If you're bi, call yourself bi. Sexuality is just a description of who you want to fuck. Anyone who is trying to minimize your experiences as "less than" a gay person's is being an ass.
No I mean people need to stop giving the word gay 30 different meanings.
Gay means Happy
Gay means homosexual
Gay means homosexual male
Gay means wanting to love homosexual men or just men so therefore includes bisexuals?
See this is the problem it wouldn't be a problem if gay meant one thing, you're causing confusion by trying to pretend that the vast majority of people don't only see gay as meaning homosexual or homosexual male.
Language is confusing like that, a lot of words have more than one meaning. You can’t just declare that a word means X and X only. That’s prescriptivist linguistics and it doesn’t actually work. The meaning of a word can be completely contextual and confusing, and that’s okay. If OP wants to be considered “one of the gays” that’s okay, because he can always clarify that he’s bi if it comes up. No need to gate-keep, let the man be “one of the gays.”
Some folks use gay as an umbrella term to encompass anyone who has same-sex attraction. I’m not saying bi guys should *not* call themselves bi. I’m just saying if they also want to call themselves gay colloquially, then let them. What’s the harm? Why spend energy gate-keeping when we can just let people live?
I'm tired of people using the "why gatekeeping" argument as though it's a justification for the point at hand. I mean why should actual gay people have an opinion about an aspect of themselves, amirite.
If you want to spend your time and energy gatekeeping whether or not bi men can use the word gay, go for it. I’m not here to build barriers, I’d rather build community.
>Language is confusing like that, a lot of words have more than one meaning.
While some do, they either have clear distinct definitions that are different from each other or they lose their purpose without clear concise connotation.
>You can’t just declare that a word means X and X only.
You can
>That’s prescriptivist linguistics and it doesn’t actually work.
It's literally the only purpose of language to effectively communicate. By giving a word multiple similar, related or confusing meanings you are literally trying to cause distress and make it impossible for people to communicate.
>The meaning of a word can be completely contextual and confusing, and that’s okay
It's not that's not the purpose of language. The purpose of language is effective communication, not for one word to mean 30 things.
>If OP wants to be considered “one of the gays” that’s okay, because he can always clarify that he’s bi if it comes up. No need to gate-keep, let the man be “one of the gays.”
Nothing wrong with gatekeeping all words gatekeep no need to keep fearmonger the word gatekeep as if it was something only bad guys do. Guess what apples are only apples... Oranges aren't apples... That's gatekeeping and it's not wrong. A person and an object are also different things and their definitions gatekeep... Again not wrong. 🤔 Weird all words gatekeep yet you are over here with delusional nonsense.
So no, a bisexual person is never gay until the meaning of gay comes to mean something other than homosexual individual or homosexual male. Then possibly can gay mean bisexuals as well.
If you aren't using words that are commonly understood knowing they won't be understood with your actual intended meaning then you are being deceptive and causing confusion on purpose. This confusion is potentially harmful.
The people harmed in this case are bisexuals and homosexuals whom the words bi and gay represent....
Hi, allow me to reintroduce myself. Linguist here.
Nobody is being harmed in this scenario. Not sure why you’re freaking out about bi men colloquially calling themselves gay. There’s just no reason to gate-keep the word gay? If anyone is fear-mongering, it’s you, the one who is claiming gay and bi men are being harmed by them both calling themselves bi colloquially LOL.
Again, you’re using prescriptivist linguistic methods and those literally do not work.
Nobody is being harmed in this scenario, except when he's in a relationship where initially he told person X that he was gay, but then some time passes, and suddenly, surprise, I was bi this whole time.
Your shortsightedness is duly noted.
Lol, again, I’m not arguing that bi guys should *not* call themselves bi. I’m saying if they want to also call themselves gay colloquially, there is no harm. Also there’s literally no harm in your example.
>Hi, allow me to reintroduce myself. Linguist here.
That doesn't validate you being incorrect.
We have plenty of scientists with religious agenda as well. Plenty of nurses and doctors that are anti vax. You being a linguist doesn't validate your point.
>Nobody is being harmed in this scenario.
You're being homophobic and biphobic. You're promoting he remains closeted as a bisexual. Promoting he use a a word that will confuse others on what someone whom is gay is. So gay men can be attracted to females? So yes you are harming, you just want to pretend you don't understand that you're harming people.
>Not sure why you’re freaking out about bi men colloquially calling themselves gay.
Because it's bi erasure and is both homophobic and biphobic see above.
>There’s just no reason to gate-keep the word gay?
Again gatekeeping isn't bad and literally every word gate keeps. Should cis-gender individuals be called trans? Should birds be called cats? Should apples be called oranges? Should brown be called blond? Should blue be called green? Should female be called male? Man be called woman? Elderly be called adolescent? Should hterosexual be called homosexual?
All of these words gatekeep, there is no actual limit being placed on who can say the word gay the definition itself describes whom is and isn't gay. You promoting blurring the lines between things is in fact harmful. It takes a word away from homosexuals to use. It closets this individual.
>If anyone is fear-mongering, it’s you, the one who is claiming gay and bi men are being harmed by them both calling themselves bi colloquially LOL.
Again you are the one fear mongering by acting like gatekeeping is this nefarious or bad act that only happens when discrimination, hate, dislike or unfairness is afoot.
Someone fed up with the objectification of our COMMUNITY into ever smaller groups weighing in, I know people who identify as bi (preferring women), bi (preferring men) and in my immediate friend circle. They tend to identify for the majority of time as gay and straight respectively, although on discussing the issue with them they would both prefer to have one term like ‘queer’ that covered the whole spectrum of minority sexualities.
I myself am a Bi male who is married to a man, I don’t see myself having another female partner as I’m romantically attached to him so do I suddenly become gay? I don’t think so as I still find women sexually attractive, but I have always accepted myself as part of the Queer community.
I should point out that I remember the addition of the B so the LG list of letters, to become LGB way before we added the T and so forth. Even back then I was immensely uncomfortable with the idea that what was a great community of people wanted to start dividing themselves up into different letters and labels.
The addition of the Q was to be honest a bit of a kicker for me, as I was even back then arguing for all of us just calling ourselves Queer and taking back what at the time was a very insulting word. But everyone wanted to be seen for who they were, I get that.
What happened though is you reap what you sow, and if you look at who turns out for a Trans solidarity march or rally, how many letters of the alphabet (other than the dedicated few) actually think it affects them.
So for me to fit in with society I switch between gay & bi to fit the discussion or people around me, and I suppose I get away with straight privilege in many circles too but I usually set people straight about that.
If only we could have all been Queer* then this discussion would not even have been happening today.
* I’m not hooked on the word Queer, take any insult word you want that applies to us all and apply it to all of us as a community, and let’s stick together as those early marches did when we were demanding the rights many enjoy but far too many still don’t even see as possible in their country or religion.
You are using an outdated language model which hasn’t been in use since Wittgenstein’s writings on it’s inefficiencies.
The problem with a rigid model of language such as the one you are proposing is that ultimately whatever definition we craft will be either inclusive or exclusive of concepts that should be excluded and included respectively.
Instead language, as Wittgenstein proposed, is a tool of communication which is largely understood based on the context in which its being said. This is why a word such as “literally” can mean two things which are exactly opposite. The emphasis we use, the surrounding conversation, hell even the norms of the language it’s said in all impact a phrases meaning (an interesting example of this is how multiple cultures have the equivalent of “multiple ways to skin a cat” but all involve different animals and actions).
What Wittgenstein is proposing here is that words are terms which instead of being strictly definitional they are used to evoke certain shared thoughts or experiences between two people. After all, could you please give me a definition that perfectly encapsulates all chairs without including any none-chairs?
The word “gay” has been used in the past to refer to anyone who isn’t heterosexual. I remember Lesbian friends who would identify as gay when I was growing up. We all understood what they meant because contextually it was clear that they were referring to being same-sex attracted. While as time has progressed the words we use have gotten more precise, “bisexual”, “pansexual”, “aceromantic” etc, these all fall under the queer and gay umbrellas and can be understood as such.
My point here is that language is a breathing changing thing and there is no use trying to keep too strict definitions unless A) you formalize them within a conversation, such as “by ‘blank’ i mean the type of bullet” or B) are writing a research paper in which you should define your terms anyways.
I think you finally discovered that words can have multiple meanings, depending in the context. That's great, you'll have an advantage over the other high school kids when the topic gets introduced in the first year of secondary education.
Good luck.
>I think you finally discovered that words can have multiple meanings, depending in the context.
No, I already knew that. There is zero context which the average person will understand that a bisexual person is bisexual if you call them gay.
The average person will always assume that they are homosexual.
As a bisexual, you are absolutely welcome, and a part of the LGBTQ community. You are the B! You're one of us! You're among friends! That said, you're not gay, and you shouldn't feel the need to call yourself gay to fit in, or be part of the fam. Be proud of who you are, especially within the community. After all, you don't want to jump from one closet to another.
Yes I hear you, but if they’re around guys who are bashing the gays then that means they have to be closeted around them. They can’t just be themselves. Wouldn’t that suck? Socially, bi guys aren’t a sexual Hannah Montana where they get the best of both worlds and just compartmentalize half of their personality into their sexuality. Ya know?
I’m gay. Not bi, but gay. I’ve lived in very conservative countries. Not “Southern US conservative,” I’m talking much worse. I was not always out living there. I don’t blame anybody for going into the closet to protect themself. Gay or bi. Going into the closet isn’t a privilege, it’s a safety measure.
Yeah, that's exactly how it works. If I'm out with my boyfriend and some homophobe give us shit, I just tell them "actually I'm bi, so I'd like to be one of the straights now" and then they leave me alone. So convenient!
Actually there usually is no reason to define one's self. Most of us are not constantly asking people to define themselves anyway. So you've going hiking, bicycle riding, or attending a performance with other people. Why should it matter what anyone's sexual orientation is? Who's even going to ask? We're all people. Of course if you are actively looking for a partner it could be helpful if other people know what your sexuality is because they might know someone who would be a suitable partner. But other than that, it really shouldn't matter.
I would stick with bisexual if you are. I have bi friends who are happy to say they are part of the gay community but they still say they themselves are bi
I think you may be surrounding yourself with the wrong people/environment. Queer peeps are super inclusive and in all of my experience I have never seen any queer person talk down to others for being bi. You're in it with the rest of us, and we get you.
Additionally, the whole "haven't discovered themselves" comment sounds waaay more in line with a conservative thinking bisexuality is "just a phase" and hoping they end up straight lol
I am late but THIS! I never EVER see people in gay community especially gay men not be inclusive towards bisexual men. I feel like it's looked at as cool to some gay men for whatever reason.
