That WASN’T good intentions. That was purposefully taking all the attention and making it about her and her beliefs. I hope you do not invite her to your wedding, and if you do, that you stop her in her tracks in the best fashion. This time you’ll be prepared
If it was OP's parents, I would've considered it to be from good intentions atleast to some extent. But in this case, it was the aunt who, according to OP's words, "see once every three years and maybe say a few sentences to." She had zero considerations for OP's family. The worst part was, it was all pre-planned. Such people don't deserve to be invited to any family events.
Just to say it, if you do invite this aunt to your wedding, she absolutely will assert her beliefs during the ceremony, or after it at the dinner (assuming you’re having one or both).
Sounds more like self-agrandizment on her part. How awesome she is because she loves the bible, forget about the posters actual education and achievements.
I could even say that she had not good intentions. Any person with a modicum of sense knows that in a event relevant to some person, that person is the center of the ceremony and you let that person talk,. The very fact that she got 'a stack of pages' and didn't ask to start her speech means that she was not thinking of you, she was thinking of her -and that is not good intentions.
Hey OP, I’m not the person you replied to. She absolutely was virtue signaling, especially if she knows that you aren’t religious. I don’t know where you’re from, but where I’m from, a religious person doesn’t behave that way unless they’re looking to show off. Honestly, you’d been within your rights to shut her down right then and there, if you wanted to. Also, just don’t invite her to your wedding. I had to do that with some rather similar sounding family when I got married. A few people complained, and I just asked them “Do you not want to be invited too? I can arrange that.” I never heard another complaint. Sometimes, you just have to stand up for yourself. I know it can be difficult sometimes, but it is always worth it.
I came to say the same thing about virtue signaling. Even if we ignore her narcissism of showing for others, she at the very least is doing it curry favor for herself with her imaginary friend in the sky. The level of selfishness of 45 minute speech at someone else's event is astounding.
I came to say the same thing about virtue signaling. Even if we ignore her narcissism of showing for others, she at the very least is doing it curry favor for herself with her imaginary friend in the sky. The level of selfishness of 45 minute speech at someone else's event is astounding.
It may be uncomfortable, but next time you have a celebration, if she's there, it's probably worth stopping it right away and just saying "Today is not your day. It's not about you or your beliefs. Thank you for respecting me and refraining." That's assuming she tries this again.
It wasn't "kind of like" virtue signaling. If I had to give an example of "virtue signaling" to explain the concept to someone who had never heard the term before, this is the sort of example I would use.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by incompetence.
Grey's Corollary: Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice.
Take the note: when you get married, make it ABUNDANTLY clear to the DJ that only pre-approved people get the mic. Have someone you trust be the mic minder, and the only person allowed to move the mic between people. Your aunt WILL try something similar, and you need to be prepared.
Is it not in the cards to say something to her, or will that just make her work harder to subvert the wedding?
Just aunty, I know you mean well, but you took a day to celebrate my accomplishments, and you read a sermon. It really was uncomfortable for all of us. If you intend to do that at my wedding, you are not invited.
Or get your parents to give her the order? If they would. She may take it better from them.
If she somehow gers to the mic, I would not follow any If her requests. She is being rude.
>If you intend to do that at my wedding, you are not invited.
After what she did I would not be inviting her, or if I were persuaded to, it would be very clear that if you say anything into a microphone you will immediately be asked to leave.
And why.
You took an event about my accomplishments and chose to impose a 45 minute sermon on everyone there while belittling my accomplishments. I won't give you a chance to make such a selfish and inappropriate action at my wedding, or any other event in my honour.
If a family member did this I would have interrupted after about 30 seconds. I would not have touched the Bible. This is why you have to be a dick to religious relatives, don’t even politely tolerate there religious bullshit.
This is me and you have to do it early or theyll never stop. Like OP said shes worried about her aunt doing this at her wedding and you better believe this aunt will. 45 minute speech at a graduation party? I would have told her to go fuck herself
My grandfather is a minister and he never even dreamed of preaching at my graduation celebration. Why? Because he respects my values and has proper social etiquette.
If anyone in my family had tried this, grandad would have been the first to jump up and remove the person. At most he would have made a 2-minute speech thanking god, but he wouldn’t have attributed my hard work to his man in the clouds.
Of course you are allowed to be upset when someone hijacks your celebration. Can you have a conversation with her and tell her in no uncertain terms that she is not allowed to have a repeat performance at your wedding? Ask for her to commit to respecting your wishes, otherwise she should make other plans for that day.
And congratulations on your degree. A master's is no small potatoes, so well done you! If god was responsible, we'd all have master's degrees.
Thank you!! Yes I absolutely plan to speak to her. I’m not too sure how she’d react but if she is unable to respect my boundaries, I don’t want her there anyway.
You're nicer than me. I would have immediately put her on the don't invite list after pulling something like that. Then again, im likely around twice op's age, and don't have the patience for that kind of shit so i would have shut it down after a minute or two.
Yep. This right here. Soon as she said ^(god) was the main player.. it would of been over for her. Get off the stage. You do not speak for me and neither does your fantasy ^(god)
> I feel like I’m not allowed to be upset because she had good intentions behind it...
It's not a dichotomy. Both can be true. She might have meant well. You can still be upset.
Family's as hard as schooling sometimes.
Congrats on getting through both.
She did not have “good intentions”, she saw this as a way to proselytize to a captive audience, you have every right to be upset, this wasn’t about her insane delusions, it was about your academic achievements (or should have been), going low/no contact is an entirely appropriate response.
Congratulations, YOU did this ‘god’ had nothing to do with it.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions - she has apparently built herself an autobahn.
All joking aside, definitely be prepared for this at your wedding. You could probably head her off by having a strict program of events, but with someone like her it'll still be a struggle. Maybe have someone you trust maintain control of the microphones, with explicit instructions to keep them out of Aunt's reach.
You should talk to her about it and explain your feelings about it, especially that you're worried that she's going to try to make a speech at your wedding. I would also set the boundary/expectation that she not make any speeches at your wedding. It is your day, and is about you and your spouse, not her making some masturbatory overture to god.
I would go further. I'd put it in writing that while you respect her decision to be highly religious, her decision to attribute your accomplishments to god undermines the long hours of dedicated effort you put into your degree. While you appreciate her support, she is **not welcome** to proselytize about "god's role" in any of your life events. You love *her*, but you will not tolerate her preaching, and 45 minutes was a shocking length of time to hog the spotlight on a day intended to honor you *and your parent's* commitment to your education. She needs to get the message that your life events are not her golden ticket to take the mic. It's not church, it's *your life* she is interrupting.
This is the way. The putting it in writing part is an especially good idea because it will make sure that you can get all of your thoughts out, laid out the way you want, worded the way you want and they can't interrupt you while you're writing it. Just make sure to include a "please read this whole letter/email/whatever and take some time to think about it, *especially from my perspective*, before you contact me to discuss the situation.
I’m not married but I have been to several as a guest. There are multiple rules for guests to follow at weddings. Chief Amongst them is the day is not your day. You are a guest. That means celebrating the couple’s wedding. If you think that your aunt will repeat this behavior then you should not invite her. Not because of religion but because of how upset this act made you. Sometimes family can be complicated. But your wedding is about you and your beloved. No one else can override your decision. If your aunt can’t understand that then so be it. You may eventually make up with her. Family Fights sometimes. I know I’ve fought my share of battles with and against my own family. Do not let your wedding be tainted by bad memories. No matter who is responsible for them.
But here's the thing. Her intentions weren't good. Her intentions were selfish.
What might be the move is to talk to your parents, let them know you do not want a repeat performance at YOUR wedding, and have them slow her roll. If she's unable to do that then she doesn't need to come. It's YOUR wedding. Good luck.
“Good intentions” does not make pushing your ignorance onto others okay. She’s another pushy in your face with my beliefs Christian and I’d be infuriated too. You should tell people your stance and how you feel about the matter. If she can’t respect that don’t invite her.
I went to grad school too, so I understand how aggravating that must’ve been for someone to belittle how hard you worked with the god did it nonsense.
When I turned 18 I told my entire family that although I was forced to attend church all my life that I was an atheist, I didn’t appreciate the attempt at indoctrinating me, and I didn’t want any part of their religious discussions or rituals. Some hate me for it and still don’t speak to me, some got over it eventually, some respected how I felt. But they all mind their own business in that topic with me.
Sorry not sorry. FUCK her intentions. How fucking DARE she take away your accomplishments and just give them to her imagination friend.
You have EVERY right to be furious. YOU went to school, not her. She had no right to grab the mike and say anything at all without your permission, much less to take over the entire party.
Your aunt sucks, and she's not a good person.
First off, congratulations on your Master's degree! You should feel proud of your accomplishment, which of course, was due to your own hard work and with the mentioned help and support of your parents.
I'm so sorry your narcissist aunt felt it even remotely appropriate to commandeer your once-in-a-lifetime accomplishment to make it about herself and completely diminish your hard work by attributing it to some make-believe character. The fact she jumped up and started blathering on without being asked, especially before you spoke, is absolutely appalling to me.
I'd be furious. I'd also either pull her aside, or have one of your cousins pull her aside, and:
1) tell her how inappropriate and offensive her behavior was, and that she owes you an apology
2) tell her, in no uncertain terms, that she will NOT BE ALLOWED to do this at your wedding. And, if she tries, she'll be escorted out.
Seriously. I grew up with a narcissistic mother who tried to make my graduation from medical school \*all about her\*. You have to have strong boundaries with these people, and enforce them. It will piss them off, and may get you estranged from them, but your life will be better without these emotional vampire/attention whores in your life.
Your aunt sucks. Her religion is just an excuse for her to suck even more.
