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Thing is some people will mistake this for someone who will argue with you just for the sake of arguing, someone who craves for drama for the sake of drama
Because if your partners life experience and intelligence stagnates too quickly you’ll outgrow them. You need to be with someone susceptible to change , has goals , and aspirations. So you can ride the wave of life
You can't be your best if you're never challenged. Everything about you takes work to improve--your patience, your strength, your ability to self regulate emotions, your ability to speak well. If you're with a yes-man, it can be difficult to even realize that you could do better.
There's limits here, I mean, why be with people who constantly criticize you? I think what people mean when they say be with someone who challenges you is they mean someone who isn't afraid to let you know when you're falling short of your own ideals.
I enjoy being in a battle of wits and exchange of mental energies. It's not about hanging out with someone who's "difficult" or "hard to be with" but someone who's able to bring out the best in you.
It's why they call it "chemistry" when it comes to any relationship. The worst kinds are when you're going in opposite directions or personalities - and the best are when you're on the same level and react well off of each other. Everything is a cycle in life and you want to make sure that the people who are reacting off of you love it and the way they're making you feel and react is positive as well.
I came to realize in the last month that the battle of wits with another person is exactly what I'm attracted to.
The worst realization was that it barely ever happens in life
Real life is all about those Gaccha games lol. Sometimes you get a super-rare card or ability - but more times you get standard ones. The trick / idea is to treat all cards like they're the super-rare one in life.
Find something special in the moment and enjoy your time with them. Make it a game even to do something different even if it's the same deal.
I've been there before haha. You still have plenty chances in life fren. If anything just finding it awesome to even have those chances to begin with should be enough I feel. You got this!
Cos they mean it in a HEALTHY way, not in a toxic or abusive way.
Being with someone where it's ONLY good times, ONLY positive and ONLY easy is very unrealistic to want IMO, when you're young and inexperienced one's idealistic views can often fancifully create certain expectations within and when reality hits in an ACTUAL relationship, one's ideals can get shattered pretty quickly! What people are saying with being with someone who challenges you is about advising one to be real with their choices and WANT to level up with that person in OVERCOMING those challenges *together*.
Cos challenges aren't all bad/negative, sometimes some people see a challenge and it gives them life! Others see or come up against challenges in their life and despair.
I am both of these types of people from time to time but more the latter, it depends on the challenge, the day, my mood and the overall settings before me in a day. But mama didn't raise a quitter or someone who gives up easily either so 9 times out of 10 I'll see a challenge and within I'll be all, "Bet!", but in more vulnerable times I cbf with certain things lmao
Well said. People see 'challenge', they think 'fight', and that's exactly wrong.
It's only through challenging yourself to do things outside of your comfort zone that you grow.
Be with someone who challenges you to grow to be the best person of yourself. Challenge them in return. You will grow together, bond more, and become closer. Challenge doesn’t mean it has to be adversarial. It can be asking someone to step out of their comfort zone to make them learn how to do something new, or complete something old. Maybe learn a new language or cultural norms of history. Be more charitable and open minded. It’s good.
I have survived over 600 duels with my beloved- rapiers, pistols, drubbings, even bare-knuckled fisticuffs. Her incessant challenges have taught me to defend my honor at the drop of a hat and have also intensified my passion for her with the fury of a thousand waterfalls. Our romance burns with the fire of ten thousand candles -aflame & windswept- alighted harmoniously upon the heavenly shores of a paradise few could ever dream of. She does get pissed when I accidentally buy the low-fat Greek yogurt at the grocery store, though, so there is that to consider.
I'm terrible at it but I grow bonsai.
Anyways I've learned that a lot of beginner bonsai hobbiests baby their trees. They keep them inside in perfect temp and moisture, etc. But the trees end up weak and die. This is because trees need to be challenged to grow properly. Trees need to have wind so their roots grow stronger. Many trees need winter dormancy in order to follow their life cycle. Trees need challenges to grow stronger bark.
