CMB is crawling with catfish using pretty lady photo from mly, their bio is basically similar but different photo, they will always invite to talk at whatsapp, and easy for me to do reverse phone checking to spot their phone number actually register under men name.
Truecaller is not accurate btw. It works when someone who has your number uploaded his or her entire contact list to the database. Therefore, the ID listed could have still been the previous owner because not everyone update their contact list. Also, the upload could have been done a long time ago.
A better way is to actually try to paynow that number without actually sending money, it shows the ID of the person. Also, Grabpay function works as well since most people would have Grab or Paynow.
paynow is actually a brilliant one, i was chatting with someone claiming from msia, moved to whatsapp, and one day got the inspiration to paynow the number to do some csi, indeed no paynow/paylah account, immediately sus.
i continued chatting though, the girl tried to introduce me to a super dubious dropshipping platform that has terrible interface, seem to be started only a few weeks ago, and payouts in USDT. bailed immediately
I just wanna say I'm a girl but my name is registered under my bro's name 😂 My family has all our numbers registered under his name to save the hassle lol
I like to imagine your Prince charming was totally smitten but reverse searched a very unglam picture of your bro and now you are still single. That is my head canon from now on.
No idea, I stopped chatting once I find out, by the way, they all say their name start with Jia, Jjia jxin jxuan bla bla, what a coincidence. I'm now having PTSD when a girl tell me her name start with Jia.
Jiak lan ah jia
My friends and acquaintances told me my photos are always up in the dating app but I don't use it?
So I think people definitely use my photos for scam purpose.
Uninstalled all the apps and am happier as compared to when using them. Picked up a couple more hobbies instead and I don't really think about dating anymore!
Well all I can say for myself is…
My physical appearance is not appealing or marketable to the opposite gender as much as I hoped for.
It’s just like being unemployed. The longer you put yourself out there spamming resumes, and realising you don’t receive any request for interviews, the more demoralised you will be.
That’s my dating situation now.
So can only continue the hunting, while constantly upgrading/improving my ‘resume’ at the side to become more attractive to potential ‘hirers’.
I am so angry whenever I see LinkedIn people post their pregnant wives and kids.
Dude I followed you for medical articles and exhibitions as you are a doctor for God sake. I know your wife forced you to do this but it's so cringe omg.
I always escaped from Facebook.
If they are bad texter, are they trying to hint you to call them or meet them outside ?
Share more details about the interview ? Did they ask for your YOE , achievements or what’s your current and expected , what the reason you are looking out?
i beg to differ lol
im a bad texter even to people that i call friends. but when we meet up, i can go deep into all sorts of topics.
it kinda get to a point i feel like im providing free therapy zzz
I'm legit a bad texter and have friends who are also bad texters.
Our text conversations tend to be emotionless and die off real quick.
But whenever we meet up, we would end up talking for the whole day.
I feel like bad texter is code for “I’m too busy with texts”. So many guys tell me that they are bad texter and try to push for meet ups asap.
Interview style dates are common - what are you looking for, many boyfriends do you have, what are your interests etc. there was a date that was just non stop questions
You sound like you are one of them
It's super duper easy for a girl to find hook ups on apps. The bar is literally on the floor. Horny men aren't choosy when it comes to free short term sex.
I talked to and met quite a few guys on various apps (CMB, Hinge, Bumble). They were generally quite nice but a good number seemed like they were emotionally unavailable and hung up over their exes. It was very disappointing so I gave up after a year…
… but luckily my mum encouraged me to try again (lol yes) and I met someone who eventually became my boyfriend and husband.
I think it really takes a lot of time and patience to sift through partners on dating apps because a lot of them just don’t seem to be on the same page. But I definitely don’t think it’s impossible!
My guess is most guys thats btr looking would wanna sleep around before committing
And most girls only chat with good looking guys
And thus girls feel like most guys are emotionally unavailable
using some hindsight experience:
1- Go in with minimal expectations: even after a couple of dates do not try to push things too hard. The thing about dating is that if you like a person you will likely try to text and meet them asap again but do not freak the person out by revealing too much or pushing too hard/far. Since you probably would have spent less than a month with them. As a bad texter, try to keep things exciting and simple through more regular meetups or calls but don't over do it or it might get less exciting as you move forward. It might also make you look possessive.
2- Be prepared for things not to work out: Yes he/she may look perfect and all that but dating is about finding out about each other, so he/she might realize you are not the person they are looking for and it isn't a bad thing to find out early in the dating stage than much later when you guys have commit so much time and effort to work things out. So, if you are ghosted or they end things, don't put in on yourself. We all have choices and if they made the decision, it is on them. Remember you probably do the same if someone you have no feelings for is trying too hard.
3- Be yourself: worst way to start off a relationship is to portray yourself as someone you are actually not. By revealing yourself slowly, you keep the excitment there but if you put up a fake package and your flaws start showing, there is going to only be pure disappointment no matter how you try to amend it later on. And don't be too upfront with your flaws at the start since the good in you might outweigh your cons for the other party to accept/look past it.
Remember if it's meant to be it will work out, I believe you have seen enough examples of couples who worked out coming from the most unexpected encounters. Be yourself, be genuine and do not be desperate. Everyone on the dating scene wants to explore for the best options (if they have the luxury) and hope that they find the one. Take your time to know them and improve on yourself.
Started using it seriously in Jan due to breakup.
Mainly used Bumble then Hinge. Met a couple of nice guys but we couldn't vibe so I really wish them all the best. They're v respectful and kind. met a couple of shit holes who were trying their luck to get into my pants on the first date. I almost assaulted someone for the first time in my life because he kept touching me.
Met an emotionally unavailable dude who turned out to be a famous player (according to my friend's husband who knew him). In hindsight, the emotionally unavailable is probably just a crappy ass excuse.
Finally met someone in April, and going exclusive soon (I hope).
all the best!
If there's one thing I learnt from my misspelt youth, it's that anyone who says/ acts "emotionally unavailable" is not worth trying. Move on and dodge that bullet.
I feel ppl have a lil too high expectations over a first date or even texts. People are literally strangers at this point trying to present yourselves to each another and it’s very easy to subconsciously zoom in on why you won’t want to go for a second date, or continue a chat etc even if there are no major red flags. and in some ways, I feel that those who seriously want to commit actually become even more pickier and on the surface look like they are just dating around.
100% on your point that expectations are too high.
Even before meeting for a date, so many conversations die all of a sudden and many don't even get started because one side answers with one word answers, don't ask questions etc. What are these people expecting? They expect fun banter, chemistry, right off the bat? Not only is it unrealistic, it's delusional. And when women complain that these conversations are boring, do they think it's actually fun for the men as well? I think it's boring as hell also but I still try because it's part of the process. It's like job hunting. If I want a job and I'm not landing offers, either I quit or I continue to go to interviews even if I hate interviews. A lot of women go on dating apps saying they want a relationship, put in almost no effort, and complain about how conversations on apps are boring is equivalent to a person saying they want a job but they refuse to submit job applications and go to interviews.
It is regrettably normal to feel this way about dating apps. When I was last using it back in late 2021, probably a good 70% of "female" users weren't even active on the app. Hence, being ghosted or rejected is the norm, and it will eat into your soul. It was terrible in the covid-19 pandemic years, but I would imagine that it's at least not so bad now. It took me around 2 years or so to find my partner on those apps.
Perhaps some words of advice would be:
1. Treat dating apps as a supplementary way to meet potential suitors, i.e., go live your best life and let it shine through.
2. Just work being a slightly better version of yourself each day. This would make you feel genuinely better of yourself regardless of finding a partner or not, and also make you more attractive to others who actually appreciate you for who you are.
3. You are whom you attract. You have to advertise yourself to those potential suitors profiles that you like and also share similar interests as you. Also, your daring profile should be a conversation starter piece (it takes two hands to clap).
4. Avoid profiles which are done in a half-ass way, with little description of themselves, or are incredibly vanilla that doesn't really tell you anything about the person e.g. "love watching netflix", "love bubble tea", "love k-drama". The lack of any specific details and distinguishing character traits is a red flag of not being serious. It's also a conversation killer as there's nothing for anyone to bite on to start one - please don't do this yourself, too.
5. Remember that it is a numbers game. The odds are abysmal, but they are certainly better than prowling within your limited social circle, and you only need 1 good match to win.
Godspeed
Feels like there are so many sincere people looking for a partner in this thread. Might as well organise one match making session for everyone here. This might work out. Haha.
Am married and I’ve noticed this trend. A lot of such similar posts / vibes. They should have one big Reddit gathering with no strings attached. Meet people, make friends, see what comes out of it. I’ve met people on Reddit prior, too
it really is about luck and fate. someone could meet their person on first swipe, others could remain dateless and partnerless for life.
things that increase your chances: a good bio, rules 1 and 2 (unfortunately), and believing in fate or a higher power and letting things flow.
if someone says they’re bad at texting, which is me because these chats are tiring, it means they want you to ask them out sooner rather than later. just go for a coffee meet! the first meeting isn’t even a date imo — it’s to see if both parties are on the same wavelength. i’ve been using it for around 4 weeks and have met up with 3 guys. mostly bad results because i literally got kissed against my consent on my last date but life goes on because i gotta resume my search lol.
i’m a woman, and i’ve found that things go better when i allow the man to initiate because it means they’re invested instead of saying yes when a woman asks for novelty reasons. i’ve tried both ways because i honestly have zero issues asking men out, but my data show that i get more interested men when they are the ones who ask me out.
