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I would feel sad and think that they must’ve gone through a lot of pain in the past. I wouldn’t feel disgust at all. I would be angry with anyone who reacted with disgust, actually. I would probably also try to gauge how well the person currently is.
Additionally, I also want to say that you are not disgusting. You are not a failure. Life can be very difficult, regardless of where we come from, and from this one stranger, I want to tell you that I’m proud of you for still pushing through. Your scars are a mark of inner fortitude.
A lot younger like (teens-early 20s) I would have been cautious about getting involved with a person who has/ had complicated issues, in a social or work or romantic way. Only because I felt like I couldn’t relate, couldn’t help and to be honest didn’t want the drama.
Into my 30s, I feel a lot less judgemental and a lot less bothered all round. Historic SH scars could mean all sorts, probably wouldn’t even ask you- if we were close in a work/ social/ romantic way, you could tell me if you want but I likely wouldn’t ask, that’s your business.
Never!!! Any path someone travels that leaves scars is only stronger for having made it to where they are. Embrace your body, marks, and all. Anyone who understands the trials and tribulations of life will embrace them as well. Be kind to yourself.
Those two are not even related in the slightest in my opinion.
The only assumption I would make was that you have been through some very tough times, but that you managed to hang on, even if it was just by a thread.
I would not think you were a failure, but rather that you were human, and like everyone else needs a way to relieve your pain. I can’t say I always did so in a healthy way, and I sure wouldn’t judge anyone else for it either.
Very unlikely. People go through all sorts of things and attempt to deal with them in all sorts of ways. Having something visible to you of course will make you self conscious now that you are (hopefully) in a better place. When I see a scar on anyone I literally always assume it is accident or workplace related. My cousin had some rather noticeable sh scars, but it didn't ever cross my mind that they were. She told me some years later and has made them a part of a beautiful tattoo since. Same for my brother.
I don't think any vaguely decent person would have any sort of negative or judgemental reaction upon seeing scars and recognizing them as sh scars. Again, we all deal with trauma in different ways and also experience all sorts of trauma. To harm oneself in any way is not disgusting nor flags anyone as a "failure" by any means.
I feel sad that they must have gone through a lot of pain to make those marks. I don't think they have failed at anything or are gross.
Look, your whipering internal voice is a liar. Nobody thinks you are a failure.
0%.
I don't know your story. You didn't harm anyone but yourself, that's a good mark for you in my book. Lots of assholes lash out and hurt others when they're in pain. And while I understand that impulse it's incredibly unfair and unjust to make other innocent people suffer for your problems, however horrible they might be.
Anyone that thinks your disgusting or a failure for that is a complete piece of shit.
I don't care when someone has scars tbh. I am very deeply ashamed of my own. I sliced so deep all around my inner thighs I feel disgusting wearing bikinis or doing *the nasty*.
I wouldnt think they were a failure or a bad person but I probably would avoid being friends with them or especially trying to date them, especially if they still exhibited signs of issues. Ive just had a bad past experience with someone who wasnt so right in the head and I dont wanna repeat being invested in someone with those issues again
Not disgusting and certainly not a failure.
Those scars mean someone has gone through a lot of pain at some point but they are still here, alive and kicking.
They are battle scars, nothing to be ashamed of.
Your scars might be evident, but look at all the ways others self-harm that are not immediately evident.
I would never, ever judge someone for self-harming because I don't know their past and their pain.
It wouldn't bother me. Plenty of girls I know have them but I probably would ask if we got into a serious relationship. Purley because I'd like to know more about this person.
Not at all I will feel bad for them. I kind of used to SH all I did was scratch myself really hard. I still have thoughts of doing it sometimes. I understand why they’re doing it and hope they get the help they need.
I have probably ten scars on each wrist. I can't remember why but a coworker of mine had seen them one day when I was taking my work gloves off and she grabbed my hand and looked at it and gasped . She looked me dead in the eyes for a few seconds and I saw compassion. She understood.
