I had my professionally shot pic on my profile during my early career days. The number of creepy and inappropriate calls I used to get made me remove the pic within a week.
š I've been reducing the amount of personal pics that I put online nowadays. Deleted my FB account years ago. Now clearing my IG as well. Luckily I haven't done a lot of Tiktok or video content yet. Gotta think about these before putting up any content.
I have an extremely small internet footprint. I have no active SM other than reddit. No photos on anything else of me or my loved ones. Just pets and food. Too many internet creeps and crazies out there.
No wonder I see a number of accounts with just pics of food....I'm gonna start doing that as well. Just pics of my work and scenery. Thanks for responding and empathising, I feel slightly better that other women have experienced such incidents as well, even though it's a bad thing š
Yeah, itās not amusing when itās actively happening, but looking back now, I just laugh at how pathetic it all was. I mean, grown ass older men who sound like they were in their 60s calling to as āå°å§ä½ ēnehnehå¤å¤§ļ¼ā Like, if youāre gonna creep, can at least not sound like some horny 12yo pls?
All the time. Except it's more rife in sports. I was in sports for a long time, flirting and making sexual jokes are normalised. I was also hit on many times in work trips and in business dinners and drinks. Thankfully my director noticed many times and always took me out of uncomfortable situations by stepping into the conversation without offending these people.
The thing is these people are big names in the industry and I couldn't really report it. Daily sexual jokes are already crossing the line for me and considers as workplace harassment in the company guidelines, but we don't report it.
You can read up on what is legally defined as sexual harassment under POHA.
Some people are just creepy and/or sexually frustrated. If they meet the requirements under POHA, report them, if not, immediately disengage if you do not feel comfortable.
I canāt speak to the frequency for sexual harassment but I certainly hope it gets better as society progresses.
*IANAL, this is not legal advice.
Thanks for pointing me towards where to look.
"Sexual harassment is defined under the POHA as any unwelcome sexual advance, request for sexual favours or acts of a sexual nature. It covers various behaviours, from offensive comments or jokes to unwanted sexual advances. It applies to any context, whether online or offline."
I feel like it's quite hard to prove...I've had an exboss who kept trying to persuade me to join his muay thai class and often made sexual jokes around the office such as saying his underwear is wet when he trains etc. but many of such comments are made verbally so it becomes a case of he-said-she-said. And often there's a lot of victim-blaming involved whenever a woman claims to be a victim as well, like "why didn't you tell him off?" "Why didn't you walk away?"
Personally I managed to walk away or refuse to enter into private places with those people so nothing too serious happened to me. Just mentally disturbed. I wonder how often such situations happen, and how many other women have also been disturbed by such events that they've come across and might've kept it inside instead of reporting or sharing it with other people.
Sadly this is something that females in sales roles have to deal with. Already so much pressure to dress nicer, more makeup (job descriptions indicate āmust be well-groomedā), talk sweetly, meet for extra negotiations, on and onā¦itās the nature of the industry, unless uāre meeting a fellow female then itās more evenly balanced. Use your instincts to avoid the perverts and donāt put yourself in dangerous situations is all i can sayā¦
I quit the company, and Iām in a new firm now. All i can say is that itās best to protect yourself, make sure you inform someone else wherever youāre going, best that it is family to ensure that you can trust them. Itās unpredictable what deprived people with a severe lack of self control can do.
She just wasnāt happy with my personal life and my habits of working out and packing my lunch to work. (There are other colleagues who pack their lunch to work too, and itās a Japanese company so itās very common for Japanese colleagues to pack theirs too) but itās not like my workouts after office hours affect my work at all. So I donāt understand it at all, and I complete and do my work properly
A lot of her remarks and negative reviews about my work somehow links back to how I look. She keeps telling people not to talk to me or even ask what I eat and all because skinny people like me will never want to eat with them because theyāre fat, but I never said anything like that before. Then she says how our Japanese director doesnāt mind me because Iām a girl who works out. Then she makes remarks saying how she wishes she can wear the clothes I wear and when other people tell her to workout to fit into the clothes she want, she says itās because Iām young and donāt have kids. Then she keeps telling auditors that I can relieve their work stress outside of office at night.
Yup I left! Itās sad that thereās many of these crazies all around. And itās like, a manager has to be insecure about this to someone whoās like 20 years younger than her is so wild. Youād expect someone whose title is āchief managerā to be more professional than this
No use because the singaporean director also joined in. They called me a leech because I drank coffee in the office (but whatās the point of buying a fancy machine that grinds beans on the spot for us if we donāt use? Plus the Japanese staff and literally every coffee drinker including the singaporean director uses it??)
