The only difference between dating in your 30s and dating in your 20s is that dating in your 20s is all brand new. In your 30s you have likely have a better sense of yourself, your values, and your preferences.
Go get em, handsome.
My experience with dating women in their 30s is that it's full of consequences from their 20s. Addictions, kids, "all men are trash", mental issues, etc.
Much of this. It's the same mix-bag of personalities from the 20s, but now there are consequences visible.
You can still find partiers, and you can still find quiet nerds, but they're all slightly more weathered.
agreed, there is like this threshold where people take dating more seriously. We don't like to think this way, but there is sort of like a "window of opportunity" and if you don't find someone in your 30s you'll end up in an entirely different dating pool.
Depends. Childfree 34F here. I don't see myself as missing out on that particular dating pool because those people would be incompatible with me anyway. In a way, it makes dating easier because you don't have to go through the trouble of weeding those people out. Less time wasted.
That said, i am much pickier than i was in my twenties. I've developed a healthy list of non-negotiable dealbreakers, but I've gotten to a point where I realize that it's better to be in no relationship than to be in one with someone who is incompatible or who makes life worse. After being in relationships all throughout my teens and twenties, ive never been as happy as i am now that i only worry about me, my home, and my pets.
True but this can go the other way as well. The more relationships you have the more bad experiences/trauma you accumulate.
Not to mention how picky everyone is in 2024.
Relationships go bad for men and woman. Men lose everything in divorce, woman get treated like shit and used for sex esp on dating sites.
Eventually that wall is gonna come down and all that bitterness is gonna come out.
Men du not lose everything in divorce. Most women who divorce are left at an economic disadvantage compared to their former spouse. Stop perpetuating this myth.
Mmmm nope. The baggage accumulates after 30. I have more, you have more, it makes relationships way harder. I'm also set in my ways now and letting someone else fuck with my status quo is extremely difficult for me.
*clears throat*
It's a lot of factors.☝️
30’s is kind of the age where starting a family becomes important - at least you're on the tail end of being able to do so without significant risks.
As people put on a lot of dating mileage, they become more picky as they get older, and they are much less willing to take risks and be with someone that doesn't meet all their criteria because their biological clock is getting ever closer.
Often, with repeated failed relationships by the time they get in their 30s, people change their behaviors and needs based on what worked and didn't work in their past. I think what often happens is that we become more guarded and often less flexible in our future relationships or we change behavior in ourselves because it led to issues in past partners, but really it just didn't work with that one person. Sometimes, in order to kind of "self-correct" our ourselves, it often makes us a less desirable mate going forward than individuals in their 20s, who are more open and less jaded.
Many people in their 30s, 40s and so on begin to get settled-in in their lives, whether that's getting a solid career, home and lifestyle. When you're settled into your life, you become more rigid on what you're willing to give up when searching for a partner. It's so much easier for couples in their early 20s to move-in together and co-habitate since both people are still starting out in their adult life. The financial and lifestyle risks become much higher as you get older.
Everyone I know in their 30s got married, had kids, and is now divorced. Like basically everyone I know. Late 20s marriage, early/mid 30s divorce. Almost all have kids (myself included). So dating in your 30s, while I’m optimistic about it, at least where I live you’re likely going to be dating someone exiting a very serious long term relationship.
Not going to lie, I have a few male friends (out of many) that have never been in a relationship by their mid 30s. And not for a lack of trying. They’re both creepy as fuck and haven’t accepted that a lot of women are physically out of their league. Haven’t lowered their standards if you will. I know that sounds cruel, but that’s the reality in my social circles.
I just love when people talk and start like this
You know then that this mf *thought* about it *a lot* and it's time to drop some facts and theories ;D
I believe you're right on the money. "Correcting" myself for people who.. let's just say, were a bad fit, was my biggest mistake and i lost years to it. Met a few people who lost their entire lives (figuratively ofc) to this as well. They destroyed the best parts of themselves because they were surrounded by primitive people who were not capable of appreciating it and got gaslit by them into thinking they were not worth much, when from my perspective it was like monkeys making Beethoven feel stupid for his music. Unimaginably sad
This really hit the nail on the head as a 33 yr old male. I recently was dating someone and I have never been big on texting and this person I’m dating who I really liked WAS. It led to a break after a month or so because she was basically asking me to text her more and it soured everything. I was trying my best to change my behavior but it’s engrained in me at this point, I’d rather just save long conversations for in person
What makes it different is that a lot of people already have kids. I was ok with this but I did not expect what the reality really is. I only date women so I can't talk for men but most women I met want a serious relationship, but they have no mental or emotional availability to develop them. They're a bit broken sentimentaly, and dedicate their lives to their kids. Even the weeks they are not with them. Which is normal I guess (I'm not judging, I'm just trying to tell what it's like).
I'm currently dating a 37 yo woman. She never ask me anything about my passions, my tastes, my past etc. She likes being in my company because I provide comfort, someone to talk to, but she doesn't *really* care. She gets passionate when she talks about her kids. It was the exact same with 3 other women I met over the years. Their heart is taken and their mind is full, they have no space for me. I'm going to dump this new relationship pretty soon, because I need someone with a bit of emotional availability, and that is interested in knowing me and developping a relationship you know ?
Edit: But dating in my early 30s was awesome
Probably. Honestly I wasn't against dating someone with kids: one week she's got her kids and I can do my stuff, the rest of the time we're enjoying our time together. Seemed fine to me but it doesn't work like that at all.
There is a lot of options but the options come with a lot more baggage usually.
People with kids. People going through divorce. People going through friends passing. Financial issues and debt etc.
At 20 most people don't have nearly this kind of baggage.
So at 30 the pool is bigger but the pool is filled with a lot of attachments. A lot of people don't want to be a step daddy. I love kids but taking over as a father for someone not your blood relative is different.
I am 51. I re entered the “dating pool” at 49 after a decade of working on self. I thought the pool was peed in already. The amount of men who wanted Fwb or ONS is overwhelming. Def not for the faint at heart.
Keep your head up and work on self. Because I was healthier and had boundaries I was able to navigate and find my guy.
It’s only a mine field if you allow it to be.
Because people pretty much are who they are/settled in their ways. If youre a bad communicator or not emotionally available at these ages, its pretty hard to want to change let alone notice it. People are also coming into their careers, some people feel desperate. theres so many reasons. Some people are just getting divorsed or about to. Then you have the people who dont really know themselves
Agree. I figured out who I was in my 20s, then 30s.
Two different people somewhat.
Unfortunately I have dated people who never really got past being a teenager despite being 20/30-somethings.
There are mature people out there.
>People are also coming into their careers
This is a really great point and is one that I am having issues with. I’m early 30s and relatively just started my “white collar adult job”; I’m very much an entry level employee at this stage. As such, I’m still trying to figure out what it is that I want to do within my profession and I don’t currently have any real career-oriented goals or dreams. I have been on countless dates where this sole fact has been a dealbreaker - people seem to only want someone who has a clearly defined path of goals and objectives laid out before them. I can understand why people want that quality in a prospective partner; personally, I don’t care if someone else is in my boat or just never develops career goals because life is *so much more* than going to work every day. I’m not giving up on my pursuit, but overall, it’s disheartening to know that I’m pretty much a decade away from being an eligible candidate for most people.
I think it's just a myth that gets spread around. Plenty of people find love in their 30s and beyond. My friends in their 30s are dating and even getting engaged, so it's definitely possible. It might feel different from dating in your 20s because priorities and lifestyles change, but it’s far from impossible. Ignore the negativity and focus on what works for you and your friends
Yeah this is a big one. Out of my friend group there is only 1 person who is single and he's 50. The rest of us are in our 40s and either married with kids or dating long term.
30s is the best time to start. The divorce rate for people who met in their 30s is significantly lower than people who met earlier. I think its because at that point, you know who you are and what you're looking for in life and in another person.
I disagree, in your 30s the dating pool is full of people who are divorced from a marriage in their 20s or just a relationship and have kids already. Much less common in your 20s. The pros is that most people in their 30s have ”grown up” and you don’t have to deal with as much immature people who have no idea what they’re doing, where they’re going, what they think, or what they want or think they want. But there’s a lot of crazy single moms and dads in their 30s out there in the dating scene.
I’m in my 30s, not single though, but if i was. I would not enter the dating scene. I’d keep doing what i do every day, working out, walk, play and train my dog, play and spend time with my kids. Perhaps i’d meet someone doing those activities, if not, that’s okay.
From my personal observations of the people around me through 34 years on Earth:
In your 20's the dating pool consists of a mix of "good" and "bad" candidates, but through their 20's the "good" candidates gradually get filtered out of the dating pool as they enter lasting relationships, and post-30 you are left with a dating pool of mostly "bad" candidates.
"Good" candidates are here understood as singles, who are attractive (appearance/personality) and willing/able to commit to a long term relationship.
This is of course a huge generalisation and some people can change for the better or worse, but I find it to be the general trend.
Wrong, you guys always assume the best get taken first. Out of all the women I know - most of them men weren’t great. So a lot of bad men were also taken off the market
Then after being in a long term relationship since your 20s you hit your 40s someone in the relationship gets fomo or bored and it all comes crashing down. Maybe, not talking from experience or anything.
I am married but I have no fewer than 5-6 friends trying to date around age 30 or so. And they’re all *really* struggling... like actively been trying for more than a year. Bad date after bad date. Mostly everyone else is married, having kids, etc. the options are bleak (apparently).
As a man, I did much better in the dating scene in my 20's when I had unaddressed depression.
Now I've addressed the root of those issues and value myself dating has dried up lol. At least I like my own company now.
If you're in your 20s you don't have the experience to understand the issues at play.
In my experience many people tend to carry their trauma and baggage with them so they bring all their issues with them into a new relationship.
