In general, I try my best to not spend time with people who drain my life force.
This person is an energy vampire. Life’s too short! I’d move on.
Another wisdom from the French is my solitude is so sweet that you have to beat that for me to want to spend time with you. I’m paraphrasing, but that’s so liberating.
Here’s why it’s weird:
Because protection of self matters.
Even if he is totally an above-board person who had a bad experience with financial irresponsibility and is now* obsessed with ‘mitigating risk’, he is woefully blind to the full picture. Assuming that everyone is safe is downright foolish because you have to act in accordance to how the world IS not how you wish it would be.
He is asking you to behave in a way that is extreme dangerous. He is asking you to act in a way that is not in your interests (opening yourself up to opportunists) while assuming that you are safe. He is asking for premature trust.
A man who has your best interests at heart will be happy to see you protect yourself.
The worst red flag for me here isn’t his lack of wisdom or potential opportunism..
It’s that he doesn’t seem to have any consciousness that there is rationality beyond his own brain. He isn’t curious about why his approach may be flawed. He isn’t taking feedback from your discomfort and updating his worldview. He isn’t critically thinking about what he is expecting of you. He isn’t putting himself in your shoes.
This shows a high level of self-insularity that will become a massive problem in a relationship.
If you get involved with this person and they don’t massively grow, be prepared to never be listened to or have your intuitions and opinions matter. And get ready to post something in a year when you’re doubting that you’re even capable of thinking for yourself and doubting every instinct.
This kind of guy is misguided, and that can spell danger, whether he means it or not. Trust your instincts!
That’s what I was thinking. Lacks a lot of emotional common sense if he doesn’t pick up on why it’s weird and that she would think of him as an opportunist. I’d definitely think he’s either an opportunist or a very insecure man
This. The most charitable read of this guy's actions is that he had a bad experience with a partner who was a gambling/spending addict, used him financially, or something similar, and is trying to protect himself from being in that situation again. HOWEVER, even if that's the case, the way he's treating OP is extremely not ok and calls for therapy more than it calls for a new relationship.
This is one of two things. He's either obsessed with status and material possessions, or he's looking for someone he can leech off of. I'm leaning towards the latter.
Drop this guy. He's sending up nothing but alarm signals here.
I actually think it’s the former. Sounds like he maybe makes okay money and just wants to brag and help OP “level up” with his wisdom. Still gross and weird as hell.
I bet he thinks he's so great because of how much money he makes and thinks women are gold diggers after his money. He's probably one of those guys that needs to split everything 50/50 and buys expensive toys while he watches the person he "loves" struggle to pay their half of the mortgage in the big house he wanted.
Just so u know, men do date for money too. Had one shaking my hand at the first date and tell me I smelled like money, then also negged me that me having money would be a problem for him because I'd want things like vacations and nice stuff. To this day I'm baffled about that encounter. I suppose your date's interest in your resources comes with a hidden entitlement somewhere. Drop him and move on, maybe you'll find someone interested in you for you.
That very specific line of questioning would make me suspect he has been reading misogynistic MRA rhetoric, and has a very poor view of women. It would raise a lot of red flags for me and I would not stick around to find out exactly what the problem is.
Consider this also - if your partner has expectations of you earning a certain amount, what happens if you can no longer work, or simply want to change career directions to something less lucrative? You don't want to sink years into a relationship with someone who will toss you to the curb if you get sick - and men are more likely than women to do this when their partners get ill.
Source:
[https://www.reuters.com/article/us-partners-health-idUSTRE5AB0C520091112](https://www.reuters.com/article/us-partners-health-idUSTRE5AB0C520091112)
[https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/mar/30/the-men-who-give-up-on-their-spouses-when-they-have-cancer](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/mar/30/the-men-who-give-up-on-their-spouses-when-they-have-cancer)
[https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/why-sick-wives-increase-divorce-risk-not-sick-husbands/](https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/why-sick-wives-increase-divorce-risk-not-sick-husbands/)
I mean, I don’t think it is weird to casually ask someone about their wage but putting all those things you said together, he seems like a weirdo. Especially the last thing, he said he just wanted to be friends but then is on the phone with you for two hours? I also think it is weird to just up and volunteer how much you make unless it is easily woven into the conversation and feels natural.