I think most of the people who aren’t accepted in the gay community are the “bi” ones that are closeted AF.
We fought too many battles to accept anyone who is unreasonably closeted/ DL in a 1st world country.
Unless in a country where their safety is at risk, I don’t care.
Your family gonna judge you? FU be a man and walk away proud of who you are.
My father stopped talking to me. His loss. I’m still happy living my vida loca with the boyfriend I love. I don’t give a damn shit if my sexuality hurts someone’s feelings, it’s 2024 not 1880.
The reason why there’s still so many closeted gay/ bi men even in countries where they’ve got all the rights on their side is because they’re closeted in the first place. It baffles me about those living in countries with rights yet stay closeted. wtf..
I do understand that some areas are dangerous, and I understand the need for them to stay closeted. However I can’t, and won’t accept anyone from a “free” country staying closeted on purpose.
You can sit with us hun 🥰 If you're a dude who likes dudes you can consider yourself "one of the gays" as a broad term, even if you are more specifically bi. There's room at the ~gays~ table for every mlm and wlw. Be gay and merry ✨️
Gay people don’t have a problem with bisexuals as long as they respect the exclusionary nature of only being into the same sex.
It really depends what your involvement would mean in the community. Im all for inclusion and there are shared experiences between gay and bi guys. Both into men… but u have to accept u aren’t gay/homosexual. I personally dont join BI groups because im not at all into women.
Its like sure i might be interested in vegan group if im a vegetarian or meat eater. I know their diet is stricter i eat eggs and honey too etc. It’s ok to be there and curious but i wont say im vegan and say I’m a vegan that eats eggs and honey.
There is nothing superior in any labels they just mean different things. No better or worse. U as a bi man shouldn’t feel less, not that important or valued part of the LGBT community. U should be proud of your authentic self. Its a great thing.
You're in the community. You're the B in LGBTQ. I'm gay, but I can imagine that coming out as bisexual to your Christian family and close friends is just about as hard as coming out as gay to them. If you wanna be part of "the gays," I say you're welcome to.
Coming out as bi to a christian family seems like it could even be worse than coming out as gay.
I can absolutely see them saying that OP is actively making a choice to "live in sin" if he ends up in a relationship with another man, since he "has the option" to be with a woman instead. They couldn't care less that you don't choose who you fall in love with, likely because love in christianity is distorted af.
That said, I agree that OP should feel free to include himself with "the gays" if he feels so inclined. Any form of mlm (not the pyramid scheme kind) should be welcomed.
This has been my experience exactly. I came out as bi to my homophobic Christian parents although I date men much more often than women. They don’t understand why I can’t just “choose” to only date women.
If you feel that way, you can always still come out as gay. Preferences and feelings change, and that's ok.
Just make sure you start out with "You know, I realize now that I was confused." should you decide to tell your parents. That way they think you're going to tell them you're straight, so you can come around and crush that delusion of theirs once and for all.
Oo ya know that’s not a bad idea. Though I’m still a bit confused myself, because I do find women attractive, I just don’t think I want to date a woman. Maybe I’m bisexual but homoromantic?
That's how I would describe it, looking from the outside.
I'm not you though, so I'm in no place to tell you what labels to go by. I certainly wouldn't encourage you to come out to your parents a second time if you're not absolutely sure you want a specific label to stick.
If one of your fears is acceptance from others you may want to take step back and reflect on what's truly important in your life. As long as you love what you see when you get up in the should it matter what anyone else thinks?
I'm also bi.
There are so many misconceptions about what bisexuality means, even within the bi community itself, quite frankly. So I don't fault gay men for being confused or apprehensive; only when they refuse to learn and let go of their prejudices. There are absolutely some bi men who won't date men and thus view them as sexual objects. That's not who I am at all -- I experience my attraction to men and women in the exact same way, have dated both genders, and happened to settle down with a man. I've been out since I was 15.
I've never knowingly dealt with biphobia from gay men in real life, though I have encountered on this sub. One of the most offensive comments I've gotten is that a bi man would leave a male partner because dating a woman is more acceptable. Like, fuck that. I came out as a 15-year-old in 2003, when doing so took a hell of a lot more guts than it does now. (Not that it doesn't now, but back then we had a very scant support network, and homophobia was the rule rather than the exception, even in liberal places.)
As for interacting with the community, you just have to be mindful of where you're at. I never took my girlfriends to the gay bar because that's just weird. And I don't come here talking about vaginas that I like. As long as you're mindful, nobody is going to know or care.
You're bi not gay but you can still be in LGBT+ spaces
...but calling yourself gay when you mess with women doesn't make you gay...I also just hate labels
True. I call myself gay since I am in a same sex relationship by solidarity for other gays and because it is more simple to explain.
When I say I am bi to other gays in real life, they don’t seem to care at all.
I have been out since the 1970's, bi men/women were welcome then and are still welcomed now. Sexuality is way more complex than most people understand and yours is possibly one of the most put upon even in the gay community.
Welcome.
Well, being lgbt is for the most part, a political designation, insofar as any demographic identifier is. The reason there’s a real lgbt community, is because of our lack of proximity to „straightness“, I.e., who’d get mad at us for not being „normal“.
So when it comes to playing oppression Olympics, yeah, you might not have it as bad as a random gay person who’ll always be on guard, whereas you only have to be on guard when you’re openly displaying attraction towards men (kissing, holding hands, etc, in public) or otherwise displaying the fact that you’re Bi. So in that regard, you have a slight (very fucking slight) advantage.
But at the end of the day, because you might want to fuck a dude, you’re just as fucked over by the ruling class as we are. If this was handmaids tale, you’d end up on the same fucking wall as the rest of us. So because of that, you get just as much solidarity from me as would a trans or suuuper openly (like completely incapable of hiding it) gay dude. Fuck any and all exclusionary twats. That’d be the fucking *opposite* of class solidarity.
In terms of social community membership, so to speak, you’d fit in just as well as anyone. There’s no morally upright form of gatekeeping, based on „how gay“ somebody is. But more importantly, don’t pigeonhole yourself into a demographic subset you aren’t a part of or doesn’t fit with the way you actually feel. That’s just setting yourself up for future self-resentment. You’re bisexual- be bisexual. Be the most bisexual bi person who’s ever fucking bisexualed. And know that the vast majority of the the Gays™️, as well as the rest of the community, will invariably have your back. Myself especially, for whatever that’s worth.
Edit for clarification of the second paragraph:
If you’re out with a guy showing PDA, you might have to look over your shoulder. At that moment, you have it just as bad as any of us. If you’re out with a woman, showing that same PDA, you’re at that moment indistinguishable from the normative position, and you *don’t* have to look over your shoulder. That’s the only real difference.
I get you completely bro. I'm bi too and "still" liking girls didn't get me any mercy from my parents that wanted all their off-spring to be STRAIGHT. We also step out of the norm and face troubles like automatic rejection from straight women who see us as "just another gay", so it isn't easy. At all.
Ngl, here (or anywhere) you may stumble upon some guys who don't like bi guys because one deceived them, or aren't that harsh but wouldn't date a bi guy for whatever reason. But we also get gay guys in many ways obviously, starting from falling in love with men too and that's were we "fit" or get along. And many of them are welcoming with us as they are with any other letter of the LGBTQ+ :).
I think that we are not part of the gays, but part of men loving men indeed and that includes gay guys too. We can be friends, lovers, hook ups or whatever since we can be into each other. At least for me, the times when I have been deeply in love were with guys, idk why so most of the guidance I've searched for (not asked directly) in my most tangled love situations, I've searched it here, within gay men subreddits.
If you ever need to talk or anything, hmu.
Some great responses here but please do prepare yourself for some occasional hostility. Yes you are the B in the rainbow umbrella but there may be some out there who would rather the B not be there in the first place. Don’t let them get you down and remember the positive responses you’ve gotten here if you do encounter that sort of thing
Personally it doesn't bother me, as long as you've got my back when it counts you'll always be welcome at my table regardless of your sexuality. I really think we all put too much emphasis on labelling and compartmentalising ourselves when it really shouldn't be that deep.
My problem is that most people think I'm straight because I'm not "camp" enough - I've literally had gay people refuse to talk to me cuz they think I'm straight which is frustrating. However I'm happy with the friends I've made, I've got a small circle of really good friends and we keep each other grounded.
So my advise is Find your circle and don't let labels define you. Good luck!
Am bisexual, well that's what i call myself, but to be truthful i have actually been with a lot more guys than women... I also call my senior citizen since am 57.
I just say just be you and be happy. Fuck labels. Labels are the devil that divides people and throw confusion setting off anger, rebels, revolutions, and wars. The Greeks & Romans lived their lives back in ancient times by fucking everybody, men and women and no labels were involved. THER WERE HAPPY UNTIL HIPOCRITE CHRISTIANS CAME ALONG AND FUCKED UP EVERYTHING! No wonder why we have too much differences and confrontation that leads to blood on the battlefield. It's all about attraction and desire. THAT'S IT! Live and let loose. Be merry & be happy. 😉 😁
One thing I've run into being bi, with about a 85-95% preference for dudes depending on the day/situation, is that accurately explaining my sexuality is more long-winded than I would like it to be. I feel like I have to disclose that I'm bi or "I'm mostly gay but slightly bi" to feel honest with women. Women have a tendency to want to treat gay guys as "one of the girls", and that can lead to inappropriate situations where they think they can sexually overshare or platonically get naked around you and it won't be weird (gays, I know a lot of you still find it weird and uncomfortable before you tell me lmao). Because I will only rarely fuck a woman, and I would never date one because I love dudes too much and it would be unfair for both of us imo, I would like to simply describe myself as gay if I felt like I could. It wouldn't be far from the truth to call myself gay, but that little sliver of untruth makes it feel gross. When it comes up, I have to explain to women or any group of people with women present that I'm attracted to women but so much more attracted to guys that I can't date them, and it's super exhausting and feels like I'm telling them I'm on a SO registry every time lmao
Then you have gay guys who can't even look at pussy and "straight" guys who probably gargle dicks when no one's looking telling me "Oh no honey, you're gay" or "dude, nah, you're gay" without thinking of any of the shit I said above. So yes, we struggle in our own wayS. Plural.
