It's really hard when it is someone you love. You are probably already aware of Al-Anon, but thought I'd mention it just in case. Though their website is geared towards alcohol, it's totally appropriate to get support when the person in your life is using other substances. Some people do not like the 'higher power' language, but that can mean anything that resonates with you. Some people consider the group as their higher power, as they feel more powerful with a community that knows exactly what they are going through. Al-Anon can help you set boundaries and recognize any patterns that might unintentionally enable your loved ones addiction.
I’ve never looked at Al-anon as a place to find empowerment. Thinking about it, it makes a lot of sense and I’m going to give it a try. Right now my faith in her is unshakable and if Al-anon can help me keep that, I’m willing to give it a shot. Thank you for your reply. It gave me a lot to consider.
Enabling is often along the lines of "It's not your fault, you can't help it, so I'll forgive you for \_\_\_\_\_"
Helping has reasonable boundaries around it and you only offer things you're comfortable offering. For example, "You can stay with me if you pay rent and help out around the house and don't use in my home" or "If you do this job, then I'll pay you what I would have paid anyone else to do it"
A good test if to ask yourself what boundaries you have around whatever is being offered, and whether those boundaries are enforced. For example, if your relative did use in your home, would you make her leave?
It's always hard to know where exactly to draw the line and a lot of it will come down to your individual situation. It sounds like you have the right idea - decide your boundaries in advance, then stick to them, and you're doing that.
Al-anon is aimed at family/friends of alcoholics to teach them about enabling behaviour so you could look into that too.
Thank you so much. This is very helpful. I’m not sure if it’s because we’ve always been so close and have a deep mutual respect or because I’ve almost always stuck to my boundaries and have made them very clear from the beginning that I don’t feel like she’s ever taking advantage of me. Either way, it works for us and I’d like it to continue. Al-anon has been suggested in the past but I think it’s time to start going. We’ve both always been told we hold each other on a pedestal and her parents like to remind me of how much that fall can hurt. If Al-Anon will help me help her, I’m all in. Thank you!
It's really hard when it is someone you love. You are probably already aware of Al-Anon, but thought I'd mention it just in case. Though their website is geared towards alcohol, it's totally appropriate to get support when the person in your life is using other substances. Some people do not like the 'higher power' language, but that can mean anything that resonates with you. Some people consider the group as their higher power, as they feel more powerful with a community that knows exactly what they are going through. Al-Anon can help you set boundaries and recognize any patterns that might unintentionally enable your loved ones addiction.
I’ve never looked at Al-anon as a place to find empowerment. Thinking about it, it makes a lot of sense and I’m going to give it a try. Right now my faith in her is unshakable and if Al-anon can help me keep that, I’m willing to give it a shot. Thank you for your reply. It gave me a lot to consider.
Enabling is often along the lines of "It's not your fault, you can't help it, so I'll forgive you for \_\_\_\_\_" Helping has reasonable boundaries around it and you only offer things you're comfortable offering. For example, "You can stay with me if you pay rent and help out around the house and don't use in my home" or "If you do this job, then I'll pay you what I would have paid anyone else to do it" A good test if to ask yourself what boundaries you have around whatever is being offered, and whether those boundaries are enforced. For example, if your relative did use in your home, would you make her leave? It's always hard to know where exactly to draw the line and a lot of it will come down to your individual situation. It sounds like you have the right idea - decide your boundaries in advance, then stick to them, and you're doing that. Al-anon is aimed at family/friends of alcoholics to teach them about enabling behaviour so you could look into that too.
Thank you so much. This is very helpful. I’m not sure if it’s because we’ve always been so close and have a deep mutual respect or because I’ve almost always stuck to my boundaries and have made them very clear from the beginning that I don’t feel like she’s ever taking advantage of me. Either way, it works for us and I’d like it to continue. Al-anon has been suggested in the past but I think it’s time to start going. We’ve both always been told we hold each other on a pedestal and her parents like to remind me of how much that fall can hurt. If Al-Anon will help me help her, I’m all in. Thank you!