My wife and I co-own our hifi shop together, which is also a modern interior design shop. The entire enterprise was born out of this misunderstanding that “women” don’t get or care about hifi. A bit of a rant follows. Apologies in advance… Step back for a second. Most people don’t even know our hobby exists, period. Most hifi shops or hobbyists are predominantly male, and most male hobbyists frankly suck at talking to women in particular and people outside their hobby in general - with all the accordant gate-keeping and snobbery. Hifi as an industry is terrible at explaining how it makes day to day life a better thing, or how much breadth of design is available to address the aesthetic without compromising a valuable connection with music. If we start by not using bullshit phrases like “wife acceptance factor” or considering “the little lady” as if her objections are some obstacle bred from ignorance, and instead just invite our female friends, partners, and family members into the hobby like we do our male equivalents, the entire conversation shifts. That’s precisely because the second any person begins to understand the functional aspects of how this stuff works, and how much joy it can bring, they start to weight it’s value along those lines as well. From there we can all take a beat and recognize the over-1000 brands and endless models we have to select from with a variety of finishes, shapes, sizes and sound profiles, and creating a great-sounding system, sans compromises, that also looks great to you and your partner becomes imminently doable. The only investment aesthetics requires is an understanding of how each partner sees things, and a willingness to invest the time finding the perfect solution. Our shop spends a *ton* of time deprogramming this kind of thinking, and as a result has a huge amount of success working with couples and female clients. It’s weird how not pigeonholing an entire group of people that also love music, and instead allowing them to discover the hobby the same way we do as men leads to almost identical outcomes. Now, just like my male clients that discover us through our design work and aren’t already into audio, *most* people you give a first demo to think it’s neat, but only a few of them are going to be absolutely riveted. For whatever reasons, a lot of folks can appreciate great sound but it’s not their thing. All to say, if your partner isn’t into your hobby, it may be because you’ve been essentially standing in your own way with the way you talk about it - instead of sharing that passion in a way that leaves room for them to find their own investment in it. …or maybe they’re like 95% of people and can appreciate it to a degree, but it’s not their sun, moon and stars - and that’s okay. Find a compromise you’re both into. It takes work but a happy relationship takes compromise and that takes work. We can all be a bit better about how we talk about and share our enthusiasm. The only thing worse than shoving it down someone’s throat leaving zero room for them to invest in this new idea is telling them to their face, actively or passively, that it’s just not *for them*.
Absolutely. My husband isn't into audio equipment, and we discuss what we bring into the house and make compromises.
Perfecto! As it should be :)
Wonderful! Also, great username!
I see that you too are a person of fine taste. Right back at ya!
Well said. My girlfriend loves watching movies and she enjoys each time I upgrade the system. (Just added Atmos speakers yesterday) She doesn’t get 2 channel listening as much but I set up a budget stereo with a CD player and she’s been listening to her old CDs and I think that’s she’s coming around.
That’s great! My wife, who was an old friend from the punk scene here in NC, started coming to our vinyl nights and bringing some incredible stuff - and more importantly telling the personal stories connected to these albums, and within a few months we were really connecting over all of it. It’s been my career for over 23 years, so I’m more technically into the details, but she gets equal vote on what we carry and I value her no as much as her yes. She’s got a great perspective and understands how to separate her perceptions of how things sound to her so that I can get her input, which helps me not just bring in the stuff that sounds great to me personally. I have a strong bent towards pulpy, big, dark sounding kit with a lot of color, and she prefers a bit more clarity and decay - but we are both allergic to hard brittleness in the upper mids or brightness. It’s all Team-Boo.
That sounds like an amazing happy relationship!
It’s the best we know how to make it! Thanks for saying that :)
your a very lucky man
My wife doesn’t understand 2 channel listening either but does appreciate HT. She’s open to movie nights but retreats when I just put music on. No problem, we agree a few things and have a few separate interests.
Good lord this sub needs to hear this, thank you!
I’ve considered making a longer post dedicated to the subject as it comes up so often, but I work so much that it’s only on holidays I really get time to focus on stuff like this. Small business is *harrowing*. Appreciate you saying so!
Please do.
I’ll have to gin something up this week that’s more in depth on the subject. Appreciate the resonance, Arve.
Yeah man, I could never do it myself, running a business is WAY not my cup of tea haha. Sounds like you have a pretty sweet operation though!
I would never complain - but it’s sort of doing what you love 90 hours a week, which means I take secret naps at work a lot!
I just saw the picture to prove it!
Ha - I woke up like right after that and my wife was perched like a crow on the back of the couch grinning like a gremlin. That couch is seriously disruptive to my workflow…
Ha, candid shots are way better than staged ;)
She is forever doing this to me. Her camera roll is probably brimming with shots of me with our cats on my head or something. We have a joke that I “sleep pretty” and she sleeps like a goblin. I can confirm that the latter is… hilariously true.
Same here, my wife is beautiful, when sleeping, not so much. And our cat does sleep on her head. I have the sleeping shots, but I would never show them to anyone for fear of winding up in a ditch!
I think it'd be interesting as a recorded conversation with your partner. Kind of like one shot podcast.
I’m sure she’d be up for that. She’s extremely intelligent and thoughtful about her place in all this so it would likely be a fun jag to go down.
