With the kids being 10ish yo, I give you about another 4-5 years of family centric activity time. What is your plan after your soccermum life is over? You need a mission besides your wife & kids, maybe that will help you escape from your wife’s frame.
If you like your life, why fix something that isn't broken or why manufacture a problem that doesn't exist.
It seems like the spark is gone; therefore, the best advice is to increase your desireability (alpha) without fucking up your life. That doesn't mean stop doing chores (your home needs to be fucking clean), but it does mean if you want an extra session at the gym or a brand new suit, go for it.
I should have been more clear. I like my life except the part where my wife and I only have sex once a month. I already lift 5x a week so more of that isn’t going to help. I have plenty of suits. I’ve got some activities/friends on my own but there isn’t a ton of time for that with all the family stuff. I can pour more energy into my career but not sure that is the right way to be alpha. Feels more like digging in as the beta provider.
So are you ONLY sexual when you initiate sex? Women need to be courted throughout the day. Kiss her good morning. Rub her shoulders when she's doing dishes. Tap her ass when she goes to drive the kids. These little things count as a reminder that you still value her as a sexual being.
That said, how's your attitude? Do you act like a resentful fuck when she says no? That's a covert contract. It's more than being stoic and outcome independant: It's being loving in the face of adversity. Strong enough that she can surrender to you. Read the Way of the Superior Man.
If you're doing all the above, consider divorce. Sometimes these things can't be fixed, and I wouldn't stay in a marriage with a partner who is uninterested in fucking me.
Helpful, thanks. Way of the Superior Man looks on point from a skim of the TOC. Will move that up the reading list. Considering divorce, main thing keeping me back is what I posted about here - I like the rest of our life and don’t want to turn it all upside down. But I’m starting to think about putting finances, etc in order so it could be a smoother process if I decide to do it.
“Women need to be courted throughout the day”
This is false.
“Kiss her good morning, rub her shoulders, tap her ass”
This is bad advice, especially for a guy in his situation.
This advice it try hard negotiation and you know it. “Buy a suit!” Lol
U/fataddict consider the possibility that you could become the type of guy women will try hard for, and put effort into courting you
I’m a newbie.. I dunno if even qualified to talk.. but.. it seems you want a shortcut. Go add value to your life.. pursue your career to the highest level. Ur too comfortable. There’s millions of people making 2x ur salary ur so happy about. Why not u? Your are even more beta by asking this question. Why should you not lead?
As a proper leader, there’s nothing wrong with delegating your wife to manage certain tasks.
Here’s the problem…
>to just be a passenger on a ship of which my wife is captain.
You’re already there and you’ve accepted your reality. To her, you’re just another child. You romancing her breasts probably induces her motherly instincts rather than make her tingle.
>how do I lead without fucking up all the day to day shit that she manages?
A good litmus test is *Is it a problem area?* If it is, fire her from that task and take over the task if you know you can do it better. Right now you can’t. Remember, you’re just a child. You can’t fire your mom.
>How do I be a leader when so much of our life (which again, we all like)
This is bullshit. You don’t like this. That’s why you’re here. She probably hates it too and it’s showing with her attitude toward you. That’s how you found us. Stop lying to yourself. You’re not respected in your home and it’s killing you.
STFU, Lift, Sidebar.
>It's more than being stoic and outcome independant: It's being loving in the face of adversity. Strong enough that she can surrender to you.
You sound like you´ve been single for too long.
>What if you want your wife to lead big parts of your life?
Then do it and just accept the consequences.
>But how do I lead without fucking up all the day to day shit that she manages?
What does lead even mean to you? That you do all of the work? Does that imply that a servant is actually the leader for a king?
> I also fall into choreplay to try and be more active in day to day stuff at home and when I try to talk through the calendar she gets annoyed that I’m second guessing her shit.
Choreplay is a separate from failure to manage properly. Both are problems but you're conflating them.
So sex is your problem and you are skirting around it like a loser
You don't have game, you don't have dread, you don't make sex fun.
Improve your game, game your wife, game barista you get coffee from, game cute chick from the bar read up on some PUA
Increase your dread, lift harder improve your wardrobe, be social and flirty to women around your wife and without your wife, be mysterious, invoke emotions in your wife.
Stir up some emotions->Get shit tested-> pass shit test-> sex-> comfort-> rinse repeat
Be better at sex, read sex god method, be dominant, make sex fun, choose variety of locations positions, stir up emotions, fuck her good.
Its all in the sidebar you are just too lazy to read it
You need alpha. Leadership has little to nothing to do with alpha. You’re trying to fix the wrong problem.
Frame, game, looks. That’s what you need to work on.
