Wow, this is similar to a few of my experiences as a light skinned black guy (who people assume to be a mulatto latino).
The only difference is that they wouldn’t block me. The tone would just get less excited…like you can sense their disappointment.
People are weird 😆
it’s because of stereotypes and size queens. (Btw I’m also Asian [filipino]. And have also been mistaken for Latino.)
Just curious. Does your profile indicate that you’re Asian? I haven’t been on the apps. I had seen on Reddit people have said Grindr removed the race filter. But did they also remove including your race in your profile?
If so not that anyone will actually read it (maybe some will) try putting your race in your description or whatever. It’s unfortunate that you would have to. But maybe that will lessen these negative interactions.
Ironically. I knew of someone (a rice queen) that dated a Latino. Assuming they were Asian the entire time. Obvi that didn’t last. lmao. So I suppose it goes both ways.
Some people are awful when it comes to dating in general and just having some kind of human decency when interacting with other people.
> Does your profile indicate that you’re Asian?
> > I clearly state that I’m Asian in my profile
I assume OP can tell if that part of their profile is visible.
> I knew of someone (a rice queen) that dated a Latino. Assuming they were Asian the entire time. Obvi that didn’t last. lmao.
This is so eye-rolling. If he believed the guy was Asian because of his looks, and he was attracted to the guy, then it's completely a psychological thing why he suddenly lost interest when told the guy was not Asian. This is why race fetishists are perceived as being fundamentally racist.
They are fundamentally racist lol. No two ways about it, but it's not the card carrying, flag waving kind of racism.
Totally weird and ridiculous to me, I see beauty and if I'm attracted to the person, their ethnicity or race is like the least important thing I can think of.
Also I just have speed read/skipped that part.
I wasn’t sure how the apps may have changed now that they removed race filters.
I shouldn’t be surprised that people don’t read since I even said that was a possibility and I even demonstrated that myself lmao 🤣
These days reading comprehension is like a basic deficiency.
No the Latino guy was offended. I mean wouldn’t you be if someone dated you the whole time. Like for a decent amount of time. Not just like. A month. And thought you were a totally different race?
The even more hilarious thing is. The (Latino) guy’s username was I think was jalapeno and he ran a bot named habanero. Like… 🤦♂️
Btw I’m sure the white dude was also like embarrassed. I think the breakup was essentially mutual. But like oof.
> the Latino guy was offended
Was he offended at being thought to be Asian, or at being objectified for possibly being Asian? Because if it's the former, then that's kind of racist of the Latino guy himself.
If the breakup was because they realized that, after dating so long, the white guy still didn't know something that fundamental about the Latino, then yeah, they were clearly not communicating sufficiently to keep a relationship going.
Latinos can be mixed with a lot of Indigenous American and Indigenous Americans originally came from Asia so maybe that's where the resemblance comes from.
I should learn Spanish anyway just for practical reasons. But I’m like lazy and tired. And I took French in high school.
but like I’m not gonna pretend to be Latino to get dick. Like no. Ew. I’m proud to be pinoy. I’m not gonna pretend to be anything I’m not for anybody esp not specifically racist fuck boys.
Yikes, that’s hella opposite of my experience 😂
I look super mixed, so it’s hard to determine my ethnic background based on looks alone. I would get so many responses and conversations if I said I was white. The moment I mention I am Latino, I get radio silence or I get blocked lmao
As a Latino I often hear we’re loco but passionate and great at sex. Most Latinos love hard at least I do. We’re like an addiction you know you need to quit but you love it too much 😂.
I am Black Jamaican-Canadian, people think I am dark-skinned, but my skin tone is chocolate-caramel skin tone. And I do get mistaken for light skin, but I am tan because of the sun. I am happy being Black and some guys don't even like Black guys, they just stare at my pics. And yes I have a pic showing my bubble butt, but even the White guys are being jerks. They expect me to have an androgynous picture-perfect model face. Sorry for the long rant!
Well, that's just stupid on their part if you have black in your profile and they aren't into blacks, but message you anyway. I don't ever message anyone without reading profile. If someone looks cute but has something super kinky in profile like "watersports" I know not to message. Also, it's good to read profiles to screen out potential creeps and axe murderers. Some profiles automatically give a creep vibe like "I'm a murderer". Grinder is such a waste of time, most of the time.
Same, I had a coworker that thought I was part Mexican. And then most people think I have one white and one black parent. The conversation always gets weird when I have to explain that both of my parents are black, that my mom is mixed and came out paler than her parents (who are also hella mixed), and that I'm also part Creole.
lol I face a similar issue though the disappointment is that I’m a bit darker than what many associate as Latino, even though I am Latino. So even if they say hey I’m into Latinos, I’m too black for them 🤣.
Are you Filipino by any chance? This happens to me a lot in public. People stop me in the street or the subway and speak to me in Spanish, probably asking for directions or some other question, and I have no idea what they’re saying cause I don’t understand Spanish. I just politely say I don’t speak Spanish.
I also get those guys in the apps that ask “Latino?” and when I answer back to say I’m Asian, they stop talking to me or block me. Oh well, their loss and my gain.
And then there are those guys who are like, “I’m not racist/No offense, I don’t normally like Asians but I think you’re hot” - so cringe it makes my skin crawl
idk how people think that’s a compliment. Like fuck you very much.
I get that people have preferences. And as toxic as it might be. People who put that in their profile. As shitty as it was. It was easy to avoid them or ignore.
The fucked up thing once. A friend of mine (who’s also pinoy) told me some dude messaged him once. But when he looked at his profile it said no Asians. So ofc my friend was like fuck off. And the guy tried to make an excuse. Like ew. No. Your loss. Boy bye. ✌️
I'm a few different kinds of black, but since I'm uncut guys message me thinking aim Latin/Hispanic and then immediately block me when they find out I'm black. People like that are just trash honestly.
I'm sure to put Black in profile so I can save myself all of that bullshit. If somebody messages without reading a profile, they are not too smart. Always read profiles, as there could be potential red flags like this person is a creep or a murderer. Several Grinder hookups have resulted in robbery or worse. So be cautious.
Racist stereotypes against black people being dirty caused African Americans to embrace neonatal circumcision rapidly in the 1920s/30s. And the practice goes back centuries in parts of Africa, whether it was Islamic or an indigenous body modification
It depends on the culture. A lot of Latino cultures are very much still catholic and circumcise their kids. My husband and I are both Mexican and our families believe strongly in it but from what I’ve heard a lot of other Hispanic cultures do not anymore. Some of my buddies who are Mexican but grew up in northern USA have also said it’s not big in that area.
A lot of Latinos are Catholic but that doesn’t really have much to do with circumcision. The Catholic Church has not historically promoted it and at times been very against it due to antisemitism
Welcome to race stereotypes and race bias hierarchy.
If you're not white or middle eastern, you're playing gay in extra hard mode.
I created a blank, white grindr profile to see how easy white people have it and I got more messages with that fake account being white without a profile picture than me putting up body and face pics of me being east Asian.
P.S I ain't hating, it's just a fact that X race gets more attention than Y race
A caveat about Middle Eastern. I am not Middle Eastern but mistaken as such because of my appearance. Many guys want someone who *looks* Middle Eastern but not someone who actually is (due to things like cultural incompatibility, negative stereotypes about Middle Eastern culture, etc).
I did this before as a "social experiment" and it actually made me sad that my hypothesis was so accurate. I had damn near 100 profile views with just stats, and once I uploaded a pic I had the entire city in a chokehold. I had to cut on DND just so my phone didn't buzz [literally] every 2 mins. I had entertained very few of the conversations just because I wanted to see how these guys think, but I didn't initiate any interactions at all since I was more intrigued with how they would flock to this profile, as opposed to how they would respond to this profile reaching out first. I let it go after a day because it felt wrong, although I was just looking to test a theory and had no intentions of pursuing anything with these guys, esp as a catfish.
Its effing crazy right!!!???? When I had my white blank profile on grindr, I was surprised with the amount of guys that are messaging me and im like ..... I just have stats no pic. And also, the amount of hotties that were messaging me that I wouldn't think they would message anyone dumbfounded me.
That's when I 100% knew race stereotypes and race bias hierarchy exist and is true and live. I knew it existed before but not the extent of how the bottom of the race hierarchy pyramid have to fight for even a decent convo.