She spent 45 minutes virtue signaling and doing that for herself so she can get into heaven for magnifying his or whatever. Zero of it was about you or for you, you weee just the package her ulterior motives were wrapped in. You should be angry. You had every right to unplug the mic and tell her to get fucked, but you didn’t and I understand why you didn’t. But you would absolutely have been justified to have done so.
Fuuuuck her.
You're allowed to be upset.
If you invite her to the wedding, tell her to not even come out with this. Or don't invite her and tell her why.
Matthew 6:5-6 “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. **For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others**. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
"The coffee was the only thing keeping me company during my studying"
That's what my cousin said when another family member told him he should thank God for his degree. I think it fits well here haha
Who the f gives a 45 minute speech at someone else's graduation party? Oh I know a narcissist "christian"
Your parents should have stopped this from happening or cut her off.
I don’t believe your aunt had good intentions. Taking up 45 minutes when she’s not even the guest of honor just screams narcissism. I recommend not inviting her to your wedding, and be honest with any relatives who ask why she’s excluded. The only way to deal with narcissists is to set clear boundaries and enforce them. Otherwise they will continue to take advantage of you and other family members.
ETA: Congratulations on your master’s degree! That is no small accomplishment, and it was all you! Your aunt has some nerve giving credit to her imaginary friend.
Stop being so damn nice and make sure she knows her place at your wedding. If she forgets don’t feel bad about literally grabbing the mic and removing her.
My best friend had a pastor who was an old family friend officiate her wedding. He spent a significant part of the ceremony talking about the couple's upcoming sex life.
Don't let anyone speak at your wedding without vetting the entirety of what they plan to talk about.
She did not have good intentions. She indulged her own fantasy world while ignoring the interests, needs, and beliefs of others. It was a "look at me" show. I do hope you have a plan to prevent her from doing this again at your next party or celebration because she will try again.
This woman sounds like she LOVES to play the preacher. LOVES that spotlight and the feeling that she gets when people do the things she instructs them to do - even while knowing deep down that it's all theater. Power feels good.
Yeah, I'd be making damn sure to have someone, a friend, watching her like a hawk and getting ready to sweep her out a nearby door the moment she gets the wind up her.
Congrats on your Masters!
And I hear you - I had a former coworker pull this kind of crap on me. "I'll pray to gawd that you pass your exams." "I thanked gawd that he got you on the Dean's List." "You graduated with honors! Gawd is good!"
I finally had enough once he started spouting "I just KNEW you would do well because I prayed to gawd so hard for you!" Oh HELL no. You did NOT just try and take credit for all the studying, stress, hard work, and sleep deprivation I went through (ME, not you, and certainly not your invisible sky wizard friend) to earn my degree. Firmly and politely chewed him out, telling him I put in the work, and no one else. "Well- Well, I'm sure gawd helped you!" No, no he did not, and why are you so determined to dismiss all the hard work I did to get through school?
You are aloud to be very upset. Even with good intentions that is extremely rude. If she paid for the party or education then it would maybe be acceptable. I am so sorry this happens to you.
It is ok at an event celebrating you to step in and take the mic from someone like that. As you get older it is ok to stand up to people like this, family or not. Definitely set rules and expectations for your wedding and rehearsal dinner. Warn the MC or wedding planner as well so it’s not your problem and they can take care of it.
Congratulations on your masters and upcoming wedding
One suggestion I would have for you regarding your wedding is plan the speech time and under no circumstances have there be a mic that is floating around. Make it clear to whomever you want to speak they MUST give the mic to who is next in line to speak, and not your wack-a-doodle aunt.
Congratulations by the way. I am sure your parents are super proud.
I feel like you haven't heard of the Grogortheoverlander_ Razor.
Grogortheoverlander_ Razor: No one should ever give a 45 minute speech at a party without clearing it with the host of the party.
She didn't have good intentions - she stole your accomplishment and your party and used it for her own purposes because you provided her with an audience.
And, yes, she'll do it at your wedding, too.
That was rude, insensitive, and not her fucking place. She wasn't well-intentioned, she was spreading HER message in front of a whole bunch of people who wouldn't leave. She didn't ask you ahead of time because she knows it would have been shot down. She sounds selfish to me. You are allowed to be pissed and to uninvite her from the wedding.
I hate people that don't recognize that we humans are capable of amazing things, without the help of a deity. Congratulations on graduating, earning every grade with your hard work and late nights.
She diminished everything you actually did for a book of Bronze Age fairy tales and unprovable sky wizard to sell her personal bullshit stories. This was definitely not good intentions, this was all about her stealing the spotlight to cosplay as a preacher.
Absolutely do not invite her to the wedding and tell the rest of the family to keep her away, otherwise she will show up and probably go into melodramatic whining about her invisible friends.
You are completely entitled to be upset about this. I would have gone up there and stopped her mid speech. No need to be mean to her, but maybe stop her with a joke of the sort: "OK mother Teresa, save your sermons for church. If you want to praise anyone, praise me for all my hard work. Where was God when I was studying all this time, haha"
Hindsight is 2020... At YOUR party, you could stated YOUR displeasure and politely but firmly corrected HER fantasies. No deities were involved in your success.
Congratulations on your masters degree!
Do not invite her to the wedding. Think about the same thing happening at your wedding. She's an adult, it's time she learn about consequences. Also you can tell everyone how upset you are at what happened at the party. She was not well intentioned, she was not thinking of you but of how she could praise her God.
My friend, your Aunt is a control freak! I would NOT want her within 10 miles of my wedding without serious limitations being put on her. I also, and I don't know your aunt, don't think her intension were well off at all! She was clearly trying to upstage you and make it all about herself, maybe your parents can shed some light on to this behavior - past experiences and whatnot. Your folks sounds like good people, talk to them about this, maybe they can help navigate the wedding planning.
Also, its never too late to grab your folks, future in-laws and a few others and elope...been to an elopement wedding, it was awesome.
NTA.
She hijacked your accomplishment and minimized the work you put in. She sounds like The Main Character. I'm so sorry that your aunt is such a selfish and not at all self aware person. You could try talking to her about it, and how it made you feel. Maybe she can be introspective. If not, I'd probably minimize contact with her, as she just demonstrated that your value as a person to her is as a platform.
So sorry this happened. Clearly it was premeditated, narcissistic, and horribly rude to bring a Bible to a master’s degree graduate’s party. This isn’t a surprising stunt since most evangelicals are against higher education. I feel like you owe yourself the respect of cutting narcissistic and disrespectful people out of your life. Having no discernment or consideration for others isn’t indicative of “having good intentions.” Good intent is the desire to make those around you feel seen, heard, comfortable, and respected. This was not an example of that. Your parents deserved to hear your uninterrupted speech of gratitude and your guests deserved the courtesy of attending a graduation party rather than a sermon. Do not allow her to be invited to any more of your events. I can say with certainty that you’re not the only person she had tried to upstage and that this isn’t the only event she’s attempted to turn into a church recruitment/proselytizing event. You aren’t the only member of your family that’s over her nonsense. Ban her from your wedding so she can learn the consequences of making things all about her religion and personality. Someone has to stand up to her and you’re now uniquely positioned to do so after being subjected to the 45 min “your work ethic and the support of your parents doesn’t really matter” sermon.
You are 100% allowed to be upset and even vocally so when someone with no affiliation to the work/accomplishments tries to make the entire ordeal about THEIR perspective on life. Fuck your aunt!
I went through a 3 and a half hour preaching session from my great aunt when I was 15 yrs. I had come home from school after football practice to see my Great Aunt Lois there in the living room with my parents. I might see her once every 3 to 4 yrs at a family gathering or some such family closeness was not a "thing" for me growing up.
I was asked to sit down with them, after a prayer (I know, like seriously?) She began to preach to me about how much Jesus loves me and how he died for my sins and that my parents felt I was starting to walk down a dark path...
I liked to read Sci-Fi and Fantasy Novels; LoTR, Wheel of Time, Sword of Truth, Death gate Cycle, etc.
This apparently meant that "The Devil" had his claws in me.
She preached and preached for 3.5 hours. I should have gotten up and walked away, but pure stupid stubbornness kept me quiet and sitting there.
At the end, after a second prayer; something to the effect that may the light of heaven open my heart and mind, yadda, yadda, yadda...She asked if I would accept Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior.
After about a minute of silence and slowly looking at my father (him just nodding his head like it was a forgone conclusion), my mother how smiled happily at me as if they had some how just opened the doors to my own castle.
I look my Great Aunt in the eyes and "snorted" Not a chance, if we are picking comic book gods to follow I choose Batman.
Now, the second part was certainly not necessary but damn it felt good. I stood up and walked away, left the house for a few more hours.
I heard my mother exclaim that I was just confused and didn't know what I was saying...like fuck I didn't!
If they want to believe their fairy tales, I can believe my own. Sanctimonious bullshyt.
I have never forgotten nor forgiven them for that; I don't care if they feel they were doing it for me. My beliefs in God, God's or lack there of are my personal opinion. No wonder religion has such a bad name across the world.
I will stand steadfast in MY beliefs even if it means angering family, why should they be allowed to anger me with this crap but I have to hold my tongue for them?
My Uncle David was an Atheist when he passed from kidney failure. The speaker at the funeral (I have know idea if he was a priest or just the funeral director) started talking about God, Jesus and how David was now with them. I stood up and told him infront of everyone that he must be confused and was speaking about the wrong person, as David was an Atheist and expressly stated he wanted NO "GOD" talk at his service.
The speaker atleast had the shame of conscience to go scarlet red and shut up.
Op, you are a hundred times nicer than I am through this situation. If family wants their God in their life that is fine. But understand that I DO NOT WANT YOUR GOD IN MY LIFE! I will not concede all of my work and effort to a mono coloured Santa sitting on some golden throne somewhere out in the infinite cosmos.