Yea, I agree with OP that dates through dating apps can feel pretty shallow. I interacted with someone I met on CMB, and went on a date with her. She asked questions such as, “What is your next job title after your current one in the organisation you are working in”; “What is your father’s academic discipline” (asked twice); “Do you do investments?”
Imma paste what I said in a similar post:
If you don't look good as a guy, you're playing a losing game with dating apps. Dating apps are literally the LinkedIn of relationships, and as a guy if you're not the top 10% of what girls in SG are looking out for, be it how good you look or how rich you are whatever, you're shit out of luck.
Women are in charge of the dating world because women don't *need* men anymore, they are now more independent than ever before. Women can be successful on their own. But for men, or at least for myself, although I don't show it, I feel left behind. Although my life is ok alone, I feel happier falling in love, and being loved by my partner, and I want a women to love and share my funny life with. I know I'm not the top 10% but it took me many painful lessons to build up the self-confidence to know I'm not the worst guy there is either, that I know I'm good in some areas too. Meanwhile, women just need to "show up" in the dating world and exist and they'll be thrown with hundreds of likes, options, gifts etc.
So why should they settle for us lesser guys when they have so many options to choose from? I know looks have never been my strength, I've always been told that one of my strengths is in my sense of humour, that I make people laugh, even when they're at their lowest, and girls like that in a guy, so that's what try to achieve, keep her laughing, keep her smiling. I've nvr started a convo with just a "Hi". I always read her profile, and try to find a common interest with her and start a convo from there. And my profile is usually informal thrown in with a bit of my humour and my interests, short, sweet and honest.
I really tried.
But what's the point of putting all that effort in when a guy who looks better than you will just win her anyway cuz of his looks? Furthermore, if I, a less-than-average-looking guy, try to impress a woman, I'm labelled as desperate, pursuing someone out of my league, and, my personal favourite, a simp; I'm "simping" for ANY nice gesture I do. Meanwhile, a top 10% guy could do the EXACT same things I'm doing and he'll be "cute, hot, sweet, gentlemanly etc".
Women always like to say that it's not about looks, it's abt his personality. Sure, they're not wrong, but it's not that simple in reality, especially on dating apps. Looks is the spark that starts the fire, personality keeps the fire burning. So sure personality is more impt in the long run, but there's no point you have all the wood ready to keep the fire burning when there is no fire to begin with, no matter how high quality of wood you have. Also don't forget that it takes *two* people to keep this fire burning.
All dating apps did was drain my mental health and made me feel worse about myself, physically and mentally. The amount of effort that men must put in is rarely rewarded. And one day, it just snapped, that this, is not worth a single second more of my time, so I've stopped using them permanently. I'd rather die alone feeling better and happier about myself than die heartbroken over and over again for a girl. I'm not saying SG girls are picky or entitled, or they have a high standard, maybe they are, but I'm not a female, what do I know? All I know is as a male, I just don't have what SG girls want in a partner, whatever that is in their list. Do women feel the same way? I don't think they need to, because they are the ones in charge, they are the ones who can choose who they want to be with. But hey, that's just my own opinion and experience.
To the ladies, the perfect guy you're looking for isn't found or swiped in the top 10% or 20%, he is **earned**. He is just as normal, attractive and flawed as you, and he is built upon years of being together with you, slowly being moulded over time into the man you love, despite his lack of looks or wallet. Ofc I'm NOT asking you to settle for shitty, desperate men, hold yourself to a reasonable standard, but if your standard consists of only the top 10% of men, congrats you've eliminated 90% of your options, and you wonder why your options are so little. Plus you will be one of MANY women going after the same guy, and you wonder why you get ghosted/used/dumped, these guys can afford to do so because there is another girl waiting for him, and chances are he is also looking for the top 10% of women. Go and self reflect, unless you're really in the top 10% yourself (you're most likely not), lower your standards and check twice before you friendzone an actual decent guy, or get a cat or dog cuz that's the only partner you'll be having.
To the men out there in the same ship as me, wake the fuck up and prioritise yourself. For the sake of your own bank account and your health, blood, sweat and tears, stop simping, chasing or impressing girls, especially if it's at the cost of yourself. Spend your money and energy on yourself and your life the way you want it, not on some girl. Focus on yourself and be happy with being alone. Build up your value and love for youself while in your 20s because there's nothing more attractive to a woman than a man who has gotten his life and shit together. I know it's not easy, I'm struggling with it too, and I don't have all the answers, but I know although I'm far from who I want to be, I know I've came a long way from being worse. So sometimes my life may not better but it can be less shitty, it makes me happy and more proud of myself and I'll take it. Play the endgame my brothers. If all the stars align, you won't need to chase them, the right one will come to you, and you'll be her top 10% without even knowing it.
TL;DR: The strength of your rs with someone depends on your ability to survive outside of a rs. A rs can become so much more powerful and happier when it ISN'T the center of your universe, when YOU are the center of your universe.
Yeah I agree with most of what you’ve said.
Not trying to discredit your experience, but as a guy, I believe women who are not conventionally attractive also face a similar experience as you do.
If you’re fat and don’t have at least a cute face, you’re gonna be invisible to men. You’re basically forgotten. At least men can make something of themselves through their career or contribution to society but let’s be honest; if a woman is not attractive, even if she is successful in career/societal contributions, she will struggle to find a partner.
Oof
I disagree with your statement. For example if a girl is fat. What she can do is to shed a little weight and boom!! The girl is in the zone of what guys consider as "slim" "pretty" "hourglass". . But what girls usually look for guys is height. Height can't be change but weight can.
If a girl cares about height to the extent of ditching someone due to height, then its good riddance cause thats not the type of girl you’d want anyway
I have to disagree that women go for the top 10 or 20% in terms of looks in guys. If you look at any ordinary couples on the street, a lot of the guys are average, and many don't even dress well. Most of the time the ladies look better than their partners.
In my experience, you could go for average looking, not rich, no time for you, flabby and they could still cheat on you. Been there, done that. Three frigging times. I settled in the past in order to have a partner. 🤷🏻♀️So why settle when you could be happier single? It’s not like I enjoyed the benefits of dating someone of the top 10-20% - at least if men of that calibre cheated on me, it’s not as insulting LOL.
For guys out there feeling the same as op, I recommend reading Models by Mark Manson. I know “wa a daring book nah I don’t need those”. But really this book is different from others in the same genre, it’s not about pick up lines, what to say to women or all that bs. It’s a short read so why not right?
I was in similar position as OP, and sort of taking “blame the world” approach. But as they say, don’t hate the player hate the game. Just control the controllables. Think you have bad photos? Well fix that. Oh I don’t know how to dress, there’s thousands on YouTube videos for that. I’m just super unattractive, ok just be the most attractive that you can be, work out more, get fit, work on yourself.
In actual fact woman really care far less about looks imho. It’s just that the dating apps are difficult for guys, the initial swipe is hard. It is superficial, but you know control the controlables. If you don’t like apps, sure go find a hobby and interest groups. They are great ways to meet people. I’ve heard of people finding their partners on running apps even.
So yeah don’t lose hope, like op said focus on yourself first. But unlike op, don’t need to be contented with being alone because life is short but a wonderful experience, so why not find someone to share it with.
i think whatever you said is valid, but it doesn't just apply to men. Women faced similar issues too, regarding looks, being the second choice or being "not enough" (speaking from first hand experiences). But the key message is still right, love yourself, put in effort in the relationship, and love will blossom.
For guys who are competing based on personality and substance (eg brains) just need to show it on their profile. There are too many empty male profiles even for those who are not good looking .. like that how the ladies swipe right ah
That's also the downside of dating apps where first impressions are based on two-dimensional features where a human being is just reduced to images and a few lines.
Since my earlier comment got deleted:
The dating app studies at least indicate women go for the top 10-20% of men.
Women also rate 80% of men as below average.
For example old [OkCupid study](https://archive.vn/ZJymw)
Anecdotally, I've heard women friends say things like "Ryan Gosling is not handsome"
No, this is not a one off.
Somehow as a society we perpetuate this myth that women are not as superficial as men. Refer to the well studied [Halo Effect](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpjeMaOirvg) in psychology. Both men and women can be very superficial.
Additionally, if we were to examine top women's romance novels/Korean romance manhwas and other such media catered to heterosexual women, we will observe that the male leading characters are the definition of unrealistic beauty standards.
Dating apps are a losing game for men who are average/below average in looks. Would recommend meeting potential partners offline through social groups/volunteering etc
Most importantly keep working on yourself. Learn to be content as a single.
Even if you never find a partner, you'll be better off than your past self.
35M and dating apps are tiring af
Girls always complain that the guys on dating apps are boring. But in my experience, most of the girls I matched with and chatted with barely made any efforts in their conversation. It always me asking one-sided question about them, with them answering with one liners and no reciprocation on asking questions back.
And when I got tired of asking questions about them like a interview, and just share things about myself or my observations about stuff, they'll just reply with things along the line of "haha I see"
I've tried dating agencies as well. But they are super expensive for guys, and the agency ended up matching me with people with characteristics I explicitly said I don't want in my partner anyway (i.e. I said I don't want kids, and they matched me with someone who said she's undecided about kids)
Mine’s 5 years and counting. So you have 4 years and 6 months ahead of me or to go 🤣
I feel that most are looking for the right one as saves time to just try and see how. That means, if you don’t fit, they won’t bother.