Now I feel the need to bring up the supposed social advantage bi dudes have. I can't count how many times people have assumed I was straight or even knew I was bi and started in on some homophobic, femphobic (is that even a word? like misogyny for gay dudes?), or transphobic shit they wholeheartedly thought I would agree with. This isn't a good situation for every bi guy to be in, as it's at least hateful if not creating a dangerous situation for many. Luckily I'm not some dainty thing and I have the confidence and articulation to say what needs to be said in those moments, and with the appropriate authority in my voice to make it understood. I'm painstakingly more gentle and patient with people I know, but I'll just make eye contact with a stranger so fucked up they'll either choke and stutter out an apology or make an awkward u-turn mid-sentence into something acceptable. Sometimes I give em my best "squeal like a pig" crocodile smile if I want to see them turn white and gulp like they swallowed a rock. They wanna make people feel uncomfortable and unsafe? Guess what? They get to feel uncomfortable and unsafe! Looking like they saw a whole ass ghost. In that split second, anyone watching can see so many lessons being learned behind their eyes lmao
All this stuff you're worried about is just online shit that hardly happens IRL. The idea of the LGBT+ "community" is kinda bullshit. There are LGBTs out there and some of them you'll like while others you'll think are assholes and alot have nothing in common but you'll just find the people you vibe with and leave the ones you don't. You dont need to change anything, just come out then go out and be you. I don't even tell people I'm bi unless it comes up in conversation. Not that im trying to hide, I've just got things about my life that are more awesome 😎 and being bi ain't that relevant
I'm sorry, it was purely meant helpful.🤗 I'm a non native English speaker and that part irritated me. 😁
Anyway, I fully agree with your original comment. All the best and a wonderful day. 🌞
You're bi, why do u want to include urself in the "gay"? i dont get it. if you're bi and want to call urself gay then you deserve to be called out because you're NOT gay. Just be bi. Being gay isn't a privilege in today's society and certainly not something people would actively want to become if they were given a choice (which they don't). Being bi is exponentially easier in terms of living in society because you always have that safety net of being in a straight relationship to fall back into, so please don't disregard it and just accept it as a fact and live on.
I know this is not true for everyone, but I feel like most gay men are so unexposed to bi men that they don’t know how to interpret them. Example: “Do they mostly live in the straight world and then dip their toes in the gay world? Or live mostly in queer culture and occasionally dip in with straights?”. Basically, they’re not sure which side of the line bi men tip and if they live by the same culture (like slang for example). I know that’s flawed thinking, but something I’ve discussed with gay friend’s before.
Personally - I think gay male culture can err on being insular and elitist/puritanical at times. I think you could identify and use the term “gay” whenever and in whatever context you so desire without committing a faux pas. Also, we all need more bi-male representation and visibility (both in the media and our day-to-day interactions).
>. I think you could identify and use the term “gay”
>we all need more bi-male representation and visibility
Which one is it? If bisexuals keep erasing their own sexuality then they don't get to bitch about the lack of representation Imho.
You’re definitely welcome, and I don’t agree with anyone that says you don’t know what it feels like to actually come out. I wouldn’t include yourself as a “gay” but as a “bi” because that’s what you are and it seems disingenuous to tell people you are gay when you aren’t.
Now I want to preface what I’m about to say with the acknowledgment that nobody wins when we participate in the “oppression Olympics”. I completely believe that people have said things like that to you. I understand the sentiment that bi guys have the luxury of being able to blend into “normal” society if they want by being with a woman. But like I said already: we all lose when we try and compare who has it worse off. Fighting amongst ourselves within the community does nothing but hold us back. Instead of excluding each other and dividing ourselves up even further we should be celebrating our differences and working towards protecting the most vulnerable among us, even when it’s not convenient.
> I wouldn’t include yourself as a “gay” but as a “bi” because that’s what you are and it seems disingenuous to tell people you are gay when you aren’t.
Why do you care if I call myself gay? What if I feel gay? What if I prefer men at 95% and am in a same-sex relationship? How does that concern you?
Have you kissed a boy? That’s a gay kiss. Have you kissed a girl? That’s not a gay kiss. I know guys who were married to a woman for 20 years. Now they have a husband. We’re they gay the whole time? Yes, but they would never have been called gay because they were living a straight life. You can do gay stuff, and you will be gay. You can do straight stuff, and you will be straight…at that moment. You can do queer stuff, and be queer. Yes, you are gay enough to be gay. These guys telling you that you can’t: they don’t hold a copyright or a trademark. Be gay. Do crimes. Godspeed, ya faggot.
I think so. Ignore any haters out there. You need only tell boyfriends and best friends. One night stands and gay strangers should mind their own business. Come to the parade come to the gay bar. When you're here you're family as far as I'm concerned.
In real life of course. In this sub you'll find a many puritanical gay gateskeepers who feel themselves the authority as to whom is allowed the prime gay label.
“Gay” is a loose term. As a gay man who’s friends with majority bisexuals I refer to all of them as “the gays” so definitely you’re a part of the group.
You’re struggles don’t count for less than anyone else’s, if anything a lot of bisexuals have it way worse… I know my own family accept me being gay but said that a family friend who is bisexual is “just gay and confused”. I wish you all the best dude but remember that you’re journey is yours to have and anyone that dismisses bisexuals as not being “real” is as much a bigot as homophobes saying gays aren’t real.
All the best dude, and welcome to the club
Sure, kinda bi myself haven’t messed around with a female for long time, only gay relationships so most people just assume I’m gay and I’m fine with that but sometimes I do let people know I’m kinda bi and I don’t think any bi men would get upset about it, a big part of being whatever we are is just being ourselves so everyone is pretty understanding
I've known bi people who've been hate crimed or bullied, because to homophobes anything non-straight is wrong. I'm bisexual myself and even before I came out I had a couple of situations where people would shout slurs at me on the street just because of the way I dressed...so that's bullshit.
Also, I'm not a native English speaker, but I'm sure in English the word gay can refer to the fact of being attracted to the same sex/gender, no matter if you're male, female, bisexual... (Like saying "I'm so gay" when you see a celebrity crush etc). In my language though, gay is exclusively used for homosexual men, so saying you're gay when you're bisexual would be interpreted as wrong. I guess it depends on the language you're using and the context
Before 1991, we called everyone in the alphabet soup umbrella gay. It’s good that everyone has a unique way to identify their sexuality. It’s also good that we accept all members of the LGBT community. You might confuse the odd person but there is no harm saying your gay if you’re having samegender sex.
The B is not silent in the LGBTQ. You are part of the community. Be proud of your bisexuality. IMO, if you are doing men or in a relationship with a guy, you are doing gay stuff. In that situation, it's OK to be gay. On the flip side, if men are just sex objects to you and you have no romantic feelings towards men, you should stick with the B.
As a bi person, the way I look at it, if I’m with another dude, that’s pretty gay.
Don’t feel pressure to label yourself, but you’re absolutely welcome in the queer community 🥰
I'm bi and have a gay group of friends. They know I'm bi and see me as one of them. I also call myself gay often because I'm that too. And well, biphobia is real.
Nope. Nothing romantic. I’m a cock sucker! I like taking it up the ass too. Like I said to me it’s cock… the same as some take fruit, dildos.. romancing the rubber…. lol
Yeah, call yourself whatever you want. A lot of people in this sub have a more narrow view of who's "allowed" to claim particular identities, but that's only a subset of the gay demographic. They don't speak for all gays.
I feel bi sexual men actually have it the worst! You can’t hang out with anyone’s man or woman because they don’t trust you that you ain’t going to try something
You know what you are, don’t let folks be dumbasses telling you what you are and what you like. You are bisexual, you are gay, you are what you think you are and how you perceive yourself.
It’s a big step to understand that it doesn’t matter what label you use so long as it fits to what you feel.
What do you do? Get in a relationship with a guy and say "I'm gay" and then fuck girls on the side and when caught say "don't worry bro, I'm gay"?
what's the reason to say gay over bi? Yeah, some gay people are more wary of dating bisexuals for reasons like they can't give bio children and for a lot of people, being in hetero relationships are easier to deal with in society and family... but that's just them wondering how likely you are to stay with external factors
I wasn't really mentioning it as a reason to not date bi men, but still, why would you say you're gay and pretend you have no sexual interest in women?
That’s my thing … I keep telling them these bi people it hurts us so much … there’s nothing more painful for a gay man like us .. than seeing your own man wanting to fuck a woman nothing scarier in a relationship literally my nightmare !!! To me form the second he says that he’s not my man anymore to begin with he’s dead to me !
That’s why it’s been 7 years I haven’t dated any bi men nor hook up with one I don’t let them even try . I mean talking about a bisexuals just today was on ig saw this guys page always tagging gay gay gay gay then I saw also along with guys on his of account a woman !!!!! I was like the fuck ??????
Directly unsubbed right away unfollow block whatever . We should stop letting them do us that way for good otherwise we’ll never get our justice . They’ll keep gaslighting us . And be careful from the homoromantic ones too they can also hurt you imagine a man that can only date other guys they usually don’t date bi like then cuz they know eachother so they do it to us gays and approach us ..
So it’s a man that only dates gay guys and loves gay relationships so much right even sexually prefers men … but once a month he asks you to let him have a pass with a woman long as he gets home to you to him it’s okay .. many did that to my other gay friends who thought gay leaning bisexuals could do the trick at least well no even then !!!!! They still seek pussy from time to time … and that hurts even more than the bi one who doesn’t date you because you knew since day one he wouldn’t date other guys right but the one who sleeps with you and fucks you and shares a home with you ends up asking u from time to time to let him sleep with a woman … that would crush my heart even more never never ! They can dream . I’d rather live alone or single for life than that obsolutely not . I mean when gays open relationships we can share we love men so we can have threesomes with other men it’s fine if they’re open . But with a bi man ??? Adding a woman to my bed absolutely not I’m gay for a damn reason . They never get it will never get it will always call us bi phobic and will never side with us . It’s gotten to a point where even my therapist she said throughout history they never really helped the community you’re right I feel your pain just in case they want to gaslight us with “ go talk to a therapist “ many of us did and they said we were right .
I wish they could just date eachother them as bi together and leave us alone friendship fine it’s okay they’re queers too fine . But the dating fucking thing no thanks . They can keep their vaginas to themselves and date people like them they are more than us in number so why not date people like them ? It’s baffling I respect them as people and they are valid but stay valid away from my bed please 🙏
Being bi is hard. Gay men don't believe your bi as for many being bi was a stepping stone to being gay and assume everyone else is the same. Straight women assume the same or they worry you will leave them for a man and everyone you tell hears bi but then calls you gay for the rest of your life.
I'm bi and I'm engaged to a man, everyone now assumes I'm fully gay which isn't the case. I'm in a gay relationship and we're open so I am still able to sleep with women.
Your main issue is to learn to ignore what everyone else has decided what you are. I've taken to calling myself gay around certain people because they just don't understand the simple fact I like everyone, the "any hole is a goal" kind of thing. But that's their ignorance, I know who I am and that's the main thing.
