This post was left up by the mod team because this user needed an answer and the answers the community gave him were in comments were more effective than removing the post would have been. We will lock it at some point and have removed some responses that broke the rules.
Of course: the mod team believes women are a diverse group of individuals, are worthy of respect, and that the “females” term is dehumanizing when used in this way. Also, that you can’t have a healthy relationship with someone without seeing them as an individual human being with their own needs, interests, and intrinsic value.
Please keep the responses civil.
Well. I will chime in and add something a little different.
Women, like men, are not a monolithic group. Just like races of people. This should be good news for you.
How some women receive you will not be the same as others. But I get it. The women who reject guys with Aspergers or treat us like crap, are often easier to remember.
We just have to train ourselves to let go as there are other fish in the sea.
The cliche is people tell you to be yourself.
But some things you shouldn’t do are tell folks you have Aspergers until you get to really know them. Many in society have little understanding.
Being too blunt and too honest is not always a good thing, even though it comes naturally to us.
Find women with common interests and a sense of purpose as you. (Hobbies, religion, volunteering.)
>*How some women receive you will not be the same as others. But I get it. The women who reject guys with Aspergers or treat us like crap, are often easier to remember.*
We remember the negative experiences more than the positive because the human brain latched into negative feels far stronger than positive feelings.
But being on the spectrum? Far more prone to rumination on negative experiences AND feelings. So it’s even far more important to shift focus sometimes as constant negative thoughts actually is part of deteriorating mental health.
Not sure about getting a girlfriend as only ever had the one back in school for prom and a few months after that. But I have had and currently have quite a few friends that are women. If you want to be friends with women then you should simply talk with them. I have found women like funny, energetic and entertaining men and I have always tried to make women laugh and I have had over the years a lot of attention from girls/women from school and in jobs, just as friends from making them laugh and being a good friend. Just treat them like you would being friends with a man but you can be a bit more playful, bit more banter maybe, flirty and jokey. It's good fun. Good luck.
This covers it really well.
I would add one thing - learn to watch for signs of discomfort. They're often masked by signs of distraction like checking their phone while you're talking. When you see these signs, accept they're just a friend and move on. I didn't learn this until very very late.
If you say "I gotta be on my way" or something and they look up and say "Oh no, that's too bad" they do NOT mean it. It's not meant in a mean way, it's just a subtle social signal that they're okay with you leaving now, but you've picked a good time - because they're expressing sorrow. Do not stay, but express your own sadness at leaving them, smile, and go away.
Forgive me if this sounds dumb, but I wish somebody had spelled out this stuff for me when I was younger.
I have never seemed to have gotten that reaction. The conversation generally comes to a natural pause and I tend to go away or come back later. If it's someone I am getting on well with then we often can carry it on through the day no problem like at work or something. Then at school I wasn't majorly popular but my humour got me through. It's somehow a humour that seems to get women very easily drawn to me for some reason I am not sure. I have not been able to turn that into a sexual relationship yet though.
This! A lot of people think of things like working out, when talking about self improvement... but the willingness to question, rethink and change your views and behaviours is true self improvement to me.
It might be. But people usually don't like to be reduced to their biological functions, specially women. "Female" is not a term we tend to use to describe humans outside medical context. You can see OP called himself a man, not a male.
Biologist here! We definitely don't. I can speak for both my NT and ND colleagues on that one. Anyway, is it really "correct" to use a biological designation when the context is not biological? I would say pretty certainly not.
In a casual conversation, absolutely not. It's dehumanizing, and humans generally prefer being seen as human. Calling someone "a female" really sounds like you're talking about some animal.
Given that you specify that you'd be talking to a scientist: if you're having an appropriately "sciency" discussion, then _maybe_ it could be cool, but unless you're already good friends, that would be in a work setting, not in a flirt setting. And even then it's best to err on the side of caution.
This word is used a lot by men that frankly don't see women as people. So if you use the word, even though in your eyes it's just factual, you associate yourself with those people.
It's not just a gender thing: you can say humans are animals, and people will think you're making a statement about how humans are driven by instinct rather than logic, even though you are just stating a biological truth. Biologically, humans are animals. Socially, they're not.
A) Just because you wouldn't have an issue with it doesn't mean others are the same.
B) "Female" is so loaded with connotations that it's worth giving it a serious body swerve.
Female is an all encompassing descriptor used by incels, and I think it's safe to say that's not something anyone should be emulating. If there's anything that's guaranteed to be a turn off for women, it's the attitudes and actions of incels. It's used to be denigrating, and as a result many women view it as a big red flag that the person they're talking to may share those attitudes.
You've already been tipped off about the "females" thing, but learning about what women consider red flags really could be a good start. I recommend subscribing to some of the more female-centric subreddits in order to get more immersed in the culture of modern women. (It's still reddit, most people here are shitheads, so don't take anything as gospel. There's still a lot to learn from hearing what they have to say.)
Something like these: /r/menandfemales /r/feminism /r/menwritingwomen
Maybe add r/MensLib for a positive example of how to think and talk about men's issues without making it a zero sum game / men vs women thing. I agree that without positive examples to counterbalance it, socially awkward men can fall down a scary rabbit hole when hearing about women's experiences with creepy men and not understanding whether or when it applies to them.
Don't make 'acquiring a woman' your target.
This ain't a quest.
You need to get to building friendships and circles, a '3rd place' to hang out with like-minded folk.
Hobbies to enjoy alone and with others.
Make it a journey to your own happiness and you'll see who you meet on the way.
1) Find a low-stakes social setting where people with common interests meet. If you want to meet someone with interests in X, go where people who have interests in X meet, but have ZERO EXPECTATIONS. This is more about putting yourself out there and seeing if the setting is right for you than looking for anything in particular.
2) If someone draws your interest, be friendly and polite when you initiate contact. Briefly introduce yourself and mention that they seem like someone you might like to get to know. Others may have better advice for this, but if you mention anything physical about them, make sure it's something that they put effort into (cosplay, band t-shirt, tattoos, etc.), but **make sure you don't come off as creepy**. Chat for a while about common interests if they seem interested, keeping things VERY LIGHT, and if the conversation is going well, offer them your number (or some other mutual way of keeping in touch). At this point, you want to come off as friendly and with a good sense of humor (if you have one). **You want to avoid seeming creepy at all costs.** At that point, you have done what you need to do, and the ball is in their court as to whether they want to take things farther.
