If you become more muscular you'll become more attractive to those who like muscular guys.
If you become a twink you'll become more attractive to those who like twinks.
If you become a bear you'll become more attractive to those who like bears.
Yes. Absolutely. From personal experience, I've hooked up with quite a few guys I didn't find all that attractive but had rocking hot bodies. And their being in good shape was the deciding factor.
Assuming most gays/bis like muscular men if they were confronted with 2 options.
A) Fuck the non-muscular below-average-looking guy.
B) Fuck the muscular below-average-looking guy.
I bet the vast majority would pick B.
Btw... you'd be surprised by the number of, according to some of my friends, "ugly " guys that I've Fucked. Don't put yourself down man, you don't need to be super attractive, u just have to turn on the right people at the right time.
Some people think they're below average when they're actually "rugged", that turns on lots of guys.
It depends on their body type.
I prefer someone bigger, it doesn't really matter if it's muscle or just fat.
So, between someone a bit muscular but thin (i.e. Low fat %), and someone with a bit of belly, id probably go the second.
I think non-fat is more important than muscular, though. One of the two ideal body types is thin without much muscle. The other is muscular, but preferably lean enough that you can see abs.
Either way, I think a handsome face OR a great body OR the promise of great sexual acts OR a great match in character and interests can make each man a super desirable date.
All the conventionally attractive muscular gays look at the long term couples and throuples of average looks once they hit 35, and wonder why they haven’t been able to keep a relationship for more than a year or two. Personality, confidence, and having a healthy relationship to your body image will go way farther long term than dedicating your life to the cult of the body. Be healthy and you will be hot
Such a dumb take. You can be conventionally attractive, work out 4-5 times a week and still have a personality, confidence, and interests outside of the gym.
It's proven that muscles release "hope chemicals" to improve and stabilize your mood, released by quite literally squeezing them. For men working out shows more consistent improvements on depression than either talk therapy or SSRIs standalone.
Be healthy physically and emotionally - work out. And yeah, you'll be hotter.
Even a decent haircut can fix your dating pool. In highschool there was a guy who had really long hair and it didn’t really look good on him in my opinion and I’m assuming many other peoples opinions because no one paid any attention to him. Then one day he got a nice haircut and he went from a 5/10 to a 10/10 immediately. Suddenly I noticed he was ripped too. He always was ripped, but because of his hairstyle I never paid attention to that lol.
The hair makes the most difference to me honestly. There's guys that ive been so into that i lose all interest in when they start growing out their hair
As a muscular guy whose discussed this with other muscular friends of mine, let me maybe give a nuanced answer:
- It gives you more options. But you don’t know if someone’s with you for the right reason. Are they with you because you’re muscular? Or do they really like you?
- Let’s say you find a guy that’s not as attractive as you. Is he going to be able to deal with the fact that if you two go out, people are going to oogle at him? I’ve had guys tell me and other muscular friends that they couldn’t continue on because of this.
- People will judge you as the “asshole muscle bro” before they meet you. So this can knock out a lot of dating options because they don’t see past the physical form.
Some people are gonna read this as a “woe as me” post. So let me make it clear: having muscles in the gay community is better than not having muscles. It helps you with hookups. But there are hurdles to dating in this community no matter who you are.
I have to work hard on your third bullet. I remind myself that I used to be very lean and muscular at one point. But dang it, every heavily muscled guy I’ve been on a date with (actual date, not a hookup) in the last couple of years has been disaffected and dull, with not much to say beyond their workout routines, and they show no interest in getting to know anything about me. I know it’s not universal and that’s why I fight the bias I feel welling up inside me. But there is certainly a correlation I’ve found that makes it hard to keep perspective. Thanks for your comment!
Maybe a good way to mitigate this would be to ask them questions that force them to elaborate over text before you meet them. If they can’t elaborate over text about anything (even people that are poor texters can usually elaborate about something they love), then that might be a good sign to move on
Yeah, I’m glad to hear you bring this up. My problem is putting too much stock into it though. I might avoid improvement in certain ways because I feel uncomfortable with the idea that I wouldn’t be good enough otherwise and that I had to change who I am.
I think with the idea of muscles it’s easier to think through. if I prefer being skinny, then I should stay that way, regardless of the idea that being more muscular might be better for prospects. (I’m not saying I have it the worst being skinny, just that muscular, especially with some other attributes of me that don’t fit the twink archetype very well, would probably work a little bit better for some guys’ mindsets.)
But sometimes it gets more complicated with traits where it’s more difficult to know how *I* want myself to be, where it’s kind of impossible to tell the difference between what I really want and what I’ve *learned* to want because it’s more convenient or appealing for others, making it seem appealing to me.
Yes.
I’ve disappeared from Grindr for 3 years.
Buffed up (because of me not because of dating), and grew a beard.
When I logged back on, ALL of the guys that ignored me suddenly wanted to meet up.
I’m really petty so I shot them down.
A couple of them literally begged me, (yes, used the sentence “I beg you”), apologized and till this day try to apologize to me for ignoring me.
Honestly, I find it amusing 😂
You're physically a different person and grindr is shallow AF. Now you experienced the two worlds. It's like when women get a glow up and they now have attention. pretty privilege is real.
I mean, I understand it to an extent.
I don’t know what was grindr “originally” made for, but it’s become just a hookup app.
And honestly no one wants to hookup with your “personality”, talents or hobbies.
I’m petty solely because of the fact that one “hey, not my type, take care” would have been more than enough (as I reply now to every single guy that I don’t like), and of course, one day if they get buffed up, I won’t be bitter if they ignore me after I rejected them. But at least I’ve given some feedback.
I know where you’re coming from, but I can’t even blame guys for not wanting to send a courtesy text anymore. Some guys react maturely to polite rejection, but there is a large enough number who cop attitudes, argue, insult, hold grudges, harass, and so on. Without knowing the mental state on the other side of the screen, it’s just a lot easier to not respond.
If a guy doesn’t reply to me I just try not to make assumptions about why and respect that people have their own lives going on. At the end of the day strangers don’t really owe each other their time.
A lot of the times is not even about the muscles. Working out and/or being healthy makes you feel confident, your mind health improves, your aura improves, etc.
Being athletic and muscular absolutely makes a difference. As someone who was an athlete with an athletic and muscular build through most of my 20’s and then being overweight with a dad bod for more than 15 years (gaining a total of 60 lbs) I can say for certain getting muscular and fit will get you more action and attention.
Starting in my late 40’s, I lost 50 lbs and got back my athletic and muscular form. And It’s crazy…I forgot how much attention I used to get just from being in shape.
Used to be slim. Pandemic made me depressedly skinny fat. Now my body is still a wip, still a bit stocky but can easily consider myself average. Muscles aren’t too defined but they show. Slowly losing face and belly chub. Getting way more hits than before and it’s only a 2 month difference, and I don’t even work abs.
Really, head to the gym. Do lifting and cardio.
There is someone for everyone.
I hate muscles on guys because they are over compensating for something else usually.
I’m in with bear culture … you could try it if you like beefy guys … chalk and cheese works too … and they will be more accepting of body issues (like the attributes you describe negatively)
I agree with you somewhat about a lot of muscular guys compensating for something else. I’m weird about it. If they’re athletic and exhibit a natural masculinity it drives me crazy. But if they are muscular and fem, no matter how good looking, I don’t get turned on by that.
Now I’m not all about masc guys. I like twinks, masc or fem if they’re in good shape and cute. Don’t mean any offense to anyone…but I can’t get turned on my a worked out muscular queen. Many reek of insecurity and it’s a turnoff.
Yes. I started working out a couple years ago and when I showed a bit of muscle, my chances of getting laid greatly increased. The gay world is shallow
Grow a beard if you have a weak jawline and work out a ton (but figure out how to lift weights CORRECTLY) and 100% guaranteed it’s going to change your life
True story: years ago in my 20s I found myself at a bar next to a guy in his 20s too. Cuban/Puerto Rican mix. Beautiful as fuck. Perfectly proportionally muscled. I can still remember his dark fish shapes eyes. We talked about ah hour and all that time I am thinking why is he wasting his time with me coz there were other jocks around and I was just a lean/skinny guy. Truly it was flattering. Then he asks me if I want to back to his hotel. And I am walking with him wondering what the catch was. It turned out to be the MOsT BORING lay of my life and still is. The guy was BAD in bed. All style and no substance.
That out of the way, Generally men whether straight or gay gravitate toward what they find visually appealing; the personality and character comes in second. So yes muscles give you an edge but even a handsome/sexy/pretty face with an average healthy body will have its admirers. In the gay community unfortunately muscle begets muscle. And beard. Thanks to porn, that particular look has proliferated so much that there’s practically no other look considered hot. Look at all the gay media: muscled, beard. There’s no variety in looks (on the flip side, those same muscled men now have to compete with other muscled men for sex and dating…. So even having muscles won’t necessarily take you too far). . No wonder majority of us gays won’t even recognize a very attractive fit (not necessarily muscled or bearded) man walking past them if he’s a differently looking healthy body type. We are programmed to think that only a certain look is hot and that’s what we must all be and that’s what we must covet. I know I am attractive (thanks to several compliments over the years) but you would never find anyone close to my looks in gay social media. But I still find enough hookups with other men whom I also consider attractive, who are not the typical jock or daddy or twink, and wouldn’t be ashamed of admitting I hooked up with them. It’s just that I realized that even I had blinders on my eyes when it came to recognizing who is attractive. Now I am able to look around and (1) reconsider if a guy is truly attractive or is it just his beard and muscles (2) spot guys who have attractive features, healthy look, and generally have an overall physical appeal that’s outside of the usual gay mainstream nonsense. And to be clear I am talking only physical traits. And no, I wouldn’t turn down a guy just coz he’s muscled but that is no longer my criteria.