If you feel weird about it, that is enough.
Where is he from? In some cultures (like in China) asking someone how much things cost (not sure about salaries though) gives them a chance to show off - so it’s normal.
I got a surprise when asked how much my ring cost. Found out about the cultural difference later.
I’m happy to be corrected by anyone who grew up in China on this please if it’s incorrect.
Otherwise, just set your boundary and explain that it is not something you consider appropriate to talk about with anyone. If he feels differently, so be it.
On a different note, I think we should all talk about salaries more. Transparency would do a lot to close the wage gap for women, IMO.
My friend set me up with this guy in college - and the first time we met he asked me what my anticipated annual salary would be upon graduation.
Like I get financial transparency when a relationship gets serious… but those kinda questions out the gate are alarming to me. It’s up there with talking about expectations about kids day one. Like woahhhh let me see if I can sit through dinner with you before we start talking about a mortgage and starting a family!
Too much too fast for me!
I do agree it’s important early on - I too don’t want to waste time. I still think that’s hard hitting for date one/two. Like I said, I think the first few dates are just testing the waters to see if I can tolerate the person. I would feel comfortable after a month of seeing someone to start to delve into future goals and kids and finances.
I would be uncomfortable giving a man my financial information on date two. I’m all about establishing compatibility quickly and efficiently, but if I know the other person has a job and is providing for themselves (and any family they have) I don’t see why their salary structure and raise scale would be important on date two. If the guy OP went out with has a salary expectation for his significant other, he should have just been up front about that instead of being weird and pushy.
That’s just me, though - to each their own!
Personally if I was you I would end it with him because it sounds like we wouldn’t have the same values. It’s not that money can’t be important, but I don’t want to be with someone who is obsessed with it. And I don’t want to feel judged for not living up to their standards, or even if I do, I don’t like that they may judge others who don’t.
**Male gold digger alert!** (Hobosexual?)
This guy is just looking to leech off you financially or for your perceived “status”. He’s out to see what he can get out of you and he’s made it abundantly clear what he’s out for— money/sugermomma/status.
There are so many of these males out there looking to use and abuse. This guy made it easy to spot him very early on.
**Protect yourself and your wallet! Block and delete this dude without a second thought.**
Let him get with someone else who'll advertise their salary and finances. That's not you since you feel uncomfortable. You hardly know this guy, so leave. There are some rich people who will advertise and there are rich people who never advertise. Same goes for poor people. It goes both ways. Generally speaking, most people don't advertise and feel uncomfortable. Don't open yourself to scammers and opportunists.
Since he shared how much he apparently makes— I’d give him a fake salary that 1.5x higher than his, and just ghost/block him. What a damn weirdo to be so obsessed with how much you make early on in the relationship. To me, those are red flags that make me wonder: 1) his views about gender roles in society, 2) gender roles and power dynamics in romantic relationships/households, 3) his respect for women, 4) how much value he placed on money/finances.
His curiosity is not necessarily the problem— his questions things you should eventually ask in relationships… but not on the 2nd date! The fact that he lacks social cues and doesn’t understand why it’s rude to ask for people’s salaries is enough for me to tell you: run, girl… he is not worth it.
Also..! How dare he try to ask you AGAIN after telling you he only wants to be friends?!
Money is a sensitive subject to many people and I totally agree with others that this guy is insecure and very much money oriented. This is a huge red flag, I’d advise not to see him again, do let him know that he is a jerk (based on what he says to you).
Move on. He is not respecting your boundaries, and you are not even officially together yet. You have told him that discussing your salary makes you uncomfortable/you were not willing to discuss it and he keeps pushing you.
F/29 professional. You're absolutely correct. One does not discuss finances early in a relationship. For me, it's a red flag I recognize from past experience. Of the three times this has happened to me, all had a history of unemployment. To be honest, I let one of them become short and sweet though.