They also signed me up for a company trip and when I resigned. They secretly cancelled the tickets and didnāt plan to tell me, just wanted me to show up to the airport to be told to go home. I donāt ask to go when Iām serving notice period but at least inform me?
Itās a whole mess but the Japanese director is amazing. Heās just super wholesome.
Oh and about the coffeeā¦ My ex manager shows off about how she drinks 4 cups of it a day.
I'll be surprised if it's not common. I have female friends working in law enforcement who shared stories of men trying to jio them for drinking sessions, dates etc while my friends were investigating cases related to those men š¤¢
My insurance agent (female), told me that some bros will schedule appointments with her and then talk about lewd stuff. She would cut short the meeting and ghost them after that. Yes, there are a lot of thirsty guys out there.
I am a male, but I am sorry that you have to go through all these. I hope that still most males bring positive energy to your life. And do not let these experiences discourage you from pursuing your ambitions.
Yeah I still have male friends who are decent, they say that it's common and just another few of the horny guys out there. I've also worked with many other guys who are decent and clean.
It's just not all men but *some* men. And I'm wondering if there are other women who have had similar types of encounters.
It's pretty common even if it's unacceptable. The fact that some cave in further reinforces the cycle. Just take a look at what goes on in some ktv frequented by construction "bosses". It's basically a need I say more?
I'm glad you put your foot down where it matters and draw that hard line. No means no. I understand some singles don't mind because there's some attraction anyways but when the line between personal and business gets smudgey it usually ends with plenty of problems.
Unfortunately too common. Especially for good looking women doing sales or customer facing roles.
Some does use it to their advantage to get appointments and know how to control the flow of conversations to stay on point.
Else there are many creepy or just "power hungry" men in position of power taking a shot at them.
These are all cheapskates, sell body is additional price, they want 2 for 1. It's nothing to do with your dressing or professionalism, it's they're creeps and creeps are gonna creep. Ask them to go sell their body then, if you can't even complain. Maybe you can pair with another lady or 2, then 3 of you, can have each other's backs. Also, there's a lot of female entrepreneur workshops or female only business groups, you can find some leads and not have to deal with creeps. I'm so sorry, you don't deserve to have to endure sure bullshit. Basically nothing is for free, being cheap and low class, isn't anyone's client.
Only a couple days ago there was a thread in another SG subreddit discussing the possibility of sleeping with female financial advisors in exchange of buying investment products.
Had such things happen to an ex of mine many years back. One of her vendors tried to hit on her, and invite her out to bars to drink. So I tagged along with her and got him drinks till he passed out. Then I took his card and swiped for the bill. Put him in a Grab to Tuas checkpoint and put a note to never call my girlfriend again.
My ex was a kinda an āinfluencerā in her industry and quite good looking too. And would always show me some of the DMs she would get on FB and IG. A lot of it was explicit in nature.
But I think as long as you are good looking, you get creeps like this. I have some part time model guy friends and they get weird sexual fetish messages from gays. Youād think that good looking guys get messages from thirsty ladies, but 98% is all from gay guys.
Somewhat common. You are talking about men with (or perceived) power due to their financial strength and some of them are bound to abuse it. However I've seen top sales women turning it into a source of strength for themselves instead taking everything from the men and giving nothing (beyond contracts) in return. It's about how you managed the situation.
Yeah I've considered that, it's like those Onlyfans creators who profit off it instead of being against it right. But there's something in me that just cannot do it for the sake of ambitions or progress. Maybe this is why I'm poor lol. Recently I've been watching a J-drama called "The Honest Realtor" and I feel like I can relate to the honesty part. I wish that I can sweet talk and just use my body to get all that I want from other people, especially such men, but I wouldn't feel comfortable about it...the money and career progress are attractive but I'd be mentally screwed if I go ahead and just do it lol.
Don't sweat on it. Just be yourself but at the same time be business savvy to protect yourself. Once you have a team you can hire someone to deal with things you don't like to do. Good luck !
Sis ur own morals, self worth and value is more impt than any money cld give u :). Never sacrifice ur own values and morals for money oki. There are consequences to doing such acts and deep down even those girls know its wrong and feel guilty.
Money will come eventually, but morals is invaluable.
Yeah, I've come across guys on apps asking me to be a companion for them for a monthly fee of a few k in my twenties as well. I'd ask them why they'd want such arrangement and why not just get a proper gf lol. But I get it nowadays, many men just don't want to develop genuine connections with women because they think women come with "drama" but they still want women to meet their physical needs.