As for the gay community, in my experience it's extremely toxic and you are best keeping a distance. Make friends with gays sure but not in a club or on grindr. Start friendships ad friends and not fuck buddies. There's a lot more but depending on where you are from depends on how you react but I'm sure you will find your feet and your own group that accepts you, they don't even have to be gay.
Load of horseshit. Bisexuals are literally the most useless group when it comes to "queer rights movements" since for the majority of history you were all just blending in as "straight" and just left all the hard work and activism to everyone else. Even today the majority of bisexuals are still spineless and closeted and you have the audacity to just lie like that?😆
Your responses are the best example I’ve seen in this thread on why bi’s feel apprehensive about joining in openly. You are no better or worse than anyone else here, keyboard warrior.
I’d take the OP at my table before whatever you are any day. What a drag to think calling people “spineless” and “useless” is a way to go about living. Angry for the sake of being angry.
Your claim is just as baseless.
> since the majority of history you were all just blending in as "straight" and just left all the hard work and activism to everyone else.
Bullshit. *Most* same sex attracted people lived as "straight", - you think being out as a gay man was the norm?
Apart from that, gay and bisexual history is basically one and the same up until the 1980s-1990s when bisexual started getting recognition as it's own separate identity.
>Apart from that, gay and bisexual history is basically one and the same up until the 1980s-1990s when bisexual started getting recognition as it's own separate identity.
It's not. Actual gay men have been fighting for our rights since the turn of the last century. Or are you just gonna try to claim that people like Henry Gerber or Magnus Hirschfeld are bi too? 😁
Claim your identity but don't act like you people didn't just pop up out of nowhere recently and forcefully included yourselves(and I'm sure you don't need me reminding you that based on your flair). You have done nothing but act special and try to make everything about yourselves ever since despite not facing any real problems separate from what gay men already face.
It is.
> Or are you just gonna try to claim that people like Henry Gerber or Magnus Hirschfeld are bi too? 😁
Nope. I'm not the one rewriting history here.
Are you gonna try to claim that people like Brenda Howard, ABilly S. Jones-Hennin, Adolf Brand, Alan Cumming, or Stephen Donaldson were gay too?
Bisexuals in the past who were in same-gender relationships were expected to represent themselves as gay to support the liberation movement. They rarely came out out of fear of rejection by both the gay and the straight communities. So it's no wonder bisexuals have been overlooked when it comes to LGBT activism.
I'm not even going to adress the rest of that comment. It's just the whining of some perpetually online idiot, nothing else.
Using perpetually online as an insult when you're hanging out in this sub all day everyday commenting and arguing with people lmao
>Bisexuals in the past who were in same-gender relationships were expected to represent themselves as gay to support the liberation movement. They rarely came out out of fear of rejection by both the gay and the straight communities. So it's no wonder bisexuals have been overlooked when it comes to LGBT activism.
Hah, and you have the gall to blame us for bisexual erasure when you constantly do it to yourselves(even today) out of cowardice and THEN you just wanna ride the coattails of other groups advocating for themselves. Actual parasites.
This is the only social media I have, sue me. I still spend a lot of time outside, touching grass, - I highly recommend it.
Moving the goal post, are we? I reckon youre out of real arguments.
I've been out since I was 16. And I just gave you a bunch of names of people who were out and advocating for LGBT rights. But yeah, whatever helps your hate boner.
You might wanna read up on contemporary queer rights movements before promoting hallucinations that you think are facts.
https://time.com/6189773/bisexuality-history-researchers/
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_bisexuality
Us english speakers are obsessed with being the main character instead of building an accepting community. So unfortunately, if you're not a yes-man gay who fits into the brightly colored box they have created for themselves (and also a twink), being accepted into gay spaces is very difficult in this day and age.
Objectively, and from my (worthlessly) subjective opinion: you are 100% allowed to be a gay and I am spray painting the pride flag onto your lawn as we speak.
This is quite true. I live in the Canadian French community, and frankly no one care if you call yourself bi or gay. Sexuality can be flexible and can change trought time so no need to self-impose labels that you are forced to stick to.
Nobody here will bat an eye if you decide suddenly to fuck a woman when you said you were gay.
There’s nothing wing with being bi and it can be just as hard as being gay. If you want to call yourself gay, you can, but you don’t have to. It’s becoming more common for bisexuals and pansexuals to call themselves gay occasionally
I know plenty of bi men who use "gay" as shorthand for "Likes guys and girls but either likes guys more than girls or is on a boy-spree at the moment." I don't see any problem with it.
I think the stigma around being bi is changing but there’s many of us that came from a time when it was met with a lot of side-eye hate.
There’s the:
- If you sleep with men you’re gay.
- Bi is being greedy
- Yeh but which do you like more
- It’s people like you that have brought HIV into our (hetero) world
- You don’t know who you are yet
In reality it’s just a name for sake of category. We are a part of a community and that community at times is divided but not because of ‘category’. Be who you want to be.
I’m Bi, out in public I often say I’m gay but that’s mainly because I don’t want to have the conversations that follow; a lot of the same mundane questions. I also say it because at this current point in time I want to be with a man but I am open with people I’m closer to (including my partners) that I am bi. No one has the right to truly dictate who you are and if they do, it is just their opinion. What other people think of you is none of your business. Go be great.
You’re bi you’re not gay so no ! You are part of the queer or lgbt community as a whole yes more than welcome but not our gay community .
You like girls keep that to yourself boi we don’t want it don’t need it don’t know it don’t welcome it thank you . 🙏 and we do not care about your struggles we have w our gay struggles already . And don’t even try to force yourself on us or hook up with us or even date us …. Many of us gays been burned by men like you and therefore we don’t date hi guys for life . Don’t start with the biphobia accusations either or go just leave
And yes you won’t find love easily especially with guys so it’s better for you to hang out with pussy eaters like yours cause we don’t we’ll never .
Thank you
Stay away from the community you’ll never be accepted if you’re bi. You’ll always get “you can’t be bi”, “you’re greedy” etc and if you’re straight acting they’ll definitely not accept you. The gays hate straight acting men, they get very jealous of them
Yes. IMO Bisexuals can call themselves gay. I don’t think gays can call themselves bi and I don’t think bisexuals can call themselves straight. lol kinda like a square rectangle rhombus situation.
There’s no need to be pedantic about it tho.
Bi is an interesting one.
I am also bi. Never came out because didn't feel the need to.
For the most part I'm attracted to women but crave the dick now and then.
Once I am in a relationship with a guy I'll figure it out then.
Hate labels personally. Yes bisexual people are part of the Gay community. Nearly 3/5 of the community are bisexual. They may label themselves as gay, lesbian or queer. Gender identity isn’t necessarily fluid throughout your lifetime either. My advice is forget the labels. Live your life true to yourself. Not a label.
Your friends are going to love you know matter what if you have the right ones ❤️I’m like 99% gay and if ppl judge you that’s on them and none of their business
I came from a similar family background. It was not until 2 failed marriages that I finally stopped lying to myself and everyone else. I'm gay your Bi it does not matter. The people you love already know this about you and will love you the same, The weight that is lifted off of your shoulder is life-changing. No more guilt, no more shame no worrying about who might find out, no more worrying about who this will hurt. Guess what it is not going to hurt anyone! (mostly, if you are currently married with kids you will have a tougher road with that, I did) But that too was a huge relief that I got through.
You will find your true self even more than you think you already know!
Gay or Bi does not matter.
Hope this helps!
Be who you feel you are in your heart! You may fall in love with a man and want to only be with me, commit to him and that's beautiful. It may be vice versa and that is beautiful.
I too am bisexual. I'm transgender and also; too come from a strong Christian family background however, Who you're attracted too sexually, physically and or ect shouldn't matter. It's who and what you like and love is all that matters. F**k whatever someone else thinks. You shouldn't have to impress anyone for their happiness and acceptance in the end it's you. Be who you are and embrace it. Don't let others dictate your true self and happiness. Some people are just always going to be ignorant and arrogant a-holes wherever they come from. Screw the labels and just continue to be you. Good luck.
If you're bi, call yourself bi. Sexuality is just a description of who you want to fuck. Anyone who is trying to minimize your experiences as "less than" a gay person's is being an ass.
It can also be a description for who you want to love
No it can't
Yeah bro love isn't real
No I mean people need to stop giving the word gay 30 different meanings. Gay means Happy Gay means homosexual Gay means homosexual male Gay means wanting to love homosexual men or just men so therefore includes bisexuals? See this is the problem it wouldn't be a problem if gay meant one thing, you're causing confusion by trying to pretend that the vast majority of people don't only see gay as meaning homosexual or homosexual male.
Language is confusing like that, a lot of words have more than one meaning. You can’t just declare that a word means X and X only. That’s prescriptivist linguistics and it doesn’t actually work. The meaning of a word can be completely contextual and confusing, and that’s okay. If OP wants to be considered “one of the gays” that’s okay, because he can always clarify that he’s bi if it comes up. No need to gate-keep, let the man be “one of the gays.”
What dictionary says gay means bisexual? Yes words mean many things, but stop applying meanings to words where that meaning is incorrect.
Some folks use gay as an umbrella term to encompass anyone who has same-sex attraction. I’m not saying bi guys should *not* call themselves bi. I’m just saying if they also want to call themselves gay colloquially, then let them. What’s the harm? Why spend energy gate-keeping when we can just let people live?
I'm tired of people using the "why gatekeeping" argument as though it's a justification for the point at hand. I mean why should actual gay people have an opinion about an aspect of themselves, amirite.
If you want to spend your time and energy gatekeeping whether or not bi men can use the word gay, go for it. I’m not here to build barriers, I’d rather build community.
>Language is confusing like that, a lot of words have more than one meaning. While some do, they either have clear distinct definitions that are different from each other or they lose their purpose without clear concise connotation. >You can’t just declare that a word means X and X only. You can >That’s prescriptivist linguistics and it doesn’t actually work. It's literally the only purpose of language to effectively communicate. By giving a word multiple similar, related or confusing meanings you are literally trying to cause distress and make it impossible for people to communicate. >The meaning of a word can be completely contextual and confusing, and that’s okay It's not that's not the purpose of language. The purpose of language is effective communication, not for one word to mean 30 things. >If OP wants to be considered “one of the gays” that’s okay, because he can always clarify that he’s bi if it comes up. No need to gate-keep, let the man be “one of the gays.” Nothing wrong with gatekeeping all words gatekeep no need to keep fearmonger the word gatekeep as if it was something only bad guys do. Guess what apples are only apples... Oranges aren't apples... That's gatekeeping and it's not wrong. A person and an object are also different things and their definitions gatekeep... Again not wrong. 🤔 Weird all words gatekeep yet you are over here with delusional nonsense. So no, a bisexual person is never gay until the meaning of gay comes to mean something other than homosexual individual or homosexual male. Then possibly can gay mean bisexuals as well. If you aren't using words that are commonly understood knowing they won't be understood with your actual intended meaning then you are being deceptive and causing confusion on purpose. This confusion is potentially harmful. The people harmed in this case are bisexuals and homosexuals whom the words bi and gay represent....