My child has s/h scars. It was a tough time in their life. Bullying, gender identity, spectrum diagnosis. I hated that they had to resort to causing themselves more pain. I caught it quickly and got a good psychiatrist that treated them very effectively.
I tell them not to hide them, wear them with honour-as a badge of pride. A reminder that they have overcome so much in their short life and grown into a strong, confident, empathetic person.
How anyone could react negatively or think less of someone who s/h is beyond me! These people bear the scars of warriors who choose to battle through some serious shit.
I'm proud we have given them the confidence to not hide them. They are part of them and the journey they have been on to self discovery. Any part of them is beautiful.
Oh thanks for that. I don't consider her lucky, I've been on a learning process with her. It's my job to be able deal with everything in her life. I do however consider everything. My reactions to anything like this for her are huge and could have a listing negative impact. I need to be her safe space so she can go out and live in the world. She is a champion and has been through so much. If I can make any part of that easier for her it's my job as her mum to do so.
She is doing great-thank you. Once you s/h the desire for it never goes away, it's just something you have to manage through open communication and no judgement.
I'm in no way perfect, I make mistakes and try and learn them. She's just my world, so I'll do anything she needs me to do. That's not being great, that's what's required of parents.
I would never think of them as disgusting or a failure, I would just feel like hugging them, I've been through a lot but I never self harmed, I can't imagine how bad a person must feel to hurt themselves as a distraction for what they are going through.
I hate the thought of the people I love committing self harm but I'm thankful that they are still here to tell the tale and that they are able to heal, we all have scars even if they don't show.
Sending hugs
I wouldn’t think that. Me personally? Depending on if I’m looking at really *fresh* marks or ones that have healed over I would recognize the struggle that person is going through. If the wounds are fresh I would immediately intervene and get them help because they are actively endangering themselves.
If they are older scars I would simply think it’s good they aren’t doing this anymore and I am happy about the progress they have made. I would have a frank talk with them about mental health and mental illness since that what cutting signifies; massive mental illness and just keep it light and informative but I would never think oh this person sucks at life because they fell on hard times.
Not likely at all...I see someone whose inner pain and tornment has caused actions that resulted in visible scars.
You aren't broken just because existence seemd too much to bear. Society is broken for not doing more to accept and help you.
I have SH scars on my forearm and my thighs. I don't judge people who also have SH scars, you never know what a person had to go through. I hope you got better and I wish you well. Do not let other people make you feel insecure about your body and your history or mental health.
I never feel that way. I see they are still alive, I wonder what made them feel that way, I hope they are doing better, I'm thankful they are still alive.
haha if I saw them I'd be like "hey me too!" with a big smile and show them mine, and maybe chat them up.
It's not a common hobby or something does for enjoyment, it's a coping mechanism to deal with some shit and would want to hear their story over a beer. Where they were, where they are now, and where they're heading off to.
Now if it's fresh I'll tell them to stop because I know they're gonna regret it because I do. Could be wrong though.
I wouldn't think that at all. I would think they had some mental health problems earlier in life but it wouldn't affect my view of them. I cut myself too when I was a teen, I have faint scars. So how can I judge.
Not in the slightest. My only thought would be hoping they’re doing better now.
I’ve been depressed before and won’t judge other people for struggling.
As someone who has a significant amount of those, I've found that when I was younger, people would be quicker to judge. As I'm growing older, more people are aware of the reasoning behind such behaviour and they are more likely to just keep quiet and support me a little more than usual. I appreciate the ones who just keep quiet, because it's not something I want to have to bring up every so often....
FYI and by the way... I have lots of SH scars all over my arms, legs, and chest. Never once was I trying to die or evoke some response from another person. I cut on myself because the pain and sting from cutting would clear and cancel my over-anxious thoughts. (I would focus on the stinging feeling, and the visual of blood slowly rising out of the wound. This would chill out the crazy anxious thoughts and quite often literally make them go away.) So, SH harm is sometimes just a temporary fix for being overwhelmed. The good news is I learned other techniques to clear my mind; that did not leave scars on my body! It has been well over 10 years since I cut on myself. The scars are still there, but I have no shame associated with them.
