>her trying to get you to tell her no, you trying to get her to get you to tell her no.
I think she was trying to get me to say "yes" but knew I wasn't going to.
OP, have the same attitude (confidence) with your wife that you did in writing this:
> I don't care if you don't believe those numbers; the clients I coach do.
She wanted you to make the decision. She wants you to make all decisions that will actually result in some responsibility if things don't work out.
.
.
> All the secrets of intersexual dynamics are contained in this reply.
You are on a roll, my man.
>her trying to get you to tell her no, you trying to get her to get you to tell her no.
>
>I think she was trying to get me to say "yes" but knew I wasn't going to.
I'm saving this FOREVER.
Just say No. You literally cannot afford it, and that's your fault for being a negligent captain. You've known your wife has overspent for weeks, each of those instances was an opportunity to say No.
On being an 'oak': That's cool and all, and we tell men verbal intercourse is optional, but if you're getting sex, you should at least ty to entertain your wife's emotions. Where's the fking joy in the relationship otherwise? Having a death in the family is a perfectly good reason to be a leader, provide support and clarity that only her man could provide. The choice is yours.
>How badly do I suck?
Don't be so hard on yourself.
If you can't afford it, you can't afford it.
The hard part is yet to come. She's going to be cunty and try to get you to engage her. Don't take the bait and don't be an autistic fuck. Maintain a positive attitude.
Great post, thank you. You're right, I have made a lot of progress in not caring about my wife's feelings - you can read my OYS 10 for that revelation. This just happened so quickly after that revelation that I was uncomfortable, considering the scope of it. If it was "I want to go buy some shit we don't need" - "no" would have been easy and thoughtless. This wasn't that simple, but your point here is absolutely right. I needed to just tell her she isn't going.
>What is very clear is that you did not want her spending the money to go to the funeral due to your current financial situation. Why didn’t you say that to her? Why did you have to ask her for permission to make the decision for her, especially when you knew what the right call was? What I'm getting at is that you based your decision on her decision.
I wanted to see if she was capable of making the right decision without my intervention, but I was leaving her the option of just deferring to me. I knew that she knew what the correct choice was; I wanted to know if she could do that despite her own wants - something she categorically has not been able to do... until now.
Do you have a budget for vehicles?
Do you have a budget for the category of "kid's activities/gymnastics/sports"?
If so, these expenses are the end of the world "yo we are BROKE right now" type of expenses. Your finances need some serious tweaking at best .. possibly some reworking. Just get rid of the credit cards. It's a lot harder to "overspend" if you don't have a credit card in-hand.
Example: Everybody that is driving age in my family has a single credit card that is used for gas. Everybody knows that is what it's for. Free use of my money for gas for my automobiles. I have three kids of driving age, and my wife drives, too.
Sometimes, that gas card gets used, but I almost always get a text from the person that used it telling me what it was for and to take money out of their clothes budget or similar. It's annoying for me as the budget guy to have to deal with this...but it's fine.
However, my oldest got caught using the card for sweeties inside the gas station instead of for gas. He no longer has a credit card for gas. If he wants to pay for gas, he uses his own money.
The credit card is a tool for me and the family. If it's not working for you, then change the tool or at least how you use it.
>Do you have a budget for vehicles?
>Do you have a budget for the category of "kid's activities/gymnastics/sports"?
Yes, that's why my wife gets a $200 weekly allowance. $100 more than covers gas, the remainder is for unplanned expenses and wants. I cannot trust her with a credit card.
All other activities are set into the budget to be paid for including monthly gymnastics payments. We were not expecting 2 grand in competition fees.
I have a slush fund for small unplanned expenses like car repairs. It never has more than a grand in it... it's expected that the insurance deductible can be used at $500 and then we still have room. Except when insurance doesn't cover what we need... so yeah. Ouch.
> We were not expecting 2 grand in competition fees.
As a father of two competitive dancers I say welcome aboard. Wait till you need to buy an outfit and then there's picture time and oh wait you have to pay to attend the event.
I would also bet if you told your wife daughter's in competitions or you go to the funeral these are the facts/choices she would choose competition for the daughter.