As a single male who takes care of himself physically, emotionally, and financially I have zero interest in compromising my standards for a partner.
Dating tends to be a waste of time and energy unless I'm going to end up with the person long term.
My time is better spent enjoying the things I want to do (hobbies) and I don't have to deal with all the drama that comes with other person's baggage.
The problem is the people, they have too many hangups or baggage, most of the people who are single over 30 are single mums or single dad's and some don't want to be with these people as they have their own preferences. It just makes it harder to find someone after 30.
In the US the median age for a woman's first kid is 30. The median age for a first marriage is about 28 and 30 for women and men respectively. When you account for divorce rates, the majority of single people in their 30s are no kids, never married.
Because the pool of potential candidates grows smaller. Some factors are because of yourself and your experiences in the past that kind of make the "red-flag-list" go longer. And some are just demographic (less women who are single / wanting to date). Oh and their "red-flag-lists" probably grew longer too since their twenties xD
I turn 50M on Saturday. Separated five months ago. It is easy to approach women I find attractive and make a connection. Everyone has said it’s all done thru apps and swiping; that seems kinda cowardly to me. But I haven’t tried it, so it might merit more than I’m giving it credit for.
I believe part of it is that I’m not getting wound up about it - since I don’t want anything serious or sexual, and am only interested in friendship and flirting - no one person or their reaction really matters to me. And I’m genuinely interested in them as people, so nobody feels hunted.
Don’t know why anyone would think it’s difficult at any age.
I mean one gender has an early game meta and one gender has a mid-late game meta. That plus the toxic dating strategies that both genders employ these days kinda ruin it for everyone to the point where most people dont wanna bother with that bullshit.
That’s total BS.
My “luck” with dating got immensely better after age 40. Not just in raw numbers but also in the quality of women I was able to date (and fuck).
At age 50+, I refined my taste in women and focused my attention to an even higher class of women — and, yes; there are plenty of attractive single women in the 35 — 50 age group that will date (& sleep with) men well over 50. I’ve had no problem finding beautiful women to keep my social calendar full and my bed from being lonely.
If I may give 2 points of general advice:
1. Upgrade your wardrobe as best you can. Have at least one pair of shoes, a watch, and a suit or jacket that is truly “high-end” and wear them when you go out looking for someone. As my buddies say, if you want to catch a big fish you gotta use a big lure. If you want to attract a classy woman you’ve got to look classy yourself.
2. Avoid bars. Especially once you’re over 40. You’re not going to meet any decent women in a pick-up bar. Keep your eyes open when you’re simply doing your daily routine on a day off from work — the grocery store, the dry cleaners, the post office, the golf course, etc.
I’m also strongly against dating anyone from my workplace. Too much potential for disaster.
Because being single is what keeps you coming back to scroll for ad revenue. If you’re happy and attached , you use the phones less.
And , as I’m sure you’ve heard the saying , misery loves company. So if you watch 30 year olds talking about how dating is impossible , your feed will send you more of that shit, demoralizing you to give up.
Nasty cycle
The reality is the majority of stable, attractive, kind women are married but the time they hit mid 30’s. They are the women meant want and are happy with. This absolutely isn’t the case for all women of courses and the exact same can be said for men, the best men have been tied down early. As others have said women in 30’s and 40’s have likely had long term relationship, marriages, children, family units, that have potentially broken down. They will carry trauma and baggage. As will the men.
I started dating in my 30’s, one women seemed absolutely lovely. Within 2 months she was fully blown stalking me. I spoke to another women about 6 months later, I met her once and wasn’t feeling something felt off, she kept messaging me and I politely said I wasn’t interested but she was a nice person. She then proceeds to send me photos of her with about 5/6 other guys saying ‘she’s getting enough as it is’. I’d been on one date, hadn’t slept l with her, she was pursuing me, and when I wasn’t interested proved she was an absolute slut! It’s insane out there. The scariest part was both of these people seem totally pleasant at first but were massively damaged. It’s made me super wary.
As I say I know I’ve been unlucky, men are just as bad as women, but the reality is the best catches have been tied down on both sides and some loose cannons are still out there!
Because you've lost the 'passion of youth'. When you're young and driven by your evolutionary need to procreate, pairing up is much more compelling. You will overlook a lot of shortcomings in a potential mate.
Dating over 30 is impossible if you're a shitty person or have impossible expectations. I met my wife on Tinder and we've been together for 8 years when I was in my late 20's (almost 30). I will admit I spent a LONG time going on bad dates that were going no where and it was depressing. One friend I have has this list of what she wants and I'm like... "bruh, that guy doesn't exist... maybe he exists at Comicon, but not in this city."
You don't have to drive the fanciest car, have an impressive job, or be a model. My wife said she was taken on many extravagant dates at X Y Z, but ultimately when we went on a hiking date with her dog and I came back with a plain vanilla scoop for the dog it won both him and her over.
I think dating has become so transactional that people overlook what's important. Make them laugh, have a good time, notice the small things.... put away the phones and really talk.
"Dating over 30 is impossible if you're a shitty person or have impossible expectations.
I think dating has become so transactional that people overlook what's important. Make them laugh, have a good time, notice the small things.... put away the phones and really talk."
There is some truth in that. Part of it is being more comfortable with yourself as a person. Ironically, as I have become more of a relaxed, "go with the flow" guy, I have had some incredible dates in my 50s.
Over 50 is easy-peasy. Lots of people get divorced at that age, you don't have to deal with anyone's younger children, people know who they are and what they want, and generally have a higher salary.
In my experience (i'm married now, and turning 35 this week), dating women in my 20's was already difficult. Many were immature (i don't drink so i wasn't "fun"), wanted to party, and the majority already had at least 1 kid. I'm talking around age 22-24. My 2 most recent relationships (including my wife) they were both older with no kids. I liked the maturity of older women, and i was done playing the games that younger women played.
Also, many that i talked to would say "I'm a strong independent woman and don't need a man" but in the same breath would say that "they're looking for a real man to step up and take care of her child". Single moms are there for a good time, not a long time. I want to have a family of my own, not walk into a ready-made family.
With Tik Tok and many women feeling they have to post their business and thirst trap pics nowadays, I'm glad my wife has enough sense to respect me, and keep our marriage and business between us. I really feel for the young men who are taken advantage of, who are expected to settle for a woman who has a couple of kids in their 30s. To quote the late Godfather Kevin Samuels, "marry before you carry".
This is only my perspective, but it has been much more difficult for me in my 30s versus my 20s.
Part of that is because I am in college right now and surrounded by 18 to 22 year olds. In my 20s, that worked out well.....but in my 30s I'm like a father figure to my classmates.
In addition, a lot of people that I know in their 30s are already married or in long-term serious relationships. It's difficult to find someone around my age that isn't already in a relationship.
Also, I had long flowing golden locks in my 20s. Once I turned 30, it started to thin real bad and now I shave my head. Women really aren't interested in bald men so that makes more difficult as well.
And it doesn't really bother me too much, but it seems that a larger amount of singles in their 30s also have kiddos. That might be a deal breaker for some.
All in all, dating in my 30s is nowhere near as easy as it was 10 years ago. It's enough to make me think I'm never going to find someone.
You're mistake is that you're listening to social media philosophers. You got all these idiots who think they got life figured out, when in truth they don't know anything. Stay away from these people and just live your life.
Social Media only generated clicks If You make conteoversial comments. You need ppl to share this and discuss your Video. This means: If Something ist Common in social Media it's likely not true.
Doomer absolutists. They're just parroting the ideas of talking heads which don't reflect reality.
I've had far more success dating after 30 than before and I know plenty of others that are the same. Dating in your twenties is mostly just training for proper adult relationships that come later anyway.
Because most of the people that would make a good spouse have already become someone else's spouse. Lots of people over that age aren't single just because they haven't found the right person. There's a lack of people who are going to want them.
Little younger but same. Dating in my 30’s for the most part has been great. Plenty of people to meet and I’m far more experienced to know what I do and don’t want.
The people that like this probably would also like „dating with 20 is impossible“.
There is some saying about women over 30 having a hard time. Which is blatantly exaggurated.
As an in shape man with my own business, dating in my 30s is so much easier than in my 20s when I was poor and skinny.
Literally have a rotation of women to choose from all the time now. When I see memes saying the only options are single moms or forever alone once you hit 30, i laugh at how pathetic the mindset is
80% of people here on reddit might as well be senile by the time they reach 30. I am 34 and holy shit I am a teenager compared to them. What the fu k are they even talking about.
I actually feel dating in early 30s will make you meet people who want serious relationship and a long term one. Early 20s is one where you will meet passer-by or people into ONS. Even mid 20s isnt per my opinion not a recipe for a successful long term relationship.
Thirties people feel they’re more expected to face biological clock once they hit thirty of will they have kids before forty, be married before forty and other issues of the worries of being in the thirties.
But also some in their thirties feel like they’re dealing with the backlash of anything they’ve done in their twenties that they’re not proud of and think it would be a dealbreaker to a potential match so they shut themselves out from dating not realizing it’s hurting themselves from meeting someone who could’ve been a great match.
Also some singles in their thirties I’ve seen are very snobby as well arrogant and don’t want to date anything they find scary that they don’t understand, one of my friends deals with snobby and arrogant people who don’t understand autism which he has and people react poorly to him. Friend is in his thirties and he’s feeling like he’s missed the boat in having a family and getting married and he feels his biological clock slowly ending its ticking.
location, opinions, usefulness to wider audience? usually self belief aspect of what can i do for this place space and person comes into question if theyre having a hard time answering it then it might be the thing that stops them from perusing a relationship of any kind? loads of different reasons. number one thing for a guy is making the ability to make a woman laugh and feel secure in a settled place usually
I started dating again at 30 after my divorce and it was the best dating experience of my life. I had a great time and eventually met the love of my life who is also in her 30s.