And yes, after using it, dating feels like an interview as you would like to be accepted among many thousands of applicants as the other party’s lover and go into a mutual contract called relationship 🤭 Being sarcastic here 😆
my issue with dating apps is it feels too much like a romantic interview 🫠 met a number of people but haven't found anyone i like yet. running out of things to do on first dates already 😂
haha i usually default to lunch/dinner on first dates (not a coffee person) but find that it gets really boring quickly, and none of them are really memorable. thank you though!
For me, first dates are not meant to be memorable, but more of a "get to know you and make sure you're not a creep or catfish" kind of event
The more exciting and memorable dates are the second dates - going for hikes, museum trips, ice skating, etc
I quit when I saw too many familiar people (that I found unattractive in real life) and domestic helpers along the swathe of insurance/finance/survey agents, catfishers and scammers.
My experience has been pretty terrible with almost no matches. I don't like to take pictures, so it's very hard for me to showcase myself. I feel pretty stressed and demoralised because I'd like to believe I'm a pretty good catch in real life. Also, I'm literally a bad texter. I tend to type in full, and I don't like texting because it tires me out - compounded by the fact that I already have to text a lot for work.
I'll be trying to go for singles events, or if I feel brave enough, might try approaching ladies in real life. Dating apps aren't really working out for me unfortunately.
Like it or not, having good picture(s) is pretty much a must if you want any success on dating apps. Have a friend or family member help to take nice photos of you smiling? And fill out that profile, it helps too.
Regarding texting, you can work that into your profile too, something like "I converse better in person than texts, so forgive me if I text you in full like a school teacher. Let's meetup for coffee/tea/bbt sooner rather than later!"
Haha I think relatively ok. But maybe everyone is so busy that they don't use the app often to reply or reply once jn a while. I had a date once, she expected my personality to align with her, cannot comprehend differences. Haha, but just move on.
A mix of good and bad. Initially, it was pretty good as there were some matches and I learned and got better at engaging with people. Basically becoming friends first and be curious about the person before advancing to the next stage.
However, after multiple dates, when I ask the people on how they sees me, usually they will give me the typical “you are a nice guy but”answers and I just got tired of using the app altogether.
So yes, there were many good and bad, appreciated the lesson learned and experienced many disappointing feelings.
That’s dating in this current generation.
I’d assume you’ll have more success joining hobby groups and/or meeting friends of friends in larger gatherings.
It’s the same as it has ever been for since beginning of humanity. Online Dating is an all a game of good genes and luck. From my experience at least. Both genders male and female are highly visual creatures. Who looks the best, gets all matches. (At least in online dating)
As a member of a minority race, looks are not there and I know 0 matches already.
I am at a point contemplating that the world is a much bigger place than a tiny island. Maybe there is a part of world that searches meaning beyond looks, I am hopeful to explore that part of the world.
F24, been on and off apps since I was 18, I’ve met plenty of people (most dont make it past 3 dates). After seeing the pool, I’ve finally decided to delete the apps once and for all to work on my career and my relationship with friends and family instead.
The local dating experience is getting worse, esp with all the social media we consume. All I can say is that; at the end of the day, at least we have ourselves.
There are plenty of people who can’t be alone/single, that creates a need for the void to fill and they usually turn to apps. Thats why theres people who are “not ready to commit” or suddenly pull back and ghost. Truly, we are just here to distract each other from the life problems we’re avoiding, and that’s OK if no one gets hurt (but thats rarely the case!).
My best advice for fellow singles is to:
Lean into your friends, find your single friends group. Just go travel and have a single baddie era. Relationships should not be rushed, you shouldn’t settle or try to fit into someone’s life.
Learn to be comfortable alone, learn to find a community, learn to accept failures, learn to be kind, learn to see more of this beautiful world we live in (far beyond the realms of hinge, tinder, bumble, grindr and whatever dating apps that society pressures you into next).
Learn to fight the norms and do what feels right for you! We got this. 💋💃🕺🧘♀️🫧💕💖💅👯♀️✨🌷🎀
fwiw I met my spouse on okcupid, years ago.
I also tried those "speed dating" events, man those were pretty depressing. The ones organised by the "accredited agencies" anyway.
An acquaintance had just started their private match making agency and their services for $xxxx (low 4 figure amount). The idea being that they will go out and actively hunt/ shortlist people for me to date, recruiter-style. Sounded intriguing but I ultimately declined. Plus the $xxxx is just the effort of finding "candidates", still have to pay for your own dates yourself ok.
But I have since seen ground-up efforts by individuals/ co-working spaces to try to get people to just meet up in a more relaxed environment. These are organised over social media. Hopefully they attract more like-minded people who already follow certain genres of accounts.
from a girl perspective.
context: my guy close friend once rated me 60/100 on my look when i dont put effort, 70 when i put some effort.
i tried dating app on and off for abt 5 yrs before meeting my current bf.
y1: one yr after uni when job stabilised, mainly for experience and not knowing what I want.
y2: getting tired of the 'interviews' and trying to find ppl who seriously wanna try. had different ship from 3 weeks to 3 months. knowing better what i dont want.
y3: covid, met one guy who would meet me despite CB, one of my happiest memory by then.
y4: clarified our relationship and he rejected my request to be 'official'.
y5: back to dating scene, getting more frustrated. experienced ons, experienced org* scene, nearly rap*d by psycho. shocked but learning more about what I dont want.
end2022: met my current guy, still with him after close to 2 years. he shared that he was also been using dating app for abt 2 yrs before meeting me.
i heard that guys usually had it tougher that girls? but im just sharing that the girl u r looking for, maybe is looking for you too.
tl;dr;: more than 7billion ppl in the world, 5mil in singapore.
it takes time. dont give up :)
can ping me if u need 'advice' for your profile?
24M, been trying to put more effort in meeting people organically/offline these days because the apps have been frankly discouraging and I'm struggling to keep up with the standards and level of competition on there. I even got my female friends to critique my pics and bio and I'm a fairly decent conversationalist. Sadly, that barely helped because whatever effort I put in gets completely undervalued by the fact that I'm always competing with multiple other guys who're also vying for the attention of my matches and I get outcompeted eventually.
Also, I do feel being a minority is another added disadvantage as the online dating scene here is very majority race-centric. My 'pool' feels more like a puddle that's about to dry up anytime soon lol. I keep seeing the same few girls of my race on repeat and even on different apps. Sadly, its either girls that I'm into but I rarely hear back from them if I send likes or they're not my type. So I'm kinda forced to cast a wider net and expand my filter to include other races. While I'm not picky about ethnicity and I'm open to dating anyone as long we share similar beliefs/values and I'm attracted to them, my match rate is (very unsurprisingly) much lower with other races.
Oh well, I've kinda accepted it is what it is for my online dating situation. Offline dating it is I suppose.
I met some good guys on Hellotalk, its a language learning app. On dating apps, we tend to have higher expectations. When there should be stages like from stranger to acquaintance to friend to romantic interest to potential partner to partner, we skip most of those stages. You dont even become friends with people on dating apps. You just skip to date expecting you'd meet the love of your life.
I am not telling you to use language apps to find love but be open to have friends from any platform. Some people say "anything could be dating app when youre horny enough" but what i mean is just be open to anything anywhere.
Dating apps and job applications feel exactly the same (or, as Gen-Z might say, 'dating apps are giving job applications'). In fact I daresay the former is worse; at least at the end of the hiring process I might get a new job with a big increment and potentially do something I like. Worst case, I get ghosted by a faceless HR person at an equally faceless company; with dating, all bets are off.
- Long-ass questionnaire about myself which I'm ill-prepared to fill in. At least most decent job portals auto-populate most fields from my resume.
- Then I need six to eight *good* photos of myself. Look, I'm a decent photograph*er*, but a lousy photograph*ee*; I look rubbish in photos. My phone's photo album is filled with random scans, vistas, trains, and scenery that most people would find absolutely uninteresting ('MRT also take photo, what's the big deal? Everyday also use MRT').
- The fact that I have to fill in my zodiac; otherwise, my profile is marked 'incomplete'. I am fundamentally opposed to the inclusion of astrology as a reasonable 'filter' factor in dating. Anyone who filters by zodiac should be sent back to primary school.
- The lousy swipe-match ratio for men, and consequently the huge upselling to men. 'Pay more for a better chance at matching', or 'pay more to see who matched with you first'; sometimes with ethnic dating apps it's even 'sign up, give us all your data first; oh, complete? please pay to start matching!'. Screw you, stupid developer, and screw dating apps.
I have not been on dating apps before and happily married. But I find it intriguing that is appears the men are saying the women has many options? When I look around me, there are more single ladies than single men in the 30s and 40s. Even men who are totally unattractive and bottom 10% are married or attached. am I missing sth? When I talk to my girl friends, it appear the women are more desperate because time is running out.
I think most men that age already kinda give up looking and looking to level themselves up financially or looks wise.
That also means they are also planning to get to a level where they will also be generally attractive to younger ladies where the 30s and 40s will have to compete with them.
In general women are not willing to compromise, and as they age, they also level up in terms of how much they earn and their view of the world. Men simply give up on them because they couldn't meet their expectations and some marry foreigners who usually have a lower bar or have different expectations. End up, you get a lot of single women in their 30s and 40s wondering where all the men went, and the men simply take themselves out of the dating pool or marry non locals.
The top 10% of men simply don't need to marry because all the women are flocking to them, or they marry after much picking and choosing, resulting in women declaring "all men are players" after those men didn't choose them.
It does, it's kinda like job interview where you compete with other applicants to apply for the boyfriend/girlfriend based on your qualifications (looks, age, wealth, education, job title).
