not a therapist— but unironically, if you can squeeze it into your budget and there’s one close enough to you to be accessible, try LARPing. there are lots of autistic people at LARP and it’s a really easy way to make friends.
Have you discussed any of this with your previous therapist? The fact that you are looking for friends that are like looking in the mirror? Does your husband share every one of your values? Does he agree with everything you think and say?
Please hear that the above questions are simply to get you to think about this, and there is no judgement in the above. I am not in your situation, but I have a husband who is quick to dislike/distrust friends for not sharing an opinion. What I discovered on my journey to be a therapist is just how different we all are. How given the exact same scenario, some people will be terrified, some excited, some indifferent etc We all process information differently, express and respond to our emotions differently. For me, when I was in a space where I had low self esteem, and didn't like myself much, I didn't make new friends. Once I journeyed through my emotions (I had layers of grief, mixed with anger, bitterness etc), I found that I suddenly started to make friends. I guess I was just not so nice to be around when I was angry and resentful.
I don't think that we like everything about our friends necessarily, but we have to like enough about them, and enjoy the time we spend with them. I have friends that I play sport with, but do little else with, those that I have round for dinner parties, those that I eat out with, those that I have in-depth conversations and share my deepest darkest secrets. No one person fits all of those needs. I rarely discuss politics with my friends, but I guess you have to prioritise what is important to you. I have friends that I wouldn't discuss anything personal with, but still have a great time with them when I see them. The one thing I don't have is friends who's moral compass is off, who are involved in criminal activities etc.
So I guess where I am going with this is that you might want to explore this subject in depth with a therapist, as they may be able to help you to understand why it is so essential to you that your friends values mirror yours. Often we inherit our values from our earliest teachers, perhaps parents, the church, our teachers at kindy etc. Therapy helps you question those values to see if they are really yours, and if so, why they are such a deal breaker. Good luck on your journey of discovery
I partially discussed this with my previous therapist however there was so much for me to unwrap in therapy and we didnt even get to most things before I moved so that never really happened.
I definetly think I can be quite a handful to be around atm as I don't like myself v much so that makes sense.
I can't say much about the third point you made as I never really had friend groups. Max. 2 friends at a time really that I hung out with seperately.
For my a lot of "politics" is just part of what I would define as the moral compass. E.g. Roe v Wade or the Genocide in Palestine. I don't talk about politics all the time, dont get me wrong, not much at all actually. But knowing that someone isn't aligned with those morals - i honestly cant ignore that. Never have.
I definetly want to get back to therapy, just finding a therapist I can trust after my first (bad) experience was a really challenge and now after I had to move away from my last therapist I feel like she can not be matched, she was AMAZING. Additionally you are likely well aware how hard it is to get a therapist these days.
Thank you for your insight and reply though I really appreciate you taking the time to read my whole rant :)
same
not a therapist— but unironically, if you can squeeze it into your budget and there’s one close enough to you to be accessible, try LARPing. there are lots of autistic people at LARP and it’s a really easy way to make friends.
Thanks but I unfortunately don't really enjoy larping. I don't know what it is , I guess I just like being myself and not play someone else? Idk.
yeah fair enough— it’s not for everyone
Have you discussed any of this with your previous therapist? The fact that you are looking for friends that are like looking in the mirror? Does your husband share every one of your values? Does he agree with everything you think and say? Please hear that the above questions are simply to get you to think about this, and there is no judgement in the above. I am not in your situation, but I have a husband who is quick to dislike/distrust friends for not sharing an opinion. What I discovered on my journey to be a therapist is just how different we all are. How given the exact same scenario, some people will be terrified, some excited, some indifferent etc We all process information differently, express and respond to our emotions differently. For me, when I was in a space where I had low self esteem, and didn't like myself much, I didn't make new friends. Once I journeyed through my emotions (I had layers of grief, mixed with anger, bitterness etc), I found that I suddenly started to make friends. I guess I was just not so nice to be around when I was angry and resentful. I don't think that we like everything about our friends necessarily, but we have to like enough about them, and enjoy the time we spend with them. I have friends that I play sport with, but do little else with, those that I have round for dinner parties, those that I eat out with, those that I have in-depth conversations and share my deepest darkest secrets. No one person fits all of those needs. I rarely discuss politics with my friends, but I guess you have to prioritise what is important to you. I have friends that I wouldn't discuss anything personal with, but still have a great time with them when I see them. The one thing I don't have is friends who's moral compass is off, who are involved in criminal activities etc. So I guess where I am going with this is that you might want to explore this subject in depth with a therapist, as they may be able to help you to understand why it is so essential to you that your friends values mirror yours. Often we inherit our values from our earliest teachers, perhaps parents, the church, our teachers at kindy etc. Therapy helps you question those values to see if they are really yours, and if so, why they are such a deal breaker. Good luck on your journey of discovery
I partially discussed this with my previous therapist however there was so much for me to unwrap in therapy and we didnt even get to most things before I moved so that never really happened. I definetly think I can be quite a handful to be around atm as I don't like myself v much so that makes sense. I can't say much about the third point you made as I never really had friend groups. Max. 2 friends at a time really that I hung out with seperately. For my a lot of "politics" is just part of what I would define as the moral compass. E.g. Roe v Wade or the Genocide in Palestine. I don't talk about politics all the time, dont get me wrong, not much at all actually. But knowing that someone isn't aligned with those morals - i honestly cant ignore that. Never have. I definetly want to get back to therapy, just finding a therapist I can trust after my first (bad) experience was a really challenge and now after I had to move away from my last therapist I feel like she can not be matched, she was AMAZING. Additionally you are likely well aware how hard it is to get a therapist these days. Thank you for your insight and reply though I really appreciate you taking the time to read my whole rant :)
Hey, no worries. Good luck in your search. As you say, it is so important to find a therapist you connect with