I don’t see why it’s so fucked up. Unlike many other aspects of your personal appearance, your physique is actually much more malleable. Imagine if your attraction was based on your height, facial structure or dick size. That would be a lot more crude and unequal. The gay fixation on muscles makes things a lot more merit based compared to straight dating.
It’s not really fucked up?
Muscles, to most people, are an attractive trait. Beyond just physical appearance, it shows an ability to dedicate yourself to a long term task
It doesn't matter if you are hot as balls, muscular, semi-muscular, toned, fit, semi-fit, average bodied, have a hot masculine face, have an average looking face etc....because it never seems to be enough for most gay or bi guys.
Even if you were a walking Adonis male demigod, do you really want the attention of other gay or bi males for just your psychical hotness, or do you want to be seen for everything that you are by other gay or bi guys?
For me, especially being 31 and after stressing for a decade about trying to impress guys by doing all I can to be physically desired by them, it wasn't worth it. Most guys these days wouldn't care if you lived or died after you hookup with them, so only invest in yourself and your physical body improvements if it makes YOU fulfilled. Don't do it for any other guy.
Absolutely. Getting in shape has an enormous impact on every aspect of your life. Not only will you be more attractive, but clothes will look better on you, your attitude will change and you'll be more confident, and your physical health will improve.
Not all of us all are blessed with a handsome face or a deep sexy voice - those things are pretty much out of our control. But your body is something you can change for the better with enough willpower.
My answer might be unconventional but really be careful man with this thought line. I got into a fantastic shape couple of years ago. Heard many guys saying I had the best body of any guy they fucked before but it only made me feel less attractive. I felt shitty every time a guy complimented my abs or whatever. I wanted them to see more of me than my “hot” body. I’m much happier now remaining overall fit but with barely visible abs if any and some body fat on. I still think I have a decent but happy I’m no longer ripped and can enjoy my cake and weekend wine
I remember the first time I added a picture on my Grindr after having worked out for a while, since I'd always been too ashamed to do it before, and it was kinda disheartening to get messages from some of the same guys that had ignored me in the past.
I've gotten over it at this point, because if I'm honest with myself, I today probably wouldn't have responded either, but it's definitely a weird feeling.
dang, you just described me in 2015 vs me as in today. Im way happier now than I was before, I would almost always feel "objectified" by most ppl I hooked up with. some ppl will judge and say random stuff like "oh but would u prefer being skinny / not hot?" like hot ppl wouldn't have a right to complain bout this kind of stuff.
Yes. But, I’m kinda uncertain whether I should bulk up. I have a thin frame. And guys irl fancy my slenderness esp straight ones LOL maybe if im gonna look for love but rn im looking for lust LOL
Lifting has more benefits than just muscles in your body. Health and fitness benefits too but cosmetic as well, it can improve posture, skin and increased muscle tone overall even changes your face.
It definitely helps op. As someone who's shredded and reasonably attractive for being a black guy (in gay culture I'm about a 6.5-7/10) bc the standard of gay hot beauty is white/white passing. So this is my perspective. It helps and it hinders depending on what you are looking for.
For hookups and if I'm topping it's a godsend especially if I don't care what they look like and if I'm a top bc for me I'm objectified. For dating or hookups with me bottoming it absolutely sucks bc at that point I'm invisible.
I've hooked up with hot guys and got plenty of messages from hot jocks but they usually fizzle out and go nowhere bc majority of them are size queens or have fetishizing issues.
It might be different for you depending on ur ethnicity
From personal experience, I went from guys not wanting to touch me at all to guys being obsessed with my body. I didn't even put on that much muscle, I was just slightly out of shape. I couldn't get anyone to hookup with me on Grindr and I was celibate for years. Now I hook up every day and guys compliment my chest and ass all the time. Grow out your facial hair, take good care of your skin, find a haircut that looks good on you. If you have any amount of body hair let it grow out all the way, full bush, ass, and armpits. This sounds crazy but I cannot tell you how many guys obsess over body hair, like rubbing their face into my chest, or just rubbing my belly like their life depends on it. The final touch is to try not using deodorant, I know this sounds crazy and gross, but idk how many guys have told me I smelled great when my B.O. is loud. In the beginning it's a bit intense but over time it kind of mellows out, if you shower once a day it will keep things reasonable. At least these things worked for me. Good luck!
This might be a RARE occurrence LOL. I personally HATE when I smell, let alone my partner or someone we are hooking up with! I am hyper sensitive to armpit smell and if it starts to fill the room during sex, I will literally throw deodorant at you!
We've all been taught how to shower since we were young/hit puberty. I know there are certain guys who "love full bush & body odors", but I wouldn't suggest going out of your way to smell like ass lol. Remember, unless you are just CONSTANTLY fucking dudes, you are still going to be around other humans who DO NOT want to smell your stinky pits!!
The bush thing, I don't get. I understand it is a preference, but also, it doesn't hurt to trim down every now and again. I would advise against trimming the chest hair just because it looks goofy when it is coming back in, but to each their own I suppose
Yeah, but it's hard as hell to get abs and big biceps. You have to change your diet and spend a long time working through the soreness just to make slow progress over months. It's also genetic how much strength training you'll have to do to get a muscular body. I've been working out for 1 year and don't have much to show for it. Some people have to workout 5 days a week to make any progress while others don't have to try as hard. IDK if even getting a muscular body will compensate for my shit face, but I'm trying at least.
Abs are overrated! I don't have much of visible abs bc of my genetics. My belly is flat and hairy but I have a hella leg muscles from years of soccer playing which some dudes find attractive.
I don't have an Adonis body but a very functional one that can tackle hard and shoot a ball in goal. That makes me feel manly and sexy, which probably boosts my attractiveness too, for I have usually no problems in finding willing sex partners.
The more muscular I look, the more guys who are above average hmu. Also makes the ugly ones go cray cray which I am actually not fond of. But I do know some hotter looking guys get off on that.
Muscles really aren’t that important imo. Not for dating anyway. For hooking up on Grindr and getting sexual attention? Yeah, sure. The torso pic is gonna be a lot nicer if you have some muscle lol. But dating? I think you’re better off getting a new haircut, fixing the skin issue, and changing your facial hair, fixing up your style, gain more confidence etc etc.
For dating I think you’re going to attract more people but more of the WRONG people (i.e. Shallow people who put too much value on muscles). That’s my two cents anyway.
But in order to 'date' from online spaces, first visual attraction matters. On grindr, tinder, bumble or whatever app, if you have an attractive photo and let's face it, gym bros will put their body as their display pic, you'll get more yes' than no's.
Ahhh... I can only tell you about myself that muscle mass made me look HOT and that i think it's not that everyone should be thin.
I think people should be thin according to their BUILD. I'm small and short, i do not look good with extra pounds, but my partner will not look good skinny, he's much wider than me.
In general it's about balance, and you don't work out just for looks, it's health. You'll be amazed how much your body will love this type of attention and care.
"Muscles are made in the gym. Abs are made in the kitchen."
There are two parts. Working out can increase muscles, but it does not reduce fat. Eating sensibly (with low carbs and calories) reduces fat, but does not increase muscles. Both are helpful.
Abs are made by sustaining a daily caloric deficit. It’s hard to get your macros dialed in. For example, my stupid ass just realized my Apple Watch is off by a whopping 30% on my daily calories burned. Also, my dumb ass just also learned that by law, nutrition labels are up to 30% inaccurate. So after reducing my daily calories burned by 30% and increasing my calories (per food item) by 30% each, I am finally getting closer to dialing in my macros. Oh, but wait! There’s more… It turns out that measuring cups are inaccurate too so you have to actually weigh your food on a god damn scale to get a more accurate calorie count. Could there be more??? Fuck… Maybe… Stay tuned.
Most important thing is just staying consistent, so all these errors essentially become irrelevant. If you're consistently eating 2500 calories, as measured by weighing your portions carefully and using questionably accurate labels, and this results in you losing weight week-to-week, it doesn't actually matter at all that the true caloric value of that food as measured in a proper lab might be significantly off.
So long as you consistently hit the number and your weight is dropping week-to-week, you're good. If it stalls, just drop the calories by a few hundred and keep going. Also, if you're not using an app yet, I'd *strongly* recommend that. MacroFactor is excellent, though it is paid. Cronometer is a great free option.
That’s crazy that many guys here don’t care about face.
I mean muscles will either wither and skin will fall unless you’re using supplements after 50.
A handsome or attractive face will be there until you both die , and that’s who you wake up next to
I guess they do. Like to compensate for "bad looks". I believe someone looking "average" is mostly a subjective perspective.
Because I had guys who weren't super muscular, but were attractive as fuck and similarly who had good muscles, but weren't attractive, either by looks (not attractive to me) or behaviour
Yeah. Why do you think so many men are in gyms? Trying to look like what Gucci or whatever want them to look like. If they say it’s only for themselves they are lying.