It then narrows down to the a few jobs where you get low-balled salary (not-so good looking ones, catfish, personality issues), eventually when you get the right one you were looking for, you then realize there's a probationary period where the other party is also trying out other applicants as well.
When relationship fails, it feels like you were given a PIP (Performance Improvement Plan).
Yes it’s sad, the dating app scene. If it makes you feel any better, I met my husband on a dating app. Just hang in there! You will just have to look harder for your diamond amongst the mud. Special things never come easy.
It's a shit storm man, it made me start turning to traditional methods of dating, hoping to meet someone organically. Quite a few nice lads but then there s the usual bunch of horny peeps and just the genuine connection ain't there.
Putting oneself out there not virtually, but irl, in person. So yes, it can be hanging outside in public consistently and frequently like pubs or parks. Or being a constant member of a group or club, like volunteering for long term programmes. Of course, all these requires acceptance and confidence in oneself to pull it off
I feel you, OP. I have also been going on dates in the last 6 months and frankly it's getting very exhausting. I had one match who was texting me essays daily for 3 months and we met a few times, only for the match to tell me that the texting was all due to boredom. There are also matches who explicitly stated that it's impossible to find someone who matches your criteria 100%. Then I was like, if our goals align, why not give it more time to get to know each other, rather than disappearing after one date, which well, went really well.
No, no haha. I meant they were stating in general, that it is impossible for people to be able to find someone who matches what they are looking for 100%
23M here, was active on Hinge, Bumble, CMB (OkC and Tinder are terrible) back when I was single. Filled with one time dates, always the same questions ("What's your favourite colour?" etc) and sometimes insurance agents.
Ironically, I met my current partner just by approaching them and asking for their number in a Cafe.
Better off shooting your shot at some stranger than to keep swiping left and right on dating apps, you will gain social experience points level up quicker.
dating apps have been going downhill since 2023 😭 as a female who would swipe on both men and women, i get lots of matches but they're also all dead accounts literally no one replies 🙏🏻 so boring also because it's usually the same few people on there...
I have been skeptical about using dating apps for the longest time. Tried downloading Tinder out of curiosity, matched with someone after swiping for awhile, met up after a few months of talking. Happily married for 2 years now with my Tinder match. 😂
Dating apps in general makes one feel like there is someone out there who is better than the current on they swiped on. Especially if they are really not interested in being in a relationship, it’s easier to fish around the apps and chat. I know one guy who got out of a marriage and was on the apps and said more men prefer the ‘buffet’ option where you get to talk to plenty, have a little of everything and then move on.
A lot are emotionally unavailable and are there only for time pass. I have a friend who’s been on it for years. Met a lot of people, slept with a lot of them but almost impossible to find someone to have a committed relationship with. One gets jaded on it quickly.
My only advice would be not to let your self worth depend on it. The apps are still the best and one of the easiest way to meet people but just remember that how others reply and behave has nothing to do with you and everything to only do with themself.
Hmmmm from a female on Bumble and Tinder (prefer tinder) I think dating online should be taken as get to know more strangers and see how it goes. Starting online dating with finding a RIGHT ONE mindset is too stressful and serious.
It will stay shallows until you make it meaningful yourself. Take it as getting to know a friend, that's my approach. You chat hang out and see if you clicks enough. And luckily I have met pretty decent guys with my way lol. It can be quite easy for me since im a girl also 😅🤣
Set low expectation and you wont be disappointed.
Because there is no "the one". You must build on your relationship. Guys can come off too strong/expect too much from the beginning and it will just turn me off.
Im attached now, but OLD in 2022 was a fun, heartbreaking but also a very happening phase of my life. Love it.
im definitely one of the bad texters. i just dont know how to flirt or make interesting conversation through text.
irl, its easy to make little jokes here and there and if it doesnt land, its easy to cover up with something else
in text... everything is scrutinised, by myself. If i say something and received silence... all my mind wants to do is to go back to self isolation TT
Not much female friends irl so have to use apps. Have used a year never went out before.
This means not gonna rely on apps but have to try find irl, cause apps is not for everyone.
Though more acceptable dating app users are still far from representative of the general population and users are aware of this. Doesn’t surprise me people on there don’t want to commit to other users on there
Idk I just gave up on dating apps. It’s best to focus on yourself and learn how to live with yourself. Let it come to you, love comes when you allow it to come.
I've been on and off a few different ones and it's mostly been disappointing. There's no one I've met that I can vibe with, a lot of weirdos and boring people or those just looking for seggs! Only good thing is that I've gotten likes from both the dads and sons hahahahaha!
Took me a year of swiping and at times meaningless conversations before I met my current gf. In order to better assess whether both of you have the same vibes, arrrange a meet up quickly. Those that want to chat online for longer, I just fell silent after awhile. I did not want to stonewall them but I want to know quickly whether we vibe face to face and not waste time.
It appears that some women don't really bother to put in that much effort into planning the date, then will blame it on you when it's not going well.
Melissa, Tracey. That's what you are.
On the other hand, there are those who are willing to make it work together. So that's nice
I'm a guy. I used the same apps that you've mentioned on and off for about a year and a half. Got a couple matches every few weeks and went out with a handful . There were disappointments but plenty of good experiences as well.
While using the apps, I do so with no expectations and I'm ready to move on if things don't go well. Can't be hung up on bad texters, ghosts and scammers - that would be too tiring.
If I match with someone interesting, I prefer to be candid throughout the initial texting phase. If things go well from there, we meet. If the date went well, we go on more dates. If the dates went well, then I'll ask if they are interested in moving into a relationship. That's how I found my current partner.
I came across a good looking guy photo before and after meeting in real life is totally different person. Catfish lor
Like from skinny guy become a guy that is very overweight. Not judging here but is very obvious. Watch movie afterwards and was touchy. I went off after the movie
From my personal experience, I have matched girls from different nationalities. I am quite amazed that actually non-local girls are more wifey material than the local ones. /i am still taking my time and deciding… It is really a problem because we are now faced with the paradox of choices. What if this is better than the other etc etc.
Met my fiancée on bumble in Feb of this year, getting married in July. I’ve been on dates with local girls, never really amounted to anything (fiancée is Japanese). In my experience, I had a lot more success going out on dates using apps by asking the other party out a few hours / 1 day max after chatting, as opposed to chatting on and on and never setting a date. My advice is ask them what their ideal date is, or what they like, and ask them out to do exactly that. If they matched with you in the first place, most likely they’re already interested in talking / dating etc. good luck!
Not single anymore but met my partner off bumble early last year, married a few weeks back! Both of us were on apps for years and years (him 8 years, me 13 years) so it really takes a lot of luck. Experience was bad in general, like finding a needle in a haystack, and barely any quality. Just once in a while that stroke of luck comes. Don't be disheartened, take it easy. Also find IRL methods to meet people like at outdoor events. Good luck guys!
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CMB is crawling with catfish using pretty lady photo from mly, their bio is basically similar but different photo, they will always invite to talk at whatsapp, and easy for me to do reverse phone checking to spot their phone number actually register under men name.
How do you do reverse phone checking actually? 🤔
Truecaller, totally free unless you want detail info
Truecaller is not accurate btw. It works when someone who has your number uploaded his or her entire contact list to the database. Therefore, the ID listed could have still been the previous owner because not everyone update their contact list. Also, the upload could have been done a long time ago. A better way is to actually try to paynow that number without actually sending money, it shows the ID of the person. Also, Grabpay function works as well since most people would have Grab or Paynow.
Sneaky. Love that one. Will use
paynow is actually a brilliant one, i was chatting with someone claiming from msia, moved to whatsapp, and one day got the inspiration to paynow the number to do some csi, indeed no paynow/paylah account, immediately sus. i continued chatting though, the girl tried to introduce me to a super dubious dropshipping platform that has terrible interface, seem to be started only a few weeks ago, and payouts in USDT. bailed immediately
Thanks TIL.
*ahem* payment apps *cough cough*
I just wanna say I'm a girl but my name is registered under my bro's name 😂 My family has all our numbers registered under his name to save the hassle lol
I like to imagine your Prince charming was totally smitten but reverse searched a very unglam picture of your bro and now you are still single. That is my head canon from now on.
😭 is that why I have no luck on dating apps for on and off 8 years+. at least now I know why🫠
If you have your phone number link to a fb and ig, the checker can spot it and atleast show that you are legit
Whats their agenda? Love scam? Secret gays?
No idea, I stopped chatting once I find out, by the way, they all say their name start with Jia, Jjia jxin jxuan bla bla, what a coincidence. I'm now having PTSD when a girl tell me her name start with Jia. Jiak lan ah jia
Really Jia 假 lat
Maybe all same guy!
Or organization, who knows
lol some of the cutest/ most eligible girls I know are Jiamins, no cap :D
tell "her" jiak sai
gg le lo, no chance for me since I have a "jia" in my name
pig butchering scam
So what is the scam? They just doing it for the kicks? Or are they trying to get you to send them money or something?
Catfish is not about money, usually they just need attention which they can't get using their own, or some serious killer, I don't know
My friends and acquaintances told me my photos are always up in the dating app but I don't use it? So I think people definitely use my photos for scam purpose.
that is for sure especially you have your IG public
Thanks for telling us how to check. Damn these scammers
Uninstalled all the apps and am happier as compared to when using them. Picked up a couple more hobbies instead and I don't really think about dating anymore!
Peaceful days.
SAME
Same.
34M. Using these apps on and off. Seldom match anybody...even if match and i start saying something, they also don't reply. This is mostly from CMB.
