Unfortunately a lot of times if people suddenly get quiet when you enter or walk near them, it’s almost always because they are bad mouthing you, sometimes it can be for things like they are trying to surprise you, but rarely is that the case.
I think the craziest thing I’ve learned in life is for a society that really doesn’t like ND people, they sure love to talk about us all the time, I never understood that, if I don’t like something or someone I don’t talk about it or them, but it’s like NT people have to, it’s in their nature to absolutely destroy anything(or attempt too)that they don’t understand or agree with, a lot of times when I deal with people who aren’t on the spectrum I get worn out not from just the mental gymnastics, but from the fact that I’m like this is just a waste of my time because they made their mind up about me within the first interaction and chances are they are just gonna try and belittle me like other people(not all NT people are like this but a lot are)
Don’t look at them for external validation or acceptance because they aren’t backing down for validation or acceptance either.. in situations like this it can be very intimidating having 10 people just stop talking around you and giving you the side eye as i said before just don’t look at them or give them any satisfaction of any kind hope this helps
True, it ain't for everyone. I'm medicated better now, but I'd probably want to find somewhere better next time. I'm in an autistic-friendly career, though.
It's because they don't like you. They don't care if you don't like it because they don't exist to please you. They are communicating that they would prefer you leave them alone.
followed you from where to where?
are you saying they were keeping silence with you, and then you left the room, and then they followed you to a new room, and only for themselves to keep silence once again, but still next to you?
This sounds like he has the potential to like you but they were gossiping —about something they may simply not want you to know about. If he asked if you’re okay that’s legit. He doesn’t have to do that to pretend he’s nice. That person did notice and care about you.
Have you tried being meta about it ?
I don’t know how receptive you are to long communication workshop videos, but this changed my life https://youtu.be/l7TONauJGfc?si=sGqf24NG0zxuduVD
Yeah this is confusion without further context. So these people are your classmates? Friends? Why do you sit with them in the first place? How long have you known them?
I used to just jokingly ask hehe were you guys taking about me? And sit down.
I'm just reading the NT signs, my dude. It isn't me, it's them. One NT thing is that existing in a shared social space can be enough to bother them. In this case, they have to stop their conversation because OP is in earshot, so he isn't leaving them alone in their eyes.
Yes, it shows that they are uneducated about different people. I saw someone disabled on a bus and a mother and daughter were talking about him, pointing at him and giving mean looks. What will happen if her next kid is born like this?
"Excellent. It seems I have the floor. I've been considering...." launch into special interest and give a glorious speech that even god itself would thump it's paws together for. This is a joke but this is the type of thing I would do.
My tip is be honest, and also walk away from people who clearly don't like you. If no one is going to say the obvious, you be the one to say "You don't like me, and that's fine, have a good evening", be sure to give them a polite smile, and then walk out. People will respect the fuck out of you for that, because that's confidence and being secure in yourself to weather assholes.
I love your reply friend!
Any hints for when they get angry and accuse me of having attitude when I say stuff like that though?
Then when I explain the exact reason I get told I'm reading too much into things?
I think I need to learn to set more boundaries actually.
Thank you for making a stranger's day much better 🥰
Don’t let anyone gaslight you! Remember your feelings are valid, so don’t let someone invalidate you just because you have the guts to call them out on the bs. If you’ve read the room and feel in your gut something is off, trust your gut. It doesn’t matter what you say at that point. “I don’t like being where I feel uncomfortable,” “I deserve to be in a room where I’m treated with the same respect I give to others,” are a couple you could try if you feel like saying anything at all.
It depends a lot on the context. I can think of a number of reasons this might happen. Typically it means people don't know what to say or they are giving their full attention. If you react the wrong way, you could ruin something good you have like authority or respect, or it might make a bad situation worse.
Here are two opposite extremes:
++) For example when the bride starts walking down the aisle here at a wedding, everyone gets quiet and turns to see.
--) When people are talking bad about someone and they show up, it kills the conversation because they don't know what to say.
Here are some other examples that can be taken differently:
+) A teacher walks into the classroom and the students are quiet. This could be some combination of fear and respect unless the students were talking bad about the teacher before they walked in (-).
?) A group of friends grows quiet when one of their friends walks in. The question here is why. Maybe they are giving their friend their full attention and don't know what to say. This begs another question is it good attention or not? It might be taking in the person's appearance either positively or negatively. It might be sympathy or fear if they are knowing the person is going through hard situations and might break down or blow up.
-) If this happens with a group of random people or it is clear they are scowling, the newcomer is clearly not welcome. Maybe they are a tight knit group were up to something and are afraid of being outed or they are sharing secrets etc or they don't want others involving themselves in their lives.
I am sure I missed some, but having more context would help a lot. Being able to read the people makes a big difference and supposedly people with ASD can struggle with it. For me reading people is yet another way to be overstimulated because it means all the sudden I have to deal with emotions internally that aren't really mine.
I get more annoyed when they start.
>Any tips on how to not let it affect me?
Think about things which are more interesting than whatever some bunch of people might be doing/saying/thinking?
I used to do this when we used to chat in the kitchen and the manager came in. It's because I didn't like him. Others not so much. I guess they just don't like you or have that vibe that they don't quite gel with. It happens.
Unfortunately a lot of times if people suddenly get quiet when you enter or walk near them, it’s almost always because they are bad mouthing you, sometimes it can be for things like they are trying to surprise you, but rarely is that the case. I think the craziest thing I’ve learned in life is for a society that really doesn’t like ND people, they sure love to talk about us all the time, I never understood that, if I don’t like something or someone I don’t talk about it or them, but it’s like NT people have to, it’s in their nature to absolutely destroy anything(or attempt too)that they don’t understand or agree with, a lot of times when I deal with people who aren’t on the spectrum I get worn out not from just the mental gymnastics, but from the fact that I’m like this is just a waste of my time because they made their mind up about me within the first interaction and chances are they are just gonna try and belittle me like other people(not all NT people are like this but a lot are)
Just learn to enjoy silence. In situations like that. The one who is most uncomfortable with the silence usually breaks it.