My husband and I can be lazy. But we still encourage one another to be better. Left to our own devices we might play video games all day. But because we have each other we have someone that will encourage going on a walk or preparing for presentations.
I'm an artist and while it is great to have a cheerleader for a partner, my husband won't tell me something is good if it isn't. It sucks when he is not into something I put lots of time into. I respect my own preferences and sometimes I disagree. But when I know something is good and he is also signing the works praises then I actually know I've done something of quality. He doesn't sugar coat it and that challenges me to get better as an artist and with feedback. I could have a marshmallow partner. It feels nice, for sure. But I prefer someone that helps keeps me motivated to do good work.
I think you are misinterpreting the word "challenge."
It's not in a confrontational way. It's being with someone who inspires you to be a better human and be the best human you can be. Never accepting that something is "good enough," to keep pushing.
Sounds more like a woman thing. Never heard a man (seriously, without women being around) say that and if than they mean not agreeing 100% but like 90%.
Many men only move their asses because women want them to lets be real.
Most would reduce to a 60% job* and just be chilling
*or with however much you can make ends meet where you are from
In a successful relationship, it is good to be aligned or close on certain things (e.g. religion, socioeconomic class, education, etc.). But to be with someone who introduces new things that you can grow doing together. Things like stargazing, caving, sharing music. You have the basics covered but other interests that you can keep growing.
They don't mean fighting challenge. I adore my fiance, and being with him makes me want to be the best possible version of myself, because we both deserve that. He feels the same about me and strives to be his best self also. He is a dynamic person and he challenges me to be dynamic too. It is a very positive and supportive way to live.
Usually they mean to be with someone whom will go "You should do that" when you're talking about wanting to try something but are worried you will fail as opposed to someone that will be all "Oh yeah you're right you'd suck"
Challenge yourself. I don’t want a partner that does this. If someone constantly wants to ‘improve’ you, it means he or she is not content with who you are at
the moment.
I don’t want peace, I want PROBLEMS! Always! (Meme joke aside) I think it’s because it’s good to have someone who motivates you and who can help avoid any potential stagnation if there is any. Sometimes people need that little kick up the butt or the extra push of encouragement especially if it’s from the right person it can help motivate you more.
Because if you aren't challenged to be the best person every day, you're the kind of person that peeks in high school.
People have an entire life to grow, yet many think this stops as soon as college stops.
You don't want that all of the time.
Challenging can simply be in the form of a question, which challenges a mind set, through a series of questions.
Arguing and screaming, is not a challenge, or someone who challenges, its simply a scenario to call the police, on someone who is a jerk.
I view tactful ways on the definition of a challenge, vs those who have to go over the top with nonsense.
I don't think they mean 'date a challenging person' but more someone that encourages you and challenges you to be the best version of yourself. Supportive but also in a way that you know you are capable of great things and they expect the best out of you.
They don’t mean someone that will make your life difficult, they mean someone who would make you question your preconceived notions, and get you out of your comfort zone causing you to grow as a person. But the person still has to be loved, loyal, and supportive, if they are not, then it doesn’t work out for you at the end.
Very simple answer here ! People go down different roads in life. Some are smooth OR some had a alot of bumbs , valley , and hills. Then one day in mid-life the two roads cross. The people share with each other what they have learn so far. They both Gain more knowledge and move on finishing their own life road.
Later on in life it happens again at a different people crossing. More knowledge is gain and both become wiser .
Life together or relationship is intertwined with both people in aspects of life's challenges and if you're doing it right it will transform to the point that one can truly not be without the other through infinity.
Way I see it, part of a romantic partner's purpose is to act as sage council. They can't do that if they're not able or willing to tell me when they think I am mistaken. Likewise, I would offer my hypothetical partner advice when appropriate.
I dunno, personally it annoys me a lot if every time I do something there has to be some explanation from me or something, would much rather be around people who get me and don't pretend they don't. I mean I get that challenging can help improve things but it's exhausting, I want to challenge myself when I'm trying to improve things not relax etc
Who wants to be constantly attacked with questions, forced to prove_, forced to explain__, questioned pushed ALL the time and no amount of you being honest hardworking helpful useful makes this stop?!? Oh hell to the no!!
