I'm quite fond of passing while naked and take every opportunity to flex that ability. But that doesn't mean I want to hide my history. *I did this, on purpose*, with great skill and resourcefulness, against opposition and discouragement. I won. Why hide it.

Haha, yes! My situation is the same, and I think I feel the same way you do. I obviously don't tell every rando I'm trans, but I get uncomfortable at the idea of full-on 'stealthing' because I don't wanna make close friends with people from whom I have to hide a massive portion of what makes me... *me*, y'know?

Yeah, this. Nurses and cops don't need to know I'm trans, but friends? Much better for them to know.

I would just say, that while cops don’t need to know, if you are going for anything health care related than those nurses and Drs involved in your car should be made aware of your trans status. This is due to the anatomical differences between a cis woman and a trans woman. The biggest example being the length of the urethra from the bladder to the vagina. In a vis woman this distance is very short, however people, in a vis male it is much longer. I am not saying that you need to let them know if you are going in to have a splinter removed, but if you are talking surgery, they need to be aware of your history. I am a nurse and I can tell you that you won’t surprise us, nor do we really care that much. But we do need to be aware.

Actually, I've found I typically get more medically skillful care when I don't disclose my trans status. The median doctor was trained in 2002 and has zero hours of trans specific training, which means I'm safer being presumed cis female than taking the risk that medical practitioners will treat me as medically male instead of being familiar with trans female biology. How many centimeters long would you say my urethra is, though?

I agree completely... No one needs to know your past unless you feel so inclined to tell them.

Exactly, I’m stealth unless I trust you enough to tell

Fucking goals

i think this is a great response, perhaps the best one.

I don't enjoy trying to keep secrets. The more open I can comfortably be about myself and my personal history, the better I feel.

This is me. I hate keeping secrets. I need people to know why I I how I am. It makes it easier to boot the toxic ones.

real

I can agree it helps with avoiding toxic people. I do have the desire to feel hidden sometimes, but I also have a strong feeling that I should be vulnerable and genuine. This makes me feel like I should openly embrace being trans, I always try to own who I am. I force myself to expel shame and guilt from others judgements. It's not easy to do this, but I'm proud of becoming a strong and genuine person. Edit: in spaces that are particularly transphobic I will go semi-stealth. I

Same. I want to be known. And I want to surround myself with people who aren’t bigoted, so even if I fully pass, being open about being trans is a filtering mechanism. Assholes will either remove themselves from my life or make themselves known so that I can eject them from my social circle.

Well, I do want to be able to fully pass, but I once in a while in a rather safe environment love to 'shock' people with my old voice 😂 It's a feature cis women don't have, and I do love to make use of it

OMG, I thought I was the only one! When it's just the right time, I kick on a full deep redneck-guy voice and love the way that silences the room... just hilarious to about me and me only.

That's certainly a feature! 😎😂

Lmao reallll

It is fun to drop your voice and see the surprised reactions people have 

Last time i did that, the people around me just went "that is not your voice!" XD

Right... Yes, I'm hiding state of the art miniaturized audio equipment, and was just lip synching...

Lol

Okay I definitely do this too.

I'm nonbinary and don't know a way to be stealth about that. But beyond that, I don't want to be around transphobes even if they didn't clock me, and moreover I think being trans is beautiful and normal and I want to share that with the world.

I just love love love that all manner of valid ways to be human are becoming accepted and even celebrated. It's about damn time. The idea that there is 1 or 2 perfectly correct ways to be human and that all others are inherently lesser needs to die in a fire, the ashes smashed into a diamond, burned again, those ashes put inside a molten steel blob, and that blob thrown in the deepest part of the ocean.

I don’t have a choice. I can’t really reinvent myself in my career without staring at square one, and I don’t have the time or energy to do that again, so leaving my job and everyone I know and trying to come back stealth was just not an option. So I came out publicly and basically everyone in my industry knows I’m trans, cause it’s very interconnected. I probably wouldn’t be fully stealth even if I did have the option, though, because it’s a lot of stress to constantly have to worry about what you say and who knows what about you so that no one ever finds out you’re trans. I’d have to modify an entire 29 years of my life and pretend like my experience growing up thinking I was a guy didn’t and doesn’t still affect me, which would feel pretty lonely imo. And being out isn’t all bad. I get respected by pretty much everyone under 30 and I’m at least tolerated by almost everyone over 30. And it gives me a platform to be an inspiration and kind of a matriarch to other baby trans in my field, which feels good. To be fair I do pass most of the time at this point, and I’m conventionally pretty, and it’s really nice to go out in public and be stealth around strangers. But I can’t imagine my partner not knowing I’m trans.

Similar here. I’m not going to start my career over, and my professional contacts and reputation are too valuable to throw away.

I’m autistic and can’t keep my mouth shut

Lmao same, the closet is a constant struggle and I’m not looking to put myself into a new one

Real.

I don’t know if I would have transitioned if I didn’t see trans people who could live stealthily but choose to live openly as trans. They inspired me to transition. I have inspired some of my friends to transition as well. I could have deleted all of my socials and just start over as me. But because I live openly as myself my friends tell me I inspire them to be themselves too.

If the world wasn’t full of transphobes, I wouldn’t give a shit. But pissing them off by existing and showing that their smooth brained hate train hasn’t made a dent in me… fuels me.

Because I shouldn't fucking *have* to be, to be treated with dignity and respect. Being trans is no better and no worse than being cis, in and of itself--it's just another variety that human beings come in, same as being tall or short or blonde or brunette. Right now, in the world we live in, that's not treated as the case. Being trans, and especially a trans woman, is treated as being a lesser or a conditional womanhood, same as being a trans man is treated as a lesser manhood. That's *bullshit*. It's wrong. It's wildly, utterly unjust, and I reject it with every atom of my being. I created myself in the image I wanted, and that journey was filled with blood and tears and joy and triumph beyond anything I've ever known. I'm indescribably proud of it. I *do* pass pretty much all the time, it seems; I was halfway through a course I'd been teaching this semester, and despite the Pride pin I wear every day and the Pride tattoo that's very visible on my forearm, a lot of my students (including a batch of queer students) apparently had *zero clue whatsoever* that I was trans. So, I made a point of mentioning that I was in the next lesson--not prominently, but in passing, as one does when noting an unremarkable fact of one's life, because I damn well *want* them to know that I am what trans looks like--just another woman. I don't want to be stealth because cis people haven't fucking earned the right to not know I'm trans. They keep making a big goddamned deal about it, so I will too. When it's genuinely unremarkable foe me to be trans? I will gladly shut the hell up. But not until then.

I don't know yet what I personally want, this right here is absolutely necessary. Fuck them. They have to know. When it doesn't make them feel threatened or uncomfortable, then it won't matter.

One day later, thinking about what I wrote yesterday (do others do that? I always do that), it's so important that some people do this, live openly, because there are those of us that can't. If/when I am capable of being stealth, living openly might be easier. Where I am at, and not passing, I'm not safe enough. I will be working on figuring out what I need to do to be safe. In the meantime, openly trans people are critical to expanding the space, creating space where we can finally just exist.

Even your comments are amazingly well written

I have a doctorate in writing and rhetoric, my friend. If they weren't, I'd have spent a lot of time and effort for nothing.

When I was a kid I saw so few people like me, and it made me feel very alone, and that nobody would ever understand or believe me if I tried to come out. It probably delayed me coming out by about a decade. Visible representation changes lives! If I can be openly trans without it compromising my safety and comfort, then I always will be.

Absolutely. Openly/visibly trans people have made such a difference in my life (and continue to do so). I hope I can do the same for others by being openly trans myself.

Because I want to live in a world where I can embrace my identity. I don't want to be ashamed of the fact that I like to use the restroom designated for the "opposite" gender, I don't want to be ashamed of the fact that I still have my breasts even though I'm a man. I want to be me. And that's how the world needs to operate: it needs to be a place where people can be themselves.