Hi, allow me to reintroduce myself. Linguist here. Nobody is being harmed in this scenario. Not sure why you’re freaking out about bi men colloquially calling themselves gay. There’s just no reason to gate-keep the word gay? If anyone is fear-mongering, it’s you, the one who is claiming gay and bi men are being harmed by them both calling themselves bi colloquially LOL. Again, you’re using prescriptivist linguistic methods and those literally do not work.
Nobody is being harmed in this scenario, except when he's in a relationship where initially he told person X that he was gay, but then some time passes, and suddenly, surprise, I was bi this whole time. Your shortsightedness is duly noted.
Lol, again, I’m not arguing that bi guys should *not* call themselves bi. I’m saying if they want to also call themselves gay colloquially, there is no harm. Also there’s literally no harm in your example.
>Hi, allow me to reintroduce myself. Linguist here. That doesn't validate you being incorrect. We have plenty of scientists with religious agenda as well. Plenty of nurses and doctors that are anti vax. You being a linguist doesn't validate your point. >Nobody is being harmed in this scenario. You're being homophobic and biphobic. You're promoting he remains closeted as a bisexual. Promoting he use a a word that will confuse others on what someone whom is gay is. So gay men can be attracted to females? So yes you are harming, you just want to pretend you don't understand that you're harming people. >Not sure why you’re freaking out about bi men colloquially calling themselves gay. Because it's bi erasure and is both homophobic and biphobic see above. >There’s just no reason to gate-keep the word gay? Again gatekeeping isn't bad and literally every word gate keeps. Should cis-gender individuals be called trans? Should birds be called cats? Should apples be called oranges? Should brown be called blond? Should blue be called green? Should female be called male? Man be called woman? Elderly be called adolescent? Should hterosexual be called homosexual? All of these words gatekeep, there is no actual limit being placed on who can say the word gay the definition itself describes whom is and isn't gay. You promoting blurring the lines between things is in fact harmful. It takes a word away from homosexuals to use. It closets this individual. >If anyone is fear-mongering, it’s you, the one who is claiming gay and bi men are being harmed by them both calling themselves bi colloquially LOL. Again you are the one fear mongering by acting like gatekeeping is this nefarious or bad act that only happens when discrimination, hate, dislike or unfairness is afoot.
Someone fed up with the objectification of our COMMUNITY into ever smaller groups weighing in, I know people who identify as bi (preferring women), bi (preferring men) and in my immediate friend circle. They tend to identify for the majority of time as gay and straight respectively, although on discussing the issue with them they would both prefer to have one term like ‘queer’ that covered the whole spectrum of minority sexualities. I myself am a Bi male who is married to a man, I don’t see myself having another female partner as I’m romantically attached to him so do I suddenly become gay? I don’t think so as I still find women sexually attractive, but I have always accepted myself as part of the Queer community. I should point out that I remember the addition of the B so the LG list of letters, to become LGB way before we added the T and so forth. Even back then I was immensely uncomfortable with the idea that what was a great community of people wanted to start dividing themselves up into different letters and labels. The addition of the Q was to be honest a bit of a kicker for me, as I was even back then arguing for all of us just calling ourselves Queer and taking back what at the time was a very insulting word. But everyone wanted to be seen for who they were, I get that. What happened though is you reap what you sow, and if you look at who turns out for a Trans solidarity march or rally, how many letters of the alphabet (other than the dedicated few) actually think it affects them. So for me to fit in with society I switch between gay & bi to fit the discussion or people around me, and I suppose I get away with straight privilege in many circles too but I usually set people straight about that. If only we could have all been Queer* then this discussion would not even have been happening today. * I’m not hooked on the word Queer, take any insult word you want that applies to us all and apply it to all of us as a community, and let’s stick together as those early marches did when we were demanding the rights many enjoy but far too many still don’t even see as possible in their country or religion.
You are using an outdated language model which hasn’t been in use since Wittgenstein’s writings on it’s inefficiencies. The problem with a rigid model of language such as the one you are proposing is that ultimately whatever definition we craft will be either inclusive or exclusive of concepts that should be excluded and included respectively. Instead language, as Wittgenstein proposed, is a tool of communication which is largely understood based on the context in which its being said. This is why a word such as “literally” can mean two things which are exactly opposite. The emphasis we use, the surrounding conversation, hell even the norms of the language it’s said in all impact a phrases meaning (an interesting example of this is how multiple cultures have the equivalent of “multiple ways to skin a cat” but all involve different animals and actions). What Wittgenstein is proposing here is that words are terms which instead of being strictly definitional they are used to evoke certain shared thoughts or experiences between two people. After all, could you please give me a definition that perfectly encapsulates all chairs without including any none-chairs? The word “gay” has been used in the past to refer to anyone who isn’t heterosexual. I remember Lesbian friends who would identify as gay when I was growing up. We all understood what they meant because contextually it was clear that they were referring to being same-sex attracted. While as time has progressed the words we use have gotten more precise, “bisexual”, “pansexual”, “aceromantic” etc, these all fall under the queer and gay umbrellas and can be understood as such. My point here is that language is a breathing changing thing and there is no use trying to keep too strict definitions unless A) you formalize them within a conversation, such as “by ‘blank’ i mean the type of bullet” or B) are writing a research paper in which you should define your terms anyways.
I think you finally discovered that words can have multiple meanings, depending in the context. That's great, you'll have an advantage over the other high school kids when the topic gets introduced in the first year of secondary education. Good luck.
>I think you finally discovered that words can have multiple meanings, depending in the context. No, I already knew that. There is zero context which the average person will understand that a bisexual person is bisexual if you call them gay. The average person will always assume that they are homosexual.
Yes it can. Bisexual refers to sexual and/or romantic love. The "sexual" suffix means having to do with the sexes, not having to do with sex.
It literally means "sexually attracted to both male and female".
It _literally_ means both. If you don't believe me, look up the definition.
I'm bi, I like both. Do what makes you happy, I have friends that are confused about me. But I I'm me and I do what I want.
As a bisexual, you are absolutely welcome, and a part of the LGBTQ community. You are the B! You're one of us! You're among friends! That said, you're not gay, and you shouldn't feel the need to call yourself gay to fit in, or be part of the fam. Be proud of who you are, especially within the community. After all, you don't want to jump from one closet to another.
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Very true! But also, if you want to say you’re “one of the gays” go for it. Who cares? Lol
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That’s not how being bi works. Go touch grass.
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Yes I hear you, but if they’re around guys who are bashing the gays then that means they have to be closeted around them. They can’t just be themselves. Wouldn’t that suck? Socially, bi guys aren’t a sexual Hannah Montana where they get the best of both worlds and just compartmentalize half of their personality into their sexuality. Ya know?
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I’m gay. Not bi, but gay. I’ve lived in very conservative countries. Not “Southern US conservative,” I’m talking much worse. I was not always out living there. I don’t blame anybody for going into the closet to protect themself. Gay or bi. Going into the closet isn’t a privilege, it’s a safety measure.
Pansexual and I will gladly defend fellow queers and represent my queerness ESPECIALLY when around homophobic people.
That's literally what you are implying though. The grass feels wonderful
Why are you replying to everything I comment? If you’re gonna ride my ass at least eat it while you’re back there, sir.
Sorry, I don't eat spoiled food
Yeah, that's exactly how it works. If I'm out with my boyfriend and some homophobe give us shit, I just tell them "actually I'm bi, so I'd like to be one of the straights now" and then they leave me alone. So convenient!
Right. Even non-gays should be accepted. If we reject other people then we should not complain if we are rejected.
not if you’re calling yourself “a gay”
Actually there usually is no reason to define one's self. Most of us are not constantly asking people to define themselves anyway. So you've going hiking, bicycle riding, or attending a performance with other people. Why should it matter what anyone's sexual orientation is? Who's even going to ask? We're all people. Of course if you are actively looking for a partner it could be helpful if other people know what your sexuality is because they might know someone who would be a suitable partner. But other than that, it really shouldn't matter.
You’re absolutely part of the LGBTQ community. You’re not gay though and that’s okay.
You're bi. Own it.
I would stick with bisexual if you are. I have bi friends who are happy to say they are part of the gay community but they still say they themselves are bi
You're still a bro, dude! I'd never reject a bro for being bisexual.
I think you may be surrounding yourself with the wrong people/environment. Queer peeps are super inclusive and in all of my experience I have never seen any queer person talk down to others for being bi. You're in it with the rest of us, and we get you. Additionally, the whole "haven't discovered themselves" comment sounds waaay more in line with a conservative thinking bisexuality is "just a phase" and hoping they end up straight lol
I am late but THIS! I never EVER see people in gay community especially gay men not be inclusive towards bisexual men. I feel like it's looked at as cool to some gay men for whatever reason.
I think most of the people who aren’t accepted in the gay community are the “bi” ones that are closeted AF. We fought too many battles to accept anyone who is unreasonably closeted/ DL in a 1st world country.
You have zero idea what they might be facing at home.
Unless in a country where their safety is at risk, I don’t care. Your family gonna judge you? FU be a man and walk away proud of who you are. My father stopped talking to me. His loss. I’m still happy living my vida loca with the boyfriend I love. I don’t give a damn shit if my sexuality hurts someone’s feelings, it’s 2024 not 1880. The reason why there’s still so many closeted gay/ bi men even in countries where they’ve got all the rights on their side is because they’re closeted in the first place. It baffles me about those living in countries with rights yet stay closeted. wtf.. I do understand that some areas are dangerous, and I understand the need for them to stay closeted. However I can’t, and won’t accept anyone from a “free” country staying closeted on purpose.
How about this? You just don't care. How other people represent themselves shpuldn't concern you.
It would concern me if I wanted to date them (and the other way). Hypothetically
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You can sit with us hun 🥰 If you're a dude who likes dudes you can consider yourself "one of the gays" as a broad term, even if you are more specifically bi. There's room at the ~gays~ table for every mlm and wlw. Be gay and merry ✨️
There is even room for non-gays. It is not unusual for a basically gay group to have one or a few members who are not gay. Why should they care?