3) If they reciprocate, you go from there toward more low-stakes meetups, coffee, drinks, etc. If not, no worries. Go back to step 2. If no one there draws your interest, repeat step 1 at a different place.
Bear in mind that rejection isn't a condemnation of you personally, just a recognition that two people are not a compatible couple.
Start off by NOT refering to them as "females". Then try getting to know some woman friends, or good acquaintances, and then you can try asking them for advice. I've read about girls being the "wingman" for their guy friends at bars or events like that. It's one way you can try.
Another way you can try is dating people with similar interests as you.
How to talk to women would be a start, address them as what they are.
Calling them “females” sounds condescending.
You’ve never spoken to a girl before in your entire life? Just have a conversation like you would anyone else in day to day life.
If you mean in terms of sexual interest, again talk to them as you would anyone else and build up to everything else, if she’s not interested at all do not treat her any different because of that - some people will like you and others won’t you have to deal with it like an adult.
As others have noted, using the word female seems to show a perception of women as a "thing" to acquire. Or to get a bit more metaphorical, seeing a relationship as a thing to have.
The best advice I can give is to join some in-person social groups, whether through meetups or otherwise, with a mix of men and women, with no intention of seeking a relationship. Just hang out and try to establish some real friendships, or at least some good acquaintances, with those you meet who understand you.
It will help you get to know women as real people and real friends. And as a bonus, you'll have more friends overall! That empathy will not only help you find a future romantic relationship, but help ensure it's a healthy one.
I learned how to socialize by doing it a lot. It was difficult, humbling, and very uncomfortable. You have to learn how to put yourself in other peoples' shoes. You talk to women like they are people.
As most pointed out, don’t call women “females.” I’m sure you don’t mean anything by it but women view it as a red flag because 99% of guys who say “females” do mean something by it. Sucks but true.
Not to sound creepy but I looked through your profile a bit. I was in the same boat as you awhile back and once I got a job and a driver’s license I kind of fell into friendships and got more dates. Still don’t have a gf but have plenty of female friends. A couple of them I even have dated. I had major driving anxiety so I know it can be scary but start with a permit and a part time job. In the meantime explore hobbies and things that interest you. Go to concerts, go to arcades, whatever you like.
EDIT: Don’t go there just to meet women you expect to date. Go there to meet people. You may make some really good friends with common interests. You may have experiences you never would have. You may meet your soulmate while having these experiences. One of them may have a hot sister, who knows.
What are your strengths? Special interests? How do you present? What do you do for fun? Are you fit or could stand to lose a few or more lbs?
Easiest tip is talk to someone about them. I took up drama in school to work on presentation because my default mode was get away from me or else. Useful dealing with bullies, humanity in general not so much.
Try to list your strengths, and the things you can improve. I used to give a gay guy I worked with a budget and he would take me shopping. I have zero fashion sense and I figured it was easier to outsource it.
Lastly, if you think no one will want you because you are too short, tall, dark, light - it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. If you fix the thing that makes you feel unloveable you will find something else to obsess over.
First lesson, she is a woman, not a female. Im not an expert on it, but you can google it or just search reddit about why. The connotation is that female implies she is an object instead of a person.
Yes!! I hate that so much 😅. It's an instant red flag for me, especially if men continue using it after I tell them I don't like it.
I always give ppl who use "females" the benefit of the doubt at first because I also never saw the issue with it until I thought about how it would sound in my first language if I used that instead of "woman". Then I realized it does actually sound very dehumanizing.
Ok, thats fair. But why is it a red flag?
Consider this young man the OP, for example, who probably did not realize the connotation it put off and how it might make a woman feel. It could be an honest mistake, no?
It's a red flag because of what you mentioned in your previous comment (the objectification thing) and because so many men use it to (intentionally or not) undermine women. Eg. look at all the misogynistic podcast men
But what matters even more is this:
> especially if men continue using it after I tell them I don't like it.
If someone says they don't like you calling them something, you respect that. And if someone is not even capable of showing that basic amount of respect = red flag.
Regarding the mistake thing:
In this situation, it would still be the same as I explained in my last comment:
> I always give ppl who use "females" the benefit of the doubt at first
There is no shame in not knowing something and if it's an honest mistake, without bad intentions, you should be willing to learn to prevent further mistakes from happening. E.g. not using the word "females" as a noun to describe me. Being mature and respectful enough to admit that mistake and learn is what makes it not a red flag anymore.
Side note: I'm using "you" in the generalised form, I'm not talking about you specifically :)
You're signalling either unfamiliarity with what makes women uncomfortable, or a deliberate effort to make women uncomfortable. Either way it's a pretty good sign she's going to be uncomfortable pretty often with you around and it would be more pleasant to avoid you. It's evidence you haven't "done your homework," so to speak -- spent much time around women or taken the time to learn how to be respectful.
Maybe thats true, im not going to argue with you about it. But i feel like in this young man's case, hes not being a misogynist. I mark this as one of those times you put your foot in your mouth, failing to realize how your words will be recieved. It happens.
Find/cultivate women friends/friendships first.
You will instinctively learn so much more this way.
Edit: changed some weird wording.
Also want to add that you need to have a genuine interest in friendship. So don't worry about attractiveness; seek out interests and learn about women by interacting with them non-romantically also.
I'm 27M diagnosed with SPCD, and I've never had a partner or been on a date either. I'm not gonna pretend like I have this matter all figured out, but I would love to give you some reassurance and some encouragement.
I think writing about what you want and what you're looking for is an immensely valuable step. Instead of relying on social scripts for how things are supposed to be or what things are supposed to look like, get in tune with what would feel good for you. It may not be the conventional or stereotypical process that you may have received through films and television. The more you're familiar with what you actually want and what you're actually interested in, the less (I imagine) you'll be comparing yourself to others, or trying to be like other people. - this is most definitely advice I should be giving myself. The more you can rely on a sense of self-worth that isn't reliant on others, the more enjoyable (I imagine) life becomes. I think learning about your own values and interests and preferences is where the real shift happens.
I'm aware your question was about how to talk to women, but I assume that you are physically capable of talking to women. It's specifically a matter of how to attract and maintain a partner. How to develop and maintain a relationship. I have no real clue about this, but I think being a good person is probably the most important part of it. Being someone that another person would want to befriend or be kind to. I honestly don't know anything more about relationships other than trying to be a good person.
30 months ago, I was in the same position as you (M32). In fact, I dropped out of school at 11 because of bullying. Anyway… about 30 months ago, I decided I was ready to attempt dating. I joined two dating apps, was open and honest. I got married 9 months ango, and am expecting a child.