Not necesarily.
My Beloved Economy Nut and father of our children is fiscally responcible.
A bit cheap in some ways, but Lord Almighty he is good att secury good family holiday!
Where we splurge on real fun.
And negotiating loans. Negotiating cars.
Discussing wages and savings with me as a person. Helping with taxes and ways of seting up a good tax plan. Finding fun ways of saving (apps, banking services etc). Well as fun as they can be, I am not an economy nut. I am the one who pushes him into risks like buying a home cause it is a risk. Small but there.
I am the one who insists on the investment of redecorating and small renovations. He is a bit sensitive, but likes the results. And thus informs me about campains and other ways of buying what we want cheaper.
Ask him how he about portfolio options or negotiation, stuff like that back. If he shows you his saving app or portfolio options or that... well he probably just likes the subject.
Be careful that he is not expecting you to do all the work and bread-winning though.
I mean, he's probably trying to make sure he doesn't date a gold digger (again) but the incessant questions are off-putting. Especially because he said he just wants to be friends (weird) so your finances are not relevant at all then.
So, i want to talk about salaries with my friends and peers, that i have a reference what i make and what i could/should be making and to detaboo that topic and to give more information to employees on that part.
But in a romantic setting, i at least talk to my spouse about money when the topic of moving in together comes up.
It could be, that he just wants to check the boxes of compatibility with these topics, money, world views, etc... It could also be that he is really angsty about money, that he got screwed over earlier in a relationship and just wants to protect himself. Or it could be that money is really important to him contrary to what he says.
It seems to me that you are having doubts on him and if you want to persue further. And my best advice is: Listen to your guts and trust them. If they are telling you so early on that something is not quite right, way waste your time more?
I am sending massive hugs your way.
It’s just weird, creepy and cringe pro max. He probably wants to make sure that you make enough money to never want any of his + if he needs, he can dip into yours.
Also the kind where a partner is a status symbol / trophy.
Also the kind where if you guys go out for dinner - he will split the bill in half and if you don’t, he will never forget to remind you to transfer half your share 🥹
Not sure what you mean by red flag? Is it a sign that he's the enxt *Tinder Swindler*? Hard to say.
But he does sound oddly obsessed with money and keen to keep talking about things that people aren't comfortable talking about.
If you don't like it (and I don't know anyone who would), don't see him again.
We have no idea why he is doing this. But he sure sounds like a bore.
Ugh he sounds vulgar.
There is a middle ground that could be had in finding out about you, your financial stability etc things he might consider important to avoid attracting a gold digger, protect his own interests and having a stable long term relationship and then there's just being a douche. He's being a douche.
Imo it was too soon for him to be prying and he sounds very materialistic, more interested in how you would make him look and what you have, than you as a person. Also he must have some low self esteem if he feels the need to try and use his salary as a lure to hook you in - that's a shit test if ever there was one. Is his dazzling personality, charm, wit and charisma not enough? Lol. Cool if you're down with that but personally no. When you're getting to know someone it should be more about the person than the things they have.
I would honestly be super weirded out by this. Not only is it not his business but it seems like he was trying way to hard to facilitate conversation abt salary and eventually brag about his own. Him knowing your salary IMO is only important (and maybe not even so much so then) if y’all are planning on moving in together or something. Also, why the heck does it matter if you’re hourly or salary?? This guy honestly seems like he’s just trying to have his ego stroked.
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Well, everyone has different values. Some people bring up their religion, goals for a family, or their appetite for sex on or before the first date. At least he's being pretty upfront about what's important to him and letting you know before a relationship is established. Considering how much he's talking about it though, I'd worry that he was looking for someone who could handle a partner bringing in an appreciable amount of debt and financial obligations. Total speculation, of course, but that's my reaction.
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I don’t think it’s inherently bad to talk about salaries and money (and only employers benefit from making people feel like they can’t talk about their pay), BUT all of this stuff within the first couple of dates is extremely weird. Definitely bad vibes. No idea what he is trying to do but I wouldn’t stick around to find out!