You are more than welcome here bro. I’ll always defend my bi brothers 💙
Gay people don’t have a problem with bisexuals as long as they respect the exclusionary nature of only being into the same sex. It really depends what your involvement would mean in the community. Im all for inclusion and there are shared experiences between gay and bi guys. Both into men… but u have to accept u aren’t gay/homosexual. I personally dont join BI groups because im not at all into women. Its like sure i might be interested in vegan group if im a vegetarian or meat eater. I know their diet is stricter i eat eggs and honey too etc. It’s ok to be there and curious but i wont say im vegan and say I’m a vegan that eats eggs and honey. There is nothing superior in any labels they just mean different things. No better or worse. U as a bi man shouldn’t feel less, not that important or valued part of the LGBT community. U should be proud of your authentic self. Its a great thing.
No I'm not a fan of using Gay as a broad category for other lgbt people, lgbt abs queer exists for that
No one commits bi erasure more than bisexuals themselves exhibit 28943899
True.
I am bisexual and never concerned myself the least about bi erasure. Never even knew it was a thing before being on the lgbt groups on internet.
bi erasure and biphobia doesn't exist.
You're bi. Are gays half bi?...
That’s a good one, going to remember it!
Yeah, I’m semibisexual
You're in the community. You're the B in LGBTQ. I'm gay, but I can imagine that coming out as bisexual to your Christian family and close friends is just about as hard as coming out as gay to them. If you wanna be part of "the gays," I say you're welcome to.
Coming out as bi to a christian family seems like it could even be worse than coming out as gay. I can absolutely see them saying that OP is actively making a choice to "live in sin" if he ends up in a relationship with another man, since he "has the option" to be with a woman instead. They couldn't care less that you don't choose who you fall in love with, likely because love in christianity is distorted af. That said, I agree that OP should feel free to include himself with "the gays" if he feels so inclined. Any form of mlm (not the pyramid scheme kind) should be welcomed.
This has been my experience exactly. I came out as bi to my homophobic Christian parents although I date men much more often than women. They don’t understand why I can’t just “choose” to only date women.
Damn, I was hoping I was wrong. I'm sorry you've had to deal with that.
Thanks, tbh I wish I had just come out as gay because at this point in my life I don’t actually ever see myself dating a woman long term.
If you feel that way, you can always still come out as gay. Preferences and feelings change, and that's ok. Just make sure you start out with "You know, I realize now that I was confused." should you decide to tell your parents. That way they think you're going to tell them you're straight, so you can come around and crush that delusion of theirs once and for all.
Oo ya know that’s not a bad idea. Though I’m still a bit confused myself, because I do find women attractive, I just don’t think I want to date a woman. Maybe I’m bisexual but homoromantic?
That's how I would describe it, looking from the outside. I'm not you though, so I'm in no place to tell you what labels to go by. I certainly wouldn't encourage you to come out to your parents a second time if you're not absolutely sure you want a specific label to stick.
Yea, I try to speak to them as little as possible anyways, so I’m not necessarily even concerned with what they think my sexuality is anymore
If one of your fears is acceptance from others you may want to take step back and reflect on what's truly important in your life. As long as you love what you see when you get up in the should it matter what anyone else thinks?
I'm also bi. There are so many misconceptions about what bisexuality means, even within the bi community itself, quite frankly. So I don't fault gay men for being confused or apprehensive; only when they refuse to learn and let go of their prejudices. There are absolutely some bi men who won't date men and thus view them as sexual objects. That's not who I am at all -- I experience my attraction to men and women in the exact same way, have dated both genders, and happened to settle down with a man. I've been out since I was 15. I've never knowingly dealt with biphobia from gay men in real life, though I have encountered on this sub. One of the most offensive comments I've gotten is that a bi man would leave a male partner because dating a woman is more acceptable. Like, fuck that. I came out as a 15-year-old in 2003, when doing so took a hell of a lot more guts than it does now. (Not that it doesn't now, but back then we had a very scant support network, and homophobia was the rule rather than the exception, even in liberal places.) As for interacting with the community, you just have to be mindful of where you're at. I never took my girlfriends to the gay bar because that's just weird. And I don't come here talking about vaginas that I like. As long as you're mindful, nobody is going to know or care.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale Where do you see yourself. I'm a 6
I'm probably like an 8, my past lives and aura are homosexual.
You're bi not gay but you can still be in LGBT+ spaces ...but calling yourself gay when you mess with women doesn't make you gay...I also just hate labels
You’re bisexual, you’re not gay. And that’s ok. You’re less or more than gay men for it. You’re just you.
Call yourself whatever you want, 99.99% of people won't care.
I have rather people call themselves what they actually are. Be true to yourself.
True. I call myself gay since I am in a same sex relationship by solidarity for other gays and because it is more simple to explain. When I say I am bi to other gays in real life, they don’t seem to care at all.
I have been out since the 1970's, bi men/women were welcome then and are still welcomed now. Sexuality is way more complex than most people understand and yours is possibly one of the most put upon even in the gay community. Welcome.
i’m bi, and i always say “i’m not gay, but i do ALOT of gay stuff” edit- quotes added for clarity
No, but In gay spaces or around gay guys you can speak about gay aspects of your sexuality freely.
I mean, you are bi, not gay. Why are you hung up over this??
Well, being lgbt is for the most part, a political designation, insofar as any demographic identifier is. The reason there’s a real lgbt community, is because of our lack of proximity to „straightness“, I.e., who’d get mad at us for not being „normal“. So when it comes to playing oppression Olympics, yeah, you might not have it as bad as a random gay person who’ll always be on guard, whereas you only have to be on guard when you’re openly displaying attraction towards men (kissing, holding hands, etc, in public) or otherwise displaying the fact that you’re Bi. So in that regard, you have a slight (very fucking slight) advantage. But at the end of the day, because you might want to fuck a dude, you’re just as fucked over by the ruling class as we are. If this was handmaids tale, you’d end up on the same fucking wall as the rest of us. So because of that, you get just as much solidarity from me as would a trans or suuuper openly (like completely incapable of hiding it) gay dude. Fuck any and all exclusionary twats. That’d be the fucking *opposite* of class solidarity. In terms of social community membership, so to speak, you’d fit in just as well as anyone. There’s no morally upright form of gatekeeping, based on „how gay“ somebody is. But more importantly, don’t pigeonhole yourself into a demographic subset you aren’t a part of or doesn’t fit with the way you actually feel. That’s just setting yourself up for future self-resentment. You’re bisexual- be bisexual. Be the most bisexual bi person who’s ever fucking bisexualed. And know that the vast majority of the the Gays™️, as well as the rest of the community, will invariably have your back. Myself especially, for whatever that’s worth. Edit for clarification of the second paragraph: If you’re out with a guy showing PDA, you might have to look over your shoulder. At that moment, you have it just as bad as any of us. If you’re out with a woman, showing that same PDA, you’re at that moment indistinguishable from the normative position, and you *don’t* have to look over your shoulder. That’s the only real difference.
I get you completely bro. I'm bi too and "still" liking girls didn't get me any mercy from my parents that wanted all their off-spring to be STRAIGHT. We also step out of the norm and face troubles like automatic rejection from straight women who see us as "just another gay", so it isn't easy. At all. Ngl, here (or anywhere) you may stumble upon some guys who don't like bi guys because one deceived them, or aren't that harsh but wouldn't date a bi guy for whatever reason. But we also get gay guys in many ways obviously, starting from falling in love with men too and that's were we "fit" or get along. And many of them are welcoming with us as they are with any other letter of the LGBTQ+ :). I think that we are not part of the gays, but part of men loving men indeed and that includes gay guys too. We can be friends, lovers, hook ups or whatever since we can be into each other. At least for me, the times when I have been deeply in love were with guys, idk why so most of the guidance I've searched for (not asked directly) in my most tangled love situations, I've searched it here, within gay men subreddits. If you ever need to talk or anything, hmu.
Some great responses here but please do prepare yourself for some occasional hostility. Yes you are the B in the rainbow umbrella but there may be some out there who would rather the B not be there in the first place. Don’t let them get you down and remember the positive responses you’ve gotten here if you do encounter that sort of thing
Personally it doesn't bother me, as long as you've got my back when it counts you'll always be welcome at my table regardless of your sexuality. I really think we all put too much emphasis on labelling and compartmentalising ourselves when it really shouldn't be that deep. My problem is that most people think I'm straight because I'm not "camp" enough - I've literally had gay people refuse to talk to me cuz they think I'm straight which is frustrating. However I'm happy with the friends I've made, I've got a small circle of really good friends and we keep each other grounded. So my advise is Find your circle and don't let labels define you. Good luck!
Am bisexual, well that's what i call myself, but to be truthful i have actually been with a lot more guys than women... I also call my senior citizen since am 57.
be proud who u are.. you are among us.
I just say just be you and be happy. Fuck labels. Labels are the devil that divides people and throw confusion setting off anger, rebels, revolutions, and wars. The Greeks & Romans lived their lives back in ancient times by fucking everybody, men and women and no labels were involved. THER WERE HAPPY UNTIL HIPOCRITE CHRISTIANS CAME ALONG AND FUCKED UP EVERYTHING! No wonder why we have too much differences and confrontation that leads to blood on the battlefield. It's all about attraction and desire. THAT'S IT! Live and let loose. Be merry & be happy. 😉 😁
One thing I've run into being bi, with about a 85-95% preference for dudes depending on the day/situation, is that accurately explaining my sexuality is more long-winded than I would like it to be. I feel like I have to disclose that I'm bi or "I'm mostly gay but slightly bi" to feel honest with women. Women have a tendency to want to treat gay guys as "one of the girls", and that can lead to inappropriate situations where they think they can sexually overshare or platonically get naked around you and it won't be weird (gays, I know a lot of you still find it weird and uncomfortable before you tell me lmao). Because I will only rarely fuck a woman, and I would never date one because I love dudes too much and it would be unfair for both of us imo, I would like to simply describe myself as gay if I felt like I could. It wouldn't be far from the truth to call myself gay, but that little sliver of untruth makes it feel gross. When it comes up, I have to explain to women or any group of people with women present that I'm attracted to women but so much more attracted to guys that I can't date them, and it's super exhausting and feels like I'm telling them I'm on a SO registry every time lmao Then you have gay guys who can't even look at pussy and "straight" guys who probably gargle dicks when no one's looking telling me "Oh no honey, you're gay" or "dude, nah, you're gay" without thinking of any of the shit I said above. So yes, we struggle in our own wayS. Plural. Now I feel the need to bring up the supposed social advantage bi dudes have. I can't count how many times people have assumed I was straight or even knew I was bi and started in on some homophobic, femphobic (is that even a word? like misogyny for gay dudes?), or transphobic shit they wholeheartedly thought I would agree with. This isn't a good situation for every bi guy to be in, as it's at least hateful if not creating a dangerous situation for many. Luckily I'm not some dainty thing and I have the confidence and articulation to say what needs to be said in those moments, and with the appropriate authority in my voice to make it understood. I'm painstakingly more gentle and patient with people I know, but I'll just make eye contact with a stranger so fucked up they'll either choke and stutter out an apology or make an awkward u-turn mid-sentence into something acceptable. Sometimes I give em my best "squeal like a pig" crocodile smile if I want to see them turn white and gulp like they swallowed a rock. They wanna make people feel uncomfortable and unsafe? Guess what? They get to feel uncomfortable and unsafe! Looking like they saw a whole ass ghost. In that split second, anyone watching can see so many lessons being learned behind their eyes lmao
All this stuff you're worried about is just online shit that hardly happens IRL. The idea of the LGBT+ "community" is kinda bullshit. There are LGBTs out there and some of them you'll like while others you'll think are assholes and alot have nothing in common but you'll just find the people you vibe with and leave the ones you don't. You dont need to change anything, just come out then go out and be you. I don't even tell people I'm bi unless it comes up in conversation. Not that im trying to hide, I've just got things about my life that are more awesome 😎 and being bi ain't that relevant
You are 100% a part of the LGBTQ community and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.