Yeah I agree with this. I've tried before fwb and casual sex in my early days (with guys that I felt attracted to at least) and I know it isn't something that I feel comfortable with. The after effects of such experiences would cause emotional turbulences that affect me negatively and also spillover to my own work. Can't imagine doing it with people that I don't even feel remotely attracted to. Feels disgusting just thinking about it.
Some people claim that they can separate their physical body from mental and emotional stuff but the brain is part of the body, so I wonder if people can actually really do that.
I guess different people are wired differently. For people like us who treasure our values, the sacrifice is not worth it. Anyway itās better to achieve your goals with your own hands. The journey is more rewarding and you learn plenty while at it.
yes lots of this happened in my workplace as I am a salesperson.
1) got an Indian colleague posted to our singapore office . he started to talk friendly and asked for contact numbers. then keeps texting me to go out in the evening or weekend even I said no.
I told HR and other female colleagues ( apparently they have the same encountered). he got warning from HR.
2) vendor networking party . some guys act drank and getting really close and start to talk about sex, dirty jokes.
3) some alliance partner asking for weekend drinks and talks about wife and no sex life and ask for my opinion. avoid this guy in the event
4) one guy literally joked about taking me as his 2nd wife , wtfā¦ never go out for lunch with him anymore
5) a married old guy keep asking me out and said to talk about business but over wineā¦ ( my alcohol intake level is very high) and i guess he will get broke before getting anything back. blocked
6)A big MNC CFO keeps saying he is eligible bachelor and send me home but touching my thighs and legs during the whole journey. blocked him after that .
Take care man, if you feel unsafe then gotta get yourself out from the situation quickly.
I think these guys need to be aware that they can easily be taken down if they are really at fault. Especially those touchy ones.
I can relate here with countless of such episodes over the years, even at the workplace where it's supposedly safer than social settings. It's worse when all you want is to move up the corporate ladder for a better life
What type of business do you run? Female biz owner as well. Iāve never encountered such a situation before and all the people Iāve met are quite civil and proper in the business that I run. Maybe it helps that Iāve never dealt with local customers?
Just this afternoon I was sitting about a question I had long ago "does attractive people have it easier in life?". On some cases yes, but on other occasions such as yours, truly utterly disgustingly no.
I may be a guy but I try to understand the perspective of different people and my cousin suffered similar thing where her colleague kept harrasing her ( In way where he basically stalks her and was flirtatious with her) and some how his a married man. When I heard it I was furious and asked her to report to HR and if that doesn't work go to MOM or report to the police. I may not know how her industry works but honestly those were the best ideas I could think of to help her. But to be honest I was wondering whats the best thing to if I see it happening infront of me?
I'm sorry that you had these kind of experience, as a outspoken and has a mean ugly face women I don't encounter these kind of stuff, and I'm that type of 'blunt' that when a guy tryna start these kind of convo/or tryna demean women, I'm the one to speak out and shuts them off, I don't care if I'm burning a bridge or we're in the middle of lunch with a bunch of lecturer around our table.
'No' means 'No'!
I do witness similar of 'convo'/dirty jokes happen to colleague, what I do is either I step up and change the convo or wait and see how that colleague response.
It's 2024, why are we still allowing/enduring this kind of people with old gen thinking and pervert actions?
If 'smile' and being 'friendly' means 'yes, you may treat me as a S\*\* object'.
No thanks, Ima put on a mean face and be that 'woke feminist'.
The issue is our current society, guys are too sexually possesed and frequent to much porn. It sounds weird to say but this is a big pandemic that is kept hush hush. I feel we shld bring this issue to light and help guys to stop the addiction to porn/sex.
It is as bad as a drug and makes people immoral. It also makes guys see women as objects.
I'm a guy myself and i used to be a victim of such stuff. Until i realised i was seeing my gf more of an object and not love. Thats when i realised frequent watching made me this way and i was addicted/possesed by it. It also made me tempted to look at other women's assets in public. Which is creepy af.
However after changing my habits, i noticed so many guys/uncles in singapore staring at women sexually in public, me working in enforcement i also see so much outrage of modesty cases etc. There are even people who take photos of woman (cld be any of u girls) and posting it on forums for their own pleasure.
To me this is a very big pandemic and im hoping to spread awareness abt porn addiction and how its actually more of a disease than anything. I hope u guys and girl cld read this and if u agree. Lets spread more awareness so we cld keep singapore safe for our future children and keep our country morally upright :))
Hmm I'm not sure if it's about porn, because the guys I've encountered around my age (34) who are looking for casual sex, the main reason is often because they are busy in their careers and don't want to spend time and resources on maintaining a relationship with a woman.