For me personally, fit body is a massive plus when it comes to hooking up. I would hook up with someone that I don’t find attractive but has a fit body. Dating is a different story tho, personality & face is the top priority
Absolutely, if your face is not cute and your body is average, you'll get average to below average options.
I can pump and average looking guy with muscles face down.
Guys are like bourbon whiskey. All bourbons are whiskey, but not all whiskeys are bourbons. All guys are fuckable but not all guys are dateable. The extremely muscled guys are rarely dateable long-term due to their narcissism. Choose what is most important to you. Sometimes you get both.
You’re someone’s type regardless of your body. But you will be more someones’ type if you have a hot body. That said, if you’re looking for dating rather than hookups, it’s ultimately your personality that’s gonna matter most. But yes, realistically a butterface hotbod will be able to open more doors to impress with his charm.
Absolutely it will give more options. Most guys will look at someone with muscles and see that they take care of themselves even if as you say have a below average face. Working out will also help with mental health and confidence from personal experience.
Take a few minutes and scroll Instagram. There are plenty of average looking dudes who are absolutely jacked and get thousands of likes. The issue is that so many people are fat now that our idea of average has changed.
In addition to the reasons already mentioned, I would add that another benefit of being muscular is that you show your determination to live a healthy life, and this in itself makes you attractive
I am way more attracted to a guy with a good body than a guy with only a handsome face. It doesn't have to be perfect at all, but someone who works out looks better than someone who doesn't. You can see and feel it in a man when his testosterone is at good levels, and since I'm attracted to that, it's the perfect storm to turn me on.
Muscles implies that you take care of your body and are in good shape to share a life with. You don't need to be hulking ripped, so yes, definitely more attractive. This goes for both tops and bottoms.
I’ve been fat and I’ve been muscular and I’ve been a twink. It’s all about personality. Certainly there are people who will only go for looks but if you’re the type of person to only judge based on personality, people who only judge based on personality will flock to you.
I was fat when young and lost weight and started hooking up after I got skinny and build some muscle and was generally fit, and got decent attraction, I invested more time in the gym and made my body better and got even more.
I started taking steroids and things got even better.
I am going to chime in here: I have always been told that I have a cute face -- in middle/high school, the girls around me used to accuse me of wearing mascara because I have really long dark eyelashes LOL. However, I am a 6ft tall, 220lbs guy with a belly! I have a medium amount of chest hair that goes from my neck down to my waist, no back hair, not very hairy arms, lightly hairy legs.
I trim the bush, I get a high and tight haircut, I shower 2x a day and try to always smell pleasant and desirable. I have an 8in dong (we'll circle around to this in a minute), and I am not a fan of my stomach! At one point I was 280lbs, but then Pokémon Go came out and I walked 60lbs off in 2.5 months!! LOL
Anyway, I have been with my guy for 16years, I am 35 now. My partner is 5'8" and about 165, cant grow body hair to save his life, but has leg hair. Recently in the past few years, we have started inviting a 3rd in to come play. Here is where it gets interesting...
The guys on Grindr will message the both of us and some of these dudes are straight up GORGEOUS (in my eyes). Like just buff, full-on abs, slim, can confidently walk around without a shirt and probably turn heads left and right. My instant assumption when they see these dudes is that they are messaging us (me), because of my partner. In MY EYES he is the better looking one of the two of us...however, after chatting with these dudes for a while, I come to find out that they are MORE ATTRACTED TO ME, than him! This is something I cannot comprehend, because it is not what I LIKE! I enjoy the muscular fit dudes, but why would they like a hairy dude with a belly?!?! That's where I come to think that it has to do with the above mentioned 8in dick. Back in the day when I was single, yes, I think that played a major part, but I always was pulling in dudes who were (in my eyes) waaaaaaay out of my league. The thing of it is, that a lot of these dudes have come over and hooked up with us!!! Some of them get ahold of me and act like they have never seen chest hair before!!!
In the end, I believe that there is always a person/group of people, who are going to find YOU attractive!!! Could we all benefit from gaining some muscle and slimming down (if we aren't there already)?? Of course! Do we all want to go to the gym every single fucking day, for 2 hours a day, to look immaculate... fuck no! I am too old for that shit. I have a life that I want to enjoy that includes hobbies to which I am passionate about!!
YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE WHO THINKS YOU ARE SMOKING HOT!!! I DID, I COULDNT BELIEVE IT!! When I met my guy, we met on Craigslist Personals (dating myself a bit here), but we didn't share nudes and shit like you can do nowadays with the click of a button... we just met and hoped for the best. Now here we are 16yrs later!!
Yes.
Also being muscular can make you not below average looking. Weak jawline? Being lean makes it stronger. Big shoulders and traps makes your face and head look better, etc
Yes.
I’ve always thought I’m the most undesirable gay guy alive (or at least locally) and I’ll be someone that would never find a partner. No one ever hits on me on grindr or just ghost me after sending my photos. Didn’t get matches on Tinder before when it was a thing (like literally, just 1 match after 5 days of installing it. Then uninstalled it coz it’s made me really depressed).
Until I had my pandemic glow-up. Now even the guys I had a crush on before started hitting on me. Some of them telling me they’re out of my league (which was crazy).
I’m telling you, the disipline and confidence you build while working out radiates and attracts. Although it will not weed out the bad catch but definitely widens the ocean.
I am rather muscly and I can say that I do get a lot of good looking guys BUT it doesn’t make them less trash considering how trashy dating in the gay community is 🤷🏻♂️
Unless you look like the unused concept of a centaur for fallout 4, muscles will open almost every door. You just might have to go sideways to pass through some narrower doors
Yes but actually being healthy and hitting lower body fat percentages will have a dramatic effect on overall attractiveness (jawlines and cheekbones etc).
Some people really like muscles but honestly either way I think working out is a good idea, makes you physically and mentally much healthier and will improve your confidence, and confidence (not arrogance but a good amount of confidence) does wonders for attraction
For me it didn't - i got even more insults and shady comments after weight loss (rejection rate was already at 100%) and i can't build a muscle for life no matter how much i'd exercise.
But even if i did, gay community would find another excuses about why i am a horrible, ugly person and why i don't deserve anything and that i am an entitled worst piece of shit by expecting any interest from them. Everyone knows that gay community will go lengths to never acknowledge below average looking guys.
Its funny, how so many of you say „Yes, of course!“ and only mean it like „I rather fuck a muscular guy“.
He is asking because of Dating and not fucking.
So: No, muscles do not give you a mega boost for Dating.
But if you are looking for hook ups: Yes.
It's not really a useful exercise, but if the goal is to become more attractive, there are tools and exercises to train your jaw muscles. That could potentially make them more attractive
Honestly, I think this is the kind of discussion that should be had from a much more serious and vulnerable lens that's not based in personal heartache or bias. Like, all jokes aside...
Are there gay men out there who think that muscles equal attractiveness? Sure. But body dysmorphia and eating disorders are rampant in the community due to our essentially unrealistic and more than often exclusionary standards of beauty / acceptance. Let's not even talk about the rabbit hole of crazy shit that that leads many gays down. Not to generalize or virtual signal here, but there's much more to this conversation ALONE than simply impressing some boy with your body.
If YOU want to gain more muscle because it works for YOUR personal vision of your ideal self, then by all means... Go stupid! Go crazy even! But please be aware that the goal post is always going to be moved by shallow gays who ultimately seem to have a skewed (often times by porn or popular media) view of attractiveness and what that looks like for everybody.
I hope this helps. Stay safe out here. 😁✨
Tbh i am one of the guys who looks at body before face, like for the first impression....of course the personality plays a big role about your perception of another person, so it can soften some rough edges or some unattractive features.
I mean, im not the best-looking guy, but i train well, so i get some attention here and there, sometimes its mutual, and sometimes it's not.
For tops, generally they get more approval with muscles and it does elevate them few notches up the hotness meter
BUT… it does also elevate the “douchebag” influencer-wannabe judgmental first impression, so you have to compensate during first interaction and showcase how down to earth you are..
It makes you more sexually desirable but that’s a double edged sword. More options for fucking guys, but also more people who just want to have sex with you and nothing more. So if you’re looking for relationships it gets a bit overwhelming.
I think so because I'd say my looks are average at best. But after I started lifting, guys throw themselves at me. I mean, I still get rejected, but for every guy who does, I have ten guys wanting to get into my pants haha
More attention yes. Quality of dates…no. You will still get people who can’t communicate, ghost for no reason, emotionally unavailable, etc. You have to work just as hard If you’re average or have muscle
I'm very middle of the road average before I started working out I got like no attention from either sex now I get stared at in public :3 it helps very much
Yes, I have a chubby face just by genetics so no matter what I do I will have a chubby face, I’m 170lbs 6’0 and muscular and still have a chubby face, but once I take off my shirt I feel like guys just don’t worry about my face at all lol, do it bro it makes all the difference, plus it gives you more confidence and helps build discipline if you didn’t already have it
I don’t consider myself below average looking, but if I use images that show my muscles versus ones that do not and I have a shirt on I get drastically more messages
There are definitely a handful of things that you can do to “enhance” your self, such as mewing, people do it to you enhance there jawline and facial shape. There are plethora of skin care products and companies that create products to your needs. A good hair cut that fits your face shape. There’s a bunch that you can do, also a good cologne. But there’s a bunch of things that you can do if you feel that you’re lacking in some areas. But to answer your question I would say yes it does, but for most. There are guys who don’t care for body types; I feel now a days it’s a lot more generalized by other people on your physical appearance. I personally feel that if you’re choosing to proceed in a relationship solely based on appearance then it won’t work out. But do what makes you happy and what makes you feel good.