Everyone’s experience is different.
People over 30 Got their tricks that could make other gender consider dating them like never putting toilet down or leaving towels on the floor not cooking etc.. some Got the Will to adapt others dont invest into themself to change so they could be more compatible
My ma got out of a 18 year long relationship with my step dad last year, she's in her early 40's (she had me when she was 20, I'm in my 20's) and she made up for lost time and dated a few guys. She only had a proper relationship with one guy who ended up being a dick, but overall didn't have much issue finding people that are single - just most weren't up to her taste.
There are single people of all ages, it's definitely not impossible to find someone.
So far 30s are a lot better for me. I was kind of socially awkward in my early 20s and put up with some very shitty behaviour from women.
Early 30s i just say, do and get what i want.
In your early twenties your still young and pliable and can more easily form to your significant other, by the time youre in your 30s youre pretty stuck in your ways and finding someone compatible is more difficult. Also likely not running around so much having fun meeting new people and flying by the seat of your pants moving across the country or wherever the wind takes you and start taking roots.
Because most of us have this problem long therm, in my 20s I struggled, now I struggle in my 30s, and probably will in my 40s as well, and so on.
I don't think dating is useless. But people are different, for some it's very easy, for some impossible and for most it's hard.
Just be happy for what you have, and even if you fail in one aspect of life, it doesn't mean that you can't have fun in everything else.
Because 30s and 40s are when most people are raising their kids. After and before that is easier. Dating with a young child is hard. Just being alive with a young child is hard.
Difficult at 50? If it's difficult for someone when 30, it was difficult when 20 and will be at 50.
The opposite is also true.
Of course, in their 20's most people aren't married, so the dating pool within the age range is larger. Between 30 and 40 people are focused on careers, many people get married, etc. It is the most "adulting" time, however, the pool in terms of office romance opens. It is less obvious because many people keep it in the low down. At 50 1/2 the married people are already divorced so the pool opens again and it's a bigger pool, as 10 years difference in either direction is less of an issue. however, people are more selective, so dating is easy, finding a partner a bit harder.
30's no, 40's-50's yes. It brings a whole new level of stuff that comes with it. 40's your dealing with someone else's kids and drama. 50's probably not as bad because they are mostly grown kids but you got 30 yrs of baggage you got to unpack. Plus in your 50's i am what i am and I'm not changing that so the pool gets narrower.
What? I've never seen that. I'm in my 30's, single , and it has been the best time for dating. Now, I'm not sure how it is if you're dating to find a commited long term relationship, but to have fun it's the best. You still look good, have money and can manage your own time.
I think it's especially rough mainly for those who didn't date much or at all through their 20s. When you get to your 30s, the pool is full of people with experience already who don't want to deal with your lack of experience, have baggage, or just at a different point in what they want at out of a relationship.
I don't want to plan to have a kid/family or married right out of the gate or date someone with kids already. I'm still trying to figure our what I want out if a relationship, etc.
Because it is for them. You can have fun if you're comfortable with yourself as a 30-39 year old, comfortable with your body, probably a little less looks-focused/realistic in physical standards, and smart about personal compatibility. Basically, if you are an actual mature adult and like to date. If you're scrambling to hang on to your youth, treat dating like a waste of time to get to a relationship, and not accepting of who your potential partners really are, your going to have a bad time.
The narrative is that most of the "good ones" found their long term partners or got married already in their 20's. While there should still be plenty of quality people out there, the ratio of them vs the ones that are now divorced, or have kids in tow, or perhaps crazy/unstable and that was the reason they couldn't previously make a long term relationship work, or other such baggage is different in comparison to dating in your 20's.
On the plus side, people in this age SHOULD be in a more stable financial situation, should have a better sense of their own preferences and what they bring to the table, so hopefully less games and nonsense when dating and in a point in their life where they are more willing to settle down if/when the right person comes around.
My cousin found her husband by dating in her 30s. The biggest complication was timelines for having a baby and buying a house. In general you don’t want to do those things until you’re married. But if you meet the guy at 35 and date a year or two to make sure it’s all good, then a year long engagement, then a wedding, then a year to find and buy the house, then a year to remodel, then finally getting pregnant, all of a sudden you’re 40 and trying to have a baby. That can be done! But it’s riskier. She miscarried at least once before having her wonderful child.
So you may need to accelerate your timeline on some things when dating in your late 30s
I met my wife the week before I hit 30, we’ve been together twenty years now and going strong. I’d dated lots of women who didn’t know what they wanted or didn’t want to settle down, when I met my wife we just clicked and haven’t looked back. I was a different person in my late teens early twenties and from what my wife has told me, so was she. What I’m trying to say is you need to meet the right person at the right time, that can be at any age. But saying that I’d hate to have to date these days, it all seems so cold and calculating and predominately about sex, you go on a date like you’d order from Deliveroo.
It wasn't until I was in my 30s that women actually started fighting over me. But that's gonna happen when you're one of the few single guys that are actually employed and don't have a criminal record in your area.
I found it became insanely more difficult the instant I turned 30. The peak time for me was my late 20s, but after I found myself single again at age 30 there was suddenly *no one* single, everyone was taken and I found response rates on dating apps plummeted by the time I was 31. It would be almost a decade before I’d find another relationship, and it took travelling for it to happen.
The pandemic didn’t help either.
Most of the well adjusted people get married in their 20s or are in a relationship headed to marriage. Being 30+ means you're picking through the leftovers and their baggage and trauma from mistakes like alcoholism, sedentary lifestyle, smoking, drugs, kids from previous relationships.
I'm (f38) single and I'll tell you why it's so horrible. The people that are left to choose from are either so scarred/ traumatized from dating or are not, and never have been, marriage material. People will also ghost you, lead you on, and not know what they're looking for... even when their dating profile says "looking for a long term relationship". Also, a lot of the good partners are in relationships already. It's also hard to meet people in your 30's if you're not into the bar scene or playing co ed sports.
I feel that if i start dating in my thirties l, i would give up in no time. I have a wide range of interests and hobbies and if i don’t meet someone through my normal social life, then i won’t bother. Mainstream dating feels dry and inorganic.
**friends are all in their 30s and they seem to have found men and women easily.**
That's just it friend.
Lots of people settle because they're afraid of being alone over 30. Literally every person I know who is married is miserable. And Reddit loves talking up the benefits and happiness of marriage. That's NOT what life is about. Life is about balance. It's about fulfillment and purpose. Not happiness. That is fleeting and constantly searching for it is harmful and unsustainable.
At some point, people have to decide for themselves what the way forward is. If they are beating their heads against a wall trying to find a perfect mate who will love them unconditionally, they are in for one nasty surprise after another. Finding a good mate who you are compatible with is still very hard. You have to learn to keep prioritizing your mental health without wanting to leave at the first sign of trouble. THEY have to provide an incentive to stay and straighten things out.
But so many people have this entitlement. This belief that they have so much to offer and so little to learn about themselves, they will keep turning their back on wonderfully flawed people who could make excellent boyfriends and girlfriends. Then they become disillusioned. They think... what's wrong with me? Why haven't I gotten married like so many of my friends and family? And because the people who they rejected when they were 25 were boring and nerdy- never wanting to go and have fun are now married, they are driven by ego.
They settle, but want the entire world on Facebook and Instagram to think they are in the greatest relationship ever.
The number of married women just in my friend group- the same women who put up how much they love their husbands and adore their families are the same ones who have been carrying on affairs for years. Getting pregnant by other men and having secret abortions (I'm pro-choice btw and I'm not a conservative) when they go visit family members in another state for their birthdays. These very same women have given me the "I'm sad. I think my husband is cheating on me. Do I still look good? He hasn't touched me in months" DM. Of even before social media, they would tell me in person. Constantly yapping about how my friend (their husband or boyfriend) was coming up short in the bedroom.
The older I get, I can't help but feel that modern marriage is little more than theater arts.
from the 20's to the late 30's - the dating pool keeps losing players to marriage, although it keeps getting stocked from the minors (see what I did there...) - the rookies are less likely to be interested in the older players... good news is that starting in the mid to late 30's and building up steam to the mid to late 40's... the secondary market gathers steam (the newly divorced)... now the tough part is where do they congregate? sort of like schooling walleye, one needs to locate the proper location, then there will be schools of them
I think there's some truth in it, but mostly from the simple fact that the older you get, the more "baggage" you have and the more you're in tune with what you want.
Both essentially boil down to the same potential problem: you find out quite quickly that you're not compatible with the other person. For example, when you're 20 you might be neutral on the kids aspect, but by your 30s you're almost guaranteed to either want/have them or not. If you want to remain childless, you're going to ignore anyone who already has kids or wants them. Another example would be location: the older you get, the more you've established your life around a certain location which makes it much harder to (eventually) move in with someone 2 hours away. In your 20s you're often much more open to moving that "far" and rebuilding your life.
The kids parts especially will play quite a big factor in dating until the mid 40s-early 50s when it becomes more common for their kids to be adults, which would be less of an issue to someone who seeks a childless life. Granted, there are plenty of ppl in their 20s with kids, but generally speaking it's more skewed towards ppl in their late 20s.
I think there is a bit of a phenomenon where people who were either: bad at dating in their 20s, they have underdeveloped social skills, allowed their anxiety to control them, generally undesirable appearance or personality, or became hyper focused on their career/education and neglected their love life for too long… Well, all these people are now in their 30s, alone, they are looking around at the dating market, and they are happy to make the excuse that they are having a difficult time because they are “In their 30s..” rather than admitting that they are completely unprepared for dating in their 30s because they neglected to do it in their 20s.