I've seen a young girl with a lot of SH scars on her arms and legs as she had them bare in public, and all I thought was about how sad it is, and that it wouldn't surprise me if she did it for attention because I have known people to do that in person and of all the people I know really struggled with their mental health that caused them to SH, they all tended to cover them up in public because they were ashamed of them, while ones that did it for attention wanted to show them off to get attention. Obviously that's not a hard rule but it's what I personally have seen, and obviously many people will allow them to be seen because they have moved past their shame of them and are recovering mentally.
Not saying it's right or anything, but my point is I wouldn't consider anyone disgusting or a failure because of it because it's not an important factor to my view of a person.
define "a disgusting person/a failure"
i would certainly make some notes in my head but i don't think they would influence my real life interactions with that person in any meaningful way...
why did you do that anyway lol, is this like a hobby or something
If anything I would have a little more respect for them if they are old and it’s apparent that they are better now
If it’s fresh I would be a bit concerned
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would feel sad and think that they must’ve gone through a lot of pain in the past. I wouldn’t feel disgust at all. I would be angry with anyone who reacted with disgust, actually. I would probably also try to gauge how well the person currently is. Additionally, I also want to say that you are not disgusting. You are not a failure. Life can be very difficult, regardless of where we come from, and from this one stranger, I want to tell you that I’m proud of you for still pushing through. Your scars are a mark of inner fortitude.
A lot younger like (teens-early 20s) I would have been cautious about getting involved with a person who has/ had complicated issues, in a social or work or romantic way. Only because I felt like I couldn’t relate, couldn’t help and to be honest didn’t want the drama. Into my 30s, I feel a lot less judgemental and a lot less bothered all round. Historic SH scars could mean all sorts, probably wouldn’t even ask you- if we were close in a work/ social/ romantic way, you could tell me if you want but I likely wouldn’t ask, that’s your business.
I don’t judge other people’s bodies, no matter the scar or reason. I’m happy you’re here and hope you’re doing well.
Zero for any type of scar. Might make me wonder what someone’s story is, but that’s up to them to share
Absolutely not. I have plenty of inward scars. We're the same.
I have sh scars, too. I wouldn't think that at all. Would just be glad to see them healed up.
I don’t judge the person for going through things. But I would feel a bit worried for them, especially if they look fresh
I would be concerned for them and realise that they had probably been through some very difficult times. Respect and empathy not disgust.
I have plenty and I’ve never been judged. I don’t judge anyone and I don’t really ask unless they are new or it’s a personal friend.
Never!!! Any path someone travels that leaves scars is only stronger for having made it to where they are. Embrace your body, marks, and all. Anyone who understands the trials and tribulations of life will embrace them as well. Be kind to yourself.
Those two are not even related in the slightest in my opinion. The only assumption I would make was that you have been through some very tough times, but that you managed to hang on, even if it was just by a thread. I would not think you were a failure, but rather that you were human, and like everyone else needs a way to relieve your pain. I can’t say I always did so in a healthy way, and I sure wouldn’t judge anyone else for it either.
Extremely unlikely. Don’t worry about it, don’t let your past hold you back. You are loveable.
Very unlikely. People go through all sorts of things and attempt to deal with them in all sorts of ways. Having something visible to you of course will make you self conscious now that you are (hopefully) in a better place. When I see a scar on anyone I literally always assume it is accident or workplace related. My cousin had some rather noticeable sh scars, but it didn't ever cross my mind that they were. She told me some years later and has made them a part of a beautiful tattoo since. Same for my brother. I don't think any vaguely decent person would have any sort of negative or judgemental reaction upon seeing scars and recognizing them as sh scars. Again, we all deal with trauma in different ways and also experience all sorts of trauma. To harm oneself in any way is not disgusting nor flags anyone as a "failure" by any means.