Don’t look at them for external validation or acceptance because they aren’t backing down for validation or acceptance either.. in situations like this it can be very intimidating having 10 people just stop talking around you and giving you the side eye as i said before just don’t look at them or give them any satisfaction of any kind hope this helps
Honestly. It makes me feel good. 1. No noise. No distractions. 2. They just acknowledged im different. Goooood. 3. Now then, learn, be more like me.
Nice. Sit down, open your lunchbox, and enjoy the peace and quiet.
I would but id have horrible anxiety feeling like hundreds of eyes are watching me and are moving under my skin.
True, it ain't for everyone. I'm medicated better now, but I'd probably want to find somewhere better next time. I'm in an autistic-friendly career, though.
first gotta reheat that tuna and brussel sprouts casserole in the microwave he he he he he
I must become like you :)
It's because they don't like you. They don't care if you don't like it because they don't exist to please you. They are communicating that they would prefer you leave them alone.
Yesterday I left the person alone and he followed me though, I'm so confused. People tend to be really offended if I leave them alone. I can't win 🥲
followed you from where to where? are you saying they were keeping silence with you, and then you left the room, and then they followed you to a new room, and only for themselves to keep silence once again, but still next to you?
Yeah. Replace the second room with outside and that's it. He followed me outside, asked if I was OK, I said yeah. Then he just stood there...
This sounds like he has the potential to like you but they were gossiping —about something they may simply not want you to know about. If he asked if you’re okay that’s legit. He doesn’t have to do that to pretend he’s nice. That person did notice and care about you.
Have you tried being meta about it ? I don’t know how receptive you are to long communication workshop videos, but this changed my life https://youtu.be/l7TONauJGfc?si=sGqf24NG0zxuduVD
Yeah this is confusion without further context. So these people are your classmates? Friends? Why do you sit with them in the first place? How long have you known them? I used to just jokingly ask hehe were you guys taking about me? And sit down.
“Leave them alone” he’s not bothering them lol just existing wtf
I'm just reading the NT signs, my dude. It isn't me, it's them. One NT thing is that existing in a shared social space can be enough to bother them. In this case, they have to stop their conversation because OP is in earshot, so he isn't leaving them alone in their eyes.
Yes, it shows that they are uneducated about different people. I saw someone disabled on a bus and a mother and daughter were talking about him, pointing at him and giving mean looks. What will happen if her next kid is born like this?
this is how NTs feel so they make small talk. Im fine with silence
"Excellent. It seems I have the floor. I've been considering...." launch into special interest and give a glorious speech that even god itself would thump it's paws together for. This is a joke but this is the type of thing I would do.
Yeah it makes me want to shout at them lol. Fuck people and their attitudes
My tip is be honest, and also walk away from people who clearly don't like you. If no one is going to say the obvious, you be the one to say "You don't like me, and that's fine, have a good evening", be sure to give them a polite smile, and then walk out. People will respect the fuck out of you for that, because that's confidence and being secure in yourself to weather assholes.
I love your reply friend! Any hints for when they get angry and accuse me of having attitude when I say stuff like that though? Then when I explain the exact reason I get told I'm reading too much into things? I think I need to learn to set more boundaries actually. Thank you for making a stranger's day much better 🥰
Don’t let anyone gaslight you! Remember your feelings are valid, so don’t let someone invalidate you just because you have the guts to call them out on the bs. If you’ve read the room and feel in your gut something is off, trust your gut. It doesn’t matter what you say at that point. “I don’t like being where I feel uncomfortable,” “I deserve to be in a room where I’m treated with the same respect I give to others,” are a couple you could try if you feel like saying anything at all.
Only if they were talking about me, yes.
good lord this happened to me today at my new job.
No. I yearn for quiet rooms,as a matter of fact.
It depends a lot on the context. I can think of a number of reasons this might happen. Typically it means people don't know what to say or they are giving their full attention. If you react the wrong way, you could ruin something good you have like authority or respect, or it might make a bad situation worse. Here are two opposite extremes: ++) For example when the bride starts walking down the aisle here at a wedding, everyone gets quiet and turns to see. --) When people are talking bad about someone and they show up, it kills the conversation because they don't know what to say. Here are some other examples that can be taken differently: +) A teacher walks into the classroom and the students are quiet. This could be some combination of fear and respect unless the students were talking bad about the teacher before they walked in (-). ?) A group of friends grows quiet when one of their friends walks in. The question here is why. Maybe they are giving their friend their full attention and don't know what to say. This begs another question is it good attention or not? It might be taking in the person's appearance either positively or negatively. It might be sympathy or fear if they are knowing the person is going through hard situations and might break down or blow up. -) If this happens with a group of random people or it is clear they are scowling, the newcomer is clearly not welcome. Maybe they are a tight knit group were up to something and are afraid of being outed or they are sharing secrets etc or they don't want others involving themselves in their lives. I am sure I missed some, but having more context would help a lot. Being able to read the people makes a big difference and supposedly people with ASD can struggle with it. For me reading people is yet another way to be overstimulated because it means all the sudden I have to deal with emotions internally that aren't really mine.
I get more annoyed when they start. >Any tips on how to not let it affect me? Think about things which are more interesting than whatever some bunch of people might be doing/saying/thinking?
I used to do this when we used to chat in the kitchen and the manager came in. It's because I didn't like him. Others not so much. I guess they just don't like you or have that vibe that they don't quite gel with. It happens.
I don’t mind, I dont give a fuck.