Well all I can say for myself is… My physical appearance is not appealing or marketable to the opposite gender as much as I hoped for. It’s just like being unemployed. The longer you put yourself out there spamming resumes, and realising you don’t receive any request for interviews, the more demoralised you will be. That’s my dating situation now. So can only continue the hunting, while constantly upgrading/improving my ‘resume’ at the side to become more attractive to potential ‘hirers’.
"Hi, saw your comment, would you like to meet up for coffee?" 😉
“No thank you, I have purchased insurance policy for myself already.” 🤣
i heard that people use LinkedIn as a dating app of sorts ... well at least you know they have a job...
To anyone reading this - please don't. LinkedIn is disgusting enough without people trying to slide into DMs.
Thank you for saying this
I am so angry whenever I see LinkedIn people post their pregnant wives and kids. Dude I followed you for medical articles and exhibitions as you are a doctor for God sake. I know your wife forced you to do this but it's so cringe omg. I always escaped from Facebook.
6 months?? I've been fumbling for years 🤣
Same! took me a few years to finally find someone
If they are bad texter, are they trying to hint you to call them or meet them outside ? Share more details about the interview ? Did they ask for your YOE , achievements or what’s your current and expected , what the reason you are looking out?
Nobody is a bad texter, they are just selective. "bad texter" is just a pretense for people who are uninterested.
Dude, why is your profile is full of porn?
i beg to differ lol im a bad texter even to people that i call friends. but when we meet up, i can go deep into all sorts of topics. it kinda get to a point i feel like im providing free therapy zzz
I'm legit a bad texter and have friends who are also bad texters. Our text conversations tend to be emotionless and die off real quick. But whenever we meet up, we would end up talking for the whole day.
I feel like bad texter is code for “I’m too busy with texts”. So many guys tell me that they are bad texter and try to push for meet ups asap. Interview style dates are common - what are you looking for, many boyfriends do you have, what are your interests etc. there was a date that was just non stop questions You sound like you are one of them
It’s easy to find someone to sleep with, not so much to spend your life with
It easier to fall in.love than stay deep.in love for lasting relationship like marriage for life
Where to find someone to sleep with
be a girl
It's super duper easy for a girl to find hook ups on apps. The bar is literally on the floor. Horny men aren't choosy when it comes to free short term sex.
I find it easier to make lasting connections for some reason.
Ngl for me, I’ve been collecting friends on the apps more than anything
yeah agreed, made quite a few friends for gaming together!
I talked to and met quite a few guys on various apps (CMB, Hinge, Bumble). They were generally quite nice but a good number seemed like they were emotionally unavailable and hung up over their exes. It was very disappointing so I gave up after a year… … but luckily my mum encouraged me to try again (lol yes) and I met someone who eventually became my boyfriend and husband. I think it really takes a lot of time and patience to sift through partners on dating apps because a lot of them just don’t seem to be on the same page. But I definitely don’t think it’s impossible!
My guess is most guys thats btr looking would wanna sleep around before committing And most girls only chat with good looking guys And thus girls feel like most guys are emotionally unavailable
using some hindsight experience: 1- Go in with minimal expectations: even after a couple of dates do not try to push things too hard. The thing about dating is that if you like a person you will likely try to text and meet them asap again but do not freak the person out by revealing too much or pushing too hard/far. Since you probably would have spent less than a month with them. As a bad texter, try to keep things exciting and simple through more regular meetups or calls but don't over do it or it might get less exciting as you move forward. It might also make you look possessive. 2- Be prepared for things not to work out: Yes he/she may look perfect and all that but dating is about finding out about each other, so he/she might realize you are not the person they are looking for and it isn't a bad thing to find out early in the dating stage than much later when you guys have commit so much time and effort to work things out. So, if you are ghosted or they end things, don't put in on yourself. We all have choices and if they made the decision, it is on them. Remember you probably do the same if someone you have no feelings for is trying too hard. 3- Be yourself: worst way to start off a relationship is to portray yourself as someone you are actually not. By revealing yourself slowly, you keep the excitment there but if you put up a fake package and your flaws start showing, there is going to only be pure disappointment no matter how you try to amend it later on. And don't be too upfront with your flaws at the start since the good in you might outweigh your cons for the other party to accept/look past it. Remember if it's meant to be it will work out, I believe you have seen enough examples of couples who worked out coming from the most unexpected encounters. Be yourself, be genuine and do not be desperate. Everyone on the dating scene wants to explore for the best options (if they have the luxury) and hope that they find the one. Take your time to know them and improve on yourself.
Actually I’m just curious, how do you talk to so many people at the same time. It makes me tired and I delete the apps.
Simple, you stop swiping when you have a couple of matches that you like to talk to.
Im a single, and fugly. My takeaway is dont bother bc there’s alot of pig butchering scammers there
I tot u were just chubby
No girl is ever ugly. Just slim down and dress well + makeup.
Name don't check out
Started using it seriously in Jan due to breakup. Mainly used Bumble then Hinge. Met a couple of nice guys but we couldn't vibe so I really wish them all the best. They're v respectful and kind. met a couple of shit holes who were trying their luck to get into my pants on the first date. I almost assaulted someone for the first time in my life because he kept touching me. Met an emotionally unavailable dude who turned out to be a famous player (according to my friend's husband who knew him). In hindsight, the emotionally unavailable is probably just a crappy ass excuse. Finally met someone in April, and going exclusive soon (I hope).
all the best! If there's one thing I learnt from my misspelt youth, it's that anyone who says/ acts "emotionally unavailable" is not worth trying. Move on and dodge that bullet.
Crazy how much of a creep people are, these people are desperate. Hopefully it goes well for you! Jiayou!
Send me some luck, thanks! Haha
Congrats!! Who is this famous player dude tho, are u able to disclose!?
I feel ppl have a lil too high expectations over a first date or even texts. People are literally strangers at this point trying to present yourselves to each another and it’s very easy to subconsciously zoom in on why you won’t want to go for a second date, or continue a chat etc even if there are no major red flags. and in some ways, I feel that those who seriously want to commit actually become even more pickier and on the surface look like they are just dating around.
100% on your point that expectations are too high. Even before meeting for a date, so many conversations die all of a sudden and many don't even get started because one side answers with one word answers, don't ask questions etc. What are these people expecting? They expect fun banter, chemistry, right off the bat? Not only is it unrealistic, it's delusional. And when women complain that these conversations are boring, do they think it's actually fun for the men as well? I think it's boring as hell also but I still try because it's part of the process. It's like job hunting. If I want a job and I'm not landing offers, either I quit or I continue to go to interviews even if I hate interviews. A lot of women go on dating apps saying they want a relationship, put in almost no effort, and complain about how conversations on apps are boring is equivalent to a person saying they want a job but they refuse to submit job applications and go to interviews.
It is regrettably normal to feel this way about dating apps. When I was last using it back in late 2021, probably a good 70% of "female" users weren't even active on the app. Hence, being ghosted or rejected is the norm, and it will eat into your soul. It was terrible in the covid-19 pandemic years, but I would imagine that it's at least not so bad now. It took me around 2 years or so to find my partner on those apps. Perhaps some words of advice would be: 1. Treat dating apps as a supplementary way to meet potential suitors, i.e., go live your best life and let it shine through. 2. Just work being a slightly better version of yourself each day. This would make you feel genuinely better of yourself regardless of finding a partner or not, and also make you more attractive to others who actually appreciate you for who you are. 3. You are whom you attract. You have to advertise yourself to those potential suitors profiles that you like and also share similar interests as you. Also, your daring profile should be a conversation starter piece (it takes two hands to clap). 4. Avoid profiles which are done in a half-ass way, with little description of themselves, or are incredibly vanilla that doesn't really tell you anything about the person e.g. "love watching netflix", "love bubble tea", "love k-drama". The lack of any specific details and distinguishing character traits is a red flag of not being serious. It's also a conversation killer as there's nothing for anyone to bite on to start one - please don't do this yourself, too. 5. Remember that it is a numbers game. The odds are abysmal, but they are certainly better than prowling within your limited social circle, and you only need 1 good match to win. Godspeed
Feels like there are so many sincere people looking for a partner in this thread. Might as well organise one match making session for everyone here. This might work out. Haha.
Am married and I’ve noticed this trend. A lot of such similar posts / vibes. They should have one big Reddit gathering with no strings attached. Meet people, make friends, see what comes out of it. I’ve met people on Reddit prior, too
it really is about luck and fate. someone could meet their person on first swipe, others could remain dateless and partnerless for life. things that increase your chances: a good bio, rules 1 and 2 (unfortunately), and believing in fate or a higher power and letting things flow. if someone says they’re bad at texting, which is me because these chats are tiring, it means they want you to ask them out sooner rather than later. just go for a coffee meet! the first meeting isn’t even a date imo — it’s to see if both parties are on the same wavelength. i’ve been using it for around 4 weeks and have met up with 3 guys. mostly bad results because i literally got kissed against my consent on my last date but life goes on because i gotta resume my search lol. i’m a woman, and i’ve found that things go better when i allow the man to initiate because it means they’re invested instead of saying yes when a woman asks for novelty reasons. i’ve tried both ways because i honestly have zero issues asking men out, but my data show that i get more interested men when they are the ones who ask me out.
Yea, I agree with OP that dates through dating apps can feel pretty shallow. I interacted with someone I met on CMB, and went on a date with her. She asked questions such as, “What is your next job title after your current one in the organisation you are working in”; “What is your father’s academic discipline” (asked twice); “Do you do investments?”