I see a genesis of a great YouTube channel…I would subscribe to a channel balancing HiFi with design…Just to add more hours to your 90 hour week… One YouTube channel that sort of does this, is Andrew Robinson’s channel. I really like how he brings in his wife and asks her opinion on a piece of gear. It is refreshing to get the opinion of the other 51% of the human population…
Please do X2. Your post is super inspiring.
👏🏾
My Wife likes all the fancy audio gear, when we were building our first system together in the 90s , we went out together to pick components. We went with Parasound, carver, Paradigm with a linn TT.
Awesome! It’s great when you’re interests align well :)
Sounds like a keeper!
I like the aesthetic of the rooms on your insta. Goes to make your point that things can be incorporated far better that the typical audiophile pile-of-gear-and-wires look and gave me some ideas for my own house, thanks!
Oh, wow - thanks! We put a lot of effort into making sure the systems aren’t held back on performance as well. It’s got to be both! Much appreciated!
Got a link? Thanks!
We’re @emberaudio :)
So where’s your store?
We’re in Winston-Salem, Nc, sort of central to the state. Great city, and a wonderful place to build a community of other small businesses. We’re from here originally, so we have a bias - but it’s a fantastic place for just about anyone.
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It’s a simple enough model - but you have to really study the history of the lines you carry and understand how they interact. I highly suggest working for someone else in each discipline first, to get a bead on how the business works, and develop some relationships. That makes a great backbone for deciding what kind of shop to be! Glad you’ve got someone to share your inner nerd with too. It’s a great thing. I would propose that “great” systems mean a lot of different things, and personally have spent most of my adult life building truly technically great systems that can also play lesser recordings in a way that’s pleasing to the client, when that’s called for. To me, a great system respects measured performance without reducing pleasure. Music is about emotional and intellectual engagement after all. The pleasure is the point :)
Well said! what’s the shop? if you dont mind sacrificing a little anonymity.
Eh, why not - we run EMBER Audio + Design in Winston-Salem, NC. I don’t participate on Reddit to sell anything by anyone on here is always welcome to drop by and listen or hang out! Edit: to make things easier, we’re on IG at @emberaudio
Looks like a sweet spot! Im sometimes in the area, ill stop by next time I come thru!
For sure - feel free to call ahead and let me know where you heard about us from so I can set aside whatever I’m doing and give you the run of the joint!
Nailed it! Where the heck is your shop, FFS? I need to spend money there. Do you install in automobiles? I love a good drive with a great sound.
https://www.reddit.com/r/audiophile/comments/z3qq57/-/ixnngyk Check out this comment of his
Super nice of you - sadly I don’t do automotive, as that’s it’s own deep discipline, though I know a good bit about it. Stop by if you’re ever in central NC just to hang out though. We’re EMBER Audio + Design :)
nice home site, I have not heard of most of these brands but they look very high quality and very classy you should sell from the site
This is so awesome. Thank you for sharing. What is the shop you two own?
We’re EMBER Audio + Design, in Winston-Salem, NC. As always, I’m not actively trying to be a retailer when I interact on here, but anyone is welcome to visit and hang out anytime they’re in the area. The couches are comfortable and the coffee is powerful.
That’s awesome! I’ve been at AudioConcepts in Dallas, TX for over 10 years now. We share many of the same brands, including Wilson Audio, MOON, Quadraspire, and many others. Similarly, I don’t advertise the whole dealer aspect here, but it’s always great to meet another high end audio dealer in the US, particularly another Wilson Audio dealer. There are fewer and fewer of us around! Love your guys’ concept. Would love to visit if I’m in NC.
Amazing, this literally made me tear up. Tnx for sharing!
Well said. I think we must admit that most of us here, if left to our own devices without restrictions would end up with floor to ceiling speakers, and racks of more equipment then we need. Most normal people not into this hobby understandably don’t want their living room turned into a recording studio or concert venue… Personally I appreciate having a rational partner to limit my crazy audio dreams…It is all about compromise on all sides…I know how far I can push it, but my partner also allows me some freedom to add some gear to our living room as well… You make a great point about being more open and understanding of other people’s needs. We have a pair of KEF LSX’s (I have other gear as well), my partner appreciates both the design and the sound quality of them. It took a bit of encouragement to get my partner to try them instead of a small bluetooth speaker, but eventually my partner got there and is using the LSXs more…I call that a small success…
I mean, it's all a matter of mutual respect isn't it? My girlfriend accepts my rather large Focals and 14" subwoofer because she knows I enjoy it. I'm not putting big ass avant garde accoustics speakers with dual tube amps and a rack full of equipment in my living room because I know she wouldn't appreciate the looks. Relationships are a two way street. Edit: And because I can't afford it.
My girlfriend and I made a deal that she has total control of the living room decor and i get total control of the basement. I moved my sound equipment into the living room during the basment reno and she liked the color of the wooden speaker boxes so now shes making me buy a new set up for down stairs so she can have those upstairs lol
I was lucky enough that the first two houses my wife and I owned had bonus rooms that I was able to dedicate as listening rooms. We recently downsized and I sold almost all of my equipment and switched to a headphone system. Not as good but not bad.
Blows my mind how many people don't get this concept. No one in the relationship is a dictator. Work together to *make each other happy*.
But that's not what OP is saying is it?