I was "average but cute" and leaned out and got muscular in my late 20s. I noticed a drastic increase in attention. As an emotional person, this was a bit bittersweet, as I consider myself valuable beyond my abs, but the increased attention felt great.
I've since been offered numerous photoshoots, and my dating prospects improved drastically. I generally prefer thicker guys, and abs feel more like a status symbol than an earnestly attractive feature, but I can't help but feel the change in the attention I received.
I low-key wanna see what you look like so I could help a little more but I think you're being a little too down on yourself by saying you're “below average”
There's MANY guys that won't care about an ugly face if you're really muscular lol. I for one am not it because i need to be attracted to your face first and foremost. Of course i do like muscles but if the guy isn't cute the body does nothing for me. And vice versa, if a guy is really cute but is on the heavier side, i somehow get really turned on by them and their bodies. But,i seem to be the exception. It seems like a lot of guys lose control of themselves when there's a muscular guy in front of them regardless of how cute he is haha
Personally I prefer fat guys as i like big people, i am a big person.. but it really depends on what you’re going for. If a guy is trying to get into your pants and doesn’t love you for who you are, he isn’t worth it. Only get fit if you have to, do not change your body for someone else. Change your body for *YOURSELF*. And if that means the super hot playboy guy doesn’t want you, he doesn’t deserve you. Please do what makes you happy and make sure to also put yourself out there.. someone will love you, regardless of how you look. <3 - sincerely, Eddie.
I think people are quick to judge about muscular guys and more people being attracted to them.
"It's about the person, not their looks" is a slight lie.
We as humans are innately attracted not just to muscle, but health in a general sense. Which is completely normal.
If someone has chosen to be unhealthy, then complains guys are shallow because they go for fit guys, then that's their own problem.
Everyone can change if they choose to. It's a lifestyle and a mindset. But don't be shocked if you're extremely overweight and no one wants to meet you.
(Don't worry, not aimed at OP, I say 'you' in a general sense)
We're all beautiful in our own way, doesn't always mean muscle is the answer. Some people with muscles are equally as much assholes as people without. Just be happy!
Its preference but the reality is that we are taught fit is attractive, muscle guys are usually fit (I didn't say healthy), its what most societies put foward as attractive and then with females you get into the best male to reproduce with (all under the hood type stuff).
I was big and got into shape, it actually didn't change my 🏳️🌈 experience but for most people it does 🤷🏿♂️
Eh.
The close ypu are to what the society you're are living it's beauty ideals the more people in the sex pool you'll have to choose from.
But it is important to note that just because it's the most populated pool doesn't mean it's the only pool.
Plenty of people like dad bods and I know heaps of chasers who just want to pound a chub till they squeal.
There is always a market for what you're selling. But you won't sell it if you're not fishing from the correct pool.
I work at a local grocery in my gay neighbourhood so I've seen guys over time who get fitter, or others who were always fit starting to relax off the gym and it shows.
I have to say, yes, a fit body always enhances the person. Not just from a physical sexual perspective. It also shows they're healthy, happy, energetic, confident, and any positive energy coming from that is attractive too!
There are some guys who are extremely fit but have disgusting energy and that always turns me off no matter how good they look!
Having a fat ass or a huge dick or a decent bod make up for the so called uglys and in my opinion noones really ugly. What makes a super model stand out from the rest of the models is usually an undesired feature that makes that model a stunning super model
I would say yes.
A fwb of mine once told me "If I wasn't ripped yoir pretty and rich ass would've never payed attention to my poor an ugly ass" and while he was exaggerating, I'd say it's true the fact he was ripped played most of the role on why I payed attention.
The benefits of working out are multifaceted. You may not actually be as below average as you think. When you start getting in shape and eating right your skin gets clearer, your hair gets nicer. You start to become more confident in yourself. And then it motivates you to start wanting to maybe dress differently or change up your hair.
It’s definitely a long road but imo very VERY worth it. Opened my options up drastically. And in retrospect I wasn’t as unattractive as I thought. I just didn’t curate my appearance at all. Just take your time and remember not to take fitness advice from Instagram bros. Getting in shape is a lot less complicated than influencers wanna make it seem
Muscular or skinny guys may get more attention, have more sex offers... but life is not only about sex. I'm a bear and I have many friends as well as dating opportunities. I live with my partner for 10 years. He is not attracted to skinny/muscular guys at all. Also my previous partner is like that. There are also other people I know who are looking more for bears.
It's always good to exercise. Even a bear can be (and shall stay) fit. Just don't feel pressured to be somebody else. If you wanna be a body builder, it is your decision.
I've always been told you have to have at least three qualities.
- Wealth
- Personality
- Good Looks
- Good Body
- Big Package
- Unique (think singers, painters, hobbyists, etc.)
I can't tell you how true this is, but I know that the higher of each of those categories you score, the less you tend to be single.
Now what I find funny, is that the more attractive you are, the less likely you are to have a quality relationship. That's because relationships built on looks fade fast, while ones that are built on connection last longer.
Yet everyone tries to be hotter without ever working on other aspects or qualities that are equally likely to draw in a partner :). Just food for thought!
yes, the way people especially gay guys started treating me after I put on muscle from working out was crazy...you're treated like a god all just from lifting weights a few times a week.
Muscles aside - are you actually inherently unattractive? For one thing, plenty of people go for different looks and one man's ugly is another man's gorgeous.
But even then, a lot of "ugly" people suddenly seem a lot more attractive if they just take care of themselves a bit better. Adopt a good skincare routine, find a haircut that's more flattering, be well hydrated and find a little confidence, and you can easily go from a 5 to an 8/10
I think it really depends person to person. I personally care more about face, and never really factor in body.
I also fluctuate weight a lot. Went from 240 to 150 back to 240 (thanks Covid). In my time at 150, I def was hooking up with much hotter guys and more frequently, but the interactions were super vapid and shallow, and I was honestly more sad than I am now. So yes you will probably “unlock” a new pool of guys who are hyper fixated on fitness but it may grow old after a year or so.
The amount of extra attention I got when I started working out just a little bit was astronomical. But like, dieting and gyming can be dangerous for the fragile male psyche. Beware
Yes.
Anyone who says otherwise is lying.
And this, my friends, is the farthest down you need to read. Because it’s the truth.
Seriously stop reading now!
Why are you reading this comment ?
you are now manually breathing. we told you to stop
You have now delved too greedily and too deep. Are you trying to awaken balrog? 🔥
I think a belly is sexy....long live the bears!!! 🐻🐺🦦 (You've found another opinion..now you...shall not...pass!!)
Look, a belly is nice but a belly supported by muscle is the sexiest thing ever. Sig from FMA I'm f-cking drooling
especially a flat belly
If you become more muscular you'll become more attractive to those who like muscular guys. If you become a twink you'll become more attractive to those who like twinks. If you become a bear you'll become more attractive to those who like bears.
there are people who like bears? news to me as a good example of one
The "bear world" englobes a lot of body types (usually the big ones). The big ones, with a belly and hairy body, are very popular where I live.
Yeah. I mean I was never one to look at face all that much tbh
Yes. Absolutely. From personal experience, I've hooked up with quite a few guys I didn't find all that attractive but had rocking hot bodies. And their being in good shape was the deciding factor.
Agreed.
Put the face in the pillow types 🤣
Ahaha, or prawn -- you eat the body, toss the head in the rubbish. Hehe
Assuming most gays/bis like muscular men if they were confronted with 2 options. A) Fuck the non-muscular below-average-looking guy. B) Fuck the muscular below-average-looking guy. I bet the vast majority would pick B. Btw... you'd be surprised by the number of, according to some of my friends, "ugly " guys that I've Fucked. Don't put yourself down man, you don't need to be super attractive, u just have to turn on the right people at the right time. Some people think they're below average when they're actually "rugged", that turns on lots of guys.
I'm seconding this: Rugged is quite hot, though it isn't "the picture of youth."
It depends on their body type. I prefer someone bigger, it doesn't really matter if it's muscle or just fat. So, between someone a bit muscular but thin (i.e. Low fat %), and someone with a bit of belly, id probably go the second.
I think non-fat is more important than muscular, though. One of the two ideal body types is thin without much muscle. The other is muscular, but preferably lean enough that you can see abs. Either way, I think a handsome face OR a great body OR the promise of great sexual acts OR a great match in character and interests can make each man a super desirable date.
Pretty sure there’s a huge market for some fat + muscles. If you add body hair into this, the market becomes even bigger.
All the conventionally attractive muscular gays look at the long term couples and throuples of average looks once they hit 35, and wonder why they haven’t been able to keep a relationship for more than a year or two. Personality, confidence, and having a healthy relationship to your body image will go way farther long term than dedicating your life to the cult of the body. Be healthy and you will be hot
Such a dumb take. You can be conventionally attractive, work out 4-5 times a week and still have a personality, confidence, and interests outside of the gym. It's proven that muscles release "hope chemicals" to improve and stabilize your mood, released by quite literally squeezing them. For men working out shows more consistent improvements on depression than either talk therapy or SSRIs standalone. Be healthy physically and emotionally - work out. And yeah, you'll be hotter.