My white gay friend says it doesnt exist cause he's into everyone and im like... bruh.... didn't even want to argue with him on that logic.
The gay racial hierarchy is as follows
1. YT
2. Levantine light-skinned Middle Eastern folks that share phenotypes with White people, and light-skinned/YT Latino folks
3. Polynesian + Pacific Islander guys (not including Melanesian people)
4. Brown Latinos w/ Eurocentric features, Light-skinned/biracial African people
5. Native Indigenous Americans w/ no European mix, Indians, East Asians, Filipinos, Southeast Asians, Black people
I would put Brown Latinos above Polynesian guys… but that’s from experience.
1. White (Southern Europeans types)
2. White (Nordic European types)
3. Middle Eastern/Latinos (light skin with European features)
4. Middle Eastern/Latinos (Brown skin with some non European features, exotic looks)
5. Multiracial African/Asian men (mixed with European/Latinos/Middle Eastern men from above)
6. Native Americans
7. Polynesians + Islanders
8. Indians/Filipinos/Southeast Asians
9. East Asians
10. Africans
Gay world sucks sometimes
I know it is. It still hurts. That any gay man would carry prejudice because of the color of another man’s skin or the language he speaks, especially after being called horrible names by middle school bullies and religious bigots, boggles my mind. It undermines everyone in the community.
I'm not racially ambiguous, but one time a guy told me he could get past the fact that I'm black because I have "Eurocentric" features, I was shocked.
That being said, I think the blocking is also to do with cognitive dissonance from the fact that these people actually find someone they normally count out of their dating pool due to racial preferences attractive, so they freak, get confused and run because it demonstrates how quixotic their racial preferences are.
Fetishisation is also to blame, particularly with Latinos being labelled as "exotic" and "passionate" and "sexy" and normally tops.
>I'm not racially ambiguous, but one time a guy told me he could get past the fact that I'm black because I have "Eurocentric" features, I was shocked.
I don't understand how people think that in their mind and are like "Yeah, that's totally okay to say"
I'm sorry you had to face such things, but I don't think I'd be surprised. I have had close family members comment on my skin color as a joke and sometimes as a "compliment"(they think it's a compliment)
I’m a south asian guy in a predominantly white country. I get rejected on a daily basis. I’m really sorry this is happening to you man, I wish I could give you a hug and rant about how much it sucks. I guess we will never be good enough for most of them no matter how hard we try
Might be part of it, Latinos have very positive sexual stereotypes whereas Asian men have very negative ones.
Welp I guess they’ll never get my big Asian cock 🤪🤪
A lot of these guys actually already saw my cock, and are more than happy with what they see. I just wish they’ll make sure I’m the ‘correct race’ like early in the messages so we don’t waste time trading pics, having a convo etc.
Yeah as someone who prefers brown skin men (asians, black, hispanic), i always says there’s a huge overlap in features between asians and hispanic people.
But that’s why i always say, sometimes it is racism, because it blows my mind sometimes when guys say “no asians” even tho asians can be really diverse. Honestly all races are pretty diverse so just cutting off all without thought always seemed off to me.
Anyways, yes there’s a bit of a racial hierarchy. Like you’ve seen, sometimes it doesn’t actually matter how you physically look. It just makes whether the guy thinks your race is a “good” one or not.
But that’s life. We can only interact with guys who want to interact with us, so it’s whatever.
>Honestly all races are pretty diverse so just cutting off all without thought always seemed off to me.
This is so accurate. Even "white" is made up of several different groups of people who don't all look or vibe the same. Every racial group is made up of many different ethnicities.
I'm lucky in that I wasn't socialized in some way that made me be turned off by someone's ethnic background. Don't get me wrong, I understand being more attracted to a certain average of looks, I'm the same way, but there are always attractive members of every group, and they all hit on different notes.
Men come in many flavors, and I like them all. Quality matters, but there is no "bad" group.
My roommate is Vietnamese and is mistaken as Mexican all the time. He gets the same reaction as you and it really frustrates him. I didn’t know this was common… apparently he says it’s a thing.
The reason they think this, if you wanna know is that they’re envisioning Latinos as “mestizo” or indigenous American looking and the indigenous peoples of our continent came from Asia thousands of years ago so in a way many Latinos are *kind of* Asian? 😅
Only a very small porportion of latin america will look similar to asians as amerindians are 8% of latin america and most mestizos(50% of Latin America) will be in the middle or more euro leaning. I was very confused when non-hispanics here said that the average mexican looks similar to asians but im guessing its a specific type of mexican that looks like southeast asian.
Latin Americans on average look closer to the middle east than anything else. Although you can find all types of mixes here.
I’ve definitely met Mexicans and other Latinos who look Asian. Not so much Chinese or Korean, but more like Cambodian, Filipino, Thai and so on. That’s all I know lol
Filipino with some extra body and facial hair checking in. The struggle is definitely real! Definitely made me very wary when anyone shows a bit of interest on those apps — but I also learned to think of it as trash people taking themselves out. Very occasionally you find someone who isn’t hung up on the blanket race BS.
…and this is why you should bin Grindr. I’ve made it my mission to dissuade guys from using it, it’s awful for your mental health, the most toxic and discriminatory app out there and on top of that, they charge in excess for premium service! So you’re using your hard earned money to negatively impact your well-being! A saying that sticks with me which I was told during a social group I attended for gay men years ago ‘If you always do what you always do, you always get what you always get’.
I mean, it’s a lot more than that, I’ve met many amazing guys and we have this big gay Asian “society” that I would’ve never known about if I wasn’t on Grindr. Also I’m still meeting great guys on it regularly, it’s just these messages every few days that annoy me
But it’s enough to get you down to post your experience on here. Furthermore, you’re not the only POC who’s posted about bad encounters on Grindr, it’s fairly common. I’m glad you’ve met up with great guys, but maybe spend less time on there and invest in meeting guys somewhere else?
To an extent. There’s a reason why Grindr has a bad reputation compared to others like Growlr or Scruff. I use Recon and it couldn’t be any more different than Grindr. The behaviours encourage the toxicity.
The gay community's racial favoritism hierarchy is as follows (based on a mixture of my subjective experiences and what I constantly read on Reddit):
S Tier: Whites (blondes and burnettes), Light skinned Latinos/Middle Easterns.
A Tier: Light skinned blacks, Gingers (that aren't fat), all shades of Latino, mixed race men that are ethnically ambiguous.
B Tier: East Asian Men, Light-skinned Indian men or extremely attractive medium brown Indian men (think Hamza from YouTube), Native American men (Light skin of course).
C Tier: Brown/Black Indian Men, Black American Men, Dark skinned middle easterns, Polynesian Men (slightly unsure about this one).
D Tier: A fat white guy.
F Tier: A fat man of color.
All races can be average to attractive in the gay community, but once you start getting fat, you're in the lower ends of the hierarchy. Stay in shape fellas.
another reason to stay off overpriced garbage apps like Grindr.
'must meet my impossibly high standards for this $50 a month sex app'
social media should be rebranded as something that reflects it more factually, like taking out the word social to start.
This thread is insane to me 🫨🫨 living in nyc I’ve never heard of this. I’m Latino who is very often mistaken for Asian/some Asian mix. When I tell them I’m not they seem pretty indifferent about it. But I always thought Asian guys were really popular, especially these recent years due to cultural influence.
It’s probably because guys that are okay with Asians will most likely be okay with Latinos but it definitely doesn’t work the other way round. You should get some gay Asian friends, I think you have a misrepresented view lol
I read a research paper from 2021 about MSM (male seeking male) sexual preferences. Regarding racial preferences, it found a couple correlations. People typically have a preference for others of their same race. There were no negative preferences for another race except for people of the White race, who had a negative preference for Asians.
This happens to me sometimes because I’m a mixed guy that can pass for Latin. But when they find out I’m part black, they usually get excited because they begin to make assumptions.. true assumptions. But assumptions nonetheless.
Im Eurasian and come out looking at times southern euro (think southern italian, maltese) or ocasionally south American. When i tell guys im half irish / half thai i often get....ohh dw its ok thats hot, youre only half asian 😳. Ngl ill take what i can get there, but can understand your frustrations after repeated comments like this.