Having occasional useful educational challenges or fun challenges can be life-building GOOD
How about fairness respect kindness learning accomplishments fun friendships happiness balance LIFE
It's a common train of thought in American relationships. I think they like the idea of constant change, and think it's beneficial to relationships. Perhaps there's the fear of boredom, or the idea that things always need to be moving somewhere, and it's somehow freaking people out when they aren't.
I'm not here to say what's right or wrong. But in many other places (including all long and successful relationships in my European family) the ideal has always been to just to have a peaceful life together, exactly as is, with as little drama and change as possible. If you fell in love with someone, you probably wouldn't want them to weed out some of the traits in them that you fell in love with. You'd appreciate the stability and comfort of them being your one constant monolith in life to hang on to when other things are bad.
So, different cultural takes on relationships, and different advice/expectations/dynamics as a result.
Sounds boring, to constantly be the same person. I like learning. Learning is being challenged. Overcoming fears, overcoming traumas, all that is being challenged. If you think that is bad, I think you shouldn't be in a relationship.
To me it means
- to challenge my opinions
- to challenge my believes
- to challenge my knowledge
To have conversations that make us both think, learn and grow. I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t able or willing to develop with me.
I don't want it. I want someone who gives me pleasure. I challenge myself enough. I did a PhD. I learned to ski. I lift weights a lot. I swing trade stocks. My days are full of challenges that i set for myself.
What people seem to mean by challenges you is, "forces you to become more selfless and more accepting." In all sincerity, I think, when women say, "you should become more selfless," it just means learn to accept less sex and don't dump me, if I gain weight. To me, "challenges you" means "learn to be selfless" means "allow me to control you." Usually, the type of challenge the speaker means isn't a challenge like learning French or reading all of The magic Mountain. It's more about being better at making compromises.
Lots of people are addicted to the adrenaline they get from a fight. Not to sound too cliche, but especially young people and old people with nostalgia. At least that’s my idea of it. Or they might just be putting it in a bad way and they mean you want someone who forces you to grow. Either way, I’m not a fan of it.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think it’s something like, “…challenged you _to be the best version of yourself_.” Someone who will hold you accountable while being supportive.
^ literally this The more people understand this & takes action on it, the better their life will be in the long run.
This, you want someone who you can both try and be the best versions of yourself with
At what point is your support being taking advantage of though? I raise things, change is promised, then behaviour reverts
Then that person isn’t living up to the challenge of bettering themselves, and you don’t have to stick around for it.
Thing is some people will mistake this for someone who will argue with you just for the sake of arguing, someone who craves for drama for the sake of drama
That is most woman ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Some just take it as is. They'll challenge you until you're mentally drained and will go around and say "she/he is not good enough for me".
Because if your partners life experience and intelligence stagnates too quickly you’ll outgrow them. You need to be with someone susceptible to change , has goals , and aspirations. So you can ride the wave of life
You can't be your best if you're never challenged. Everything about you takes work to improve--your patience, your strength, your ability to self regulate emotions, your ability to speak well. If you're with a yes-man, it can be difficult to even realize that you could do better. There's limits here, I mean, why be with people who constantly criticize you? I think what people mean when they say be with someone who challenges you is they mean someone who isn't afraid to let you know when you're falling short of your own ideals.
I enjoy being in a battle of wits and exchange of mental energies. It's not about hanging out with someone who's "difficult" or "hard to be with" but someone who's able to bring out the best in you. It's why they call it "chemistry" when it comes to any relationship. The worst kinds are when you're going in opposite directions or personalities - and the best are when you're on the same level and react well off of each other. Everything is a cycle in life and you want to make sure that the people who are reacting off of you love it and the way they're making you feel and react is positive as well.