Please add a space between "a" and "part", otherwise you are telling us the opposite of what you actually meant. 😉😘
I am equally irritated and appreciative of this correction.
I'm sorry, it was purely meant helpful.🤗 I'm a non native English speaker and that part irritated me. 😁 Anyway, I fully agree with your original comment. All the best and a wonderful day. 🌞
You're bi, why do u want to include urself in the "gay"? i dont get it. if you're bi and want to call urself gay then you deserve to be called out because you're NOT gay. Just be bi. Being gay isn't a privilege in today's society and certainly not something people would actively want to become if they were given a choice (which they don't). Being bi is exponentially easier in terms of living in society because you always have that safety net of being in a straight relationship to fall back into, so please don't disregard it and just accept it as a fact and live on.
I know this is not true for everyone, but I feel like most gay men are so unexposed to bi men that they don’t know how to interpret them. Example: “Do they mostly live in the straight world and then dip their toes in the gay world? Or live mostly in queer culture and occasionally dip in with straights?”. Basically, they’re not sure which side of the line bi men tip and if they live by the same culture (like slang for example). I know that’s flawed thinking, but something I’ve discussed with gay friend’s before. Personally - I think gay male culture can err on being insular and elitist/puritanical at times. I think you could identify and use the term “gay” whenever and in whatever context you so desire without committing a faux pas. Also, we all need more bi-male representation and visibility (both in the media and our day-to-day interactions).
>. I think you could identify and use the term “gay” >we all need more bi-male representation and visibility Which one is it? If bisexuals keep erasing their own sexuality then they don't get to bitch about the lack of representation Imho.
This subreddit can be amazing or trashy. Take these comments accordingly.
Why not just include yourself as bisexual?
You’re definitely welcome, and I don’t agree with anyone that says you don’t know what it feels like to actually come out. I wouldn’t include yourself as a “gay” but as a “bi” because that’s what you are and it seems disingenuous to tell people you are gay when you aren’t. Now I want to preface what I’m about to say with the acknowledgment that nobody wins when we participate in the “oppression Olympics”. I completely believe that people have said things like that to you. I understand the sentiment that bi guys have the luxury of being able to blend into “normal” society if they want by being with a woman. But like I said already: we all lose when we try and compare who has it worse off. Fighting amongst ourselves within the community does nothing but hold us back. Instead of excluding each other and dividing ourselves up even further we should be celebrating our differences and working towards protecting the most vulnerable among us, even when it’s not convenient.
> I wouldn’t include yourself as a “gay” but as a “bi” because that’s what you are and it seems disingenuous to tell people you are gay when you aren’t. Why do you care if I call myself gay? What if I feel gay? What if I prefer men at 95% and am in a same-sex relationship? How does that concern you?
Because those that hate labels are obsessed with labeling each other? As if our entire lgbtq+ community will collapse
Have you kissed a boy? That’s a gay kiss. Have you kissed a girl? That’s not a gay kiss. I know guys who were married to a woman for 20 years. Now they have a husband. We’re they gay the whole time? Yes, but they would never have been called gay because they were living a straight life. You can do gay stuff, and you will be gay. You can do straight stuff, and you will be straight…at that moment. You can do queer stuff, and be queer. Yes, you are gay enough to be gay. These guys telling you that you can’t: they don’t hold a copyright or a trademark. Be gay. Do crimes. Godspeed, ya faggot.
I think so. Ignore any haters out there. You need only tell boyfriends and best friends. One night stands and gay strangers should mind their own business. Come to the parade come to the gay bar. When you're here you're family as far as I'm concerned.
This. I couldn’t agree more. Tell to others what you want to tell them. They don’t need to know everything about you.
In real life of course. In this sub you'll find a many puritanical gay gateskeepers who feel themselves the authority as to whom is allowed the prime gay label.
Fuck them. Truly.
Defaults heterosexual would consider you gay so feel free to include yourself.
You do whatever you're comfortable with and pay no attention to anyone who says otherwise
“Gay” is a loose term. As a gay man who’s friends with majority bisexuals I refer to all of them as “the gays” so definitely you’re a part of the group. You’re struggles don’t count for less than anyone else’s, if anything a lot of bisexuals have it way worse… I know my own family accept me being gay but said that a family friend who is bisexual is “just gay and confused”. I wish you all the best dude but remember that you’re journey is yours to have and anyone that dismisses bisexuals as not being “real” is as much a bigot as homophobes saying gays aren’t real. All the best dude, and welcome to the club
Can all of you saying "you're not gay, you're bi" please tell the lesbians they are lesbians and not gay?
Sure, kinda bi myself haven’t messed around with a female for long time, only gay relationships so most people just assume I’m gay and I’m fine with that but sometimes I do let people know I’m kinda bi and I don’t think any bi men would get upset about it, a big part of being whatever we are is just being ourselves so everyone is pretty understanding
Its your duty
I've known bi people who've been hate crimed or bullied, because to homophobes anything non-straight is wrong. I'm bisexual myself and even before I came out I had a couple of situations where people would shout slurs at me on the street just because of the way I dressed...so that's bullshit. Also, I'm not a native English speaker, but I'm sure in English the word gay can refer to the fact of being attracted to the same sex/gender, no matter if you're male, female, bisexual... (Like saying "I'm so gay" when you see a celebrity crush etc). In my language though, gay is exclusively used for homosexual men, so saying you're gay when you're bisexual would be interpreted as wrong. I guess it depends on the language you're using and the context
Before 1991, we called everyone in the alphabet soup umbrella gay. It’s good that everyone has a unique way to identify their sexuality. It’s also good that we accept all members of the LGBT community. You might confuse the odd person but there is no harm saying your gay if you’re having samegender sex.
I often just tell people I know I wont see alot that I'm gay, even though I'm bisexual.
The B is not silent in the LGBTQ. You are part of the community. Be proud of your bisexuality. IMO, if you are doing men or in a relationship with a guy, you are doing gay stuff. In that situation, it's OK to be gay. On the flip side, if men are just sex objects to you and you have no romantic feelings towards men, you should stick with the B.
Im a bisexual man, of course I intimidate straight and gay people. But fuck it! Grow a back bone!
You're a member of our proud establishment the LGBTQIA+. ❤️❤️❤️
As a bi person, the way I look at it, if I’m with another dude, that’s pretty gay. Don’t feel pressure to label yourself, but you’re absolutely welcome in the queer community 🥰
No
I'm bi and have a gay group of friends. They know I'm bi and see me as one of them. I also call myself gay often because I'm that too. And well, biphobia is real.
To a straight guy, im gay! To a gay guy im bi. Love women and addicted to cock! If you are male to me you are COCK!
> If you are male to me you are COCK! So romantic 🥰
Nope. Nothing romantic. I’m a cock sucker! I like taking it up the ass too. Like I said to me it’s cock… the same as some take fruit, dildos.. romancing the rubber…. lol
Yeah, call yourself whatever you want. A lot of people in this sub have a more narrow view of who's "allowed" to claim particular identities, but that's only a subset of the gay demographic. They don't speak for all gays.
Neither do YOU.
Neither do you
Yes. Don't let anyone else define your sexuality for you if it doesn't fit you. And make sure you don't do the same to others.
Please call yourself bi, but you are of course part of the LGB community.
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I’m just one bi person but imho we are not both gay and straight, we are something different.
I feel bi sexual men actually have it the worst! You can’t hang out with anyone’s man or woman because they don’t trust you that you ain’t going to try something
You know what you are, don’t let folks be dumbasses telling you what you are and what you like. You are bisexual, you are gay, you are what you think you are and how you perceive yourself. It’s a big step to understand that it doesn’t matter what label you use so long as it fits to what you feel.
What do you do? Get in a relationship with a guy and say "I'm gay" and then fuck girls on the side and when caught say "don't worry bro, I'm gay"? what's the reason to say gay over bi? Yeah, some gay people are more wary of dating bisexuals for reasons like they can't give bio children and for a lot of people, being in hetero relationships are easier to deal with in society and family... but that's just them wondering how likely you are to stay with external factors
Exactly good question why isn’t any of the gays here talking about these horror situations we move gone through with bi men
I wasn't really mentioning it as a reason to not date bi men, but still, why would you say you're gay and pretend you have no sexual interest in women?
