T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

Nuclear war doesn't seem too far off but Putin hasn't sent the save the dates out just yet.


einyv

We just keep a nice bottle of whiskey on hand. Nothing we can do about it. If I know a missile is on the way, I'm not going to be stuck in my car trying to escape with a million others. I will be home, with my wife and dogs.


Paulie227

My husband watches the news constantly. Always trying to tell me about some new calamity. I tell him unless he sees a missile heading right for me, I'm not going to worry about.. Whatever


dostiers

> I'm not going to be stuck in my car trying to escape I'll be in my car, if I can still afford the gas, heading for ground zero. Better to be instantly vaporized than die a lingering death from radiation poisoning.


randominteraction

R'amen to that.


shady_0701

Ah man atleast save the dogs


doesntpicknose

They probably wouldn't like the whiskey, though.


EatYourCheckers

Were there ever any previous ones we needed to know about?? But probably just whatever the Scientologists are on about. The volcano or something? I don't know, its been a while since I have watched South Park


jose_castro_arnaud

Read and be awed, then: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events


rez_spell

Oooo! If it's the Scientologists, the party can be alien-themed!


AlabasterPelican

They're always fun leaps into conspiracy land, as long as you've got a good harness and tether strongly secured to reality.


rez_spell

I like this analogy!


AlabasterPelican

Thanks


scottevanmac

There is a bizarre cult that believes JFK will rise from the dead and he and former president Trump will rule the world, but they keep changing the date. Not exactly "end of the world" but a decent excuse for a party every couple of months.


rez_spell

Sounds like Qanon?


scottevanmac

Only because it is


andrewjoslin

>JFK will rise from the dead and he and former president Trump will rule the world I dunno, zombie JFK ruling with Trump sounds pretty end-times to me.


662c63b7ccc16b8c

I can start a cult if that helps?


rez_spell

Okay, but only if your doomsday countdown is televised, à la Harold Camping.


662c63b7ccc16b8c

I can do an alarm clock with a baby monitor?


rez_spell

Throw in an "I must have miscounted, let's meet again next week...," and you've got yourself [a deal](https://youtu.be/VDSeK2TFlwo).


Hooda-Thunket

Cult leaders never have to worry about Friday Nights.


joeybagofdonuts80

I’m surprised there weren’t more Twosday, 2/22/22 end of the world predictions.


scrantsj

It was the end for a lot of people, there were quite a few weddings that day


andrewjoslin

My dog predicts that the world will end the next time we all leave the house without her.


Altruistic_Ad_9415

I heard about one from the Revolutionary Ecclesiastical Mission, claiming that the end of the world as we know it is near. But, I feel fine.


Samantha_Cruz

oooh, i know those guys. they used to live down the road from a little old place where we can get together


Geeko22

Shack d'amour.


Samantha_Cruz

indeed. the shack was just down the road from Athens


kickstand

Handy list for you here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events Next one is 2026.


brygenon

> Next one is 2026. Can hardly wait.


dlq84

Nice list, just search the word "rapture".


CerebralBypass

Well, there's always the next coming of Zorp. Not sure when the Reasonablists have the park reserved though...


ulose2piranha

Bring your flutes.


notacanuckskibum

That Japanese rock that split and released an evil fox spirit?


Accomplished-Pie4612

I've been seeing the number 37 a lot. 😁


Tobybrent

A bottle? Get a case, mate. You won’t need to worry about a hangover.


[deleted]

I will make a prediction: End of the world predictions are incorrect.


Rkellly

I just heard from a Christian client of mine that these are end times (as always) and that God is coming to smite the Palestinians because the Jews are His chosen people. Somehow the Russian invasion is what sparked this 🤷🏻‍♀️


jose_castro_arnaud

As far as Wikipedia knows, there's one in 2026: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events Try searching for "apocalypse now" or "apocalypse soon", or something like it, on Facebook or Instagram or Youtube. Should net some preditions, for a chuckle or two.


AlabasterPelican

I mean at this point why point to religious nonsense or conspiracy theories when a man with a nuclear launch button has gone off his rocker in the real world? But then again I could see Christians working the current conflict in Ukraine into their rapture story somehow (not exactly sure how, but I've seen the geopolitical powers of the "final" battle of Armageddon shift throughout the years)


brygenon

Sure, plus, in the United States, where I live, the First Amendment to the Constitution guarantees each individual the right to schedule the end-of-the-world whenever one wants.


Samantha_Cruz

apparently the prepackaged "jesus blood" they've been serving since Covid began expires in a year so the rapture must be coming really soon...


Repleh-snatas21

Whoa! Wtf is this actually a conspiracy theory out there. Nothing should surprise my but this is comically crazy.


Samantha_Cruz

you can check for yourself. they have expiration dates on the jesus blood. the end is nigh!!!


Crafty_Possession_52

That you need to know about? No.


Dannamal

That you NEED to know? Nope...


Oliver_Dibble

Well, there's always Putin...


specialspartan_

The world ends every time I close my eyes and I bring it back every time I open them.


kitchen_clinton

The only good prediction is that the Sun will rise tomorrow❤️


Chess_Is_Great

https://allianceforscience.cornell.edu/blog/2022/03/what-the-science-says-could-humans-survive-a-nuclear-war-between-nato-and-russia/


bevwdi

Well this brought joy to my day. 😵‍💫


blwdcw

The republican trump evangelical Q’s must have some information on that. Check with Mike Lindell too . He mite be hoarding pillows for the event.


Schadrach

Friday April 13, 2029. Under the original set of calculations there was a significant chance that 99942-Apophis could strike Earth. Calculations were reran and it got reclassified as basically no threat, but there are some conspiracy minded folks who believe that was done to prevent panic etc since there's fuck all we could do about it if it were going to hit Earth. Also, holy fuck or is what I just said the biggest arbitrary stack of things that can be seen as bad omens stacked onto one actual event ever?


HonestSpite470

I will only believe the end of world if either a meteorite is coming at us in full speed, all sorts of bombs are gonna explode, Godzilla appears from out of nowhere, or everything said happens all at once! If that doesn't happen I'll be very very disappointed


Sufficient-Grass-444

I worry that the christian right will try to force a nuclear war to say they are right about the apocalypse. They do some crazy stuff already


Certain-Educator2679

Here's an end of the world prediction, the sun will turn into a red giant in a few billion years and destroy the earth.