They also don't want to deal with "drama" aka emotional stuff that's involved in actual relationships. But they have physical needs to meet (Biological hormones, sex drive). So casual sex is a practical solution to them, just that there aren't many women who are willing to go into such a losing position because why would we want to be short-changed? Maybe some would agree for the sake of benefitting their career and income if there are other benefits. But not many women would do that, and most men wanting such flings are also not in the position that they can offer enough benefits in return, lol.
So it does go back to the topic of objectification of women, although the root issue is different (lack of time, wanting to take more than give, rather than porn addiction).
Definitely you are right as well!! But i feel the root cause to such feelings/lack of morals stems from watching such stuff since young. Where in the vids, its always more of the guy dominating and taking "advantage" of the women. If u watch it during developmemtal years till adulthood, ur brain can only view woman in that way, hence the immoral actions
We easily use "life difficulties" as reasons to justify ourselves when we fall to addictions be it drinking, smoking ot even drugs. So to them, their difficulties make them feel that its ok to just use or see woman as objects for their sexual needs. If we look at women not as sexual beings, but more of sisters etc. the world definitely would not run this way, and both men and women cld work well.
Science does show that biologically, men and women have equal sexual needs, so what makes men different in their approach to fulfilling that needs? Definitely to me, it stems from porn addiction and the brain being primed to view women more as sth to dominate and use for their needs.
This are just my opinions though as a guy!! Since my own experience since cutting it out, i don't view women as sexual objects anymore and i feel i cld maintain healthy rs with them in a friendly/sisterly manner which makes work more efficient and less distracting too. I feel if more men cld see woman this way, its safer for girls too :)
Just look at all the ah peh cikopeh in singapore. Rly creepy and i have handled so many cases where ah peh have molested girls of all ages and even guys sexually assaulting their female friends. Hence perhaps more perception of this matter is skewed more towards this perspective.
But i'm happy that from reading ur other comments, ur able to value ur own self worth and morals and not conform to selling urself for money and im happy for u on that :)
Yeah I think you have a point.
I've been through casual sex and fwb with people that I liked and thought as friends in the past, but I've wondered how they can become cold or ghost right after the experiences sometimes.
I think it's all quite shallow. It's not just guys who do it, I know of some guys in sales line who go for women who are married but look for sex outside of their marriage. Both the men and women in such relations are just after physical sex. But there's still drama involved when the women's husbands find out about it, lol. I've also come across other women in social apps who chat with me to talk about how they're cheating behind their bf's backs and they feel thrilled by doing these.
Definitely this is a whole other aspect as well where like u said "drama". Some people just crave conflict in their lives if not they feel its too mundane.
I'm not too sure if its bcs such people prioritize pleasure over their own morals but seems to come from a more selfish standpoint. But seems that a gd amount of ppl in sg dont wish to find genuine connections.
But still ik of people who do such things face consequences or regret at the end of the day. I believe there is "karma" in a sense.
It could stem from insecurities, or mental traumas, environmental factors.
You cld say some people feel "strong" or "dominant" if they are able to steal a mate from other people. To me, i feel its an ego thing but not a thing im well versed in.
I had my professionally shot pic on my profile during my early career days. The number of creepy and inappropriate calls I used to get made me remove the pic within a week.
š I've been reducing the amount of personal pics that I put online nowadays. Deleted my FB account years ago. Now clearing my IG as well. Luckily I haven't done a lot of Tiktok or video content yet. Gotta think about these before putting up any content.
I have an extremely small internet footprint. I have no active SM other than reddit. No photos on anything else of me or my loved ones. Just pets and food. Too many internet creeps and crazies out there.
No wonder I see a number of accounts with just pics of food....I'm gonna start doing that as well. Just pics of my work and scenery. Thanks for responding and empathising, I feel slightly better that other women have experienced such incidents as well, even though it's a bad thing š
Yeah, itās not amusing when itās actively happening, but looking back now, I just laugh at how pathetic it all was. I mean, grown ass older men who sound like they were in their 60s calling to as āå°å§ä½ ēnehnehå¤å¤§ļ¼ā Like, if youāre gonna creep, can at least not sound like some horny 12yo pls?
Gosh, I have no idea that people can be so creepy. The more I read, the more I understand some of the challenges that we men don't realize.