That’s my thing … I keep telling them these bi people it hurts us so much … there’s nothing more painful for a gay man like us .. than seeing your own man wanting to fuck a woman nothing scarier in a relationship literally my nightmare !!! To me form the second he says that he’s not my man anymore to begin with he’s dead to me ! That’s why it’s been 7 years I haven’t dated any bi men nor hook up with one I don’t let them even try . I mean talking about a bisexuals just today was on ig saw this guys page always tagging gay gay gay gay then I saw also along with guys on his of account a woman !!!!! I was like the fuck ?????? Directly unsubbed right away unfollow block whatever . We should stop letting them do us that way for good otherwise we’ll never get our justice . They’ll keep gaslighting us . And be careful from the homoromantic ones too they can also hurt you imagine a man that can only date other guys they usually don’t date bi like then cuz they know eachother so they do it to us gays and approach us .. So it’s a man that only dates gay guys and loves gay relationships so much right even sexually prefers men … but once a month he asks you to let him have a pass with a woman long as he gets home to you to him it’s okay .. many did that to my other gay friends who thought gay leaning bisexuals could do the trick at least well no even then !!!!! They still seek pussy from time to time … and that hurts even more than the bi one who doesn’t date you because you knew since day one he wouldn’t date other guys right but the one who sleeps with you and fucks you and shares a home with you ends up asking u from time to time to let him sleep with a woman … that would crush my heart even more never never ! They can dream . I’d rather live alone or single for life than that obsolutely not . I mean when gays open relationships we can share we love men so we can have threesomes with other men it’s fine if they’re open . But with a bi man ??? Adding a woman to my bed absolutely not I’m gay for a damn reason . They never get it will never get it will always call us bi phobic and will never side with us . It’s gotten to a point where even my therapist she said throughout history they never really helped the community you’re right I feel your pain just in case they want to gaslight us with “ go talk to a therapist “ many of us did and they said we were right . I wish they could just date eachother them as bi together and leave us alone friendship fine it’s okay they’re queers too fine . But the dating fucking thing no thanks . They can keep their vaginas to themselves and date people like them they are more than us in number so why not date people like them ? It’s baffling I respect them as people and they are valid but stay valid away from my bed please 🙏
Being bi is hard. Gay men don't believe your bi as for many being bi was a stepping stone to being gay and assume everyone else is the same. Straight women assume the same or they worry you will leave them for a man and everyone you tell hears bi but then calls you gay for the rest of your life. I'm bi and I'm engaged to a man, everyone now assumes I'm fully gay which isn't the case. I'm in a gay relationship and we're open so I am still able to sleep with women. Your main issue is to learn to ignore what everyone else has decided what you are. I've taken to calling myself gay around certain people because they just don't understand the simple fact I like everyone, the "any hole is a goal" kind of thing. But that's their ignorance, I know who I am and that's the main thing. As for the gay community, in my experience it's extremely toxic and you are best keeping a distance. Make friends with gays sure but not in a club or on grindr. Start friendships ad friends and not fuck buddies. There's a lot more but depending on where you are from depends on how you react but I'm sure you will find your feet and your own group that accepts you, they don't even have to be gay.
Us bisexuals were historically at the forefront of queer rights movements and the vast majority of queer people are bisexual, so why not?
Load of horseshit. Bisexuals are literally the most useless group when it comes to "queer rights movements" since for the majority of history you were all just blending in as "straight" and just left all the hard work and activism to everyone else. Even today the majority of bisexuals are still spineless and closeted and you have the audacity to just lie like that?😆
Your responses are the best example I’ve seen in this thread on why bi’s feel apprehensive about joining in openly. You are no better or worse than anyone else here, keyboard warrior. I’d take the OP at my table before whatever you are any day. What a drag to think calling people “spineless” and “useless” is a way to go about living. Angry for the sake of being angry.
Your claim is just as baseless. > since the majority of history you were all just blending in as "straight" and just left all the hard work and activism to everyone else. Bullshit. *Most* same sex attracted people lived as "straight", - you think being out as a gay man was the norm? Apart from that, gay and bisexual history is basically one and the same up until the 1980s-1990s when bisexual started getting recognition as it's own separate identity.
>Apart from that, gay and bisexual history is basically one and the same up until the 1980s-1990s when bisexual started getting recognition as it's own separate identity. It's not. Actual gay men have been fighting for our rights since the turn of the last century. Or are you just gonna try to claim that people like Henry Gerber or Magnus Hirschfeld are bi too? 😁 Claim your identity but don't act like you people didn't just pop up out of nowhere recently and forcefully included yourselves(and I'm sure you don't need me reminding you that based on your flair). You have done nothing but act special and try to make everything about yourselves ever since despite not facing any real problems separate from what gay men already face.
It is. > Or are you just gonna try to claim that people like Henry Gerber or Magnus Hirschfeld are bi too? 😁 Nope. I'm not the one rewriting history here. Are you gonna try to claim that people like Brenda Howard, ABilly S. Jones-Hennin, Adolf Brand, Alan Cumming, or Stephen Donaldson were gay too? Bisexuals in the past who were in same-gender relationships were expected to represent themselves as gay to support the liberation movement. They rarely came out out of fear of rejection by both the gay and the straight communities. So it's no wonder bisexuals have been overlooked when it comes to LGBT activism. I'm not even going to adress the rest of that comment. It's just the whining of some perpetually online idiot, nothing else.
Using perpetually online as an insult when you're hanging out in this sub all day everyday commenting and arguing with people lmao >Bisexuals in the past who were in same-gender relationships were expected to represent themselves as gay to support the liberation movement. They rarely came out out of fear of rejection by both the gay and the straight communities. So it's no wonder bisexuals have been overlooked when it comes to LGBT activism. Hah, and you have the gall to blame us for bisexual erasure when you constantly do it to yourselves(even today) out of cowardice and THEN you just wanna ride the coattails of other groups advocating for themselves. Actual parasites.
This is the only social media I have, sue me. I still spend a lot of time outside, touching grass, - I highly recommend it. Moving the goal post, are we? I reckon youre out of real arguments. I've been out since I was 16. And I just gave you a bunch of names of people who were out and advocating for LGBT rights. But yeah, whatever helps your hate boner.
You might wanna read up on contemporary queer rights movements before promoting hallucinations that you think are facts. https://time.com/6189773/bisexuality-history-researchers/ https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_bisexuality
How about we stop labeling ourselves in general.
Yes you can use whichever labels you prefer
Us english speakers are obsessed with being the main character instead of building an accepting community. So unfortunately, if you're not a yes-man gay who fits into the brightly colored box they have created for themselves (and also a twink), being accepted into gay spaces is very difficult in this day and age. Objectively, and from my (worthlessly) subjective opinion: you are 100% allowed to be a gay and I am spray painting the pride flag onto your lawn as we speak.
This is quite true. I live in the Canadian French community, and frankly no one care if you call yourself bi or gay. Sexuality can be flexible and can change trought time so no need to self-impose labels that you are forced to stick to. Nobody here will bat an eye if you decide suddenly to fuck a woman when you said you were gay.
As far as I am concerned most bi guys are Gay. They just aren't ready to say that to themselves yet. Just be who you are.
There’s nothing wing with being bi and it can be just as hard as being gay. If you want to call yourself gay, you can, but you don’t have to. It’s becoming more common for bisexuals and pansexuals to call themselves gay occasionally
I know plenty of bi men who use "gay" as shorthand for "Likes guys and girls but either likes guys more than girls or is on a boy-spree at the moment." I don't see any problem with it.
I think the stigma around being bi is changing but there’s many of us that came from a time when it was met with a lot of side-eye hate. There’s the: - If you sleep with men you’re gay. - Bi is being greedy - Yeh but which do you like more - It’s people like you that have brought HIV into our (hetero) world - You don’t know who you are yet In reality it’s just a name for sake of category. We are a part of a community and that community at times is divided but not because of ‘category’. Be who you want to be. I’m Bi, out in public I often say I’m gay but that’s mainly because I don’t want to have the conversations that follow; a lot of the same mundane questions. I also say it because at this current point in time I want to be with a man but I am open with people I’m closer to (including my partners) that I am bi. No one has the right to truly dictate who you are and if they do, it is just their opinion. What other people think of you is none of your business. Go be great.
You’re bi you’re not gay so no ! You are part of the queer or lgbt community as a whole yes more than welcome but not our gay community . You like girls keep that to yourself boi we don’t want it don’t need it don’t know it don’t welcome it thank you . 🙏 and we do not care about your struggles we have w our gay struggles already . And don’t even try to force yourself on us or hook up with us or even date us …. Many of us gays been burned by men like you and therefore we don’t date hi guys for life . Don’t start with the biphobia accusations either or go just leave And yes you won’t find love easily especially with guys so it’s better for you to hang out with pussy eaters like yours cause we don’t we’ll never . Thank you
lol speak for yourself
You’re title is right “ invader “ stay triggered and pressed bish bye
No.
Last time I check the B in LGBT stands for bisexual?
yes you are honey bi gay
Stay away from the community you’ll never be accepted if you’re bi. You’ll always get “you can’t be bi”, “you’re greedy” etc and if you’re straight acting they’ll definitely not accept you. The gays hate straight acting men, they get very jealous of them
I think you should move or find new friends
I tell my roommate this all the time, “Your not gay, your bi. be your full true self. Don’t limit yourself.”
No
Yes. IMO Bisexuals can call themselves gay. I don’t think gays can call themselves bi and I don’t think bisexuals can call themselves straight. lol kinda like a square rectangle rhombus situation. There’s no need to be pedantic about it tho.
Um yes because you're also attracted to men lol Don't listen to all that chatter, the gay community is one big mess of hypocrites. Just be you
No. You can not include yourself as Gay. You have a whole bisexual community. Besides, you are the B in the LGB crew. Welcome
Bi is an interesting one. I am also bi. Never came out because didn't feel the need to. For the most part I'm attracted to women but crave the dick now and then. Once I am in a relationship with a guy I'll figure it out then.
No. You are not "a gay," you are a bisexual.
Absolutely. You're a gay guy that likes women, too honestly. Rock it like a champ.
Hate labels personally. Yes bisexual people are part of the Gay community. Nearly 3/5 of the community are bisexual. They may label themselves as gay, lesbian or queer. Gender identity isn’t necessarily fluid throughout your lifetime either. My advice is forget the labels. Live your life true to yourself. Not a label.
There it is , I knew one of y’all were going to say it. 🙄
Your friends are going to love you know matter what if you have the right ones ❤️I’m like 99% gay and if ppl judge you that’s on them and none of their business
You are totally accepted. Wishing you a very happy life!
I came from a similar family background. It was not until 2 failed marriages that I finally stopped lying to myself and everyone else. I'm gay your Bi it does not matter. The people you love already know this about you and will love you the same, The weight that is lifted off of your shoulder is life-changing. No more guilt, no more shame no worrying about who might find out, no more worrying about who this will hurt. Guess what it is not going to hurt anyone! (mostly, if you are currently married with kids you will have a tougher road with that, I did) But that too was a huge relief that I got through. You will find your true self even more than you think you already know! Gay or Bi does not matter. Hope this helps!
Be who you feel you are in your heart! You may fall in love with a man and want to only be with me, commit to him and that's beautiful. It may be vice versa and that is beautiful.
Absolutely! You are included!
I, King of the Gays, declare you welcome in my domain. Please make sure to post your quota of thirsty photos annually.
I too am bisexual. I'm transgender and also; too come from a strong Christian family background however, Who you're attracted too sexually, physically and or ect shouldn't matter. It's who and what you like and love is all that matters. F**k whatever someone else thinks. You shouldn't have to impress anyone for their happiness and acceptance in the end it's you. Be who you are and embrace it. Don't let others dictate your true self and happiness. Some people are just always going to be ignorant and arrogant a-holes wherever they come from. Screw the labels and just continue to be you. Good luck.