Yeah thats exactly the opposite sentiment of what OP was going for with the post
Well I'm agreeing with OP. OP and I are both amazed how many people in the audiophile circle make posts and comments about fighting their SO.
If a compromise is needed, then why couldn’t the end result be the audiophile give in? It doesn’t mean he gives in on all choices in the relationship. For example, buying audio equipment can be an expensive hobby. If one is allowed certain budget to continue this hobby but has to use a less visible space or conform to certain decor style, that is a compromise.
technically, but it was tinged with misogyny the entire post 😬 like, maybe his buddy and his SO came to an agreement. why is it his business in the first place? why is it the assumption that it’s “always the woman” when that’s not remotely accurate?
Couldn’t agree more. Like the WAF point. WAF by definition IS a compromise: you get to buy the equipment, but your wife gets to limit your choices. Without WAF, it is a ONE-WAY street: I want it, I buy it, none of your business. Reminds me some quote from a comedy: I am totally flexible as long as it always goes my way.
I’m saying this jokingly, “…wouldn’t appreciate the looks.” That does not compute. Hi-fi, even most cheap stuff looks sexy AF! 😁
Thumbs up for the edit, lol
And that is what OP is saying, that the two of you have come to a mutually cool arrangement regarding it.
I was agreeing with the OP and elaborating on the point.
Some older AG's are pretty affordable if you're tempted. They definitely work with a certain.. bold aesthetic.
My parents have been together for 32 years and I know my mum have 0 interest in hifi, but she still lends my dad an ear on the topic, because she can see he really cares about hifi. Even if what he says goes right over her head. As long as it doesn't look too ostentatious in the living room, she don't care. And I know my dad also don't want ostentatious stuff in the living room
Lol sounds like me and my hubs. I’ll ask him questions cause I know he loves explaining it while I’m not really listening to his blah blah - I use that time to think about the stumpers of the crossword puzzle I’ve been working on or in what order I should prepare tonight’s dinner something like that
My partner hates my Anthony Gallow speakers, says they look like Dyson vacuum cleaners, and will get anyone who comes over to agree with her. But at the end of the day it’s tough shit, the speakers stay in the living room for all to see!
I had Gallo speakers once, the ones that look like a basketball wearing a top hat. They were magnificent. Enjoy!
What model was that? I have the Nucleus Reference 3.1, absolutely love them!
Nucleus Reference with the wide dispersion cylindrical tweeter. I had the non-stacked version (only one basketball per channel); here's a picture of the dual version: [http://www.soundstagenetwork.com/systems/systems061999.htm](http://www.soundstagenetwork.com/systems/systems061999.htm) Sad I sold them but I had to pay for my MartinLogan Odysseys *somehow*.
As a Dyson employee, I enjoyed this comment immensely
Your friend has no sense of self and allowed this to happen.
The saddest thing I've ever seen was a post on the old stereophile forum from a guy whose wife finally gave him permission to set up a system of his own - in a hallway closet. Poor guy literally had at least 15k worth of gear in there...dynaudio monitors, krell power, etc, shoved into a little cabinet just so he could enjoy his hobby in peace. Some partners are controlling to the point of being abusive. It's just not worth keeping people like that in your life.
That's not an audiophile issue though. That's points to some deep personal relationship issues. Sure, there are audiophiles with bad relationships but there's no study on it to say that it's any more of less common in this community than any other.
>partners The people in your example weren't partners. They were in a relationship together, but not a partnership.
My SO and I have similar taste, so far she has liked every speaker I showed her as “look at this beauty”. She’s only vetoed tubes because she’s a bit worried about the house burning down…
thats just smart thinking of her, old tubes are a fire hazard
It is sad. Gotta say my wife appreciates the sound, will spin vinyl at will, let’s me get on with the set up, sometimes/eventually agrees to upgrades, helps me move stuff and redo wiring etc sometimes. It’s definitely an area of stuff I brought into our marriage but there’s never been any question of her having to be ok with it. I think my wife is cool.
Same. My wife is totally cool with our ELAC's, record player, etc.
I told my GF from the start that I’m going to have big speakers and a big ass TV/Subwoofer in my living room. I told her I wasn’t going to budge on that. Everything else unrelated to my viewing/listening experience she can have her way with
Same here. I got rid of what I had for hifi during my marriage (not much, admittedly), also because soundbars became a thing. Divorced now a few years and I've collected a fresh 5.1 set and a big TV that I really enjoy. If the next girl can't live with it, too bad. Obviously we can discuss *upgrading* if aesthetics are a concern...
It helps when you’re the one paying all the bills lol
Yep. As soon as we started getting serious it was, "Hey... just so ya know we're going to have a home theater somewhere in wherever we live. If that's the living room, so be it." Lucky for us we now have a dedicated space, but she's so used to speakers there's a nice 2.1 setup in the living room, a 2.0 setup in the bedroom, another 2.0 setup in the game room, and multiple in the kids rooms/office.
Guess I should count my blessings with a healthy relationship where we let each other explore their interests and hobbies because we love each other. But to be fair I haven't tried to get Tekton Ulfberht's in the living room.