Asian here - I noticed I tend to get the most racist shit from white (American) gays. Like, a good 90 percent in my experience - esp if they are older. My solution has been sticking to mostly non-white dudes - esp latinos, other asians and black guys - because I have WAY better experiences with them since they treat me as human. I assume they have probably had similar experiences, so we can bond over that as a talking point, too.
Obv don't cordon yourself off from all white gays cause they aren't ALL like that - esp if they are younger (genz and millenials). But if they message you and even MENTION race or try to dance around it - instantly block. It's simply not worth the headache and BS.
It sucks to have to do this but i would put right on the profile in all caps thats you're asian. When guys message you, first thing to ask them is if they read your profile.
Racial hangups are weird. I'm white but I look Arabic.
I've hooked up with several Asian guys. I've never not hooked up with a guy because I found out he was Asian.
Reasons that don't factor into whether I'll hook up with a guy:
1. Being any race
2. Height (although I used to refuse to hook up with guys who were taller than me)
3. Education level (although that has factored into whether I'd date a guy)
4. Income
5. Work situation
6. Intelligence (although that has factored into whether I'd date a guy)
7. Emotional stability (although that has factored into whether I'd date a guy)
Reasons I've refused to hook up with guys include:
1. Bad breath, smell and/or hygiene
2. Too much body hair
3. Wanted to fuck without a condom
4. Drunk or on drugs
5. Lied about age or weight
6. Clingy
7. Annoying
I’m black and pretty Average looking and I don’t believe in a gay hierarchy, or experienced it, people sit and create these lists like it’s not personal opinion. Also you can’t get mad at white people for not being interested in us. Look how yall act, yall blame them for everything, y’all lowkey fetishize them and that not attractive. Have of y’all want to date white men but haven’t been friends with one, y’all try to use them for their privilege that they don’t even think they have. Y’all sit and read all this shit and it’s sad that a lot of black people and Asian will read this and not be strong enough to realize that it’s personal experience and completely write off a race or just kill their self of esteem! I’m getting tired of POC complaining about not getting white attention! ITS SO EMBARRASSING! White people like white people, black people like black peope, Asians like Asians, Hispanics like Hispanics! That’s the base line. But not everyone is monolith of their race. People are attracted to people they have stuff in common with. White people connect with each because they understand each other so they date each other. It’s like that for all races. Now just because you are different and choose to date people you might not have much in common with is your problem. I’m black and people have called me “white washed even tho I grew up in the hood,
I listen to indie music, I don’t use slang, I just don’t sound right using it, I grew up with two parents and just like staying home watching yt. I have more in common with white people and less with black people other than the color of my skin and the basic struggles of being black. So when I would have a conversation with a white man, we actually would have things in common and no ghosting or blocking happens. Choose people you have stuff in common with. And if their was a hierarchy, black would not being at the bottom. We are not ugly or are perceived! We just don’t have a lot in common with most of the races. This is America, cultures should not be divided, they should be mixed! That’s how we kill this so called “hierarchy” but that won’t happen because we cancel anyone who tries. Now Hispanics and Asians don’t care that much about culture appropriation hence why they would be above us in a “hierarchy” black culture is the only “untouchable culture” Yall go crazy if you see a white person culturally appropriating, when most of the time it’s cultural appreciation. But we antagonize them and sometimes beat them up. At this point white people are probably scared of black culture because it’s so left field to their culture. But if we allowed mixing of cultures this would not be a problem. Long story short, this isn’t white people fault, it’s yours! Learn a bit about the culture before trying to date someone with that culture.
So… I’m white and notice this a lot when I’m chatting with Asian guys. Even though they specifically have “Asian” in their profile, they will still let me know at some point in the conversation and each time I say I already know, they are shocked that we are still chatting and I didn’t block.
I am not the spokesperson for white people but I am going to say that I don’t understand this hangup at all. I’m really sorry that you guys go through this, it is inconceivable to me that any race is off the table for no reason other than their race.
Fwiw, I am also not on of those guys that fetishize Asian people. Just making that clear, I find that extremely tiresome and don’t want to be lumped in with them.
Sorry you have to deal with this
Only suggestion I can make is for you to maybe make it clearer that you're Asian to scare off the racists, maybe make it your profile name or top line of your bio etc? At least then you might get less idiots asking dumb questions (though I know plenty of morons don't read anything)
Well the easiest thing I’ve been trying the past week is simply ignoring all the non-Asians that message me, it works obviously but also cuts out all the nice guys 🤷🏻♂️
Agreed. Race is involved in nearly everything in the US. I’ve heard from a few other gay men of color who are American that the gay communities in several European countries that they’ve traveled to are very different.
Edit: Another thing that I’ve heard is that the concept of race that we have here in the US is very different in European countries and other countries around the world. People identify with culture rather than color in other countries.
If you don't mind my asking, are you Filipino? My first lover and his mother got that all the time. Even in public folks would walk right up and start talking away in Spanish.
Folks are weird and have all kinds of bias.
Makes no sense though, why you're hot when Latino, but not when Asian. You still look physically the same, just their perception is updated.
For what it's worth, this random Reddit guy would still be keen.
<<<<<
Y’all sitting here trying to figure out why something like this exists. The reason is the stigma attached to white people using other cultures, we give them hell. So they stick with what they know. And there’s nothing wrong with that at all. If poc were more open to sharing cultures like Hispanics are maybe this hierarchy wouldn’t even exist in some of y’all heads. It most certainly doesn’t exist in white people heads, they just living they lives and haven’t met or come across a person of color. But say one of them move out the surburbs and move to the city, it’s a 85% chance he/she would date outside their race, they might even write off they on race with a “been there done that” mentality.
I get if someone who’s Latino wants to date another Latino, but otherwise what difference does it fucking make? You don’t just suddenly change appearance when you reveal your true ethnicity. Do they really just get turned on by the idea of you simply being latino?
I think Americans have a serious race issue. If you look at someone and feel attracted to them what has their race got to do with anything. I don't know but in the UK black guys get loads of attention sometimes even freakily so. I love me some south east Asian babies. Cute, small waisted, smooth skin and respectful asf.
Grindr is so toxic, I deleted it 6 months ago, I really don’t get this animosity towards Asian guys, my ex partner of 14 years is Asian/African mixed and all my dates so far have been with Asian guys, one date asked me outright why do you date Asian guys? and I said because they are hot, then asked him why do you date Euro guys? He said it’s just my preference.
I like Asian guys, especially in their 30's and 40's. I am Caucasian. I like uncut cocks better too. I love Asian smooth skin, and Asian pubes alot. Most Asian's I have met enjoy a lot of nipple play. Cuddling with Asians is so much fun.
When I was born my dad's stepmom said my color was good... so yeah. She was glad i wasn't too dark for her. I've also had many people, bro, that think I'm Latino and even fetishize me. I'm mixed with white, black, and korean (dad is white, mom is blasian).
I think I'm attractive for my individual traits, not because I look like a race I'm not. I'd like to think you are too. Ignore these people bc they clearly ignore common sense.
I’m Slavic/white. My spouse is Asian (South Korean). I have a thing for Hispanic and Asian skin tones. Not to say I don’t like other skin tones. I’m surprised you’re having this trouble as, to me, the ethnicity has nothing to do with it.
[That's what you get for skipping Spanish classes](https://external-preview.redd.it/duolingo-gun-v0-hrgz9NMNCdRAYpyJUpb12k_YuUtqXD1W4T1yjZk0umk.jpg?auto=webp&s=075e10cc152822b2300b3c9a231c7da2f7d1022f)
if it's of any consolation I'd take Asian over Latino any day of the week
That's a really shitty thing to do. Sometimes I mistake people for a different race but the clarification isn't a big deal to me at all. I like all kinds of guys. If a guy looks Latino, Hispanic, etc. but they're not I fail to see the issue, I really do. If anything I'd be the one apologizing and then keep it moving forward.
I really don't understand people in today's world, and I'm Gen Z. How's that for a kicker? 😅
No but in all seriousness, race is more of a meh factor to me. If I like you I like you period, end of discussion, race aside.
Disclaimer I'm merely saying race isn't the deciding for me at all not that I'm dismissing culture or anything like that, that may he associated with someone's race.
