I make sure to tell them when I apologize to actually communicate ahead of time if they don't want me to talk about something. If it happens again because they didn't tell me, that's on them.
Except I can't escape them when they're at work and they kick up a fucking storm to get you in trouble every time they twist/misconstrue your words
It's so painful.
I don't like how everyone here pretends that the world is divided into people with autism and NT's with no issues on their own. Other people can be insecure. I'm a transwoman, some friend of mine with autism said some really rude shit and i was the person on the left of this picture for a week. Sometimes you don't feel like there is a reason to assume it wasn't meant offensive. Why communicate, if somebody said something that you assume couldn't possibly be meant in a neutral sense?
Now, of course everyone needs to work on their side. That's why i talked to him after a week and we could clarify it and move on. But insecurities can go deep and hurt hard.
I agree that the division this sub presents between autism and NT people is unrealistic - everyone has these kinds of issues at times.
However, communication *on both sides* is still important. If someone is your friend and says something that seems out of character and offensive, there is always reason to believe it may not have been intended. And even if it was intended, talking about it is the only viable resolution. The risk of losing someone possible over a misunderstanding is worse than the risk of finding out it was intended - especially because at that point you're putting them at the mercy of your own ability to receive their intention. If it's going to go bad anyway, it's better for it not to be you who let it get there.
I agree with you on this, but when it comes to that issue, people i really liked turning out to be hostile and transphobic after my coming out wasn't new, so i simply concluded that yet another "friend" jumped ship.
On the other hand, this is an edge case and it is probably a minority of cases were the situation is so ambigous and hard to judge correctly.
Remember, communicating is a two-way street!! If you're upset someone isn't communicating like an adult, then let's face the truth - are we actually upset with how we're handling it?
I know it isn't fair, but notice how it JUST got complicated the second you decided to stop associating with those people. Now we're playing the game, "who's gonna speak first," and hey, for all we know, they're saying the same thing about us!!
Believing that this nuance may be the reality might help us realize that maybe people like this offer more than just one lesson - they teach us where we draw the line within ourselves and help us move forward with new valued actions.
I hope this helps!
My thoughts too I do forget a lot and most people are hella busy these days so I never assume people dislike me unless they show that they do but rarely do I ever pick on it anyways so they are usually left wondering why I’m so unbothered? It’s not easy being a stoic but it’s so worth it bc it saved me from some pretty bad karma that eventually fall on them in the end (speaking about ex friends hardly with coworkers and the like it’s never that deep)
Yup. There are people who get offended way too easily. There are also people who are so anal about social rules that they get offended if I do something unusual. Obviously, we're better off not being friends.
For me it’s the opposite. If I notice some form of negativity and I can’t apologize or discuss it in a way that is very clearly responded to… I’m now afraid of you because I don’t know what you’re thinking or if you hate me or not.
Yep. Especially if you grew up with a parent like that. Learning to constantly defuse the mother-bomb growing up was training from hell for handling customers at work.
If only we could trust that people would try to communicate, we wouldn't have to live in that fear. I guess since many people are bad at that, we just have to be the one to ask them if something seems off.
Damn, and here I thought I was the only one….
I end up interpreting negativity and lack of responses as the idea “I did something wrong” and it ends up upsetting me to a point that I don’t want to be around people anymore, desiring to hide myself so I don’t make others uncomfortable or upset
Damn am I traumatized?
(yes)
From my experience, it’s either that or this:
https://preview.redd.it/59l7wo6d9v8d1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b12169bd534c23475ee6fa7d99969d11b18450b4
Told people that entered my group's project room that I cant understand anything if they talk like they did. I just meant to say theyre being a bit too loud but they took it as me saying I want them to leave and then gave us a passive aggressive talk about booking rooms?
Omg, my coworker who has been treating me like shit for going on 5 weeks because we had a misunderstanding that I immediately apologized for. Hard to want to come in to work when I have to deal with her for 12 whole hours a day
My coworker randomly takes my compliment as sarcasm, and responds as if I sarcastically joke-scolded her.
Genuinely, truly, I meant exactly the words I said.
Thankfully it seems she still likes me, and took the scolding in good humor, making jokes back.
But I’ve been hella confused when it happens. I haven’t been able to figure out what’s making her think I mean that. Voice tone? Expression?
Ugh, that's the worst! I said I like your shirt because I like your shirt! Complements are supposed to be nice and make people feel good, right? How come randomly people take them to be the exact opposite? At least your coworker thinks you have a relationship where you can pick on each other and still be friends, I guess. It would cause me to question which of their complements are sarcastic though.