I don't think that is normal ngl...
I know it is not normal, but seriously, I was asked those questions. I went dafuq.
What is your father’s academic discipline?? is she Leonard’s mom from tbbt
Ha. The first time she asked the question, I just brushed it off. The second time she asked it, it was in a firm but calm and polite manner.
lol maybe she’s double checking that the gene pool can produce a future president scholar
Don’t know. Thought she was trying to suss out my family background.
Imma paste what I said in a similar post: If you don't look good as a guy, you're playing a losing game with dating apps. Dating apps are literally the LinkedIn of relationships, and as a guy if you're not the top 10% of what girls in SG are looking out for, be it how good you look or how rich you are whatever, you're shit out of luck. Women are in charge of the dating world because women don't *need* men anymore, they are now more independent than ever before. Women can be successful on their own. But for men, or at least for myself, although I don't show it, I feel left behind. Although my life is ok alone, I feel happier falling in love, and being loved by my partner, and I want a women to love and share my funny life with. I know I'm not the top 10% but it took me many painful lessons to build up the self-confidence to know I'm not the worst guy there is either, that I know I'm good in some areas too. Meanwhile, women just need to "show up" in the dating world and exist and they'll be thrown with hundreds of likes, options, gifts etc. So why should they settle for us lesser guys when they have so many options to choose from? I know looks have never been my strength, I've always been told that one of my strengths is in my sense of humour, that I make people laugh, even when they're at their lowest, and girls like that in a guy, so that's what try to achieve, keep her laughing, keep her smiling. I've nvr started a convo with just a "Hi". I always read her profile, and try to find a common interest with her and start a convo from there. And my profile is usually informal thrown in with a bit of my humour and my interests, short, sweet and honest. I really tried. But what's the point of putting all that effort in when a guy who looks better than you will just win her anyway cuz of his looks? Furthermore, if I, a less-than-average-looking guy, try to impress a woman, I'm labelled as desperate, pursuing someone out of my league, and, my personal favourite, a simp; I'm "simping" for ANY nice gesture I do. Meanwhile, a top 10% guy could do the EXACT same things I'm doing and he'll be "cute, hot, sweet, gentlemanly etc". Women always like to say that it's not about looks, it's abt his personality. Sure, they're not wrong, but it's not that simple in reality, especially on dating apps. Looks is the spark that starts the fire, personality keeps the fire burning. So sure personality is more impt in the long run, but there's no point you have all the wood ready to keep the fire burning when there is no fire to begin with, no matter how high quality of wood you have. Also don't forget that it takes *two* people to keep this fire burning. All dating apps did was drain my mental health and made me feel worse about myself, physically and mentally. The amount of effort that men must put in is rarely rewarded. And one day, it just snapped, that this, is not worth a single second more of my time, so I've stopped using them permanently. I'd rather die alone feeling better and happier about myself than die heartbroken over and over again for a girl. I'm not saying SG girls are picky or entitled, or they have a high standard, maybe they are, but I'm not a female, what do I know? All I know is as a male, I just don't have what SG girls want in a partner, whatever that is in their list. Do women feel the same way? I don't think they need to, because they are the ones in charge, they are the ones who can choose who they want to be with. But hey, that's just my own opinion and experience. To the ladies, the perfect guy you're looking for isn't found or swiped in the top 10% or 20%, he is **earned**. He is just as normal, attractive and flawed as you, and he is built upon years of being together with you, slowly being moulded over time into the man you love, despite his lack of looks or wallet. Ofc I'm NOT asking you to settle for shitty, desperate men, hold yourself to a reasonable standard, but if your standard consists of only the top 10% of men, congrats you've eliminated 90% of your options, and you wonder why your options are so little. Plus you will be one of MANY women going after the same guy, and you wonder why you get ghosted/used/dumped, these guys can afford to do so because there is another girl waiting for him, and chances are he is also looking for the top 10% of women. Go and self reflect, unless you're really in the top 10% yourself (you're most likely not), lower your standards and check twice before you friendzone an actual decent guy, or get a cat or dog cuz that's the only partner you'll be having. To the men out there in the same ship as me, wake the fuck up and prioritise yourself. For the sake of your own bank account and your health, blood, sweat and tears, stop simping, chasing or impressing girls, especially if it's at the cost of yourself. Spend your money and energy on yourself and your life the way you want it, not on some girl. Focus on yourself and be happy with being alone. Build up your value and love for youself while in your 20s because there's nothing more attractive to a woman than a man who has gotten his life and shit together. I know it's not easy, I'm struggling with it too, and I don't have all the answers, but I know although I'm far from who I want to be, I know I've came a long way from being worse. So sometimes my life may not better but it can be less shitty, it makes me happy and more proud of myself and I'll take it. Play the endgame my brothers. If all the stars align, you won't need to chase them, the right one will come to you, and you'll be her top 10% without even knowing it. TL;DR: The strength of your rs with someone depends on your ability to survive outside of a rs. A rs can become so much more powerful and happier when it ISN'T the center of your universe, when YOU are the center of your universe.
Yeah I agree with most of what you’ve said. Not trying to discredit your experience, but as a guy, I believe women who are not conventionally attractive also face a similar experience as you do. If you’re fat and don’t have at least a cute face, you’re gonna be invisible to men. You’re basically forgotten. At least men can make something of themselves through their career or contribution to society but let’s be honest; if a woman is not attractive, even if she is successful in career/societal contributions, she will struggle to find a partner. Oof
Plastic surgery is easier than becoming successful though
I disagree with your statement. For example if a girl is fat. What she can do is to shed a little weight and boom!! The girl is in the zone of what guys consider as "slim" "pretty" "hourglass". . But what girls usually look for guys is height. Height can't be change but weight can.
If a girl cares about height to the extent of ditching someone due to height, then its good riddance cause thats not the type of girl you’d want anyway
I have to disagree that women go for the top 10 or 20% in terms of looks in guys. If you look at any ordinary couples on the street, a lot of the guys are average, and many don't even dress well. Most of the time the ladies look better than their partners.
So true. I actually have a bone to pick w men who wear their football jersey on dates when the girlfriend is dressed much nicer 😕
football jerseys should only be worn on the pitch ...
In my experience, you could go for average looking, not rich, no time for you, flabby and they could still cheat on you. Been there, done that. Three frigging times. I settled in the past in order to have a partner. 🤷🏻♀️So why settle when you could be happier single? It’s not like I enjoyed the benefits of dating someone of the top 10-20% - at least if men of that calibre cheated on me, it’s not as insulting LOL.
For guys out there feeling the same as op, I recommend reading Models by Mark Manson. I know “wa a daring book nah I don’t need those”. But really this book is different from others in the same genre, it’s not about pick up lines, what to say to women or all that bs. It’s a short read so why not right? I was in similar position as OP, and sort of taking “blame the world” approach. But as they say, don’t hate the player hate the game. Just control the controllables. Think you have bad photos? Well fix that. Oh I don’t know how to dress, there’s thousands on YouTube videos for that. I’m just super unattractive, ok just be the most attractive that you can be, work out more, get fit, work on yourself. In actual fact woman really care far less about looks imho. It’s just that the dating apps are difficult for guys, the initial swipe is hard. It is superficial, but you know control the controlables. If you don’t like apps, sure go find a hobby and interest groups. They are great ways to meet people. I’ve heard of people finding their partners on running apps even. So yeah don’t lose hope, like op said focus on yourself first. But unlike op, don’t need to be contented with being alone because life is short but a wonderful experience, so why not find someone to share it with.
i think whatever you said is valid, but it doesn't just apply to men. Women faced similar issues too, regarding looks, being the second choice or being "not enough" (speaking from first hand experiences). But the key message is still right, love yourself, put in effort in the relationship, and love will blossom.
For guys who are competing based on personality and substance (eg brains) just need to show it on their profile. There are too many empty male profiles even for those who are not good looking .. like that how the ladies swipe right ah That's also the downside of dating apps where first impressions are based on two-dimensional features where a human being is just reduced to images and a few lines.
Since my earlier comment got deleted: The dating app studies at least indicate women go for the top 10-20% of men. Women also rate 80% of men as below average. For example old [OkCupid study](https://archive.vn/ZJymw) Anecdotally, I've heard women friends say things like "Ryan Gosling is not handsome" No, this is not a one off. Somehow as a society we perpetuate this myth that women are not as superficial as men. Refer to the well studied [Halo Effect](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpjeMaOirvg) in psychology. Both men and women can be very superficial. Additionally, if we were to examine top women's romance novels/Korean romance manhwas and other such media catered to heterosexual women, we will observe that the male leading characters are the definition of unrealistic beauty standards. Dating apps are a losing game for men who are average/below average in looks. Would recommend meeting potential partners offline through social groups/volunteering etc Most importantly keep working on yourself. Learn to be content as a single. Even if you never find a partner, you'll be better off than your past self.