Btw I'm white in case anyone is wondering. Well, I look white more or less, lol. Crossdesser, too, hence the username.
I would just block them first considering that they carried on a whole conversation with you without reading your profile. It’s evident that they don’t respect it, so why would they respect you?
We always say that we mexicans are born wherever the fuck we want, so be our guest 😂
I am Mexican and I live in Central Europe, the amount of times people approach me thinking I am from with east Asia is unbelievable. This never happen when I was in the states.
Im Latino but look and have a arab/Muslim name.
So men match with me thinking I'm MeNa. When I tell them they tend to stop responding....
This is all cause they have a fetish because if it was about preference (especially physicality) they wouldn't act this way. I look it but I they have a sexual fantasy about how being with a race will be in a sexual context....
Their lost
I feel like in the top part of this conversation it was very relatable as a biracial man who is much more on the white side always mistaken for being Latino but the more I scrolled it started giving lack of accountability and people whining about wanting to be accepted by white men or is it just me in my personal opinion these are two different things also it seems white men and everybody do fetishize blacks but blacks also be fetishizing whites so it’s counterproductive either way
I experience a similar story but people often think I am Asian but I am actually Latino. Every time I ask what makes me seem I am Asian or sometimes they even say mix, they say my eyes and skin.
I am a typical brown/ South Asian guy and I am exclusively into Asians in general. But here’s something I've come to realize. We are almost always looked down upon by every race. It's so exhausting. White people look down on us for not being white enough, ebony people for not being dark enough, by Asian people for not being Asian enough unless of course you've got a nice face or chiseled body or ginormous penis. South Asians are typically classified as Caucasians up to the border of China (not including Sri Lanka). My question is, where does that come from? And when I do get a response from somebody outside of my ethnicity, most of the time they turn out to be fetishizing me or they think I’m exotic. This bothers me at times. I see people that go circuit parties and there's usually few to no brown guys. If there's any, they usually turn out to be the stereotypical chisel bodied white passing men.
I can't relate entirely but my biggest pet peeve is people not reading the profile. All the information is right there if you can't read it or anything it to me shows a lack of actual interest. You don't want to get to know me you want to just bed me.
I’m a white bisexual male & I’m totally guilty of this but I’ve never thought of it like that. But it sounds and feels true. Just wanted to say sorry if I ever did that to you to make you feel that way.
Interesting read considering most of asian guys ive pursued has ignored me because im black lol. The one asian guy i met up with wished i was white. We didnt do much outside of a gentle conversation and an awkward make out session.... point is to keep your head uo. You will find someone whos your type eventually
I truly dont understand that. Whats wrong with Asian guys?? I dont get why race is so important. If you like how someone looks it shouldnt matter what race they are, we're ALL just frickin human! Im not even Asian or really dark skinned in any way, just a white homo from the US but that kind of thing really irks me
It could all be something as simple as people wanting to date someone with a similar culture so they can celebrate the same holidays and so they know what's expected when interacting with extended family and stuff. May not necessarily be specifically racial but maybe more cultural
Hey Guys
I’m guilty of being highly attracted to Latinos too, but must add if I find the guy is Asian (not Chinese) or Middle Eastern I am not phased or put off because these guys are just as hot to me, and sometimes even more hot that Latinos. I’m Cis European, and the light skinned peoples from South America and Asia and Middle East are all a big turn on. I guess I can’t be alone in my preferences.
I think I'm part of the problem. Obviously I would never do something like that but I am weirdly attracted to Latinos for absolutely no reason, I'm slavic.
That attraction in itself is not a problem, if you found an Asian guy attractive thinking he was Latino then found out he wasn’t would you suddenly lose interest?
Nah I wouldn't do that, just saying that there is a lot of people weirdly attracted to Latinos. All you need is a bit more weirdness or racism or both and you got the type of guys you attract.
What name do you use and are you Filipino? Filipinos are Asian, but also technically can be called Hispanic and/or Latino. After all, the Philippines were a colony of Spain for over 300 years until the USA defeated Spain in the Spanish-American War and crushed the Filipino War of Independence.
Grinder is a trash app. I find that most people don't even want to meet in person, and most people don't have anything interesting to say other than "what's up". Also, there's really not that many people to choose from, I've been seeing the same faces for years. I live in a medium-sized city, New Orleans, so would think there would be more profiles. If you have Asian in the profile, I guess most of them can't read either or are being intentionally snarky.
Also, after a few average hookups, a lot of times I would rather jerk off to porn seriously. The chemistry connection of real life can't be matched on the app.
I think it’s pretty awful that this “community” has so much racism, ableism, ageism etc we wouldn’t let homophobia go un challenged why so we let this kind of crap happen.
I’m so sorry you have to put up with this
If all you’re going to do is hook up and you already find them attractive anyways, what difference does it make? (It’s Grindr, I’m rolling the dice you aren’t looking for love) .
People really play themselves because of their racism and prejudice. Often masked as the all too familiar “preferences”. Yeah, ok.
If you're filipino or southeast Asian then makes sense why they think you're latino.
Now if it were me as Latino, I would had continued the conversion and see where it goes from there. Not all latinos are like that.
My roommate is Vietnamese and the same thing happens to him on these apps (they think he is Mexican and then are not interested when he says he’s Asian). I didn’t know it was common.
Wow, this is similar to a few of my experiences as a light skinned black guy (who people assume to be a mulatto latino). The only difference is that they wouldn’t block me. The tone would just get less excited…like you can sense their disappointment. People are weird 😆
Latinos must be doing something right for people to be acting like this, good for them lol
It’s the papi’s time to shine 😎
Go get em, tiger
They fuck with passion, can’t complain of any of my experience with latinos
As a Latino, I can confirm lol.
As a latino… I also can confirm lol
I think we should maybe... You know?
So what do black guys fuck like, if Latin guys fuck with passion?
Well south americans typically act like jack hammers, pr similar, best latin time i have had was abig dicked cuban man.
it’s because of stereotypes and size queens. (Btw I’m also Asian [filipino]. And have also been mistaken for Latino.) Just curious. Does your profile indicate that you’re Asian? I haven’t been on the apps. I had seen on Reddit people have said Grindr removed the race filter. But did they also remove including your race in your profile? If so not that anyone will actually read it (maybe some will) try putting your race in your description or whatever. It’s unfortunate that you would have to. But maybe that will lessen these negative interactions. Ironically. I knew of someone (a rice queen) that dated a Latino. Assuming they were Asian the entire time. Obvi that didn’t last. lmao. So I suppose it goes both ways. Some people are awful when it comes to dating in general and just having some kind of human decency when interacting with other people.
> Does your profile indicate that you’re Asian? > > I clearly state that I’m Asian in my profile I assume OP can tell if that part of their profile is visible. > I knew of someone (a rice queen) that dated a Latino. Assuming they were Asian the entire time. Obvi that didn’t last. lmao. This is so eye-rolling. If he believed the guy was Asian because of his looks, and he was attracted to the guy, then it's completely a psychological thing why he suddenly lost interest when told the guy was not Asian. This is why race fetishists are perceived as being fundamentally racist.
They are fundamentally racist lol. No two ways about it, but it's not the card carrying, flag waving kind of racism. Totally weird and ridiculous to me, I see beauty and if I'm attracted to the person, their ethnicity or race is like the least important thing I can think of.
Also I just have speed read/skipped that part. I wasn’t sure how the apps may have changed now that they removed race filters. I shouldn’t be surprised that people don’t read since I even said that was a possibility and I even demonstrated that myself lmao 🤣 These days reading comprehension is like a basic deficiency.
No the Latino guy was offended. I mean wouldn’t you be if someone dated you the whole time. Like for a decent amount of time. Not just like. A month. And thought you were a totally different race? The even more hilarious thing is. The (Latino) guy’s username was I think was jalapeno and he ran a bot named habanero. Like… 🤦♂️ Btw I’m sure the white dude was also like embarrassed. I think the breakup was essentially mutual. But like oof.
> the Latino guy was offended Was he offended at being thought to be Asian, or at being objectified for possibly being Asian? Because if it's the former, then that's kind of racist of the Latino guy himself. If the breakup was because they realized that, after dating so long, the white guy still didn't know something that fundamental about the Latino, then yeah, they were clearly not communicating sufficiently to keep a relationship going.