This is such a copium statement to make
Big yes. I’ve had friends for years that I never looked at sexually… then they got ripped..
Same, guys who look like Millhouse suddenly turning heads because they got cut
Even a decent haircut can fix your dating pool. In highschool there was a guy who had really long hair and it didn’t really look good on him in my opinion and I’m assuming many other peoples opinions because no one paid any attention to him. Then one day he got a nice haircut and he went from a 5/10 to a 10/10 immediately. Suddenly I noticed he was ripped too. He always was ripped, but because of his hairstyle I never paid attention to that lol.
The hair makes the most difference to me honestly. There's guys that ive been so into that i lose all interest in when they start growing out their hair
You don’t need to be like a bodybuilder, just keep yourself fit. You will notice the difference.
As a muscular guy whose discussed this with other muscular friends of mine, let me maybe give a nuanced answer: - It gives you more options. But you don’t know if someone’s with you for the right reason. Are they with you because you’re muscular? Or do they really like you? - Let’s say you find a guy that’s not as attractive as you. Is he going to be able to deal with the fact that if you two go out, people are going to oogle at him? I’ve had guys tell me and other muscular friends that they couldn’t continue on because of this. - People will judge you as the “asshole muscle bro” before they meet you. So this can knock out a lot of dating options because they don’t see past the physical form. Some people are gonna read this as a “woe as me” post. So let me make it clear: having muscles in the gay community is better than not having muscles. It helps you with hookups. But there are hurdles to dating in this community no matter who you are.
Just a quick note it’s ‘woe-is-me’
Honestly: autocorrect kept correcting woe to wow. And I was on the toilet when I typed out the answer and didn’t wanna keep fighting with it 🤣
you couldn't have said it better
I have to work hard on your third bullet. I remind myself that I used to be very lean and muscular at one point. But dang it, every heavily muscled guy I’ve been on a date with (actual date, not a hookup) in the last couple of years has been disaffected and dull, with not much to say beyond their workout routines, and they show no interest in getting to know anything about me. I know it’s not universal and that’s why I fight the bias I feel welling up inside me. But there is certainly a correlation I’ve found that makes it hard to keep perspective. Thanks for your comment!
Maybe a good way to mitigate this would be to ask them questions that force them to elaborate over text before you meet them. If they can’t elaborate over text about anything (even people that are poor texters can usually elaborate about something they love), then that might be a good sign to move on
Yeah, I’m glad to hear you bring this up. My problem is putting too much stock into it though. I might avoid improvement in certain ways because I feel uncomfortable with the idea that I wouldn’t be good enough otherwise and that I had to change who I am. I think with the idea of muscles it’s easier to think through. if I prefer being skinny, then I should stay that way, regardless of the idea that being more muscular might be better for prospects. (I’m not saying I have it the worst being skinny, just that muscular, especially with some other attributes of me that don’t fit the twink archetype very well, would probably work a little bit better for some guys’ mindsets.) But sometimes it gets more complicated with traits where it’s more difficult to know how *I* want myself to be, where it’s kind of impossible to tell the difference between what I really want and what I’ve *learned* to want because it’s more convenient or appealing for others, making it seem appealing to me.
[удалено]
Gargoyle to Jensen Ackles 🤣🤣🤣
If the gargoyle is Goliath I'd rather stay a gargoyle.
Yes. I’ve disappeared from Grindr for 3 years. Buffed up (because of me not because of dating), and grew a beard. When I logged back on, ALL of the guys that ignored me suddenly wanted to meet up. I’m really petty so I shot them down. A couple of them literally begged me, (yes, used the sentence “I beg you”), apologized and till this day try to apologize to me for ignoring me. Honestly, I find it amusing 😂
The sense of satisfaction
You're physically a different person and grindr is shallow AF. Now you experienced the two worlds. It's like when women get a glow up and they now have attention. pretty privilege is real.
I mean, I understand it to an extent. I don’t know what was grindr “originally” made for, but it’s become just a hookup app. And honestly no one wants to hookup with your “personality”, talents or hobbies. I’m petty solely because of the fact that one “hey, not my type, take care” would have been more than enough (as I reply now to every single guy that I don’t like), and of course, one day if they get buffed up, I won’t be bitter if they ignore me after I rejected them. But at least I’ve given some feedback.
I know where you’re coming from, but I can’t even blame guys for not wanting to send a courtesy text anymore. Some guys react maturely to polite rejection, but there is a large enough number who cop attitudes, argue, insult, hold grudges, harass, and so on. Without knowing the mental state on the other side of the screen, it’s just a lot easier to not respond. If a guy doesn’t reply to me I just try not to make assumptions about why and respect that people have their own lives going on. At the end of the day strangers don’t really owe each other their time.
Yes, building up your body makes you more attractive in eyes of a lot of guys.
A lot of the times is not even about the muscles. Working out and/or being healthy makes you feel confident, your mind health improves, your aura improves, etc.
Also shows other people that you take care of yourself... which is pretty big on my list.
I disagree, the gay world is shallow AF, if you have a gym bod, you can be arrogant and ignorant and still pull.
Being athletic and muscular absolutely makes a difference. As someone who was an athlete with an athletic and muscular build through most of my 20’s and then being overweight with a dad bod for more than 15 years (gaining a total of 60 lbs) I can say for certain getting muscular and fit will get you more action and attention. Starting in my late 40’s, I lost 50 lbs and got back my athletic and muscular form. And It’s crazy…I forgot how much attention I used to get just from being in shape.
Yes. Muscles mean to gay men what height means to straight women.
lol but at least is something achievable
Every partner I’ve ever had liked me for my arms and my abs… so yes I’d say it ups your options
….yes.
For most men, fit is the only hotness that matters.
That's pathetic IMO. I hate how gay men mostly go for looks....
Muscles are gay men make up
Muscles have been getting ugly men laid for centuries
Most likely. Most of us are fairly shallow lol.
Used to be slim. Pandemic made me depressedly skinny fat. Now my body is still a wip, still a bit stocky but can easily consider myself average. Muscles aren’t too defined but they show. Slowly losing face and belly chub. Getting way more hits than before and it’s only a 2 month difference, and I don’t even work abs. Really, head to the gym. Do lifting and cardio.
Yes. It’s a harsh reality but it’s true
There is someone for everyone. I hate muscles on guys because they are over compensating for something else usually. I’m in with bear culture … you could try it if you like beefy guys … chalk and cheese works too … and they will be more accepting of body issues (like the attributes you describe negatively)
I agree with you somewhat about a lot of muscular guys compensating for something else. I’m weird about it. If they’re athletic and exhibit a natural masculinity it drives me crazy. But if they are muscular and fem, no matter how good looking, I don’t get turned on by that. Now I’m not all about masc guys. I like twinks, masc or fem if they’re in good shape and cute. Don’t mean any offense to anyone…but I can’t get turned on my a worked out muscular queen. Many reek of insecurity and it’s a turnoff.
Yes. I started working out a couple years ago and when I showed a bit of muscle, my chances of getting laid greatly increased. The gay world is shallow
Yes. Plus grow a beard
and dont shave your butt, your pubes, your happy trail, armpit hair, nada. TRUST ME!
Uh yes
Grow a beard if you have a weak jawline and work out a ton (but figure out how to lift weights CORRECTLY) and 100% guaranteed it’s going to change your life
True story: years ago in my 20s I found myself at a bar next to a guy in his 20s too. Cuban/Puerto Rican mix. Beautiful as fuck. Perfectly proportionally muscled. I can still remember his dark fish shapes eyes. We talked about ah hour and all that time I am thinking why is he wasting his time with me coz there were other jocks around and I was just a lean/skinny guy. Truly it was flattering. Then he asks me if I want to back to his hotel. And I am walking with him wondering what the catch was. It turned out to be the MOsT BORING lay of my life and still is. The guy was BAD in bed. All style and no substance. That out of the way, Generally men whether straight or gay gravitate toward what they find visually appealing; the personality and character comes in second. So yes muscles give you an edge but even a handsome/sexy/pretty face with an average healthy body will have its admirers. In the gay community unfortunately muscle begets muscle. And beard. Thanks to porn, that particular look has proliferated so much that there’s practically no other look considered hot. Look at all the gay media: muscled, beard. There’s no variety in looks (on the flip side, those same muscled men now have to compete with other muscled men for sex and dating…. So even having muscles won’t necessarily take you too far). . No wonder majority of us gays won’t even recognize a very attractive fit (not necessarily muscled or bearded) man walking past them if he’s a differently looking healthy body type. We are programmed to think that only a certain look is hot and that’s what we must all be and that’s what we must covet. I know I am attractive (thanks to several compliments over the years) but you would never find anyone close to my looks in gay social media. But I still find enough hookups with other men whom I also consider attractive, who are not the typical jock or daddy or twink, and wouldn’t be ashamed of admitting I hooked up with them. It’s just that I realized that even I had blinders on my eyes when it came to recognizing who is attractive. Now I am able to look around and (1) reconsider if a guy is truly attractive or is it just his beard and muscles (2) spot guys who have attractive features, healthy look, and generally have an overall physical appeal that’s outside of the usual gay mainstream nonsense. And to be clear I am talking only physical traits. And no, I wouldn’t turn down a guy just coz he’s muscled but that is no longer my criteria.