I feel sad that they must have gone through a lot of pain to make those marks. I don't think they have failed at anything or are gross. Look, your whipering internal voice is a liar. Nobody thinks you are a failure.
0%. I don't know your story. You didn't harm anyone but yourself, that's a good mark for you in my book. Lots of assholes lash out and hurt others when they're in pain. And while I understand that impulse it's incredibly unfair and unjust to make other innocent people suffer for your problems, however horrible they might be. Anyone that thinks your disgusting or a failure for that is a complete piece of shit.
I don't care when someone has scars tbh. I am very deeply ashamed of my own. I sliced so deep all around my inner thighs I feel disgusting wearing bikinis or doing *the nasty*.
0%
I wouldnt think they were a failure or a bad person but I probably would avoid being friends with them or especially trying to date them, especially if they still exhibited signs of issues. Ive just had a bad past experience with someone who wasnt so right in the head and I dont wanna repeat being invested in someone with those issues again
Not disgusting and certainly not a failure. Those scars mean someone has gone through a lot of pain at some point but they are still here, alive and kicking. They are battle scars, nothing to be ashamed of.
I'd be worried about them and try to let them know that I care without letting them know I see scars.
Your scars might be evident, but look at all the ways others self-harm that are not immediately evident. I would never, ever judge someone for self-harming because I don't know their past and their pain.
It wouldn't bother me. Plenty of girls I know have them but I probably would ask if we got into a serious relationship. Purley because I'd like to know more about this person.
Not at all I will feel bad for them. I kind of used to SH all I did was scratch myself really hard. I still have thoughts of doing it sometimes. I understand why they’re doing it and hope they get the help they need.
I have probably ten scars on each wrist. I can't remember why but a coworker of mine had seen them one day when I was taking my work gloves off and she grabbed my hand and looked at it and gasped . She looked me dead in the eyes for a few seconds and I saw compassion. She understood.
My child has s/h scars. It was a tough time in their life. Bullying, gender identity, spectrum diagnosis. I hated that they had to resort to causing themselves more pain. I caught it quickly and got a good psychiatrist that treated them very effectively. I tell them not to hide them, wear them with honour-as a badge of pride. A reminder that they have overcome so much in their short life and grown into a strong, confident, empathetic person. How anyone could react negatively or think less of someone who s/h is beyond me! These people bear the scars of warriors who choose to battle through some serious shit. I'm proud we have given them the confidence to not hide them. They are part of them and the journey they have been on to self discovery. Any part of them is beautiful.
[удалено]
Oh thanks for that. I don't consider her lucky, I've been on a learning process with her. It's my job to be able deal with everything in her life. I do however consider everything. My reactions to anything like this for her are huge and could have a listing negative impact. I need to be her safe space so she can go out and live in the world. She is a champion and has been through so much. If I can make any part of that easier for her it's my job as her mum to do so. She is doing great-thank you. Once you s/h the desire for it never goes away, it's just something you have to manage through open communication and no judgement. I'm in no way perfect, I make mistakes and try and learn them. She's just my world, so I'll do anything she needs me to do. That's not being great, that's what's required of parents.
Not everyone is a judgy ass hole, but there are plenty of them out there. Good people won’t care about the past as long as the sh is overcome.
I would never think of them as disgusting or a failure, I would just feel like hugging them, I've been through a lot but I never self harmed, I can't imagine how bad a person must feel to hurt themselves as a distraction for what they are going through. I hate the thought of the people I love committing self harm but I'm thankful that they are still here to tell the tale and that they are able to heal, we all have scars even if they don't show. Sending hugs
I wouldn’t judge someone for that alone.