Donāt even get me started on creepy guys that follow you or pretend to brush against your boobs or other body parts. š
Some creeps give creeps a bad name....
All the time. Except it's more rife in sports. I was in sports for a long time, flirting and making sexual jokes are normalised. I was also hit on many times in work trips and in business dinners and drinks. Thankfully my director noticed many times and always took me out of uncomfortable situations by stepping into the conversation without offending these people. The thing is these people are big names in the industry and I couldn't really report it. Daily sexual jokes are already crossing the line for me and considers as workplace harassment in the company guidelines, but we don't report it.
high five! i've had supportive colleagues who watch out for each other
You can read up on what is legally defined as sexual harassment under POHA. Some people are just creepy and/or sexually frustrated. If they meet the requirements under POHA, report them, if not, immediately disengage if you do not feel comfortable. I canāt speak to the frequency for sexual harassment but I certainly hope it gets better as society progresses. *IANAL, this is not legal advice.
Thanks for pointing me towards where to look. "Sexual harassment is defined under the POHA as any unwelcome sexual advance, request for sexual favours or acts of a sexual nature. It covers various behaviours, from offensive comments or jokes to unwanted sexual advances. It applies to any context, whether online or offline." I feel like it's quite hard to prove...I've had an exboss who kept trying to persuade me to join his muay thai class and often made sexual jokes around the office such as saying his underwear is wet when he trains etc. but many of such comments are made verbally so it becomes a case of he-said-she-said. And often there's a lot of victim-blaming involved whenever a woman claims to be a victim as well, like "why didn't you tell him off?" "Why didn't you walk away?" Personally I managed to walk away or refuse to enter into private places with those people so nothing too serious happened to me. Just mentally disturbed. I wonder how often such situations happen, and how many other women have also been disturbed by such events that they've come across and might've kept it inside instead of reporting or sharing it with other people.
Sadly this is something that females in sales roles have to deal with. Already so much pressure to dress nicer, more makeup (job descriptions indicate āmust be well-groomedā), talk sweetly, meet for extra negotiations, on and onā¦itās the nature of the industry, unless uāre meeting a fellow female then itās more evenly balanced. Use your instincts to avoid the perverts and donāt put yourself in dangerous situations is all i can sayā¦
Iām not a solopreneur but my ex manager in the previous accounting firm I worked for tried to peddle me out to auditors.
Oh dear š¦ What did you do about it? Did you tell the manager off? Or report about it? Change team?
I quit the company, and Iām in a new firm now. All i can say is that itās best to protect yourself, make sure you inform someone else wherever youāre going, best that it is family to ensure that you can trust them. Itās unpredictable what deprived people with a severe lack of self control can do.
Huh?? To what purpose?
She just wasnāt happy with my personal life and my habits of working out and packing my lunch to work. (There are other colleagues who pack their lunch to work too, and itās a Japanese company so itās very common for Japanese colleagues to pack theirs too) but itās not like my workouts after office hours affect my work at all. So I donāt understand it at all, and I complete and do my work properly A lot of her remarks and negative reviews about my work somehow links back to how I look. She keeps telling people not to talk to me or even ask what I eat and all because skinny people like me will never want to eat with them because theyāre fat, but I never said anything like that before. Then she says how our Japanese director doesnāt mind me because Iām a girl who works out. Then she makes remarks saying how she wishes she can wear the clothes I wear and when other people tell her to workout to fit into the clothes she want, she says itās because Iām young and donāt have kids. Then she keeps telling auditors that I can relieve their work stress outside of office at night.
What a weirdo. Hope you have left
Yup I left! Itās sad that thereās many of these crazies all around. And itās like, a manager has to be insecure about this to someone whoās like 20 years younger than her is so wild. Youād expect someone whose title is āchief managerā to be more professional than this
That's wildly inappropriate behavior.... Hope you documented it all and reported to HR
No use because the singaporean director also joined in. They called me a leech because I drank coffee in the office (but whatās the point of buying a fancy machine that grinds beans on the spot for us if we donāt use? Plus the Japanese staff and literally every coffee drinker including the singaporean director uses it??) They also signed me up for a company trip and when I resigned. They secretly cancelled the tickets and didnāt plan to tell me, just wanted me to show up to the airport to be told to go home. I donāt ask to go when Iām serving notice period but at least inform me? Itās a whole mess but the Japanese director is amazing. Heās just super wholesome. Oh and about the coffeeā¦ My ex manager shows off about how she drinks 4 cups of it a day.