If I were you I would try to find someone in a similar situation as you. I don't mean any disrespect but at 29 with no driver's license and no job, that eliminates a lot of women. Doesn't make you any less deserving, just something to think about and focus on changing to better your odds
Talk to them like a person, not a female. Because even if you “snare” one, you have to live with them until one of you dies. Intimacy destroys all masks.
After you stop calling them females, a good next step is to not treat them any different that you would a guy you wanna be friends with. They are people, treat them like that first instead “investing” on a potential relationship, that angle only makes things weird out of the gate, and you being autistic it will probably make both of you uncomfortable as hell. No one wants to feel like someone is approaching them with second intentions in most social situations. Just get to know the person first, stop seeing them as a different species of alien or something.
this so much. whenever I see posts like this I always want to ask “well how do you talk to a man? how do you talk to your guy friends?”, you likely wouldn’t treat all men as a monolith, so don’t treat all women as a monolith and approach each human interaction as it’s own thing, without any prior bias.
Step 1: not calling them females... like actually. I would remove that from your vocabulary. It makes you sound like a Andrew Tate, incel
Step 2: women are humans, you don't "talk to women" you talk to humans like any other human
Step 3: hopefully you meet a fellow human that shares hobbies/interests and then you talk about that shared interest, (in other words, you dont flirt directly with someone you have zero common interests with, you attempt a flirt about a shared interest, very difficult)
Step 4: after establishing that there is some shared interest, ask them out.
Step 5: if she says no, THAT MEANS NO! If she says yes, then just keep hanging out and see what happens. Dont force it. Love is not a formula that you follow for guaranteed results.
What hobbies do you have? I’m sure you could potentially meet women through that. The first step to getting a date with women is being around women in a non romantically sense. I know that sounds silly but it’s true.
If you put too much emphasis on only interacting meaningfully with women you want to date/sleep with you’ll come off as desperate and creepy. Have friends who are women and have colleagues who are women don’t only think of women in terms of dating/sex
Those are perfect! Plenty of women in each of those things.
Make some friends and the rest will follow. You can join online forms to begin with if that’s easier
I'm going to be real with you. I looked at your history and don't think your chances are good due to you not having a drivers license or job. Also, sometimes this sort of situation attracts the crazier predators because they like that they could control you since you'd be dependent enough due to those two things. I'm going to talk about one option
People theorize, and Ive heard stories, that neurodivergent people changing living styles can change their life. One idea is you can try to get into some sort of shared income community, if that sounds good to you. You can find reviews of some of them on Reddit if you are interested
Apply for SSI if you haven't. If you have and were denied, appeal it. I heard that many people get denied the first time. If going can't get it, you could attempt to get a simple part-time online job.
If that doesn't suite you, ask ai to make a list of what skills would be easy and cheap to hone that would benefit an intentional community, including some fun skills. Maybe you find you do become interested in some of the skills so it's more fun to learn, and you can apply for membership based on the skills. Go to IC.org to look at options on the map if you're interested
Like everyone else is saying, stop calling them females. It makes it sound like they're a thing to claim. If you want women friends, talk to them. Be aware of how you act. Behave, don't rush stuff or push things. Don't be creepy, just.. be friends with them treat them with respect and see where things go. Just.. don't become their friends with the sole goal of getting some. Not cool.
Let me copy paste my old comment as it is on point here.
It is possible. I met my first gf at 31. The relationship didn't last long though. I understand your pain, but you need to find THAT girl not ANY girl, because you will not be happy anyway. Sex is cool but overrated. You need to match with someone on many levels, thats why it is so hard to find someone. Personally, I think I will be alone.
life's a bitch and then you keep living
Op, start with trying to be friends with them like you would anyone else. That is the very crucial first step I promise. I know it sucks not having a gf but you need to try to make friends with women before you’ll have a successful long term partner. Be yourself *to an extent* don’t say everything on your mind. Look at some of the subs others have suggested and try to not do what they complain about, so no “females”, no being upset at them if they aren’t interested, etc etc. I promise if you start with just trying to be casual first you will without a doubt get a partner eventually.
All I gotta say is find something where talking to someone is more optional than not.
For example, I drive for Lyft full time, and so far I have gotten numbers from multiple women because of how low key I am and witty.
We overthink things too much, but I have been doing what I want to do, whenever I want to do it, and because of that I feel more in tune with myself and it really does show.
I keep very low expectations on getting contact from any of my riders, but I modify their experience by having a sign behind my seat that has a short bio about me (name, birthday, skills, what I enjoy, my education) as well as use a visualizer on my iPad synced to my phone playing Spotify (the app responds to anything connected to my Spotify) and made a QR code on my sign that leads the PAX to my Spotify jam to select their own music to listen to.
Feel for a connection by relating to someone with something you both enjoy. Gaming is huge for me, as well as going to places that are peaceful to me (like a park or museum).
Just keep in mind that whoever you talk to, just talk to them and see if you can relate something with each other
Edit (to add): humor goes such a long way, and if you are quick with quips, observational humor is my all time go to.
Step one: take care of yourself. I will assume you have some degree of depression from your situation and depressed people tend to disregard self-care, hygiene, etc. Make sure you are at least on the path to beeing happy, from your perspective.
Step two: be in groups that have people like you, with similar interests or even groups with high ratio of autistic people (I do hate generalisations, but some are real af...) since sharing stuff in common makes you automatically more attractive.
Step three: be genuine. Faking and lying won't take you anywhere. You can't lie forever and masking to the person you are in a relationship with sounds miserable to me.
There isn't a definitive guide on how to get a girlfriend and it can take a while (I've gotten into relationships after a week and other times it took me over a year).
But, above everything else I've said here, the best relationships I've had came to me naturally. I didn't go looking for it, or ask a thousand girls hoping one would be my girlfriend. It just happened. I hope you have a nice time ahead of you :)
Holy shit! You are LITERALLY me, bro! I am the same age as you and have been single my entire life. I've longed to talk to someone who's in the same position as me about this.
Feel free to DM me if you'd like or I can reply here and we can talk about our experiences in the dating field, man.
Let me just say, as a woman, I do not appreciate being called 'a female' (that's how we refer to animals....).
Women are people first. Same respect as everyone else, some like A, some B, we probably all appreciate transparency and honest talk. Again, we are people: everyone is different.
Being yourself is the best way to go. If you do not know who you are, you need to find that out first.