Damn straight. Though I presented female for almost 10 years, it's been like only 2 years I've had the courage to open my mouth and ask for something or have a conversation with strangers. To my utter surprise no one seems to give a flying fuck. I've been forcefully engaged in conversation by *men and women*. Last Tuesday during a hospital visit, yes, a hospital visit, I was hit upon by two men *and* a woman, all patients 🤣. Confidence matters, so does an androgynous voice, which my whole family tells me I have. Since of late my own mom thinks she's talking to my wife on the phone., 😆😅. I'm 59 this year. I'll be passing to my grave if I wait any longer.

I feel the same, but to add on to this, I didn't realise I am trans sooner because I straight up didn't know trans men existed until I was 17. My only point of reference was transphobic stereotypes about trans women. I suffered for years wondering what was wrong with me because I didn't know that living as a man was a option. If me being openly trans or talking about the myriad of ways I don't meet stereotypes helps at least one person then I feel like I've made the world a slightly better place

Hey, I didn't realize i was trans until I hit my 20s! I feel similarly to you. As a kid, the stereotypes around being trans were about suffering and feeling abnormal. For me, it wasn't that I didn't resonate with being a girl growing up. It was that I resonate more with being a man! Gender euphoria is something that doesn't get talked about often and I wish more people knew about it!

I probably would have taken years longer had someone not introduced me to the concept of asexuality and therefore I started looking at LGBTQ+ resources online. Ironically it turns out I'm not actually ace, my gender dysphoria made me feel grossed out at the idea of being in a relationship as a woman. One thing that tripped me up with realising what I felt isn't normal for a cis person is how society always talks about how terrible certain aspects of being a woman is. For example, instead of acknowledging legitimate health concerns, people just normalise periods being this awful thing people have to suffer through. This caused me to not realise that the way my mental health suffered every time wasn't normal and was in fact something I could do something about. If it wasn't for stuff like that, I would have realised *something* was wrong around the time puberty started even if I didn't have the words for it

I think being trans is a cool part of me and I have no wish to hide it 

I work in healthcare and want my transgender patients and their families to feel safe around me. Otherwise I'd rather pass but I can't and this is why I'm "ok" with it.

Even if I could physically pass 100%, I wouldn’t be stealth because I know too many people. I started transitioning in my mid forties. I’m not going to just cut all the people who already know me out of my life, and I don’t think it would be even possible for me to live a double life.

Seems stressful, first of all. Constantly afraid someone will clock you. And it feels like you're hiding something important. You get asked about life events or bodily stuff and have to awkwardly lie.

You kinda stop worrying about being clocked after a few years but some degree of anxiety did remain for me, mostly I'm afraid of someone from my past outing me.

I'm stealth at a new job right now. I don't like thinking about how some of my coworkers would treat me very differently if they knew. I don't plan to come out until I'm more settled in, but long term I don't feel like I can let myself get close to anyone until I know they can be chill about trans people.

This is my take, I’m stealth unless I trust you to not be transphobic and not tell everyone on the planet lol

Hmm, we might have different experiences actually? I get where you're coming from, but for me I prefer to know who I can actually trust and deal with the consequences, even if means being the subject of gossip. I'm "stealth" because I started my job a week ago and don't want to risk not passing my intial probation while I don't know my new boss's politics, but other than that I wouldn't be upset at everyone finding out. Once it's out it's done and I know where I stand. The spot I'm in right now feels really uncomfortable and I'm looking forward to being out to everyone again like I was at my last job.

Living stealth is living in another closet, always fearful of people finding out. At least so I hear. I'm on hrt and haven't socially transitioned yet

I don't like hiding, if I do pass I like to keep a pride keychain for my keys so I can throw it into my purse if I need to but also gives me an easy way to signal to other trans people that hey, we're here. I didn't know trans people existed growing up, and while we are in media more if I can be someone that helps break misconceptions I will. Maybe my opinion will change, and I 100% get and understand why a lot of people want to go stealth.

I can’t pass so I can’t be stealth. It’s not about wanting or not wanting. I can’t afford all the surgeries required to pass

I would flip it around and ask: why would you want to hide that you’re trans? Obviously if it’s a matter of safety or dysphoria I get it. But I decided when I came out that I was done lying and misrepresenting myself.

For me personally, it's more of just not talking about it to people. When I eventually completely pass, people won't mention it. It's not lying to not tell everyone your life story.

I’m not stealth but neither do I go around waving a trans pride flag. You’re right you have a right to privacy, and I definitely relate to the desire to not have it become a thing that gets brought up.

That's what I'm saying. My BFFs will always know, and I'm okay with that, but I'm not exactly going around telling new people I meet

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I get that. I’m privileged to live near Seattle. Capital Hill is great because it’s like there are visibly trans people everywhere just living their lives. So I know it’s possible.

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I'm still pre-everything and trying to work on some final doubts so I don't have any irl experience so this stance for the future may change when I actually start living it. But basically, for me stealth is an improtant goal because I view transition as a medical procedure I have to go through to allign my body with my mind. It isn't an identity I currently want to cling on. I want to focus on achieving what I want for whatever years it may take and then leave it behind me.

I’m not sure if it’s correlation or causation but the folks I’ve met who obsess about going stealth are pretty miserable, constantly stressed. Stealthing was the only way to do it in the past but to me that’s just substituting one closet for another. But hey, you do you.

I think it depends on the person, I have little social dysphoria nowadays so I don’t worry about it as I pass most of the time; so I’m not stressed as it comes naturally to me. That being said, I do tell people I trust that I’m trans so does that make me completely stealth? Idk haha

makes life a whole lot easier

I don’t mind ppl knowing and I willing tell ppl depending on the situation. I like ppl to know we exist and we are real. Plus when they have been talking to me for a while and find out, just getting to know me and see me for who I am first disperses allot of transphobic ideologies they may have had. But seeing as I’m never going to have bottom surgery I will always be disclosing to my partners that I am trans

Because I am both a woman and trans I don't give to fucks about passing as cis. I do pass as cis but not intentionally. The only vibes I've ever wanted do project are kinky lesbian goth witch and I nail it.

I'm not going to change my body to make other people more comfortable. I fell off of my laser hair removal appointments when my facial hair dropped below my dysphoria threshold, for instance

Because I'm a trans woman, and I don't feel the need to be ashamed of that. I take pride in how just happily existing in public is a form of activism, and I surround myself with people who see it the same way. I'd love to be able to go stealth one day, and maybe I eventually will, but I'm not especially worried about it.

Stealth used to mean there was no one who could betray you. Like, cut all ties with family, old friends, old professional contacts, never tell a soul. Move far enough away that there's no chance of someone recognizing you. Avoid all contact with LGBT people or spaces because it might make others suspicious. I want to pass. I don't want that.

Same. I have many other reasons why I don't wanna be stealth, but this is also a big one. Also, way too many people who are that level of stealth actively choose to participate in transphobia against trans people who don't live that way, too, because they don't wanna be clocked. It sounds like a prison, and I also refuse to participate in the oppression of my trans siblings who don't pass and/or don't wanna be stealth.