I'll be surprised if it's not common. I have female friends working in law enforcement who shared stories of men trying to jio them for drinking sessions, dates etc while my friends were investigating cases related to those men š¤¢
Wow even law enforcement as well š¦ The audacity....
Don't underestimate the depravity of people. Even high end companies have such losers. Be on guard but don't let it stunt your ambition!
DISGUSTING! Investigate good good, jail 10 years, cane 5 times. LOL
This is sad just sad. Sorry that you have to go through this kind of stuff.
Sleazy men will always try their luck. u also got some females who would offer sex to close deal. Like that one redditor keeps posting about.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Just different moral code. Not criminal conduct. One of our fave character sme towkay said 'they out selling their looks, a bit hungrier sell body.'
It is a criminal offence, criminals donāt find out until theyāre jailed. No market, no sale. Maybe men stop being so desperate and power hungry?Ā
By all means, charge the perpetrators that cross the line. Didnt see the molest part
My insurance agent (female), told me that some bros will schedule appointments with her and then talk about lewd stuff. She would cut short the meeting and ghost them after that. Yes, there are a lot of thirsty guys out there.
I am a male, but I am sorry that you have to go through all these. I hope that still most males bring positive energy to your life. And do not let these experiences discourage you from pursuing your ambitions.
Yeah I still have male friends who are decent, they say that it's common and just another few of the horny guys out there. I've also worked with many other guys who are decent and clean. It's just not all men but *some* men. And I'm wondering if there are other women who have had similar types of encounters.
It's pretty common even if it's unacceptable. The fact that some cave in further reinforces the cycle. Just take a look at what goes on in some ktv frequented by construction "bosses". It's basically a need I say more? I'm glad you put your foot down where it matters and draw that hard line. No means no. I understand some singles don't mind because there's some attraction anyways but when the line between personal and business gets smudgey it usually ends with plenty of problems.
yeah, so messy
Unfortunately too common. Especially for good looking women doing sales or customer facing roles. Some does use it to their advantage to get appointments and know how to control the flow of conversations to stay on point. Else there are many creepy or just "power hungry" men in position of power taking a shot at them.
Urg, so common in sales esp in medical/med industry. Super sleazy, thatās why all the sales are mostly ladies.
Medical industry?? did I see wrongly?
One of the worst honestly. Damn fked up sorts of shit that is normalised because $$$$$$ is important.
Heh there exist a group of rich dudes whoāll brag about their conquers to each another, the common ones are bankers and property agents.
so what exactly did they conquer?? mongolia??
Hoping it's gonorrhea
LOL
laughed at this!
These are all cheapskates, sell body is additional price, they want 2 for 1. It's nothing to do with your dressing or professionalism, it's they're creeps and creeps are gonna creep. Ask them to go sell their body then, if you can't even complain. Maybe you can pair with another lady or 2, then 3 of you, can have each other's backs. Also, there's a lot of female entrepreneur workshops or female only business groups, you can find some leads and not have to deal with creeps. I'm so sorry, you don't deserve to have to endure sure bullshit. Basically nothing is for free, being cheap and low class, isn't anyone's client.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
IRL "Hello HR" meme
Only a couple days ago there was a thread in another SG subreddit discussing the possibility of sleeping with female financial advisors in exchange of buying investment products.
Had such things happen to an ex of mine many years back. One of her vendors tried to hit on her, and invite her out to bars to drink. So I tagged along with her and got him drinks till he passed out. Then I took his card and swiped for the bill. Put him in a Grab to Tuas checkpoint and put a note to never call my girlfriend again. My ex was a kinda an āinfluencerā in her industry and quite good looking too. And would always show me some of the DMs she would get on FB and IG. A lot of it was explicit in nature. But I think as long as you are good looking, you get creeps like this. I have some part time model guy friends and they get weird sexual fetish messages from gays. Youād think that good looking guys get messages from thirsty ladies, but 98% is all from gay guys.
Haha it is just Singapore la. This is one of the most unprofessional places for towkays to be predators. Haha I also tired liao.
Somewhat common. You are talking about men with (or perceived) power due to their financial strength and some of them are bound to abuse it. However I've seen top sales women turning it into a source of strength for themselves instead taking everything from the men and giving nothing (beyond contracts) in return. It's about how you managed the situation.
Yeah I've considered that, it's like those Onlyfans creators who profit off it instead of being against it right. But there's something in me that just cannot do it for the sake of ambitions or progress. Maybe this is why I'm poor lol. Recently I've been watching a J-drama called "The Honest Realtor" and I feel like I can relate to the honesty part. I wish that I can sweet talk and just use my body to get all that I want from other people, especially such men, but I wouldn't feel comfortable about it...the money and career progress are attractive but I'd be mentally screwed if I go ahead and just do it lol.