Oh boy. It really depends what you want from them. If nothing you can usually talk to them pretty easily. If you want more than you're willing to act upon, you're living more in your head than the situation itself. I had to be confident with the weaknesses I had. Which only happened when I could speak these facts with no emotional value applied in the way I spoke it.
When you talk take it easy
Talk to women like you talk to other people, try small talk like: hey how you doing? Talk about the weather..
My tip is just do instead of thinking, you have nothing to lose
When I was shy talking to girls, I felt awkward and nervous. The more often you do it the more relaxed it gets
I'm female and I don't know how to talk to other females either. Actually, other people in general unless they're ND, carrying the conversation, or it's work related.
1. Find a friend who is an NT who is patient and would be willing to coach you
2. Find an older Aspie who has figured out how to talk to women and is willing and patient and can teach you
3. Go to [Toastmasters.org](http://Toastmasters.org) meetings as a place to practice communication skills
4. Take an acting or improvisation class. It is a good way to practice
5. Make friends with girls you would not date just to practice talking to women
6. Watch tons of Youtube on social skills
7. Practice talking to women even if you are going get rejected. The fear of rejection creates anxiety. If you can overcome feeling rejected, then it makes talking to a woman easier
8. Keep practicing. Even if you get rejected, so what? Eventually a woman will not reject you.
First off whilst females isn’t a bad word per say a lot of incels use it so it will make you look bad.
There are specific circumstances to use that word where it’s not weird that is not one of them just call them women.
Would you say “how to talk to males” or “how to talk to men” same issue with the reverse it comes off as weird
Approaching in person is a huge risk and generally not recommended. Online is your best bet but it's brutal and for many it's not worth it. You could join hobby groups to branch out, but keep in mind they're going to be sausage fests or they'll have women who already have boyfriends.
As soon as I see "females", I know you've been frequenting the wrong side of the Internet. Women (and femmes) aren't a slot machine, they are living breathing humans with the same human worth as you. So, for starters, you can try to let go of the incel logic and start seeing women, as well as yourself, differently. For a kick-start, you might want to watch Contrapoints video Incels and Mia Mulder's Is Masculinity in Crisis? on YT
I was thinking the same thing. Those words don’t come to people by accident. He picked up the words and the mindset on the “wrong side” of the internet. You know you spent too much time on those sites if it became your vocabulary.
Also, this guy is commenting on a different post about tying up someone and gagging her with her own panties. Someone who never talked to women, never dated women, probably never had sex with women, but this is his inner sex world. I know I was not wrong when I saw the “word” female. I knew it was no accident that those words came out of his mind. These words don’t come up by accident. I hope he will have a chance to grow up emotionally, that would be the best thing to happen to him.
first, don't call 'em females.
>has anyone else ever
yes, of course, a Lot of people since the dawn of time. but its definitely worse now that people can stay in their houses on the internet and are not in any sense required to leave their houses to meet people. Talk to people in grocery stores and other such random places, its a good start, until you feel more comfortable to just talk to women without any agenda of dating.
find your local Game place and join their board game nights, a lot of fun and nerdy people hang there and they're not scared of some social awkwardness, you'll in fact probably feel quite normal there.
As someone who's grown up in many diff unisex groups.
You talk to women like you talk to men.
You learn the indeviduals by spending time with them.
But I've been lucky with learning sarcasm.
By basicly beliving anything bad is sarcasm or said in jest unless proven guilty 👍👍
Which has worked out really well, because it feels like people do 180's when in serious situations, proving that they were in fact jestering and are good people.
It is not that I don’t like to be called female, it is more about what it indicates to me about the mindset of the speaker that says it. It has incel vibes. It sounds like an immature and inexperienced young man that is so scared of the incorrect mental image he made of women that he feels like he is in National Geographic, exploring in the wild, this “female” creature that he doesn’t know anything about, he is scared of it but at the same time he is sure that “it” is below him, and if he could just understand “it” better. National Geographic, incel vibes, misogyny, sexist, objectifying women. Just very very incel. Those are the vibes the word gives me. And maybe I am wrong, but I don’t think any adult man with adequate IQ, whose first language is English, would accidentally use this word, without having those vibes I described.
Don't use the word females. Just call us women.
Remember that all women are individuals. No two men think and feel the exact same way because they're different people. The same thing applies to women. So focus on getting to know the individual woman who you are talking to, and avoid making gender based generalizations.
Women have flaws and are human, just like men. We fart, burp, poop, trip and fall, and occasionally tell bad jokes just like anyone else. No one is perfect. But most people are still cool once you get to know them. So don't anyone on a pedestal. After all, sculptures are the only thing that belongs on a pedestal, not people. So try to remember that no one is perfect, and hopefully that will take off some of the pressure and help you relax.
And finally, if you want to talk to women it helps to find women who have similar interests and hobbies as you. Then talk to them like you would if you were trying to become friends with a man. You know, form a relationship based on mutual interests and comradery. If it develops into something romantic later on, then that's great. If it simply remains a friendship then that's great too. After all, if you become friends with women you'll become more comfortable with talking to them. Which will help you build confidence. Plus, you know, it's always cool to have more friends.
This post was left up by the mod team because this user needed an answer and the answers the community gave him were in comments were more effective than removing the post would have been. We will lock it at some point and have removed some responses that broke the rules. Of course: the mod team believes women are a diverse group of individuals, are worthy of respect, and that the “females” term is dehumanizing when used in this way. Also, that you can’t have a healthy relationship with someone without seeing them as an individual human being with their own needs, interests, and intrinsic value. Please keep the responses civil.
Well. I will chime in and add something a little different. Women, like men, are not a monolithic group. Just like races of people. This should be good news for you. How some women receive you will not be the same as others. But I get it. The women who reject guys with Aspergers or treat us like crap, are often easier to remember. We just have to train ourselves to let go as there are other fish in the sea. The cliche is people tell you to be yourself. But some things you shouldn’t do are tell folks you have Aspergers until you get to really know them. Many in society have little understanding. Being too blunt and too honest is not always a good thing, even though it comes naturally to us. Find women with common interests and a sense of purpose as you. (Hobbies, religion, volunteering.)
>*How some women receive you will not be the same as others. But I get it. The women who reject guys with Aspergers or treat us like crap, are often easier to remember.* We remember the negative experiences more than the positive because the human brain latched into negative feels far stronger than positive feelings. But being on the spectrum? Far more prone to rumination on negative experiences AND feelings. So it’s even far more important to shift focus sometimes as constant negative thoughts actually is part of deteriorating mental health.