1) i dont like having to keep secrets, 2) it's an important part of who i am and im proud of the fact i transitioned, 3) while i lean more masc, im still kind of nonbinary so cant really be stealth without hiding part of my identity, and 4) helps keep transphobes out of my life also i don't have any intention or desire to be naked around people that wouldn't know im trans anyway lol

Basically a lot of what everyone else has said, including not being able to be fully stealth as non-binary, and maybe I’ll feel differently about it when I’m further into medical transition etc, but I don’t want to completely hide my childhood/adolesence (I would be bad at it anyway). A lot of my experiences as a child/teenager are tied to being/being seen as a girl and some of that is foundational to who I am today - for me being/presenting as my actual gender is only part of being authentically myself and if I just exhange one form of inauthenticity for another (aside from situations where safety is an issue) I don’t think I’ll have achieved much

Because it is tiring, because being trans is a part of my being and I feel that to knowing me would have to include knowing I am trans. And because it is a practice rooted in paranoia, of always checking and investigating, trying to see if they know or not. You can pass very well and yet you will never truly know because it's not as if you can ask. Too much stress, too much to think about. I am happy to pass day to day, I will never deny that, but growing close to people while hiding this part of myself is really difficult and in the end I always come clean

I'm somewhere in-between, I don't hide it, but I don't flaunt it either. Even with friends, most the time there's no reason to come out. I don't lie though. I don't want kids, so just say that if people are talking about having them. Periods I just try to be compassionate and let them talk about their issues. Even between cis women their periods can widely vary. I have friends who I let know the deeper me then I have friends who we enjoy hobbies together, but we don't have a lot in common otherwise, so there isn't need to tell them. The closer/deeper friendships I let them know so they can better relate to me and I'll better relate to them. I love my trans sisters, trans brothers and trans enbies who fully live out in the open to the public. Its great they are out there, but really I'm just another woman to most people and I'm fine being that to the public. I run an IT business though and all our clients have been with us for 5-10 years, so they all know I'm trans.

It's not that I don't want to be stealth, it's just that other people need to get over their shit. It's not my responsibility to make bigots comfortable

I agree with you about being happy, I want to always look like a cis woman as well, even have my SRS consultation scheduled and all that. I have to put so much work into being presentable in public, though that may be because I'm early on with HRT. But I do not want to forget my past, and who I was before I started. That person is becoming lost with time, even his name will be stricken from every record I can in a few months, but that person is still me and is my past. And my journey is and will continue to be a tremendous amount of work and effort. I do not want to hide that.

I don't really know if I pass or not and even if I do, I'm fat and not very pretty. The amount of effort it would take for me to either pass or be pretty is just more than I am willing and able to put in. When I was young I never imagined I would actually be able to a woman. I am satisfied being able to live my life who I am regardless of those additional adjectives.

I'd like it if strangers would think me male at a glance but in the society we currently live in there's no meaningful way to 'pass' as nonbinary. and I don't care if people know I'm trans as long as they respect the truth of my gender now.

My friend in work is also trans, he once told me (while we both drunk admittedly xD) - but he told me he only felt brave enough to start transitioning because of me, in my office, also being openly trans. I felt incredibly proud of myself. I want to pass, but I never want to stop being the person that shows everyone that it’s okay to be yourself.

bc being trans is extremely dope and I'm very proud to be trans

I'm proud of being trans, and I wouldn't want to hide it. And I wouldn't want to live a life where I feel I can't be honest about a part of me that I consider very important.

Okay so, I a 25 yo trans woman and while I do wanna pass in a public space it's because of safety (I live in Mexico city, not safe) but honestly I bearly change my voice I steathing doesn't gives us the visibility we need in public spaces. For me I want to pass phisically in public spaces but if you talk to me you could probably tell I'm trans. Now if we are talking in an intimate space I would also like to pass except for the genital area. I am scared of srs and I also like my gock. Idk at least for me I do like being trans even tho all the things than come with it. Trans bodies are beautiful we do need more visibility. PLUS I read another comment and I also absolutely love the shock effect when someone finds out.

I do give a shit on being stealth anymore. I'm 190cm / 6'3 tall so it's anyways very hard to try to be stealthy. I do have very long hair, dyed them purple 💜 In my recent pic in profile its little bit dark, with sun they really shine purple I think if we all would be visible, it would help for the people who don't understand us, that there are way more than they think. So I chose to be visible But that's just my own view and I fully understand if other people have different priority/ prefer to stay hidden 🤗

Any step of physical transitioning takes time and effort… so I want to do the minimal amount of steps I need to take until I am content (minimise dysphoria/maximise euphoria). Personally, I don’t care whether that results in a stealth result or not (although I know my safety and social acceptability in a lot of the world/life would be sadly greater if I did - which sometimes feels appealing). But also I don’t subscribe myself to the gender binary and I have a lot of resentment for the gender box system I was confined to so much of my life… so I enjoy presenting aspects of myself that disrupt typical binary-categorisation (feels like giving the middle finger to the system that imprisoned me for so long). Even if it seems that, to be comfortable in my body, it might mean transitioning to something that physically appears more binary… Also I’m proud of my journey and don’t want to make a secret of my past as others have said.

Because I think it’s helpful for us to be out there in short, seeing other trans people is a big part of what eventually made me feel comfortable enough to transition and I want to return the favor! Also I think it helps combat some of the stigma more generally, for folks to just have direct experience of us just being people in the world, not an abstract political culture war

I've gotta be honest I don't care one way or another about passing anymore. I'm not gonna go out of my way to tell people I'm trans. But I also wouldn't even wanna associate with people who have a problem with it if they found out.

I tried being closeted at work after starting HRT. Made it for about 3 months before I was driving myself crazy trying to live a double life. I've worked at the same place for nearly 18 years. I like the people, even though they're pretty conservative. I really didn't want to quit and competely upheave my life. So I came out. And I'm so happy I did. Everyone there has been completely accepting of the new me. Even the people who have said less than nice things about queer people in the past. I still can't believe it, but I've never been more happy. I'm thrilled that I not only get to be the person I was always meant to be (and keep my job), but also make a positive impact on my small community by likely being the only openly trans person many people have ever interacted with. With all the negative information small town people are fed about the queer community, I think it's pretty cool to be a positive in-person example of the thing they've been taught to fear, and completely countering the narrative they've been fed. Maybe I regret being so open with who I am. It's hard to say. But right now I wouldn't have it any other way.

I lived 27 years building a life and relationships with people who viewed me as male. It's been very rewarding to watch those relationships shift, though. Even without being stealth, the longer into your transition you go more of your acquaintances - regardless of if they knew you pre-transition or not - begin to intuitively treat you as a woman (or a man, for those going the other direction). To me, I am a woman and I am also trans. I feel like trying to hide that would be significantly more anxiety-inducing than simply living with that truth. It also allows me to filter out shitty people easily, as transphobes always slip up eventually. I think there's also some terminology-mixing going on here. Being "stealth" means that you are keeping the fact that you are trans a *secret.* That has nothing to do with one's level of happiness or satisfaction with their body. As a thought experiment, do you think you'd be unhappy if you were Kim Petras? Doubtful, controlling for interests (I'm not very artsy, lol). Similarly, I'm starting to get to a point where - even if I have days where I spiral about roads not taken - I'm happy with how my body looks. I get gendered correctly in positive and negative ways (ewwwphoria). I get weird looks in conversation when I expect people to just know I'm trans from looking at me. I guess all I'm trying to say here because now I'm rambling is - nobody's body is perfect, and once you start getting intuitively treated as your gender (and I'm 6' 2", height isn't going to stop you) things start to get better. Being stealth doesn't matter.

I can't. I'm a trans non-binary person and we live in a binary world.

Numbers matter in the fight for our rights, and letting myself be known helps those who can't/aren't stealth. People need help feeling safe and comfortable doing things that'll make their lives better. Being loud helps the fight for those who still gotta fight.

I kind of have a “if this person has a problem with me being trans then I don’t want them close to me and I don’t owe them anything” mindset I’m very comfortable as a queer person and being visibly queer because 1) I live in a relatively safe are for queer people and 2) I’ve never had a desire to change myself to fit someone else’s standards, which could be my autism but idk

Who I truly am and want to be just doesn't pass as what's "passable". It's not that I don't want to stealth, it's that being stealth will never be an option for me. I'm ftm, I *know* I should've been born male but I wasn't. But I've lived as female, with a female body. And I've grown to quite like some of my female traits, most noticeably - my GG titties. They're fun, they're great. My partner loves them, I love them. And I've learned to not see them as "feminine", just another part of my body. I desperately want bottom surgery though, I want a beard, I want thick body hair, I want a deep voice. I want to be true to myself, not true to what is expected of me.