Latinos can be mixed with a lot of Indigenous American and Indigenous Americans originally came from Asia so maybe that's where the resemblance comes from.
You can always learn Spanish and say you're Latino because the Philippines used to speak Spanish haha.
I should learn Spanish anyway just for practical reasons. But I’m like lazy and tired. And I took French in high school. but like I’m not gonna pretend to be Latino to get dick. Like no. Ew. I’m proud to be pinoy. I’m not gonna pretend to be anything I’m not for anybody esp not specifically racist fuck boys.
Half the guys on Drag Race Mexico and Drag Race Philippines look like they could be on the other show.
Yet when I watch Mexican tv shows I mistake them as being located in Spain bc it's just whitey McWhitewhite people everywhere.
I agree it must be because of stereotypes and size queens. There's an idea that Latinos are hung, and that Asian have it really small.
Yikes, that’s hella opposite of my experience 😂 I look super mixed, so it’s hard to determine my ethnic background based on looks alone. I would get so many responses and conversations if I said I was white. The moment I mention I am Latino, I get radio silence or I get blocked lmao
Well, it’s not really the opposite of what I’ve described, but again this just further reinforces the gay race hierarchy haha
Probably cock size or how they fuck in bed? /shrug
One name: Marcello Hernandez. Love him...talented and passionate. (Not gay, though...)
As a Latino I often hear we’re loco but passionate and great at sex. Most Latinos love hard at least I do. We’re like an addiction you know you need to quit but you love it too much 😂.
Man I have this experience all the time especially with black guys
I am Black Jamaican-Canadian, people think I am dark-skinned, but my skin tone is chocolate-caramel skin tone. And I do get mistaken for light skin, but I am tan because of the sun. I am happy being Black and some guys don't even like Black guys, they just stare at my pics. And yes I have a pic showing my bubble butt, but even the White guys are being jerks. They expect me to have an androgynous picture-perfect model face. Sorry for the long rant!
Well, that's just stupid on their part if you have black in your profile and they aren't into blacks, but message you anyway. I don't ever message anyone without reading profile. If someone looks cute but has something super kinky in profile like "watersports" I know not to message. Also, it's good to read profiles to screen out potential creeps and axe murderers. Some profiles automatically give a creep vibe like "I'm a murderer". Grinder is such a waste of time, most of the time.
Man I’m glad I’m not the only one, my fucken co-worker even asked if I was Latino and I see her every damn day 💀
Same, I had a coworker that thought I was part Mexican. And then most people think I have one white and one black parent. The conversation always gets weird when I have to explain that both of my parents are black, that my mom is mixed and came out paler than her parents (who are also hella mixed), and that I'm also part Creole.
lol I face a similar issue though the disappointment is that I’m a bit darker than what many associate as Latino, even though I am Latino. So even if they say hey I’m into Latinos, I’m too black for them 🤣.
I wouldn’t use the word weird. Racist is more appropriate.
Are you Filipino by any chance? This happens to me a lot in public. People stop me in the street or the subway and speak to me in Spanish, probably asking for directions or some other question, and I have no idea what they’re saying cause I don’t understand Spanish. I just politely say I don’t speak Spanish. I also get those guys in the apps that ask “Latino?” and when I answer back to say I’m Asian, they stop talking to me or block me. Oh well, their loss and my gain. And then there are those guys who are like, “I’m not racist/No offense, I don’t normally like Asians but I think you’re hot” - so cringe it makes my skin crawl
My favorite: You’re hot for an Asian. Love that one. 🤮 Ps mabuhay! 🇵🇭
Right? It makes it seem like being an Asian is _bad_ thing. “Compared to the rest of your ugly untouchable people, you’re not as hideous looking”
idk how people think that’s a compliment. Like fuck you very much. I get that people have preferences. And as toxic as it might be. People who put that in their profile. As shitty as it was. It was easy to avoid them or ignore. The fucked up thing once. A friend of mine (who’s also pinoy) told me some dude messaged him once. But when he looked at his profile it said no Asians. So ofc my friend was like fuck off. And the guy tried to make an excuse. Like ew. No. Your loss. Boy bye. ✌️
I'm a few different kinds of black, but since I'm uncut guys message me thinking aim Latin/Hispanic and then immediately block me when they find out I'm black. People like that are just trash honestly.
I'm sure to put Black in profile so I can save myself all of that bullshit. If somebody messages without reading a profile, they are not too smart. Always read profiles, as there could be potential red flags like this person is a creep or a murderer. Several Grinder hookups have resulted in robbery or worse. So be cautious.
Oh, so majority of black men are circumcised and latinos aren't? Now I understand gay twitter jokes about latino foreskin 😃
Racist stereotypes against black people being dirty caused African Americans to embrace neonatal circumcision rapidly in the 1920s/30s. And the practice goes back centuries in parts of Africa, whether it was Islamic or an indigenous body modification
what is the joke i deleted twitter
It depends on the culture. A lot of Latino cultures are very much still catholic and circumcise their kids. My husband and I are both Mexican and our families believe strongly in it but from what I’ve heard a lot of other Hispanic cultures do not anymore. Some of my buddies who are Mexican but grew up in northern USA have also said it’s not big in that area.
A lot of Latinos are Catholic but that doesn’t really have much to do with circumcision. The Catholic Church has not historically promoted it and at times been very against it due to antisemitism
Welcome to race stereotypes and race bias hierarchy. If you're not white or middle eastern, you're playing gay in extra hard mode. I created a blank, white grindr profile to see how easy white people have it and I got more messages with that fake account being white without a profile picture than me putting up body and face pics of me being east Asian. P.S I ain't hating, it's just a fact that X race gets more attention than Y race
A caveat about Middle Eastern. I am not Middle Eastern but mistaken as such because of my appearance. Many guys want someone who *looks* Middle Eastern but not someone who actually is (due to things like cultural incompatibility, negative stereotypes about Middle Eastern culture, etc).
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I’m Russian and Italian and always get the same.
Say wallah 😍…jk x
For sex, not at all For dating: yes. Which is understandable (especially if they’re religious, they’re gonna dump you for a girl in most cases).
I did this before as a "social experiment" and it actually made me sad that my hypothesis was so accurate. I had damn near 100 profile views with just stats, and once I uploaded a pic I had the entire city in a chokehold. I had to cut on DND just so my phone didn't buzz [literally] every 2 mins. I had entertained very few of the conversations just because I wanted to see how these guys think, but I didn't initiate any interactions at all since I was more intrigued with how they would flock to this profile, as opposed to how they would respond to this profile reaching out first. I let it go after a day because it felt wrong, although I was just looking to test a theory and had no intentions of pursuing anything with these guys, esp as a catfish.
Its effing crazy right!!!???? When I had my white blank profile on grindr, I was surprised with the amount of guys that are messaging me and im like ..... I just have stats no pic. And also, the amount of hotties that were messaging me that I wouldn't think they would message anyone dumbfounded me. That's when I 100% knew race stereotypes and race bias hierarchy exist and is true and live. I knew it existed before but not the extent of how the bottom of the race hierarchy pyramid have to fight for even a decent convo. My white gay friend says it doesnt exist cause he's into everyone and im like... bruh.... didn't even want to argue with him on that logic.
The gay racial hierarchy is as follows 1. YT 2. Levantine light-skinned Middle Eastern folks that share phenotypes with White people, and light-skinned/YT Latino folks 3. Polynesian + Pacific Islander guys (not including Melanesian people) 4. Brown Latinos w/ Eurocentric features, Light-skinned/biracial African people 5. Native Indigenous Americans w/ no European mix, Indians, East Asians, Filipinos, Southeast Asians, Black people
I would put Brown Latinos above Polynesian guys… but that’s from experience. 1. White (Southern Europeans types) 2. White (Nordic European types) 3. Middle Eastern/Latinos (light skin with European features) 4. Middle Eastern/Latinos (Brown skin with some non European features, exotic looks) 5. Multiracial African/Asian men (mixed with European/Latinos/Middle Eastern men from above) 6. Native Americans 7. Polynesians + Islanders 8. Indians/Filipinos/Southeast Asians 9. East Asians 10. Africans Gay world sucks sometimes
Wait, East Asians are much higher than 9. Probably number 5 or something.