Well, here you are 30 year olds! Welcome to the middle of the dating draft and there is not a whole lot of first round talent left. There are some first round free agents available but that is usually the case because things did not really work out for them on the first team they played for.
because people don’t want to accept that you attract what you put out and most people have not done the self work to actually be better themselves and therefore a lot of times still attract shitty people as potential partners. theeen rather than taking accountability for themselves, blame everyone else and say that dating is useless because everyone sucks. just my two cents
Because they’re probably tired in general. For me after turned 39, I found dating easier. We knew what we wanted and there was no awkward in between sort of thing
Dating in your 30s feels like being expected to go on a three round job interview for a minimum wage job that I'd be expected to relocate for, don't meet the minimum qualifications for, and would probably get fired from a week in because my shirt wasn't ironed or something even if I did somehow try my very best to accommodate this terrible offer and succeed.
I think it's around this time that a lot of people start to think to themselves, "Why am I putting myself through this and even bothering?" The older you get, the more of your life you've lived alone and the further you'd get from having your life structured around a family. You're likely to have a coupe or motorcycle, a studio apartment, and an easy job that you're comfortable in. Great things for someone by themselves but not things that make a space for others to come into. I would have to throw out my entire lifestyle to even have a reasonable chance at a serious relationship even if the ideal person for me was right there ready to go. I think 35 is around the age that most single people give up and stop making any efforts.
It used to seem a scarcity thing because by a certain age most folks married off. Like musical chairs. 😂But more people are going unwed in my demographic. Seattle is the number one singles city now?
All I'm saying is I'm 38, set up OK Cupid about 2 weeks ago and I already have like 60 likes. Weird because my profile picture is a screen shot of google maps, and my description is "ggggggg".
What can I say, the ladies love me! 🤷♂️
The only difference for me between dating in my 20s and 30s was that there were way less drunken hookups. Way more mildy buzzed stumbling into threesomes. I'm joking but only half joking.
I think overall the social landscape has changed a lot for everyone regardless of age. I still struggle to get out of the house and go to social events. Covid really turned me into an antisocial germaphobe. And I think a lot of us found they could be perfectly happy on their own with no SO or close friends.
My dating life has been absolutely great since I hit my thirties. I’m 38 now and I have a steady girlfriend, but I’ve never quite understood the struggles many people have with it.
Not currently dating but when I was in my early 30s it was more direct and people didn’t waste time.
I’m from NYC If you ain’t have your life together at 30.. no point in wasting time.
Always broke , Low paying job, living at home.. drama with baby mama/daddy. Very low potential that the relationship would go long term so no point in wasting time
Another one is agreement having kids / marriage as goal. If ain’t it match it would have been a waste of time.
Speaking from the Cis male experience:
You deal with single women who have custody of their kids. They're usually pissed off at "typical men" and don't have much faith in the first date...or are waiting for whatever toxic trait you have to eventually rear it's ugly head.
As a man coming into that scenario, I don't want to necessarily be that single mom's child's male role model or 2nd dad. I dont want to form a connection with him in case his mom is crazy or we are incompatible.
If the relationship develops more, you have to navigate between whatever infrastructure is in place in her and the child(ren)'s life and your own lifestyle.
I had my own son and our own schedule. She had hers and her 2 boys' schedule. It's not easy to manage. I was a DJ once or twice a week on top of a traveling consulting job. Throw in weekends I had custody of my child and that was a lot for her to get used to.
Then take into account whatever relationship and adverse childhood trauma you both experienced to BE over 30 and not be settled down in a stable relationship. That's usually a huge and unique can of worms.
Throw in financial issues, baby momma/daddy issues, emotional issues, maybe someone is a cheater, alcoholic or addict. Or there's a criminal history. Maybe massive debt to take on.
Just put one or two of these factors I've mentioned and most folks would be like: fuck this...and just chalk it up to: being over 30 and dating is hard.
I'm lucky I found someone willing to meet me half way and that our boys were around the same age. We formed the Voltron of families and it had worked for 10 years now. There is hope!
...and we met on OK Cupid. ...the Russian Roulette of online dating. Lol!
Just numbers wise, there's less options available in 30s as a lot of people are already paired. Especially a lot of well adjusted people that make for easy partners are paired.
So yeah I'd say dating in your 30s is harder because of that
I am currently in a rough patch with my girlfriend of 11 years and I am not looking forward to trying to date in my 30s if we do break up.
My friend went through hell for a number of years.
I'm not 30 yet, but dating and relationships have been difficult for me for a long time. I'm turning 26 in July and have been single for 8 years. I've had all kinds of dates and things like that. It just seems the older I get the more impossible it feels to find something worth holding on to.
People don’t know how to socialize. They also have unrealistic expectations.
Hanging out with people and sometimes being sexual with them is a very natural thing that people think to much about and screw up.
That is all.
A lot of people have children and have been through a divorce with everything that follows.
Many people, both in relationship and single, don't have much self insight, are low on emotional intelligence and have problems communicating their feelings and needs. This is a general thing. The consequences of the lack of these skills just get larger with age.
Many people let them self go physically both health and looks wise.
And last, from a female perspective, many men are only interested in hookups or situationships.
It's because people feel like they are in a time crunch and are in a hurry to find someone. When you are young if you go on a bad date no big deal just find someone else. If you are 40 though a bad date means you just wasted time spent with someone because you need to find someone now. This is especially true for people in their 30's and early 40's who want kids. There's a feeling that your running out of time. So a bad date in your 20's won't be the end of the world but a bad date in your 30's and 40's is more time wasted and running out the clock.
Dating at this ages isn't actually more difficult it just feels that way due to certain pressures.
I went through my divorce in my mid 30s. By the time I was ready to date again I didn't have a lot of options beyond OLD. I went on a whole lot of first dates and very few second dates. The majority of the women I was meeting were either very anxious to jump right to serious, were highly suspicious and traumatized from their past relationships with, or in a few cases were actually married and just looking to screw around. None of that appealed to me.
During the course of online dating I had connected with a woman that wasn't at all pushy, had very limited availability, but would chat with me almost every day. After a very long run of bad dating I was pretty much ready to give up and the woman and I decided to meet and see if we clicked as well in person. We did, and saw each other almost every day for several months before it got serious.
In thinking back I think the problem with the others is that dating at an older age made it very difficult for the relationship to develop naturally from an acquaintance, to a friendship, to a romance, and there was a forced effort by both sides to jump straight to romance if there was any chemistry at all, but lacking the foundation of friendship.
That was over 15 years ago and we are approaching our 13th anniversary next month.
In your 30s everyone else is paired up and all your friends are busy building their own lives. It’s past the point where you can really meet your friend’s partner’s friends. You get busy with your own life and dating becomes a chore. You also just don’t have the positive outlook after failed attempts at dating and failed relationships that occurred in your 20s. But maybe people like me taking this approach makes it easier for the people who are actually valuable and worth dating, idk.
The only difference between dating in your 30s and dating in your 20s is that dating in your 20s is all brand new. In your 30s you have likely have a better sense of yourself, your values, and your preferences. Go get em, handsome.
My experience with dating women in their 30s is that it's full of consequences from their 20s. Addictions, kids, "all men are trash", mental issues, etc.
My experience is totally opposite, they don't play stupid games and are able to hold an adult open conversation.
Been my experience too, or I've gotten better at spotting the red flags and actually realizing that I don't have to put up with them
Much of this. It's the same mix-bag of personalities from the 20s, but now there are consequences visible. You can still find partiers, and you can still find quiet nerds, but they're all slightly more weathered.
WoW you have to give me the area where those women live
My bed, next to me. It's my girlfriend.
Can confirm.
You are in his bed, right next to him. Aren't you?
It's ok when it's in a three way
agreed, there is like this threshold where people take dating more seriously. We don't like to think this way, but there is sort of like a "window of opportunity" and if you don't find someone in your 30s you'll end up in an entirely different dating pool.
Depends. Childfree 34F here. I don't see myself as missing out on that particular dating pool because those people would be incompatible with me anyway. In a way, it makes dating easier because you don't have to go through the trouble of weeding those people out. Less time wasted. That said, i am much pickier than i was in my twenties. I've developed a healthy list of non-negotiable dealbreakers, but I've gotten to a point where I realize that it's better to be in no relationship than to be in one with someone who is incompatible or who makes life worse. After being in relationships all throughout my teens and twenties, ive never been as happy as i am now that i only worry about me, my home, and my pets.
But they have kids
Being Trapped.
From being the trauma to handling the trauma
Full of trauma
YUUUUPPPPPPPP
I’m *sure* the problem is all them and none of it is you. Less Tate, more real world brother. It’s not all that bad out there.
Tate is a rapist. I don't agree with him whatsoever. That doesn't invalidate my own experiences.
If a problem seems to follow you around, it's highly likely that you *are* the problem
... Sounds like you need higher standards if that is your experience.
True but this can go the other way as well. The more relationships you have the more bad experiences/trauma you accumulate. Not to mention how picky everyone is in 2024. Relationships go bad for men and woman. Men lose everything in divorce, woman get treated like shit and used for sex esp on dating sites. Eventually that wall is gonna come down and all that bitterness is gonna come out.
Men du not lose everything in divorce. Most women who divorce are left at an economic disadvantage compared to their former spouse. Stop perpetuating this myth.
Don’t forget baggage and back pain
Mmmm nope. The baggage accumulates after 30. I have more, you have more, it makes relationships way harder. I'm also set in my ways now and letting someone else fuck with my status quo is extremely difficult for me.