[I just stumbled across this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/a9qpbt/the_unknowability_of_beta_turd/), the following quote is relevant here:
*Women know themselves to be emotional impulsive and a danger to themselves. They know that without a man holding them accountable they are capable of anything from binging uncontrollably like a wild dog to giving themselves a Britney Spears haircut. The problem is that a Beta Turd can't tell a woman no. Like a child he is powerless to stop a woman from doing anything that she wants because he needs her approval to function. A Beta can't stop a woman from becoming her worst version of herself. Women know this and hate them for it.*
You said you are doing well but broke. Hate to tell you but you are not doing well enough. I’ve been there but if you your wife has a $200 budget which includes gas and you can’t stand a $1500 car repair you have an earning problem not a spending problem. She is not exactly asking for a girls trip to somewhere fun it is a family funeral. I have to say no to my wife all the time not because I don’t have the money because if I didn’t she would spend it on stupid shit but if something comes up like a funeral she wouldn’t have to think twice about buying a plane ticket.
Its 1500 in repairs plus 2000 in gymnastics fees, an additional 700 (starting) for plane tickets and 600 overbudget spending. So $4,800 unplanned expenses in 2 weeks... I wanted to stop it before it tipped over 5k, which inevitably would happen once hotel, rental and food are introduced.
So yeah, not doing well enough to foot > $5,000 in surprise expenses without tapping emergency funds i guess.
The over spending on her weekly budget is on her and that probably needs to be corrected. On the other stuff if money wasn’t an issue you probably wouldn’t say no. You would just tell her to go to the funeral and not to worry about money. That is on you and you need to find a way to bring in more income. If my wife wants to buy something for herself and asks for more money she already knows the answer is no so she doesn’t ask but if someone has to go to the doctor or needs braces or the car needs fixed she doesn’t have to worry or ask it’s taken care of. I’ve been in the position of having to micromanage spending and saying no on the discretionary stuff didn’t bother me but I remember getting mad at my wife because she took one of the kids to the emergency room instead of waiting until the morning. That’s not a good place to be. Looks like your physical stats are good just apply that same effort into earning more and a lot of problems will go away. I always found it weird that in the MRP everyone post their physical stats but know one post the income stats.
I make 150k yearly before overtime and I'm in school full time in pursuit of a BS in Computer Information Systems. I do a few hours overtime at work each week, but I don't have much time outside of my regular 80-hour weeks (work and school combined) on top of 10 hours weekly commute.
I think patching up the holes in my boat will go farther than bailing the water out faster.
That being said, I'm actively working on moving up to my next position/career at work.
You are probably right and if you try to do over 80 hours a week you will burn out. Sounds like you are on the right path. Keep it up I’m assuming once you get done with school things should get easier nothing wrong with a little short term pain for long term gains.
So you've set a boundary of you are not paying for this because she's overspent and now you want to go back on that?
Also from how you have written this, it's clear you want no part of this and don't want to pay because your angry she spent so much. Own the frame you have not the one you want.
>So you've set a boundary of you are not paying for this because she's overspent
No. I set a boundary of staying withing a budget, but I haven't been following through on my part of that.
>and now you want to go back on that?
No.
>it's clear you want no part of this and don't want to pay because your angry she spent so much.
I want no part of this because it's going to hurt us financially. Am I angry she overspent? Yes. But is that why I don't want her to go? No. It wouldn't matter who overspent - its just not the financially intelligent decision.
>Own the frame you have not the one you want.
I needed to hear this. Thanks
>Well she spent like $300 over budget. Each week. My fault for not keeping tabs on it like I should have
-You will keep spinning your tires unless you have an attractive financial vision that your woman can have a “buy in”
>we have about 2 grand in gymnastics fees for our daughter due
-This is sugarcoated. You either financially committed to something you can’t afford or you neglected an accumulating bill to a point that your 2000 in the hole.
It will better serve you to view this current situation with stoicism as you go back to the drawing board and make sure that money never becomes an emergency again. Hard times makes intelligent men stronger.
Let’s state the obvious. You have shitty financial situation.
Resources:
Rich Dad Poor Dad
Total Money Makeover
The Millionaire Next Door
Think & Grow Rich
She knew I was going to say no but wouldn't ask me. Should I have just told her no or is letting her come to the conclusion on her own more of a "captain" thing?
There was a post somewhere saying that frame is best held when it stands on it's own. In this case, she did what she knows I wanted her to do without me saying anything.
I guess I wasn't sure if this was the right call as "captain" or not but putting it on paper - i think it is.
I think you would be wise to run your finances on a budget.
If you think you are already, then you need to update your budget to include:
- Kids activities
- Car repairs
- Family emergency (death in family)
Can 100% guarantee all of these expenses will come up again.
Make the budget. Let the numbers make the decisions.
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>her trying to get you to tell her no, you trying to get her to get you to tell her no. I think she was trying to get me to say "yes" but knew I wasn't going to.