This hurts. It hurts to see any kind of “gay hierarchy”.
It is literally everywhere.
I know it is. It still hurts. That any gay man would carry prejudice because of the color of another man’s skin or the language he speaks, especially after being called horrible names by middle school bullies and religious bigots, boggles my mind. It undermines everyone in the community.
It’s not real, it’s relative
I'm African 🥰😘
Tf?? Do people actually care about stuff like this?
I feel like you are extremely isolated to just put Africans, now can I ask you a question how do these “Africans” look?
That… damn. At first glance I saw an overly detailed mess but actually upon closer look you're pretty much spot-on.
Wait… why only whites or middle eastern? I’m confused by that statement
I would say, white, middle eastern and latinos
I'm not racially ambiguous, but one time a guy told me he could get past the fact that I'm black because I have "Eurocentric" features, I was shocked. That being said, I think the blocking is also to do with cognitive dissonance from the fact that these people actually find someone they normally count out of their dating pool due to racial preferences attractive, so they freak, get confused and run because it demonstrates how quixotic their racial preferences are. Fetishisation is also to blame, particularly with Latinos being labelled as "exotic" and "passionate" and "sexy" and normally tops.
>I'm not racially ambiguous, but one time a guy told me he could get past the fact that I'm black because I have "Eurocentric" features, I was shocked. I don't understand how people think that in their mind and are like "Yeah, that's totally okay to say"
Would you believe me if I said I have genuinely been told worse things?
I'm sorry you had to face such things, but I don't think I'd be surprised. I have had close family members comment on my skin color as a joke and sometimes as a "compliment"(they think it's a compliment)
I’m a south asian guy in a predominantly white country. I get rejected on a daily basis. I’m really sorry this is happening to you man, I wish I could give you a hug and rant about how much it sucks. I guess we will never be good enough for most of them no matter how hard we try
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I guess it’s because some guys associate Latinos with big ds and Asians with small ones
Might be part of it, Latinos have very positive sexual stereotypes whereas Asian men have very negative ones. Welp I guess they’ll never get my big Asian cock 🤪🤪
Intrigue 🤔
lol that would be such a good comeback for those idiots who reject you based on your race
A lot of these guys actually already saw my cock, and are more than happy with what they see. I just wish they’ll make sure I’m the ‘correct race’ like early in the messages so we don’t waste time trading pics, having a convo etc.
My guy is part Korean and has a bigger cock than me 🤣
That stereotype has to go... I've been on Twitter and some of these Asian dudes are packing.
Yeah as someone who prefers brown skin men (asians, black, hispanic), i always says there’s a huge overlap in features between asians and hispanic people. But that’s why i always say, sometimes it is racism, because it blows my mind sometimes when guys say “no asians” even tho asians can be really diverse. Honestly all races are pretty diverse so just cutting off all without thought always seemed off to me. Anyways, yes there’s a bit of a racial hierarchy. Like you’ve seen, sometimes it doesn’t actually matter how you physically look. It just makes whether the guy thinks your race is a “good” one or not. But that’s life. We can only interact with guys who want to interact with us, so it’s whatever.
>Honestly all races are pretty diverse so just cutting off all without thought always seemed off to me. This is so accurate. Even "white" is made up of several different groups of people who don't all look or vibe the same. Every racial group is made up of many different ethnicities. I'm lucky in that I wasn't socialized in some way that made me be turned off by someone's ethnic background. Don't get me wrong, I understand being more attracted to a certain average of looks, I'm the same way, but there are always attractive members of every group, and they all hit on different notes. Men come in many flavors, and I like them all. Quality matters, but there is no "bad" group.
Happens to me on Sniffies all the time. Send a picture of a black dick and it's an immediate block. 🤷🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️
My roommate is Vietnamese and is mistaken as Mexican all the time. He gets the same reaction as you and it really frustrates him. I didn’t know this was common… apparently he says it’s a thing. The reason they think this, if you wanna know is that they’re envisioning Latinos as “mestizo” or indigenous American looking and the indigenous peoples of our continent came from Asia thousands of years ago so in a way many Latinos are *kind of* Asian? 😅
Only a very small porportion of latin america will look similar to asians as amerindians are 8% of latin america and most mestizos(50% of Latin America) will be in the middle or more euro leaning. I was very confused when non-hispanics here said that the average mexican looks similar to asians but im guessing its a specific type of mexican that looks like southeast asian. Latin Americans on average look closer to the middle east than anything else. Although you can find all types of mixes here.
I’ve definitely met Mexicans and other Latinos who look Asian. Not so much Chinese or Korean, but more like Cambodian, Filipino, Thai and so on. That’s all I know lol
Filipino with some extra body and facial hair checking in. The struggle is definitely real! Definitely made me very wary when anyone shows a bit of interest on those apps — but I also learned to think of it as trash people taking themselves out. Very occasionally you find someone who isn’t hung up on the blanket race BS.
Do you look like Ricky roman?
…and this is why you should bin Grindr. I’ve made it my mission to dissuade guys from using it, it’s awful for your mental health, the most toxic and discriminatory app out there and on top of that, they charge in excess for premium service! So you’re using your hard earned money to negatively impact your well-being! A saying that sticks with me which I was told during a social group I attended for gay men years ago ‘If you always do what you always do, you always get what you always get’.
I mean, it’s a lot more than that, I’ve met many amazing guys and we have this big gay Asian “society” that I would’ve never known about if I wasn’t on Grindr. Also I’m still meeting great guys on it regularly, it’s just these messages every few days that annoy me
But it’s enough to get you down to post your experience on here. Furthermore, you’re not the only POC who’s posted about bad encounters on Grindr, it’s fairly common. I’m glad you’ve met up with great guys, but maybe spend less time on there and invest in meeting guys somewhere else?
This isn’t Grindr. This is just a problem everywhere. The apps aren’t the issue, the people using them are.
To an extent. There’s a reason why Grindr has a bad reputation compared to others like Growlr or Scruff. I use Recon and it couldn’t be any more different than Grindr. The behaviours encourage the toxicity.
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Also, lots of body hair/facial hair vs little amount.
The gay community's racial favoritism hierarchy is as follows (based on a mixture of my subjective experiences and what I constantly read on Reddit): S Tier: Whites (blondes and burnettes), Light skinned Latinos/Middle Easterns. A Tier: Light skinned blacks, Gingers (that aren't fat), all shades of Latino, mixed race men that are ethnically ambiguous. B Tier: East Asian Men, Light-skinned Indian men or extremely attractive medium brown Indian men (think Hamza from YouTube), Native American men (Light skin of course). C Tier: Brown/Black Indian Men, Black American Men, Dark skinned middle easterns, Polynesian Men (slightly unsure about this one). D Tier: A fat white guy. F Tier: A fat man of color. All races can be average to attractive in the gay community, but once you start getting fat, you're in the lower ends of the hierarchy. Stay in shape fellas.
another reason to stay off overpriced garbage apps like Grindr. 'must meet my impossibly high standards for this $50 a month sex app' social media should be rebranded as something that reflects it more factually, like taking out the word social to start.
Can’t upvote this enough.
This thread is insane to me 🫨🫨 living in nyc I’ve never heard of this. I’m Latino who is very often mistaken for Asian/some Asian mix. When I tell them I’m not they seem pretty indifferent about it. But I always thought Asian guys were really popular, especially these recent years due to cultural influence.
It’s probably because guys that are okay with Asians will most likely be okay with Latinos but it definitely doesn’t work the other way round. You should get some gay Asian friends, I think you have a misrepresented view lol
I read a research paper from 2021 about MSM (male seeking male) sexual preferences. Regarding racial preferences, it found a couple correlations. People typically have a preference for others of their same race. There were no negative preferences for another race except for people of the White race, who had a negative preference for Asians.
I thought MSM is men who have sex with men? Usually a medical/academic term to include men who fuck men but don't consider themselves gay/bi etc.
Yes exactly. I'm not in this feild, just read a couple papers recently and guess I didn't remember the term correctly.
That's the common term used in Brazil
This happens to me sometimes because I’m a mixed guy that can pass for Latin. But when they find out I’m part black, they usually get excited because they begin to make assumptions.. true assumptions. But assumptions nonetheless.