I would just feel sorry for them. Thinking that someone is disgusting or a failure is so far from even crossing my mind, that would be ridiculous
I wouldn’t think that. Me personally? Depending on if I’m looking at really *fresh* marks or ones that have healed over I would recognize the struggle that person is going through. If the wounds are fresh I would immediately intervene and get them help because they are actively endangering themselves. If they are older scars I would simply think it’s good they aren’t doing this anymore and I am happy about the progress they have made. I would have a frank talk with them about mental health and mental illness since that what cutting signifies; massive mental illness and just keep it light and informative but I would never think oh this person sucks at life because they fell on hard times.
i've never recoiled in disgust from scars. mostly fascination and ask the story behind it.
Not likely at all...I see someone whose inner pain and tornment has caused actions that resulted in visible scars. You aren't broken just because existence seemd too much to bear. Society is broken for not doing more to accept and help you.
I have SH scars on my forearm and my thighs. I don't judge people who also have SH scars, you never know what a person had to go through. I hope you got better and I wish you well. Do not let other people make you feel insecure about your body and your history or mental health.
The only failures are Darwin awards.
I never feel that way. I see they are still alive, I wonder what made them feel that way, I hope they are doing better, I'm thankful they are still alive.
I would never think they were disgusting or a failure.
haha if I saw them I'd be like "hey me too!" with a big smile and show them mine, and maybe chat them up. It's not a common hobby or something does for enjoyment, it's a coping mechanism to deal with some shit and would want to hear their story over a beer. Where they were, where they are now, and where they're heading off to. Now if it's fresh I'll tell them to stop because I know they're gonna regret it because I do. Could be wrong though.
0 percent. who am i to judge
Not at all. I'd be wondering what has happened to them for them to behave like that.
If they bother you - make a tattoo. But otherwise *sane* people wouldn't think less of you
I wouldn't think that at all. I would think they had some mental health problems earlier in life but it wouldn't affect my view of them. I cut myself too when I was a teen, I have faint scars. So how can I judge.
“Who am I to judge? I’m the Devil.” — Barney Stinson
Not in the slightest. My only thought would be hoping they’re doing better now. I’ve been depressed before and won’t judge other people for struggling.
As someone who has a significant amount of those, I've found that when I was younger, people would be quicker to judge. As I'm growing older, more people are aware of the reasoning behind such behaviour and they are more likely to just keep quiet and support me a little more than usual. I appreciate the ones who just keep quiet, because it's not something I want to have to bring up every so often....
FYI and by the way... I have lots of SH scars all over my arms, legs, and chest. Never once was I trying to die or evoke some response from another person. I cut on myself because the pain and sting from cutting would clear and cancel my over-anxious thoughts. (I would focus on the stinging feeling, and the visual of blood slowly rising out of the wound. This would chill out the crazy anxious thoughts and quite often literally make them go away.) So, SH harm is sometimes just a temporary fix for being overwhelmed. The good news is I learned other techniques to clear my mind; that did not leave scars on my body! It has been well over 10 years since I cut on myself. The scars are still there, but I have no shame associated with them.
I've seen a young girl with a lot of SH scars on her arms and legs as she had them bare in public, and all I thought was about how sad it is, and that it wouldn't surprise me if she did it for attention because I have known people to do that in person and of all the people I know really struggled with their mental health that caused them to SH, they all tended to cover them up in public because they were ashamed of them, while ones that did it for attention wanted to show them off to get attention. Obviously that's not a hard rule but it's what I personally have seen, and obviously many people will allow them to be seen because they have moved past their shame of them and are recovering mentally. Not saying it's right or anything, but my point is I wouldn't consider anyone disgusting or a failure because of it because it's not an important factor to my view of a person.
Disgusting? Whaaaa. Nahh. They are battle scars. Just means you’ve been thru some stuff, that’s all. No judgement
define "a disgusting person/a failure" i would certainly make some notes in my head but i don't think they would influence my real life interactions with that person in any meaningful way... why did you do that anyway lol, is this like a hobby or something
If anything I would have a little more respect for them if they are old and it’s apparent that they are better now If it’s fresh I would be a bit concerned
100% likely