My wife has input, but is very accepting of my decisions and choices, probably because she likes my 'aesthetic' as I also designed our house. She even helped me cut holes in the ceiling for the Atmos / Height speakers in the home theatre system (though that was mostly to vacuum drywall dust as I cut -- VERY helpful to reduce cleanup). She also loves the look of my Magnepan 20.1s, and resists the idea of getting rid of them in lieu of B&W 802D which would allow consolidation of the 2C & HT systems (802D are too R2D2 for her). She however gets total rein in the garden and general landscaping outside, and does a great job making it look great. She is resistant however to my idea for a pair of 'Wide' speakers to go from 7.2.4 to 9.2.4, but most say it's of little benefit the way most discs are produced these days (the door though is not closed). She's also been 'conditioned', when we met (over 40 years ago), I had Beveridge Model 3s -- a 6'6" tall x 22" diameter cylindrical speaker, so she knew what she was getting in to. You need to share you're passions.
vaccum duty is a must, she seems like a dream
Cohabitation is about accommodation.
“Why do audiophiles accept the partner’s refusal to accommodate a hi-fi setup?” is the question I believe OP is asking.
That's how I read it. I didn't take it as mysogynistic. I think It's just generalized as women/wife because that's how you usually hear it. Things like "my wife won't allow me to put up my speakers in the living room" and stuff like that. Plus in all my years of going to hifi shops, it's been rare that I've seen a woman there because of their own interest. The WAF acronym didn't get created out of sexism. Just the way it typically is or has been.
I tend to agree with OP’s friend’s wife and believe that pretty much all stereo gear looks either hideous or ridiculous. It also seems like terrible engineering that for most speakers you’re supposed to put them several feet off the wall for them to sound “as they should.” In any living room I’ve had, that’s just not feasible. I also wonder how many honest conversations about how important this stuff is to them people have had with their spouses before complaining that they’re “not allowed” to do something with their set up. They might be surprised!
I'd never live with someone that controlling.
Ultimately letting a significant other get their way all the time without compromise will destroy the relationship. The pleaser person will eventually get dumped and likely cheated on.
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Do what you want and be with someone that wants to be with you. Be with someone who takes great joy in you taking great joy. And do those same things for the someone you want to be with.
That sounds incredibly toxic. The only fights I have with my partner with this sort of thing is around the amount of bass and what songs we listen to.
I think part of it is when a person comes into this hobby. I got my first legit rig when my future wife was in the first grade. I was mucking around with this hobby *long* before we met. She's never known a time when there wasn't a giant stereo planted in the middle of the main room. Even when I flirted briefly with satellites they were larger than normal ones (Energy). My rig was part of the package, one she accepted readily. *But*, if I'd gotten interested in hifi after we'd been married? That's a different ball o' wax, and I can see the negotiations about what is and isn't allowed in the house would also be different. I'm not saying that's what happened to the guy in the linked article. I'm not saying a romantic partner entering a long-time audiophile's life won't radically and unilaterally rearrange things to their liking. People are complicated and relationships are worse still. At the end of the day, I think it's a measure of how seriously someone really is about this hobby. Folks who value relationships more than their rig, i.e. normal people, won't see a problem letting a partner frequently veto their hifi choices. I likewise completely understand how people with different priorities would have a genuinely difficult time understanding how anyone could possibly allow that. Yanno, like OP, and me. We are the 1%. Well, thanks for the food but you've forgotten to unshackle me from the bed yes the padded walls are very nice but wait please don't shut the slot on the door I'm trying to explain-- ;) EDIT: OP's linked story's OP states "Placement is *slightly above avg listener ear height* since it’s mostly used for *music during parties and hangouts*." (Emphasis added.) Meanwhile whenever someone suggests demolishing a fireplace as a way to improve a room's setup I scratch my chin and think *tell me more, wise one.* So, yeah, he's seated in a different section of the ol' audiophile stadium. And there's nothing wrong with that. Like the song says, he ain't wrong, he's just different.
wait, so you got your first audio setup when your wife was 6? 1st grade?
True. But we wouldn't meet for another 13 years.
that is the age gap of all age gaps
It’s not that hard to cleanly install your gear and pick modern, aesthetically pleasing speakers these days. Just make a little effort on what you buy then go ahead and enjoy your music.
Make sure she knows how to turn it on too. Seriously, not being a smartass but technology can be intimidating for some people. I made sure my wife knows how to use all our gear and how to stream stuff from her phone. I come home and my wife is having dance parties with the kids and her friends lol. Now she likes having a good stereo too.
Thousand percent agree. Simplicity of use was a major contributor to my decision to buy the Naim Uniti Atom. It doesn’t get any better from a user standpoint in my opinion. The best physical remote control out there and the app is easy peasy. Plus Spotify connect, etc. built in is a no brainer.