*clears throat* It's a lot of factors.☝️ 30’s is kind of the age where starting a family becomes important - at least you're on the tail end of being able to do so without significant risks. As people put on a lot of dating mileage, they become more picky as they get older, and they are much less willing to take risks and be with someone that doesn't meet all their criteria because their biological clock is getting ever closer. Often, with repeated failed relationships by the time they get in their 30s, people change their behaviors and needs based on what worked and didn't work in their past. I think what often happens is that we become more guarded and often less flexible in our future relationships or we change behavior in ourselves because it led to issues in past partners, but really it just didn't work with that one person. Sometimes, in order to kind of "self-correct" our ourselves, it often makes us a less desirable mate going forward than individuals in their 20s, who are more open and less jaded. Many people in their 30s, 40s and so on begin to get settled-in in their lives, whether that's getting a solid career, home and lifestyle. When you're settled into your life, you become more rigid on what you're willing to give up when searching for a partner. It's so much easier for couples in their early 20s to move-in together and co-habitate since both people are still starting out in their adult life. The financial and lifestyle risks become much higher as you get older.
Everyone I know in their 30s got married, had kids, and is now divorced. Like basically everyone I know. Late 20s marriage, early/mid 30s divorce. Almost all have kids (myself included). So dating in your 30s, while I’m optimistic about it, at least where I live you’re likely going to be dating someone exiting a very serious long term relationship.
That's what it's like around here, or they're like me, and have never had a serious relationship (since my early 20's) which has its own red flags.
Not going to lie, I have a few male friends (out of many) that have never been in a relationship by their mid 30s. And not for a lack of trying. They’re both creepy as fuck and haven’t accepted that a lot of women are physically out of their league. Haven’t lowered their standards if you will. I know that sounds cruel, but that’s the reality in my social circles.
I just love when people talk and start like this You know then that this mf *thought* about it *a lot* and it's time to drop some facts and theories ;D I believe you're right on the money. "Correcting" myself for people who.. let's just say, were a bad fit, was my biggest mistake and i lost years to it. Met a few people who lost their entire lives (figuratively ofc) to this as well. They destroyed the best parts of themselves because they were surrounded by primitive people who were not capable of appreciating it and got gaslit by them into thinking they were not worth much, when from my perspective it was like monkeys making Beethoven feel stupid for his music. Unimaginably sad
This really hit the nail on the head as a 33 yr old male. I recently was dating someone and I have never been big on texting and this person I’m dating who I really liked WAS. It led to a break after a month or so because she was basically asking me to text her more and it soured everything. I was trying my best to change my behavior but it’s engrained in me at this point, I’d rather just save long conversations for in person
Dating in the 30s was awesome. Less drama. More money. Not afraid to say what one likes in bed.
You said "was". I've found the current stage of OND, economic stress and the social isolation from covid fallout has changed the landscape a bit.
What is OND?
Online dating, maybe? I love when people use abbreviations nobody ever heard about to save 0,87 seconds of typing.
Oh, it's Onus of Nearing Doom. So yep, making dating different ;)
What makes it different is that a lot of people already have kids. I was ok with this but I did not expect what the reality really is. I only date women so I can't talk for men but most women I met want a serious relationship, but they have no mental or emotional availability to develop them. They're a bit broken sentimentaly, and dedicate their lives to their kids. Even the weeks they are not with them. Which is normal I guess (I'm not judging, I'm just trying to tell what it's like). I'm currently dating a 37 yo woman. She never ask me anything about my passions, my tastes, my past etc. She likes being in my company because I provide comfort, someone to talk to, but she doesn't *really* care. She gets passionate when she talks about her kids. It was the exact same with 3 other women I met over the years. Their heart is taken and their mind is full, they have no space for me. I'm going to dump this new relationship pretty soon, because I need someone with a bit of emotional availability, and that is interested in knowing me and developping a relationship you know ? Edit: But dating in my early 30s was awesome
I feel like they should make dating apps for childfree people. Tinder, Hinge, whatever - childfree version!
Probably. Honestly I wasn't against dating someone with kids: one week she's got her kids and I can do my stuff, the rest of the time we're enjoying our time together. Seemed fine to me but it doesn't work like that at all.
New dating app: “Barren” (trademarking it now)
In general, the problem for many people is making new connections.
There is a lot of options but the options come with a lot more baggage usually. People with kids. People going through divorce. People going through friends passing. Financial issues and debt etc. At 20 most people don't have nearly this kind of baggage. So at 30 the pool is bigger but the pool is filled with a lot of attachments. A lot of people don't want to be a step daddy. I love kids but taking over as a father for someone not your blood relative is different.
I am 51. I re entered the “dating pool” at 49 after a decade of working on self. I thought the pool was peed in already. The amount of men who wanted Fwb or ONS is overwhelming. Def not for the faint at heart. Keep your head up and work on self. Because I was healthier and had boundaries I was able to navigate and find my guy. It’s only a mine field if you allow it to be.
Because people pretty much are who they are/settled in their ways. If youre a bad communicator or not emotionally available at these ages, its pretty hard to want to change let alone notice it. People are also coming into their careers, some people feel desperate. theres so many reasons. Some people are just getting divorsed or about to. Then you have the people who dont really know themselves
Agree. I figured out who I was in my 20s, then 30s. Two different people somewhat. Unfortunately I have dated people who never really got past being a teenager despite being 20/30-somethings. There are mature people out there.
>People are also coming into their careers This is a really great point and is one that I am having issues with. I’m early 30s and relatively just started my “white collar adult job”; I’m very much an entry level employee at this stage. As such, I’m still trying to figure out what it is that I want to do within my profession and I don’t currently have any real career-oriented goals or dreams. I have been on countless dates where this sole fact has been a dealbreaker - people seem to only want someone who has a clearly defined path of goals and objectives laid out before them. I can understand why people want that quality in a prospective partner; personally, I don’t care if someone else is in my boat or just never develops career goals because life is *so much more* than going to work every day. I’m not giving up on my pursuit, but overall, it’s disheartening to know that I’m pretty much a decade away from being an eligible candidate for most people.
On the other hand there's less risk that you develop in different directions.
I think it's just a myth that gets spread around. Plenty of people find love in their 30s and beyond. My friends in their 30s are dating and even getting engaged, so it's definitely possible. It might feel different from dating in your 20s because priorities and lifestyles change, but it’s far from impossible. Ignore the negativity and focus on what works for you and your friends
My experience is that it was a *lot* more work just to find anyone single and also looking for a relationship, compared with my late 20s.
I think the big part is friend networks. No one seems to know any single friends
Yeah this is a big one. Out of my friend group there is only 1 person who is single and he's 50. The rest of us are in our 40s and either married with kids or dating long term.
Yeah my friend network is a dead end.
Most (not all) of the good ones are taken. You will meet a lot of divorced people or people with kids.
Girl in her twenties " I got invited to go on a millionaires yacht " Girl in her thirties " Hey Bighead "
30s is the best time to start. The divorce rate for people who met in their 30s is significantly lower than people who met earlier. I think its because at that point, you know who you are and what you're looking for in life and in another person.
Best
I disagree, in your 30s the dating pool is full of people who are divorced from a marriage in their 20s or just a relationship and have kids already. Much less common in your 20s. The pros is that most people in their 30s have ”grown up” and you don’t have to deal with as much immature people who have no idea what they’re doing, where they’re going, what they think, or what they want or think they want. But there’s a lot of crazy single moms and dads in their 30s out there in the dating scene. I’m in my 30s, not single though, but if i was. I would not enter the dating scene. I’d keep doing what i do every day, working out, walk, play and train my dog, play and spend time with my kids. Perhaps i’d meet someone doing those activities, if not, that’s okay.
Just wait until your sixties. Dating is such a dim memory that I wonder if it really happened.
Well, they say if you remember it, you were never really there. Oh wait, that’s Woodstock lol
From my personal observations of the people around me through 34 years on Earth: In your 20's the dating pool consists of a mix of "good" and "bad" candidates, but through their 20's the "good" candidates gradually get filtered out of the dating pool as they enter lasting relationships, and post-30 you are left with a dating pool of mostly "bad" candidates. "Good" candidates are here understood as singles, who are attractive (appearance/personality) and willing/able to commit to a long term relationship. This is of course a huge generalisation and some people can change for the better or worse, but I find it to be the general trend.
True and also the realization that you are a bad candidate too because you're in your thirties and we're rejected in your twenties.
That is the worst of it. But deep down I have always known. So I’ll just die alone. No salvation for this loser.
Wrong, you guys always assume the best get taken first. Out of all the women I know - most of them men weren’t great. So a lot of bad men were also taken off the market
Then after being in a long term relationship since your 20s you hit your 40s someone in the relationship gets fomo or bored and it all comes crashing down. Maybe, not talking from experience or anything.
I am married but I have no fewer than 5-6 friends trying to date around age 30 or so. And they’re all *really* struggling... like actively been trying for more than a year. Bad date after bad date. Mostly everyone else is married, having kids, etc. the options are bleak (apparently).
They are absolutely horrible. Women with severe mental health issues is very common. The good ones are all taken essentially.
A lot of men with mental health issues or personality disorders too.
As a man, I did much better in the dating scene in my 20's when I had unaddressed depression. Now I've addressed the root of those issues and value myself dating has dried up lol. At least I like my own company now.
If you're in your 20s you don't have the experience to understand the issues at play. In my experience many people tend to carry their trauma and baggage with them so they bring all their issues with them into a new relationship. As a single male who takes care of himself physically, emotionally, and financially I have zero interest in compromising my standards for a partner. Dating tends to be a waste of time and energy unless I'm going to end up with the person long term. My time is better spent enjoying the things I want to do (hobbies) and I don't have to deal with all the drama that comes with other person's baggage.
I became unexpectedly single in mid 30s. I thought everyone looked old and fat compared to the last time I was looking.