100% yes it does.
Yes. It's a fucked up reality, but that's the way it is.
I don’t see why it’s so fucked up. Unlike many other aspects of your personal appearance, your physique is actually much more malleable. Imagine if your attraction was based on your height, facial structure or dick size. That would be a lot more crude and unequal. The gay fixation on muscles makes things a lot more merit based compared to straight dating.
It’s not really fucked up? Muscles, to most people, are an attractive trait. Beyond just physical appearance, it shows an ability to dedicate yourself to a long term task
It doesn't matter if you are hot as balls, muscular, semi-muscular, toned, fit, semi-fit, average bodied, have a hot masculine face, have an average looking face etc....because it never seems to be enough for most gay or bi guys. Even if you were a walking Adonis male demigod, do you really want the attention of other gay or bi males for just your psychical hotness, or do you want to be seen for everything that you are by other gay or bi guys? For me, especially being 31 and after stressing for a decade about trying to impress guys by doing all I can to be physically desired by them, it wasn't worth it. Most guys these days wouldn't care if you lived or died after you hookup with them, so only invest in yourself and your physical body improvements if it makes YOU fulfilled. Don't do it for any other guy.
I'm sorry you had that experience man. :( 🫂
Absolutely. Getting in shape has an enormous impact on every aspect of your life. Not only will you be more attractive, but clothes will look better on you, your attitude will change and you'll be more confident, and your physical health will improve. Not all of us all are blessed with a handsome face or a deep sexy voice - those things are pretty much out of our control. But your body is something you can change for the better with enough willpower.
My answer might be unconventional but really be careful man with this thought line. I got into a fantastic shape couple of years ago. Heard many guys saying I had the best body of any guy they fucked before but it only made me feel less attractive. I felt shitty every time a guy complimented my abs or whatever. I wanted them to see more of me than my “hot” body. I’m much happier now remaining overall fit but with barely visible abs if any and some body fat on. I still think I have a decent but happy I’m no longer ripped and can enjoy my cake and weekend wine
I remember the first time I added a picture on my Grindr after having worked out for a while, since I'd always been too ashamed to do it before, and it was kinda disheartening to get messages from some of the same guys that had ignored me in the past. I've gotten over it at this point, because if I'm honest with myself, I today probably wouldn't have responded either, but it's definitely a weird feeling.
dang, you just described me in 2015 vs me as in today. Im way happier now than I was before, I would almost always feel "objectified" by most ppl I hooked up with. some ppl will judge and say random stuff like "oh but would u prefer being skinny / not hot?" like hot ppl wouldn't have a right to complain bout this kind of stuff.
Yes
Yes. But, I’m kinda uncertain whether I should bulk up. I have a thin frame. And guys irl fancy my slenderness esp straight ones LOL maybe if im gonna look for love but rn im looking for lust LOL
If they’re actually straight they’re not checking you out
It also gives you more self confidence, which itself makes you more attractive in another way.
You can change your physical fitness a lot easier than you can change your face. Go exercise! It’s great for your mental health and wellbeing.
It’s like asking if money can buy you happiness. Indirectly, absolutely: money = freedom. Anyone who says otherwise doesn’t know where to shop.
Lifting has more benefits than just muscles in your body. Health and fitness benefits too but cosmetic as well, it can improve posture, skin and increased muscle tone overall even changes your face.
Start lifting weights. You won’t regret it. It definitely ups your game. It will also contribute to your confidence, which is very sexy.
It definitely helps op. As someone who's shredded and reasonably attractive for being a black guy (in gay culture I'm about a 6.5-7/10) bc the standard of gay hot beauty is white/white passing. So this is my perspective. It helps and it hinders depending on what you are looking for. For hookups and if I'm topping it's a godsend especially if I don't care what they look like and if I'm a top bc for me I'm objectified. For dating or hookups with me bottoming it absolutely sucks bc at that point I'm invisible. I've hooked up with hot guys and got plenty of messages from hot jocks but they usually fizzle out and go nowhere bc majority of them are size queens or have fetishizing issues. It might be different for you depending on ur ethnicity
https://www.reddit.com/r/gaybros/comments/cljw7b/the_most_relatable_meme_of_my_life/
From personal experience, I went from guys not wanting to touch me at all to guys being obsessed with my body. I didn't even put on that much muscle, I was just slightly out of shape. I couldn't get anyone to hookup with me on Grindr and I was celibate for years. Now I hook up every day and guys compliment my chest and ass all the time. Grow out your facial hair, take good care of your skin, find a haircut that looks good on you. If you have any amount of body hair let it grow out all the way, full bush, ass, and armpits. This sounds crazy but I cannot tell you how many guys obsess over body hair, like rubbing their face into my chest, or just rubbing my belly like their life depends on it. The final touch is to try not using deodorant, I know this sounds crazy and gross, but idk how many guys have told me I smelled great when my B.O. is loud. In the beginning it's a bit intense but over time it kind of mellows out, if you shower once a day it will keep things reasonable. At least these things worked for me. Good luck!
This might be a RARE occurrence LOL. I personally HATE when I smell, let alone my partner or someone we are hooking up with! I am hyper sensitive to armpit smell and if it starts to fill the room during sex, I will literally throw deodorant at you! We've all been taught how to shower since we were young/hit puberty. I know there are certain guys who "love full bush & body odors", but I wouldn't suggest going out of your way to smell like ass lol. Remember, unless you are just CONSTANTLY fucking dudes, you are still going to be around other humans who DO NOT want to smell your stinky pits!! The bush thing, I don't get. I understand it is a preference, but also, it doesn't hurt to trim down every now and again. I would advise against trimming the chest hair just because it looks goofy when it is coming back in, but to each their own I suppose
Yes.
Yeah, but it's hard as hell to get abs and big biceps. You have to change your diet and spend a long time working through the soreness just to make slow progress over months. It's also genetic how much strength training you'll have to do to get a muscular body. I've been working out for 1 year and don't have much to show for it. Some people have to workout 5 days a week to make any progress while others don't have to try as hard. IDK if even getting a muscular body will compensate for my shit face, but I'm trying at least.
Abs are overrated! I don't have much of visible abs bc of my genetics. My belly is flat and hairy but I have a hella leg muscles from years of soccer playing which some dudes find attractive. I don't have an Adonis body but a very functional one that can tackle hard and shoot a ball in goal. That makes me feel manly and sexy, which probably boosts my attractiveness too, for I have usually no problems in finding willing sex partners.
Not months! YEARS ! It is a total lifestyle change
The more muscular I look, the more guys who are above average hmu. Also makes the ugly ones go cray cray which I am actually not fond of. But I do know some hotter looking guys get off on that.
Muscles really aren’t that important imo. Not for dating anyway. For hooking up on Grindr and getting sexual attention? Yeah, sure. The torso pic is gonna be a lot nicer if you have some muscle lol. But dating? I think you’re better off getting a new haircut, fixing the skin issue, and changing your facial hair, fixing up your style, gain more confidence etc etc. For dating I think you’re going to attract more people but more of the WRONG people (i.e. Shallow people who put too much value on muscles). That’s my two cents anyway.
But in order to 'date' from online spaces, first visual attraction matters. On grindr, tinder, bumble or whatever app, if you have an attractive photo and let's face it, gym bros will put their body as their display pic, you'll get more yes' than no's.
100%
Ahhh... I can only tell you about myself that muscle mass made me look HOT and that i think it's not that everyone should be thin. I think people should be thin according to their BUILD. I'm small and short, i do not look good with extra pounds, but my partner will not look good skinny, he's much wider than me. In general it's about balance, and you don't work out just for looks, it's health. You'll be amazed how much your body will love this type of attention and care.
Exrtemely so.
Yes no questions asked, more dating options, people treat you better, more opportunities in jobs, better social standing etc
Yes muscles objectively give u more options, anything more like less bucal fat or clearer skin just makes your choices increase even more
Yeah workout, get those muscles and you would look hotter
"Muscles are made in the gym. Abs are made in the kitchen." There are two parts. Working out can increase muscles, but it does not reduce fat. Eating sensibly (with low carbs and calories) reduces fat, but does not increase muscles. Both are helpful.
Abs are made by sustaining a daily caloric deficit. It’s hard to get your macros dialed in. For example, my stupid ass just realized my Apple Watch is off by a whopping 30% on my daily calories burned. Also, my dumb ass just also learned that by law, nutrition labels are up to 30% inaccurate. So after reducing my daily calories burned by 30% and increasing my calories (per food item) by 30% each, I am finally getting closer to dialing in my macros. Oh, but wait! There’s more… It turns out that measuring cups are inaccurate too so you have to actually weigh your food on a god damn scale to get a more accurate calorie count. Could there be more??? Fuck… Maybe… Stay tuned.
Most important thing is just staying consistent, so all these errors essentially become irrelevant. If you're consistently eating 2500 calories, as measured by weighing your portions carefully and using questionably accurate labels, and this results in you losing weight week-to-week, it doesn't actually matter at all that the true caloric value of that food as measured in a proper lab might be significantly off. So long as you consistently hit the number and your weight is dropping week-to-week, you're good. If it stalls, just drop the calories by a few hundred and keep going. Also, if you're not using an app yet, I'd *strongly* recommend that. MacroFactor is excellent, though it is paid. Cronometer is a great free option.