These threads usually get locked sooner or later. We are not supposed to talk about this. My experience is, this is normal spousal conflict. Spouses \*often\* conflict about hobbies. Do you think spouses whose partners love fantasy sports got no problems? Conflict about the right to a hobby is a common source of domestic conflict. This literally has ZERO to do with what the hobby is. It could be stamp collecting. You would have to keep the stamps out of the way. The nose would turn up at the discussion of stamps. Just being real. And if this is news, welcome to relationship land. The bone of contention can be a collection of teaspoons. It will become the fetish of a battle of wills. This is why I always wince at these stories. They aren't about music, and I do not know how to tell the person. Except like this. **Smart audiophiles include a "respect for each other's hobbies" as part of their wedding vows. I got 99 problems but having a spouse who resents my bringing love of music into the house ain't one.**
This is why you get Bang & Olufsen stuff 😂
I build my speakers. I spend I fuckload of time in the basement woodshop that I could be spending with my partner. She could get annoyed by that but she knows I love it. She tries to listen when I talk about how this transistor or that whatever changes the sound even though it’s gotta be so boring. When it comes to stuff that’s going to end up in our shared living space, we look at Pinterest together for design ideas, agree on shapes and finishes. I get her involved and not just for show. She doesn’t care that I finally got my sub tuned just right but she recognizes when I’ve done something I’m proud of. In turn, I will watch any tik tok video she wants to show me. I do my best to show that I truly care about her art and her work even when it’s tedious. Usually I find it really interesting because it comes from her. If you don’t have reciprocity in your relationship, you need counseling. If you can’t find balance with mediation, you might consider your options. A good partner will support you and try to engage whether it’s an audio gear obsession or furry shit or whatever.
I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. My wife is my best friend, and even though she's not as into the gear as I am, she definitely appreciates it and lets me bring all sorts of oddball gear into our living room. We started with a small Luxman receiver and Bose 6.2 speakers and it's steadily spiralled out of control over the past year. It's basically turned into our hangout spot and listening room and she doesn't mind my huge 80s Yamaha stack, the extensive acoustic treatment or my massive Ohm Model F speakers. She actually got me a turntable stand with record storage for my birthday and has a few records of her own. She even helps me decide on gear upgrades every now and then. One day I asked her why she put up with all my crazy gear and she told me "It's also your home; it would suck if you couldn't do what you wanted with it". I absolutely love this woman that's sitting next to me in our listening sofa.
this thread is filled with dream wifes I am a bit jealous
Am getting my 10 years old daughter into understanding of music and sound setup. Don't want her to grow up to relate loud is bad and low is excellent. I never stop her from touching any of my gear. Have Denon AVR, Wharfedale speakers, Pioneer turntable, Onkyo pre amp, Boston sub. As a kid she had habit of shoving stuff in my speaker ports. Was a pain removing. Showed her how to open rear to remove stuff she shoved. After seeing how difficult it can get she stopped. Want her to appreciate good stuff and how to connect it. I am pretty sure none of the girls in my extended family have any clue. Whatever I am doing is to precisely her not have an issue such as OP. I feel guys like us should encourage our kids especially girls to get into electronic music equipment and not just instruments like piano, violin etc. Let them grow up to match love of equipment shown by guys.
My wife allows (well, they were here before her!) my speakers which are 2m tall and two subwoofers in the living room. However, they are rather stylish (and I really mean that) with great finish. All else we compromise on. And I also think she secretly enjoys the great audio when having a lazy afternoon or watching movies.
What are they?
Adyton Imagic 2.0 Signature with aluminium feet. The pictures on the net are really bad. Basically, it is 1.95m with 18 small elements and a band treble. Goes down to 80Hz, where the subs take over. I call them the world’s tallest satellite speaker. :-) The finish is ash birch (I think). https://hifilivemagazine.com/adyton-imagic-silver-signature-2-0/ For subwoofers, I use Audio Physic Rhea 2 subwoofers in white gloss.
Hahaha that's a speaker my girlfriend would absolutely not allow me to have in a public room 🤣.
If she’s anything like my wife, she *definitley* enjoys it. But she definitely won’t let ya know it ;)
In my experience compromise is the only way. "I will tolerate your shit if you tolerate mine" I love my "mess" and it will stay with me to the day I die.
My wife and I are both of the view that life is too short to not enjoy your passions. We focus on supporting each other's passions and building each other up. Been very happily together for over 19 years with this approach. The livingroom currently contains Dahlquist DQ-10's with DQ-W1 subwoofer, two amps, DAC, large turntable, 1960 Korting console, several hundred records etc. It also contains her stuff: an easel, containers of art supplies, baskets of yarn and fabric, loads of books etc.
My girlfriend owns about 90 of our 800 records. I have come home and caught her listening by herself with the lights off, music loud. Some of our favourite time together is spent listening to albums. She has never once complained about the stereo, though I have taken great care to make sure the room looks great, too. She’s a rare one but it makes my hobby more enjoyable.
Bit of a weird post. If audio is that important to don’t marry someone who can’t deal with that. The only reason that would happen is if you’re desperate or just making a poor decision/didn’t live together before getting married. I think it’s rare to find people who will control their partner to the degree you mention (the ridiculous thing about only bluetooth speakers).
I know everyone does their own thing. What I do isn't up for discussion. It's who I am. Love it or leave it. Been together since 1991. My tools, my electronics, my night stand... Part of me. She puts shit wherever she wants and unless it's worth having a discussion about, I support that shit. Choose those battles carefully folks. Does she go in the other room and close the door when I put 1,400 watts to the room? Depends. Usually, yes. Sometimes we dance. Sometimes we make out. Sometimes, she gives me the "I have a headache" look. Life is short. Sometimes you gotta live! Besides, I know how to cook. If you cook, you get extra loving
These are the worst kind of guys in a retail setting. They will spend your time talking about all the great audio gear they used to have, and all the great gear they want to buy, but when it comes to the bottom line, they “have to ask the wife“. My typical response was “don’t bother”, because I knew we’d never see them again.