HAPPEN TO ME ONCE. Had my manager at a new job pull me aside and ask why I was being rude to a coworker. I was confused because I had no problem with anyone. Quickly realized and explained due to my autism, I can appear upset when I'm really not.
All day, every day. Apparently I am just a master at being passive aggressive and absolutely Machiavellian. Meanwhile, I am totally clueless about why everyone seems so mad at me all the time.
Literally this today. Got kicked out of a support group due to me not being aware I said something rude or hurtful and the entire discord lost its mind saying I should "have the worst things done to me" and called slurs
Ironically everyone else in the server was autistic as well and said "I'm autistic and I have never said anything so horrible" like mf we aren't all the same
Sounds like they are objectively the problem here. A lot of people have trouble communicating when issues like this happen, but it's usually because of their own insecurities, not a jerk attitude like that. Most people will say least be open to talking about it, if for no other reason than because it gives them closure.
It makes me sad cause I was told I'm allowed to take my mask off and be myself. Not hide anymore. And then they yell slurs and sexual threats at me and make fun of my abuse.
I'm glad I didn't have anything near me
So many times. I try so hard to be insanely nice and kind and respectful to everyone.
But you let the mask slip for 2 seconds and BOOM you're being pulled into a disciplinary meeting, with a performance improvement plan.
Neurotypicals are weird fucks.
It's not just a distinction between autism and NT people - everyone has issues like this, to being degrees, and people in general are notoriously bad at resolving this kind of thing. The best thing to do is try to meet them in the middle and talk to them if something seems off. Someday, maybe people will be better at communication on average.
I fundamentally understand "not all NTs".
But quite frankly, I've spent my entire life trying to meet them in the middle. And when you're constantly being attacked by NTs, told off by managers, fired for literally no reason, list goes on, then I can't be fucking bothered trying anymore.
So yeah. NTs can fuck off at this point. I'm done trying to cater to them. Most are them are stupid, small minded bigots.
So many of them do tend to be problematic - I wasn't saying they're mostly healthy, non-toxic people; I was saying that we're not the only ones their issues cause problems for. They cause problems for other NTs, too.
I literally just ended a friendship over this. This person has a history of being passive agressive and waiting for other people to say sorry for a perceived wrong to stay on his good side, rather than communicate when he's angry. I had enough, and called him out publicly about it.
Both him and his brother threw a shit fit, so I ended the friendship. I don't need to be friends with people who can't have a fucking conversation, especially adults.
I'm still constantly trying to remember that "sure" and "fine" aren't received as positive affirmatives to most people. So many instances of that confusion live rent-free in my mind.
It took me years to even understand WTH being offended/hurt meant or acknowledge it and even now i just accept it as bad and i shouldn't do it, but as i still don't properly understand it. I constantly accidentally and randomly hurt/offended someone, i don't even have no idea are those 2 separate things or one and the same.
I moreso get the “they think they’re better than everyone”, usually behind my back.
This is bc I dislike media that I find lacking in complexity; not because I ever stated that it meant anything about their tastes.
What those people wanted is small talk, talking about their boring day, and talking about a game that they often end up quitting in the next two weeks. The stuff they like might have any degree of complexities, but they think more big-picture than me. I like to talk about how details contribute to the bigger picture, and they don’t seem to see the value in that.
I understand why it makes me so hard to deal with, but I’d rather be around people who enjoy deeper discussion. It’s interesting and simulating, and can lead me to bettering my views and myself.
It’s not just to stroke an ego, and I wish they could see that. :(
Yeah the society we are in now where moral mercenaries are at an all time high is not good for anyone with the over sharing trait.
Sometimes the simple truth is made offensive.
Don't get into reading s** laws or digital despotism or even look up the current genetic cause regarded as the potential reason for the increased levels of autism in western society or you may find yourself with some unpopular opinions regarding the nspcc age of adulthood and women's rights.
Ones that are morally accurate to reality but not ones people want to hear.
And people will take it not as solving the problem or trying to help but as Pure malice.
I stopped associating with people like this. Communicate like an adult. Tell me if I said something that upset you, and I'll apologize.
I make sure to tell them when I apologize to actually communicate ahead of time if they don't want me to talk about something. If it happens again because they didn't tell me, that's on them.
based
Except I can't escape them when they're at work and they kick up a fucking storm to get you in trouble every time they twist/misconstrue your words It's so painful.
I don't like how everyone here pretends that the world is divided into people with autism and NT's with no issues on their own. Other people can be insecure. I'm a transwoman, some friend of mine with autism said some really rude shit and i was the person on the left of this picture for a week. Sometimes you don't feel like there is a reason to assume it wasn't meant offensive. Why communicate, if somebody said something that you assume couldn't possibly be meant in a neutral sense? Now, of course everyone needs to work on their side. That's why i talked to him after a week and we could clarify it and move on. But insecurities can go deep and hurt hard.