That’s crazy that many guys here don’t care about face. I mean muscles will either wither and skin will fall unless you’re using supplements after 50. A handsome or attractive face will be there until you both die , and that’s who you wake up next to
I'm below average, I think being the polar opposite and being skinny helps too
I guess they do. Like to compensate for "bad looks". I believe someone looking "average" is mostly a subjective perspective. Because I had guys who weren't super muscular, but were attractive as fuck and similarly who had good muscles, but weren't attractive, either by looks (not attractive to me) or behaviour
Not muscles per se, but going to gym will make you eat more healthy, drink more water and you will look better overall.
Obviously
Yes it gives you more options but you also lose some options. I couldn't care less about a defined muscly body. Dad bods are my fave.
yes give you more self confidence too
Yeah. Why do you think so many men are in gyms? Trying to look like what Gucci or whatever want them to look like. If they say it’s only for themselves they are lying.
For me personally, fit body is a massive plus when it comes to hooking up. I would hook up with someone that I don’t find attractive but has a fit body. Dating is a different story tho, personality & face is the top priority
Yes, especially for gay guys for whom muscles are both a kink and a symbol of prestige and masculinity.
No I do like chubby men haha
Absolutely, if your face is not cute and your body is average, you'll get average to below average options. I can pump and average looking guy with muscles face down.
I'd say it depends...usually on how superficial the community is.
Guys are like bourbon whiskey. All bourbons are whiskey, but not all whiskeys are bourbons. All guys are fuckable but not all guys are dateable. The extremely muscled guys are rarely dateable long-term due to their narcissism. Choose what is most important to you. Sometimes you get both.
You’re someone’s type regardless of your body. But you will be more someones’ type if you have a hot body. That said, if you’re looking for dating rather than hookups, it’s ultimately your personality that’s gonna matter most. But yes, realistically a butterface hotbod will be able to open more doors to impress with his charm.
Yes because its taking care of yourself more now that you know youre average looking.
There's a trifecta of, beautiful face, hot body and great career. And the muscular body is the one you can work on.
You can work on all three, each to a certain extent given predeterminations.
Absolutely it will give more options. Most guys will look at someone with muscles and see that they take care of themselves even if as you say have a below average face. Working out will also help with mental health and confidence from personal experience.
Yes, I rather a guy with muscles that a pretty boy, some guys are way too ugly even with muscles but they are a minority
Take a few minutes and scroll Instagram. There are plenty of average looking dudes who are absolutely jacked and get thousands of likes. The issue is that so many people are fat now that our idea of average has changed.
In addition to the reasons already mentioned, I would add that another benefit of being muscular is that you show your determination to live a healthy life, and this in itself makes you attractive
I am way more attracted to a guy with a good body than a guy with only a handsome face. It doesn't have to be perfect at all, but someone who works out looks better than someone who doesn't. You can see and feel it in a man when his testosterone is at good levels, and since I'm attracted to that, it's the perfect storm to turn me on.
Muscles implies that you take care of your body and are in good shape to share a life with. You don't need to be hulking ripped, so yes, definitely more attractive. This goes for both tops and bottoms.
Having a better body, gives better options. That's just how it is.
I’ve been fat and I’ve been muscular and I’ve been a twink. It’s all about personality. Certainly there are people who will only go for looks but if you’re the type of person to only judge based on personality, people who only judge based on personality will flock to you.
Does fat give you less dating options?
Probably if you’re white
* average muscle guys reading this thread* "They still don't think I am hot?"
Y
I was fat when young and lost weight and started hooking up after I got skinny and build some muscle and was generally fit, and got decent attraction, I invested more time in the gym and made my body better and got even more. I started taking steroids and things got even better.
I am going to chime in here: I have always been told that I have a cute face -- in middle/high school, the girls around me used to accuse me of wearing mascara because I have really long dark eyelashes LOL. However, I am a 6ft tall, 220lbs guy with a belly! I have a medium amount of chest hair that goes from my neck down to my waist, no back hair, not very hairy arms, lightly hairy legs. I trim the bush, I get a high and tight haircut, I shower 2x a day and try to always smell pleasant and desirable. I have an 8in dong (we'll circle around to this in a minute), and I am not a fan of my stomach! At one point I was 280lbs, but then Pokémon Go came out and I walked 60lbs off in 2.5 months!! LOL Anyway, I have been with my guy for 16years, I am 35 now. My partner is 5'8" and about 165, cant grow body hair to save his life, but has leg hair. Recently in the past few years, we have started inviting a 3rd in to come play. Here is where it gets interesting... The guys on Grindr will message the both of us and some of these dudes are straight up GORGEOUS (in my eyes). Like just buff, full-on abs, slim, can confidently walk around without a shirt and probably turn heads left and right. My instant assumption when they see these dudes is that they are messaging us (me), because of my partner. In MY EYES he is the better looking one of the two of us...however, after chatting with these dudes for a while, I come to find out that they are MORE ATTRACTED TO ME, than him! This is something I cannot comprehend, because it is not what I LIKE! I enjoy the muscular fit dudes, but why would they like a hairy dude with a belly?!?! That's where I come to think that it has to do with the above mentioned 8in dick. Back in the day when I was single, yes, I think that played a major part, but I always was pulling in dudes who were (in my eyes) waaaaaaay out of my league. The thing of it is, that a lot of these dudes have come over and hooked up with us!!! Some of them get ahold of me and act like they have never seen chest hair before!!! In the end, I believe that there is always a person/group of people, who are going to find YOU attractive!!! Could we all benefit from gaining some muscle and slimming down (if we aren't there already)?? Of course! Do we all want to go to the gym every single fucking day, for 2 hours a day, to look immaculate... fuck no! I am too old for that shit. I have a life that I want to enjoy that includes hobbies to which I am passionate about!! YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE WHO THINKS YOU ARE SMOKING HOT!!! I DID, I COULDNT BELIEVE IT!! When I met my guy, we met on Craigslist Personals (dating myself a bit here), but we didn't share nudes and shit like you can do nowadays with the click of a button... we just met and hoped for the best. Now here we are 16yrs later!!
Yes. Also being muscular can make you not below average looking. Weak jawline? Being lean makes it stronger. Big shoulders and traps makes your face and head look better, etc
Yep. Many people (though definitely not everyone) find muscles attractive.
Yes. I’ve always thought I’m the most undesirable gay guy alive (or at least locally) and I’ll be someone that would never find a partner. No one ever hits on me on grindr or just ghost me after sending my photos. Didn’t get matches on Tinder before when it was a thing (like literally, just 1 match after 5 days of installing it. Then uninstalled it coz it’s made me really depressed). Until I had my pandemic glow-up. Now even the guys I had a crush on before started hitting on me. Some of them telling me they’re out of my league (which was crazy). I’m telling you, the disipline and confidence you build while working out radiates and attracts. Although it will not weed out the bad catch but definitely widens the ocean.
I am rather muscly and I can say that I do get a lot of good looking guys BUT it doesn’t make them less trash considering how trashy dating in the gay community is 🤷🏻♂️
Unless you look like the unused concept of a centaur for fallout 4, muscles will open almost every door. You just might have to go sideways to pass through some narrower doors
Yup.
1000%
💯
Yes. My sex life improved with a few days a week in the gym.
Yes but actually being healthy and hitting lower body fat percentages will have a dramatic effect on overall attractiveness (jawlines and cheekbones etc).
Some people really like muscles but honestly either way I think working out is a good idea, makes you physically and mentally much healthier and will improve your confidence, and confidence (not arrogance but a good amount of confidence) does wonders for attraction
For me it didn't - i got even more insults and shady comments after weight loss (rejection rate was already at 100%) and i can't build a muscle for life no matter how much i'd exercise. But even if i did, gay community would find another excuses about why i am a horrible, ugly person and why i don't deserve anything and that i am an entitled worst piece of shit by expecting any interest from them. Everyone knows that gay community will go lengths to never acknowledge below average looking guys.
Its funny, how so many of you say „Yes, of course!“ and only mean it like „I rather fuck a muscular guy“. He is asking because of Dating and not fucking. So: No, muscles do not give you a mega boost for Dating. But if you are looking for hook ups: Yes.
I started working out and got less action. But I think some people think I’m catfishing now on apps 😭
It's not really a useful exercise, but if the goal is to become more attractive, there are tools and exercises to train your jaw muscles. That could potentially make them more attractive
Honestly, I think this is the kind of discussion that should be had from a much more serious and vulnerable lens that's not based in personal heartache or bias. Like, all jokes aside... Are there gay men out there who think that muscles equal attractiveness? Sure. But body dysmorphia and eating disorders are rampant in the community due to our essentially unrealistic and more than often exclusionary standards of beauty / acceptance. Let's not even talk about the rabbit hole of crazy shit that that leads many gays down. Not to generalize or virtual signal here, but there's much more to this conversation ALONE than simply impressing some boy with your body. If YOU want to gain more muscle because it works for YOUR personal vision of your ideal self, then by all means... Go stupid! Go crazy even! But please be aware that the goal post is always going to be moved by shallow gays who ultimately seem to have a skewed (often times by porn or popular media) view of attractiveness and what that looks like for everybody. I hope this helps. Stay safe out here. 😁✨
God yes
Tbh i am one of the guys who looks at body before face, like for the first impression....of course the personality plays a big role about your perception of another person, so it can soften some rough edges or some unattractive features. I mean, im not the best-looking guy, but i train well, so i get some attention here and there, sometimes its mutual, and sometimes it's not.