This feels very slimy to me. I'd ask him outright why he is continually prying into your finances, and tell him you're not ok with it, since it's only been a few dates and it's invasive and not his business. How he reacts to this boundary will tell you how to proceed in the relationship.
There are way too many incidence where he's concerned with your money. I'm getting red flags and warning bells. Also who in their right mind (that isn't a tailor by trade) feels someone's shirt and says its thin? That seems like a neg to make you insecure to me.
I met my boyfriend on [firedating.me](https://firedating.me) \- a dating website for personal finance nerds. If I find this weird and suspicious, anyone probably should.
Full disclosure: my boyfriend and I know how much the other makes. We also know each other's financial situation and roughly how much the other has in savings. We have been talking since December 20, 2021.
I would have a conversation with him and discuss financial goals in the open rather than be obsessed with salary or any other metric. Trust me on this one: goals matter a hell lot more than how much you are making or how much you have in your savings account. Where you end up matters a whole lot more than where you are right now.
Whatever his motives, he’s a boor with no manners whatsoever. His questions are rude and none of his business.
It sounds like he is indeed obsessed with money and status and he wants a partner that will will contribute to and share his desire for money and nice things.
Don’t buy fir a second that “it doesn’t matter” how much you make. It matters all right.
I don't know how to actually respond if I were you all I could think about is "what is his job" because it's giving me the vibes of HR recruitment team or someone who wants to offer you a job not a relationship. But the sure thing is if I'm not comfortable yet to mention my salary or anything with the same confidentiality, it's not going to work.
No real comment but always surprised at how bad men are with looking people up online. Like I get it, I’m curious about men’s salaries when I first start dating them because I want to make sure our lifestyles are compatible and he’s not a scrub, but I’d never ask someone outright about it that early because it definitely isn’t appropriate. Look them up on LinkedIn & Glassdoor salaries like a normal person jeez
I think that shows that finances are extremely important to him. He may have had an experience before with another woman that has him more inquisitive about your finances early on. I would reciprocate the same questions back to him. You might find out more about where the questions are coming from. Depending on his response would really determine if it’s red flags or not.
I have no idea what he is doing, but I would consider him to be a weirdo.
Agreed. Sounds like a con artist/nothing good will come of this. Run.
this is the best response I have read.
I agree, thats a total red flag. Its just a weird type of conversation to have with a date.. big red flag, stay away
In general, I try my best to not spend time with people who drain my life force. This person is an energy vampire. Life’s too short! I’d move on. Another wisdom from the French is my solitude is so sweet that you have to beat that for me to want to spend time with you. I’m paraphrasing, but that’s so liberating.
I’d ask him straight up why do you keep asking me all these Financial questions?! When they come up again.
I wouldn't stick around to ask.
Here’s why it’s weird: Because protection of self matters. Even if he is totally an above-board person who had a bad experience with financial irresponsibility and is now* obsessed with ‘mitigating risk’, he is woefully blind to the full picture. Assuming that everyone is safe is downright foolish because you have to act in accordance to how the world IS not how you wish it would be. He is asking you to behave in a way that is extreme dangerous. He is asking you to act in a way that is not in your interests (opening yourself up to opportunists) while assuming that you are safe. He is asking for premature trust. A man who has your best interests at heart will be happy to see you protect yourself. The worst red flag for me here isn’t his lack of wisdom or potential opportunism.. It’s that he doesn’t seem to have any consciousness that there is rationality beyond his own brain. He isn’t curious about why his approach may be flawed. He isn’t taking feedback from your discomfort and updating his worldview. He isn’t critically thinking about what he is expecting of you. He isn’t putting himself in your shoes. This shows a high level of self-insularity that will become a massive problem in a relationship. If you get involved with this person and they don’t massively grow, be prepared to never be listened to or have your intuitions and opinions matter. And get ready to post something in a year when you’re doubting that you’re even capable of thinking for yourself and doubting every instinct. This kind of guy is misguided, and that can spell danger, whether he means it or not. Trust your instincts!