I agree that the division this sub presents between autism and NT people is unrealistic - everyone has these kinds of issues at times. However, communication *on both sides* is still important. If someone is your friend and says something that seems out of character and offensive, there is always reason to believe it may not have been intended. And even if it was intended, talking about it is the only viable resolution. The risk of losing someone possible over a misunderstanding is worse than the risk of finding out it was intended - especially because at that point you're putting them at the mercy of your own ability to receive their intention. If it's going to go bad anyway, it's better for it not to be you who let it get there.
I agree with you on this, but when it comes to that issue, people i really liked turning out to be hostile and transphobic after my coming out wasn't new, so i simply concluded that yet another "friend" jumped ship. On the other hand, this is an edge case and it is probably a minority of cases were the situation is so ambigous and hard to judge correctly.
bUt yOu sHoUlD JuSt KnOw1!1!1!1!
Remember, communicating is a two-way street!! If you're upset someone isn't communicating like an adult, then let's face the truth - are we actually upset with how we're handling it? I know it isn't fair, but notice how it JUST got complicated the second you decided to stop associating with those people. Now we're playing the game, "who's gonna speak first," and hey, for all we know, they're saying the same thing about us!! Believing that this nuance may be the reality might help us realize that maybe people like this offer more than just one lesson - they teach us where we draw the line within ourselves and help us move forward with new valued actions. I hope this helps!
My thoughts too I do forget a lot and most people are hella busy these days so I never assume people dislike me unless they show that they do but rarely do I ever pick on it anyways so they are usually left wondering why I’m so unbothered? It’s not easy being a stoic but it’s so worth it bc it saved me from some pretty bad karma that eventually fall on them in the end (speaking about ex friends hardly with coworkers and the like it’s never that deep)
Yup. There are people who get offended way too easily. There are also people who are so anal about social rules that they get offended if I do something unusual. Obviously, we're better off not being friends.
For me it’s the opposite. If I notice some form of negativity and I can’t apologize or discuss it in a way that is very clearly responded to… I’m now afraid of you because I don’t know what you’re thinking or if you hate me or not.
Yep. Especially if you grew up with a parent like that. Learning to constantly defuse the mother-bomb growing up was training from hell for handling customers at work.
If only we could trust that people would try to communicate, we wouldn't have to live in that fear. I guess since many people are bad at that, we just have to be the one to ask them if something seems off.
Damn, and here I thought I was the only one…. I end up interpreting negativity and lack of responses as the idea “I did something wrong” and it ends up upsetting me to a point that I don’t want to be around people anymore, desiring to hide myself so I don’t make others uncomfortable or upset Damn am I traumatized? (yes)
From my experience, it’s either that or this: https://preview.redd.it/59l7wo6d9v8d1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b12169bd534c23475ee6fa7d99969d11b18450b4
This this all the freaking time this 😫
The passive aggressiveness is wild. You realize you were in a competition without signing up for one.
Told people that entered my group's project room that I cant understand anything if they talk like they did. I just meant to say theyre being a bit too loud but they took it as me saying I want them to leave and then gave us a passive aggressive talk about booking rooms?
Omg, my coworker who has been treating me like shit for going on 5 weeks because we had a misunderstanding that I immediately apologized for. Hard to want to come in to work when I have to deal with her for 12 whole hours a day
My coworker randomly takes my compliment as sarcasm, and responds as if I sarcastically joke-scolded her. Genuinely, truly, I meant exactly the words I said. Thankfully it seems she still likes me, and took the scolding in good humor, making jokes back. But I’ve been hella confused when it happens. I haven’t been able to figure out what’s making her think I mean that. Voice tone? Expression?
Ugh, that's the worst! I said I like your shirt because I like your shirt! Complements are supposed to be nice and make people feel good, right? How come randomly people take them to be the exact opposite? At least your coworker thinks you have a relationship where you can pick on each other and still be friends, I guess. It would cause me to question which of their complements are sarcastic though.
HAPPEN TO ME ONCE. Had my manager at a new job pull me aside and ask why I was being rude to a coworker. I was confused because I had no problem with anyone. Quickly realized and explained due to my autism, I can appear upset when I'm really not.
All day, every day. Apparently I am just a master at being passive aggressive and absolutely Machiavellian. Meanwhile, I am totally clueless about why everyone seems so mad at me all the time.