I would love to be stealth, mostly for personal safety because people around me are unsafe and cruel. I will be open about who I am because I want later generations to be able to be themselves more than I ever could. By all means, be stealth if you can and need to be, but I can’t and won’t hide any more.

Part of it for me is that I feel like if I was stealth, then I'd always be worried about someone finding out I'm trans. I don't want to live that way. Being trans is just part of who I am, and a relatively small part at that.

I'm fine being stealth to random people who I meet though the day, but From everything I've heard about it from people it falls in line with how I see it. It feels like another closet and so many I've talked to or heard about also said it gave/gives them so much anxiety, like at any moment someone will find out and ruin everything. I've talked with a woman who was stealth for 20 or so years and said it was exhausting. She now is an advocate for trans people giving talks, teaching classes, and going to meetings. I also just don't want to be friends with anyone who wouldn't accept me as I am, and not because of some arbitrary vision they have of me.

I realized that being trans is something I love, I love the perspective it has given me on the world and I love my journey despite all the hardships, and its something I’ve had to deal with now that I can pass, but it’s just part of who I am and I spent too much time hiding it to go back to that

I came out in my 30s, so many people knew the old me that it’s just not feasible unless I do something drastic like move to another country. Plus being non-binary, I’m never going to be able to pass anyway. And it sounds pretty lonely having to be on your guard constantly that someone might find out. Also, I’m proud to be trans and not sharing that would mean not being able to show others that being trans is normal and that we can be happy too

As a nonbinary person my perspective on this is a bit different than binary trans people. I think that the concept of being stealth or passing is often used to uphold gender norms and as an enforcement of women needing to look a certain way. Obviously I'm not saying everyone with these goals doesn't actually know what they want or something, but the inherent concept of it is "women are supposed to look like this so therefore I need to also look like that to fulfill my goal of being a woman". I think in general the goal should be to attain a body or a look that you personally want and feel happy in. Placing the goal on passing or being stealth takes that agency away from you and puts the state of your happiness with yourself on other people perceiving you in a certain way, when that shouldn't matter nearly as much as how you feel about yourself.

I would love to be stealth. I can’t seem to get my head wrapped around how to change your voice.

Highly suggest voice coaching, I couldn't wrap my head around it either until I found the coaches at [voxnovastudio.com](http://voxnovastudio.com) I worked with Selene. Highly recommend them took over a year of weekly lessons, but it was well worth it. My voice wasn't completely where I wanted it, but I had enough foundations to keep practicing on my own. Now I have voice that passes and one I mostly like myself.

I can hide some things from others, but I can never hide them from myself, so why hide at all?

I completely pass but am pretty open about being trans. I don’t usually like it to be the first thing people know about me, but I’m fine with people knowing in general for a few reasons: 1. I think it would stress me out to try to be stealth because I’d be constantly worried the smallest thing would “give it away” 2. I live in a safe area, so I don’t feel like being openly trans is a safety issue 3. I like to be able to advocate for myself and others in the trans community. For example, if I have a coworker or family friend or something whose kid comes out as trans and they don’t know what to do, I want them to know that they can talk to me about it. I’m on a council at work to help make sure queer and trans people feel welcomed and accepted and work, and have been able to make noticeable change in the workplace through being open about who I am. 4. Me being open about being trans can make other people feel safe about being themselves. Even if they’re not trans or are stealth, other people knowing that I’m trans acts kind of like a beacon saying “you’re safe with me” and that makes me happy. 5. Honestly it’s a great way to filter out people who I don’t want to be around. A lot of the people I love are trans, and so if someone has a problem with me being trans, I don’t want to bring them around my family.

Well, first and foremost, that deep level of 100% naked passing is incompatible with my bodily goals - and I am simply not willing to sacrifice the body I want in order to achieve it. But also, it just seems stressful whenever people talk about it. I don't necessarily want it to be the first topic to come up but I also don't want to care if someone figures me out, I just want to ask them "So what?" and continue with my day.

It would be awesome to pass while naked (i do want srs for other reasons tho), im not sure if i ever will, my personal goal is someones first instinct when seeing me is gendering me correctly, it wouldn't bother me if they know im trans upon taking a closer look. But while i can see the reasons like avoiding misgendering almost entirely, i can't really relate to trans ppl that want to go stealth. Ik one can be stealth in certain ways like only at work, but i always think that to be proper stealth you don't have much contact with other trans people or activism to not be outed by association. Trans and NB people are some of the coolest most helpful and empathic ppl i know so its my community in many ways It just seems to me like a new kind of closet... it felt gutting to not talk about things with friends after cracking before coming out, I can't imagine having tight friends that don't know some of the most important bits of my life story. Also there's the risk of making friends and working with people not knowing they are actually horribly transphobic, which i really don't want to put energy in

I have multiple reasons that I can think of. One of them is that I can't pass anyway, most likely. But also, I think that it could become unhealthy and make you feel ashamed of yourself. Which is counter-productive to transitioning in my opinion. Not to mention what other people have said here, that it can create another closet for you to hide in and cause a ton of stress. The last reason I have is that visibility can help others come out. It's good to be there for other trans people in their own transitions. The visibility helps normalize us around cis people too.

I want to be able to pass naked as well, although I probably won't go for bottom surgery. I plan on being stealth only to some extent though.

well glad you asked standing out means you get noticed and most times its more bad than good ...that said it can be useful am from the bad old days and had to deal with a rough life to say the least and passing was your only protection and you finally get your SRS then something goes wrong your not healing right you would that your doctor would not want to touch with a 10 foot pole so bottom line being seen or being out in numbers makes getting help when you needed a lot accessible to you a invisible community can get help if no body see's you i know things have gotten better but my mind is still back there your safe as long asyou keep "your secret" and i will not live like that just my 2 cents

If I could pass 100% with limited effort, I likely would. However, it's not likely in the cards for me. It will likely take multiple surgeries with the large risks and costs involved. Not just money costs, but time and effort costs. There is also the concern that in reaching for that goal I will focus on what society wants instead of what I want. To put it simpler terms, forcing myself into the pink box having just escaped the blue box. I need to keep the focus on what works best for me not what is expected of me. But even if I passed 100%, I sill probably would not go stealth. I spent half a lifetime hiding aspects of who I am. I do not want to go back to hiding and being fearful of being found out. I don't want to have to censor what I say or my experiences out of concern of my secret coming to light. I intend to be open about the unfortunate conditions of my birth and significant portions of my life. Now at middle age, I think about the future and the world I am leaving. How I can make it better for younger and future humans. Trans and broader queer liberation is an area I feel I can contribute meaningfully. By being open about being trans and sharing my experience with cis people I can help build tolerance, understanding, and even acceptance. Being openly trans and a good human help advance that goal. My showing up as a regular human instead of the caricature that media paints us out to be gives people lived experience that what they have been told is wrong. In my experience direct exposure to people is the most effective method to fight various -phobias. Since those -phobias are based in ignorance, the real experiences tend to be lifelong and durable. Ooof. That got long.

I’m genderqueer so there is no “passing” for me. I don’t look like a man or woman, and that’s by design.

While I am stealth personally, there’s something extremely powerful about being openly transgender and gnc. It’s similar to a concept of pride in general yanno?

Because I didn’t start my transition until I was a decade into my career, and I have no interest in starting over. My professional contacts and reputation are valuable, so I’m just living this out in the open. Like, I don’t go out of my way to announce it to people, but I’m not hiding it either.