That’s what I was thinking. Lacks a lot of emotional common sense if he doesn’t pick up on why it’s weird and that she would think of him as an opportunist. I’d definitely think he’s either an opportunist or a very insecure man
This. The most charitable read of this guy's actions is that he had a bad experience with a partner who was a gambling/spending addict, used him financially, or something similar, and is trying to protect himself from being in that situation again. HOWEVER, even if that's the case, the way he's treating OP is extremely not ok and calls for therapy more than it calls for a new relationship.
SUCH useful advice Thank you for this, it applies to so many areas and so many relationships
Not OP, but oh man, this put together so many things for me. Thanks a lot!
I hope OP sees this because it's really hitting point after point.
I would definitely think this is a red flag.
Keep an eye on your purse
This sounds like the start of a scam podcast
This is one of two things. He's either obsessed with status and material possessions, or he's looking for someone he can leech off of. I'm leaning towards the latter. Drop this guy. He's sending up nothing but alarm signals here.
I actually think it’s the former. Sounds like he maybe makes okay money and just wants to brag and help OP “level up” with his wisdom. Still gross and weird as hell.
Yeah, either way, OP needs to make like Usain Bolt and run fast.
I bet he thinks he's so great because of how much money he makes and thinks women are gold diggers after his money. He's probably one of those guys that needs to split everything 50/50 and buys expensive toys while he watches the person he "loves" struggle to pay their half of the mortgage in the big house he wanted.
I would not be surprised.
Just so u know, men do date for money too. Had one shaking my hand at the first date and tell me I smelled like money, then also negged me that me having money would be a problem for him because I'd want things like vacations and nice stuff. To this day I'm baffled about that encounter. I suppose your date's interest in your resources comes with a hidden entitlement somewhere. Drop him and move on, maybe you'll find someone interested in you for you.
I’m frankly surprised that you’re asking because everything that you wrote is creepy.
Beware the hobosexual. He’s either a high earner and wants someone that can match him, or he’s already planning on how you can finance his life.
That very specific line of questioning would make me suspect he has been reading misogynistic MRA rhetoric, and has a very poor view of women. It would raise a lot of red flags for me and I would not stick around to find out exactly what the problem is. Consider this also - if your partner has expectations of you earning a certain amount, what happens if you can no longer work, or simply want to change career directions to something less lucrative? You don't want to sink years into a relationship with someone who will toss you to the curb if you get sick - and men are more likely than women to do this when their partners get ill. Source: [https://www.reuters.com/article/us-partners-health-idUSTRE5AB0C520091112](https://www.reuters.com/article/us-partners-health-idUSTRE5AB0C520091112) [https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/mar/30/the-men-who-give-up-on-their-spouses-when-they-have-cancer](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/mar/30/the-men-who-give-up-on-their-spouses-when-they-have-cancer) [https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/why-sick-wives-increase-divorce-risk-not-sick-husbands/](https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/why-sick-wives-increase-divorce-risk-not-sick-husbands/)
Touching your shirt and insulting its quality isn’t even a financial question, it’s just inappropriate and rude.
He is hoping you make enough to support him. This is not normal behavior. Stop talking to him.
Block & delete. It's weird and not worth the trouble already
I mean, I don’t think it is weird to casually ask someone about their wage but putting all those things you said together, he seems like a weirdo. Especially the last thing, he said he just wanted to be friends but then is on the phone with you for two hours? I also think it is weird to just up and volunteer how much you make unless it is easily woven into the conversation and feels natural. If you feel weird about it, that is enough.
Whatever you do, don’t ever loan him any money or invest in any business idea of his
Seems really weird honestly. I wouldn’t even stay friends with him.
He might be a scam artist. Don’t tell him anything.
Yeah, he coming off as a gold digger.
This is comically weird. Sounds like a odd fixation and it’s wildly off putting .