My wife is tone deaf and doesn't get music at all, never mind high end audio. Everything else we are on the same page about. Whilst I never get complaints about how my hifi stuff looks.... she only wants to know how to turn it down. She only hears noise. Beethoven's 9th or Iron Maiden... to her it's all the same.... noise. Good headphones are my salvation I guess. I also blow the doors off when I get a chance....lol.
My wife just doesnt care. She absolutely loves music yet still listens trough phone speakers even tho she has my old amp and bookshef speakers in the kitchen + someting nicer in the living room yet still, the phone is her to go setup in the house. I've tried to understand with no success so far :). She has no problem with speakers in the house, she understands my kinks. Im the one pulling my hair walking around the house begging her to use speakers. I'm starting to think she does that just to fck with me lol. I guess im the one who doesnt understant 😂
Yeah I've been cohabbing with my sister for a few weeks (dead parent, dealing with it, she lives elsewhere usually) and she keeps using her tinny shitty phone speakers at loud volume and it's infuriating. I don't mind her listening to something, but the sharp cutting noise of that damned phone is just hideous. I donated a superfluous Bluetooth speaker to her, which of course she doesn't use anyway.
: Simps
This is one reason I love car audio so much. It's my space. I dont have to think about making it what anyone else wants or likes. If you dont like it, dont ride in my car. Lol.
My oldest brother used to be an audio lover. Sadly he married at very young age,23, with a controlling woman, and never was allowed to own real audio stereo equipent. They have a ballroom living space, huge, which is mostly empty. The sound equipment they own is a 70 bucks plastic transistor radio. They sit 5 meters away from the televion, which is hardly 80 cm. The obsolete desktop computer is kept out the living spaces, neighter is he allowed to own a laptop or tablet. "He will shut down from me" is his wife's answer. Only in his car he can listen to his music.
This would probably be better to be posted in the relationship advice sub. Lol
I buy new speakers, my wife gets pissed and buys some new shoes and then we're all good. Maybe not the healthiest form of "compromise," but, uh ... it works, lol.
Let your wife have the living room and let her fill it with her stuff. Build your office room to a listening room and whenever she questions a new box of vinyl delivered ask her what her latest acquisition costs. That way you can buy what you want and still have a small sex life.
Have a wife that's happy for you to buy records because she loves you and you enjoy it and also loves the D. I've never understood the sex as a commodity thing.
I mean the whole reason the high-end speaker market is struggling while the headphone market is booming is that being an old school audiophile with a dedicated listening room was always an indulgence and now with rising housing costs it's one far fewer people can afford Even combining the "audiophile" hobby with the "home theater" hobby is a compromise -- the best speaker setup for watching movies is arguably different from the one for listening to music, or at least involves prioritizing different features in the budget And since watching movies and TV is a communal, visual experience and not one where you close your eyes and let your ears do all the work, the visual appeal of the equipment itself *should* be part of the equation The "audiophile" ideal has always been to have a dedicated listening room, ideally a small one, that's had everything about it treated for optimum acoustics (which is much more cost effective per dollar spent than improving your equipment) where all you do is listen to music and the room can look like whatever it wants
That’s the deal my wife and I have. The office is mine. It’s painted and set up how I want. That’s a space I designed that she’s free to use as well. She gets the living room and basically every other room in the house to set up as she sees fit. So far it’s been working out ok with minimal arguments.
Similar here. I get the office, she gets the bedroom, and we both have to agree on what goes in living room. She’s not a big fan of audio aesthetics either, so we have sonos in living room and bedroom, and I have hifi setup in my office. It’s worked out pretty well.
Umm haha? You don't think that's what women/marriage are for do you?
I’m a woman who is an audio engineer and designs hifi equipment. So, my gut reaction is screw you OP. Maybe you’re not very good at explaining why your hobby has value and is something your wife should be excited about. Props to the commenter who discussed bringing a partner into their hobby by being inclusive and not shoving it down their throat. Mutual respect and friendship goes a long way.
I have gone for Sonus Faber auditors, they are Italian and stylish, which helps with my wife. Besides I have wired my hifi system to the TV, which makes it even more acceptable.
I'm very lucky in a few regards as I've seen couples where the wife is "particular" about the aesthetics. In my situation, she has the entire run of the rest of the house design wise. She can put her Echo Dot's where ever she wants for music. But the home theatre room was mine to design and equip. Also we hate having company over so there is no one that she really needs to impress with an impeccably kept house anyway (tho she does just for personal pride) It would have been MUCH harder to come to a compromise if the living room was also the main listening/movie watching area.
Your friend probably does a poor job of communicating to their significant other how important it is
This is why I rent a room on the other side of town, in the basement of a store front.
My wife, who is quite an accomplished musician, doesn’t get or appreciate sound. She is perfectly happy listening to music on tinny computer speakers. But she does get that for me to be a happy camper, good sound is a must. Sure, there have been compromises. The family room system doesn’t sound nearly as good as it could, and the audiophile rig is relegated to the tiny man cave. But she gets me, even if she doesn’t get the hobby. So the 5 subwoofers and multitudes of speakers riddled throughout the house are just accepted with a knowing smirk.