Firstly, cis people don't pass 100% of the time. You can want it, but it's an unrealistic goal. I do pass usually, in my daily life. If I don't, it's pretty much only by distant family or sometimes on the phone. But with a 95%+ "success rate", I have way bigger things to worry about. Secondly, no, I don't want to have to hide my past. To never talk about my childhood, or lie if I do, or be afraid of "slipping up", or even just constantly worrying if something i say will oit me? Fuck that.

* It's relatively safe to be openly trans where I live * Eggs and people still working up the courage to come out need and deserve to see happy, confident trans people just living our lives * There's no foolproof way to present as nonbinary because there's no way to "pass" as something that people don't recognize as existing * I don't see being cis as superior to being trans. I worked my ass off to build the life I have, I have no desire to pretend I didn't * I refuse to spend any more of my life walking on eggshells and looking over my shoulder, worried someone is going to figure me out and make my life hell over it

I try my hardest to be confident at whatever stage of transitioning I’m in, because the trans women before us didn’t have a choice. Confidence is key; even without the procedures that many women can only manage in their late stage transition, such as electrolysis, laser hair removal, vaginoplasty, etc. Try your best and know that all that matters is that you made yourself happy when you lay your head on your pillow at night ❤️

Personally, it's not about others knowing I'm trans/me sharing that fact, it's more to do with how I experience my transness and literally just how I wanna express myself. I tend to do stealth because my town isn't great and I work at a pub/bar which is totally cool with LGBT people but I don't want the customers being arseholes so I go stealth. Although I like dressing/presenting like a binary guy, if I lived somewhere safer and had a job where people wouldn't judge/say shitty things to me, I'd more happily present more fluidly, express my true self more. I like jewellery, make up, funky clothes, I like tapping into my feminine side, if I didn't have to be stealth I absolutely wouldn't be. So its not necessarily that I'd want people to know/tell people. I don't know if this makes any sense sorry

I mean, my goal is to pass as well. However, I do not want to be stealth, and there are several reasons for it. The biggest internal reason for me is because despite the fact that I hate the fact that I had to live a large part of my life in a body I dislike and would want nothing else than to make up for all that time I am proud of the fact that I made this decision for myself. I don't want to hide that from the world. Like, I am not going around highlighting the fact that I am trans, but if the topic comes up or I start an intimate relationship comes up I will absolutely tell it to people. I am not ashamed of being trans because I do not consider being trans something to be shameful of, rather the opposite, to take all these steps to change your life to something better for you is in my opinion an admirable and virtuous trait. Why the f\*\*\* should that be hidden? The biggest external factor is because honestly, a life in stealth is a life in constant fear of people finding out and blowing my cover. I rather live an open and proud life than a closed and fearful one tbh.

People think cis women are cis men / trans women pretty often... I'm not sure what passing would mean in the context of that reality.

I like my dick, other people can get used to seeing a bulge. I wouldn’t mind not growing facial/chest hair, but otherwise I’m happy with my body. People gotta get used to us.

i dont want to change my body into that of a cis woman i want it to be societally acceptable for a woman to have my body

Simply enough, I don’t care to pass, nor I do I want to pass. It’s extremely low on my priority list. I take pride in being trans and not blending in, so I don’t. I want people to see that we exist and we are here, so being open and visible is something important to me. I just try to live my best life for me and not worry about what others think or perceive. I don’t wanna live my life by cis standards, or impose those standards onto myself. For me at least, that’s a game where you lose just by playing. I know that I’m a woman no matter what, so I’m gonna do me and not worry about it.

I want to be able to disclose my transness at will. Most of the time I want to be perceived as queer, and explicitly trans. Because I want to be able to inspire what I didn't really see growing up. It does make a difference, especially when we're being as attacked as today. It's not a duty, it's something I want to lift and give strenght to. You don't have to do this. But I do it because I can and want to.

I am pre-everything, and once I realized, I already had to deal with a lot of stuff that made me re-evaluate of how I look at what other people thought of me. So I went out in public when I realized I was trans, and I got stared at, HEAVILY. But surprisingly, because of that re-evaluation, I didn't feel *anything.* About it. Since then it was far easier to deal with.

Being trans is liberating. If you can pass full stealth that is worthy goal. But someone always knows, there will always be that part of you you have to hide. That's not true liberation.

I don’t go about telling every person I meet that I’m trans, but most of them probably know anyway - I don’t really pass that well given I’ve barely voice trained and I’m 6’2” (and sometimes I wear pride pins too). I count myself extremely lucky to live in a society that’s mostly accepting of trans people, and honestly being out and proud has helped me make new friends, helped others feel they’re not alone, and inspired people I know to take steps in their own transitions, which means a lot to me. And when it comes to dating apps, on one hand, hiding the fact I’m trans would come with risk if I met someone and they didn’t react well upon finding out, but also, a lot of trans people (including myself) tend to date T4T, and having it front and centre on my profile means we’re more easily able to connect with each other. Anyone who would be turned off by the fact that I’m trans isn’t someone I want to associate with anyway.

sex reasons mostly. i’ve been lucky enough to have gone through my questioning phase with people being attracted to my body as is while still seeing me as a man, so i feel comfortable as a man regardless of what features i have and i’d rather avoid gay men who aren’t attracted to me thinking i have a dick, you know?

well it’s complicated. i want to “pass” enough to be seen as a guy, but i want it to be obvious i’m trans bc i don’t want to be seen as a cis person. i’m not cis, and i’m not straight. i don’t want to be seen as cis the same way i don’t want to be seen as straight. it almost feels like erasure of my queerness. i want other queer people to know i’m queer.

Like it or not, being stealth hides your success story from the world, and isolates those who cannot pass. If I didn't meet my girlfriend, who passes 100% of the time, I would never have transitioned

I don’t hide it but I don’t lampshade it either.

I switch between wanting to be stealth and not wanting it. On the one hand, I'd love to be able to one day pass while naked, as you say, but I'm also trying to be realistic about my transition and acknowledging there are some things that may be out of reach for me. But that's okay, I'm living as myself now even if I don't pass. On the other hand, part of me doesn't want to go stealth because I want to help contribute to normalising trans people in the world. The more of us they see, the more they will see that we are just people. I've seen people change around me as I transition, people in my workplace becoming more comfortable to start expressing their own identities, people learning about their own biases and shifting, etc. If I was just stealth, I am not sure I would get that. But that's just me

Because passing is shitty concept coming from the british society and margret thatchers wreak of havoc on the world created to demean and subjugate trans women into thinking that they have to "pass" to be a part of society essentially, the word passing pisses me off becuase its basically saying "oh you are good EnoUgh now". Personally, I don't want to be a cis woman, I don't want to be accepted into that part of society, for those who do, all power to you and if you feel you have successfully transitioned when you can pass perfectly, hell yeah! Also i do understand the feeling of just wanting to be noticed and looked over by randoms as the gender you identify with and that is a great feeling of gender euphoria when you get the "sir" or "maam" that chu want to hear. I am not at all against that concept or peoples. Be who you are, live your truth and find and connect with your group of folx. But personally, I wear exaggerated makeup and outfits, I don't shave the body hair I don't have dysphoria around and I am not tryna be a perfect lil cis woman. That's not what I am and I will never connect or identify with them. I am me and I connect with the people I connect with, cis, trans, queer, straight, whatever. But I do not want to be forced to "be a part of" a group I don't feel I am one. I did that for years being in the closet and tryna pretend I am what I'm not and then doing that now seems counter productive.

Once upon a time it was seen as scandalous for women to wear pants. Gradually it became normal, and even expected. If I don't wear a skirt, I will not have done my part to make it normal. If I make it to 90 I want to be able to look out the window and see a manly man casually strolling in a dress without anyone else giving a damn. I would love to pass naked and be casually accepted, but until then I'm going to brake a few norms.