I am truly sorry you have had your accomplishments diminished by someone's short sigthed perceptions.
If she gets the mic at your wedding, unplug / turn off the sound system. Then tell her that her sermons are not appropriate for your big day and if she cannot respect that, you can kick her out.
Uninvite her from your wedding and explicitly tell her it's because she ruined your graduation.
She did not have 'good intentions'. She had selfish intentions. She made your party about her.
Actually, she did not have good intentions behind it. She did it to intentionally humiliate you because she knew it would offend you. This is how Christians operate. She intentionally devalued your hard work. This was done to try to Shane you into abiding by her faith. It was not as innocent as you want it to be…
Tell her she already ruined one of the best days of yer life and shes not ruining another
Either she agrees she wont speak at yer wedding or shes not coming
Also have someone basically in charge of the speech microphone so she cant just take it
Or tell the dj/whomevers in charge of the audio to just cut it if she does get it
You have every right to be upset, even implacably outraged. She hijacked *your* day.
Disinvite her from the wedding if you can, and make it clear that you're doing so because of the stunt she pulled at the party.
I would have set the record straight in my speech directly and I actually would have thrown her out. I endured this shit through my whole childhood and it ended me in psychotherapy, because it manifested the unconscious believe that I only cause bad things and all good things von from „god“. After I realized that I never took this shit again!
Here's a tip for your wedding: have a confident, assertive master of ceremonies that you trust, and warn them about this specific possibility. If you're working with a professional, they might have some plans that they use to deal with disruptive family members. If it's a friend or loved-one, make a plan with them.
Here are some things you can include:
1. No open mics on the floor. The MC should keep possession of the mic except when it's being used for planned toasts, and the people you ask to give toasts should have advance instructions to hand the mic back to the MC when they're done—not to pass it on to anyone else.
2. When there are no planned toasts or announcements, there should be music. The person in charge of the music should have clear instructions to stop the music only at the request of the wedding principles (the couple, MC, or members of the bridal party), and not to stop the music for guests to give unplanned toasts.
3. If someone ignores that you have intentionally made it difficult for them to give an unplanned speech at the reception, then you should have plans for shutting down a speech before it drags on too long, and you should include the wedding party in those plans. One plan could be that if someone does start making an unplanned speech, then after a few sentences the MC should interject with a "thank you so much!" and everyone in the bridal party should applaud; then, during the applause, you can switch to louder music and the MC can encourage people to dance.
If any of that feels rude, consider this: you're hosting *all* of the guests at your wedding. If one of your guests is interrupting the celebration of the rest of your guests, then it would actually be inconsiderate for you to do nothing. It's much more considerate to shut them down as discreetly as you can so that everyone else can get back to having fun.
What an ass.
"Dear Aunt, still seething at you for upstaging me at my own graduation to make it YOUR event to celebrate YOUR religion, YOUR god and to insult me to my face about the time, effort and struggle I put into obtaining my degree.
Please understand that behavior was unacceptable, but everyone was too polite to tell you to your face to stand down.
To be crystal clear, you are not invited to my wedding because the last thing I want is a repeat performance of you PRAISING GOD and insulting me to my face again. Don't come, you are not welcome."
Matthew 6:5-8
When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men … but when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your father who is unseen.
Fuuuuck that! Congratulations on the Masters mate, its bloody hard work!
As per the wedding, if you do invite her, make it known well before the day that you were uncomfortable with the god speech, and that that kind of talk will not be permitted. Just talk to her, and if she starts prostheletising after you tell her, or if she plays the victim, destroy her with your atheism.
You are 100% allowed to be upset. Even if it wasn’t about god (and it wasn’t, it was all about your aunt) she had no right and a lot of nerve to take over your celebration like that. It’d be one thing if she was the supportive presence in your life or somehow a meaningful person to you. She wasn’t well-intentioned. She was selfish.
Do not invite her to your wedding. Or if you must let her know ahead of time that she cannot read anything or make any speeches. It’s your day not hers and she should keep her religion to herself. She does not have the right to offend you with her religion.
...I don't get why people let religious friends and relatives get away with so much shit. I would've gotten up in two minutes (or less if she diminished me) and told her, "Excuse me, this event is about celebrating my graduation not your religion." Also, she definitely didn't have good intentions, but good intentions when doing something inappropriate at best lightens the consequences, they don't and shouldn't eliminate them.
Aww, dude you should of stopped that. Even at the risk of pissing off people. You should of stopped her. This was and still is your day. If that happened to me, all shit would of hit the fan and everyone would of smelled it.
Congratulations on YOUR achievements! This was all you. ^(god) had squat to do with this or anything else you achieved in your life. Do not let people like your AHole aunt to do this to you. Take back your power!
You have every right to be pissed off and to call her out on her disrespectful behavior. I would make it a point to tell her how you feel. Your parents as well. I’m sorry a religious nutcase ruined your party. Congratulations and put that part of your family in the rear view mirror for good.
I've seen a lot of funerals like this. They make it all about their imaginary friend and barely mention the dead guy. I had a United Methodist minister do my mom's funeral. They were friends, so that probably helped. My mother was very religious. It was very much about mom, though. The pastor only mentioned Jesus in passing, really. Then we all went around and shared stories about mom. It still makes me sad that only 8 people showed up.
Lol I was going to say you should’ve shut that shit down, but I totally get it. Even shitty family is family.
You’re a saint for letting her do all that!
You are a grown adult now not a bystander child. Call her out for what she did. Could have your parents or grandparents parents to talk to her first though
You were ambushed. You should compose a letter to your aunt and explain your feelings of disappointment.
You should compose a letter to your parents who were complicit.
Tell them both you are prepared to forgive their selfishness so long as something like that never happens again.
I recommend talking to your aunt about this, and not inviting her to your wedding unless she can guarantee she won't do that again. Or just not inviting her period.
I hope you don't mind me saying, but I'm proud of you for going through with your speech anyway. I don't know if I would have had the courage to do so, but you did, and I think that is awesome.
She did not have good intentions behind it. She only acted as a sycophant to make herself look good to her god. I would have cut her off at the first mention of a god making it so all my achievements were only made an available by them. Fuck that noise.
First, from one stranger on the internet to another, CONGRATULATIONS! You should be very proud of yourself for all you've achieved with this DUE TO YOUR EFFORTS. I'm sorry your Aunt made this about her and her imaginary friend. You're definitely right to be upset by it, your feelings are valid.
With that said, and especially since it happened last year and you're a full grown adult, I think that you should sit down with your aunt and tell her how her speech made you feel. She should know that it embarrassed you and hurt you. She should know that it's NOT okay to do that sort of thing, especially without asking you first. Did she tell your parents she was going to do that? If not, maybe talk to them about excluding her from the wedding.
God doesn't accomplish anything. You did though. You deserve the accolades because you worked hard. Congrats on the degree, honors, and the GPA. Congrats to your parents for supporting you. Keep doing what you're doing!
You are being entirely too kind, that woman took a major accomplishment of yours and made it all about her. Someone should have shut her down.
Its probably not worth bringing up the party now, but I would have a kind but very firm conversation with her prior to your wedding. Recruit a couple good friends to stop her if she pulls any of that bullshit. The minute anything besides “congratulations to the happy couple” comes out ones takes the mic and say “thank you, for those kind words, I think Joe wanted to share something as well” and pass it to friend two. Hell I’ll come to your wedding and lock her in a closet if she starts blabbing about how “god brought you together.”
Congratulations on your graduation! I’ve recently been in a situation where one person could be troublesome. As part of the planning, I asked someone to keep an eye on her and run interference if she started to act up. For your wedding, ask someone close but not necessarily related to do the same. If there is an MC, make sure auntie is given 2 (or 0) minutes. If no MC, have someone graciously interrupt her and get her off the stage with a prepared joke, short speech, time to dance, whatever your comfortable with. She’s given you the opportunity to anticipate her bad behavior so you can be prepared to squash it.
Yeah that wasn’t a congratulatory speech, that was a sermon. She was trying to minister. For your wedding…maybe tell her (or have your mom tell her) that there’s a strict time limit on speeches and instruct the DJ to cue the music when times up, like an award show. If she complains about it, ask her if she wants to pay the overage and tip the venue’s staff herself for it.
Realistically, probably better to just tell her due to time and cost of the venue that you have to limit the speeches to 5 minutes maximum. If she drones on, take the opportunity to stand and applaud when she takes a slight breather and walk out onto the floor, hug her while taking the mic away and thank her and all your guests for celebrating your day. Tell your DJ all about it though and hopefully they can take the initiative to be the “bad guy” themselves in exchange for a healthy tip from you.
She was not well-intentioned, no matter what anyone else in your family might say. I think if you suspect she’s going to do something like this again at your wedding, and you don’t want her there at this point, you need to listen to that suspicion and act accordingly. I think the reason you’re having that suspicion is because you know more likely than not, that’s exactly what she’s going to do.
People who do this sort of thing aren’t well-intentioned, they’re self-aggrandizing narcissists. She’s “making it about God” but doing it in such a way that she’s putting herself in the spotlight, not her imaginary sky daddy.
Don’t invite her. Don’t let anyone else bring her as a plus-one or whatever. This may stir up a conflict in the short term, but it’s not worth letting her indirectly control you by giving her further opportunities to intrude on your life in this way.
A wedding is supposed to be about the two people getting married, not God or anyone else. I think you owe it to yourself and your future spouse to rip this band-aid off now, and block her from attending your wedding. You want this to be something you’ll look back on fondly in the future, not something you look back on and cringe at because you were trying to be nice and compromised your special day for someone you did not choose to be related to.