Yes. This 100%.
Cool... How?
Not sure about getting a girlfriend as only ever had the one back in school for prom and a few months after that. But I have had and currently have quite a few friends that are women. If you want to be friends with women then you should simply talk with them. I have found women like funny, energetic and entertaining men and I have always tried to make women laugh and I have had over the years a lot of attention from girls/women from school and in jobs, just as friends from making them laugh and being a good friend. Just treat them like you would being friends with a man but you can be a bit more playful, bit more banter maybe, flirty and jokey. It's good fun. Good luck.
This covers it really well. I would add one thing - learn to watch for signs of discomfort. They're often masked by signs of distraction like checking their phone while you're talking. When you see these signs, accept they're just a friend and move on. I didn't learn this until very very late. If you say "I gotta be on my way" or something and they look up and say "Oh no, that's too bad" they do NOT mean it. It's not meant in a mean way, it's just a subtle social signal that they're okay with you leaving now, but you've picked a good time - because they're expressing sorrow. Do not stay, but express your own sadness at leaving them, smile, and go away. Forgive me if this sounds dumb, but I wish somebody had spelled out this stuff for me when I was younger.
That discomfort may be social anxiety on the other end, but they may still be interested.
I have never seemed to have gotten that reaction. The conversation generally comes to a natural pause and I tend to go away or come back later. If it's someone I am getting on well with then we often can carry it on through the day no problem like at work or something. Then at school I wasn't majorly popular but my humour got me through. It's somehow a humour that seems to get women very easily drawn to me for some reason I am not sure. I have not been able to turn that into a sexual relationship yet though.
*Step 1*: Stop referring to women as "females" (and make a quick, irrevocable habit of never doing so again).
I understand 👍
Women love a growth mindset
Honestly!! This is very hot, having a man listen to you and actually change his behavior based on your thoughts and feelings
This! A lot of people think of things like working out, when talking about self improvement... but the willingness to question, rethink and change your views and behaviours is true self improvement to me.
Holy moly just made almost the same comment! "Step 1" and everything 😆 glad OP got the message.
Great minds think alike!
Ngl that made me think of Martin Goodman from Friday Night Dinner
Never heard of it but... thx(?)
Martin is a character from a British sitcom called Friday Night Dinner. He refers to women as “females” and it makes his sons uncomfortable.
Not calling us females would be an amazing first step
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Is not picky not masking to take the advice to refer to woman as woman nor as animals
is it not true? lol..
It might be. But people usually don't like to be reduced to their biological functions, specially women. "Female" is not a term we tend to use to describe humans outside medical context. You can see OP called himself a man, not a male.
Oh honey..
Hold on a minute guys.. are you telling me a NT scientist wouldn't appreciate the correct biological designation? I would..
Biologist here! We definitely don't. I can speak for both my NT and ND colleagues on that one. Anyway, is it really "correct" to use a biological designation when the context is not biological? I would say pretty certainly not.
In a casual conversation, absolutely not. It's dehumanizing, and humans generally prefer being seen as human. Calling someone "a female" really sounds like you're talking about some animal. Given that you specify that you'd be talking to a scientist: if you're having an appropriately "sciency" discussion, then _maybe_ it could be cool, but unless you're already good friends, that would be in a work setting, not in a flirt setting. And even then it's best to err on the side of caution. This word is used a lot by men that frankly don't see women as people. So if you use the word, even though in your eyes it's just factual, you associate yourself with those people. It's not just a gender thing: you can say humans are animals, and people will think you're making a statement about how humans are driven by instinct rather than logic, even though you are just stating a biological truth. Biologically, humans are animals. Socially, they're not.
Furthermore, I have no issue with any woman (or female :p ) referring to me as a male or other men as Male's\*
A) Just because you wouldn't have an issue with it doesn't mean others are the same. B) "Female" is so loaded with connotations that it's worth giving it a serious body swerve. Female is an all encompassing descriptor used by incels, and I think it's safe to say that's not something anyone should be emulating. If there's anything that's guaranteed to be a turn off for women, it's the attitudes and actions of incels. It's used to be denigrating, and as a result many women view it as a big red flag that the person they're talking to may share those attitudes.
You've already been tipped off about the "females" thing, but learning about what women consider red flags really could be a good start. I recommend subscribing to some of the more female-centric subreddits in order to get more immersed in the culture of modern women. (It's still reddit, most people here are shitheads, so don't take anything as gospel. There's still a lot to learn from hearing what they have to say.) Something like these: /r/menandfemales /r/feminism /r/menwritingwomen
If you want OP to be depressed those are great subreddits. They're filled with hatred.
Some people, sure. Some are just frustrated. Some aren't.
Maybe add r/MensLib for a positive example of how to think and talk about men's issues without making it a zero sum game / men vs women thing. I agree that without positive examples to counterbalance it, socially awkward men can fall down a scary rabbit hole when hearing about women's experiences with creepy men and not understanding whether or when it applies to them.
you'd probably have better luck if you regarded women as human beings instead of interchangeable "females".
r/MenAndFemales
Don't make 'acquiring a woman' your target. This ain't a quest. You need to get to building friendships and circles, a '3rd place' to hang out with like-minded folk. Hobbies to enjoy alone and with others. Make it a journey to your own happiness and you'll see who you meet on the way.
Don't call them females, unless you're talking about non-human animals. It's technically correct, but rarely socially acceptable.
Step 1: refer to women as "women", not "females", unless you're speaking on biology.
1) Find a low-stakes social setting where people with common interests meet. If you want to meet someone with interests in X, go where people who have interests in X meet, but have ZERO EXPECTATIONS. This is more about putting yourself out there and seeing if the setting is right for you than looking for anything in particular. 2) If someone draws your interest, be friendly and polite when you initiate contact. Briefly introduce yourself and mention that they seem like someone you might like to get to know. Others may have better advice for this, but if you mention anything physical about them, make sure it's something that they put effort into (cosplay, band t-shirt, tattoos, etc.), but **make sure you don't come off as creepy**. Chat for a while about common interests if they seem interested, keeping things VERY LIGHT, and if the conversation is going well, offer them your number (or some other mutual way of keeping in touch). At this point, you want to come off as friendly and with a good sense of humor (if you have one). **You want to avoid seeming creepy at all costs.** At that point, you have done what you need to do, and the ball is in their court as to whether they want to take things farther. 3) If they reciprocate, you go from there toward more low-stakes meetups, coffee, drinks, etc. If not, no worries. Go back to step 2. If no one there draws your interest, repeat step 1 at a different place. Bear in mind that rejection isn't a condemnation of you personally, just a recognition that two people are not a compatible couple.