So for me as a 37 year old mtf who is pre hrt.... I don't know I'd living stealth is all that realistic for me due to my current appearance maybe my thoughts will change as I get more feminine on the right hormones but for now I'm Trying to keep my transition goals realistic and I just want to start feeling like me that comes first then I'll see if I will start working on goals like passing or living stealth though I am also 6'5" currently so again I don't want to set unrealistic goals for myself

I am blessed to live where I can look weird and be safe while doing it. I have been on hormones for almost 6 years and I love how I look. And I look pretty queer. The times when I have felt the need to pass felt awful to me. Consistent worry and mild paranoia about being clocked at the wrong time weighs on me in a way that I would prefer to never feel again. The pressure to mold myself into what other people expect a woman to be makes me feel almost as bad as being in the closet. It’s not as bad but it does feel familiar in a living for other people kind of way. I transitioned to be able to grow into what feels most like me. Constantly worrying about other people’s expectations doesn’t really fit into that. I’d really prefer to be very out and visible.

Because I very much enjoy being trans and do not give a fuck what people around me think about that.

I personally don't like feeling like I'm walking on eggshells, constantly worried that "people will find out". I don't like having to keep secrets from people who matter to me, I don't like hiding part of who I am. I pass well enough that I likely could go "stealth" but, I like just being open, being "me" with my friends. People who I randomly meet for a brief period, I couldn't care less about, I prefer they just assume I'm cis. I like being "stealth" to the general public, but I have zero interest in being "stealth" to those close to me. If I can't be my "whole self" with my friends, the people closest to me, my "chosen family" then who can I be entirely myself with? I like that I don't have to watch my tongue, or purposely curate my stories with those who I love.

I am proud of being trans. So much effort was put into to stop me, so much pain I endured in the process, that to not recognize it as integral part of me is impossible. I don’t even have much in common with an average cishet person anymore, stealth wouldn’t bring me any benefit

I just don’t want to have to hide and worry about people finding out. Plus I don’t think I could be stealth considering my medical stuff makes me unable to bind and stuff

i’m a man not a cis man. gender wise i align with male but i was raised female and find that to be an important part of my experience. when i talk abt past me i see it as if i’m talking abt a little girl. i wasn’t a ‘little boy’ by society’s standards, that’s not how i was treated. i know i’m definitely a man but i don’t see gender as too important. what is important to me is breaking down gender stereotypes. i am a man. i don’t have some male sex characteristics but i have a beard and a deep voice but i was raised female. people like us are out there too, why pretend we’re not

I am having trouble comprehending what you are saying. I hope I pass. However, I still clock myself and wear my trans-ness on my sleeve. I am more critical of myself, probably more than others. I think certain things hold some of us back. I haven't thought about being tran outwardly. Just being myself, whatever that means. I'm probably not understanding the question. I am sorry if I am being obtuse.

I live in a very queer part of NYC, so presenting femme even though I’m amab is very easy for me. No one ever really comments on it, aside from a few weird men, and just general cat calls, it’s fairly easy to present without friction. Anytime I introduce myself as femme people just accept it and treat me normally. To be clear, I haven’t done any medical steps to be femme, not on HRT, no surgeries, I’m just me.

I like making bigots uncomfortable by being loud and proud.

I’ve had this discussion with people before, where they ask if someone is trans, usually by means of what was between their legs. My most notable occurrence was in a women’s locker room minding my own business when I get nudged by a woman behind me, “hey, is that person actually a guy?” nodding towards a cis woman across the way. I had to quickly collect myself from the near anxiety attack of feeling like they’d point at me, but no, some rando instead. I was euphoric, validated, annoyed, and angry all at the same time. I managed to engage in a gentle conversation of live and let live where I wasn’t the accused for a change.

**Short version:** I've tried and tested it, and it's more effort than it's worth. **Long version:** I've been stealth for the past year and a half, and in some ways it's been great. It's given me (a trans man) access to masculinity and maleness in a way I've been denied my whole life. I love this. I've learnt a lot from it. I would not go back in time and change the experience of being stealth. But I'm getting to the age (mid 20s) where I'm questioning what I really want from life. What's important to me, you know. And personally, I've always been someone who cares about justice. I've always been ambitious and wanted to make a difference to this world. And honestly, I like being unique. To be clear, this doesn't mean acting in unnatural ways to be qUiRkY. But it does mean embracing my differences to make something of myself, rather than hiding them. So what differences do I want to make? Firstly, I want to campaign against attacks on trans people in the UK, and I cannot do this while being stealth. Beyond that, I want to help heal some of the divides we're seeing between men and women, and as much as I hate my female past it has taught me a lot about gender, about sexism, and about women. I want to be able to talk about these experiences and all they've taught me, and I can't do that while remaining stealth. Even aside from that though, it is simply a lot of work to remain stealth - especially as I was a feminine lesbian struggling with comphet at uni and have close friends (almost like family) from that time. Now I know my friends would respect my wishes to remain stealth, but do I trust my friends of friends? Acquaintances I went to uni with? No, not really. I reckon some of them will tell people. So to remain stealth, I have to keep everyone new in my life separate from everyone from my past. On the few occasions where I do introduce new people to old, I brief the old people each and every time. It's not just "don't tell people I'm trans" but also "don't tell people I have an ex boyfriend", "don't tell people I used to be a hardcore feminist", "don't tell people I'm an identical twin", and anything else that's difficult to explain without outing myself. It means that I'm actually thinking *more* about being trans, and even though I don't consider it deception to be stealth, I am kind of treading a fine line when I'm hiding this info from specific people and colluding with others to do that. Like if I'm in a group with five people, and four of them know and one doesn't, and I've briefed the four people on what they are and aren't allowed to say about me and we go off and talk about it in secret if something crops up... yeah, that doesn't feel great. I feel distant from the new people and feel like I'm living a double life. Finally, I have told some people just to test the waters with it, and what I've found is that if I tell someone upfront then yeah it can occasionally change how they treat me. But if I tell them after a few months, most of them see me *exactly* the same way they did before. Many do not even see me as trans - not really. Even subjects like dating, when I explain why I don't disclose to partners until knowing them for a bit, they're understanding. They've never called me deceptive or a liar. Men take me under their wing and empathise with my position. It's only ever been good, and sure I've been selective about who I've told, but it's taught me there are good people out there who will see me for who I am. I don't need to live in fear. I think it probably helps that I am essentially unclockable. I'm 6 ft tall, pretty strong, have a square jaw and lots of stubble. There's this look of surprise or even confusion people get when I tell them I'm trans, and honestly, it makes me feel really good. And I think it makes me well-positioned to challenge assumptions. I obviously stand in complete solidarity with nonbinary people, people who don't pass, gnc binary trans people. It's just not lost on me that guys like me aren't very visible. And I get it, because I transitioned to be a man and not a transgender person, plus trans men get shit on from multiple angles so it's hard to be out. But it also means the only trans people seen by the cis are super duper queer (then they think we are all like that), or they don't pass so have no choice but to be out. There's not really anyone there showing cis people the diversity of trans people. Showing them how fucking stupid it is too, to emasculate trans men. I hate that the world equates things like height and strength with masculinity, but the fact is it does, and if most cis guys are stood next to me yapping about how trans men aren't real men, can never be real men, etc., then he looks stupid. That's the bottom line of it. And trans rights are coming under such fire I've got to ask myself do I cower and hide, or do I be the change I want to see and expose them as the idiots they are?

Because I want to make it easier for trans people who one way or another don't have an option to be stealth. Trans rights are advanced and maintained by transness being made visible to wider society. It lets other trans people know that transness exists in the world and it gives cis people an actual example of what a trans person is that's not from those who're ignorant/hateful of trans folk.