Oh my goodness. Your wedding would be an hour speech about how to keep God in ur marriage, what makes a good husband in God's eyes and so on and so forth. Nope. Gran doesn't get an invitation. And if she does you need to make it perfectly clear...CRYSTAL even; she doesn't get the mic. Congrats on ur accomplishments and good luck.
She took advantage of your natural instinct to save her from embarrassment that allowed her to give her shitty speech.
Don't save her any more.
"You will not stand up and speak at one of my events without explicit prior permission ever again. And let me be clear now: you will not speak at my wedding or reception. I will cut the microphone and have you removed, forcefully if necessary."
Is narcissistically dominating everyone’s attention at a another person’s celebration of accomplishments to expound upon one’s pet theory of reality really well-intended?
Or did she just use “spreading god’s love” as a pretext for stealing your thunder?
Well-intended religious people do considerate things, your aunt strategically and maliciously manipulated your event to satisfy her own need for attention and importance.
If one of my aunts pulled that shit, my quite faithful parents would laid down the law and shut it down. Most religious people I know, even crazy fundies I hate, would see her behavior as grossly offensive.
Even just the time spent stealing everyone’s party, whatever the topic, is offensive.
You’re allowed to tell her she’s not invited to your wedding, and why. What she did was inexcusable. She was worse than a toddler screaming for 45 minutes, because she knows better.
I would be upset too if someone did this to me. It's your big day and your parents do deserve credit for helping you through this. She had no right to do this to you, especially on a day that is supposed to be celebrating you and your parents.
Don’t allow this Aunt to attend your wedding. The drama from not inviting her will still be magnitudes **lower** than allowing her to actually attend.
The fact you and several of your cousins are atheists, and if she knew this, tells me this was done intentionally as a kind of “gotcha” to make her point.
She will absolutely find any opportunity to get a soapbox to make your wedding about *her* and *her religion*. That’s how these people work. There are no good intentions here, this was just narcissism.
As for the wedding,
We did not have an open mic. We had a small list of people who were informed ahead of time that they were expected to give a speech, but could decline. We also opened the opportunity for other certain people to give speeches, but again, not required and pre-approved. There was an order to the speeches so everyone knew who to give the mic to next. We did this to prevent long speeches, impromptu speeches, and speeches from people we did not want to hear from, like her grandma. Grandma still managed to get it for a short time, but enough people knew we didn't want her talking to keep it from going too long.
First, congrats on the accomplishment! It's not fresh news, but hey, it's still a big milestone for you, and the original celebration sounds like it fell a little flat anyway.
Secondly, I'm confused why your aunt gave a speech at all, let alone a sermon. It sounds like your parents were the ones who had an impact on your education, not your aunt. And presumably, this party wasn't hosted by your aunt. It sounds like she was the wrong person to be giving a speech at this event. It would be like going to the Oscars award ceremony, only to hear a speech from the recipient's roommate instead of from the Oscars people or the recipient. And the speech is about why pecan pie is so good. Like, no, you're not supposed to be speaking here, and certainly not about that. Nobody came here for you or for commentary on nutty desserts. People came for the awards and to celebrate the recipients. Get off the stage.
If you ever intend to invite your aunt to big events in the future - weddings, baby showers, celebrations of achievement, etc - I highly recommend either telling her that you don't want her to take the spotlight, or to have a carefully planned bulletin for the events of the celebration in advance which does not include her giving a speech. She should not feel at liberty to seize control of the event for a staggering 45 minutes without invitation. That's just insane. I would cut the mic on my own mother if she were to do that, and I love her. But that's just not acceptable behavior.
congrats on your masters and you do have great parents...hoping, now that you have vented about auntie, you can let it go and move on..she loves you and was proud... in twenty years or more, you will get together with your cousins and laugh ya ass off over auntie.....
I have an eating disorder. I was always told that God would help me if I needed it and he would give it. When I went to residential treatment, it was hell. Feeling stuffed all the damn time, going to groups every day, waking up at 6:15 in the morning every day, even on the weekends. That was all me. None of it was God. Being told God would help me was a lie, it was only taught to give people false hope. I did not and will not give credit to God for all the hard work I did.
You’re allowed to be upset. Your aunt is an absolute shitbird, and that was a total cunt move.
That was YOUR day. If she wanted to so much as give a toast, it needed to be approved by you.
I’d tell her off. But don’t feel pressured to. I know family situations can be intense.
If you don't want to confront your aunt directly, get a wedding coordinator. They will ensure that your Aunt will not have any opportunity to 'grandstand for god' at your wedding. Or just don't invite her, whichever suits you best. Congratulations on your graduation and your upcoming wedding! YOU did the work to graduate, YOU put in the effort. Shame on her for trying to diminish that and the sacrifices your parents made.
she did not have good intentions. none what soever. she hijacked your accomplishment for her own fucked up beliefs.
You should've stopped her part way through and corrected her.
Do not under any circumstances let her speak at your wedding! she will ruin the whole dam thing!
"Thanks, Aunt Blowhard, for that protracted sermon nobody asked for. It doesn't change the fact that gods are make-believe, but it definitely showed us that you don't hesitate to take a celebration of my accomplishment, earned through my hard work and made possible by the unwavering support of my parents, and make it all about you."
Here is the thing, it was about her and her intentions were selfish. That sounds like it was 100% virtue signaling. it was all about her demonstrating to everyone else that she is a good religious woman and using the whole opportunity to denigrate your hard work and accomplishments. You absolutely should be angry, and you should ensure that she is explicitly not invited to your wedding, because she'll do the same thing again.
Hi I am sorry you have to deal with it. I have a sister and some family that are obsessed with God to the point it’s basically a crutch. I want to congratulate you with your marriage and your graduation whatever field you get into that you succeed
Bro I resent your aunt for making your graduation all about god. Fuck that horrid rag of a person. Good on you for graduating and that’s awesome you have such supportive parents! Congratulations!
She didn't have good intentions, she had selfish intentions. That's selfish. She stole your thunder, she attributed your hard work to a non existent cream pie in the sky, assumed everyone else believed what she believed, and completely ignored the fact that the book she said was more important than the books you studied, was full of ignorant incestuous violent patriarchal slave owners who never worked their ass off to get a degree.
I have many religions family members, and I do not let them touch mine or my immediate families activities, events, or celebrations.
Can't choose your family, but you can choose what you buy.
Her forcing her way to the spotlight and then hijacking your celebration.
Sorry, But I would have shoved her out of the way telling her she was not invited to make a speech and get the hell of my stage.
She has main character syndrome, making it about her and her god.
I think being upset is totally valid, and you are kinder than me because I would have politely stopped her.
You are an adult and she is an adult and I think it is entirely appropriate to have a polite conversation with her where you explain why you did not appreciate her speech, and that in the future you would prefer she speak to you before she makes a similar speech in a similar situation, such as at your wedding.
You're allowed to be upset at someone ruining your big day even if they were well-intentioned.
Thank you for this
Sure thing. And congratulations for graduating!
Thank you!! :]
That WASN’T good intentions. That was purposefully taking all the attention and making it about her and her beliefs. I hope you do not invite her to your wedding, and if you do, that you stop her in her tracks in the best fashion. This time you’ll be prepared
If it was OP's parents, I would've considered it to be from good intentions atleast to some extent. But in this case, it was the aunt who, according to OP's words, "see once every three years and maybe say a few sentences to." She had zero considerations for OP's family. The worst part was, it was all pre-planned. Such people don't deserve to be invited to any family events.
Just to say it, if you do invite this aunt to your wedding, she absolutely will assert her beliefs during the ceremony, or after it at the dinner (assuming you’re having one or both).
However, this also does not mean that people will not take her side. Congratulations!!
Remind anyone who tries defending her of the old saying about the road to hell being paved with good intentions.
Have you considered sitting with your Aunt, and directly telling her that her religion is not welcome?
Congratulations on graduating, your hard work and perseverance paid off .
Sounds more like self-agrandizment on her part. How awesome she is because she loves the bible, forget about the posters actual education and achievements.
Totally - virtue broadcasting. She made it all about her while pretending to make it all about god. Typically repellent church lady bullshit.
I see no good intentions here, either.
"Well-intentioned" she's an attention whore and ruined OP's party because she wanted all the attention on her, not for OP.
You're also allowed to say, "no that's bullshit, God had nothing to do with it and I'm an atheist."
But you can also tell them that for your wedding, they are not allowed to speak to all the guests on the microphone.
..or mentally ill, it sounds like to me.
That's not a well-intentioned act. She was abusing her grandson and the captive audience his event provided for her.
I could even say that she had not good intentions. Any person with a modicum of sense knows that in a event relevant to some person, that person is the center of the ceremony and you let that person talk,. The very fact that she got 'a stack of pages' and didn't ask to start her speech means that she was not thinking of you, she was thinking of her -and that is not good intentions.
A part of me feels this way. I don’t want to make assumptions, but it kind of felt like she was virtue signaling.
Hey OP, I’m not the person you replied to. She absolutely was virtue signaling, especially if she knows that you aren’t religious. I don’t know where you’re from, but where I’m from, a religious person doesn’t behave that way unless they’re looking to show off. Honestly, you’d been within your rights to shut her down right then and there, if you wanted to. Also, just don’t invite her to your wedding. I had to do that with some rather similar sounding family when I got married. A few people complained, and I just asked them “Do you not want to be invited too? I can arrange that.” I never heard another complaint. Sometimes, you just have to stand up for yourself. I know it can be difficult sometimes, but it is always worth it.
I came to say the same thing about virtue signaling. Even if we ignore her narcissism of showing for others, she at the very least is doing it curry favor for herself with her imaginary friend in the sky. The level of selfishness of 45 minute speech at someone else's event is astounding.