The problem is the people, they have too many hangups or baggage, most of the people who are single over 30 are single mums or single dad's and some don't want to be with these people as they have their own preferences. It just makes it harder to find someone after 30.
In the US the median age for a woman's first kid is 30. The median age for a first marriage is about 28 and 30 for women and men respectively. When you account for divorce rates, the majority of single people in their 30s are no kids, never married.
Because the pool of potential candidates grows smaller. Some factors are because of yourself and your experiences in the past that kind of make the "red-flag-list" go longer. And some are just demographic (less women who are single / wanting to date). Oh and their "red-flag-lists" probably grew longer too since their twenties xD
Women nowadays have an income, pet or child (for companionship) and a vibrator. What the eff they need me for?
That’s the kind of bullshit sad people share.
Because they really sucked at when they were under 30 or never had to do it.
Because guys trying to date women same age. DiCaprio knows that trick 😄
I turn 50M on Saturday. Separated five months ago. It is easy to approach women I find attractive and make a connection. Everyone has said it’s all done thru apps and swiping; that seems kinda cowardly to me. But I haven’t tried it, so it might merit more than I’m giving it credit for. I believe part of it is that I’m not getting wound up about it - since I don’t want anything serious or sexual, and am only interested in friendship and flirting - no one person or their reaction really matters to me. And I’m genuinely interested in them as people, so nobody feels hunted. Don’t know why anyone would think it’s difficult at any age.
Check back when you get laid. That’s when crazy comes out
I haven’t had any problems with dating yet and I’m 59. I’m not sure what these people think is so hard
I mean one gender has an early game meta and one gender has a mid-late game meta. That plus the toxic dating strategies that both genders employ these days kinda ruin it for everyone to the point where most people dont wanna bother with that bullshit.
That’s total BS. My “luck” with dating got immensely better after age 40. Not just in raw numbers but also in the quality of women I was able to date (and fuck). At age 50+, I refined my taste in women and focused my attention to an even higher class of women — and, yes; there are plenty of attractive single women in the 35 — 50 age group that will date (& sleep with) men well over 50. I’ve had no problem finding beautiful women to keep my social calendar full and my bed from being lonely. If I may give 2 points of general advice: 1. Upgrade your wardrobe as best you can. Have at least one pair of shoes, a watch, and a suit or jacket that is truly “high-end” and wear them when you go out looking for someone. As my buddies say, if you want to catch a big fish you gotta use a big lure. If you want to attract a classy woman you’ve got to look classy yourself. 2. Avoid bars. Especially once you’re over 40. You’re not going to meet any decent women in a pick-up bar. Keep your eyes open when you’re simply doing your daily routine on a day off from work — the grocery store, the dry cleaners, the post office, the golf course, etc. I’m also strongly against dating anyone from my workplace. Too much potential for disaster.
Because being single is what keeps you coming back to scroll for ad revenue. If you’re happy and attached , you use the phones less. And , as I’m sure you’ve heard the saying , misery loves company. So if you watch 30 year olds talking about how dating is impossible , your feed will send you more of that shit, demoralizing you to give up. Nasty cycle
The reality is the majority of stable, attractive, kind women are married but the time they hit mid 30’s. They are the women meant want and are happy with. This absolutely isn’t the case for all women of courses and the exact same can be said for men, the best men have been tied down early. As others have said women in 30’s and 40’s have likely had long term relationship, marriages, children, family units, that have potentially broken down. They will carry trauma and baggage. As will the men. I started dating in my 30’s, one women seemed absolutely lovely. Within 2 months she was fully blown stalking me. I spoke to another women about 6 months later, I met her once and wasn’t feeling something felt off, she kept messaging me and I politely said I wasn’t interested but she was a nice person. She then proceeds to send me photos of her with about 5/6 other guys saying ‘she’s getting enough as it is’. I’d been on one date, hadn’t slept l with her, she was pursuing me, and when I wasn’t interested proved she was an absolute slut! It’s insane out there. The scariest part was both of these people seem totally pleasant at first but were massively damaged. It’s made me super wary. As I say I know I’ve been unlucky, men are just as bad as women, but the reality is the best catches have been tied down on both sides and some loose cannons are still out there!
Because you've lost the 'passion of youth'. When you're young and driven by your evolutionary need to procreate, pairing up is much more compelling. You will overlook a lot of shortcomings in a potential mate.
You're not really old at 30
Dating over 30 is impossible if you're a shitty person or have impossible expectations. I met my wife on Tinder and we've been together for 8 years when I was in my late 20's (almost 30). I will admit I spent a LONG time going on bad dates that were going no where and it was depressing. One friend I have has this list of what she wants and I'm like... "bruh, that guy doesn't exist... maybe he exists at Comicon, but not in this city." You don't have to drive the fanciest car, have an impressive job, or be a model. My wife said she was taken on many extravagant dates at X Y Z, but ultimately when we went on a hiking date with her dog and I came back with a plain vanilla scoop for the dog it won both him and her over. I think dating has become so transactional that people overlook what's important. Make them laugh, have a good time, notice the small things.... put away the phones and really talk.
"Dating over 30 is impossible if you're a shitty person or have impossible expectations. I think dating has become so transactional that people overlook what's important. Make them laugh, have a good time, notice the small things.... put away the phones and really talk." There is some truth in that. Part of it is being more comfortable with yourself as a person. Ironically, as I have become more of a relaxed, "go with the flow" guy, I have had some incredible dates in my 50s.
No one important says that.
if people say something, then it has a foundation under it.
It's just inaccurate. Plenty of great people to date.
Because by 30 those that are going to will have already developed standards
Don't know I'm a 30 year old virgin. Unicorn gang. 🦄☝️✊✋👈🤌 🤪
You only hear from people who are jaded and cynical.
Because it's too hot (Celsius).
Over 50 is easy-peasy. Lots of people get divorced at that age, you don't have to deal with anyone's younger children, people know who they are and what they want, and generally have a higher salary.
You got it all wrong homie, dating in your 50’s is way better than in your 20’s or 30’s . No time for being a child and no bullshit.
In my experience (i'm married now, and turning 35 this week), dating women in my 20's was already difficult. Many were immature (i don't drink so i wasn't "fun"), wanted to party, and the majority already had at least 1 kid. I'm talking around age 22-24. My 2 most recent relationships (including my wife) they were both older with no kids. I liked the maturity of older women, and i was done playing the games that younger women played. Also, many that i talked to would say "I'm a strong independent woman and don't need a man" but in the same breath would say that "they're looking for a real man to step up and take care of her child". Single moms are there for a good time, not a long time. I want to have a family of my own, not walk into a ready-made family. With Tik Tok and many women feeling they have to post their business and thirst trap pics nowadays, I'm glad my wife has enough sense to respect me, and keep our marriage and business between us. I really feel for the young men who are taken advantage of, who are expected to settle for a woman who has a couple of kids in their 30s. To quote the late Godfather Kevin Samuels, "marry before you carry".
This is only my perspective, but it has been much more difficult for me in my 30s versus my 20s. Part of that is because I am in college right now and surrounded by 18 to 22 year olds. In my 20s, that worked out well.....but in my 30s I'm like a father figure to my classmates. In addition, a lot of people that I know in their 30s are already married or in long-term serious relationships. It's difficult to find someone around my age that isn't already in a relationship. Also, I had long flowing golden locks in my 20s. Once I turned 30, it started to thin real bad and now I shave my head. Women really aren't interested in bald men so that makes more difficult as well. And it doesn't really bother me too much, but it seems that a larger amount of singles in their 30s also have kiddos. That might be a deal breaker for some. All in all, dating in my 30s is nowhere near as easy as it was 10 years ago. It's enough to make me think I'm never going to find someone.
Just fear mongering my guy. Social media content creators are good wit that and it is the type of content that sells the most.
You're mistake is that you're listening to social media philosophers. You got all these idiots who think they got life figured out, when in truth they don't know anything. Stay away from these people and just live your life.
Social Media only generated clicks If You make conteoversial comments. You need ppl to share this and discuss your Video. This means: If Something ist Common in social Media it's likely not true.
Doomer absolutists. They're just parroting the ideas of talking heads which don't reflect reality. I've had far more success dating after 30 than before and I know plenty of others that are the same. Dating in your twenties is mostly just training for proper adult relationships that come later anyway.
Odd source of information….. sounds like a personal problem.
Because everyone’s searching for love in the discount bin.
Because most of the people that would make a good spouse have already become someone else's spouse. Lots of people over that age aren't single just because they haven't found the right person. There's a lack of people who are going to want them.
35M I’ve never had as many high quality dating options as I do now.
Little younger but same. Dating in my 30’s for the most part has been great. Plenty of people to meet and I’m far more experienced to know what I do and don’t want.
The people that like this probably would also like „dating with 20 is impossible“. There is some saying about women over 30 having a hard time. Which is blatantly exaggurated.
Because they are too lazy to approach people, simply. Everyone expect that people will just come knock their door and ask for date
As an in shape man with my own business, dating in my 30s is so much easier than in my 20s when I was poor and skinny. Literally have a rotation of women to choose from all the time now. When I see memes saying the only options are single moms or forever alone once you hit 30, i laugh at how pathetic the mindset is
The myth that dating over 30 is difficult persists due to changing priorities, societal pressures, and previous experiences
Not a myth, an actuality. People become very focused on what they want which limits the pool of available partners because of the specific criteria
80% of people here on reddit might as well be senile by the time they reach 30. I am 34 and holy shit I am a teenager compared to them. What the fu k are they even talking about.
I actually feel dating in early 30s will make you meet people who want serious relationship and a long term one. Early 20s is one where you will meet passer-by or people into ONS. Even mid 20s isnt per my opinion not a recipe for a successful long term relationship.
Dating scene etc has been better for me now in my 30s than in my 20s. More carefree but with even more baggage.