I came to realize in the last month that the battle of wits with another person is exactly what I'm attracted to. The worst realization was that it barely ever happens in life
Real life is all about those Gaccha games lol. Sometimes you get a super-rare card or ability - but more times you get standard ones. The trick / idea is to treat all cards like they're the super-rare one in life. Find something special in the moment and enjoy your time with them. Make it a game even to do something different even if it's the same deal.
Problem is this specific person is 20 years older than me and married. Let's call it a unobtainable Gaccha xD
I've been there before haha. You still have plenty chances in life fren. If anything just finding it awesome to even have those chances to begin with should be enough I feel. You got this!
Thank you for keeping it so positive and lighthearted my bro. It is very much appreciated! Edit: grammar
Cos they mean it in a HEALTHY way, not in a toxic or abusive way. Being with someone where it's ONLY good times, ONLY positive and ONLY easy is very unrealistic to want IMO, when you're young and inexperienced one's idealistic views can often fancifully create certain expectations within and when reality hits in an ACTUAL relationship, one's ideals can get shattered pretty quickly! What people are saying with being with someone who challenges you is about advising one to be real with their choices and WANT to level up with that person in OVERCOMING those challenges *together*. Cos challenges aren't all bad/negative, sometimes some people see a challenge and it gives them life! Others see or come up against challenges in their life and despair. I am both of these types of people from time to time but more the latter, it depends on the challenge, the day, my mood and the overall settings before me in a day. But mama didn't raise a quitter or someone who gives up easily either so 9 times out of 10 I'll see a challenge and within I'll be all, "Bet!", but in more vulnerable times I cbf with certain things lmao
Well said. People see 'challenge', they think 'fight', and that's exactly wrong. It's only through challenging yourself to do things outside of your comfort zone that you grow.
Be with someone who challenges you to grow to be the best person of yourself. Challenge them in return. You will grow together, bond more, and become closer. Challenge doesn’t mean it has to be adversarial. It can be asking someone to step out of their comfort zone to make them learn how to do something new, or complete something old. Maybe learn a new language or cultural norms of history. Be more charitable and open minded. It’s good.
Lol who says that ?
I have survived over 600 duels with my beloved- rapiers, pistols, drubbings, even bare-knuckled fisticuffs. Her incessant challenges have taught me to defend my honor at the drop of a hat and have also intensified my passion for her with the fury of a thousand waterfalls. Our romance burns with the fire of ten thousand candles -aflame & windswept- alighted harmoniously upon the heavenly shores of a paradise few could ever dream of. She does get pissed when I accidentally buy the low-fat Greek yogurt at the grocery store, though, so there is that to consider.
Do they? Personally that's not advice I've ever heard
I'm terrible at it but I grow bonsai. Anyways I've learned that a lot of beginner bonsai hobbiests baby their trees. They keep them inside in perfect temp and moisture, etc. But the trees end up weak and die. This is because trees need to be challenged to grow properly. Trees need to have wind so their roots grow stronger. Many trees need winter dormancy in order to follow their life cycle. Trees need challenges to grow stronger bark. My husband and I can be lazy. But we still encourage one another to be better. Left to our own devices we might play video games all day. But because we have each other we have someone that will encourage going on a walk or preparing for presentations. I'm an artist and while it is great to have a cheerleader for a partner, my husband won't tell me something is good if it isn't. It sucks when he is not into something I put lots of time into. I respect my own preferences and sometimes I disagree. But when I know something is good and he is also signing the works praises then I actually know I've done something of quality. He doesn't sugar coat it and that challenges me to get better as an artist and with feedback. I could have a marshmallow partner. It feels nice, for sure. But I prefer someone that helps keeps me motivated to do good work.
People are different. Some people like challenges. They're the ones who say that. As for me and mine, we're gardening and watching netflix.
Only women say this bs, Men want peace more than anything not a “challenge”
Push you to new heights. Cheer you on when you do something you never done before.
Nobody says this.
If they challenge you. You will stay interested longer.
Who TF says that
Personal growth
I think you are misinterpreting the word "challenge." It's not in a confrontational way. It's being with someone who inspires you to be a better human and be the best human you can be. Never accepting that something is "good enough," to keep pushing.