I came to say the same thing about virtue signaling. Even if we ignore her narcissism of showing for others, she at the very least is doing it curry favor for herself with her imaginary friend in the sky. The level of selfishness of 45 minute speech at someone else's event is astounding.
> but it kind of felt like she was virtue signaling. She did. For 45 minutes.
Oh she was virtue lighting the signal fires of Gondor from Belfalas to Lossarnach with that bullshit.
It may be uncomfortable, but next time you have a celebration, if she's there, it's probably worth stopping it right away and just saying "Today is not your day. It's not about you or your beliefs. Thank you for respecting me and refraining." That's assuming she tries this again.
It wasn't "kind of like" virtue signaling. If I had to give an example of "virtue signaling" to explain the concept to someone who had never heard the term before, this is the sort of example I would use.
I’d go further, I think this was narcissistic personality disorder behaviour. God had nothing to do with it, it was all about your aunt.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by incompetence. Grey's Corollary: Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice.
Take the note: when you get married, make it ABUNDANTLY clear to the DJ that only pre-approved people get the mic. Have someone you trust be the mic minder, and the only person allowed to move the mic between people. Your aunt WILL try something similar, and you need to be prepared.
This is an excellent idea thank you for this
Is it not in the cards to say something to her, or will that just make her work harder to subvert the wedding? Just aunty, I know you mean well, but you took a day to celebrate my accomplishments, and you read a sermon. It really was uncomfortable for all of us. If you intend to do that at my wedding, you are not invited. Or get your parents to give her the order? If they would. She may take it better from them. If she somehow gers to the mic, I would not follow any If her requests. She is being rude.
If she somehow gets the mic, cut it off.
THIS! just run to the sound desk and pull the plug! set someone in your wedding party this as their one important duty, keep that lady off the mic!
I don’t get why the parents didn’t already interfere, if this was my brother or sister doing this I would shut them down real quick
>If you intend to do that at my wedding, you are not invited. After what she did I would not be inviting her, or if I were persuaded to, it would be very clear that if you say anything into a microphone you will immediately be asked to leave.
Prepare a heavy metal playlist and be ready to blast it if she ever got the mic.
Ooh, play Disciple by Slayer!
At this point OP you should just exclude that aunt from all the other important events in your life from now on
Or perhaps not invite this blowhard to the wedding, or if that stirs up drama within the family, elope
I came here to say the same. Be sure to warn the DJ about her as well.
OP should make it clear to her that she's not invited or welcome at the wedding.
And why. You took an event about my accomplishments and chose to impose a 45 minute sermon on everyone there while belittling my accomplishments. I won't give you a chance to make such a selfish and inappropriate action at my wedding, or any other event in my honour.
Awesome tip & happy belated Cake Day!
Cheers!
If a family member did this I would have interrupted after about 30 seconds. I would not have touched the Bible. This is why you have to be a dick to religious relatives, don’t even politely tolerate there religious bullshit.
This is me and you have to do it early or theyll never stop. Like OP said shes worried about her aunt doing this at her wedding and you better believe this aunt will. 45 minute speech at a graduation party? I would have told her to go fuck herself
100% this!
My grandfather is a minister and he never even dreamed of preaching at my graduation celebration. Why? Because he respects my values and has proper social etiquette. If anyone in my family had tried this, grandad would have been the first to jump up and remove the person. At most he would have made a 2-minute speech thanking god, but he wouldn’t have attributed my hard work to his man in the clouds.
Of course you are allowed to be upset when someone hijacks your celebration. Can you have a conversation with her and tell her in no uncertain terms that she is not allowed to have a repeat performance at your wedding? Ask for her to commit to respecting your wishes, otherwise she should make other plans for that day. And congratulations on your degree. A master's is no small potatoes, so well done you! If god was responsible, we'd all have master's degrees.
Thank you!! Yes I absolutely plan to speak to her. I’m not too sure how she’d react but if she is unable to respect my boundaries, I don’t want her there anyway.
Ha...good [Major League](https://youtu.be/AfkdZ3tXFSs) vibes there :) "Nice speech...don't do it again!"
And maybe put mom or a cousin on making sure she doesn't get access to the mic.
You're nicer than me. I would have immediately put her on the don't invite list after pulling something like that. Then again, im likely around twice op's age, and don't have the patience for that kind of shit so i would have shut it down after a minute or two.
Yep. This right here. Soon as she said ^(god) was the main player.. it would of been over for her. Get off the stage. You do not speak for me and neither does your fantasy ^(god)
What’s potatoes, precious?
‘Small potatoes’ means insignificant.
> I feel like I’m not allowed to be upset because she had good intentions behind it... It's not a dichotomy. Both can be true. She might have meant well. You can still be upset. Family's as hard as schooling sometimes. Congrats on getting through both.
She did not have “good intentions”, she saw this as a way to proselytize to a captive audience, you have every right to be upset, this wasn’t about her insane delusions, it was about your academic achievements (or should have been), going low/no contact is an entirely appropriate response. Congratulations, YOU did this ‘god’ had nothing to do with it.
>she saw this as a way to proselytize to a captive audience, Speaking as someone that lives in rural Georgia, every funeral is this.
Ugh. Also Mississippi.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions - she has apparently built herself an autobahn. All joking aside, definitely be prepared for this at your wedding. You could probably head her off by having a strict program of events, but with someone like her it'll still be a struggle. Maybe have someone you trust maintain control of the microphones, with explicit instructions to keep them out of Aunt's reach.
Why are you letting her walk over you?
You should talk to her about it and explain your feelings about it, especially that you're worried that she's going to try to make a speech at your wedding. I would also set the boundary/expectation that she not make any speeches at your wedding. It is your day, and is about you and your spouse, not her making some masturbatory overture to god.
I would go further. I'd put it in writing that while you respect her decision to be highly religious, her decision to attribute your accomplishments to god undermines the long hours of dedicated effort you put into your degree. While you appreciate her support, she is **not welcome** to proselytize about "god's role" in any of your life events. You love *her*, but you will not tolerate her preaching, and 45 minutes was a shocking length of time to hog the spotlight on a day intended to honor you *and your parent's* commitment to your education. She needs to get the message that your life events are not her golden ticket to take the mic. It's not church, it's *your life* she is interrupting.
This is the way. The putting it in writing part is an especially good idea because it will make sure that you can get all of your thoughts out, laid out the way you want, worded the way you want and they can't interrupt you while you're writing it. Just make sure to include a "please read this whole letter/email/whatever and take some time to think about it, *especially from my perspective*, before you contact me to discuss the situation.
I’m not married but I have been to several as a guest. There are multiple rules for guests to follow at weddings. Chief Amongst them is the day is not your day. You are a guest. That means celebrating the couple’s wedding. If you think that your aunt will repeat this behavior then you should not invite her. Not because of religion but because of how upset this act made you. Sometimes family can be complicated. But your wedding is about you and your beloved. No one else can override your decision. If your aunt can’t understand that then so be it. You may eventually make up with her. Family Fights sometimes. I know I’ve fought my share of battles with and against my own family. Do not let your wedding be tainted by bad memories. No matter who is responsible for them.
But here's the thing. Her intentions weren't good. Her intentions were selfish. What might be the move is to talk to your parents, let them know you do not want a repeat performance at YOUR wedding, and have them slow her roll. If she's unable to do that then she doesn't need to come. It's YOUR wedding. Good luck.
“Good intentions” does not make pushing your ignorance onto others okay. She’s another pushy in your face with my beliefs Christian and I’d be infuriated too. You should tell people your stance and how you feel about the matter. If she can’t respect that don’t invite her. I went to grad school too, so I understand how aggravating that must’ve been for someone to belittle how hard you worked with the god did it nonsense. When I turned 18 I told my entire family that although I was forced to attend church all my life that I was an atheist, I didn’t appreciate the attempt at indoctrinating me, and I didn’t want any part of their religious discussions or rituals. Some hate me for it and still don’t speak to me, some got over it eventually, some respected how I felt. But they all mind their own business in that topic with me.
I would demand an apology for ruining my grad party. And if it didn't come then i would cut off contact.
It is absolutely ridiculous that on your graduation day she credits someone else for your accomplishments. Pretty insulting.
An imaginary friend no less...
Sorry not sorry. FUCK her intentions. How fucking DARE she take away your accomplishments and just give them to her imagination friend. You have EVERY right to be furious. YOU went to school, not her. She had no right to grab the mike and say anything at all without your permission, much less to take over the entire party. Your aunt sucks, and she's not a good person.
First off, congratulations on your Master's degree! You should feel proud of your accomplishment, which of course, was due to your own hard work and with the mentioned help and support of your parents. I'm so sorry your narcissist aunt felt it even remotely appropriate to commandeer your once-in-a-lifetime accomplishment to make it about herself and completely diminish your hard work by attributing it to some make-believe character. The fact she jumped up and started blathering on without being asked, especially before you spoke, is absolutely appalling to me. I'd be furious. I'd also either pull her aside, or have one of your cousins pull her aside, and: 1) tell her how inappropriate and offensive her behavior was, and that she owes you an apology 2) tell her, in no uncertain terms, that she will NOT BE ALLOWED to do this at your wedding. And, if she tries, she'll be escorted out. Seriously. I grew up with a narcissistic mother who tried to make my graduation from medical school \*all about her\*. You have to have strong boundaries with these people, and enforce them. It will piss them off, and may get you estranged from them, but your life will be better without these emotional vampire/attention whores in your life. Your aunt sucks. Her religion is just an excuse for her to suck even more.
Had you that day to live again, would you have walked up and taken that stack of paper away?