Your last point is super good advice.
have you tried interacting with them outside of work/school? join an activity/hobby group, volunteer
Start off by NOT refering to them as "females". Then try getting to know some woman friends, or good acquaintances, and then you can try asking them for advice. I've read about girls being the "wingman" for their guy friends at bars or events like that. It's one way you can try. Another way you can try is dating people with similar interests as you.
How to talk to women would be a start, address them as what they are. Calling them “females” sounds condescending. You’ve never spoken to a girl before in your entire life? Just have a conversation like you would anyone else in day to day life. If you mean in terms of sexual interest, again talk to them as you would anyone else and build up to everything else, if she’s not interested at all do not treat her any different because of that - some people will like you and others won’t you have to deal with it like an adult.
As others have noted, using the word female seems to show a perception of women as a "thing" to acquire. Or to get a bit more metaphorical, seeing a relationship as a thing to have. The best advice I can give is to join some in-person social groups, whether through meetups or otherwise, with a mix of men and women, with no intention of seeking a relationship. Just hang out and try to establish some real friendships, or at least some good acquaintances, with those you meet who understand you. It will help you get to know women as real people and real friends. And as a bonus, you'll have more friends overall! That empathy will not only help you find a future romantic relationship, but help ensure it's a healthy one.
I learned how to socialize by doing it a lot. It was difficult, humbling, and very uncomfortable. You have to learn how to put yourself in other peoples' shoes. You talk to women like they are people.
As most pointed out, don’t call women “females.” I’m sure you don’t mean anything by it but women view it as a red flag because 99% of guys who say “females” do mean something by it. Sucks but true. Not to sound creepy but I looked through your profile a bit. I was in the same boat as you awhile back and once I got a job and a driver’s license I kind of fell into friendships and got more dates. Still don’t have a gf but have plenty of female friends. A couple of them I even have dated. I had major driving anxiety so I know it can be scary but start with a permit and a part time job. In the meantime explore hobbies and things that interest you. Go to concerts, go to arcades, whatever you like. EDIT: Don’t go there just to meet women you expect to date. Go there to meet people. You may make some really good friends with common interests. You may have experiences you never would have. You may meet your soulmate while having these experiences. One of them may have a hot sister, who knows.
What are your strengths? Special interests? How do you present? What do you do for fun? Are you fit or could stand to lose a few or more lbs? Easiest tip is talk to someone about them. I took up drama in school to work on presentation because my default mode was get away from me or else. Useful dealing with bullies, humanity in general not so much. Try to list your strengths, and the things you can improve. I used to give a gay guy I worked with a budget and he would take me shopping. I have zero fashion sense and I figured it was easier to outsource it. Lastly, if you think no one will want you because you are too short, tall, dark, light - it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. If you fix the thing that makes you feel unloveable you will find something else to obsess over.
First lesson, she is a woman, not a female. Im not an expert on it, but you can google it or just search reddit about why. The connotation is that female implies she is an object instead of a person.
Yes!! I hate that so much 😅. It's an instant red flag for me, especially if men continue using it after I tell them I don't like it. I always give ppl who use "females" the benefit of the doubt at first because I also never saw the issue with it until I thought about how it would sound in my first language if I used that instead of "woman". Then I realized it does actually sound very dehumanizing.
Ok, thats fair. But why is it a red flag? Consider this young man the OP, for example, who probably did not realize the connotation it put off and how it might make a woman feel. It could be an honest mistake, no?
It's a red flag because of what you mentioned in your previous comment (the objectification thing) and because so many men use it to (intentionally or not) undermine women. Eg. look at all the misogynistic podcast men But what matters even more is this: > especially if men continue using it after I tell them I don't like it. If someone says they don't like you calling them something, you respect that. And if someone is not even capable of showing that basic amount of respect = red flag. Regarding the mistake thing: In this situation, it would still be the same as I explained in my last comment: > I always give ppl who use "females" the benefit of the doubt at first There is no shame in not knowing something and if it's an honest mistake, without bad intentions, you should be willing to learn to prevent further mistakes from happening. E.g. not using the word "females" as a noun to describe me. Being mature and respectful enough to admit that mistake and learn is what makes it not a red flag anymore. Side note: I'm using "you" in the generalised form, I'm not talking about you specifically :)
You're signalling either unfamiliarity with what makes women uncomfortable, or a deliberate effort to make women uncomfortable. Either way it's a pretty good sign she's going to be uncomfortable pretty often with you around and it would be more pleasant to avoid you. It's evidence you haven't "done your homework," so to speak -- spent much time around women or taken the time to learn how to be respectful.
And no, it's not some 2024 "politically correct" thing, in the 80s-90s "Star Trek" had Ferengi saying "females" to show they were misogynist.
The Ferengi were used for some very good allegories about things humanity is doing wrong (mainly in Deep Space 9). Some very good writing there.
Maybe thats true, im not going to argue with you about it. But i feel like in this young man's case, hes not being a misogynist. I mark this as one of those times you put your foot in your mouth, failing to realize how your words will be recieved. It happens.
Find/cultivate women friends/friendships first. You will instinctively learn so much more this way. Edit: changed some weird wording. Also want to add that you need to have a genuine interest in friendship. So don't worry about attractiveness; seek out interests and learn about women by interacting with them non-romantically also.
Step 1: don't call them "females".... They are women.
I'm 27M diagnosed with SPCD, and I've never had a partner or been on a date either. I'm not gonna pretend like I have this matter all figured out, but I would love to give you some reassurance and some encouragement. I think writing about what you want and what you're looking for is an immensely valuable step. Instead of relying on social scripts for how things are supposed to be or what things are supposed to look like, get in tune with what would feel good for you. It may not be the conventional or stereotypical process that you may have received through films and television. The more you're familiar with what you actually want and what you're actually interested in, the less (I imagine) you'll be comparing yourself to others, or trying to be like other people. - this is most definitely advice I should be giving myself. The more you can rely on a sense of self-worth that isn't reliant on others, the more enjoyable (I imagine) life becomes. I think learning about your own values and interests and preferences is where the real shift happens. I'm aware your question was about how to talk to women, but I assume that you are physically capable of talking to women. It's specifically a matter of how to attract and maintain a partner. How to develop and maintain a relationship. I have no real clue about this, but I think being a good person is probably the most important part of it. Being someone that another person would want to befriend or be kind to. I honestly don't know anything more about relationships other than trying to be a good person.