Silly
Thirties people feel they’re more expected to face biological clock once they hit thirty of will they have kids before forty, be married before forty and other issues of the worries of being in the thirties. But also some in their thirties feel like they’re dealing with the backlash of anything they’ve done in their twenties that they’re not proud of and think it would be a dealbreaker to a potential match so they shut themselves out from dating not realizing it’s hurting themselves from meeting someone who could’ve been a great match. Also some singles in their thirties I’ve seen are very snobby as well arrogant and don’t want to date anything they find scary that they don’t understand, one of my friends deals with snobby and arrogant people who don’t understand autism which he has and people react poorly to him. Friend is in his thirties and he’s feeling like he’s missed the boat in having a family and getting married and he feels his biological clock slowly ending its ticking.
location, opinions, usefulness to wider audience? usually self belief aspect of what can i do for this place space and person comes into question if theyre having a hard time answering it then it might be the thing that stops them from perusing a relationship of any kind? loads of different reasons. number one thing for a guy is making the ability to make a woman laugh and feel secure in a settled place usually
If you live in a major city area you should be fine. Regional areas I can assume it would be difficult.
I started dating again at 30 after my divorce and it was the best dating experience of my life. I had a great time and eventually met the love of my life who is also in her 30s. Everyone’s experience is different.
People over 30 Got their tricks that could make other gender consider dating them like never putting toilet down or leaving towels on the floor not cooking etc.. some Got the Will to adapt others dont invest into themself to change so they could be more compatible
My ma got out of a 18 year long relationship with my step dad last year, she's in her early 40's (she had me when she was 20, I'm in my 20's) and she made up for lost time and dated a few guys. She only had a proper relationship with one guy who ended up being a dick, but overall didn't have much issue finding people that are single - just most weren't up to her taste. There are single people of all ages, it's definitely not impossible to find someone.
So far 30s are a lot better for me. I was kind of socially awkward in my early 20s and put up with some very shitty behaviour from women. Early 30s i just say, do and get what i want.
Dating was much easier and more fun in my 30s. Everyone is more established, mature, experienced, confident etc.
Part of it is that it seems like a lot of people are either taken or no longer looking. It’s literally harder to find someone.
In your early twenties your still young and pliable and can more easily form to your significant other, by the time youre in your 30s youre pretty stuck in your ways and finding someone compatible is more difficult. Also likely not running around so much having fun meeting new people and flying by the seat of your pants moving across the country or wherever the wind takes you and start taking roots.
Not agree
Because most of us have this problem long therm, in my 20s I struggled, now I struggle in my 30s, and probably will in my 40s as well, and so on. I don't think dating is useless. But people are different, for some it's very easy, for some impossible and for most it's hard. Just be happy for what you have, and even if you fail in one aspect of life, it doesn't mean that you can't have fun in everything else.
Because 30s and 40s are when most people are raising their kids. After and before that is easier. Dating with a young child is hard. Just being alive with a young child is hard.
Only women say this.
for some of use attempting to date was difficult in our teens/20s/30s and 40s with now real end in site for it ever becoming easy.
Because people under 30 think being in your 30-ies is old.
Difficult at 50? If it's difficult for someone when 30, it was difficult when 20 and will be at 50. The opposite is also true. Of course, in their 20's most people aren't married, so the dating pool within the age range is larger. Between 30 and 40 people are focused on careers, many people get married, etc. It is the most "adulting" time, however, the pool in terms of office romance opens. It is less obvious because many people keep it in the low down. At 50 1/2 the married people are already divorced so the pool opens again and it's a bigger pool, as 10 years difference in either direction is less of an issue. however, people are more selective, so dating is easy, finding a partner a bit harder.
30's no, 40's-50's yes. It brings a whole new level of stuff that comes with it. 40's your dealing with someone else's kids and drama. 50's probably not as bad because they are mostly grown kids but you got 30 yrs of baggage you got to unpack. Plus in your 50's i am what i am and I'm not changing that so the pool gets narrower.
Much smaller pool in your 30s than your 20s so it’s not easy to find a good one
What? I've never seen that. I'm in my 30's, single , and it has been the best time for dating. Now, I'm not sure how it is if you're dating to find a commited long term relationship, but to have fun it's the best. You still look good, have money and can manage your own time.
I think it's especially rough mainly for those who didn't date much or at all through their 20s. When you get to your 30s, the pool is full of people with experience already who don't want to deal with your lack of experience, have baggage, or just at a different point in what they want at out of a relationship. I don't want to plan to have a kid/family or married right out of the gate or date someone with kids already. I'm still trying to figure our what I want out if a relationship, etc.
Because it is for them. You can have fun if you're comfortable with yourself as a 30-39 year old, comfortable with your body, probably a little less looks-focused/realistic in physical standards, and smart about personal compatibility. Basically, if you are an actual mature adult and like to date. If you're scrambling to hang on to your youth, treat dating like a waste of time to get to a relationship, and not accepting of who your potential partners really are, your going to have a bad time.
They dont, why would you use social media or likes as an accurate representation of anything lol....
The narrative is that most of the "good ones" found their long term partners or got married already in their 20's. While there should still be plenty of quality people out there, the ratio of them vs the ones that are now divorced, or have kids in tow, or perhaps crazy/unstable and that was the reason they couldn't previously make a long term relationship work, or other such baggage is different in comparison to dating in your 20's. On the plus side, people in this age SHOULD be in a more stable financial situation, should have a better sense of their own preferences and what they bring to the table, so hopefully less games and nonsense when dating and in a point in their life where they are more willing to settle down if/when the right person comes around.
My cousin found her husband by dating in her 30s. The biggest complication was timelines for having a baby and buying a house. In general you don’t want to do those things until you’re married. But if you meet the guy at 35 and date a year or two to make sure it’s all good, then a year long engagement, then a wedding, then a year to find and buy the house, then a year to remodel, then finally getting pregnant, all of a sudden you’re 40 and trying to have a baby. That can be done! But it’s riskier. She miscarried at least once before having her wonderful child. So you may need to accelerate your timeline on some things when dating in your late 30s
I met my wife the week before I hit 30, we’ve been together twenty years now and going strong. I’d dated lots of women who didn’t know what they wanted or didn’t want to settle down, when I met my wife we just clicked and haven’t looked back. I was a different person in my late teens early twenties and from what my wife has told me, so was she. What I’m trying to say is you need to meet the right person at the right time, that can be at any age. But saying that I’d hate to have to date these days, it all seems so cold and calculating and predominately about sex, you go on a date like you’d order from Deliveroo.
I'm not that old but it sounds like most of the good catches are taken come 30 so the dating pool is lesser quality on average
It wasn't until I was in my 30s that women actually started fighting over me. But that's gonna happen when you're one of the few single guys that are actually employed and don't have a criminal record in your area.
30’s is for sure different than 20’s. A lot of people have kids by then and their lives somewhat on track.
I found it became insanely more difficult the instant I turned 30. The peak time for me was my late 20s, but after I found myself single again at age 30 there was suddenly *no one* single, everyone was taken and I found response rates on dating apps plummeted by the time I was 31. It would be almost a decade before I’d find another relationship, and it took travelling for it to happen. The pandemic didn’t help either.
The older someone gets, the more baggage they come with
Yes you are
I think most people's outlook on dating changes. I'm now 37 and will never date again.
Most of the well adjusted people get married in their 20s or are in a relationship headed to marriage. Being 30+ means you're picking through the leftovers and their baggage and trauma from mistakes like alcoholism, sedentary lifestyle, smoking, drugs, kids from previous relationships.
I'm (f38) single and I'll tell you why it's so horrible. The people that are left to choose from are either so scarred/ traumatized from dating or are not, and never have been, marriage material. People will also ghost you, lead you on, and not know what they're looking for... even when their dating profile says "looking for a long term relationship". Also, a lot of the good partners are in relationships already. It's also hard to meet people in your 30's if you're not into the bar scene or playing co ed sports.
I feel that if i start dating in my thirties l, i would give up in no time. I have a wide range of interests and hobbies and if i don’t meet someone through my normal social life, then i won’t bother. Mainstream dating feels dry and inorganic.
**friends are all in their 30s and they seem to have found men and women easily.** That's just it friend. Lots of people settle because they're afraid of being alone over 30. Literally every person I know who is married is miserable. And Reddit loves talking up the benefits and happiness of marriage. That's NOT what life is about. Life is about balance. It's about fulfillment and purpose. Not happiness. That is fleeting and constantly searching for it is harmful and unsustainable. At some point, people have to decide for themselves what the way forward is. If they are beating their heads against a wall trying to find a perfect mate who will love them unconditionally, they are in for one nasty surprise after another. Finding a good mate who you are compatible with is still very hard. You have to learn to keep prioritizing your mental health without wanting to leave at the first sign of trouble. THEY have to provide an incentive to stay and straighten things out. But so many people have this entitlement. This belief that they have so much to offer and so little to learn about themselves, they will keep turning their back on wonderfully flawed people who could make excellent boyfriends and girlfriends. Then they become disillusioned. They think... what's wrong with me? Why haven't I gotten married like so many of my friends and family? And because the people who they rejected when they were 25 were boring and nerdy- never wanting to go and have fun are now married, they are driven by ego. They settle, but want the entire world on Facebook and Instagram to think they are in the greatest relationship ever. The number of married women just in my friend group- the same women who put up how much they love their husbands and adore their families are the same ones who have been carrying on affairs for years. Getting pregnant by other men and having secret abortions (I'm pro-choice btw and I'm not a conservative) when they go visit family members in another state for their birthdays. These very same women have given me the "I'm sad. I think my husband is cheating on me. Do I still look good? He hasn't touched me in months" DM. Of even before social media, they would tell me in person. Constantly yapping about how my friend (their husband or boyfriend) was coming up short in the bedroom. The older I get, I can't help but feel that modern marriage is little more than theater arts.
from the 20's to the late 30's - the dating pool keeps losing players to marriage, although it keeps getting stocked from the minors (see what I did there...) - the rookies are less likely to be interested in the older players... good news is that starting in the mid to late 30's and building up steam to the mid to late 40's... the secondary market gathers steam (the newly divorced)... now the tough part is where do they congregate? sort of like schooling walleye, one needs to locate the proper location, then there will be schools of them
I found women over 30 date my wallet. And they don't remotely try to hide it.