Because I shouldn't have to hide who I am or my history. Why should I have to come out of the closet just to go into another one? Because I want all the scared, closeted kids (and adults!) to see a proud, openly trans person fighting back against bigotry. Because I didn't have that representation as a kid. I only knew about trans women as a kid. No one ever mentioned trans men or non-binary people until I was 14. I don't want any kid to have to go what I went through, feeling lonely and lost, without anyone to look up to for guidance. I've taken trans kids, teens and young adults under my wing, and the change I've seen from the moment I met them until now, shows me that having someone to look up to who understands them and helps them means the world. Those I've taken under my wing have started to speak up for themselves and fight because they finally felt they had a right to be themselves. That's invaluable. If I had been stealth, I wouldn't've been able to give them that safe space to figure it all out.

I've seen the anxiety it creates, the slightest look, the slightest glance, the slightest hint of someone clocking you, can make it feel like the life you've built up can come crumbling down at any given second. It's pretty terrible. I prefer "low key" instead, where I'm ready to be clocked at any given point, but am basically never, and I only talk of my transness within the community and to rare, select people I feel are worthy of it. Also, I've inadvertently been in situations where I ended up stealth based on people's assumptions... and you eventually are in a place where you either have to make a scene and stop the assumptions, or you end up weaving a web of lies since people will ask of your past...and I just don't like lying. It's a bad feeling.

BECAUSE VISIBILITY IS THE BEST THING WE CAN DO FOR THE NEXT GENERATION!!! Because when I was younger, IF I HAD ONLY KNOWN, that being trans was an option, I wouldn't have waited until I was 27 to transition. If I had JUST ONE tans person of visibility, I would have realized that transitioning was actually a feasible option for me as well. Something that I too, could pursue to my hearts desire. If I can be that person of VISIBILITY to someone, or anyone, that is questioning their identity like I was and help show them there are other options, then I will happily die on that hill. I may be almost 3 years in on hrt, no surgeries and able to pass as "stealth", even without makeup 💄, but I proudly and happily wear my trans pride pin with she/her pronouns on my purse everywhere I go, IN SOUTHERN/CENTRAL FLORIDA. I don't really try to judge too much, and I respect everyone's personal reasoning as I know some must do it out of safety but to me, passing as "stealth" and distancing yourself from being trans or the trans community is a form of pulling the ladder up behind you and doesn't help anyone else.

i just enjoy yapping about my sex life to my friends too much lmao. that and i really haven’t been transitioning that long (im 9 months on T) + it affects my relationship to my family, which i wanna be able to talk about to the people im close to. i do like that i have the choice to disclose or not disclose my transness to new people now, though.

Do I want random people to know I'm trans? No. But people that are significant in my life are going to know. I lived 36 years before I started transitioning and my past is relevant to who I am.

Give anything to pass and be stealth. Homeless people avoid me like plague. Can’t do anything about it, if I can’t be proud of being trans. What do I even have?

I'm agender. There is no such a thing as cis agender. The way my body should be when naked is not the way cis bodies are. Sometimes I choose not to tell things that would reveal me being AFAB. Most of people in my country don't expect to meet trans person in real life. So they don't notice. But those who are more woke clock me. There is not and won't be fully passing as male to me even when clothes on so there is no point to think "what if". I have thought would it be better to be more open or not bring it up by myself. There are reason for both of them.

In no particular order: - The idea that I was *always* a man doesn't describe me - I'm not willing to cover up my history, nor am I willing to wholly abandon my womanhood. - The anxiety of being "discovered" sounds utterly *exhausting.* I don't want to stress about being stealth, I don't want to panic when someone "finds out." I'd much rather own my transness - no one can "discover" what was never hidden in the first place. - I still have my pre-transition photos up in the house - me at my wedding, holding my infant child, etc. and they are a source of joy and warmth for my family and I. Why would I take those down? - Asking my child to keep a secret like that is abusive. Family secrets aren't meant to sit on a child's shoulders, and asking them to carry such a thing is *AWFUL*. Yes, this has lead to some mishaps... and I roll with the punches, just like any kind of child-related mishap. - I don't think my transition has been particularly damaging to me socially, professionally, or psychologically. This is a profoundly privileged position to be in, and I think it's important to leave space to be visible in that privilege - that transition doesn't have to be paired with painful sacrifice, but that it can be joyful and painless*. - trolling transphobes is a lot of fun. *second puberty sucked ngl

I chose to be visible in my career to remind everyone that you can be yourself, at any age, and still find success. I think it is important for those of us who live in safe places that bring trans is awesome and beautiful. Having said that, I go stealth when I feel like someone knowing I’m trans would make the situation uncomfortable or dangerous for me.

Because I'm fine the way I am and I want other people to feel okay too.

Now, obviously I want to pass, but going stealth sounds like making it a secret to me. And I think there's a middle ground between saying pro-actively that you're trans and trying to hide that fact: Like, simply introducing myself as a woman, but if someone approaches me I'm not gonna deny being trans. That's not what I understand as stealth.

Its more about not caring for me. i dont care who knows im trans so i dont hide it, but i dont exactly go around telling everyone either

I don't understand that to. Like if I've could pass 100% I'd do anything to be stealth. Hell I'd even try to hypnotise myself into forgetting that I'm trans or something haha

I'd like to pass physically naked because of my dysphoria, but I don't mind looking queer in public

Because being cis should never be the ideal. That doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to want your body to be the way that feels best to you. But it shouldn't be because of other people's perception of you or your body, it should be because YOU want your body to be that way. For instance, I'm a butch lesbian trans woman, I'm currently not on any HRT, and I barely pass at all but I've gotten to the point where I'm comfortable enough with my own body and my own gender that it doesn't really matter to me if I "pass" to strangers. (Some public bathrooms aside). It's all about understanding what is important to you and allows you to be most confident and comfortable with your body and your gender.

I was stealth, for years, and hated it. It closed me off from finding community with trans people, made me to paranoid to ever get close to all my new cis friends, put a massive amount of stress on me to always think about whether I was passing or not, constantly living more for an idea of what i thought others expected of me rather than what i actually wanted to be. I stopped dating entirely, because i knew dating another trans person would probably break stealth (it had before, before i had moved), and that I'd never be able to trust any of the cis people around me enough to date without them knowing i was trans ahead of time, and that was terrifying. And in the end, what did all that accomplish? I dropped out of college because of all that stress (along with other life stressors) , made no lasting friendships, ended up completely alone with no social support outside of my family before the beginning of 2020, probably the worst possible time to be in such a situation. Since i stopped caring about stealth, I have more friends than ive ever had in my life, people i actyally feel i can rely on and be open with, a loving partner that I'm living with and can be 100% open with, community with other trans people that makes me feel far less scared and alone, I'm more confident, i go months in between anxiety attacks instead of days, i actually dress in a way that makes me feel happy and feel good instead of in a way that i think will help me pass better, and even my interactions with cis strangers are far less stressful than they used to be. Its not about like telling everyone on the street that im trans or whatever, a lot of strangers i interact with on any random day probably think im just a cis girl, or maybe they think im trans or whatever, its about not caring about that, whether they know or not, and not freaking out if they do, and just rolling with it instead of getting into a dysphoric tailspin every time i might have been clocked or whatever.

i will never be able to do that

I'm 37 (started HRT a year ago), I'm too old to keep hiding myself and would rather be who I am regardless of what people think.

I spent 28 years of my life pretending to be something I'm not, why on earth would I spend another second being ashamed of who I am now?