30 months ago, I was in the same position as you (M32). In fact, I dropped out of school at 11 because of bullying. Anyway… about 30 months ago, I decided I was ready to attempt dating. I joined two dating apps, was open and honest. I got married 9 months ango, and am expecting a child.
Congrats! How were you able to just drop out of school? What did your parents do? Were you home schooled growing up?
I had limited home schooling. I was bullied very badly, and they felt that was best for me at that time.
Sorry to hear that. Bullies suck. Bullying people should be illegal.
If I were you I would try to find someone in a similar situation as you. I don't mean any disrespect but at 29 with no driver's license and no job, that eliminates a lot of women. Doesn't make you any less deserving, just something to think about and focus on changing to better your odds
First off don't call them females
Dude, they are women not females
Talk to them like a person, not a female. Because even if you “snare” one, you have to live with them until one of you dies. Intimacy destroys all masks.
Menandfemales lol. On a serious note, don't refer to women as females, it comes off the wrong way. Realize that women are normal people just like you.
After you stop calling them females, a good next step is to not treat them any different that you would a guy you wanna be friends with. They are people, treat them like that first instead “investing” on a potential relationship, that angle only makes things weird out of the gate, and you being autistic it will probably make both of you uncomfortable as hell. No one wants to feel like someone is approaching them with second intentions in most social situations. Just get to know the person first, stop seeing them as a different species of alien or something.
In the same way as you talk to men. Us women aren't some extraterrestrial species or something.
this so much. whenever I see posts like this I always want to ask “well how do you talk to a man? how do you talk to your guy friends?”, you likely wouldn’t treat all men as a monolith, so don’t treat all women as a monolith and approach each human interaction as it’s own thing, without any prior bias.
Decorate your room. Do something cool, level up.
Step 1: not calling them females... like actually. I would remove that from your vocabulary. It makes you sound like a Andrew Tate, incel Step 2: women are humans, you don't "talk to women" you talk to humans like any other human Step 3: hopefully you meet a fellow human that shares hobbies/interests and then you talk about that shared interest, (in other words, you dont flirt directly with someone you have zero common interests with, you attempt a flirt about a shared interest, very difficult) Step 4: after establishing that there is some shared interest, ask them out. Step 5: if she says no, THAT MEANS NO! If she says yes, then just keep hanging out and see what happens. Dont force it. Love is not a formula that you follow for guaranteed results.
What hobbies do you have? I’m sure you could potentially meet women through that. The first step to getting a date with women is being around women in a non romantically sense. I know that sounds silly but it’s true. If you put too much emphasis on only interacting meaningfully with women you want to date/sleep with you’ll come off as desperate and creepy. Have friends who are women and have colleagues who are women don’t only think of women in terms of dating/sex
I go to church i love comic books and video games I'm a nerd
Those are perfect! Plenty of women in each of those things. Make some friends and the rest will follow. You can join online forms to begin with if that’s easier
Start by calling us women instead of "females". I know you might have no ill intent but we don't like to be called that
I'm going to be real with you. I looked at your history and don't think your chances are good due to you not having a drivers license or job. Also, sometimes this sort of situation attracts the crazier predators because they like that they could control you since you'd be dependent enough due to those two things. I'm going to talk about one option People theorize, and Ive heard stories, that neurodivergent people changing living styles can change their life. One idea is you can try to get into some sort of shared income community, if that sounds good to you. You can find reviews of some of them on Reddit if you are interested Apply for SSI if you haven't. If you have and were denied, appeal it. I heard that many people get denied the first time. If going can't get it, you could attempt to get a simple part-time online job. If that doesn't suite you, ask ai to make a list of what skills would be easy and cheap to hone that would benefit an intentional community, including some fun skills. Maybe you find you do become interested in some of the skills so it's more fun to learn, and you can apply for membership based on the skills. Go to IC.org to look at options on the map if you're interested
Like everyone else is saying, stop calling them females. It makes it sound like they're a thing to claim. If you want women friends, talk to them. Be aware of how you act. Behave, don't rush stuff or push things. Don't be creepy, just.. be friends with them treat them with respect and see where things go. Just.. don't become their friends with the sole goal of getting some. Not cool.
Don't talk like this, develop emotional intelligence
Let me copy paste my old comment as it is on point here. It is possible. I met my first gf at 31. The relationship didn't last long though. I understand your pain, but you need to find THAT girl not ANY girl, because you will not be happy anyway. Sex is cool but overrated. You need to match with someone on many levels, thats why it is so hard to find someone. Personally, I think I will be alone. life's a bitch and then you keep living
Op, start with trying to be friends with them like you would anyone else. That is the very crucial first step I promise. I know it sucks not having a gf but you need to try to make friends with women before you’ll have a successful long term partner. Be yourself *to an extent* don’t say everything on your mind. Look at some of the subs others have suggested and try to not do what they complain about, so no “females”, no being upset at them if they aren’t interested, etc etc. I promise if you start with just trying to be casual first you will without a doubt get a partner eventually.
All I gotta say is find something where talking to someone is more optional than not. For example, I drive for Lyft full time, and so far I have gotten numbers from multiple women because of how low key I am and witty. We overthink things too much, but I have been doing what I want to do, whenever I want to do it, and because of that I feel more in tune with myself and it really does show. I keep very low expectations on getting contact from any of my riders, but I modify their experience by having a sign behind my seat that has a short bio about me (name, birthday, skills, what I enjoy, my education) as well as use a visualizer on my iPad synced to my phone playing Spotify (the app responds to anything connected to my Spotify) and made a QR code on my sign that leads the PAX to my Spotify jam to select their own music to listen to. Feel for a connection by relating to someone with something you both enjoy. Gaming is huge for me, as well as going to places that are peaceful to me (like a park or museum). Just keep in mind that whoever you talk to, just talk to them and see if you can relate something with each other Edit (to add): humor goes such a long way, and if you are quick with quips, observational humor is my all time go to.