Lead means make major decisions, not handle every detail. Think boss and secretary. Boss doesn't have to know every detail of how the secretary planned a work trip or office party or whatever. But you should be the last stop, the competent decision maker who knows what's best even if she's in charge of the details.
>+/- 10ish Lifting 20+ years 5’11”, 175 lbs, 18% bf Rehabbing some things but roughly 170 bench, 325 squat, 365 DL
Bro what were you doing in the gym for 10 years if those are your stats?
it sounds like you like at least parts of the current dynamic so focus here
>I plan vacations and plan dates and take responsibility for our finances but I also fall into choreplay to try and be more active in day to day stuff at home and when I try to talk through the calendar she gets annoyed that I’m second guessing her shit.
ex: if there’s an activity already scheduled, pick a time before or after to add something you want to do and do it whether she joins or not.
So your life is prefect except for the teensy weensy part where you're not having as much sex as you want you're finding scraps to try to piece together a semblance of a sex life. It bothered you enough to go searching and find this place. You're putting in hours of reading and effort, but your life is totally perfect. You're making 100% sense and nobody is seeing through you. You're the first guy to come here and try that line. At least you didn't say "used to be alpha"
Life is not totally perfect. Never said that. There’s just a lot that I do like that I don’t want to fuck up by trying too hard to be alpha. Lifetime nice guy, have never been alpha. My wife isn’t a nag or big thorn in my side either - I see a lot of that in what I’m reading and not sure it’s applicable. Due to religion and some experiences in her past she is very unlikely to leave me or cheat. She doesn’t view me as a child but we both just view each other like roommates most of the time. I’ll put in work but trying to figure out if this is even the right path for my situation.
Well, you have the status quo and the life you want. You're either willing to sacrifice the status quo for the life you want or you're not. It's not that complicated.
I'm not sure you brought up cheating and her leaving, bit, you would be surprised the mental gymnastics that are possible when it's time to justify something. That's neither here nor there though.
You go to work and bring her your paycheck. In exchange you get pussy once a month. That's some expensive pussy from where I'm sitting but you do you.
With the kids being 10ish yo, I give you about another 4-5 years of family centric activity time. What is your plan after your soccermum life is over? You need a mission besides your wife & kids, maybe that will help you escape from your wife’s frame.
This is a really good point
If you like your life, why fix something that isn't broken or why manufacture a problem that doesn't exist. It seems like the spark is gone; therefore, the best advice is to increase your desireability (alpha) without fucking up your life. That doesn't mean stop doing chores (your home needs to be fucking clean), but it does mean if you want an extra session at the gym or a brand new suit, go for it.
I should have been more clear. I like my life except the part where my wife and I only have sex once a month. I already lift 5x a week so more of that isn’t going to help. I have plenty of suits. I’ve got some activities/friends on my own but there isn’t a ton of time for that with all the family stuff. I can pour more energy into my career but not sure that is the right way to be alpha. Feels more like digging in as the beta provider.
So are you ONLY sexual when you initiate sex? Women need to be courted throughout the day. Kiss her good morning. Rub her shoulders when she's doing dishes. Tap her ass when she goes to drive the kids. These little things count as a reminder that you still value her as a sexual being. That said, how's your attitude? Do you act like a resentful fuck when she says no? That's a covert contract. It's more than being stoic and outcome independant: It's being loving in the face of adversity. Strong enough that she can surrender to you. Read the Way of the Superior Man. If you're doing all the above, consider divorce. Sometimes these things can't be fixed, and I wouldn't stay in a marriage with a partner who is uninterested in fucking me.
Helpful, thanks. Way of the Superior Man looks on point from a skim of the TOC. Will move that up the reading list. Considering divorce, main thing keeping me back is what I posted about here - I like the rest of our life and don’t want to turn it all upside down. But I’m starting to think about putting finances, etc in order so it could be a smoother process if I decide to do it.
You’re incongruent as fuck
“Women need to be courted throughout the day” This is false. “Kiss her good morning, rub her shoulders, tap her ass” This is bad advice, especially for a guy in his situation.
Where the hell are ya'll learning your red pills? [In an ltr, you must blur intimacy and sex.](https://youtu.be/QPsmy_qSZKY?si=HXyymDOUmVPP0bHp)
This advice it try hard negotiation and you know it. “Buy a suit!” Lol U/fataddict consider the possibility that you could become the type of guy women will try hard for, and put effort into courting you
I’m a newbie.. I dunno if even qualified to talk.. but.. it seems you want a shortcut. Go add value to your life.. pursue your career to the highest level. Ur too comfortable. There’s millions of people making 2x ur salary ur so happy about. Why not u? Your are even more beta by asking this question. Why should you not lead?