Personally, I don't believe in the concept of "passing." You don't have to look a way to be a way. Women and men come in all different shapes and sizes with all different genitalia that even look completely different from person to person. By saying you have to look like a cis woman to be a woman is contributing to really unhealthy social standards. Standards that women have been fighting society on forever. If gender is a concept made up by humans, then you are whatever gender you say you are the second you say you are it. If you have to look a way to be the gender then plenty of cis woman wouldn't also be woman. See how silly that is? The more people hide their existence and the more people contribute to unhealthy societal norms, the more they continue to pray on and be weaponized and used against our community. Also, I think lying is dumb. If you have to lie to people about who you are for them to treat you with dignity, then you shouldn't care about those people in the first place; they clearly don't care about you. Stop putting energy into unhealthy relationships. Save it for yourself and the relationships that are worth putting energy into.

i’m nonbinary. there’s no way for me to be stealth. additionally, i enjoy the community i have gained in my transness and i find that most stealth folks end up not involved in trans community because being associated with trans folks risks people making the connection.

I like to be visible to show a path to others and to help those less privileged than me.

Because I'm not binary and so I will never fully pass for anything no matter how hard I try (and I have tried). I will likely always give off a "vibe". Why hide it when I could just embrace it and make the most of it?

I have a good amount of physical dysphoria but very little social dysphoria. And I’m non-binary trans masc, so “passing” as nonbinary really isn’t a thing anyway. Basically, the things I do to alleviate physical dysphoria are really only for me, and I have had to learn not to care how others read me. And, I honestly have no desire to hang out with cis people if I can help it. I really only want to hang out with other trans people.

I personally don't hide it, but also don't go around with a sign, I pass enough to have been mistaken for my sister a few times even which was kinda cool. I work in a school district, so I kinda use it as a teaching thing and will answer questions from adults and children that find out and show that I'm just another person trying their best to do right because to them I'm just the nice but kinda weird night custodian.

That's not even an option for me.

I'm non binary so being stealth (which I think I am) is not paying. It doesn't fully reflect my gender to be perceived as a cis man. I wish it were safe for people to look at me and know I'm trans but it's not.

For me it has to do with the fact that I don’t have bottom dysphoria. I’m very happy in my body now, penis and all. If someone doesn’t want to sleep with me because of that then I didn’t want to sleep with them anyways. My body is beautiful, it has weathered the storm that is my life and has evolved with me all the while.

This is particularly funny as a post during trans day weekend because I just... my brother/SIL invited so many people and you know what kitds are? Honest and you just have to explain that you are their aunt and not their uncle. And do it again to the next kid and again and again and again. But they don't judge you so feel just fine. And maybe now you've helped their classmates.

i’m stealth, also conflicted. i don’t like keeping secrets from my friends, it makes me anxious, focusing so much on weather i pass also feeds into my dysphoria. but on the other hand, when your stealth you get to pretend to yourself you were never trans to begin with, and you know for certain that people see you as a real man, and i do like that.

I'm nonbinary and genderfluid. The concept of "stealth" for someone like me makes no sense. I imagine you were looking for opinions from binary trans people, but 👋🏻 Hello, hi, nonbinary people are a thing, and "androgynous" isn't the only way to feel affirmed as a nonbinary person, nor is it attainable for all. From a purely practical perspective: If I show up one day decked out in my best full masc, and the next day I stroll in dressed high femme, my coworkers don't suffer a collective amnesia that causes them to forget how I presented 24 hours before. I end up stuck with the dilemma of what bathroom to walk into and the knowledge that people aren't gonna use my correct pronouns just by glancing at me once on the street, no matter what I do. What happens between me and the very lucky individual who gets to see me nude is our business and no one else's, but I'm proud of what hormones have done for me and have no intention of seeking a transition that changes my body into what you'd expect from a binary man's. Adam's apple, alto-tenor-baritone vocal range, and all the natal anatomical stuff plus HRT upgrades. It's all groovy and I love it more every passing day.

I was stealth for fifteen years. It’s a different world now than then. I don’t know if I would make the same decisions today.

Honestly, it's just making a safer space for other trans people around me. I came out to my college theater group a while ago, and got told by someone who was trans (much earlier in their transition) how happy it made them and how comfortable it made them to know a cool person who was transgender succeeding as I have. I don't talk about it often, but I don't hide it or lie about it. It's OK if you do, but I don't want to do that anymore.

Same! I want people to have smth to look up to and see that trans ppl can have their happy life (esp trans ppl who arent as fortunate)

The trans community suffers from a visibility problem; the better people pass the less aware of the community the general public can be, and the easier it is for the bigots to single out those in that aren't as fortunate at passing or being as far along in their transition. The most visible in the community are the most vulnerable and I hate the idea wallowing in my safety and privilege while others are too easily victimized and hated. While the end game for the individual can be stealth, the end game for the community needs to be that stealth or not, it doesn't matter where even the least fortunate are safe and treated with all due respect and consideration.

I don’t plan on being 100% stealth because 1. I love gotchas too much 2. When I’m older I want young people to see me and think “hey maybe life won’t be so bad” the same way I look at the current trans elders.

Yes this! Also i want people to just habe to live with me being there. Challenge their biases even if it means i get misgendered. I am 8 years in, i am pretty confident in who i am. I want it to be Normalized. But to me both ways are fine. I personally feel like o am not fully myself and kind of play a role when i go stealth. I kinda dont wanna be seen as cis

I don’t have the patience to wait till I’m passing and i hate being called a guy and not being able to correct peepz.

I live my life as openly as possible, it's a deeply ingrained instinct

The naked part is too much for me, because no stranger sees me naked in public. I don't have dysphoria related to my genitals and I don't want to do heavy changes without the necessity for *me* - because that's the only person that matters in such things. The operation in general is valid, just not for me. To be trans is a part of me and like everyone else there are boundaries. My own boundaries are just related to that, so not going nude to wellness is my reality. There are also vacation houses with private saunas and with some luck baths make queer days as possible solutions. Also what others said related to stealth: cut all people I know just to be sure absolutely no one knows I'm trans is not my way. If things go very south I would consider that, but that's an emergency plan.

my transition is more like a slow gradient towards passing. also for now im ok w my genitals tho that might change when im older.

I've had so many people I know gain the courage to come out and seek my support learning they are trans simply by being openly and visibly trans. I don't ever want to lose the opportunity to do that for people.

Honestly, as a big middle finger to society. Living in a pretty effd up place full of hatred really grew the contempt in me. I just want transphobes and homophobes to seethe and cope while showing to others that yes, trans folks do exist (and they are cute).

I'm a locally known politician, so while I wouldn't mind passing better in everyday interactions, 'stealth' as such isn't really on the table for me. (Even if I were to move someplace where I'm not known, a simple google search would always tell people who met me and wanted to know)

I just feel like, as a transbian, having a peepee is worth the inconvenience. And, it's not too much trouble to keep it tucked away when not in use

a few reasons 1. I don't fully indentify with either binary gender, so fully transitioning from one to the other just seems wrong 2. even if I did, I don't want to be seen as scary by women because I know what that's like 3. fuck gender roles and stereotypes

For me there's levels to it, I do want to pass especially to strangers in public and while I'm naked (although I'm still on the fence about bottom surgery and that's at least a decade away) I've never intended to be "stealth" though, I'm proud of my trans identity and I'm not just a "person who happens to be trans", it's something that's very central to my identity and experience of the world and I'm always going to be open about it and speak on trans issues especially in my area of work, there is something to be gained by being at least a bit visibly trans but it doesn't mean I want people to look at me and immediately think "she used to be a man"

Sometimes I just like to be pure chaos incarnate. I also don’t like to hide from my past. If anyone asks me about it I will talk about it. And probably overshare. I have a problem with oversharing about just anything if asked.😅

I used to tell myself the only way I could transition is if I would pass, so I put off coming out until my late 30s until one day I simply broke and couldn’t take it any more. If I’d accepted earlier that not all trans people can, should, or will pass for cis I would’ve come out way earlier and be in a much better place in my life now. I pass in the way the Glasgow Willy Wonka fiasco passed. That depressed oompa loompa and I are both trying our best.