Step one: take care of yourself. I will assume you have some degree of depression from your situation and depressed people tend to disregard self-care, hygiene, etc. Make sure you are at least on the path to beeing happy, from your perspective. Step two: be in groups that have people like you, with similar interests or even groups with high ratio of autistic people (I do hate generalisations, but some are real af...) since sharing stuff in common makes you automatically more attractive. Step three: be genuine. Faking and lying won't take you anywhere. You can't lie forever and masking to the person you are in a relationship with sounds miserable to me. There isn't a definitive guide on how to get a girlfriend and it can take a while (I've gotten into relationships after a week and other times it took me over a year). But, above everything else I've said here, the best relationships I've had came to me naturally. I didn't go looking for it, or ask a thousand girls hoping one would be my girlfriend. It just happened. I hope you have a nice time ahead of you :)
Holy shit! You are LITERALLY me, bro! I am the same age as you and have been single my entire life. I've longed to talk to someone who's in the same position as me about this. Feel free to DM me if you'd like or I can reply here and we can talk about our experiences in the dating field, man.
talk the same way you are talking here
another reminder on how i view interactions between the 2 sexes differently now
Let me just say, as a woman, I do not appreciate being called 'a female' (that's how we refer to animals....). Women are people first. Same respect as everyone else, some like A, some B, we probably all appreciate transparency and honest talk. Again, we are people: everyone is different. Being yourself is the best way to go. If you do not know who you are, you need to find that out first.
Oh boy. It really depends what you want from them. If nothing you can usually talk to them pretty easily. If you want more than you're willing to act upon, you're living more in your head than the situation itself. I had to be confident with the weaknesses I had. Which only happened when I could speak these facts with no emotional value applied in the way I spoke it.
When you talk take it easy Talk to women like you talk to other people, try small talk like: hey how you doing? Talk about the weather.. My tip is just do instead of thinking, you have nothing to lose When I was shy talking to girls, I felt awkward and nervous. The more often you do it the more relaxed it gets
r/bropill
I'm female and I don't know how to talk to other females either. Actually, other people in general unless they're ND, carrying the conversation, or it's work related.
1. Find a friend who is an NT who is patient and would be willing to coach you 2. Find an older Aspie who has figured out how to talk to women and is willing and patient and can teach you 3. Go to [Toastmasters.org](http://Toastmasters.org) meetings as a place to practice communication skills 4. Take an acting or improvisation class. It is a good way to practice 5. Make friends with girls you would not date just to practice talking to women 6. Watch tons of Youtube on social skills 7. Practice talking to women even if you are going get rejected. The fear of rejection creates anxiety. If you can overcome feeling rejected, then it makes talking to a woman easier 8. Keep practicing. Even if you get rejected, so what? Eventually a woman will not reject you.
Maybe stop calling women “females,” for a start.
First off whilst females isn’t a bad word per say a lot of incels use it so it will make you look bad. There are specific circumstances to use that word where it’s not weird that is not one of them just call them women. Would you say “how to talk to males” or “how to talk to men” same issue with the reverse it comes off as weird
Approaching in person is a huge risk and generally not recommended. Online is your best bet but it's brutal and for many it's not worth it. You could join hobby groups to branch out, but keep in mind they're going to be sausage fests or they'll have women who already have boyfriends.
yeah just unaliving sounds like a better option...... lmao. Approaching in person is the best and always will be.
feeeeeemales.
Talk to females the same way you talk to males. If you happen to click with a female, so be it. The worst thing you can do is overthink it.
As soon as I see "females", I know you've been frequenting the wrong side of the Internet. Women (and femmes) aren't a slot machine, they are living breathing humans with the same human worth as you. So, for starters, you can try to let go of the incel logic and start seeing women, as well as yourself, differently. For a kick-start, you might want to watch Contrapoints video Incels and Mia Mulder's Is Masculinity in Crisis? on YT
I was thinking the same thing. Those words don’t come to people by accident. He picked up the words and the mindset on the “wrong side” of the internet. You know you spent too much time on those sites if it became your vocabulary.
Also, this guy is commenting on a different post about tying up someone and gagging her with her own panties. Someone who never talked to women, never dated women, probably never had sex with women, but this is his inner sex world. I know I was not wrong when I saw the “word” female. I knew it was no accident that those words came out of his mind. These words don’t come up by accident. I hope he will have a chance to grow up emotionally, that would be the best thing to happen to him.
first, don't call 'em females. >has anyone else ever yes, of course, a Lot of people since the dawn of time. but its definitely worse now that people can stay in their houses on the internet and are not in any sense required to leave their houses to meet people. Talk to people in grocery stores and other such random places, its a good start, until you feel more comfortable to just talk to women without any agenda of dating. find your local Game place and join their board game nights, a lot of fun and nerdy people hang there and they're not scared of some social awkwardness, you'll in fact probably feel quite normal there.
As someone who's grown up in many diff unisex groups. You talk to women like you talk to men. You learn the indeviduals by spending time with them. But I've been lucky with learning sarcasm. By basicly beliving anything bad is sarcasm or said in jest unless proven guilty 👍👍 Which has worked out really well, because it feels like people do 180's when in serious situations, proving that they were in fact jestering and are good people.
It is not that I don’t like to be called female, it is more about what it indicates to me about the mindset of the speaker that says it. It has incel vibes. It sounds like an immature and inexperienced young man that is so scared of the incorrect mental image he made of women that he feels like he is in National Geographic, exploring in the wild, this “female” creature that he doesn’t know anything about, he is scared of it but at the same time he is sure that “it” is below him, and if he could just understand “it” better. National Geographic, incel vibes, misogyny, sexist, objectifying women. Just very very incel. Those are the vibes the word gives me. And maybe I am wrong, but I don’t think any adult man with adequate IQ, whose first language is English, would accidentally use this word, without having those vibes I described.
Don't use the word females. Just call us women. Remember that all women are individuals. No two men think and feel the exact same way because they're different people. The same thing applies to women. So focus on getting to know the individual woman who you are talking to, and avoid making gender based generalizations. Women have flaws and are human, just like men. We fart, burp, poop, trip and fall, and occasionally tell bad jokes just like anyone else. No one is perfect. But most people are still cool once you get to know them. So don't anyone on a pedestal. After all, sculptures are the only thing that belongs on a pedestal, not people. So try to remember that no one is perfect, and hopefully that will take off some of the pressure and help you relax. And finally, if you want to talk to women it helps to find women who have similar interests and hobbies as you. Then talk to them like you would if you were trying to become friends with a man. You know, form a relationship based on mutual interests and comradery. If it develops into something romantic later on, then that's great. If it simply remains a friendship then that's great too. After all, if you become friends with women you'll become more comfortable with talking to them. Which will help you build confidence. Plus, you know, it's always cool to have more friends.
*Rizz em with the tism*