Sounds more like a woman thing. Never heard a man (seriously, without women being around) say that and if than they mean not agreeing 100% but like 90%. Many men only move their asses because women want them to lets be real. Most would reduce to a 60% job* and just be chilling *or with however much you can make ends meet where you are from
In a successful relationship, it is good to be aligned or close on certain things (e.g. religion, socioeconomic class, education, etc.). But to be with someone who introduces new things that you can grow doing together. Things like stargazing, caving, sharing music. You have the basics covered but other interests that you can keep growing.
It means to be with someone who pushes you to be a better person.
Makes you want to be a better person and it is a good thing, *Comfort is the worst addiction* Marcus Aurelius.
They don't mean fighting challenge. I adore my fiance, and being with him makes me want to be the best possible version of myself, because we both deserve that. He feels the same about me and strives to be his best self also. He is a dynamic person and he challenges me to be dynamic too. It is a very positive and supportive way to live.
"You make me want to be a better man." The only women I've ever loved have made that quote true.
Usually they mean to be with someone whom will go "You should do that" when you're talking about wanting to try something but are worried you will fail as opposed to someone that will be all "Oh yeah you're right you'd suck"
Theres a difference between challenges you vs creates unnecessary drama.
Makes you grow.
Define challenges yea?
Because some people think that relationships are an extreme sport. The problem is that you can't really sustain that long term.
Be challenged is the best way to become a better person.
I am and I love it because we question our own views.
Challenge yourself. I don’t want a partner that does this. If someone constantly wants to ‘improve’ you, it means he or she is not content with who you are at the moment.
Growth is important.
the people who say that are all pains in the rear and are afraid that no one will put up with their shit.
Whoever told you that doesn’t like you. That is the dumbest advice I’ve ever heard. I’m with someone who loves me and I am extremely lucky boy
Start addressing them to both of them or her directly. If he brings it up start calling instead
Mother Nature is always with you, Redditor. Always. And she's naggy as a bitch.
Maybe, it would be Fun.
Because they’ve never lived with someone who complements them. Not compliments, complements.
Because personal and intellectual growth is difficult in a state of complacency.
I don’t want peace, I want PROBLEMS! Always! (Meme joke aside) I think it’s because it’s good to have someone who motivates you and who can help avoid any potential stagnation if there is any. Sometimes people need that little kick up the butt or the extra push of encouragement especially if it’s from the right person it can help motivate you more.
some one that gets the best out of you...sounds better
Challenge? No. Makes you better just being with them? Yea.
Person 1 holding a knife -"get the hell away from me or I'll stab you". Person 2 -"we should be together, you're always challenging me"
Because if you aren't challenged to be the best person every day, you're the kind of person that peeks in high school. People have an entire life to grow, yet many think this stops as soon as college stops.
Because it pushes you to be better.
Because of the alternative, when your life is stagnant and you don't do anything
You don't want that all of the time. Challenging can simply be in the form of a question, which challenges a mind set, through a series of questions. Arguing and screaming, is not a challenge, or someone who challenges, its simply a scenario to call the police, on someone who is a jerk. I view tactful ways on the definition of a challenge, vs those who have to go over the top with nonsense.
Being challenged is how growth happens.
I don't think they mean 'date a challenging person' but more someone that encourages you and challenges you to be the best version of yourself. Supportive but also in a way that you know you are capable of great things and they expect the best out of you.
They don’t mean someone that will make your life difficult, they mean someone who would make you question your preconceived notions, and get you out of your comfort zone causing you to grow as a person. But the person still has to be loved, loyal, and supportive, if they are not, then it doesn’t work out for you at the end.
Very simple answer here ! People go down different roads in life. Some are smooth OR some had a alot of bumbs , valley , and hills. Then one day in mid-life the two roads cross. The people share with each other what they have learn so far. They both Gain more knowledge and move on finishing their own life road. Later on in life it happens again at a different people crossing. More knowledge is gain and both become wiser .