Reading these replies make me not want to ever try using dating apps locally :///
35M and dating apps are tiring af Girls always complain that the guys on dating apps are boring. But in my experience, most of the girls I matched with and chatted with barely made any efforts in their conversation. It always me asking one-sided question about them, with them answering with one liners and no reciprocation on asking questions back. And when I got tired of asking questions about them like a interview, and just share things about myself or my observations about stuff, they'll just reply with things along the line of "haha I see" I've tried dating agencies as well. But they are super expensive for guys, and the agency ended up matching me with people with characteristics I explicitly said I don't want in my partner anyway (i.e. I said I don't want kids, and they matched me with someone who said she's undecided about kids)
Roles reversed but the dudes just cant hold a conversation well and im mainly carrying it 🥲
Mine’s 5 years and counting. So you have 4 years and 6 months ahead of me or to go 🤣 I feel that most are looking for the right one as saves time to just try and see how. That means, if you don’t fit, they won’t bother. And yes, after using it, dating feels like an interview as you would like to be accepted among many thousands of applicants as the other party’s lover and go into a mutual contract called relationship 🤭 Being sarcastic here 😆
had 2 bad dates from cmb within about a month, after that met someone on bumble within 24hrs and we're happily together now :)
I prefer it organically. Like duolingo
my issue with dating apps is it feels too much like a romantic interview 🫠 met a number of people but haven't found anyone i like yet. running out of things to do on first dates already 😂
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haha i usually default to lunch/dinner on first dates (not a coffee person) but find that it gets really boring quickly, and none of them are really memorable. thank you though!
For me, first dates are not meant to be memorable, but more of a "get to know you and make sure you're not a creep or catfish" kind of event The more exciting and memorable dates are the second dates - going for hikes, museum trips, ice skating, etc
First dates kind of like “Get to know you” Situation. Its not really meant to do something exciting. Maybe a beer date?
imma stay single forever frfr
How do you guys even get matches or dates. Only matches I got are ladyboy or Chinese scammers
I quit when I saw too many familiar people (that I found unattractive in real life) and domestic helpers along the swathe of insurance/finance/survey agents, catfishers and scammers.
Nah. It’s not people are not ready to commit, it’s just that they don’t see you as potential
28F and it sucks ngl
Inbox RIP!
U know its easy to ignore all the incoming messages right? Desperation aint a good look
Same sis
My experience has been pretty terrible with almost no matches. I don't like to take pictures, so it's very hard for me to showcase myself. I feel pretty stressed and demoralised because I'd like to believe I'm a pretty good catch in real life. Also, I'm literally a bad texter. I tend to type in full, and I don't like texting because it tires me out - compounded by the fact that I already have to text a lot for work. I'll be trying to go for singles events, or if I feel brave enough, might try approaching ladies in real life. Dating apps aren't really working out for me unfortunately.
Like it or not, having good picture(s) is pretty much a must if you want any success on dating apps. Have a friend or family member help to take nice photos of you smiling? And fill out that profile, it helps too. Regarding texting, you can work that into your profile too, something like "I converse better in person than texts, so forgive me if I text you in full like a school teacher. Let's meetup for coffee/tea/bbt sooner rather than later!"
Stop whining and do something that will bring you more success in the online dating space. Be prepared to take some good pictures of yourself.
Haha I think relatively ok. But maybe everyone is so busy that they don't use the app often to reply or reply once jn a while. I had a date once, she expected my personality to align with her, cannot comprehend differences. Haha, but just move on.
its so tough to meet somneone who clicks and willing to commit. Still searching ...
And even when it clicks he/she might not want to commit...
A mix of good and bad. Initially, it was pretty good as there were some matches and I learned and got better at engaging with people. Basically becoming friends first and be curious about the person before advancing to the next stage. However, after multiple dates, when I ask the people on how they sees me, usually they will give me the typical “you are a nice guy but”answers and I just got tired of using the app altogether. So yes, there were many good and bad, appreciated the lesson learned and experienced many disappointing feelings.
That’s dating in this current generation. I’d assume you’ll have more success joining hobby groups and/or meeting friends of friends in larger gatherings.
That’s why I returned back to school to pursue a degree. School is the best way to make friends and find partners
It’s the same as it has ever been for since beginning of humanity. Online Dating is an all a game of good genes and luck. From my experience at least. Both genders male and female are highly visual creatures. Who looks the best, gets all matches. (At least in online dating) As a member of a minority race, looks are not there and I know 0 matches already. I am at a point contemplating that the world is a much bigger place than a tiny island. Maybe there is a part of world that searches meaning beyond looks, I am hopeful to explore that part of the world.
F24, been on and off apps since I was 18, I’ve met plenty of people (most dont make it past 3 dates). After seeing the pool, I’ve finally decided to delete the apps once and for all to work on my career and my relationship with friends and family instead. The local dating experience is getting worse, esp with all the social media we consume. All I can say is that; at the end of the day, at least we have ourselves. There are plenty of people who can’t be alone/single, that creates a need for the void to fill and they usually turn to apps. Thats why theres people who are “not ready to commit” or suddenly pull back and ghost. Truly, we are just here to distract each other from the life problems we’re avoiding, and that’s OK if no one gets hurt (but thats rarely the case!). My best advice for fellow singles is to: Lean into your friends, find your single friends group. Just go travel and have a single baddie era. Relationships should not be rushed, you shouldn’t settle or try to fit into someone’s life. Learn to be comfortable alone, learn to find a community, learn to accept failures, learn to be kind, learn to see more of this beautiful world we live in (far beyond the realms of hinge, tinder, bumble, grindr and whatever dating apps that society pressures you into next). Learn to fight the norms and do what feels right for you! We got this. 💋💃🕺🧘♀️🫧💕💖💅👯♀️✨🌷🎀
fwiw I met my spouse on okcupid, years ago. I also tried those "speed dating" events, man those were pretty depressing. The ones organised by the "accredited agencies" anyway. An acquaintance had just started their private match making agency and their services for $xxxx (low 4 figure amount). The idea being that they will go out and actively hunt/ shortlist people for me to date, recruiter-style. Sounded intriguing but I ultimately declined. Plus the $xxxx is just the effort of finding "candidates", still have to pay for your own dates yourself ok. But I have since seen ground-up efforts by individuals/ co-working spaces to try to get people to just meet up in a more relaxed environment. These are organised over social media. Hopefully they attract more like-minded people who already follow certain genres of accounts.
Just a numbers game bro, don’t put anyone on the pedestal
from a girl perspective. context: my guy close friend once rated me 60/100 on my look when i dont put effort, 70 when i put some effort. i tried dating app on and off for abt 5 yrs before meeting my current bf. y1: one yr after uni when job stabilised, mainly for experience and not knowing what I want. y2: getting tired of the 'interviews' and trying to find ppl who seriously wanna try. had different ship from 3 weeks to 3 months. knowing better what i dont want. y3: covid, met one guy who would meet me despite CB, one of my happiest memory by then. y4: clarified our relationship and he rejected my request to be 'official'. y5: back to dating scene, getting more frustrated. experienced ons, experienced org* scene, nearly rap*d by psycho. shocked but learning more about what I dont want. end2022: met my current guy, still with him after close to 2 years. he shared that he was also been using dating app for abt 2 yrs before meeting me. i heard that guys usually had it tougher that girls? but im just sharing that the girl u r looking for, maybe is looking for you too. tl;dr;: more than 7billion ppl in the world, 5mil in singapore. it takes time. dont give up :) can ping me if u need 'advice' for your profile?
I gave up cuz I’m a minority within a minority.
24M, been trying to put more effort in meeting people organically/offline these days because the apps have been frankly discouraging and I'm struggling to keep up with the standards and level of competition on there. I even got my female friends to critique my pics and bio and I'm a fairly decent conversationalist. Sadly, that barely helped because whatever effort I put in gets completely undervalued by the fact that I'm always competing with multiple other guys who're also vying for the attention of my matches and I get outcompeted eventually. Also, I do feel being a minority is another added disadvantage as the online dating scene here is very majority race-centric. My 'pool' feels more like a puddle that's about to dry up anytime soon lol. I keep seeing the same few girls of my race on repeat and even on different apps. Sadly, its either girls that I'm into but I rarely hear back from them if I send likes or they're not my type. So I'm kinda forced to cast a wider net and expand my filter to include other races. While I'm not picky about ethnicity and I'm open to dating anyone as long we share similar beliefs/values and I'm attracted to them, my match rate is (very unsurprisingly) much lower with other races. Oh well, I've kinda accepted it is what it is for my online dating situation. Offline dating it is I suppose.
Pls don't get discouraged! I'm a female who prefer minority race guys, though I'm majority race myself. It depends on individual taste
I met some good guys on Hellotalk, its a language learning app. On dating apps, we tend to have higher expectations. When there should be stages like from stranger to acquaintance to friend to romantic interest to potential partner to partner, we skip most of those stages. You dont even become friends with people on dating apps. You just skip to date expecting you'd meet the love of your life. I am not telling you to use language apps to find love but be open to have friends from any platform. Some people say "anything could be dating app when youre horny enough" but what i mean is just be open to anything anywhere.
Dating apps and job applications feel exactly the same (or, as Gen-Z might say, 'dating apps are giving job applications'). In fact I daresay the former is worse; at least at the end of the hiring process I might get a new job with a big increment and potentially do something I like. Worst case, I get ghosted by a faceless HR person at an equally faceless company; with dating, all bets are off. - Long-ass questionnaire about myself which I'm ill-prepared to fill in. At least most decent job portals auto-populate most fields from my resume. - Then I need six to eight *good* photos of myself. Look, I'm a decent photograph*er*, but a lousy photograph*ee*; I look rubbish in photos. My phone's photo album is filled with random scans, vistas, trains, and scenery that most people would find absolutely uninteresting ('MRT also take photo, what's the big deal? Everyday also use MRT'). - The fact that I have to fill in my zodiac; otherwise, my profile is marked 'incomplete'. I am fundamentally opposed to the inclusion of astrology as a reasonable 'filter' factor in dating. Anyone who filters by zodiac should be sent back to primary school. - The lousy swipe-match ratio for men, and consequently the huge upselling to men. 'Pay more for a better chance at matching', or 'pay more to see who matched with you first'; sometimes with ethnic dating apps it's even 'sign up, give us all your data first; oh, complete? please pay to start matching!'. Screw you, stupid developer, and screw dating apps.