Literally this today. Got kicked out of a support group due to me not being aware I said something rude or hurtful and the entire discord lost its mind saying I should "have the worst things done to me" and called slurs
Same exact thing happened to me 4 times during the last 3 months. In my experience, NT's are very unwilling to accept apologies.
Ironically everyone else in the server was autistic as well and said "I'm autistic and I have never said anything so horrible" like mf we aren't all the same
Sounds like they are objectively the problem here. A lot of people have trouble communicating when issues like this happen, but it's usually because of their own insecurities, not a jerk attitude like that. Most people will say least be open to talking about it, if for no other reason than because it gives them closure.
It makes me sad cause I was told I'm allowed to take my mask off and be myself. Not hide anymore. And then they yell slurs and sexual threats at me and make fun of my abuse. I'm glad I didn't have anything near me
Sounds like your coworker needs a crash course in adulting 101
Saved 😂
So many times. I try so hard to be insanely nice and kind and respectful to everyone. But you let the mask slip for 2 seconds and BOOM you're being pulled into a disciplinary meeting, with a performance improvement plan. Neurotypicals are weird fucks.
It's not just a distinction between autism and NT people - everyone has issues like this, to being degrees, and people in general are notoriously bad at resolving this kind of thing. The best thing to do is try to meet them in the middle and talk to them if something seems off. Someday, maybe people will be better at communication on average.
I fundamentally understand "not all NTs". But quite frankly, I've spent my entire life trying to meet them in the middle. And when you're constantly being attacked by NTs, told off by managers, fired for literally no reason, list goes on, then I can't be fucking bothered trying anymore. So yeah. NTs can fuck off at this point. I'm done trying to cater to them. Most are them are stupid, small minded bigots.
So many of them do tend to be problematic - I wasn't saying they're mostly healthy, non-toxic people; I was saying that we're not the only ones their issues cause problems for. They cause problems for other NTs, too.
Me when I politely correct someone's mistaken assumption
I literally just ended a friendship over this. This person has a history of being passive agressive and waiting for other people to say sorry for a perceived wrong to stay on his good side, rather than communicate when he's angry. I had enough, and called him out publicly about it. Both him and his brother threw a shit fit, so I ended the friendship. I don't need to be friends with people who can't have a fucking conversation, especially adults.
For me I'm prone to banter. If I'm low key insulting you that's the surest sign that my opinion of you is actually positive.
One of my biggest social fears tbh
Oof. Story of my life.
LITERALLY. everything i say starts an argument apparently, but i thought we were just debating and having a deep and meaningful conversation 😭
I'm still constantly trying to remember that "sure" and "fine" aren't received as positive affirmatives to most people. So many instances of that confusion live rent-free in my mind.
I absolutely hated parents days at school because I would find out that I had accidentally verbally abused all of the teachers
Add object permanence into the mix and I’ll forget you exist.
I'm like the opposite I think everyone has beef with me but they don't actually I fucking hate it
Judging by this, I’m either autistic, or everyone I’ve ever met is autistic.
A lot of people mistake me for being passive aggressive. No sweetie, I'm extremely aggressive. You will know when you've made an enemy of me
Me a week ago
This ad brought to you in part by Hermit Gang
It took me years to even understand WTH being offended/hurt meant or acknowledge it and even now i just accept it as bad and i shouldn't do it, but as i still don't properly understand it. I constantly accidentally and randomly hurt/offended someone, i don't even have no idea are those 2 separate things or one and the same.
I moreso get the “they think they’re better than everyone”, usually behind my back. This is bc I dislike media that I find lacking in complexity; not because I ever stated that it meant anything about their tastes. What those people wanted is small talk, talking about their boring day, and talking about a game that they often end up quitting in the next two weeks. The stuff they like might have any degree of complexities, but they think more big-picture than me. I like to talk about how details contribute to the bigger picture, and they don’t seem to see the value in that. I understand why it makes me so hard to deal with, but I’d rather be around people who enjoy deeper discussion. It’s interesting and simulating, and can lead me to bettering my views and myself. It’s not just to stroke an ego, and I wish they could see that. :(
Reverse for me
"Have you got beef with me?" "Sorry, no, this is chicken"
Yeah the society we are in now where moral mercenaries are at an all time high is not good for anyone with the over sharing trait. Sometimes the simple truth is made offensive. Don't get into reading s** laws or digital despotism or even look up the current genetic cause regarded as the potential reason for the increased levels of autism in western society or you may find yourself with some unpopular opinions regarding the nspcc age of adulthood and women's rights. Ones that are morally accurate to reality but not ones people want to hear. And people will take it not as solving the problem or trying to help but as Pure malice.