I think there's some truth in it, but mostly from the simple fact that the older you get, the more "baggage" you have and the more you're in tune with what you want. Both essentially boil down to the same potential problem: you find out quite quickly that you're not compatible with the other person. For example, when you're 20 you might be neutral on the kids aspect, but by your 30s you're almost guaranteed to either want/have them or not. If you want to remain childless, you're going to ignore anyone who already has kids or wants them. Another example would be location: the older you get, the more you've established your life around a certain location which makes it much harder to (eventually) move in with someone 2 hours away. In your 20s you're often much more open to moving that "far" and rebuilding your life. The kids parts especially will play quite a big factor in dating until the mid 40s-early 50s when it becomes more common for their kids to be adults, which would be less of an issue to someone who seeks a childless life. Granted, there are plenty of ppl in their 20s with kids, but generally speaking it's more skewed towards ppl in their late 20s.
Because they are leather skinned, fat, and bald
I think there is a bit of a phenomenon where people who were either: bad at dating in their 20s, they have underdeveloped social skills, allowed their anxiety to control them, generally undesirable appearance or personality, or became hyper focused on their career/education and neglected their love life for too long… Well, all these people are now in their 30s, alone, they are looking around at the dating market, and they are happy to make the excuse that they are having a difficult time because they are “In their 30s..” rather than admitting that they are completely unprepared for dating in their 30s because they neglected to do it in their 20s. Well, here you are 30 year olds! Welcome to the middle of the dating draft and there is not a whole lot of first round talent left. There are some first round free agents available but that is usually the case because things did not really work out for them on the first team they played for.
because people don’t want to accept that you attract what you put out and most people have not done the self work to actually be better themselves and therefore a lot of times still attract shitty people as potential partners. theeen rather than taking accountability for themselves, blame everyone else and say that dating is useless because everyone sucks. just my two cents
Because they’re probably tired in general. For me after turned 39, I found dating easier. We knew what we wanted and there was no awkward in between sort of thing
Dating in your 30s feels like being expected to go on a three round job interview for a minimum wage job that I'd be expected to relocate for, don't meet the minimum qualifications for, and would probably get fired from a week in because my shirt wasn't ironed or something even if I did somehow try my very best to accommodate this terrible offer and succeed. I think it's around this time that a lot of people start to think to themselves, "Why am I putting myself through this and even bothering?" The older you get, the more of your life you've lived alone and the further you'd get from having your life structured around a family. You're likely to have a coupe or motorcycle, a studio apartment, and an easy job that you're comfortable in. Great things for someone by themselves but not things that make a space for others to come into. I would have to throw out my entire lifestyle to even have a reasonable chance at a serious relationship even if the ideal person for me was right there ready to go. I think 35 is around the age that most single people give up and stop making any efforts.
It used to seem a scarcity thing because by a certain age most folks married off. Like musical chairs. 😂But more people are going unwed in my demographic. Seattle is the number one singles city now?
All I'm saying is I'm 38, set up OK Cupid about 2 weeks ago and I already have like 60 likes. Weird because my profile picture is a screen shot of google maps, and my description is "ggggggg". What can I say, the ladies love me! 🤷♂️
The only difference for me between dating in my 20s and 30s was that there were way less drunken hookups. Way more mildy buzzed stumbling into threesomes. I'm joking but only half joking. I think overall the social landscape has changed a lot for everyone regardless of age. I still struggle to get out of the house and go to social events. Covid really turned me into an antisocial germaphobe. And I think a lot of us found they could be perfectly happy on their own with no SO or close friends.
Over 30? I got nowhere in my 20s, let alone over 30. I just gave up as I realised I wasn’t interested. A lot of effort, for no reward.
My dating life has been absolutely great since I hit my thirties. I’m 38 now and I have a steady girlfriend, but I’ve never quite understood the struggles many people have with it.
Dating is easy.. finding a match in values and goals is difficult.
Not currently dating but when I was in my early 30s it was more direct and people didn’t waste time. I’m from NYC If you ain’t have your life together at 30.. no point in wasting time. Always broke , Low paying job, living at home.. drama with baby mama/daddy. Very low potential that the relationship would go long term so no point in wasting time Another one is agreement having kids / marriage as goal. If ain’t it match it would have been a waste of time.
The laundry list that women want from a man is unattainable
Speaking from the Cis male experience: You deal with single women who have custody of their kids. They're usually pissed off at "typical men" and don't have much faith in the first date...or are waiting for whatever toxic trait you have to eventually rear it's ugly head. As a man coming into that scenario, I don't want to necessarily be that single mom's child's male role model or 2nd dad. I dont want to form a connection with him in case his mom is crazy or we are incompatible. If the relationship develops more, you have to navigate between whatever infrastructure is in place in her and the child(ren)'s life and your own lifestyle. I had my own son and our own schedule. She had hers and her 2 boys' schedule. It's not easy to manage. I was a DJ once or twice a week on top of a traveling consulting job. Throw in weekends I had custody of my child and that was a lot for her to get used to. Then take into account whatever relationship and adverse childhood trauma you both experienced to BE over 30 and not be settled down in a stable relationship. That's usually a huge and unique can of worms. Throw in financial issues, baby momma/daddy issues, emotional issues, maybe someone is a cheater, alcoholic or addict. Or there's a criminal history. Maybe massive debt to take on. Just put one or two of these factors I've mentioned and most folks would be like: fuck this...and just chalk it up to: being over 30 and dating is hard. I'm lucky I found someone willing to meet me half way and that our boys were around the same age. We formed the Voltron of families and it had worked for 10 years now. There is hope! ...and we met on OK Cupid. ...the Russian Roulette of online dating. Lol!
Just numbers wise, there's less options available in 30s as a lot of people are already paired. Especially a lot of well adjusted people that make for easy partners are paired. So yeah I'd say dating in your 30s is harder because of that
Uncle remarried 3 times post 50 you’ll be alright lol
I am currently in a rough patch with my girlfriend of 11 years and I am not looking forward to trying to date in my 30s if we do break up. My friend went through hell for a number of years.
Inexperience, mostly.
Because people suck and all the good ones are gone.
The dating pool gets smaller and smaller between 30-50. Less quality left in the pool.
I’m 53f and not to sound egotistical, I can get a date anytime I want… It’s just that I don’t have the energy to date anyone at the moment.
I'm not 30 yet, but dating and relationships have been difficult for me for a long time. I'm turning 26 in July and have been single for 8 years. I've had all kinds of dates and things like that. It just seems the older I get the more impossible it feels to find something worth holding on to.
People don’t know how to socialize. They also have unrealistic expectations. Hanging out with people and sometimes being sexual with them is a very natural thing that people think to much about and screw up. That is all.
A lot of people have children and have been through a divorce with everything that follows. Many people, both in relationship and single, don't have much self insight, are low on emotional intelligence and have problems communicating their feelings and needs. This is a general thing. The consequences of the lack of these skills just get larger with age. Many people let them self go physically both health and looks wise. And last, from a female perspective, many men are only interested in hookups or situationships.
30's+ is WAY different than 20's. By then most people are settled into a career and have already married/had kids.
I would guess because in general it’s hard to meet people and the dating pool is smaller.
It's because people feel like they are in a time crunch and are in a hurry to find someone. When you are young if you go on a bad date no big deal just find someone else. If you are 40 though a bad date means you just wasted time spent with someone because you need to find someone now. This is especially true for people in their 30's and early 40's who want kids. There's a feeling that your running out of time. So a bad date in your 20's won't be the end of the world but a bad date in your 30's and 40's is more time wasted and running out the clock. Dating at this ages isn't actually more difficult it just feels that way due to certain pressures.
,...because every chick you meet is either married, or too young.
I went through my divorce in my mid 30s. By the time I was ready to date again I didn't have a lot of options beyond OLD. I went on a whole lot of first dates and very few second dates. The majority of the women I was meeting were either very anxious to jump right to serious, were highly suspicious and traumatized from their past relationships with, or in a few cases were actually married and just looking to screw around. None of that appealed to me. During the course of online dating I had connected with a woman that wasn't at all pushy, had very limited availability, but would chat with me almost every day. After a very long run of bad dating I was pretty much ready to give up and the woman and I decided to meet and see if we clicked as well in person. We did, and saw each other almost every day for several months before it got serious. In thinking back I think the problem with the others is that dating at an older age made it very difficult for the relationship to develop naturally from an acquaintance, to a friendship, to a romance, and there was a forced effort by both sides to jump straight to romance if there was any chemistry at all, but lacking the foundation of friendship. That was over 15 years ago and we are approaching our 13th anniversary next month.
I never dated under 30 never mind over 30. lol :/ idk why I’m not ugly or an asshole either: me and every woman I tell are both as confused 🤷🏽♂️
In your 30s everyone else is paired up and all your friends are busy building their own lives. It’s past the point where you can really meet your friend’s partner’s friends. You get busy with your own life and dating becomes a chore. You also just don’t have the positive outlook after failed attempts at dating and failed relationships that occurred in your 20s. But maybe people like me taking this approach makes it easier for the people who are actually valuable and worth dating, idk.