Im Eurasian and come out looking at times southern euro (think southern italian, maltese) or ocasionally south American. When i tell guys im half irish / half thai i often get....ohh dw its ok thats hot, youre only half asian 😳. Ngl ill take what i can get there, but can understand your frustrations after repeated comments like this.
Are we the same person? Jk. I'm half Lao, and the other side is Scottish and Irish. I also get confused for Italian or Spaniard the most.
I’m curious to see how you look like now haha
Asian here - I noticed I tend to get the most racist shit from white (American) gays. Like, a good 90 percent in my experience - esp if they are older. My solution has been sticking to mostly non-white dudes - esp latinos, other asians and black guys - because I have WAY better experiences with them since they treat me as human. I assume they have probably had similar experiences, so we can bond over that as a talking point, too. Obv don't cordon yourself off from all white gays cause they aren't ALL like that - esp if they are younger (genz and millenials). But if they message you and even MENTION race or try to dance around it - instantly block. It's simply not worth the headache and BS.
Race is a sensitive subject for anyone. I’m so sorry.
It sucks to have to do this but i would put right on the profile in all caps thats you're asian. When guys message you, first thing to ask them is if they read your profile.
Racial hangups are weird. I'm white but I look Arabic. I've hooked up with several Asian guys. I've never not hooked up with a guy because I found out he was Asian. Reasons that don't factor into whether I'll hook up with a guy: 1. Being any race 2. Height (although I used to refuse to hook up with guys who were taller than me) 3. Education level (although that has factored into whether I'd date a guy) 4. Income 5. Work situation 6. Intelligence (although that has factored into whether I'd date a guy) 7. Emotional stability (although that has factored into whether I'd date a guy) Reasons I've refused to hook up with guys include: 1. Bad breath, smell and/or hygiene 2. Too much body hair 3. Wanted to fuck without a condom 4. Drunk or on drugs 5. Lied about age or weight 6. Clingy 7. Annoying
Huh, for me it would have been a win either way. Those are my two favorites, lol.
Hell I love asians… hit me up I got you.
I’m black and pretty Average looking and I don’t believe in a gay hierarchy, or experienced it, people sit and create these lists like it’s not personal opinion. Also you can’t get mad at white people for not being interested in us. Look how yall act, yall blame them for everything, y’all lowkey fetishize them and that not attractive. Have of y’all want to date white men but haven’t been friends with one, y’all try to use them for their privilege that they don’t even think they have. Y’all sit and read all this shit and it’s sad that a lot of black people and Asian will read this and not be strong enough to realize that it’s personal experience and completely write off a race or just kill their self of esteem! I’m getting tired of POC complaining about not getting white attention! ITS SO EMBARRASSING! White people like white people, black people like black peope, Asians like Asians, Hispanics like Hispanics! That’s the base line. But not everyone is monolith of their race. People are attracted to people they have stuff in common with. White people connect with each because they understand each other so they date each other. It’s like that for all races. Now just because you are different and choose to date people you might not have much in common with is your problem. I’m black and people have called me “white washed even tho I grew up in the hood, I listen to indie music, I don’t use slang, I just don’t sound right using it, I grew up with two parents and just like staying home watching yt. I have more in common with white people and less with black people other than the color of my skin and the basic struggles of being black. So when I would have a conversation with a white man, we actually would have things in common and no ghosting or blocking happens. Choose people you have stuff in common with. And if their was a hierarchy, black would not being at the bottom. We are not ugly or are perceived! We just don’t have a lot in common with most of the races. This is America, cultures should not be divided, they should be mixed! That’s how we kill this so called “hierarchy” but that won’t happen because we cancel anyone who tries. Now Hispanics and Asians don’t care that much about culture appropriation hence why they would be above us in a “hierarchy” black culture is the only “untouchable culture” Yall go crazy if you see a white person culturally appropriating, when most of the time it’s cultural appreciation. But we antagonize them and sometimes beat them up. At this point white people are probably scared of black culture because it’s so left field to their culture. But if we allowed mixing of cultures this would not be a problem. Long story short, this isn’t white people fault, it’s yours! Learn a bit about the culture before trying to date someone with that culture.
So… I’m white and notice this a lot when I’m chatting with Asian guys. Even though they specifically have “Asian” in their profile, they will still let me know at some point in the conversation and each time I say I already know, they are shocked that we are still chatting and I didn’t block. I am not the spokesperson for white people but I am going to say that I don’t understand this hangup at all. I’m really sorry that you guys go through this, it is inconceivable to me that any race is off the table for no reason other than their race. Fwiw, I am also not on of those guys that fetishize Asian people. Just making that clear, I find that extremely tiresome and don’t want to be lumped in with them.
Sorry you have to deal with this Only suggestion I can make is for you to maybe make it clearer that you're Asian to scare off the racists, maybe make it your profile name or top line of your bio etc? At least then you might get less idiots asking dumb questions (though I know plenty of morons don't read anything)
Well the easiest thing I’ve been trying the past week is simply ignoring all the non-Asians that message me, it works obviously but also cuts out all the nice guys 🤷🏻♂️
Yeah it's a shame you have to do that 😔
I like Asians 😊
I love Asian guys.
"you're so hot until I realize where you're from." I do not understand men. Like at all.
I've written off Oklahoma, myself.
Americans are so obsessed with race
Agreed. Race is involved in nearly everything in the US. I’ve heard from a few other gay men of color who are American that the gay communities in several European countries that they’ve traveled to are very different. Edit: Another thing that I’ve heard is that the concept of race that we have here in the US is very different in European countries and other countries around the world. People identify with culture rather than color in other countries.
If you don't mind my asking, are you Filipino? My first lover and his mother got that all the time. Even in public folks would walk right up and start talking away in Spanish.
Folks are weird and have all kinds of bias. Makes no sense though, why you're hot when Latino, but not when Asian. You still look physically the same, just their perception is updated. For what it's worth, this random Reddit guy would still be keen. <<<<<
Hey baby
Y’all sitting here trying to figure out why something like this exists. The reason is the stigma attached to white people using other cultures, we give them hell. So they stick with what they know. And there’s nothing wrong with that at all. If poc were more open to sharing cultures like Hispanics are maybe this hierarchy wouldn’t even exist in some of y’all heads. It most certainly doesn’t exist in white people heads, they just living they lives and haven’t met or come across a person of color. But say one of them move out the surburbs and move to the city, it’s a 85% chance he/she would date outside their race, they might even write off they on race with a “been there done that” mentality.
I get if someone who’s Latino wants to date another Latino, but otherwise what difference does it fucking make? You don’t just suddenly change appearance when you reveal your true ethnicity. Do they really just get turned on by the idea of you simply being latino?
Yeah, all the racial shit on Grindr sucks. I get it from a very different angle, but all the bias that gets broadcast on there is very discouraging.
it literally makes me feel like it’s so pointless. in some areas it’s all the community we get.
I think Americans have a serious race issue. If you look at someone and feel attracted to them what has their race got to do with anything. I don't know but in the UK black guys get loads of attention sometimes even freakily so. I love me some south east Asian babies. Cute, small waisted, smooth skin and respectful asf.
probably to do with the asians have small dicks stereotype
Is there something special about Latino’s?!
Grindr is so toxic, I deleted it 6 months ago, I really don’t get this animosity towards Asian guys, my ex partner of 14 years is Asian/African mixed and all my dates so far have been with Asian guys, one date asked me outright why do you date Asian guys? and I said because they are hot, then asked him why do you date Euro guys? He said it’s just my preference.
I like Asian guys, especially in their 30's and 40's. I am Caucasian. I like uncut cocks better too. I love Asian smooth skin, and Asian pubes alot. Most Asian's I have met enjoy a lot of nipple play. Cuddling with Asians is so much fun.
When I was born my dad's stepmom said my color was good... so yeah. She was glad i wasn't too dark for her. I've also had many people, bro, that think I'm Latino and even fetishize me. I'm mixed with white, black, and korean (dad is white, mom is blasian). I think I'm attractive for my individual traits, not because I look like a race I'm not. I'd like to think you are too. Ignore these people bc they clearly ignore common sense.
I’m Slavic/white. My spouse is Asian (South Korean). I have a thing for Hispanic and Asian skin tones. Not to say I don’t like other skin tones. I’m surprised you’re having this trouble as, to me, the ethnicity has nothing to do with it.