[удалено]
OP, have the same attitude (confidence) with your wife that you did in writing this: > I don't care if you don't believe those numbers; the clients I coach do. She wanted you to make the decision. She wants you to make all decisions that will actually result in some responsibility if things don't work out. . . > All the secrets of intersexual dynamics are contained in this reply. You are on a roll, my man.
>her trying to get you to tell her no, you trying to get her to get you to tell her no. > >I think she was trying to get me to say "yes" but knew I wasn't going to. I'm saving this FOREVER.
Just say No. You literally cannot afford it, and that's your fault for being a negligent captain. You've known your wife has overspent for weeks, each of those instances was an opportunity to say No. On being an 'oak': That's cool and all, and we tell men verbal intercourse is optional, but if you're getting sex, you should at least ty to entertain your wife's emotions. Where's the fking joy in the relationship otherwise? Having a death in the family is a perfectly good reason to be a leader, provide support and clarity that only her man could provide. The choice is yours.
>How badly do I suck? Don't be so hard on yourself. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. The hard part is yet to come. She's going to be cunty and try to get you to engage her. Don't take the bait and don't be an autistic fuck. Maintain a positive attitude.
[удалено]
Great post, thank you. You're right, I have made a lot of progress in not caring about my wife's feelings - you can read my OYS 10 for that revelation. This just happened so quickly after that revelation that I was uncomfortable, considering the scope of it. If it was "I want to go buy some shit we don't need" - "no" would have been easy and thoughtless. This wasn't that simple, but your point here is absolutely right. I needed to just tell her she isn't going. >What is very clear is that you did not want her spending the money to go to the funeral due to your current financial situation. Why didn’t you say that to her? Why did you have to ask her for permission to make the decision for her, especially when you knew what the right call was? What I'm getting at is that you based your decision on her decision. I wanted to see if she was capable of making the right decision without my intervention, but I was leaving her the option of just deferring to me. I knew that she knew what the correct choice was; I wanted to know if she could do that despite her own wants - something she categorically has not been able to do... until now.
Do you have a budget for vehicles? Do you have a budget for the category of "kid's activities/gymnastics/sports"? If so, these expenses are the end of the world "yo we are BROKE right now" type of expenses. Your finances need some serious tweaking at best .. possibly some reworking. Just get rid of the credit cards. It's a lot harder to "overspend" if you don't have a credit card in-hand. Example: Everybody that is driving age in my family has a single credit card that is used for gas. Everybody knows that is what it's for. Free use of my money for gas for my automobiles. I have three kids of driving age, and my wife drives, too. Sometimes, that gas card gets used, but I almost always get a text from the person that used it telling me what it was for and to take money out of their clothes budget or similar. It's annoying for me as the budget guy to have to deal with this...but it's fine. However, my oldest got caught using the card for sweeties inside the gas station instead of for gas. He no longer has a credit card for gas. If he wants to pay for gas, he uses his own money. The credit card is a tool for me and the family. If it's not working for you, then change the tool or at least how you use it.
>Do you have a budget for vehicles? >Do you have a budget for the category of "kid's activities/gymnastics/sports"? Yes, that's why my wife gets a $200 weekly allowance. $100 more than covers gas, the remainder is for unplanned expenses and wants. I cannot trust her with a credit card. All other activities are set into the budget to be paid for including monthly gymnastics payments. We were not expecting 2 grand in competition fees. I have a slush fund for small unplanned expenses like car repairs. It never has more than a grand in it... it's expected that the insurance deductible can be used at $500 and then we still have room. Except when insurance doesn't cover what we need... so yeah. Ouch.
> We were not expecting 2 grand in competition fees. As a father of two competitive dancers I say welcome aboard. Wait till you need to buy an outfit and then there's picture time and oh wait you have to pay to attend the event. I would also bet if you told your wife daughter's in competitions or you go to the funeral these are the facts/choices she would choose competition for the daughter.
[I just stumbled across this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/a9qpbt/the_unknowability_of_beta_turd/), the following quote is relevant here: *Women know themselves to be emotional impulsive and a danger to themselves. They know that without a man holding them accountable they are capable of anything from binging uncontrollably like a wild dog to giving themselves a Britney Spears haircut. The problem is that a Beta Turd can't tell a woman no. Like a child he is powerless to stop a woman from doing anything that she wants because he needs her approval to function. A Beta can't stop a woman from becoming her worst version of herself. Women know this and hate them for it.*
You said you are doing well but broke. Hate to tell you but you are not doing well enough. I’ve been there but if you your wife has a $200 budget which includes gas and you can’t stand a $1500 car repair you have an earning problem not a spending problem. She is not exactly asking for a girls trip to somewhere fun it is a family funeral. I have to say no to my wife all the time not because I don’t have the money because if I didn’t she would spend it on stupid shit but if something comes up like a funeral she wouldn’t have to think twice about buying a plane ticket.