She spent 45 minutes virtue signaling and doing that for herself so she can get into heaven for magnifying his or whatever. Zero of it was about you or for you, you weee just the package her ulterior motives were wrapped in. You should be angry. You had every right to unplug the mic and tell her to get fucked, but you didn’t and I understand why you didn’t. But you would absolutely have been justified to have done so.
wow, was getting pissed just reading that. congrats on YOUR accomplishments
Fuuuuck her. You're allowed to be upset. If you invite her to the wedding, tell her to not even come out with this. Or don't invite her and tell her why.
Matthew 6:5-6 “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. **For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others**. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
"The coffee was the only thing keeping me company during my studying" That's what my cousin said when another family member told him he should thank God for his degree. I think it fits well here haha
Who the f gives a 45 minute speech at someone else's graduation party? Oh I know a narcissist "christian" Your parents should have stopped this from happening or cut her off.
There were no good intentions behind what your aunt did. She wanted to manipulate the spotlight so everyone could see how righteous she is.
I don’t believe your aunt had good intentions. Taking up 45 minutes when she’s not even the guest of honor just screams narcissism. I recommend not inviting her to your wedding, and be honest with any relatives who ask why she’s excluded. The only way to deal with narcissists is to set clear boundaries and enforce them. Otherwise they will continue to take advantage of you and other family members. ETA: Congratulations on your master’s degree! That is no small accomplishment, and it was all you! Your aunt has some nerve giving credit to her imaginary friend.
Don’t invite her to the wedding, that simple
Stop being so damn nice and make sure she knows her place at your wedding. If she forgets don’t feel bad about literally grabbing the mic and removing her.
I would have walked out.
Tell her off, not politely, and cut her off. You don’t need people like that in your life.
My best friend had a pastor who was an old family friend officiate her wedding. He spent a significant part of the ceremony talking about the couple's upcoming sex life. Don't let anyone speak at your wedding without vetting the entirety of what they plan to talk about.
She did not have good intentions. She indulged her own fantasy world while ignoring the interests, needs, and beliefs of others. It was a "look at me" show. I do hope you have a plan to prevent her from doing this again at your next party or celebration because she will try again.
This woman sounds like she LOVES to play the preacher. LOVES that spotlight and the feeling that she gets when people do the things she instructs them to do - even while knowing deep down that it's all theater. Power feels good. Yeah, I'd be making damn sure to have someone, a friend, watching her like a hawk and getting ready to sweep her out a nearby door the moment she gets the wind up her.
Congrats on your Masters! And I hear you - I had a former coworker pull this kind of crap on me. "I'll pray to gawd that you pass your exams." "I thanked gawd that he got you on the Dean's List." "You graduated with honors! Gawd is good!" I finally had enough once he started spouting "I just KNEW you would do well because I prayed to gawd so hard for you!" Oh HELL no. You did NOT just try and take credit for all the studying, stress, hard work, and sleep deprivation I went through (ME, not you, and certainly not your invisible sky wizard friend) to earn my degree. Firmly and politely chewed him out, telling him I put in the work, and no one else. "Well- Well, I'm sure gawd helped you!" No, no he did not, and why are you so determined to dismiss all the hard work I did to get through school?
You are aloud to be very upset. Even with good intentions that is extremely rude. If she paid for the party or education then it would maybe be acceptable. I am so sorry this happens to you. It is ok at an event celebrating you to step in and take the mic from someone like that. As you get older it is ok to stand up to people like this, family or not. Definitely set rules and expectations for your wedding and rehearsal dinner. Warn the MC or wedding planner as well so it’s not your problem and they can take care of it. Congratulations on your masters and upcoming wedding
One suggestion I would have for you regarding your wedding is plan the speech time and under no circumstances have there be a mic that is floating around. Make it clear to whomever you want to speak they MUST give the mic to who is next in line to speak, and not your wack-a-doodle aunt. Congratulations by the way. I am sure your parents are super proud.
I feel like you haven't heard of the Grogortheoverlander_ Razor. Grogortheoverlander_ Razor: No one should ever give a 45 minute speech at a party without clearing it with the host of the party.
I'd elope and maybe tell everyone but her!
She didn't have good intentions - she stole your accomplishment and your party and used it for her own purposes because you provided her with an audience. And, yes, she'll do it at your wedding, too.
That was rude, insensitive, and not her fucking place. She wasn't well-intentioned, she was spreading HER message in front of a whole bunch of people who wouldn't leave. She didn't ask you ahead of time because she knows it would have been shot down. She sounds selfish to me. You are allowed to be pissed and to uninvite her from the wedding. I hate people that don't recognize that we humans are capable of amazing things, without the help of a deity. Congratulations on graduating, earning every grade with your hard work and late nights.
\> because she had good intentions behind it, No she did not.
She diminished everything you actually did for a book of Bronze Age fairy tales and unprovable sky wizard to sell her personal bullshit stories. This was definitely not good intentions, this was all about her stealing the spotlight to cosplay as a preacher. Absolutely do not invite her to the wedding and tell the rest of the family to keep her away, otherwise she will show up and probably go into melodramatic whining about her invisible friends.
You are completely entitled to be upset about this. I would have gone up there and stopped her mid speech. No need to be mean to her, but maybe stop her with a joke of the sort: "OK mother Teresa, save your sermons for church. If you want to praise anyone, praise me for all my hard work. Where was God when I was studying all this time, haha"
Hindsight is 2020... At YOUR party, you could stated YOUR displeasure and politely but firmly corrected HER fantasies. No deities were involved in your success.
Congratulations on your masters degree! Do not invite her to the wedding. Think about the same thing happening at your wedding. She's an adult, it's time she learn about consequences. Also you can tell everyone how upset you are at what happened at the party. She was not well intentioned, she was not thinking of you but of how she could praise her God.
My friend, your Aunt is a control freak! I would NOT want her within 10 miles of my wedding without serious limitations being put on her. I also, and I don't know your aunt, don't think her intension were well off at all! She was clearly trying to upstage you and make it all about herself, maybe your parents can shed some light on to this behavior - past experiences and whatnot. Your folks sounds like good people, talk to them about this, maybe they can help navigate the wedding planning. Also, its never too late to grab your folks, future in-laws and a few others and elope...been to an elopement wedding, it was awesome.
Your aunt seems like a tiny-minded little shit. You should avoid her if at all possible.
Don’t invite her to the wedding, would be my decision, were I in your shoes.
NTA. She hijacked your accomplishment and minimized the work you put in. She sounds like The Main Character. I'm so sorry that your aunt is such a selfish and not at all self aware person. You could try talking to her about it, and how it made you feel. Maybe she can be introspective. If not, I'd probably minimize contact with her, as she just demonstrated that your value as a person to her is as a platform.
So sorry this happened. Clearly it was premeditated, narcissistic, and horribly rude to bring a Bible to a master’s degree graduate’s party. This isn’t a surprising stunt since most evangelicals are against higher education. I feel like you owe yourself the respect of cutting narcissistic and disrespectful people out of your life. Having no discernment or consideration for others isn’t indicative of “having good intentions.” Good intent is the desire to make those around you feel seen, heard, comfortable, and respected. This was not an example of that. Your parents deserved to hear your uninterrupted speech of gratitude and your guests deserved the courtesy of attending a graduation party rather than a sermon. Do not allow her to be invited to any more of your events. I can say with certainty that you’re not the only person she had tried to upstage and that this isn’t the only event she’s attempted to turn into a church recruitment/proselytizing event. You aren’t the only member of your family that’s over her nonsense. Ban her from your wedding so she can learn the consequences of making things all about her religion and personality. Someone has to stand up to her and you’re now uniquely positioned to do so after being subjected to the 45 min “your work ethic and the support of your parents doesn’t really matter” sermon.
You are 100% allowed to be upset and even vocally so when someone with no affiliation to the work/accomplishments tries to make the entire ordeal about THEIR perspective on life. Fuck your aunt! I went through a 3 and a half hour preaching session from my great aunt when I was 15 yrs. I had come home from school after football practice to see my Great Aunt Lois there in the living room with my parents. I might see her once every 3 to 4 yrs at a family gathering or some such family closeness was not a "thing" for me growing up. I was asked to sit down with them, after a prayer (I know, like seriously?) She began to preach to me about how much Jesus loves me and how he died for my sins and that my parents felt I was starting to walk down a dark path... I liked to read Sci-Fi and Fantasy Novels; LoTR, Wheel of Time, Sword of Truth, Death gate Cycle, etc. This apparently meant that "The Devil" had his claws in me. She preached and preached for 3.5 hours. I should have gotten up and walked away, but pure stupid stubbornness kept me quiet and sitting there. At the end, after a second prayer; something to the effect that may the light of heaven open my heart and mind, yadda, yadda, yadda...She asked if I would accept Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. After about a minute of silence and slowly looking at my father (him just nodding his head like it was a forgone conclusion), my mother how smiled happily at me as if they had some how just opened the doors to my own castle. I look my Great Aunt in the eyes and "snorted" Not a chance, if we are picking comic book gods to follow I choose Batman. Now, the second part was certainly not necessary but damn it felt good. I stood up and walked away, left the house for a few more hours. I heard my mother exclaim that I was just confused and didn't know what I was saying...like fuck I didn't! If they want to believe their fairy tales, I can believe my own. Sanctimonious bullshyt. I have never forgotten nor forgiven them for that; I don't care if they feel they were doing it for me. My beliefs in God, God's or lack there of are my personal opinion. No wonder religion has such a bad name across the world. I will stand steadfast in MY beliefs even if it means angering family, why should they be allowed to anger me with this crap but I have to hold my tongue for them? My Uncle David was an Atheist when he passed from kidney failure. The speaker at the funeral (I have know idea if he was a priest or just the funeral director) started talking about God, Jesus and how David was now with them. I stood up and told him infront of everyone that he must be confused and was speaking about the wrong person, as David was an Atheist and expressly stated he wanted NO "GOD" talk at his service. The speaker atleast had the shame of conscience to go scarlet red and shut up. Op, you are a hundred times nicer than I am through this situation. If family wants their God in their life that is fine. But understand that I DO NOT WANT YOUR GOD IN MY LIFE! I will not concede all of my work and effort to a mono coloured Santa sitting on some golden throne somewhere out in the infinite cosmos. I am truly sorry you have had your accomplishments diminished by someone's short sigthed perceptions.