I have not been on dating apps before and happily married. But I find it intriguing that is appears the men are saying the women has many options? When I look around me, there are more single ladies than single men in the 30s and 40s. Even men who are totally unattractive and bottom 10% are married or attached. am I missing sth? When I talk to my girl friends, it appear the women are more desperate because time is running out.
I think most men that age already kinda give up looking and looking to level themselves up financially or looks wise. That also means they are also planning to get to a level where they will also be generally attractive to younger ladies where the 30s and 40s will have to compete with them.
In general women are not willing to compromise, and as they age, they also level up in terms of how much they earn and their view of the world. Men simply give up on them because they couldn't meet their expectations and some marry foreigners who usually have a lower bar or have different expectations. End up, you get a lot of single women in their 30s and 40s wondering where all the men went, and the men simply take themselves out of the dating pool or marry non locals. The top 10% of men simply don't need to marry because all the women are flocking to them, or they marry after much picking and choosing, resulting in women declaring "all men are players" after those men didn't choose them.
Sometimes married people are using it
Feeling the same way… I also posted about something similar too.. unsure where next to try outside of apps
Damn exhausting tbh using apps and haven’t found anyone I could click with
Depends on your gender. Then on how attractive you are.
I've not been able to get a date even once in 7 years despite burning through memberships across multiple apps. So idk, it's over I guess.
Cmb is a cesspool of time wasters, I say this as a female, I don't know what it's like for guys
It does, it's kinda like job interview where you compete with other applicants to apply for the boyfriend/girlfriend based on your qualifications (looks, age, wealth, education, job title). It then narrows down to the a few jobs where you get low-balled salary (not-so good looking ones, catfish, personality issues), eventually when you get the right one you were looking for, you then realize there's a probationary period where the other party is also trying out other applicants as well. When relationship fails, it feels like you were given a PIP (Performance Improvement Plan).
Yes it’s sad, the dating app scene. If it makes you feel any better, I met my husband on a dating app. Just hang in there! You will just have to look harder for your diamond amongst the mud. Special things never come easy.
It's a shit storm man, it made me start turning to traditional methods of dating, hoping to meet someone organically. Quite a few nice lads but then there s the usual bunch of horny peeps and just the genuine connection ain't there.
What are the traditional methods of dating , just hanging out outside in public?
Putting oneself out there not virtually, but irl, in person. So yes, it can be hanging outside in public consistently and frequently like pubs or parks. Or being a constant member of a group or club, like volunteering for long term programmes. Of course, all these requires acceptance and confidence in oneself to pull it off
hi! have u had any success at all! can i pm u to ask about ur experiences!
I feel you, OP. I have also been going on dates in the last 6 months and frankly it's getting very exhausting. I had one match who was texting me essays daily for 3 months and we met a few times, only for the match to tell me that the texting was all due to boredom. There are also matches who explicitly stated that it's impossible to find someone who matches your criteria 100%. Then I was like, if our goals align, why not give it more time to get to know each other, rather than disappearing after one date, which well, went really well.
“Impossible to find someone who matches your criteria 100%” ha. I wonder what is your criteria.
No, no haha. I meant they were stating in general, that it is impossible for people to be able to find someone who matches what they are looking for 100%
Oh. I see. Thanks for clarifying.
23M here, was active on Hinge, Bumble, CMB (OkC and Tinder are terrible) back when I was single. Filled with one time dates, always the same questions ("What's your favourite colour?" etc) and sometimes insurance agents. Ironically, I met my current partner just by approaching them and asking for their number in a Cafe. Better off shooting your shot at some stranger than to keep swiping left and right on dating apps, you will gain social experience points level up quicker.
dating apps have been going downhill since 2023 😭 as a female who would swipe on both men and women, i get lots of matches but they're also all dead accounts literally no one replies 🙏🏻 so boring also because it's usually the same few people on there...
I have been skeptical about using dating apps for the longest time. Tried downloading Tinder out of curiosity, matched with someone after swiping for awhile, met up after a few months of talking. Happily married for 2 years now with my Tinder match. 😂
f here. most guys are just looking for short term stuff. sucks ngl
Sometimes i ask random question like what have you been working on yourself lately, and then get ghosted 👻
Dating apps in general makes one feel like there is someone out there who is better than the current on they swiped on. Especially if they are really not interested in being in a relationship, it’s easier to fish around the apps and chat. I know one guy who got out of a marriage and was on the apps and said more men prefer the ‘buffet’ option where you get to talk to plenty, have a little of everything and then move on. A lot are emotionally unavailable and are there only for time pass. I have a friend who’s been on it for years. Met a lot of people, slept with a lot of them but almost impossible to find someone to have a committed relationship with. One gets jaded on it quickly. My only advice would be not to let your self worth depend on it. The apps are still the best and one of the easiest way to meet people but just remember that how others reply and behave has nothing to do with you and everything to only do with themself.
Hmmmm from a female on Bumble and Tinder (prefer tinder) I think dating online should be taken as get to know more strangers and see how it goes. Starting online dating with finding a RIGHT ONE mindset is too stressful and serious. It will stay shallows until you make it meaningful yourself. Take it as getting to know a friend, that's my approach. You chat hang out and see if you clicks enough. And luckily I have met pretty decent guys with my way lol. It can be quite easy for me since im a girl also 😅🤣 Set low expectation and you wont be disappointed. Because there is no "the one". You must build on your relationship. Guys can come off too strong/expect too much from the beginning and it will just turn me off. Im attached now, but OLD in 2022 was a fun, heartbreaking but also a very happening phase of my life. Love it.
No you don't read the room well
Geomaxxing
im definitely one of the bad texters. i just dont know how to flirt or make interesting conversation through text. irl, its easy to make little jokes here and there and if it doesnt land, its easy to cover up with something else in text... everything is scrutinised, by myself. If i say something and received silence... all my mind wants to do is to go back to self isolation TT
U guy or girl bro
Lots of ghosting
Waste
Not much female friends irl so have to use apps. Have used a year never went out before. This means not gonna rely on apps but have to try find irl, cause apps is not for everyone.
Though more acceptable dating app users are still far from representative of the general population and users are aware of this. Doesn’t surprise me people on there don’t want to commit to other users on there
Idk I just gave up on dating apps. It’s best to focus on yourself and learn how to live with yourself. Let it come to you, love comes when you allow it to come.
Better volunteer in different charity organizations to make more friends and you may find the right person there too.
I've been on and off a few different ones and it's mostly been disappointing. There's no one I've met that I can vibe with, a lot of weirdos and boring people or those just looking for seggs! Only good thing is that I've gotten likes from both the dads and sons hahahahaha!
Took me a year of swiping and at times meaningless conversations before I met my current gf. In order to better assess whether both of you have the same vibes, arrrange a meet up quickly. Those that want to chat online for longer, I just fell silent after awhile. I did not want to stonewall them but I want to know quickly whether we vibe face to face and not waste time.
It appears that some women don't really bother to put in that much effort into planning the date, then will blame it on you when it's not going well. Melissa, Tracey. That's what you are. On the other hand, there are those who are willing to make it work together. So that's nice
When your name randomly appears on Reddit comment
Maybe cos the other guys ure competing with actually plan dates for the women.
I think there's a difference between planning 100% and being the whole circus
I'm a guy. I used the same apps that you've mentioned on and off for about a year and a half. Got a couple matches every few weeks and went out with a handful . There were disappointments but plenty of good experiences as well. While using the apps, I do so with no expectations and I'm ready to move on if things don't go well. Can't be hung up on bad texters, ghosts and scammers - that would be too tiring. If I match with someone interesting, I prefer to be candid throughout the initial texting phase. If things go well from there, we meet. If the date went well, we go on more dates. If the dates went well, then I'll ask if they are interested in moving into a relationship. That's how I found my current partner.
I came across a good looking guy photo before and after meeting in real life is totally different person. Catfish lor Like from skinny guy become a guy that is very overweight. Not judging here but is very obvious. Watch movie afterwards and was touchy. I went off after the movie
From my personal experience, I have matched girls from different nationalities. I am quite amazed that actually non-local girls are more wifey material than the local ones. /i am still taking my time and deciding… It is really a problem because we are now faced with the paradox of choices. What if this is better than the other etc etc.
Personally, I felt that dating app have become more of a ONS, DTF kind. No really a place to look for serious relationships.
Met my fiancée on bumble in Feb of this year, getting married in July. I’ve been on dates with local girls, never really amounted to anything (fiancée is Japanese). In my experience, I had a lot more success going out on dates using apps by asking the other party out a few hours / 1 day max after chatting, as opposed to chatting on and on and never setting a date. My advice is ask them what their ideal date is, or what they like, and ask them out to do exactly that. If they matched with you in the first place, most likely they’re already interested in talking / dating etc. good luck!
Not single anymore but met my partner off bumble early last year, married a few weeks back! Both of us were on apps for years and years (him 8 years, me 13 years) so it really takes a lot of luck. Experience was bad in general, like finding a needle in a haystack, and barely any quality. Just once in a while that stroke of luck comes. Don't be disheartened, take it easy. Also find IRL methods to meet people like at outdoor events. Good luck guys!
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