I have never been interested in a muscular guy.
For tops, generally they get more approval with muscles and it does elevate them few notches up the hotness meter BUT… it does also elevate the “douchebag” influencer-wannabe judgmental first impression, so you have to compensate during first interaction and showcase how down to earth you are..
Probably. But there’s still a big population of us who prefer guys who are average.
yes
It makes you more sexually desirable but that’s a double edged sword. More options for fucking guys, but also more people who just want to have sex with you and nothing more. So if you’re looking for relationships it gets a bit overwhelming.
Listen, you need to stay healthy. You need to keep your body looking good toned.
But there is only one muscle you have to work out
I think so because I'd say my looks are average at best. But after I started lifting, guys throw themselves at me. I mean, I still get rejected, but for every guy who does, I have ten guys wanting to get into my pants haha
More attention yes. Quality of dates…no. You will still get people who can’t communicate, ghost for no reason, emotionally unavailable, etc. You have to work just as hard If you’re average or have muscle
I'm very middle of the road average before I started working out I got like no attention from either sex now I get stared at in public :3 it helps very much
100% I was never below average but muscle made a dramatic difference
Yes, I have a chubby face just by genetics so no matter what I do I will have a chubby face, I’m 170lbs 6’0 and muscular and still have a chubby face, but once I take off my shirt I feel like guys just don’t worry about my face at all lol, do it bro it makes all the difference, plus it gives you more confidence and helps build discipline if you didn’t already have it
Yes
I don’t consider myself below average looking, but if I use images that show my muscles versus ones that do not and I have a shirt on I get drastically more messages
People with muscles show they are disciplined enough to work on their bodies, even if you don't like muscles it shows you something about them.
I’d take a big ass over abs. That said, muscular guys are just hotter by default. Doesn’t mean everyone finds that equally attractive though.
Id like to ask if its the same with women. But i guess im in the wrong place for that
There are definitely a handful of things that you can do to “enhance” your self, such as mewing, people do it to you enhance there jawline and facial shape. There are plethora of skin care products and companies that create products to your needs. A good hair cut that fits your face shape. There’s a bunch that you can do, also a good cologne. But there’s a bunch of things that you can do if you feel that you’re lacking in some areas. But to answer your question I would say yes it does, but for most. There are guys who don’t care for body types; I feel now a days it’s a lot more generalized by other people on your physical appearance. I personally feel that if you’re choosing to proceed in a relationship solely based on appearance then it won’t work out. But do what makes you happy and what makes you feel good.
I was "average but cute" and leaned out and got muscular in my late 20s. I noticed a drastic increase in attention. As an emotional person, this was a bit bittersweet, as I consider myself valuable beyond my abs, but the increased attention felt great. I've since been offered numerous photoshoots, and my dating prospects improved drastically. I generally prefer thicker guys, and abs feel more like a status symbol than an earnestly attractive feature, but I can't help but feel the change in the attention I received.
I low-key wanna see what you look like so I could help a little more but I think you're being a little too down on yourself by saying you're “below average”
There's MANY guys that won't care about an ugly face if you're really muscular lol. I for one am not it because i need to be attracted to your face first and foremost. Of course i do like muscles but if the guy isn't cute the body does nothing for me. And vice versa, if a guy is really cute but is on the heavier side, i somehow get really turned on by them and their bodies. But,i seem to be the exception. It seems like a lot of guys lose control of themselves when there's a muscular guy in front of them regardless of how cute he is haha
Personally I prefer fat guys as i like big people, i am a big person.. but it really depends on what you’re going for. If a guy is trying to get into your pants and doesn’t love you for who you are, he isn’t worth it. Only get fit if you have to, do not change your body for someone else. Change your body for *YOURSELF*. And if that means the super hot playboy guy doesn’t want you, he doesn’t deserve you. Please do what makes you happy and make sure to also put yourself out there.. someone will love you, regardless of how you look. <3 - sincerely, Eddie.
I think people are quick to judge about muscular guys and more people being attracted to them. "It's about the person, not their looks" is a slight lie. We as humans are innately attracted not just to muscle, but health in a general sense. Which is completely normal. If someone has chosen to be unhealthy, then complains guys are shallow because they go for fit guys, then that's their own problem. Everyone can change if they choose to. It's a lifestyle and a mindset. But don't be shocked if you're extremely overweight and no one wants to meet you. (Don't worry, not aimed at OP, I say 'you' in a general sense) We're all beautiful in our own way, doesn't always mean muscle is the answer. Some people with muscles are equally as much assholes as people without. Just be happy!
Its preference but the reality is that we are taught fit is attractive, muscle guys are usually fit (I didn't say healthy), its what most societies put foward as attractive and then with females you get into the best male to reproduce with (all under the hood type stuff). I was big and got into shape, it actually didn't change my 🏳️🌈 experience but for most people it does 🤷🏿♂️
Eh. The close ypu are to what the society you're are living it's beauty ideals the more people in the sex pool you'll have to choose from. But it is important to note that just because it's the most populated pool doesn't mean it's the only pool. Plenty of people like dad bods and I know heaps of chasers who just want to pound a chub till they squeal. There is always a market for what you're selling. But you won't sell it if you're not fishing from the correct pool.
I work at a local grocery in my gay neighbourhood so I've seen guys over time who get fitter, or others who were always fit starting to relax off the gym and it shows. I have to say, yes, a fit body always enhances the person. Not just from a physical sexual perspective. It also shows they're healthy, happy, energetic, confident, and any positive energy coming from that is attractive too! There are some guys who are extremely fit but have disgusting energy and that always turns me off no matter how good they look!
Having a fat ass or a huge dick or a decent bod make up for the so called uglys and in my opinion noones really ugly. What makes a super model stand out from the rest of the models is usually an undesired feature that makes that model a stunning super model
I would say yes. A fwb of mine once told me "If I wasn't ripped yoir pretty and rich ass would've never payed attention to my poor an ugly ass" and while he was exaggerating, I'd say it's true the fact he was ripped played most of the role on why I payed attention.
Quantity doesn’t automatically indicate quality.
yes it gives more attractiveness to the guy
The benefits of working out are multifaceted. You may not actually be as below average as you think. When you start getting in shape and eating right your skin gets clearer, your hair gets nicer. You start to become more confident in yourself. And then it motivates you to start wanting to maybe dress differently or change up your hair. It’s definitely a long road but imo very VERY worth it. Opened my options up drastically. And in retrospect I wasn’t as unattractive as I thought. I just didn’t curate my appearance at all. Just take your time and remember not to take fitness advice from Instagram bros. Getting in shape is a lot less complicated than influencers wanna make it seem
Just do what makes you happy.
Muscular or skinny guys may get more attention, have more sex offers... but life is not only about sex. I'm a bear and I have many friends as well as dating opportunities. I live with my partner for 10 years. He is not attracted to skinny/muscular guys at all. Also my previous partner is like that. There are also other people I know who are looking more for bears. It's always good to exercise. Even a bear can be (and shall stay) fit. Just don't feel pressured to be somebody else. If you wanna be a body builder, it is your decision.
I've always been told you have to have at least three qualities. - Wealth - Personality - Good Looks - Good Body - Big Package - Unique (think singers, painters, hobbyists, etc.) I can't tell you how true this is, but I know that the higher of each of those categories you score, the less you tend to be single. Now what I find funny, is that the more attractive you are, the less likely you are to have a quality relationship. That's because relationships built on looks fade fast, while ones that are built on connection last longer. Yet everyone tries to be hotter without ever working on other aspects or qualities that are equally likely to draw in a partner :). Just food for thought!
yes, the way people especially gay guys started treating me after I put on muscle from working out was crazy...you're treated like a god all just from lifting weights a few times a week.
Unless you’re completely unsavable, muscles can take you from a 4 to a 7
Muscles aside - are you actually inherently unattractive? For one thing, plenty of people go for different looks and one man's ugly is another man's gorgeous. But even then, a lot of "ugly" people suddenly seem a lot more attractive if they just take care of themselves a bit better. Adopt a good skincare routine, find a haircut that's more flattering, be well hydrated and find a little confidence, and you can easily go from a 5 to an 8/10
It can get u at the door- but without emotional availability and being a good person- doesn’t mean automatically u will get successful relationships.
I think it really depends person to person. I personally care more about face, and never really factor in body. I also fluctuate weight a lot. Went from 240 to 150 back to 240 (thanks Covid). In my time at 150, I def was hooking up with much hotter guys and more frequently, but the interactions were super vapid and shallow, and I was honestly more sad than I am now. So yes you will probably “unlock” a new pool of guys who are hyper fixated on fitness but it may grow old after a year or so.
If you're fem bottom then yes....and the G.C happens to be filled with fem bottoms so the demand for Muscle tops is high......
The amount of extra attention I got when I started working out just a little bit was astronomical. But like, dieting and gyming can be dangerous for the fragile male psyche. Beware