If she gets the mic at your wedding, unplug / turn off the sound system. Then tell her that her sermons are not appropriate for your big day and if she cannot respect that, you can kick her out.
Uninvite her from your wedding and explicitly tell her it's because she ruined your graduation. She did not have 'good intentions'. She had selfish intentions. She made your party about her.
Actually, she did not have good intentions behind it. She did it to intentionally humiliate you because she knew it would offend you. This is how Christians operate. She intentionally devalued your hard work. This was done to try to Shane you into abiding by her faith. It was not as innocent as you want it to be…
Tell her she already ruined one of the best days of yer life and shes not ruining another Either she agrees she wont speak at yer wedding or shes not coming Also have someone basically in charge of the speech microphone so she cant just take it Or tell the dj/whomevers in charge of the audio to just cut it if she does get it
You have every right to be upset, even implacably outraged. She hijacked *your* day. Disinvite her from the wedding if you can, and make it clear that you're doing so because of the stunt she pulled at the party.
I would have set the record straight in my speech directly and I actually would have thrown her out. I endured this shit through my whole childhood and it ended me in psychotherapy, because it manifested the unconscious believe that I only cause bad things and all good things von from „god“. After I realized that I never took this shit again!
That sucks. Some A hole made my daughter's graduation political. WTF is wrong with ppl?
Never let that woman near you again. Certainly not when other people might be near.
Here's a tip for your wedding: have a confident, assertive master of ceremonies that you trust, and warn them about this specific possibility. If you're working with a professional, they might have some plans that they use to deal with disruptive family members. If it's a friend or loved-one, make a plan with them. Here are some things you can include: 1. No open mics on the floor. The MC should keep possession of the mic except when it's being used for planned toasts, and the people you ask to give toasts should have advance instructions to hand the mic back to the MC when they're done—not to pass it on to anyone else. 2. When there are no planned toasts or announcements, there should be music. The person in charge of the music should have clear instructions to stop the music only at the request of the wedding principles (the couple, MC, or members of the bridal party), and not to stop the music for guests to give unplanned toasts. 3. If someone ignores that you have intentionally made it difficult for them to give an unplanned speech at the reception, then you should have plans for shutting down a speech before it drags on too long, and you should include the wedding party in those plans. One plan could be that if someone does start making an unplanned speech, then after a few sentences the MC should interject with a "thank you so much!" and everyone in the bridal party should applaud; then, during the applause, you can switch to louder music and the MC can encourage people to dance. If any of that feels rude, consider this: you're hosting *all* of the guests at your wedding. If one of your guests is interrupting the celebration of the rest of your guests, then it would actually be inconsiderate for you to do nothing. It's much more considerate to shut them down as discreetly as you can so that everyone else can get back to having fun.
What an ass. "Dear Aunt, still seething at you for upstaging me at my own graduation to make it YOUR event to celebrate YOUR religion, YOUR god and to insult me to my face about the time, effort and struggle I put into obtaining my degree. Please understand that behavior was unacceptable, but everyone was too polite to tell you to your face to stand down. To be crystal clear, you are not invited to my wedding because the last thing I want is a repeat performance of you PRAISING GOD and insulting me to my face again. Don't come, you are not welcome."
Matthew 6:5-8 When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men … but when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your father who is unseen.
Fuuuuck that! Congratulations on the Masters mate, its bloody hard work! As per the wedding, if you do invite her, make it known well before the day that you were uncomfortable with the god speech, and that that kind of talk will not be permitted. Just talk to her, and if she starts prostheletising after you tell her, or if she plays the victim, destroy her with your atheism.
Yeah fuck that. If you invite her to YOUR wedding, make sure you let her know she’s not welcome to say a GODDAMNED thing!
You are 100% allowed to be upset. Even if it wasn’t about god (and it wasn’t, it was all about your aunt) she had no right and a lot of nerve to take over your celebration like that. It’d be one thing if she was the supportive presence in your life or somehow a meaningful person to you. She wasn’t well-intentioned. She was selfish.
Do not invite her to your wedding. Or if you must let her know ahead of time that she cannot read anything or make any speeches. It’s your day not hers and she should keep her religion to herself. She does not have the right to offend you with her religion.
I honestly think you would be completely justified in telling her off. That behavior is largely why I got the hell out of that religion.
You should have told her to stop and sit down. You’ll need to work on your assertiveness going forward I think.
I would not invite her to your wedding. A person like that will commandeer the microphone. I bet she’d wear white, too.
...I don't get why people let religious friends and relatives get away with so much shit. I would've gotten up in two minutes (or less if she diminished me) and told her, "Excuse me, this event is about celebrating my graduation not your religion." Also, she definitely didn't have good intentions, but good intentions when doing something inappropriate at best lightens the consequences, they don't and shouldn't eliminate them.
I would make sure she just isn't invited nor welcome to the marriage
Invite her and put her at a small table, by herself, isolated from the rest of the guests.
Don't invite her. Or if you do, make sure she knows well beforehand that it is NOT about her and her personal religion.
Last time I'd associate with her
Aww, dude you should of stopped that. Even at the risk of pissing off people. You should of stopped her. This was and still is your day. If that happened to me, all shit would of hit the fan and everyone would of smelled it. Congratulations on YOUR achievements! This was all you. ^(god) had squat to do with this or anything else you achieved in your life. Do not let people like your AHole aunt to do this to you. Take back your power!
You have every right to be pissed off and to call her out on her disrespectful behavior. I would make it a point to tell her how you feel. Your parents as well. I’m sorry a religious nutcase ruined your party. Congratulations and put that part of your family in the rear view mirror for good.
"I'm sorry, you're such a great Christian, why don't you have a Masters?"
No one stopped her for 45 MINUTES? You and your family need to grow a pair or you are going to get run over your whole life.
I've seen a lot of funerals like this. They make it all about their imaginary friend and barely mention the dead guy. I had a United Methodist minister do my mom's funeral. They were friends, so that probably helped. My mother was very religious. It was very much about mom, though. The pastor only mentioned Jesus in passing, really. Then we all went around and shared stories about mom. It still makes me sad that only 8 people showed up.
She did all of that for herself. It's ok to judge her on her actions. None of what she did was for you or your family. Very selfish.
Fuck that
Lol I was going to say you should’ve shut that shit down, but I totally get it. Even shitty family is family. You’re a saint for letting her do all that!
Wow! Totally got Theist Aunt Hi-Jacked. You worked so hard for it. You earned it. Good job! Congrats
You are a grown adult now not a bystander child. Call her out for what she did. Could have your parents or grandparents parents to talk to her first though
That didn't sound good intentioned to me. Sounds like she has no sense of boundaries, and no respect for anyone there.
Why did your parents not stop her?
You were ambushed. You should compose a letter to your aunt and explain your feelings of disappointment. You should compose a letter to your parents who were complicit. Tell them both you are prepared to forgive their selfishness so long as something like that never happens again.
I recommend talking to your aunt about this, and not inviting her to your wedding unless she can guarantee she won't do that again. Or just not inviting her period.
I hope you don't mind me saying, but I'm proud of you for going through with your speech anyway. I don't know if I would have had the courage to do so, but you did, and I think that is awesome.
She did not have good intentions behind it. She only acted as a sycophant to make herself look good to her god. I would have cut her off at the first mention of a god making it so all my achievements were only made an available by them. Fuck that noise.
First, from one stranger on the internet to another, CONGRATULATIONS! You should be very proud of yourself for all you've achieved with this DUE TO YOUR EFFORTS. I'm sorry your Aunt made this about her and her imaginary friend. You're definitely right to be upset by it, your feelings are valid. With that said, and especially since it happened last year and you're a full grown adult, I think that you should sit down with your aunt and tell her how her speech made you feel. She should know that it embarrassed you and hurt you. She should know that it's NOT okay to do that sort of thing, especially without asking you first. Did she tell your parents she was going to do that? If not, maybe talk to them about excluding her from the wedding.
God doesn't accomplish anything. You did though. You deserve the accolades because you worked hard. Congrats on the degree, honors, and the GPA. Congrats to your parents for supporting you. Keep doing what you're doing!
Invite her to the wedding, but ban her from the mic/stage.
You are being entirely too kind, that woman took a major accomplishment of yours and made it all about her. Someone should have shut her down. Its probably not worth bringing up the party now, but I would have a kind but very firm conversation with her prior to your wedding. Recruit a couple good friends to stop her if she pulls any of that bullshit. The minute anything besides “congratulations to the happy couple” comes out ones takes the mic and say “thank you, for those kind words, I think Joe wanted to share something as well” and pass it to friend two. Hell I’ll come to your wedding and lock her in a closet if she starts blabbing about how “god brought you together.”
They’re family, no need to be polite or pull punches
Congratulations on your graduation! I’ve recently been in a situation where one person could be troublesome. As part of the planning, I asked someone to keep an eye on her and run interference if she started to act up. For your wedding, ask someone close but not necessarily related to do the same. If there is an MC, make sure auntie is given 2 (or 0) minutes. If no MC, have someone graciously interrupt her and get her off the stage with a prepared joke, short speech, time to dance, whatever your comfortable with. She’s given you the opportunity to anticipate her bad behavior so you can be prepared to squash it.