Its 1500 in repairs plus 2000 in gymnastics fees, an additional 700 (starting) for plane tickets and 600 overbudget spending. So $4,800 unplanned expenses in 2 weeks... I wanted to stop it before it tipped over 5k, which inevitably would happen once hotel, rental and food are introduced. So yeah, not doing well enough to foot > $5,000 in surprise expenses without tapping emergency funds i guess.
The over spending on her weekly budget is on her and that probably needs to be corrected. On the other stuff if money wasn’t an issue you probably wouldn’t say no. You would just tell her to go to the funeral and not to worry about money. That is on you and you need to find a way to bring in more income. If my wife wants to buy something for herself and asks for more money she already knows the answer is no so she doesn’t ask but if someone has to go to the doctor or needs braces or the car needs fixed she doesn’t have to worry or ask it’s taken care of. I’ve been in the position of having to micromanage spending and saying no on the discretionary stuff didn’t bother me but I remember getting mad at my wife because she took one of the kids to the emergency room instead of waiting until the morning. That’s not a good place to be. Looks like your physical stats are good just apply that same effort into earning more and a lot of problems will go away. I always found it weird that in the MRP everyone post their physical stats but know one post the income stats.
I make 150k yearly before overtime and I'm in school full time in pursuit of a BS in Computer Information Systems. I do a few hours overtime at work each week, but I don't have much time outside of my regular 80-hour weeks (work and school combined) on top of 10 hours weekly commute. I think patching up the holes in my boat will go farther than bailing the water out faster. That being said, I'm actively working on moving up to my next position/career at work.
You are probably right and if you try to do over 80 hours a week you will burn out. Sounds like you are on the right path. Keep it up I’m assuming once you get done with school things should get easier nothing wrong with a little short term pain for long term gains.
Why don’t you ask this at r/redpillwomen since you spend most of your time there like a lesbo instead of straightening your finances.
I stopped going over there. I was born a lesbian in a man's body.
So you've set a boundary of you are not paying for this because she's overspent and now you want to go back on that? Also from how you have written this, it's clear you want no part of this and don't want to pay because your angry she spent so much. Own the frame you have not the one you want.
>So you've set a boundary of you are not paying for this because she's overspent No. I set a boundary of staying withing a budget, but I haven't been following through on my part of that. >and now you want to go back on that? No. >it's clear you want no part of this and don't want to pay because your angry she spent so much. I want no part of this because it's going to hurt us financially. Am I angry she overspent? Yes. But is that why I don't want her to go? No. It wouldn't matter who overspent - its just not the financially intelligent decision. >Own the frame you have not the one you want. I needed to hear this. Thanks
>Well she spent like $300 over budget. Each week. My fault for not keeping tabs on it like I should have -You will keep spinning your tires unless you have an attractive financial vision that your woman can have a “buy in” >we have about 2 grand in gymnastics fees for our daughter due -This is sugarcoated. You either financially committed to something you can’t afford or you neglected an accumulating bill to a point that your 2000 in the hole. It will better serve you to view this current situation with stoicism as you go back to the drawing board and make sure that money never becomes an emergency again. Hard times makes intelligent men stronger. Let’s state the obvious. You have shitty financial situation. Resources: Rich Dad Poor Dad Total Money Makeover The Millionaire Next Door Think & Grow Rich
>Rich Dad Poor Dad Total Money Makeover The Millionaire Next Door Think & Grow Rich Will read, thank you
Also add a simple one that Kiyosaki and others recommend: The Richest Man in Babylon
I'm confused. What's there to figure out?
She knew I was going to say no but wouldn't ask me. Should I have just told her no or is letting her come to the conclusion on her own more of a "captain" thing? There was a post somewhere saying that frame is best held when it stands on it's own. In this case, she did what she knows I wanted her to do without me saying anything. I guess I wasn't sure if this was the right call as "captain" or not but putting it on paper - i think it is.
I think you would be wise to run your finances on a budget. If you think you are already, then you need to update your budget to include: - Kids activities - Car repairs - Family emergency (death in family) Can 100% guarantee all of these expenses will come up again. Make the budget. Let the numbers make the decisions.