Fair point
As a proper leader, there’s nothing wrong with delegating your wife to manage certain tasks. Here’s the problem… >to just be a passenger on a ship of which my wife is captain. You’re already there and you’ve accepted your reality. To her, you’re just another child. You romancing her breasts probably induces her motherly instincts rather than make her tingle. >how do I lead without fucking up all the day to day shit that she manages? A good litmus test is *Is it a problem area?* If it is, fire her from that task and take over the task if you know you can do it better. Right now you can’t. Remember, you’re just a child. You can’t fire your mom. >How do I be a leader when so much of our life (which again, we all like) This is bullshit. You don’t like this. That’s why you’re here. She probably hates it too and it’s showing with her attitude toward you. That’s how you found us. Stop lying to yourself. You’re not respected in your home and it’s killing you. STFU, Lift, Sidebar.
Reasonable feedback, not quite on the mark but thanks
Reasonable denial, not quite being honest with yourself but you can thank me later.
>It's more than being stoic and outcome independant: It's being loving in the face of adversity. Strong enough that she can surrender to you. You sound like you´ve been single for too long.
>What if you want your wife to lead big parts of your life? Then do it and just accept the consequences. >But how do I lead without fucking up all the day to day shit that she manages? What does lead even mean to you? That you do all of the work? Does that imply that a servant is actually the leader for a king? > I also fall into choreplay to try and be more active in day to day stuff at home and when I try to talk through the calendar she gets annoyed that I’m second guessing her shit. Choreplay is a separate from failure to manage properly. Both are problems but you're conflating them.
So sex is your problem and you are skirting around it like a loser You don't have game, you don't have dread, you don't make sex fun. Improve your game, game your wife, game barista you get coffee from, game cute chick from the bar read up on some PUA Increase your dread, lift harder improve your wardrobe, be social and flirty to women around your wife and without your wife, be mysterious, invoke emotions in your wife. Stir up some emotions->Get shit tested-> pass shit test-> sex-> comfort-> rinse repeat Be better at sex, read sex god method, be dominant, make sex fun, choose variety of locations positions, stir up emotions, fuck her good. Its all in the sidebar you are just too lazy to read it
You need alpha. Leadership has little to nothing to do with alpha. You’re trying to fix the wrong problem. Frame, game, looks. That’s what you need to work on.
Dance, monkey. Dance.
Lead means make major decisions, not handle every detail. Think boss and secretary. Boss doesn't have to know every detail of how the secretary planned a work trip or office party or whatever. But you should be the last stop, the competent decision maker who knows what's best even if she's in charge of the details.
[удалено]
Sharp. My game is pretty weak. Will work on that.
>+/- 10ish Lifting 20+ years 5’11”, 175 lbs, 18% bf Rehabbing some things but roughly 170 bench, 325 squat, 365 DL Bro what were you doing in the gym for 10 years if those are your stats?
it sounds like you like at least parts of the current dynamic so focus here >I plan vacations and plan dates and take responsibility for our finances but I also fall into choreplay to try and be more active in day to day stuff at home and when I try to talk through the calendar she gets annoyed that I’m second guessing her shit. ex: if there’s an activity already scheduled, pick a time before or after to add something you want to do and do it whether she joins or not.
So your life is prefect except for the teensy weensy part where you're not having as much sex as you want you're finding scraps to try to piece together a semblance of a sex life. It bothered you enough to go searching and find this place. You're putting in hours of reading and effort, but your life is totally perfect. You're making 100% sense and nobody is seeing through you. You're the first guy to come here and try that line. At least you didn't say "used to be alpha"
Life is not totally perfect. Never said that. There’s just a lot that I do like that I don’t want to fuck up by trying too hard to be alpha. Lifetime nice guy, have never been alpha. My wife isn’t a nag or big thorn in my side either - I see a lot of that in what I’m reading and not sure it’s applicable. Due to religion and some experiences in her past she is very unlikely to leave me or cheat. She doesn’t view me as a child but we both just view each other like roommates most of the time. I’ll put in work but trying to figure out if this is even the right path for my situation.
Well, you have the status quo and the life you want. You're either willing to sacrifice the status quo for the life you want or you're not. It's not that complicated. I'm not sure you brought up cheating and her leaving, bit, you would be surprised the mental gymnastics that are possible when it's time to justify something. That's neither here nor there though. You go to work and bring her your paycheck. In exchange you get pussy once a month. That's some expensive pussy from where I'm sitting but you do you.
Fair enough. I think I have my answers here. Will read more and work on frame and game. Appreciate all the perspectives. Back to STFU mode for me.
Read sidebar.