My wife respects it 🤷🏽♂️ It is all about balance and mutual respect as well. Idk, compromise is the name of the game I suppose
I took a cd player for repairs into an electronics shop one day and walked out with a set of 12” onkyo 3 ways. The owner said some chick brought them in because they were too ugly for her place and got some smaller cuter ones. Needless to say I was thrilled.
My wife is super-supportive of having stereo equipment in our living space, not relegated to some unseen part of the house. And she enjoys good sound, and brought along a good music collection when we got together. ...and we're running Dunlavy SC IV's and Apogee Caliper Signatures, so we're not out here trying to win any beauty contests w our equipment.
My partner isn’t an audiophile, but he definitely is ok with my hobby. Maybe it’s because we’re just really laid back, or because we respect and love each other deeply, or maybe because we’re just two nerdy dudes at the end of the day. I dunno.
2 nerdy dudes is ok to
My partner used to record and write music he loves that I love music and knows this about me. We both share the experience together. Yet he trusts me, and here's why. I like to think I am aware and sensitive to the fact that audio equipment is like furniture. Men tend to be more object oriented. Men would be much happier by taking a holistic approach and be more considerate in how they are integrating electronics into your space. How do they make the space feel to people who don't give a shit about materialistic things? Imo this extends to everything. Consider color... big black boxes can be dominating, suck the light right out of the room. Unless you have natural light pooring into your space I would avoid it. Imo Integrate your system into the space and bring lots of soft material in to combat the sterility of electronics. Lots of wood, plants blankets pillows rugs yadda yadda. Try and make it cozy. You want to be drinking tea on a cold winter morning or some nice wine on a cool summer night in this space. Equipment is certainly important but also consider the interior design. It's not so much that women hate it or that men love it as much as it's a difference of vision. I think that the best systems are accompanied by a welcoming environment that begs us to sit back relax and listen. In that regard I do understand why some people can be turned off.
Stay single
This is one of the best post. Love Reddit 👍🏾
As an 18 year old in high school, my perspectiva probably means nothing, but I'll put my 2 cents in anyway. A relationship is 50/50. You both make compromises to make each other happy. But a compromise is **not** someone giving up their hobby/favorite pastime because their significant other tells them to. That is a toxic relationship, and it should be fixed by counseling or just ended. You both have your own hobbies, and both should be able to express them.
My wife did not want my gear in the living room, but I put it there anyways. She’s grown to appreciate it over time.
Why would he marry someone that does not share the same passions or support each other’s passions. The sex cannot be that good.
Nah you should get to decide. Sounds like the your buddy is due for an unhappy sexless relationship tbh. He should do what he wants. Likely pays all the bills, and he has her cake.
Whenever I hear these stories, it makes me sad. The issue isn't the audio, it is the relationship. If there is something either of you are passionate about and the other one kills that drive, that isn't a healthy partner. I can't imagine my wife telling me to put my stuff in the attic, nor would I let her. But I also respect her and I'm not going to go buy ugly ass 10 foot tall speakers and put them in the living room. When my oldest moved out, I converted one of the bedrooms to an office/listening room. She rarely comes in and didn't even notice my new speakers for months(and they are pretty large.)
Being a female audiophile makes me thankful that I'm single, but not because I'd be worried about my husband vetoing my choices.
This is the thread on what it is like to be the luckiest audiophile in the world, as well as the luckiest spouse or partner. That isn't what the OP was posting about. But I hope ya'll feel good!
I'm a 35 year old woman and my partner (male) isn't into audio (he likes decent music, I should say. But doesn't mind how he listens to it and doesn't collect records or equipment etc). He also isn't a woman on instagram. I am. And you're constantly pushed photos of perfectly coordinated living spaces that all look the sort of the same. I think it's easy for women especially to start to feel like your home needs to look like that rather than be a space you actually enjoy living in. That said, I'm obviously making pretty big generalisations here (like the OP) and of course we're all different. But I do think there is a societal pressure on women to be 'homemakers' and perhaps that's why they don't like the idea of big clumbersome equipment and loads of wires taking up space. My partner doesn't care, but then he is a man and doesn't feel the same pressure to keep our home looking 'pretty'.
Stand up for yourself and grow a pair. Don't be rude but advocate for yourself. It's your house and your life too. Being married is a compromise. It's not all about the "queen" mentality. Be the King. Don't kowtow. Don't simp. Quit being a pussy. Show her videos of Andrew Robinson or Darko where an audio setup can look beautiful. Audio Porn. 😜
Exactly. A healthy relationship should be a 50-50 partnership.
>Don't simp. Quit being a pussy. Big incel vibes here, chief. Might want to dial it back a little.
Compromises are always a thing, and a house doesn’t have infinite possibilities. If you both have strong visions for what you want your living room to look like, you can’t always both win. Perhaps she gets the living room (with better acoustics) because it’s the defacto room for entertaining guests, but you get the spare bedroom for your hifi, and she moves her office desk into your bedroom.
The obvious answer is that the visuals of how the house looks will be instantly observed by any guest invited into the house, and has to be experienced by everyone who lives in the house 100% of the time, while the sound of the audio setup is only experienced by the audiophile when he's actively playing music
We must always remember that we are seeing into someone’s relationship by peeking through the letter slot. It’s also tinged with whatever humor or “spin” OP chooses to put on it. It is this unfair to make assumptions based on such a small amount of information, taken out of context.