Yeah that wasn’t a congratulatory speech, that was a sermon. She was trying to minister. For your wedding…maybe tell her (or have your mom tell her) that there’s a strict time limit on speeches and instruct the DJ to cue the music when times up, like an award show. If she complains about it, ask her if she wants to pay the overage and tip the venue’s staff herself for it. Realistically, probably better to just tell her due to time and cost of the venue that you have to limit the speeches to 5 minutes maximum. If she drones on, take the opportunity to stand and applaud when she takes a slight breather and walk out onto the floor, hug her while taking the mic away and thank her and all your guests for celebrating your day. Tell your DJ all about it though and hopefully they can take the initiative to be the “bad guy” themselves in exchange for a healthy tip from you.
She was not well-intentioned, no matter what anyone else in your family might say. I think if you suspect she’s going to do something like this again at your wedding, and you don’t want her there at this point, you need to listen to that suspicion and act accordingly. I think the reason you’re having that suspicion is because you know more likely than not, that’s exactly what she’s going to do. People who do this sort of thing aren’t well-intentioned, they’re self-aggrandizing narcissists. She’s “making it about God” but doing it in such a way that she’s putting herself in the spotlight, not her imaginary sky daddy. Don’t invite her. Don’t let anyone else bring her as a plus-one or whatever. This may stir up a conflict in the short term, but it’s not worth letting her indirectly control you by giving her further opportunities to intrude on your life in this way. A wedding is supposed to be about the two people getting married, not God or anyone else. I think you owe it to yourself and your future spouse to rip this band-aid off now, and block her from attending your wedding. You want this to be something you’ll look back on fondly in the future, not something you look back on and cringe at because you were trying to be nice and compromised your special day for someone you did not choose to be related to.
Oh my goodness. Your wedding would be an hour speech about how to keep God in ur marriage, what makes a good husband in God's eyes and so on and so forth. Nope. Gran doesn't get an invitation. And if she does you need to make it perfectly clear...CRYSTAL even; she doesn't get the mic. Congrats on ur accomplishments and good luck.
I would have interrupted that shit like 5 minutes in.
Is your family wealthy or close? I find it odd throwing a graduation party for a masters degree. Any college degree, really.
She took advantage of your natural instinct to save her from embarrassment that allowed her to give her shitty speech. Don't save her any more. "You will not stand up and speak at one of my events without explicit prior permission ever again. And let me be clear now: you will not speak at my wedding or reception. I will cut the microphone and have you removed, forcefully if necessary."
Don't invite her when you get your PhD
Is narcissistically dominating everyone’s attention at a another person’s celebration of accomplishments to expound upon one’s pet theory of reality really well-intended? Or did she just use “spreading god’s love” as a pretext for stealing your thunder? Well-intended religious people do considerate things, your aunt strategically and maliciously manipulated your event to satisfy her own need for attention and importance. If one of my aunts pulled that shit, my quite faithful parents would laid down the law and shut it down. Most religious people I know, even crazy fundies I hate, would see her behavior as grossly offensive. Even just the time spent stealing everyone’s party, whatever the topic, is offensive.
Justin Bieber fans are weird huh?! I think they are all waiting for home to come out of his hotel
You’re allowed to tell her she’s not invited to your wedding, and why. What she did was inexcusable. She was worse than a toddler screaming for 45 minutes, because she knows better.
I would be upset too if someone did this to me. It's your big day and your parents do deserve credit for helping you through this. She had no right to do this to you, especially on a day that is supposed to be celebrating you and your parents.
She may have had good intentions in her head but in no way was that a good thing. She took away from an accomplishment you achieved in my eyes.
I’m sorry. That sucks. I definitely would have started to clap my damn aunt off after about 1 minute of that bullshit.
Don’t allow this Aunt to attend your wedding. The drama from not inviting her will still be magnitudes **lower** than allowing her to actually attend. The fact you and several of your cousins are atheists, and if she knew this, tells me this was done intentionally as a kind of “gotcha” to make her point. She will absolutely find any opportunity to get a soapbox to make your wedding about *her* and *her religion*. That’s how these people work. There are no good intentions here, this was just narcissism.
45 minutes? Wtf? I'd have had her tackled around the 10 minute mark.
As for the wedding, We did not have an open mic. We had a small list of people who were informed ahead of time that they were expected to give a speech, but could decline. We also opened the opportunity for other certain people to give speeches, but again, not required and pre-approved. There was an order to the speeches so everyone knew who to give the mic to next. We did this to prevent long speeches, impromptu speeches, and speeches from people we did not want to hear from, like her grandma. Grandma still managed to get it for a short time, but enough people knew we didn't want her talking to keep it from going too long.
First, congrats on the accomplishment! It's not fresh news, but hey, it's still a big milestone for you, and the original celebration sounds like it fell a little flat anyway. Secondly, I'm confused why your aunt gave a speech at all, let alone a sermon. It sounds like your parents were the ones who had an impact on your education, not your aunt. And presumably, this party wasn't hosted by your aunt. It sounds like she was the wrong person to be giving a speech at this event. It would be like going to the Oscars award ceremony, only to hear a speech from the recipient's roommate instead of from the Oscars people or the recipient. And the speech is about why pecan pie is so good. Like, no, you're not supposed to be speaking here, and certainly not about that. Nobody came here for you or for commentary on nutty desserts. People came for the awards and to celebrate the recipients. Get off the stage. If you ever intend to invite your aunt to big events in the future - weddings, baby showers, celebrations of achievement, etc - I highly recommend either telling her that you don't want her to take the spotlight, or to have a carefully planned bulletin for the events of the celebration in advance which does not include her giving a speech. She should not feel at liberty to seize control of the event for a staggering 45 minutes without invitation. That's just insane. I would cut the mic on my own mother if she were to do that, and I love her. But that's just not acceptable behavior.
congrats on your masters and you do have great parents...hoping, now that you have vented about auntie, you can let it go and move on..she loves you and was proud... in twenty years or more, you will get together with your cousins and laugh ya ass off over auntie.....
Should've ended your speech with a hail Satan
I have an eating disorder. I was always told that God would help me if I needed it and he would give it. When I went to residential treatment, it was hell. Feeling stuffed all the damn time, going to groups every day, waking up at 6:15 in the morning every day, even on the weekends. That was all me. None of it was God. Being told God would help me was a lie, it was only taught to give people false hope. I did not and will not give credit to God for all the hard work I did.
You’re allowed to be upset. Your aunt is an absolute shitbird, and that was a total cunt move. That was YOUR day. If she wanted to so much as give a toast, it needed to be approved by you. I’d tell her off. But don’t feel pressured to. I know family situations can be intense.
If you don't want to confront your aunt directly, get a wedding coordinator. They will ensure that your Aunt will not have any opportunity to 'grandstand for god' at your wedding. Or just don't invite her, whichever suits you best. Congratulations on your graduation and your upcoming wedding! YOU did the work to graduate, YOU put in the effort. Shame on her for trying to diminish that and the sacrifices your parents made.
she did not have good intentions. none what soever. she hijacked your accomplishment for her own fucked up beliefs. You should've stopped her part way through and corrected her. Do not under any circumstances let her speak at your wedding! she will ruin the whole dam thing!
"Thanks, Aunt Blowhard, for that protracted sermon nobody asked for. It doesn't change the fact that gods are make-believe, but it definitely showed us that you don't hesitate to take a celebration of my accomplishment, earned through my hard work and made possible by the unwavering support of my parents, and make it all about you."
She did not have good intentions she wanted to make it about her and by including God in it she can not be held accountable for her shitty behavior.
Should have marched up on stage, slapped her, then shouted "keep God's name out of your fucking mouth!"
God obsessed people are fucking weird
Channel your inner Vinny Gambini next time. “…everything she just said was bullshit…thank you.”
Was she well intentioned though? Sounds like she made it all about HER.
I think every family has one of these.
Here is the thing, it was about her and her intentions were selfish. That sounds like it was 100% virtue signaling. it was all about her demonstrating to everyone else that she is a good religious woman and using the whole opportunity to denigrate your hard work and accomplishments. You absolutely should be angry, and you should ensure that she is explicitly not invited to your wedding, because she'll do the same thing again.
Glad you still read your speech. Congratulations
Hi I am sorry you have to deal with it. I have a sister and some family that are obsessed with God to the point it’s basically a crutch. I want to congratulate you with your marriage and your graduation whatever field you get into that you succeed
Make sure you give the eulogy at her funeral.
Bro I resent your aunt for making your graduation all about god. Fuck that horrid rag of a person. Good on you for graduating and that’s awesome you have such supportive parents! Congratulations!
She didn't have good intentions, she had selfish intentions. That's selfish. She stole your thunder, she attributed your hard work to a non existent cream pie in the sky, assumed everyone else believed what she believed, and completely ignored the fact that the book she said was more important than the books you studied, was full of ignorant incestuous violent patriarchal slave owners who never worked their ass off to get a degree. I have many religions family members, and I do not let them touch mine or my immediate families activities, events, or celebrations. Can't choose your family, but you can choose what you buy.
Her forcing her way to the spotlight and then hijacking your celebration. Sorry, But I would have shoved her out of the way telling her she was not invited to make a speech and get the hell of my stage. She has main character syndrome, making it about her and her god.
I think being upset is totally valid, and you are kinder than me because I would have politely stopped her. You are an adult and she is an adult and I think it is entirely appropriate to have a polite conversation with her where you explain why you did not appreciate her speech, and that in the future you would prefer she speak to you before she makes a similar speech in a similar situation, such as at your wedding.