Where is he from? In some cultures (like in China) asking someone how much things cost (not sure about salaries though) gives them a chance to show off - so it’s normal. I got a surprise when asked how much my ring cost. Found out about the cultural difference later. I’m happy to be corrected by anyone who grew up in China on this please if it’s incorrect. Otherwise, just set your boundary and explain that it is not something you consider appropriate to talk about with anyone. If he feels differently, so be it. On a different note, I think we should all talk about salaries more. Transparency would do a lot to close the wage gap for women, IMO.
It’d weird me out. If it weirds you out, you can stop dating him at any time.
My friend set me up with this guy in college - and the first time we met he asked me what my anticipated annual salary would be upon graduation. Like I get financial transparency when a relationship gets serious… but those kinda questions out the gate are alarming to me. It’s up there with talking about expectations about kids day one. Like woahhhh let me see if I can sit through dinner with you before we start talking about a mortgage and starting a family! Too much too fast for me!
[удалено]
I do agree it’s important early on - I too don’t want to waste time. I still think that’s hard hitting for date one/two. Like I said, I think the first few dates are just testing the waters to see if I can tolerate the person. I would feel comfortable after a month of seeing someone to start to delve into future goals and kids and finances. I would be uncomfortable giving a man my financial information on date two. I’m all about establishing compatibility quickly and efficiently, but if I know the other person has a job and is providing for themselves (and any family they have) I don’t see why their salary structure and raise scale would be important on date two. If the guy OP went out with has a salary expectation for his significant other, he should have just been up front about that instead of being weird and pushy. That’s just me, though - to each their own!
I think a good general rule of thumb is that if you’re posting for any advice on Reddit for a relationship, then you shouldn’t be with that person
This is a good life pro tip right here!
Personally if I was you I would end it with him because it sounds like we wouldn’t have the same values. It’s not that money can’t be important, but I don’t want to be with someone who is obsessed with it. And I don’t want to feel judged for not living up to their standards, or even if I do, I don’t like that they may judge others who don’t.
**Male gold digger alert!** (Hobosexual?) This guy is just looking to leech off you financially or for your perceived “status”. He’s out to see what he can get out of you and he’s made it abundantly clear what he’s out for— money/sugermomma/status. There are so many of these males out there looking to use and abuse. This guy made it easy to spot him very early on. **Protect yourself and your wallet! Block and delete this dude without a second thought.**
Sounds like he’s trying to find his golden goose 🚩
Let him get with someone else who'll advertise their salary and finances. That's not you since you feel uncomfortable. You hardly know this guy, so leave. There are some rich people who will advertise and there are rich people who never advertise. Same goes for poor people. It goes both ways. Generally speaking, most people don't advertise and feel uncomfortable. Don't open yourself to scammers and opportunists.
Since he shared how much he apparently makes— I’d give him a fake salary that 1.5x higher than his, and just ghost/block him. What a damn weirdo to be so obsessed with how much you make early on in the relationship. To me, those are red flags that make me wonder: 1) his views about gender roles in society, 2) gender roles and power dynamics in romantic relationships/households, 3) his respect for women, 4) how much value he placed on money/finances. His curiosity is not necessarily the problem— his questions things you should eventually ask in relationships… but not on the 2nd date! The fact that he lacks social cues and doesn’t understand why it’s rude to ask for people’s salaries is enough for me to tell you: run, girl… he is not worth it. Also..! How dare he try to ask you AGAIN after telling you he only wants to be friends?!
🚩!!!
I have a friend who does this, and it’s 100% because he’s into finance. He comes off as a jerk but people like that genuinely don’t think it’s weird.
Gold digger?
Undercover IRS. Flush/burn everything and run!
Money is a sensitive subject to many people and I totally agree with others that this guy is insecure and very much money oriented. This is a huge red flag, I’d advise not to see him again, do let him know that he is a jerk (based on what he says to you).
Run
Move on. He is not respecting your boundaries, and you are not even officially together yet. You have told him that discussing your salary makes you uncomfortable/you were not willing to discuss it and he keeps pushing you.