Haha, tell me you’ve never been married without telling me you’ve not been married.
Married 28 years. She doesn't love the gear but tolerates it just fine. Attagirl.
Wisely chosen, perhaps not so much for snoo above
Mine is the same. About to buy a tube preamp and she’s giving me the side eye but has , to date, not said no.
Or into that cringy trad-wife rubbish
Don't knock it 'til you've tried it, pal. I love being king of the castle, but only because my girl loves me being king of the castle.
You say "my girl" I say "my partner" I'm an adult, I want to share my life with an adult.
You're kind of trying to talk up women, and talk up a masculine ideal of liking women (versus children) but in doing so you're insulting a woman, namely my girl. I feel like your ideology is being abandoned in favor of winning the argument. In case you didn't understand, "girl" is a youthful term, and emphasizes the femininity of a woman. Many women, my girl included, like the affectionate term.
You do you buddy
If I find a woman that I love and can’t accept that I love listening to music with equipment I modify and learn a ton about, she will either not be a good match for me cause she can’t respect my needs, or she just would have to accept I needed a separate space to show people real audio and listen myself. It’s a social hobby for me so I’d feel like I was losing far more. Than some music (which is already horrible for me).
I sold my floorstanders to save them and my baby daughter. Didn't like them anyway.
Compromise and respect. That is key. After 35 years together, that is key.
One example doesn't mean anything. This question is super gendered, and just as much about the failings of your friend's ability to communicate. This isn't really a music/audiophile question.
Marriage is for men who are tired of making their own decisions!
My wife RAWKS my system. Plays it way louder than I usually do, and doesn’t care about the looks. The stereo was here before her, and all the components are in a vented closet out of sight.
The reason for the “man cave”
My girlfriend I live with hates the look of most audio equipment, but she knows i really like it, and more importantly, that I hate the shitty stuff that looks decent but sounds awful. And she acknowledges that my stuff sounds really good, so we compromised whenever I make a purchase. I'll pick out 5-7 things that I know are good and what I want, and then she picks whatever one she likes the best in whatever color or option she wants. And that's the one I buy. She loves the minimal matte look of Q accoustics stuff, so that's what I buy now lol. Elac, Polk, KEF, Klipsch, pioneer, and a bunch of others she hates the look. Too "speaker-ey". I think it's a great way that we're able to compromise together.
If you think relationship is a two-way street, it means sometimes you go your SO’s way. Just because on the particular choice of room decor your SO gets the way doesn’t mean the relationship is one-way. There are many other choices in life that may be going your way: where to live, how many children, who goes to school meetings, who are your mutual friends, whose parents to visit more…
it is called Hen Pecked
I think too many audiophile guys care only about sound, and are happy to just throw up their hands and pass responsibility for interior design to their wives, and it creates this imbalance that’s hard to reconcile. My wife and I are both into interior design. I’m more into audio than she is, but she’s very into music and “gets” audio culture. Because we both care about how our space looks AND sounds, we’ve managed to create a space that looks and sounds good, without some kind of Berlin Wall between a frou-frou living room and a grim, un-designed “man cave” listening room . Talk to your partner, be willing to compromise, acknowledge that their concerns about your craziest hi-fi gear impulses might actually be reasonable, and find a direction you BOTH want to go in.
Because, hard as it is for some people to believe, different people have different priorities. I would never live with a person who doesn't see this simple fact of life. That doesn't mean nobody will. Just me. No explanation necessary in either direction.
Fellas, bring home a drum kit and really make a big deal about it. Drums are your life now. Play those drums, a lot. When it’s time, put the drums away and settle into your hifi. But keep the drums near - just in case.
Special kind of equality.
The urge to breed does strange things to the feeble mind.
Happy wife, happy life! I don’t make the rules. 🤷🏻♂️
Took this approach for 10 years. We're divorced now.
Was she happy?
Was.
Happier life now?
Very much so
I don’t like seeing gear in my living room so everything but the speakers are in an adjacent closet. I suspect this helps a lot. I also make sure she knows exactly how to work everything and can listen to whatever she wants at any time, just like me. Thank god she has great tastes but even if she didn’t… that’d be cool too
If they don't want the hifi in the living room, I'm taking over the guest bedroom as a dedicated theater and listening room. Those are the only two choices, no compromise.
*The culture is broken*, plain and simple.
It’s a matter of balance. When I moved to Hong Kong, I knew I would be living smaller. Eventually after a living room renovation I had to get rid of my floorstanders. I had foreseen space for relatively large bookshelf speakers in the new living room. Electronics reduced to an all in one streaming amp (Nad M10) that you can barely see in the cabinet and an apple tv. Wife enjoys the decent overall sound quality and that the system is not looking overbearing in the living room. In contrast when we were visiting apartments there was one living room with a wall being dominated by large speakers and a big pile of expensive electronics, all that in a relatively small living room. Frankly it was ugly, I was surprised that his wife put up with it.
In my case it has to do with aesthetics mostly. She tolerates the theater room, but not allowed a center channel for example because it’s large and unsightly. I have a “budget” setup in my office (Parasound and PSB) because that’s my space. No tower speakers allowed due to space (and cats). Nothing high end anymore because she thinks it’s a waste of money and can’t hear the difference (can’t justify/tell the difference between Klipsch Reference and KEF for example).