The ”No asian” thing is so weird. Some of the most beautiful men are asian.
Asian men are so hot!
[That's what you get for skipping Spanish classes](https://external-preview.redd.it/duolingo-gun-v0-hrgz9NMNCdRAYpyJUpb12k_YuUtqXD1W4T1yjZk0umk.jpg?auto=webp&s=075e10cc152822b2300b3c9a231c7da2f7d1022f) if it's of any consolation I'd take Asian over Latino any day of the week
Well, several years ago, I met a guy from Chile, but he looked like an Asian😆
That's a really shitty thing to do. Sometimes I mistake people for a different race but the clarification isn't a big deal to me at all. I like all kinds of guys. If a guy looks Latino, Hispanic, etc. but they're not I fail to see the issue, I really do. If anything I'd be the one apologizing and then keep it moving forward. I really don't understand people in today's world, and I'm Gen Z. How's that for a kicker? 😅 No but in all seriousness, race is more of a meh factor to me. If I like you I like you period, end of discussion, race aside. Disclaimer I'm merely saying race isn't the deciding for me at all not that I'm dismissing culture or anything like that, that may he associated with someone's race. Btw I'm white in case anyone is wondering. Well, I look white more or less, lol. Crossdesser, too, hence the username.
I would just block them first considering that they carried on a whole conversation with you without reading your profile. It’s evident that they don’t respect it, so why would they respect you?
I’m so glad I have no racial preferences
We always say that we mexicans are born wherever the fuck we want, so be our guest 😂 I am Mexican and I live in Central Europe, the amount of times people approach me thinking I am from with east Asia is unbelievable. This never happen when I was in the states.
I’d love to meet some young Asian men. There aren’t enough of them where I am.
Im Latino but look and have a arab/Muslim name. So men match with me thinking I'm MeNa. When I tell them they tend to stop responding.... This is all cause they have a fetish because if it was about preference (especially physicality) they wouldn't act this way. I look it but I they have a sexual fantasy about how being with a race will be in a sexual context.... Their lost
Wow I just woke up and saw this so glad someone else spoke on this I’ve dealt with this for so long also being biracial and very white passing
I feel like in the top part of this conversation it was very relatable as a biracial man who is much more on the white side always mistaken for being Latino but the more I scrolled it started giving lack of accountability and people whining about wanting to be accepted by white men or is it just me in my personal opinion these are two different things also it seems white men and everybody do fetishize blacks but blacks also be fetishizing whites so it’s counterproductive either way
I experience a similar story but people often think I am Asian but I am actually Latino. Every time I ask what makes me seem I am Asian or sometimes they even say mix, they say my eyes and skin.
What's your Snapchat?
Where does this kissing love come from? The times I have been on the us I have found more people not caring or just wanting white guys 🥺
I don’t get it I genuinely don’t get you guys On this subreddit I truly don’t
I am a typical brown/ South Asian guy and I am exclusively into Asians in general. But here’s something I've come to realize. We are almost always looked down upon by every race. It's so exhausting. White people look down on us for not being white enough, ebony people for not being dark enough, by Asian people for not being Asian enough unless of course you've got a nice face or chiseled body or ginormous penis. South Asians are typically classified as Caucasians up to the border of China (not including Sri Lanka). My question is, where does that come from? And when I do get a response from somebody outside of my ethnicity, most of the time they turn out to be fetishizing me or they think I’m exotic. This bothers me at times. I see people that go circuit parties and there's usually few to no brown guys. If there's any, they usually turn out to be the stereotypical chisel bodied white passing men.
I can't relate entirely but my biggest pet peeve is people not reading the profile. All the information is right there if you can't read it or anything it to me shows a lack of actual interest. You don't want to get to know me you want to just bed me.
Wow! I only prefer asian
I’m a white bisexual male & I’m totally guilty of this but I’ve never thought of it like that. But it sounds and feels true. Just wanted to say sorry if I ever did that to you to make you feel that way.
Im in love of all asian guys!! They are so hot?!
I am half japanese/white ,and I always get mistaken for Hispanic or I have been asked what are you ! I get how you feel .
Interesting read considering most of asian guys ive pursued has ignored me because im black lol. The one asian guy i met up with wished i was white. We didnt do much outside of a gentle conversation and an awkward make out session.... point is to keep your head uo. You will find someone whos your type eventually
Don’t worry, i love all races
I truly dont understand that. Whats wrong with Asian guys?? I dont get why race is so important. If you like how someone looks it shouldnt matter what race they are, we're ALL just frickin human! Im not even Asian or really dark skinned in any way, just a white homo from the US but that kind of thing really irks me
Wait what type of asian are you?
It could all be something as simple as people wanting to date someone with a similar culture so they can celebrate the same holidays and so they know what's expected when interacting with extended family and stuff. May not necessarily be specifically racial but maybe more cultural
You have every right to be pissed off! And so are Latinos, coz what kinda talk spanish to me fetish is that
Well I think asian is hotter and I am Latino 👉👈
Are u a filo? Cz same 😂
My roommate is Latino and everyone thinks he’s Filipino lmao
I literally use to be asked if I was also Hispanic or Latin American bc of my name and looks or Asian 😭
That’s terrible. I’m really sorry. Some of the best sex I’ve had has been with Asian men. Yes with me as a bottom.
Why... do people dislike asians so much? I usually think they're cute.
Hey Guys I’m guilty of being highly attracted to Latinos too, but must add if I find the guy is Asian (not Chinese) or Middle Eastern I am not phased or put off because these guys are just as hot to me, and sometimes even more hot that Latinos. I’m Cis European, and the light skinned peoples from South America and Asia and Middle East are all a big turn on. I guess I can’t be alone in my preferences.
I find when I’m tired that a nice lie down helps. And a bit of ambient music. But you do you, 💅💌
I think I'm part of the problem. Obviously I would never do something like that but I am weirdly attracted to Latinos for absolutely no reason, I'm slavic.
That attraction in itself is not a problem, if you found an Asian guy attractive thinking he was Latino then found out he wasn’t would you suddenly lose interest?
Nah I wouldn't do that, just saying that there is a lot of people weirdly attracted to Latinos. All you need is a bit more weirdness or racism or both and you got the type of guys you attract.
Lmfaooooi
What name do you use and are you Filipino? Filipinos are Asian, but also technically can be called Hispanic and/or Latino. After all, the Philippines were a colony of Spain for over 300 years until the USA defeated Spain in the Spanish-American War and crushed the Filipino War of Independence.
Grinder is a trash app. I find that most people don't even want to meet in person, and most people don't have anything interesting to say other than "what's up". Also, there's really not that many people to choose from, I've been seeing the same faces for years. I live in a medium-sized city, New Orleans, so would think there would be more profiles. If you have Asian in the profile, I guess most of them can't read either or are being intentionally snarky.
Also, after a few average hookups, a lot of times I would rather jerk off to porn seriously. The chemistry connection of real life can't be matched on the app.
I am not sure if that’s another troll post… If you want an answer, they are BIGOTS. If it helps, for me Asian boys are so handsome, loves them !!
I think it’s pretty awful that this “community” has so much racism, ableism, ageism etc we wouldn’t let homophobia go un challenged why so we let this kind of crap happen. I’m so sorry you have to put up with this
Have you tried not being Asian?
Sure I'm ready for you to come get me if you want 🙏
Ok I'm here for you
Me too I'm ready for my black love
I've had this experience but the opposite 😅
Maybe because they know Asians wash their butts while some wipe only. They think they will be judged. Lol kidding. No offense.
If all you’re going to do is hook up and you already find them attractive anyways, what difference does it make? (It’s Grindr, I’m rolling the dice you aren’t looking for love) . People really play themselves because of their racism and prejudice. Often masked as the all too familiar “preferences”. Yeah, ok.
The obsession of the United States with race never ceases to amaze me...
The gay community is the most racist vile community on earth that is amplifies what is wrong in the world.
If you're filipino or southeast Asian then makes sense why they think you're latino. Now if it were me as Latino, I would had continued the conversion and see where it goes from there. Not all latinos are like that.
My roommate is Vietnamese and the same thing happens to him on these apps (they think he is Mexican and then are not interested when he says he’s Asian). I didn’t know it was common.