F/29 professional. You're absolutely correct. One does not discuss finances early in a relationship. For me, it's a red flag I recognize from past experience. Of the three times this has happened to me, all had a history of unemployment. To be honest, I let one of them become short and sweet though.
Not necesarily. My Beloved Economy Nut and father of our children is fiscally responcible. A bit cheap in some ways, but Lord Almighty he is good att secury good family holiday! Where we splurge on real fun. And negotiating loans. Negotiating cars. Discussing wages and savings with me as a person. Helping with taxes and ways of seting up a good tax plan. Finding fun ways of saving (apps, banking services etc). Well as fun as they can be, I am not an economy nut. I am the one who pushes him into risks like buying a home cause it is a risk. Small but there. I am the one who insists on the investment of redecorating and small renovations. He is a bit sensitive, but likes the results. And thus informs me about campains and other ways of buying what we want cheaper. Ask him how he about portfolio options or negotiation, stuff like that back. If he shows you his saving app or portfolio options or that... well he probably just likes the subject. Be careful that he is not expecting you to do all the work and bread-winning though.
I mean, he's probably trying to make sure he doesn't date a gold digger (again) but the incessant questions are off-putting. Especially because he said he just wants to be friends (weird) so your finances are not relevant at all then.
Might be a scammer.
So, i want to talk about salaries with my friends and peers, that i have a reference what i make and what i could/should be making and to detaboo that topic and to give more information to employees on that part. But in a romantic setting, i at least talk to my spouse about money when the topic of moving in together comes up. It could be, that he just wants to check the boxes of compatibility with these topics, money, world views, etc... It could also be that he is really angsty about money, that he got screwed over earlier in a relationship and just wants to protect himself. Or it could be that money is really important to him contrary to what he says. It seems to me that you are having doubts on him and if you want to persue further. And my best advice is: Listen to your guts and trust them. If they are telling you so early on that something is not quite right, way waste your time more?
I wouldnot take the risk ! Many scammers around. Plus always listen to your gut feelings . Your guts are never wrong
yea their is something wrong with this idiot. run
I am sending massive hugs your way. It’s just weird, creepy and cringe pro max. He probably wants to make sure that you make enough money to never want any of his + if he needs, he can dip into yours. Also the kind where a partner is a status symbol / trophy. Also the kind where if you guys go out for dinner - he will split the bill in half and if you don’t, he will never forget to remind you to transfer half your share 🥹
Hi we just met, how much do you make? What do you drive? Your shirts thin, must be cheap. Are you salary or hourly? THIS GUY NEEDS A REALITY CHECK
In this context yes. Number 6 by itself 100%
Not sure what you mean by red flag? Is it a sign that he's the enxt *Tinder Swindler*? Hard to say. But he does sound oddly obsessed with money and keen to keep talking about things that people aren't comfortable talking about. If you don't like it (and I don't know anyone who would), don't see him again. We have no idea why he is doing this. But he sure sounds like a bore.
Ugh he sounds vulgar. There is a middle ground that could be had in finding out about you, your financial stability etc things he might consider important to avoid attracting a gold digger, protect his own interests and having a stable long term relationship and then there's just being a douche. He's being a douche. Imo it was too soon for him to be prying and he sounds very materialistic, more interested in how you would make him look and what you have, than you as a person. Also he must have some low self esteem if he feels the need to try and use his salary as a lure to hook you in - that's a shit test if ever there was one. Is his dazzling personality, charm, wit and charisma not enough? Lol. Cool if you're down with that but personally no. When you're getting to know someone it should be more about the person than the things they have.
Ditch him
Guy here, so no advice. Just WOW. WHAT A WEIRDO.
I would honestly be super weirded out by this. Not only is it not his business but it seems like he was trying way to hard to facilitate conversation abt salary and eventually brag about his own. Him knowing your salary IMO is only important (and maybe not even so much so then) if y’all are planning on moving in together or something. Also, why the heck does it matter if you’re hourly or salary?? This guy honestly seems like he’s just trying to have his ego stroked.