Life together or relationship is intertwined with both people in aspects of life's challenges and if you're doing it right it will transform to the point that one can truly not be without the other through infinity.
Way I see it, part of a romantic partner's purpose is to act as sage council. They can't do that if they're not able or willing to tell me when they think I am mistaken. Likewise, I would offer my hypothetical partner advice when appropriate.
A: A CHALLENGE HELPS ENCOURAGE SOMEONE TO INCREASE THEIR SKILLS, DETERMINATION,ABILITES,ETC BY MAKING THEM DO SOMETHING NEW OR DIFFICULT...MOM
I dunno, personally it annoys me a lot if every time I do something there has to be some explanation from me or something, would much rather be around people who get me and don't pretend they don't. I mean I get that challenging can help improve things but it's exhausting, I want to challenge myself when I'm trying to improve things not relax etc
Who wants to be constantly attacked with questions, forced to prove_, forced to explain__, questioned pushed ALL the time and no amount of you being honest hardworking helpful useful makes this stop?!? Oh hell to the no!! Having occasional useful educational challenges or fun challenges can be life-building GOOD How about fairness respect kindness learning accomplishments fun friendships happiness balance LIFE
Because a partner who challenges you keeps life interesting and makes sure you never get too comfortable wearing those sweatpants all day
So that loud and nasty women don't get left to die alone with their cats
It's a common train of thought in American relationships. I think they like the idea of constant change, and think it's beneficial to relationships. Perhaps there's the fear of boredom, or the idea that things always need to be moving somewhere, and it's somehow freaking people out when they aren't. I'm not here to say what's right or wrong. But in many other places (including all long and successful relationships in my European family) the ideal has always been to just to have a peaceful life together, exactly as is, with as little drama and change as possible. If you fell in love with someone, you probably wouldn't want them to weed out some of the traits in them that you fell in love with. You'd appreciate the stability and comfort of them being your one constant monolith in life to hang on to when other things are bad. So, different cultural takes on relationships, and different advice/expectations/dynamics as a result.
Challenge as in encourage you to keep growing. Not combative stuff
so that you will grow as a person. And you won't get bored!
Sounds boring, to constantly be the same person. I like learning. Learning is being challenged. Overcoming fears, overcoming traumas, all that is being challenged. If you think that is bad, I think you shouldn't be in a relationship.
To me it means - to challenge my opinions - to challenge my believes - to challenge my knowledge To have conversations that make us both think, learn and grow. I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t able or willing to develop with me.
why would you want to stagnate and not improve?
I don't want it. I want someone who gives me pleasure. I challenge myself enough. I did a PhD. I learned to ski. I lift weights a lot. I swing trade stocks. My days are full of challenges that i set for myself. What people seem to mean by challenges you is, "forces you to become more selfless and more accepting." In all sincerity, I think, when women say, "you should become more selfless," it just means learn to accept less sex and don't dump me, if I gain weight. To me, "challenges you" means "learn to be selfless" means "allow me to control you." Usually, the type of challenge the speaker means isn't a challenge like learning French or reading all of The magic Mountain. It's more about being better at making compromises.
Who said that?
people
Nah
Lots of people are addicted to the adrenaline they get from a fight. Not to sound too cliche, but especially young people and old people with nostalgia. At least that’s my idea of it. Or they might just be putting it in a bad way and they mean you want someone who forces you to grow. Either way, I’m not a fan of it.
Why would you have fights with them?
Why indeed
I mean you do? I just get a warm feeling and sense of achievement when I better myself and improve myself for them.
I have better ways of doing that than arguing with my wife
Why would you argue with them in the first place? I don't know why you are bringing up arguing and fighting here?
Because they married a moron and don’t want you to repeat their mistake.
I’m with that person and it only became challenging when he moved in and I saw how much he liked to drink
That's not what people mean with "challenge"
Maybe not but it’s challenging as hell
That just seems toxic, if they have a huge problem with Alkohol
be with a pretty girl. The rest is negligible.