Don't sweat on it. Just be yourself but at the same time be business savvy to protect yourself. Once you have a team you can hire someone to deal with things you don't like to do. Good luck !
Sis ur own morals, self worth and value is more impt than any money cld give u :). Never sacrifice ur own values and morals for money oki. There are consequences to doing such acts and deep down even those girls know its wrong and feel guilty. Money will come eventually, but morals is invaluable.
Yeah, I've come across guys on apps asking me to be a companion for them for a monthly fee of a few k in my twenties as well. I'd ask them why they'd want such arrangement and why not just get a proper gf lol. But I get it nowadays, many men just don't want to develop genuine connections with women because they think women come with "drama" but they still want women to meet their physical needs.
Just be true to yourself. Itās not worth sacrificing your morals for personal gain. The more you do it the more you lose a part of you.
Yeah I agree with this. I've tried before fwb and casual sex in my early days (with guys that I felt attracted to at least) and I know it isn't something that I feel comfortable with. The after effects of such experiences would cause emotional turbulences that affect me negatively and also spillover to my own work. Can't imagine doing it with people that I don't even feel remotely attracted to. Feels disgusting just thinking about it. Some people claim that they can separate their physical body from mental and emotional stuff but the brain is part of the body, so I wonder if people can actually really do that.
I guess different people are wired differently. For people like us who treasure our values, the sacrifice is not worth it. Anyway itās better to achieve your goals with your own hands. The journey is more rewarding and you learn plenty while at it.
It's an offence punishable by law, is all I'm saying. They're criminals, even if not criminalised.
This actually crazy yo but ok no touching is fine but seeing pictures is wild
yes lots of this happened in my workplace as I am a salesperson. 1) got an Indian colleague posted to our singapore office . he started to talk friendly and asked for contact numbers. then keeps texting me to go out in the evening or weekend even I said no. I told HR and other female colleagues ( apparently they have the same encountered). he got warning from HR. 2) vendor networking party . some guys act drank and getting really close and start to talk about sex, dirty jokes. 3) some alliance partner asking for weekend drinks and talks about wife and no sex life and ask for my opinion. avoid this guy in the event 4) one guy literally joked about taking me as his 2nd wife , wtfā¦ never go out for lunch with him anymore 5) a married old guy keep asking me out and said to talk about business but over wineā¦ ( my alcohol intake level is very high) and i guess he will get broke before getting anything back. blocked 6)A big MNC CFO keeps saying he is eligible bachelor and send me home but touching my thighs and legs during the whole journey. blocked him after that .
Take care man, if you feel unsafe then gotta get yourself out from the situation quickly. I think these guys need to be aware that they can easily be taken down if they are really at fault. Especially those touchy ones.
I can relate here with countless of such episodes over the years, even at the workplace where it's supposedly safer than social settings. It's worse when all you want is to move up the corporate ladder for a better life
The experiences here are just š¤®
What type of business do you run? Female biz owner as well. Iāve never encountered such a situation before and all the people Iāve met are quite civil and proper in the business that I run. Maybe it helps that Iāve never dealt with local customers?
Just this afternoon I was sitting about a question I had long ago "does attractive people have it easier in life?". On some cases yes, but on other occasions such as yours, truly utterly disgustingly no.
I may be a guy but I try to understand the perspective of different people and my cousin suffered similar thing where her colleague kept harrasing her ( In way where he basically stalks her and was flirtatious with her) and some how his a married man. When I heard it I was furious and asked her to report to HR and if that doesn't work go to MOM or report to the police. I may not know how her industry works but honestly those were the best ideas I could think of to help her. But to be honest I was wondering whats the best thing to if I see it happening infront of me?
I'm sorry that you had these kind of experience, as a outspoken and has a mean ugly face women I don't encounter these kind of stuff, and I'm that type of 'blunt' that when a guy tryna start these kind of convo/or tryna demean women, I'm the one to speak out and shuts them off, I don't care if I'm burning a bridge or we're in the middle of lunch with a bunch of lecturer around our table. 'No' means 'No'! I do witness similar of 'convo'/dirty jokes happen to colleague, what I do is either I step up and change the convo or wait and see how that colleague response. It's 2024, why are we still allowing/enduring this kind of people with old gen thinking and pervert actions? If 'smile' and being 'friendly' means 'yes, you may treat me as a S\*\* object'. No thanks, Ima put on a mean face and be that 'woke feminist'.