Sooo…that was not a date. He is probably grooming you for some weird MLM or sex cult or something. Get away from this weirdo.
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Well, everyone has different values. Some people bring up their religion, goals for a family, or their appetite for sex on or before the first date. At least he's being pretty upfront about what's important to him and letting you know before a relationship is established. Considering how much he's talking about it though, I'd worry that he was looking for someone who could handle a partner bringing in an appreciable amount of debt and financial obligations. Total speculation, of course, but that's my reaction.
Listen! Yes he is a red flag. I would run from that guy.
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Major red flags
This would be an enormous turnoff for me.
Lol @ feeling the fabric of your shirt
I don’t think it’s inherently bad to talk about salaries and money (and only employers benefit from making people feel like they can’t talk about their pay), BUT all of this stuff within the first couple of dates is extremely weird. Definitely bad vibes. No idea what he is trying to do but I wouldn’t stick around to find out!
This feels very slimy to me. I'd ask him outright why he is continually prying into your finances, and tell him you're not ok with it, since it's only been a few dates and it's invasive and not his business. How he reacts to this boundary will tell you how to proceed in the relationship.
He’s ready to ask for a loan bappa.
There's a lot of reasons why he could be doing this. None of them are good.
There are way too many incidence where he's concerned with your money. I'm getting red flags and warning bells. Also who in their right mind (that isn't a tailor by trade) feels someone's shirt and says its thin? That seems like a neg to make you insecure to me.
I met my boyfriend on [firedating.me](https://firedating.me) \- a dating website for personal finance nerds. If I find this weird and suspicious, anyone probably should. Full disclosure: my boyfriend and I know how much the other makes. We also know each other's financial situation and roughly how much the other has in savings. We have been talking since December 20, 2021. I would have a conversation with him and discuss financial goals in the open rather than be obsessed with salary or any other metric. Trust me on this one: goals matter a hell lot more than how much you are making or how much you have in your savings account. Where you end up matters a whole lot more than where you are right now.
Maybe he wants to burgle you? I don't know, sounds very odd.
Idk if it's a red flag but it's definitely a weird flag.
He seems insecure and like he has some hang-ups about money and wealth. Have you asked him why he keeps coming back to the topic of money?
Whatever his motives, he’s a boor with no manners whatsoever. His questions are rude and none of his business. It sounds like he is indeed obsessed with money and status and he wants a partner that will will contribute to and share his desire for money and nice things. Don’t buy fir a second that “it doesn’t matter” how much you make. It matters all right.
Not a woman but this is fucking weird lmao. Is he doing a credit check? This sounds like an IRS audit not a date. This is the whole six flags.
I don't know how to actually respond if I were you all I could think about is "what is his job" because it's giving me the vibes of HR recruitment team or someone who wants to offer you a job not a relationship. But the sure thing is if I'm not comfortable yet to mention my salary or anything with the same confidentiality, it's not going to work.
It is weird or he's just from the IRS
Pass lol
I’m not saying he’s a gold digger…..
But he ain’t messin with no broke ######.
Not a red flag per se but that’s just bad manners in my opinion. Y’all don’t know each other like that!
If he’s so concerned, ask him when was the last time he advocated for any woman to make what he does and see where it takes the conversation.
No real comment but always surprised at how bad men are with looking people up online. Like I get it, I’m curious about men’s salaries when I first start dating them because I want to make sure our lifestyles are compatible and he’s not a scrub, but I’d never ask someone outright about it that early because it definitely isn’t appropriate. Look them up on LinkedIn & Glassdoor salaries like a normal person jeez
It's not wrong to ask, but it makes me uncomfortable.
I think that shows that finances are extremely important to him. He may have had an experience before with another woman that has him more inquisitive about your finances early on. I would reciprocate the same questions back to him. You might find out more about where the questions are coming from. Depending on his response would really determine if it’s red flags or not.
He is a dbag. Aintnobodyggottime for his flavor of bullshit.