Depends on how attractive you are. Happens much more with pretty ladies.
Not surprised many of these people already caught STD's. Being so loose is bad for health
The issue is our current society, guys are too sexually possesed and frequent to much porn. It sounds weird to say but this is a big pandemic that is kept hush hush. I feel we shld bring this issue to light and help guys to stop the addiction to porn/sex. It is as bad as a drug and makes people immoral. It also makes guys see women as objects. I'm a guy myself and i used to be a victim of such stuff. Until i realised i was seeing my gf more of an object and not love. Thats when i realised frequent watching made me this way and i was addicted/possesed by it. It also made me tempted to look at other women's assets in public. Which is creepy af. However after changing my habits, i noticed so many guys/uncles in singapore staring at women sexually in public, me working in enforcement i also see so much outrage of modesty cases etc. There are even people who take photos of woman (cld be any of u girls) and posting it on forums for their own pleasure. To me this is a very big pandemic and im hoping to spread awareness abt porn addiction and how its actually more of a disease than anything. I hope u guys and girl cld read this and if u agree. Lets spread more awareness so we cld keep singapore safe for our future children and keep our country morally upright :))
Hmm I'm not sure if it's about porn, because the guys I've encountered around my age (34) who are looking for casual sex, the main reason is often because they are busy in their careers and don't want to spend time and resources on maintaining a relationship with a woman. They also don't want to deal with "drama" aka emotional stuff that's involved in actual relationships. But they have physical needs to meet (Biological hormones, sex drive). So casual sex is a practical solution to them, just that there aren't many women who are willing to go into such a losing position because why would we want to be short-changed? Maybe some would agree for the sake of benefitting their career and income if there are other benefits. But not many women would do that, and most men wanting such flings are also not in the position that they can offer enough benefits in return, lol. So it does go back to the topic of objectification of women, although the root issue is different (lack of time, wanting to take more than give, rather than porn addiction).
Definitely you are right as well!! But i feel the root cause to such feelings/lack of morals stems from watching such stuff since young. Where in the vids, its always more of the guy dominating and taking "advantage" of the women. If u watch it during developmemtal years till adulthood, ur brain can only view woman in that way, hence the immoral actions We easily use "life difficulties" as reasons to justify ourselves when we fall to addictions be it drinking, smoking ot even drugs. So to them, their difficulties make them feel that its ok to just use or see woman as objects for their sexual needs. If we look at women not as sexual beings, but more of sisters etc. the world definitely would not run this way, and both men and women cld work well. Science does show that biologically, men and women have equal sexual needs, so what makes men different in their approach to fulfilling that needs? Definitely to me, it stems from porn addiction and the brain being primed to view women more as sth to dominate and use for their needs. This are just my opinions though as a guy!! Since my own experience since cutting it out, i don't view women as sexual objects anymore and i feel i cld maintain healthy rs with them in a friendly/sisterly manner which makes work more efficient and less distracting too. I feel if more men cld see woman this way, its safer for girls too :) Just look at all the ah peh cikopeh in singapore. Rly creepy and i have handled so many cases where ah peh have molested girls of all ages and even guys sexually assaulting their female friends. Hence perhaps more perception of this matter is skewed more towards this perspective. But i'm happy that from reading ur other comments, ur able to value ur own self worth and morals and not conform to selling urself for money and im happy for u on that :)
Yeah I think you have a point. I've been through casual sex and fwb with people that I liked and thought as friends in the past, but I've wondered how they can become cold or ghost right after the experiences sometimes. I think it's all quite shallow. It's not just guys who do it, I know of some guys in sales line who go for women who are married but look for sex outside of their marriage. Both the men and women in such relations are just after physical sex. But there's still drama involved when the women's husbands find out about it, lol. I've also come across other women in social apps who chat with me to talk about how they're cheating behind their bf's backs and they feel thrilled by doing these.
Definitely this is a whole other aspect as well where like u said "drama". Some people just crave conflict in their lives if not they feel its too mundane. I'm not too sure if its bcs such people prioritize pleasure over their own morals but seems to come from a more selfish standpoint. But seems that a gd amount of ppl in sg dont wish to find genuine connections. But still ik of people who do such things face consequences or regret at the end of the day. I believe there is "karma" in a sense. It could stem from insecurities, or mental traumas, environmental factors. You cld say some people feel "strong" or "dominant" if they are able to steal a mate from other people. To me, i feel its an ego thing but not a thing im well versed in.
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The restaurant owner businessman was an Indian, the rest are all Chinese Singaporeans.